My approach to dating apps has always been to say "I love to meet people and don't like texting. So, if we match, I'll just ask you out :)" The good thing about this filters it down to people who are also outgoing and spontaneous. I'm still single af. And my last relationship i found outside the apps. But I've gotten interesting dates out of it for sure. :D
@YouilAushana. I've met a lot of different people from a lot of different backgrounds, and hearing their story is very interesting to me. Romantic interest, however, was usually very one sided either way. And that has gotten a little complicated and akward a few times. But no better practice for having tough conversations😂
Nooo, I'm outgoing as f*ck but I don't wanna go out with EVERYBODY! The initial texting phase is important for me to rule people out. I met my bf on bumble and we're soo happy for almost 2 years now!
@@tinycindy2977 that and being too pushy. If you wanna go for that I'd put it as an option: "Hey, I don't really like texting much, so I'd rather ask you out. But if you wanna get to know each other first let me know" or something. Idunno, only someone that thinks like this will be responsive to this. High chances of getting ghosted because it's boring. Let's say they say they wanna talk first; now you've defaulted to interview mode.
For me, it depends on distance. If they're 5 mins away, I'd just meet up somewhere local. But if they're 25-30 mins away, and we're not sure we know enough about each other to make that drive, I'd Facetime.
Apps have become a waste of time. Way too many deceptive marketing techniques and the Creeps are driving the women off them. Gotta get back to meeting people in the real world. Everything ends up there anyway.
As a guy who enjoys fishing, we do the photos with fish so that we can assert dominance with other men who fish. "Look, this is a huge fish I just caught, you think you can do better?" is the mindset behind photos like that.
@@mattmurray9041 Rizz is basically slang for being charming/charismatic. So if I were to say “You have some great rizz”, I’m basically saying you have good charisma Ngl is an acronym for “not gonna lie”
lol dating apps are STrEssFul. The energy from some men is very intense, like i understand it's hard out there not finding love, and so many people think it is necessary for their happiness making the stakes too high. but if i as in individual am not interested is it going to make you feel better to deride and insult me? My only thought is "lucky i wasn't interested ". And finding women who are open to dating bisexual women is v difficult because honestly lesbians are biphobic, which i say in the most understanding way because i get why it's been hard to trust someone would stick to a lifestyle that goes against the norm when u have a choice. Also got 2 men swiping purely just to criticise my profile/ethical choices haha. I would not jump back into that circus ring
Excellent video. A video on a topic that everyone wants to learn more about. And done with your usual professional/ critical eye. A question I wanted to ask was about hobbies: On a dating profile is it okay (meaning is it potentially disadvantageous) to list hobbies that are more on the sedentary/ Nerdy side. Hobbies like watching Anime, playing video games, reading comic books and playing trading card games (like yu-gi-oh or magic the gathering etc.). One school of thought would say that you should be true to yourself and mention these things, as they are your passions. But my intuition tells me that you may be unfairly judged if you put these in your bio etc., as some of these hobbies don’t always have the best reputation/ image in the mainstream zeitgeist. Would love to hear your thoughts, or anyone else’s on this comment section for that matter! Keep up the good work!
Just my opinion, but I would include them if they are important to you. Nothing is better than finding someone with the same nerdy hobbies as you, and it’s an easy way to start a conversation. Plus, I’d say the right person won’t jump to making assumptions about you just based on a hobby
I have never used a dating app but I've heard that the amount of matches you're getting is extremely different based on gender, if we assume some "average" guy/girl...people have run those experiments on UA-cam and occasionally went days without matches, and some matches immediately ghosted them and stuff. You do have to wonder if a guy's profile can even affect much there in a positive way. It's either not gonna get read or only works to filter out even more from the very few matches they'd get, which I guess can totally be done intentionally, but is not useful when you just want to talk to people.
@ 10:15 re: education and respectability: (In my opinion) it's more about how you present yourself than if you're educated or not. The type of person who says "I'm a Harvard graduate, graduated sum lade 4.0 average in my multiple phds" gives off a very different "vibe" than someone who says "I'm a doctor" or "I coach children with speech impediments". The former sounds like a headache, and the latter sounds like someone who'd be fun to hang out with even if both in this theoretical situation had the same education.
After breaking up with my bf, I downloaded a dating app for the first time im 4 years. Not ready for a relationship yet but I just wanted to know whats out there. Even though I used bumble and not tinder, the men were 80% of the time looking for something casual and had pictures just of their sixpack. It was a gamechanger when I realised that you get what they show.
I've used dating apps before but usually get very few matches. Maybe because my profile or photos aren't attractive, idk. I also live in a fairly rural area so the pool of people is narrower. I feel like meeting the right person irl would be better / easier
"And then you're in contact with dozens and dozens of people." I need to move to a big city. As a small town ruralite that has not been my experience with a year on Tinder and Hinge.
Ana, I really love your content & I’m so grateful that your channel exists. Thank you for the practical & good quality videos! You’re a genius & beautiful woman. ❤❤❤
I don't get any matches on dating apps, what should I do? I've asked my friends, who do well on dating apps, for feedback and they thought my profile was good.
