Nurse Bullying: How to Stop Someone Who Embarrasses You
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- Опубліковано 17 жов 2024
- Nurse bullying is a HUGE problem. Many nurses have to put up with coworkers who openly criticize, withhold information, and even sabotage other nurses. What do you do if you have a coworker who constantly embarrasses you in front of other people? In this video, I interview a special guest who was able to stop a bully using one powerful script.
As an international speaker and consultant Dr. Renee Thompson tackles the professional challenges facing healthcare leaders today. With 26 years as a clinical nurse, nurse educator, and nurse executive, Dr. Thompson is a thought leader on creating a healthy workforce by eradicating workplace bullying. She hosts an award winning blog and is the author of several popular books on bullying and professional development.
Renee works with healthcare organizations that want to eradicate bullying and incivility. Got a question or situation you'd like Renee to answer in this series? Put it in the comments below or contact her on her website www.reneethompsonspeaks.com.
Be kind. Take care. Stay connected.
I’m already worrying about my patient care. This is ridiculous that I’m back here. Watching these again. Thank you so much for your videos this is a reoccurring issue for me!!!!
What a great video! People don't have time for a one-hour explanation on bullying - they just want to know what to say! Thanks for this practical advice that ANYONE can use immediately to thwart this all too common problem. I shared it with a FB group for CNA's who are often at the bottom of the food chain when bullies search for victims.
Thanks Gail! Yep. Bite sized nuggets of practice tips. It's the way I like to learn too!
@@healthyworkforceinstitute Ignore them just want you to react to provoke you to get a reaction say nothing and they will stop.
@@healthyworkforceinstitute Bullies should be locked up and manager should be fired
I appreciate the sensitivity to not return the embarrassment and to keep the response short. Also, that scripting lets others know you are aware and sets an example on how to manage the personal"ness" of the offence. I doesn't involve others except as silent witnesses, but because the offense occurs in front of others, the timely response in that moment is GREAT!
Thanks Renee. I always advocate taking the high road and not "zinging" anyone back. We all need to role model professional behavior!
Thanks Renee and Kaitlin. People who spring nasty comments on a person seem to be looking to control the room. Scripting this answer is a great way to have everyone in the room looking at them. Good way to make bullying person accountable.
Thanks Jo For. I'm like my daughter - don't know what to say in the moment. However, by preparing a head of time with what I'm going to say (scripting) I can respond in a way that gives me back the control over the situation!!
I really appreciate your videos, and finding your channel. I have been dealing with this issue since beginning my RN career in February 2016. I was going through a divorce with an abusive husband, had just graduated in December, and was extremely depressed. I have always been a person that did not get involved in the "sewing circle " of gossip, and I would not sit around talking about my co workers to eachother. I believe this made me a target, in addition to the fact that I was the only Black nurse on the unit as well. Many days I went home in tears, or furious, until I finally could not take anymore and reported it to my nurse manager. It has really made my first year and a half as an RN miserable. I started to think it was me, but I get so many compliments and requests from my patients that I know its not. It is still so hard. I have left that organization and am now traveling, with hopes that if I dont grow roots anywhere I can avoid this behavior. Dont know how long I want to be in the inpatient setting because of this bullying culture.
Thanks Melyssa. I've dealt with bullying too! it's sad that because you didn't join the herd you were targeted. However, I see this type of behavior often. Glad you recognized that you are a good nurse and then decided to leave. It's not worth it some times.
I'm a new nurse here and in the same situation. I always come from work to home to cry in my room. It is really affecting my mental health
@@nanayaa2484 I wish I could tell you it gets better but it doesnt. My advice to minority nurses would be to become a traveler as soon as you can. At least your paycheck will make it tolerable and you can go somewhere new every 3 mos. I stopped, took a permanent position and Im ready to travel again. Get paid well for tolerating the disrespect at least. If you make enough you can take time off and vacation to reboot. Sending 💞 and understanding your way.
I’m sorry you had to go through this!
Thank you so much! I am currently working on a research paper in my process to achieve my B.S. in Health Sciences. I was using the silent approach because my sarcasm can often lead to hurt feelings. I was allowing my bullies to escalate their behavior because I did not want to be reported as a "hostile person" by the individuals causing the hostile environment. I finally have had enough and I went to my DON. I am having a meeting soon with my bullies and we are going to discuss the reasons they feel negatively towards me for doing nothing to them.
