FREE Call with Jonathon► jonathonaslay.com/coaching Join My VIP Group for $7-- jonathonaslay.com/midlifelove How Men Choose Their SoulMate (FREE Gift) www.jonathonaslay.com/gift/ Self-Love the Book: www.selflovethebook.com The "What Would Love Do?" Podcast www.jonathonaslay.com/category/podcast/ Recommended Books jonathonaslay.com/book-recommendations Follow Me On Instagram instagram.com/jonathonaslay/ Join this channel to get access to perks: ua-cam.com/channels/DOXs_34FF93o66Z-S0py1g.htmljoin Naked Divorce/Naked Recovery nakeddivorce.com/?ref=jonathonaslay Get a FREE copy of my dating vows here: www.jonathonaslay.com/datingvows
WHAT ABOUT GETTING INVOLVED WITH A MAN WHO IDS IN PRISON...THEY NEVER MET IN PERSON...SHE SENT HIM A PHOTS OF HERSELF FROM TEN YRS AGO...NOW THE MAN SEEMS DISTNCE EMOTINALLY AND VAUGE IN HIS CONVERSATIONS AND HIS BROTHERUP IN KEBTUCKY HAS NEVER BOTHERED TO CALL HER TO SET A MEET UP OR AND TO GET TO KNOW HER ...HE THE PRISIONER ROUND ABOUT ASKES HER FOR MONEY ...HE DOES IT IN A SLY TYPE OF WAY HE DOES NOT STRAIGHT OUT ASK FRO MONEY I AM VERY WORRIED FOE HER,,,PLEASE HELP IN ANY WAY IF YOU CAN MR JOHNATHAN GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS PS SHE PLANS TO MOVE BEFORE HE GETS OUT OF PRISON WHICH WILL BE JULY 2030 HE WILL BE 50 YRS OLD BY THEN HE WAS INVOLVED IN THE TEEN VAMPIRE MURDERS 1996 FLROIDA THEY WERE A BUNCH OF TEENS FROM MURRARY KENUCKY...THE DOCUMETARY IS ON YOU TUBE ABOUT THIS CASE thank you
I understand where you are coming from but some men are momma's boys. They just whine. I married one. He talked about his ex a lot but stopped over time. Once we got busy.
@@laureldell7377 well I'm sorry if I would have said something and tell it the way it is to people and be direct and opinionated it's very important to say tell people the way it is and confront them when they're doing something wrong and it kind of way I'm not sure what you mean by got busy I don't understand what you're talking about I'm a Christian lady God bless you and your family I don't do this dating garbage and worry about all this mess secular what does mortal life than trying to find a woman there's more to life than trying to wise words of wisdom my parents used to say well God bless you and yours this holiday season
I’m in love with a 66 year old man. Not only is he emotionally unavailable but he’s at least 50 pounds overweight. He ghosted me about two months ago and didn’t have the courage to answer my calls or messages . I’m done initiating contact. I’m grieving now but I continue to improve my health and appearance. Lesson learned, finally.
Tina- he was not for you - yes it hurts because you gave your all and he did not. Heal, move forward, you are better for the experience. You sound accepting and loving- don’t waste on the unworthy.
1. Doesn't complain about their ex. 2. Doesn't say he's "broken". Has done the inner work. Able to regulate enotions. 3. They have their act together. Life isn't a mess. 4. They value physical & emotional health. 5. Not addicted to his phone or professional life. 6. Not a complainer. 7. He's not closed off about his emotions. Use words of appreciation and expresses gratitude. Accepts you for who you are.
I just went on a first and second date with a guy who never looked at or even reached for his phone in all the time we were together (except for his mom at the end for Monday night football, which was of course totally fine). The presence was astonishing and so different from what I am used to.
He complained about his ex on the first date -I sent him a message the next day telling him I didn’t think see a future for us . Ironically he was a psychologist
I picked my late husband from the gutter. His ex had kicked him out with an old car and 800 bucks. He was a committed, faithful and loving husband for me for 20 years.
I fell in love with a friend. I kept him at a distance for a long time while we saw each other at Meetup group activities. Then, the functions were not fun without him. Later, I was attracted to his wonderful heart and sense of fun. We chatted daily. I only opened up to dating him when I started finding his presence irresistible. We are so happy now. We talk about every part of our emotional life. We are building our compatibility, but the chemistry is magnetic. Amazing!
Who leads the relationship you or him. If it you he’s weak. I see so many guys let their wives and girlfriends tell them what to do. I can’t understand why a woman would be attracted to a male they they walk all over.
Yes..this is so true.. looking back, my gut told me that it was a red flag(he lied..first one was about his age online..trust is why I left)..but I just wanted to "listen to my heart and give the guy some slack"...@@JonathonAslay
When People Show You Who They Are The First Time, You Must Believe Them - Maya Angelou. This quote is ingrained in my thinking and I NOW think long and hard if I want to participate in a relationship with a man based on what he tells me about himself. If a man says, I am broken, unkind, selfish, emotionally unavailable, married to his job, his kids come first before a relationship, has sexual issues, has strong political views, eats only a certain diet, and is generally close minded person, I believe him. People DO NOT CHANGE especially in mid life! I still think as women we are "programmed" to be a subservient to a man. I honestly think this won't change EVER! This is why women put up with more crap with men. I've also NEVER had a LDR relationship as this isn't for me. I need to have my partner in my city/state and I state this on my dating profile - it is a dealbreaker for me at this point in life. I think everyone should not only pray for the right partner, but for one who lives near you in your state/city.
That’s become my favorite quote too, because I’ve ignored too many red flags even when they clearly showed me who they were. You stated some excellent points. The no LDR is huge for me too. Will never do it again. I’m torn on the “his kids come first before a relationship,” because partly I believe they should, but I see your point in how if it’s overboard then it would be a problem. I edited to add that omg… the strong political views. I stayed far too long with a guy who ranted and raved about “the idiots” who were on the opposite political side. I wish I realized back then that it’s a huge sign of a closed-minded man! Thx for the reminder that leaving him really was for the best!
