When They Take the Abuser’s Side - Childhood Trauma Work
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- Опубліковано 11 кві 2024
- If you’ve ever felt betrayed by family by having them side with abusive people over you - this episode is going to be helpful.
In this episode, I will be going over:
⦁Describing the problem.
⦁Giving Concrete specific examples of when abusive parents side with abusers
⦁How it affects us emotionally as well as discuss triggers
⦁How to process or work through it when it’s happening.
Join me for Episode 8 where we explore
"When They Take the Abuser’s Side - Childhood Trauma Work"
Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings
➡️ linktr.ee/patrickteahan
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⚠️ Disclaimer
My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.
If you are, or someone you know, is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.
If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255
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I went no contact with my parents seven years ago and my siblings took their side. They never said anything about it they just stopped talking to me. I went to a couple of family funerals last year and they all pretended I didn't exist. It feels horrible because you can't get the thought out of your head that maybe you're in the wrong, since so many are against you. But fact is they're just okay with pretending the past didn't happen, and I'm not.
I'm getting the same treatment. I showed my brother proof (on my phone) that my mother hadn't responded to my numerous requests for a conversation, and he did look a bit confusedfor a moment,but then factory settings were restored. He said "does the truth matter?" meaning, just buckle under and accept the regimr.. I thought wow. That sums it up. The truth doesn't matter.
@@SusanaXpeace2uwow almost the same exact thing happened recently with my aunt, moms sister. No one has really spoken to me in two years and she chose Facebook as the place to tell me she thinks I’m not going to go to heaven bc according to her, I don’t have God in my heart and have too much hate in my heart for not talking to my mom these last few years. Showed her a few screenshots where I’ve attempted contact with my mom, but she then said it wasn’t her place to address lies. Yet it’s her place to tell me, a 42 yo grown woman, how to live and what abuse to allow in my life. It’s maddening.
You can get the thought out of your head, it feels amazing 🙏
@@jenimolloy6152no one can tell you if you are going to heaven except God. That is truly a perversion of Christianity. I'm sorry you have to deal with attacks such as this. I would remove anyone who said such things from my social media.
@@leeow3n thank you! I love your confidence that this is possible ❤🎉🙏
My mom can never be wrong or 'a bad parent'. What I remember is never what she remembers. I gave up trying to talk to her about the past. I have to trust my feelings and my version of the story. Because, yes, over and over I was not protected, advocated for, and I felt I was 'on my own' or 'had to be an adult' at the age of eight.
I know that feeling fam. I felt like I had to be an adult at the age of 7 because my mom was unable to choose discomfort over the safety of herself and her children.
Though I can advocate for myself these days, my mom still allows toxicity in through the backdoor. And it is like she refuses to see how much her uncle failed her and continues to fail her. How much he plays power games with everyone around him and always end up on top.
This guy called me 'an autist' at least 7 times in a conversation of 1,5 hours. Though I grey rock'ed him and I gave him nothing, instead using his words on him, I still felt and feel a deep sense of unsafety. My mom was not advocating for me and was unwilling to show them the door.
"But he cares! He is just a difficult man!'
ma'am your uncle has narcistic tendencies and puts people down. I do not know how to convince with how much disrespect that man treats you with.
I think we had the same mother minus the adult at 8 yrs old . My mom would always forecast doom for me , i was never told that good things ars coming my way.
During my divorce with my abusive ex, I opened up with my family (parents and siblings) about how he had strangled me, which was especially traumatic as not only is that a precursor to being unalived by your partner but years prior, my best friend was abducted and killed by strangulation. I sat across from my family breaking down and sobbing as they all stared in judgment while I finally spoke up. All they said to me “we won’t pick sides”. This utterly destroyed me and when I tried telling them how hurt I was by their indifference, they told me I was the one hurting the family. Many other things occurred after that which helped solidify for me that these are NOT my people. I went no contact later that year and it’s the only boundary I’ve set with my family they have happily respected. The betrayal I feel, 4 years later, hurts more than I can say. 💔
Awful. The betrayal is incomprehensible, the pain and sadness is palpable in the depths of your being
I am so sorry
i wish you the very best in your healing and that you find the support you need. you may, like myself and others need to go no contact for healing and a future free of that kind of re-abuse and pain.