Silence never works!! So glad you are now speaking up. I just always remind nurses NOT to respond in an unprofessional manner that can get you in trouble too!! Always, always be the consummate professional but don't take their abuse!
Dealt with this in kindergarten, on the soccer team, swim team, orchestra, then...nursing. ALWAYS. And basically I'm an empath - highly sensitive intuitive empath nonetheless. Complex PTSD as well which actually made me a nurse that was very well respected and appreciated by doctors and my patients, BUT..there were always what I learned to be as jealous haters and they have a lot of issues. I never just "pushed it off"..I reacted, reported it and I was STILL the problem. I'm telling you, this is great what you're doing...sadly, the narcissists are in charge.
Reporting it doesn't do anything it seems, as you said the management deems "you" as being the problem :( I'm going through this as we speak, I have no one to talk to
Thank you so much, I just want to cry, I never know what to say to people who do not respect me.
Scripting is my superpower! You can download my scripts at healthyworkforceinstitute.com/8-scripts/
You’d not imagine the bullying never gets better it’s a revolving door 🚪
The 2 people, who gave this video a dislike is your daughter’s witch co-worker & BFF or significant other! Second of all, it’s gonna be 3 years ago that I finally confronted a male co-worker, along with a female bully charge nurse friend of his, who bullied & harassed me for rumors of me & another male co-worker dating. After I walked out of the nursing station, I heard those 2 bully co-workers & their friends laugh at me. 3 years later, this male co-worker came into my unit, & I pulled him into a small closet like room, & without a script, I let this excuse my language a**hole co-worker have it! I let him know how pissed & hurt I was of what he & his partner in crime did to me 3 years prior to that confrontation. I did say that I had a tough year that year, & “I don’t need that 💩!” (meaning time put up with him & his friends meanness. The only thing I regret doing is get him alone somewhere else, because I realized later during this confrontation, that my charge nurse friend was in the room listening to this conversation! 🤦♀️ This dude was so embarrassed & shaken up, that all he said is “I’m sorry”. 2-3 months later, I found out that this man got fired! His friend however left the company to go to NP school (God help us all! 🤬😱). I was so happy that the guy got the karma got what he deserved, but can you teach me how not to take joy in a rival co-workers troubles, downfall, failures, tough times, tragedy?
What if it’s your instructor that’s the bully & saying disparaging things?
Thank you ♥️ unfortunately I’m currently dealing with this .
I wish I would have found this video a year ago. I was dealing with a horrible leader for over a year. I was speechless pretty much every time I had to speak with her. She drove off an entire team (about 12 people that were full-time, and about 6 of our seasonal team that came back each year to help). Last summer, after dealing with her all the temps decided they were not coming back. By the time she had been there 18 months, the whole group was gone. I know that she had some serious mental health issues herself, to have said and done the things she’s done. Just glad to be out of the environment now and happy to have these words of wisdom from you for the future. Sadly, there is no shortage of people like this these days. Thank you!
Happy this video is helpful! I'm so sorry you had to deal with that, and like you said, there's no shortage of unprofessional adults. It's up to each and every one of us to do our part to develop ourselves to change culture for the better!
Great! A simple and easy tip for those panic in the moment and don't know what to say or how to respond. Equally good for the times we go silent thinking we are being the bigger person. Silence is a quiet acceptance!
Coworkers can use this as a professional, polite and firm way to say "no" or "stop it" which must exist to be able to change work culture. Thank you!!
I'm going to try this, wish me luck. I can't afford to quit this new job, im not in a good position financially, now I'm breaking down mentally because of the bullying and also the fear of losing my job :(
I'm wishing you all the luck! You got this! I have a more scripts you can use to address different bullying situations. If you haven't already, grab the free download here: healthyworkforceinstitute.com/scripts-for-staff-to-address-disruptive-behavior/
Practice those scripts and have them ready to use. And definitely document like you said in your other comment. Document everything you can. I have some blogs and videos on favoritism as well that can help.
Renee thank you for your channel! 👏
May nurse bullying cease and cease..
You are my hero. I watch your videos often and have used your strategies as a nurse, manager, and human! I'm still shocked at how often people are rude for the sake of being rude. Your strategies help a lot!
