The TRUTH about ROMANCE: Romance is for MEN, or: why romance is a poor man's game
Вставка
- Опубліковано 28 вер 2024
- Buy my book, "The Value of Others"
Ebook: amzn.to/460uGrA
Audiobook: amzn.to/3YfFwbx
Paperback: amzn.to/3xQuIFK
This episode discusses one of my most mind-blowing realizations about romance. Most folks -- men and women -- believe that the modern expressions of romance -- flowers and poetry and bent-knee proposals -- are for women. However, this is not actually the case. The truth of the matter is that romance is for men, specifically lower-status men who historically have found it difficult to compete with higher-status men for the most desirable women. As I will discuss, evidence for this perspective is all around us. We need only look clearly.
"Two princes": • Spin Doctors - Two Pri...
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated program and the world's only empirically-validated GRE test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
Podcast available of Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and others.
See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations.
Website: oriontarabanps...
#romance #relationship #dating
Just when you thought that the redpill rabbit hole couldn't go any deeper, then one day BAM! You learn that romance is actually a poor man's game invented by men FOR men but has only recently in modern times been sold as something for women!!? Holy hell. I absolutely love this channel keep pumping out gems man.
Women love it when men compet for them.
@@imheretochewbubblegum yes but they definitely don't love every man who competes for them
@@busybecomingmyself So true.
a Hard to swallow black pill
Yeah that's true red pill. Not the pua scammers
This was something I could never wrap my head around as a young man, especially in my teens/early twenties. I kept thinking any day now, I'd be around women who are tired of getting treated poorly the rich players and would finally realize that a genuinely earnest good guy with a big heart, despite having less money or power, would make their lives so much better.
That day never came.
You should have sold crack.
It depends on whether you were to much of a "good guy". Or on the type of women you were hanging out with.
That is true.
To be honest, I was a good-hearted individual with very little to offer a potential mate beyond a pleasant demeanor and a modicum of intelligence. I thought those things were what *really* counted, and they absolutely did not...at least not as far as attracting a female in the dating world.
As far as the type of women I was around? I was batting out of my league in every sense of the word. Mainly, though, they were more of the "uptown" type and I was not quite at that level. To continue the metaphor, I could get in the door, but I'd be eternally waiting at the bar.
The only solutions for me at that time would have been either to improve my status, which would take a decade at least, or start hanging around girls from my end of town, which I had no social connection to whatsoever.
I just shed tears reading your comment.
@@jessesleight9631 It's still good to be those things - pleasant, relatively intelligent, kind, etc. Those qualities don't necessarily *hurt* when it comes to attracting women. They just don't usually help as much as they would in a perfect world.
"Men are romantics masquerading as pragmatists, women are pragmatists masquerading as romantics."
This is an old quote and I've known this a long time.
Wow! I’m saving that.
@Gangari TheWanderer Perfect summary.
Men are idealistic and women are opportunistic
That's a good one.
@gangarithewanderer8570well shieett homie, that's well thought out. I never once considered that aspect of God's relationship with humans. Then again, he did order Hosea to marry a 304 to represent this relationship. But yeah, love really ain't worth a damn in this world huh?
Experienced divorce attorney here. Whoever invented romance and marriage, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
I guess without marraige, there no divorce! some of us wish there is no need for people like you.
Bottom feeder spotted
Don't worry pal.You'll meet Him face to face soon enough
XD getting rich from people tragedies...as expected from a lawyer...
@@AG26498 I was joking.
That's why many good coaches tell men to build themselves and be strong, women will just naturally come into your life.
@@marsultortheavenger409 That is the reality my friend! Every man will discover it sooner or later in his life.
@@marsultortheavenger409 women see most men as children and will seek you out if they deem you a man. From the man's point of view she's bring parasitic from the woman's she's avoiding emotional/mental pedophillia.
@@marsultortheavenger409 just date men then, problem solved :)
@@marsultortheavenger409 you guys don’t have to pretend to like women it’s 2023 you can be honest with yourselves and date men
Yes , it's for your utility, not for your character or love
All the trappings of romance- the jewelry, the flowers, don't so much touch the hearts of women as they re-assure them they have control of the silly man who is idealizing them.
👏👏👏....and the moment the dude scales back you'll get the "remember when you used to do this and get me this, etc..."
That's different in my opinion than romance. That's validation of status.
EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You hit the nail on the head. Power and manipulation is what they’re all about.
bro here own a whole cvs pharmacy with his red pill spittin game
Idolising 😂
Women love Opportunistically, Men love Idealistically. Romantic relationships are negotiated. Unconditional love only exists between parents and children, etc
I'm a woman and I love idealistically, not opportunistically. When I see stuff about hyoergamy. I accept it must exist but I don't have that trait
@@joanndevine4780 Hmm. That makes me wonder why so many have the opposite experience with women. Or is it that the men who tend to use women also end up matching with women who tend to use men?
Facts
@@joanndevine4780 unicorn. Or it's just that you guys don't have accountability and self awareness wired in you?🤣
@@Alex.Kalashnik most women love opportunistically. Babies don't raise themselves. Being ruthless survival machines was meant to be wired in them
"Women are pragmatic. Women aren't romantic. They just want us to be." - My Dad
Your dad is a wise man, Mr. Jones.
True!
False. Romance is a recent invention. Female body shape is not.
I think this is because women generally feel more unsafe in the world, so they’re always looking out for safety and shelter. So they’re more pragmatic, trying to keep themselves and their children safe. Whereas, men, who generally have more ‘power’ (don’t bite my head off now for using generalizations for brevity’s sake) have no need or less need to feel safe in the world, so they have more time and ability for recreational activities like (lo and behold) romance.
Your dad is right.
Bottomline: romance doesn't pay the bills.
