Story 1: I worked with a guy who, while at traffic stops, would roll down his window and motion the person next to him to roll down theirs, then commence to ask them, "You just fart in in your car too?". It is one of the best reactions you'll get. Story 2: I had to go to the doctor a while back and felt I had to drop a deuce even before the visit. I knew I couldn't poo in the office because I had death behind the bullet holing everything back, so I bubble gutted for about an hour and a half sweating to get out. I shit walked (the one where you take about six steps and stop to breathe) all the way to the elevator, had 2 pick ups and drop offs, and finally made it to the lobby restroom. Absolute hell exited my body alongside the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. It was worse than a California mudslide that swept away two semis carrying corn and peanuts. The grand finally came when, as I was leaving, a guy strolled in without a care in the world. I didn't stick around to know what the outcome was, but he gagged so loud, I think his soul left his body. I believe I'm banned in Shreveport. I've got more.
Had to dip into a truckstop for a level 5 emergency drop off. Ended up at like a nice big gas station, super clean place. Shit was so big it came in waves. I remember an employee knocking like "are you ok?". So i was in there long enough that people thought I was doing heroine. Came out three flushes later to like a ten person line up full of people with kids. I just fucking giggled walked out with my head up past all of them. And had a smoke before i hit the road because of how good I felt. Cloud fucking 9
I once took a dump at a nightclub, drunk as a skunk, alone in the bathroom minding my own business.. suddenly the door flies up, and within 1.5 second, a guy shouts out, really loud, "Holy shit, it smells like karate in here"... I laughed so hard I almost fell of the toilet.. and by the sound of it, the guy outside was hanging on to the wall, laughing.. unforgettable moment 😂
I had a level 5 emergency shit when I was in Hawaii. Like one of those slam on the brakes and run to the side of the road kind of emergencies. Barely made it. There was a third new volcano on the big island that day. A week after I left, island erupts. Pretty sure I angered Pele. All my girlfriend could find to help me were a couple of lemon scented wipes that the previous renter had mercifully left in the glove compartment. Left feeling FRRRREEEEEESSHHH
Funniest thing I ever heard was I was shitting in a stall and my buddy who is Mexican is shitting beside me in the next stall and I let loose gas splashing the whole nine yards and he says Jesus Christ that chicken is still alive I died laughing.
Did you ever hear CK speak of having to take his young daughters into a bathroom at JFK airport? Guy in the stall next to them sounds like he’s dropping soup cans & Pennie’s in the bowl!
For real though! The best way to do it is in a public place like target. You drop an extra nasty fart in the middle of the aisle. You walk far enough away so people walking up don't realize it was you... but close enough you get to watch their reaction as they walk into your doom cloud!
I ate this kielbasi dog right before going out on a scavenger hunt that had me driving all over with my brother and our best friend. Halfway through, I leaned over and cracked one with the windows closed. You could actually smell the garlicky kielbasi in there with the death. Best friend whips his head around and goes to exclaim something loudly in protest but his throat closed up in a solid gag halfway through the first word. Then he goes for the window crank with wide eyes and starts cranking the window down like he thought he was going to actually suffocate. My best work to date.
It's weird to me that Christina only has 2 modes. Either she's about to shit her pants or she doesn't have to shit at all. Toms warning systems or whatever are the norm in my estimation.
Here's one of many for me. I used to drive a log truck and we often left EARLY in the morning... like 2am. One day I was at the yard and heading out when I felt a slight twinge so I decided to park and visit the shop toilet. I was casually strolling across the yard when things took a turn for the worse and I was suddenly in a hurry. It was winter and I was bundled up pretty good, including suspenders under my hoodie. So I'm frantically pulling off layers as I hot-foot it thru the mechanic's break room and into their shitter. Now this toilet is just disgusting and there was no way that I was going to actually sit on the seat. So just as I was trying to assume the hover... it let loose. I shit the toilet. The entire toilet, tank and all, disappeared beneath a wave of what I can only describe as ass-chili. I considered leaving the mess and quitting my job and never going back. In the end I grabbed a hose and squirted the entire room out like you would an elephant's cage.
