I relate so much!! I'm AFAB non-binary trans as well and I'm considering starting T. And I'm not sure I really need it since I've lived 36 years of my life without it, and your fear of having been "sucked into some internet community" is exactly what I feel right now. But every morning my first thought is always "I want T!" I want to feel good in my body but I'm also ashamed of transitioning, knowing that I won't go all the way to the other gender binary (I don't plan on having any surgeries atm). And I'm afraid of not being attractive to anyone (boys/girls/otherwise) after transitioning... I like the remark about labels not being important because it does restrict us as much as it helps us. Sorry for the long rant...
Hi there! I'm so glad you could watch this video and take something away from it. I think what you're feeling is normal, and that we have a lot in common - so you know you're not alone. I really hope you can get a chance to talk this through with people you trust - I'd look up a gender therapist who is a licensed psychologist, but if you can't do that right now, at least talk to as many trans people as you can is my advice. Talk about this. Read about it. Inform yourself and share - I know it's really hard to share, you can do it anonymously to make it easier. Sharing helps to relieve the stress and helps you look inside yourself to see what you really want. The thing is where you are right now - and I spent a long time there - is you have a hard time looking into yourself and untangling what it is you really want. It has to do with how we keep ourselves safe. The best way to start figuring yourself out for me was through fear - looking at what i was afraid of and why. Always with someone by your side to help, never with a "goal" in mind other than discovering what's already there. Don't look at yourself looking for reasons to go on or not to go on T. Look at yourself just to see who you are. You might discover you don't need T, or that you do, both are perfectly ok and neither is better. you will be ok either way. About hormones - Remember you can start testosterone on a low dose and quit if you need to think things through. Up to a certain point the effects are minor and sometimes reversible. Read up on it and see if that's something you could live with if you decided to go off after a while, and just how long you're willing to risk it. it's ok to take your time deciding things, and it's also ok to do something just to see how it feels. maybe T will be right for you, maybe it won't, but there is no shame in looking for yourself and what best suits you. You are under no obligation to "fully" transition, should you choose to transition at all. Surgeries are an option, hormones are an option, neither is obligatory. You are worth just as much, and you're just as loveable and just as important whether you go on T for a bit, forever, or don't go on it at all. You will be attractive either way, because what makes you attractive to begin with isn't your hormonal makeup. you know this, you're just afraid. You are not the only one who feels like this. You will be just fine.
@@flyingsquirrel965 Thanks so much! I never expected an answer and I really appreciate that you took the time to write all of this :) I'm currently seeing a psychologist from a trans and intersex association here in Belgium and it really helps having someone to talk to directly (and face to face!) rather than watching some random UA-cam video or scroll through posts from Facebook non-binary groups. "Don't look at yourself looking for reasons to go on or not to go on T." THAT is some excellent advice! I never saw it this way. Maybe because I thought I had to convince my doctor I really needed T to survive in order to get a prescription (in fact I don't, they work on an informed consent basis). My brain needs rewiring I guess... I know I need to take my time. But when I got my light bulb moment I was like... I need to do something. And I also know that if I go on T, the changes won't happen overnight (moreover because I plan on starting at a very low dose (because I'm afraid of some of the changes), hence my excessive interest in your channel ;) Btw, do you regret starting on a low dose or do you feel it was what you needed at the time?). I know I don't need to be on T to be valid. I know I don't need to have any surgeries. I know all of this - but somehow I don't. I think it has to do with how society perceives gender as a binary. I live and work in a pretty cis-normative environment and I feel that trying to get away from my assigned gender will only make me a freak in their eyes. As well as in the eyes of any person I might be attracted to. "What makes you attractive to begin with isn't your hormonal makeup." I had to read this a couple of times to really understand it. Yes, of course it isn't. You'd make a good therapist! I hope it'll work out with the girl you're interested in :) Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. It's nice to know that I'm not alone.
