I find I feel the most drained when I try to control others or their actions. So I'm practicing letting everything go to God. It's so freeing when I'm successful at this. I love hearing your thoughts and you Tracy. ❤️
I wasn’t expecting Tracy to include the daughter part in the actual video when she shared a clip on her IG stories the other day. What a surprise she did!!! That’s one of the reasons Tracy is my personal coach! 🥰
All of the content was par excel-lance! Your response both to your daughter & to the viewer was exceptional!! As mothers we give chores to benefit our kids for their growth and for the sake of the family. Families are “teams” and everyone needs to know how to be a team member. Love your response. Also, she gave the typical teenager response and forgive me, but it made me chuckle. Tracy, you are not draining, you’re training!!
Tracy, here your French fan ! I have been following you since 2016 ! I can only say this: you are such a big source of inspiration for me. I love your videos, the way you live your life, the way you take care of yourself. I love you !
Loved this message, thank you. My boss is this way. She says something demeaning and much later says I don't have a sense of humor, she was just joking. Your advice is perfect for what I am currently experiencing with her.
If you only knew what I just went through for a number of years when it comes with someone draining your energy....especially when it comes with someone who is in a position of authority....You can contact me anytime & I'll be more than obligued to share with you.
I love the idea of saying "that's not a topic I feel comfortable talking about now," then offering another topic instead. Great suggestion. (I hope Pips gets a good night's sleep tonight! 😊)
If I got rid of all the toxic, draining people in my life I would be an absolute orphan. I try to limit them. I try to circumvent them. SERIOUSLY my whole family is sick and I have no clue why I can see this when no one else has or can. Time and time again I've looked at me. I wish I were the problem. I'm not, they are and patients and kindness are running out... What to do, what to do?
Ahhh such a great topic. Thank you. I had a draining condescending demeaning boss for a year and I finally decided to just remove myself from the entire situation. No way in hell was I ever going to change her. It was the best decision of my life.
This hit the nail on the head 100%. I shook my head through the whole message. Thank you for putting this out there someone definitely needed this message!
This past fall, we had to terminate an employee at my company for exactly this. This person was the newest member of our team. Yet, every single interaction they had with each of their co-workers was adversarial. We couldn’t dare to even consider letting this person interact with our clients. The 1st day in our office after their termination felt like New Year’s Day. Everyone was so much more at peace and the tension that had been there for 5 months was gone.
Great talk. I thought it was funny at the end 😅 I hope you gave daughter a break or a nice day to relax and catch up with life. My issue is also with my mom and I’m contemplating cutting her out of my life. I have some pros and cons to weight out.
Love the interaction with Pips! Appreciate your practical tips on looking for the pros versus cons in a relationship. You are empowering to your clients and listeners.
Great topic Tracy! Would love to see a part 2 of this. How to fade out a toxic person/ friend. I am in that process with 1 of my friends. How to do it in a loving/kind way. Like riding off into your chosen sunset. Thanks again!
Hey Tracy. Yes, this is a very powerful message, and it taught me something very important. I sometimes find myself in a situation with others who ask me a lot of questions and I would try to answer them all, but not anymore because you taught me to say, "that's a topic I prefer not to talk about". I agree, it's also important how you say it, too. By no means would I say it with a bad attitude, but rather in a more confident and respectful way. So, yeah........THANK YOU for that lesson 💯! I LOVE you and take care!
I have been there Cecelia - I wish I was a person that these things don’t affect me but I’ve learned I cannot allow those kind of people in my life. I hope that you can successfully manage the work situation however if not, I hope that you are able to let go and find a new, healthy work environment!
I love Pips! That was so real. I felt like my daughter just did this to me. LOL. Tracy you're the best in my book! There was an issue at one of my jobs and the Manager spoke to me and it was a great conversation. He was excited that I handled a huge sale, but the business I work for has set up boundaries for other businesses who come in a purchase all of stock then we don't have anything for left for our other small business who purchase a great deal from us and we want to make sure we can serve them. My manager was encouraging and respectful through the whole conversation which only on took a couple of minutes. The exchange was spot on. I have worked for a number of people who just were draining and boy I have learned how to deal with them through you Tracy. In the past I would bite my tongue while former managers or bosses would be condescending, finger pointing to me and it would just about have me in tears when the situation was over. When I have had managers in the past who talked to me with respect even if it was to correct a mistake I made I left the meeting feeling respected and empowered. Ok I made a mistake now I have knowledge to improve without feeling like I am worthless which I'm not. I am getting less triggered these days, but there is always a person who tries to trigger a negative response. Your ELI Assessment has opened my eyes to how I show up. I have used my results from the assessment as a tool to coach myself and I continue to watch your vids here on youtube or your stories on IG. The one thing I love about your vids and stories, is I can just listen while I'm processing laundry, meal prepping such a great use of time.