You should definitely be waiting as long as possible next to them. Like a good solid red light where they’re crossing or something so you have that long awkward time together to get great reactions
You never see that anymore. As kids we would yell at this guy at a gas station on the way home from the beach. Pump it or Hi Testi! He’d had his fist cursing at us. My mom & uncle would laugh. There was also an adult book shop along that highway. Any guy coming in or out got a horn beep 😂
There are several Levels. There’s the “You need to shit within the next 5 hours”, “You need to shit within the next hour”, “You need to shit within the next 20 minutes” and finally “All Hands On Deck”. The last one is the worst one, try not to delay shitting so much that you get to that point.
6:46 that’s actually a sign of good health I’ve heard! I take some gnarly shits, and they smell like someone fucking died in my asshole. I thought it was bad until I spoke to my doctor and he’s like, “uuuhhhh, that’s a good thing.” I can’t remember WHY it’s good, but it is a sign of good health. So don’t be super embarrassed if your shits are right deadly, atleast you’re healthy lol
I have to say I've always been a fan of both of you guys but I see Kristina cause my interest in tom from rogan but after watching Kristinas episode on pajama pants in so much more a fan of her she is amazing!!
I was taking an emergency dump once at the grocery store and a worker was stocking the bathroom. It was just her and me in the bathroom. Well she waited in front of my stall door until I was done to go in and refill the toilet paper. I don't even think she was tik-tok'd.
Sometime you can feel if it's gonna be a death loaf that's alrŕeady cut up or in liquid form. You know when it's bad when it's coming... and when to find a bathroom.
i guess as you get older your movements get better when i shit and think i’m done i get the second wind and that’s when the toilet is destroyed and i feel proud man i just made that
I used to do stuff like this or throw things (small aluminium-foil balls and stuff) at peoples heads when i was commuting to or from school by train. I waited for the train to start leaving and do it. Great fun.
Ive made my wife throw up from a fart. I can still see the look on her face. Went from pure disgust to full mouth closed full of vomit bolt to bathroom.. yeah!!
I once farted so bad I woke up out of a deep sleep and told my wife I think the baby shitted and needed to be changed, she then informed me while trying not to gag that it was me and I should probably check my draws. Luckily for me I didn’t shit myself
I typically work 9a-6p, five to six days a week. I usually have a light lunch, but I don't get home until 7p or later, so if I eat a bigger dinner, my body shuts it down since I sleep a couple hours after. In the morning after my coffee, I take a gross poo everyday or so at work around 9:30a.
I left late for my college bass fishing tournament this morning. And the second I got in my truck at 5:45 in the mornin I felt the urge. It is currently 5:21pm. I just got home.
I pulled a dutch oven once so bad my wife started crying.
🎸🎸🎸
And You believe she didn’t want to undercover murder you sir… bold move sir
ATTA BOY BIG DOG 😂😂😂
Legend
Gold medal
Story 1: I worked with a guy who, while at traffic stops, would roll down his window and motion the person next to him to roll down theirs, then commence to ask them, "You just fart in in your car too?". It is one of the best reactions you'll get.
Story 2: I had to go to the doctor a while back and felt I had to drop a deuce even before the visit. I knew I couldn't poo in the office because I had death behind the bullet holing everything back, so I bubble gutted for about an hour and a half sweating to get out. I shit walked (the one where you take about six steps and stop to breathe) all the way to the elevator, had 2 pick ups and drop offs, and finally made it to the lobby restroom. Absolute hell exited my body alongside the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. It was worse than a California mudslide that swept away two semis carrying corn and peanuts. The grand finally came when, as I was leaving, a guy strolled in without a care in the world. I didn't stick around to know what the outcome was, but he gagged so loud, I think his soul left his body. I believe I'm banned in Shreveport.
I've got more.
Keep em coming buddy 🤣
.....these are hilarious but if you pay attention to how your body works you can avoid shit emergencies.
I could imagine Uncle Joey saying that to a random person while he driving by 😂
@@rogeliorivera4339 im changin flavors over here!
