making friends in Germany is a nightmare..
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- Опубліковано 14 жов 2023
- We try to figure out why expats in Germany have such a hard time making friends.
Here is the link to the study I mentioned: cms.in-cdn.net/cdn/file/cms-m...
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It's hard to make friends in general as an adult. Most people are just looking to couple up or hang out with their partner.
I am German myself and I agree, at least for me it's hard to find new friends which I can actually call a "friend". It therefore is easier for me to maintain the friendships I already have.
I lived in Germany for a year as a mexican and I made some friends from different countries in my language course and I also hanged out with my german teacher, she would hang out with us many times, to eat, to the zoo to wherever we invited her, she even invited us to have dinner to her house but she said she loves to teach german so she can meet people from all over the world so maybe she's kind of different from other german people.
I am very fortunate, I met my best friend (who is German and lives in Germany) 11 years ago this December in the Dominican Republic. I've visited her 3 times and she has visited me in Canada once. We talk all the time and her daughter is my god-daughter
As someone who immigrated from Latin America to Germany almost a decade ago, I can confirm that the process of making friends is way more difficult than people think. However, many cities have almost more immigrants than locals, becoming a melting pot for many different cultures and therefore people tend to be much more open and spontaneous and less conservative.
It's not the country on itself, but more so the amount of cultural exchange that depends on each city.
I know a girl from Colombia, she came to Germany with a language visa, she went with zero german skills to a tandem language school in Germany and after 1 year she spoke fluent german and had plenty of friends. In those language schools you get to know people from all over the world. So it's not only good to learn the language but also to get to know people. After she applied for a german scholarship to study in Germany and got it. She then made her master in Germany and now live in Berlin and earn a lot of money.
The main thing is, that you need to find a group of like minded people. That may be a language course, a basketball team, a chess club, fellow students or a square dance club. Or send your child to Kita. You will learn to know families in similar situations. That is how friends are found in Germany ...
I think most people don't realise that if u move to a foreign country as an adult, it would be hard to adjust and make friends especially if there is a language and cultural barrier but if u make an effort and learn the language ofcourse u will make friends. Also it's better to have few good friends (actual friends) than have a dozen people u call friend but who really aren't true friends
I think if you want german friends, the best advice is to be able to speak german. Its just how it is. Plus, if you come to Germany to live you should actually learn how to speak it. And then just give time, friendships will come. But obviously not if you sit on your couch the whole day. Make activities, get into groups of something, classes, whatever! And be ready to feel lonely and miss your family and friends back home. But its a great time to discover yourself. Definitely not an experience for everyone, and if you feel pretty sad, seek for help!
PD. I liked your hair strip over your glasses the whole time haha♥
Where do you make friends ? I speak German and go to Vereine for sport classes. People come and go and hardly look at others . No way to start a conversation 😢! 8 years in this country and same story everywhere I go . Still I love Germany 🇩🇪 but it is difficult in that regard
The same in US. Have been living here for 7 years and feel more lonely than ever. We should be friends haha xD
@@lauracatalinafernandezafri8122 really? Where do you live in the USA ? I thought there people were more open , especially if you speak the language
Hey, that's Lübeck! I live here! I'm a Canadian who's been living in Germany for the past 3 years! I love Lübeck! It's famous for its marzipan! It's the perfect size for someone like me who is not into the big city Berlin vibe.. and I find the architecture beautiful!
There were two things that actually helped me make friends in Germany - 1. Learn the language! And 2. going to a lot of different activities and giving it time - no one is waiting for you, if you choose to come to a different country it’s your responsibility to make the effort
Punkt 3. Sei drei Jahre alt und geh mit den Leuten, mit denen Du Dich anfreunden willst, in den Kindergarten, denn später freundet man sich nicht mehr an. Im Schulalter erwirbt man nur noch Feinde.