The betrayal, I swear. And we are not asking for anything much of you will and have severely dampened expectations, but just when you thought this was basically “bad enough” to not be gaslighted for, they sure know how to come through for this one.
The more inner work I did, the more insight I had, the more I was a trembling, trapped mess. Mother send a package and there was something for the ex in it as well. I called her and asked her to please refrain from a reinforcing his ever strengthening sick behavior because presents from her for him despite her being aware of what’s happening here, will give him a free pass to turn it up even more. And I was literally at the very brink of what I could handle from a nervous system standpoint. I felt like I was gonna descend into a psychotic break any moment, her response to me asking her to please not give him any gifts was that I could not ask of that she would commit such unfair act of
Making him feel left out when she had put something small in the box for me. I told her that I needed her to please, just this one time, be my side right now because remaining neutral as she put it, would strengthen his back inadvertently and I could not take anymore. She literally replied with. What do you want from me? You’re 40 years old. I squeaked out a I’m not gonna be able to talk to you for a while and hung up the phone. Not even because I was mad at her per se, but more so because if I had to endure one more snippet of her invalidation triggering me in addition to the comprehensive cluster b in the spare bedroom, it was at that moment that My nervous system said No More. That was definitely one of the hardest times in my life. I was insanely triggered 24/7 being in this house as it was. And doesn’t ever fail? Of course, she did not check on me once within the next 10 or 12 weeks because I was obviously on punishment for telling her I can’t talk to her right now and she was livid about my ungrateful behavior, per her boyfriend.
I realized, as heartbreakingly heartbreaking as it is, she has never been able to hear me come up cannot hear me or will not be able to hear me. Seeing it for what it was versus mixing in the illusion of who I needed her to be, was probably one of the saddest things in my life. Hands down.
I hope, if you get to read this comment, you ll know that I am sitting right beside you and I ll give you my hand and we ll walk together in the imaginary safe space.
I have a similar story, when I told my family what happened in my marriage my sister said "well he didn't do anything wrong to me!" My dad said it's to do with cultural differences and I have to accept abuse (my ex is from western Europe and abuse is not tolerated there either!) My mother at first was supporting but once she got mad at me for not giving into manipulations she ran to my ex to gossip about me to him, he told her to take a hike (even he knew not to get involved). It's only now dawning on me that my family don't like me and never will
Teared up when you said "I believe you" at the start. Ive never heard it from anyone before and didnt know just how much I needed to hear it. Thank you man.
I started saying "i believe you" as a mantra to myself recently (specifically for medical gaslighting). i recommend
Random thing that helped me: I asked my friends to call me a different name, one that *I* chose. I was so used to hearing my given name said with contempt or anger that I hated my name, just hearing my name would make me cringe, waiting for an emotional blow to land. Thank you for these videos, I've come a long way since my first therapist told me my mother was a narcissist and my reaction was "Nobody would believe that." My not-denial was the first step in walking away from a family who is unable to care about *me*.
I changed my name legally for exactly the same reason!
Me too!
I confided in my dad that mom was being abusive and overstepping/ignoring boundaries and re-triggering a lot of past trauma. Initially he said he completely understood and that he also doesn’t like when someone forces their own beliefs and wants on someone else. Told him I need time and space to heal and re-evaluate the relationship. Fast forward months later, says there must be something wrong with me since I’m not responding to any of their messages, and he’s insisting I reach out to my mother again and that it’s shameful to make a mother cry. Currently no contact with either of them. I’m exhausted of explaining.
When I was a kid, I got verbally and physically abused by an swimteacher. I was not only not believed by my narcissistic parents. They literally told all my babysitters if I was talking about that mean swinteachers, they should not believe me and that I was just acting like an spoiled brat, and I was just whining. My mom never protected me from abusers, she told me I was making up stuff, and just send me back again.
So sorry you have to go through that. Wish you are okay now.
