After starting it I realized pretty quick. But with the complete lack of faith I have in humanity right now I nearly didn't watch it from the title alone.
Oh my gosh, Jessica I’m so proud of you and Mark! Ignore my profile photo, it’s all lies. I have also chosen to abandon the lesbian lifestyle and convert to the right side with the heteros. Mark seems like such a lovely man, always talking over you and being aggressive! Such a good man and I’m wishing you the best in this new step in life!
So proud of you for coming out as straight, Jessica! It's so difficult to be a straight person nowadays. And Marky seems like such a catch too. I would love a video on LGBTQABCDEF creators... so I can AVOID them of course! Lots of love from a fellow straight 🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍
It's important to not get rid of the gay stuff so that you don't forget what you're NOT supposed to be doing. It's so easy to accidentally revert to lesbianism, but you have to stay strong and disciplined. Kiss beautiful women only on the cheek and don't let hugs exceed 12 seconds. If a hug crosses that "gay threshold" you must IMMEDIATELY break away and apologize profusely to her, and repeat to yourself how straight you are. It's a tough path, but I believe in you.
The funny thing is that these ‘I won’t call you by your name of choice’ people would totally celebrate calling you Jessica or whatever you wanted if you ‘converted’ or something.
The fact that it was a guy on 3:33. Such proud heterosexual ways. pan, cows, and chicken. Sidenote: Love ur content, and thank u for calling out the haters with this.
okay but seriously a video on outfits to cover your shoulders would legitimately be hilarious, especially if it was still about wearing straight man friendly clothes lmao. Also the "if you're pansexual, go pick up a pan" legit made me want to go cook as a pansexual
I'm speechless. I saw someone complaining about a clip from this video on UA-cam and so I looked it up and now I'm laughing my head off that they actually thought that this was real. And long live woman playing guitar and drums and bass! If you like female bands, try listening to this metal band called Burning Witches. WARNING: The singer is CRAZY hot.
I am also a ex lesbian and I am so proud of you Jessica for coming out and living your life truthfully, You finally got out of that demonic cult called the "lgbtabcdefghijklmonpqrstuvwxyz" and have learned not push it on to our children. You and MARKYYYYYYYYYYY are a great example to so how these so called "lesbians" just haven't found the right man yet. #exlesbian
you actually had me thinking you actually unlesbianed yourself, then I watched and 'm like yea shes saying f you haters let me do what I want with my life and if you don't like it f off
You talked too much in this video! You should respect your boyfriend more and let the man do the talking. Also, once you start making NORMAL videos, I would love to see you bake a batch of chocolate chip cookies, but NOT for yourself (obviously) only the men deserve food! Proud of you for finally making a change. 💕💕
I'm so glad you choose the holy life! I woke up and decided that because one boy in my class called me a dirty *** and told me to find jesus, i stopped loving girls! I'm fully devoted to jesus now 😂
OMG Jessie what is your secret? I tried 25 Years not being trans* and nothing worked. Now I'm 42, two years in to my transition and hear there might be another option. What can I do? Should i get a stunning beard like your boyfriend? Drink beer and buy a pickup truck? That did not work in the past, but maybe it will work now.
Lmao anyway a little off topic gotta say I love how much CaitVi we’re seeing in this video. They are definitely my current hyperfixation. And I was totally not just reading a CaitVi fanfic before watching this noooooooo. I would neverrrrrrrr
THIS IS THE BEST WAY IVE EVER SEEN SOMEONE CALL OUT HATERS
My farts are better than Jessie's farts.
why am i so happy im in tears that she pinned this omg
@@SomeRandomNewsiesFanCONGRATS 👏👏👏
Jessica Eisensmith, the proud heterosexual American who lives in the countryside with her boyfriend, cows and chickens, always being a modest woman
This and the “I gave my trans best friend my uterus” jokes are my favorite things ever
REALLLL
My farts are better than Jessie's farts.
TRUTH
😂😂 for reals... Praise Jessie for calling out the Lesbian/LGBT+ haters .... this one too good. And I'm bisexual ! 😂❤
Joke?
someone is going to not realise this is satire 💀
My farts are better than Jessie's farts.