I wouldn’t worry about who is attracted to me or what anyone thinks of me… I would worry about what I think about myself and who I’m attracted to. I would create who I am and express that. It’s quite simple: We are our own creations. We live a short time on this planet and then our physical bodies die. You are just going a little bit further than most in your creativity with your self. That’s all. Now live and love yourself. Focus on the inner: hypnotherapy is a good tool to get to the subconscious. Meditation, cold ice baths, Wim Hof breathing methods- all of these things are focused on the invisible inward journey and that’s important especially when you are focused so much on the outward journey. No matter who you are- it’s the inward journey that will sustain you.
you are so fiercely supportive. I can see how much you care through the comments you leave. I appreciate everything and I'm so glad to have you on my team. We all need someone like you on our team. Thank you for your advice.
@@flyingsquirrel965 What a beautiful comment. Yeah I do care. And I want to give as much as I can to whoever magically comes in my path. If you’re ever in San Diego, you know you have a friend here.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am a young (early 20s), mixed-race, Latinx guy who was assigned female at birth. I am on the masculine end of the non-binary spectrum and I've wanted to have a beard since I was a little kid. I'm in therapy, just starting the process of getting testosterone. It's really helpful to see someone who's older and much farther along on a similar journey.
How cool and how hopeful. I wish you the best beard in the world. I hope you eventually get to be the kind of masculine non binary person you actually really could use as a role model right now. I hope testosterone makes you recognize yourself in the mirror the way it has for me. I hope therapy gives you the tools to make sense of the immensity of transition and to be who you need to be. I have no idea what it's like to be a 20something latinx trans masc person wherever you live, because I'm a 30something white jewish dude from israel living in Spain, but how beautiful is it that we can still connect over such a core element of our identity. Thank you so much for implying that my journey has value for younger folks or for someone who is just starting out. It makes me feel that my blindly stumbling all over the place has some grace or meaning to it. Which is a good feeling. I don't usually feel that way - just on the good days. You are so respectful. if you ever feel like putting up videos about your transition, I would personally love to watch them.
Hey :) Wow this is a powerful one for me. I share so many of your thoughts regarding losing love/shame etc. If you’re ever in the UK it would be awesome to meet up and talk.
I’ve noticed throughout my transition that my coworkers even respond to me differently now. The more masculine I present, the more they come to me with questions they never had before. It’s sad. Btw I’m an OT 😊.
Occupational Therapist? Yay! I miss working on a staff with you lot, you tend to know upper limb rehab in and out. Respect. Oh yeah that sounds like some male privilege there... that's depressing. Why is that a thing?? I'm happy for you that your colleagues come to you with questions I'm just sad for the world you know?
@@flyingsquirrel965 yes, occupational therapist(both of our careers are awesome). As far as the world goes...it can be a sad place but I’m working on being as positive and visible as I can to help make it a better place. Thanks for ur videos. It’s nice to have your perspective. I find myself agreeing and or nodding my head w you as you speak all the time.
She's incredible. She's this precise, wise and calm older woman and she's extremely warm and funny. She just makes me feel so safe. I wish every trans person had a therapist that good to work things out with.
I'm 17 and I learned that I'm trans masc nonbinary this year. I'm still learning about my identity everyday. I want top surgery and testosterone as soon as possible (18 for me) but my parents are unsupportive and transphobic so I'm not out yet. I don't even have a job and I really want to get one this year so that I can start being financially independent. I don't know when I'll be able to get a job and I don't have much money saved up. I feel like I'm running out of time bc the older I get the less likely I'll be able to grow taller. I'm scared bc my parents will probably not understand or want to help me and I'm just desperate to get a job and start living my life.