The algorithms are pretty bad AFAIK, don't let it mess with your head. You might not even get shown to a lot of people you swiped on if you swipe on a lot of people. Maybe try be more discerning. The opposite may be true, too: maybe you're too discerning and only swiping on people who are getting swarmed with matches.
If your profile and pictures are good and reflect what you want and who you are, try continuing for a while longer, or expanding your ranges if they're very narrow. Often it's a number's game :)
Thank you Doctor Ana. I'll be keeping this in my favourites. Maybe you can compete with Kezia Noble and see who can give better dating advice/help viewers get dates and relationships.
thank you! once i feel ready ill try all these tips, just one concern, dating apps tend to be majority men, so we as guys have to work double to get a date , are there any dating apps other than tinder to look for a more long term, less swippy way of finding people? im new to dating apps tbh! i was also dabating if i should use pictures of my nerdy hobbies but thanks to your video i now know i should def include it lol
How long have you and your husband been together? Curious when the last time you were dating given the topic and how the environment seems to constantly be changing.
The borat voice took me out 💀 thank you for the advice love! I’ve come to some similar conclusions but hearing it backed up by research is reassuring 🫶🏽
I just deleted them... After some time even after matching I didn't feel a push or desire to actually try to hold a conversation as the effort to reward ratio was completely off.
I like your point about respectability and I feel like it can be extended to presenting yourself in a way that attracts the type of person you want and wards off the type of person you don't want. Use it to your advantage even if it might feel a little manipulative! Like i showed my tattoos and underarm hair to filter out the people who have a problem with them because i wouldn't want to date them anyway and find out too late, and hopefully to attract people who share similar values/worldviews. I showed a lot of my hobbies and music taste, not just to find people with shared interests, but also to make it clear that i care about occupying myself with activities and i get really into music and learning about the artists. It seems this tactic worked, because i met my current partner online (dating almost 3 years now!) and we both said that we appreciated how much detail we put into our profiles because it was clear we were looking for real connection and not just something casual, and even if our hobbies and music taste didn't overlap entirely, we could tell that we both cared deeply about these things.
Absolutely! I’m so glad that worked out like that for you. It sounds like you aced dating apps☺️ I wish I had embellished more on this point in the video but the reason I changed my mind about conforming to respectability is because I’ve met so many men over the years who went on to be incredible husbands that cherish their wives, despite the fact that they unconsciously categorized women into “casual” or “relationship” when they were dating around. I do still think there’s a time and place to challenge society’s biases (and sometimes maybe that comes later in the relationship, when you point out those harmful unconscious beliefs), but it’s really just a matter of what game you’re playing. Whatever your goal is, there’s a way to use appearance to that end.
I think this is just about the dating app format itself rather than people being superficial. If you've never met the person, you're going to base your first impressions on their first 1-2 pictures. Whether or not those pics represent them or not. Can also depend on what you want. Maybe a person with very few matches that wants more matches, may want to put their best foot forward and have photos that appeal to lots of people. Whereas a person with too many matches with incompatible people may want a polarizing photo to weed people out.
Some people, especially men, are v bad at picking good photos There are websites that will allow you to upload photos and strangers in your chosen age range will vote how attractive smart trustworthy you look in that photos Some photos i thiught i looked good in scored really low. Some photos i thiught i looked meh in scored very high I used the ones voted by stangers rather than the ones I thought were good and the results were pretty good i managed to get matches and quite a lot of dates
@@MsNameGoesHere doesn't seem to allow me to post it for some reason. But if you search Google for something along the lines of photo rating you'll find it
Toughest part for me, dating now after a divorce, is that I don't have any photos of me. What guy does? All my photos are of my kids, or me and my kids (and I am not putting photos of my kids online). Feels like I have to go pay for a photoshoot to get some decent photos for these apps, to have any success anyway. As for the fish photos - my guess is they are showing off one of their hobbies. Why is that a bad thing? Aren't we supposed to do things like show off what we like to do and who we are?
Get a phone/camera stand. Use the timer feature on your phone. Go to parks, downtown areas, cafes, just before sunset. Trial and error. You may need to take 500+ photos before you get good at taking them, but it's worth it.
Face time is awkward, simply because there’s zero eye contact and the fact we can see ourselves on the screen through the distorted front facing camera which really makes it more uncomfortable, and i gotta hold this phone up to get the flattering angle, just all round uncomfortable and awkward, This is for me anyway, even talking to people i know in person for years on face time is weird. 90% of communication is non verbal. Need that in person eye contact, so much of our lives we’re looking at a screen. Face time we’re looking at a screen not into a person. Eyes are the windows to the soul.
Same here! I go to an event or rave/festival at least once a month. So it’d be easier to weed out ppl who wouldn’t be interested in dating someone with my lifestyle
I say it to my friends and now I say it here, too. People who use those Apps are mostly not there for a Relationship. Exceptions are those, who leave after a month out of frustation. - And a month is not enough to find a good match.
