The Narcissists Matrix.

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  • Опубліковано 16 чер 2024
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    00:00 The Illusion of Power
    03:01 Understanding Narcissistic Dynamics
    10:55 Breaking the Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 516

  • @jlongino51823
    @jlongino51823 Рік тому +235

    Signed my divorce paperwork today. Narcissistic personality disorder is a nightmare.

    • @VeganSemihCyprus33
      @VeganSemihCyprus33 Рік тому +2

      The Connections (2021) [short documentary] 🔥🔥🔥

    • @zigggyyyc7342
      @zigggyyyc7342 Рік тому +9

      Well done. You can finally start your life again

    • @kathleendubois7128
      @kathleendubois7128 Рік тому +5

      I am three weeks away. All strength to you. It's been a disaster🥺

    • @jlongino51823
      @jlongino51823 Рік тому +3

      @@kathleendubois7128 same to you. Sending you love and happiness. Congratulations.

    • @maryr-b450
      @maryr-b450 Рік тому +7

      Well done. On my way too. Strength from within now ..

  • @hankhill3417
    @hankhill3417 Рік тому +14

    The utter lack of empathy is demonic

  • @Infrared1967
    @Infrared1967 8 місяців тому +9

    Richard...I did it. I made it. I inhaled yours and Sam's intense seminars over and over until your voices overrode his.
    It's so beautiful here. My world exploded with color after I did the blood & guts grieving. You're so right. The scared little girl in me clung to his nothingness.
    Everyone, you have to believe that time will fade the brain's memory of this person. Go no contact. You WILL go insane while your body screams.
    Then it will be over one day. The only way you'll know is because You're finally experiencing peace, forgiveness, and a first time love of yourself.
    I never had this, and now that I do, I won't let go of myself again.

  • @wonderful1184
    @wonderful1184 Рік тому +116

    It’s grandiose, in my opinion, because they never validate your reality which is maddening, it sucks you in. That’s the con, giving them your time, trying to prove your truth. Don’t do it, just walk away. It doesn’t matter what other people see or think, you know your truth and that’s all that matters. Focus on yourself and take your power back

    • @jgfreer8322
      @jgfreer8322 Рік тому +6

      @Wonderful Very insightful comment and sound advice.

    • @sharon_rose724
      @sharon_rose724 Рік тому +8

      @@garethcoxmusic Do you really have all of those things, of are they mirroring all of that to you so you're actually having a connection with you, not them? I knew my ex 26 years. I felt we had all of that, too. But it was an illusion. He mirrored everything back to me.

    • @deniseelsworth7816
      @deniseelsworth7816 Рік тому +5

      @@sharon_rose724 I agree Sharon I was married 22 years and thought the same. Now years later I can see the truth.

    • @reneeharrison1698
      @reneeharrison1698 Рік тому +2

      Psychopaths ARE NARCISSISTS, the king of charisma

    • @fringestreammedia5074
      @fringestreammedia5074 Рік тому +1

      I imagine Jacynda Ardent saying "we will continue to be your only source of truth"... Why not Onlyfans, tho?

  • @smoozerish
    @smoozerish Рік тому +19

    My mother is a narcissist. Repeatedly beat me to a pulp as a child and constantly shamed me. As an adult I have fantasized about getting revenge on her but finally decided to let this delusion go. I refuse to lower myself to the level of the narcissist. I prefer to grow beyond the scars of childhood.

  • @zigggyyyc7342
    @zigggyyyc7342 Рік тому +46

    They certainly match the personality of a cult leader. The gaslighting, emotional and psychological abuse, the need to manipulate to the extreme.. I definitely experienced this with my ex and it certainly like leaving a cult when I left. I literally had to flee

  • @goldilocks3593
    @goldilocks3593 Рік тому +205

    The irony is the ONLY power they have is the power we assign to them. Their savant skill though is the ability to create that perfect fake person tailored just for us. The last one I crossed paths with literally SAID very early on “I can be anything you want me to be” 😳 yeah, guess that was a big red flag 🙄🤦‍♀️🤔😂

    • @VeganSemihCyprus33
      @VeganSemihCyprus33 Рік тому +3

      The Connections (2021) [short documentary] 🔥🔥🔥

    • @reverentalexanderchezeley-6367
      @reverentalexanderchezeley-6367 Рік тому +9

      Spot on 100% they are powerless completely, deny and ignore and defy them and you
      "drain them of the fuel that is the glue that holds their construct-fascade-mask together, and they sink into depression and psychosis."
      HG Tudor.
      For example like a youthful looking vampire without daily blood intake, starts to look old, haggard and I'll.
      God bless you..
      Saint Anger.

    • @ellie698
      @ellie698 Рік тому +14

      When someone tells you who they are, believe them....

