Just wanted to let you know, Forrest, how much i appreciate your recaps at the end of each episode! I might have missed something while listening and you nicely and succinctly summarize it. So, thank you! 🩵
For myself, trying to get another person to respond to me the way I want is just trying to correct all of my childhood relationships that didn't and couldn't feed me spiritually and emotionally. When someone does come who validates me as a person, it doesn't feel rewarding. The reward itself is in the chase, much like your average addict.
I am halfway through the video, and I find this woman amazing. How can one become her patient? :D One thing I need to say about being bothered by loud people, because it was an example that was used: Sometimes it is just that, loudness. I hate loud noises, and loud people just trample over everyone else with how aggressively they express themselves. No inside voice, no whisper, just loudness. It's inconsiderate and for people like me who have processing issues, it's a huge problem.
Yeah that example was interesting for me too, I have processing issues and loud noises (of any kind) just bother me. I don’t think it means I wish I could speak up, it means the way the world is set up is just generally too much for me so I have to create quiet moments for myself where I can. If it means anything about other humans, it’s just that I wish they’d consider processing issues as an actual problem they can help me navigate by being more courteous, but try telling that to someone yelling in a store and a toddler having a tantrum and sirens going by - I’d be told to “deal with it” and I think that’s what really hurts - my body is not the same as yours in this regard and I physically can’t deal with it. Do I want to be shut in at home? Nope! (Maybe I need some Loop earplugs…). This turned into a journal session lol, thanks for helping me feel into this as it’s been a lifelong challenge.
I liked how at the very end you brought up being authentic and seeing the difference between your professional self and your other role of simply being you and working at thinning that disparity
New subscriber & love this channel! I definitely don't want to hurt your feelings. 💜 Seriously,I am so grateful for this channel, this video in particular, & this compassionate community. Hugs!
My college professor teaching Health Psych assigned weekly reflections on podcasts and videos of her choosing. This channel was one of the assigned podcasts, and I am so glad she introduced the class and myself to the masterpieces Forrest and Dr. Rick gift us. You two both light up my life so very much, and I will continue to pay the gift of this podcast forward to those around me. Thank you for teaching, inspiring, caring for us, and making me smile and laugh with every video.💙🫂🤝👏🏻🍀
Forrest, would love a video about "Emotional Flashbacks" for C-PTSD survivors as described by Pete Walker. And how to cope with the aftermath and recovery in the days after a flashback.
Hey, we had a conversation with Pete back in the earlier days of the podcast - it's one of our most popular episodes. It's titled "Complex PTSD and Developmental Trauma with Pete Walker." Unfortunately it was back before we were recording video, but you should be able to find it on any podcast platform, and it's also up on Rick's website if you google it.
She sounds like a great therapist truly helping people. I've asked a couple therapists in the past to do a kind of pattern interrupt when I get escalated while talking about something traumatic. I would get so triggered and activated and they'd just let me go on. I was never really 'deactivated' walking out of their offices either. One therapist when I asked just stared at me and let out this chuckle. Which triggered me too. Wtf is so funny you know? He did say he'd do it and I gave him two chances (two appointments) and he didn't come through so I quit that guy. Another therapist (DBT therapist), I asked her through text when I was feeling really anxious about it all one day. She didn't reply. I didn't hear anything about it until the next scheduled group therapy. The other therapist that ran the group with her said something to me in a passive aggressive way in front of the entire group. When the group took a break, I approached my own therapist about this. Her response was, "You'll have to talk to him." (As if she had nothing to do with it...yeah okay. But I did what she said. When I approached him to discuss the interaction he berated me and basically told me with a stern and condescending tone of voice that it wasn't my therapist's responsibility to help regulate me." After that he kept repeating himself about some agreement that I supposedly signed. I had no idea what he was talking about. I'd just asked for some help to not be so fkn activated in therapy. And he's standing there, just him and me and he's just bullying me. I left the building after that...we'd been switching rooms for the group because of AC problems. He then acted like nothing happened and said, "Come on let's get to the other room." I left. I was inconsolable. Like heaving and I could not stop crying. I got in my car. Tried to wait til I cried it out but I couldn't stop. It was an awful night. I drove home still crying. I didn't want to be anywhere near that building at that point. Wanted the comfort of my own home. Next thing I heard anything from either one of them, my therapist texted me kind of berating me for leaving and telling me that I could come back if I was willing to "make repair" with her and the other therapist plus the group. ("Make repair" is DBT speak for apologize.) I'm like WHAT!? I felt like I was owed the apology for one thing. But on top of that, she didn't even think to ask if I was even okay. She saw I was distressed that night before I even went and talked to the other therapist. I felt completely scapegoated. I have not been back to any therapy since and that was 2018. I would love to find a therapist that understands trauma. DBT therapists are supposed to, but these two did not. I wish Simone Saunders could clone herself. She'd be the only therapist I'd feel safe at this point starting therapy up with again. Thanks for the interview. I'm going to start it over and take some notes. Edited for more clarity to the story.