😂
@hachiroku8677 romance certainly has enormous potential for great sex life even over decades...for men and women. If you prefer to just screw then enjoy. Never get to a blissful state that way whether men or women
Yeah but it can steal your wife. Lol
@@asura8236 Absolutely. Romance and sensuality--sorry, but very few guys have this. I think it might be innate. My romance I do NOT mean roses and chocolates. How unromantic with no creativity
It’s very simple. A man wants the woman. The woman wants the lifestyle.
I don’t think this is true whatsoever
True
@@pcnair9868 while I'm not necessarily championing the comment as it is very general, to say it's not true whatsoever is pretty ignorant imo. You can hear some women actually echo the original comment almost verbatim. Some women are saying that they would rather have instagram than a boyfriend to boot!
@@ThomasOrtizMusic and some men s openly admit they don’t give a shit about women they just want sex…
@@ThomasOrtizMusic yes because men are hard work. The average man makes a woman's life actively harder.
They're saying they want something they see and receive some sort of value from. At the same time there are millions of women marrying or having out of wedlock children to men who beat them, generally abuse them etc. Women see personality and companionship as value. It doesn't have to be money or things. It just shows how bad men today are...
It sucks that some of the best advice for finding a wife comes from the dreggs of society. For example, a Pimp once stated,"Marry the girl you likes you, not the girl you like." I can't argue how cogent that statement is.
Women always do the final choosing
Whether it's closing time at the bar
Or
Walking down the aisle at a $ 10 , 000 wedding
😂😂😂
The dregs of society often contain wisdom without the trappings.
Don't prejudge good advice, be open to it everywhere.
That's exactly what I noticed a long time ago.
Women want and like being treated like a lady, being given flowers etc., but only if she's already attracted to you and sees you as her best option.
Without offering nothing in return.
@@proximityclockworkx1572 She's renting her womb and genetics to the man. That's a lot in my book.
@@ddicin7759 Maybe true for the womb part, from which she can abort YOUR child whenever she sees fit without your consent. And you cannot opt out of child support. See the double standards here?
Also what genetics? Females choose males that they think have superior genetics compared to theirs.
So basicly, outside of sex and reproduction (none of those interest me), they have nothing to offer while the man HAS to be in the top 10% otherwise you'll be invisible or creepy to them, and then you HAVE TO provide virtually everything and anything she ever wants. And all that for nothing if she decides to divorce you, take your income, your children, house, cars, everything you've ever owned or will own, because she was bored or whatever. And most of the times, they are the ones that initiating the divorce.
Seems to me like a rigged game.
Sure, you can say don't marry. To which I say, in some countries, even cohabitation counts as a pseudo marriage thing, which is enough for her in court to demand things from you.
The best course of action is to avoid women at all costs, only talk to them if you must.
„Only if she is already attracted to you” - isn’t that just … normal ?
@@patricktluszcz What I mean by that is giving her flowers won't make her like you.
If she's attracted to you already, you don't have to do anything to keep her around.
This is a course we should be required to take entering into the dating landscape. It would've helped so many people understand the challenges we've lived with.
“Romance is the spice of the relationship but pragmatism is the substance of it. Love is the motive and reason is the fruit.” - me
Love how you creatively put this 😍
…and marriage is the vegetable
@@backcountyrpilot actually yes. It’s healthy and most people are so childish they refuse it.
@@discerningmood2674 because it is so very undeniably quotable that I felt like it.
@@discerningmood2674 well that’s unfortunate for you
On another level, people tell themselves stories to bring meaning to their lives, I think romance feeds into that need.
Yes, the epic universally ordained romance.
This 'meaning' is a 2-edged sword.
It can inspire you to greatness,
or lead you to put up with all sorts of bs as you descend into misery.
Guess which is more common.
Provider x defender dichotomy
"Unconditional love is for children and pets."
Listening to this gave me that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. All the time, effort, energy, money, time exerted on that my ex who was screwing a coworker who was so shady he tossed his wife and kids away for her.
Yup that's what most of them do, its a needle in a hay stack. So make sure he is wealthy so you don't end up heart in pain and also your pockets. Don't hate the player hate the game
@@Lelesbratz
Ironically, it's women who do that more often.
There's comment sections full of stories where men share how their wives or girlfriends did that to them.
It's even more ironic how the other side of this is using a similar metaphor.
Though men usually call it "finding the hay in the needle stack".
...Another fallacy that women often fall into is:
Labeling ALL men to be like those they made bad experiences with.
That's because women only, or at least primarily date guys who are "top 10 percenters", so naturally...
Yes, they won't commit to you, because they got like 10 or even more other women, who are just like you, throwing themselves at him.
It's literally women being treated like men.
Getting a taste of their own medicine:
"Whatever is beneficial to me."
Aside from that...
It doesn't even psychologically make sense for women to be pissed about that, because they are only emotionally attached to the man's assets anyways.
...And as long as men don't ditch them and thus take the access to their assets away from them, they have literally no reason to be upset about it, logically spoken.
Or are you telling me you're actually and genuinely attached to what kind of a person yo man is??
I wish I knew this when I was younger. Definitely sharing this video with my daughter to help her understand the fundamentals of relationships so that she will choose carefully.
U r good mother ❤
To be honest this will not guide anyone, especially a girl. But if she's open minded it's a good hear.
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated program and the world's only empirically-validated GRE test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
This episode discusses one of my most mind-blowing realizations about romance. Most folks -- men and women -- believe that the modern expressions of romance -- flowers and poetry and bent-knee proposals -- are for women. However, this is not actually the case. The truth of the matter is that romance is for men, specifically lower-status men who historically have found it difficult to compete with higher-status men for the most desirable women. As I will discuss, evidence for this perspective is all around us. We need only look clearly.
"Two princes": ua-cam.com/video/wsdy_rct6uo/v-deo.html
Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
Podcast available of Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and others.
See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations.