This is profound Jonathon. He complained about his ex. Said he was a broken man. Well guess what… he went back to that ex who harmed him immeasurably. I’m still in shock. Still heartbroken. 💔 So glad u have that insight. I wish I knew abt this b4… but at least I do now. I listen to every word out of their mouth now. Have an abundance of caution. I dig deep when they say something that doesn’t sound right. I’m not about to fall in love either. The man I’m dating now… we are smitten but even though we’ve been dating almost a year… he is not getting into my bed until I’m sure of who he is.
He talked about her constantly! I said, please don't talk about her. They were divorced longer than married. It was 30 years since the divorce. I started greeting her when he brought herup... trying to joke it away. That pissed him off. Too many people in that relationship. I couldn't do it.
My latest “relationship” ended quickly, thank God, because he definitely didn’t value his physical health. He definitely is addicted to alcohol and even said something to the effect that he doesn’t do personal growth stuff! Phew! I dodged a bullet!
I have read that the top 20% of a men’s profiles get 80%of views from women-strange but might be true and we women need to be aware of this-if true!! (and yes I also read that it’s purposefully set up this way) I’m sorry I have no references at this moment.
This is fantastic And yes, I've met a a man who told me he was a broken man, that there was no hope for him, and that he was doomed. When I agreed, he was surprised that I I didn't try to convince him otherwise and didnt attempt to "save" him. He was angry and bitter about his ex-wife and refused therapy saying "I need love, not therapy"
Womens intuiton is so powerful. If women trust their intuition and stand by their standards, it prevents a lot of heartache and being used. Trust your gut! Does he make you feel safe, respected and loved??
I’d like to add watch how he treats others because when he’s comfortable and lets his guard down with you, that’s how he’ll treat you. This goes for good and bad treatment.
I dated a guy that complained about his ex often and was very emotional unavailable. I lined him but I ended up leaving him because the poor communication skills and lack of emotional connection
I dated a James Bond and it's nuts. He had so many past experiences to focus on and was not living in the present. Always wanting to be in control of the situation. No compromise.
Yes, 200% correct. Actually he is playing with many women online by letting them know he is suffering depression due to horrible Ex and many are falling into his trapped. Surprisingly at his age in 63.
#5, yes. My ex-husband was not only an alcoholic, functional, obviously...but a workaholic too. He was rarely home. We never talked. Never had any sort of in-depth conversations. It was pathetically sad. It's why I left before our first anniversary.
Wow #1 is so true. We need to listen and face the truth of what they say. This is why its important to sit back and observe the man. They will tell and show their intentions if we pay attention objectively.
#1, #2, #3, #6, #7. I'm so glad I found your channel, I'm all ears...wish I would have heard this content a year ago. Walked away from this dumpster fire 3 weeks ago with my self respect. Can't wait to digest more of your content here.
I’ve been alone for 2 years now. After 62 years of living with someone (siblings, husband, boyfriend or kids) I can honestly say I’m really liking it. My husband of almost 30 years was an alcoholic and I’m not much of a drinker, so that would be an immediate deal breaker for me.
Bless you. I'm on yr heels....not 62 years but 47 years of my life given to someone who denigrated me to our children. This covid bs brought it all to a head though and his spiteful comments over the years have now just left me numb. 8 yrs of therapy and now I know I'm OK 👍 ❤❤❤
@@denisemartinez1903 but I never did a lockdown because it was all bs and my entire family were plotting how they could get me arrested. Unfortunately for them, I overheard them and now, with the truth out there from our 'at the time, health minister' the gov are admitting it to be a hoax. Get ready because there is another lockdown on the way
Yes I agree with you. Know yourself first and 😂 Esperanto your mind. Face reality. Be like a river and keep flowing. It’s a process Life is about learning. Think about solutions. Life equals solutions. Life is fluid, like a river. Keep flowing and moving. Look ahead!!!
After meeting up in online he has proposed to me to Mary him so so I was engaged in online but I havent met the man in face to face it was blind love but we both stuck on our promises so we continue to share and build our relationship to make it happen for us and we both really struggles together .making ways for meetings do many many things . because in have to follow this procedure.. because man came from a very highly profile .but he put him self down to my level ..to fight hard . to make our journey realty...we are still fighting for our marriage .still trying ..and thing our love has so many reasons and so many meaning so many stories that never forget the struggled we both went through . We are still struggle
I love, love, love your insight and how totally real you are. You’ve really helped me see how I have been responsible for being caught up in a dysfunctional relationship, why my man is the way he is and now I need to continue on this journey of setting boundaries and moving towards either ending it and moving on or accepting it and loving him regardless of how and who he is. Whew!
No one is more surprised than me, that these very valid and accurate 7 items I have NOT experienced in my relationships. Excellent content and thank you for the truth! Thank you!
I've dated a guy who complained about his Ex . The date was just him complaining about his exes and how he's so hurt and how he thinks I'm so kind for listening. Than he let his sexual energy out on me, never the less i didn't date him again, he kept contacting me but i blocked him. The worst thing a guy can do is to talk about his exes, and many men are cry babies about it. In my experience, even 50 60 year olds, complaining about their ex, selfish . Grow up . 😅😅😅
Healing, that may be true-my thought then is am I his therapist-no I’m not- recommend he see a therapist-then watch what happens! It may not be a good outcome so tread carefully.
7 out of 7, I no longer accept unavailable men or people in general and enjoy my break from dating ...although I'm not shut off but I'm creating as I love to be creative, also retired yet still working my trade, traveling and allowing myself good times with my own self and great friends. Thank you
1. Yes I have and he cheated on me with the ex. 5. Yes I experienced a man who was addicted to his work. Things never progressed because he never made time for me and always canceled plans with me.
I've experienced all 7 of these. Mixed breed men. If you can leave so easily, they were never really meant for you. Relationships require investments and alignment. All in at 💯 Ive left men for these reasons. I send positive energy to them in the universive. Heal yourself first and be prepared. On the same page. Only you can change yourself. 🙏
Broken men saying they damaged is them being 'honest' in not ready for a relationship. Unfortunately, women take as challenge to fix them, and diminish own value in doing so/going into therapist role playing/not seen as complete person. Man revealing himself without judgement to a woman is healing to the man (one way/ control, me therapist)
Unfortunately, #1 THRU #7, NPD type/self centered Toxic masculinity (fortunately more cowardly in avoiding than attacking/violent), They not interested knowing me, talk about self. Long distance and not good when I not feel well, done in 3 months with person, I left/went no contact.