    • @reverentalexanderchezeley-6367
      @reverentalexanderchezeley-6367 Рік тому +10

      @@ellie698 exactly it's us Empaths that have to change and adapt and individuate, all empath types have to. The narc can't change.
      Us Empaths of all empath types have to seize back our power, reconnect to our inner child, then shadowork, then learn all the narc skills, red flags, word salading etc they have to use against us.
      As well as learning what skills we have as Empaths to, we don't have super powers like some of those empath channels declare loudly through grandiosity, nonsense that is. But we do have spiritual gifts we can use, our own inner child was the key to my healing 5 years ago.
      Once I'd reconnected to my inner child I started to heal.
      Thankfully I was never a co-dependent empath, so I never had to work on that. God bless you.
      Saint Anger.

    • @ellie698
      @ellie698 Рік тому +3

      @@reverentalexanderchezeley-6367
      I hear you
      🙏

  • @vickihughes9476
    @vickihughes9476 Рік тому +82

    I am speechless. This is the most accurate description/ discussion I have encountered in the 10+ years I have been studying this personality disorder.

    • @deniseelsworth7816
      @deniseelsworth7816 Рік тому

      This really is great stuff I agree. Goes very deeply into narcissism in a way I have not heard before either.

  • @keepinitreal2020
    @keepinitreal2020 Рік тому +20

    The false reality. I call it "going down the rabbit hole." Once you realize they exist in a false reality you begin to understand that they CANNOT be made to see how destructive their behavior is. Once I realized that, I was free to move on.

    • @capnsubasa3q337
      @capnsubasa3q337 Рік тому +1

      Thank you Karen, this helps sticking with No Contact!

    • @mandymckeown8625
      @mandymckeown8625 Рік тому

      @@capnsubasa3q337 well done 👍my mums a narc I’ve done the same just ignore the hoovers though

    • @thusharividanagamachchi9779
      @thusharividanagamachchi9779 Рік тому +2

      The false reality and the fact that you don’t exist other than as a snapshot in their head and that they never could love you really help to free ourselves from the shared fantasy. It’s like being trapped in a hypnotic dream and suddenly waking up.

    • @emmarae4322
      @emmarae4322 15 днів тому

      Right, they live in a different reality .

  • @stallions456
    @stallions456 Рік тому +150

    Richard - I found you on Quora several years ago and reading your content and the comments - I realized I was not the only soul to experience narcissistic abuse and I did not even know what that was.
    I am not overstating when I say your words helped me turn around and FINALLY get through the most horrific part of life. I am eternally grateful for your work. I am sure there are many people like me who feel the same way.
    I wish you all good things and truly THANK YOU.

    • @VeganSemihCyprus33
      @VeganSemihCyprus33 Рік тому

      The Connections (2021) [short documentary] 🔥🔥🔥

    • @aarongaffney6466
      @aarongaffney6466 Рік тому +6

      Same here! Along with Meredith Miller, found these two both during the last part of a bpd/npd relationship - likely literally saved my life.

    • @thusharividanagamachchi9779
      @thusharividanagamachchi9779 Рік тому +1

      My daughter has been affected by NPD from the abuse she received from her dad, my ex. Can they recover with help? What I’ve learned is it’s irreversible. My heart breaks for her 😢

    • @backfromthedarkalive
      @backfromthedarkalive Рік тому +2

      @@thusharividanagamachchi9779 yes but please get her some good help. some therapists do not have a handle on it.. The narcissist makes you absorb their reality it took me over 7 years of therapy to get his abusive voice out of my head.. There is hope but your daughter needs to learn all she can about the damage and how to release it. that said wounds always remain.. God bless

    • @thusharividanagamachchi9779
      @thusharividanagamachchi9779 Рік тому +3

      @@backfromthedarkalive Thank you 🙏
      Yes it’s almost like ex had got in her head and taken her over completely. It’s so eerie. I guess it’s having the determination to never give up on the healing.

  • @Treadwell-oz1wb
    @Treadwell-oz1wb Місяць тому +2

    My fiancee abandoned me when I was unable to keep up with them anymore. I blamed myself so much for everything, I believed everything they said as to why they were leaving. I am currently realizing how lucky I actually was. I became quite delusional around them, chasing get-rich-quick schemes and thinking I could be a famous writer or musician, then I became very depressed around them, and essentially shut down. That is when they left. I am realizing now that they were a textbook narcissist. I wonder if my depressive state was sort of a survival tactic to force this person away. Once they identified that I was no longer a source of validation and supply for their delusions, they abandoned me. They check almost all the boxes in this video. Now I have to fight twice as hard as I did before they were in my life to get to a point of even just stability. But I am finally realizing what they were, why they came into my life, and why they left. Progress.

  • @Tatjana.B
    @Tatjana.B Рік тому +6

    I had to deal with narcissists in all life related conections, mother, sister, chefs, coworkers, workers, friend, colleague, boyfriend...they used, abused and destroyed me despite a fact I'm educated ( I am nurse and doctor in one person ). Result was my deep depression. I used books and channels to help myself with success, the best help I got from narcdaily.