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
@Aligned We might have to agree to disagree. We can't know for sure, but I doubt most of the women involved with King Solomon saw him as "toxic," and there's no indication that these women were merely "trophies." That might be an ideological lens through which you are viewing historical data. Interestingly, while we do live in an age when a "Queen" Solomon might be possible, we don't see a comparable situation with the genders reversed, suggesting that some legitimate differences might be at play.
Research indicates that modern women see stability, safety, and the provision of materialistic resources as attractive and desirable traits in a man (see: "Women want it all"). I also talk about modern women's ability to "captain her own ship" in "Women have more options in the sexual marketplace" (though this can lead to a tricky situation further down the road; see "The two body problem").
@psychacks Heard Two Princes (1992) ad nauseum freshman year. It's an earworm I don't hate. Just Heard it again. Still don't hate it. Liked your tie -in.
@@aligned799 It is no longer the norm by design. In ancient Rome (where western monogamy comes from), Polygamy was the norm. Those in power started noticing a lack in production from the common man and feared an uprising due to their inability to attract a mate. Thus, they made monogamy law.
Being realistic, mans drive to work hard, innovate, and create is driven almost single handedly in the name of securing and providing for women and children. Take that away, a man will be fine working a steady job, live in a studio apartment with a couch and TV and have just enough to get by with a little play money. Given a choice, outside of social construct, most women would gladly be wife #9 to a rich, handsome, powerful man than be the world to an average Joe.
I think that the correct perception of the romance that women love is not one-sided courtship and seeking for her.
Rather, it is the context of a relationship in which two people have chemistry between them, and acceptance and liking for each other, based on each other's personality traits, uniqueness of one's charisma, emotional attraction, understanding of each other's psychology, and shared background physical positive combination and affection for each other, without the involvement of material calculations, status, benefits and stuff like that
I admit I am a bit of an outlier here but I find wealthy men extremely dull. I am related to one of the wealthiest families in American history. Very old money. Polo matches, couture wardrobes, yachts & endless parties. You would think they have all the confidence in the world but generally not. The competition at the tippy top is brutal and nothing is ever enough.
There is nothing I love more than to be at a dive sports bar on a weekend with guys (people) that are just happy to have a day off & can genuinely love their friends & family & have fun.
Yet you would only marry a doctor or an engineer. Not the 4/10 looking tech support dork or the McDonald's burger flipper
@@keylanoslokj1806 actually I married an alarm installer that later became a contractor/design/ builder.
@@siberiangirl1941 yes basically what i said. Hypergamy
@@keylanoslokj1806 what? The fuck are you talking about
@@siberiangirl1941 open a dictionary if you got foreign words
This is a XXL size red pill :D I'm fairly redpilled myself but this reaches even deeper level. While listening I felt a mild dissonance and I immediately knew what you're saying is true.
Search your feelings you know it to be true
I am black pilled
While he was progressing with his explanation I was simultaneously reflecting on my own behaviors when I was younger the phrase that I couldn't escape saying to myself was "I knew something was wrong."
And it's hard not to feel almost a kind of shame about it. 😔
Women like romance because it's confirmation that the man is invested, this means he will stick around and she will have access to his resources and security.
@@SuperMagnum83u mean "women have been conditioned to loke romance "
Wow, it's great to see the red pill from a professional psychological perspective. In laymen terms, romance was the original "game" created by medieval pick up artists.
"medieval pick up artists" hahahaha good one, funny yet on point
I am a psychologist. This has nothing to do with psychology, he is seriously oversimplifying and equivocating. And repackaging known information as if he had come up with it while pulling a lot of the rest out of his rear. He makes other psychologists look bad.
@@raphaelmohr1965 you are a professional then. Can you refute what he is saying with evidence? Please avoid word salad, much appreciated.
" *the original "game" created by medieval pick up artists* "
You mean the dudes who could show up at any place and have the first pick through all the ladies around?
Why would they need a "game" at all?
If romance was a game of sorts, it could only serve as a tool of getting a higher status marriage possibility. That would be useful, as good marriage could set you up for life. So we could argue, that romance was a gigolo game for eligible ladies, but nobody in his right mind will ever claim that gigolos were for men, would he?
As a tool of getting p^*%y? They neither did nor needed to woo the lower status wenches.
@@raphaelmohr1965 yeah let’s hear your debunk please.
I would agree with this. It's not about love with women. It never has been. Once I realized this, then that's when I lost interest in pursuing any kind of serious relationships. I still date casually, but I don't see myself ever getting married or even having another serious long-term relationship again. Unlike some men, I'm not angry with women for being how they are. That's just how women evolved. I've accepted that. Men think logically but choose their partners very emotionally. Women think emotionally but choose their partners very logically. A woman can be in love with you one day, and the next day, you don't even exist to her. All it takes is another man with more to offer, showing interest in her.
💯
Username shows commitment to the comment
Wow! I'm a woman, and i think you've almost got it!! I've always said this to the men and women in my life. In my undestanding, the natural order is for a man to sacrificially love first and then for the woman to submit to that love with obedience and honour towards the man that has laid down his life for her. It's hard to articulate in text but hope you get the gist of what I'm trying to say...
@@joozygummibunz487does that mean that the man will then leave after the woman submits to pursue another woman
@@joozygummibunz487
So you're saying men should remain virgins, because this behavior gets you nothing??
Romance for women is probably not just the idea itself but the idea of romance with a particular/ideal person. The other people outside of that ideal simply do not exist. Combine that with loose generalizations and virtual signaling and you have a recipe for potential misunderstandings and overinvestment if your unlucky enough to experience it. Romance for men is wish fulfillment or a breath of fresh air/comforting backdrop in a harsh reality.
Romance for women is fantasizing men loving them as they would love themselves if they were men, with zero care about realistic implications and hardships that this would entail. (Especially for the men).
