Daddy Issues You have worth, you have value. Have a great weekend! Massive thanks to the one and only Tony Zehnder for turning one of my lyric poems into such a great song. Love you bubba.
As with all of my videos, this is me unbottling some hardship and releasing it. It’s my responsibility to not let the past affect my present or future. Will be working on that. Love yall
my reason to watch vlogs because when your life isn’t going well, watching others live their lives kind of fulfills like I am getting part of that experience. Also because you get to know someone through their vlogs and start to care about them. I can’t say or tell my dad about my emotional issues because he uses faith to strike me down as reasoning, but I have my best friend who listens to anything I have to say and so, I don’t watch many vlogs anymore except a few special peeps like you. :3
In the Christmas vlog when you blurted our that your dad had left your mom 2 weeks before Christmas my immediate response was “fuck him. What an asshole” and I kinda felt bad about it but this vlog confirms my feelings. I’m glad you shared this with us. I know it wasn’t easy but ultimately I think it’s something YOU had to do. I can’t speak for everyone but I’m sure I speak for many when I say that we are here to listen and support you whenever you feel the need.
Thank you so much for your story zach 🙏🏻 🙏🏻❤️❤️ i appreciate it , cause i have the same story like you and i choose to not have a relationship with my dad.. and it make me more strong to become a better person in life .
The only thing I'm excited for lately is my taxes to load and my car to be sold and me to pack up most my belongings and just leave for awhile or maybe forever. I want a fresh start were I just be myself and be able to live my life again. Hope you have a wonderful day and hope things get better.
With the amount of trash and meaningless content that’s on UA-cam (especially lately), you’re such a breath of fresh air...thanks for making this video 💛
You two (Tyler and Todd, and Zach and B), are some of the best LGBT representation on youtube (the only ones i follow really haha)! You both inspire me to be a better resource and friend to everyone! After coming out, i've learned that family doesn't also mean blood related. Im happy you all are here to help so many! Love, G
speaking of trash and meaningless content. The amount of facetune, eye enlarging, jaw slimming, teeth whitening, skin tone changing on your instagram, i hope you two never end up missing. You'd be difficult to identify IRL
This broke my heart. Its rare to see someone who grew up with similar abuse. My father beat me and my brother and my mother. There was a fight almost every night. I once overheard him call me a queer to my mother at six years old. He never connected to me. It's so important what you do Zach. People need to see a person who had trauma and turned it around. You don't owe your dad anything ! Thank You.
I heard my father say the same thing to my mother when I was six or seven and I was supposed to be asleep. I survived and I told Zack he will too I am to cut that man out of his life. They’re only accidents of nature that they’re your parents. I hope you’re doing well. And by the way I’m glad I’m queer LOL it’s been a good life.
Zach. You are the real man that your Dad could never be. I am so proud of the man you’ve become. You deserve Alistair and the love you guys share. Your Dad never earned your love but you’ve earned the respect and gratitude of the thousands of lives you’ve touched. You are a good decent man. I admire you.
So well said! And how does this helpless victim of abuse become so much more than his past? How Zach has grown to be so wise and perceptive given the environment he grew up in is beyond me. Amazing and hopeful. I feel his hurt, I feel his pain. Sometimes withdrawing from a relationship is a matter of self preservation. It’s something that’s necessary and the right thing to do. In the long run you have to live your life and let go of the past. But that is impossible to do with an open wound. Zach, please find a way to get past this and live your life without the pain and heartache. You are an amazing person, and you owe it to yourself.
Zack, as a 70 yo dad, granddad gay man, I have found many of your videos as touching, entertaining, sometimes silly, mostly fun. This was one of the most profound videos I've watched and I just want to thank you for making yourself vulnerable. Now the healing of your own soul can start. You have a great husband for support. Let it get better.
Hey Zach, thanks for sharing that story with me/us. A couple of observations and good takeaways to thank you for... 1. I was a chaplain in the Army. They give a few of us hospital chaplain training to deal with ugly people and uglier situations. Basically, they turn us into therapists. Something that I learned from the program and years of doing therapy is that "you are only as sick as your secrets." You said something similar and I want to affirm you - you are not obligated anymore to keep your dad's secrets -- as a matter of fact, it not only hurts you, but it keeps him from dealing his own lies. He is not the main torturer in the castle dungeon, don't let him have that role. 2. I kept too many secrets in the Army, too many personal and professional ones that did no one any good. They made me sick inside and out and took me to a very, very bad place. I don't do UA-cam, I write. That's my therapy. I wrote "A Breach of Faith" as Michael Smith on Amazon. It really is an attempt to show how secrets can make us so sick we die, at least a little on the inside. I wound up hanging out for months with men in the Army who are just as sick. The analysis of that experience was a lot of fun. JK. Now, I am out, gay, struggling but getting better. I wish nothing but the same for you. I have watched your channel since you began, and want to thank you. Why do some of us watch this stuff you asked? It's NOT just for living vicariously, but it is also a way for us to hope that we can have something to hope for when it seems bleak. May your viewers and friends and husband (and dogs) do that same for you. Peace.
Hey Zack, As a man old enough to be your father, I just want to let you know you are the kind of young man that I would be proud to have for a son. When I see the love and maturity that oozes out of you, I know that you are more mature than I am. Although my father never physically abused me, he was emotionally closed off to me to the extent that I never felt connected to him at all. He's dead now and I really don't care. But I know that I held anger and resentment towards him in my heart for many many years while he was still alive for what I imagined he withheld from me. So I think I understand a tiny portion of what you're feeling. I hope you understand that your fans are just trying to help. Because a lot of people have had my experience - an emotionally distant father rather than an abusive father. And so we think we know what is best for you. Right now you are still in recovery mode from fresh open wounds. And its the time to heal. Its time to strengthen. Its time to fortify. Its not the time to forgive. But I want you to understand WHY your fans are saying that. Its NOT because of anything you owe your father. Its because until you can release this hurt and abuse, it will always have a hold on you. It will fester. It's like a part of your soul is his, not yours. And the only way you get it back is to release the anger you hold towards him. Forget going to counseling with your father. I think you're probably right that he was just using it as a deflection. But I hope you consider going to counseling for yourself. Because eventually you need to find a way to release the pain that is bottled up within you. God Bless you.
Sadly, many males are still being taught to hold their emotions in, some folks who have been abused sadly hold in their emotions due to surviving abuse, while still others have neurocognitive disorders like Autism. It's sad that some fathers are unable to enjoy showing their emotions with the children. My parents and siblings had Autism, so I know how hard not having that connection could be.
Almost a year later I found your comment again and it brought a flood of memories. I’ve come out to my family and reconnected with my dad, it’s hard for both of us as we have both hurt each other but it’s happening. I remember seeing this comment when I saw the video and it was oddly comforting to say the least
Thanks Nash, a really insightful response. You'll probably never get to read this reply, but your story mirrors mine ... I eventually had the old Mid-Life crisis and did some therapy, and like you, I realised it was up to me to get past the issues I had for myself ... now I don't look back and let the past ruin things ... there's only now and the future. Thanks Zachary and Cheers Nash
YES! BEAUTIFUL! CONGRATULATIONS to Zach and THANKS FOR SHARING!!! With love: 1) You choose to worry to much what others - especially the peanut gallery - think. 2) Your Mom deserves better than her ex-spouse. She should have kicked him out long ago, but sometimes that’s not possible, so can cut her some slack. Is she a masochist? Why would she want to go back to that torturer and his mind-fuck narso prison? She deserves better than that. “Be you. People will thank you.” Maybe watch the reno gold & mario adrion colab where reno says he laughs at the dysfunctional comments some ppl leave him. His way of dealing was like a shot in the arm! Wishing you peace, love, joy, and confidence, as always. It’s evident you’re a good soul. Maybe get some remote (covid) talk therapy with a licensed therapist who specializes in Narcissistic Abuse. Maybe check out Dr. Les Carter’s “Surviving Narcissism” UA-cam channel. He’s also from Texas, has helped me a lot with same issues - narso abuse. Dr. Ramani is also on the same great shelf and an expert like Carter with all things Narcissism and how to move on and heal and live YOUR LIFE! Much love. Proud of you! Thanks again for sharing!
Zach, I am 67 years old and this video made me cry. I do understand your pain because of my own experience...hopefully, your dad will get his issues resolved...stay strong and i will honestly pray for your family...
Zach - This has been one of the best half hours I have ever spent on UA-cam. Your painful experiences resonant with me and I am sure so many others. Thank you for your honesty, so rare in this world today. May the Gods reward you and Alastair with many blessings to come.
I realize every one has some decent qualities, but his dad is undeserving at this time, Just because our parents raise us, does not mean we owe them unconditional allegiance.
I can relate so much to this. My biological father had nothing to do with me growing up and we went to the same small country church. He got married a few years after I was born and had a family. They all attended the same small church. To say it got awkward sometimes was an understatement. I repressed it all. In my late teens and early 20s, it started to surface, and it made me very angry. My mom, of all people, told me I still had to be nice to him and she was even still friends with him. He refused to tell his kids I was related to them. How messed up is that. I have still never said anything to him, out of respect for my mother, and it's been many years, but I still hold a lot of resentment and anger. Zach, you are right, if someone in your life causes you pain and anger, there is no law book that says you have to keep them in your life. Life is too short. Find the people that make you happy and cling onto them.
Please don’t ever take down this video. Whenever it shows up in the algorithm-chosen suggestions, I watch it again, because I had the same father and the same childhood. He didn’t make amends until after his third surgery and chemo, when he knew for sure he was dying. After he died was the only time I told him I loved him, whispered as I closed his eyes for the last time. I don’t remember him ever saying the words to me. I know exactly how you felt when you found out your dad was taking another woman’s kids (& maybe his?) to ball games and such. I felt the same when I saw how much physical affection my dad showed his grandchildren. (My siblings’ kids. I haven’t had children for fear of turning into my parents, but I’m starting to realize that won’t happen, so maybe if the right guy comes along, I will.) So I know your pain. Many of us do, as you have seen in the comments. Anyone who urges you to reconcile with him just isn’t capable of understanding why you can’t right now. We watch your videos because of your beautifully insightful storytelling, masterful cinematography, unflinching honesty, impressive integration of music, and amazing editing skills. Even if you never post another video to UA-cam, I will continue watching the older ones because they are emotional powerhouses that move me and make me feel alive. Zach, you are an artist, the best I’ve seen on UA-cam. If you want it, I believe you would earn selection for SXSW film festival, Sundance, probably any in the world. Whether you have the creative energy to continue, or decide to take time off for less formal entertainment, like Coffee & Tequila and Chaotic, you are truly unique and amazing. Your videos make a difference in people’s lives. What artist could ask for more? ❤️😸✌️
Hey Zach, I am a psychotherapist who has heard many hard stories, some like yours. I commend you for deciding to stand for Truth, as hard as that might be. Your courage and truth-telling can be an example for so many. I have enjoyed your videos for years now and know that I will always find authenticity and a love for one's fellow human beings in them. Thank you, Zach!
dale sides is it possible that some people are gay because of parental issues? I’m gay and I see this pattern that many gay men have poor father figures
italian boy my dad has had his problems before he knew about me, he might not even know now. I understand some parents act really shitty when they find out
Back in March of last year, I ran away from my home in Vermont and drove 550 miles away to start over in Pittsburgh. For the past year, I haven’t had the chance to really process the trauma that came from living with the toxic and homophobic family I left behind, or all the hardships I’ve had to overcome to get to a point of safety and stability where I am now. Watching you describe your experiences, it’s allowing me to reflect on what I went through. I’m gonna go for a long, quiet drive to reflect (I do my best thinking on the road), but I really want to thank you for being brave enough to tell your story. It’s giving me an open door to finally start living mine. Thank you, Zach.