Thank you so much, Mary, for sharing your story and how much the ELI Assessment has been a pivotal move in understanding not only yourself and others. I truly appreciate it! Enjoy your weekend!
Great advice! I don't have anyone draining that I interact with regularly, but I have in the past. I appreciate that you mentioned being careful who you discuss your draining people with. I had a difficult work relationship in the past, and I would share too freely with others at work. In hindsight, I regret that, and I would handle it differently now. As difficult and draining as that person was, I learned through the relationship and became a better person- a better co-worker to others and more patient in my relationships, so I can appreciate that.
Timely video for me as I've been contemplating dropping a client who is extremely draining. In her defense, she is dealing with a lot of challenges, and I try to be compassionate. She can become hostile and anxious and it affects me. I know I need to work on myself to better cope. The jury is out as to whether I'll walk away. Thanks for this today.
Loved this topic Tracy. I have many difficult people in my life at the moment. You speak very clearly. I definitely will implement these ideas in the future. The ending was hilarious. Typical teenager... Lol
Really interesting and food for thought. My boss is my (only?) draining person. For all the reasons you detail. There are only two of us in the clinic/salon - we see 10-12 clients throughout the day, which is draining enough, but unfortunately my boss is my most draining person. She has no idea. My 'compensation' for this is the hefty salary I receive. I am learning on how not to be as triggered or as drained by her as best I can, in fact she thinks we are friends - perhaps we are, I don't even know that anymore. She often takes up many of my thoughts as I can tend to ruminate on what she has said, trying to work out if I am being too sensitive or if she really has overstepped my boundary. I have worked there for nearly 7 years. I keep thinking/hoping that things will change including myself, I keep wondering if its me, I keep trying harder....but I think it is coming to the point where enough is enough. She has let me down on many occasions - and I kept hoping for better as I didn't believe her when she showed me who she was. Thanks for this Tracy, I will watch the other linked videos in your library. (Loved the daughters comments at the end, good for her speaking up for herself - ha, I should learn a lesson from her too!)
Unfortunately, I've tried everything in my power to maintain a respectful relationship with my family,and it's been very difficult for me my whole life. My family is Narcissistic so I've decided to slowly but surely to let go of them and just say Hi during holidays etc. I felt like i didn't have any other choice... It's been taking all of my energy every time we saw or talked to each other, absurdly even on Birthdays... So i decided that enough is enough...I simply felt drained....Nothing is more important than your own Happiness,and if other people can't respect that,then you shouldn't be around them,even if they are family. It took me years to realise that, as I've always put them first and myself last.... They made their choice,i made mine.
I feel you. Happened on my birthday: they were all making fun of me in a very disrespectful way, even when I asked to stop. When I kindly left, my father started swearing in my voicemail that I destroyed the atmosphere by leaving 😂
@@evelineborre1232 ❤️ I know dear, it's so accurate. That's what they always do, rain on your parade,and twist it around like it was your fault. I'm sorry to hear they made fun of you on your B-day😥 It's so cruel, unfortunately i know how that feels, it's painful... sometimes you can't even believe it's your on blood who's doing these awful things to you... that's why i took a step back bc i knew it was me or them.... How is your relationship with them now?
So funny! You couldn’t have rehearsed your daughter’s response any better for timing and such honesty, that’s was classic. LOVE your videos but this one is the best. Thanks for brighten my day and letting us glimpse at what a phenomenal parent you are!
Thanks! Maybe also an interesting idea to talk about work situations: colleagues who depend on each other and one starts gossiping about you (also to your boss), while being kind to your face. What do you do to get that positive atmosphere and collaboration when you're fighting against ungrounded gossip in a high performing atmosphere?
Show up, do your job and understand there will always be people in the workplace gossiping. Create as little contact with those people and keep it nothing more than work. Don't be rude, but don't go out of your way to be overly friendly. Keep your boss in the know of all your achievements and accomplishments without mentioning other people's names. Your boss may or may not be deserving of their role. It's very political. You sign up for that when you decide to be employed by someone other than yourself. Simply do your job. Your work will show even if you are not recognized for it.