With Madison in it playing the boyfriend? I think everyone is.
Yup
After starting it I realized pretty quick. But with the complete lack of faith I have in humanity right now I nearly didn't watch it from the title alone.
Jessie: Im not a Lesbian
Us: ….So you’re American?
My farts are better than Jessie's farts.
@ I'm sick of you. Your freaking farts are the worst ones ever!
I was referencing a Vine, what the forkelony is this
Oh my gosh, Jessica I’m so proud of you and Mark! Ignore my profile photo, it’s all lies. I have also chosen to abandon the lesbian lifestyle and convert to the right side with the heteros. Mark seems like such a lovely man, always talking over you and being aggressive! Such a good man and I’m wishing you the best in this new step in life!
I can't 😂 this is too funny
Madison pretending to be a straight man has to be one of the funniest things I've seen in a while
Yesss 😭😭😭
It’s so silly I love her omg
So proud of you for coming out as straight, Jessica! It's so difficult to be a straight person nowadays. And Marky seems like such a catch too. I would love a video on LGBTQABCDEF creators... so I can AVOID them of course! Lots of love from a fellow straight 🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍
I know it’s finally time for her to walk the right path ong finally she is “correcting her homosexuality”
(Matty enters the frame)
Me: "Wait a minute... that's a woman with a beard drawn on, isn't it"
Love how not even the nasty straight man cosplay can hide Madison’s beauty
@@alyssapinon9670 Agreed, Madison is super pretty
The definition of gender goals right here👏🏼
Omg I cannot wait for this. Jessie and Madison videos are my favorite.
My farts are better than Jessie's farts.
No one gives a sh*t, buddy. @@p-__
Are you out of your mind? That's Jessica and Mark! /j
“Now that I’m a straight woman” 💀🤦♀️
I’m so glad you moved on from that DISGUSTING lifestyle (I’m very cis and straight just ignore the pfp)
My farts are better than Jessie's farts.
@ you mean Jessica’s farts
Same I'm VERY straight (ignore my watch history)
Even though this is satire it still breaks my heart knowing that some closeted sapphic is unironically living this life right now
Yup, this is literally me right now and it is the worst :/
Madisons acting skills really hit a peak in this video.
LMAO YES
It's important to not get rid of the gay stuff so that you don't forget what you're NOT supposed to be doing. It's so easy to accidentally revert to lesbianism, but you have to stay strong and disciplined. Kiss beautiful women only on the cheek and don't let hugs exceed 12 seconds. If a hug crosses that "gay threshold" you must IMMEDIATELY break away and apologize profusely to her, and repeat to yourself how straight you are.
It's a tough path, but I believe in you.
Sounds like you got a lot of personal experience with this… Were you one of those gays?🤨/j
My grandma core
“STOP MAKING KIDS GAY😭”
💀💀💀
The funny thing is that these ‘I won’t call you by your name of choice’ people would totally celebrate calling you Jessica or whatever you wanted if you ‘converted’ or something.
I’m so proud that u chose the “right” lifestyle 😭💀
The fact that it was a guy on 3:33. Such proud heterosexual ways. pan, cows, and chicken.
Sidenote: Love ur content, and thank u for calling out the haters with this.
NOT THE ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH😭😭😭
Lmao.
So Numi ain't the only one 😂
My farts are better than Jessie's farts.
@@apophis7712Not fucking Numi 😭😂
This is the weirdest and funniest joke. Nominating both Jessie and Madison for best female actress at the next Oscars fr.
It took Madison so much effort not to break at 2:10 lmao
Lmao
I don't know why but I feel like at least one of the horsemen of the apocalypse is about to come the second the video is live
My farts are better than Jessie's farts.
Madison 😭😭😭
My farts are better than Jessie's farts.