    • @thousandpetalsproject1494
      @thousandpetalsproject1494 Рік тому +1

      Me, too. I am so broken and alone now. All i do is escape through books and youtube. My soul has been crushed by these demons and i hate being alive in this cruel world

  • @ctriplvs
    @ctriplvs Рік тому +23

    As always brilliant! These people are delusional. It is totally distorted thinking. This needs to be taught in schools.
    Thank you Richard.

  • @IFYOUWANTITGOGETIT
    @IFYOUWANTITGOGETIT Рік тому +5

    The haunted house analogy really nailed it.

  • @Charliemike01
    @Charliemike01 Рік тому +11

    I have questioned every mask slip intellectually and got word salad “so he said to me, you have the power to end me”. During his setting up the discard said to me , “ you’re too smart”.
    Pin popping a balloon 🎈📍

  • @alonzomosley7
    @alonzomosley7 Рік тому +9

    I had no awareness of narcissism till roughly 2019 .My brothers ex wife mentioned him being a narcissist .It was a complete revelation to me ,I realised I had been surrounded by narcissist all my life .It’s scary when you discover the abuse.

    • @lilac624
      @lilac624 10 місяців тому +1

      In my case I was raised by two female narcs...My childhood was very very traumatic

  • @sharynosborne605
    @sharynosborne605 Рік тому +42

    Leaving the shared fantasy felt like abandoning a vulnerable child in both myself and my ex. It became harder to save myself as the erosion of the fantasy (shared idealisation) exposed both to the original trauma. It began to feel like the original threat of annihilation and then the desire for annihilation (suicide/ homicide) where leaving meant someone would die. It was terrifying and it was a wake up call. Your description enables me to move on from the part I played in trying to carry a boulder on my shoulders.

    • @Twistedhippy
      @Twistedhippy Рік тому +9

      Abandoning a vulnerable and delusional child. Exactly.

    • @helder3951
      @helder3951 Рік тому +6

      I realize how lucky I am to still be alive. ❤ ty

    • @sebelzahntigerkind3923
      @sebelzahntigerkind3923 Рік тому +5

      STAYING means someone would die, and it's usually not the narcissist.

    • @backfromthedarkalive
      @backfromthedarkalive Рік тому +4

      @@sebelzahntigerkind3923 so true it causes so much illness, even cancer (in my case)

    • @collykarma8743
      @collykarma8743 Рік тому +8

      I told my therapist that I had to leave or I WOULD die . It’s so hard because anyone who hasn’t experienced it can’t even begin to understand the devastation !

  • @ThePablok
    @ThePablok Рік тому +4

    Dude.... I was under this spell from a narcissist wife..... It was a F@#$%^& nightmare.... still is as she want s to continue to control and manipulate me, but I walked out on that Biatch now the hovering starts.... Poor souls.... We need to start a movement that actually imprison these narcissists or stiffen law to protect their victims from them because they are destroying people knowingly while the victim don't know what hit them and mostly just follow these criminals blindly.

  • @earthalchemyholisticllc333
    @earthalchemyholisticllc333 Рік тому +14

    Oh man! @ 9:24. This explains so much. The shell. They don't see themselves for what they do but how they want to see themselves.

  • @nryane
    @nryane Рік тому +32

    The relationship “dance” engaged me from childhood onward.
    In 2014, I began EMDR trauma therapy and researched NPD by watching videos like yours, at almost 72. I planned my way out by 74.5 am have been no contact for 5.5 years.
    Healing has been challenging work. Accepting the truth of my part in the relationship with all the men in my life, starting with my father, has been the most helpful.
    Emotional literacy, choosing my values and learning to place boundaries, are essential. Thank you for your rational approach to healing.

    • @tishwallace6899
      @tishwallace6899 Рік тому +3

      It's crazy, because I wrote these plus several more just weeks ago.

  • @denetterutkowski6583
    @denetterutkowski6583 Рік тому +10

    This is so powerful! When I realized the narrative about my narcissistic partner started and ended with my perception of him, my true healing began.

  • @jc_77771
    @jc_77771 Рік тому +11

    Yes, I can see what has happened in my whole marriage now. My daughter is much happier and confident without living with her narc dad and grandmother.

  • @TheNunududu
    @TheNunududu Рік тому +17

    So helpful! The way I always described my father (a textbook NPD and maybe a little psychopathic) is that there is nobody home. There's nobody to connect with. It doesn't matter what you say or do, his response will always be nonsensical. The explanation that NPD requires a level of delusion nearly to the point of psychosis to function and that their sense of self is mushy or like a ghost makes so much sense to me. I feel like I can see the situation much clearer now. Also, fck that guy.