Great video Tracy!!!! I definitely needed this talk! I have a business that I must deal with people all the time and learning to say “no” can be a challenge, but I’ve learned I have to for my sanity ! 😀 Not to mention having those family members!! 😂
P.S. You are not draining . . Miss Chloe is just a teenager who'd rather be doing other things . . ; > P.S. Chore lists set one up for the reality of adulthood . . .which is swiftly approaching . . 🥀🌼💐🌻🌹🌸
Well said, Tracy. I like to ask myself what am I getting out of this? I make a lot of goals at the beginning of the year, so that tends to keep draining people out of my life. I am learning to accept who people are. I’ve realized someone I know is a stage 5 nosey Parker who disguises finding out information as caring! If I have to see her, I keep turning the conversation back onto her. This can make her a little bit aggressive, because the juicy truth is revealed. As an adult, I can share as little or as much about my life as I want to. Nobody has to be my friend and I don’t have to be anybody’s friend. I don’t even have to stay in contact with my parents if I don’t want to.
This was a very helpful talk. I've known that I talk too much and too long when I'm with my sisters. I give too many details, that aren't interesting to anyone, maybe even me. I don't think about it until later and then I feel bad and and embarrassed. Even so, I've never realized that I'm being draining. I'm going to keep that in mind, so I can learn not to do it. Thank you, Tracy. xo~linda
Powerful message and one I will be watching again. I have had to deal with some very draining people in my own life and found that as I get older I realize just how much precious brain energy it takes from me. I don’t have time for trying to always figure out why they are acting that way and unfortunately have had to let some of them go.
My husband is my energy vampire. It is difficult every single day. He is highly anxious and transfer his severe anxiety onto my existing anxiety. But we can't separate right now, don't know if we ever will... I'm hurting so bad.
@@evelineborre1232 eveline - your response speaks mountains. You're right, he is suffering, but he doesn't 'know' that he is. I have gone through severe tumult the last decade, from disappointment and depression, to pulling myself out of it, from blaming him for everything, then realizing he is also a human having his own experience. To me blaming myself. Then realizing this is just life and everyone is at different levels and no one can really be 'blamed'. From my observations, I feel like he is in denial. He doesn't realize he needs to work on himself. I do not see us going to therapy together, and have never suggested it. He's never talked about wanting to try, together or even him going alone. I have had a few sessions but can't afford them now. It's a vicious cycle.
@@fatimak6440 in that case... think of yourself and of your way out once you have the slightest possibility. He is clearly draining you: draining your energy = draining your dreams = draining your chances = draining your will to fight = draining your income = draining your money for therapy. If he thinks he is fine, he should be fine without you as well. You are not his mom and a fine person is both fine in a relationship and as a single person. Let my advice sink in and act on it when you have a moment of power. Don't regret this life once you're 80. We're only once on this planet earth, live it to the fullest.
Hello Tracy, thank you for sharing your understanding about these specific topics as they are becoming helpful tools in my life. Tracy may I ask you a question I hope you may be able to answer : so here it goes … I really enjoyed your who is driving your bus steps or theory I don’t know how you call it but yes very helpful.... I am feeling like many other people in my life , People I love , are making me be the driver on their bus, like literally. It’s so overwhelming that I can’t keep up. So my my question is how can I help others realize that they have a bus to handle lol and how to do it in a way that I can keep them on my bus ? I have learned lots by watching you thank you very much.
I have always found it odd when “people” ask me loaded questions and keep pushing or pressing me for an answer (just like you said “but why why why why?!”) and then they say that I’m too passive or have no opinion. It’s so funny
A perfect example of being tossed the bait. You will find these people thrive on challenging others. They need constant validation that they are right. By challenging what you think or how you feel, they can attempt to prove you wrong. This is coming from their own Gremlin message of not feeling good enough. Once you understand this about others, you no longer feel bothered. You simply don't take their bait. No response is a response.
@@TracyHensel Totally agree. It's really confusing when only surrounded by such people 😅in the passed it even made me question if I might be the problem.
I love pips she’s so funny 🤣 lovely video Tracy, my mum is v draining she’s been in and out of my life a lot but I keep her on my bus. She will probably drain me until I lose her, however I have learnt boundaries and managed to establish a healthy relationship that works for me so it can be done! One thing I am aware of is not moaning to my partner about her, of course he is always there to listen but I kind of feel does that then make me a draining person too 🤣🙈 I wonder how you and Paul deal with this? Do you keep thoughts to yourself or can you have some humour in the situation between each other which in turn gives you the chance to get it off your chest? I guess because I grew up with it being “everyone’s the problem except my mums” (victim mentality) I am very aware of not becoming that person myself x
Hi Tracy, are you still offering coaching for monthly payments? I've been interested in becoming a client for quite some time and haven't been able to afford to yet pull the trigger, and my financial stability is finally evening out and I see the option has since been removed :/ Is this something you would consider bringing back in the future, or is this temporary?