@@p-__ VRO STOP
*Mark
We need the plot twist of Mark being a gay in the closet
OMG YES-
the straight couple stock images 💀💀😭😭
#godschild #onlystraight #conservativecore #chappellnotroan #cookinginthekitchen #countrybeigemom 😇🙏🏽
My farts are better than Jessie's farts.
cece! i didn’t know u watched jesse lol
@@cassidyoz hehe i do! she’s so funny istg
Chapel but still spelt Chappell 😂
#chappellnotroan im crying 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
NO POOPING!!😡
OR FARTING 🫵🏻
Is that marky
the one and only 🥰
@@jessiepaegethis is so amazing. i laughed so hard at this video.
actually you've helped me so much
please tell me you're still a lesbian
@Clay-OperationsAndExplanations 12:00 don't worry, it wasn't real
@@Clay-OperationsAndExplanations she is dw haha
@@Clay-OperationsAndExplanations yeah she still is, this video was a satire made to laugh at haters
6:17 "i am quiet there too" stop- i can't- 😭😭
okay but seriously a video on outfits to cover your shoulders would legitimately be hilarious, especially if it was still about wearing straight man friendly clothes lmao.
Also the "if you're pansexual, go pick up a pan" legit made me want to go cook as a pansexual
you and Marky look so happy together 🥰 #straightforlife #alwaysuseatoothbrushwhenmakingfunoflesbianmedia 🙏✝️😇/j
i know right!
My farts are better than Jessie's farts.
@@p-__ help what 😇
@@M1ikkii_ yes 😇😇😍😍‼️‼️🙏🙏🎀🎀
your titles are getting outrageous 😭
THE ARCANE JUMPSCARE
Ikr! Then after that, came She-ra and the princess of hacking jessie's computer.
3:39 caitvi has my whole heart and i can't believe the show is over 😭😭
drag king madison is everything 😂
"Stop making kids gay" pffffffffffftttttt excuse you i was gay before jessie came out 😂😂😂
the way media literacy is so dead that ppl are gonna think ur serious
Lmfao I can’t wait for this. I have a feeling that this is gonna be one of the gayest things I’m gonna watch.
I'm speechless. I saw someone complaining about a clip from this video on UA-cam and so I looked it up and now I'm laughing my head off that they actually thought that this was real. And long live woman playing guitar and drums and bass! If you like female bands, try listening to this metal band called Burning Witches. WARNING: The singer is CRAZY hot.
Madison being so in character completes me (my girl is a theater kid)
I love the sarcasm. This is so funny especially because some people actually think this way and I just can’t believe they think like that
As a lesbian you are convinving me to make the switch myself!! The gays really concern me.
I am also a ex lesbian and I am so proud of you Jessica for coming out and living your life truthfully, You finally got out of that demonic cult called the "lgbtabcdefghijklmonpqrstuvwxyz" and have learned not push it on to our children. You and MARKYYYYYYYYYYY are a great example to so how these so called "lesbians" just haven't found the right man yet. #exlesbian
I really hope you’re joking
@bellaxtasticBased on their profile picture, I think so, hehe❤️
"I need to cleanse my soul after filming this" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
GIRLS 😭😭
That voice...so natural.
"I have to do what's best for my cows, my chickens, and my boyfriend" is the most Christian woman sentence I've heard in a *while* 😂
Now I need you to make a satirical country album
you actually had me thinking you actually unlesbianed yourself, then I watched and 'm like yea shes saying f you haters let me do what I want with my life and if you don't like it f off
So proud of you and Markyyyy #straightforlife #totallynotalesbian #exlesbian
I didn’t realise that was an actual # 😭😭😭😭
Help the ex lesbian # is crazy 💀💀💀
@@A_Cat_132LOL, don’t worry, if you put a # before anything, it becomes a thing. Doesn’t necessarily mean it was a thing before it.❤️
Okay but I would actually love a baking video or something along those lines
Like making very "not gay" cupcakes 😂
21 HOURSSS????? ugh now i have to think abt this constantly till then even tho ik its clickbait😭
0:06 Why did I expect her to bring a ukulele out 😭
I was about to flip the table beside my bed and scream out my window, GIRL! DON'T PLAY W PPL LIKE THAT! 😂
Y’all I’m scared
Do u need a huge?