  • @saracowherd3539
    @saracowherd3539 Рік тому +37

    I was there with you in 2013. Your work changed the trajectory of my life ♥️

    • @VeganSemihCyprus33
      @VeganSemihCyprus33 Рік тому

      The Connections (2021) [short documentary] 🔥🔥🔥

    • @deborahbulthe
      @deborahbulthe Рік тому +1

      yep you have provided very good info all these years agree

  • @quinnlafleur6533
    @quinnlafleur6533 Рік тому +5

    By listening to you and dr Sam Valknin. I realize that I was equally responsible for where I am. Wanted to blame the ex narc but he couldn’t do it unless I allowed him to do it. Which I thank you for. This has allowed me to let go of the anger and hate of “what has been done to me”. I have a role in this and finally after 18 Mos can let go of the anger / hate. And to start working on getting myself back. Whatever my true self is now - not what I used to believe my true self was. Struggled because I could not get previous self was. I now realize I need to reinvent myself. Totally different way of thinking and I understand that. I can never be what I used to be. But I need to decide what I want to be and have the courage and determination to become a better real me. I finally get it! ❤️. Thank you so much!

  • @ua2381
    @ua2381 Рік тому +20

    I used to find Sam a fascinating case study. After a while I could no longer take him. But, I did learn a lot studying him.

  • @user-er9cv1vn2t
    @user-er9cv1vn2t Рік тому +14

    They do have that self adulation always telling themselves and everyone around them how ‘great’ they are. With a self belief that is totally impenetrable.
    My partner would also, (if you are honest with them) about who they are) manipulate people into feeling sorry for them, suggesting YOU are the ‘nothing’ who is the real idiot not to see how truly amazing they are, when there is nothing to feel sorry for them for, saying you are nasty and vile, calling them out, he would even say he felt sorry for me that my lack of insight, delusional mental health, just no longer allowed me to see who he is. (It isn’t cruel, it’s truth telling, they are the blind, ruthless and cold manipulators of the truth).
    I got to the point that being honest was protecting my sanity. I got to the point that I couldn’t stand being around new audiences with him, because he would dominate the conversation dominate the topic, and this self absorbed, egotistical, arrogance was not just boring but irritating, in fact I find it hard being around anyone who is like that now, I very quickly have to move away from these people. Sometimes I wonder, maybe I’m the narcissist now lol. I feel if they are self serving, I don’t have a place for them in my life. I see it as self protection, but I can see how I might look like a narcissist now. I have gone from caring too much about some people to not wanting to care very much at all 🙋‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

    • @user-er9cv1vn2t
      @user-er9cv1vn2t Рік тому +1

      I also think from my own experience, they naturally only think about them selves, and believe that is a natural thing to do, and tend to only have respect for people who think like that.

  • @jillboyle5264
    @jillboyle5264 Рік тому +4

    My ex narc was a big bragger. He talked about himself in epic proportions. He played the biggest victim EVER! He is truly an extremely weak, delusional coward. Scared of his own shadow. Failure to thrive in every facet of his life. It's actual craziness. So glad I am out of that craziness!

  • @emilybass
    @emilybass Рік тому +36

    This is such good content! My Dad (vulnerable narcissist) went into full psychosis when my brother and I finally woke up, confronted him (couldn’t take any responsibility) and left. Was in a full distorted reality for awhile (believing he was born again Joseph here to save human consciousness). Freeing to break out of the fantasy world. Thank you!

  • @AuntyEsther
    @AuntyEsther Рік тому +9

    When you are the youngest and smallest in a family full of personality disordered individuals it's impossible not to see them as more powerful than yourself, and to end up demonising them and giving them false power thereby.

    • @dnk4559
      @dnk4559 Рік тому +1

      Ironically my father was a narcissist and I was his scapegoat. I’m actually the oldest though and more petite than my siblings. They seem to hate me. Apparently it’s common when the oldest child is forced into a parental role by disordered parents. After years in therapy and recovery groups I had hoped that things would get better with my siblings but the Narc parent has taught them the best way to deal with your pain is project into into the scapegoat. Observational learning is powerful. I’m sorry you had a bad experience also.

    • @johanness7643
      @johanness7643 Рік тому +1

      thx for this comment! It perpetuates until adulthood as we in specific situations feel petrified and powerless too especially when other "people" show same traits

  • @RenaWith
    @RenaWith Рік тому +9

    Or they have two religious parents who (as well as the Church) at the same time teach them you are a child of God, you have worth, you are important, you have a purpose....but then smash them into walls for every little mistake they make. That's like you are important and loved but then you are complittly worthless at the same time. Great technique for braking a child into a narcissist.😔

  • @VisionTron79
    @VisionTron79 Рік тому +2

    As someone diagnosed with NPD, I confirm and endorse this interpretation of the disorder - really gives it a fair shake, especially the emphasis on the delusional aspect. No true Narcissist understands all of the harm they can cause - we can't see the forest for the trees. Anyone who understands and does it anyways is deeeep into antisocial psychosis. Thanks Richard 👍