This is really good info. Very helpful thank you both. I am unable to follow Simone on tiktok for some reason. I will keep trying!! I enjoy your podcast Forrest.
Please learn about neurodiversity-affirming care before teaching people about intellectualizing. Each & every time we talk about pathologizing “intellectualizing” as avoidance & a defense mechanism, no one takes responsibility for addressing how wrong and harmful this can be for neurodivergent clients. Please, learn about what these assumptions mean for autistic clients and others with neurotypes that are different & not neurotypical - elevating somatic sensations and emotions as the most valuable focus has caused clinicians to cause harm.
I'm NVLD - and we typically have more semantic and less episodic memories. This might mean that trauma is relived perhaps less vibrantly; but it raises a specific challenge around connecting to experiences and emotions. For example, my memories and experiences are only in my head: they're a "bullet list" (seemingly) of what I remember, and I don't get any other information that I can percieve (nor can I visualise what happened, lacking a mind's eye). Wondering how it would be possible for someone with NVLD to work around this, since - effectively - cognitive bypassing comes as standard. :)
How do I reach therapist like that ?… I am very well aware that my brain is not connecting me to the clues my body is giving ( I am blind to them, others are not) … need help to connect them together
only 8 minutes in and have to ask how much we have to feel our feelings? surely when being traumatized (by his definition "experiencing situations that are so challenging you find yourself unable to cope. so you escape into your headspace )(her explanation for not feeling your feelings "describing your trauma from your headspace and not reacting bodily) isn't it better to maintain decorum when others are behaving reactively ? especially if they are trying to manipulate by escalation trying to get me to capitulate in order to appease? or when trying to manipulate out of contempt, thinking themselves superior, trying to goad me into reacting ? or if someone lashes out because they are overwhelmed themselves and are unable to reach with discussion? is it not better to only "feel my feelings " when I can examine them (sometimes in small increments if severely traumatic ) when I don't feel overwhelmed? by her description of describing traumatc events to a counselor, without showing a visceral reaction , means that the person isn't connected with their body. I ask "must someone re-live the experience every time , and to every person, they tell of what happened? I can understand if they were lucky enough to find a counselor who is empathetic and safe, they might allow themselves to experience the emotions caused by what they went through. in the "traumatized " person's experience they may have a difficult time in connecting with such quality mental health personnel. the people speaking are coming at the topic from an idealized point of view and academia . oftentimes , and even when lucky enough to find empathetic, quality mental health personnel, the economic situation of the area has itself made spaces where they can feel their feelings and people who are safe enough to be vulnerable in front of seem as emepheral as half forgotten dreams
As someone that went through the process of feeling the feelings and reconnecting to my body after trauma. It felt very cathartic, very deeply satisfying on a deep level. I found afterwards i was able to let go of the events that had caused the trauma as no longer a big part of my story any more. I dont feel those events any more or think much about them at all and i feel in my environment and not anxious or agoraphobic. So for me this was a very positive experience whereas previously i was stuck in my head and very disassociated all the time.
