What’s the most surprising piece of advice you’ve ever ignored, and do you wish you had taken it? Why do you think people often dismiss valuable advice? Is it the source, the delivery, or something else? Have you had this issue with anyone YOU know? Also, what percentage is your phone 🔋 on? I am on 41% and it's 4:35 PM. 😂
@@SocialSymone I’m on 33% at 7:02pm. I’m too lazy to get my charger 🔌 😂. The best advice I’ve listened to (I will paraphrase) go where you are celebrated and not tolerated. ***Why do you think people often dismiss valuable advice? Is it the source, the delivery, or something else?*** I think it’s something else people dismissed valuable advice because often times they aren’t being completely truthful or their feelings are way more invested than what they led (listener/adviser) to believe. Then, you have to remember we aren’t in their shoes so our advice will always be favorable to the person we’re closest to (in some way). I’ve learned also, that most people just want someone that will listen. So I learn to listen rather than advise. Less energy and less stress.
@SocialSymone I wish I had taken my uncle's advice to pursue a career in medicine. Now that I am older and a little wiser,I feel I could make a huge impact in people's lives. I didn't trust his advice then because my family always viewed him as that "drunkard" uncle.
Even then, they don't want the honest truth. They want something that just sounds good and motivated them, but doesn't steer them in the right direction. Just fluffy happy motivational speeches. The moment u tell them the truth and they don't like it, you're once again "everything but a child of God".
My entire family is like this. They have a mentality where they refuse to grow. They are all poor and I’m the only one that’s financially okay. They’ll never listen to anything I have to say cause I’m the youngest, and they say everything I worked for is due to luck. No I just like to learn from people better than me at topics I’m lacking. They can’t do it to save their lives.
I lead with "You don't wanna hear what i got to say" 😂 and my favorite go to on repeat is when I tell em "When you're ready for a change you'll do something different. If not then keep doing what works for you" 🤷🏾♀️ That usually gets them thinking about a real change
I'm glad that that works for you! Do they actually then start making the changes in real life? I tried to help somebody close to me after constantly being told words like I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that and they never actually did any of the things.... 😔
@@SocialSymone I know the feeling. Unfortunately it doesn't always work. I've given advice to two family members for years and hear the same ol "we're working on it" 😡 That phrase makes me want to scream lol. Psychology is a huge part of it. If they keep putting my direct advice in the trash can then I flip it back on them and ask "If what you're doing now is working then why are you complaining?"... helping can be exhausting sometimes 😭 so take breaks lol
Wow. This video came on time because I literally just went through this with a family member about 30 mins ago. I've been giving advice to about the same thing mainly financial issues and budgeting to stay out of debt and it falls on deaf ears. Now he's huffing and puffing about the money he owes on something he never needed to begin with but can't get a refund for it. I think I'm going to try your quotes as I never thought of wording it that way.
This is why I started dodging one of my close friends when I knew she was having issues with something and seeking advice. After years of her not taking any of my advice, I still had the conversations with her because I figured it was more about her needing to vent and have someone listen to her. Years later, we are well into our 30s and she no longer has being young and inexperienced as an excuse for her ridiculous mistakes and she is ready for a change. I spend days helping her map out a plan to make those changes happen. She did nothing to help herself and then a few months later she started going on about her life being crap and having, the worst luck. I found a reason to excuse myself. I just can't do it no mo! She is going need to seek professional help at this point.
This is spot on. I've mentioned this to my wife. We have two daughters. Two grandmothers between the two. Uncles and aunts. With over two hundred years of collective life experiences between all of us, they could care less about listening to the life lessons that we have to offer. So sad!
Sadly, as a pastor, I encounter this. From willfully misunderstanding me to just doing what they want to do, and it is so true, they don’t want it coming from me.! I told the Lord a while back, I’m straight up following His scripture and saving myself!!!! 💯🎯‼️
As the youngest sister I can’t offer any advice without being blasted at “well you’re not a mom so you wouldn’t know” “you don’t have that much work experience so you wouldn’t know” “you were never as big as me so you wouldn’t understand” My family doesn’t see that where I’m at in life is in large part due to my own life choices, I might not have the most life experiences, sure I haven’t experienced the party life, but I observe and learn from others mistakes. You mentioned people not wanting to listen to people who don’t fit a certain look of being rich. In my experience some people won’t listen to others they think have a better lot in life (for example financially, aesthetically and all things superficial)
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Some people cannot debate a topic without their rebuttal becoming a personal attack on you. They don't know how to debate a topic without it becoming an argument. When your message is threatening to another person, especially if you hit a nerve, the rebuttal can become a personal attack. Your message may miss many people, but as you say, if it's meant for me - it will hit - and stick. For some people, they need to sit on your message a while for it to resonate with them. Thanks for sharing as always!
Giirl omg yes. I have lost whole friendships because I didn't just co sign something that was said. Let's think about it this that and the third way, but now I'm a hater I never agree with them 😒 exhausting!
Regarding "right message, wrong messanger" idea, when it comes to giving advice, there are people with insufferable attitude around it. They may often give good advice being mean in the process, literally bullying the person they're giving it.
I don't condone bullying of any sort. People have the free wheel to do what they want. You can give people a loving and understanding approach and still it will fall on deaf ears many times... That's more so what I'm describing..
Unfortunately I hear this alot. Ppl think I'm being a bully when they ask for my advice. When in reality I just care, afraid for them, and am very passionate about what I'm talking about. Funny enough when I try to speak softly, ppl say I'm mocking them. Just can't win. I think ppl will make enemies of the messenger if they don't like the message period. I've had ppl say I "Insinuated" something and I did not. I say exactly what is on my mind. Unless the messenger is flat out calling someone names, there's no reason to think they're "bullying" or they "actually mean to do me harm". And yea I stopped helping ppl for reasons like this.
Wouldnt that be more of “right message, wrong delivery” cause its not who they are or what theyre saying but how theyre saying it that makes the message not stick.
The problem is that we've lowered the bar for hate, and have indulged in this endless quest for "happiness" and "good vibes" instead of the truth that may hurt but makes you better...
That’s why I don’t bother with free advice. Most people don’t want to be helped They just wanna be enabled and I’m not gonna do that. If they truly want my input, they can pay for my mentoring.
