When I decided to leave my alcoholic husband
Вставка
- Опубліковано 25 чер 2024
- WHEN I DECIDED TO LEAVE MY ALCOHOLIC HUSBAND // An honest and vulnerable video I made for my Secret Facebook Group. We are a loving group of women who are encouraging one another and healing together.
P.S. I know this is UA-cam but please don't judge me for not wearing makeup.
--
Find out more about the Love Over Addiction movement here:
loveoveraddiction.com/
(We have free tips and advice + online programs)
Watch our videos:
“How to Stop Putting Your Self-Worth in the Hands of the Addicted”:
• How to Stop Putting Yo...
“Should You Throw Away Their Drugs or Alcohol”:
• Should You Throw Away ...
“Your Safe Space When You Love Someone Suffering From Addiction”:
• Your Safe Space When Y...
__________
LOVE OVER ADDICTION. The Love Over Addiction Online Program is our 6 week online program to start your recovery when you’re in a relationship with someone suffering from any kind of addiction. You’ll gain confidence, build your foundation, and take back the power from addiction. You’ll learn how to be happy again, whether they get sober or not. It’s completely private and do-at-your-own pace. You can access the online program from your phone, tablet, or computer. It’s filled with videos, audios, guidesheets, and more. Read more and join us here: loveoveraddiction.com/love-ov...
LOVE OVER ADDICTION: STAY OR GO. The Love Over Addiction: Stay or Go Online Program is perfect for the woman who’s already worked on her own recovery, and is ready to take her healing to the next level. This is a 12 week online program that will help you decide whether you’re ready to leave your relationship or stay. We offer avenues and necessary actions for both paths. We’re not recommending one way or another, but rather offering education on your options. Women in this program continue their healing and conquer indecision. Read more and join us here: loveoveraddiction.com/stayorgo/
We have other online programs and offerings. You can read about them and find out which one is best for you here: loveoveraddiction.com/courses/
FREE RESOURCES. We have free resources on our website and release new ones regularly. We’re a community of over 30,000 women who understand exactly what you’re going through. You too can join this safe sisterhood. Find out more at loveoveraddiction.com/.
#LoveOverAddiction #Sisterhood #Recovery
• When I decided to leav... - Фільми й анімація
I'm in tears right now. I'm married to an alcoholic. 5 years is enough. Thank you for sharing this.
shell B You are so beautiful and worth the world. I stayed with an emotional abuser, they make you feel like they're the only person that could ever love you. There are so many amazing people out there, including you. You need to set or write down goals for yourself and the type of person you are looking for and never lower your standards. You. Are. Worth it.
Me too! Saddest roller coaster ride I've ever been on in my life! I made the final decision to call it quits before the new year. I could NOT fathom another year of stress, anxiety, uncertainty and just UTTER CONFUSION anymore. I didn't know who I had become because of all of the crazy drunken episodes I was forced to participate in; but more importantly I did not like the person I had become as a result of the madness. To ALL going through this never ending INSANITY... GET OUT while you have the courage. We can love the alcoholic all day long, but if they don't love THEMSELVES enough to get help; then you will forever be in a vicious cycle of HEARTBREAK! #TRUSTIKNOW #SLOWPAINFULDEATH #FINDYOURSELF #LOVERYOURSELFFIRST
I stayed with my Ex 25 years I have 2 sons I went through the same . Now my life is much better nothing much to worry about am happy
My mother has been in one for sixteen years. The verbal abuse she endures is beyond saddening and makes me cry every time. There used to be physical altercations when my dad was under the influence but thank God my he’s stopped. Alcohol is purely a substance from hell and has no spot in a relationship. I could go on and on about the many heartbreaking things I’ve seen the substance do but I just wanna let you know you’re not alone.
@@Christ_walks_minstries Our hearts go out to you and your mom for what you've been through. That's absolutely tough. Abuse of any kind isn't okay. Learning boundaries is so helpful, especially when they start to be verbally abusive. Many women who have been in the same situation will turn around and either leave the room or leave the house for several hours and do something *they* want to do. This also gives some 'cooling down time'. xoxo ~Laurie
Thank you for sharing. They say Alcoholism is a progressive disease. In 30 yrs, my Husband went from a couple of beers after mowing the lawn, to a six pack, to a 36pack a week, and recently adding hard liquor into the mix. He sneaks alcohol into the house while I'm in the shower or run to the store. He's destroying himself, and it's dragging me down with him.
Hi Debbie! You're absolutely right - it's definitely a progressive disease unless they get help. We're proud of you for taking these steps by looking toward your own healing. Keep it up and make sure to practice lots of self-care and set boundaries. These are so important when you're with someone suffering from addiction. Sending many hugs to you, sister
Thank you 🙏🏽 4 years it took me. Hard and so painful 😣 but I couldn’t take it anymore
I hope you are doing better .I was in your situation but through prayer I was one of the lucky ones because I believe God instead of man. Love you my sister 🙏❤️🙏
This is my exact story. I want to leave but don't want to give up my house. He always threatens to sell it. I know it's silly but I have worked so hard to get to where I am & why should I lose my home because of his actions.
I’m an alcoholic. I watched your video to remind myself just how lucky and blessed I am that my gf didn’t leave me once my addiction got out of control. She should have left a long time ago and if she had , I couldn’t be upset with her. Your video reminds me of what it’s like for those that the addict hurts in his or her life. Don’t ever feel bad about leaving a situation like that. If someone refuses to seek help or refuse to do anything to stop the cycle of addiction then he or she leaves their loved ones no choice but to leave
I’m going through this now. I’ve been with my husband for almost 29 years. Met him when I was 14. Didn’t realize he was an alcoholic at the time. Just thought he was socialize drinking etc. then it was getting worse and worse. We have 2 kids and although they are young adults, I’m still scared because I don’t make a lot of money and the cost to live is expensive. But, I don’t want to stay. It’s effecting my health. I pray that I can gather the strength. Thank you for your story!