46 minutes A person can hold their boundaries, while the other person can feel upset when the boundaries are established, yet the relationship can continue and not disintegrate
Excuse me, I didn’t realize Kelly Rowland became a therapist?!? 😂😂 no but really why is no one else pointing out the fact that she looks like Kelly Rowland!!!???
The idea that a single therapist could provide a fully corrective attachment relationship feels deeply flawed to me at this point. It could help but as often the therapist simply lacks the skills themselves to hold space for the client. This has been my experience from both sides of "the couch" and in supervision groups.
Who are you to judge her and suggest she’s doing it on purpose..there are lots of people who speak like this due to where they are from and it’s definitely not unbearable compared to people like the kardashians 😂 maybe try putting judgment to the side and you might learn something about yourself..I personally found the video very refreshing and informative and her aura is very calming, well done to both!
Actually I couldn't listen either due to the voice fry. Totally like listening to a Kardashian. It's a shame, as she may have had some very interesting & beneficial information.
Not really...just a fact. Can't help it if I find something or someone grating to listen to We are all different regarding likes & dislikes. At least I'm not judging her personally,or anybody else
Just wanted to let you know, Forrest, how much i appreciate your recaps at the end of each episode! I might have missed something while listening and you nicely and succinctly summarize it. So, thank you! 🩵
For myself, trying to get another person to respond to me the way I want is just trying to correct all of my childhood relationships that didn't and couldn't feed me spiritually and emotionally. When someone does come who validates me as a person, it doesn't feel rewarding. The reward itself is in the chase, much like your average addict.
Oof felt that 😂
Simone is clearly a VERY good therapist
💯
I am halfway through the video, and I find this woman amazing. How can one become her patient? :D
One thing I need to say about being bothered by loud people, because it was an example that was used: Sometimes it is just that, loudness. I hate loud noises, and loud people just trample over everyone else with how aggressively they express themselves. No inside voice, no whisper, just loudness. It's inconsiderate and for people like me who have processing issues, it's a huge problem.
Yeah that example was interesting for me too, I have processing issues and loud noises (of any kind) just bother me. I don’t think it means I wish I could speak up, it means the way the world is set up is just generally too much for me so I have to create quiet moments for myself where I can. If it means anything about other humans, it’s just that I wish they’d consider processing issues as an actual problem they can help me navigate by being more courteous, but try telling that to someone yelling in a store and a toddler having a tantrum and sirens going by - I’d be told to “deal with it” and I think that’s what really hurts - my body is not the same as yours in this regard and I physically can’t deal with it. Do I want to be shut in at home? Nope! (Maybe I need some Loop earplugs…). This turned into a journal session lol, thanks for helping me feel into this as it’s been a lifelong challenge.
Miss Kelly Rowland Double in the house, can't wait to listen in full :-)
No matter what I do, all i think about is you🎉
@@slickrick5596woo 🎶 ❤
@@SideB1984 😂
I thought it was just me thinking that!
Loved this conversation. Thanks very much. So insightful and helpful on many levels.
I liked how at the very end you brought up being authentic and seeing the difference between your professional self and your other role of simply being you and working at thinning that disparity
Nice to see you and hear this conversation!!
New subscriber & love this channel! I definitely don't want to hurt your feelings. 💜 Seriously,I am so grateful for this channel, this video in particular, & this compassionate community. Hugs!
Incredible information. I know I sound like a spam bot, but, truly.
Ms Sauders perspectives are very insightful and wise. Thank you for this video, I found it to be helpful for me
My college professor teaching Health Psych assigned weekly reflections on podcasts and videos of her choosing. This channel was one of the assigned podcasts, and I am so glad she introduced the class and myself to the masterpieces Forrest and Dr. Rick gift us. You two both light up my life so very much, and I will continue to pay the gift of this podcast forward to those around me. Thank you for teaching, inspiring, caring for us, and making me smile and laugh with every video.💙🫂🤝👏🏻🍀
Thank you!
Very helpful podcast. Great questions Forrest. Thank you
i loved this one, very in sync with where i am right now. will definitely be listening again!
