I so appreciate your channel and this video. I fully deconverted (long process) about six months ago and have told only three people. I’m taking it very slow, trying to respect myself and meet my loved ones where they are. I found you recently and really appreciate the videos I’ve seen so far. Thank you so much for the time and effort you put in😊
I am really appreciating your content. Common-sense refutations of common Christian arguments. Do you have any plans for a book? I would love to have this material in written/digital form.
@@jenn4482may I ask what caused you to deconvert . My journey was the complete opposite as I deconverted to atheism at age 40 and surprisingly I converted back to Christianity (specifically ) Catholicism 4 years later and have been a Christian ever since .
watching back through your videos, both intentionally and letting the algorithm suggest stuff too, finally stumbled apon this. as an agnostic atheist like you, i appreciate your articulation so much on every video i’ve watched. many around me know (and can/have inferred) that about me, similar to my sexual attractions (bisexual, but in a long term relationship with my boyfriend. i tend to use partner and boyfriend pretty interchangeably). I never really had a “coming out” for either, but have been mindful of the conversations i have with certain family members, as like you mentioned, sometimes coming out/having that dialogue with being a non believer would be more detrimental to keeping them in your life. both sets of my grandparents were/are heavily religious, one set in the non-denominational aspect and are in certain ways more open minded, and the other was church of christ (my minister of a late grandfather was CoC), and my living paternal grandma that I still talk with, is one i wouldn’t want to burden that conversation with of not believing and not being heterosexual, even though i’m in a “straight” relationship. we still talk about god and the bible from time to time, but with her age and health, and how she is (still the sweetest lady), it’s not hurting me to allow her to continue what she believes in, and it brings her comfort. i think it’s really helping her through this time in her life (she’s defying “the universe” as i call it, by living longer than projected for her terminal illness, and i think her faith plays into it). anyway, long winded to say that i enjoy your content, wanted to share for anyone else that may stumble across this video and comment section, and give you some more engagement. thanks for your work Brandon! editing to add: be prepared for grief feelings too, and for others that you share with, may deal with it too, with coming out. i’m sure some grief comes up (i have) for deconstructing for others, but i felt called to add as well.
As a trans person coming out as trans was rough, and now here I am with atheism too ... This video is literally directly applicable to any type of coming out and I can confirm the advice you gave is spot on.
@@Dutch_Vander_Linde_ thank you for asking. I've been out for what feels like a while now. It's been a year and a half. I'm living by myself now and doing well with my girlfriend. I'm also considering returning to college soon. Overall I haven't had the worst trouble but my relationship with my dad is tenuous because of his transphobia. My mom on the other hand, while she was very transphobic she had slowly made progress and has made it clear she intends to maintain a healthy relationship with me. There's still time where she says really bad stuff, but it's fine because I'm not around them too much. My mom is also promising she will continue to pay for my college which is great. My dad on the other hand is suspiciously silent. He's retired now and I swear he's turning into the stereotypical angry, bigoted, yet lonely old man. He spends all his time on Twitter and far right new sources.
@@EmmaHopman I'm glad you still have your mom supporting you. It seems you have your life together some what. I keep hearing stories of queer folk thrown out and abandoned. I'm glad you are doing as well as you are. Remember, people aren't born hateful, they are taught to be. Try not to hate your dad, you know what hate feels like. I try not to hate people people, that takes too much energy, and impacts mental health. That doesn't mean I forgive everyone either. Best of luck for everything.
Thank you for this, Brandon. It really helped me in determining who and when I have come out to. My son and youngest brother were easy, and they came first. My son is not a believer, and my brother has some mystical ideas about religion. My cousin, who has been such a close friend, has pretty well written me out of her life. She said that Christianity was all we had in common. I remained calm and kind, but, boy, that was hurtful! My niece, who is a very strong Christian, said that she saw it coming for quite a while as my conversations with her slowly changed. She visits with me for weeks at a time a few times a year, and I wanted her to know that I just just don't believe anymore before she arrives for her visit that is coming up soon. She said that it might be uncomfortable periodically during the visit but that we will work through it day by day because of our deep love and respect for each other. That warmed my heart. As far as my Christian friends, who I do not see as often, I'm just not pushing it. It will only take me telling one of them, and it will pass quickly through the prayer chain! I'm not quite ready for that. One day at a time. Thank you again for this video. I devour every one of them, but this one has helped me the most.
This is perhaps the most thoughtfully made and thought-provoking video I’ve ever seen. I seriously never thought about keeping what was good from Christianity. I have that choice! Brandon, you are remarkable.
I wish you had made this video a couple of years ago, my coming out was during arguments, but it was through these arguments, I learned who I really was. I lost my church family and my fiancé, but I gained a new life with a new family, and I can honestly say that I've never been happier.
When I came out to my roommate that I was a lesbian (we are like sisters) she asked me outright if I still believed God. I said a very simple "no". Later, weeks later, faith came up again when she was ready. I calmly stated how I felt, where I was in my belief, and instead of pointing fingers at her, I simply told her I felt MUCH more peaceful after deconstructing and opened the door for her by asking if she felt peace, and if so, it's perfectly okay. She said no... not really... and then changed the subject, so I let it drop since. Your video was a big help!
Making a big deal of coming out as an atheist here in Denmark would just result in a lot of awkward silence and people looking slightly confused by your 'big announcement'. - "Okay, so you're an atheist then? Well ... good for you I suppose. Actually we never knew you were a Christian to begin with but ... congratulations or whatever".
@@MindShift-Brandon Yeah, after I've heard about the serious consequences this has had for so many Americans I have a newfound appreciation for how thoroughly secular my part of the world is. (Northern Europe in general and Scandinavia in particular). Religious beliefs is simply not a topic people bring up in conversation or openly display their adherence to. I think most people in Denmark would be unable to say if their friends are Christians or atheists because the topic simply doesn't come up.
i want to share my life as a South African. I grew up roman catholic and later when i got older i joined charismatic pentecostal church. Even the Bishop of my church was my parent's friend. The pressure was alot to keep up I even went to a christan school. The first born son in my family had a complication with his birth and receive brain damage. My older brother couldnt speak, he always talk like baby, he lost the ability to walk, experience muscle atrophy. he developed bad case scoliosis of the spine. He had epilepsy. Til his death. when i was young around 12 i used to pray alot to God begging him to sacrifice myself so that my older brother can get better. I honestly believed God created Eve from Adam's rib, you had to believe the literal Word of God. so i thought that God can reconstruct my brother by using parts of my brain, and leg bones and muscles. If God could do it my brother could finally be normal. God is the creator of all, nothing is impossible with God. i would never hear God's response every time i would pray, i would even say you can send me to hell as long my older brother is fixed. Even if i died my parents still have their daughter and my twin brother. The hospital were my brother was being treated had so may kids like my brother. Some even worse, blind with brain damage, no hearing. I would be so shocked that there so many kids. I would think why would God do this. I would walk in different wards praying for healing. i would lose abit of faith everytime i would go there, and everytime my brother would get worse. I would hear stories of God healing people, people who couldnt walk can now walk. I would say God why help them but not my brother. You help people with filling up their car with fuel. When my older brother was on his death bed, i started to pray again to god begging him save him, i will sacrifice myself. What went thru my head was Abraham and his sacrifice of his son, God is testing me. I grab a knife tempting to kill myself so that God can finally cure my brother. I snapped out of that thought and said why should i die and then my parents and siblings will have to bury two kids. i dropped the knife. Religion dogma is bad especially for kids when the church teaches all these things from the bible, God is Omni, God loves you all, Ask and you will receive. Not even my sibilings and parents knew what i went through. My mother is devout christian. She would always say she is disappointed in us for stop goin to child. You could see it broke her heart. i learned to keep things to myself to protect my mother. when we burried my brother i felt so guilty because i thought i failed my brother. i was weak not a true christian. I would to go to church but i wasnt totally there i felt so fake. People would say God had plans for my brother i would say to them saying you have no idea the impact on my parents and what they had to go through. I would never wish this on any one, not even hilter. God works in mysterious way was always the excuse. It took many years until i was around 24 to fully step out of the religious hold. These things can be so traumatic to children that you even carry into ur adulthood. Now that the burden has been lifted, i could finally have peace with regards to my older brother. For those that think it was only my brother that contributed to deconverting me it wasnt. Growing up in mixed family, having a black mother and white father in South Africa during the 90s. This was the start of the fall of apartheid. You see alot of stuff the death threats because we are mixed, the failed attempts to kill my family from both black and white people. Many things went into deconverting. This video will help people knowing that they are not alone in this.
Hearing about what damage can be caused to relationships after coming out as an atheist in the US made me aware of how lucky I am to live in a secular country where being an atheist is considered normal. Good luck to anyone deconverting in a heavily religious environment, I'm sure these advice will be appreciated.
Appreciate that. Its always interesting for me to hear from those not in such religious countries. I just cant imagine a stigma-free environment like that.
@@MindShift-Brandon : let's hope your efforts and those of other public atheists will eventually normalize the idea of not being reigious everywhere in the US.
Sam Harris talks how in USA you could have the moral insight of a Lincoln, the prose of a Jefferson, but if you are an atheist you are politically DOA, probably in most of the country.
I'm in the process of telling a few people. It was a huge relief for me when I no longer had to decipher which religion is correct from the bible. I quit attending Catholic church. I'm gradually telling my kids. I will never tell my JW mom. I am really lonely. I've lost the little bit of community I had. I broke up with my fiancé. It is so tough. Love your thoughts on this.
I am so very sorry to hear how much you have lost. Its not an easy road and feeling alone would only make that so much worse. But i hope you have a friend or two who you can really lean on and at least you have your kids you can continue to love on. Again so sorry for your losses but so happy for your relief and truth. Thank you for being here! Reach out if theres ever anything i can do.
@@weirdwilliam8500 I'm not an atheist but personally I'm yet to see any atheists in a loving relationship (not friends with benefits) with no mental health issues.
Oooh, neuroscience. I'm right there with you. For me the best populist for Neuroscience is Steven Pinker. I highly recommend his books, but especially. 1. The Blank Slate, the Modern Denial of Human Nature. This positions neuroscience in the Nature vs Nurture wars. 2. The Stuff of Thought. This goes into the mechanics of the brain as manifest neurology. 3. The Language Instinct. The title says it all.
I've heard of younger people that still live with their fundie parents wanting to come out to them. I think that it's ok to say that it's not a good idea to come out if it might put you into harm. They may kick you out, stop feeding you, or in some cases be abusive. It's ok to acknowledge that you can't until you're self-sufficient.
Excellent video. Thank you. My strategy for coming out is not to make a big public announcement, but to mention it matter-of-factly when the subject comes up naturally in a conversation. In general, such a moment is very rare, now that my parents have passed and it's easier to live as my authentic self. I'm determined to help normalize non-belief by acting like it's not a big deal.
WOW! just finished the whole thing. This should be the video every new atheist watches! So much healthy wisdom and perspective. Thank you, Brandon for putting this together. I wish I could have had such an example when I was going through this for the first time!
I still haven’t really figured out the best way to go about it and have mostly avoided it for a few years. Mainly because when I did initially begin to discuss it the response was such shock that it kinda of…shocked me back? I wasn’t ready for the reactions, nor was I ready to be the mature person in the conversation due to other personal reasons. I really appreciate this video and I hope I can use it to help take some of the necessary steps that I deserve to be able to take for myself.
Wishing you the best with whatever you choose. Thats an interesting point about being shocked at the other persons outrage. It is worse than i thought it would be too and thats saying a lot. Thanks for your kind words!
This is so good. I'm smackdab in the middle of deconstruction. I haven't "dropped the bomb" yet. This is such a big help. Preciate you for this video and for everything else you do.
In general I’m a good example of how NOT to come out as an atheist. I did it right with a few but, wrong with most. I didn’t even know atheist UA-cam channels existed when I had my epiphany. I could have benefitted a lot from this video! I started out not telling anyone at all. Eventually I told my adult daughter who had rejected religion when she was 15. After a horrible tragedy occurred in my life and my extended family really failed me, I came out very bluntly. They of course blamed it on the tragedy and still no matter how I explain the process was years in the making and the tragedy only prompted be to stop being inauthentic by hiding it they have not believed me. My timing was very off and my very assertive honesty was more than they could handle. We no longer have relationships but, more because of the lack of emotional support than anything else. My UA-cam “family” has been the best community I have ever had.
Sorry to hear about your poor experiences. What is awful is that you shouldn’t have to be this precise and tiptoe around christians to share your truth. But that is the reality and thus why i suggested what i did. But it shouldn’t be a formula to have you be able to be believed and accepted by your own friends and family. Its just so sad what this faith does. Thanks for sharing and glad to know a video like this would have helped.
May I ask what specifically caused you to de convert ? Was your deco version emotional , intellectual or a combination of both .? I came out of atheism 12 years ago at the age of 44 and did so because science, reason , logic and history forced me into believing that belief in God was more reasonable then not . Yes when I came out as an atheist at 40 I was laughed at by members of my brothers church but when I asked them why they believed in God their answer was “”we just do “ Guess who was laughing at the end of that conversation ?
@@angelbrother1238I left religion for multiple reasons. It had been coming for many years but, I kept suppressing it until the cognitive dissonance screaming in my head became too loud to ignore. I studied biology, anthropology and geology in college and it all had evidence, was logical and real. Religion didn’t seem logical, reasonable or have evidence. But I kept trying to believe. I traveled the world as an international flight attendant and saw how all people believe their religion is correct and true. I still kept trying to believe. I had a lot of problems with the Bible, genocide, rape, slavery, etc. I still kept trying to believe. In 60+ years of praying I never had a prayer answered. I kept trying to believe. Finally, I rewatched a documentary about an ancient people and it included a segment about human sacrifice. I had always known that was a common practice in ancient times but, it hit me - Jesus death was just another human sacrifice! The light went off in my head and I could no longer try to believe. I was deconverted and then the deconstruction began. I read and studied every book I could find about ancient religions. They are all the same! Sometimes word for word! Everything about me changed! I am free of dogma, free of feeling rejected by God (never there) and free to believe evidence based truths. Better late than never! Whew!c
@@26beegee what part of biology and geology made the Bible irrational . I mean I think I know what your getting at when it comes to the geology part . We’re you brought up to be a younger earth creationist ? As far as biology is concerned I believe your talking about the theory of evolution right ? I’m also a believer in evolution . Can you explain to me how I could believe in both evolution and God ? Also why do you believe that the Bible teaches young earth creationism ? Have you ever looked into the old earth arguments from the Bible ? Also you forgot to mention quantum physics and Astro physics which to me point more towards A mind then natural causes . Young earth creationists are usually very dogmatic in their beliefs and when they find out it’s irrational they usually cross over all the way to the other side which is atheism . Oh and also even though I believe in God now I fully understand that there is no such thing in this finite realm as absolute proof . Have you ever looked into the scientific studies being done on near death experiences ?