Joss!!! Me sentí tan identificada con el video. Primero que tampoco puedo andar en bicicleta y aquí en Alemania me sentía como un bicho raro. Veo niños de dos años en sus bicis y me quedo loca jaja. Y lo de lo de hacer amigos es tal y como lo describen. Yo también esperaba siempre a que me inviten y no pasaba. Y eso de estar haciendo citas para ver cuando te puedes ver con alguien me mataba!!! Pero si no lo hago así imposible quedar con alguien :(
Yo tampoco sé andar en bicicleta Joss 😅, y como comentario adicional Janik debería pasar mas tiempo en México, adoramos a los extranjeros y casi al primer instante ya los estamos invitando a alguna fiesta 😂🎉
Saludos desde Merida, Yucatán, México!! 🇲🇽
Enserio que si, no se porque pero en Mexico nos encanta incluir a los extranjeros. Una chica de Brasil andaba en una clase de la uni y todo el mundo queria hablar con ella y enseñarle cosas de Mexico y le preguntaban cosas sobre su ciudad. I gual cuando andaba un Español y un PuertoRiqueño. Quizas es porque no los vemos tan seguido? O por que nos gusta compartir cultura?
It's the same in Switzerland, it's a wonderful country, but making friends is not easy at all.
And when you're not so young it's even worse
Es cute que cuando los empece a ver tenia como 17
años y no entendia ni papa de lo que decian ahora con 22 puedo verlos sin leer subtitulos 😍
Its been so long i come back to your channel!! Love to see you guys!! Are you guys still in Paris?
Awww lo editaste muy lindo jossss 🥰
Planning on moving to Frankfurt early next year! I would so fly to you!
i love this kind of videos, are pretty funny and Janik is soo adorable :)
It’s not only the country(culture) but also when you are aging,you get more selective you want more significant relationships.I live in Switzerland,and i know many people but friends is not easy,but im getting usd to it,because i spend my time with my hobbies and recently i find some fellow Christians and definitely my Faith in JESUS has help me like you can not imagine.❤Blessings to you all ❤
Don't worry Joss xD I feel you, am from Hamburg also XD if you need a friend, hit me up, we can drink a coffee :D
Hello guys!! How cool you did this video in Lübeck ❤ I live close to it but some of my best memories are in Lübeck! Joss you mentioned you wanted to create a group with international people in Hamburg, count me in! I’m from Venezuela and I moved to Germany because my husband is German (similar to your situation) and funny enough I work in Hamburg 😄 so I guess we would have plenty of things to talk about since our backgrounds are very similar! Greetings to you guys and I loved the footage of Lübeck and the beach 😆
I'm in too! I live in Hamburg and I'm from Guatemala :)
Come to Gent in Belgium, if you do let me know, it’s so cool and I’ll love to meet you ❤
I remember finding out about that study in the newspaper when it first was published saying that Germany came last in bureaucracy which was not surprising at all to hear as a German xD. Bizarrely, when I heard about that study for the first time I was actually on vacation in the place where the beach is located that you went to
you have to try to go to Helgoland, the island!! no buses, no lastwagens
Do one in Munich!! It would be awesomeee
When I visited, I was at Oktoberfest so there were many friendly people, BUT they were very bold to what I'm accustomed to. You don't call people who you've never met dumb and that really put all of us off, felt rude but the more time we spent in the north, the more we realize they have a bold approach compared to Mexico, in Mexico you rarely say no, you sugar coat it with excuses or straight out say yes even tho it'll eventually be a no. In Germany, people just say the no.
That’s the beauty, pure honesty, no bs fake crap.
Don't feel bad. I don't know how to ride a bike either. I'm afraid of killing myself on one. I always walked when I was younger. Don't worry about making friends. You will. With technology and you both know more than one language, that should help. I know you both will make friends wherever you decide to go. Only for some reason, it seems a bit harder for adults to make friends right away. Stay well. Loved this video.😊❤
I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have my group of friends here in Munich. It is difficult to be an expat indeed!! If you come to Munich, do the group gathering please! :D
Cuando vengan a Köln, podemos salir a algún lado 😊
I'm in Regensburg and can definitely feel you. It's super hard to make friends out here😅
I'm from the same area and I agree! I'm not even an expat but I struggle to find new friends
@@bananehanna do you live in Regensburg?
I'd be totally fine in Europe cause I'm a loner lol. I've always had more online friends than friends I hang out with where I live, so I like spending time alone, going out for walks or runs, being by myself at a cafe with my laptop, or reading something, and what better place to do that than beautiful natural locations or towns in Europe.
