I’m 31 and it still feels like the dating world is shallow. I feel more at peace single and I’d rather not be an inconvenience to someone. It sucks when I feel used over and over. I’d rather have a natural flow with people. I always feel like I’m being rated too
@@ChrisSpearz I remember those days and how dark they felt. Looking back, I see the key was to prepare for what you know will come to pass. You have to know you will find someone even when your current situation looks hopeless. Only then, can you begin to prepare. Prepare by asking people out, saying yes when people ask you out, joining groups with other LGBTQ people, going to therapy to tackle your problems, smiling and just being a kind person. Men like kind people. Lastly, understand the man you end up with will likely not be what you expected which is why an open heart is important. Love and light- Alfred
I'm happy you found love it's nice to see other people in thriving relationships. Lol but you make it seem like your 40 or almost 50. Your young of course you found someone
@@TheAlfredPlatform I sure hope so, sounds so cliché at this point that it makes me not want to hear it. There’s certain things that grown a** men have done to me that goes beyond ghosting and other problems only people who are LGBTQ+ have to deal with in the dating world. I want to say the most tame thing a guy has done to me was lie how his cousin died as a way to ghost me as if being with me was that bad. I use the term tame loosely here. Men I go for are normally 28 - 35 years old I’m currently 25 and I feel men who are older than me should know better when dealing with people
That’s my attitude to dating right now tbh. I’ve also always been very independent so I’ve never felt the need to have a boyfriend. What people say on dating apps rarely matches their actions. You seem like a really sweet guy, I enjoy your videos - keep it up 👊🏻
It's discouraging, but I remain hopeful that there are guys out there who do want a serious relationship. It's sad that our community can be so shitty, but it stems from trauma, insecurities, and the constant need for validation because the inside is void.
the problem is yall dont want a good black man, but a white bad boy. if a guy is respectful, kind, and romantic aka takes time to get to know you and never tries to fuck you, he is "weird" and "insane" and "waste of time cause you didnt fuck me". learn to be honest with yourself instead of playing the victim. the common denominator in all your bad relationships is you. analyze yourself, your choices and CHANGE them. you cant change people and evil will always be out there. all you can do is change yourself and make yourself better. be the person you want to be with. and if that is a ho who is shallow and superficial then enjoy your 6 pack for the night
P.s. I’m 33, and have never had the opportunity to be in a relationship, for those very reasons. Another big one, is ghosting. You’ll talk, everything is fine, no signal of anything going south, then suddenly you never hear from them again 😓🤷🏻♂️. The inability to communicate intentions is stunted maturity and baffling.
The majority of this lifestyle have same problems something not right If over 80% people having these issues interesting that's all I been reading on here. People saying the same thing about dating, but no solutions
Quincy, I couldn’t relate more to you. I went through a shitty situation a few months ago to the point I thought that my jealousy and insecurities were the problems but you’re right saying that jealousy sometimes comes from a good place cause we care about that person and we give our 100% to make it work. Keep up with the videos ❤️🔥.
One thing I’ve learnt now at 36, is to love yourself first. I am literally loving every aspect of life and only willing to be with someone who compliments that nothing less. Being older I think I’d rather build friendships first before entering a romantic relationship. If the solid foundation isn’t there, it’s fragile and easy to fall apart.
You made many valid points. I never understood how guys in their 20's (gay or straight) are quick to settle to simply turn around a few weeks or months and cheat. Communication is vital and paramount in any relationship most importantly an intimate one. Open relationships or poly ones never quite understood that for myself. Too much liability in the form of std and/or sti. At the end of the day I simply ask guys I've dated to be honest with themselves because if they are they won't be able to carry their lies for long.
I think a lot of people will end up alone because they refuse to settle down and as you said always looking for the next best thing 😢 remember that time flies...
Thank you for making this video. I’ve been going thru an extremely hard time lately… I can confirm that gay dating in your 30s is also very difficult. I was literally just talking to a friend a few days ago about how messy and challenging dating in the gay community can be. And talking about how I feel like an outlier in this community for wanting to be in a committed relationship with one person. And the utter heartbreak and devastation that has caused recently… especially when you find someone you click with on almost every level but realize they don’t want the same. Like you, I put 100% into relationships and it sucks when that’s not reciprocated. It hurts and I’ve been struggling to basically put myself back together after finding someone you thought was “the one”… only to realize it’s basically one sided. Hearing your thoughts on this, which mirror how I think and feel, was helpful. I guess it makes me feel like I’m not as alone in this community as I thought. Even if we still are in the minority. 🙂 So… Thank you for making this video. I’ve been an emotional mess for a few weeks now and this video actually helped. 💙
Thanks for sharing your perspective! Keep on with your healing journey and things will continue to get better for ya. I’ve been there 😪 not fun. Thanks for watching, appreciate it 🙏🏽❤️
Thank your for speaking on this , I’m also 26 and very much single due to now a days dating just not being it and you hit the nail on the coffin with your perspective . Stay safe in Miami Quincy , keep on working on yourself and setting your self up for success :)
I'm very independent. I always go to dinner, movies, shows, and traveling alone. I don't need to have someone in my life...but I'm open to it if it happens. Now, if it was with you...I'd say, hell yeah! I love listening to you talk 😉 Guys are horrible. I thought I'd be married by now.
You definitely touched on all the right points. It’s nothing wrong with being single and just working on yourself. Sometimes you just don’t have patience for other people’s bullshit
This video randomly popped up in my feed & I find it rather interesting which applies to relationships in general & it comes down to what is it you want for yourself & sticking to your principles - with reasonable compromise -irrespective of what the norm is, what's popular @ the time. There are many factors which contribute to relationship failures but some of the main factors are people not been honest from jump, about what is it they really want/into, assuming things will fall in place & Ignoring all the red flags, solely for the need for companionship. People will treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated, have self-respect & boundaries & you will be respected or you'll have absolutely no hesitation moving away from the situation.
I love your vulnerability, man. You hit the head on so many points. Dating in the gay community has always been rough for the reasons you list: sex addiction, cheating, promiscuity, open relationships, hookup apps, sneaking around, anonymous risky sex, etc. Most guys lack the emotional intelligence, self awareness, and authenticity to speak their truth and the truth of what they want and desire. It’s tough out there! I’m 44 and I’ve been in and out of the dating life, and I always walk away from it feeling the same: it’s difficult to find man who sees being in committed relationship as a gain rather than a loss, who values connection, and who places sacred value on the sexual, spiritual, energy exchange that is making love.
Quincy, you're right on! The foundation for any relationship, straight, Gay, business, etc., is trust, friendship, and communication. I didn't realize that there are so many open and / or cheating relationships in this day and age! I'm like you, in that I prefer to be with 1 person, and 1 person only. It sounds like that you were traumatized by that heartbreak from that relationship you had in college(?). Prior to 1980 and the (horrific) AIDS crisis, the word "boyfriend" did not appear in Gay lexicon. The word used back then was "lover". 95% of the Gay couples back then were either open relationships or one or both partners cheated on each other. I remember. I'm 74 now. When I was in my late teens, 20s, 30s, etc. many times after being with a guy, I asked if I could see him again, etc. , only to be asked to leave soon, because his lover was coming home soon! What the hell was he doing with me!!?? Oh, was I pissed! The one silver lining of the AIDS horror was that it made our community more monogamous, thus the words boyfriend and dating came into being. So, in retrospect, the dating and faithful relationship scenarios are much more prevalent now than back then. And it's so much easier to find someone now than back then. When I was 18 I had a crush on a friend, 16. I knew he wanted it just as much as I did, but we had the same circle of (straight) friends and our parents all knew each other, thus we were both so scared to do anything! We lost contact and recently I found out that he had been in the military in Vietnam in the early 1970s, succumbed to that Agent Orange, which took his life. I would've, could've, should've, but didn't. I could have prevented that scenario and could have potentially had a long loving relationship with him. Of course back then it was much more dangerous to publicly come out, which usually led to vicious gossip, bullying, harassment, and worse! Most of us had to live a double life... for survival! Better to get a "no" answer or "rejection" than to live a life of "what if", to which I regret to this very day! Thank God, due to my healthy eating and active lifestyle, with lots of exercise, hiking, mountain biking, swimming, etc., I look much younger than I actually am, but the clock is still ticking. Quincy, it's nice to be independent, but as a couple, the pleasure of compromising and sharing with the guy that you truly love has no words of description, other than "heaven". I'll tell you one thing Quincy, whoever ends up being your loving boyfriend, he will be one lucky dude!
Pfft. I'm 37 and never had a single relationship in my life. Granted, I'm a loner kind of guy but it's still extremely frustrating out there. But similar to you, I'm very independent and like having almost all of my time and decisions to myself. I'm also OCD in my house.