@@sacha_msky Lots of profiles link straight to an instagram profile, saying they rarely use the app. They're just farming instagram followers with no intention to talk or date. In my experience, it's about 30/40 percent where I live. Plus, the apps themselves want you to pay, so they're incentivized not to give you too many matches nor show you to compatible people unless you pay. So there's that too.
Helpful tips. I delete my apps but taking notes for the future. I agree with your strategic swiping approach, but I listened to some dating expert...I think the one for hinge and she said to swipe on people you may not off the bat be interested in because people end up with partners they didn't think they would.
Before I watch this video I’m just gonna say that I don’t believe in dating apps and never have. I feel like it’s better to just meet someone in person and date that way, might be the reason that I’ve been single for about 17 years now? I’ve just been too busy and had too much responsibility to romantically meet someone.
I definitely get the appeal of meeting people more organically, and I'm honestly kind of glad that my husband and I met IRL. With that said, I know many lovely couples who met through dating apps and I think technology opens a lot of doors for people, if used smartly.
@@AnaPsychologyI agree, but what do you do when you haven’t dated in a very long time? It’s almost intimidating when you haven’t dated in 15+ years or been romantic with someone at all.
@@robertkomninos4220i think slowly easing into it and not worrying so much about that aspect of your dating life. if you go on a few dates with someone and it seems to be going well, i highly doubt if you tell them you haven’t dated in 15+ years and you want to take it slow they’ll walk out the door. if they like you then they like you. i understand completely that its easy to think people will be turned off by that but if its the right person they won’t mind. getting back into dating is the same as getting back into anything else, take it slow and easy at first, don’t overload yourself, slowly build it up as you remember and relearn stuff like dating etiquette, communication, physical intimacy etc. watching a bunch of dating videos will only take you so far, you have to go out and do it. its like if you havent lifted weights in a while you shouldnt start out lifting super heavy you know? and watching videos on lifting won’t build you muscle you have to go out and lift.
I’m not really interested in creating a weird manipulative online persona featuring a curated false image of myself. I understand this puts me at a great disadvantage, but it feels right. To each their own
Online dating apps are limited you have to really try if you want to find a partner. The advice i would give to people is If you find their profiles attractive and match, then start the convo straight away. Dont wait a few days until you are 20th down their list If your convo is okay, then ask for their # and arrange a date for the very same week. Dont let it linger On the date, within 10 minutes, you'll learn more about the person than you could texting for 10 days Don't be discouraged if you don't want to see this person again. In my experience, only 1 in 20 dates i would like the person enough to want to actually see them again. Not that there is anything wrong with them. 99% of the time, the person is absolutely normal fine nice but just not your cup of tea If you go on enough dates you'll fine your person. If you give up after 3-4 dates most likely you wont find anyone
@Obyvvatel yes unfortunately it is skewed to more attractive people having more options but then that's true of real life too The last time I used apps I think I went on close to 50 dates within 3-4 months until I found someone I liked and they liked me too In real life its v easy to know if you are attracted to a person so the way I see it is you have to meet and you'll likely meet a lot of people you aren't attracted to until you meet a few you are attracted to And it's not just physical attraction that plays a part but its also hiw the two people interact together Anyway good luck Hopefully given enough dates you'll find someone you really like
I would not have the energy to meet up with a complete stranger at all. I think it's just not for me. I come across as really avoidant on dating apps, though I'm not at all avoidant in my personal real life relationships. It's just a lack of interest in pretty much everyone I've seen online. Also wouldn't recommend for anyone below the age of 21, to many creeps calling your age devine, or the like.
In my experience, everyone is like this in dating apps. The amount of bad experiences forces you to not have any expectations whatsoever from anyone and keep your investment as low as possible to avoid getting hurt.
In theory, yes your advice is effective if most people on the apps behaved in the same way: respectfully and rationally to some extent. However, one of your assumptions is fundamentally wrong. Apps are not a reflection of real-life. They are a distortion of it. That's why people with the most 'sexy' or outrageous pics, with no prompts or whacky ones get more matches than those who follow your advice. People have to stand out otherwise they will be ignored in a sea of potential matches.
As someone mid-life and completely new to this after 15+ yrs of marriage coming to an end, I appreciate this. Few potentials in my area due to my values differing from the general populous, but I'm hopeful. At worst, any communication I get is just an opportunity to learn. The first match doesn't have to be the last. I've got social anxiety and am neurospicy. I have learned that the first time I do something is the hardest. After that, it gets a lot easier and more comfortable. ;)
The problem I’ve experienced is that I’ll do all of the ‘good stuff’, portray myself well and be friendly and open about wanting a relationship… then guys who express they do will just dip or ghost after saying so. It’s really weird and almost feels sadistic at times - why would they say that if they wanted something casual??
Ahh I needed this video.. I've never been in a relationship irl before(I'm 23) and am currently on a few dating apps but i'm so nervous about even starting a conversation :/ I've been holding off responding to this 1 guy for over a week who I've matched with on multiple apps in my city bcuz... Idk. I'm really intereted in him but I'm so new to this
You'll always be new to it until you start. Also, it's not illegal to tell people you've never dated before (or at least that you're new to the apps). It can take the pressure off and allow you to just talk. See where conversation takes you. Maybe match with someone you're interested in, but not obsessed with, so there's less pressure
gotta love not understanding fishing/gym/party guys in one sentence than saying show pictures of you doing your hobbies almost the next sentence. You answered your own question.