My answer when ever I’m asked anything.. “ Im not qualified to answer nor give advice of the subject on the matter” Never been asked for advice or a question since 🤣🤣🤣
The thing I can't stand is when people need advice they care more about how it makes them feel then the overall message. I tell people all the time, the federal reserve dropping interest rates will lead to inflation spiking worse than ever coupled with government spending we could see hyperinflation within 5-7 years. Dropping if interest rates has always led to increase in inflation this fact. This historically evidence and has been recorded everytime 100% occurrence. It's usually takes 18 months to see it though
Whew this is a word lol! I don't know what happened but ppl don't wanna take advice from someone they don't respect. Also it's not like they respect credentials, experience, rationality. No they respect dumb stuff. Some men don't wanna hear anything from a woman, but will take the SAME advice from a man 😭. If you lay down in crap too long it stops smelling and a lot of ppl wanna lay in their crap lol. They don't wanna get up. When i was a kid adults would constantly talk us about getting it off the comfort zone. I wonder is that what it is. I can remember times as a young adult when i would consciously think." I'm creating a problem because i wanna stay in my comfort zone. So i need push through this discomfort rn. " That's like a muscle that you have to train. It's hard, and after certain age it's a wrap. Ppl don't wanna charge.
1. Ego and Pride: Accepting advice can feel like admitting a lack of knowledge or weakness, which may challenge one's ego or sense of competence. 2. Desire for Independence: Some individuals value autonomy and prefer figuring things out on their own rather than relying on others. 3. Past Experiences: Negative experiences with bad advice in the past can make people skeptical or dismissive of any future guidance. 4. Cognitive Biases: Confirmation bias can make people selectively accept only what aligns with their pre-existing beliefs, leading them to reject advice that contradicts their views. 5. Fear of Change: Change can be uncomfortable or intimidating, so advice that requires significant behavioral changes may be resisted. 6. Perception of the Source: If someone doesn't trust or respect the person giving the advice, they may be less inclined to follow it, regardless of the advice's validity. 7. Stubbornness or Defensiveness: Some individuals are simply resistant to being told what to do and may become defensive when advice is offered, even if it's well-intentioned. 8. Overconfidence: People who are overly confident in their own judgment might dismiss advice because they feel they already know what’s best. Which one have you seen the most?
Yep, I know someone like this. She complains about everything, has victim mentality about pretty much everything, and if you dare suggest ways to help when she complains she attacks and has every excuse under the sun why she can’t do that thing. These people are comfortable in their discomfort, they may not be happy but they are happy complaining because it gives them a purpose!
Yep, once I realize this I stopped giving my opinions and advice to people. most folks out there are aware of the changes that they need to do, but simply don't want to for many reasons. Plus misery loves company and to an extent some people literally get addicted to the adversary that they live in. That's why I simply focus on myself and let everyone else do whatever they want.
I had a person whom I love tell me that I am not qualified to give him advice because I grew up with 2 parents and didn't struggle so we come from 2 different places. 🤦🏽♀️ Okay then bye I can’t lend money because I had 2 parents either.
Lately, I have learned to shut up and watch from afar. I have tried to educate my family, save and invest for their future, and get rid of debt but no one seems to be listening so I just keep my head down and do my thing. I'm just afraid that in the future I will be the one needing to help them all.
I love your content, im re- learning my relationship with money because of your information and im 45, im open to good advice it doesn't matter who it comes from as long is helpful.
I think one of the reasons why some people don't wanna listen to advice is because they only want to listen to what they want to hear,its why I stopped giving advice to my family
Most people will reject advice they don’t want to hear, I find. ‘Yeah, but’ and excuses for why x or y wouldn’t work is a fundamental reflex for people who aren’t actually wanting to change, or for whom change would be uncomfortable. Kind of a ‘you can lead a horse to drink’ situation. But also yes, I have had people say straight up that they might take advice from an online article or a book by a ‘successful person’ but the exact same advice from friends or family will make them immediately reject it - even if they’d already been planning on doing it!! 😅 I’ve adapted somewhat by not offering advice but ‘asking if they’d heard about X’ and what they thought of it? If they hadn’t heard of it, I’ll claim I don’t remember enough to explain it well but I’d be interested in what they think about it if they ever come across it. Manipulative? Yes. But when all you’re trying to do is alert someone to information so they can make their own measured judgement call - I think this is good manipulation the way a doctor manipulating broken bone before applying a cast is good. Context matters.
This is one of the few ways to educate people. So many have a rebellious nature that you must use reverse psychology to get them to improve their lives. The depressing part is that they will view you as a fool who never wanted to help, but in reality, you were their greatest supporter.
One thing I would like to offer up in this conversation. For me, sometimes I don’t take certain people’s advice because I recognize that they don’t really stand on their own principles. If you can give the advice, you should live the advice and a lot of people don’t.
I was an engineer during Y2K, working on a database of products that would make the transition. Did my dad ask me if he should buy a backup generator? No. He didn't think I knew anything. I could have told him he didn't need one, but he blew out his back (and wasted a wad of money) buying one and unloading it himself. 🤦♀
I am all the way from South Africa 🇿🇦,we might never cross paths or meet in this lifetime, but I am listening to you. I always look forward to your videos. You are doing a phenomenal job. Learning and re-learning take place every single day. ❤
Thank you for this post. This is soooo my Parents and it’s so hard to watch them live their lives in such a hard way. They couldn’t possibly conceive of taking advice from me their youngest daughter on how to help them in their later years of life and it breaks my heart but.. I have to step back and let them live right where they are. Something catastrophic has to happen in order for them to shift gears and make changes. It’s exhausting. I feel so validated with this video! 🙌🏻🙏🏻🤗
I don't usually comment here but as someone who watches your content, I can say that you've truly inspire me to be better financially. It's a sad situation nowadays. Some people don't want to be helped or be offered ways to improve their situations nowadays. You are truly one of the many voices of reason that is desperately needed nowadays. I am grateful that I randomly stumbled upon your excellent channel. Keep up the honest and amazing work! 💀❤️💀
Change is hard. If someone is not in the mindset to grow, nothing can force them to. If you love them and have the feathers you can always just wait until the receiver is ready for the message.