You are absolutely right, Jonathon. I always thought chemistry was black and white- either you have it or you don’t. However that’s not true. With my current boyfriend I thought I wasn’t really attracted to him at first but something changed on our fifth date and developed the most intense chemistry and connection. We have been together for over a year now happily. On the other hand, with my ex, I had intense chemistry right away but that didn’t last. So yes I totally agree with you. Chemistry is not black and white. It can be made or intensified by getting to know each other better. Really enjoyed this video. Thank you for all you do.
#2, the man in question wore a t-shirt that actually said he was a broken man! 2 years into our relationship I became sober and I started my recovery journey. I broke up with him, that was 24 years ago...
I luv u Jonathan u R soooo honest & much fun to listen to, I laugh all throughout your video 😂 it’s sinking in😊 it’s resonating😵💫 Haha all this + learning more than ever in watching a Dr Phil😂
Yes addicted to work running away from intimacy- but he is a passive aggressive narcissist and never could deal with feelings....number 6 and 7- could never do anything but repeat same high school lines
I just did some investigative reading on the dismissive avoidant personality. I do believe this personality type can reject a person and deny their feelings with the vibes showing the complete opposite. They are people who have terrible rejection and guilt experiences and who are in a constant state of fear of going through it again. You used the term jumpers in one of your pods....something that I recently experienced of a guy I couldn't figure out. At first I was confused...then angry of the yo yo effect of here...than not here. lol. After reading about this type of personality I felt sorry for him...but had a definite realization of run, do not walk to the nearest exit door.😄
Had a man in my life like this too. We were engaged too long He wouldn’t set a date. We’d buy a house then he’d back out of deal. One day he wanted to live in Arizona and the next week he changed his mind. He changed his mind a lot. We literally went all over the country trying to find the perfect retirement location and he could never make a decision. Really about anything!! You ought to see him try to park a car! He was sexually assaulted as a young boy and had an abusive mother and never had counseling. He was an alcoholic. Sad sad deal We we’re free friends for many years. We sort of trauma bonded. But I had a great deal of counseling and had wonderful parents and family strength!! He had dysfunction !! So many broken people.
I'm on the precipice of breaking off a 7 month relationship that has had a rough patch for 2 months....for the reason that I can't see a future anymore. It's like he can't take the leap. I was second guessing myself until you hit 6 and 7 and then Bam! you nailed it. My instinct was right. I can't continue waiting for the other shoe to drop because he's clearly not ready so he isn't able to make this relationship work
Just need you to know you are a f legend, thanks for what you are giving to so many women worldwide. I have been through alot of this and happily single focusing on my life and just made my bedroom in a palace, I am a queen and I know it, I cut ppl out as soon as I see an of the signs you have mentioned, love to watch to keep it as a reminder! You are the best!
I had an interesting bout with a narcissist, I was careful not to label him but I had to go to therapy and my therapist said he's textbook. After a 30-year marriage, he came on to me so strong pretended to be healed and I should have known better. There was no way after 8 months he could be healed after a 30-year marriage. We got married after 2 years and divorced and 7 months after his abuse and infidelity surface. It was a crazy ride
I met a guy for about 5 months. From the start he said he was struggling with finances & he is not build into a serious relationship. He was offered to move to another country for a project assignment. He mentioned about his debts on how much he will earn & still not enough. In spite of the twists & turns I believe he would tide over the difficulties. I just thought he might be hinting to me so that I will offer my help to lend him some money. I thought thru it and decided it’s not going to work out since his job is not stable. We are not in a relationship (fwb). He plan to return end Aug to celebrate his birthday & meet his daughter. Now he is not so keen to meet me.
No 3: During the course of the conversation shared they were screwed up. Demonstrated it and left for good. There is not any reason on my part to communicate anything.😮
6 out of 7 🚩 I experienced with him but I couldn’t leave him. I kept begging for more time and emotional intimacy but got nothing. However, the reason I ended last week after 9 months was because I found his text before and after our first date he said multiple friends that my sister was the most beautiful woman he ever met in person and went on describing how he thinks she’s more attractive and gorgeous. I asked him why would you peruse me then? He told me because despite that he was into me, my kindness. Question: was this man ever really loved me? I am confused and deeply hurt and hard to believe anything that came from him, although he said he did almost everyday for the last 6 months.
@@JonathonAslay Thank you so much for getting back. I am desperate to know why he wasted my time, after chasing me for 6 months to convince me to date him. But then he met my sister and did those talks. But he continued pursuing me. His wife divorced him after 12 years of being together, and 9 years of marriage. His divorce was finalized in August and he got into a relationship with me in January. Since February he has been hot and cold with me. I found out his conversations about my sister last week and ended it. Should I trust him again if he asks for a chance or this should be a done deal?
Don't beg a man for love. You said he said he loved you everyday for 6 month. I don't understand how adults will believe words over actions. Im not sure why. Is it denial ?
J: You're a terrific (genuine!) seemingly-WELL adjusted AND well-INTENTIONED male, and I sure appreciate you AND what you say. God love you. (from southwest New Mexico.)
I met 47 years old man who was so open with me the first 2 weeks of our communication, about his vulnerability too (a terrible divorce, and his last 7 years relationship) I noticed he most likely won’t get married ever again 🚩 and he has fears that women need his money only 🚩🚩) I didn’t go far with this man because he showed some signs that he doesn’t want to develop the relationship but very interested in a romantic experience with me mostly. I knew him for about a month and I understand it’s too early to judge (or not too early 🤭), especially we didn’t get physically close. Can’t say his intentions were bad, or he didn’t put enough efforts, but I don’t want to put my life on proving to him I’m the right and trustworthy person for him. Somehow I felt I have to do that to gain his trust 😅and actually I don’t like this place for myself.
* Won't lead with exit strategy. He's a lonely broken man. Dont be a fool think you'll wait around to change him. 1. Don't complain about ex. 2. Broken. Childhood wounds. Adult traumas. It's his exit strategy. 3. Life is a mess. 4. Don't value physical health. Value Emotional well being. Drink in excess. Doing things in excess. 5. Not addicted to phone. Not addicted to work. Addicted to social media. Avoidance mechanism to avoid intimacy doesn't have balance in their life. 6. Complainer. Communication is negative. 7. Not closed off with emotions. Horny doesn't count. Love bombing. Good: Is he appreciative & grateful. I've experienced all these. In 1 man, twice.