Hi Tracy 💜 I had this issue with my massage therapist. She's great at the massage but the conversations she might choose to engage in are sometimes not what I want to hear when relaxing! Soo..I have pulled back from seeing her. Maybe this is my fault too, but after seeing her for so many years I am not sure how I could honestly give feedback to her without it coming across as hurtful.
As a massage therapist, I allow the client to lead when it comes to whether we talk or not and what the subject is if they're feeling chatty. Unfortunately, there are therapists who don't follow the lead of their clients. It is absolutely not rude to tell them that you prefer a silent massage. It is your hour to relax and you are paying hard-earned money for a service. If a massage therapist takes issue with this request, it brings to question their professionalism and commitment to a client's care and well being.
Thank you for sharing Laura. I agree that people that service us - hair, nail, massage, facial, etc. need to learn the art of picking up on cues of whether or not their clients would like to talk and if they do what about. This is the only time some of us can rest our mind, others (like me) prefer to get services done during work hours, and catch up on admin. I now prefer all my services to be silent. Unfortunately when you have years under your belt going to someone, they may struggle to honor that request and that is when you have to make the decision based on the pros and the cons.
I’ve heard of people listening to a podcast or music (with ear buds) while getting their massage; this way they don’t need to converse with the therapist during their treatment.
Tracy have you ever encountered a situation where another adult woman refers to you as “honey”? Not in a sweet motherly way, but more of a condescending tone. How would you handle it so it doesn’t become a pattern?
My mother doesn’t ask questions as much as she uses statements or “you should”, “you need”. I guess those statements also are baiting. I usually say “hmm, I can’t really speak to that” and then switch to something else. She picks up on that and gets irritated.
My 82 yr old Mexican mom is draining. I'm an only child, she lives with me and my two young daughters, I am financially responsible for her, everything and anything she needs or wants I am happy to provide because I love her, BUT she's very condensing, always judging me, and treats me like a child. Just the other day we got into an argument and her last mumble as she walked back to her bedroom was "You forget I am your mother!". Sadly when she's around me I am very tense because I know she will make an unnecessary comment. It's terrible but I'm happier when she stays in her room. I pray to God I don't turn into her when I'm old.
Thank you for sharing. I read a lot of limiting beliefs like you are financially responsible for your mom. You would need to reverse your thinking about your role before you would be able to set up parameters for mom.
“Never make a long term decision on a short term emotion” - I’ll remember this forever! Thank you
Omg your daughter saw the opportunity and chose to let it allll out! 😂 I was laughing so much when she didn’t even take a breath lol
What you said about treating all adults, no matter the age, as equals. That was such a powerful statement.
I find I feel the most drained when I try to control others or their actions. So I'm practicing letting everything go to God. It's so freeing when I'm successful at this. I love hearing your thoughts and you Tracy. ❤️
great and powerful message Tracy...TY so much
This is so relatable Tracy. Thank you! Could you please consider a video on Group Texting. I hate being forced into Group Texts.
This was just what I needed to hear today before our family get-together this evening. Your daughter's honest sleepy rant was classic!
I wasn’t expecting Tracy to include the daughter part in the actual video when she shared a clip on her IG stories the other day. What a surprise she did!!! That’s one of the reasons Tracy is my personal coach! 🥰
All of the content was par excel-lance!
Your response both to your daughter & to the viewer was exceptional!!
As mothers we give chores to benefit our kids for their growth and for the sake of the family. Families are “teams” and everyone needs to know how to be a team member. Love your response.
Also, she gave the typical teenager response and forgive me, but it made me chuckle. Tracy, you are not draining, you’re training!!
Thank you, Elizabeth. I appreciate it!
I really appreciate this conversation. This was such an invaluable message. I am very grateful. Thank you. 😊
Wow spot on!
Oh I need this!
Tracy, here your French fan ! I have been following you since 2016 ! I can only say this: you are such a big source of inspiration for me. I love your videos, the way you live your life, the way you take care of yourself. I love you !
Loved this message, thank you. My boss is this way. She says something demeaning and much later says I don't have a sense of humor, she was just joking. Your advice is perfect for what I am currently experiencing with her.
If you only knew what I just went through for a number of years when it comes with someone draining your energy....especially when it comes with someone who is in a position of authority....You can contact me anytime & I'll be more than obligued to share with you.
I love the idea of saying "that's not a topic I feel comfortable talking about now," then offering another topic instead. Great suggestion. (I hope Pips gets a good night's sleep tonight! 😊)
I love the end of this video! ❤😂
This video spoke to me so deeply! With current family rifts and issues, this has given me so much to think on and work on. ❤️
Pipps comment was perfect timing! 😍
Loved this video. So helpful!