Of course you wouldn’t know you were a child like me I’ve been knowing mine since I was 8 years old. However things progressed. Ohhhh for the worst the older he gets. Mine now is recently locked up. Yet I have health issues. Can’t work which most women become assed out. We have no help at all honestly especially if you’ve lost everyone. But I don’t care I have to heal, And so do you. You got this. We got to get our power back. The problem is disappointment.
I just LEFT TODAY....LADY I THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO... I should have left 2 years ago when God told me to but I didn't because I wasn't ready. But two weeks ago I made the final decision and moved out today I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me I feel happy and sad at the same moment. I actually cried because I was so happy. Not because I was sad but because I was happy
You've got this! We're proud of you for taking this HUGE step for your own healing and future xoxo
I've been married to an alcoholic😢 he promised he had changed he wasn't that person anymore. I knew 3 months into the marriage there was a problem. Year-and-a-half I left him left him for a month I gave him the ultimate going to rehab or I was going to leave. He did go to rehab but he couldn't wait till it was over to go back to his drinking. He always has an excuse will never hold himself accountable for his actions. It is truly sad when you really care about someone😢 it's been 4 years. I've got to find the strength and leave the guilt behind and move forward I am no good to anybody I need to take care of myself.
Excellent video. Living in a crappy alcoholic marriage for 12 years. Our three sons are nearly adults. Feels like it’s time to start making decisions for me .
Thank you for your video. I’m married to an alcoholic. I’m in tears watching this video bc I want out so badly, but I feel stuck. I’m going to get out one way or another.
You've got this, sister. You're a strong and brave woman. Never forget that
I feel the sama way
5 yrs living with an alcoholic bf.its getting worse...cant do anything.if he dies i will be in big trouble....he doesnt understand and leave ..its my house ...i cant call authority ..
I’m the same I get blamed as the reason why she drinks
I feel the same way I just got engaged but for the past couple of years I’ve been dealing with the verbal abuse from him and towards my kids it’s so depressing and heartbreaking I don’t even have the mindset or strength to be happy about the engagement I really just want out and hopefully once I get myself together by the end of this year I’m leaving I love myself and my kids more than this if I don’t get out I don’t know what’s going to become of me I’m having really bad anxiety on all kinds of medication it’s horrible😢
I ended my relationship 5 days ago before seeing this video. It took me 5 years to truly understand that my relationship was toxic and unhealthy. Your video gives me solidarity with my decision. I am truly in love with this man but not in love with what he has become. This addiction to alcohol has consumed him. I know I cannot rescue him nor should I have to. It is his path of destruction that I choose not to join. I only pray that he finds the root of this addiction and healing. I pray that I find healing as well and learn to trust again and recognize what healthy love is. If anyone else is struggling know that you have the strength to leave, know that your health is more important, know that you deserve nothing but the best, and know that if one does not love and care for themself they cannot care for you. I truly hope this helps.
Hi Jordan - this is so eloquently stated. Thank you for this. We're sending you lots of love and support
My divorce was final a few weeks ago after 5 yrs of broken promises and lies. Found an empty bottle of rum in his back seat and found the receipt from that morning. This truly was the last straw; when they are no longer dependable or loving or kind...it’s time. My heart breaks for each and every one of us including “them”. I believe they truly have no idea that we’re even hurting. I creeped on my ex husbands Facebook and he posted something about cheating. Never once did I ever cheat on this man but I’m sure in his mind I have. And maybe that’s his way of dealing with my boundaries. If I cheated, then he wins. But honestly, I have zero desire to open up to any man anytime in near future! I’m still a nervous wreck over this nightmare but I continue to pray for guidance and peace. And I’m finally feeling some much needed peace.
I’m trying to leave we have been together 6 years married 1 in June 2019 I am financially dependent and with covidw-19 it’s hard to find a safe job right now... I don’t know what to do may have to move back in with my parents I can’t deal with the abhorrent behavior he has done unspeakable things to me while under the influence
Your story is similar to mine and i m myself in an way to move on from my alcoholic partner coz he evrytime chooses alcohol over me and reacts like he hadn't done anything wrong and ask me to not react on his alcoholism coz it's very normal. He is not able to stop himself and he thinks that there's nothing wrong in that but I m totally depressed now trying to move on but he always calls texts me even k had blocked him.. yesterday I took the decision to never turn back
Right
Remember they love alcohol MORE than the family/marriage/relationship. If the alcohol was replaced with something else or someone would you still put up with it?
That's a very true statement! ~Laurie
Being an alcoholic is a disease. It's not that they don't love you.. the drink consumes them and controls their life.
@@AppleBottomJ That's very true, too. It's hard when it has such a firm grip on those we love. ~Laurie
@@nikenhouston1662 Hi there! You can send us an email to: Info@LoveOverAddiction.com
20 years of back and forth. 28 years married. Today, I'M DONE and kicked him out. Coming out of hiding at 56. Yes please!! Now, right now. My family is finally aware of what's been going on. I'll NEVER get healthy with him here. I already feel unchained. Thanks for sharing.
I'm there today as well. I wish you all the best in the second half of your book.
I'm a husband I'm not an alcoholic but I've been through an alcoholic household I can't blame the people leaving this kind of toxic life.
This struck home. I have been with my husband for 7 years and married only 9 months. I never lived with him prior to being married so I never realized how bad it was until I got married or maybe I chose not to see it. Before getting married I lived a very independent life so I didn’t spend night and day with him to notice the alcoholism. Once I got married I started noticing the patterns and it progressively got worse FAST, and I mean extremely fast. He began binging on weekends from 6 am to nighttime and drinking more on week days after work. I no longer recognized him. I begged, I pushed, I screamed, I argued, I prayed, I did everything possible to get him to stop. Nothing ever worked. They will never stop unless they want to. I was always truly knew that but I thought I could convince him before it was too late. He got extremely bad last weekend and I left him at his brothers for 4th of July and spent it without him and slept the next few days without him and wasnt around him. Something clicked, I was sooo at peace these days. I decided I needed this peace again in my life and i refused to let him drag me into the deep hole he had dug himself in mentally and financially. I filed for divorce this morning. And I feel so at peace. There may be people who may say I gave up too soon, and I may have. However if there one thing that my parents taught me is to put myself first and to never lose my self-respect getting caught up loving someone. I made a promised to myself the very day I said “I do” that would never lose myself at any point of our marriage no matter how much I love him. And for me 9 months of forgetting my self-worth was enough.