I have the same story. Narcissistic parents put me in the hands of a pedophile over and over despite my begging not to. I was accused of lying. I came to the conclusion that I would trust no one and would never again ask anyone for help in my life.
Yes, I learned very early on not to talk to my parents about anything that happened at school or with anyone in the neighborhood, or with friends/relationships. I was heartbroken about not having a normal family but I realized I had a life to live and without some strict rules, I wasn't going to make it. It was best to deal with it all myself as best as I could. I made it out alive - not without some really bad things happening but I had learned to hustle myself out of bad situations and put myself manually into good ones by myself. And not tell anyone about the good I was now receiving, to just do it and receive it by myself. I learned what Cluster B Personality Disorders are and if I encountered anyone with those traits, veer sharply away from them towards groups of good/sane/normal individuals immediately. Block the Cluster B on all social media and out of my phone. It worked! It's been over a decade of slow, steady progress - almost completely smooth sailing.
Sports are inherently abusive. I quit sports in high school because of it. I was arguably the best player on my team but I was the one being yelled at constantly. I'd be on the court trying to focus and than my coach would start screaming at and triggering me. I was misdiagnosed as having asthma but what was happening is that I was having PANIC ATTACKS over being yelled at.
If I had kids - I'd never let them play sports. Not only are they abusive - the schools never seek medical attention when kids are injured. I broke so many bones and not once did I get brought to the ER for x-rays. I'm still paying for that physical trauma too.
@@Arisaem I agree, most children's sports sections, if it is a sport not for health but for competition - incredibly abusive environment.
Because of crasiness of classic sports i`ve never go to any in my childhood. The only sport I managed to do was a couple years ago - knife fighting for self-defense. It was a section of adults, very polite and supportive calm people. Notjing like i remember about sport in childhood.
My family knew-but I was still the outcast, while the perp was the golden child.
Abuser math: An authority figure who rapes 300 people is 1 abuser with faults, but 300 validated victims is a damaged, crazy mob. Actually, 1 validated abuser could be 300,000 victims worth of damage, but 300 validated victims is 300 fires contained, with healing already beginning.
This hurts
We were all hurt and remain in that hurt. May we never hurt others.
Yet another episode that will start by breaking your heart and then finally healing decades of trauma by the end
I’m currently at work, with the doors closed, weeping. I’m out of sorts. I’ve experienced ALL of these scenarios and MORE. Thank you for believing me, Patrick. 💛
My "aunt", ( I now refer to her as my uncles ex-wife, they have been divorced for nearly 40 years) was physically abusive with me, ( grabbing me by the arms and digging her nails into my skin, twisting my arms back until it hurt, pinching me and leaving bruieses and welts , pulling my hair, ( my mother did this as well) and even grabbing and slamming me into walls ) when I was a child, from about age 7 to my very early teens, would single me out and blame and punish me, yet my mother let her do it anyway, and allowed her in to be involved in my life and would just look the other way. My other siblings thought this was funny, and at family gatherings, I was singled out by this person, and never was allowed to be myself and made to feel uncomfortable being myself.
In fact my mother, grandparents and other family always did , never were there for me as far as emotional health was concerned. I'm 56 years old, going to be 57 in a couple of months, and just coming to terms with their shit and abuse in middle age.
My parents and grandparents are deceased, and there was never any closure.
I sent this video to my mother with an explanation about what I feel and have felt RE this issue. Here’s to hoping she watches it and sincerely apologizes. 🤞🏽
Good luck 🤞💖
You know if she gets angry at you, it'll because it hit a nerve. I hope there is no acting out toward you. 🫂
I wish you the best! I agree with the other commenters: it is possible she will not care and this video will make her angrier at you. I share my story in hopes it helps others. I went no contact with my mother two years ago, and although I think about some of the good times, I feel so much better with her not in my life. She was jealous of me and bitter.
Focus on feeling better, not on getting your right. You never going to get it.
Hmmm…please give up hope ref her ….