@@26beegee ok I’ll deal with this one part at a time .prayer is often the most mis understood part of faith .people always think that prayer is when we ask God for something and he quickly gives it to us . Rub the lamp and you get your wishes . It took my 44 years to understand this isn’t the purpose of prayer . The purpose of prayer is for us to ask God to help us each day to align our will with his . Did Job from the Old Testament get his prayers answered ? God allowed him to lose his family , his home and his friends . Why would God allow this ? And even though God allowed it , job never cursed God . Job didn’t realize this but all those things mean nothing if you are not aligned with goodness itself . God also brought to another level of faith or trust as it’s called . The problem of evil is probably the toughest one that most people wrestle with . Why did God allow My dad to get molested by a priest in his homeland ? As far as Jesus being just another human sacrifice , I would press you to rethink the historical arguments for the historicity of the resurrection . They weren’t the ones that brought me back to belief in God from atheism but they are the ones that brought me back to Christianity . As far as all ancient religions being the same ?? I have never seen this . Did you get this from zeitgeist ? Please share with me which religions are making the same proclamations as Christianity and about Jesus ? As far as being free to to believe in evidence based true I couldn’t agree more with you . My time as an atheist also taught me to do this but why did my search for evidence based truth lead me back to God and to Christianity and yours lead you to atheism . Both of us can’t be right ? I look forward to hearing more and I look forward to your replies to my posts Thanks
Great video as always. Again, this is the best atheist/agnostic UA-cam channel I’ve seen come out in years, and even exceeds most of the other great channels out there. Seriously, thank you for jumping in and doing this. As a former lifelong Christian in Alabama, I look forward to your videos each day like a kid on Christmas morning.
Thank you for sharing those tips.. I have only come out as an atheist to my wife and adult daughter. My wife first reaction was that I must be worshiping the devil. After I explained my thoughts, she grudgingly accepted my position.
Sound, practical, comprehensive treatment for this. Excellent word choice examples and optimistic results orientation. It'll be a great day when "atheizing" and unchurching are completely normalized. Also love the letting the genie out of the lamp on the background.
It was easier to come out as gay than atheist. There was some temporary awkwardness and obvious discomfort among kith and kin, but no losses. I didn't come out as an atheist to my folks and to varying degrees lost a healthy relationship with one of sisters and her family and a few people decided I was no longer a friend. However, for the most part it was not a big deal. One of my friend's response was along the lines of "You're one of the best 'Christians' I know, you're still going to heaven even if you don't believe in it". This from a Roman Catholic. My atheism doesn't come up in conversation unless someone calls me on it. Usually a secular humanist or constitutional (Biblical if I'm feeling ornery, there's passage to justify anything) rebuttal suffices. Not going through life "acting" is worth it. If you're wondering in being gay had anything to do with my atheism, no. If I could make and eat shrimp scampi with bacon bits while wearing cotton/
My situation has been unique because I became an atheist later in life, after my children grew up in a Christian fundamentalist environment. Now, I’m dealing with adult kids and elderly parents “attacking” me for not staying faithful…. It has been particularly difficult for me feeling the rejection of my youngest daughter who told me that it will be very difficult for her to be close to me and let my granddaughter be close because we no longer share same beliefs. My elderly mother makes me feel guilty for betraying the family values and between my children and parents, I feel between the sword and the wall. Thankfully, my husband has been wonderful and supportive. My kids have agreed to seek family counseling to help us navigate through this process.
I mean sometimes when family or someone says god bless you, I don't respond because they know, just don't want to believe and other friends of mine also, but at times it stressful, I mean I hang in there of course. ( Note: they say bless because they so used to saying it, at times I just look the other way. ( Great video, my guy.
Thank you for making this video; it has so much beneficial information. I plan on coming out as an atheist to my independent fundamental Baptist parents next year after I graduate from college. I'm really scared to do it, but I know it needs to happen.
Very valuable video. I have been an atheist for about 15 years but I have only told my mother. I didn't have to share with my husband because he deconverted from Christianity at about the same time. He finally insisted I tell my mother and I agreed that she should know. She didn't have much of a reaction except to tell me that she didn't want me to force my beliefs on her. Kind of ironic given my upbringing but okay. I will not come out at work because I absolutely feel I would be shunned and ultimately would lose my job. I would like to work elsewhere but I live in such a conservative Christian place that I can't imagine where I could work that I wouldn't have the same issue. I don't tell friends or acquaintances because I don't think it's any of their business. I didn't go to church for years before I changed so I didn't have church friends. My other friends and I don't have religious discussions much so leaving this fact out isn't hard. But I think most of them would reject me as well. So I'm not living authentically and I am coming to really hate that. I don't know if or when I will ever tell more people but I appreciate your advice.
Thank you. This is incredibly valuable to a lot of people. Fellow heathens, we will survive 😂 just waiting for a christian to come in "oh just wait for your last breath". Oh the love.
Ive been deconstructing for the past 2 years. Im agnostic now and would have kept this to myself for a while but recently I’ve been convinced I should be vegan. I have lived the past 6 months attempting to live out my new belief but whenever I go back to family, I break. I feel the demands of morality telling me I should come out but if I told my family I would almost certainly sever relationships completely. Ultimately I feel like a coward and it is killing me inside to keep this to myself.
I am so sorry to hear that. Coming out Vegan can be fully different from coming out atheist, maybe you start there. I'm not saying that will be easy either, but telling people you dont want animals needlessly torturedshould be easier than denying their god. Whatever you do or don't do, please don't feel like a corward. You just changed two huge worldviews despite all the pressures around you not to...not a coward!
I like this video. For me it's a little late. I had to come out to everyone last year because me and my wife were expecting our 4th child. And as a Christian we had to get our little girl baptised. My wife still is a believer, I am not. I supported my wife, but I had to stand in front of a full church at about 1200 people who all saw/heard that my wife answered with yes, and I didn't answer that question. In my close family no one understands, but they don't shunt me out, but I did have some harsh comments.. all of my friends and all of my family still go to Church.. that's the hardest part, being the only one who sees religion the way I do.. Anyway. I hope this video helps people to get out of religion in a better way than I did..
Oh man, thats a terrible situation for all. Talk about ripping the bandaid off. Thank you for sharing and for watching and your desire for others to have a better experience. I hope you are doing well with this all still.
Yeah, that bandaid was a bitch. It was a very tough period, it still is. It helps for me to see that I am not the only one struggling with this! Thanks for your reply
I feel the same way. The awe and excitement that comes with a understanding of science, of evolution by natural selection, cosmology, etc., is so much better than “god did it”. I’m so much better off and happier. This video took a lot of work and it’s very appreciated. I can envision it helping many, many people.
Interesting video, thanks. It made me realise how different things still are on your side of the pond. I am from the UK and it would be difficult to imagine anyone nowadays from a Christian background, particularly if they were under 60 or so years of age, feeling that this was advice that needed to be widely shared for the benefit of the newly ex-Christian community. In a previous life I have been an opinion pollster and questioned literally thousands of people on matters of belief and affiliation, and, having interviewed even in rural and traditional areas, my own experience is that at least half the population no longer identify as Christians. Even those who do will often qualify their belief as being nominal only. I myself am in my late 60's, raised by atheist parents, and can honestly say that I have never felt oppressed or discriminated against in any significant way for this reason, and this is despite the fact that our head of state is also the head of the Anglican church and that unelected bishops still hold privileged positions in our parliamentary upper chamber. I think things are definitely different for young and not-so-young British ex-Muslims, coming as they often do from traditional cultures with often reactionary values, but the "Christian" mainstream in the UK have definitely come a long way since the 1950's. Hoping things won't be too long getting better for y'all across the pond too.
appreciate that. The trend is here, but it also seems to be driving up the fundamentalist side also. I think things are going to get worse for a while before they get better. Its such an interesting thing to hear how other parts of the world view this. Thanks for taking the time to share!
some notes I am making as I hear your video. I moved first to Deism thanks to Thomas Payne and the "Age of Reason" lingering there for a good while then to atheism. In addition the rejection of evolution by most in my Chruch and family caused me serious problems back in the late 1960's and early 1970's. I was raised in the rural South and attended a smaller Southern Baptist Church in the 1950's and 1960's. I also agree that others "act out" because they question their own faith. It scares them that someone they know can dismiss Christianity. I have seen this firsthand. To many that live around me. politics and faith go hand and hand like never before. You just about have to be a republivan to be a true christian. From the outside I have watched this develop. When I fell out with the GOP and didn't vote for Trump that was a sign of a sin to many. (I know you are not getting political here but I am discussing myelf not your channel_) I never confronted my family or friends about my beleifs. It was a slow one on one process to me. However, some discussions could of got heated if I'd of let it. Many family members still refuse to believe I rejected the faith. I don't tell them that being a Christain is wrong. I just tell them it is not what I believe and sometimes give them ideas why I don't beleive. I will say that after "91l"(World Trade Center) I did get more upfront with my rejection of faith and the danger of faiths to humanity. But still I am not shouting it out. I just stopped walking away from discussions. I never got in the position to debate passages of the bible with folks. If they push the bible and bible verses then I want them to explain the supernatural events first. But as far as discussions about bible teaching, I just don't do that and I am not interested in studying the bible again to have such useless discussions. I don't need to study the bible to confirm what I believe which is all that ever happens. I know some of my family blamed my Mom and said she was too hard on me by making me go to Church all the time. This is funny because they did the same thing with their kids lol They have asks my wife about this. They seek to find some emotional problem that would cause me to drop the faith and to guide me so far off track. My mom's faith didn't cause me to leave Christanity. I think it was in fact a roadblock keeping me from saying much earlier as I didn't want to hurt her feelings. She was a very good woman and I didn't want to cause her pain. , I don't miss Church because I sat there and would think all the time "that's bullshit" I do miss the people and the connections before the services started. Some people will not do anymore than speak to me now because I am not a Christian. Some people say they will not do business with anyone not a Christian. I usually ask them why are buying products made in China and Japan if that is true. I think you have to find piece in your own mind and all the rest will work out. It "working out" may mean you loss friends. I will not live in a lie to have friends anymore. If they don't like me as I am then f**k them. I did live like that for a long time and was not happy. I found being at peace with what I beleive to be more important than judgement of others. I will confess however I never directly told my mom before she died. We talked around the edges but not directly . If a Christian tells me personal experiences in order to change my belief then I will push back sometimes. I didn't always do that. I also will push back at people that constantly try to get me to go to church after I have told them I am not interested. Some of my family don't understand that as well. I told them that after a while being asked to go to Church is nothing but harassment. I am intelligent and know where most of the Churches are in my local area and could find one if I wanted to go to one. I don't have to yield to their faith as I once thought in order to get by in the world. My personal believes are just as important to me as theirs are to them. I do however understand how this could be a huge problem if you work in some of the Christian businesses like some of the ones here where I live. They will fire you if you don't play the stupid game. Luck for me I never had to play that game. When my Dad and then later my mom died I didn't stop the religious services as their families were there at the funeral home. I told the preacher that I was not a christian but they were and they would want religious services. I also told him the rest of my family would want a religious service. I could of controlled this since I am an only child. I did however refuse to have a dinner at the Church after the services were over. That was just to much for me.
I cant reply to everything now but i did enjoy hearing all your thoughts and story and hope others will also. Thanking you for feeling open enough to do so here!
I'm not an atheist, but I'm still in the process of leaving various Christian based communities and figuring out how to express my changing belief system to Christian friends. And also to my young children.
I've only told my immediate family, my aunt, and some folks on Discord and Reddit among other places. I shudder to think of what most of my extended family would think once they find out the truth about me, which is why I'm waiting until I've got my own place to explain myself on UA-cam.
I am myself in the process of coming out as an atheist. So far, I only told it to my girlfriend and my mother-in-law about a year ago. Don't know if I'll ever tell my parents. As it stands right now, I'd be only deteriorating our relationship for essentially nothing
I`m so happy I found this channel! your very clear, understanding and straightforward in how you explain. I`m sure what you do helps so many people, thank you!
Jesus was right as he said: "You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." Knowing and understanding the truth about god being not real totally set me free from all those shackles.
Very valuable takes here. While I don't actually consider myself an atheist, I can really see how well thought out these tips are. Good stuff. :) I really like your closing, how your horizons have been broadened by taking off the blinders. That's a helluva feeling. When I was a kid I would watch nature documentaries about dinosaurs and evolution and stuff and I remember my parents explicitly saying not to believe what they said because it obviously didn't agree with the Bible. The willful ignorance is insanely frustrating in retrospect, but like you say it's incredibly liberating when you finally cast off those shackles. Great vid. :)
Freedom! Thats all it is. Letting go off incorrect and harmful ideas. Man its just worth it. Love your verbiage of casting off the shackles. Thanks for the support.
This was a really good video. I'll probably watch it again, before I tell my family. A really good idea you had was not telling everyone all at once, I think I will tell my single family members individually and my coupled family members as couples. I have a similar story to yours. Sister was having her baby dedicated at a church, so I went to support her. Interestingly, the pastor admitted that this was a statement saying that the parents are going to indoctrinate the children. He used that word! No self reflection! (Side note: since becoming an atheist, every time I have gone to church I have left thinking "yup, I don't believe that anymore.") Finally, you are not alone in having your mind being opened up! This might be because we both have a fundamentalist background. Now, I'm learning so many new things, like science, history, and mental health! It can be overwhelming and scary sometimes, but overall it is exciting and rewarding.
Exciting and rewarding is right. So glad for you man.Yes, going to church as an atheist is something else, isn't it? Thanks for watching and so glad you found it helpful. good luck on whats to come!
There was just too much to handle: the strong pioneer heritage of my family, the gayness, my mental disability, and the vicious rumors about my lifestyle. I went into self-shunning mode. My partner and I have lived in a cocoon for years. We are not hermits, exactly, but we have a very limited social life. As I interpret what you said, there is no course of action with the label, "One size fits all."
oh of course. I think, in fact, the right answer for many would be not to come out. No judgement here. Everyone has so many variables at play. Sorry to hear its been such a rough ride!
Sometimes there is no point in coming out My father is 94 years old and has been a devout Christian his whole life He lives 350 miles away from me I feel no guild whatsoever about telling blatant lies to him about still being a Christian going to church He would be extremely upset and concerned if he knew the truth
Most important: You don't owe anyone an explanation. So don't get trapped in a conversation where the goal is to "reconvert" you. It won't be productive.
Another great video, Brandon. Practical tips and useful questions. Your channel has helped me (and I’m sure many others) deconstruct mindsets from Christianity that I didn’t realize were so internalized and still affecting my worldview! Even after watching atheist content for a long time, somehow those lingering ideologies still existed in my perspective and were detracting from my personal happiness, and yours is the first channel that made me realize that. Thanks again for all you do!