CATRADORA MENTIONED 🗣️🗣️🗣️
the caitvi and catradora slip PLSSS 😭
If you want to watch a heterosexual male-dominated TV series then DO NOT watch 'Agatha all along'
i saw this and forgot satirical content exists 😭
real i was so scared like HUH and then i realised and was like: oh
“unless i’m watching” is wild😭😭😭
6:16 that straight woman laugh🥹🩷
1:00 everytime I see that picture I regret my entire childhood.. girl stop 😂😂😭
( don't stop )
I love how toootally comfortable she is about being straight 😂😂
Why does it feel like we teleported into April
MARKYYYYYYYY
I've never been so exited yet so scared for a video in my life-
Madison actually did such a good job with the deep man voice, you slay girl ✨
Those lion cubs are going to go to a GREAT place! /j
You talked too much in this video! You should respect your boyfriend more and let the man do the talking. Also, once you start making NORMAL videos, I would love to see you bake a batch of chocolate chip cookies, but NOT for yourself (obviously) only the men deserve food! Proud of you for finally making a change. 💕💕
Make a gender reveal cake for one of ur videos!! (“Accidentally” make it purple or rainbow or something for the reveal 😉)
6:46 4 words
*"You´re hot, cupcake"*
yess we love your switch to straightness Good Luck, Babe! on your journey!
I love your pfp
I get your reference to Chappell roan
@@DreamPieProductions-s9w thank you i drew it! :D
"I was yelling a womans name"
as a pansexual im scared for my life
I'm so glad you choose the holy life! I woke up and decided that because one boy in my class called me a dirty *** and told me to find jesus, i stopped loving girls! I'm fully devoted to jesus now 😂
I can only imagine the number of times that you two had to redo a take because you broke out into laughter
Tara x darcy is low-key, the best ship in heartstopper. I would read 5 of the books for just 2 pages of them together
Beer and Tom Brady 😂😂😂
The Kirby plush in the background is awesome (and I'm totally not saying this because of the fact I have the same one)
You can physically see her struggling to say these words😂❤❤
NOT MADISON DRESSING UP AS THE BOYFRIEND😭😭 I CANT
I love how many times Emily and Sue made an appearance. 😂😂😂 Oh but that isn’t homosexual at all. 👀
I'm kind of feeling like your husband gives me egg vibes
JESSIE 😭
She is joking, trust me
OMGGGG you and Madis- i mean MARK- should collab with Westboro Baptist Church!!!
I feel so bad for new viewers watching😭
OMG Jessie what is your secret?
I tried 25 Years not being trans* and nothing worked.
Now I'm 42, two years in to my transition and hear there might be another option.
What can I do? Should i get a stunning beard like your boyfriend? Drink beer and buy a pickup truck?
That did not work in the past, but maybe it will work now.
Yes to the second two. Get the stunning beard, but give it to me instead
You just gotta keep trying. Don’t give up. I believe you will see the truth one day.🙏🏼 /j
„dental hygene“ that was too much😂😂
Im still trying to stop say the q(queer)and p(poly) word, im a former q and p 😔
“I’m no longer a lesbian.” Me: Pft 😆😆😆
This is, at the same time, HILARIOUS and PAINFUL XD Love. Lovelovelove! Sent to my lady wife for her to watch, too. Love y'all!
Girl we support u know matter what and the cows will be fine
I can‘t 😂😂 this is the most funniest and best way to call out haters, love u❤ btw your cat is so cute 💕🐱
Lmao anyway a little off topic gotta say I love how much CaitVi we’re seeing in this video. They are definitely my current hyperfixation. And I was totally not just reading a CaitVi fanfic before watching this noooooooo. I would neverrrrrrrr
Lol
i love how u made a whole video of this after the yt shorts i saw. madison is way too good at this, cuz mark continues to be a jump scare 😂😂
Ex gay is the best gay
Lmao jk I’m gay nd they/them
Also I’m a Jew, love that you’re so proud
lmao love the hell out of you and Madison.
The way you bounce him like a babyyyyyy that's so precious
I think your "boyfriend" needs an exorcist.xd
LOL
LGBT-ABCDEFG 😭😭😭