My mom sided with my narcissistic sociopath dad when I went no contact. She never took my side or even bothered to care about how I felt. No matter how many times I told her about the abuse--even things that she didn't know about--she always sided with her violently abusive spouse over her own son. It shattered me to my core even more than the abuse itself because I thought in some small way that she was a loving parent while growing up. She would sit and listen to me when I wanted to talk to her about something, she'd smile and seem happy when she was home from work, and she even seemed to have a gentle and caring nature when she wasn't around my dad. I thought I could trust her. She was my mom. She was supposed to love and protect me. But she never did anything other than the bare minimum. When it , she wasn't there.
I've been no contact for 4 years and have thought about her a lot and have realized a lot of things. The most painful realization is that she was never a true parent. She never had that "mama bear" instinct that I'd heard so many other people talk about in their mom. She acted like a child, constantly making me feel like had to protect and be parent. Whenever my dad would abuse me--say for example screaming in my face so loudly that my ears rang for getting a C in school--my mom was nowhere to be found. Someone who herself my mom was there, standing behind my dad letting him do whatever he wanted to me, but there was no mother there to protect me. And when my dad would finally tire himself out after screaming at an 11-year-old for 10 minutes, only would this person who called herself my mom slink out of the shadows. Not to hug me and tell me it was going to be alright, nor to tell me that I did my best and that dad was wrong to do what he did. No, she would his behavior, telling me things such as " he doesn't love you like other people do but deep down he does" or "you should just respect him more". of that was appropriate to say to me in that moment. She failed me at the most simple, basic requirement of parenting: loving and protecting your child.
The trauma of all of it has gotten somewhat easier to deal with over time. All the events that happened, all the times my dad terrorized me--those I can process. I know he was a monster. But her? She stuck a knife in my back at the moment I needed her most, and the more I recover from the abuse the more I see that she never was a mother. I might as well have not had one. The guilt-tripping from her hurt me more than any abuse that was done to me simply because it prevented me from seeing what was happening clearly and therefore realizing that it wasn't my fault. I wish there was a part of her that would snap to reality and realize all the horrible things she did, but there was no way that was going to happen. She never divorced the man who terrorized her children and refused to listen to anyone when confronted with the overwhelming evidence of what had been going on. A person like that doesn't deserve to have children, and certainly does not deserve to call themselves my parent. I say this with a truly heavy heart because I am very forgiving and see the kindness in people. If someone is genuinely remorseful and actually wants to atone for things they did to me, I'm all for reconciliation. The breaking point with the person I used to call my mom wasn't the things she did or the ways she betrayed me, it was her disregarding my feelings and reality. It was the fact that she was willing to say and do anything to break me and force me to forget everything I had realized about the abuse and accept her and the person I used to call my dad's abuse again without any apologies or changes in their behavior. It was the straw of her casual disregard for my humanity and agency that broke the camel's back.
She doesn't own me anymore.
This hit home so much!! When I went NC with my racist in laws who said that black ppl couldn’t rule themselves, black ppl were the cause of all the problems in the Uk, that me and their son (who is white) needed to buy a house where ppl like me live and many other things, my mum was upset at me!!!! The last time she came to visit (before I went NC with her), she insisted on going to visit them. When I said no, she was mad at me! She is still in touch with my in-laws!! She always said that I was too sensitive and that I questioned everything and always told the truth!! These were bad things to her and I thought I was a bad child, but now I know the truth! It was her not me!! And my emotions were valid. Thank you Patrick!! Your videos have helped me so much!!!
I am so glad you were able to recognize where your boundary needs to be with the in-laws. Sometimes it means fewer visits, shorter visits, neutral territory, or has to be minimal/no contact. Why waste our energy and health on people who don't meet a bare minimum threshold of decency?