If I got rid of all the toxic, draining people in my life I would be an absolute orphan. I try to limit them. I try to circumvent them. SERIOUSLY my whole family is sick and I have no clue why I can see this when no one else has or can. Time and time again I've looked at me. I wish I were the problem. I'm not, they are and patients and kindness are running out... What to do, what to do?
A great video, thank you
I love it when you talk about topics like this one.
Such an important message with an adorable ending!! You always hit a homerun.
Ahhh such a great topic. Thank you.
I had a draining condescending demeaning boss for a year and I finally decided to just remove myself from the entire situation. No way in hell was I ever going to change her. It was the best decision of my life.
Ephesians chapter 4
This hit the nail on the head 100%. I shook my head through the whole message. Thank you for putting this out there someone definitely needed this message!
Needed just this. I love you tracy!
All the descriptions adjust my mom. She has never been better described.
So many times when people are critical with us, it is because others have been critical with them. So try not to take things so personally.
This past fall, we had to terminate an employee at my company for exactly this. This person was the newest member of our team. Yet, every single interaction they had with each of their co-workers was adversarial. We couldn’t dare to even consider letting this person interact with our clients.
The 1st day in our office after their termination felt like New Year’s Day. Everyone was so much more at peace and the tension that had been there for 5 months was gone.
That’s a great way of dealing with awkward people Thank you. 😊
Great talk. I thought it was funny at the end 😅 I hope you gave daughter a break or a nice day to relax and catch up with life. My issue is also with my mom and I’m contemplating cutting her out of my life. I have some pros and cons to weight out.
🙌🙌 the truth of it all.
Great, meaningful message. Thank you
Love the interaction with Pips! Appreciate your practical tips on looking for the pros versus cons in a relationship. You are empowering to your clients and listeners.
Oh, my gosh! That was precious! Sounds like my house st times!
Your daughter is hilarious!!! Hahhaha love that ending!!
🤭 your daughter’s response was epic 😅
Great topic Tracy! Would love to see a part 2 of this. How to fade out a toxic person/ friend. I am in that process with 1 of my friends. How to do it in a loving/kind way. Like riding off into your chosen sunset. Thanks again!
I encourage you to watch the videos that complement today. The video on Toxic People would be a great start.
@@TracyHensel thank you so much for your reply. I will watch them today!
Pips at the end, leave it to teenagers… great message today Tracy! Thank you
Hey Tracy. Yes, this is a very powerful message, and it taught me something very important. I sometimes find myself in a situation with others who ask me a lot of questions and I would try to answer them all, but not anymore because you taught me to say, "that's a topic I prefer not to talk about". I agree, it's also important how you say it, too. By no means would I say it with a bad attitude, but rather in a more confident and respectful way. So, yeah........THANK YOU for that lesson 💯! I LOVE you and take care!
Thank you!!! Just than k you
Thank you for this! I'm currently dealing with a boss who is treating me horribly because of her own issues and it is *very* draining.
I have been there Cecelia - I wish I was a person that these things don’t affect me but I’ve learned I cannot allow those kind of people in my life. I hope that you can successfully manage the work situation however if not, I hope that you are able to let go and find a new, healthy work environment!
Loved the ending!!
Another excellent, excellent video 👏 👏, THANK YOU!
I love Pips! That was so real. I felt like my daughter just did this to me. LOL. Tracy you're the best in my book! There was an issue at one of my jobs and the Manager spoke to me and it was a great conversation. He was excited that I handled a huge sale, but the business I work for has set up boundaries for other businesses who come in a purchase all of stock then we don't have anything for left for our other small business who purchase a great deal from us and we want to make sure we can serve them. My manager was encouraging and respectful through the whole conversation which only on took a couple of minutes. The exchange was spot on. I have worked for a number of people who just were draining and boy I have learned how to deal with them through you Tracy. In the past I would bite my tongue while former managers or bosses would be condescending, finger pointing to me and it would just about have me in tears when the situation was over. When I have had managers in the past who talked to me with respect even if it was to correct a mistake I made I left the meeting feeling respected and empowered. Ok I made a mistake now I have knowledge to improve without feeling like I am worthless which I'm not. I am getting less triggered these days, but there is always a person who tries to trigger a negative response. Your ELI Assessment has opened my eyes to how I show up. I have used my results from the assessment as a tool to coach myself and I continue to watch your vids here on youtube or your stories on IG. The one thing I love about your vids and stories, is I can just listen while I'm processing laundry, meal prepping such a great use of time.
Thank you so much, Mary, for sharing your story and how much the ELI Assessment has been a pivotal move in understanding not only yourself and others. I truly appreciate it! Enjoy your weekend!