@@ahmedhadid8493 I'm 40 now and have been dating more in the last year than any time in my life COMBINED! I remember when I was in my 30s and thought I'd be alone forever. Worse, I told myself that was okay and tried to convince myself that's what I wanted. In reality, that was just fear talking. When I was younger, I always felt that I wanted to be alone while I worked on myself, my personality, my career, my life in general, and then that way when I met someone, I'd have something to bring to the table, and they would too. And I think I can look at where my life is now and say that's exactly what's happening!! I'm dating really interesting men in their late 20s to early 50s. I'm much more interested in the older guys who know who they are and what they want out of life. And while I lack a lot of experience being in a LTR, the sliver lining is I don't have the baggage others usually have from many relationships. ;) TLDR: 30 is VERY young. You've only been an "adult" for around 10 years. You will only be alone for the rest of your life if that's what you really want. But don't let fear and inexperience trick you into thinking you actually want to be alone. Have the confidence to know you not only have time on your side, but you're worthy of love. GOOD LUCK!
Better for you, now I try to be single again because it's really hard to find the rigth person most of my relationships is suck, I give all my best to the point I forget my own life in the end they just cheat and not contented
Man this is my third video I've watched. You're becoming one of favorite UA-camr. Your realness and openness; Is a amazing I wish more guys had your prospective in our community.
Dating is so hard in the gay community & I feel for you. DONT GIVE UP! As someone who isn’t interested in open relationships or any of the typical standards in gay dating now it was so hard to find a partner. I love LOVE! I love the thought of it, the feeling of being in love with someone…. I’ve always been so jealous watching people love each other. My partner & I have been together for almost a year and I’ve never been happier in my life. I’m 26 and I never thought this would be possible for me… I have a normal healthy relationship and it was something I almost gave up on. I promise your person is out there for you!!
Wow, I completely agree. Monogamy, trust, fidelity, and communication are so important in a committed relationships, well at least for me it is. It so refreshing that another man feel the way I do about today's gay dating scene. I believe I am going to meet a wondeful when it is time because there are great ones out there, but for now focusing on myself and making friends seems like the best option.
Very refreshing to hear someone younger like you out there. I'm in my 30's and never been in a relationship. Nothing works and it is discouraging. I'm old school too - one man kinda guy.
So trueee I was saying the same stuff to myself before I found my partner. It’s been one of the best relationships I’ve found a lot of perspective in so far.
i agree. i know that i’m only 20 so i’m barely in my twenties lol. i love being single, independent and able to do whatever i want whenever. i like being alone, everything runs smoother. i feel i start knowing myself better whenever i’m out doin solo trips. having a bf to do that relationship stuff sounds nice on paper but i definitely know i don’t need it, nor the added stress to my life. like you said it’s a lot of compromising.
This is my second time watching this video in the last two weeks. I’ve been going through something recently and in my head about some stuff and he just preaches and says what I need to hear.
I wrote about this on my Facebook that I revise a bit sometimes after I earn another “learning experience” badge. Its a bit of a relief to see others do share that mindset in our community, but I think it also puts many of us off to the idea of dating. I’m 35 now and I’ve been single for the last three years because I KNOW what I want and how I want to be treated as well as I know how I should work hard to treat another and maintain that effort.. and honestly it sucks thinking that maybe it’s asking too much, but the reality is that seeking a matching effort shouldn’t make anyone feel selfish. Thank you for posting this video. I’ll share what I wrote… sorry for the long ass post, but I hope even the smallest ripple effect can help someone feel like we’re in this together. Thanks again! “I usually post this with revisions each year... This year has not been an exception. With all the insecurities we all have I assure you that someone out there feels butterflies when you're around. If you're pouring your emotions into a person that doesn't meet you halfway then they aren't deserving of your time. One should never settle for anything less than amazing when it comes to feeling any sort of emotion towards the person you are sharing any sort relationship with. The feeling of "I think about this person when I wake up consistently and cannot wait until I start my day with their hello." Should be mutual between each other. If you're in the grey unsure area when just starting a new relationship then it's already faltering. Both parties should be "Hell yes!" at the beginning with each other, regardless the situation... Fight hard, love harder, listen to one another, try to view the other persons point of view and most importantly never be selfish when it comes understanding and sharing how you or your partner/friend feels. TRUST, it's necessary ... If you feel you must hide something from your partner/friend/lover then you have already failed them tremendously. One should make their partner/friend feel secure, safe with their words and actions. When their world feels like it's falling apart from under their feet you are supposed to be their comfort and foundation to keep them strong through hard times and emotional distress. It's impossible to receive 100% of someone's love/affection/energy if you cannot be the one person they can rely on. Stop giving up on relationships so easily, just because there are so many ways to meet new people doesn't mean you should give up one someone who is genuinely cares for you. We're all expendable in this new age with dating apps and one left swipe away from something new and exciting - Dont forget the way you felt at the beginning - It fades only if you let yourself forget. Relationships take effort and time. Fighting and arguments happen - that is no reason to leave someone behind. Those moments should be used to grow and understand each other. If you are willing to open yourself to what someone else feels and says while actually caring then that absolutely builds the foundation of what a real relationship should be. Remember, you're not alone. We all feel like we're alone at times, but it really is worth waiting for someone that feels the same way as you do in an equal sense. Everyone deserves equal or more of what they put into something. Do not settle for less. We're all worth more than we give ourselves credit for. If you're giving your all, then there is no reason to feel like you aren't good enough for someone... That is not your fault. Why would you ever be excited to be with someone who is not excited to be with you? If they’re not happy with you now, what makes you think they’ll be happy to be with you later? Why do you make an effort to convince someone to date you when they make no effort to convince you? What does that say about you? That you believe you need to convince people to be with you? No. I've been far from perfect, and I'll continue to learn from my mistakes to proceed forward as a better friend, lover and most importantly -person- We all have value, and it's not up to someone else to determine yours. We all deserve to be happy.”
Well spoken ! yes commitment is something that seems to deteriorate with time. Best way to roll with new age waves is just don't get attached emotionally until you know its safe. Sometimes that means letting go for your own well being.
1000%. Hollerin' over from straight land but having graduated to my 30s: absolutely focus on you! Both of my fantastic relationships came about when I least expected them / was at my happiest and not looking for them whatsoever. Focus on you and having a good time and making friends and just let nature take its course. It;s waaaaay healthier even if only for being less stressfull!
You've got good qualities and have a good head on your shoulders, and hitting on important facts in the dating or relationship world. Since I'm older, just to let you know, the shit hasn't changed much out there lol. History repeats itself, decade after decade. But there good people out there, like yourself, and when it's meant to be, it will be. You're being smart about it. And smart is being safe as well. I could write a book here and literally, but it would only be a frustrating experience for me and the rest of you, so I'll leave it at that. Too bad there's such a gap between the younger and older among us because there's a lot that we could learn from each other. Keep up the good work making your videos. I'm truly enjoying them.
There was a ling from Glee I've never forgotten. The two gay characters are together and one says, in the gay world, the eyes are always on the door waiting to see who the next hottest guy is about to walk in. It is better to be single. There have been too many let downs and hurt. You are so right in what you said, Quincy.
You are very wise for your age. I am so grateful that you have put this video out here for people to understand. I pray happiness is always yours love. Be happy, that's your priority.
Just finding your video now. I totally agree with you on all of your thoughts. Lots of guys just keep it shallow and don’t know how to commit and you’re right that it takes both people being willing to make it work. Also down in FL and I hope it’s gotten better for you 🤗 thanks for sharing
I definitely agree with everything you’re saying. Like the lying and cheating is not necessary in a relationship, just break up if you’re not interested or not ready for something serious. But if you’re a feelings centered/heavy person like you are, don’t you feel better when you’re in a happy and successful relationship like you might have felt in past relationships before they went south? Or don’t you desire to experience that enough to continue searching for that person? I mean I’m all for working on yourself and being single for a while, but do you still feel like you want a partner regardless of how the current dating scene is with gay guys? I kind of feel that way but I’m more of a thinker than a feeler, so I want to know your perspective
You make some valid points. The closest thing I had to a relationship ended before you were born. The reason for that is I set the bar very high on commitment. The last thing I would want in a relationship is an open one. I would just as soon stay single. Be clear in what you're looking for and what you will and will not tolerate. Communication is everything in a relationship. Work on you for as long as you feel like you need to. Before long you'll find your prince and have a happy, committed relationship.
Love your insights. Honest and open. I am in a relationship going on 25 years now with the love of my life. We met when we were in our early 30s. We generally worked toward monogamy... But acknowledged that we would both stray from time to time... But always maintain our commitment to each other. We have both had outside sex but no outside relationships. Works for us... and we always stay open to talking about it as we both love each other deeply.
I agree with you I am 25 years old and single keep up the awesome work you are doing a really awesome job just keep doing what you want and just focus on your self do things you want ❤️
You are me back in my 20’s! I’m independent and worked on myself and also enjoyed my journey of self exploration. But be prepared for this to continue past your 20’s. Many men gay or straight are not mature emotionally. In the gay community there’s a lot of deception, substance abuse, mental health problems which guys bring with them. The hyper sexual behavior and objectification of each other doesn’t help either. I feel that as gay men we are not shown healthy socializing and or how to date each other. To some hooking up and having a high body count for some is their version of dating.