"I've got more."
Don't we all.
It’s hilarious how Tom has so much pride of workmanship with his bodily functions. The true sign of a master.
"I paint the bowl, then wash it away"
Renaissance etch-a-sketch.
@@reeferbeard5140 😭🤣
@@reeferbeard5140 😂😂
"I have little fingers in my butt and they tell me things." Amazing 🤣🤣🤣
Tom has never looked more like Garth than he does in this episode
No wonder I'm so telescopic watching this
Thanks g
I kinda like that 🤠🧔
If she’s a big fan she’ll see this clip 😂
she would have identified herself as a "mommy" if she were a big fan
@@michaelayala5394 facts
Most people don't really get it when he talks about his shits, not like I do
For real
Im shittin right now tom thank you for you’re service making me laugh and helping brown slide down
Me too 🤣🚽
Me three
Yup
Men of culture I see
We have to stop meeting like this 😆
Had to dip into a truckstop for a level 5 emergency drop off. Ended up at like a nice big gas station, super clean place.
Shit was so big it came in waves. I remember an employee knocking like "are you ok?". So i was in there long enough that people thought I was doing heroine.
Came out three flushes later to like a ten person line up full of people with kids. I just fucking giggled walked out with my head up past all of them. And had a smoke before i hit the road because of how good I felt. Cloud fucking 9
I once took a dump at a nightclub, drunk as a skunk, alone in the bathroom minding my own business.. suddenly the door flies up, and within 1.5 second, a guy shouts out, really loud, "Holy shit, it smells like karate in here"... I laughed so hard I almost fell of the toilet.. and by the sound of it, the guy outside was hanging on to the wall, laughing.. unforgettable moment 😂
7:40 The person laughing in the background LOL.
Riding around in your car and yelling at people that you just farted is definitely a cool guy move 🎸🎶
These guys are so natural together and hilariously honest with each other.
He said "People you ate..." like am I going to be the only one who notices?!
I legit just came to the comments looking for this. im loling like...so were all gonna just skip over the omission lmfao tom is wilf af
I’m so glad to find another who noticed this.
I died lmfao
I had a level 5 emergency shit when I was in Hawaii. Like one of those slam on the brakes and run to the side of the road kind of emergencies. Barely made it. There was a third new volcano on the big island that day. A week after I left, island erupts. Pretty sure I angered Pele. All my girlfriend could find to help me were a couple of lemon scented wipes that the previous renter had mercifully left in the glove compartment. Left feeling FRRRREEEEEESSHHH
Just feathering it
Sure the Hawaiians super appreciated that 😂
I’ve never laughed so hard at a ymh clip lol
Funniest thing I ever heard was I was shitting in a stall and my buddy who is Mexican is shitting beside me in the next stall and I let loose gas splashing the whole nine yards and he says Jesus Christ that chicken is still alive I died laughing.
Did you ever hear CK speak of having to take his young daughters into a bathroom at JFK airport? Guy in the stall next to them sounds like he’s dropping soup cans & Pennie’s in the bowl!
For real though! The best way to do it is in a public place like target. You drop an extra nasty fart in the middle of the aisle. You walk far enough away so people walking up don't realize it was you... but close enough you get to watch their reaction as they walk into your doom cloud!
"You got to meet him in his element?"
4:04 literally yelling it to an empty bus stop
HUHUHU, GOT EM TINA
"I have little fingers in my butt" lmaooo
Tom "I got little fingers in my butt" Segura 🤦🏻♂️🤣😂🤣
If I got stuck in a stall beside Tom, I’d suggest a game of BattleShit. 😂🙌🏼
one of my favorite couples.
"Everything will fall out. Ya' know: Blood water, people you ate..."
That kinda shit is called a Garth.
Eating spaghetti while watching this clip was not the move lol
I ate this kielbasi dog right before going out on a scavenger hunt that had me driving all over with my brother and our best friend. Halfway through, I leaned over and cracked one with the windows closed. You could actually smell the garlicky kielbasi in there with the death. Best friend whips his head around and goes to exclaim something loudly in protest but his throat closed up in a solid gag halfway through the first word. Then he goes for the window crank with wide eyes and starts cranking the window down like he thought he was going to actually suffocate. My best work to date.