I was watching my 3 siblings from 9 years old. My dad looked at me as a sex object and a beating post. He was an alcoholic. My Mom looked the other way or would sic him on us children. When I told her after running away at 14 that he was being inappropriate with me sexually.,she sent me away to live with my Aunt a few hundred miles away. She stayed with him awhile, until an affair gave her the strength to leave. I found my own way back to where she was living with my younger siblings, while my dad still was engaged with my maternal grandparents and everyone believed I was a problem child. My youngest brother is an alcoholic that I don't see anymore, my other brother died of a terrible disease, but I still have a sister. She half hates me, because I was a bully to her when we were coming up. I also left home at 15 and deserted her with my Mom who could not cope. She mismanaged money and they went hungry at times. I know I should've stayed and helped. I just couldn't. By this time my dad was out of the picture, but my own maternal Grandfather told him he would help him put me in a juvenile detention center, and the entire family, aunts, etc, looked at me as a problem.. I wish I could have a relationship with my sister, but she still looks down on me and considers me beneath her. I can't be myself with her. I spend 7 years in therapy, but still feel I am not good enough, for my daughters, my Grandchildren, and especially my sister. I have forgiven my parents who have passed, but they are still very much alive to me. At 67, you would think I would be able to reconcile all of this, but I haven't.
I listen to your videos and see myself in glimpses of the personalities you present, hoping to unlock a key to liking myself better. It hasn't happened yet. I am still the difficult child that no one is able to accept and love.
I’m sorry, but it was not your job to take care of your sister. That’s the sad thing about being the scapegoat of a toxic family system, we are held responsible for everything and blamed.
@@dnk4559 I know it was not my responsibility to take care of my sister and brothers. But, I should never have been a bully to her. Not long ago we were re-establishing a relationship, a bit over a year ago, and I live maybe 17 miles from her now...years 1000 miles away..anyway, for most of the year, she came to see me in my home for 5 minutes. I made almost weekly visits to her. She used the excuse that it was winter and she didn't drive in winter very far from home..but summer came and she still would not come out my way. It became frustrating for me, but I kept giving. Finally, my oldest daughter came to visit from another state and wanted to spend most of her time with my sister, who likes to drink and smoke a lot of weed.,has a nicer home. I paid for the plane ticket. My oldest is an alcoholic. I did everything I could to try to make her visit nice...but again, wasn't good enough. I don't voice these things! I am not sure why I am doing this here. At any rate, after I drove 2 hours to take her to the airport , and two hours back, I called my sister and vented. She told me to leave her alone. We still do text occasionally and I was going to go visit her, but changed my mind. I came to realize as sad as it is that I would only be in for more hurt.
Side note: My cousin lives 3 hours away and I found out recently my sister wanted to go visit her and asked when she could. Both of them have achieved much more in life than me. Again, I have visited my cousin 3 times in the last year ..not once even when she is in town will she stop and see me. I have a clean home, I offer a meal. I can't help but feel it's something wrong with me. I am not having a pity party...seriously. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, but the last 30+ years I have tried very hard to do my best as a Mom, Grandmother and family member. I am sure to some degree I am responsible as an adult for some of this...but it cannot be all ..What a damn burden all this is!!!!
Have you thought about going to a Trauma Inform therapist and maybe trying EMDR?
Us scapegoats are always the problem and never good enough. The toxic family dumps their crap onto us. I'm just very sorry for what and are going through.
Maybe reading "It's Not You" by Dr. Ramani could help.
I wish you peace, love, and healing. 🫂 ❤
As someone with BPD, essentially been through everything said on here for most of my life.
However, i married a healthy man, been in therapy, cut off my parents and their enablers. My daughter is one, ive become all the things i wanted to be/who i shouldve been a long time ago. The longer i distance myself from my family, the lighter my life is because im no longer consumed in their chaos.
This channel was instrumental with giving me the courage to start my healing, and I'm better because of it. If you live with a personality disorder, it is not a life sentence. GET OUT AND AWAY.
27:20 Journal Prompt
1) writing story of family member taking side of abuser
2) what does your inner child believe about them
3) reframing the truth
4) what would a healthy parent would have done?
It's a horrible feeling and I experience it all the time. Last year I went to work abroad for someone who introduced me to two couples. He said I fit in with them, but he turned out to be a sociopath and after a few weeks I was rejected, given the silent treatment and he started a smear campaign. I ended up without money, food and gas in an unsafe house. The new friendships did not materialize, no one helped except the local residents, which I received love from, but which I did not understand. They shook their heads in disapproval as they saw me being abandoned. And that's how it's been all my life.