I am SO happy you didn't give him a year of marriage. Totally not worth it. My ex tricked me too about his alcoholism. I left him 8 months in
I’m having an epiphany on today. I’ve had a tonsillectomy last week and let’s just say my husband started back drinking badly again while blaming it on his residents at his job being “abused” and “dying”. Every time I get sick or need surgery, that’s when it gets worse and worse. He can make people hate him and then he can play the victim at the same time. It’s pathetic. His first wife abandoned him and his kids. The kids deserved non of this from him being a drunk nor her being a drug user. I will do all I can to get custody of them. I also have my own kids.
Thank you for this. I split with my alcoholic boyfriend over 2 years ago, but everything you articulated I have felt. It's so confusing dating someone with an addiction - you love and hate them at the same time. Ultimately you have to put yourself first.
You're absolutely right - putting yourself first is so important
Its hard when you do reach out to his family for help and they reject it, reject what you are saying . Then you are left alone, especially when you have no family of your own to turn to 😢
That's really hard. And unfortunately, that's really common. Families don't want to admit that their son or daughter has a problem. And they may even want to blame _you_ for causing it in some way. Which isn't true at all. It can feel so isolating. We have women in our Secret Community that have experienced the same rejection. They support and connect with one another and create a "chosen family" of their own that truly understand what it's like. It's profound and mind blowing to see their growth together.
If you want to read more, here are a few blog posts that might help you:
loveoveraddiction.com/stop-feeling-crazy/
loveoveraddiction.com/how-cleaning-and-addiction-are-related/
loveoveraddiction.com/the-worst-relationship-advice-from-good-people/
6 yrs i am living with an alcoholic man he is my ex but out of kindness i let him stay . Slowly his alcohol got worse to the point he was urinating and shitting all over n me cleaning up i asked his family to help but no one came then i asked his friends all just gave advise n i couldnt tell the authorities as its illegal in the country i live to cohabit man n woman... so i was scared to death if he died after his alcohol binging i was going to b in prison n maybe deported... i was wasting my life for this asshole btw he had married n i even contacted his wife but no one cared as long as he was sending money back home that he saved on rent... so financially n mentally he was abusing... then one day suddenly i had an idea n told him u r being shifted to another dept we wrk together... so that got him thinking n he decided he suddenly decided to go back home 4 a holiday ... thats exactly the moment i was waiting for .. finally i will pack his things n change the locks... no more being in this hell....
I’m so sad when I listen to this. I was an alcoholic by the age of 23. First beer was at 9-10 am. One day something just clicked in my brain and I knew if I didn’t stop now this was my life until I died. I quit cold turkey I’ve never had a drink in 23 years Thank god I did t have a family at the time so the only person who suffers was me. I really hope things work out for you. God bless you and your family.
Well done.. 👍🏻
Dealt with this for over 16 years. I have come to the conclusion that I have to divorce him. We have been together 25 years, but the addiction is getting worst every year. I am heartbroken.
Hi Tressa - my heart goes out to you for all you're going through. It's so hard watching our loved ones battle addiction. Just remember you're a strong woman. One step and one day at a time. You've got this
My story as well. I'm devastated!
Samuel Arellano so true...😢
Tressa Lynn I am heartbroken too and I need to leave.
I know the feeling. I’ve been with him for almost 20 years. I want to leave him but I stay with him because of our kids. They are happy because we are a family . I feel miserable seeing my husband drunk everyday. He doesn’t think he’s an alcoholic. He says he’s not an alcoholic because he works . He says alcoholics don’t work and he works .
Recently had my moment of clarity and decided to end it with my alcoholic partner. He gave me tears, stress and cruelty with his raging alcholism on top of a year and half of having breast cancer and chemo. Was all about him. Last straw was im having a double mascetomy now and he made plans for overseas trip with mates before even finding out my op date let alone recovery or support time. Selfish, self centred, manipulative and plays the victim always. I hope you all have the light bulb on moment too. Every moment you cry, punish yourself and waste on them is a moment that you will never get back. Dont let yourself wait until you have a life threatening diaease to realise that.
love that LIGHT BULB MOMENT..
So sorry to hear about the double mastectomy, I hope you are doing well, and that your happy and healing. God bless you.
You are the definition of strong what a warrior! Hope things worked for you!
I'm with an alcoholic. Just reading this and thinking about leaving him makes me tear up. I feel I'm in a loose/loose situation. My heart will be broken no matter what.
Same here
We're sending you lots of hugs. Take things one day at a time. When you start working on your own healing and self-care, you start to feel stronger and braver and it becomes more clear on what will be best for you and your situation.
Look up al anon speakers here or meetings in your area, they really do help. You are not alone.
It is amazing what we can heal from. Believe it or not, heartbreak rarely lasts forever.
I feel exactly the same. Which I guess is why I am currently putting up with it. I love my man so very much, he is the love of my life. He is the dearest sweetest man, until he's drunk.
It is literally Jekyll and Hyde. He's in 3 modes as a constant: waiting to drink, drinking, hung over.
He does it because life is overwhelming to him. I'm sad for him.
The thing that resonated the most for me was the constant up and down, I feel I will have the moment of "that's it, I'm done" at some point, when I look into the future, I see it without him. So really I'm just prolonging the inevitable. But those good days, are so good I'm reminded of how much I truly love him. Which makes it so hard.
I wish I was stronger, and could just rip that plaster off!
Going through the same thing with my boyfriend he said he'll never stop drinking. He is the sweetest guy but not when he's drunk! I need to find a way out I'm losing myself and my life
Tiffany B I feel the same!
If he says he will never stop drinking then that leaves you with no other choice than to leave. It will not get better with you there.