Most of the audience of romantic films are females. Romance might be invention of men but surely not low standard. What do you feel when you look at sunset, or tiger, or great architecture, that experience is poetic in itself. Same goes with when you look at a women, the eye contact, connection, you can't fake the magic you feel. What women find interesting about romance is the playfulness comes with it that makes them feel alive.
In those films the romantic there are two or more men fighting for a mediocre woman.
All those men fighting for the mediocre woman are attractive and rich or very attractive and not so rich as the other.
The romantic stuff is secondary, it would not make sense for any woman if those men were not very attractive and rich.
It's a drug men invented but more appeals to the emotional nature or women
@@nowhereman7413 Exactly. In real life those super hot rich men have all the women chasing them... but in the fantasy movies those men only have eyes for a mediocre woman.
@@nowhereman7413 true!
Looking at the beauty of a building or garden is not romanticism, it's a different thing.
Love this content - but as a historian I am not sure I agree that 'Romance was created in Southern France in the 15th Century. Romantic impulses can be found throughout time and throughout cultures. Amd my guess is that it serves both sexes. Romance for a man is a focusing agent- much like religion- that allows him to engage in high risk high reward behavior (such as openly working against the Kings interest!). For women it gives a sense of safety, commitment and loyalty. Besides a man capable of such focus and passion only needs a little direction to become a great success! Thanks again.
👍👍
God damn, man, hit the nail on the head once again. It's so odd that most tropes and expected behaviors in modern society originated from cover-ups and patches to compensate for weaknesses/failures during more primitive times. I truly believe that's one of the reasons why there's so many mental health issues these days, ha! Great video once again, very eye-opening.
You somehow put into words something I have always felt, but could never figure out. The flowers that die after a few days in a vase. The giant box of fattening choocolates. And women really don't want that stuff, except for maybe bragging to their girlfriends. They act like they do, to the giver. If they don't get them, it's a reason to be resentful. It's been quit puzzling over the years. Know the history of these traditional courting gifts shined a light.
Wrong if a women doesnt get the gifts usually women is intrigued by the mystery and goes after this intirguing alpha or sigma male. It is all about the attraction and mystery giving gifts is reserved for smps and incels.
I'm grateful for the ability to hear what he's proposing, but also to know that it's only part of the truth. Hurt people hurt people. And as children whose physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional health is not provided for grow up into adults, they project that pain and lack onto a slew of partners. At first they do whatever feels the safest. Find a man with money. Find a woman who adores you and thinks you've hung the moon and showers you with sex. Then watch as it crumbles because we haven't learned to meet our own needs and release our pain and suffering.
But life can be incredibly romantic when you CHOOSE it with intention. When we are healthy, we can bring romance into our relationships. Not "superficial, needy romance" but the deep desire to know what the people in your life crave in loving partnership and how you can give that from an OVERFLOWING, ABUNDANT cup of self love. This isn't limited to our spouse. It's our brothers, sisters, mother's etc. To be able to love from overfill-- not lack--changes the game.
And I would argue that one of the single most fulfilling aspects of life is shared experience-- to know and be known. Hard to be known by your husband if he has 700 wives and additional concubines. Or by your wife if she has chosen you simply from lack and FEAR, which produces a cringy feeling because she's never truly loved you for you. While I appreciate the psychology, we are more than our histories and traumas. And history is here arguably to help you choose a different way. What if we got so healthy and clear and passion- and purpose- driven that our relationships became an extension of the love we have of life. Wanna see how things can be if we simply act according to our ancestry? Watch chimp nation. When our individual survival and procreation trumps the collective good, we will return to base and tragic existences. Yet at the end we will still long for deep meaningful existences. Hugh Heff may have "lived the dream" but how many people sat around his bed as he was dying who truly knew him his entire life? Who could be present with his passing in a profound and supportive way?
Anyways, I could go on. But I won't. I just encourage those that come to this page because they have been hurt by people who have been hurt by people... Decide what is true and beautiful for you. Decide what kind of union you can build that is raw, open, expanisve, and fulfilling. And choose wisely someone who marches towards those goals and is ready to work to keep it alive. Fall in love with life, own your authentic truth, and then allow love to flow. Safety is an illusion. It is only created within. Give not from needing to receive, but from your heart, from the overflow you create-- and you will never run dry 💙
Don't know if you are religious or not
However, it was very well written
Very thought provoking
Reinforced some of my beliefs
Three types of people
#1 there are Givers
#2 there are Takers
#3 there are Givers, so they can be Takers
But really that's all they are is Takers
HHHMMM ???
Maybe answering my own wondering about a situation
#3 are they a narcissist ???
Blessings to You on Your Journey 😊
I think you missed the point of this video.
Interesting perspective. Yeah only focusing on transactional side of relationships is kinda raw. It is important to be aware of these aspects though.
I think from an evolutionary perspective, the romantic man trope represents the male providership mating strategy. By being romantic, the man is communicating to the woman that he will devote all his resources and attention to her, as opposed to a male who is just trying to spread his seed to as many women as possible, and isn't providing as many resources to a given person. The conflict women have is which choice in men is going to benefit them the most.
What a soul crushing interpretation of the human experience.
It's more gloomy, mechanical and animalistic than most of us would want to believe
@@keylanoslokj1806 yup
@@keylanoslokj1806 ever seen what meat is made off
I've been studying human nature relentlessly for years. On one hand, I feel like I have a superpower. I understand what people are thinking or how they will behave. I understand what I need to do or how I need to behave to win a womans attraction. On the other hand, it's so incredibly depressing that I'm no longer interested in having a real relationship with a woman. Men are messed up too, just in different ways. I've come to look at humans as essentially preprogrammed organic robots. There's days when I wish that I could just forget everything I've learned, be ignorant, and actually enjoy myself with a woman. Because I don't look at women the same way I used to, I don't look at people in general the same way I used to. But then again, ignorance isn't going to change the facts about human nature. It just really sucks that things are the way they are.