This is good. I don't know how old you are, but I wanted to run away but was too young and had no where to turn. I noticed that you had a car to escape. Do they know where you are now? I would have missed my siblings tremendously. Some of my siblings just thought he was disciplining me. Some thought I had been a brat; they never knew the beatings I took, they weren't there. One sister had chairs thrown at her, and I was 7 and remember it well. I went thru PTSD counseling, and it helped. All the best.
Zach, you have such a special gift for being open, honest and a fantastic communicator. This video was not only healing for you , but all of your followers as well. May your life forward be full of peace and love.
Zach I’m a 65 year old gay doctor, i lived in a very different time than you guys. 2 years ago i lost my life partner of 40 years, our journey together wasn’t without its tough time but it was the most important thing in my life. The past 2 years have been the hardest of my life, I lost my best friend, i lost the better half of my but i’m fit and healthy so i will go on but life will never be the same. as a neurologist please let me give you one piece advise, love what you have, don’t try to take it apart and examine it to much, love is not a definable commodity it just is. My partner and i both adorned Alister he has a beauty and innocence so rare in this world, wrap your arms around his love it will carry you though so much, go safe wish could meet you guys. The pain caused by family relationships is toxic, you can not fix it or change it, walk away feel no hate or responsibility, sometimes in life we have to be tough to survive.
@@sethrich9537 The differences between the gay experiences of today's generation and our generation present a never ending shock to us who remember. Well said, Seth.
One of the honest life lessons in life right here. You are responsible for your happiness and who you want to be worthy of love. If your family is stopping you from that, then they will be missing out on a lot of life's secrets because of their blind to see your beautiful self inside..
"And all I ever wanted was for my dad to like me." -- That's really all any little kid wants. Wow! Thank you for sharing your story. This feels like a big step, but a necessary one. I wish you nothing but joy, peace, and freedom!
Zack...I have watched this video a few times. My father always “knew” that I was gay. Hated me and was ashamed. I married in the late 70s and had 3 children. They are the light of my life. My father called me a pussy because I loved them so. No regrets. Still love them and they love me. Your video is a positive thing to listen to....we made it out. I am so damn happy in a way that I never thought I would be...in spite if him. We are survivors. If I get any recognition I always think “take that you SOB. I wish that would stop. Lol lol Please don’t stop the posts. I love the two of you....
Zach, You are an amazing young man. If I had ever had childrenI would hope that they had turned out half of what you have shown. Continue to be you! ❤️
67 years old and I cried through almost all of your post. My heart goes out to you and what you've been through. I've been there, everything you said, except my extreme physical abuse wasn't as bad. But other abuse was. No one understands that the mental abuse can sometimes be worse to go through. I enjoy your channel.
Zach, I have no words. I just want to wrap you in a giant hug. You asked why do people watch vlogs, I would say to feel a connection to people, to have a sense of community which I've lacked since returning to my home town after college. Something I'm really excited about and looking forward to this year is the birth of my friends baby in June. I get the honor of being Aunt Cassie and I cannot wait! Best birthday present.
What a freeing epiphany in your life !!! And how you said it was honest and straight to the point !!! I only came to realize similar insights into my relationship with my dysfunctional father when I was around 50 years old. Keep up your good work in healing from your past traumas !!! Mykee K. 🌅🌈🎭🍀😊
Life has taught me that blood doesnt mean anything, we don't choose the family we are born into but we can choose ourselves. If someone is not good for you, regardless of them being family, its okay to leave.
Your dad is an evil human being. As a victim of emotional and verbal abuse, I thank you for sharing your story. I could never understand what it's like to be physically abused. But I know the negative consequences it has.
Zach I usually don’t agree to people spilling such personal information out there BUT I had to hold back my tears hearing you release this burden you’ve carried all this time. You are so brave to disclose this. I feel releasing it will have a positive effect in your life. You (and Alister) are awesome young men. There are certain truths or principles in life to hold onto. I look forward to your future videos. Stay strong. Love Alistar with all your heart and yourself too.
It hit me when you said "why do you watch" - i never really thought about , i like you guys so much but am very different from most watching you. I'm a 55 yr old wife and mom, living in Columbus Ohio lol not your target audience but you just click with me. So strange the topic - I went thru a shit divorce when my daughter was 5 yrs old, just bought a house and moved...one night I get a call from my husband's drunk girlfriend - she told me about their affair and they had a son together. So fucked up...my daughter is now 28 and she has not spoke to her Dad since she graduated high school. He portrays the victim part so well. And yes of course he treats his son so much better than he ever treated my daughter. You are 100% correct about not having them in your life. After Jessica, my daughter, stopped dealing with his bullshit, she is so much happier. She has moments when she dwells on it, get's upset about the situation because he shouldn't be such an asshole, that's her dad, he should love her and be there for her, but he's not and she knows that. You are brave to do this, use it as a form of therapy and if people say shitty things, screw them. take care, stay strong and love ya
Wow, thank you for sharing that. I never really stopped to think before about Zach's, and now Zach's & Allistar's, vlogs and adventures would resonate with such a broad audience. God bless...
Why do I watch you guys???? Because you are a perfect example of how a gay couple can live and deal with everyday issues. I am getting ready to start a relationship and I am able to put mine and Hector's faces in your spots and it helps tremendously! You guys are the real deal and that is what we need. Thanks for being you...Thank you! Jeff, your sub in Utah!
“My upbringing is probably the darkest part of my life so far.” What a sad thing to acknowledge. I am so sorry that you experienced all that. Bottling things up is not a healthy strategy but often is the only thing you can do. Survival is necessary. You deserve to be happy. I am so happy that you have Alastair as your partner; someone to go through life with. In my experience trauma never stays buried, but often comes out side-ways… thru drug use, gambling, illness. Take a look at Adverse Childhood Experiences studies. You and Alastair are in my thoughts and prayers.
Zach, I know that I'm just some stranger on the internet, but I am so proud of you. There's no shame in letting toxic people go. I'm 42 and I stopped talking to my mother at 35. I had to completely cut her out because after 35 years of abuse, manipulation, etc., I realized that I had to take care of me first. I do hope that you seek out a therapist to help you work through all of this if you haven't already. Much love to you, A and your pups.
I didn't see this coming! Wow! Zach, you just set your spirit free! Even if you had never posted this volg, the act of speaking truth out loud will begin healing your heart. You clearly don't need advice or lectures from anyone. I listened to you carefully and it's clear you know the truth. You know what is right for you. I only hope you stick to your guns and remember your only responsibility is to protect your spirit. Only people who have earned the right to be in your life should have a place there. I'm so proud of you for saying this out loud and opening the door to freedom from the past. Stay strong and safe. Sending you lots of love! ❤
I think that you had to do this video, regardless of posting it or not. You have made a decision to move forward. I am looking forward seeing Zach and Alastair in 2020 through a fresh lens, soon.
Hello Zach, I grew up in an alcoholic and domestically violent family as well. My parents violent relationship was seasonal. During the winter my father drank more and came home drunk. My mother would pick at him and eventually the fight began. You and I are adult children of alcoholics. Your father undoubtedly is as well. Your anger is the shame you swallowed for years. Now that you are holding your father accountable and telling your story those feelings flood you. Eventually you will heal. As you detach and let go of your father's shame and stop trying so hard to get your father to love you your self-esteem and self-love will grow and blossom. Welcome to recovery. Each of us has our own story and recovery process. There is a support group called Adult Children Anonymous. Lots of others have similar stories. Sharing the truth is a major step in recovery. Peace, love and joy be yours.
Thank ypu for sharing. As a guy who has gone through the same struggles (you wouldn't believe how close our relationships with our dads have been) it takes a lot to get passed this. YOU ARE STRONG! YOU ARE COURAGEOUS! YOU ARE FANTASTIC AND YOU ARE LOVED! If you ever wanted a new friend, you have one in IOWA! God bless you buddy!
Thank you for sharing this, Zach! You can’t even imagine how important for me to hear this, to see you and your husband. Maybe there is a light at the end after all, maybe our past really does not define what we are. Thank you Zach ps I spent my 20s being miserable, periodically suicidal and alcoholic. Started to see therapist and get help when I was 31. Now I am 37 and I finally know what I want. I want to be professor of economics. I now it's a bit late, people at my age teach already. But this what makes me happy and content. I believe if I work hard and stay true to myself sky is a limit :)
Hi im 57yo gay male i have just started watch the 2 God sent men here he has lived a similar life as me both parents of mine abusive the beatings with the wire, leather belt, the switch and other things never loved belittling well dad was an alcoholic and my parents were homophobic total hates my out was school is was the from 5am- 7pm there abuse kept going as i grew up i said nothing to them im gay i did come out till i was late 30's when i did dad and younger brother broke my eye socket now this still goes on there anyse hate well since i was 21 i became that of an functional alcoholic 2005 major car accident im injured so bad i was in a coma i had parts removed , replaced, rods, screws put in me they told my parents dont w told parents did 3 long surgeries abd told them he had 3 done and need a 4 dont expect him to live thru the night , time goes on and come out my coma im told ill never walk again i will be in wheelchair for life now. But ive been a independent person from a ÿng kid and tell everyone i have 2 lègs 2 feet ì' m gonna be walking and i have a saying " Don't Tell Me What I Can or Can't Do Ill Do Just That i walk to this day and time with a cane doctors still trying to get me ⁸ñ ELECTRIC CHAIR , IT à No I'm walkìng im told its making me get worse to im damaging m well shortly after that a tragedy ĥits on August 26th àt 11:30pm on route 66 here in çalifornia 17 yrs this yr my anniversary my car breaks down in a dark part of route 66 im heading home. 😢 im tryinĝ toget car stated under moonlight no one is around no cars going past nothing ĺiþtlè hað i know 2 monster i call these 2 men jump me from behind if fight bàck they beat me and robbed me of 200$ ( let me gain mÿ composer back im crying at moment) ŵeĺl theße 2 gàin the upper hand and puŕe danger show they ŔAPÈ MÈ ÀÑÐ STAƁBÈD ME TOSSED ME TO THE GROUND TO DIE and leave ì lost alot of blood now didnt know my whereabouts ɓut got car running and drove didnt now where but drove i pass a 7-11 store i was about a foot from dtiving thru there front doors stumble in 1 girl was working there shes on phone and say ĥelp showing where was stabbed and collapsed pòliçè fire show up , well cops wont let them give aid why its now known i was RAPED evidence need to be kept untaintd the trauma hospital to far there told closest hospital Kaiser hospital Fontana there still cant do nothing to me till a full rape kit is done 1 and half later is when its done my parents show up a say i got what i deserve its my fault you asked for it you fagget you are no son of mine fucken queer fagget booth telling me those words to my face the one s who are to protect the kids yes im a adult but im there son still rape it has to be done tĥen they rush me into the operating room as fast as they nurse could run i mean run i didnt have much time they force that blood in my body as fast as they could the doctor told me i was going into a çomatos state thatid wouldnt have come out of when discharged parents drop me off at my house and never even check up on me days after , i suffer Tremors so bad i cant hold a glass of water to drink i shake in both arms and hands 24/7 365 i have CPTSD . My parents deny it ever happened thy never caught the 2 monsters it destroyd me and still eating me from the inside out i have no soul now . No top agecy from California to New York dealing with rape only help women and children the all tell me i call day an night none of they help men told it dont happen t men. Well time goes by its gets harder to live well i became suicidal one night my partner is with me that night he tries his best to stop me from killing myself an ad in TV comes on an its for teen suicide prevention it a Trevor Project and take the chance and call my partner makes me call he say try for me he says cryin i do i still remember the yng mans name Brandon i tell him im a adult hes say i hear your crying whats wrong tell please im a good listener and i tell he listen then he say can i put you on hold i promise you it will take me less then 2 minutes i say okay hes back with me he got his supervisor listening and ask me to repeat my story of what wrong i do she say i need o step away from call brb she comes back and say in 20 minutes you will get a phone call answer it please if 21 pass call me righ back i get her ext well Brandon tells me he knows what im going thru he went thru the same thing they call someone in my are to come to me and help. Well i find your daddy issue and watch lost count on how many time i rewatch it and cry im 57 right now 2023 this all started from rape 17 ys ago . I read my comments and i llike whats said you are not you dads keeper you dont need to hold onto his secrets you have a hot lookn man that loves you and i have my digs as well and you doggie love you and i though i was the only one that has his partner and yes his dogs in the bed mine are little dig but 1 she thinks she's little a pit bull german shepherd mix she sleep on my pillow next to me head and my one of ny little dg im not sure who snores louder her or my pillow dog or my partner. I hope many ynger gay and str8 couples see you vids you could notb imagine the relief you have given me by watching because you show we are not alone others hàve gone thru simular events you are helping many were survivers
I literally have been thinking about my late father and how toxic he was to my family all day, and then I watch this video. You're absolutely right, we do not NEED to have them in our lives JUST BECAUSE they are family. Sometimes letting go is the only form of true closure we can get. It's a freedom from the pain we suffered. I was with him the day he died, and I was at the funeral. I felt bad for the family, but finally I could breathe again. I was 40 when I felt true freedom from him.