Great advice! I don't have anyone draining that I interact with regularly, but I have in the past. I appreciate that you mentioned being careful who you discuss your draining people with. I had a difficult work relationship in the past, and I would share too freely with others at work. In hindsight, I regret that, and I would handle it differently now. As difficult and draining as that person was, I learned through the relationship and became a better person- a better co-worker to others and more patient in my relationships, so I can appreciate that.
Thanks for sharing!
Thank you Tracy! Your short videos with Bug eating your healthy foods and smoothies really enlighten me and put smiles on my face 😊
Thank you! I appreciate it!
Timely video for me as I've been contemplating dropping a client who is extremely draining. In her defense, she is dealing with a lot of challenges, and I try to be compassionate. She can become hostile and anxious and it affects me. I know I need to work on myself to better cope. The jury is out as to whether I'll walk away. Thanks for this today.
Loved this topic Tracy. I have many difficult people in my life at the moment. You speak very clearly. I definitely will implement these ideas in the future. The ending was hilarious. Typical teenager... Lol
Excellent subject matter and perfect video . . we all needed this . .
Really interesting and food for thought. My boss is my (only?) draining person. For all the reasons you detail. There are only two of us in the clinic/salon - we see 10-12 clients throughout the day, which is draining enough, but unfortunately my boss is my most draining person. She has no idea. My 'compensation' for this is the hefty salary I receive. I am learning on how not to be as triggered or as drained by her as best I can, in fact she thinks we are friends - perhaps we are, I don't even know that anymore. She often takes up many of my thoughts as I can tend to ruminate on what she has said, trying to work out if I am being too sensitive or if she really has overstepped my boundary. I have worked there for nearly 7 years. I keep thinking/hoping that things will change including myself, I keep wondering if its me, I keep trying harder....but I think it is coming to the point where enough is enough. She has let me down on many occasions - and I kept hoping for better as I didn't believe her when she showed me who she was. Thanks for this Tracy, I will watch the other linked videos in your library. (Loved the daughters comments at the end, good for her speaking up for herself - ha, I should learn a lesson from her too!)
Unfortunately, I've tried everything in my power to maintain a respectful relationship with my family,and it's been very difficult for me my whole life. My family is Narcissistic so I've decided to slowly but surely to let go of them and just say Hi during holidays etc. I felt like i didn't have any other choice... It's been taking all of my energy every time we saw or talked to each other, absurdly even on Birthdays... So i decided that enough is enough...I simply felt drained....Nothing is more important than your own Happiness,and if other people can't respect that,then you shouldn't be around them,even if they are family. It took me years to realise that, as I've always put them first and myself last.... They made their choice,i made mine.
I feel you. Happened on my birthday: they were all making fun of me in a very disrespectful way, even when I asked to stop. When I kindly left, my father started swearing in my voicemail that I destroyed the atmosphere by leaving 😂
@@evelineborre1232 ❤️
I know dear, it's so accurate.
That's what they always do, rain on your parade,and twist it around like it was your fault.
I'm sorry to hear they made fun of you on your B-day😥 It's so cruel, unfortunately i know how that feels, it's painful... sometimes you can't even believe it's your on blood who's doing these awful things to you... that's why i took a step back bc i knew it was me or them....
How is your relationship with them now?
I can feel you same
To me cant break the bond totally but also want my own happiness so how is the process going?
@@evelineborre1232 thats so sad as i wrote above same my family they r the aggressor but when i want to defend myself i am the worst for them..
Love your videos so much!! Just got to say though you set yourself up for that One… in the end 😊 lol 😆
So funny! You couldn’t have rehearsed your daughter’s response any better for timing and such honesty, that’s was classic. LOVE your videos but this one is the best. Thanks for brighten my day and letting us glimpse at what a phenomenal parent you are!
Thank you for this message! Your videos are so encouraging, informative, and refreshing! Your daughter is wonderful!! Thank you for all you do!
Great topic!! Thank you ❤
❤️❤️❤️
You enlightened me
I'm Feeling Worried About These Toxic Mine For These Families, Friends, Spouses, Marriage And Foes For They Love From My World By Tracy
Really needed this video today - thank you!
Traci , these videos are the best ..some of what you said my own counselor has said to me verbatim... loved the mother daughter bit at the end
Great topic, thank you Tracy. P.S. I liked the bus analogy!
Thanks! Maybe also an interesting idea to talk about work situations: colleagues who depend on each other and one starts gossiping about you (also to your boss), while being kind to your face. What do you do to get that positive atmosphere and collaboration when you're fighting against ungrounded gossip in a high performing atmosphere?