It is really good to hear your point of vew! I was in a relationship for some months now, my bf wanted to open it. I told him, I dont have time to be open, because I put a lot of time on you. And we have friends lol, so the balance career, social and bf was reached. I dont have apps. I even told him check my phone whenever you want. But seeing him texting and sexting over guys was killing me. I explained that it was too hard on me. I do my best to try it, but the pain... I could not anymore, we broke up. I am not against being open, but I feel like we should know each other, discover each other and love each other first.
Everything you've said is right on point. You have a good head on your shoulders. We're on the same page. Totally agree. The happiest I am is when I'm on my own. The right guy will feel right and it'll be easy. We need to have a sense of ourselves before making any commitment. Time alone is precious. But alas, we all need or want or desire that someone, but we don't need that someone to complete us. And each person has to put in the effort. If I don't see effort, I move on. If that person isn't into you, and it feels wrong, it's not worth it. Better to be on your own. You seem like a really nice, guy. If only I were 30 years younger. Here I am, still waiting, but I'm okay on my own. But I am a caring and loving person, who needs to love someone, so the door is always open. Cheers, mate. Here's to you. All the best.
Wow I couldn’t agree more with your prospective. I’m 32 years old living in Los Angeles and dating is just hard. I’m more of a one man show when it comes to dating and it’s hard to find guys that want the same. Living in Los Angeles you’re constantly surrounded by pretty people, people moving into the city and that leads to guys on the apps swiping for the next best thing. So watching this was really refreshing! Hugs! ~ J
At timestamp 10:30 u literally said it best! So relatable unfortunately!! My head has been so clouded lately so this video has helped me tremendously. Thank u SO MUCH for creating & sharing this content! #NewSubscriber 🤙
Hi Quincy, thank you for sharing your perspective on gay relationships and the messiness of the gay community , I’m in the same boat brother try to find my way through the fog of BS I really enjoyed your video and your thoughts you got my subscription you are awesome 😎
Thanks for this video. It just reminded me of how I was at peace being alone/single compared to now that I am in a toxic relationship. I am currently in a long distance relationship (open). I can't fully trusted him based on my instinct. He doesn't say anything about himself for the past five years that we are together. We rarely talks about each other's life but more on sex talks and fantasies. Now it came to the point that he is exploring back on Grindr using my profile pic chasing younger guys. I have to quit I know I have to because this is affecting my mental health now so bad. :( - Keep it up! Thank you
I wonder if it's common to have never been in a relationship. I spent my early 20s desperately trying to date and find a bf. Could be my own personal issues about it but like you said it's hard to find someone who get's you and its got to a certain point now - I'm 27- and I'm kind of cbf with the whole dating thing and just doing me.
you're not alone at all. I never had a boyfriend either. for one, I hate hooking up, I don't like telling guys where I live, etc. then when guys meet me they see I'm feminine, or not their type, so it's just alot of reasons. I say the guy who gets the most dates is a guy that looks like Channing Tatum, has a nice bachelor pad, a car, and a good high-earning job. If not, it's just harder to get a relationship
What you said rings so true on so many levels. The saddest thing is when your partner make you believe they are committed and they are against cheating and all … and then start sneaking around, lying and cheating, but still gaslighted you, making you think you’re crazy for being jealous etc. I have never done that nor will I ever do that to anyone. It’s just basic human decency.
And I honestly like when I'm single too. I don't think people understand when I tell them I'm happy being single. I don't have to worry if the next guy will break my heart.
You have a good spirit and are very astute in your thinking. There are some good guys out there though.....ones who will love your jealous streak (because your heart is in the right place) and see not just your outer beauty but your inner presence as well. The apps can be a place to meet guys but sadly, in most cases (like 98%) not the guys that one would end up in a relationship with or want to be in a relationship with for plenty of reasons, some of which you mentioned. I could talk on this for hours lol. Stay open to the universe, keep being you and the right man will show up when you least expect it. Much love to you..... ❤❤❤
You’re right on the ball!! It’s not only difficult to find a committed relationship in your 20’s. It equally the same in your 40’s & 50’s plus. Since the total access of the cell phone(through all platforms of the different types of apps)it has given us the freedom of choice! This is fine, if you’re not looking for a committed relationship. But it also very disappointing for those of us who are!! As I am a person who needs an emotional connection and is looking for a LTR/marriage. My journey continues, as a hopeless romantic….😎🤞🏾💞🙏🏾
I respect your views....i lived through all that. Im 52 now, single.....cant say i ever really had a real relationship. I remember wanting one soo bad when i was younger..and i met sooo many guys only to be disillusioned each and everytime...the gay world is such a cold place where youre a sucker if your heart gets in it and boy did my heart get destroyed...Im in a place in my life now where i dont need a partner. Ive been peaceful these last few years. Ive always been independent and am not afraid to be alone. But its a shame to have to go thru all that bs....
Let’s skip this dating part and get married straight away💍😉 Totally can relate to your thoughts. I’m 34 single and happy with myself. Peace of mind is very important to me and I will never compromise that for anyone.
One of my good friends use to say the same thing about "Guys always looking for the next best guy." Being in a relationship you have to be equally selfish as you are giving. By selfish I mean knowing yourself. You can't be the best in a relationship if you don't know yourself. It cuts down on the jealously, and helps with communication. when people don't feel like they can 100 %be themselves shit goes should cause things don't get communicated out of fear.
I'm 31 I've been single for almost 10 years haven't had s** since 2018 I'm at such peace with myself its amazing I have (toys) if I get h**** which is fine and with the apps they're a complete mess and so glad I'm not on any of them Thank you for sharing your story You're spitting straight facts beginning to end ✔💯
Im a new subscriber and I'm gonna be honest you're really handsome and you resemble much of the pacific people really and I'm in awe with that. Not to mention I really love how you entail so much real life information based on relationship and its really helpful, it revives our inner purpose, to finding truth and prosperity.
You are absolutely correct in everything you say for all the right reasons. So many are really disturbed individuals but I know someone who was a boy down the street 30 plus years ago. He'd established a number of solid relationships but he finally started living in a committed relationship the two complementing each other. After many years together from place to place I urged him to get married. He never actually confirmed it but from his indications it was certain. I am happy for them both but know that others in the family may not be accepting. He has obviously felt a certain amount of reluctance from disclosing to those who knew him as a boy so at the very least I give them a bit of support.
Thanks ! Ur video helps me a lot! Really confused with this new trending about ghosting and keep Mind and emotions in balance … why everything is… with such a lack of humanity
I think you have to stay the course and remain positive. I met my husband at 30, and we’ve been married for 8 years going on 9. It’s possible. There is hope. There is a huge cohort of men that do want to seriously date. Obviously you are there are others! And I LIVE for all of that Mariah references and throwbacks!
I tried the dating thing after being single which is a greater median than hookups or many short term relationships-they tend to hurt and affect us more than we know. Living alone feels great though and so does being with someone that totally gets you. All depends on lifestyle and love language.
Omg, you’ve hit on everything I’ve been dealing with concerning relationships. It’s very tiring and upsetting when you giving your all and they don’t have the best intentions. Just sex and clubbing. We’re getting too old for foolishness. It’s just getting too complicated for me. I want true love and I’m not willing to share. I caught my ex cheating on me after 5 years in what I thought was a committed relationship. So within the last year I’ve just been focusing on myself and loving me.
Great video, I’m currently in a long term relationship. I honestly related to you when you said that it’s hard to work on your on self in a relationship because you have to compromise. It’s a lot of give and take and we are currently not even having enough romance. Not sure should I stay or go but it’s seems being single is not where it’s either.
Thats so true.. its been so hard to find a true relationship in this gay community,,, being single makes u more happier and more focusing on ur self… :)
It’s sad to hear but i often say to all my single friends, that if this relationship I’m in does not work, I am moving out of the country with my two fur babies. I couldn’t fathom the idea of dating in this era at 36. I wills say, that are still some hopeless romantics out there, who will treat with the love and respect that you deserve. After my last awful, exhausting relationship, I affirmed and wrote down what i wanted out of partner. This has been on the healthiest relationships, I’ve been in. We check-in, we communicate and we respect each other. Its go great to see another side of you and every time I watch, I enjoy you more.
That’s a great idea! I should try that, if only to have something concrete to come back to (but hopefully won’t need reminding in the future 😅).Thanks for the nice comment 🙏🏽
At this point in my life, I’m the same way, focusing on myself, the difference is Im slowly not believing in Love anymore, I’m ok with being celibate, having kids on my own, and chasing success.
I’m so glad that you are talking candidly about this. It’s so true! It’s very difficult to find a committed person these days, especially in the gay community. I feel heard. Haha!