Two things: I am 67 years old, and I watch these vlogs because I absolutely marvel at the rights young gay people have today. I never dreamed that I would see in my lifetime gay men being legally married and living openly. Openly being who you are put your life in danger, and I'm not exaggerating. I had to flee from one place that I lived because a neighbor found out about me (by watching my house with binoculars) and exposed me. I had death threats in the mail and taped to bricks thrown through my living room window. Secondly, just as authors write their best stuff when dealing with personal experience, a vlog is no different. It's kind of like coming out again, but on a different level. What you choose to put in your videos can be painful and revealing, but like coming out gives your freedom at a new place in your heart. Your videos are not just to make some money... like an author or someone coming out you are displaying your truth. Be free.
As a 63 y.o., I remember those times well, with the hate and discrimination from the rest of the community. Humans are the wackiest of creatures, to be sure.
As a 25 year old, at first thought, that seems like a long time ago, but the people who sent you death threats and threw bricks are probably still alive, and voting. Strange to think about, but important.
Your courage is incredible!! Your sharing may help others but I hope it helps you!!! Please continue your journey for your own healing! Then concentrate on Alistair and your marriage!! I wish you much success and every happiness!
Serenity Prayer God, give me grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, Courage to change the things which should be changed, and the Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other. You should be proud of yourself. You are everything your father isn't. A friend of mine told me that the happiness day of his life was when he realized he didn't have to talk to his dad.
Being a man that has come from a past similar to yours. I can attest that the best course of action is to do what you suggested, and cut the toxic relationship from you life. I did that with my father about 20 yrs ago and i haven't felt a loss just a relief in my feelings. You be true to you and your feelings only and don't let anyone ever try to diminish your past.
Zach, well done, well written, well spoken. You have so much positive going for you, family, friends, your audience and most importantly, Alistair. You've got the right outlook, don't look back, kick him to the curb and get in with your life, stay strong!
If you still see this, I hope you know how inspiring u are. U project so much strength and maturity, resilience and growth. As a 20 yo, seeing myself in similar shoes, learning thru your experiences is strengthening and inspiring. Thank u so much for your videos, u have a talent🫶🏼
So proud of you for living your truth Zach. That is what a “man” does. Your strength,courage and resilience are so admired. It is inspiring to see the way you are growing and learning to take care of you. I want to recommend Kelly Clarkson’s song piece by piece to you. It is so beautiful and reminds me of the love Alastair has for you. Both of you go and live your best lives xxx
My stomach sank to the floor when you mentioned, “not only did he just move in, he was spending time and taking her kids to volleyball, etc”. My parents split up when I was 5. Mom left first, then eventually dad dropped us off at his parents and basically never looked back. We were 5, 4 and 2 at the time, me being the oldest. I spent my entire childhood chasing them around. I would eventually find out where mom lived and would miss the bus after school just to go out and find her. I would find her, spent a little time together, then I had to call my grandparents to come pick me up. Yea, I got in trouble a lot for doing that. My father spent majority of my childhood in prison. A couple years for one thing, then then 10 years for the death of his girlfriend. They were both alcoholics and beat each other up from time to time. The last fight would end her life from an internal bleed. So our relationship was by phone and letters. It was hard not having him around but was happy when he’d call or send pictures by post. He’d always say that he missed us, couldn’t wait to be home, make up for lost time, etc etc. When he was released from prison he came out a different person. All that lovey dovey bullshit went right out the window. He’s fathered multiple children since being out. The worst part was seeing him being the best father to his girlfriend(s) kids, while we watched from the sidelines. I would become enraged then eventually devastated, thinking why we weren’t good enough to receive the love and affection he was showing those kids. I didn’t get the chance to properly come out of the closet. My mother stopped doing drugs and changed her life right after I graduated high school. While I was visiting her, she got a call. I heard her screaming, so I ran out in the hallway to listen. “Yea he’s gay, so what? Who told you that? If you say anything to him or hurt his feelings I swear to G*d I’ll F you up”. Later she told me that was my dad and that he had heard from my aunts about my sexuality. At that point I never told anyone and was beyond mortified that people were having this conversation. My grandparents are very religious so needless to say I tried very hard to stay in the closet. Sorry, I don’t mean to add more drama and sadness to your post. I usually don’t write reflections like this or at all, but your story hit home. Our situations aren’t the same but I know how it feels. It hurts like hell, and I can’t say that you’ll get over it cuz that emptiness is always there in my heart. My grandparents (his parents) were the ones telling me to be nice to him and that he’s my father I should respect him. I love them to death but they are so wrong on that part. You’re on the right path! You fell in love with someone who can help channel all that anger and emptiness into something beautiful. It took YEARS for me... years. I’d get frustrated and angry when I’d see him out in public with his new family. Then he’d show up at a family holiday and act like everything was cool. I got away from my hometown, home, everyone. The only reason I ever go down is to see my grandparents and a few I love, but that’s it. Eventually, I just stopped caring and moved on with my life. He’s still out there, painting a perfect portrait of his life, and it’s ok with me. I just don’t care about him anymore. Some day he’s gonna need me and I won’t be there.
❤ Thanks, Zachary, for being an excellent example of what it takes to share emotions and events in your life. Most people would benefit by doing the same things. 😊
Hey Zach, this REALLY hit home! I am 63 yrs young and STILL have to deal with physical and emotional abuse from my Father. It's amazing how shit can rear it's ugly head just when we thing we're doing ok!! You will continue to heal now that everything is out in the open. Luckily you have a very supportive Husband and surround yourself with like minded, caring and affirming people!! You are on a good path young friend!! And above all thanks for sharing!! It's DOES get better and time heals ALL wounds-;)
Be true to yourself, always. Never let anyone project their issues onto you (baggage). You are loved, Zachary Garcia. Your dad failed you by projecting all his failures onto you, everything he could not accept about himself. This channel you created saved your life. Full Stop. I saw pain in you but did not know the source. You reclaimed your life today. Only trust your instincts and surround yourself with people who love you for just being you. I think the world of you for doing this, it not only helps heal your soul but projects healing onto others that hear and relate to your message. ♥️
BRAVO !!!!!!! for telling and recalling the story of your childhood . My mother left me with my grandmother it was the happiest time of my life. Out of no where she reappeared with a husband and took us away, it broke my grandmothers heart I'm in my 60snd still can remember the look on my grandmothers face. I did not know who this woman was taking us away to another country I was molested by their friends but kept quiet. To make a long story short we ended up in Europe and my mom was a narcissist and my stepdad was an alcoholic . the verbal abuse from my mom and dad and brother was so much to bare. when we returned to America I stayed with my grandmother for awhile to get to know here again we had so much fun. also I lived with my parents from 17 until 21 and found my own place. going to visit them was like going to a job you disliked. I hated going there everything was about them. when I visited It was like I was invisible . then I would just leave. then when I turned 28 i packed moved to Europe and left everything behind. I would visit them every 10 years but I had to mentally prepare. then I just stopped going home to visit them all together. even at my age I remember the traumas and the meanest and the molestations . for many years I have been on medication and it works until I run out of it and my doctor lets me know . I tried to let it all go but it comes back up and I just wonder why me. my mom passed this year and I didn't want to mourn or go to the service and I did not. last year we talked and made peace on my part as not to make her leave this world feeling bad. the last thing she said to me was I was a terrible mother but I never knew love and I did not know how to love you. my stepfather has never phone me in his life. it took me 2 months after her funeral I mourned, not because she was deceased but because she was always angry that she never received the life she wanted. to end this story is I did not fly to America for the funeral, I took care of all their accounts for 19 years and helped my brothers kid through university. a week later I was told I have no place in the family and we never liked you Or cared about you anyway . my nephew even went so far in not so many words to Fxxk off and don't every come back. then I realize I did not lose them they lost me. I am going to make the most of my life now however many more years . I took care of them in their own age my job is done it goes to show that blood does not make family. my mother found out about my molestation later in life. I said you was too busy partying and fighting and dad was always drunk , so what was I to do but do what these men asked and made me do from age 11 to 16. the very people who was to protect me just would leave us at home and do their thing. also when my dad was away my mom dated his army friends and while he was away he was dating. One thing I said I was going to break this cycle of abuse and it will not define the person I am. I'm still in Europe now for 40 years and it's home. I'm blessed. my grandmother always told me do not be anyones door Matt or they will step on you every chance they get. for all of you couples out there who has traumas and want children. please get help for your traumas before you have children, all you will do is pass the traumas on to them and they to their children. this cycle needs and must be broken or your kids are going to end up hurting themselves like I tried to do or live of meds most of their lives.
When they say blood is thicker than water, they never understood the venom that can linger amongst the red, not give that breath of life but a toxic miasma. Toxic people never deserve your attention, your love, your passion, your joy. Not even your anger, your rage, your sorrow, or your forgiveness. Bury it. Bury them. Let them go and forge new path. The pain you've endured, it had shaped you but it does not define you. He doesn't define you. Small steps towards healing. Find it in your family, your husband's smile, the dirty footprints your dog leaves on the couch. And maybe some day, you will have children of your own and you WILL BE A DAMN BETTER FATHER THAN HE EVER WAS.
Dante, dude most of us have issues with our parents and we find a way to deal with that. It is sooooo much easier to just tell them to go pound asphalt (instead of go fuck themselves). When I came out my uncle asked me if getting in the ass was not painful. My grandfather still refers to me as the fagula. I deal with that crap all the time but I CHOOSE to deal with that. I know it is my option to deal with that and no one else's. I guess Zach made his choice of action and so have I. If Zach wants to vent it is up to him and we should just listen and stay out of it.
As much as this was painful for you to tell it was therapeutic for you to tell the truth and get this burden off of your heart so you can be free .... love you brother
I am a 73 y/o man who was tortured as you were. I heard my story through you. Thank you. Yes it took me almost 50 years to put this behind me. My mother was the abuser. I was eighth of ten siblings. It messed up my life for a long time. I completely identify with you. Thanks again.
Hey Zac, well done! I’m retired USAF, and agree with your statement about the people that you allow in your life. I have to say you’re very brave and have a big heart, a kind spirit that has his priorities correct! I really enjoy your videos don’t stop, your blogs are helping other people dealing with some of the same issues.
I realize I'm three years behind on this, but your videos are AMAZING, Zach. You are so incredibly honest, level-headed, and clear-sighted. Wow, I hold my breath when I listen to the story of your childhood. All you wanted was to be loved. Thank you for having the courage to tell your story. You are helping SO many people through your narratives. Please keep up the great work. May you find peace and true happiness for the rest of your life.