It takes a certain level of intelligence to be open to Learn and honestly most people don’t have that. I want to have the best life I can so I’m always open to learning.and my life has been pretty good because of it. 🤷🏾♀️
This does sound why "influencers" like to give the image of success (renting expensive cars for a day, renting expensive houses, purchasing and then returning expensive clothes, etc.), to make the illusion that they are the correct messenger
I recently had a friendship come to an end because of this very thing. The situation she was in was batcrap crazy and I told her what I thought many times over. The last straw was when she threw someone else under the bus over it, I'd just had enough. Her loss on multiple levels.
Went through the same yesterday. He couldn't bear to hear the truth because he thinks he's above everyone else. But his slander and poor character became over the top. He couldn't handle the truth. So he cut me off. Oh well.
I agree with you to a certain extent however, I always say to myself to never take advice from people whom I don’t want to become later on in life. For example my half sister would tell me to not get pregnant and that being a single mother will ruin your life but she continues to have children from multiple baby daddies but blames the baby daddies for not wanting to help take care of the kids when they ask her to get an abortion. My half sister always told me to “do as I say, not as a I do.”
symone, you are so inspiring and always have beautiful ideas and messages to put out on this platform! im glad that i found your channel a couple of months ago! this world needs more people like you, but your gifts and intuition is what makes you special and stand out from the rest! much love from TX!!
My grandma (RIP❤️🩹) gave me the best advice that I still use to this day… Never give GOOD ADVICE twice. If you know what you’re saying is logical & helpful & they CHOOSE NOT to take it, move on with a smile 😊 Not my monkey 🐒 not my circus 🎪 😂😂😂 Love your video ❤❤❤
You spitting straight facts sis. I like your thinking. This reminds me of this one scripture from the Bible that comes from proverbs: “Whoever hates correction is stupid.”
Yes, I shared an office with an Indian woman, a black man, and a white presenting Egyptian woman (Nadia). Nadia would say or suggest things and everyone would go with it. When I suggested something or said anything, it would need to be fact checked or it was critiqued heavily. One time we talked about seasons and I told everyone how it's technically still summer until late September. Of course everyone was telling me how wrong I was until Nadia looked it up and I was correct, as I have been on a ton of things. White people are just perceived as being smarter. I addressed them cause we were a pretty close team and everyone apologized and acknowledged their biases but at the end of the day white people are just perceived as smarter. I don't even care anymore.
It has to be the right kind of white person. As a gay white person, I can tell you that everyone needs me to be wrong, for many reasons - be it religious, or not wanting to associate with a pariah. Even when I'm right, I'm wrong; when I'm proven right, it's not what I said, it's "how I said it". If all else fails, people overtly revert to blatant insults about why I wasn't credible ... "I'm crazy", "weird", "annoying", "arrogant", you name it. What they mean by "crazy" is that I based my message off of many lived experiences, and it was wisdom-but they won't say that because it doesn't excuse them; what they mean by "weird" is that I'm non-heteronormative, but they won't say that because it will indict them. When they say I'm "annoying" they mean I was deliberately helpful, but this won't justify their closed-heart so they reframe it. When they say "arrogant" what they mean is that I'm right, I'm smart, I'm competent, and I committed the crime of existing while gay. Their Bible tells them I'm a degenerate, and it is impossible to trust or respect me as a normal person without resisting everything I say, think, feel, or do unless I'm letting them take advantage of me.
I had this problem with family and friends forever. It would frustrate me to watch them fall and know that the advice I gave them would have helped avoid what happened. I got so burnt out on it that I distanced myself from all those people and cut them all out of my life. I felt like I was the crazy one. Now I know I’m not
I think one of the most useful things I’ve added to my relationships is to say “I just want to vent right now, I don’t want solutions”. But the flip side of that is accepting back something like “I can’t listen to venting right now, but if you want my advice I can give it”. This has really been eye opening for everyone involved.
I really struggled with this. I love getting advice, even though I may not be the best at it but people used to appreciate it but now people don’t wanna hear anything.
I like the fact that a message can come from anybody. But will they listen? Family, friends, etc. Some are too judge mental too even take the advice! Love the content. New subscriber! 😊
My whole family is like this. Not even just for things related to growth, but for just about anything. They’d also rather listen to some random person on UA-cam than an expert in anything. Then god forbid I try to tell them I’m a late diagnosed AuDHDer because “no, you’re not”. I’m just not to them. Meanwhile my cousin’s son just got diagnosed with autism and they accept that.
I’ve STOPPED … I just live by my own ADVICE…. & when they need help… I just can’t w/o explaining why I can’t …. You don’t want to hear what I have to say!!!! So you don’t need my $$$ or advise 🤓😱
Just reading the title, I stop giving advice. I see why older folks say “take it to Jesus” you can spend 3 hours on the phone talking to someone and giving advice about their problems, just for them not to listen. 😒😵💫 I tell them let’s go to the Word and wish them the very best on their journey until then, I do not and will not give advice. 🤷🏿♀️
The problem is that common sense doesn't grow in every ones garden. People don't want to listen and just want to play victim. It's so sad and people struggle so hard because of this mindset Ive been guilty of it too. This is why I'm on YT listening to common sense from you ❤
I dated a younger guy who was the definition of lazy. He complained about how broke he was, but shot down any workplace I suggested. When I met him, I had a good job, so I wasnt trying to be a gold digger or anything. I just didn't want to support his lazy ass. We dated for 6 months and he didn't even make a little effort. So glad that didn't work out.
My last girlfriend had no car, no license, didn’t have her own place, and no job. I know there were some areas of her making an effort on her own place but without really attempting the job first. The girl I dated before her had a job and shared an apartment with a roommate splitting rent, had her own car and license but never came to me when we saw each other and hung out because she couldn’t get over her fear of driving on the highway. Most relationships I’ve been in I’ve had to basically do nearly everything while the other does nothing or very little effort. For me I always like making sure to build up money and for the rare time I make a big purchase (especially something I need) I make sure I still leave myself a good cushion left over.
i had a friend who always had horrible relationships id warn her every time before she even got into them when they broke up EVERY TIME it was exactly what i said was happening i was always right like i could see the future she to this day refuses to listen to me and continues being unhappy and every time she says "i should have listened to you"🙄🙄🙄🙄
There’s a great song called “everybody’s free to wear sunscreen” and there’s a line that this video made me think of that goes: “my advice has no basis more reliable Than my own meandering experience”
I swear , I’m a personal trainer and have been giving tips to my mother for years . She went and got a trainer a few months back and she keeps coming to me, telling me the stuff I told her years ago😐. I just keep my knowledge to myself now
I’ve recently found your channel, and you speak truth/common sense, it’s reinspired me to try and begin saving again and getting that three month emergency fund started.