@@jaythenihilist4689 theres more to it for humans that follow the spirit of God.
Theres romance but theres also deep spiritual connections and i believe people who grow old together have that.
Good point that doesn’t seem to often be touched on in these vids on in the comments
Not spiritual connection but that's a bonding between two peoples who are together for years. Just like me and my Parents and friends.
As a woman I always hated romance. It creeps me out big time and made me want to run to the hills!
That's extremely odd. But you are in the minority and that's okay.
Also potentially by a husband with high status, when he does it purely out of kindness?
@@irinaivanovic9792 Not odd, just american woman things haha
@@irinaivanovic9792 American ladies have a limiting belief that they have no self worth, so they don’t think they deserve romance and pretend they love 50-50 feminism and bill splitting because pyschology they don’t think they deserve it. They are not wrong actually.. if one calls herself a feminists, acts and dresses manly, refuses to provide value to the table why should anyone marry her?
Inner work and inner child therapy and hypnotherapy plus therapy for PTSD can really help fix the low self worth that feminism wrecked on American ladies.
If you feel good about yourself you enjoy the kindness of others because you feel you deserve kindness. If you feel you are not worthy, kindness will creep you out.
It’s so sad. Poor American ladies- a self fulfilling prophecy of being treated poorly. I love my husbands flowers
So ?!?!?!?
Are you saying that women are more interested in the man learning your love language early on ???
Even in the first several dates ???
Just curious
Blessings to You on Your Journey 😊
I love that Two Princes song! I’m so surprised you’re referencing it in this video!
Solomon wrote Song of Solomon too. He wasn't just someone absolutly rich and powerful. He was wise and poetic too.
I think that there is reason for why women fall for romance. In a way, romance either can appeal to their vanity (this man worships me) or it can be a very good sign that a man is going to commit in the long term (this man has what it takes to provide for me, and he loves me, so he won't leave me, either). However, the origins are most interesting.
Romance was mostly stressful,
Sure you can be romantic,
Hope that it is reciprocated,
But there's no guarantee that all your effort would, or even should be given back.
People have there own life,
There own plans,
And there own 5 year plan.
Simply if your choices are not what was planed,
You're unlikely to win
A very WELL NEEDED video.
PLEASE show this to all of your sons.
I always knew that romantic comedies are actually for men. Their structure is always in a way to make us feel better (hence they are also know as feel good movies) and gives us a 90 minute illusion that there are decent women out there somewhere.
this is false though, korean dramas are romantic comedies and are mostly watch by women.
@@javier.alvarez764Yeah because it is a fantasy for women. They appreciate the practical benefits they receive as a result of this romance.
Women like to watch the romance too, they just don’t look at it the same as we do. If you could get inside their brains while they’re watching, you’d see them taking notes on how to get a guy to become romantically, emotionally hooked enough to spill his resources and become a slave to you. It’s the manipulation that turns them on. It’s actually perverse.
Romantic Comedies lower your testosterone.
That's all you need to know.
Actually, I'd say they exist to make men who have nothing to offer apart from themselves believe that they could get stunningly beautiful women. I note your conflation of outer beauty with character.
It offers you the fantasy that physically beautiful women will subscribe to your priorities instead of making choices based on their own priorities.
Men denigrate women as shallow for caring about security and safety but have yet to explain how wanting stability makes a person morally inferior.
Just because you can't provide something, doesn't mean women are indecent for wanting it.
No wonder as a boy it can be so easy to be taken in by the thought of romance. It makes it seem like the goal is won by a choice rather than a competition. Beauty and the Beast for example, Gaston had game and muscles but the Beast had a castle and put Belle in a position Gaston never could. What does it really look like if the hottest girl around never leaves town anyway? She’d end up somebody’s maid instead of having a maid pretty much I guess.
He's wrong, women do want romance, from a man they desire; so you should make yourself desirable first (be fit, eat well, have a job, be creative/funny). Saying "romance is for poor men'' is like saying "romance is for ugly women".
Ugly women are typically ''poor'' in the dating market. Men tend to forget that. Men passed on their genes by being useful, not pretty.
Women were selected for looks.
As a result the average man is not as physically attractive to women, as the average woman is to men. Now add on the fact that most men don't know skincare and grooming, dress badly and don't workout, the average woman is going to be very dissatisfied sexually.
Yes
How interesting
Knew a gal in college that all the guys thought she was really really hot
One night she and a girl friend of hers sat down across from me to eat supper
Finally realized after some conversation who they were
Actually did not feel overly flattered
Jump ahead 15 years
Was in the area where she lived on business
Heard thru the local grapevine that she was not dating and unmarried
HHHMMM ??? 😂😂😂
I understand that this is for educational purposes and so I want to be respectful with sharing my experience and thoughts as simply as thoughts and experiences.
To me, I've come to learn that and realize that romance is dead. It just doesn't work in my eyes.
I was on a date with a lady I just met and I did all the usual romantic stuff expected. Plan and set dates, picked her up from her house, and so on. She loved the experience and had a wonderful time as I hoped. 3 days later she didn't want to see me anymore, thanked me for unforgettable first date.
Two weeks later I'm with the guys from work and we went to a Chinese restaurant. There I saw the girl I went on a date with, she was doing all the same things to this random guy that I did for her. I saw her fix his plate, (I never did that for her)
Payed for the dinner all awhile he wasn't mining her no attention, as if she didn't exist. She tried to hold his hand as they walked out.
It floored me but that's when I learned being romantic to women doesn't work.
Needless to say whenever I meet up with a woman it's for coffee and sandwiches wearing the 3 S's shirt, shorts and saddles. Dinner dates are for women who want an LTR.
I believe that the fact you start your story with your thought: "romance is dead" you still don't understand the thing.
Romance never existed in first place, it is a symbolical/metaphorical approach to something factual
In other words, you can't negotiate attraction.