  • @carlamurphy7541
    @carlamurphy7541 Рік тому +5

    I have a friend who is angry at their narcissist friend for his lconfabulations and bad treatment and is constantly calling him out which only gives him fuel. I have been trying to explain that he is insane trying to get through to him and needs to realise his friend is an avatar and doesn't exist he can only do one thing which is be a grey rock

  • @cia1223
    @cia1223 Рік тому +2

    Couldn't agree with you more. Took me a long time away from my narc husband and his entire family of enablers to realise this simple fact. He's delusional and insane. He actually believes that my wanting a divorce or starting work again is some kind of revenge plot against him. After all his physical, verbal, sexual, financial abuse and the passive aggressive behaviour of his family, he still controls me and my properties. He literally pushed me away and ghosted me(i was too broken and probably co-dependent on him at that time to realise what a blessing it was) but he still wants all the control over my body and properties. And the most clear side of my "husband" that i can vouch for is that he's a coward, self-destructive and delusional. It's almost like looking at him with the right prescription glasses, amazes me that i was so shit scared of this man!! How i let him control, abuse, gaslight and beat me up. I would be angry at him if i didn't feel so sorry for the pathetic mess that he is.

  • @SunnyDays70s
    @SunnyDays70s 2 місяці тому

    Between you and Jerry Wise I finally see clearly what was my childhood upbringing and my soon to be ex husband. 50 years spent in narcissistic abusive environments. The matrix is real and they are living a delusion. It’s truly scary. Slowly I am learning who I really am- not who I was in their matrix. SICK WORLD WE LIVE IN.

  • @leighharrell8953
    @leighharrell8953 Рік тому +20

    Thank you! I'm am highly empathic with no children and no family, talk about a narc magnet (now much more self aware and getting educated). I'm in the planning stage of leaving the narc situationship. I was ignorant for 20 years, now I know. You are helping a great deal!

    • @aurora9687
      @aurora9687 Рік тому +4

      yes, I think it is a key insight that the best targets are people that aren't close to family and don't have a lot of friends...unless, of course, the friends and/ or family are influential, have connections, money, etc.
      It takes every bit of strength to leave. I planned an escape from a diagnosed NPD/bipolar abusive husband. It had to be an escape. But, I understand the need to plan. Much strength and love to you.

    • @leighharrell8953
      @leighharrell8953 Рік тому +5

      @@aurora9687 Thank you, it's the hardest thing I've ever done, but I'm determined and getting educated. Much love back ❤️

    • @VeganSemihCyprus33
      @VeganSemihCyprus33 Рік тому

      The Connections (2021) [short documentary] 🔥🔥🔥

    • @leighharrell8953
      @leighharrell8953 Рік тому +1

      @Texasgirlinacrazyworld Thank you for your honest feedback during this difficult transition. Have a great day!

    • @godofdogs6198
      @godofdogs6198 Рік тому

      "narc magnet" is the dumbest label to call yourself.

  • @ozzyc2477
    @ozzyc2477 Рік тому +3

    I tell everyone to listen to this channel! 😀

  • @1RPJacob
    @1RPJacob Рік тому +6

    The question is "How we let them do it?" and "What should we do differently this time ?"

    • @aurora-un2km
      @aurora-un2km Рік тому

      Get into a year dbt therapy and arm yourself if your touched in anyway, this is where borderlines are made, and only ones in cluster b get a window out of the shared fantasy.

  • @christinelotz4297
    @christinelotz4297 Рік тому +5

    Thank you. I’m at a point of my healing journey where I can really understand what you’re saying in this video. Today I also am absolutely aware that I had CPTSD BEFORE I met my narcissistic ex. I was isolated and weak already. In a way I am thankful for having been brought to my very bottom by being sucked into this “relationship” with him that I didn’t seem to get out of again, because it allowed me to learn about CPTSD and how to recover from it.
    You’re very smart with what you’re saying, and your videos have helped me a lot over the last few years.

  • @astrologyfunwithdevidiva2752
    @astrologyfunwithdevidiva2752 Рік тому +6

    I appreciate your perception of NPD as being on a spectrum of codependency.

  • @carlauclair8748
    @carlauclair8748 Рік тому +2

    19 years of my life lost to a narcissist; he’s right when he states they can live a delusion, while seemingly being fully rational.

    • @Chris-dw7gq
      @Chris-dw7gq Рік тому

      Just believe their mouth is moving, but nothing that comes out makes sense. I heard it all.

  • @claudiasbarra1882
    @claudiasbarra1882 Рік тому +6

    Thank you Richard ,very helpfull, but I as a Codependent raised by a narcissistic mother and beeing in longterm relationships with several narcissists, I have similar personality traits and I am so sad and ashamed about it. I hope so that I am not a narcissist. But I only recieved the message that I am a terrible child. Never good enough. So I hope I am not a narcissist. Best wishes

    • @susanwagner1312
      @susanwagner1312 Рік тому

      If you think or contemplate that you are, you usually are not one

  • @rachaelmckern5333
    @rachaelmckern5333 Рік тому +20

    I love your work on this subject!! I’ve finally been able to let go and get so real about EVERYTHING in my life!!! Amen 🙏🙏❤️❤️
    Thank you Richard…..seriously thank you!