Dating in this generation is definitely a huge let down and honestly it has to do with the rise of social media. It has become very accessible to send/recieve nudes, watch porn anywhere/ anytime, secretly message someone nearby, and keep tabs on someone you’re interested in online. I’m emotionally exhausted when it comes to dating because everytime I try to pursue someone 100% they look at me like I’m crazy.. like building a relationship is not considered the norm anymore lol. I’m someone who loves with their heart and not their private parts and it’s obvious that there’s an imbalance regarding this. It’s sad that the gay community has to pull teeth to recieve an authentic love and that the hopeless romantics are settling in the hookup culture just to recieve a small source of Intamacy. I enjoy sex but I would like to experience it with a partner who I’m able to trust with my heart. A part of me blames the glorification of sex in the media because we can never have the happy ending that some of us dream of. I hope things get better in the community but it’s clear that these days it’s best to just build friendships and maybe something might grow into something more in the future.
This is mostly because the younger generation does dating at high school level, being mostly transactional, instead of talking about common future plans, building memories, trust and respect. These things are alien to a lot of people. Eventually, they will mature enough to see that you cannot run away from your own shadow, but it might be too late.
I'm sorry and I have to say I agree. After being single for 7 years I had my share of dates but none amounted to anything unfortunately. No one wants to give anyone a chance. Or u have too look like a hallmark actor. Its too exhausting and I threw in the towel. My tv 📺 will keep me company.
This whole thing you said is true as hell even in college in my early 20s I'm finding it hard. I'm a bit of a late bloomer and alot of my looks came in college I thought it would change things but it just gave me more sex options. Then ppl lie to themselves and say they want you but they really just want to have sex with you. It's so lame on this planet.
@@uglyken0 Hang in there ... yes it sucks but its the world we live in today unfortunately. I know very few partnered people. All of my friends are single. Very frustrating for those of us who want more..
i’m 19 and have never dated. i’ve seen so many of my friends get hurt by putting themselves out there and one decided that i probably won’t ever date in my lifetime lol. loved the video :)
Glad to hear Quincy being a young gay person that you love with all your heart. I’m older and sorta gave up on trying to find a guy bc most were too shallow for me and I felt I was old fashion. I’m not into open relationships and it seems every gay person is into open relationships. When ppl. in the past wanted to spend time with me and later find out they are in a relationship, I’m like why are u talking or pursuing me?! I also felt if you’re single, that’s when you can date around, but it seems like the norm to have a partner and sleep around in the gay world. Anyway, glad you being young, but have morals and want to love one person and not want to date everyone. Makes me feel I’m not the only gay person that way. Yeah, I can go along and just seriel date, but it’s fun for a minute, but get old real fast. Actually make me feel more lonely having quickies.
Oh and I just heard you say be upfront if you don’t want a serious relationship and still want to be with others. Well, I used to tell ppl. that were interested in me for a relationship and told them I don’t want more with them. So what I’m trying to say is being up front in the gay world can be dangerous bc after hearing that, they loose interest real quick and don’t even want to be friends with you. I also learn that when ppl. like you a lot to the point they want to be in a relationship, knowing you don’t want them like that can be painful. So the friend idea won’t work bc each time they are with you, they think this tome I’m going to have a change of heart about them and want a relationship. But usually not and this happens a lot with my friends with benefits and they usually want more.
It's just all about trust, respect and how serious is your commitment. What make it any different with any other type of relationship. We are all still human aren't we? With feelings? We all have our own choices to make. If you are happy with it, then go for it. Being single does not always mean that you are being alone. It's a phase. Take this phase to look deeper within yourselves. Observe other people sometimes.
I 100% agree with what you are saying. I'm also in my mid 20's, originally from South Africa, but have been living in New Zealand for the most of my life.. I find that the gay dating scene in the town I was living in before (Hamilton) , alot of the gay community was set on more monogamous old school beliefs (in a good way), where as where I'm living now in a big city, the dating scene is basically messy, almost non existent.. It's all about the next best thing, and people are never happy with what they have, which makes it impossible to love someone without getting so heart broken, it's almost inevitable that things will turn to crap eventually. That's why I don't bother wasting my time anymore, but I'm always a sucker for the false hope at times, coz it can be really trying depending on who it is and the situation. I agree with you, I'm happily single, a working professional and part time student and find happiness in everything that I do, work or leisure. I just hope things will change and more of a positive dating scene will come about. I miss the times when the whole "try before you buy" culture didn't exist .. hookup culture is convenient for it's purpose, but it's also a major set back when u try and date again. Especially in NZ u have to be so careful who u sleep with coz everyone knows everyone some how. Il wait until I'm 30, by that time il have more to offer as a person too for whatever's waiting for me :). But thanx for this video, it's the affirmation i needed :).
Totally relate, I kind of feel like with gay dating it ends up being too mixed into hook up culture (which I'm not dragging, do you), but I feel like even getting just a simple date is hard. I'm in the same boat personally am saving myself all that stress and just focusing on living my life and not pressuring myself to be in a relationship.
I resonate with this video A LOT. I’ve wasted so much time looking for love, dates, a relationship or a boyfriend and the dudes only care about looks and physical appearances which is absolute bullshit. It’s not what I want, not what I need and I’m never going to settle for less, compromise or jeopardize my life, health or safety for the next best thing. It’s so uncomfortable and unhealthy for me to be on Grindr, Tinder, Jack’d, Taimi, Surge etc. because the guys are shallow, petty, superficial and love to engage with drama. I’m so fed up and I need to be alone for a while. I’m never going to date, never going to fall in love, and with how bad Covid-19 has been and become I’m not taking any chances on getting hurt, being catfished, lied to, bullied, judged, harassed or made fun of. I need to be comfortable in my own skin and I’m never going to be happy if I can’t learn to love myself. And it’s been five and a half years and I’ve wasted mg whole life thinking about how happy I would be in a relationship or successful but young people nowadays in the gay community are so fake, judgmental, mean and harsh. This is why I don’t go to gay bars, gay clubs and never meet anyone. It’s pointless, useless and a waste of time. They always argue with me, ask for sex, drugs, money or alcohol and are super sketchy, weird and dangerous
Dating should ADD to your life, two are stronger than one, its not 'messy'. There are good guys out there. You are exceptionally good-looking; your 'sorting' skills of potential partners might need to be well thought out. Attention to your partner is diminished if you are not focused on him, just looking around, messaging others..is not being focused.
Quincy... you are an "old soul" & might consider guys a little older than yourself! You value stability, security, trust, integrity, honesty, family, monogamy, relationship... all the big ones! Just remain open to the possibilities... there is a decent guy out there for you! Beautiful eyes!!!
When you mastered loving yourself you'll be able to love someone else. THE problem is so many out there don't love themselves neither know themselves.
This is it !!!
BINGO
Da truth!
Im on that journey now.thanks.
True words.....
I’m 31 and it still feels like the dating world is shallow. I feel more at peace single and I’d rather not be an inconvenience to someone. It sucks when I feel used over and over. I’d rather have a natural flow with people. I always feel like I’m being rated too
Yeah I can relate to the feeling of being rated. It’s judgmental out here. Here’s to keeping the peace!
THIS!!!
I'm sure you are somewhat shallow to, we all are.
This entire comment
@@Samuel115s nope, just your mindset, to be honest i think everything an life stems from each individual’s mentality.
Met my now husband at 26, married at 30. Don't lose hope 🙏🏾💗❤️💗
Cools but you're an outlier.
I’m hopeless, and don’t know what to do anymore 🥺
@@ChrisSpearz I remember those days and how dark they felt. Looking back, I see the key was to prepare for what you know will come to pass. You have to know you will find someone even when your current situation looks hopeless. Only then, can you begin to prepare. Prepare by asking people out, saying yes when people ask you out, joining groups with other LGBTQ people, going to therapy to tackle your problems, smiling and just being a kind person. Men like kind people. Lastly, understand the man you end up with will likely not be what you expected which is why an open heart is important. Love and light- Alfred
I'm happy you found love it's nice to see other people in thriving relationships.
Lol but you make it seem like your 40 or almost 50. Your young of course you found someone
@@TheAlfredPlatform I sure hope so, sounds so cliché at this point that it makes me not want to hear it. There’s certain things that grown a** men have done to me that goes beyond ghosting and other problems only people who are LGBTQ+ have to deal with in the dating world. I want to say the most tame thing a guy has done to me was lie how his cousin died as a way to ghost me as if being with me was that bad. I use the term tame loosely here. Men I go for are normally 28 - 35 years old I’m currently 25 and I feel men who are older than me should know better when dealing with people
That’s my attitude to dating right now tbh. I’ve also always been very independent so I’ve never felt the need to have a boyfriend. What people say on dating apps rarely matches their actions. You seem like a really sweet guy, I enjoy your videos - keep it up 👊🏻
Thanks for the nice comment! I think we on the same page 😆🙌🏽
Same here but we can try it
It's discouraging, but I remain hopeful that there are guys out there who do want a serious relationship. It's sad that our community can be so shitty, but it stems from trauma, insecurities, and the constant need for validation because the inside is void.