I’m sure this will be very useful to a lot of your viewers. As someone who has been out as an atheist since age 13/14, I never had to deal with any of that but then again, religion was almost exclusively a school thing for me and I was fine antagonizing everyone. My father was very religious and we did have terrible arguments over this, but those were unavoidable and no amount of deliberation would have changed anything. I can’t put myself in the believer’s shoes, although I can obviously try, as I was never one- not in the same terms, at least; I did believe in God as I was indoctrinated but I never cared for the character.
If this topic is ever revisited on this channel, and I'm sure it'll keep coming up periodically, one note that was overlooked is to remind young atheists especially to make sure it's SAFE before coming out. This is true not just for young atheists, but young non-binary and other LGBTQIA+ individuals. If you have parents that pay the rent, etc, be careful not to put yourself in a bad situation!! Have a backup plan just in case things go unexpectedly unwell. It may be safer to wait until you're old enough to get your own place before telling your parents, for example. All families are unique, and you should keep your family's dynamic in mind before putting yourself out there. It can be harder to be homeless than it is to be a covert agnostic.
Idk if anyone will see this considering how old the video is, but I wanted to say it somewhere. I have only 2 people I want to come out to, but those 2 people happen to be my parents(who I live with). My whole life they have been extremely controlling and willing to take away everything I care about in the blink of an eye. They also have a firm stance against atheism, which probably makes you wonder why I even want to come out in the first place. The issue, and the reason I want to come out, is that I'm caught in a farce where they believe I'm an extremely devoted christian. Having to pretend and maintain the illusion that I agree with their beliefs almost every day is exhausting, to an excruciating degree. The worst part is that I still have probably a good 1-2 years at the minimum before I have the resources to move out. I don't know how much longer I can keep ruining my mental health for this. If I didn't know that the fallout would most likely be extreme, I would've come out a long while ago, especially since I've been fully deconverted for at least a year and a half. I just don't know what to do about it at this point, I feel like giving up and telling them almost every day. I just want to stop having to pretend to be someone I'm not all the time. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this
You pretty much have to keep, "ruining your mental health," until you can safely leave. From what I gathered here, your life will be worse if you come out, than if you wait a little bit move out. I don't want to make assumptions, but your parents seem like the people to kick you out if you came out as atheist. This is considering the fact that they have a, "firm stance against atheism," and that they think you are devout.
I was born, raised and educated into a fundamentalist religion. It took until I was in my 40's to begin the process of falling away. I didn't make any claims about it to my family or anyone else because I just didn't care. As I entered my 50's about five years ago, I realized much to my relief that I am indeed atheist. If the conversation of religion or god ever comes up I just speak about it factually and make it clear neither I nor my kids are part of that any more. I get some shocked looks now and then, but since I have no need to defend it or debate it, the conversations are inconsequential. I just don't care. I think if a person has to stage a "coming out" it speaks more to wanting conformation and/or acceptance which just ain't gonna happen. The way I see it, if I were to make being an atheist a central part of my identity, I'm just replacing one religion with another. If I want my family members to accept it and I try to defend or justify it, I am still just preaching. Other people are younger and may have more serious consequences. For me, I just don't care, so it's likely easier.
Thats a good point and a perspective that I’m glad your adding since i didn’t cover it. Not everyone has to have this grandiose thing and i don’t think i advocated for that but some people, especially younger people like you said, have a lot more potential consequences and simply have to deal with this. I would disagree that planning a proper way to come out is just for conformation or acceptance. I think its very necessary for many to maintain relationship and even protect the other people involved. Again thanks for the comment and showing your journey. In sure many can relate and am glad to have it here.
@@MindShift-Brandon Yes, rereading my statement I do sound a bit flippant. The process is no doubt much more distressing for most. Thank you for what you do, I am enjoying your channel.
I really like how you mention that you are an atheist to Yahweh and other "gods" that have been presented in this world... and agnostic towards what really started the cosmos. I think that is how I have been sharing my story... I am agnostic when it comes to how life began and atheistic towards the "God" I grew up with. So I get the label of agnostic atheist. it's actually easier to explain that way and less offensive. It is a claim against what I was asked to believe in as a narrative... not the whole enchilada that really remains unknown for me. I let go of theological certainty and didn't feel confident enough to embrace scientific certainty. I am a poet who likes to look at her world with wonder and curiosity. I like the stories that come from the scientific world view... but I'm only 55 years old. I am not 17.3 billion years old and I don't understand how they get that number anyway. But I would rather believe the Grand Canyon was carved over a massive amount of time...versus a divine snap of the fingers. That is poetry... to embrace the gradual change... because that is also what I have experienced in my 55 years of living. Nothing happens at the snap of a finger in my life... so it makes sense to believe in the evolving process with something so massive like the cosmos. Thank you.
a very methodical and comprehensive approach to such a difficult matter. by the way, religion is one of the great taboo subjects here in greece, along with sex, love and mental disorders (of course).
Excellent vid, Brandon. I think most people are afraid of death, which in Christianity, you don't die, you go on to best place and are reunited with Mom and Granny in heaven. And you can keep Depression at arms length by the promise of Good Things to Come and seeing people you grieve over having lost. No need to grieve, you get reunited. That's a strong basis to have faith. And they are afraid of god, with reason, of what he will do if he gets angry, OT is full of whole towns being destroyed b/c of bad actors among them, killing innocent people along with bad guys. So being a non believer you are a Jonah and need to be tossed off the boat. People join and like cliques and turn on those not in the group. I work closely with theists at a job where we have to have each other's backs or we could be seriously hurt or killed. I'd hate to be the outsider who is the "other". Could easily have something happen and be seen as proof of having fallen out of god's favor. See god will get you thing. And they are Ok with god as supreme tyrant, got to kiss up or else, and I get it, life can be like that, but personal relationships?
Yes based off what you said i was thinking something like Jonah the atheist or throwing atheists to whales etc with the point being to talk about the defense mechanism of christianity to separate non believers for self protection purposes!
Hey Thank you for the video I wish I had this before I came out as an atheist to my parents, especially my mum. My dad handled it quite well and was pretty supportive although him being Christian. My mum however was dead silent once I told her. My dad knew before my mum. That's because I have a good relationship with my dad and can openly talk to him about pretty much everything. It was hard for me to tell my mum on the other hand. My mum is very conservative and hates homosexual and despises atheists. It was very hard because I had to hear her comments on atheism and people being Atheist. It hurt me and I was really conflicted. The main reason why I told my parents is that I didn't want to lie to them. I wanted them to at least tolerate me because of who I am and not who they want me to be. My mum basically said that atheist are immoral and have no sense of purpose. That they're blinded by satan. She also called them Satanist and demonic. She also said other things but you get the gist of it. Hearing her comments made me cry once. I really couldn't believe that she's thinks that of me (indirectly). I still am unsure if I should've told my mum or not because she always tries to convince me, while sending me quotes and shitty YT Videos with flawed arguments. My relationship with her is alright, but I barely engage in discussions concerning religion or I just don't say my opinion.
So sorry to hear all that. It may be too late to re-come out to her, but you can always set some new boundaries with her and continue to show her love and acceptance despite how she acts. Maybe eventually she will see, through you, that atheist are just people and not the spawn of satan. Wishing you well with this!
I told my parents and they are pretty unhappy about it. However, I could never tell my extended family which are still very fundamental and conservative with their beliefs and coming out would absolutely destroy them. So I’m still in the closet but at least my parents know.
Question for you (let me know if you already covered it in another video) - I’ve deconverted pretty recently (about 8 months ago) and I’ve only told a couple people. I’ve done a lot of the things you talked about and I’m taking my time because I know it’s devastating news for my family and friends. I’m honestly currently struggling with wanting to tell the whole world the good news of not believing! I feel so free now and happy and have this amazing appreciation for life and those around me… and I want everyone to feel this way and be free from religion. I feel like a veil has been lifted and everything makes so much more sense. I also have fear for my nieces and nephews and want to protect all these kids from the indoctrination I grew up with and want to warn everyone not to do this to their kids… Have you felt this way? How do you deal with this?
100% i felt/feel this way. I dealt with it by making a youtube channel lol. Personal relationships are much harder. I state my beliefs. Share my joy and passion and offer for discussion.
@@MindShift-Brandon thank you for your quick reply! Yeah, I feel like I want to write a book or something since I don’t know how else to tell people… It’s most difficult navigating my marriage with our two young kids. It’s still very new news for my husband so I let him lead conversations. I’m glad I’ve been able to set a few key boundaries for messaging to our kids. I’m hoping eventually I’ll be able to be open with them about where I am. They’re only 6 and 2, so I know me telling them would be super stressful to my husband… Anyway, I know that’s a lot with no great answers, and a different topic from where I started. Just feels good to share. I’ve really enjoyed your channel, it’s helped me so much in my processing cause I am basically alone right now. So, keep up the good work!
One of the few, angry atheists? Bro, I don’t know many former theist atheists that weren’t angry for a couple years. I really appreciate this video. I wish I had it earlier on… but I think angry atheists are the majority for the first while after coming out.
Anger is totally normal and justified. Acting out as the angry atheist who attacks christians and harbors resentment and makes pedantic comments to believers etc is more what i meant. But its a great out. we are all welcome to our anger.
You misunderstand what these words mean. Agnostism and Atheism aren't mutually exclusive. Agnosticism is about knowledge, atheism is about belief. One can be both. I am an agnostic athiest. This pretty much means, "God could or couldn't exist, but I won't believe until there is evidence that he DOES exist."
For me, it was public announcement with explanations. I was defiant and said everything I disliked at once. It was not Christianity, but a convert religion for Westerners (Buddhism), so no hard feelings.
I’ve told my partner and that’s it. I think my dad knows but I’m not disclosing it unless he asks. No one really has a right to know and I don’t want to be evangelized to The truth will come out of its true. Preach the gospel at all time and when necessary, use words. Francis of Assisi said that and it’s one of the reasons why I’m now an atheist
Thank you for creating this particular video. I’ve been deconstructing and as someone who thoroughly loves learning new information I find it difficult knowing how to bring up these new interests without causing negative response from the people around me. I’m curious if you and your partner have both deconverted or if you are in an interfaith(less) relationship?
I remember when I finally stopped believing in god. It was hard. I was a young Christian woman with 3 kids and pregnant with my 4th. My kids are almost 4 to 6 months. I was working so hard to be a good wife, I wore the dresses, I was a house wife, I threw myself into it. Now my bestfriend is gay, and definitely an atheist. We became freinds in school cause we bonded over a cat and his mom was a foster parent. I moved out of my parents house senior yr and into his house because of arguments with my newest step dad. His mom was 7th day advent and i was some kinda mix of Pentecostal and Baptist. But she thought I would do my freind R some good, maybe turn him straight. Thinking back on it now that was hilarious. I got with my first husband who was also christian but it turned abusive and I left. He broke in while we were gone and stabbed R's mom and one of her foster kids. I felt so guilty cause he was looking for me. But no one blamed me. R was angry at my ex, and his mom was glad it just wasnt me. We joke I'm the foster kid she never got paid for. But I remarried and tried to be a good wife. I worked for a little while as my husband had a minor accident and couldnt work for a little while. It's been about 4 yrs and all the while I was a good wife, having kids, submitting to my husband. Not speaking up. All the while me and R and respectfully debating about our view points. And finally one day he goes, "have you ever read the bible?" "Some of it, it's hard to read anything with the kids in the way, I mean a new born is kinda demanding." "I'll come over and watch them while you read. If your going to teach the kids this, then you need to read it." And he did. Everyday for 3 months for 4 or 5 hours, while my husband was at work, he would sit with the kids and play quietly with them while I studied the bible. I didnt read it in order. I read the parts I hadn't had time to get to. When I was done I broke down. I cried and cried and both my husband and R were there. I felt betrayed by my family for having grown up like that, i felt horrible for the way I had treated some people, and worse how i had quietly judged R when he hadn't done anything but help. For 4 days I was so lost and depressed, I couldnt figure out a meaning in life. I couldnt get out of bed. I was so upset. And then my husband said. Life doesnt quit without a god. Now he is a Christian, but he has always been kind and understanding and will help anyone. He finds a lot of the bible as bs, and I wouldnt be surprised if he announced he was atheist this whole time. But I realized he was right. Life went on before i realized there was no god and it was still going to go on. It's been a month and I've scrambled togeather my own form of reincarnation that's not Buddhist or whatever and I've begun reprogramming myself. What's hard for me is helping my 4yr threw it. I'd start to teach her about god and now things were changing for her too. All the other things R had been pointing out were really starting to make sense, I've ADHD and am A sexual, which makes totally sense now that those can be 'real things' I'm not sure if that makes sense to most people. It hurts that I had to take away church from my kids, but they cant go without me, and I dont want them to be tought religion until their old enough to fully understand. It's been a huge fight with my husband's family. Banding them from taking the kids to church was probably the hardest boundary to enforce, but now I no longer celebrate things like Christmas, which has caused many arguments. Lucky for me, my sister is lesbian and while my mom is Christian she could really care less as long as us kids are happy. She doesnt fully understand some of my choices but she goes with it. My dad passed away about 2 yrs ago, and he was a full Christian very stern but gental. It hurts to know I would have definitely disappointed him, but it also hurts that he gave up so much for his religion and his strong belief that god would heal him, cost him his life. (Heart problems, refused surgery) but I'm also relieved after the way he yelled at my sister. It's hard to homeschool kids in my area without running into the whole 'homeschooling for religion thing' and it's hard to socialize the kids when I live in the bible belt, and am very antisocial myself. I feel disappointed in myself for believing that so long, and pushing my worries aside so much. But I'm also so happy R pulled me out of that without actually pulling me out of that. I use to be so scared of atheist, because so many seam rude, and hateful. But this channel and many others have helped me realize not every is like that and I dont have to be either😅.
"I don't know" is the honest answer to all of the god claims. I tell everyone I'm an atheist and why. It helps that I live an independent life in a democrat, liberal left county in California and my Catholic family lives on the east coast.
For someone like me who lives in one of the Northern countries of Europe. Where 'Don't believe in a deity' is the norm, and where you won't be disadvantaged at all if you come out with not believing. Is it very hard to grasp, that in some countries it can be a real struggle. And especially in 'first world countries' (maybe I'm using a wrong word here but my native language is not English. My sincere apologies if I'm wrong here). If I can make a small contribution, it will be with the following. How many people know about that particular god, let's say, some 500 years ago. Does that mean that already billions of people who lived before that time almost all over the world had useless and hopeless lives? And would you really want to worship such a god? Wishing you lots of strength and Look at Northern Europe, what has happened there in the last 50 years.
Yes you guys are the goal in this regard and provide some hope! The issue you brought up has always bothered me. So every single native American before the 1800s was just damned. This was a big part of my waking up.
My ex was Norwegian and he never understood the damage religion had done to me. No amount of talking to him did a lick of difference, it was so far removed from his lived experience that he could not comprehend how someone could ever suffer due to religious indoctrination. Especially as I was born and raised in Western Europe, Portugal. The Catholic tradition of my country, how that factored it in my particular upbringing, all of that was simply too removed for him to bother with. Of course, plenty of his peers would surely have made more of an effort to understand, or at least sympathize; I knew of a few who did so, the problem was his more than anything else- I am not blaming Norwegians, at all.