Hi there! Wow, that's a powerful paragraph to put together. Life really handed you the short straw, haven't they? looking for a job at 17 for a chance at a teenage transition, on your own financially and against the will of an unsupportive family sounds so hard and so brave and so immense. I can't imagine how huge this is to you. I was 17 about 17 years ago and I don't think I had any idea who I was back then, and no fucking clue how I'd manage it, if I did know. I do remember feeling unbelievably alone, and I do really hope that's at least a little common amongst 17 year old people, because that could mean that there's a chance you're not as alone as you feel - and that there might actually be someone around you could reach out to for help . I have to say my first instinct is I wish I could physically do something for you, but I can't really? I really, really hope there's someone around that loves you and can listen and empathise a little and help, even though not having your parents on board is.... Whoa that's a rough one. My mother took time to come around and she's magnificently accepting now, and she was never expressively transphobic that I remember. I can't begin to imagine what it's like with parents who are actually, by your account, transphobic. I do wish urgently and with all my heart that your parents too, as my mother, eventually change their minds. That they would come to see through knowing you that not only are you just nonbinary trans masc and that's it, but that you being non-binary trans is good, actually. Because your experience has so much value, because diversity is good in and of itself, and because you are good, exactly in who and what you are. probably you've been told often to be patient, that there's no rush and you have time to figure all this out. As a 35 year old who waited since age 8 to transition, telling you to have patience is as tempting as being a diabetic imploring you to eat healthy. I was not patient. I was repressed. Could patience help you? sure. Is it superhuman in your age and your position? very likely. I recognize your urgency and I sympathise. Now that I know I want top surgery, having to wait another three months until summer is hard. The hypothetical thought of having to wait another year is devastating. I think the moment we set our minds on a particular aspect of transition, whatever stretch of time lies between us and our goal feels like time stolen from our "real" lives. The only reconciliation I feel with having waited so long to transition is that for me it was inevitable. Due mostly to circumstance and partly to who I was as a person, I had neither the guts not the means to transition. I did not know myself and had I known there was little I could probably do about it at the time save live in serious agony. If there is some aspect of inscapeable circumstance to your pain I hope it gives you the shitty consolation of knowing that you ARE doing your best, that you ARE fucking brave, and this really isn't in ANY fucking way your fault. I want you to also know that this complete stranger on the internet cares. I might not have anything useful to say, might not be able to dispense any life changing advice, but yes, I do care. I hope you get everything you need. I hope it happens really soon for you, as soon as you want it to. I hope you are loved even if it really doesn't feel this way right now. I really do. With all my heart. And I think all the other people in the comments do too, because boy do you deserve to catch a break. Stay strong. Elliot
I relate so much!! I'm AFAB non-binary trans as well and I'm considering starting T. And I'm not sure I really need it since I've lived 36 years of my life without it, and your fear of having been "sucked into some internet community" is exactly what I feel right now. But every morning my first thought is always "I want T!" I want to feel good in my body but I'm also ashamed of transitioning, knowing that I won't go all the way to the other gender binary (I don't plan on having any surgeries atm). And I'm afraid of not being attractive to anyone (boys/girls/otherwise) after transitioning... I like the remark about labels not being important because it does restrict us as much as it helps us. Sorry for the long rant...
Oh and I forgot to thank you for sharing!!
Hi there! I'm so glad you could watch this video and take something away from it. I think what you're feeling is normal, and that we have a lot in common - so you know you're not alone. I really hope you can get a chance to talk this through with people you trust - I'd look up a gender therapist who is a licensed psychologist, but if you can't do that right now, at least talk to as many trans people as you can is my advice. Talk about this. Read about it. Inform yourself and share - I know it's really hard to share, you can do it anonymously to make it easier. Sharing helps to relieve the stress and helps you look inside yourself to see what you really want.
The thing is where you are right now - and I spent a long time there - is you have a hard time looking into yourself and untangling what it is you really want. It has to do with how we keep ourselves safe. The best way to start figuring yourself out for me was through fear - looking at what i was afraid of and why. Always with someone by your side to help, never with a "goal" in mind other than discovering what's already there. Don't look at yourself looking for reasons to go on or not to go on T. Look at yourself just to see who you are. You might discover you don't need T, or that you do, both are perfectly ok and neither is better. you will be ok either way.
About hormones - Remember you can start testosterone on a low dose and quit if you need to think things through. Up to a certain point the effects are minor and sometimes reversible. Read up on it and see if that's something you could live with if you decided to go off after a while, and just how long you're willing to risk it.
it's ok to take your time deciding things, and it's also ok to do something just to see how it feels. maybe T will be right for you, maybe it won't, but there is no shame in looking for yourself and what best suits you. You are under no obligation to "fully" transition, should you choose to transition at all. Surgeries are an option, hormones are an option, neither is obligatory. You are worth just as much, and you're just as loveable and just as important whether you go on T for a bit, forever, or don't go on it at all. You will be attractive either way, because what makes you attractive to begin with isn't your hormonal makeup. you know this, you're just afraid.
You are not the only one who feels like this. You will be just fine.