Looking backward the couples didn't align with their words and actions, lot of poeha and smirking and I noticed a lot of envy which I don't understand, because I have already lost everything, even my children to parental alternation, I was just looking for a new challenge and a new way of life. I did find this, but it had to be shitted over again. I became their common enemy without doing anything wrong or without them saying to me in person what I did do wrong.
I keep telling myself I don't make entitled people my higher power in 12 step meetings but honestly my reality has always been they get away with murder and it's always my fault somehow. I wish I did believe in Justice, but perpetrators get ahead, they make money, have kids ....I don't even know what I'm doing here alive other than they're sucking the last of my blood out of me while training me to be compliant. .. I'd say being forced back into the matrix but it's inappropriate. I'm not sure what my purpose is. Sorry for dumping I feel better even if I can't control it. ❤
My mother's standing attitude - out loud - since I left my ex and pushed back against her attempts to manipulate me financially and emotionally, is "You need to stop blaming other people for all your problems, admit that you're the one with the problem, and get help." Check the mirror, mom.
She doesn't understand why I don’t feel loved, why I won't accept financial help, or why communication is limited to heavily fire-walled text.
It is just barely possible that financial help comes with a string attached - I want to scream at someone and you're my favorite target. Fire-walling might just possibly have something to do with texts that are intended to guilt-trip me into handing myself over.
It doesn't help that our final conversation made it clear that she's been talking to the ex. She was criticizing my actions based on information that couldn't have come from anywhere else. She must have realized it, because she suddenly blurted, "Of course, I don't talk to ex about you," and changed the subject. She apparently thinks that my ex, abusive or not, has only my best interests at heart.
Love you too, mom.
thank you. the dynamics of my situation are a bit different, it's law enforcement as well as everyone I grew up with, that simply do not believe me. I have been mocked and ridiculed for the things I experienced.
this is LITERALLY the very first time I have ever heard the words 'i believe you'
I am shaking. my eyebulbs are wet. I don't know how to process it, and this was just a generalized statement. what would I actually do if someone heard my story, and still told me that!? I don't know. I've been dismissed so much and so often that I think I've given up on ever being heard, and there's so much riding on what I know... it saddens me that nobody will listen.
but, thank you. I had no idea how hard those words would hit me, and now I can be more adaptive and prepared for if they are ever spoken to me. I won't act like a fool, that means so much.
I'm so sorry! I hope that you can find a great therapist and heal from what was done to you ❤
I hope you find a good therapist because you deserve to process not only the original abuse but all the trauma from not being believed! I’m so sorry this happened to you!
It took me many years of adulthood to see that of all the family pictures my mother displayed in her flat none was showing me. I can relate to many things which are being said in this podcast.
Your content, voice, and messaging has been invaluable in my healing journey. Thank you for making it readily available so people who can not find or afford this specific therapy can have hope.
I've been no contact with my parents for 12yrs and extend family took their side. And my life has never been better! I should have cut off contact years and years ago and ditched the extra baggage of extended family as a great byproduct! My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. I'm definitely still traumatized by the lifetime of abuse but for the first time in my life I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. That right there is lifesaving!
My Mother has taken the side of every X I've had, even one that ended up going to jail because of the abuse. I am still processing the enormity of that.
This makes so much sense dad refuse to call out mom's horrific because of all of the traumatic shit he went through I could tell that the way she treated us made him uncomfortable too and I always hated the fact he didn't stop it but if he's been treated that way his whole life and just shut down from it no wonder he wouldn't want to get in her way and risk exposing himself to her wrath he just allowed himself to be her puppet and a tools she used to hurt me because she had literally broken his already fragile spirit maybe he didn't betray me by choice maybe we were both victims of her psychopathy
The advice I was given when my mother would not discuss abuse. Write a letter say the truth. Then I read it out to her bring a supportive person who is happy to discuss the issue.
18:30 That's my Dad, muted betrayal. It took me so much time to figure out that he was part of the problem, which is a big problem in recovery, some of the unhealthy things that are more subtle takes much longer to heal from.
I recently opened up at told mom what she was like when I was a kid. I got "bull sh1t little girl! Gets your act together!"