Omg that's what Alan Downs talks about in his book The Velvet Rage
the problem is yall dont want a good black man, but a white bad boy. if a guy is respectful, kind, and romantic aka takes time to get to know you and never tries to fuck you, he is "weird" and "insane" and "waste of time cause you didnt fuck me". learn to be honest with yourself instead of playing the victim. the common denominator in all your bad relationships is you. analyze yourself, your choices and CHANGE them. you cant change people and evil will always be out there. all you can do is change yourself and make yourself better. be the person you want to be with. and if that is a ho who is shallow and superficial then enjoy your 6 pack for the night
My relationship just happened, wasn't trying, it just worked out. We are opposite personalities. We enjoy life together. The good and the bad.
P.s. I’m 33, and have never had the opportunity to be in a relationship, for those very reasons. Another big one, is ghosting. You’ll talk, everything is fine, no signal of anything going south, then suddenly you never hear from them again 😓🤷🏻♂️. The inability to communicate intentions is stunted maturity and baffling.
Hello I'm having the same problem do you mind is getting to know each other more
The majority of this lifestyle have same problems something not right If over 80% people having these issues interesting that's all I been reading on here. People saying the same thing about dating, but no solutions
Quincy, I couldn’t relate more to you. I went through a shitty situation a few months ago to the point I thought that my jealousy and insecurities were the problems but you’re right saying that jealousy sometimes comes from a good place cause we care about that person and we give our 100% to make it work. Keep up with the videos ❤️🔥.
Hope you’re better now! Thanks for the nice comment 🙏🏽
One thing I’ve learnt now at 36, is to love yourself first. I am literally loving every aspect of life and only willing to be with someone who compliments that nothing less.
Being older I think I’d rather build friendships first before entering a romantic relationship. If the solid foundation isn’t there, it’s fragile and easy to fall apart.
You made many valid points. I never understood how guys in their 20's (gay or straight) are quick to settle to simply turn around a few weeks or months and cheat. Communication is vital and paramount in any relationship most importantly an intimate one. Open relationships or poly ones never quite understood that for myself. Too much liability in the form of std and/or sti. At the end of the day I simply ask guys I've dated to be honest with themselves because if they are they won't be able to carry their lies for long.
Such good points! Thanks for sharing your perspective
I think a lot of people will end up alone because they refuse to settle down and as you said always looking for the next best thing 😢 remember that time flies...
Exactly! No one is going to meet 100% of your criteria and it is rather arrogant to assume otherwise. The best you can hope for is compatibility.
Thank you for making this video. I’ve been going thru an extremely hard time lately… I can confirm that gay dating in your 30s is also very difficult. I was literally just talking to a friend a few days ago about how messy and challenging dating in the gay community can be. And talking about how I feel like an outlier in this community for wanting to be in a committed relationship with one person. And the utter heartbreak and devastation that has caused recently… especially when you find someone you click with on almost every level but realize they don’t want the same. Like you, I put 100% into relationships and it sucks when that’s not reciprocated. It hurts and I’ve been struggling to basically put myself back together after finding someone you thought was “the one”… only to realize it’s basically one sided. Hearing your thoughts on this, which mirror how I think and feel, was helpful. I guess it makes me feel like I’m not as alone in this community as I thought. Even if we still are in the minority. 🙂 So… Thank you for making this video. I’ve been an emotional mess for a few weeks now and this video actually helped. 💙
Thanks for sharing your perspective! Keep on with your healing journey and things will continue to get better for ya. I’ve been there 😪 not fun. Thanks for watching, appreciate it 🙏🏽❤️
Went through the same
Thing. Very painful.
Thank your for speaking on this , I’m also 26 and very much single due to now a days dating just not being it and you hit the nail on the coffin with your perspective . Stay safe in Miami Quincy , keep on working on yourself and setting your self up for success :)
I'm very independent. I always go to dinner, movies, shows, and traveling alone. I don't need to have someone in my life...but I'm open to it if it happens. Now, if it was with you...I'd say, hell yeah! I love listening to you talk 😉 Guys are horrible. I thought I'd be married by now.
Maybe we can try to know each other...
Me am even scared of starting one am now addicted to being single
You definitely touched on all the right points. It’s nothing wrong with being single and just working on yourself. Sometimes you just don’t have patience for other people’s bullshit
This video randomly popped up in my feed & I find it rather interesting which applies to relationships in general & it comes down to what is it you want for yourself & sticking to your principles - with reasonable compromise -irrespective of what the norm is, what's popular @ the time. There are many factors which contribute to relationship failures but some of the main factors are people not been honest from jump, about what is it they really want/into, assuming things will fall in place & Ignoring all the red flags, solely for the need for companionship. People will treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated, have self-respect & boundaries & you will be respected or you'll have absolutely no hesitation moving away from the situation.
I love your vulnerability, man. You hit the head on so many points. Dating in the gay community has always been rough for the reasons you list: sex addiction, cheating, promiscuity, open relationships, hookup apps, sneaking around, anonymous risky sex, etc.
Most guys lack the emotional intelligence, self awareness, and authenticity to speak their truth and the truth of what they want and desire.
It’s tough out there! I’m 44 and I’ve been in and out of the dating life, and I always walk away from it feeling the same: it’s difficult to find man who sees being in committed relationship as a gain rather than a loss, who values connection, and who places sacred value on the sexual, spiritual, energy exchange that is making love.
Quincy, you're right on! The foundation for any relationship, straight, Gay, business, etc., is trust, friendship, and communication. I didn't realize that there are so many open and / or cheating relationships in this day and age! I'm like you, in that I prefer to be with 1 person, and 1 person only. It sounds like that you were traumatized by that heartbreak from that relationship you had in college(?).
Prior to 1980 and the (horrific) AIDS crisis, the word "boyfriend" did not appear in Gay lexicon. The word used back then was "lover". 95% of the Gay couples back then were either open relationships or one or both partners cheated on each other. I remember. I'm 74 now. When I was in my late teens, 20s, 30s, etc. many times after being with a guy, I asked if I could see him again, etc. , only to be asked to leave soon, because his lover was coming home soon! What the hell was he doing with me!!?? Oh, was I pissed! The one silver lining of the AIDS horror was that it made our community more monogamous, thus the words boyfriend and dating came into being. So, in retrospect, the dating and faithful relationship scenarios are much more prevalent now than back then. And it's so much easier to find someone now than back then.
When I was 18 I had a crush on a friend, 16. I knew he wanted it just as much as I did, but we had the same circle of (straight) friends and our parents all knew each other, thus we were both so scared to do anything! We lost contact and recently I found out that he had been in the military in Vietnam in the early 1970s, succumbed to that Agent Orange, which took his life. I would've, could've, should've, but didn't. I could have prevented that scenario and could have potentially had a long loving relationship with him. Of course back then it was much more dangerous to publicly come out, which usually led to vicious gossip, bullying, harassment, and worse! Most of us had to live a double life... for survival! Better to get a "no" answer or "rejection" than to live a life of "what if", to which I regret to this very day! Thank God, due to my healthy eating and active lifestyle, with lots of exercise, hiking, mountain biking, swimming, etc., I look much younger than I actually am, but the clock is still ticking.
Quincy, it's nice to be independent, but as a couple, the pleasure of compromising and sharing with the guy that you truly love has no words of description, other than "heaven". I'll tell you one thing Quincy, whoever ends up being your loving boyfriend, he will be one lucky dude!
Pfft. I'm 37 and never had a single relationship in my life. Granted, I'm a loner kind of guy but it's still extremely frustrating out there. But similar to you, I'm very independent and like having almost all of my time and decisions to myself. I'm also OCD in my house.
I just turn 30 and i have never had a relationship with anyone on my life....i think I'll be alone for the rest of my life...and that's sad
That's boring. Can we chat?
@@ahmedhadid8493 I'm 40 now and have been dating more in the last year than any time in my life COMBINED! I remember when I was in my 30s and thought I'd be alone forever. Worse, I told myself that was okay and tried to convince myself that's what I wanted. In reality, that was just fear talking. When I was younger, I always felt that I wanted to be alone while I worked on myself, my personality, my career, my life in general, and then that way when I met someone, I'd have something to bring to the table, and they would too. And I think I can look at where my life is now and say that's exactly what's happening!! I'm dating really interesting men in their late 20s to early 50s. I'm much more interested in the older guys who know who they are and what they want out of life. And while I lack a lot of experience being in a LTR, the sliver lining is I don't have the baggage others usually have from many relationships. ;)
TLDR: 30 is VERY young. You've only been an "adult" for around 10 years. You will only be alone for the rest of your life if that's what you really want. But don't let fear and inexperience trick you into thinking you actually want to be alone. Have the confidence to know you not only have time on your side, but you're worthy of love. GOOD LUCK!