His past was a disaster! I am all for forgiveness when there is honesty. But, he wasn't completely honest about ANYTHNG!! I have learned from this experience with this "charmer" background checks are a MUST!😱 He said one of the many exes had cheated. I believe in reality he was always the cheater!
My ex boy friend complained about his ex. His ex wife, Donna, slept with his bosses brother. The crazy part??? His boss, Mark, was his brother in law by marriage. Yes!!! They both married sisters. The crazy part, he continued to work there. Thats insane!!!! I don't think he ever got over his wife cheating on him & leaving him. As I look back, I thought I could save him, make him happy. Love wasn't enough. And yes, he was #7 as well. Unfortunately he was with me when my mother passed at the age of 90. I say unfortunately, as a alittle over a year after my mom passed, he broke up with me over the phone, the day before Easter. I never, ever saw it coming. The week before he was discussing what he wanted us to do over Memorial Day weekend. Since the break up in 2018, I have been alone & focusing on my self & my home.
Such good insights. I recently ended dating with a wonderful man. I could say there were a few minor red flags. I say minor because his green flags were way more present than red and he was looking for a relationship. Everything went great and I noticed he was slowing down. After 2 months he told me he really liked me but not romantically. We did have sex and I was emotionally about to invest but I knew quite early on there was something that just couldn't be there. I think we both were physically attracted to each other and "chemistry" was there but at the end of the day, sometimes it is our gut feeling that will tell us whether we want to spend more time with each other exploring and discovering. I learned to differentiate between emotional investment and genuine feelings of curiosity and passion towards one another. Sometimes all the talks can't create magic. Hugs are not the same as connectedness. Kisses can't surpass the deep belonging to one another. I'm divorced and am in a good relationship with my ex. I just think now, that the fact I did fall deep in love with my ex, got married,and have children together and grew together as a couple is such a miracle and I'm grateful for that.
This explains why my husband does not want to discuss his ex. I didn't understand it all as i have been burned really bad from mine if he doesn't want me to talk about my exes or his at all
Q: Jonathon, my ex, if he had to chase and beg, cry, to me, he’d be open emotionally. But if I needed to be open with him, he would just sit there with no real reaction, asleep at the wheel. Why? So frus
@@JonathonAslay @basicinfo2022 Yes (we used to work at the same place) and we spent a lot of time together but he never made an effort to date me officially, also he was hot and cold attitude, I was in a point of my life where literally I was hoping to have more of him and thinking one day he would change for me. I was so wrong! He just didn't want me, he had his traumas and of course he likes toxic womans.
#4.....i met a guy on a dating site....we talked on phone for week and the way he talked he was into fitness ....young for his age ....outgoing....a boss....he drove 2 hrs to meet me.....I was instantly disappointed....he had a beer gut which I was willing to overlook but he also kept talking down about himself especially when he saw my disappointment...then we stepped outside for a walk n he got winded crossing the street!....
Yes #2 He lead with early on that he has a pattern of being emotionally unavailable. First conflict-he blocked & ghosted me ...avoidant runner #7...Never again!!!!
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WHAT ABOUT GETTING INVOLVED WITH A MAN WHO IDS IN PRISON...THEY NEVER MET IN PERSON...SHE SENT HIM A PHOTS OF HERSELF FROM TEN YRS AGO...NOW THE MAN SEEMS DISTNCE EMOTINALLY AND VAUGE IN HIS CONVERSATIONS AND HIS BROTHERUP IN KEBTUCKY HAS NEVER BOTHERED TO CALL HER TO SET A MEET UP OR AND TO GET TO KNOW HER ...HE THE PRISIONER ROUND ABOUT ASKES HER FOR MONEY ...HE DOES IT IN A SLY TYPE OF WAY HE DOES NOT STRAIGHT OUT ASK FRO MONEY I AM VERY WORRIED FOE HER,,,PLEASE HELP IN ANY WAY IF YOU CAN MR JOHNATHAN GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS PS SHE PLANS TO MOVE BEFORE HE GETS OUT OF PRISON WHICH WILL BE JULY 2030 HE WILL BE 50 YRS OLD BY THEN HE WAS INVOLVED IN THE TEEN VAMPIRE MURDERS 1996 FLROIDA THEY WERE A BUNCH OF TEENS FROM MURRARY KENUCKY...THE DOCUMETARY IS ON YOU TUBE ABOUT THIS CASE thank you
I understand where you are coming from but some men are momma's boys. They just whine.
I married one. He talked about his ex a lot but stopped over time. Once we got busy.
@@laureldell7377 well I'm sorry if I would have said something and tell it the way it is to people and be direct and opinionated it's very important to say tell people the way it is and confront them when they're doing something wrong and it kind of way I'm not sure what you mean by got busy I don't understand what you're talking about I'm a Christian lady God bless you and your family I don't do this dating garbage and worry about all this mess secular what does mortal life than trying to find a woman there's more to life than trying to wise words of wisdom my parents used to say well God bless you and yours this holiday season
I’m in love with a 66 year old man. Not only is he emotionally unavailable but he’s at least 50 pounds overweight. He ghosted me about two months ago and didn’t have the courage to answer my calls or messages . I’m done initiating contact. I’m grieving now but I continue to improve my health and appearance. Lesson learned, finally.
Tina- he was not for you - yes it hurts because you gave your all and he did
not. Heal, move forward, you are better for the experience. You sound accepting and loving- don’t waste on the unworthy.
What exactly is it that you’re in love with?
good for you. congrats working on yourself and appearance. you will feel better.
1. Doesn't complain about their ex.
2. Doesn't say he's "broken". Has done the inner work. Able to regulate enotions.
3. They have their act together. Life isn't a mess.
4. They value physical & emotional health.
5. Not addicted to his phone or professional life.
6. Not a complainer.
7. He's not closed off about his emotions. Use words of appreciation and expresses gratitude. Accepts you for who you are.
Perfect thank you!