I tried again when she was in the hospital, and she told me she doesn't remember and it must have happened in another dimension.
My psychiatrist died and I can't afford to get a new one. Now she wants to move in even though I have a bed ridden husband with early dementia.
No is a whole sentence. Rinse and repeat.
This is why I avoid any and all relationships. They’re all just recipes for disaster.
I’ve often said that my mother’s silence is violence.
Thank you for this. There are so many good points in each of these childhood ones and I love the prompts. Until I can afford to join your healing community, I'm using these on top of my therapy, she trying to dry them writing with left and right hands to try to get in touch with my inner child, which is really difficult for me, as I'm dissociated chronically.
Especially like that you highlighted the difference between blame and accountability/responsibility. Would love a full video on this.
Also the need for this process to be witnessed to move forward. I've had a gut feeling and tried to get that for years but always get the pushback like I should be focused on what I need to do differently than just being heard and cared about in what I went thru.
Thank you so very much for this! You described my life.
Love this podcast Patrick! ❤ I feel like your the big brother I needed as a child 😭
Patrick I can't thank you enough for these videos.
Once again, you're spot on...an _extremely_ validating video. BTW, I appreciate your _raw_ style of presentation on these topics, speaking as two friends might speak amongst each other. Thank you for all your work here.
So helpful, thank you for your work.
Kind, wise words. I love how you end your videos and podcasts. Thank you 🙏
Thanks, Patrick!
I live with my narc mother. After years of abusing I now starting to see her in the right way. Mt older sister moved out 20 years ago and she is psychologist. She know how badly treated I has been by our mother cause I talked to her hours and hours. But last Christmas she visited us after 12 years by the way. And she took my narc mother side! Now I dont have my sister either. It was like a knife in my back.
This is why i just be quiet and stay low key because my heart cant take it no more i dont wanna know people and I don't want people in my business it started with my parents and growing up and work places and the one church i use to go to. Also my parents were upset that i was capable to do on my own really God doing it for me , my parents wanted me to be codependent and wait for their help i just cant with connections its scary to be honest i don't even care to connect 😊
Thank you so so much ❤
Thank You Patrick ❤T
Thank you, so much.
Hi where is your video of drama triangle. Thank you very insightful video.
I hate how much I relate to this
Is that your original music in the intro?? If so, you should upload it! It sounds great
damn, this is so helpful
Thanks!
Thank you for your generosity!
The honest truth about people who take the abuser’s side is simple. They are cowards who will gladly sacrifice you in order to save their own worthless skins, and they know it too. They know they are worthless cowards and that makes them self loathing, and so they keep on doing it, because rather than be honest with themselves, they blame you for their negative feelings. And as long as the abuser is trained on you, they aren’t targets.
I was always the scapegoat, and people would always hide behind me for protection but throw me under the bus at first chance. I started referring to myself as a shield, and yes while shields protect, people tend to forget that you can cave a man’s skull in with a shield too. Don’t take us for granted!
Crying ❤🙏🏻
Just started and this is good already. My parents hardly talked to each other or helped each other UNLESS it was to destroy me. They separated when I was a baby. But even through adulthood, My mother would complain to my dad about me behind my back, me never knowing there was a problem, and he’d come to her “rescue “ offering to “help” me with certain things to relieve her burden but the “help” wasn’t actually a good solution for my situation. He would refuse to help me with real solutions when I’d ask for what’s beneficial to me. It took me a long time to figure out their game.
And when I went no contact with my mom, I told him. He never asked why. But I discovered he would sneak information to her about me or update her on what I was doing. I started to think maybe they were closer than I thought until I found out that my mother talked bad about my dad to my children and my dad withheld resources from her too that could have helped her in certain ways
I never told. 2:31
The police are experts at this kind of abuse.
I have to view my family's relationship with their high demand religion and prophets. They are choosing this abusive institution over their relationship with me.
If it's a reupload, could you label it as such?
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
My NM would make a point of making friends with my abusers. Go figure.
Thank you for not putting this up behind a pay wall 🙏
Your work is infinitely helpful ❤️🩹