9:56 true but for me personally you can’t tell me how to raise child if you never raised one yourself. I rather take advice from people whom have raised children or are currently raising them in the moment because they would have more wisdom to offer than someone whom never birth or parent a child. Outside of that example I do agree with your point.
Wow shot a video recently which am yet to publish. Was talking about how some of the most useful and practical advice have come from people who were not experts or gurus . They were teachers, friends, some from just random people. My friend at 27yrs gave me financial advice that was so practical that has made a huge difference in my life. Am 39 rys now. Years later I heard the same advice from real financial experts. She was not even as learned as I was at the time. And she was my age. Bt when I was in college getting the degree she was out here doing life. Learning the hard way . I heard some real transformational wisdom from a school drop out. That made a huge difference in my life. He made me realize there is huge difference between wisdom and knowledge.
Parents don't like judgement from people without children. I used to give advice to, before I had them. Then I learned I didn't have a clue what I was talking about but judging like I knew something. If I came in humility, it might have been a different story.
Those sort of people will never listen to anyone they think are beneath them, unfortunately to them most people are beneath them. They will never learn that there are more important things in life than money.
I’ve been hearing woe is me lately this year, but the same people saying that and won’t change anything. It’s weird to me that people want to complain about their life and the situations that they are experiencing, but don’t do nothing to fix it or even listen to a message that could provide a solution to their situation.
Exactly. I deal with times where I know I’m doing the right things in my life and then others try to tell me to do things that would get me all strapped down if I followed my advice. My biggest example of this is my current situation where I haven’t owned a car in 2 years. I’ve dealt with many setbacks and there’s been times where I’ve been told to get something with making monthly payments on a car and being told “Newer cars won’t ever break down.” That’s not true and if you go to the wrong place and something breaks down then you could be getting screwed over by the place pulling BS of saying something “not in the warranty” whenever it is and now you have repairs to make out of pocket on top of monthly payments. Every single car I’ve owned has been purchased completely outright and I’ll keep doing things that way too even if it takes me longer to get there.
No no no nope...... my time and attention are too precious to just be listening to everyone. . You must find a way to discriminate between good and bad advice QUICKLY. My method is the person must be able to explain their thoughts on a 3rd grade level without jargon. If they must use jargon then they do not know the topic well enough and I'm moving on. Easiest way to pick out scams too
Im on internship as a student which is compulsory for this semester and my colleague attacks me and aggressively half-ass responds every time I ask for advice about something I havent come across over the course of this internship yet. like, how am I supposed to learn. Why is she so mad for no reason and acts as if I should know it all when Ive here here for nearly 3 months and she has an experience of over 5 years… started hating on me from day 1 smh.
Right message wrong messenger is sort of like Diddy giving advice on how to create a safe and loving relationship. Now if he has advice on how to spot a predator, I’ll listen.
I have given my mother countless opportunities to make her life more financially secure, now she is in retirement and freaking out that she doesn’t have enough money and looking for handouts. I constantly want to say you are such a bad investment why would I give you money. Will you spend it on something to make you better… no! Will you learn to invest it so this isn’t a constant problem…. No!
““Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.” Matthew 7:6 ESV Even Jesus Christ knew what was up 🤷🏾♀️
Imma finish the video but I think help in order to be helpful has to put the person first and if they don’t take your advice trust that they will find the solution on their own. That way you won’t leave feeling frustrated or unheard.
What’s the most surprising piece of advice you’ve ever ignored, and do you wish you had taken it? Why do you think people often dismiss valuable advice? Is it the source, the delivery, or something else? Have you had this issue with anyone YOU know? Also, what percentage is your phone 🔋 on? I am on 41% and it's 4:35 PM. 😂
@@SocialSymone I’m on 33% at 7:02pm. I’m too lazy to get my charger 🔌 😂. The best advice I’ve listened to (I will paraphrase) go where you are celebrated and not tolerated.
***Why do you think people often dismiss valuable advice? Is it the source, the delivery, or something else?***
I think it’s something else people dismissed valuable advice because often times they aren’t being completely truthful or their feelings are way more invested than what they led (listener/adviser) to believe. Then, you have to remember we aren’t in their shoes so our advice will always be favorable to the person we’re closest to (in some way).
I’ve learned also, that most people just want someone that will listen. So I learn to listen rather than advise. Less energy and less stress.
@@SocialSymone I don’t ignore advice unless i have evidence someone is actually an idiot
They dismiss valuable advice if the person giving the advice looks like them, and they hate themselves.
@SocialSymone I wish I had taken my uncle's advice to pursue a career in medicine. Now that I am older and a little wiser,I feel I could make a huge impact in people's lives. I didn't trust his advice then because my family always viewed him as that "drunkard" uncle.
@SocialSymone Battery at 92 %, and it's 20:24pm (weird huh?) in Cape Town,South Africa.
I don't give advice unless I'm directly asked for it. Saves me a lot of time and energy.
Even then, they don't want the honest truth. They want something that just sounds good and motivated them, but doesn't steer them in the right direction. Just fluffy happy motivational speeches. The moment u tell them the truth and they don't like it, you're once again "everything but a child of God".
Agree with both of you 💯
My entire family is like this. They have a mentality where they refuse to grow. They are all poor and I’m the only one that’s financially okay. They’ll never listen to anything I have to say cause I’m the youngest, and they say everything I worked for is due to luck. No I just like to learn from people better than me at topics I’m lacking. They can’t do it to save their lives.
Keep winning and let them lose out on life. The biggest haters are often the biggest losers too.
Well done for being an independent thinker
This is why I don't give out advice ever unless paid to do so
Same. I’m not wasting my time, energy, knowledge or breath.
This is me,all day,every day. I am tired of parenting people. 😢I don't even have kids.