The end got me confused lol
Im hohen Norden ist es auch nicht so einfach Freunde zu finden
Que irónico, cuando ustedes estaban saliendo y tratándose yo estaba preparando mi boda con mi actual esposo alemán, tenemos tanto en común les escribí muchas veces para reunirnos y hacernos amigos y hasta la fecha aún ni Joss ni Janik me responden 😅😂
Ohh no sabes andar en bici ?
Yo tampoco 😅es que en Europa es tan común que todos sepan que me sentía rara de no saberlo jaja pero pienso aprender próximamente.
A lo que ella yo creo se refiere es que, al venir de un pais como México en donde vas literal en el transporte publico, le hablas al de alado y ya es tu amigo. Es un schock cultural obviamente.
Yo tampoco me acostumbro todavia a que aqui no es tan fácil hacer amigos .... y mas tal vez porque sinceramente son frios. Uno en mexico hace bromas tontas, albureas a los otros, haces pendej....s. Es otra onda, pero diran , si no te gusta mucho alemania que haces aqui? Bueno amigos, uno viene buscando una mejor vida esa es la realidad
yo quiero el stammtisch en en Hamburg!
Yo tambien!! Seria genial!
lübeck es my conocido por su marzipan!
Naja, eigentlich ist Lübeck ja als die Stadt der Familie Buddenbrook bekannt. Aber ja, das Marzipanzeug 😃🤗
Can you Post the link again? Couldnt find it
Hello muchachos! I would really like you to organize a Stammtisch in München, I would be there for sure if you plan something.
Saludos!
Joss yo vivo en Hamburgo por ai algún día quieres hacer una reunión yo me apunto 😊
Yo vivo tmb en Hamburg! :) Si deseas podemos juntarnos tmb.
ayy Lübeck
Bonne vidéo ! Personnellement, je conseille le livre "AISANCE SOCIALE", de Nathan Stone. Le gars est psychologue et tout, il est hyper compétent. Le livre est très complet pour tout ce qui est des relations sociales, en l'amitié, au boulot, l'anxiété sociale, etc. C'est très riche, y a tout !
si tu tienes dificultades siendo así de outgoing, imagínate cómo es con nosotros los introvertidos 😣
btw. quizá no manejes bici pero manejas auto y eso es 👍👏🏽
I used to live in northern Ireland. If you don't get the banter and are shy at the same time or if you're particular about drink and just not go for any drink it's seen as posh, you're not worth their time which makes someone like me think they're not worth my time.... Also in the female friend area if you're not linked to a family network they're familiar with it's too risky so they don't bother. They always have to know if you're part of a community they can be comfortable with. It's a village life even in Belfast. I hated it. They need to open their minds more and dare to make friends with new people.
Do you try Bar’s?
Seems like you deleted my comment because it was Link. I wanted to suggest you the organisation Start with a friend. It helps foreigners to meet friends in several Citys!
UA-cam deletes the links
I participated in Berlin and Swaf was for refugees and Germans to help then integrate.
@@chinacetacean it's now not only for refugees also for every other migrant
Dang. I live in Japan and it’s number 44. It’s true that it’s difficult to make friends. If you’re an introvert though, then it may be paradise for you. Can’t imagine the situation in Germany though. 😬
its in realty much easier. the japanese culture is way more closed if u dig a bit deeper (outside of the expat bubble). germans are in general much more open and the society much more mixed anyway. its also the dominant center in the heard of europe/eu with a lot of fluctuation.
Im a german myself and I think friendships shouldn’t be „forced“ or actively searched. They will be created by themselves from time to time.
only that this "time to time" thing is gonna take a LONG time XD ... Thus this comment totally sums up their point!
I think that applies when you already have some friends around. I’ve seen that many Germans are still very close with school friends (even from Kindergarten). But if you leave everything behind and move to a completely new and far away place, I think it is crucial to be active and to take the initiative. In my case, when I was studying for my Master’s degree, everyone already knew someone and they didn’t need to put that much of an effort. Groups where already built. But that is just an opinion based on my experience studying psychology in German with almost no internationals around.