Hello from Jamaica 🇯🇲...I'm the only out athiest in my community and family...the thing is no one cares..my mom is a talibangelist....my dad not sure ..the bulk of my inner circles are talibangelicals...but no one cares that I'm atheist...no noticeable changes in my relationships with these people..
Amazing! Happy to hear that for you. Go Jamaica! I simply cannot imagine this kind of society. I know they exists, but it certainly isnt that way in a good portion of the good ol USA.
@@MindShift-Brandon I think I know why my case is different that most in these parts...MONEY...coming from a family with extreme poverty their not in the business of making enemy with my "bank account"...that's good to know...I often have to remind them of who's buying them medications and stuff...so they don't get out of line....they have a personal relationship with my " bank account " than they do with "gawd"...my bank account is real...they know that😂😂😂😂
Imagine that. Getting all of your knowledge from the Bible your entire life. And suddenly you discover neuroscience, kosmology, biotechnology etc.. Must be awesome to experience that.
Yeah i can very much understand the thinking if letting him go in peace if he’s at that age. If its not going to help the relationship, it may just not be worth it.
isn't that interesting. I have heard this a few times so far in comments on other videos. It seems the most offensive thing to a believer is a non believer.
@@MindShift-Brandon The majority of American society accepts homosexuality. Some may not understand it, but it is much less common that a person will come out to their parents and be met with open hostility. Of course this still happens in some families, unfortunately. My own parents wouldn't be thrilled if I were gay, but I doubt they would be devastated. When surveying random Americans, a majority now are approving of homosexuality as just another in the infinite variety that is humanity. However, American surveys still show that most people don't approve of atheists and atheism. We are seen as untrustworthy and immortal. Our parents and other loved ones not only have those negative feelings in general, but the thought that we no longer share their beliefs is truly devastating. They really believe we will be condemned to eternal torture. Of course they want to prevent that! Interesting that they are showing a higher morality than the god they worship. For the deeply religious, atheism will always be virtually impossible to accept in a loved one. In their eyes, it is a truly unforgivable sin. Without belief, no forgiveness is possible. By contrast, homosexuality can be forgiven and has only a few references in the entire bible. As for society as a whole, thankfully religion is losing more and more ground every day. As more atheists come out, we will gain acceptance. I appreciated this video. Not sure if I will ever tell my parents, but I'm out to some people, including my friends.
8. Fade away. If you are not out yet then you are already in the process of fading even if one is going through all the motions previously when one was a believer. Here are some tips for fading away. 8.1 Just stop attending events. When asked why just say you're no longer interested. 8.2 Learn the Christian tropes and use them. Christians will say things to atheists like, "you're angry at god", or "you were never a true Christian," or "read more Bible", or "it was a trauma", or "college did it", or my favorite, "you want to sin more". As you fade away just use these based on the situation like, "I guess I started losing interest when I attended college", or "I'm angry at god cause he didn't answer", or "I never felt like a true Christian", or "I quit reading the Bible", whatever. Given Christians use these then they are most likely to believe them and stop the conversation from going any further. 8.3 Use interest instead of faith. I always say I lost interest. Interest doesn't fit into the Christian tropes for atheists losing faith. I got bored is not something they will easily have a comeback for. 8.4 Say you believe in god but are not religious. There are many ways to say this. Say you are agnostic. That's what my sister does. What most religious people react the strongest too in my experience is "atheist". Avoid the term. Sometimes I think it is the shock that people object to the most. By taking a couple of years of gradually fading away then people can prepare and say, "well, I saw that coming."
Speaking from experience, I shall add that you should make friends with at least two people who do not ascribe to the same faith that you do. None of them have to be an atheist, an agnostic, or even of a different religion, though it would probably help, at least on your end. I understand that finding even just one may be rather difficult, but it is okay if you only find one. I recommend going for at least two because no matter how many it ends up being, you will likely have to reach beyond your normal circles in order to find them, and if you do manage to find one from doing so, you really can do it again. From here on, this is under the assumption that you have found one such person, but this applies equally across however many you do. Befriend them, bond over anything - and maybe even everything - other than religion. Once you know and are comfortable with whatever boundaries you both have and how far you both are willing to go beyond them, hold (ideally) harmless discussions about each other's religion. Do not ever bring up the possibility of converting to another religion for either side. Whatever you discuss, maybe for the goal of being a better person, do not bother with bringing up either side's faith or religion; just strive to be a better person in general, and if there is plenty in their holy text that can be used to reinforce that (ideally without any threat of some kind of punishment otherwise, explicit or implicit), use it. Also, do not try to bring up any logical or philosophical arguments - Kalam, cosmological, ontological, or anything else. Those are death traps, and both sides (yourself included) will likely dig in their heels in defense of their side. Granted, it is good to think about them for yourself, and you can certainly talk about them if you really want to delve into them with others open to discussing them, but do not bring them up to whoever you even _suspect_ will snap back against them. Again, speaking from experience, these arguments may appear to end on your side, but it is too easy to get swept up and heated over them, so unless you actually have the temperament for level-headed discussions over them, do not bother with them. Do not be afraid to make jokes (preferably lighthearted ones) about certain aspects of each other's faith or religion. If they express genuine enjoyment for the material of the likes of George Carlin, Lewis Black, Bill Hicks, and/or others who have a reputation for eviscerating religion, then you _might_ be able to make such jokes. Otherwise, keep it friendly, and do not aim to hurt. This has been my experience with my best friend, who I had met in university and was a Sunni Muslim. We did not meet over any sort of religious or philosophical discussion, but rather in a student area over both of us having the same handheld game system (PSP) and the same game at the time (Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops), and we joined a multiplayer setup between us. From there, we introduced ourselves, we got to know each other, including our faiths (I was Catholic at the time), and we generally had fun. How we bonded the most, though, was over comedy albums, and because I brought them up earlier, yes, it was the ones of George Carlin, Lewis Black, and Bill Hicks (I had them in my iTunes library on my laptop, and my laptop actually had two headphones jacks, so we got to listen without needing to share headphones or disturbing anyone around us). As an aside, when he heard Carlin's bit of "If there is a God, it has to be a man. No woman could or would ever f^^^ things up like this," he simply shrugged thoughtfully and acknowledged that he had a point - and he nearly fell over from laughter at the closing bit about invoking God to strike the audience dead before switching to himself. As another aside, I joined him through Ramadan (think of it as the Muslim version of Lent but taken to another level) for two years, and we exploited one of the loopholes given for it, namely the one on no entertainment unless it was educational... which meant lots of binging of Mythbusters during our lengthy breaks from classes. That kind of stuff, bit by bit, will make it easier to come out as an atheist or even just agnostic, at least with them. Those discussions about being a good person in general, regardless of any faith held, will probably do more to help you than the other parts of whatever friendship you build, though every part will undoubtedly help. Who knows, you might even end up getting them to come around to atheism themselves, though I cannot emphasize enough that this particular outcome should _NEVER_ be a goal. Like how it likely did with you, this is something they will have to come to themselves, and any perceived attempt to guide them towards it (it does not have to be a real attempt - just them imagining it as such is often enough) is very likely to backfire. I know how objectivist this sounds, and I am someone who despises objectivism, but if you are considering atheism in the hopes of pleasing someone other than yourself, then you had better stop with that right now, for you will be in for quite possibly nothing but disappointment. This is something you have to decide for yourself and yourself only. I understand how terrifying that can sound - again, experience - but this is the nature of it. In many ways, this is like coming out as LGTBQ+ (granted, I am not such, so I can only infer from relatives of mine who are): if your family, your community, cannot accept you for what you are and instead want you to be just like them, then they were never truly your family or community to begin with. This kind of experiences will likely teach you very quickly (and quite possibly painfully) that family is more than sharing a bloodline, which is nothing more than a convenient means/excuse. I do not blame anyone looking to come out to dismiss what I have said here. After all, it probably sounds like I had a rather pleasant time for my coming out as an atheist. Sure, that final moment might have been the most (comparatively) pleasant, but that was after so much of other stuff going on for quite a long time, such as taking separate cars to Sunday Mass so that me and my brother could ditch our mother (leaving her with her own car) and not have to wait for her to wrap up her choir activities. That's how it is: bit by bit, hint by hint, step by step, inch by inch, and some of these are going to be more painful than others. The point is that if you never do any of this stuff, you will never get anywhere, and any sudden attempt you might make will be all the more unprepared and thus more painful. All I tried to provide is one possible step towards that final goal. It might not truly be required, but every tip helps, and it comes down to you deciding whether or not to utilize it.
It was easier and with fewer repercussions to come out as gay three decades ago than to come out as atheist five years ago. My older sister and her family will barely speak to me and a few friends no longer consider me one, but for the overwhelming part, life goes on as normal. Living your life rather than acting a life is worth it. Others have gone through it and there are people out here ready to help just as MindShift is. BTW, being gay had almost nothing to do with my becoming atheist. It was the required cognitive dissonance that Christian apologetics demand -- How can God's words actually mean something completely different from what was written, especially when any interpretation of them is awful? Couple that with Christian hypocrisy: the Beatitudes are just suggestions, "neighbor" suggests a mile-limit. Fastest way to atheism, read the bible as you would a non-fiction book, preferably a concordance Bible with commentary on the translation and other versions/sources (some differences in ancient fragments are theologically significant). All of it, the failed prophecies, the contradictions, the unrealistic and anti-scientific; not just the fifty carefully selected verses you hear at church. Don't just pick out the few good parts that mimic behavior also displayed by other pack animals, my dog more-or-less obeys most of the applicable Ten Commandments. I don't know if the Sabbath should be Saturday or Sunday so Prints and I take both of them off, except he will still pick up sticks so as a good Christian I suppose I should stone him to death.
As a hidden atheist myself in a Seventh Day Adventist household, this was very helpful and I'm thankful that you've made this video. I hope my parents will understand my reason and get to accept it.
I was named Matthew and hated it, like being named Muhammad, but for Christians... so I changed it to Max, legally! Like if the two T crosses in Matt fell over into an X.
It all sounds good. I've been feeling militant about it all,but I certainly don't want to ACT militant. I'm 56. Both my parents are living, both Christians. My mom has taken to sharing amen memes lately. The easiest thing would be to just share this video on fb and let the chips fall where they may. I have a channel. I want to make a video expressing my thoughts on this, but I get emotional on subjects like death and I can't even get a rough draft on paper. I think a person by person approach is best, but I know it will be a rough conversation with my parents. Much hand wringing and head shaking and am I a Satanist? 😅 I feel I have so much to say but can't process it all. My wife walked in on me having a moment thinking about it all 2 days ago. I feel like a big stupid baby sometimes. Like I'm grieving a loss, but what loss? I've never really been a believer. I've always felt phony in church. Just going through the motions, even though common sense is telling me this can't. Be real. It's like Roman and Greek gods. Sorry about all the typos I'm on a phone. I'm glad for videos like yours and the other stuff I watch. I'm grateful for the outlet.
Welcome. I hope this video can reach and help many who are struggling with this difficult process. Thank you for watching and sharing!
I so appreciate your channel and this video. I fully deconverted (long process) about six months ago and have told only three people. I’m taking it very slow, trying to respect myself and meet my loved ones where they are. I found you recently and really appreciate the videos I’ve seen so far. Thank you so much for the time and effort you put in😊
Glad to hear you’re going slow and thoughtful! Also, thank you so much for the wonderful encouragement
Keep up the good work, Brandon!
I am really appreciating your content. Common-sense refutations of common Christian arguments. Do you have any plans for a book? I would love to have this material in written/digital form.
@@jenn4482may I ask what caused you to deconvert . My journey was the complete opposite as I deconverted to atheism at age 40 and surprisingly I converted back to Christianity (specifically ) Catholicism 4 years later and have been a Christian ever since .
watching back through your videos, both intentionally and letting the algorithm suggest stuff too, finally stumbled apon this.
as an agnostic atheist like you, i appreciate your articulation so much on every video i’ve watched.
many around me know (and can/have inferred) that about me, similar to my sexual attractions (bisexual, but in a long term relationship with my boyfriend. i tend to use partner and boyfriend pretty interchangeably). I never really had a “coming out” for either, but have been mindful of the conversations i have with certain family members, as like you mentioned, sometimes coming out/having that dialogue with being a non believer would be more detrimental to keeping them in your life.
both sets of my grandparents were/are heavily religious, one set in the non-denominational aspect and are in certain ways more open minded, and the other was church of christ (my minister of a late grandfather was CoC), and my living paternal grandma that I still talk with, is one i wouldn’t want to burden that conversation with of not believing and not being heterosexual, even though i’m in a “straight” relationship.
we still talk about god and the bible from time to time, but with her age and health, and how she is (still the sweetest lady), it’s not hurting me to allow her to continue what she believes in, and it brings her comfort. i think it’s really helping her through this time in her life (she’s defying “the universe” as i call it, by living longer than projected for her terminal illness, and i think her faith plays into it).
anyway, long winded to say that i enjoy your content, wanted to share for anyone else that may stumble across this video and comment section, and give you some more engagement.
thanks for your work Brandon!
editing to add:
be prepared for grief feelings too, and for others that you share with, may deal with it too, with coming out. i’m sure some grief comes up (i have) for deconstructing for others, but i felt called to add as well.
As a trans person coming out as trans was rough, and now here I am with atheism too ... This video is literally directly applicable to any type of coming out and I can confirm the advice you gave is spot on.
How are you doing now? Has your, "coming out," caused you any trouble?
@@Dutch_Vander_Linde_ thank you for asking. I've been out for what feels like a while now. It's been a year and a half. I'm living by myself now and doing well with my girlfriend. I'm also considering returning to college soon.
Overall I haven't had the worst trouble but my relationship with my dad is tenuous because of his transphobia. My mom on the other hand, while she was very transphobic she had slowly made progress and has made it clear she intends to maintain a healthy relationship with me. There's still time where she says really bad stuff, but it's fine because I'm not around them too much.
My mom is also promising she will continue to pay for my college which is great. My dad on the other hand is suspiciously silent. He's retired now and I swear he's turning into the stereotypical angry, bigoted, yet lonely old man. He spends all his time on Twitter and far right new sources.
@@EmmaHopman I'm glad you still have your mom supporting you. It seems you have your life together some what. I keep hearing stories of queer folk thrown out and abandoned. I'm glad you are doing as well as you are.
Remember, people aren't born hateful, they are taught to be. Try not to hate your dad, you know what hate feels like. I try not to hate people people, that takes too much energy, and impacts mental health. That doesn't mean I forgive everyone either.
Best of luck for everything.