Playing the victim card from the get go. Akin to "You're not like other women." Augh que stomach turning
I Totally Agree 👍
I just went on a first and second date with a guy who never looked at or even reached for his phone in all the time we were together (except for his mom at the end for Monday night football, which was of course totally fine). The presence was astonishing and so different from what I am used to.
@@KiKi-te9yd😮he checks every one of em which sucks cuz he doesn't text back at all lol
Never second guess your intuition/gut. There's a reason it's there. To protect you.
Yes I was married to an emotionally stunted man. He didn’t know what his own feelings were. For me it was torture
I understand
He complained about his ex on the first date -I sent him a message the next day telling him I didn’t think see a future for us . Ironically he was a psychologist
He's human ... 🥴
Good for you! Yes, he’s human-but I think your instinct was and still is correct.
I picked my late husband from the gutter. His ex had kicked him out with an old car and 800 bucks. He was a committed, faithful and loving husband for me for 20 years.
I fell in love with a friend. I kept him at a distance for a long time while we saw each other at Meetup group activities. Then, the functions were not fun without him. Later, I was attracted to his wonderful heart and sense of fun. We chatted daily. I only opened up to dating him when I started finding his presence irresistible. We are so happy now. We talk about every part of our emotional life. We are building our compatibility, but the chemistry is magnetic. Amazing!
This is how I want mine to go.
I hope it works.
It's not easy for me to not engage in physical intimacy and hold things at bay.
Who leads the relationship you or him. If it you he’s weak. I see so many guys let their wives and girlfriends tell them what to do. I can’t understand why a woman would be attracted to a male they they walk all over.
@@Tarasyoutubesex after marriage
Inspiring! My hope for you both is continued success, it’s enjoyable to be around couples who care about one another!
I love when Jonathan starts yelling at us lmao 🤣
🤣🤣🤣 cant beat a bit of straight talking in this day and age...
Yes I crack up every time.
Me too! ❤😂
Me too! Lol!
😂
The red flags you choose to ignore going into a relationship will be the ones that ends it.
Indeed
So true
Yes..this is so true.. looking back, my gut told me that it was a red flag(he lied..first one was about his age online..trust is why I left)..but I just wanted to "listen to my heart and give the guy some slack"...@@JonathonAslay
When People Show You Who They Are The First Time, You Must Believe Them - Maya Angelou. This quote is ingrained in my thinking and I NOW think long and hard if I want to participate in a relationship with a man based on what he tells me about himself. If a man says, I am broken, unkind, selfish, emotionally unavailable, married to his job, his kids come first before a relationship, has sexual issues, has strong political views, eats only a certain diet, and is generally close minded person, I believe him. People DO NOT CHANGE especially in mid life! I still think as women we are "programmed" to be a subservient to a man. I honestly think this won't change EVER! This is why women put up with more crap with men. I've also NEVER had a LDR relationship as this isn't for me. I need to have my partner in my city/state and I state this on my dating profile - it is a dealbreaker for me at this point in life. I think everyone should not only pray for the right partner, but for one who lives near you in your state/city.
I want that too
.
I agree with this 💯
That’s become my favorite quote too, because I’ve ignored too many red flags even when they clearly showed me who they were. You stated some excellent points. The no LDR is huge for me too. Will never do it again. I’m torn on the “his kids come first before a relationship,” because partly I believe they should, but I see your point in how if it’s overboard then it would be a problem.
I edited to add that omg… the strong political views. I stayed far too long with a guy who ranted and raved about “the idiots” who were on the opposite political side. I wish I realized back then that it’s a huge sign of a closed-minded man! Thx for the reminder that leaving him really was for the best!
This is profound Jonathon. He complained about his ex. Said he was a broken man. Well guess what… he went back to that ex who harmed him immeasurably. I’m still in shock. Still heartbroken. 💔
So glad u have that insight. I wish I knew abt this b4… but at least I do now. I listen to every word out of their mouth now. Have an abundance of caution. I dig deep when they say something that doesn’t sound right. I’m not about to fall in love either. The man I’m dating now… we are smitten but even though we’ve been dating almost a year… he is not getting into my bed until I’m sure of who he is.
He talked about her constantly! I said, please don't talk about her. They were divorced longer than married. It was 30 years since the divorce. I started greeting her when he brought herup... trying to joke it away. That pissed him off. Too many people in that relationship. I couldn't do it.
That's just ugh!!
So right!
My latest “relationship” ended quickly, thank God, because he definitely didn’t value his physical health. He definitely is addicted to alcohol and even said something to the effect that he doesn’t do personal growth stuff! Phew! I dodged a bullet!
Copied your wonderful prayer. Thank you Jonathan.
So many guys on dating sites look like something that crawled out from a rock. And they think they’re ready to meet who? 😂
😅😅😅😅
I have read that the top 20% of a men’s profiles get 80%of views from women-strange but might be true and we women need to be aware of this-if true!!
(and yes I also read that it’s purposefully set up this way) I’m sorry I have no references at this moment.
Or they us profile pictures from 20 years ago!😂😂😂
This is fantastic
And yes, I've met a a man who told me he was a broken man, that there was no hope for him, and that he was doomed. When I agreed, he was surprised that I I didn't try to convince him otherwise and didnt attempt to "save" him. He was angry and bitter about his ex-wife and refused therapy saying "I need love, not therapy"
Love that!😅
Womens intuiton is so powerful. If women trust their intuition and stand by their standards, it prevents a lot of heartache and being used. Trust your gut! Does he make you feel safe, respected and loved??
Well Said!!
💯
I’d like to add watch how he treats others because when he’s comfortable and lets his guard down with you, that’s how he’ll treat you. This goes for good and bad treatment.
I appreciate these comments! Helps me so much-
I love your insight thanks so much. Just out of a situation with alllll 7 red flags
I dated a guy that complained about his ex often and was very emotional unavailable. I lined him but I ended up leaving him because the poor communication skills and lack of emotional connection
I dated a James Bond and it's nuts. He had so many past experiences to focus on and was not living in the present. Always wanting to be in control of the situation. No compromise.
Yes, 200% correct. Actually he is playing with many women online by letting them know he is suffering depression due to horrible Ex and many are falling into his trapped. Surprisingly at his age in 63.