I just happened upon this video tonight and man, i sure wish i had found it 4 years ago. I am a 54 year old man, and this story broke me and pulled up so many things i have buried deep down and locked behind a hundred doors. I wont go into it because i would never be able to stop writing, so i just want to thank you for your courage to save yourself and the attempt at saving those who you love. You have made a profound impact on this Alabama boy. I just hope i can compartmentalize it all and keep moving forward with my own story. Thank you.
I am an old man waiting thru all of what is happening to join my future husband in Arkansas. I am 12 thousand miles from him. I am in Tasmania. So watching you guys being together. it helps me cope after 2 years of waiting to join him!
My dad was an alcoholic and beat me and so did the school teachers physically and verbally, but I became a school teacher when I was 60 and taught for 12 years. I needed to give other people some kindness. It is one way to deflect hurt. Wish I could speak as well as you do.
Zach, I cried like a baby when I listened to your story. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts. Keep being the great person that you are. Our pasts do not define who we are. Our determination for a bright future does. Peace my man.
This sounds weird considering I've never met you, but I'm proud of you. I remember watching your early early videos and thinking, "This kid's got a lot of baggage he's not acknowledging. I hope he survives." Now, I watched this and know, "Yep, he's gonna be fine." Good on you!
Zach you’re such a man. I really appreciate your courage to talk about this and the fact that you take someone else’s responsibility in the family. Stay strong ❤️
BRAVO Zac. WOW-WOW-WOW ... this a wonderfully powerful and emotional 30 minutes. You are spot on with your thoughts and for eliminating the toxic environment with your father. He has not earned your love and respect, nor do you owe him anything just becuase he is your father. Be done with him, move on and enjoy your life without that weight around your neck. As retired military, and a gay man old enough to be your Dad, I wish I had it as all together as you do when I was your age. And your vlogs are truly inspirational. My husband and I were one of the first legally married gay couples in California before Prop 8 took that right away, and that made us fight all the harder for marriage equality. So it’s verry heartening for us to see you and Alistair married and living a wonderfully fulfilling life. Thanks for all that you do and for Alistair’s service in the Army. . All our best! 🍷👍🍷
That must have been hard. So raw. Again you are a beautiful soul and what you say is so spot on,you have to be happy. Hearing you strikes cords with me and what you say resonates. Well done keep it up. Say what you need to as long as it's true.
You asked why people watch vlogs. I watch because I like to see how other people in other country live their lives. I cannot tell you how much pleasure it gives me (a 50 year old gay man who had to live his teens through the 1980s) to see the younger generations living more open, fuller and positive lives. As for this particular video and your story: no one can change their past, we can only live moving forward. And the best 'fuck you' you can give to your dad is to live your best life. Get on doing your projects, enjoy the happy life with your husband, and have as great a time as you can with as positive relationships with the rest of your family members as you can (they will never be perfect but strive for as best as you all can get). You're a man now and you clearly know how to judge the worth of other men. As you said it's all in the behaviours. You don't need those behaviours in your life so you're not putting up with them. That's taking back power and moving forward.
Zack, I experienced the same thing with my Dad. After he and mum got divorced, he got another woman and I was told he was seen just taking small kids to school, probably his new woman's children. I sort of thought I did not know who he was any longer or who I had been with when I was younger. It was frustrating but felt he was already far away from my life. You are not alone in your sorrow, man. I appreciate your sharing all this on YT. I can see that despite all your bitter childhood, you have grown to be a mature guy, who can successfully process his emotions and convey hope for those who may be going through the same ordeal. God Bless you and I am sure life will give you all the love and affection your heart has been longing for all this time.
Wow. The vid I didn't know I've been waiting for. My Dad passed before I came out; he would not have approved. But, many years later, I had a dream in which he told me he was proud of me. I am not sure what it meant to have that dream, but I took it as a step in my letting go of the shackles of other peoples' opinions. With distance, I have come to accept my parents for the human beings they were. They loved me as best they could. Any Dad should be proud of the man you have become, Zach. And let me add, you are a role model to many younger LGBTQ folks, and in some way, YOU are helping provide the acceptance and support their parents should be giving. Think about that! You have so much to be proud of.
Very touching and reminiscent of my relationship with my father. I was miserable until i stepped away. I know you will be much happier without the toxicity... Sorry you had to endure that. It’s your time now!
Babyboy you are 1000 percent doing the right thing...I have nothing but love n respect for you...wish I could just give you a big bear hug..tell you to to take a deep breath...exhale...you deserve all the love in the world..take it in...accept it. All the rest is just trash and baby what do we do with the trash hmmm?💪👍💝💕💋
Zach, you have produced the most honest video I've seen on UA-cam in the 15 years UA-cam has been around. You also have produced the most viable healing video that has ever been on UA-cam. Your decisions are exactly correct. You owe that man nothing. He is not your dad. He never was. The good takeway is that all that pain for all those years have brought you to the point where you have become one of the most loving, caring people in the world. You are an astonishing person. I admire you immensely. I know expressing yourself publicly now opens the door for you to have the freedom and happiness you always longed for. Its done. It's over. Now revel in the start of your new happy life.
this was a hard watch. Thank goodness you found Alastair, a man who from what I've seen is the person you need in your life. Stay strong Zach , you may not realise it, but you are an inspiration to everyone who has had a tough growing up. Looks like you are head of the family now, as time goes by they will be glad of it.
Zach, I'm so happy that you had the strength and bravery to put this out there for others with similar situations to see. I'm almost 52 now, but I had a similar relationship with my father, in that he's always been emotionally draining on me. All through my childhood, I never felt like I was ever good enough for him. He is not one to show emotion either, so I never really got any "Attaboys," from him. I always felt I never did anything right. To this day, I still feel that way, especially after coming out when I was 18, and our relationship is still very strained because, after all these years, I've always felt like a f**k-up. Good on you, though, for being able to at least take that first step in moving forward without him and his toxicity!! I think you are a great person for being honest and telling it like it is. I wish I could just give you a big hug. You deserve it and so much more. Love to you, Alastair, and Winnie! William from Arizona
The amount of pain and ... Hidden feelings I see in your face in this video is... Gosh. It is so much you have inside. I feel it, all of it. The times got better and you seem to have a better and happier life. So proud!
Zach, you are one of the strongest, most level-headed men I know. Thank you for your honesty. Telling the dark times of our stories is never easy, and sometimes just the telling can be as difficult as living through what we experienced. So I offer you a big virtual hug. Stay strong, and focus your energy on you and Alistair and your "family" however you define it. I watch your vlog only from time to time, but I have enjoyed so much watching you grow and mature and become YOU. Keep on keeping on.
Zach, just amazing courage to bare it all publicly and be honest about what you’ve been through. What an amazing man to rise above all the trauma and share how you’ve made great journey. I am at a loss for any other words and just give you a big virtual hug. This video will stick with me for years to come, that’s how impactful it was.
Such a great video and sorry for your troubled youth… this story is told over and over by so many and not one time have I heard a similar version that it didn’t remind me of my own story… I do wish stories like this never had to be told. So much to live with and work though that it makes life just that much harder for that much longer. I do hope you have found peace in life or at least some similarity of peace to let you be the man you truly are inside.
I'm so proud of you for sharing your story. My relationship with my dad was almost identical to what you described. Like you said, the hardest part was not feeling safe with the person who is supposed to protect you. When he died, I sank into a deep depression...not because I was sad he was gone, but because I felt bad that I didn't feel bad he was gone. I tell you what my mom told me - you deserve to feel how you feel. I hope this catharsis is the beginning of liberation for you.
Thank you for sharing this Zach. You're strong and a beautiful person. My one piece of advice is to let go of the hate. You don't need to forgive or forget but let go of the hate. It's normal to be angry but the hate will only hurt you not him. I know from first hand experience and when I was finally able to release the hate, did I finally find peace. If you don't already, find a therapist to help you work through this. And most of all love yourself. I wish you only happiness and peace in your life.
I really appreciate that you try to be open and honest, this is one of the reasons I watch you, you give me courage and show me how to be a better person with your bravery. I feel bad for your situation and if I could, I would give you a big hug and let you know there are people out here who care and want the very best for you.
Zach, I am seeing this video (Daddy Issues) for the first time and my heart goes out to you for the 'loss' of a childhood! No child should have ever experienced what you did! Though you have memories of the past that still haunt you, it's obvious that you are on the right path in creating a 'new' life for yourself, and you DESERVE IT if anybody does! Having seen other videos of you, especially with your soul mate, I see an admirable young man full of LOVE, CONFIDENCE, and SELFLESSNESS! It's not going to be easy, but try not to look back at the past, but to look forward to the future. I wish you and Alistair the very best and much happiness in the days, months, and years ahead! God Bless!
Zach, I completely identify and agree with what you've said. My parents were divorced when I was 5, my "mother" left and I never saw or heard from her again... no card, no letter, just silence... and for most of my life, when I would mention this, well-meaning but thoughtless people would ask why I don't reach out, try to find her, etc. What for? She made it very clear. They just don't get it, probably because they had a "normal" childhood. (To stop any similar comments here, I'm 66, she died in 1994, and I didn't know about it for 6-8 months or so, when my aunt (her sister) wrote to tell me. (She didn't find out until much later either.) But I had a great childhood anyway, thanks to my dad, who was the coolest guy -- and that's not just his son's opinion! He was a school teacher (music) and has 34 years of former students who, whenever I run into one, stops to chat and reminisce about how he was their favorite teacher, etc. He was also a local jazz musician, which made him even cooler in my eyes. So just do you, be yourself, and those that just don't get it?... well, that's THEIR problem, ain't it? Oh, and why do I watch your channel? Because of you obviously. You're charming, and witty, and kind-hearted... and generous to share your life with us! Love ya! Love to Alistair! Hang in there!!
As with all of my videos, this is me unbottling some hardship and releasing it. It’s my responsibility to not let the past affect my present or future. Will be working on that. Love yall
Adventures of Zach and B Love you too
my reason to watch vlogs because when your life isn’t going well, watching others live their lives kind of fulfills like I am getting part of that experience. Also because you get to know someone through their vlogs and start to care about them. I can’t say or tell my dad about my emotional issues because he uses faith to strike me down as reasoning, but I have my best friend who listens to anything I have to say and so, I don’t watch many vlogs anymore except a few special peeps like you. :3
In the Christmas vlog when you blurted our that your dad had left your mom 2 weeks before Christmas my immediate response was “fuck him. What an asshole” and I kinda felt bad about it but this vlog confirms my feelings. I’m glad you shared this with us. I know it wasn’t easy but ultimately I think it’s something YOU had to do. I can’t speak for everyone but I’m sure I speak for many when I say that we are here to listen and support you whenever you feel the need.
Thank you so much for your story zach 🙏🏻 🙏🏻❤️❤️ i appreciate it , cause i have the same story like you and i choose to not have a relationship with my dad.. and it make me more strong to become a better person in life .
The only thing I'm excited for lately is my taxes to load and my car to be sold and me to pack up most my belongings and just leave for awhile or maybe forever. I want a fresh start were I just be myself and be able to live my life again. Hope you have a wonderful day and hope things get better.
With the amount of trash and meaningless content that’s on UA-cam (especially lately), you’re such a breath of fresh air...thanks for making this video 💛
Haleluiah!!!! Praise the Lord and pass the biscuits@!!!
You two (Tyler and Todd, and Zach and B), are some of the best LGBT representation on youtube (the only ones i follow really haha)! You both inspire me to be a better resource and friend to everyone! After coming out, i've learned that family doesn't also mean blood related. Im happy you all are here to help so many! Love, G
speaking of trash and meaningless content. The amount of facetune, eye enlarging, jaw slimming, teeth whitening, skin tone changing on your instagram, i hope you two never end up missing. You'd be difficult to identify IRL
Balmain Chanel 😂
wow so glad to see your comments and to tell you that I adore you two and love watching all your adventures, keep it up guys!!! muah!