No surprise 🙄
Thank you for this, Brandon. It really helped me in determining who and when I have come out to. My son and youngest brother were easy, and they came first. My son is not a believer, and my brother has some mystical ideas about religion. My cousin, who has been such a close friend, has pretty well written me out of her life. She said that Christianity was all we had in common. I remained calm and kind, but, boy, that was hurtful! My niece, who is a very strong Christian, said that she saw it coming for quite a while as my conversations with her slowly changed. She visits with me for weeks at a time a few times a year, and I wanted her to know that I just just don't believe anymore before she arrives for her visit that is coming up soon. She said that it might be uncomfortable periodically during the visit but that we will work through it day by day because of our deep love and respect for each other. That warmed my heart. As far as my Christian friends, who I do not see as often, I'm just not pushing it. It will only take me telling one of them, and it will pass quickly through the prayer chain! I'm not quite ready for that. One day at a time.
Thank you again for this video. I devour every one of them, but this one has helped me the most.
Oh man. Thank you so much for sharing and all the love. I am so glad this was helpful.
This is perhaps the most thoughtfully made and thought-provoking video I’ve ever seen. I seriously never thought about keeping what was good from Christianity. I have that choice! Brandon, you are remarkable.
Oh wow. Thats so kind. Thank you very much!
I wish you had made this video a couple of years ago, my coming out was during arguments, but it was through these arguments, I learned who I really was. I lost my church family and my fiancé, but I gained a new life with a new family, and I can honestly say that I've never been happier.
When I came out to my roommate that I was a lesbian (we are like sisters) she asked me outright if I still believed God. I said a very simple "no". Later, weeks later, faith came up again when she was ready. I calmly stated how I felt, where I was in my belief, and instead of pointing fingers at her, I simply told her I felt MUCH more peaceful after deconstructing and opened the door for her by asking if she felt peace, and if so, it's perfectly okay. She said no... not really... and then changed the subject, so I let it drop since. Your video was a big help!
I just want to say... Thank you for this.
my pleasure! hope it helps.
This video was like therapy for me. Thank you.
oh glad to hear it! thanks for being here.
I’m traveling the deconversion path and have been for about two years. Many points in this video are relatable to my story. Thanks for the tips.
Glad to help!
Making a big deal of coming out as an atheist here in Denmark would just result in a lot of awkward silence and people looking slightly confused by your 'big announcement'.
- "Okay, so you're an atheist then? Well ... good for you I suppose. Actually we never knew you were a Christian to begin with but ... congratulations or whatever".
Ha! I cant wait for the day thats the norm here.
@@MindShift-Brandon Yeah, after I've heard about the serious consequences this has had for so many Americans I have a newfound appreciation for how thoroughly secular my part of the world is. (Northern Europe in general and Scandinavia in particular). Religious beliefs is simply not a topic people bring up in conversation or openly display their adherence to. I think most people in Denmark would be unable to say if their friends are Christians or atheists because the topic simply doesn't come up.
i want to share my life as a South African.
I grew up roman catholic and later when i got older i joined charismatic pentecostal church.
Even the Bishop of my church was my parent's friend. The pressure was alot to keep up
I even went to a christan school.
The first born son in my family had a complication with his birth and receive brain damage.
My older brother couldnt speak, he always talk like baby, he lost the ability to walk, experience muscle atrophy.
he developed bad case scoliosis of the spine. He had epilepsy.
Til his death.
when i was young around 12 i used to pray alot to God begging him to sacrifice myself so that my older brother can get better.
I honestly believed God created Eve from Adam's rib, you had to believe the literal Word of God.
so i thought that God can reconstruct my brother by using parts of my brain, and leg bones and muscles.
If God could do it my brother could finally be normal. God is the creator of all, nothing is impossible with God.
i would never hear God's response every time i would pray,
i would even say you can send me to hell as long my older brother is fixed.
Even if i died my parents still have their daughter and my twin brother.
The hospital were my brother was being treated had so may kids like my brother. Some even worse, blind with brain damage, no hearing.
I would be so shocked that there so many kids. I would think why would God do this.
I would walk in different wards praying for healing.
i would lose abit of faith everytime i would go there, and everytime my brother would get worse.
I would hear stories of God healing people, people who couldnt walk can now walk. I would say God why help them but not my brother.
You help people with filling up their car with fuel.
When my older brother was on his death bed, i started to pray again to god begging him save him, i will sacrifice myself.
What went thru my head was Abraham and his sacrifice of his son, God is testing me. I grab a knife tempting to kill myself so that God can finally cure my brother.
I snapped out of that thought and said why should i die and then my parents and siblings will have to bury two kids. i dropped the knife.
Religion dogma is bad especially for kids when the church teaches all these things from the bible, God is Omni, God loves you all, Ask and you will receive.
Not even my sibilings and parents knew what i went through.
My mother is devout christian. She would always say she is disappointed in us for stop goin to child.
You could see it broke her heart. i learned to keep things to myself to protect my mother.
when we burried my brother i felt so guilty because i thought i failed my brother. i was weak not a true christian.
I would to go to church but i wasnt totally there i felt so fake.
People would say God had plans for my brother i would say to them saying you have no idea the impact on my parents and what they had to go through.
I would never wish this on any one, not even hilter.
God works in mysterious way was always the excuse.
It took many years until i was around 24 to fully step out of the religious hold.
These things can be so traumatic to children that you even carry into ur adulthood.
Now that the burden has been lifted, i could finally have peace with regards to my older brother.
For those that think it was only my brother that contributed to deconverting me it wasnt.
Growing up in mixed family, having a black mother and white father in South Africa during the 90s.
This was the start of the fall of apartheid.
You see alot of stuff the death threats because we are mixed, the failed attempts to kill my family from both black and white people.
Many things went into deconverting.
This video will help people knowing that they are not alone in this.
Your channel is like therapy. Thank you so much for your kind and logical way of sharing your experiences and advice.
Thats a really kind sentiment. I am glad to hear it snd thank you for watching!
Hearing about what damage can be caused to relationships after coming out as an atheist in the US made me aware of how lucky I am to live in a secular country where being an atheist is considered normal.
Good luck to anyone deconverting in a heavily religious environment, I'm sure these advice will be appreciated.
Appreciate that. Its always interesting for me to hear from those not in such religious countries. I just cant imagine a stigma-free environment like that.
@@MindShift-Brandon : let's hope your efforts and those of other public atheists will eventually normalize the idea of not being reigious everywhere in the US.
Sam Harris talks how in USA you could have the moral insight of a Lincoln, the prose of a Jefferson, but if you are an atheist you are politically DOA, probably in most of the country.
I'm in the process of telling a few people. It was a huge relief for me when I no longer had to decipher which religion is correct from the bible. I quit attending Catholic church. I'm gradually telling my kids. I will never tell my JW mom. I am really lonely. I've lost the little bit of community I had. I broke up with my fiancé. It is so tough. Love your thoughts on this.
I am so very sorry to hear how much you have lost. Its not an easy road and feeling alone would only make that so much worse. But i hope you have a friend or two who you can really lean on and at least you have your kids you can continue to love on. Again so sorry for your losses but so happy for your relief and truth. Thank you for being here! Reach out if theres ever anything i can do.
That’s rough. Everyone says it eventually gets better. You find people who love you without all the conditions attached.
My heart goes out to you! A lot of us are going through similar things, so you certainly aren't alone. I hope you regain some peace
@@weirdwilliam8500 I'm not an atheist but personally I'm yet to see any atheists in a loving relationship (not friends with benefits) with no mental health issues.
@@Lerian_V Wow, you should get out and meet more atheists then.
Oooh, neuroscience. I'm right there with you. For me the best populist for Neuroscience is Steven Pinker. I highly recommend his books, but especially.
1. The Blank Slate, the Modern Denial of Human Nature. This positions neuroscience in the Nature vs Nurture wars.
2. The Stuff of Thought. This goes into the mechanics of the brain as manifest neurology.
3. The Language Instinct. The title says it all.
Ive got two of these under my belt. Need to read the stuff of thought!
I just straight up said it. Most people I know were like whatever but my family didn't take it too well, especially my mom. She got real hurt.
these videos are creating on this channel are going to go down in history as some of the best ever.
way too kind, but thank you very much!
Your timing with this video is impeccable soooo... thanks for a third time man.
Glad to be of any help!
I loved this video so much. You are helping me so much, thank you
Dan Barker is awesome. 😎
So good at explaining his points. He really helped me.
Thank you! This is my favorite podcast. Your breakdown on the issue is tremendous!!
I've heard of younger people that still live with their fundie parents wanting to come out to them. I think that it's ok to say that it's not a good idea to come out if it might put you into harm. They may kick you out, stop feeding you, or in some cases be abusive. It's ok to acknowledge that you can't until you're self-sufficient.
100%
Thank you so much. I can't put into words what this video means to me.
I am so glad you found it useful!
Excellent video. Thank you. My strategy for coming out is not to make a big public announcement, but to mention it matter-of-factly when the subject comes up naturally in a conversation. In general, such a moment is very rare, now that my parents have passed and it's easier to live as my authentic self. I'm determined to help normalize non-belief by acting like it's not a big deal.
Yes! Great points. Letting it happen organically and helping to normalize is a great way. Thank you.
WOW! just finished the whole thing. This should be the video every new atheist watches! So much healthy wisdom and perspective. Thank you, Brandon for putting this together. I wish I could have had such an example when I was going through this for the first time!
Hey thanks so much! I am glad to hear it would have been useful to you at the right time. Appreciate you still watching it and your positive feedback.
Believing that the sun will rise tomorrow is a leap of faith. Just because it's done so for 5 billion means factually, nothing.
I still haven’t really figured out the best way to go about it and have mostly avoided it for a few years. Mainly because when I did initially begin to discuss it the response was such shock that it kinda of…shocked me back? I wasn’t ready for the reactions, nor was I ready to be the mature person in the conversation due to other personal reasons. I really appreciate this video and I hope I can use it to help take some of the necessary steps that I deserve to be able to take for myself.
Wishing you the best with whatever you choose. Thats an interesting point about being shocked at the other persons outrage. It is worse than i thought it would be too and thats saying a lot. Thanks for your kind words!
This is so good. I'm smackdab in the middle of deconstruction. I haven't "dropped the bomb" yet. This is such a big help. Preciate you for this video and for everything else you do.
My pleasure, i am really happy to hear that its a help. Good luck!
Good luck. It will be so good to have that yoke off your shoulders.
In general I’m a good example of how NOT to come out as an atheist. I did it right with a few but, wrong with most. I didn’t even know atheist UA-cam channels existed when I had my epiphany. I could have benefitted a lot from this video! I started out not telling anyone at all. Eventually I told my adult daughter who had rejected religion when she was 15. After a horrible tragedy occurred in my life and my extended family really failed me, I came out very bluntly. They of course blamed it on the tragedy and still no matter how I explain the process was years in the making and the tragedy only prompted be to stop being inauthentic by hiding it they have not believed me. My timing was very off and my very assertive honesty was more than they could handle. We no longer have relationships but, more because of the lack of emotional support than anything else. My UA-cam “family” has been the best community I have ever had.
Sorry to hear about your poor experiences. What is awful is that you shouldn’t have to be this precise and tiptoe around christians to share your truth. But that is the reality and thus why i suggested what i did. But it shouldn’t be a formula to have you be able to be believed and accepted by your own friends and family. Its just so sad what this faith does. Thanks for sharing and glad to know a video like this would have helped.
May I ask what specifically caused you to de convert ? Was your deco version emotional , intellectual or a combination of both .?
I came out of atheism
12 years ago at the age of 44 and did so because science, reason , logic and history forced me into believing that belief in God was more reasonable then not .
Yes when I came out as an atheist at 40 I was laughed at by members of my brothers church but when I asked them why they believed in God their answer was “”we just do “
Guess who was laughing at the end of that conversation ?
@@angelbrother1238I left religion for multiple reasons. It had been coming for many years but, I kept suppressing it until the cognitive dissonance screaming in my head became too loud to ignore. I studied biology, anthropology and geology in college and it all had evidence, was logical and real. Religion didn’t seem logical, reasonable or have evidence. But I kept trying to believe. I traveled the world as an international flight attendant and saw how all people believe their religion is correct and true. I still kept trying to believe. I had a lot of problems with the Bible, genocide, rape, slavery, etc. I still kept trying to believe. In 60+ years of praying I never had a prayer answered. I kept trying to believe. Finally, I rewatched a documentary about an ancient people and it included a segment about human sacrifice. I had always known that was a common practice in ancient times but, it hit me - Jesus death was just another human sacrifice! The light went off in my head and I could no longer try to believe. I was deconverted and then the deconstruction began. I read and studied every book I could find about ancient religions. They are all the same! Sometimes word for word! Everything about me changed! I am free of dogma, free of feeling rejected by God (never there) and free to believe evidence based truths. Better late than never! Whew!c
@@26beegee what part of biology and geology made the Bible irrational . I mean I think I know what your getting at when it comes to the geology part . We’re you brought up to be a younger earth creationist ?
As far as biology is concerned I believe your talking about the theory of evolution right ?
I’m also a believer in evolution . Can you explain to me how I could believe in both evolution and God ?
Also why do you believe that the Bible teaches young earth creationism ?
Have you ever looked into the old earth arguments from the Bible ?
Also you forgot to mention quantum physics and Astro physics which to me point more towards A mind then natural causes .
Young earth creationists are usually very dogmatic in their beliefs and when they find out it’s irrational they usually cross over all the way to the other side which is atheism .
Oh and also even though I believe in God now I fully understand that there is no such thing in this finite realm as absolute proof .
Have you ever looked into the scientific studies being done on near death experiences ?
@@26beegee ok I’ll deal with this one part at a time .prayer is often the most mis understood part of faith .people always think that prayer is when we ask God for something and he quickly gives it to us . Rub the lamp and you get your wishes .
It took my 44 years to understand this isn’t the purpose of prayer . The purpose of prayer is for us to ask God to help us each day to align our will with his .
Did Job from the Old Testament get his prayers answered ? God allowed him to lose his family , his home and his friends . Why would God allow this ? And even though God allowed it , job never cursed God .
Job didn’t realize this but all those things mean nothing if you are not aligned with goodness itself . God also brought to another level of faith or trust as it’s called .
The problem of evil is probably the toughest one that most people wrestle with . Why did God allow
My dad to get molested by a priest in his homeland ?
As far as Jesus being just another human sacrifice , I would press you to rethink the historical arguments for the historicity of the resurrection . They weren’t the ones that brought me back to belief in God from atheism but they are the ones that brought me back to Christianity .
As far as all ancient religions being the same ?? I have never seen this . Did you get this from zeitgeist ?
Please share with me which religions are making the same proclamations as Christianity and about Jesus ?
As far as being free to to believe in evidence based true I couldn’t agree more with you .
My time as an atheist also taught me to do this but why did my search for evidence based truth lead me back to God and to Christianity and yours lead you to atheism .
Both of us can’t be right ?
I look forward to hearing more and I look forward to your replies to my posts
Thanks
I highly recommend Dan Barker's book Godless. It is a great book to read while deconverting from religion.