Life tobelived you're right thank you so much. I have a plan and I'm leaving soon
Good I went through a lot of therapy to get that point. I realized I didn't want to be lifetime member of Al-non. It will be hard when you leave but it won't be in your face every day. I still care for my after 3 years but it doesn't mean I can live with him. I don't really don't to him only when it applies to our child which we both agree on this. I am about at the point to start dating and I have been going to some interest groups that have nothing do with dating on Meetup.com. It is good that you have a plan because I just jumped, My mom was my emotional support but she passed away at the same time as I separated. Good luck and there is an other side. I am finding out that men actually do like to talk to me and have some interest in what I say. It is sort of a shock because I started to believe I was a bit of a dud.
Life tobelived you're so lucky I don't have a support system. I live far away from my family bummer. Also he's mom didn't believe me! I'm so happy for you go on okaycupid as well good to meet guys there! Online is the new way now.
Struggling with depression because of my husbands addiction
I suffer from PTSD because of my husband of 34 years drinking and we have been apart for 2 months and starting divorce process. Go to Al-Anon and an open AA meeting. Trust in a higher power to bring you peace and understand it wont happen over night. Talk to someone at your church (?), family , friends. You need to take care of yourself first and let the alcoholic take care of themselves. We deserve better even though it is an illness. Pray for him and all addicts. Don't be codependent anymore. tell him to get his ass in rehab and hold him accountable and make the necessary changes for you. PEACE of mind is what we need and alcoholics are one step closer in the grave every day and not living life.
@@chicagolatinabt u do not believe in high power..
Lita you're depression has nothing to do with you're husbands addiction. Take ownership of you're problem and seek help if needed.
@@rohanlevy8521 you are a GENIUS..
Me too
You did the right thing. When I took my wife of eight years to the alcohol rehab, my qestion was this: I drink with her. So, why is she an alcoholic and I am not? The answer from this expert in alcoholic rehab shocked me. It was this; we just don't know why. We can only say if you drink, one day you may not be able to quit. That day forty years ago I stopped drinking. My wife, whom I loved, had a rehab romance with another alcoholic some 14 years her junior and left me a month later. God will give you peace, but only when you separate yourself from the alcoholic. I know it hurts to hear this for many, but that person you love has already left you. I hope this will help those who are dealing with this. God bless.
May God bless you, You deserve some peace.
@@BuildingMakingDoing u want to talk now
...that person you love has already left you. I need to repeat that in my mind.
Thank you for sharing this. I left my gf on xmas due to her drinking. It is sad to see an addiction take someone over and you cannot do anything about it. You have to be strong and trust that you will be better without them : ).
Hi Justin, I had the same issue. I do not drink and my partner drinks. She totally changes to a different person when she drinks. I have one very simple question if you share your experience with me. How will I know that my GF is alcoholic? Because many people drink and this make me confuse totally!
Justin calfee could we talk I am going though the same problem and would like your input
I need to do the same bro.
My god. I needed this today. EVERY HOLIDAY IS THIS. it's so isolating, no one understands. Such drama. A decade in, 4 boys.. Such a scary decision. Especially since I'm SUCH A CARETAKER, bit of a whooped dog now.
The same here
Thank you for this. I really needed to hear it. I just broke up with my alcoholic boyfriend and I miss the few times he was sober. I also feel relief that I don’t have to worry about if he’s drunk, high, or using drugs anymore.
My "I am truly done with this ish" moment finally came after my ex stole around $800 from me and when I confronted him, he blamed me and said that I was 'nickel and diming' him. He never saw or heard from me again
you were lucky! When I got out I realised I had no friends - and all "our" friends stuck to him being co addicts. I had to start from scratch
Michelle thank you so much! It felt like you were telling my story about how you kept your husband's addiction a secret and how your family liked him! I have three children. The youngest is 4 months old. And I've recently decided to leave my alcoholic. I don't have a job and was very dependent on my husband. But now that my parents know everything, they promised to help. I'm gonna do it! It's wonderful that there is a person who knows what I'm going through! And as you said you were worried most about saving your kids, this is what I also feel! Thank you! You should make more videos!
Can I ask how you are doing? I am in your situation, and I know that I have plenty of family support; I don't want to, but I'm near the end of my patience.
This is exactly my story struggling every day with my alcoholic husband it's very very hard
Thank you so much for this video.. breaking up with my alcoholic boyfriend today, I needed to hear someone else that shared the same feelings I’m going through. But this is just what I needed to hear. Thank you.
Daniela Baigorri did you end up moving on?
Ur beaitiful 😘😘😘😘😘😍😍
I think I'm doing the same..thanks for your comment. It gives me more courage
"out of his mind looking at me. He wasn't clear, he wasn't present. He was in another world, he was glazed. That didn't feel good..." and the FUCKING SMIRK.
exactly why I'm thinking of leaving mine.
That's definitely hard (and frustrating) when they do that :(
This video is so helpful, bern married 30 yrs, I am just so tired of it all. The man I married has disappeared before my eyes.
People who use alcohol and substances like that are usually in a lot of pain deep down. Doesn't justify what he did, but it's very hard to break out of self destructive behavioural patterns.
I'm in deep pain too bit I don't drink!
This is so true.
And a lot of them are just having a ball at their lobbied ones expense
YES!! I can relate to everything you are saying!! The back and forth, the changing my mind every day, every hour for years. I decided about 3 weeks ago I was done, it’s over. I am waiting until after Christmas to let him know because he will ruin Christmas for our kids to get back at me for standing up to him finally. Wouldn’t you know after I decided this he started actually being nice. He didn’t help more or anything he just stopped all the name calling, criticizing, blaming. In the past I would’ve doubted my decision and thought “well I have no right to divorce him, he’s being nice now” but instead I just thought “this is not how he usually is and he has not changed. I’m just going to enjoy the peace bc it won’t last” sure enough when I was trying to communicate about having him help me put our triplets to bed (he is always downstairs drinking while I put them to bed) and he of course became OFFENDED that I would even think he should have to help with that. HE is tired at the end of the day. When I said “so am I” he accused me of saying I work harder than him and I’m accusing him of being a absentee father. During his tirade I almost felt relieved -yep there it is! He is not someone I want to be married to anymore. I can completely say to myself in 5-10 years that I have no regrets, I did everything in my power to save this marriage, it wasn’t enough and I am done! I am amazed at how light and at peace I finally feel after all these years!!