Notes on video: (watch the whole video for a better indepth explanation and scenarios for how to apply them) modesty on profiles are a green flag. profile pictures with modesty specifically. (not to sexual, not to overly expressive) showing social groups, showing their hobbies and modest personal details are to be looked for. if they are looking for love: they respond back decently, they dont care if you respond more than frequently they are very open and usually with in a week or so they want to open up more for more intimacy. If they are looking for anything but love: they dont respond as fast, they get annoyed or bugged by your quick responses, they dont show alot of themselves in photos and hobbies, they also might say phrases like "this is just for fun" "lets see how this goes" "play it by ear" they also dont try to move things forward past the phone.
Good points. You could ask them what they are looking for and only the most toxic people would lie. I also think that a lot of dudes, who are looking for a relationship, are also fine with hooking up with someone, who they don't want to be in a relationship with, because they think they can do better (I think Ana made a Video about this). This type of encounter is hard to be filtered out by looking at the profile, because the content of the profile is statistically independent from wich user is looking at it.
I don’t mean this as a brag or a criticism, but I learned almost nothing from this video and I’m so happy about that lol 😊 What it did was affirm all the intuitions and knowledge I already have which is really reassuring. I’ve been in an “avoidant phase” I’m calling it (I’ve had long periods where I wasn’t this way), where I haven’t even tried to date for 5 years. There has been a lot of fear to try again, but increasingly strong desire for a life partner. This past year especially, I am feeling the most grounded, healthy and secure I ever have as an adult. There has been this fearful/insecure/protective mechanism thing that keeps thinking, “I just need to do x, y, z” first and then I’ll be ready to start dating again. But I think the takeaway here is I am ready now 😅
haven't even watched yet but rushed here to say, thank you for this. i've been thinking of getting back out there, but also putting it off. been binging your vids too so like, perfect timing haha
My approach to dating apps has always been to say
"I love to meet people and don't like texting. So, if we match, I'll just ask you out :)"
The good thing about this filters it down to people who are also outgoing and spontaneous.
I'm still single af. And my last relationship i found outside the apps. But I've gotten interesting dates out of it for sure. :D
@YouilAushana. I've met a lot of different people from a lot of different backgrounds, and hearing their story is very interesting to me.
Romantic interest, however, was usually very one sided either way. And that has gotten a little complicated and akward a few times.
But no better practice for having tough conversations😂
Nooo, I'm outgoing as f*ck but I don't wanna go out with EVERYBODY! The initial texting phase is important for me to rule people out. I met my bf on bumble and we're soo happy for almost 2 years now!
Bad move if you have listened to Ana. Potential partners will write you off for unresponsive since you don't like texting.
@@tinycindy2977 that and being too pushy.
If you wanna go for that I'd put it as an option: "Hey, I don't really like texting much, so I'd rather ask you out. But if you wanna get to know each other first let me know" or something. Idunno, only someone that thinks like this will be responsive to this. High chances of getting ghosted because it's boring. Let's say they say they wanna talk first; now you've defaulted to interview mode.
I'm not outgoing or spontaneous but I also like to meet in person. Because I want a relationship 😂😂😂
Doing a facetime before making plans is genius.
For me, it depends on distance. If they're 5 mins away, I'd just meet up somewhere local. But if they're 25-30 mins away, and we're not sure we know enough about each other to make that drive, I'd Facetime.
@@Seven-pu5wj It’s also useful for safety reasons, making sure they are who they are and all that
Apps have become a waste of time. Way too many deceptive marketing techniques and the Creeps are driving the women off them. Gotta get back to meeting people in the real world. Everything ends up there anyway.
As a guy who enjoys fishing, we do the photos with fish so that we can assert dominance with other men who fish. "Look, this is a huge fish I just caught, you think you can do better?" is the mindset behind photos like that.
Hahaha wow that's hilarious!
Wait what? 🤣
There will always be a bigger fish
Lol for I thought you meant "fishing" as in catfishing, then the whole context of this paragraph changes 🤣
Good to know! So why put it on dating apps then-just a lack of other photos?
Ana Teaching us how to properly rizz up women for the right reasons is legendary ngl
how to find your love LOL not be a player GAWD
@@YOSHELFu cant rizz up a genuine love interest?
I have no idea what you said. What does Rizz or NGL mean?
@@mattmurray9041
Rizz is basically slang for being charming/charismatic. So if I were to say “You have some great rizz”, I’m basically saying you have good charisma
Ngl is an acronym for “not gonna lie”
If there is one person on youtube I would take dating advice from, its Ana.