This broke my heart. Its rare to see someone who grew up with similar abuse. My father beat me and my brother and my mother. There was a fight almost every night. I once overheard him call me a queer to my mother at six years old. He never connected to me. It's so important what you do Zach. People need to see a person who had trauma and turned it around. You don't owe your dad anything ! Thank You.
I heard my father say the same thing to my mother when I was six or seven and I was supposed to be asleep. I survived and I told Zack he will too I am to cut that man out of his life. They’re only accidents of nature that they’re your parents. I hope you’re doing well. And by the way I’m glad I’m queer LOL it’s been a good life.
It may not be as rare as you think, especially those of us who were born in the 50’s or earlier.
You're story is mine.
That very moment I stopped seeking my parents validation...I felt my freedom..
Exactly, Why do they stop respecting you? I wish my freedom from her came years earlier than it did. I was so happy when she told me I was'nt wanted.
What courage! What integrity! What a man!!! I’m a licensed psychologist and I only have one word - BRAVO!!!!! Much love to you Zach!!!
You and Alastair have touched so many people's lives beyond you will ever know
That was fantastic Zack. Thank you. You are on a great track. So enjoy your videos. From Canada
Zach. You are the real man that your Dad could never be. I am so proud of the man you’ve become. You deserve Alistair and the love you guys share. Your Dad never earned your love but you’ve earned the respect and gratitude of the thousands of lives you’ve touched. You are a good decent man. I admire you.
So well said! And how does this helpless victim of abuse become so much more than his past? How Zach has grown to be so wise and perceptive given the environment he grew up in is beyond me. Amazing and hopeful. I feel his hurt, I feel his pain. Sometimes withdrawing from a relationship is a matter of self preservation. It’s something that’s necessary and the right thing to do. In the long run you have to live your life and let go of the past. But that is impossible to do with an open wound. Zach, please find a way to get past this and live your life without the pain and heartache. You are an amazing person, and you owe it to yourself.
Zack, as a 70 yo dad, granddad gay man, I have found many of your videos as touching, entertaining, sometimes silly, mostly fun. This was one of the most profound videos I've watched and I just want to thank you for making yourself vulnerable. Now the healing of your own soul can start. You have a great husband for support. Let it get better.
Hey Zach, thanks for sharing that story with me/us. A couple of observations and good takeaways to thank you for... 1. I was a chaplain in the Army. They give a few of us hospital chaplain training to deal with ugly people and uglier situations. Basically, they turn us into therapists. Something that I learned from the program and years of doing therapy is that "you are only as sick as your secrets." You said something similar and I want to affirm you - you are not obligated anymore to keep your dad's secrets -- as a matter of fact, it not only hurts you, but it keeps him from dealing his own lies. He is not the main torturer in the castle dungeon, don't let him have that role. 2. I kept too many secrets in the Army, too many personal and professional ones that did no one any good. They made me sick inside and out and took me to a very, very bad place. I don't do UA-cam, I write. That's my therapy. I wrote "A Breach of Faith" as Michael Smith on Amazon. It really is an attempt to show how secrets can make us so sick we die, at least a little on the inside. I wound up hanging out for months with men in the Army who are just as sick. The analysis of that experience was a lot of fun. JK. Now, I am out, gay, struggling but getting better. I wish nothing but the same for you. I have watched your channel since you began, and want to thank you. Why do some of us watch this stuff you asked? It's NOT just for living vicariously, but it is also a way for us to hope that we can have something to hope for when it seems bleak. May your viewers and friends and husband (and dogs) do that same for you. Peace.
Hey Zack, As a man old enough to be your father, I just want to let you know you are the kind of young man that I would be proud to have for a son. When I see the love and maturity that oozes out of you, I know that you are more mature than I am. Although my father never physically abused me, he was emotionally closed off to me to the extent that I never felt connected to him at all. He's dead now and I really don't care. But I know that I held anger and resentment towards him in my heart for many many years while he was still alive for what I imagined he withheld from me. So I think I understand a tiny portion of what you're feeling. I hope you understand that your fans are just trying to help. Because a lot of people have had my experience - an emotionally distant father rather than an abusive father. And so we think we know what is best for you. Right now you are still in recovery mode from fresh open wounds. And its the time to heal. Its time to strengthen. Its time to fortify. Its not the time to forgive. But I want you to understand WHY your fans are saying that. Its NOT because of anything you owe your father. Its because until you can release this hurt and abuse, it will always have a hold on you. It will fester. It's like a part of your soul is his, not yours. And the only way you get it back is to release the anger you hold towards him. Forget going to counseling with your father. I think you're probably right that he was just using it as a deflection. But I hope you consider going to counseling for yourself. Because eventually you need to find a way to release the pain that is bottled up within you. God Bless you.
Beautifuly said!
Sadly, many males are still being taught to hold their emotions in, some folks who have been abused sadly hold in their emotions due to surviving abuse, while still others have neurocognitive disorders like Autism. It's sad that some fathers are unable to enjoy showing their emotions with the children. My parents and siblings had Autism, so I know how hard not having that connection could be.
Almost a year later I found your comment again and it brought a flood of memories. I’ve come out to my family and reconnected with my dad, it’s hard for both of us as we have both hurt each other but it’s happening. I remember seeing this comment when I saw the video and it was oddly comforting to say the least
Thanks Nash, a really insightful response. You'll probably never get to read this reply, but your story mirrors mine ... I eventually had the old Mid-Life crisis and did some therapy, and like you, I realised it was up to me to get past the issues I had for myself ... now I don't look back and let the past ruin things ... there's only now and the future. Thanks Zachary and Cheers Nash
@@Terry-dl4nf God Bless You.
That was so impressively honest and real.
YES! BEAUTIFUL!
CONGRATULATIONS to Zach and THANKS FOR SHARING!!!
With love:
1) You choose to worry to much what others - especially the peanut gallery - think.
2) Your Mom deserves better than her ex-spouse. She should have kicked him out long ago, but sometimes that’s not possible, so can cut her some slack.
Is she a masochist? Why would she want to go back to that torturer and his mind-fuck narso prison?
She deserves better than that.
“Be you. People will thank you.”
Maybe watch the reno gold & mario adrion colab where reno says he laughs at the dysfunctional comments some ppl leave him. His way of dealing was like a shot in the arm!
Wishing you peace, love, joy, and confidence, as always.
It’s evident you’re a good soul.
Maybe get some remote (covid) talk therapy with a licensed therapist who specializes in Narcissistic Abuse.
Maybe check out Dr. Les Carter’s “Surviving Narcissism” UA-cam channel. He’s also from Texas, has helped me a lot with same issues - narso abuse.
Dr. Ramani is also on the same great shelf and an expert like Carter with all things Narcissism and how to move on and heal and live YOUR LIFE!
Much love. Proud of you!
Thanks again for sharing!
Zach, I am 67 years old and this video made me cry. I do understand your pain because of my own experience...hopefully, your dad will get his issues resolved...stay strong and i will honestly pray for your family...
Zach - This has been one of the best half hours I have ever spent on UA-cam. Your painful experiences resonant with me and I am sure so many others. Thank you for your honesty, so rare in this world today. May the Gods reward you and Alastair with many blessings to come.
Don’t forget your every thing your dad is not. Your a real man! Be strong Zac you’ll get through this❤️
I realize every one has some decent qualities, but his dad is undeserving at this time, Just because our parents raise us, does not mean we owe them unconditional allegiance.
I can relate so much to this. My biological father had nothing to do with me growing up and we went to the same small country church. He got married a few years after I was born and had a family. They all attended the same small church. To say it got awkward sometimes was an understatement. I repressed it all. In my late teens and early 20s, it started to surface, and it made me very angry. My mom, of all people, told me I still had to be nice to him and she was even still friends with him. He refused to tell his kids I was related to them. How messed up is that. I have still never said anything to him, out of respect for my mother, and it's been many years, but I still hold a lot of resentment and anger. Zach, you are right, if someone in your life causes you pain and anger, there is no law book that says you have to keep them in your life. Life is too short. Find the people that make you happy and cling onto them.
Please don’t ever take down this video.
Whenever it shows up in the algorithm-chosen suggestions, I watch it again, because I had the same father and the same childhood.
He didn’t make amends until after his third surgery and chemo, when he knew for sure he was dying. After he died was the only time I told him I loved him, whispered as I closed his eyes for the last time. I don’t remember him ever saying the words to me.
I know exactly how you felt when you found out your dad was taking another woman’s kids (& maybe his?) to ball games and such. I felt the same when I saw how much physical affection my dad showed his grandchildren. (My siblings’ kids. I haven’t had children for fear of turning into my parents, but I’m starting to realize that won’t happen, so maybe if the right guy comes along, I will.)
So I know your pain. Many of us do, as you have seen in the comments. Anyone who urges you to reconcile with him just isn’t capable of understanding why you can’t right now.
We watch your videos because of your beautifully insightful storytelling, masterful cinematography, unflinching honesty, impressive integration of music, and amazing editing skills.
Even if you never post another video to UA-cam, I will continue watching the older ones because they are emotional powerhouses that move me and make me feel alive.
Zach, you are an artist, the best I’ve seen on UA-cam.
If you want it, I believe you would earn selection for SXSW film festival, Sundance, probably any in the world.
Whether you have the creative energy to continue, or decide to take time off for less formal entertainment, like Coffee & Tequila and Chaotic, you are truly unique and amazing.
Your videos make a difference in people’s lives. What artist could ask for more? ❤️😸✌️
Hey Zach, I am a psychotherapist who has heard many hard stories, some like yours. I commend you for deciding to stand for Truth, as hard as that might be. Your courage and truth-telling can be an example for so many. I have enjoyed your videos for years now and know that I will always find authenticity and a love for one's fellow human beings in them. Thank you, Zach!
dale sides is it possible that some people are gay because of parental issues? I’m gay and I see this pattern that many gay men have poor father figures
@@sadginger4924 No people are born gay, they have parental issues because they are gay
italian boy my dad has had his problems before he knew about me, he might not even know now. I understand some parents act really shitty when they find out
@@sadginger4924 Yiu don't have to come out for them to know. They know before you do
italian boy my mom said it shocked her when I told her about my sexuality
The most courage a Southern Boy will ever summon is being transparent about family secrets. Good job Z.
or ESP his emotions about it. I hope it was good for him to let it out.
Back in March of last year, I ran away from my home in Vermont and drove 550 miles away to start over in Pittsburgh. For the past year, I haven’t had the chance to really process the trauma that came from living with the toxic and homophobic family I left behind, or all the hardships I’ve had to overcome to get to a point of safety and stability where I am now. Watching you describe your experiences, it’s allowing me to reflect on what I went through. I’m gonna go for a long, quiet drive to reflect (I do my best thinking on the road), but I really want to thank you for being brave enough to tell your story. It’s giving me an open door to finally start living mine. Thank you, Zach.
This is good. I don't know how old you are, but I wanted to run away but was too young and had no where to turn. I noticed that you had a car to escape. Do they know where you are now? I would have missed my siblings tremendously. Some of my siblings just thought he was disciplining me. Some thought I had been a brat; they never knew the beatings I took, they weren't there. One sister had chairs thrown at her, and I was 7 and remember it well. I went thru PTSD counseling, and it helped. All the best.
❤
Pittsburgh over here✌️
Stay safe and well and enjoy your life as best you can with people who truly care about you Evan!
How've you been doing? 👀
Zach, you have such a special gift for being open, honest and a fantastic communicator. This video was not only healing for you , but all of your followers as well. May your life forward be full of peace and love.
Zach I’m a 65 year old gay doctor, i lived in a very different time than you guys. 2 years ago i lost my life partner of 40 years, our journey together wasn’t without its tough time but it was the most important thing in my life. The past 2 years have been the hardest of my life, I lost my best friend, i lost the better half of my but i’m fit and healthy so i will go on but life will never be the same. as a neurologist please let me give you one piece advise, love what you have, don’t try to take it apart and examine it to much, love is not a definable commodity it just is. My partner and i both adorned Alister he has a beauty and innocence so rare in this world, wrap your arms around his love it will carry you though so much, go safe wish could meet you guys. The pain caused by family relationships is toxic, you can not fix it or change it, walk away feel no hate or responsibility, sometimes in life we have to be tough to survive.