Thank you for that comment-it’s insightful, and I agree can be attention seeking etc! To long in the tooth for that behavior😅
#5, yes. My ex-husband was not only an alcoholic, functional, obviously...but a workaholic too. He was rarely home. We never talked. Never had any sort of in-depth conversations. It was pathetically sad. It's why I left before our first anniversary.
Good on you. 😊
Yes I will not except it anymore
Wow #1 is so true. We need to listen and face the truth of what they say. This is why its important to sit back and observe the man. They will tell and show their intentions if we pay attention objectively.
I like this list Jonathon!
I believe I’m feeling that’s my situation
Alexandria T. Thank you for being open and candid about your relationship. How is it going at your work knowing you see your former guy there?
thank you for your firm words to inspire women to stop making excuses for dating mediocre men !
#1, #2, #3, #6, #7. I'm so glad I found your channel, I'm all ears...wish I would have heard this content a year ago. Walked away from this dumpster fire 3 weeks ago with my self respect. Can't wait to digest more of your content here.
Welcome aboard!
I’ve been alone for 2 years now. After 62 years of living with someone (siblings, husband, boyfriend or kids) I can honestly say I’m really liking it. My husband of almost 30 years was an alcoholic and I’m not much of a drinker, so that would be an immediate deal breaker for me.
Bless you. I'm on yr heels....not 62 years but 47 years of my life given to someone who denigrated me to our children. This covid bs brought it all to a head though and his spiteful comments over the years have now just left me numb.
8 yrs of therapy and now I know I'm OK 👍 ❤❤❤
@@thehorsebackheroine5950 Covid did that for a lot of people. They locked us up with people we couldn’t stand lol 😂
@@denisemartinez1903 but I never did a lockdown because it was all bs and my entire family were plotting how they could get me arrested. Unfortunately for them, I overheard them and now, with the truth out there from our 'at the time, health minister' the gov are admitting it to be a hoax.
Get ready because there is another lockdown on the way
Wish I had seen your channel back in 2015
You’re right Jonathon
Yes I agree with you. Know yourself first and 😂 Esperanto your mind. Face reality. Be like a river and keep flowing. It’s a process Life is about learning. Think about solutions. Life equals solutions. Life is fluid, like a river. Keep flowing and moving. Look ahead!!!
This is true Jonathon ❤🌹
After meeting up in online he has proposed to me to Mary him so so I was engaged in online but I havent met the man in face to face it was blind love but we both stuck on our promises so we continue to share and build our relationship to make it happen for us and we both really struggles together .making ways for meetings do many many things . because in have to follow this procedure.. because man came from a very highly profile .but he put him self down to my level ..to fight hard . to make our journey realty...we are still fighting for our marriage .still trying ..and thing our love has so many reasons and so many meaning so many stories that never forget the struggled we both went through . We are still struggle
Men hide there drinking habits as long as they can.
Hiding all bad habits for as long as they can with sprinkles of disclosures along the way.
They can compartementalize all kinds of things.
I love, love, love your insight and how totally real you are. You’ve really helped me see how I have been responsible for being caught up in a dysfunctional relationship, why my man is the way he is and now I need to continue on this journey of setting boundaries and moving towards either ending it and moving on or accepting it and loving him regardless of how and who he is. Whew!
No one is more surprised than me, that these very valid and accurate 7 items I have NOT experienced in my relationships. Excellent content and thank you for the truth! Thank you!
Great to hear!
I've dated a guy who complained about his Ex . The date was just him complaining about his exes and how he's so hurt and how he thinks I'm so kind for listening. Than he let his sexual energy out on me, never the less i didn't date him again, he kept contacting me but i blocked him. The worst thing a guy can do is to talk about his exes, and many men are cry babies about it. In my experience, even 50 60 year olds, complaining about their ex, selfish . Grow up . 😅😅😅
So true.
That was Not a date- at all!
Sounds like he needs a Therapist and is mistaking "Dating" as a replacement for 🙄
Man revealing himself without judgement to a woman is healing to the man (one way/ control, me therapist)
Healing, that may be true-my thought then is am I his therapist-no I’m not- recommend he see a therapist-then watch what happens! It may not be a good outcome so tread carefully.
Thanks!
Awe... thanks
7 out of 7, I no longer accept unavailable men or people in general and enjoy my break from dating ...although I'm not shut off but I'm creating as I love to be creative, also retired yet still working my trade, traveling and allowing myself good times with my own self and great friends. Thank you
1. Yes I have and he cheated on me with the ex.
5. Yes I experienced a man who was addicted to his work. Things never progressed because he never made time for me and always canceled plans with me.
Let me guess, you dated a Scorpio ?
He did choose his ex, leave it alone. He Will never pick you, he is only trying to get over her but he will always go back to her.
@@MartineFabienshe is not asking your advice
LOVE THE PRAYER 🙏🏼
This is so good !! Wonderful message
Bear hugs for you Jonathon ❤❤❤🌹
I've experienced all 7 of these. Mixed breed men. If you can leave so easily, they were never really meant for you. Relationships require investments and alignment. All in at 💯 Ive left men for these reasons. I send positive energy to them in the universive. Heal yourself first and be prepared. On the same page. Only you can change yourself. 🙏
1,4,5,workaholic,stoner,did not eat well, hobbies gaming and drinking at weekend,not ever calling,only texting,wants drama free,no committment.God glad it's over.Only expressed horniness.
Broken men saying they damaged is them being 'honest' in not ready for a relationship. Unfortunately, women take as challenge to fix them, and diminish own value in doing so/going into therapist role playing/not seen as complete person. Man revealing himself without judgement to a woman is healing to the man (one way/ control, me therapist)
Unfortunately, #1 THRU #7, NPD type/self centered Toxic masculinity (fortunately more cowardly in avoiding than attacking/violent), They not interested knowing me, talk about self. Long distance and not good when I not feel well, done in 3 months with person, I left/went no contact.
You are absolutely right, Jonathon. I always thought chemistry was black and white- either you have it or you don’t. However that’s not true. With my current boyfriend I thought I wasn’t really attracted to him at first but something changed on our fifth date and developed the most intense chemistry and connection. We have been together for over a year now happily. On the other hand, with my ex, I had intense chemistry right away but that didn’t last. So yes I totally agree with you. Chemistry is not black and white. It can be made or intensified by getting to know each other better. Really enjoyed this video. Thank you for all you do.