Seconded!
Well thought out tips. As a practicing Catholic I find these tips quite reasonable and balanced overall.
Appreciate that. Thank you.
That was super insightful and helpful! Thank you!
Oh glad to hear it. My pleasure!
I am very thankful for this video. Thank you for your mission and for this advice. 💛
My pleasure. Thanks for being here!
Great video as always. Again, this is the best atheist/agnostic UA-cam channel I’ve seen come out in years, and even exceeds most of the other great channels out there. Seriously, thank you for jumping in and doing this. As a former lifelong Christian in Alabama, I look forward to your videos each day like a kid on Christmas morning.
I completely agree!!!
Just beyond kind! Thanks so much for this amazing encouragement. Its very motivating to keep going so hard.
If I was a believer about to deconstruct I would greatly appreciate those 7 essential tips.
Appreciate that! Thank you very much.
Thank you for sharing those tips.. I have only come out as an atheist to my wife and adult daughter. My wife first reaction was that I must be worshiping the devil. After I explained my thoughts, she grudgingly accepted my position.
Man thats so hard. How didnit go with your daughter? Very curious as i have young kids and feel ill need to tell them sooner than later
This is a great video. Thank you. I still haven't figured out how to come out to my parents, or if it's even worth it.
I am glad to be of any use here. Wishing you well as you make these tough choices!
Sound, practical, comprehensive treatment for this. Excellent word choice examples and optimistic results orientation. It'll be a great day when "atheizing" and unchurching are completely normalized. Also love the letting the genie out of the lamp on the background.
Thanks, Jenna. Appreciate your great feedback here! Yes what a day that will be. And ha, glad you said something about the background.
There’s only one thing worst than coming out as an atheist; coming out as a LGBTQ atheist.
Thats probably true. What a world.
It was easier to come out as gay than atheist. There was some temporary awkwardness and obvious discomfort among kith and kin, but no losses. I didn't come out as an atheist to my folks and to varying degrees lost a healthy relationship with one of sisters and her family and a few people decided I was no longer a friend. However, for the most part it was not a big deal. One of my friend's response was along the lines of "You're one of the best 'Christians' I know, you're still going to heaven even if you don't believe in it". This from a Roman Catholic. My atheism doesn't come up in conversation unless someone calls me on it. Usually a secular humanist or constitutional (Biblical if I'm feeling ornery, there's passage to justify anything) rebuttal suffices. Not going through life "acting" is worth it.
If you're wondering in being gay had anything to do with my atheism, no. If I could make and eat shrimp scampi with bacon bits while wearing cotton/
My situation has been unique because I became an atheist later in life, after my children grew up in a Christian fundamentalist environment. Now, I’m dealing with adult kids and elderly parents “attacking” me for not staying faithful…. It has been particularly difficult for me feeling the rejection of my youngest daughter who told me that it will be very difficult for her to be close to me and let my granddaughter be close because we no longer share same beliefs. My elderly mother makes me feel guilty for betraying the family values and between my children and parents, I feel between the sword and the wall.
Thankfully, my husband has been wonderful and supportive. My kids have agreed to seek family counseling to help us navigate through this process.
I mean sometimes when family or someone says god bless you, I don't respond because they know, just don't want to believe and other friends of mine also, but at times it stressful, I mean I hang in there of course. ( Note: they say bless because they so used to saying it, at times I just look the other way. ( Great video, my guy.
Thank you much. Yes its just baked into the culture. God is everywhere and not worth being the person who is always offended
@@MindShift-Brandon you are welcome, but yes, have to ignore a few things at times lol 😂
This doesn't apply to me , but I appreciate how important it is for others.
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Appreciate that, Jerry!
Thank you for making this video; it has so much beneficial information. I plan on coming out as an atheist to my independent fundamental Baptist parents next year after I graduate from college. I'm really scared to do it, but I know it needs to happen.
Good luck! I am glad this helped.
Im going through this now, thanks for the video. I relate to pretty much everything you said about interests now that I am no longer religious.
It goes with the territory…it’s okay to be angry. We all go through a phase:)
Thats true! Angry is not bad. Its a necessary step.
Very valuable video. I have been an atheist for about 15 years but I have only told my mother. I didn't have to share with my husband because he deconverted from Christianity at about the same time. He finally insisted I tell my mother and I agreed that she should know. She didn't have much of a reaction except to tell me that she didn't want me to force my beliefs on her. Kind of ironic given my upbringing but okay.
I will not come out at work because I absolutely feel I would be shunned and ultimately would lose my job. I would like to work elsewhere but I live in such a conservative Christian place that I can't imagine where I could work that I wouldn't have the same issue. I don't tell friends or acquaintances because I don't think it's any of their business. I didn't go to church for years before I changed so I didn't have church friends. My other friends and I don't have religious discussions much so leaving this fact out isn't hard. But I think most of them would reject me as well. So I'm not living authentically and I am coming to really hate that. I don't know if or when I will ever tell more people but I appreciate your advice.
Thank you for that and for sharing. What a hard spot i hope you find peace in whatever decision you end up making b
Thank you. This is incredibly valuable to a lot of people. Fellow heathens, we will survive 😂 just waiting for a christian to come in "oh just wait for your last breath". Oh the love.
The love indeed! Lol thanks man!
Ive been deconstructing for the past 2 years. Im agnostic now and would have kept this to myself for a while but recently I’ve been convinced I should be vegan. I have lived the past 6 months attempting to live out my new belief but whenever I go back to family, I break. I feel the demands of morality telling me I should come out but if I told my family I would almost certainly sever relationships completely. Ultimately I feel like a coward and it is killing me inside to keep this to myself.
I am so sorry to hear that. Coming out Vegan can be fully different from coming out atheist, maybe you start there. I'm not saying that will be easy either, but telling people you dont want animals needlessly torturedshould be easier than denying their god. Whatever you do or don't do, please don't feel like a corward. You just changed two huge worldviews despite all the pressures around you not to...not a coward!
Be kind to yourself, you are in a difficult position and are trying to do the best you can.
I like this video.
For me it's a little late. I had to come out to everyone last year because me and my wife were expecting our 4th child. And as a Christian we had to get our little girl baptised.
My wife still is a believer, I am not. I supported my wife, but I had to stand in front of a full church at about 1200 people who all saw/heard that my wife answered with yes, and I didn't answer that question.
In my close family no one understands, but they don't shunt me out, but I did have some harsh comments.. all of my friends and all of my family still go to Church.. that's the hardest part, being the only one who sees religion the way I do..
Anyway. I hope this video helps people to get out of religion in a better way than I did..
Oh man, thats a terrible situation for all. Talk about ripping the bandaid off. Thank you for sharing and for watching and your desire for others to have a better experience. I hope you are doing well with this all still.
Yeah, that bandaid was a bitch. It was a very tough period, it still is.
It helps for me to see that I am not the only one struggling with this!
Thanks for your reply
I feel the same way. The awe and excitement that comes with a understanding of science, of evolution by natural selection, cosmology, etc., is so much better than “god did it”. I’m so much better off and happier. This video took a lot of work and it’s very appreciated. I can envision it helping many, many people.
Thanks, Lori. Yes its been the best to find a whole new world! And thanks so much.
Interesting video, thanks. It made me realise how different things still are on your side of the pond. I am from the UK and it would be difficult to imagine anyone nowadays from a Christian background, particularly if they were under 60 or so years of age, feeling that this was advice that needed to be widely shared for the benefit of the newly ex-Christian community. In a previous life I have been an opinion pollster and questioned literally thousands of people on matters of belief and affiliation, and, having interviewed even in rural and traditional areas, my own experience is that at least half the population no longer identify as Christians. Even those who do will often qualify their belief as being nominal only. I myself am in my late 60's, raised by atheist parents, and can honestly say that I have never felt oppressed or discriminated against in any significant way for this reason, and this is despite the fact that our head of state is also the head of the Anglican church and that unelected bishops still hold privileged positions in our parliamentary upper chamber.
I think things are definitely different for young and not-so-young British ex-Muslims, coming as they often do from traditional cultures with often reactionary values, but the "Christian" mainstream in the UK have definitely come a long way since the 1950's. Hoping things won't be too long getting better for y'all across the pond too.
appreciate that. The trend is here, but it also seems to be driving up the fundamentalist side also. I think things are going to get worse for a while before they get better. Its such an interesting thing to hear how other parts of the world view this. Thanks for taking the time to share!
Great video. A good way of understanding a balanced attidue when trying to explain the reasons to someone we care about.
thank you much!
some notes I am making as I hear your video.
I moved first to Deism thanks to Thomas Payne and the "Age of Reason" lingering there for a good while then to atheism. In addition the rejection of evolution by most in my Chruch and family caused me serious problems back in the late 1960's and early 1970's.
I was raised in the rural South and attended a smaller Southern Baptist Church in the 1950's and 1960's.
I also agree that others "act out" because they question their own faith. It scares them that someone they know can dismiss Christianity. I have seen this firsthand.
To many that live around me. politics and faith go hand and hand like never before. You just about have to be a republivan to be a true christian. From the outside I have watched this develop. When I fell out with the GOP and didn't vote for Trump that was a sign of a sin to many. (I know you are not getting political here but I am discussing myelf not your channel_)
I never confronted my family or friends about my beleifs. It was a slow one on one process to me. However, some discussions could of got heated if I'd of let it. Many family members still refuse to believe I rejected the faith. I don't tell them that being a Christain is wrong. I just tell them it is not what I believe and sometimes give them ideas why I don't beleive.
I will say that after "91l"(World Trade Center) I did get more upfront with my rejection of faith and the danger of faiths to humanity. But still I am not shouting it out. I just stopped walking away from discussions.
I never got in the position to debate passages of the bible with folks. If they push the bible and bible verses then I want them to explain the supernatural events first. But as far as discussions about bible teaching, I just don't do that and I am not interested in studying the bible again to have such useless discussions. I don't need to study the bible to confirm what I believe which is all that ever happens.
I know some of my family blamed my Mom and said she was too hard on me by making me go to Church all the time. This is funny because they did the same thing with their kids lol They have asks my wife about this. They seek to find some emotional problem that would cause me to drop the faith and to guide me so far off track.
My mom's faith didn't cause me to leave Christanity. I think it was in fact a roadblock keeping me from saying much earlier as I didn't want to hurt her feelings. She was a very good woman and I didn't want to cause her pain.
,
I don't miss Church because I sat there and would think all the time "that's bullshit" I do miss the people and the connections before the services started. Some people will not do anymore than speak to me now because I am not a Christian.
Some people say they will not do business with anyone not a Christian. I usually ask them why are buying products made in China and Japan if that is true.
I think you have to find piece in your own mind and all the rest will work out. It "working out" may mean you loss friends. I will not live in a lie to have friends anymore. If they don't like me as I am then f**k them. I did live like that for a long time and was not happy. I found being at peace with what I beleive to be more important than judgement of others. I will confess however I never directly told my mom before she died. We talked around the edges but not directly .
If a Christian tells me personal experiences in order to change my belief then I will push back sometimes. I didn't always do that. I also will push back at people that constantly try to get me to go to church after I have told them I am not interested. Some of my family don't understand that as well. I told them that after a while being asked to go to Church is nothing but harassment. I am intelligent and know where most of the Churches are in my local area and could find one if I wanted to go to one.
I don't have to yield to their faith as I once thought in order to get by in the world. My personal believes are just as important to me as theirs are to them. I do however understand how this could be a huge problem if you work in some of the Christian businesses like some of the ones here where I live. They will fire you if you don't play the stupid game. Luck for me I never had to play that game.
When my Dad and then later my mom died I didn't stop the religious services as their families were there at the funeral home. I told the preacher that I was not a christian but they were and they would want religious services. I also told him the rest of my family would want a religious service. I could of controlled this since I am an only child. I did however refuse to have a dinner at the Church after the services were over. That was just to much for me.
I cant reply to everything now but i did enjoy hearing all your thoughts and story and hope others will also. Thanking you for feeling open enough to do so here!
I'm not an atheist, but I'm still in the process of leaving various Christian based communities and figuring out how to express my changing belief system to Christian friends. And also to my young children.
I've only told my immediate family, my aunt, and some folks on Discord and Reddit among other places.
I shudder to think of what most of my extended family would think once they find out the truth about me, which is why I'm waiting until I've got my own place to explain myself on UA-cam.
I am myself in the process of coming out as an atheist. So far, I only told it to my girlfriend and my mother-in-law about a year ago. Don't know if I'll ever tell my parents. As it stands right now, I'd be only deteriorating our relationship for essentially nothing
yes, to each their own on this one. Really tough calls and sometimes its a lose/lose. wishing you well though.
How very, very sad. I would think that the situation takes up a lot of mind time. Best wishes.
I`m so happy I found this channel! your very clear, understanding and straightforward in how you explain. I`m sure what you do helps so many people, thank you!
I hope so. And thank you so much for that. Very encouraging
Nice.
Thank you!
Jesus was right as he said: "You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." Knowing and understanding the truth about god being not real totally set me free from all those shackles.
Ha. Always some good parts in the bible. Free indeed!
Very valuable takes here. While I don't actually consider myself an atheist, I can really see how well thought out these tips are. Good stuff. :) I really like your closing, how your horizons have been broadened by taking off the blinders. That's a helluva feeling. When I was a kid I would watch nature documentaries about dinosaurs and evolution and stuff and I remember my parents explicitly saying not to believe what they said because it obviously didn't agree with the Bible. The willful ignorance is insanely frustrating in retrospect, but like you say it's incredibly liberating when you finally cast off those shackles. Great vid. :)
Freedom! Thats all it is. Letting go off incorrect and harmful ideas. Man its just worth it. Love your verbiage of casting off the shackles. Thanks for the support.
This was a really good video. I'll probably watch it again, before I tell my family. A really good idea you had was not telling everyone all at once, I think I will tell my single family members individually and my coupled family members as couples.
I have a similar story to yours. Sister was having her baby dedicated at a church, so I went to support her. Interestingly, the pastor admitted that this was a statement saying that the parents are going to indoctrinate the children. He used that word! No self reflection! (Side note: since becoming an atheist, every time I have gone to church I have left thinking "yup, I don't believe that anymore.")
Finally, you are not alone in having your mind being opened up! This might be because we both have a fundamentalist background. Now, I'm learning so many new things, like science, history, and mental health! It can be overwhelming and scary sometimes, but overall it is exciting and rewarding.
Exciting and rewarding is right. So glad for you man.Yes, going to church as an atheist is something else, isn't it? Thanks for watching and so glad you found it helpful. good luck on whats to come!
There was just too much to handle: the strong pioneer heritage of my family, the gayness, my mental disability, and the vicious rumors about my lifestyle. I went into self-shunning mode. My partner and I have lived in a cocoon for years. We are not hermits, exactly, but we have a very limited social life. As I interpret what you said, there is no course of action with the label, "One size fits all."
oh of course. I think, in fact, the right answer for many would be not to come out. No judgement here. Everyone has so many variables at play. Sorry to hear its been such a rough ride!