Hey, I hope you are ok. You still have a lot to live in your life. keep going. :)
the bub Words of wisdom.
@@sethrich9537 The differences between the gay experiences of today's generation and our generation present a never ending shock to us who remember. Well said, Seth.
One of the honest life lessons in life right here. You are responsible for your happiness and who you want to be worthy of love. If your family is stopping you from that, then they will be missing out on a lot of life's secrets because of their blind to see your beautiful self inside..
Thankyou for sharing your story, as a fellow gay doctor I am so greatful for men like you that made me able to be the man I am today 🙏
"And all I ever wanted was for my dad to like me." -- That's really all any little kid wants. Wow! Thank you for sharing your story.
This feels like a big step, but a necessary one. I wish you nothing but joy, peace, and freedom!
No advice, no speech....just one warm, heartfelt hug for a strong, sweet, smart, positive, selfless young man I would be proud to have as my son.
Zack...I have watched this video a few times. My father always “knew” that I was gay. Hated me and was ashamed. I married in the late 70s and had 3 children. They are the light of my life. My father called me a pussy because I loved them so. No regrets. Still love them and they love me. Your video is a positive thing to listen to....we made it out. I am so damn happy in a way that I never thought I would be...in spite if him. We are survivors. If I get any recognition I always think “take that you SOB. I wish that would stop. Lol lol Please don’t stop the posts. I love the two of you....
PS) This took a lot of balls and courage to put out there!
Zack, you are a truly a wonderful, loving, and beautiful person and soul. Alistair chose well! 🌷
Never wanted to give someone a cuddle so much in my life! massive respect Zach
Zach, You are an amazing young man. If I had ever had childrenI would hope that they had turned out half of what you have shown. Continue to be you! ❤️
67 years old and I cried through almost all of your post. My heart goes out to you and what you've been through. I've been there, everything you said, except my extreme physical abuse wasn't as bad. But other abuse was. No one understands that the mental abuse can sometimes be worse to go through. I enjoy your channel.
Zach, I have no words. I just want to wrap you in a giant hug.
You asked why do people watch vlogs, I would say to feel a connection to people, to have a sense of community which I've lacked since returning to my home town after college.
Something I'm really excited about and looking forward to this year is the birth of my friends baby in June. I get the honor of being Aunt Cassie and I cannot wait! Best birthday present.
I said that too
What a freeing epiphany in your life !!! And how you said it was honest and straight to the point !!! I only came to realize similar insights into my relationship with my dysfunctional father when I was around 50 years old. Keep up your good work in healing from your past traumas !!! Mykee K. 🌅🌈🎭🍀😊
Life has taught me that blood doesnt mean anything, we don't choose the family we are born into but we can choose ourselves. If someone is not good for you, regardless of them being family, its okay to leave.
Your dad is an evil human being. As a victim of emotional and verbal abuse, I thank you for sharing your story. I could never understand what it's like to be physically abused. But I know the negative consequences it has.
Zach I usually don’t agree to people spilling such personal information out there BUT I had to hold back my tears hearing you release this burden you’ve carried all this time. You are so brave to disclose this. I feel releasing it will have a positive effect in your life. You (and Alister) are awesome young men. There are certain truths or principles in life to hold onto. I look forward to your future videos. Stay strong. Love Alistar with all your heart and yourself too.
JS West - No judgement but why are you usually opposed to a person spilling their personal information?
JS West your comment is sweet but offers no action. I would encourage them to be strong and hate the world.
It hit me when you said "why do you watch" - i never really thought about , i like you guys so much but am very different from most watching you. I'm a 55 yr old wife and mom, living in Columbus Ohio lol not your target audience but you just click with me. So strange the topic - I went thru a shit divorce when my daughter was 5 yrs old, just bought a house and moved...one night I get a call from my husband's drunk girlfriend - she told me about their affair and they had a son together. So fucked up...my daughter is now 28 and she has not spoke to her Dad since she graduated high school. He portrays the victim part so well. And yes of course he treats his son so much better than he ever treated my daughter. You are 100% correct about not having them in your life. After Jessica, my daughter, stopped dealing with his bullshit, she is so much happier. She has moments when she dwells on it, get's upset about the situation because he shouldn't be such an asshole, that's her dad, he should love her and be there for her, but he's not and she knows that. You are brave to do this, use it as a form of therapy and if people say shitty things, screw them. take care, stay strong and love ya
🤨👍👍👍👍👍❤🔥
👏👏👏👏👏👏
Me too..54 year old broad..married..no kids..wow!💜💜🤓
I’m 52 divorced mother of 2. Hello 👋
Wow, thank you for sharing that. I never really stopped to think before about Zach's, and now Zach's & Allistar's, vlogs and adventures would resonate with such a broad audience. God bless...
Why do I watch you guys???? Because you are a perfect example of how a gay couple can live and deal with everyday issues. I am getting ready to start a relationship and I am able to put mine and Hector's faces in your spots and it helps tremendously! You guys are the real deal and that is what we need. Thanks for being you...Thank you!
Jeff, your sub in Utah!
“My upbringing is probably the darkest part of my life so far.” What a sad thing to acknowledge. I am so sorry that you experienced all that. Bottling things up is not a healthy strategy but often is the only thing you can do. Survival is necessary. You deserve to be happy. I am so happy that you have Alastair as your partner; someone to go through life with. In my experience trauma never stays buried, but often comes out side-ways… thru drug use, gambling, illness. Take a look at Adverse Childhood Experiences studies. You and Alastair are in my thoughts and prayers.
Zach, I know that I'm just some stranger on the internet, but I am so proud of you. There's no shame in letting toxic people go. I'm 42 and I stopped talking to my mother at 35. I had to completely cut her out because after 35 years of abuse, manipulation, etc., I realized that I had to take care of me first. I do hope that you seek out a therapist to help you work through all of this if you haven't already. Much love to you, A and your pups.
I didn't see this coming! Wow! Zach, you just set your spirit free! Even if you had never posted this volg, the act of speaking truth out loud will begin healing your heart. You clearly don't need advice or lectures from anyone. I listened to you carefully and it's clear you know the truth. You know what is right for you. I only hope you stick to your guns and remember your only responsibility is to protect your spirit. Only people who have earned the right to be in your life should have a place there. I'm so proud of you for saying this out loud and opening the door to freedom from the past.
Stay strong and safe. Sending you lots of love! ❤
I think that you had to do this video, regardless of posting it or not. You have made a decision to move forward. I am looking forward seeing Zach and Alastair in 2020 through a fresh lens, soon.
Hello Zach, I grew up in an alcoholic and domestically violent family as well. My parents violent relationship was seasonal. During the winter my father drank more and came home drunk. My mother would pick at him and eventually the fight began. You and I are adult children of alcoholics. Your father undoubtedly is as well. Your anger is the shame you swallowed for years. Now that you are holding your father accountable and telling your story those feelings flood you. Eventually you will heal. As you detach and let go of your father's shame and stop trying so hard to get your father to love you your self-esteem and self-love will grow and blossom. Welcome to recovery. Each of us has our own story and recovery process. There is a support group called Adult Children Anonymous. Lots of others have similar stories. Sharing the truth is a major step in recovery. Peace, love and joy be yours.
Thank ypu for sharing. As a guy who has gone through the same struggles (you wouldn't believe how close our relationships with our dads have been) it takes a lot to get passed this. YOU ARE STRONG! YOU ARE COURAGEOUS! YOU ARE FANTASTIC AND YOU ARE LOVED! If you ever wanted a new friend, you have one in IOWA! God bless you buddy!
Thank you for sharing this, Zach! You can’t even imagine how important for me to hear this, to see you and your husband. Maybe there is a light at the end after all, maybe our past really does not define what we are. Thank you Zach
ps I spent my 20s being miserable, periodically suicidal and alcoholic. Started to see therapist and get help when I was 31. Now I am 37 and I finally know what I want. I want to be professor of economics. I now it's a bit late, people at my age teach already. But this what makes me happy and content. I believe if I work hard and stay true to myself sky is a limit :)
Hi im 57yo gay male i have just started watch the 2 God sent men here he has lived a similar life as me both parents of mine abusive the beatings with the wire, leather belt, the switch and other things never loved belittling well dad was an alcoholic and my parents were homophobic total hates my out was school is was the from 5am- 7pm there abuse kept going as i grew up i said nothing to them im gay i did come out till i was late 30's when i did dad and younger brother broke my eye socket now this still goes on there anyse hate well since i was 21 i became that of an functional alcoholic 2005 major car accident im injured so bad i was in a coma i had parts removed , replaced, rods, screws put in me they told my parents dont w told parents did 3 long surgeries abd told them he had 3 done and need a 4 dont expect him to live thru the night
, time goes on and come out my coma im told ill never walk again i will be in wheelchair for life now. But ive been a independent person from a ÿng kid and tell everyone i have 2 lègs 2 feet ì' m gonna be walking and i have a saying " Don't Tell Me What I Can or Can't Do Ill Do Just That i walk to this day and time with a cane doctors still trying to get me ⁸ñ ELECTRIC CHAIR , IT à No I'm walkìng im told its making me get worse to im damaging m well shortly after that a tragedy ĥits on August 26th àt 11:30pm on route 66 here in çalifornia 17 yrs this yr my anniversary my car breaks down in a dark part of route 66 im heading home. 😢 im tryinĝ toget car stated under moonlight no one is around no cars going past nothing ĺiþtlè hað i know 2 monster i call these 2 men jump me from behind if fight bàck they beat me and robbed me of 200$ ( let me gain mÿ composer back im crying at moment) ŵeĺl theße 2 gàin the upper hand and puŕe danger show they ŔAPÈ MÈ ÀÑÐ STAƁBÈD ME TOSSED ME TO THE GROUND TO DIE and leave ì lost alot of blood now didnt know my whereabouts ɓut got car running and drove didnt now where but drove i pass a 7-11 store i was about a foot from dtiving thru there front doors stumble in 1 girl was working there shes on phone and say ĥelp showing where was stabbed and collapsed pòliçè fire show up , well cops wont let them give aid why its now known i was RAPED evidence need to be kept untaintd the trauma hospital to far there told closest hospital Kaiser hospital Fontana there still cant do nothing to me till a full rape kit is done 1 and half later is when its done my parents show up a say i got what i deserve its my fault you asked for it you fagget you are no son of mine fucken queer fagget booth telling me those words to my face the one s who are to protect the kids yes im a adult but im there son still rape it has to be done tĥen they rush me into the operating room as fast as they nurse could run i mean run i didnt have much time they force that blood in my body as fast as they could the doctor told me i was going into a çomatos state thatid wouldnt have come out of when discharged parents drop me off at my house and never even check up on me days after , i suffer Tremors so bad i cant hold a glass of water to drink i shake in both arms and hands 24/7 365 i have CPTSD . My parents deny it ever happened thy never caught the 2 monsters it destroyd me and still eating me from the inside out i have no soul now . No top agecy from California to New York dealing with rape only help women and children the all tell me i call day an night none of they help men told it dont happen t men. Well time goes by its gets harder to live well i became suicidal one night my partner is with me that night he tries his best to stop me from killing myself an ad in TV comes on an its for teen suicide prevention it a Trevor Project and take the chance and call my partner makes me call he say try for me he says cryin i do i still remember the yng mans name Brandon i tell him im a adult hes say i hear your crying whats wrong tell please im a good listener and i tell he listen then he say can i put you on hold i promise you it will take me less then 2 minutes i say okay hes back with me he got his supervisor listening and ask me to repeat my story of what wrong i do she say i need o step away from call brb she comes back and say in 20 minutes you will get a phone call answer it please if 21 pass call me righ back i get her ext well Brandon tells me he knows what im going thru he went thru the same thing they call someone in my are to come to me and help. Well i find your daddy issue and watch lost count on how many time i rewatch it and cry im 57 right now 2023 this all started from rape 17 ys ago . I read my comments and i llike whats said you are not you dads keeper you dont need to hold onto his secrets you have a hot lookn man that loves you and i have my digs as well and you doggie love you and i though i was the only one that has his partner and yes his dogs in the bed mine are little dig but 1 she thinks she's little a pit bull german shepherd mix she sleep on my pillow next to me head and my one of ny little dg im not sure who snores louder her or my pillow dog or my partner. I hope many ynger gay and str8 couples see you vids you could notb imagine the relief you have given me by watching because you show we are not alone others hàve gone thru simular events you are helping many were survivers
I literally have been thinking about my late father and how toxic he was to my family all day, and then I watch this video. You're absolutely right, we do not NEED to have them in our lives JUST BECAUSE they are family. Sometimes letting go is the only form of true closure we can get. It's a freedom from the pain we suffered. I was with him the day he died, and I was at the funeral. I felt bad for the family, but finally I could breathe again. I was 40 when I felt true freedom from him.