I lead with "You don't wanna hear what i got to say" 😂 and my favorite go to on repeat is when I tell em "When you're ready for a change you'll do something different. If not then keep doing what works for you" 🤷🏾♀️ That usually gets them thinking about a real change
I'm glad that that works for you! Do they actually then start making the changes in real life? I tried to help somebody close to me after constantly being told words like I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that and they never actually did any of the things.... 😔
@@SocialSymone I know the feeling. Unfortunately it doesn't always work. I've given advice to two family members for years and hear the same ol "we're working on it" 😡 That phrase makes me want to scream lol. Psychology is a huge part of it. If they keep putting my direct advice in the trash can then I flip it back on them and ask "If what you're doing now is working then why are you complaining?"... helping can be exhausting sometimes 😭 so take breaks lol
Wow. This video came on time because I literally just went through this with a family member about 30 mins ago. I've been giving advice to about the same thing mainly financial issues and budgeting to stay out of debt and it falls on deaf ears. Now he's huffing and puffing about the money he owes on something he never needed to begin with but can't get a refund for it. I think I'm going to try your quotes as I never thought of wording it that way.
Thank you. I’m in sales. I’m going to implement this in my pitch. ❤🙏
Ooohhhhh, Imma use this!!!! Cause people ask me and they still do the same thing. "When you're ready for a change....."
This is why I started dodging one of my close friends when I knew she was having issues with something and seeking advice. After years of her not taking any of my advice, I still had the conversations with her because I figured it was more about her needing to vent and have someone listen to her. Years later, we are well into our 30s and she no longer has being young and inexperienced as an excuse for her ridiculous mistakes and she is ready for a change. I spend days helping her map out a plan to make those changes happen. She did nothing to help herself and then a few months later she started going on about her life being crap and having, the worst luck. I found a reason to excuse myself. I just can't do it no mo! She is going need to seek professional help at this point.
Same, I had to give up on so many people.
People have to think of the things for themself
I've learnt in life that the best way for some people to learn is by allowing them to SUFFER!
This is spot on. I've mentioned this to my wife. We have two daughters. Two grandmothers between the two. Uncles and aunts. With over two hundred years of collective life experiences between all of us, they could care less about listening to the life lessons that we have to offer. So sad!
Sadly, as a pastor, I encounter this. From willfully misunderstanding me to just doing what they want to do, and it is so true, they don’t want it coming from me.! I told the Lord a while back, I’m straight up following His scripture and saving myself!!!! 💯🎯‼️
As the youngest sister I can’t offer any advice without being blasted at “well you’re not a mom so you wouldn’t know” “you don’t have that much work experience so you wouldn’t know” “you were never as big as me so you wouldn’t understand”
My family doesn’t see that where I’m at in life is in large part due to my own life choices, I might not have the most life experiences, sure I haven’t experienced the party life, but I observe and learn from others mistakes.
You mentioned people not wanting to listen to people who don’t fit a certain look of being rich. In my experience some people won’t listen to others they think have a better lot in life (for example financially, aesthetically and all things superficial)
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Some people cannot debate a topic without their rebuttal becoming a personal attack on you. They don't know how to debate a topic without it becoming an argument. When your message is threatening to another person, especially if you hit a nerve, the rebuttal can become a personal attack. Your message may miss many people, but as you say, if it's meant for me - it will hit - and stick. For some people, they need to sit on your message a while for it to resonate with them. Thanks for sharing as always!
Giirl omg yes. I have lost whole friendships because I didn't just co sign something that was said. Let's think about it this that and the third way, but now I'm a hater I never agree with them 😒 exhausting!
Regarding "right message, wrong messanger" idea, when it comes to giving advice, there are people with insufferable attitude around it. They may often give good advice being mean in the process, literally bullying the person they're giving it.
I don't condone bullying of any sort. People have the free wheel to do what they want. You can give people a loving and understanding approach and still it will fall on deaf ears many times... That's more so what I'm describing..
I always thought it was related to the fact that the message was good but the messenger can’t even follow their own advice
@@Chevonne8 good point.
Unfortunately I hear this alot. Ppl think I'm being a bully when they ask for my advice. When in reality I just care, afraid for them, and am very passionate about what I'm talking about. Funny enough when I try to speak softly, ppl say I'm mocking them. Just can't win. I think ppl will make enemies of the messenger if they don't like the message period. I've had ppl say I "Insinuated" something and I did not. I say exactly what is on my mind. Unless the messenger is flat out calling someone names, there's no reason to think they're "bullying" or they "actually mean to do me harm". And yea I stopped helping ppl for reasons like this.
Wouldnt that be more of “right message, wrong delivery” cause its not who they are or what theyre saying but how theyre saying it that makes the message not stick.
The problem is that we've lowered the bar for hate, and have indulged in this endless quest for "happiness" and "good vibes" instead of the truth that may hurt but makes you better...
That’s why I don’t bother with free advice. Most people don’t want to be helped
They just wanna be enabled and I’m not gonna do that. If they truly want my input, they can pay for my mentoring.
My answer when ever I’m asked anything.. “ Im not qualified to answer nor give advice of the subject on the matter”
Never been asked for advice or a question since 🤣🤣🤣
The thing I can't stand is when people need advice they care more about how it makes them feel then the overall message.
I tell people all the time, the federal reserve dropping interest rates will lead to inflation spiking worse than ever coupled with government spending we could see hyperinflation within 5-7 years.
Dropping if interest rates has always led to increase in inflation this fact. This historically evidence and has been recorded everytime 100% occurrence. It's usually takes 18 months to see it though
Whew this is a word lol! I don't know what happened but ppl don't wanna take advice from someone they don't respect. Also it's not like they respect credentials, experience, rationality. No they respect dumb stuff. Some men don't wanna hear anything from a woman, but will take the SAME advice from a man 😭. If you lay down in crap too long it stops smelling and a lot of ppl wanna lay in their crap lol. They don't wanna get up. When i was a kid adults would constantly talk us about getting it off the comfort zone. I wonder is that what it is. I can remember times as a young adult when i would consciously think." I'm creating a problem because i wanna stay in my comfort zone. So i need push through this discomfort rn. " That's like a muscle that you have to train. It's hard, and after certain age it's a wrap. Ppl don't wanna charge.