"Heed the tug"
~Christina pazsitzky~
Christina is a catch. What a great gal.
First brown
Beautiful comment 👩💼🔟👴🔟🧔🔟
... and bowl?
Glad to know Tom Segura and I have a similar alert system lol
I have the same defcon level system as Tom. It's just a feeling.
What is a feeling.
The background laughter kills me. So funny…
If I could get the laughter without having to hear nadav that’d be greeaaaaat
It's weird to me that Christina only has 2 modes. Either she's about to shit her pants or she doesn't have to shit at all.
Toms warning systems or whatever are the norm in my estimation.
What was she like pregnant? And after giving birth they don’t let you go home till you poop
1:55 "People you ate." Lmfao
I met Bert at a buffet in Brisbane. So in his element. Was getting in the way of him taking one last pass before the end of lunch too
Here's one of many for me. I used to drive a log truck and we often left EARLY in the morning... like 2am. One day I was at the yard and heading out when I felt a slight twinge so I decided to park and visit the shop toilet. I was casually strolling across the yard when things took a turn for the worse and I was suddenly in a hurry. It was winter and I was bundled up pretty good, including suspenders under my hoodie. So I'm frantically pulling off layers as I hot-foot it thru the mechanic's break room and into their shitter. Now this toilet is just disgusting and there was no way that I was going to actually sit on the seat. So just as I was trying to assume the hover... it let loose. I shit the toilet. The entire toilet, tank and all, disappeared beneath a wave of what I can only describe as ass-chili. I considered leaving the mess and quitting my job and never going back. In the end I grabbed a hose and squirted the entire room out like you would an elephant's cage.
I love Christina so much... if I ever find a woman like her she's getting a ring
I farted many times just watching this. Imma watch it later on the can
You should definitely be waiting as long as possible next to them. Like a good solid red light where they’re crossing or something so you have that long awkward time together to get great reactions
Should’ve made that fan a plate of pootine Tom! Come on, don’t be stingy!
LOL!
The best farts sound like a mix between an angry wookie and a dying ewok.
I'm destroying my bathroom right now. 💩💩☠☠
We were in a cornfield driving down sheet pial. I farted so bad that my boss stopped the whole job because they thought they hit a sewer line
“The tug” 😂
Me and my friends would yell "Dad?!" at random dudes while driving past and some of the looks we got were priceless
You never see that anymore. As kids we would yell at this guy at a gas station on the way home from the beach. Pump it or Hi Testi! He’d had his fist cursing at us. My mom & uncle would laugh. There was also an adult book shop along that highway. Any guy coming in or out got a horn beep 😂
This is gold.
I love these two, they're the podcast version of South Park. We should put them in a room with Trey Parker and Matt Stone.
Nuclear threat: DEFCON Tom!
Defication iminent.
I’ve never felt more in sync with anyone ever than Tom in this clip
There are several Levels. There’s the “You need to shit within the next 5 hours”, “You need to shit within the next hour”, “You need to shit within the next 20 minutes” and finally “All Hands On Deck”. The last one is the worst one, try not to delay shitting so much that you get to that point.
Best way to watch this clip is on the toilet
Beefy…. I died laughing
"...you can tell. By my Rafa hat."
Fair enough
This is the reason I listen to this podcast.
“People you ate”
4:10 Conald, is that you?
In my household the top tier emergency is called CODE: BROWN
I actually shit myself on this day. Thought it was a fart. Never. Again.
As someone with ibs and I’m very unapologetic about my public farts
AND YOU CAN DO THIS TOO 😂😆
I would have put a plaque above the stall that said, "Tom Segura destroyed this bathroom on ".
You guys are so mature.
Tom Segura
The kind of guy who wears 5 watches on his arm.