No, even when you start uni you also have to actively start conversation, ask if they want to join you after classes to go somewhere or mention/ask in general if they are down to hangout sometimes and also chat sometimes about private things on social media, after you talked with them for a while in uni. You have to be active and from that you can build a friendship.
It is not like kindergarten that you automatically become friends with people.
What was the whole story on the A.I. video? I didn't even get to watch it.
Lübeck is a very well known city and very historic.
To finde new friends has nothing to do with country, city etc. you mind has to be positiv and op3n. Once you have a friend in Germany
You will have him/her for many many years. But to keep friends is work. I wish you well.
I want to move to Spain or Poriugal now)
Hey guys any of you wanna hang out in Berlin? Truly asking hahaha i need friends
It is famous. In movies, where action was in middle age Tallinn.the justice was made by City law of Lübeck. And we in Estonia are with fins defenetly even worse for expats to find friends. You need to work extra for that.
I am English and I think we are the same as the Germans!
The biggest problem is that many expats do not learn the language of the country they are staying in. Some are even openly refusing to do so. If you want friendship and give the difficulty of a foreign language to the person whose country you are visiting, that is no sign of hospitality.
When I visit Germany most people are realy friendly, but I (try to) speak German, because I visit their country. The idea 'if I want something from you, I should try to speak your language' is one of the core factors of the Dutch trading spirit and of our culture. It does work.
Of course you can't learn a language for a short visit, but expats are there for years.
thats not the biggest probleme, since in the Netherlands and Germany, especially in cities, most speak English. the reality is that people who are more outgoing have no real problem to find people to hung up (what is called 'friend' in countries like Mexico etc. was for most NOT really a friend. already believing such nonsense shows one has no clue). of course thats in cities easier than in rural regions but thats also similar in other countries. and in most western countries the individualism and selecting more carefully you want really spend time with (quality) is raising. so, again: it depends on what you want, hanging out with ppl which is a 'kind of friendship' or 'strong friendship' is a difference. and no, the local language is in cities like Berlin less relevant as long it is English and/or German ...
I can recommend playing games on German realms to find friends in Germany :D But yes, being able to speak German is (mostly) necessary
Why this? I'm here, you just have to go to the right state, Thuringia. Kind regards DJ Mike from Zeulenroda-Triebes/East Thuringia.
Guys, you are in the wrong place! Come to Schauren!! Here you have no chance other than make friends and people are reeeeeaaaally spontaneous 😅
Danke für dieses schöne Video
los tqm
México siendo el número 1 y a mí me cuesta hacer amigos aquí ☹️😂
Ur husband kinda sounds like pewdiepie 😂
I am married to a German, after 13 years in Germany I made 0 friends. Mexicans, we are very friendly and I am and I tried. Germans only wanted to know how much I made, for them is very important. You are what you have.
😢 I am sorry this was your experience. Where in Germany do you live?
@nellycastro: thats nonsense. neither do Germans only want to know how much you earn (happens but depends on the context and its usually on the contrary a rather rare question - Germany usually AVOID doing that outside of a fitting context) nor is it plausible that you cannot find friends within 13 years. thats you (or you live in a very remote region), not Germans ...
@@publicminx google that before you say anything. Have you live in another country that is not yours? In Germany you are how much you make and they will ask you how much you make. I lived there
baustelle gibt es überall in Deutschland hehehe
I hope all don't feel afraid to say, migrants. She would say, as migrants, not “expats”. They want to point out they are different 🙁. 🤷🏽♀️
bla bla. this stereotype (dont use expat, use migrants) is from idiots. expats live for some time somewhere and CAN be migrants after deciding to finally move here. migrants have usually this as main goal in the first place. and btw, usual internationals ARE usually different and another kind of bubble, even if expat and migration was seen similar. that you dont know that shows you are just ideologic (maybe a typical racist, antisemitic/antizionist left wing who tries to racify/hatespeech all contexts)
En Francia es mucho peor hahahahahahahaha son 0 amigables !