  • @karenbutler190
    @karenbutler190 Рік тому +12

    Educating myself is absolutely liberating! Thankyou for your research, time and efforts to help others understand narcissism. They are true parasites.

  • @djoy1391
    @djoy1391 Рік тому +3

    This video broke the narcissist spell for me. I have been doing your new course so I had set my intention to heal. Then something about this particular video woke me up. Thank you 🌟

  • @joshuacarton391
    @joshuacarton391 Рік тому +5

    This explanation of the Narcissist is the best I’ve heard.

  • @aaaalltheway9805
    @aaaalltheway9805 Рік тому +2

    Don’t let anybody to treat You like a mushroom kept in the dark and fed shit!!!

  • @northstarearthstar
    @northstarearthstar Рік тому +1

    This is so helpful. Ty

  • @alastair6356
    @alastair6356 Рік тому +1

    I was dumped one year ago and still my head is fried you go through trying to understand it, to anger that you have been milked by a devious cunning twisted heartless person. Crazy world is finnished the love booming, the chaos mind games gaslighting brainwashing and Betrayal. Smoking mirrors.

  • @eecneihappy
    @eecneihappy Рік тому

    I agree with all of this. Great video thumbs-up 👍

  • @philipfreedom2773
    @philipfreedom2773 Рік тому

    Thanks for your explanation and verbal illustration of this.

  • @michaelcollins2399
    @michaelcollins2399 Рік тому +2

    Excellent well done mate 👏

  • @collectivemindsunique7945
    @collectivemindsunique7945 Рік тому +1

    Thank you for this breakdown

  • @berenicegalilea
    @berenicegalilea Рік тому +1

    excellent and clear, definitely, thank you

  • @PetraINTERIORDESIGNER
    @PetraINTERIORDESIGNER Рік тому +1

    Great contribution to the topic! Thanks Richard

  • @Gellybeanb1974
    @Gellybeanb1974 Рік тому +1

    I just started learning all of this recently after he passed away* It is just destroying me to know he may not even of loved me* I thought all the bad behavior & disappearing all the time was because he drank & did drugs. He was getting ready to leave me just before he died& I have been told he was cheating on me too& I am driving myself crazy trying to figure out what we were going through. I need to let go & I just can't* I really loved him* & He was doing me dirty* I'm 67 and feel so lost & alone* If I could get over all of this I'll be ok* Good Video*

  • @julianwoodhouse7017
    @julianwoodhouse7017 Рік тому +1

    You just answered every remaining question about my ex. The narc’s victim becomes collateral damage. That piece of knowledge helps the victim disassociate from the issues of the narc and helps them define their own experience. “It wasn’t me… it was the byproduct of the narc’s past.”

  • @lynnjacobsen4828
    @lynnjacobsen4828 Рік тому +2

    Very insightful. Thank you.

  • @czerwonapigula
    @czerwonapigula Рік тому +2

    Great episode, very informative, thanks Richard!

  • @gartenbaum8609
    @gartenbaum8609 Рік тому

    Great video!!

  • @emmarae4322
    @emmarae4322 15 днів тому

    Most confusing and painful relationship of my life.😢
    They are pathological liars and manipulators.

  • @unparalleledhuman5103
    @unparalleledhuman5103 Рік тому

    Instantly subscribed because you seem to know insider knowledge... top work 👏🏿

  • @andreaszanto26
    @andreaszanto26 Рік тому

    Brilliant , THANK YOU!🙌

  • @terciasolomon3574
    @terciasolomon3574 Рік тому +1

    Best explanation ... Brilliant and true

  • @justalissaful
    @justalissaful Рік тому +3

    well said, love the calling attention to the various aspects that get overlooked about the NPD about how they are experiencing life, which sounds terrifying. Tha k you for continuing to help us level the playing field, take responsibility for our part of the dyad. do what we need to take care of ourselves but at some point be able to see the broader picture of how immensely difficult it must be to suffer from the disorder. many thanks for you, amd yoir work with Vaknin. total game changer when you two spoke to something g that I had No understanding of previously for what I was experiencing.

  • @equs1b
    @equs1b Рік тому

    Awesome. Thank you

  • @faridaashu5505
    @faridaashu5505 Рік тому +1

    Thank you for an analytical, grounded, and balanced video. I appreciated and enjoyed every aspect of it.

  • @fringestreammedia5074
    @fringestreammedia5074 Рік тому

    "Wonderful special unique " what every child craves to hear all the time from everyone?

  • @ponderdarlingmybustedheart
    @ponderdarlingmybustedheart Рік тому +1

    Just bought the course. It looks amazing. Very excited to begin.