Such good advice!! Thank you for spending the morning with us baby nurses at BS&W today! 😊
Yes its in nursing school too. I feel sorry for all the so called teachers as or professor in nursing who call themselves teaching a student how to care for a patient and dont know how to treat their your own student. You shouldnt let a degree go to your head to the point that you dont know to treat others. It eventually back fires some where down the line. It needs to stop. They too much of a shortage of nurses to be caring on like this.
Yup! We need to do better! We can't afford to keep losing nurses.
Thanks, Renee and Kaitlyn for these 2 perfect statements for responding to bully's hurtful statements.
You're welcome Karen!
I wish these were around back when I was working
Perfect exactly what I was looking for!!!!
Great! Happy you found this video useful!
Great advice!! Thanks! I won't be using silence anymore.
Hi Michelle. Thanks! WE all have to stop using silence as a strategy. My daughter was able to stop the behavior just by speaking up!
big mistake it will never end.
Great advice! Thanks for sharing. Wish I had had this information years ago.
Thank you Dr. Thompson. I really loved this video. It was a God-sent.
Glad it was helpful! This continues to be one of my favorites.
Terrific video. Direct, honest, simple... spot on. I also enjoyed the dynamic between you and your your daughter. Thank you, and I will look at more of your videos.
Thanks Natalie. I try not to complicate things. Life is already too complicated!!! I LOVED having her on my "show". Wish she lived near me so that she could become a regular guest!
Very helpful. Ty
You're welcome!
That awful girl sounds like someone I used to work with who made my life a living hell at work.
Sharing with staff
Unlucky for the bully, she has no idea that your mother is a bully expert.. haha! Good for her!!
Ha! Love it!
Thank you! Great advice
Thanks Julie!! I hope you watch my other videos!
Thanks Julie!!!
@@healthyworkforceinstitute Thank you for uploading it
Thank you. I love this
Thank you. Thank you for sharing. Very useful tips
You're welcome Carmen!! I try to post 2 videos per month based on what nurses frequently experience. We all have to support each other!!
I always say address it immediately! Do not wait! Address them kindly first then make your way to the Charge Nurse or Manager the next time because they will flip it and say it was you sadly
Thank you very much.
Welcome 😊
Wow that's an amazing tip! Are you a psychologist?
There are so many bullies in the health field. I'm a phlebotomist and I did my clinicals at a local hospital, I had no experience in a hospital whatsoever and I had a bully and several people that disliked me for no reason.
I'm not sure.why this happens so often, specially in nursing, that's what I've heard. I'm a nice person, kinda quiet usually and I just like to mind my own business, not sure why they never liked me 🤷🏻♀️
Thanks for commenting Marina! I so appreciate you. I'm not a psychologist but I have studied human behavior for many many years. It's because of nurses like you that I've dedicated my life to eradicating bullying and incivility in healthcare - just so wrong to treat anyone that way. Thanks for watching my video series :-)
@@healthyworkforceinstitute A big waste of time, union, manager and hr and police are all totally useless. Bullies always win. I'm never quitting my job for these low life lazy bums.
I am dealing with the stonewalling and the mean eyerolling and the extra workload. I desperately need help.
You have to get our scripts!
healthyworkforceinstitute.com/scripts-for-staff-to-address-disruptive-behavior/
healthyworkforceinstitute.com/33-scripts/
Seriously, those resources are game changers. Download the scripts, practice them, and when situations like this happen, you'll be ready to address it. For instance, someone is rolling their eyes at you, you can say, "You are rolling your eyes at me and that is unprofessional. You need to stop."
Very good
Thanks so much!
How about when a co-worker has a sweet tone of voice with their unit "friends" and than turns the head towards you to address something or answer a question in a different and intimidating tone of voice
Great question! You can use this script: “I’m not sure you realize this, but sometimes you can come across as being _________ (intimidating, aggressive, unapproachable, etc).” And then give an example. "You responded in an aggressive and intimidating tone of voice, which was different than how you responded to_____."
Or you can use this script: “The relationship I have with you is important to me (or to our department). I’d like to talk about what happened __________ (yesterday, this morning, etc.).” And give that example of their tone of voice.
Hope that helps!
awesome
Does one ever wonder if there is some validity to thier mean comments? Why would she say those comments If they didn’t have a reason too? Especially when they are so specific
What is the response when they come back at you again ? Isn't walking away after your script a cop out? I always try to defend myself then come out with hurt feelings.