@@flyingsquirrel965 Thanks so much! I never expected an answer and I really appreciate that you took the time to write all of this :) I'm currently seeing a psychologist from a trans and intersex association here in Belgium and it really helps having someone to talk to directly (and face to face!) rather than watching some random UA-cam video or scroll through posts from Facebook non-binary groups.
"Don't look at yourself looking for reasons to go on or not to go on T." THAT is some excellent advice! I never saw it this way. Maybe because I thought I had to convince my doctor I really needed T to survive in order to get a prescription (in fact I don't, they work on an informed consent basis). My brain needs rewiring I guess...
I know I need to take my time. But when I got my light bulb moment I was like... I need to do something. And I also know that if I go on T, the changes won't happen overnight (moreover because I plan on starting at a very low dose (because I'm afraid of some of the changes), hence my excessive interest in your channel ;) Btw, do you regret starting on a low dose or do you feel it was what you needed at the time?).
I know I don't need to be on T to be valid. I know I don't need to have any surgeries. I know all of this - but somehow I don't. I think it has to do with how society perceives gender as a binary. I live and work in a pretty cis-normative environment and I feel that trying to get away from my assigned gender will only make me a freak in their eyes. As well as in the eyes of any person I might be attracted to. "What makes you attractive to begin with isn't your hormonal makeup." I had to read this a couple of times to really understand it. Yes, of course it isn't. You'd make a good therapist!
I hope it'll work out with the girl you're interested in :)
Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. It's nice to know that I'm not alone.
I wouldn’t worry about who is attracted to me or what anyone thinks of me… I would worry about what I think about myself and who I’m attracted to. I would create who I am and express that. It’s quite simple: We are our own creations. We live a short time on this planet and then our physical bodies die. You are just going a little bit further than most in your creativity with your self. That’s all. Now live and love yourself. Focus on the inner: hypnotherapy is a good tool to get to the subconscious. Meditation, cold ice baths, Wim Hof breathing methods- all of these things are focused on the invisible inward journey and that’s important especially when you are focused so much on the outward journey. No matter who you are- it’s the inward journey that will sustain you.
you are so fiercely supportive. I can see how much you care through the comments you leave. I appreciate everything and I'm so glad to have you on my team. We all need someone like you on our team. Thank you for your advice.
@@flyingsquirrel965 What a beautiful comment. Yeah I do care. And I want to give as much as I can to whoever magically comes in my path. If you’re ever in San Diego, you know you have a friend here.
@@radicalrealtor2118 it's so cool to know you have a friend somewhere you've never been!
Thank you for sharing your story. I am a young (early 20s), mixed-race, Latinx guy who was assigned female at birth. I am on the masculine end of the non-binary spectrum and I've wanted to have a beard since I was a little kid. I'm in therapy, just starting the process of getting testosterone. It's really helpful to see someone who's older and much farther along on a similar journey.
How cool and how hopeful. I wish you the best beard in the world. I hope you eventually get to be the kind of masculine non binary person you actually really could use as a role model right now. I hope testosterone makes you recognize yourself in the mirror the way it has for me. I hope therapy gives you the tools to make sense of the immensity of transition and to be who you need to be. I have no idea what it's like to be a 20something latinx trans masc person wherever you live, because I'm a 30something white jewish dude from israel living in Spain, but how beautiful is it that we can still connect over such a core element of our identity.
Thank you so much for implying that my journey has value for younger folks or for someone who is just starting out. It makes me feel that my blindly stumbling all over the place has some grace or meaning to it. Which is a good feeling. I don't usually feel that way - just on the good days. You are so respectful.
if you ever feel like putting up videos about your transition, I would personally love to watch them.
Hey :) Wow this is a powerful one for me. I share so many of your thoughts regarding losing love/shame etc.
If you’re ever in the UK it would be awesome to meet up and talk.
Thank you Finn! I would be honored
I’ve noticed throughout my transition that my coworkers even respond to me differently now. The more masculine I present, the more they come to me with questions they never had before. It’s sad.
Btw I’m an OT 😊.
Occupational Therapist? Yay! I miss working on a staff with you lot, you tend to know upper limb rehab in and out. Respect.
Oh yeah that sounds like some male privilege there... that's depressing. Why is that a thing?? I'm happy for you that your colleagues come to you with questions I'm just sad for the world you know?