  • @Meoli55
    @Meoli55 Рік тому +2

    Ooo Richard, brilliant explanation once again, just when I thought I know all there is to know, a new layer of understanding is given me via your work here. Thank you

  • @Gyle.3559
    @Gyle.3559 Рік тому +9

    Gonna be a banger.

    • @VeganSemihCyprus33
      @VeganSemihCyprus33 Рік тому

      The Connections (2021) [short documentary] 🔥🔥🔥

    • @Gyle.3559
      @Gyle.3559 Рік тому

      @@VeganSemihCyprus33 👍👍

  • @auroraborealis6398
    @auroraborealis6398 Рік тому +2

    Very interesting explanation about narcissist ! Very clear and logical. It's connecting all the dots. At least a lot of them! Thank you!

  • @capnsubasa3q337
    @capnsubasa3q337 Рік тому

    Thank you my Dude.

  • @Missdaisy247
    @Missdaisy247 Рік тому +8

    Absolutely spot-on as usual! Every word relatable, its a comfort knowing I'm in good company on here

  • @lisahead6868
    @lisahead6868 Рік тому

    🔥Brilliant session 🔥

  • @susanauger3758
    @susanauger3758 Рік тому +1

    Smart and hot! What a refreshing combo!

  • @susanroberts7492
    @susanroberts7492 Рік тому +1

    Thankyou, Thankyou! You dont realise how powerful this information is! You have helped me so very much! Wisdom through study, pain, experience. I look forward to every podcast! God bless!

  • @charleskaplan3567
    @charleskaplan3567 Рік тому +1

    Sin City I never thought about that comparison to real live people. Brilliant take away and observation I love that. so discerning.

  • @HLUCN8
    @HLUCN8 Рік тому

    Of thousands of videos on the subject .. this one is the much needed needle in the haystack, pure gold.

  • @kobusdevos4984
    @kobusdevos4984 Рік тому

    Spot on Richard, Spot On.

  • @oneilljohn8564
    @oneilljohn8564 Рік тому +1

    The best explanation yet, Excellent!

    • @Chris-dw7gq
      @Chris-dw7gq Рік тому

      And explanation on how we aid them. SUPERB AND TRUE!

  • @isidoraklamm
    @isidoraklamm Рік тому

    thank you so much, that helped alot. Actually it really helps to give up that "I'm so special" thougt. Its like a relief, the pressure is gone. I still do think I'm a good hearted person, but I have lots of mistakes and it will take a lifetime to correct all the wrong thought patterns.

  • @valeriewalker5831
    @valeriewalker5831 Рік тому +1

    suuuuuuch a great explanation! Amazing

  • @ianfreshwater2268
    @ianfreshwater2268 Рік тому +2

    An excellent video once again Richard that all should watch. In my life, the Narcissists I have known mostly learnt adulation as validation through grandparents i.e they were raised initially by angry, violent or Narc parent(s) but later spent excess time or lived with grandparents who over compensated for the reality of the original household by putting them on a pedestal

  • @hopflo11
    @hopflo11 Рік тому

    The haunted house visual REALLY helped me . I understood the empty no-self concept but obv can’t understand experientially.
    The visual helped it click thx RG

  • @agatadabrowska8515
    @agatadabrowska8515 Рік тому

    thank you Richard🙏

  • @Mrscory77
    @Mrscory77 Рік тому +3

    Forever grateful for your patience and generosity to this very human issue so many us share and towards finding solutions which offers new and simplified perceptions of this subject..congratulations are due! 👑🙌🏼🙏🏻❤️☯️🧠💫

  • @gingerrivas5354
    @gingerrivas5354 Рік тому

    Amazing babe

  • @deborahbulthe
    @deborahbulthe Рік тому +1

    good info also for the case examples, you are explaining what my psy once referred to as dual values , I presume, makes sense

  • @suzybeaman6758
    @suzybeaman6758 Рік тому +2

    Thank you!! This helped remind me of why I must NEVER go back. And healing feels so good. I am getting stronger every day. Bless you!!! Much love and appreciation to you and your incredible work and wisdom. 🙏💖

  • @chany9313
    @chany9313 Рік тому +3

    It not easy to understand the narc. Rules, very stressful. You guys are helping so many. Awesome! 💖💖💖

  • @Wingedmagician
    @Wingedmagician Рік тому

    You’re saving my life right now

  • @laurasluss6957
    @laurasluss6957 Рік тому

    Wow! Thank you 💕

  • @stefarfa52
    @stefarfa52 Рік тому

    I totally agree. You have much insight. I could never articulate as you do. Thankyou. I can say, hindsight is 20/20.

  • @Charliemike01
    @Charliemike01 Рік тому +3

    This is great for victims who reached the pinnacle of indifference Thank you !
    They create our illusion with ‘future faking’ and then live out the character of our projection. Scary scary

    • @Charliemike01
      @Charliemike01 Рік тому +2

      Actually , I may be smart but I would call it
      ~LIFE EXPERIENCED ~

    • @DeshaunDamon
      @DeshaunDamon Рік тому

      The lightbulb just went off 4 years in; his favorite phrase is “ be patient…” Would you please elaborate on future faking?