Just take a look at German universities, you'll always see foreigners banding together in a study group, while other groups are pure German. I was in one of those pure-expat groups, not by choice, simply because Germans straight-up rejected me when I asked to join. I was occasionally in a German study group, then I heard them talking about the Turks, Muslims and black people. Man oh man, Germans have a lot of presumption, sorry by that I mean totally biased nonsensical racist bullshit, about them. Final thoughts: don't make friends in Germany, it's not worth it. When I finally stopped trying hard and gave no fruck, several Germans actually came to me and we remain friends till this day.
Well I guess it depends how good your German is. People in Germany are highly ambitious and don't like when they are held back. At university people connect with people with the same aims.
But yes, Germans can be very selfish.
@bloedekuh: you are the racist here. Islam is criticized because it is (not just in Germany but all over Europe and on the planet) the MOST RACIST, MOST ANTISEMITIC/ANTIZIONIST (both is also true for left wing/intersectionalist/anticapitalist), MOST HOMOPHOB, MOST ANTI FEMALE RIGHTS, MOST ANTI HUMAN RIGHTS (its the ONLY religion which does NOT accept human rights!) here in Europe also the most crime and most violence causing religion/ideology. only the high crime rate is not typical for Islam and different in other countries. if you do not criticize that then YOU are part of the problem and are far away from being enlighten or emancipated. and you are supporiting homophobia, antisemitism/antizionism, female oppression, antidemocracy/antiliberalism, anti human rights and so on!
Primera :3
Ok but “ex pat” is a horrible term that makes differences between white and brown immigrants. I don’t recommend using it. 😢
:(
Mexican American living in Germany for 4 years. I looooove my alone time but of course doesn’t mean I don’t want friends 😅.
I got lucky and made friends through my partner. I also made some through work. We have a child now and through play groups I have made a new friend.
I think Germans are very reserved but once they’re your friend they open up. At least this has been my experience. I also try hard to speak in German (to help improve my German and it’s their mother tongue I think they appreciate the effort).
Sorry, I must have missed an episode or two. Why did you decide to live in Germany? Can't you move to another country more friendly???
Viele Leute in Deutschland sind einfach kälter als der Winter dort und verschlossener als deren Jacke + Pullover + Sweater + Shirt + Unterhemd zusammen.
Nein, gar nicht, aber man ist sich dessen bewußt geblieben, daß jeder andere ein Gestapo- oder Stasi-Spitzel sein konnte oder ein VS-Schlapphut sein kann. Und so ist man halt vorsichtig im Umgang mit anderen.
Was die Sache mit den Freunden angeht, so vermute ich mal, daß die überwiegende Mehrzahl der Bevölkerung gar keine hat - das Phänomen der Freundschaft ist mir in 60+ Jahren nicht begegnet, sogar das Wort scheint selten zu sein. Möglicherweise ist da auch der Sprachgebrauch anders als in anderen Sprachen - in dem Sinne, daß wir einen lediglich Bekannten, womöglich flüchtigen Bekannten nicht gleich "Freund" nennen.
Hamburg just sucks
A veces siento que siempre viviste en una burbuja, eres como un cachorrito esperando que todos de acaricien y te aplaudan tus payasadas, y deberias de aprender alemán, es lo lógico si vas a vivir ahí. 😑
you're not an expat, you're an immigrant
It is an Expat, GOOGLE THE DEFINITION…… Read more, Don’t be a DUMBA$$
I moved to the Netherlands and I totally agree. You can find tons of nice people, but they will never consider you their friend 🥲. I see it in my bf's behavior as well, he doesn't like to make new friends at all 😂
many have friends from the time at school, maybe also later from study/work. but after that (and thats not just true for Germany, but also for most culturally similar western countries) they got more individual and select much more what can be considered as friend. this does not mean that they do not hang out with people if their are not common interests. btw, getting into the Japanese culture is much more difficult and restricted. even a simple date (outside of the international bubble) is WAY more complicated and longer (most are even not aware about that) than in the western countries above. here everything can go superfast. another thing is that in countries like Germany people tend to make much higher quality decisions like 'does it really give me something to meet person xyz instead doing this or that'. and often a special interest (gaming, partner, work, hobbys of all kind or whatever) win ...