I just want to go on café dates with someone, maybe hold hands. It’s tough out here for an ace…
not an ace but that’s all I want too honestly
This video is gonna blow up, I can feel it
yesss. it was so good
Fr
Narrator: it did not
lol dating apps are STrEssFul. The energy from some men is very intense, like i understand it's hard out there not finding love, and so many people think it is necessary for their happiness making the stakes too high. but if i as in individual am not interested is it going to make you feel better to deride and insult me? My only thought is "lucky i wasn't interested ". And finding women who are open to dating bisexual women is v difficult because honestly lesbians are biphobic, which i say in the most understanding way because i get why it's been hard to trust someone would stick to a lifestyle that goes against the norm when u have a choice. Also got 2 men swiping purely just to criticise my profile/ethical choices haha. I would not jump back into that circus ring
Love the detail with your book peeking in the background!
"bone broth soup" I'M CHOKING
I look forward to your videos every week. Thanks for the content!
Thank you for saying that :) Happy to have you here!
Excellent video. A video on a topic that everyone wants to learn more about. And done with your usual professional/ critical eye.
A question I wanted to ask was about hobbies:
On a dating profile is it okay (meaning is it potentially disadvantageous) to list hobbies that are more on the sedentary/ Nerdy side.
Hobbies like watching Anime, playing video games, reading comic books and playing trading card games (like yu-gi-oh or magic the gathering etc.).
One school of thought would say that you should be true to yourself and mention these things, as they are your passions.
But my intuition tells me that you may be unfairly judged if you put these in your bio etc., as some of these hobbies don’t always have the best reputation/ image in the mainstream zeitgeist.
Would love to hear your thoughts, or anyone else’s on this comment section for that matter!
Keep up the good work!
Just my opinion, but I would include them if they are important to you. Nothing is better than finding someone with the same nerdy hobbies as you, and it’s an easy way to start a conversation. Plus, I’d say the right person won’t jump to making assumptions about you just based on a hobby
I have never used a dating app but I've heard that the amount of matches you're getting is extremely different based on gender, if we assume some "average" guy/girl...people have run those experiments on UA-cam and occasionally went days without matches, and some matches immediately ghosted them and stuff. You do have to wonder if a guy's profile can even affect much there in a positive way. It's either not gonna get read or only works to filter out even more from the very few matches they'd get, which I guess can totally be done intentionally, but is not useful when you just want to talk to people.
@ 10:15 re: education and respectability:
(In my opinion) it's more about how you present yourself than if you're educated or not. The type of person who says "I'm a Harvard graduate, graduated sum lade 4.0 average in my multiple phds" gives off a very different "vibe" than someone who says "I'm a doctor" or "I coach children with speech impediments". The former sounds like a headache, and the latter sounds like someone who'd be fun to hang out with even if both in this theoretical situation had the same education.
How did you and your husband meet, if you don't mind sharing?
We met at mutual friends' house party
Love the details with your book peeking in the background dear
After breaking up with my bf, I downloaded a dating app for the first time im 4 years. Not ready for a relationship yet but I just wanted to know whats out there. Even though I used bumble and not tinder, the men were 80% of the time looking for something casual and had pictures just of their sixpack. It was a gamechanger when I realised that you get what they show.
Did you genuinely love your ex?
Love your cat in the background Ana! Bless 😻
Me too, I swear these cats are my item for “something that brought me joy yesterday” every single day when I do my journaling😂
I've used dating apps before but usually get very few matches. Maybe because my profile or photos aren't attractive, idk. I also live in a fairly rural area so the pool of people is narrower. I feel like meeting the right person irl would be better / easier
Some tips are good, others i don't feel are useful for "blunt people"
Can you make one about how to use psychology to help with job search or career?
"And then you're in contact with dozens and dozens of people." I need to move to a big city. As a small town ruralite that has not been my experience with a year on Tinder and Hinge.
Ana, I really love your content & I’m so grateful that your channel exists. Thank you for the practical & good quality videos! You’re a genius & beautiful woman. ❤❤❤
I don't get any matches on dating apps, what should I do? I've asked my friends, who do well on dating apps, for feedback and they thought my profile was good.
The algorithms are pretty bad AFAIK, don't let it mess with your head. You might not even get shown to a lot of people you swiped on if you swipe on a lot of people. Maybe try be more discerning.
The opposite may be true, too: maybe you're too discerning and only swiping on people who are getting swarmed with matches.
If your profile and pictures are good and reflect what you want and who you are, try continuing for a while longer, or expanding your ranges if they're very narrow. Often it's a number's game :)
8:35 huge point. Are used to think this as well, but it was a naïve assessment of people as a whole. Unfortunately, people usually sucks.
I met my girlfriend on a dating app called Veggly 😊😊
I never used dating app, nor I will. Still can't miss your video though
Thank you Doctor Ana. I'll be keeping this in my favourites. Maybe you can compete with Kezia Noble and see who can give better dating advice/help viewers get dates and relationships.
thank you! once i feel ready ill try all these tips, just one concern, dating apps tend to be majority men, so we as guys have to work double to get a date , are there any dating apps other than tinder to look for a more long term, less swippy way of finding people? im new to dating apps tbh! i was also dabating if i should use pictures of my nerdy hobbies but thanks to your video i now know i should def include it lol
Its okey if you feel the need to improve an old video :)! Its normal and a symptom of progress
Your first name and last name sound really cool together!