1. Ego and Pride: Accepting advice can feel like admitting a lack of knowledge or weakness, which may challenge one's ego or sense of competence.
2. Desire for Independence: Some individuals value autonomy and prefer figuring things out on their own rather than relying on others.
3. Past Experiences: Negative experiences with bad advice in the past can make people skeptical or dismissive of any future guidance.
4. Cognitive Biases: Confirmation bias can make people selectively accept only what aligns with their pre-existing beliefs, leading them to reject advice that contradicts their views.
5. Fear of Change: Change can be uncomfortable or intimidating, so advice that requires significant behavioral changes may be resisted.
6. Perception of the Source: If someone doesn't trust or respect the person giving the advice, they may be less inclined to follow it, regardless of the advice's validity.
7. Stubbornness or Defensiveness: Some individuals are simply resistant to being told what to do and may become defensive when advice is offered, even if it's well-intentioned.
8. Overconfidence: People who are overly confident in their own judgment might dismiss advice because they feel they already know what’s best.
Which one have you seen the most?
Yep, I know someone like this. She complains about everything, has victim mentality about pretty much everything, and if you dare suggest ways to help when she complains she attacks and has every excuse under the sun why she can’t do that thing. These people are comfortable in their discomfort, they may not be happy but they are happy complaining because it gives them a purpose!
Yep, once I realize this I stopped giving my opinions and advice to people. most folks out there are aware of the changes that they need to do, but simply don't want to for many reasons. Plus misery loves company and to an extent some people literally get addicted to the adversary that they live in. That's why I simply focus on myself and let everyone else do whatever they want.
I had a person whom I love tell me that I am not qualified to give him advice because I grew up with 2 parents and didn't struggle so we come from 2 different places. 🤦🏽♀️
Okay then bye I can’t lend money because I had 2 parents either.
Lately, I have learned to shut up and watch from afar. I have tried to educate my family, save and invest for their future, and get rid of debt but no one seems to be listening so I just keep my head down and do my thing. I'm just afraid that in the future I will be the one needing to help them all.
this part! and thats with me as well and I don't want to deal with that burden. cause my ppl will just use you until they can't no more.
No is a powerful word. You owe them NOTHING. That's their problem.
Move far away.
There's only so many times that you can talk to a brick wall before you just gotta walk away
I love your content, im re- learning my relationship with money because of your information and im 45, im open to good advice it doesn't matter who it comes from as long is helpful.
I think one of the reasons why some people don't wanna listen to advice is because they only want to listen to what they want to hear,its why I stopped giving advice to my family
Most people will reject advice they don’t want to hear, I find. ‘Yeah, but’ and excuses for why x or y wouldn’t work is a fundamental reflex for people who aren’t actually wanting to change, or for whom change would be uncomfortable. Kind of a ‘you can lead a horse to drink’ situation.
But also yes, I have had people say straight up that they might take advice from an online article or a book by a ‘successful person’ but the exact same advice from friends or family will make them immediately reject it - even if they’d already been planning on doing it!! 😅
I’ve adapted somewhat by not offering advice but ‘asking if they’d heard about X’ and what they thought of it? If they hadn’t heard of it, I’ll claim I don’t remember enough to explain it well but I’d be interested in what they think about it if they ever come across it.
Manipulative? Yes. But when all you’re trying to do is alert someone to information so they can make their own measured judgement call - I think this is good manipulation the way a doctor manipulating broken bone before applying a cast is good. Context matters.
This is one of the few ways to educate people. So many have a rebellious nature that you must use reverse psychology to get them to improve their lives. The depressing part is that they will view you as a fool who never wanted to help, but in reality, you were their greatest supporter.
This is sad because it is literally my mother. I’m more financially literate than she is, but she won’t take my advice or anything.
One thing I would like to offer up in this conversation. For me, sometimes I don’t take certain people’s advice because I recognize that they don’t really stand on their own principles. If you can give the advice, you should live the advice and a lot of people don’t.
The messenger matters 🎯
I was an engineer during Y2K, working on a database of products that would make the transition. Did my dad ask me if he should buy a backup generator? No. He didn't think I knew anything. I could have told him he didn't need one, but he blew out his back (and wasted a wad of money) buying one and unloading it himself. 🤦♀
I am all the way from South Africa 🇿🇦,we might never cross paths or meet in this lifetime, but I am listening to you. I always look forward to your videos. You are doing a phenomenal job. Learning and re-learning take place every single day. ❤
I appreciate you for watching and supporting me from so far thank you so much for your love! 💓
Thank you for this post. This is soooo my Parents and it’s so hard to watch them live their lives in such a hard way. They couldn’t possibly conceive of taking advice from me their youngest daughter on how to help them in their later years of life and it breaks my heart but.. I have to step back and let them live right where they are. Something catastrophic has to happen in order for them to shift gears and make changes. It’s exhausting. I feel so validated with this video! 🙌🏻🙏🏻🤗
I'm surrounded by people like this. I'm the opposite, good advice is good advice gimme gimmie!
Girl!! U preached a Word Ok!! So accurate...Awesome 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Thank you for listening and coming to my TED Talk ❤️
@@SocialSymone U are most welcome 🥰🥰
I don't usually comment here but as someone who watches your content, I can say that you've truly inspire me to be better financially. It's a sad situation nowadays. Some people don't want to be helped or be offered ways to improve their situations nowadays.
You are truly one of the many voices of reason that is desperately needed nowadays. I am grateful that I randomly stumbled upon your excellent channel. Keep up the honest and amazing work! 💀❤️💀
Change is hard. If someone is not in the mindset to grow, nothing can force them to. If you love them and have the feathers you can always just wait until the receiver is ready for the message.
It takes a certain level of intelligence to be open to Learn and honestly most people don’t have that.
I want to have the best life I can so I’m always open to learning.and my life has been pretty good because of it. 🤷🏾♀️
This is how i lost my best friend. Thank you 🙏
This does sound why "influencers" like to give the image of success (renting expensive cars for a day, renting expensive houses, purchasing and then returning expensive clothes, etc.), to make the illusion that they are the correct messenger
I recently had a friendship come to an end because of this very thing. The situation she was in was batcrap crazy and I told her what I thought many times over. The last straw was when she threw someone else under the bus over it, I'd just had enough. Her loss on multiple levels.