Mama Georgio zzz zone and good for you
Good for you. How are you doing these days? Any update?
Thank you so much. I left on Christmas too. The hardest and best decision I made.
Thank you. I have a 6yr old & am pregnant to an alcoholic who recently relapsed on pot and made the decision to cut contact. My father is also a pot addict. Your story hits so close to home. Especially the bathroom. It summed up my fears for my babies and reminds me of my child hood and why I need to make the right choice. I really cant express how much your words affected me and i am so grateful. Today I was missing him & feeling so down. I can feel my strength & resolve returning.
I just found this. But I'm ready to leave. After almost 12 years with an alcoholic. I'm not wasting anymore time with the lies, and the addiction. I don't care if I have to claw my way out.
We're so glad you found us, and we completely understand. You've been through a lot over the years. We're sending you lots of love and encouragement as you move forward with your future. You've got this! xoxo ~Laurie
It's so hard when everything else is good. Like he is a good husband. A good dad. A good provider. He works hard. He's not a mean drunk. He's never mean. He's just an alcoholic. And it breaks my heart.
Same here... expect not alcohol but with drugs. Idk what to do
This is my husband 🥺
This so resonates with me. I have been out now for 5 years after being married for 16yrs. I’m finally getting back to my old self after all the lying and secrecies to protect him. Love your self ladies just the way you are.
We're so proud of you for all the hard work you've done to get back to that place of feeling more like your old self. Awesome job, sister! xoxo ~Laurie
Do not argue with an alkolic man or woman.
Jusy QUIT WHILE YOUR AHEAD and walk away.
I been in the GUTTER MYSELF ONE TIME.
GREAT VIDEO AND COMMENTS. TKS
Hi Michael - thank you so much for watching and leaving your comment. We appreciate it tremendously!
@@loveoveraddiction54 oh i been down the gutter many times.
Never been to jail.
But looking back i always KNEW IT WAS WRONG .
LUST WAS BIG PART OF IT TOO.
HERE IN IRELAND ITS EVERYWHERE..
IT AMAZES ME PAIN HAS NO MEMORY.
AS U SAY HE WAS SIMILAR GOT BETTER FOR A DAYS AND LAST FOR MONTHS.
WISH I KNEW THE ANSWER.
{1} CHANGING FRIENDS .
I should have paid more attention to all the red flags before signing papers with my husband. It’s not even been a year of marriage & the lies about the drinking are just driving me crazy. I don’t know what to do. I offer to support him through any counseling & to buy him books, but he’s always making excuses that he either “needs” to drink or smoke pot. He lies to me about it ( which hurts even worst) but says it’s my fault he lies because of the way I react when I find out. I used to get angry, but realized I needed to just walk away and not let myself get mad. I just get so disappointed in the person that I thought I married. I’ve tried giving him space, but the lies still come.
You engulf him.
My husband tells me he lies to me bcus of the way I would react too!!! Wow.... how are you doing now?
Michelle, I turned to your video for validation and a pep talk to stay strong following the breakup of, my 4-1/2 year relationship with an alcoholic. So many things hit home with me--the anxiety of never knowing what he might inappropriately do or say in public or with my family and friends; If he would remember to show up for something important and what condition he'd be in; to remember the drama and disappointments of his lying, cheating, blackouts, passing out; the frustration of listening to him repeating himself, forgetting things important to me that I had told him; his inability to have a true conversation that wasn't interrupted by a stupid joke; the lack of affection, empathy, the disinterest in socializing or weekend activities; the blank expressions, the way I put my life and happiness on hold to dive into his darkness in an effort to pull him up.
I left him many times, and the last time 6 months ago, but I still have times when the memory of this talented, smart, fun, affectionate and thoughtful man is still in there somewhere and needs help and support amd how can I give up on him now...
What I needed was a reminder that it is impossible to help someone that doesn't want to help themselves; would rather drink to forget than face dealing and resolving things that have hurt, disappointed or angered them in the past.
So thank you for sharing your story, resolve and strength.. You have helped me today.
njmacy2 oh man, I related to this so much. Except im still in the relationship 😥
njmacy2 couldn’t have said it better!
AlicesInput same. Ever last word. But I’m still here. My husband is passed out drunk upstairs.
Emmy Nicole yeah, i’ve been promised “he’ll change” again, I remember when i used to believe that and not just roll my eyes but while i still have that glimmer of hope i cant bare to leave him! Its soo difficult, and nobody thats not goong through it would understand.
This is so realatable. To the world, and my kids, he's a thoughtful, wonderful man ..
I am so freaking proud of you! I wish I had the power to do what you did! I am just so exhausted of seeing my boyfriend drinking his life away. I can’t do it no more.
10 years. 10 years of a complete mess. Destruction of everything beautiful. I’m done. He was knocked out by the dinnertable, where my grandchildren are sitting, at christmas eve. NEVER again. Never again.
This is the second time I watch this video, first time was over a year ago, and I love you for your compassion. Thank you, for beeing such a beautiful person, I hope you and your family prosper♥️.
Our hearts go out to you for all you've been through. I can only imagine how difficult that was for you and your grandchildren to see. We're sending you lots of love and support xoxo ~Laurie
Chris Farley I’m sorry to say you might need a realitycheck... what you are saying is that it’s ok to hurt the ones you love for the need of a rush. Thats the poison of addiction, the family disease..
I will pray for you. And your family.
Chris Farley And of course it’s not me who need to get him to do anything. It’s he who needs to want it...