They are EXPECTING you to defend yourself. By not defending, you will disarm them. If they say something after your script, try just saying, "I'm not willing to respond to that." And THEN walk away.
big mistake it will get worse
Will this work on someone who's goal is to offend you? Will admitting that they offended you give power to them?
Well...there's no way to know exactly what will happen when you confront someone. Many times, the "bully" isn't expecting someone to stand up for themselves. They aren't expecting confrontation. So, often times just saying they've offended you or that you "aren't willing to respond" to their unprofessional behavior stops them in their tracks. But I'm not saying confronting ALWAYS works. However, NOT confronting NEVER works.
big mistake
@@healthyworkforceinstitute it will make it worse
Man there are some cruel af nurses. I learnt that as a mental health patient. They have a sacred duty to improve the quality of & preserve life, not be catty teenage girls.
It's very unfortunate that there are those who are in the caring industry but can be so cruel to others. But there are still many kind and caring healthcare professionals!
Okay BUT why is this a problem so PROFOUNDLY among women?? Why are women doing this to each other?
ONE theory...It wasn't that long ago that women would compete with each other to win the prized male (banker, lawyer, doctor) and the way we did that was by squashing our competition. There are others. The point is that women need to celebrate each other!! Not try to downplay accomplishments!
Displacement. We often seem to have trouble resolving issues where we are the target and so we displace that rage on others that we sense will take it. Another explanation.
What concerns me is this Other teacher is, well, a teacher. What students is she labeling with her false pride on her self perception of herself as a psychological expert. This is probably a big problem for students. One thing for it to be a coworker, what if it’s someone with authority over you who is doing this? Scary to think if a child is dealing with this.
What do I do when the people doing it are in charge lol. It’s an issue for me. They stick together
call the police and will lose his or management position like my friend did.
I get bullied all the time at my job by the nurses and I here them talking about me all the time at the nurses station saying I don’t do anything and screen at me every time their is a light that is going off but when I here their lights and their patients screeming at them they laugh about it but if that was me they screem at me I have been bullied to long at my job I feel discrimination and not fair and treated very badly when others get away with it it’s not right
I'm so sorry to hear that. Have you reported this behavior to your manager or someone else who can address these issues? If you haven't, I would document these incidents and share with your manager/director. I know that saying something yourself to the bullies is uncomfortable and can be scary, but I have scripts and other resources on my website you can check out to equip yourself with some tools to confront them when they are being unprofessional.
@@healthyworkforceinstitute yes I have I even time their lights if how long they have went off and when I told my boss about it she said that I was not supposed to do that so I feel that she does not want to believe me I feel that my place has favorites so pritty much they can get away with it so pritty much I feel like I’m stuck I’m just trying to do my job and take care of the patients as much as I can I try real hard to remind myself it’s about them and that they are here for me to help them but sometimes with me beeing bullied a lot me as a person is broke down so it is tough sometimes to think positive but I’m trying
Give them a dose of their own meds
Why were your friends silent?
Arent they supposed to have your back
She probably kept going cause she knew your "friends" would say nothing.
And also I don't understand your logic why would we not want to embarrass the person who embarrasses first ?
turnabout is fair play
the Code of Hammurabi
an eye for an eye
a tooth for a tooth
if they don't want to be embarrassed
they should learn to keep their mouth shut
simple
Thanks watching subescrden
Good advice! Do we use the same strategy if the comments are done via e-mail? Thank you
Hi Maria. Great question! I would never respond via email - it can bite you later! Don't respond in email but then verbalize to him/her that what was written in email offended you.
How do you react with the nurse who is always like yelling with the subordinate when she doesn’t like what she is doing
Here are a few scripts you can practice and use.
“The way you’re acting right now is unprofessional.”
“I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t speak to me/her/him like that because it’s unprofessional/disrespectful.”
Name the behavior first and then say, “You’re yelling/arguing/criticizing in front of people and you need to stop.”
@@healthyworkforceinstitute 100%
Your daughter is a teacher and not a nurse??
Yes! Scripting works in any profession!
Very unethical from someone telling stuff about that in that way, you are not asking her for consultation, assessment or fortune tell your future. You are not innocent because you set her up, you could have talk in private if you were mature and good guidance if they don't stop then confront them when this happens or tell them don't talk to me.