Two things: I am 67 years old, and I watch these vlogs because I absolutely marvel at the rights young gay people have today. I never dreamed that I would see in my lifetime gay men being legally married and living openly. Openly being who you are put your life in danger, and I'm not exaggerating. I had to flee from one place that I lived because a neighbor found out about me (by watching my house with binoculars) and exposed me. I had death threats in the mail and taped to bricks thrown through my living room window. Secondly, just as authors write their best stuff when dealing with personal experience, a vlog is no different. It's kind of like coming out again, but on a different level. What you choose to put in your videos can be painful and revealing, but like coming out gives your freedom at a new place in your heart. Your videos are not just to make some money... like an author or someone coming out you are displaying your truth. Be free.
As a 63 y.o., I remember those times well, with the hate and discrimination from the rest of the community. Humans are the wackiest of creatures, to be sure.
As a 25 year old, at first thought, that seems like a long time ago, but the people who sent you death threats and threw bricks are probably still alive, and voting.
Strange to think about, but important.
Your courage is incredible!! Your sharing may help others but I hope it helps you!!! Please continue your journey for your own healing! Then concentrate on Alistair and your marriage!! I wish you much success and every happiness!
Serenity Prayer
God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
You should be proud of yourself. You are everything your father isn't.
A friend of mine told me that the happiness day of his life was when he realized he didn't have to talk to his dad.
Being a man that has come from a past similar to yours. I can attest that the best course of action is to do what you suggested, and cut the toxic relationship from you life. I did that with my father about 20 yrs ago and i haven't felt a loss just a relief in my feelings. You be true to you and your feelings only and don't let anyone ever try to diminish your past.
Zach, well done, well written, well spoken. You have so much positive going for you, family, friends, your audience and most importantly, Alistair. You've got the right outlook, don't look back, kick him to the curb and get in with your life, stay strong!
“All I wanted was my dad to like me...” I lost it after he said that!! I’m so sorry Zach!
If you still see this, I hope you know how inspiring u are. U project so much strength and maturity, resilience and growth. As a 20 yo, seeing myself in similar shoes, learning thru your experiences is strengthening and inspiring. Thank u so much for your videos, u have a talent🫶🏼
I would love to have a son like you and be proud to be your father Zach. ❤👍
So proud of you for living your truth Zach. That is what a “man” does. Your strength,courage and resilience are so admired. It is inspiring to see the way you are growing and learning to take care of you. I want to recommend Kelly Clarkson’s song piece by piece to you. It is so beautiful and reminds me of the love Alastair has for you. Both of you go and live your best lives xxx
My stomach sank to the floor when you mentioned, “not only did he just move in, he was spending time and taking her kids to volleyball, etc”.
My parents split up when I was 5. Mom left first, then eventually dad dropped us off at his parents and basically never looked back. We were 5, 4 and 2 at the time, me being the oldest. I spent my entire childhood chasing them around. I would eventually find out where mom lived and would miss the bus after school just to go out and find her. I would find her, spent a little time together, then I had to call my grandparents to come pick me up. Yea, I got in trouble a lot for doing that.
My father spent majority of my childhood in prison. A couple years for one thing, then then 10 years for the death of his girlfriend. They were both alcoholics and beat each other up from time to time. The last fight would end her life from an internal bleed. So our relationship was by phone and letters. It was hard not having him around but was happy when he’d call or send pictures by post. He’d always say that he missed us, couldn’t wait to be home, make up for lost time, etc etc.
When he was released from prison he came out a different person. All that lovey dovey bullshit went right out the window. He’s fathered multiple children since being out. The worst part was seeing him being the best father to his girlfriend(s) kids, while we watched from the sidelines. I would become enraged then eventually devastated, thinking why we weren’t good enough to receive the love and affection he was showing those kids.
I didn’t get the chance to properly come out of the closet. My mother stopped doing drugs and changed her life right after I graduated high school. While I was visiting her, she got a call. I heard her screaming, so I ran out in the hallway to listen. “Yea he’s gay, so what? Who told you that? If you say anything to him or hurt his feelings I swear to G*d I’ll F you up”. Later she told me that was my dad and that he had heard from my aunts about my sexuality. At that point I never told anyone and was beyond mortified that people were having this conversation. My grandparents are very religious so needless to say I tried very hard to stay in the closet.
Sorry, I don’t mean to add more drama and sadness to your post. I usually don’t write reflections like this or at all, but your story hit home. Our situations aren’t the same but I know how it feels. It hurts like hell, and I can’t say that you’ll get over it cuz that emptiness is always there in my heart. My grandparents (his parents) were the ones telling me to be nice to him and that he’s my father I should respect him. I love them to death but they are so wrong on that part.
You’re on the right path! You fell in love with someone who can help channel all that anger and emptiness into something beautiful. It took YEARS for me... years. I’d get frustrated and angry when I’d see him out in public with his new family. Then he’d show up at a family holiday and act like everything was cool. I got away from my hometown, home, everyone. The only reason I ever go down is to see my grandparents and a few I love, but that’s it. Eventually, I just stopped caring and moved on with my life. He’s still out there, painting a perfect portrait of his life, and it’s ok with me. I just don’t care about him anymore. Some day he’s gonna need me and I won’t be there.
Well done Zach for telling the world about your abusive Father. That was very brave. I have a lot of respect for you young man. You are awesome. Xx
❤ Thanks, Zachary, for being an excellent example of what it takes to share emotions and events in your life. Most people would benefit by doing the same things. 😊
Hey Zach, this REALLY hit home! I am 63 yrs young and STILL have to deal with physical and emotional abuse from my Father. It's amazing how shit can rear it's ugly head just when we thing we're doing ok!! You will continue to heal now that everything is out in the open. Luckily you have a very supportive Husband and surround yourself with like minded, caring and affirming people!! You are on a good path young friend!! And above all thanks for sharing!! It's DOES get better and time heals ALL wounds-;)
Be true to yourself, always. Never let anyone project their issues onto you (baggage). You are loved, Zachary Garcia. Your dad failed you by projecting all his failures onto you, everything he could not accept about himself. This channel you created saved your life. Full Stop. I saw pain in you but did not know the source. You reclaimed your life today. Only trust your instincts and surround yourself with people who love you for just being you. I think the world of you for doing this, it not only helps heal your soul but projects healing onto others that hear and relate to your message. ♥️
Wonderfully put David.
So awesomely said David. The truth will always set your soul free. God Bless.
BRAVO !!!!!!! for telling and recalling the story of your childhood . My mother left me with my grandmother it was the happiest time of my life. Out of no where she reappeared with a husband and took us away, it broke my grandmothers heart I'm in my 60snd still can remember the look on my grandmothers face. I did not know who this woman was taking us away to another country I was molested by their friends but kept quiet. To make a long story short we ended up in Europe and my mom was a narcissist and my stepdad was an alcoholic . the verbal abuse from my mom and dad and brother was so much to bare. when we returned to America I stayed with my grandmother for awhile to get to know here again we had so much fun. also I lived with my parents from 17 until 21 and found my own place. going to visit them was like going to a job you disliked. I hated going there everything was about them. when I visited It was like I was invisible . then I would just leave. then when I turned 28 i packed moved to Europe and left everything behind. I would visit them every 10 years but I had to mentally prepare. then I just stopped going home to visit them all together. even at my age I remember the traumas and the meanest and the molestations . for many years I have been on medication and it works until I run out of it and my doctor lets me know . I tried to let it all go but it comes back up and I just wonder why me. my mom passed this year and I didn't want to mourn or go to the service and I did not. last year we talked and made peace on my part as not to make her leave this world feeling bad. the last thing she said to me was I was a terrible mother but I never knew love and I did not know how to love you. my stepfather has never phone me in his life. it took me 2 months after her funeral I mourned, not because she was deceased but because she was always angry that she never received the life she wanted. to end this story is I did not fly to America for the funeral, I took care of all their accounts for 19 years and helped my brothers kid through university. a week later I was told I have no place in the family and we never liked you Or cared about you anyway . my nephew even went so far in not so many words to Fxxk off and don't every come back. then I realize I did not lose them they lost me. I am going to make the most of my life now however many more years . I took care of them in their own age my job is done it goes to show that blood does not make family. my mother found out about my molestation later in life. I said you was too busy partying and fighting and dad was always drunk , so what was I to do but do what these men asked and made me do from age 11 to 16. the very people who was to protect me just would leave us at home and do their thing. also when my dad was away my mom dated his army friends and while he was away he was dating. One thing I said I was going to break this cycle of abuse and it will not define the person I am. I'm still in Europe now for 40 years and it's home. I'm blessed. my grandmother always told me do not be anyones door Matt or they will step on you every chance they get. for all of you couples out there who has traumas and want children. please get help for your traumas before you have children, all you will do is pass the traumas on to them and they to their children. this cycle needs and must be broken or your kids are going to end up hurting themselves like I tried to do or live of meds most of their lives.
Zack, you brought tears in my eyes! I'm 67 years old , I love you. You're a genuine person. You came a long way in life.
When they say blood is thicker than water, they never understood the venom that can linger amongst the red, not give that breath of life but a toxic miasma.
Toxic people never deserve your attention, your love, your passion, your joy. Not even your anger, your rage, your sorrow, or your forgiveness. Bury it. Bury them. Let them go and forge new path.
The pain you've endured, it had shaped you but it does not define you. He doesn't define you.
Small steps towards healing. Find it in your family, your husband's smile, the dirty footprints your dog leaves on the couch. And maybe some day, you will have children of your own and you WILL BE A DAMN BETTER FATHER THAN HE EVER WAS.
Dante, dude most of us have issues with our parents and we find a way to deal with that. It is sooooo much easier to just tell them to go pound asphalt (instead of go fuck themselves). When I came out my uncle asked me if getting in the ass was not painful. My grandfather still refers to me as the fagula. I deal with that crap all the time but I CHOOSE to deal with that. I know it is my option to deal with that and no one else's. I guess Zach made his choice of action and so have I. If Zach wants to vent it is up to him and we should just listen and stay out of it.
Dante B. : damn right ! Toxic is Toxic and not your responsibility
As much as this was painful for you to tell it was therapeutic for you to tell the truth and get this burden off of your heart so you can be free .... love you brother
I am a 73 y/o man who was tortured as you were. I heard my story through you. Thank you. Yes it took me almost 50 years to put this behind me. My mother was the abuser. I was eighth of ten siblings. It messed up my life for a long time. I completely identify with you. Thanks again.
I am 81 years old but I can relate to the first dozen years you and I shared.