I left mine 2 months ago and moved to the Midwest. I thought that day would never come I felt so trapped. But I did it and I am so happy I did.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Its such a huge secret, that he begged me to keep, when I finally understood he was an alcoholic and there is noting I can do to change it. I'am now in the process of starting my new life. Thank you again and many blessings
Thank you so much for speaking truth. I was in a relationship with a man for 11 months who told me he was in receovery from Alcoholism but the truth was he was an active alcoholic. He moved into my place this last February and this crazy abusive cycle with him began. He was not able to keep his nice guy facade up and I saw that i was with a man who was abusive with his anger towards me, played the victim, blamed me and always came back saying sorry but his behavior never changed. We were getting therapy for our relationship and he was working on his childhood issues but it was all a game. I would set boundaries and let him know that his behavior was not acceptable and this is not what i want in this relationship. I had a God moment and started praying that if I was not meant to be with him give me a sign and show me who this man truly is. Well 2 days later came home after my work shift and he was drunk. He hid vodka behind his spare tire in his car and was living a secret life. He told me and my therapist that he is not struggling with Alcoholism and is close to God and he is helping him. I knew after this been the 4th episode that he had drank it was over. I did call the cops before 2 times and he ended up in jail but nothing got him to hit a bottom. I am done now and do not deserve to be lied to and abused anymore. I have done a lot of work on myself over the years and I saw the signs of an abusive man with an active addiction. I am grieving for what I thought i had but at the end i believe God was protecting me. Hope my sharing can touch someone else. Love yourself and do not accept abuse anymore. Hugs for those who are still suffering. ❤❤❤
Omg! This sounds EXACTLY LIKE my experience to the t! I ended the relationship with my alcoholic ex Aug 2022. I called the police on him for assaulting me. He physically held me down on our bed and bruised my arms while he was in a drunken rage. He still continues to contact me. I have blocked him on social media platforms. He still continues contacting me through texting apps. He wants to reconcile. I will never go back. No way! He was supposed to be in a treatment facility getting sober but he checked out and is staying in hotels for now. I suspect he will move on to some other poor woman soon. I just pray 🙏🏻 he can get sober before doing so. No one deserves to be abused.
Thanks so much for your testimony. Blessings to you and your family and many wishes for your continued success!
Thank you for sharing this and being so vulnerable! :) So glad you came to peace and made a decision for yourself and your kids.
I am so tired of being the sane one while he gets to check out and party I think today was the last straw for me when he picked up my daughter from school today drunk now I have to adjust my work schedule to pick up my daughter and I’m so tired of having to adjust myself and he never has to change
My life as well? He gets to party from the time he wakes to the time he knocks out! So tired!
My alcoholic husband and I (I don't drink) are divorcing after 21 years. Thank you for this! Families and spouses of alcoholics and/or addicts have a lot to heal, and I hate that. I am SO proud of you for having such courage to leave when you did! And you are so beautiful without make up! I agree about the secrecy. It would be interesting to talk with a group of spouses of alcoholics to compare the things you did during the marriage - not having people over, not going out and enjoying life, attending kid events alone, etc... I'll bet there are so many sad similarities.
Thank you so much!! xoxoxo We know this is a hard time right now with a divorce, but we're proud of you for taking steps for your own healing. You've got this! We're sending you many hugs
Very motivational. Thank you for sharing your story!!
Wow! Thank you so much! I’m in such reverence to you and this video for popping up. I recently had that moment, 2 weeks ago. I was DONE. I packed up and left that night. It’s like a trance, today the dust is settling and I’m worried I made the wrong decision because I miss the 2% sobriety he would give me. It is so comforting to know I’m not alone. The support was amazing, and no one even knew what I was going through. Thank you!
We're so glad this episode resonated with you and came to you at the right moment xoxo Just know that it's normal to feel that you may have made the wrong decision by leaving. We've been there before, too. But trust your instincts. Take this time away to really concentrate on your own healing. There's nothing saying you couldn't get into another relationship with him in the future (if you/he want), but take some time for *you*, sister. ~Laurie
Thank you.. I needed this so badly. Enough is enough.
You got that right! This is my main issue right here! I been under an alcoholic for 13 years and no ring. We have 3 children and one that needs medical attention on an hourly basis. Trying so hard to keep the family together but but fts.... I cant do it anymore at this point the alcohol and eating up all the family food...the vomiting in the early a.m......watching him come home from work everyday with a 12 pack...when that's done he walks across the store to get another 12 pack ....22 cans of Michelob before the night over with smh....Im silently focusing on myself and planning to get away ASAP once I get the rest of my coins together. It's time to fight back and start loving myself while Im still young ❤
I feel this in my heart what you said about the guilt of not being happy and I am ready to be who I want to be just pray for me I'm on my way outta this situation 14 years I love him but I'm done ready to leave himself to himself and take my kids. I'm gonna become a archeologist it's what I have always wanted to be. I'm 34
Wow! Thank you for your transparency. I'm going on 8 years in a relationship and 2 years married. I used to drink with my husband, just not as much as he drank. I'm so exhausted from cleaning up the mess my husband creates when he binge drinks. He was incarcerated as of yesterday due to having 3 DUIs but drank the night before after having been sober for almost 2 months to "deal" with the situation. Well yesterday around 4am while my 6 year old daughter and I were sleeping (she slept in the bed with me that night while her dad was outside drinking), we woke up to my husband blacked out drunk in the bed with his penis in his hand urinating on the both of us. My daughter was extremely upset. I had to drive him to the County jail later that morning so he could turn himself in and I told him what occured earlier that morning. I'm going to inform him that we're separating when I pick him up. We had a conversation about 2 months ago and I told him if he's ever in that condition again around our daughter we were separating. Since he was going to jail I decided to officially have the "separation conversion" after. I don't know what I'm going to tell my little girl but this CANNOT go on. I already feel horrible that I allowed this to go on for this long.
Mercy! Did you divorce that crazy man? You need to protect your daughter. He sounds like a predator. I wouldn't doubt that he'd harm his own daughter, sober or not. He is a disgusting man.
Omg thank you for your transparency! I needed to hear every word of this.
Hi Michelle, sending you a big hug. I can relate to your story. God Bless your family.