Geez ..look at her perfect skin! Beautiful.
Forrest, would love a video about "Emotional Flashbacks" for C-PTSD survivors as described by Pete Walker. And how to cope with the aftermath and recovery in the days after a flashback.
Hey, we had a conversation with Pete back in the earlier days of the podcast - it's one of our most popular episodes. It's titled "Complex PTSD and Developmental Trauma with Pete Walker." Unfortunately it was back before we were recording video, but you should be able to find it on any podcast platform, and it's also up on Rick's website if you google it.
this resonated with where I'm currently at
She sounds like a great therapist truly helping people. I've asked a couple therapists in the past to do a kind of pattern interrupt when I get escalated while talking about something traumatic. I would get so triggered and activated and they'd just let me go on. I was never really 'deactivated' walking out of their offices either.
One therapist when I asked just stared at me and let out this chuckle. Which triggered me too. Wtf is so funny you know?
He did say he'd do it and I gave him two chances (two appointments) and he didn't come through so I quit that guy.
Another therapist (DBT therapist), I asked her through text when I was feeling really anxious about it all one day. She didn't reply. I didn't hear anything about it until the next scheduled group therapy. The other therapist that ran the group with her said something to me in a passive aggressive way in front of the entire group.
When the group took a break, I approached my own therapist about this. Her response was, "You'll have to talk to him." (As if she had nothing to do with it...yeah okay. But I did what she said.
When I approached him to discuss the interaction he berated me and basically told me with a stern and condescending tone of voice that it wasn't my therapist's responsibility to help regulate me."
After that he kept repeating himself about some agreement that I supposedly signed. I had no idea what he was talking about.
I'd just asked for some help to not be so fkn activated in therapy. And he's standing there, just him and me and he's just bullying me.
I left the building after that...we'd been switching rooms for the group because of AC problems. He then acted like nothing happened and said, "Come on let's get to the other room." I left. I was inconsolable. Like heaving and I could not stop crying. I got in my car. Tried to wait til I cried it out but I couldn't stop. It was an awful night. I drove home still crying. I didn't want to be anywhere near that building at that point. Wanted the comfort of my own home.
Next thing I heard anything from either one of them, my therapist texted me kind of berating me for leaving and telling me that I could come back if I was willing to "make repair" with her and the other therapist plus the group. ("Make repair" is DBT speak for apologize.)
I'm like WHAT!? I felt like I was owed the apology for one thing. But on top of that, she didn't even think to ask if I was even okay. She saw I was distressed that night before I even went and talked to the other therapist. I felt completely scapegoated.
I have not been back to any therapy since and that was 2018. I would love to find a therapist that understands trauma. DBT therapists are supposed to, but these two did not.
I wish Simone Saunders could clone herself. She'd be the only therapist I'd feel safe at this point starting therapy up with again.
Thanks for the interview. I'm going to start it over and take some notes.
Edited for more clarity to the story.
This is really good info. Very helpful thank you both. I am unable to follow Simone on tiktok for some reason. I will keep trying!! I enjoy your podcast Forrest.
Please enable the access to transcripts for more accessibility (sensory limitations).
Please learn about neurodiversity-affirming care before teaching people about intellectualizing. Each & every time we talk about pathologizing “intellectualizing” as avoidance & a defense mechanism, no one takes responsibility for addressing how wrong and harmful this can be for neurodivergent clients. Please, learn about what these assumptions mean for autistic clients and others with neurotypes that are different & not neurotypical - elevating somatic sensations and emotions as the most valuable focus has caused clinicians to cause harm.
I'm NVLD - and we typically have more semantic and less episodic memories. This might mean that trauma is relived perhaps less vibrantly; but it raises a specific challenge around connecting to experiences and emotions.
For example, my memories and experiences are only in my head: they're a "bullet list" (seemingly) of what I remember, and I don't get any other information that I can percieve (nor can I visualise what happened, lacking a mind's eye).
Wondering how it would be possible for someone with NVLD to work around this, since - effectively - cognitive bypassing comes as standard. :)
Emdr and somatic therapy can be helpful. Also highly recomend the book The Body Keeps the Score or viewing the authors podcasts.