Exactly 🙏
Yes, currently seeing (casually) a man who can't stand his ex because she kept him from his son for years. Lots of legal costs. I don't blame him.
5- man addicted to his work- avoided his family
Spot on in everything you say
I hope you keep speaking the truth, Jonathan. Thank you
I'll do my best...
#2, the man in question wore a t-shirt that actually said he was a broken man! 2 years into our relationship I became sober and I started my recovery journey. I broke up with him, that was 24 years ago...
I luv u Jonathan u R soooo honest & much fun to listen to, I laugh all throughout your video 😂 it’s sinking in😊
it’s resonating😵💫
Haha all this + learning more than ever in watching a Dr Phil😂
Yes, experience all of them over the years. Thanks for helping us gals and guys out on all this.
I was broken. I told you from the beginning!! Therefore I am not responsible!!!!! Exactly.
I Love Your Prayer
Jonathon!
So much valuable information.
You are so much fun to listen to and learn from.
Thank you for being you
I appreciate that!
Yes addicted to work running away from intimacy- but he is a passive aggressive narcissist and never could deal with feelings....number 6 and 7- could never do anything but repeat same high school lines
Experienced #7
Was in confusing relationship/situation with a dismissive avoidant
I just did some investigative reading on the dismissive avoidant personality. I do believe this personality type can reject a person and deny their feelings with the vibes showing the complete opposite. They are people who have terrible rejection and guilt experiences and who are in a constant state of fear of going through it again. You used the term jumpers in one of your pods....something that I recently experienced of a guy I couldn't figure out. At first I was confused...then angry of the yo yo effect of here...than not here. lol. After reading about this type of personality I felt sorry for him...but had a definite realization of run, do not walk to the nearest exit door.😄
Had a man in my life like this too. We were engaged too long He wouldn’t set a date. We’d buy a house then he’d back out of deal. One day he wanted to live in Arizona and the next week he changed his mind. He changed his mind a lot. We literally went all over the country trying to find the perfect retirement location and he could never make a decision. Really about anything!! You ought to see him try to park a car! He was sexually assaulted as a young boy and had an abusive mother and never had counseling. He was an alcoholic. Sad sad deal We we’re free friends for many years. We sort of trauma bonded. But I had a great deal of counseling and had wonderful parents and family strength!! He had dysfunction !! So many broken people.
Indeed. RUN!
#6 & 7- I’m in a new relationship w/a widower, who is very closed in his feelings. Trying to figure him out and encourage him to express himself.
I'm on the precipice of breaking off a 7 month relationship that has had a rough patch for 2 months....for the reason that I can't see a future anymore. It's like he can't take the leap. I was second guessing myself until you hit 6 and 7 and then Bam! you nailed it. My instinct was right. I can't continue waiting for the other shoe to drop because he's clearly not ready so he isn't able to make this relationship work
Just need you to know you are a f legend, thanks for what you are giving to so many women worldwide. I have been through alot of this and happily single focusing on my life and just made my bedroom in a palace, I am a queen and I know it, I cut ppl out as soon as I see an of the signs you have mentioned, love to watch to keep it as a reminder! You are the best!
Wow, thank you
I had an interesting bout with a narcissist, I was careful not to label him but I had to go to therapy and my therapist said he's textbook. After a 30-year marriage, he came on to me so strong pretended to be healed and I should have known better. There was no way after 8 months he could be healed after a 30-year marriage. We got married after 2 years and divorced and 7 months after his abuse and infidelity surface. It was a crazy ride
Great content! Your video topics are really getting better and better.
And the red shirt and orchids looks great!
Glad you think so!
I met a guy for about 5 months. From the start he said he was struggling with finances & he is not build into a serious relationship.
He was offered to move to another country for a project assignment. He mentioned about his debts on how much he will earn & still not enough. In spite of the twists & turns I believe he would tide over the difficulties. I just thought he might be hinting to me so that I will offer my help to lend him some money. I thought thru it and decided it’s not going to work out since his job is not stable. We are not in a relationship (fwb). He plan to return end Aug to celebrate his birthday & meet his daughter. Now he is not so keen to meet me.
Thank you Jonathan for your valuable advice!
No 3: During the course of the conversation shared they were screwed up.
Demonstrated it and left for good.
There is not any reason on my part to communicate anything.😮
I agree with Alexandra!!!!!!!
Yes I've had number 7 in my life and won't accept that anymore! Took about 9 months for it to show. The key is to believe it when it shows up!
6 out of 7 🚩 I experienced with him but I couldn’t leave him. I kept begging for more time and emotional intimacy but got nothing. However, the reason I ended last week after 9 months was because I found his text before and after our first date he said multiple friends that my sister was the most beautiful woman he ever met in person and went on describing how he thinks she’s more attractive and gorgeous. I asked him why would you peruse me then? He told me because despite that he was into me, my kindness.
Question: was this man ever really loved me? I am confused and deeply hurt and hard to believe anything that came from him, although he said he did almost everyday for the last 6 months.
I'm sure he cared about you, but he wasn't capable of loving you...
@@JonathonAslay Thank you so much for getting back. I am desperate to know why he wasted my time, after chasing me for 6 months to convince me to date him. But then he met my sister and did those talks. But he continued pursuing me. His wife divorced him after 12 years of being together, and 9 years of marriage. His divorce was finalized in August and he got into a relationship with me in January. Since February he has been hot and cold with me. I found out his conversations about my sister last week and ended it. Should I trust him again if he asks for a chance or this should be a done deal?
Don't beg a man for love. You said he said he loved you everyday for 6 month. I don't understand how adults will believe words over actions. Im not sure why. Is it denial ?
@@mahmudanaznin3031 if you can leave him please do. He disrespected you. I dont think its worth it at all.
4. I have experienced this in past relationship.
J: You're a terrific (genuine!) seemingly-WELL adjusted AND well-INTENTIONED male, and I sure appreciate you AND what you say. God love you. (from southwest New Mexico.)
Wow, thank you!
I fell into that trap too.
I've learned that a broken man cannot do
I believe in books ive learned soo much from books espexially in the last year my library is now very extensive!