Went through the same yesterday. He couldn't bear to hear the truth because he thinks he's above everyone else. But his slander and poor character became over the top. He couldn't handle the truth. So he cut me off. Oh well.
I agree with you to a certain extent however, I always say to myself to never take advice from people whom I don’t want to become later on in life.
For example my half sister would tell me to not get pregnant and that being a single mother will ruin your life but she continues to have children from multiple baby daddies but blames the baby daddies for not wanting to help take care of the kids when they ask her to get an abortion.
My half sister always told me to “do as I say, not as a I do.”
symone, you are so inspiring and always have beautiful ideas and messages to put out on this platform! im glad that i found your channel a couple of months ago! this world needs more people like you, but your gifts and intuition is what makes you special and stand out from the rest! much love from TX!!
My grandma (RIP❤️🩹) gave me the best advice that I still use to this day…
Never give GOOD ADVICE twice.
If you know what you’re saying is logical & helpful & they CHOOSE NOT to take it, move on with a smile 😊
Not my monkey 🐒
not my circus 🎪 😂😂😂
Love your video ❤❤❤
Everyone needs listen to this. Even if just the first 2 minutes!
You spitting straight facts sis. I like your thinking. This reminds me of this one scripture from the Bible that comes from proverbs:
“Whoever hates correction is stupid.”
You're right and not only that, God forbid if you give any sort of advice to a person that likes to be lie to 😅😂
I’m not gonna listen to someone giving me advice when they need to take their own advice…. It definitely depends on the person & the context.
And above all else they HATE THE FACT THAT YOU WHERE/ARE RIGHT.
Yes, I shared an office with an Indian woman, a black man, and a white presenting Egyptian woman (Nadia). Nadia would say or suggest things and everyone would go with it. When I suggested something or said anything, it would need to be fact checked or it was critiqued heavily. One time we talked about seasons and I told everyone how it's technically still summer until late September. Of course everyone was telling me how wrong I was until Nadia looked it up and I was correct, as I have been on a ton of things. White people are just perceived as being smarter. I addressed them cause we were a pretty close team and everyone apologized and acknowledged their biases but at the end of the day white people are just perceived as smarter. I don't even care anymore.
It has to be the right kind of white person. As a gay white person, I can tell you that everyone needs me to be wrong, for many reasons - be it religious, or not wanting to associate with a pariah. Even when I'm right, I'm wrong; when I'm proven right, it's not what I said, it's "how I said it". If all else fails, people overtly revert to blatant insults about why I wasn't credible ... "I'm crazy", "weird", "annoying", "arrogant", you name it. What they mean by "crazy" is that I based my message off of many lived experiences, and it was wisdom-but they won't say that because it doesn't excuse them; what they mean by "weird" is that I'm non-heteronormative, but they won't say that because it will indict them. When they say I'm "annoying" they mean I was deliberately helpful, but this won't justify their closed-heart so they reframe it. When they say "arrogant" what they mean is that I'm right, I'm smart, I'm competent, and I committed the crime of existing while gay. Their Bible tells them I'm a degenerate, and it is impossible to trust or respect me as a normal person without resisting everything I say, think, feel, or do unless I'm letting them take advantage of me.
I had this problem with family and friends forever. It would frustrate me to watch them fall and know that the advice I gave them would have helped avoid what happened.
I got so burnt out on it that I distanced myself from all those people and cut them all out of my life. I felt like I was the crazy one. Now I know I’m not
I think one of the most useful things I’ve added to my relationships is to say “I just want to vent right now, I don’t want solutions”. But the flip side of that is accepting back something like “I can’t listen to venting right now, but if you want my advice I can give it”. This has really been eye opening for everyone involved.
Broken mentalities.
😔
it's also spiritual warfare.
By far one of my favorite channels in 2024! So refreshing to hear well thought out takes!
Just one point, you put on a lifejacket regardless of if you can swim or not.
I really struggled with this. I love getting advice, even though I may not be the best at it but people used to appreciate it but now people don’t wanna hear anything.
Ahhhh, so you have met my mother.
Some people will only learn from others standing at the finish line, and not to those on their way there. They'll see.
Based on a true story
Called life 😔
Literally happened to me yesterday when speaking to a "pastor." Pride is always the stumbling block.
I like the fact that a message can come from anybody. But will they listen? Family, friends, etc. Some are too judge mental too even take the advice! Love the content. New subscriber! 😊
My whole family is like this. Not even just for things related to growth, but for just about anything. They’d also rather listen to some random person on UA-cam than an expert in anything.
Then god forbid I try to tell them I’m a late diagnosed AuDHDer because “no, you’re not”. I’m just not to them. Meanwhile my cousin’s son just got diagnosed with autism and they accept that.
Discernment, pray for it and use it
I’ve STOPPED … I just live by my own ADVICE…. & when they need help… I just can’t w/o explaining why I can’t …. You don’t want to hear what I have to say!!!! So you don’t need my $$$ or advise 🤓😱
Yep. Dig that hole as deep as you want. Figure out how to get out of it on your own too
Just reading the title, I stop giving advice. I see why older folks say “take it to Jesus” you can spend 3 hours on the phone talking to someone and giving advice about their problems, just for them not to listen. 😒😵💫
I tell them let’s go to the Word and wish them the very best on their journey until then, I do not and will not give advice. 🤷🏿♀️
THIS IS SO TRUE! SORRY OF MY LIFEE 🤣 🤣 🤣
@@SocialSymone 😂😂😂😂
The problem is that common sense doesn't grow in every ones garden. People don't want to listen and just want to play victim. It's so sad and people struggle so hard because of this mindset Ive been guilty of it too. This is why I'm on YT listening to common sense from you ❤
This video was SOOOO good!
I dated a younger guy who was the definition of lazy. He complained about how broke he was, but shot down any workplace I suggested. When I met him, I had a good job, so I wasnt trying to be a gold digger or anything. I just didn't want to support his lazy ass. We dated for 6 months and he didn't even make a little effort. So glad that didn't work out.