Wonderful video! I'm sure so many of your typical watchers have already come out, but i hope this finds the right ones!
For sure, thank you so much.
Sometimes there is no point in coming out
My father is 94 years old and has been a devout Christian his whole life
He lives 350 miles away from me
I feel no guild whatsoever about telling blatant lies to him about still being a Christian going to church
He would be extremely upset and concerned if he knew the truth
Totally. Sometimes, if a lie doesn't affect you and makes the lives of everyone better, that lie is the best course of action.
Most important: You don't owe anyone an explanation. So don't get trapped in a conversation where the goal is to "reconvert" you. It won't be productive.
For sure, for either side. Just gonna drive a wedge. Thank you!
Another great video, Brandon. Practical tips and useful questions. Your channel has helped me (and I’m sure many others) deconstruct mindsets from Christianity that I didn’t realize were so internalized and still affecting my worldview! Even after watching atheist content for a long time, somehow those lingering ideologies still existed in my perspective and were detracting from my personal happiness, and yours is the first channel that made me realize that. Thanks again for all you do!
Oh wow. I am thrilled to hear I’m helping to clear out the last few cobwebs! Thanks for sharing!
I’m sure this will be very useful to a lot of your viewers.
As someone who has been out as an atheist since age 13/14, I never had to deal with any of that but then again, religion was almost exclusively a school thing for me and I was fine antagonizing everyone.
My father was very religious and we did have terrible arguments over this, but those were unavoidable and no amount of deliberation would have changed anything.
I can’t put myself in the believer’s shoes, although I can obviously try, as I was never one- not in the same terms, at least; I did believe in God as I was indoctrinated but I never cared for the character.
Still appreciate you sharing.
If this topic is ever revisited on this channel, and I'm sure it'll keep coming up periodically, one note that was overlooked is to remind young atheists especially to make sure it's SAFE before coming out. This is true not just for young atheists, but young non-binary and other LGBTQIA+ individuals. If you have parents that pay the rent, etc, be careful not to put yourself in a bad situation!! Have a backup plan just in case things go unexpectedly unwell. It may be safer to wait until you're old enough to get your own place before telling your parents, for example. All families are unique, and you should keep your family's dynamic in mind before putting yourself out there. It can be harder to be homeless than it is to be a covert agnostic.
Idk if anyone will see this considering how old the video is, but I wanted to say it somewhere. I have only 2 people I want to come out to, but those 2 people happen to be my parents(who I live with). My whole life they have been extremely controlling and willing to take away everything I care about in the blink of an eye. They also have a firm stance against atheism, which probably makes you wonder why I even want to come out in the first place. The issue, and the reason I want to come out, is that I'm caught in a farce where they believe I'm an extremely devoted christian. Having to pretend and maintain the illusion that I agree with their beliefs almost every day is exhausting, to an excruciating degree. The worst part is that I still have probably a good 1-2 years at the minimum before I have the resources to move out. I don't know how much longer I can keep ruining my mental health for this. If I didn't know that the fallout would most likely be extreme, I would've come out a long while ago, especially since I've been fully deconverted for at least a year and a half. I just don't know what to do about it at this point, I feel like giving up and telling them almost every day. I just want to stop having to pretend to be someone I'm not all the time.
Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this
You pretty much have to keep, "ruining your mental health," until you can safely leave. From what I gathered here, your life will be worse if you come out, than if you wait a little bit move out.
I don't want to make assumptions, but your parents seem like the people to kick you out if you came out as atheist. This is considering the fact that they have a, "firm stance against atheism," and that they think you are devout.
I was born, raised and educated into a fundamentalist religion. It took until I was in my 40's to begin the process of falling away. I didn't make any claims about it to my family or anyone else because I just didn't care. As I entered my 50's about five years ago, I realized much to my relief that I am indeed atheist. If the conversation of religion or god ever comes up I just speak about it factually and make it clear neither I nor my kids are part of that any more. I get some shocked looks now and then, but since I have no need to defend it or debate it, the conversations are inconsequential. I just don't care. I think if a person has to stage a "coming out" it speaks more to wanting conformation and/or acceptance which just ain't gonna happen. The way I see it, if I were to make being an atheist a central part of my identity, I'm just replacing one religion with another. If I want my family members to accept it and I try to defend or justify it, I am still just preaching. Other people are younger and may have more serious consequences. For me, I just don't care, so it's likely easier.
Thats a good point and a perspective that I’m glad your adding since i didn’t cover it. Not everyone has to have this grandiose thing and i don’t think i advocated for that but some people, especially younger people like you said, have a lot more potential consequences and simply have to deal with this. I would disagree that planning a proper way to come out is just for conformation or acceptance. I think its very necessary for many to maintain relationship and even protect the other people involved. Again thanks for the comment and showing your journey. In sure many can relate and am glad to have it here.
@@MindShift-Brandon Yes, rereading my statement I do sound a bit flippant. The process is no doubt much more distressing for most. Thank you for what you do, I am enjoying your channel.
Not at all, man. Appreciate your kindness here.
I really like how you mention that you are an atheist to Yahweh and other "gods" that have been presented in this world... and agnostic towards what really started the cosmos. I think that is how I have been sharing my story... I am agnostic when it comes to how life began and atheistic towards the "God" I grew up with. So I get the label of agnostic atheist. it's actually easier to explain that way and less offensive. It is a claim against what I was asked to believe in as a narrative... not the whole enchilada that really remains unknown for me. I let go of theological certainty and didn't feel confident enough to embrace scientific certainty. I am a poet who likes to look at her world with wonder and curiosity. I like the stories that come from the scientific world view... but I'm only 55 years old. I am not 17.3 billion years old and I don't understand how they get that number anyway. But I would rather believe the Grand Canyon was carved over a massive amount of time...versus a divine snap of the fingers. That is poetry... to embrace the gradual change... because that is also what I have experienced in my 55 years of living. Nothing happens at the snap of a finger in my life... so it makes sense to believe in the evolving process with something so massive like the cosmos. Thank you.
a very methodical and comprehensive approach to such a difficult matter. by the way, religion is one of the great taboo subjects here in greece, along with sex, love and mental disorders (of course).
Thank you. Nice to hear usa isnt the only country with these issues but also sad any of us have to deal with this.
Excellent vid, Brandon. I think most people are afraid of death, which in Christianity, you don't die, you go on to best place and are reunited with Mom and Granny in heaven. And you can keep Depression at arms length by the promise of Good Things to Come and seeing people you grieve over having lost. No need to grieve, you get reunited. That's a strong basis to have faith.
And they are afraid of god, with reason, of what he will do if he gets angry, OT is full of whole towns being destroyed b/c of bad actors among them, killing innocent people along with bad guys. So being a non believer you are a Jonah and need to be tossed off the boat. People join and like cliques and turn on those not in the group.
I work closely with theists at a job where we have to have each other's backs or we could be seriously hurt or killed. I'd hate to be the outsider who is the "other". Could easily have something happen and be seen as proof of having fallen out of god's favor. See god will get you thing.
And they are Ok with god as supreme tyrant, got to kiss up or else, and I get it, life can be like that, but personal relationships?
So good. So many great points here and a clear understanding of the theist mindset. I might steal some concepts here for a video!
@@MindShift-Brandon Really? It would be an honor!
Yes based off what you said i was thinking something like Jonah the atheist or throwing atheists to whales etc with the point being to talk about the defense mechanism of christianity to separate non believers for self protection purposes!
Great video! I leave this offering to the almighty Algorithm hoping it will hear my prayers and spread it far and wide. 😅
Ha!! Well the algorithm is real and does respond to offerings. 2/0 Algo to God. Thanks for the love!
Hey
Thank you for the video
I wish I had this before I came out as an atheist to my parents, especially my mum.
My dad handled it quite well and was pretty supportive although him being Christian. My mum however was dead silent once I told her.
My dad knew before my mum.
That's because I have a good relationship with my dad and can openly talk to him about pretty much everything.
It was hard for me to tell my mum on the other hand.
My mum is very conservative and hates homosexual and despises atheists.
It was very hard because I had to hear her comments on atheism and people being Atheist.
It hurt me and I was really conflicted.
The main reason why I told my parents is that I didn't want to lie to them.
I wanted them to at least tolerate me because of who I am and not who they want me to be.
My mum basically said that atheist are immoral and have no sense of purpose. That they're blinded by satan. She also called them Satanist and demonic. She also said other things but you get the gist of it.
Hearing her comments made me cry once. I really couldn't believe that she's thinks that of me (indirectly).
I still am unsure if I should've told my mum or not because she always tries to convince me, while sending me quotes and shitty YT Videos with flawed arguments.
My relationship with her is alright, but I barely engage in discussions concerning religion or I just don't say my opinion.
So sorry to hear all that. It may be too late to re-come out to her, but you can always set some new boundaries with her and continue to show her love and acceptance despite how she acts. Maybe eventually she will see, through you, that atheist are just people and not the spawn of satan. Wishing you well with this!
@@MindShift-Brandon thank you very much.
I appreciate this a lot
I grew up fairly secular. We did go to church when I was young but in grade 5 we had stopped.
But I have always had fear of God. Even now at 60
I told my parents and they are pretty unhappy about it. However, I could never tell my extended family which are still very fundamental and conservative with their beliefs and coming out would absolutely destroy them. So I’m still in the closet but at least my parents know.
100%. Im sure it still feels good to get it out there to at least them. Extended family is a tough one for me too.
@@MindShift-Brandon I feel you.
Question for you (let me know if you already covered it in another video) - I’ve deconverted pretty recently (about 8 months ago) and I’ve only told a couple people. I’ve done a lot of the things you talked about and I’m taking my time because I know it’s devastating news for my family and friends.
I’m honestly currently struggling with wanting to tell the whole world the good news of not believing! I feel so free now and happy and have this amazing appreciation for life and those around me… and I want everyone to feel this way and be free from religion. I feel like a veil has been lifted and everything makes so much more sense. I also have fear for my nieces and nephews and want to protect all these kids from the indoctrination I grew up with and want to warn everyone not to do this to their kids… Have you felt this way? How do you deal with this?
100% i felt/feel this way. I dealt with it by making a youtube channel lol. Personal relationships are much harder. I state my beliefs. Share my joy and passion and offer for discussion.
@@MindShift-Brandon thank you for your quick reply! Yeah, I feel like I want to write a book or something since I don’t know how else to tell people…
It’s most difficult navigating my marriage with our two young kids. It’s still very new news for my husband so I let him lead conversations. I’m glad I’ve been able to set a few key boundaries for messaging to our kids. I’m hoping eventually I’ll be able to be open with them about where I am. They’re only 6 and 2, so I know me telling them would be super stressful to my husband…
Anyway, I know that’s a lot with no great answers, and a different topic from where I started. Just feels good to share.
I’ve really enjoyed your channel, it’s helped me so much in my processing cause I am basically alone right now. So, keep up the good work!
I'm very happy for you.
One of the few, angry atheists? Bro, I don’t know many former theist atheists that weren’t angry for a couple years. I really appreciate this video. I wish I had it earlier on… but I think angry atheists are the majority for the first while after coming out.
Anger is totally normal and justified. Acting out as the angry atheist who attacks christians and harbors resentment and makes pedantic comments to believers etc is more what i meant. But its a great out. we are all welcome to our anger.
Understood. Thank you for the clarification. Congratulations on your recent & lasting success, brother. Godspeed.
I think agnosticism is the most honest position most of the time.
You misunderstand what these words mean. Agnostism and Atheism aren't mutually exclusive.
Agnosticism is about knowledge, atheism is about belief. One can be both.
I am an agnostic athiest. This pretty much means, "God could or couldn't exist, but I won't believe until there is evidence that he DOES exist."
For me, it was public announcement with explanations. I was defiant and said everything I disliked at once. It was not Christianity, but a convert religion for Westerners (Buddhism), so no hard feelings.
❤❤❤
Thanks!
I stopped going to church. I never explained to anyone nor was I asked. It has been 50 years.
That is the ideal situation! Hopefully becomes standard for everyone in the near future
I’ve told my partner and that’s it. I think my dad knows but I’m not disclosing it unless he asks. No one really has a right to know and I don’t want to be evangelized to
The truth will come out of its true. Preach the gospel at all time and when necessary, use words. Francis of Assisi said that and it’s one of the reasons why I’m now an atheist
The fact that you need planning in a civilized country to tell you loved ones you don't believe in fairy tales is just incredible sad.
Thank you for creating this particular video. I’ve been deconstructing and as someone who thoroughly loves learning new information I find it difficult knowing how to bring up these new interests without causing negative response from the people around me.
I’m curious if you and your partner have both deconverted or if you are in an interfaith(less) relationship?
Thank you! Glad it helped. She has not
I remember when I finally stopped believing in god. It was hard. I was a young Christian woman with 3 kids and pregnant with my 4th. My kids are almost 4 to 6 months. I was working so hard to be a good wife, I wore the dresses, I was a house wife, I threw myself into it. Now my bestfriend is gay, and definitely an atheist. We became freinds in school cause we bonded over a cat and his mom was a foster parent. I moved out of my parents house senior yr and into his house because of arguments with my newest step dad. His mom was 7th day advent and i was some kinda mix of Pentecostal and Baptist. But she thought I would do my freind R some good, maybe turn him straight. Thinking back on it now that was hilarious. I got with my first husband who was also christian but it turned abusive and I left. He broke in while we were gone and stabbed R's mom and one of her foster kids. I felt so guilty cause he was looking for me. But no one blamed me. R was angry at my ex, and his mom was glad it just wasnt me. We joke I'm the foster kid she never got paid for. But I remarried and tried to be a good wife. I worked for a little while as my husband had a minor accident and couldnt work for a little while. It's been about 4 yrs and all the while I was a good wife, having kids, submitting to my husband. Not speaking up. All the while me and R and respectfully debating about our view points. And finally one day he goes, "have you ever read the bible?" "Some of it, it's hard to read anything with the kids in the way, I mean a new born is kinda demanding." "I'll come over and watch them while you read. If your going to teach the kids this, then you need to read it." And he did. Everyday for 3 months for 4 or 5 hours, while my husband was at work, he would sit with the kids and play quietly with them while I studied the bible. I didnt read it in order. I read the parts I hadn't had time to get to. When I was done I broke down. I cried and cried and both my husband and R were there. I felt betrayed by my family for having grown up like that, i felt horrible for the way I had treated some people, and worse how i had quietly judged R when he hadn't done anything but help. For 4 days I was so lost and depressed, I couldnt figure out a meaning in life. I couldnt get out of bed. I was so upset. And then my husband said. Life doesnt quit without a god. Now he is a Christian, but he has always been kind and understanding and will help anyone. He finds a lot of the bible as bs, and I wouldnt be surprised if he announced he was atheist this whole time. But I realized he was right. Life went on before i realized there was no god and it was still going to go on. It's been a month and I've scrambled togeather my own form of reincarnation that's not Buddhist or whatever and I've begun reprogramming myself. What's hard for me is helping my 4yr threw it. I'd start to teach her about god and now things were changing for her too. All the other things R had been pointing out were really starting to make sense, I've ADHD and am A sexual, which makes totally sense now that those can be 'real things' I'm not sure if that makes sense to most people. It hurts that I had to take away church from my kids, but they cant go without me, and I dont want them to be tought religion until their old enough to fully understand. It's been a huge fight with my husband's family. Banding them from taking the kids to church was probably the hardest boundary to enforce, but now I no longer celebrate things like Christmas, which has caused many arguments. Lucky for me, my sister is lesbian and while my mom is Christian she could really care less as long as us kids are happy. She doesnt fully understand some of my choices but she goes with it. My dad passed away about 2 yrs ago, and he was a full Christian very stern but gental. It hurts to know I would have definitely disappointed him, but it also hurts that he gave up so much for his religion and his strong belief that god would heal him, cost him his life. (Heart problems, refused surgery) but I'm also relieved after the way he yelled at my sister. It's hard to homeschool kids in my area without running into the whole 'homeschooling for religion thing' and it's hard to socialize the kids when I live in the bible belt, and am very antisocial myself. I feel disappointed in myself for believing that so long, and pushing my worries aside so much. But I'm also so happy R pulled me out of that without actually pulling me out of that. I use to be so scared of atheist, because so many seam rude, and hateful. But this channel and many others have helped me realize not every is like that and I dont have to be either😅.