How do I reach therapist like that ?… I am very well aware that my brain is not connecting me to the clues my body is giving ( I am blind to them, others are not) … need help to connect them together
28 minutes fix it vs acknowledge it, expressing and being heard
Can voice fry be defined?
Please define agency.
only 8 minutes in and have to ask how much we have to feel our feelings? surely when being traumatized (by his definition "experiencing situations that are so challenging you find yourself unable to cope. so you escape into your headspace )(her explanation for not feeling your feelings "describing your trauma from your headspace and not reacting bodily) isn't it better to maintain decorum when others are behaving reactively ? especially if they are trying to manipulate by escalation trying to get me to capitulate in order to appease? or when trying to manipulate out of contempt, thinking themselves superior, trying to goad me into reacting ? or if someone lashes out because they are overwhelmed themselves and are unable to reach with discussion? is it not better to only "feel my feelings " when I can examine them (sometimes in small increments if severely traumatic ) when I don't feel overwhelmed? by her description of describing traumatc events to a counselor, without showing a visceral reaction , means that the person isn't connected with their body. I ask "must someone re-live the experience every time , and to every person, they tell of what happened? I can understand if they were lucky enough to find a counselor who is empathetic and safe, they might allow themselves to experience the emotions caused by what they went through. in the "traumatized " person's experience they may have a difficult time in connecting with such quality mental health personnel. the people speaking are coming at the topic from an idealized point of view and academia . oftentimes , and even when lucky enough to find empathetic, quality mental health personnel, the economic situation of the area has itself made spaces where they can feel their feelings and people who are safe enough to be vulnerable in front of seem as emepheral as half forgotten dreams
As someone that went through the process of feeling the feelings and reconnecting to my body after trauma. It felt very cathartic, very deeply satisfying on a deep level. I found afterwards i was able to let go of the events that had caused the trauma as no longer a big part of my story any more. I dont feel those events any more or think much about them at all and i feel in my environment and not anxious or agoraphobic.
So for me this was a very positive experience whereas previously i was stuck in my head and very disassociated all the time.
Kelly Rowland is that you ?
46 minutes
A person can hold their boundaries, while the other person can feel upset when the boundaries are established, yet the relationship can continue and not disintegrate
Excuse me, I didn’t realize Kelly Rowland became a therapist?!? 😂😂 no but really why is no one else pointing out the fact that she looks like Kelly Rowland!!!???
Seems like the ads are more frequent. It's quite distracting.
Thanks for mentioning this, UA-cam had inserted far too many ad breaks. It's been updated.
@@ForrestHanson I did my usual cognitive bypassing to get through the ads 😃
Simone was a fabulous guest. Still love your podcast.
The idea that a single therapist could provide a fully corrective attachment relationship feels deeply flawed to me at this point. It could help but as often the therapist simply lacks the skills themselves to hold space for the client. This has been my experience from both sides of "the couch" and in supervision groups.
Is anyone else tired of all the self-help shit? I feel like my trauma is every UA-camr's gold. No one wants to actually help, just profit.
whole video is cognitive bypassing
Wanted to listen but the vocal fry is too irritating. When’s she is in her normal voice fine but she needs to explore why she is using this defense.
Who are you to judge her and suggest she’s doing it on purpose..there are lots of people who speak like this due to where they are from and it’s definitely not unbearable compared to people like the kardashians 😂
maybe try putting judgment to the side and you might learn something about yourself..I personally found the video very refreshing and informative and her aura is very calming, well done to both!
Actually I couldn't listen either due to the voice fry. Totally like listening to a Kardashian.
It's a shame, as she may have had some very interesting & beneficial information.
She has so much to offer
Kinda an insane comment to leave under a channel like this.
Not really...just a fact. Can't help it if I find something or someone grating to listen to
We are all different regarding likes & dislikes.
At least I'm not judging her personally,or anybody else
Really enjoyed this discussion, thank you. So much rang true for me 🩵