Thank you for all you do. I love your work
"No fish please" I'm dying 😂
Suggestion to change the title to: The right way to use dating apps - Complete Guide :P
How long have you and your husband been together? Curious when the last time you were dating given the topic and how the environment seems to constantly be changing.
I forget to respond for months bc ADHD
I have a better idea: we should stop using smartphones and go back to classic socialisation
Good luck with how not walkable and inaccessible this world is lol
There were problems with what we had before.
1. Do not eat where you poop
2. It was more effortfull before
That’s never going to happen to grow up and change with the change
What about if you’re ugly
Hmm...watching.
What do you do if you never get any matches?
That second bio was definitely from Grindr 😂
Don't.
Throwing shade at 15:42 but ok
very nice
People’s tru to trick people 🤦♀️🤦♀️😂😂
umu
congrats on becoming a doctor :)
Know she's married, but I'd swipe right...Right guys?
bro... 🤦♂
Well,of shes on a dating app, there ya go 😂
The borat voice took me out 💀 thank you for the advice love! I’ve come to some similar conclusions but hearing it backed up by research is reassuring 🫶🏽
I just deleted them... After some time even after matching I didn't feel a push or desire to actually try to hold a conversation as the effort to reward ratio was completely off.
yup. They’re pretty worthless tbh
What has been your working alternative?
I'm watching this video because of this same reason
@@ExplosiveBrohoofthat's the important question
I like your point about respectability and I feel like it can be extended to presenting yourself in a way that attracts the type of person you want and wards off the type of person you don't want. Use it to your advantage even if it might feel a little manipulative! Like i showed my tattoos and underarm hair to filter out the people who have a problem with them because i wouldn't want to date them anyway and find out too late, and hopefully to attract people who share similar values/worldviews. I showed a lot of my hobbies and music taste, not just to find people with shared interests, but also to make it clear that i care about occupying myself with activities and i get really into music and learning about the artists. It seems this tactic worked, because i met my current partner online (dating almost 3 years now!) and we both said that we appreciated how much detail we put into our profiles because it was clear we were looking for real connection and not just something casual, and even if our hobbies and music taste didn't overlap entirely, we could tell that we both cared deeply about these things.
Absolutely! I’m so glad that worked out like that for you. It sounds like you aced dating apps☺️
I wish I had embellished more on this point in the video but the reason I changed my mind about conforming to respectability is because I’ve met so many men over the years who went on to be incredible husbands that cherish their wives, despite the fact that they unconsciously categorized women into “casual” or “relationship” when they were dating around. I do still think there’s a time and place to challenge society’s biases (and sometimes maybe that comes later in the relationship, when you point out those harmful unconscious beliefs), but it’s really just a matter of what game you’re playing. Whatever your goal is, there’s a way to use appearance to that end.
I think this is just about the dating app format itself rather than people being superficial. If you've never met the person, you're going to base your first impressions on their first 1-2 pictures. Whether or not those pics represent them or not.
Can also depend on what you want. Maybe a person with very few matches that wants more matches, may want to put their best foot forward and have photos that appeal to lots of people. Whereas a person with too many matches with incompatible people may want a polarizing photo to weed people out.
Some people, especially men, are v bad at picking good photos
There are websites that will allow you to upload photos and strangers in your chosen age range will vote how attractive smart trustworthy you look in that photos
Some photos i thiught i looked good in scored really low. Some photos i thiught i looked meh in scored very high
I used the ones voted by stangers rather than the ones I thought were good and the results were pretty good i managed to get matches and quite a lot of dates
What's the website?
What’s the website called?
What’s the website??
@@MsNameGoesHere doesn't seem to allow me to post it for some reason. But if you search Google for something along the lines of photo rating you'll find it
@@lucasessman1910i think that person is talking about photofeeler
Toughest part for me, dating now after a divorce, is that I don't have any photos of me. What guy does? All my photos are of my kids, or me and my kids (and I am not putting photos of my kids online).
Feels like I have to go pay for a photoshoot to get some decent photos for these apps, to have any success anyway.
As for the fish photos - my guess is they are showing off one of their hobbies. Why is that a bad thing? Aren't we supposed to do things like show off what we like to do and who we are?
Get a phone/camera stand. Use the timer feature on your phone. Go to parks, downtown areas, cafes, just before sunset.
Trial and error. You may need to take 500+ photos before you get good at taking them, but it's worth it.
Face time is awkward, simply because there’s zero eye contact and the fact we can see ourselves on the screen through the distorted front facing camera which really makes it more uncomfortable, and i gotta hold this phone up to get the flattering angle, just all round uncomfortable and awkward,
This is for me anyway, even talking to people i know in person for years on face time is weird. 90% of communication is non verbal. Need that in person eye contact, so much of our lives we’re looking at a screen.
Face time we’re looking at a screen not into a person.
Eyes are the windows to the soul.
Just gotta say, I'm a raver so for me it's an absolute yes to the rave outfits, even if I'm looking for love!