    • @Charliemike01
      @Charliemike01 Рік тому

      @@DeshaunDamon
      It’s a term in NPD victim recovery
      Professionals tell us better than I can tell you but in my experience, future faking is telling you everything you are aiming for in life and building a life together and how it’s going to be. They sell you on the things they know you want and that it’s you and them come hell or high water. It was all bullshit to gain access and leach on
      Thank God life experience and strong ties he wasn’t able to get into the core
      And leach off it.

    • @Charliemike01
      @Charliemike01 Рік тому

      @@DeshaunDamon walk away quietly and go no contact. God bless

  • @patient8098
    @patient8098 Рік тому +2

    Richard you're a true healer and great leader! Humble, funny, compassionate and tenacious! Young men and women really need you right now! I hope my kids watch your videos in their spare time!

  • @jacquelinefroehle3583
    @jacquelinefroehle3583 Рік тому +9

    Why are children whom are also abused and ignored....Not narcissist???? I was abused and ignored and I have too much Empathy. I do not believe psychologists and psychiatrist have a complete understanding of Antisocial personality disorders.

    • @markmartin2292
      @markmartin2292 Рік тому +3

      You developed an ego. Narcissists loci of control is outside themselves. They depend on others to maintain their self image

    • @jacquelinefroehle3583
      @jacquelinefroehle3583 Рік тому +3

      @@markmartin2292 thanks...I know that about them. That is not an answer to my question. All people develop an ego. Yet narcissist have an extremely enlarged ego.

    • @ua2381
      @ua2381 Рік тому +4

      I've thought about that, too. One of my siblings turned out about as close to a vulnerable narcissist cycling between vulnerable and grandiose as you can get without a diagnosis which I have no right to give. But, for the ease of argument's sake let's just call him extremely toxic. Have no idea how the other brother would have turned out. Died young in the Vietnam war. But neither my sister nor I turned out narcissistic. Our male parent was extremely toxic (you can read that as a full blown NPD - I wouldn't argue 😉). So why only one child of four? Although the literature disagrees I do not find it unbelievable that there may be a genetic component. But, that aside, no one, and I mean absolutely no one has the same experiences and ways of interpreting those experience. We can experience empathy but we can NEVER walk in another's shoes. So, given similar upbringing we will all experience it differently. We all cope differently. I think, in my humble opinion, that is the main reason. Even in the healthiest of families personalities differ because we are all processing life through unique lenses, understandings and etc.

    • @Paappa624
      @Paappa624 Рік тому +1

      @@jacquelinefroehle3583 There are all kinds of abuse and depending on at what point of development the abuse takes place seems to be key. A toddler has no choice but to yield to the big people, to the point that it will go against it's own interests to satiate a caretaker. This will undoubtedly leave you with a weak ego to stop you from fighting back the abuse to keep your id satisfied. Someone with a big healthy ego doesn't need to lie and cheat to feel good about themselves, they already got all the validation they need. If you are not a narcissist, you fought back. Congratulations, you deserve to live.

    • @steve4524
      @steve4524 Рік тому +1

      I to scratch my head over this. But I’m pretty sure it just comes down to the fight flight freeze fawn coping defence in childhood

  • @Pr8053
    @Pr8053 Рік тому +6

    Thank you Richard! You are great at explaining and bringing some light to this dark world. I'd like to hear about the different types of narcissism they are and how you spot them and deal with each type perhaps in our circles of friends, family and work and how to get rid of them unscratched.

    • @nickmontanaro9638
      @nickmontanaro9638 Рік тому

      You will come across differing views on the number of sub-types of narcissism. A sub-type is not actual "narcissistic personality disorder"( which seems to be the truest form and those with it appear to be least susceptible to changing). True NPD is a mental condition characterized by an inflated sense of importance, lack of empathy, and an excessive need for attention and admiration. NPD is believed to be the "root" condition.
      Sub-types are just that, they are disorders which share some but not all characteristics of true NPD. So we are dealing with one true disorder where within lies a spectrum of similar sub-disorders. They are "branches" of true NPD which we refer to as "subtypes". This is literally the first step in understanding NPD and in truth most mental illnesses (and keep in mind this all may very well prove to be wrong).
      Google all of this. Get a fundamental understanding of the disorder and then persue it further if you think it might help you in some way (which it very well may as it helped me).

  • @alisoncullen1081
    @alisoncullen1081 Рік тому

    Very interesting 👌😁 and it really helps to understand the psyche

  • @samo_sibela
    @samo_sibela Рік тому +1

    I am reading your book now. It is surprisingly personal. I didn't expect anything like that. I find it quite brave. And, I'd just like to say, I am glad that, in the end, you did not choose the dark side of the force, young apprentice 😊