I'm 38 still single. It is a hookup world and difficult to find the right person.
Better for you, now I try to be single again because it's really hard to find the rigth person most of my relationships is suck, I give all my best to the point I forget my own life in the end they just cheat and not contented
Man this is my third video I've watched. You're becoming one of favorite UA-camr. Your
realness and openness; Is a amazing I wish more guys had your prospective in our community.
Hey thanks so much man, that really means a lot to me - both you tuning in and the kind words ❤️🥰
Dating is so hard in the gay community & I feel for you. DONT GIVE UP! As someone who isn’t interested in open relationships or any of the typical standards in gay dating now it was so hard to find a partner. I love LOVE! I love the thought of it, the feeling of being in love with someone…. I’ve always been so jealous watching people love each other. My partner & I have been together for almost a year and I’ve never been happier in my life. I’m 26 and I never thought this would be possible for me… I have a normal healthy relationship and it was something I almost gave up on. I promise your person is out there for you!!
Wow, I completely agree. Monogamy, trust, fidelity, and communication are so important in a committed relationships, well at least for me it is.
It so refreshing that another man feel the way I do about today's gay dating scene. I believe I am going to meet a wondeful when it is time because there are great ones out there, but for now focusing on myself and making friends seems like the best option.
Very refreshing to hear someone younger like you out there. I'm in my 30's and never been in a relationship. Nothing works and it is discouraging. I'm old school too - one man kinda guy.
Keep ya head up!!
Any updates? Did you get in one at all in last 2 years
So trueee I was saying the same stuff to myself before I found my partner. It’s been one of the best relationships I’ve found a lot of perspective in so far.
i agree. i know that i’m only 20 so i’m barely in my twenties lol. i love being single, independent and able to do whatever i want whenever. i like being alone, everything runs smoother. i feel i start knowing myself better whenever i’m out doin solo trips. having a bf to do that relationship stuff sounds nice on paper but i definitely know i don’t need it, nor the added stress to my life. like you said it’s a lot of compromising.
This is such a succinct and on point summary 👌🏽👌🏽
Thanks!!
This is my second time watching this video in the last two weeks. I’ve been going through something recently and in my head about some stuff and he just preaches and says what I need to hear.
I wrote about this on my Facebook that I revise a bit sometimes after I earn another “learning experience” badge. Its a bit of a relief to see others do share that mindset in our community, but I think it also puts many of us off to the idea of dating. I’m 35 now and I’ve been single for the last three years because I KNOW what I want and how I want to be treated as well as I know how I should work hard to treat another and maintain that effort.. and honestly it sucks thinking that maybe it’s asking too much, but the reality is that seeking a matching effort shouldn’t make anyone feel selfish. Thank you for posting this video. I’ll share what I wrote… sorry for the long ass post, but I hope even the smallest ripple effect can help someone feel like we’re in this together. Thanks again!
“I usually post this with revisions each year... This year has not been an exception.
With all the insecurities we all have I assure you that someone out there feels butterflies when you're around. If you're pouring your emotions into a person that doesn't meet you halfway then they aren't deserving of your time.
One should never settle for anything less than amazing when it comes to feeling any sort of emotion towards the person you are sharing any sort relationship with. The feeling of "I think about this person when I wake up consistently and cannot wait until I start my day with their hello." Should be mutual between each other. If you're in the grey unsure area when just starting a new relationship then it's already faltering. Both parties should be "Hell yes!" at the beginning with each other, regardless the situation...
Fight hard, love harder, listen to one another, try to view the other persons point of view and most importantly never be selfish when it comes understanding and sharing how you or your partner/friend feels.
TRUST, it's necessary ... If you feel you must hide something from your partner/friend/lover then you have already failed them tremendously. One should make their partner/friend feel secure, safe with their words and actions. When their world feels like it's falling apart from under their feet you are supposed to be their comfort and foundation to keep them strong through hard times and emotional distress. It's impossible to receive 100% of someone's love/affection/energy if you cannot be the one person they can rely on.
Stop giving up on relationships so easily, just because there are so many ways to meet new people doesn't mean you should give up one someone who is genuinely cares for you. We're all expendable in this new age with dating apps and one left swipe away from something new and exciting - Dont forget the way you felt at the beginning - It fades only if you let yourself forget. Relationships take effort and time. Fighting and arguments happen - that is no reason to leave someone behind. Those moments should be used to grow and understand each other. If you are willing to open yourself to what someone else feels and says while actually caring then that absolutely builds the foundation of what a real relationship should be.
Remember, you're not alone. We all feel like we're alone at times, but it really is worth waiting for someone that feels the same way as you do in an equal sense.
Everyone deserves equal or more of what they put into something.
Do not settle for less.
We're all worth more than we give ourselves credit for.
If you're giving your all, then there is no reason to feel like you aren't good enough for someone... That is not your fault. Why would you ever be excited to be with someone who is not excited to be with you? If they’re not happy with you now, what makes you think they’ll be happy to be with you later? Why do you make an effort to convince someone to date you when they make no effort to convince you?
What does that say about you? That you believe you need to convince people to be with you?
No.
I've been far from perfect, and I'll continue to learn from my mistakes to proceed forward as a better friend, lover and most importantly -person-
We all have value, and it's not up to someone else to determine yours.
We all deserve to be happy.”
Well spoken ! yes commitment is something that seems to deteriorate with time. Best way to roll with new age waves is just don't get attached emotionally until you know its safe. Sometimes that means letting go for your own well being.
1000%. Hollerin' over from straight land but having graduated to my 30s: absolutely focus on you! Both of my fantastic relationships came about when I least expected them / was at my happiest and not looking for them whatsoever. Focus on you and having a good time and making friends and just let nature take its course. It;s waaaaay healthier even if only for being less stressfull!
Love this comment! Thanks for the good advice and vibes haha 🙌🏽🙌🏽
Great topic. Totally understand your view. At 42, a lot has changed in my perspective of a relationship
You've got good qualities and have a good head on your shoulders, and hitting on important facts in the dating or relationship world. Since I'm older, just to let you know, the shit hasn't changed much out there lol. History repeats itself, decade after decade. But there good people out there, like yourself, and when it's meant to be, it will be. You're being smart about it. And smart is being safe as well. I could write a book here and literally, but it would only be a frustrating experience for me and the rest of you, so I'll leave it at that. Too bad there's such a gap between the younger and older among us because there's a lot that we could learn from each other. Keep up the good work making your videos. I'm truly enjoying them.
There was a ling from Glee I've never forgotten. The two gay characters are together and one says, in the gay world, the eyes are always on the door waiting to see who the next hottest guy is about to walk in. It is better to be single. There have been too many let downs and hurt. You are so right in what you said, Quincy.
Love all of your videos - I look forward to your next one! Very smart and and well done
You are very wise for your age. I am so grateful that you have put this video out here for people to understand. I pray happiness is always yours love. Be happy, that's your priority.
🙏🏽❤️
ahhh you are precious, keep going bro, perspective and focus 100%
I just found you on UA-cam at 5:00 in the morning NY TIME. And I’m so glad that I did.
Aw haha thanks!
You seem very grounded, open minded and wise for your age. Keep swimming! 🙌🏽
Just finding your video now. I totally agree with you on all of your thoughts. Lots of guys just keep it shallow and don’t know how to commit and you’re right that it takes both people being willing to make it work. Also down in FL and I hope it’s gotten better for you 🤗 thanks for sharing
I definitely agree with everything you’re saying. Like the lying and cheating is not necessary in a relationship, just break up if you’re not interested or not ready for something serious. But if you’re a feelings centered/heavy person like you are, don’t you feel better when you’re in a happy and successful relationship like you might have felt in past relationships before they went south? Or don’t you desire to experience that enough to continue searching for that person? I mean I’m all for working on yourself and being single for a while, but do you still feel like you want a partner regardless of how the current dating scene is with gay guys? I kind of feel that way but I’m more of a thinker than a feeler, so I want to know your perspective
Glad there is another 26yr old out there that has the same thoughts. Thank you so much for clarifying my sanity ❤
💯🙌🏽
Hey! Thank you for sharing your thoughts & time.
Thankful for this discourse.
You make some valid points. The closest thing I had to a relationship ended before you were born. The reason for that is I set the bar very high on commitment. The last thing I would want in a relationship is an open one. I would just as soon stay single. Be clear in what you're looking for and what you will and will not tolerate. Communication is everything in a relationship. Work on you for as long as you feel like you need to. Before long you'll find your prince and have a happy, committed relationship.
Thanks for the advice and kind words.
@@quincyjay You're welcome.
Love your insights. Honest and open. I am in a relationship going on 25 years now with the love of my life. We met when we were in our early 30s. We generally worked toward monogamy... But acknowledged that we would both stray from time to time... But always maintain our commitment to each other. We have both had outside sex but no outside relationships. Works for us... and we always stay open to talking about it as we both love each other deeply.