My last girlfriend had no car, no license, didn’t have her own place, and no job. I know there were some areas of her making an effort on her own place but without really attempting the job first. The girl I dated before her had a job and shared an apartment with a roommate splitting rent, had her own car and license but never came to me when we saw each other and hung out because she couldn’t get over her fear of driving on the highway. Most relationships I’ve been in I’ve had to basically do nearly everything while the other does nothing or very little effort.
For me I always like making sure to build up money and for the rare time I make a big purchase (especially something I need) I make sure I still leave myself a good cushion left over.
I feel this 1000%
This goes for doctors too. People listen to a doctor over you. Even though you gave the same advice
i had a friend who always had horrible relationships id warn her every time before she even got into them when they broke up EVERY TIME it was exactly what i said was happening i was always right like i could see the future she to this day refuses to listen to me and continues being unhappy and every time she says "i should have listened to you"🙄🙄🙄🙄
Gurl same pisses me off sooo bad
This video is the truth fr
There’s a great song called “everybody’s free to wear sunscreen” and there’s a line that this video made me think of that goes: “my advice has no basis more reliable
Than my own meandering experience”
I swear , I’m a personal trainer and have been giving tips to my mother for years . She went and got a trainer a few months back and she keeps coming to me, telling me the stuff I told her years ago😐. I just keep my knowledge to myself now
This literally happened to me a few hours ago.
I love it when you get steamed about something! You sound exactly like what I say in my head in similar situations. ❤
I’ve recently found your channel, and you speak truth/common sense, it’s reinspired me to try and begin saving again and getting that three month emergency fund started.
9:56 true but for me personally you can’t tell me how to raise child if you never raised one yourself. I rather take advice from people whom have raised children or are currently raising them in the moment because they would have more wisdom to offer than someone whom never birth or parent a child. Outside of that example I do agree with your point.
Wow shot a video recently which am yet to publish. Was talking about how some of the most useful and practical advice have come from people who were not experts or gurus . They were teachers, friends, some from just random people. My friend at 27yrs gave me financial advice that was so practical that has made a huge difference in my life. Am 39 rys now. Years later I heard the same advice from real financial experts. She was not even as learned as I was at the time. And she was my age. Bt when I was in college getting the degree she was out here doing life. Learning the hard way . I heard some real transformational wisdom from a school drop out. That made a huge difference in my life. He made me realize there is huge difference between wisdom and knowledge.
Parents don’t want to hear NOTHING from someone who doesn’t have children! NOTHING!!!!
Parents don't like judgement from people without children. I used to give advice to, before I had them. Then I learned I didn't have a clue what I was talking about but judging like I knew something. If I came in humility, it might have been a different story.
@@realashandaatlargetrue, parenthood can be somewhat of an exception to this conversation unless its truly common sense or regarging one's safety.
Those sort of people will never listen to anyone they think are beneath them, unfortunately to them most people are beneath them. They will never learn that there are more important things in life than money.
I’ve been hearing woe is me lately this year, but the same people saying that and won’t change anything. It’s weird to me that people want to complain about their life and the situations that they are experiencing, but don’t do nothing to fix it or even listen to a message that could provide a solution to their situation.
Exactly. I deal with times where I know I’m doing the right things in my life and then others try to tell me to do things that would get me all strapped down if I followed my advice. My biggest example of this is my current situation where I haven’t owned a car in 2 years. I’ve dealt with many setbacks and there’s been times where I’ve been told to get something with making monthly payments on a car and being told “Newer cars won’t ever break down.” That’s not true and if you go to the wrong place and something breaks down then you could be getting screwed over by the place pulling BS of saying something “not in the warranty” whenever it is and now you have repairs to make out of pocket on top of monthly payments. Every single car I’ve owned has been purchased completely outright and I’ll keep doing things that way too even if it takes me longer to get there.
Yessss, I love this
You are so smart and wise. I love your videos! I hope my future girlfriend is as cute and funny as you, and as down to Earth 💖
Thank you so much! I appreciate your compliment also. Hopefully you find what you are looking for!
Ooooh one of my previous bosses was the type of person to take everything as a personal attack. It was really really exhausting
man, I really appreciate this channel ❤
Keep up the great work Symone
I’ve taken advice from pretty much anyone who experienced a similar problem to me so I fully can’t grasp struggling but avoiding returning to normalcy
In some cases, advice from friends or peers may be viewed as less credible than that from outsiders or professionals
No no no nope...... my time and attention are too precious to just be listening to everyone. . You must find a way to discriminate between good and bad advice QUICKLY.
My method is the person must be able to explain their thoughts on a 3rd grade level without jargon.
If they must use jargon then they do not know the topic well enough and I'm moving on.
Easiest way to pick out scams too
Im on internship as a student which is compulsory for this semester and my colleague attacks me and aggressively half-ass responds every time I ask for advice about something I havent come across over the course of this internship yet. like, how am I supposed to learn. Why is she so mad for no reason and acts as if I should know it all when Ive here here for nearly 3 months and she has an experience of over 5 years… started hating on me from day 1 smh.
The lord can use anyone. 😊
Thank you a lot for this it isn’t really about advice per se just in general but it’s resonating with a lot of people so keep it up
Thank you for this video ❤❤
Right message wrong messenger is sort of like Diddy giving advice on how to create a safe and loving relationship. Now if he has advice on how to spot a predator, I’ll listen.
I have given my mother countless opportunities to make her life more financially secure, now she is in retirement and freaking out that she doesn’t have enough money and looking for handouts. I constantly want to say you are such a bad investment why would I give you money. Will you spend it on something to make you better… no! Will you learn to invest it so this isn’t a constant problem…. No!
Omg!!! I’m going through this with my family… I’m at the point to just mind my business
““Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.”
Matthew 7:6 ESV
Even Jesus Christ knew what was up 🤷🏾♀️
Imma finish the video but I think help in order to be helpful has to put the person first and if they don’t take your advice trust that they will find the solution on their own. That way you won’t leave feeling frustrated or unheard.
You don’t know how much I needed this 😢omg thanks
People don’t want to listen because it’s me smh
If y’all want to be mediocre then don’t be mad when I’m balling listening to criticism and advice
Whew !!! Hold up ! This message is right on time ! Mannnnn
The best way to use advice is to use it in your own life unless ASKED
It comes with PEACE
This was a great video, but can we please mention mental health in these conversations?