Hey Zac, well done! I’m retired USAF, and agree with your statement about the people that you allow in your life. I have to say you’re very brave and have a big heart, a kind spirit that has his priorities correct! I really enjoy your videos don’t stop, your blogs are helping other people dealing with some of the same issues.
Lovely
Dear Zach, there is nothing to add, you’re completely right! Take care, enjoy your life with your husband and that’s it 😘👍🌈🌈
I realize I'm three years behind on this, but your videos are AMAZING, Zach. You are so incredibly honest, level-headed, and clear-sighted. Wow, I hold my breath when I listen to the story of your childhood. All you wanted was to be loved. Thank you for having the courage to tell your story. You are helping SO many people through your narratives. Please keep up the great work. May you find peace and true happiness for the rest of your life.
I just happened upon this video tonight and man, i sure wish i had found it 4 years ago.
I am a 54 year old man, and this story broke me and pulled up so many things i have buried deep down and locked behind a hundred doors.
I wont go into it because i would never be able to stop writing, so i just want to thank you for your courage to save yourself and the attempt at saving those who you love. You have made a profound impact on this Alabama boy. I just hope i can compartmentalize it all and keep moving forward with my own story.
Thank you.
THIS is what having a channel is all about.
“This is my story, I deserve to tell it.” Yes it is. And you told it well. I wish you the healing that you deserve as well.
I am an old man waiting thru all of what is happening to join my future husband in Arkansas. I am 12 thousand miles from him. I am in Tasmania. So watching you guys being together. it helps me cope after 2 years of waiting to join him!
My dad was an alcoholic and beat me and so did the school teachers physically and verbally, but I became a school teacher when I was 60 and taught for 12 years. I needed to give other people some kindness. It is one way to deflect hurt. Wish I could speak as well as you do.
Zach, I cried like a baby when I listened to your story. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts. Keep being the great person that you are. Our pasts do not define who we are. Our determination for a bright future does. Peace my man.
This sounds weird considering I've never met you, but I'm proud of you. I remember watching your early early videos and thinking, "This kid's got a lot of baggage he's not acknowledging. I hope he survives." Now, I watched this and know, "Yep, he's gonna be fine." Good on you!
Zach you’re such a man. I really appreciate your courage to talk about this and the fact that you take someone else’s responsibility in the family. Stay strong ❤️
Zach, you are an amazing guy. Thanks for sharing your story. You have been and will be an inspiration to many.
Heres my positive: I've just started a unprecedented gay straight alliance club in my school and it already has 60+ members!
Congrats! Good on you.
Wow! Would you please run against Trump. You go girl!
Dang, you got a great future ahead of you. Always good to know we will eventually be in good hands with people like you around. Thanks.
Damn, you go girl!
congrats from an old guy that wishes such would have been avaialable back in the 70's
Good for you, nothing good ever comes from hiding facts.
BRAVO Zac. WOW-WOW-WOW ... this a wonderfully powerful and emotional 30 minutes. You are spot on with your thoughts and for eliminating the toxic environment with your father. He has not earned your love and respect, nor do you owe him anything just becuase he is your father. Be done with him, move on and enjoy your life without that weight around your neck. As retired military, and a gay man old enough to be your Dad, I wish I had it as all together as you do when I was your age. And your vlogs are truly inspirational. My husband and I were one of the first legally married gay couples in California before Prop 8 took that right away, and that made us fight all the harder for marriage equality. So it’s verry heartening for us to see you and Alistair married and living a wonderfully fulfilling life. Thanks for all that you do and for Alistair’s service in the Army. . All our best! 🍷👍🍷
That must have been hard. So raw. Again you are a beautiful soul and what you say is so spot on,you have to be happy. Hearing you strikes cords with me and what you say resonates. Well done keep it up. Say what you need to as long as it's true.
You asked why people watch vlogs. I watch because I like to see how other people in other country live their lives. I cannot tell you how much pleasure it gives me (a 50 year old gay man who had to live his teens through the 1980s) to see the younger generations living more open, fuller and positive lives.
As for this particular video and your story: no one can change their past, we can only live moving forward. And the best 'fuck you' you can give to your dad is to live your best life. Get on doing your projects, enjoy the happy life with your husband, and have as great a time as you can with as positive relationships with the rest of your family members as you can (they will never be perfect but strive for as best as you all can get).
You're a man now and you clearly know how to judge the worth of other men. As you said it's all in the behaviours. You don't need those behaviours in your life so you're not putting up with them. That's taking back power and moving forward.
AND LOOK AT THE PERSON YOU ARE TODAY. SO PROUD OF YOU
Thank you for sharing. Very brave. Sending love from Filey, North Yorkshire UK.
Zack, I experienced the same thing with my Dad. After he and mum got divorced, he got another woman and I was told he was seen just taking small kids to school, probably his new woman's children. I sort of thought I did not know who he was any longer or who I had been with when I was younger. It was frustrating but felt he was already far away from my life.
You are not alone in your sorrow, man. I appreciate your sharing all this on YT. I can see that despite all your bitter childhood, you have grown to be a mature guy, who can successfully process his emotions and convey hope for those who may be going through the same ordeal. God Bless you and I am sure life will give you all the love and affection your heart has been longing for all this time.
Wow. The vid I didn't know I've been waiting for. My Dad passed before I came out; he would not have approved. But, many years later, I had a dream in which he told me he was proud of me. I am not sure what it meant to have that dream, but I took it as a step in my letting go of the shackles of other peoples' opinions.
With distance, I have come to accept my parents for the human beings they were. They loved me as best they could. Any Dad should be proud of the man you have become, Zach. And let me add, you are a role model to many younger LGBTQ folks, and in some way, YOU are helping provide the acceptance and support their parents should be giving. Think about that! You have so much to be proud of.
Zach...you have touched my heart. Peace be with you.
Thank you. I will watch this over and over, because I know it can help me. Thanks.
Very touching and reminiscent of my relationship with my father. I was miserable until i stepped away. I know you will be much happier without the toxicity... Sorry you had to endure that. It’s your time now!
Babyboy you are 1000 percent doing the right thing...I have nothing but love n respect for you...wish I could just give you a big bear hug..tell you to to take a deep breath...exhale...you deserve all the love in the world..take it in...accept it. All the rest is just trash and baby what do we do with the trash hmmm?💪👍💝💕💋
Zach, you have produced the most honest video I've seen on UA-cam in the 15 years UA-cam has been around.
You also have produced the most viable healing video that has ever been on UA-cam.
Your decisions are exactly correct. You owe that man nothing. He is not your dad. He never was.
The good takeway is that all that pain for all those years have brought you to the point where you have become one of the most loving, caring people in the world. You are an astonishing person. I admire you immensely. I know expressing yourself publicly now opens the door for you to have the freedom and happiness you always longed for. Its done. It's over. Now revel in the start of your new happy life.
this was a hard watch. Thank goodness you found Alastair, a man who from what I've seen is the person you need in your life. Stay strong Zach , you may not realise it, but you are an inspiration to everyone who has had a tough growing up. Looks like you are head of the family now, as time goes by they will be glad of it.
You are so right
Zach, I'm so happy that you had the strength and bravery to put this out there for others with similar situations to see. I'm almost 52 now, but I had a similar relationship with my father, in that he's always been emotionally draining on me. All through my childhood, I never felt like I was ever good enough for him. He is not one to show emotion either, so I never really got any "Attaboys," from him. I always felt I never did anything right. To this day, I still feel that way, especially after coming out when I was 18, and our relationship is still very strained because, after all these years, I've always felt like a f**k-up.
Good on you, though, for being able to at least take that first step in moving forward without him and his toxicity!! I think you are a great person for being honest and telling it like it is. I wish I could just give you a big hug. You deserve it and so much more. Love to you, Alastair, and Winnie! William from Arizona
The amount of pain and ... Hidden feelings I see in your face in this video is... Gosh. It is so much you have inside. I feel it, all of it. The times got better and you seem to have a better and happier life. So proud!
You are one the most positive influences in everyone 's life ! This is why I watch you ! All I can say is "Wow" !
Zach, you are one of the strongest, most level-headed men I know. Thank you for your honesty. Telling the dark times of our stories is never easy, and sometimes just the telling can be as difficult as living through what we experienced. So I offer you a big virtual hug. Stay strong, and focus your energy on you and Alistair and your "family" however you define it. I watch your vlog only from time to time, but I have enjoyed so much watching you grow and mature and become YOU. Keep on keeping on.
Zach, just amazing courage to bare it all publicly and be honest about what you’ve been through. What an amazing man to rise above all the trauma and share how you’ve made great journey. I am at a loss for any other words and just give you a big virtual hug. This video will stick with me for years to come, that’s how impactful it was.
Such a great video and sorry for your troubled youth… this story is told over and over by so many and not one time have I heard a similar version that it didn’t remind me of my own story… I do wish stories like this never had to be told. So much to live with and work though that it makes life just that much harder for that much longer. I do hope you have found peace in life or at least some similarity of peace to let you be the man you truly are inside.
I'm so proud of you for sharing your story. My relationship with my dad was almost identical to what you described. Like you said, the hardest part was not feeling safe with the person who is supposed to protect you. When he died, I sank into a deep depression...not because I was sad he was gone, but because I felt bad that I didn't feel bad he was gone. I tell you what my mom told me - you deserve to feel how you feel. I hope this catharsis is the beginning of liberation for you.
Good for you for getting this out there. You’re absolutely right in telling your fans to butt out. Here’s hoping your dad butts out as well!
You are a good man, never forget that!
Always remember we all have a past however if we continue to live in the past and allow it to consume us we will never see the future
Thank you for sharing this Zach. You're strong and a beautiful person. My one piece of advice is to let go of the hate. You don't need to forgive or forget but let go of the hate. It's normal to be angry but the hate will only hurt you not him. I know from first hand experience and when I was finally able to release the hate, did I finally find peace. If you don't already, find a therapist to help you work through this. And most of all love yourself. I wish you only happiness and peace in your life.
In the end, only in forgiveness do we find true peace. Dropping the hate is only the first step. Only through understanding can we find forgiveness.
I really appreciate that you try to be open and honest, this is one of the reasons I watch you, you give me courage and show me how to be a better person with your bravery. I feel bad for your situation and if I could, I would give you a big hug and let you know there are people out here who care and want the very best for you.
Zach, I am seeing this video (Daddy Issues) for the first time and my heart goes out to you for the 'loss' of a childhood! No child should have ever experienced what you did!
Though you have memories of the past that still haunt you, it's obvious that you are on the right path in creating a 'new' life for yourself, and you DESERVE IT if anybody does!
Having seen other videos of you, especially with your soul mate, I see an admirable young man full of LOVE, CONFIDENCE, and SELFLESSNESS! It's not going to be easy, but
try not to look back at the past, but to look forward to the future. I wish you and Alistair the very best and much happiness in the days, months, and years ahead! God Bless!
Zach, I completely identify and agree with what you've said. My parents were divorced when I was 5, my "mother" left and I never saw or heard from her again... no card, no letter, just silence... and for most of my life, when I would mention this, well-meaning but thoughtless people would ask why I don't reach out, try to find her, etc. What for? She made it very clear. They just don't get it, probably because they had a "normal" childhood. (To stop any similar comments here, I'm 66, she died in 1994, and I didn't know about it for 6-8 months or so, when my aunt (her sister) wrote to tell me. (She didn't find out until much later either.)
But I had a great childhood anyway, thanks to my dad, who was the coolest guy -- and that's not just his son's opinion! He was a school teacher (music) and has 34 years of former students who, whenever I run into one, stops to chat and reminisce about how he was their favorite teacher, etc. He was also a local jazz musician, which made him even cooler in my eyes.
So just do you, be yourself, and those that just don't get it?... well, that's THEIR problem, ain't it? Oh, and why do I watch your channel? Because of you obviously. You're charming, and witty, and kind-hearted... and generous to share your life with us! Love ya! Love to Alistair! Hang in there!!