Wow! Loved your story and I must say that I could not agree more. :)
I agree with you I am 25 years old and single keep up the awesome work you are doing a really awesome job just keep doing what you want and just focus on your self do things you want ❤️
You are me back in my 20’s! I’m independent and worked on myself and also enjoyed my journey of self exploration. But be prepared for this to continue past your 20’s. Many men gay or straight are not mature emotionally. In the gay community there’s a lot of deception, substance abuse, mental health problems which guys bring with them. The hyper sexual behavior and objectification of each other doesn’t help either. I feel that as gay men we are not shown healthy socializing and or how to date each other. To some hooking up and having a high body count for some is their version of dating.
social media ruined relationships
I agree 💯
By design
It is really good to hear your point of vew!
I was in a relationship for some months now, my bf wanted to open it. I told him, I dont have time to be open, because I put a lot of time on you. And we have friends lol, so the balance career, social and bf was reached. I dont have apps. I even told him check my phone whenever you want. But seeing him texting and sexting over guys was killing me. I explained that it was too hard on me. I do my best to try it, but the pain... I could not anymore, we broke up.
I am not against being open, but I feel like we should know each other, discover each other and love each other first.
Everything you've said is right on point. You have a good head on your shoulders. We're on the same page. Totally agree. The happiest I am is when I'm on my own. The right guy will feel right and it'll be easy. We need to have a sense of ourselves before making any commitment. Time alone is precious. But alas, we all need or want or desire that someone, but we don't need that someone to complete us. And each person has to put in the effort. If I don't see effort, I move on. If that person isn't into you, and it feels wrong, it's not worth it. Better to be on your own. You seem like a really nice, guy. If only I were 30 years younger. Here I am, still waiting, but I'm okay on my own. But I am a caring and loving person, who needs to love someone, so the door is always open. Cheers, mate. Here's to you. All the best.
You seem like a really nice sweet and transparent guy. Try your best to keep these qualities, they are endearing young sir 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Wow I couldn’t agree more with your prospective. I’m 32 years old living in Los Angeles and dating is just hard. I’m more of a one man show when it comes to dating and it’s hard to find guys that want the same. Living in Los Angeles you’re constantly surrounded by pretty people, people moving into the city and that leads to guys on the apps swiping for the next best thing. So watching this was really refreshing! Hugs! ~ J
At timestamp 10:30 u literally said it best! So relatable unfortunately!! My head has been so clouded lately so this video has helped me tremendously. Thank u SO MUCH for creating & sharing this content!
#NewSubscriber 🤙
Hi Quincy, thank you for sharing your perspective on gay relationships and the messiness of the gay community , I’m in the same boat brother try to find my way through the fog of BS I really enjoyed your video and your thoughts you got my subscription you are awesome 😎
Thanks for watching and got the kind words 🙏🏽
Thanks for this video. It just reminded me of how I was at peace being alone/single compared to now that I am in a toxic relationship. I am currently in a long distance relationship (open). I can't fully trusted him based on my instinct. He doesn't say anything about himself for the past five years that we are together. We rarely talks about each other's life but more on sex talks and fantasies. Now it came to the point that he is exploring back on Grindr using my profile pic chasing younger guys. I have to quit I know I have to because this is affecting my mental health now so bad. :( - Keep it up! Thank you
I wonder if it's common to have never been in a relationship.
I spent my early 20s desperately trying to date and find a bf. Could be my own personal issues about it but like you said it's hard to find someone who get's you and its got to a certain point now - I'm 27- and I'm kind of cbf with the whole dating thing and just doing me.
you're not alone at all. I never had a boyfriend either. for one, I hate hooking up, I don't like telling guys where I live, etc. then when guys meet me they see I'm feminine, or not their type, so it's just alot of reasons. I say the guy who gets the most dates is a guy that looks like Channing Tatum, has a nice bachelor pad, a car, and a good high-earning job. If not, it's just harder to get a relationship
What you said rings so true on so many levels. The saddest thing is when your partner make you believe they are committed and they are against cheating and all … and then start sneaking around, lying and cheating, but still gaslighted you, making you think you’re crazy for being jealous etc. I have never done that nor will I ever do that to anyone. It’s just basic human decency.
And I honestly like when I'm single too. I don't think people understand when I tell them I'm happy being single. I don't have to worry if the next guy will break my heart.
You have a good spirit and are very astute in your thinking. There are some good guys out there though.....ones who will love your jealous streak (because your heart is in the right place) and see not just your outer beauty but your inner presence as well. The apps can be a place to meet guys but sadly, in most cases (like 98%) not the guys that one would end up in a relationship with or want to be in a relationship with for plenty of reasons, some of which you mentioned. I could talk on this for hours lol.
Stay open to the universe, keep being you and the right man will show up when you least expect it. Much love to you.....
❤❤❤
You’re right on the ball!! It’s not only difficult to find a committed relationship in your 20’s. It equally the same in your 40’s & 50’s plus. Since the total access of the cell phone(through all platforms of the different types of apps)it has given us the freedom of choice! This is fine, if you’re not looking for a committed relationship. But it also very disappointing for those of us who are!! As I am a person who needs an emotional connection and is looking for a LTR/marriage. My journey continues, as a hopeless romantic….😎🤞🏾💞🙏🏾
I respect your views....i lived through all that. Im 52 now, single.....cant say i ever really had a real relationship. I remember wanting one soo bad when i was younger..and i met sooo many guys only to be disillusioned each and everytime...the gay world is such a cold place where youre a sucker if your heart gets in it and boy did my heart get destroyed...Im in a place in my life now where i dont need a partner. Ive been peaceful these last few years. Ive always been independent and am not afraid to be alone. But its a shame to have to go thru all that bs....
Independence is something not appreciated enough! Thanks for sharing
Independent and lonely! It's suck to be lonely sometime.
Let’s skip this dating part and get married straight away💍😉
Totally can relate to your thoughts. I’m 34 single and happy with myself. Peace of mind is very important to me and I will never compromise that for anyone.
Amen 🙌🏽 to the peace of mind part 😂
One of my good friends use to say the same thing about "Guys always looking for the next best guy." Being in a relationship you have to be equally selfish as you are giving. By selfish I mean knowing yourself. You can't be the best in a relationship if you don't know yourself. It cuts down on the jealously, and helps with communication. when people don't feel like they can 100 %be themselves shit goes should cause things don't get communicated out of fear.
I'm 31 I've been single for almost 10 years haven't had s** since 2018 I'm at such peace with myself its amazing I have (toys) if I get h**** which is fine and with the apps they're a complete mess and so glad I'm not on any of them
Thank you for sharing your story
You're spitting straight facts beginning to end ✔💯
Im a new subscriber and I'm gonna be honest you're really handsome and you resemble much of the pacific people really and I'm in awe with that. Not to mention I really love how you entail so much real life information based on relationship and its really helpful, it revives our inner purpose, to finding truth and prosperity.
You are absolutely correct in everything you say for all the right reasons. So many are really disturbed individuals but I know someone who was a boy down the street 30 plus years ago. He'd established a number of solid relationships but he finally started living in a committed relationship the two complementing each other. After many years together from place to place I urged him to get married. He never actually confirmed it but from his indications it was certain. I am happy for them both but know that others in the family may not be accepting. He has obviously felt a certain amount of reluctance from disclosing to those who knew him as a boy so at the very least I give them a bit of support.
Thanks ! Ur video helps me a lot! Really confused with this new trending about ghosting and keep Mind and emotions in balance … why everything is… with such a lack of humanity
I think you have to stay the course and remain positive. I met my husband at 30, and we’ve been married for 8 years going on 9. It’s possible. There is hope. There is a huge cohort of men that do want to seriously date. Obviously you are there are others! And I LIVE for all of that Mariah references and throwbacks!
I tried the dating thing after being single which is a greater median than hookups or many short term relationships-they tend to hurt and affect us more than we know. Living alone feels great though and so does being with someone that totally gets you. All depends on lifestyle and love language.
Omg, you’ve hit on everything I’ve been dealing with concerning relationships. It’s very tiring and upsetting when you giving your all and they don’t have the best intentions. Just sex and clubbing. We’re getting too old for foolishness. It’s just getting too complicated for me. I want true love and I’m not willing to share. I caught my ex cheating on me after 5 years in what I thought was a committed relationship. So within the last year I’ve just been focusing on myself and loving me.
Great video, I’m currently in a long term relationship. I honestly related to you when you said that it’s hard to work on your on self in a relationship because you have to compromise. It’s a lot of give and take and we are currently not even having enough romance. Not sure should I stay or go but it’s seems being single is not where it’s either.