"I don't know" is the honest answer to all of the god claims.
I tell everyone I'm an atheist and why. It helps that I live an independent life in a democrat, liberal left county in California and my Catholic family lives on the east coast.
For someone like me who lives in one of the Northern countries of Europe. Where 'Don't believe in a deity' is the norm, and where you won't be disadvantaged at all if you come out with not believing.
Is it very hard to grasp, that in some countries it can be a real struggle. And especially in 'first world countries' (maybe I'm using a wrong word here but my native language is not English. My sincere apologies if I'm wrong here).
If I can make a small contribution, it will be with the following.
How many people know about that particular god, let's say, some 500 years ago. Does that mean that already billions of people who lived before that time almost all over the world had useless and hopeless lives?
And would you really want to worship such a god?
Wishing you lots of strength and
Look at Northern Europe, what has happened there in the last 50 years.
Yes you guys are the goal in this regard and provide some hope! The issue you brought up has always bothered me. So every single native American before the 1800s was just damned. This was a big part of my waking up.
My ex was Norwegian and he never understood the damage religion had done to me. No amount of talking to him did a lick of difference, it was so far removed from his lived experience that he could not comprehend how someone could ever suffer due to religious indoctrination.
Especially as I was born and raised in Western Europe, Portugal. The Catholic tradition of my country, how that factored it in my particular upbringing, all of that was simply too removed for him to bother with.
Of course, plenty of his peers would surely have made more of an effort to understand, or at least sympathize; I knew of a few who did so, the problem was his more than anything else- I am not blaming Norwegians, at all.
Trying Googling: THE SUNDAY ASSEMBLY
Oh wow. Took a quick look. Seems great. Ill dig a bit more and then maybe add to my recs. Thanks for sharing.
Hello from Jamaica 🇯🇲...I'm the only out athiest in my community and family...the thing is no one cares..my mom is a talibangelist....my dad not sure ..the bulk of my inner circles are talibangelicals...but no one cares that I'm atheist...no noticeable changes in my relationships with these people..
Amazing! Happy to hear that for you. Go Jamaica! I simply cannot imagine this kind of society. I know they exists, but it certainly isnt that way in a good portion of the good ol USA.
@@MindShift-Brandon I think I know why my case is different that most in these parts...MONEY...coming from a family with extreme poverty their not in the business of making enemy with my "bank account"...that's good to know...I often have to remind them of who's buying them medications and stuff...so they don't get out of line....they have a personal relationship with my " bank account " than they do with "gawd"...my bank account is real...they know that😂😂😂😂
@@MindShift-Brandon the hypocrisy is laughable 😂😂😂😂😂
@@MindShift-Brandon gawd don't fill prescription or pay for eye glasses....I do.
Imagine that. Getting all of your knowledge from the Bible your entire life. And suddenly you discover neuroscience, kosmology, biotechnology etc.. Must be awesome to experience that.
Ha! Awesome is an understatement. A literal whole new world!
I'm having a hard time telling my father. He is 88, and it will definitely upset him. I probably never will. I'm very conflicted.
Yeah i can very much understand the thinking if letting him go in peace if he’s at that age. If its not going to help the relationship, it may just not be worth it.
I would rather tell my family that I am gay than tell them I am an atheist.
isn't that interesting. I have heard this a few times so far in comments on other videos. It seems the most offensive thing to a believer is a non believer.
@@MindShift-Brandon
The majority of American society accepts homosexuality. Some may not understand it, but it is much less common that a person will come out to their parents and be met with open hostility. Of course this still happens in some families, unfortunately. My own parents wouldn't be thrilled if I were gay, but I doubt they would be devastated. When surveying random Americans, a majority now are approving of homosexuality as just another in the infinite variety that is humanity. However, American surveys still show that most people don't approve of atheists and atheism. We are seen as untrustworthy and immortal. Our parents and other loved ones not only have those negative feelings in general, but the thought that we no longer share their beliefs is truly devastating. They really believe we will be condemned to eternal torture. Of course they want to prevent that! Interesting that they are showing a higher morality than the god they worship.
For the deeply religious, atheism will always be virtually impossible to accept in a loved one. In their eyes, it is a truly unforgivable sin. Without belief, no forgiveness is possible. By contrast, homosexuality can be forgiven and has only a few references in the entire bible.
As for society as a whole, thankfully religion is losing more and more ground every day. As more atheists come out, we will gain acceptance. I appreciated this video. Not sure if I will ever tell my parents, but I'm out to some people, including my friends.
8. Fade away. If you are not out yet then you are already in the process of fading even if one is going through all the motions previously when one was a believer. Here are some tips for fading away.
8.1 Just stop attending events. When asked why just say you're no longer interested.
8.2 Learn the Christian tropes and use them. Christians will say things to atheists like, "you're angry at god", or "you were never a true Christian," or "read more Bible", or "it was a trauma", or "college did it", or my favorite, "you want to sin more". As you fade away just use these based on the situation like, "I guess I started losing interest when I attended college", or "I'm angry at god cause he didn't answer", or "I never felt like a true Christian", or "I quit reading the Bible", whatever. Given Christians use these then they are most likely to believe them and stop the conversation from going any further.
8.3 Use interest instead of faith. I always say I lost interest. Interest doesn't fit into the Christian tropes for atheists losing faith. I got bored is not something they will easily have a comeback for.
8.4 Say you believe in god but are not religious. There are many ways to say this. Say you are agnostic. That's what my sister does. What most religious people react the strongest too in my experience is "atheist". Avoid the term.
Sometimes I think it is the shock that people object to the most. By taking a couple of years of gradually fading away then people can prepare and say, "well, I saw that coming."
Great addition. Thanks for taking the time to do this!
Speaking from experience, I shall add that you should make friends with at least two people who do not ascribe to the same faith that you do. None of them have to be an atheist, an agnostic, or even of a different religion, though it would probably help, at least on your end. I understand that finding even just one may be rather difficult, but it is okay if you only find one. I recommend going for at least two because no matter how many it ends up being, you will likely have to reach beyond your normal circles in order to find them, and if you do manage to find one from doing so, you really can do it again.
From here on, this is under the assumption that you have found one such person, but this applies equally across however many you do.
Befriend them, bond over anything - and maybe even everything - other than religion. Once you know and are comfortable with whatever boundaries you both have and how far you both are willing to go beyond them, hold (ideally) harmless discussions about each other's religion. Do not ever bring up the possibility of converting to another religion for either side. Whatever you discuss, maybe for the goal of being a better person, do not bother with bringing up either side's faith or religion; just strive to be a better person in general, and if there is plenty in their holy text that can be used to reinforce that (ideally without any threat of some kind of punishment otherwise, explicit or implicit), use it.
Also, do not try to bring up any logical or philosophical arguments - Kalam, cosmological, ontological, or anything else. Those are death traps, and both sides (yourself included) will likely dig in their heels in defense of their side. Granted, it is good to think about them for yourself, and you can certainly talk about them if you really want to delve into them with others open to discussing them, but do not bring them up to whoever you even _suspect_ will snap back against them. Again, speaking from experience, these arguments may appear to end on your side, but it is too easy to get swept up and heated over them, so unless you actually have the temperament for level-headed discussions over them, do not bother with them.
Do not be afraid to make jokes (preferably lighthearted ones) about certain aspects of each other's faith or religion. If they express genuine enjoyment for the material of the likes of George Carlin, Lewis Black, Bill Hicks, and/or others who have a reputation for eviscerating religion, then you _might_ be able to make such jokes. Otherwise, keep it friendly, and do not aim to hurt.
This has been my experience with my best friend, who I had met in university and was a Sunni Muslim. We did not meet over any sort of religious or philosophical discussion, but rather in a student area over both of us having the same handheld game system (PSP) and the same game at the time (Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops), and we joined a multiplayer setup between us. From there, we introduced ourselves, we got to know each other, including our faiths (I was Catholic at the time), and we generally had fun. How we bonded the most, though, was over comedy albums, and because I brought them up earlier, yes, it was the ones of George Carlin, Lewis Black, and Bill Hicks (I had them in my iTunes library on my laptop, and my laptop actually had two headphones jacks, so we got to listen without needing to share headphones or disturbing anyone around us).
As an aside, when he heard Carlin's bit of "If there is a God, it has to be a man. No woman could or would ever f^^^ things up like this," he simply shrugged thoughtfully and acknowledged that he had a point - and he nearly fell over from laughter at the closing bit about invoking God to strike the audience dead before switching to himself.
As another aside, I joined him through Ramadan (think of it as the Muslim version of Lent but taken to another level) for two years, and we exploited one of the loopholes given for it, namely the one on no entertainment unless it was educational... which meant lots of binging of Mythbusters during our lengthy breaks from classes.
That kind of stuff, bit by bit, will make it easier to come out as an atheist or even just agnostic, at least with them. Those discussions about being a good person in general, regardless of any faith held, will probably do more to help you than the other parts of whatever friendship you build, though every part will undoubtedly help. Who knows, you might even end up getting them to come around to atheism themselves, though I cannot emphasize enough that this particular outcome should _NEVER_ be a goal. Like how it likely did with you, this is something they will have to come to themselves, and any perceived attempt to guide them towards it (it does not have to be a real attempt - just them imagining it as such is often enough) is very likely to backfire.
I know how objectivist this sounds, and I am someone who despises objectivism, but if you are considering atheism in the hopes of pleasing someone other than yourself, then you had better stop with that right now, for you will be in for quite possibly nothing but disappointment. This is something you have to decide for yourself and yourself only.
I understand how terrifying that can sound - again, experience - but this is the nature of it. In many ways, this is like coming out as LGTBQ+ (granted, I am not such, so I can only infer from relatives of mine who are): if your family, your community, cannot accept you for what you are and instead want you to be just like them, then they were never truly your family or community to begin with. This kind of experiences will likely teach you very quickly (and quite possibly painfully) that family is more than sharing a bloodline, which is nothing more than a convenient means/excuse.
I do not blame anyone looking to come out to dismiss what I have said here. After all, it probably sounds like I had a rather pleasant time for my coming out as an atheist. Sure, that final moment might have been the most (comparatively) pleasant, but that was after so much of other stuff going on for quite a long time, such as taking separate cars to Sunday Mass so that me and my brother could ditch our mother (leaving her with her own car) and not have to wait for her to wrap up her choir activities. That's how it is: bit by bit, hint by hint, step by step, inch by inch, and some of these are going to be more painful than others.
The point is that if you never do any of this stuff, you will never get anywhere, and any sudden attempt you might make will be all the more unprepared and thus more painful. All I tried to provide is one possible step towards that final goal. It might not truly be required, but every tip helps, and it comes down to you deciding whether or not to utilize it.
Appreciate you taking the time to write all this and share your personal story. I am sure it will be useful to many who consider it. thank you!
It was easier and with fewer repercussions to come out as gay three decades ago than to come out as atheist five years ago. My older sister and her family will barely speak to me and a few friends no longer consider me one, but for the overwhelming part, life goes on as normal. Living your life rather than acting a life is worth it. Others have gone through it and there are people out here ready to help just as MindShift is.
BTW, being gay had almost nothing to do with my becoming atheist. It was the required cognitive dissonance that Christian apologetics demand -- How can God's words actually mean something completely different from what was written, especially when any interpretation of them is awful? Couple that with Christian hypocrisy: the Beatitudes are just suggestions, "neighbor" suggests a mile-limit. Fastest way to atheism, read the bible as you would a non-fiction book, preferably a concordance Bible with commentary on the translation and other versions/sources (some differences in ancient fragments are theologically significant). All of it, the failed prophecies, the contradictions, the unrealistic and anti-scientific; not just the fifty carefully selected verses you hear at church. Don't just pick out the few good parts that mimic behavior also displayed by other pack animals, my dog more-or-less obeys most of the applicable Ten Commandments. I don't know if the Sabbath should be Saturday or Sunday so Prints and I take both of them off, except he will still pick up sticks so as a good Christian I suppose I should stone him to death.
As a hidden atheist myself in a Seventh Day Adventist household, this was very helpful and I'm thankful that you've made this video. I hope my parents will understand my reason and get to accept it.
So glad to offer any help or support at all! Good luck and follow up if you need anything else.
I was named Matthew and hated it, like being named Muhammad, but for Christians... so I changed it to Max, legally! Like if the two T crosses in Matt fell over into an X.
It all sounds good.
I've been feeling militant about it all,but I certainly don't want to ACT militant.
I'm 56. Both my parents are living, both Christians. My mom has taken to sharing amen memes lately.
The easiest thing would be to just share this video on fb and let the chips fall where they may.
I have a channel. I want to make a video expressing my thoughts on this, but I get emotional on subjects like death and I can't even get a rough draft on paper. I think a person by person approach is best, but I know it will be a rough conversation with my parents. Much hand wringing and head shaking and am I a Satanist? 😅 I feel I have so much to say but can't process it all.
My wife walked in on me having a moment thinking about it all 2 days ago. I feel like a big stupid baby sometimes. Like I'm grieving a loss, but what loss? I've never really been a believer. I've always felt phony in church. Just going through the motions, even though common sense is telling me this can't. Be real. It's like Roman and Greek gods. Sorry about all the typos I'm on a phone.
I'm glad for videos like yours and the other stuff I watch. I'm grateful for the outlet.
Always welcome to have this as an outlet. Thanks for sharing. I can feel your frustration.