For the longest time I would always tell myself “I’m not allowed to talk or have friends” I don’t know when or why I started telling myself this. It’s like I might have unprocessed memories. I’ve done everything I could to avoid people since 6th grade. I’m now 24 years old. I thought alcohol was the cure. Now I have a DUI and the people I thought were my friends didn’t even care. The only thing that helps is exposure therapy and I’m slowly realizing that all the negativity is all inside my head. Reality is so different from what my mind is telling me. I feel like everyone is out to get me or like they look down on me. I have a hard time reading facial and body language. What someone might perceive as normal I perceive as a threat. I feel like I’m living in my own made up world. Most people are pretty decent but I have this intense defense mechanism up all the time. I just have to keep reminding myself that my mind is playing tricks on me.
It's not fear of scrutiny per say... it's the fear of social interactions and the so-called "implications" that come with it. Being nervous around people you dont know. "Are they going to accept me?" "Am I going to have a nervous breakdown aka panic attack or can I keep it together."?
For the longest time I would always tell myself “I’m not allowed to talk or have friends”
I don’t know when or why I started telling myself this. It’s like I might have unprocessed memories. I’ve done everything I could to avoid people since 6th grade. I’m now 24 years old. I thought alcohol was the cure. Now I have a DUI and the people I thought were my friends didn’t even care. The only thing that helps is exposure therapy and I’m slowly realizing that all the negativity is all inside my head. Reality is so different from what my mind is telling me. I feel like everyone is out to get me or like they look down on me. I have a hard time reading facial and body language. What someone might perceive as normal I perceive as a threat. I feel like I’m living in my own made up world. Most people are pretty decent but I have this intense defense mechanism up all the time. I just have to keep reminding myself that my mind is playing tricks on me.
What I go through daily having to deal with social anxiety disorder😔😔
It's not fear of scrutiny per say... it's the fear of social interactions and the so-called "implications" that come with it. Being nervous around people you dont know. "Are they going to accept me?" "Am I going to have a nervous breakdown aka panic attack or can I keep it together."?
Thank you for sharing this. SAD can be so invisible, but very very real. Your poetry is great, too. Keep fighting.
that was an eye opener, very well done
SSRI's are not the answer!
Socially anxious people dont get tattoos. We ain't that cool
What if i got a tatto to cover up my cuts .. is that better for u?
Spoiled