Loved this, same bro - though meeting someone would be amazing
Thats so true.. its been so hard to find a true relationship in this gay community,,, being single makes u more happier and more focusing on ur self… :)
It’s sad to hear but i often say to all my single friends, that if this relationship I’m in does not work, I am moving out of the country with my two fur babies. I couldn’t fathom the idea of dating in this era at 36. I wills say, that are still some hopeless romantics out there, who will treat with the love and respect that you deserve. After my last awful, exhausting relationship, I affirmed and wrote down what i wanted out of partner. This has been on the healthiest relationships, I’ve been in. We check-in, we communicate and we respect each other. Its go great to see another side of you and every time I watch, I enjoy you more.
That’s a great idea! I should try that, if only to have something concrete to come back to (but hopefully won’t need reminding in the future 😅).Thanks for the nice comment 🙏🏽
Love the Mariah inserts! Omg lol
Omgggg preach! You are literally saying what i was thinking
Ahaha I was in a mood 😬
At this point in my life, I’m the same way, focusing on myself, the difference is Im slowly not believing in Love anymore, I’m ok with being celibate, having kids on my own, and chasing success.
Be the boyfriend that you would want to meet. Love will come.
I’m so glad that you are talking candidly about this. It’s so true! It’s very difficult to find a committed person these days, especially in the gay community. I feel heard. Haha!
Glad I’m not the only one! 🙌🏽
Yeah you rigth Kyle meinke but me still not losing hope...
Thank You for this vlog. It helps a lot to me. I do agree with you. ❤️❤️❤️👍🏼
Thanks for the nice comment! I’m in good company 👍🏽
Youre not alone, when youre facing someone you loved, this is normal reaction. Hope everyone here can find someone you love forever, including myself.
You remind me of me and my friends 😊
Very good points and good video
Dating in this generation is definitely a huge let down and honestly it has to do with the rise of social media. It has become very accessible to send/recieve nudes, watch porn anywhere/ anytime, secretly message someone nearby, and keep tabs on someone you’re interested in online.
I’m emotionally exhausted when it comes to dating because everytime I try to pursue someone 100% they look at me like I’m crazy.. like building a relationship is not considered the norm anymore lol. I’m someone who loves with their heart and not their private parts and it’s obvious that there’s an imbalance regarding this.
It’s sad that the gay community has to pull teeth to recieve an authentic love and that the hopeless romantics are settling in the hookup culture just to recieve a small source of Intamacy. I enjoy sex but I would like to experience it with a partner who I’m able to trust with my heart. A part of me blames the glorification of sex in the media because we can never have the happy ending that some of us dream of. I hope things get better in the community but it’s clear that these days it’s best to just build friendships and maybe something might grow into something more in the future.
This is mostly because the younger generation does dating at high school level, being mostly transactional, instead of talking about common future plans, building memories, trust and respect. These things are alien to a lot of people. Eventually, they will mature enough to see that you cannot run away from your own shadow, but it might be too late.
I'm sorry and I have to say I agree. After being single for 7 years I had my share of dates but none amounted to anything unfortunately. No one wants to give anyone a chance. Or u have too look like a hallmark actor. Its too exhausting and I threw in the towel. My tv 📺 will keep me company.
This whole thing you said is true as hell even in college in my early 20s I'm finding it hard. I'm a bit of a late bloomer and alot of my looks came in college I thought it would change things but it just gave me more sex options. Then ppl lie to themselves and say they want you but they really just want to have sex with you. It's so lame on this planet.
@@uglyken0 Hang in there ... yes it sucks but its the world we live in today unfortunately. I know very few partnered people. All of my friends are single. Very frustrating for those of us who want more..
@@marcathens2951 yeah there's alot open relationships too guys wanting your cake and to wat others too it's so disappointing. The lack of discipline.
Please do a part 2 and go more in depth!
i’m 19 and have never dated. i’ve seen so many of my friends get hurt by putting themselves out there and one decided that i probably won’t ever date in my lifetime lol. loved the video :)
My advice is to focus on and love yourself! The rest will follow. Don’t close yourself off out of fear! Thanks for watching 🙏🏽
Please you 19 lmaooo.
I love this man ❤️❤️
❤️❤️
And this video is what pushed me over the edge on deleting the apps
Glad to hear Quincy being a young gay person that you love with all your heart. I’m older and sorta gave up on trying to find a guy bc most were too shallow for me and I felt I was old fashion. I’m not into open relationships and it seems every gay person is into open relationships. When ppl. in the past wanted to spend time with me and later find out they are in a relationship, I’m like why are u talking or pursuing me?! I also felt if you’re single, that’s when you can date around, but it seems like the norm to have a partner and sleep around in the gay world.
Anyway, glad you being young, but have morals and want to love one person and not want to date everyone. Makes me feel I’m not the only gay person that way. Yeah, I can go along and just seriel date, but it’s fun for a minute, but get old real fast. Actually make me feel more lonely having quickies.
Oh and I just heard you say be upfront if you don’t want a serious relationship and still want to be with others. Well, I used to tell ppl. that were interested in me for a relationship and told them I don’t want more with them. So what I’m trying to say is being up front in the gay world can be dangerous bc after hearing that, they loose interest real quick and don’t even want to be friends with you.
I also learn that when ppl. like you a lot to the point they want to be in a relationship, knowing you don’t want them like that can be painful. So the friend idea won’t work bc each time they are with you, they think this tome I’m going to have a change of heart about them and want a relationship. But usually not and this happens a lot with my friends with benefits and they usually want more.
You won me over putting Mariah’s voice in your video. It was that easy hahahaha
Lambily for life
It's just all about trust, respect and how serious is your commitment. What make it any different with any other type of relationship. We are all still human aren't we? With feelings? We all have our own choices to make. If you are happy with it, then go for it. Being single does not always mean that you are being alone. It's a phase. Take this phase to look deeper within yourselves. Observe other people sometimes.
I 100% agree with what you are saying. I'm also in my mid 20's, originally from South Africa, but have been living in New Zealand for the most of my life.. I find that the gay dating scene in the town I was living in before (Hamilton) , alot of the gay community was set on more monogamous old school beliefs (in a good way), where as where I'm living now in a big city, the dating scene is basically messy, almost non existent.. It's all about the next best thing, and people are never happy with what they have, which makes it impossible to love someone without getting so heart broken, it's almost inevitable that things will turn to crap eventually. That's why I don't bother wasting my time anymore, but I'm always a sucker for the false hope at times, coz it can be really trying depending on who it is and the situation. I agree with you, I'm happily single, a working professional and part time student and find happiness in everything that I do, work or leisure. I just hope things will change and more of a positive dating scene will come about. I miss the times when the whole "try before you buy" culture didn't exist .. hookup culture is convenient for it's purpose, but it's also a major set back when u try and date again. Especially in NZ u have to be so careful who u sleep with coz everyone knows everyone some how. Il wait until I'm 30, by that time il have more to offer as a person too for whatever's waiting for me :). But thanx for this video, it's the affirmation i needed :).
I love that shirt, it fits you well.
This video is the truth!💯
Totally relate, I kind of feel like with gay dating it ends up being too mixed into hook up culture (which I'm not dragging, do you), but I feel like even getting just a simple date is hard. I'm in the same boat personally am saving myself all that stress and just focusing on living my life and not pressuring myself to be in a relationship.
I resonate with this video A LOT. I’ve wasted so much time looking for love, dates, a relationship or a boyfriend and the dudes only care about looks and physical appearances which is absolute bullshit. It’s not what I want, not what I need and I’m never going to settle for less, compromise or jeopardize my life, health or safety for the next best thing. It’s so uncomfortable and unhealthy for me to be on Grindr, Tinder, Jack’d, Taimi, Surge etc. because the guys are shallow, petty, superficial and love to engage with drama. I’m so fed up and I need to be alone for a while. I’m never going to date, never going to fall in love, and with how bad Covid-19 has been and become I’m not taking any chances on getting hurt, being catfished, lied to, bullied, judged, harassed or made fun of. I need to be comfortable in my own skin and I’m never going to be happy if I can’t learn to love myself. And it’s been five and a half years and I’ve wasted mg whole life thinking about how happy I would be in a relationship or successful but young people nowadays in the gay community are so fake, judgmental, mean and harsh. This is why I don’t go to gay bars, gay clubs and never meet anyone. It’s pointless, useless and a waste of time. They always argue with me, ask for sex, drugs, money or alcohol and are super sketchy, weird and dangerous
I completely agree with all your statements.
Dating should ADD to your life, two are stronger than one, its not 'messy'. There are good guys out there. You are exceptionally good-looking; your 'sorting' skills of potential partners might need to be well thought out. Attention to your partner is diminished if you are not focused on him, just looking around, messaging others..is not being focused.
Quincy... you are an "old soul" & might consider guys a little older than yourself! You value stability, security, trust, integrity, honesty, family, monogamy, relationship... all the big ones! Just remain open to the possibilities... there is a decent guy out there for you! Beautiful eyes!!!
How in the world are you not paired off? You’re gorgeous!