Show up, do your job and understand there will always be people in the workplace gossiping. Create as little contact with those people and keep it nothing more than work. Don't be rude, but don't go out of your way to be overly friendly. Keep your boss in the know of all your achievements and accomplishments without mentioning other people's names. Your boss may or may not be deserving of their role. It's very political. You sign up for that when you decide to be employed by someone other than yourself. Simply do your job. Your work will show even if you are not recognized for it.
Great video Tracy!!!! I definitely needed this talk! I have a business that I must deal with people all the time and learning to say “no” can be a challenge, but I’ve learned I have to for my sanity ! 😀 Not to mention having those family members!! 😂
P.S. You are not draining . . Miss Chloe is just a teenager who'd rather be doing other things . . ; > P.S. Chore lists set one up for the reality of adulthood . . .which is swiftly approaching . . 🥀🌼💐🌻🌹🌸
Love this Tracy x and the ending made me laugh haha x
Omg Pips is hilarious. 😂😂
Can you do a video on how to be a better listener?
Well said, Tracy.
I like to ask myself what am I getting out of this? I make a lot of goals at the beginning of the year, so that tends to keep draining people out of my life.
I am learning to accept who people are. I’ve realized someone I know is a stage 5 nosey Parker who disguises finding out information as caring! If I have to see her, I keep turning the conversation back onto her. This can make her a little bit aggressive, because the juicy truth is revealed.
As an adult, I can share as little or as much about my life as I want to. Nobody has to be my friend and I don’t have to be anybody’s friend. I don’t even have to stay in contact with my parents if I don’t want to.
Well-spoken. Thank you for sharing.
Thank-you for your amazing content ❤️!
This was a very helpful talk. I've known that I talk too much and too long when I'm with my sisters. I give too many details, that aren't interesting to anyone, maybe even me. I don't think about it until later and then I feel bad and and embarrassed. Even so, I've never realized that I'm being draining. I'm going to keep that in mind, so I can learn not to do it. Thank you, Tracy.
xo~linda
Pips! 😂 Thanks for the message, Tracy! It was a good one.
Powerful message and one I will be watching again. I have had to deal with some very draining people in my own life and found that as I get older I realize just how much precious brain energy it takes from me. I don’t have time for trying to always figure out why they are acting that way and unfortunately have had to let some of them go.
Well said. I couldn't agree more.
My husband is my energy vampire. It is difficult every single day. He is highly anxious and transfer his severe anxiety onto my existing anxiety. But we can't separate right now, don't know if we ever will... I'm hurting so bad.
What about going into therapy together? He's suffering, is he willing to get better?
@@evelineborre1232 eveline - your response speaks mountains. You're right, he is suffering, but he doesn't 'know' that he is. I have gone through severe tumult the last decade, from disappointment and depression, to pulling myself out of it, from blaming him for everything, then realizing he is also a human having his own experience. To me blaming myself. Then realizing this is just life and everyone is at different levels and no one can really be 'blamed'. From my observations, I feel like he is in denial. He doesn't realize he needs to work on himself. I do not see us going to therapy together, and have never suggested it. He's never talked about wanting to try, together or even him going alone. I have had a few sessions but can't afford them now. It's a vicious cycle.
@@fatimak6440 in that case... think of yourself and of your way out once you have the slightest possibility. He is clearly draining you: draining your energy = draining your dreams = draining your chances = draining your will to fight = draining your income = draining your money for therapy.
If he thinks he is fine, he should be fine without you as well.
You are not his mom and a fine person is both fine in a relationship and as a single person.
Let my advice sink in and act on it when you have a moment of power.
Don't regret this life once you're 80. We're only once on this planet earth, live it to the fullest.
Because If I Don't Like A Been Bullied For My Life And Some Peoples Are Dangerous For They Lives
That's so like a teen.😀lol
They complain about their chores, but they spend countless hours on their cell phones.😀
Hello Tracy, thank you for sharing your understanding about these specific topics as they are becoming helpful tools in my life. Tracy may I ask you a question I hope you may be able to answer : so here it goes … I really enjoyed your who is driving your bus steps or theory I don’t know how you call it but yes very helpful.... I am feeling like many other people in my life , People I love , are making me be the driver on their bus, like literally. It’s so overwhelming that I can’t keep up. So my my question is how can I help others realize that they have a bus to handle lol and how to do it in a way that I can keep them on my bus ? I have learned lots by watching you thank you very much.
Hi Kellie, boy, I would love to explore this situation deeper. I encourage you to get on my coaching calendar so that we can address what is going on.
@@TracyHensel thank you very much , and how do I go about to be part in your calendar.?
You can select your package and get on my calendar here: henselcoachingandconsulting.com/
I look forward to working with you.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Pips 😆.