Same here! I go to an event or rave/festival at least once a month. So it’d be easier to weed out ppl who wouldn’t be interested in dating someone with my lifestyle
I say it to my friends and now I say it here, too. People who use those Apps are mostly not there for a Relationship. Exceptions are those, who leave after a month out of frustation. - And a month is not enough to find a good match.
Dating apps never worked for me no matches, lots of fake profiles, ghosted.
Guess I'll be alone
I agree with you, but the point is there are so many scammers on dating apps, it's hard to find someone like you.
Could you elaborate? What kind of scam?
What scam ? There is no scam on tinder and serious dating app
@@Mew__ I imagine of the “oh, you love me? I live in X country, can you buy me a ticket?” Marriage fraud variety.
@@Mew__ Theres a TON of profiles just asking you to buy their onlyfans/similar services, or just buying something in general
@@sacha_msky Lots of profiles link straight to an instagram profile, saying they rarely use the app. They're just farming instagram followers with no intention to talk or date. In my experience, it's about 30/40 percent where I live.
Plus, the apps themselves want you to pay, so they're incentivized not to give you too many matches nor show you to compatible people unless you pay. So there's that too.
Helpful tips. I delete my apps but taking notes for the future. I agree with your strategic swiping approach, but I listened to some dating expert...I think the one for hinge and she said to swipe on people you may not off the bat be interested in because people end up with partners they didn't think they would.
Before I watch this video I’m just gonna say that I don’t believe in dating apps and never have. I feel like it’s better to just meet someone in person and date that way, might be the reason that I’ve been single for about 17 years now? I’ve just been too busy and had too much responsibility to romantically meet someone.
I definitely get the appeal of meeting people more organically, and I'm honestly kind of glad that my husband and I met IRL. With that said, I know many lovely couples who met through dating apps and I think technology opens a lot of doors for people, if used smartly.
Thank you for your thoughts on dating apps, I might give it a second thought and choose dating apps as my crutch?
@@AnaPsychologyI agree, but what do you do when you haven’t dated in a very long time? It’s almost intimidating when you haven’t dated in 15+ years or been romantic with someone at all.
Me too. It's great for those people who have met on dating apps but I'm not interested in trying.
@@robertkomninos4220i think slowly easing into it and not worrying so much about that aspect of your dating life. if you go on a few dates with someone and it seems to be going well, i highly doubt if you tell them you haven’t dated in 15+ years and you want to take it slow they’ll walk out the door. if they like you then they like you. i understand completely that its easy to think people will be turned off by that but if its the right person they won’t mind. getting back into dating is the same as getting back into anything else, take it slow and easy at first, don’t overload yourself, slowly build it up as you remember and relearn stuff like dating etiquette, communication, physical intimacy etc. watching a bunch of dating videos will only take you so far, you have to go out and do it. its like if you havent lifted weights in a while you shouldnt start out lifting super heavy you know? and watching videos on lifting won’t build you muscle you have to go out and lift.
I’m not really interested in creating a weird manipulative online persona featuring a curated false image of myself. I understand this puts me at a great disadvantage, but it feels right. To each their own
Online dating apps are limited you have to really try if you want to find a partner. The advice i would give to people is
If you find their profiles attractive and match, then start the convo straight away. Dont wait a few days until you are 20th down their list
If your convo is okay, then ask for their # and arrange a date for the very same week. Dont let it linger
On the date, within 10 minutes, you'll learn more about the person than you could texting for 10 days
Don't be discouraged if you don't want to see this person again. In my experience, only 1 in 20 dates i would like the person enough to want to actually see them again. Not that there is anything wrong with them. 99% of the time, the person is absolutely normal fine nice but just not your cup of tea
If you go on enough dates you'll fine your person. If you give up after 3-4 dates most likely you wont find anyone
20 dates is like 2 years of staying on the app
@Obyvvatel yes unfortunately it is skewed to more attractive people having more options but then that's true of real life too
The last time I used apps I think I went on close to 50 dates within 3-4 months until I found someone I liked and they liked me too
In real life its v easy to know if you are attracted to a person so the way I see it is you have to meet and you'll likely meet a lot of people you aren't attracted to until you meet a few you are attracted to
And it's not just physical attraction that plays a part but its also hiw the two people interact together
Anyway good luck
Hopefully given enough dates you'll find someone you really like
Thank you! This was very needed. I just moved to a new city, alone, and I've never used dating apps. So this gives me a bit of hope for starting!
I would not have the energy to meet up with a complete stranger at all. I think it's just not for me. I come across as really avoidant on dating apps, though I'm not at all avoidant in my personal real life relationships. It's just a lack of interest in pretty much everyone I've seen online.
Also wouldn't recommend for anyone below the age of 21, to many creeps calling your age devine, or the like.
In my experience, everyone is like this in dating apps. The amount of bad experiences forces you to not have any expectations whatsoever from anyone and keep your investment as low as possible to avoid getting hurt.