She definitely was more attracted to the other guy than you.
Unfortunately you have it wrong. Taking a woman out for dinner is not a romantic gesture it’s basic. The extra things such as flowers, chocolates, poems are “romantic” and indeed won’t make her like you unless she sees you as financially stable and able to provide for her and the offspring.
Taking her out for coffee wearing shorts and sandals will ensure she won’t like you.
LOL LOL LOL ROFLMBO
well, if he not interested in the LTR, why waste the suit and tie affair
She may just jump him after the sandwiches and coffee in the back of his jeep down at the local gravel pit at 2 : 00 a.m. on a Tuesday night
Yes Boys, that does still happen !!! 😊😊😊
That's such a depressing thing. I've always been a romantic person, how we treat each other, and what we're willing to do to show how we feel towards each other is powerful enough to move mountains. Yet people, in this case specifically women are mentioned, but there are men that think this way too, only want the THINGS someone can give them, and couldn't care less about the person at all. The security, the protection, the money, the social status, the status symbol, the genetics, it's all so superfluous to me, in the same way that romance is seen as superfluous to these people. What does the status matter, what does the money matter, what does any of it matter, if they're not someone that sees you for you, and treats you special among all people, and deeply feels for you. That is, in my opinion, a shallow existence to the core.
People are meant to be seen as the people they are, not an unlimited vending machine of what you want and need from life, on a convenient platter for you. I think this kind of thinking is more popular in a world where survival is more or less guaranteed. People don't want shoes to cover their feet, they want shoes to look fashionable, because the basic reason for needing shoes has been lost, everyone has them, so now they're only thought of as fashion. The same thing has happened with how people see and treat each other, and the fact that real love and romance has died in favor of what the other person can give you, in a purely selfish way, disgusts me to my core. My experiences line up exactly with that kind of mentality too.
There are far too few genuine people that understand the meaning of life, to love and be loved, to think little about yourself and more about others. Sad boi hours. Unless I can find a woman that understands and prioritizes this over a luxurious and soul rotting life of decadence and using others for her self assurance and benefit, I will remain alone, for it is a better existence this way. If you don't enjoy romance and deeply connecting with others, I think there's a lot of soul searching for you to do, as you've barely scratched the surface of what it means to be human, and that's not uncommon in a world, or just country(?), that tries to destroy the humanity, the soul, in us.
I feel similar to you but one ought to find the middle ground between these two things. The truth lies in between. Romance may have been created by men but those men engineered women's deep rooted desires for concepts like fantasy and love. So women do actually look for romance, it's a matter of fact.
Thing is, romance itself isn't enough. Just like status and resources alone aren't enough (proved by the many wives of millionaires that ended up cheating with some dead-poor guy that was able to sell them that fantasy factor their husband couldn't).
As a natural romantic you have a big advantage in the sexual market place as long as you also able to provide the vital necessities for a woman alongside that.
A woman by biological nature is looking for protection above all, she's looking to survive. And while the romantic fantasy does feel really good, if you're unable to provide the protection as well you won't be able to keep her around on the long term.
You don't have to lose hope about society because of this, for this is something that was part of humanity since the beginning of time. Just make sure to while embracing your romantic nature (without being too needy, romance has to be well-dosed, like too much sugar in your drink will make it off-putting) to also work on yourself to develop your own life and not make it resolve around her. By working on yourself, being able to provide her with those biological necessities becomes simply the direct byproduct.
I think you are wrong on one particular point because the cases where this thing are true are 1 in maybe 100 million if that, and that things is that some men try to get women for things. Women don't give men money or things or financial support. What they have is theirs, and what you have belongs to both of you. It's why womens income level isn't a concern to most men, because they won't get any benefit from it. In general, When it comes to money and things, women take, they don't give. As will all things there are exceptions but this is insanely rare. At least that's my opinion. I wish it wasn't true. I wish women in general weren't so selfish and materialistic, but unfortunately, most of them are. They will choose the rich man over love, over sex, over looks, over pretty much anything. Especially since they can so easily and confidently just cheat on their partner to get the rest anyways.
@@ronhughes5894 I unfortunately would have to agree with you...I also wish it were not so, but my experiences and hours of contemplation on the subject and the actions taken by the vast majority of women support that as true. I pray I can find a unicorn, or I'll remain alone. Being with someone so selfish sounds worse than a life alone to me.
💯 this!
I'm telling myself that the comment sections are still dominated by US citizens, and that the situation in europe isn't as screwed up.
I also read "safety, taking care of her, and providing for her" a lot here. And I don't get it. This is not 1650 anymore, and where I live people don't get attacked robed and murdered all the time. Every women has a job and apartment. So what are we talking about when it comes to "safety, taking care of her, and providing for her"? I'm looking for a partner, not an adult toddler.
@@allesdurchprobiertit’s generally part of a woman’s human nature to want to be protected. Because not only is she biologically weaker, but has to go through pregnancy and childbirth etc. Yes it’s not 1650 anymore but our biology and brains don’t change that fast.
I think in modern times the easier way to think of it is ‘can she trust you to protect her child’ - And displaying that sort of alert, strong, confident, protective side helps display that and earn her trust and respect. Example: If the child runs out into the road are you alert/strong enough to save them in time? Etc etc
I found your channel earlier this week. Quality content and metaphors highlighting current trends and educating younger men as to the challenges ahead.
lmao.
It is also a way to prove and build connection (so that he stays and protects).
A safe bet with a man that has enough can be better than an unsafe bet with a man that has more than enough.
What's fascinating about romance is that it requires zero effort from women
They have to play it like the like it for it to continue, so a minimal effort of "go on" has to happen, otherwise nobody creates too much romance to a stone
She has to accept the advances.
@yourtallness
Some men like romance to...if a man and a woman romance one another....can be wonderful...I think they have to care about one another for it to be at that blissful playful fun level
You are so brave to tell that. Thanks so much.