I have always found it odd when “people” ask me loaded questions and keep pushing or pressing me for an answer (just like you said “but why why why why?!”) and then they say that I’m too passive or have no opinion. It’s so funny
A perfect example of being tossed the bait. You will find these people thrive on challenging others. They need constant validation that they are right. By challenging what you think or how you feel, they can attempt to prove you wrong. This is coming from their own Gremlin message of not feeling good enough. Once you understand this about others, you no longer feel bothered. You simply don't take their bait. No response is a response.
@@TracyHensel Totally agree. It's really confusing when only surrounded by such people 😅in the passed it even made me question if I might be the problem.
I love pips she’s so funny 🤣 lovely video Tracy, my mum is v draining she’s been in and out of my life a lot but I keep her on my bus. She will probably drain me until I lose her, however I have learnt boundaries and managed to establish a healthy relationship that works for me so it can be done! One thing I am aware of is not moaning to my partner about her, of course he is always there to listen but I kind of feel does that then make me a draining person too 🤣🙈 I wonder how you and Paul deal with this? Do you keep thoughts to yourself or can you have some humour in the situation between each other which in turn gives you the chance to get it off your chest? I guess because I grew up with it being “everyone’s the problem except my mums” (victim mentality) I am very aware of not becoming that person myself x
I addressed your question regarding Paul and me and how we handle venting about people that drain us.
The ending 😂
Hi Tracy, are you still offering coaching for monthly payments? I've been interested in becoming a client for quite some time and haven't been able to afford to yet pull the trigger, and my financial stability is finally evening out and I see the option has since been removed :/ Is this something you would consider bringing back in the future, or is this temporary?
Hi Sheila, Yes it is something I would consider.
Hi Tracy 💜 I had this issue with my massage therapist. She's great at the massage but the conversations she might choose to engage in are sometimes not what I want to hear when relaxing! Soo..I have pulled back from seeing her. Maybe this is my fault too, but after seeing her for so many years I am not sure how I could honestly give feedback to her without it coming across as hurtful.
As a massage therapist, I allow the client to lead when it comes to whether we talk or not and what the subject is if they're feeling chatty. Unfortunately, there are therapists who don't follow the lead of their clients. It is absolutely not rude to tell them that you prefer a silent massage. It is your hour to relax and you are paying hard-earned money for a service. If a massage therapist takes issue with this request, it brings to question their professionalism and commitment to a client's care and well being.
Thank you for sharing Laura. I agree that people that service us - hair, nail, massage, facial, etc. need to learn the art of picking up on cues of whether or not their clients would like to talk and if they do what about. This is the only time some of us can rest our mind, others (like me) prefer to get services done during work hours, and catch up on admin. I now prefer all my services to be silent. Unfortunately when you have years under your belt going to someone, they may struggle to honor that request and that is when you have to make the decision based on the pros and the cons.
@@Mmmmkaaay yes agreed and thank you!
I’ve heard of people listening to a podcast or music (with ear buds) while getting their massage; this way they don’t need to converse with the therapist during their treatment.
@@seaglasscolor That's a great solution! And it would be less awkward too.
Good video you're so beautiful
Tracy have you ever encountered a situation where another adult woman refers to you as “honey”? Not in a sweet motherly way, but more of a condescending tone. How would you handle it so it doesn’t become a pattern?
Hi Nancy, while I have been called, 'Honey,' never in a condescending tone. Tell the person that you prefer they call you by your name.
Once in a while, it will slip out and I will call a close girlfriend “honey”! I hope they take it as a compliment! 😉
3 hours sleep? 😳
That’s not good
Oh Yeah These Peoples Are Feeling A Worried About Happen Lol
My mother doesn’t ask questions as much as she uses statements or “you should”, “you need”. I guess those statements also are baiting. I usually say “hmm, I can’t really speak to that” and then switch to something else. She picks up on that and gets irritated.
Love that you shared this. I used your situation as an example to build off on Instagram Stories.
My 82 yr old Mexican mom is draining. I'm an only child, she lives with me and my two young daughters, I am financially responsible for her, everything and anything she needs or wants I am happy to provide because I love her, BUT she's very condensing, always judging me, and treats me like a child. Just the other day we got into an argument and her last mumble as she walked back to her bedroom was "You forget I am your mother!". Sadly when she's around me I am very tense because I know she will make an unnecessary comment. It's terrible but I'm happier when she stays in her room. I pray to God I don't turn into her when I'm old.
Thank you for sharing. I read a lot of limiting beliefs like you are financially responsible for your mom. You would need to reverse your thinking about your role before you would be able to set up parameters for mom.