Same
Interesting! I dread the thought of being back on dating apps, but I’ll probably use some of these tips in the future. Thank you
In theory, yes your advice is effective if most people on the apps behaved in the same way: respectfully and rationally to some extent. However, one of your assumptions is fundamentally wrong. Apps are not a reflection of real-life. They are a distortion of it. That's why people with the most 'sexy' or outrageous pics, with no prompts or whacky ones get more matches than those who follow your advice. People have to stand out otherwise they will be ignored in a sea of potential matches.
All pretty common sense things IMO, but it's good to have common sense be validated by a professional, so thanks for the video!
I haven't a had a single match on these apps for years.
Guess its time to die alone
As someone mid-life and completely new to this after 15+ yrs of marriage coming to an end, I appreciate this. Few potentials in my area due to my values differing from the general populous, but I'm hopeful. At worst, any communication I get is just an opportunity to learn. The first match doesn't have to be the last. I've got social anxiety and am neurospicy. I have learned that the first time I do something is the hardest. After that, it gets a lot easier and more comfortable. ;)
9:34 this part reminds me of a theory in psychoanalysis called the “Madonna-mistress complex”.
I’d use them by finding the uninstall button on the app and pressing it.
The problem I’ve experienced is that I’ll do all of the ‘good stuff’, portray myself well and be friendly and open about wanting a relationship… then guys who express they do will just dip or ghost after saying so. It’s really weird and almost feels sadistic at times - why would they say that if they wanted something casual??
Ahh I needed this video.. I've never been in a relationship irl before(I'm 23) and am currently on a few dating apps but i'm so nervous about even starting a conversation :/ I've been holding off responding to this 1 guy for over a week who I've matched with on multiple apps in my city bcuz... Idk. I'm really intereted in him but I'm so new to this
You'll always be new to it until you start. Also, it's not illegal to tell people you've never dated before (or at least that you're new to the apps). It can take the pressure off and allow you to just talk. See where conversation takes you. Maybe match with someone you're interested in, but not obsessed with, so there's less pressure
I’ve been hesitant with dating apps so I appreciate this video!
I don't always agree with you but you're a solid psychologist and i really appreciate your videos
What are the examples of not agrewement?
I just moved to Ft. Lauderdale so that second example totally shocked me lol
Me, actually being the avoidant and not responding while still wanting that connection - how do I go on about this?
gotta love not understanding fishing/gym/party guys in one sentence than saying show pictures of you doing your hobbies almost the next sentence. You answered your own question.
This was a great video! Do you have any tips for meeting people irl
I think I get the joke behind the fish photo. lol it made me laugh.
💀 14:22
Texan here. What the heck is a "popup"?
so naive :)) but sweet :)
... Politely give me back my black cat!
Thank you so much for this video! It's so helpful!
Photos with a fish - that’s the happiest moments in our life!
Notes on video:
(watch the whole video for a better indepth explanation and scenarios for how to apply them)
modesty on profiles are a green flag.
profile pictures with modesty specifically. (not to sexual, not to overly expressive)
showing social groups, showing their hobbies and modest personal details are to be looked for.
if they are looking for love:
they respond back decently, they dont care if you respond more than frequently they are very open and usually with in a week or so they want to open up more for more intimacy.
If they are looking for anything but love:
they dont respond as fast, they get annoyed or bugged by your quick responses, they dont show alot of themselves in photos and hobbies, they also might say phrases like "this is just for fun" "lets see how this goes" "play it by ear"
they also dont try to move things forward past the phone.
Good points. You could ask them what they are looking for and only the most toxic people would lie. I also think that a lot of dudes, who are looking for a relationship, are also fine with hooking up with someone, who they don't want to be in a relationship with, because they think they can do better (I think Ana made a Video about this). This type of encounter is hard to be filtered out by looking at the profile, because the content of the profile is statistically independent from wich user is looking at it.
7:00 proximity creates connection
15:13 You really said "What do healthy people eat"? Come on girl!
I don’t mean this as a brag or a criticism, but I learned almost nothing from this video and I’m so happy about that lol 😊 What it did was affirm all the intuitions and knowledge I already have which is really reassuring. I’ve been in an “avoidant phase” I’m calling it (I’ve had long periods where I wasn’t this way), where I haven’t even tried to date for 5 years. There has been a lot of fear to try again, but increasingly strong desire for a life partner. This past year especially, I am feeling the most grounded, healthy and secure I ever have as an adult. There has been this fearful/insecure/protective mechanism thing that keeps thinking, “I just need to do x, y, z” first and then I’ll be ready to start dating again. But I think the takeaway here is I am ready now 😅
I came here for the cat 🖤
Your cat is cute!
What if you like fishing? Oh wait you said no fish photos. Got it
*crying in lesbian* just deleted dating apps lol
Being told to not put up a fishing photo only makes me want to use one even more 😂
haven't even watched yet but rushed here to say, thank you for this. i've been thinking of getting back out there, but also putting it off. been binging your vids too so like, perfect timing haha
This is such an informative video, thank you!!
guys what is a pop up I missed the memo
CHOO CHOO
not even driving 30 min for a date? now that's a straight dating perspective if I've ever seen one, lol
That’s called “GUD” Geographically UnDesirable”