Yes #5 too much work and no time for me.
You are right! Intentionality is missing in relationships.
That is why I live alone ❤
That's how I am too!! I love talking about things that matter! In our life!!
I was with a man who’s life was mess. This is how he is exited our relationship with the excuses he needs to sort this mess first.
Exactly
let me guess, in the beginning he disguised this mess or downplayed its significance..that is until it was getting serious.
Oh, you're good, Jonathan! Right on target..!
Yes, they won’t lead with their exit strategy…love it.
I just made a poster! Love this and I have experienced all 7
Can you send it to my office? support@undestandmennow.com
I have experienced all SEVEN with one man . I am glad I walked away finally. He was all SEVEN. I thank you truly. I thought I was the reason.❤
Thanks for sharing!!
I met 47 years old man who was so open with me the first 2 weeks of our communication, about his vulnerability too (a terrible divorce, and his last 7 years relationship)
I noticed he most likely won’t get married ever again 🚩 and he has fears that women need his money only 🚩🚩)
I didn’t go far with this man because he showed some signs that he doesn’t want to develop the relationship but very interested in a romantic experience with me mostly. I knew him for about a month and I understand it’s too early to judge (or not too early 🤭), especially we didn’t get physically close. Can’t say his intentions were bad, or he didn’t put enough efforts, but I don’t want to put my life on proving to him I’m the right and trustworthy person for him. Somehow I felt I have to do that to gain his trust 😅and actually I don’t like this place for myself.
* Won't lead with exit strategy. He's a lonely broken man. Dont be a fool think you'll wait around to change him.
1. Don't complain about ex.
2. Broken. Childhood wounds. Adult traumas. It's his exit strategy.
3. Life is a mess.
4. Don't value physical health. Value Emotional well being. Drink in excess. Doing things in excess.
5. Not addicted to phone. Not addicted to work. Addicted to social media. Avoidance mechanism to avoid intimacy doesn't have balance in their life.
6. Complainer. Communication is negative.
7. Not closed off with emotions. Horny doesn't count. Love bombing. Good: Is he appreciative & grateful.
I've experienced all these. In 1 man, twice.
His past was a disaster! I am all for forgiveness when there is honesty. But, he wasn't completely honest about ANYTHNG!! I have learned from this experience with this "charmer" background checks are a MUST!😱 He said one of the many exes had cheated. I believe in reality he was always the cheater!
Same. Had I not gone searching through social media I wouldn't have known this man was MARRIED! The audacity of some people.
But when I confronted him he made up a long story about how it was a fake marriage to grant her citizenship. What con artists!
If you cannot trust a man and need to play Columbo constantly, the relationship is over.
My ex boy friend complained about his ex. His ex wife, Donna, slept with his bosses brother. The crazy part??? His boss, Mark, was his brother in law by marriage. Yes!!! They both married sisters. The crazy part, he continued to work there. Thats insane!!!! I don't think he ever got over his wife cheating on him & leaving him. As I look back, I thought I could save him, make him happy. Love wasn't enough. And yes, he was #7 as well. Unfortunately he was with me when my mother passed at the age of 90. I say unfortunately, as a alittle over a year after my mom passed, he broke up with me over the phone, the day before Easter. I never, ever saw it coming. The week before he was discussing what he wanted us to do over Memorial Day weekend. Since the break up in 2018, I have been alone & focusing on my self & my home.
I've had a lot of "Bubble" in my life. I want to get out of the "Bubble"!!! I've only had 3 serious intimately close relationships. I'm 64 years old.
Yes #7 and I won't accept that anymore.
Such good insights. I recently ended dating with a wonderful man. I could say there were a few minor red flags. I say minor because his green flags were way more present than red and he was looking for a relationship. Everything went great and I noticed he was slowing down. After 2 months he told me he really liked me but not romantically. We did have sex and I was emotionally about to invest but I knew quite early on there was something that just couldn't be there. I think we both were physically attracted to each other and "chemistry" was there but at the end of the day, sometimes it is our gut feeling that will tell us whether we want to spend more time with each other exploring and discovering. I learned to differentiate between emotional investment and genuine feelings of curiosity and passion towards one another. Sometimes all the talks can't create magic. Hugs are not the same as connectedness. Kisses can't surpass the deep belonging to one another.
I'm divorced and am in a good relationship with my ex. I just think now, that the fact I did fall deep in love with my ex, got married,and have children together and grew together as a couple is such a miracle and I'm grateful for that.
!!! Love all these !!! I’ve experienced many of them. Grateful to this insight so that now I can pay attention and not waste time
You're so welcome!
Great live!! Much appreciated 👏
You are so welcome
This explains why my husband does not want to discuss his ex. I didn't understand it all as i have been burned really bad from mine if he doesn't want me to talk about my exes or his at all
Q: Jonathon, my ex, if he had to chase and beg, cry, to me, he’d be open emotionally. But if I needed to be open with him, he would just sit there with no real reaction, asleep at the wheel. Why? So frus
I had met a guy with pretty much the 7 signs and I can’t understand why I was in love with him.
Did you kiss? Love is a drug. Love hormones and chemicals can make you addicted.
Possible he also love bombed you.
Attachment???
Perhaps you were in love with the idea of him? Or seeking a parent figure?
@@JonathonAslay @basicinfo2022 Yes (we used to work at the same place) and we spent a lot of time together but he never made an effort to date me officially, also he was hot and cold attitude, I was in a point of my life where literally I was hoping to have more of him and thinking one day he would change for me. I was so wrong! He just didn't want me, he had his traumas and of course he likes toxic womans.
#4.....i met a guy on a dating site....we talked on phone for week and the way he talked he was into fitness ....young for his age ....outgoing....a boss....he drove 2 hrs to meet me.....I was instantly disappointed....he had a beer gut which I was willing to overlook but he also kept talking down about himself especially when he saw my disappointment...then we stepped outside for a walk n he got winded crossing the street!....
I cannot tolerate manipulative gaslighting people. They anger me. 😡
Yes #2 He lead with early on that he has a pattern of being emotionally unavailable. First conflict-he blocked & ghosted me ...avoidant runner #7...Never again!!!!
All he did was trash his ex's for the first 3 months, now he's trashing me.......I get it.