I'm watching it again and I have finally moved out. Struggling badly with next step. It's been 13 years.
You've got this, sister xoxo Change can be scary, but just take things one day at a time, and one step at a time
I'm going to be in your shoes here soon- we have got this! We have to stay strong!!!!!! One day at a time♡♡♡♡ all the blessings♡
Hannah Altig it’s so hard! It’s been four months since I’m out and all I can remember is the good stuff.
@@sidorkomarina1 are you still free, or back, I'm 10 years in now myself.
Thank you for sharing.
And I’m glad you took that apology back. You look joyful and free! ❤️❤️
Wonderfully put, thanks.
Start taking care of yourself and the kids forget about him because alcoholics always promise to stop drinking and they never do. All they do is make sure their stomach is filled and you are the last person they think of. I had 25 years of that and am not going back. Stay blessed Michelle because the kids deserve a better life
Thank you so much for reaching out. We're proud of you for taking the steps needed to move forward with your future and not turn back. You're a strong woman
Love Over Addiction i did not know i was so strong until I said to myself enough is enough I needed to get hold of myself and move on for the sake of my two sons build a home for us and if I have to live 20 years again I want to live it in peace and at least have a little happiness which I deserve and not worry every day about him after all my Ex is an adult not a child anymore who chose this life . I worked and provided for my two boys. Am so stress free now
@@sandraragbir4195 I love everything you just said. You absolutely ARE a strong woman and I'm so glad you know your strength. You definitely deserve to live in peace and happiness. You go, sister!!
Good on you girl. Anyone who drinks everyday will bring you down. My Father is a heavy drinker & he drove my mother to death, she died drunk in a car crash. He’s nothing but a loser. Don’t be around a bum. & never blame yourself.
My heart goes out you. That's absolutely devastating for all you've been through. Sending you many hugs
I'm done with alcoholic partner for 5 years.Im courageous to leave him with 4 years old and 2 years old.Get it in this kind of people it will ruined your well being.Greatest thing I've done in my life I need to save myself for my children.Thanks God I'm out of that hell
You absolutely ARE courageous and strong. Sending you many hugs (and lots of high-fives) as you move forward with your life with your kiddos xoxo
That is a beautiful message... I’m going through the letting go.. stirring up the mess vs the 30 year comfort for him zone
Words cannot express how thankful I am to have stumbled upon your account. I really needed to hear this.
We're so glad you found us, too!! Sending you many hugs xoxo ~Laurie
Good for you for making that decision and following through. I found that when I did the right thing, help came; I'm not saying the journey was without challenges, but like you said it was "so freeing and so empowering". You cannot assume how others will react, for me it was very positive. I hope this encourages other women.
I so admire your courage. I hope to find it for myself someday. I'm in the same situation of going back and forth for 6 years now. And yes, you do look beautiful, and you are beautiful inside and out!
You have no idea how much your words have helped me
Thank you for sharing. I don’t feel alone and somehow supported after hearing what you went through.
I’m in a similar situation as you were in; leaving, after 9 years, my lying, alcoholic, verbally abusive boyfriend. I’ve know for years I’ve wanted out, but I’m financially dependent on him and don’t have family I can go to.
I’ve asked him to leave our home; he’s now staying with his parents. Please pray that I become financially independent and that I not be afraid and let him come back. I know staying with him is not what I want.
Thank you again!
You are not alone
I am so glad you had seen this big red flag, and you acknowledged it and you just knew it was dangerous. You are strong keep going, dysfunctional relationships are not worthy of you.
Thank you for this!!💜💜💜
Thank you for this candid video, I really needed this tonight...
So powerful. Relates so much to my life. Thank you for sharing your story 💜
You are so beautiful!!!! I was just thinking that and admiring you and what you mentioned in the end I am taking it as a chance to share it with you!!! Thank you so much for this beautiful video. Sending lots of love
I'm ALWAYS full Anxiety
Hi there! We completely understand how you're feeling. Loving someone with this disease can be tough with so much unknown. Make sure you practice self-care when you start to feel your anxiety increase. It truly helps. xoxo ~Laurie
Going back and forth. That just resonated with me so much. And before you know it, years have passed again. Time wasted
That was such an incredibly moving and honest Truth sharing message. Thank you, it really spoke deep within me
Hi Saskia - thank you so much for watching and for your kind words. We're so glad it spoke to you. You're not alone
Wow thanks for sharing it feels a little better knowing there’s other women out there that have gone thru similar experiences. We’ve been married over 12 years and share 2 kids. I’ve been hopeful and waiting for such a long time for him to change and I’m afraid he may never actually change. How many more years should I spend trying to help someone who doesn’t seem to wanna change. He says he does but it’s very short lived. It breaks my heart bc I see so much good in him but my life has been consumed by this. My days are spent wondering whether today will be the day I get my wonderful sober husband back and it just seems like I’m living a fantasy. There is so much disappointment, frustration , anxiety, sadness, fear and even guilt that festers inside me. It’s turning me into a bitter angry person. Enough is enough. He just got arrested…again… and I’m so tired of dealing with problems. I just don’t know how to stop loving him I think about him non stop and it drives me crazy bc I know it has to be done. I feel so alone and I hate talking to my friends and family about it bc I know what they’re gonna say and it really doesn’t help. I just wish it was easier but I guess that’s just how life is. So many years sharing my life with someone just to let it all go.
Thank you so much for this video - I'm going through the process of leaving a controlling alchoholic and I needed your wonderful candor. I always wondered why I despised Xmas, and it was just as you described , the anxiety and fear of not knowing what would occur completely negated the beauty of the holiday...this is my time and I have decided I am done...thank you💜
I wish I had a wisdom to hire a private investigator to check my alcoholic husband’s background before I get married since I didn’t see any red flags.
He grew up in an abusive alcoholic family. Anyway 5 years ago we decided to separate after 37 years of marriage. I became as crazy as my alcoholic husband, I went to see a therapist for 9 months and have attended Al-Anon meeting for 6 years. He got 2 DUIs and I couldn’t take any more chaos and insanity of alcoholism.