So in a nutshell, the low status guy has one advantage over the high status guy: He can devote all his time, and attention and grovelling to the one woman. The rich guy can't compete with that. Like the low status guy, he can only be in one place at a time, and he only has 24 hours in a day.
She would still rather an hour with the high status guy than a day with the low. Think of the women who would crowd around a famous athlete, musician or actor as opposed to how many women would go out of their way to gain the attention of the regularly Joe Schmo. It's not an advantage that you get to grovel for a woman's affection; it's a curse. 😅
The analysis and conclusion could not have been delivered any better. Brilliantly done.
Isnt it crazy that in all of this, women have to bring absolutely nothing to the table? They are simply born and they win.
Well done, Dr. These men need to open their eyes.
I figured this out a long time ago. Women base relationships off of sex and resources. If they cared about love or romance they wouldn’t cheat all the time and treat men the way they do.
This seems like a very wounded thing to say. You ok buddy?
The opinions of other women (status), resources and sex.
Are you ok Buddy? You'll be needing our prayers soon. 😂
You are the first UA-camr I’ve come across who gets, values, and promotes, what I’ve noticed slash suspected for 50 years. How lovely to view and therefore support your voice. Because the gals don’t want to hear this from another gal so ... “on to the next!” in the words of the incomparable William Goldman ...
Loved this episode. This guy is fantastic. Can't get enough. Some of his phrasing is quotable
Good theory. I have a relationship with this song too. As I was dating my gf said she loved this song. Me being the white knight I went out and bought the single tape. Played it for her one morning as I visited with other romantic gifts. Big dud, said it was too loud and she wanted to rest. Red flag I ignored. Woman don’t want flowers or chocolates t honestly they give those away to siblings and friends.
Don't kid yourself women love chocolates. Perhaps not flowers. When you can't think of anything to buy a woman. Buy her chocolates. Women
are addicted to them, however they don't usually buy them for themselves. Also, chocolate cookies.
Very helpful clarification here. It does beg the question - how and why exactly did the romantic strategy work? And how does that add to the overall equation.
That was one of the biggest shocks for me when I learned that women aren't romantic and couldn't give a crap about it....
this is my fav ep so far, Ive been binging on your ytb channel since last week,very informative,insightful nd fun content to learn,keep up the amazing work💫💫
In real life a man can use some of both. He might not be totally poor but also isn't Solomon. He can supplement his game with Romance, especially when he really loves the woman. She feels special, and receives things she does actually like (notes or flowers), but also likes the status he does have. Men can be in the middle.
The analysis doesn’t actually take into account the true feelings of love that people have for one another.
There’s actually true feelings where a bond, affection, and attachment happen between people.
But that occurs with nothing to do with romance…
Great and very insightful video, also very true...men created the whole romance experience and model to help them get with the women they wanted, it's a model created for men to pursue (to romance) the women that the man is going after.
The most honest psychologist I have seen, Taraban. And I work at a University - with many of them.
That origin story is interesting indeed.
I was aware that women aren't really romantic, they just want romantic gestures as indicators that a guy is serious about her and will stick around and support her.
But from men's perspective, I don't think romance is all about strategy; it's a manifestation of a natural inclination.
Look at song lyrics.
Nearly all romanticising songs are by men about women.
Women hardly ever write these types of songs.
Their love songs are usually pi$$ed-off breakup songs.
Or
Lee Ann Womack song
I may hate myself in the morning, but love you tonight. 😂😂😂
What is funny is that the fight is actually almost always between the well to do man who loves his woman and the thug who has put her into his rotation.
Makes a lot of sense, when I was 16 in highschool I had website with poetry I wrote, it would be my go to tool to cautivate girls and it worked until they fell in love with “bad boys“, now I'm 30 and I have money and experience I didn't have back then, I haven't wrote poetry nor be romantic for more than ten years and now I have two girlfriends who know about each other. Romanticism was pretty much all I had to offer, that is why time and experience are the best friends of man.
For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also
Man I've never thought of it this way, but half way through reading the title of the video, I knew what you were gonna talk about...sigh* what a world...
Well done; no one in the red pill has really addressed romance and why it kills attraction. I plan to listen more. Glad I found your channel. I am sending it to red pill friends
This makes more sense than anything else I’ve heard about romance amd what women want
Once you know a woman’s true nature (hypergamous)- it’s hard to love them. They are human just like you no pedestals required.
They are not just like you. They are living on easy mode until they hit the wall and they can no longer rely on their looks
If most of all this is mostly true, they aren't like me. They're way below me.
I stopped thinking of them as angels and saints a long time ago. But I thought they were at least human.
It begins to dawn on me, that the kind of relationship that would be even better than being single is an illusion, unless I find a one in a million woman.
If they were idolized by their father
Or
They put their father up on a pedestal
Your screwed !!!
And not in the bedroom !!!
@Krucifus
I would say this.
Have learned much in last several months.
Been separated for over a year.
She views all men through what she thinks her father is or was.
No man will be good enough for her.
Another part I vaguely remember is this.
Learn her love language.
What means alot to her.
Time
Gifts
Talk
Share
There's a book out there called
The Five Love Languages
Been a long time since I have read it
Good reference point
I think the moral of the story is both be a successful man and be romantic to women. You will be indestructible.
It’s not enough to solely be a good earning man who can provide. Women don’t even need that nowadays and out-earn the average man
Two Princes brings back a lot of memories. (There was a time when it felt like it was constantly playing on the radio.)
So I completely agree with this, and I thank you for the message. What I got out of this video is simply don’t waste your time romanticizing a woman. Use your time to become king Solomon, and then, if a woman earns the right to be romanticized, then you can choose to do that or you can simply choose not to, because there are other women waiting for you
i'm a hopeless romantic: when it comes to romance, i'm hopeless at it.