@@flyingsquirrel965 yes, occupational therapist(both of our careers are awesome). As far as the world goes...it can be a sad place but I’m working on being as positive and visible as I can to help make it a better place. Thanks for ur videos. It’s nice to have your perspective. I find myself agreeing and or nodding my head w you as you speak all the time.
💕💕
I loved seeing how your thoughts have evolved from your last video about love and being wanted. Thank you for sharing!
Haha that is so true. 💖
I love some of the points you (or your therapist) made in this!
She's incredible. She's this precise, wise and calm older woman and she's extremely warm and funny. She just makes me feel so safe. I wish every trans person had a therapist that good to work things out with.
I've had similar thoughts and feelings about top surgery and transition in my experience, I dont feel so alone now. Thank you for sharing your story!
You're not alone, none of us are anymore ❤️
❤
I'm 17 and I learned that I'm trans masc nonbinary this year. I'm still learning about my identity everyday. I want top surgery and testosterone as soon as possible (18 for me) but my parents are unsupportive and transphobic so I'm not out yet. I don't even have a job and I really want to get one this year so that I can start being financially independent. I don't know when I'll be able to get a job and I don't have much money saved up. I feel like I'm running out of time bc the older I get the less likely I'll be able to grow taller. I'm scared bc my parents will probably not understand or want to help me and I'm just desperate to get a job and start living my life.
Hi there!
Wow, that's a powerful paragraph to put together. Life really handed you the short straw, haven't they? looking for a job at 17 for a chance at a teenage transition, on your own financially and against the will of an unsupportive family sounds so hard and so brave and so immense. I can't imagine how huge this is to you. I was 17 about 17 years ago and I don't think I had any idea who I was back then, and no fucking clue how I'd manage it, if I did know.
I do remember feeling unbelievably alone, and I do really hope that's at least a little common amongst 17 year old people, because that could mean that there's a chance you're not as alone as you feel - and that there might actually be someone around you could reach out to for help . I have to say my first instinct is I wish I could physically do something for you, but I can't really? I really, really hope there's someone around that loves you and can listen and empathise a little and help, even though not having your parents on board is.... Whoa that's a rough one. My mother took time to come around and she's magnificently accepting now, and she was never expressively transphobic that I remember. I can't begin to imagine what it's like with parents who are actually, by your account, transphobic. I do wish urgently and with all my heart that your parents too, as my mother, eventually change their minds. That they would come to see through knowing you that not only are you just nonbinary trans masc and that's it, but that you being non-binary trans is good, actually. Because your experience has so much value, because diversity is good in and of itself, and because you are good, exactly in who and what you are.
probably you've been told often to be patient, that there's no rush and you have time to figure all this out. As a 35 year old who waited since age 8 to transition, telling you to have patience is as tempting as being a diabetic imploring you to eat healthy. I was not patient. I was repressed. Could patience help you? sure. Is it superhuman in your age and your position? very likely. I recognize your urgency and I sympathise. Now that I know I want top surgery, having to wait another three months until summer is hard. The hypothetical thought of having to wait another year is devastating. I think the moment we set our minds on a particular aspect of transition, whatever stretch of time lies between us and our goal feels like time stolen from our "real" lives.
The only reconciliation I feel with having waited so long to transition is that for me it was inevitable. Due mostly to circumstance and partly to who I was as a person, I had neither the guts not the means to transition. I did not know myself and had I known there was little I could probably do about it at the time save live in serious agony. If there is some aspect of inscapeable circumstance to your pain I hope it gives you the shitty consolation of knowing that you ARE doing your best, that you ARE fucking brave, and this really isn't in ANY fucking way your fault.
I want you to also know that this complete stranger on the internet cares. I might not have anything useful to say, might not be able to dispense any life changing advice, but yes, I do care. I hope you get everything you need. I hope it happens really soon for you, as soon as you want it to. I hope you are loved even if it really doesn't feel this way right now. I really do. With all my heart. And I think all the other people in the comments do too, because boy do you deserve to catch a break.
Stay strong.
Elliot
@@flyingsquirrel965 thank you this made me cry 🥺
Cry all you need to, Alex. ❤️ At least we can be here for you through that.