At all times, one of them knows exactly when he'd gonna mark his territory
6:46 that’s actually a sign of good health I’ve heard! I take some gnarly shits, and they smell like someone fucking died in my asshole. I thought it was bad until I spoke to my doctor and he’s like, “uuuhhhh, that’s a good thing.” I can’t remember WHY it’s good, but it is a sign of good health. So don’t be super embarrassed if your shits are right deadly, atleast you’re healthy lol
imagine diaz was on the podcast when they discussed this
He probably would have made up a bunch of stories that weren't true. The guy is a pathological liar. He's admitted to it.
Jon G. Tell me more.....,
@@MacMittenns get the papers get the papers
@@MacMittenns Even if his stories were fake, which im not arguing one way or the other, who cares? Theyre super entertaining
@@ThiccolasCage01 They really are. I'm not disagreeing at all. He just gets lost in his own reality at times. It can be weird.
I have to say I've always been a fan of both of you guys but I see Kristina cause my interest in tom from rogan but after watching Kristinas episode on pajama pants in so much more a fan of her she is amazing!!
“I have little fingers in my butt and they tell me things”
I was taking an emergency dump once at the grocery store and a worker was stocking the bathroom. It was just her and me in the bathroom. Well she waited in front of my stall door until I was done to go in and refill the toilet paper. I don't even think she was tik-tok'd.
I know I’m late to this video and this response, but I would have been so mad at her. Like just give me some privacy!
Lmao that's great
Exercise shits are the worse I feel like when you're moving around your shit mixes up real well then you just have a explosive shit.
I farted
That poor girl lol "It was a level 5...rancid" 🤣🤣🤣
I call em emergency farts but once you run out of them it's game time code brown for sure
The guy with the background laugh has the best laugh
Sometime you can feel if it's gonna be a death loaf that's alrŕeady cut up or in liquid form. You know when it's bad when it's coming... and when to find a bathroom.
Tom has a rafa hat on, wtf I didn’t know he even followed tennis
Its def on brand
I feel like Tom is slowly surpassing everyone in the group comedy wise
I agree, I love Joe Rogan and burnt Chrysler but Tom's the King
Nothing better than a beefy, meaty fart
Hey Tom! Your wife is BANGIN!!!!
I like yelling “Hey, thats my bike!” At crackheads riding bikes. Ive had a couple of them jump off the bike and run.
Every year I warn the kids - if you don’t behave segura is going to shit down the chimney on Christmas Eve
Don't call him Tommy Buns for nothing.... Lol
"Defcon Tom"
How do you guys wipe?! Front to back or back to front? #papabless
Back to front like a normal person
“...people you ate..” 😂 no one bats an eye at this maniac anymore
Armie hammer
i guess as you get older your movements get better when i shit and think i’m done i get the second wind and that’s when the toilet is destroyed and i feel proud man i just made that
Agreed. Many shades of “have to shit”.
Lol! I feel im about to flush my system!
40 yards to the shit house by will he make it!
I used to do stuff like this or throw things (small aluminium-foil balls and stuff) at peoples heads when i was commuting to or from school by train. I waited for the train to start leaving and do it. Great fun.
Ive made my wife throw up from a fart. I can still see the look on her face. Went from pure disgust to full mouth closed full of vomit bolt to bathroom.. yeah!!
What a great clip to brown to
I once farted so bad I woke up out of a deep sleep and told my wife I think the baby shitted and needed to be changed, she then informed me while trying not to gag that it was me and I should probably check my draws. Luckily for me I didn’t shit myself
Why did she call me mommy? First time watching 👍
3:25 Now the game has evolved. LOL!!!!
I typically work 9a-6p, five to six days a week. I usually have a light lunch, but I don't get home until 7p or later, so if I eat a bigger dinner, my body shuts it down since I sleep a couple hours after. In the morning after my coffee, I take a gross poo everyday or so at work around 9:30a.
There is nothing wrong with getting to know another mans insides.
Paused at 4:58, got up and took a shit, now finishing the video...
I left late for my college bass fishing tournament this morning. And the second I got in my truck at 5:45 in the mornin I felt the urge. It is currently 5:21pm. I just got home.
Of course you participated in a bass fishing tournament and of course you have a truck.
2:27 hints of top dog