It’s so interesting when it comes to the lower, valued men and their creation of romance as a way to turn the tables on what makes a man desirable, it reminds me of Nietzsche’s genealogy of morals, When it’s the weak that inverted the meaning of what it means to be good and bad against the strong
Skill in romance does show some practical value, though it's most certainly very vague. Poetic ability, for instance, shows a good potential for social skill, and eloquence, which can get you far. Other aspects of romance show cleverness in various ways, which are valuable as well in the long term.
There's a reason romance became popular to begin with, and it wasn't just because of a false confidence of those who started it.
Just became one of my Favourite Videos on UA-cam ever
Makes perfect sense but also makes me really sad
Dr. Taraban says things that are worth considering and, I think, often truthful. Often difficult to parse re: same sex relationships though.
It's true -- a lot of my content is presented through a heterosexual lens. However, many of the same gendered dynamics (i.e., masculinity and femininity) are at play in same sex relationships, as well. My next episode will discuss some of the things I've learned from studying gay relationships. So stay tuned.
I read a study somewhere that a overwhelming majority of same sex coupkes use the same gender dynamics, but one side pics their role instead of pre chosen by gender. And they had less arguments because of non perceived agravations of not fulfilling your gender thinf.
@@psychacks I am curious for gay relationships. Did you made it?
Mind blowing ! Thanks to you and others I’m loving history and anthropology.
It has been said that romance was invented in the court ("of love") presided over by Queen Elanor of Aquitane wife of Henry the second. The purpose was to make the Norman aristocracy less oafish . Celtic societies gave more status to women and Welsh and Cornish bards were encouraged to produce stories which favoured men who gave consideration to women . These ideas were mainly spread in the stories of king Arthur and his knights. (chevalier =chivalry).
Why is there such negativity toward woman on this channel? So much anger and vitriol toward women. Not remotely healthy, guys. Not even close
couldnt be clear any more... it is really mind blowing... so obvious phenomenon, thanks bro, for better understanding alpha male...
Song of Solomon is a poem and book in the bible about a maiden that rejected Solomon for a shepherd boy.- that is where romance started
I've been thinking about this video for awhile and I have come to the conclusion that romance is not STRICTLY a tool used by men for men's benefit. There is a new phenomenon in red pill called "passport bros" and a lot of women are saying shit like; "They just want you for your citizenship." the implication being that foreign women don't actually men but that they do effectively trying to finesse men into staying in America and putting in more effort to attract women here.
Would love to see you talk more the passport bros if you have time btw!
Romance AKA simping. Totally agree.
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: But a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. - Proverbs 31:30
Faaaaacccckkkkksssss!!!
Amen!
Bogarting! 🤣🤣🤣I haven’t heard that term in years loved it! Damn Soloman
This is really deep. Didn't think about that before. Great content.
All our lives as boys and men, we were taught that women = love or women love more deeply than men, what a lie that chunky stew is!
Other lies we were taught by our moms: Women are more pure than men. Women are more virtuous than men. Women are more spiritual than men. Women are more loving and nurturing than men. Women don't care about a man's outward appearance, rather they look at a man's heart. Etc etc
King Solomon be splittin' bitches in half!
Yasssss, Kang!
You know, if a poor man can actually pull the romance thing off and actually get a girl to fall in love with him, he's actually a bigger chad than the rich powerful man.
This is facts.
@@PolishBehemoth Bonus points if she 1) actually leaves the rich powerful man 2) is an actual high status female herself in terms of beauty or whatever.
Then he woke up…😂
Will never happen for a woman who has been exposed to the attention and affection of a wealthy man…
Superb take, as always, thank you doctor. There is a video by Paul Elam, in which he talks about how romantic love and chivalry was an invention and a sham, I believe it was called, chasing the dragon.
Dr Orion Taraban You helped me to know more About Romance with this great Video Thank You .
So either you're rich and powerful or just s*** out of luck! We need some alternatives here?
@BALAGlyphs...no...most people, men and women fall in mid-range. Get over this rich thing. My gosh. Brainwashing going on
“In all your getting, get understanding.” - Solomon.
The Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” - Solomon
Very interesting! I’ve never heard this before in my life. Tell me, have you heard of the book, The Manipulated Man? I’d like to hear your take on that - it’s written by a woman by the way.
Wasn't it de listed by booksellers ? I know the author got into trouble for it.
Honestly "romance" comes off as fake akin to love bombing.
Just give a shit and don't pedolise women. Set boundaries and treat them like a person, not a celebrity.
Women aren't romantic.
Men are romantic & women are practical in a relationship...
That's why they pay attention to a man's wealth, a man's status, for their own survival.
Women want proof that you love them. (your Being romantic to them)
...
Why do women demand romantic gestures?
It demonstrates how much the man is willing to sacrifice for her which is proof of his commitment.
Women brag to their gf's look what my husband did for me. Look where my husband took me on vacation. Look what my husband bought me.
Romantic gestures are used in competition with other women to show her value. Look how desirable I am. Look at what my man is willing to do for me.
In my own life, I’ve been both men in your scenario (both the poor man who felt like he had nothing) and the established, rich man presently. The question about why the rich man doesn’t fully love the girl as the poor man does is actually a different answer than you give. The answer is because the rich man has ten other women as potential suitors he could choose from, so these options dilute the love he has for this particular woman. Why should he settle for her? This differs and is in contrast from the poor man who feels it will be this woman or no woman at all. Interestingly, this is why neediness is more of a turnoff for women than it is for men (which some like in women, btw, because it makes the man feel powerful and that the woman in question needs to depend on him for resources). And yes, romance is a poor man’s game because a rich man simply puts her on a business class flight instead of giving her $10 flowers or writing a love poem. I’ve been on both sides of this gentlemen so I’ve seen both dynamics at play. Great video.
This is just like the Great Gatsby. Chick loved gatsby but didn’t after she realized he didn’t have the bag.