I’m happy living alone, my stress level went down so much. I just needed peace and serenity.
I'm so happy your family was supportive to you. My family has not been. I have felt the pressures and the pain in my relationship and have been blamed for reacting to the toxicity and it hurts
Hi Michelle, so sad for you and your family that it finished this way, but you have learned so much about the horrible dynamics of alcoholism. Blessings to you in this new chapter of your journey. I'm sure you are destined to do great things :)
Thank you for sharing your story. Being the spouse of an addict is so hard and its even harder to walk away when they don't want to get help or change. I'm looking forward to getting healthy again....
That definitely is so tough. Sending you many hugs and lots of support as you move forward in your own healing
I wish I could like this video a thousand times and keep it posted somewhere I could easily rewatch it. Can't believe someone else has gone through this and thinking the same thoughts as me. Its been so hard and isolating.
I am in awe ❤ your strong and beautiful and well done for doing it for babies and yourself :)
I can relate to so much of this. Thank you for making me see the light and reinforcing what I already knew.
Thank YOU for being here and taking the time to listen to our episodes xoxo
I just broke up with my fiance. He has been struggling with addiction. He used to drunk drive, even with me in the car, for months, even when I was pregnant. I had an abortion because it was obvious that I was so unsafe. He had two DUIs before we met, but he swore he was done with that lifestyle. Then his behavior escalated, and I believe he was cheating. I broke up with him and demanded my things back. He drove drunk to meet me and hit another driver, cracking their rib, totaling the cars. I tried to show him support and grace at his 'rock bottom', but even when he was forced to be sober for court, I was still unhappy. The horrible abuse I faced haunted me, and there was no way that I would be okay with him ever. He even confessed that after the court issues are over, he'd like to drink again. That was it for me. I broke up, and I'm free now. Never again.
This is the second time I watch this in the span of almost 3 years. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m still trying to get the courage and financial stability to leave 😢 thank you so much ❤
That was an a awesome video, girl you nailed it. I hope your doing well and all the baby's, when you have children it keeps you sometimes in a bad place, but your a warrior and I appreciate the video. It gave me hope because it is a struggle. Again thank you.💝
Thank you for your kind words xoxo We're so happy you're here and that you found us!
I wish I could talk to you. This is one of the most amazing things I heard in a long time. Your message was sent to me in such a appropriate time
Powerful. Forgive yourself for staying today. You reserve the right to change your tomorrow
I recently separated from my husband. We've been together 13 years, married for 3 years. I just couldn't take it anymore. And the whole lifestyle that goes with it. He was getting worse as we got older. The roller coaster ride. He seemed to only stop when he had a health scare, but would return right back to it. I had 2 nervous break downs. My mom was alive for the first one and came to my rescue, but I dealt with the second one through therapy. Speaking of therapy, I gave him an ulitmatum. I said the only way I would even consider rebuilding something with you, is if he goes to therapy on a regular basis. He has yet to sign up at the VA, he's a veteran. And yet, he cries, saying how much he misses me and our puppy. I'm staying with close family, thank God because it is a blessing to be with family,. I miss him, but hate what that drug (base) does. I feel 'unbalanced' because he was my other half so to speak, but I feel relieved NOT to be sitting wondering where he is and when/if he's coming home. I left a beautiful 2 bedroom apartment with a balcony but you learn that material things can't measure up to your own sanity. I still pray for him, I don't hate him, but my heart feels sad for him. But I have to save myself. Felt like he was pulling me down....
Hi Latonya, this is Laurie. I'm so sorry for all you've been going through. That's absolutely tough. It's hard watching a loved one suffer from their addiction. We're proud of you for working on your own healing and moving forward with your life and future. That's so important. We're sending you many hugs xoxo
You are beautiful!!! Thank you so much for your testimony... All what you said it's true. God bless you and your kids!!
Hi Carla - thank you so much for taking the time to watch this video and for your kind words. We appreciate it tremendously.
I just found your podcast and UA-cam channel and I needed it. My husband of 6 years who has been told he’s an alcoholic and needs help, told me that I was not worth it to get the help. That he would always choose the bottle over me and when he is lonely or misses me he has to plan it out so it doesn’t interfere with his drinking. My heart shattered since we just suffered a miscarriage and were buying a home. Your video is helping me heal and pick myself back up after he emotional and mentality shoved me down.
Hi Courtney, this is Laurie. I'm so sorry for all that you're going through, and for what he said to you. Not only do you have to deal with his addiction and all that comes with that, but to also have just suffered a miscarriage and buying a home - that's a lot! I'm sending you many hugs. I've had several miscarriages, and it's devastating. Please give yourself lots of grace and self-love. And while I know it's easier said than done, please know that those words he said are addiction talking.
Do you currently receive our free weekly emails which include our latest blog posts/podcasts? If you don't and would like to, just click the link below and enter your email address where prompted at the bottom of the page:
loveoveraddiction.com/start-here/
Thank you for sharing - this is so powerful for me to hear.
Thank you for watching it xoxo
I can relate to so much of this. My alcoholic and I have been separated for four years, but I have to talk to him about the kids sometimes and it leaves me feeling anxious and produces a strong threat response. I hope someday his verbal abuse won’t hurt me anymore and I’ll realize his perception of me is warped by the alcohol haze he viewed me through for so long. I stayed with him for years, even following two strangulation attempts, but most of the people in our lives had no idea. How did I become a woman who stayed? How did I run away in the middle of the night to save my life, and go back the next day? I didn’t think I was that person. I stayed too long. I will never get those years back and have so much healing still to do.
Please give yourself some grace, sister
Love Over Addiction thank you for your kindness 💗
Thank you for sharing your story!
Thank you for the realness. Relate so much to it effecting my kids. Same here. Drunk outtings with kids. Passing out everynight in front of kids. I worry for them more. The effects its having on them. Dealing with this in their life.
I am crying hard right now. I totally felt everything you said. I have been married to him for 10 years and I have asked him to leave.