I been with my boyfriend for 7 months and he still had his ex on social media well she follows him still and she has a kid and a partner and whenever he post me she and her sister always look at my story nd page and I told him it makes me uncomfortable and he said he knew them since 8th grade and to blocked them and he hasn’t and he friends with her sister too on social media. And they still have pictures of them together on Facebook he said that his ex and her family still keep up with him and they treated him like family he my first boyfriend .
I TOTALLY AGREE with you! That said I have double standards on it because I am great friends with my exs for whom I do still have feeling of deep love but nothing sexual! I love them as friends who i was in love with ONCE (past tense)! They are all with someone else and I am extremely happy for them and some asked us to get back together and I said "No way!" so I know there is ZERO attraction for my side! However, I am still not okay with my BF being friends with his exs.. WHY you may ask simply because women & men process feelings DIFFERENTLY (and to the WOKE people here: STFU you M.Ret***s! There is CLEAR biological difference between a man & a woman you bigots!) Just watch when Harry met Sally.. and you'll get my point! Let put it this way.. when i think of my ex I have emotions for them... for the "guy" they were back then! However there is a CLEAR disconnect & disassociation with the "guy" they are today!
Hey Alicia I have a question a male friend of mine had kiss this girl that I had no idea about but in doing so he was already married to another woman moving forward so here it is me and her is talking now we talking about taking trips we be talking about marriage like if it ever happens it's one of those what if however she told me that they just kissed no sex involved I kind of don't believe her but I really do like her should I still persue her or let it go
What if they're just close friends, if me and my boyfriend broke up we would still be close friends. Why assume the worst in people when you could actually be realistic about things.
@@etsap1236 you need to learn the psychology of it. It’s not assuming the worst. It’s typical for humans to cling the certain things/people that give them good emotions. Of course you feel like you’d want to be friends with your current boyfriend. I’m sure he would too. An ex is an experience and an ex is from the past. If a person still has their ex in their life their relying on them to have something.
@@Godiswithcosmic I can respect you for using psychology but in reality she broke up with him because she liked me. Now we all hang out with her together, its not like there always lone together or anything. But again respect you for the science.
Honestly, one of my deal breakers for a guy is them being friends with their ex. No matter what the situation is/ may be, I personally am not comfortable with it at all. Hence if I ever do come across a situation like that I will ask them to choose between me or their ex.
I'm just in the middle of going through this situation and it's making me feel uneasy considering he phones her daily and twice weve been out on a date he's rang her. I am under the impression he has some form of control of her. She minds his flat when he goes away. I find this very uncomfortable but she is being honest about where she is. I just feel the longer it goes on with me and her the more uncomfortable I'm going to feel.
Erza Scarlet I break up with my boyfriend I feel uncomfortable seeing her txting my bf and the worst part is he delete me in facebook but he has a profile picture with his ex now his best friend in Twitter.
Allow them to be friends with their ex! But allow yourself not to be with that person. That's the best advise, don't take anyone serious who is not willing to give up contact with their ex and especially if you have had to tell them about it. People are not stupid they know that it's not right when you have someone in your life!
This is what my going through now,and i don't know what to do. He still tag his ex on his post and chatting in wattup too. Please i need an advice please
@@joanlove7827 Just bring it up kindly and respectfully ONCE. Say something like "I was thinking we should come to some sort of win/win agreement about how we will handle our past life (or social media) and protect this relationship. Do you think WE should be friends with our ex's and what are the boundaries? Then LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY. If you like his views and they can apply equally to you, then great! Shake hands and move on. If not, make YOUR suggestion of what you would feel comfortable with and PAY ATTENTION to whether he AGREES with you or not and whether or not he AGREES TO DO/KEEP that as the standard he will follow. If you guys can't verbally find a win/win agreement, respectfully walk away, you have different values and you can both be right but not with each other. The key thing is... Once you agree to something out loud verbally and shake on it... Quietly OBSERVE. If at any point he crosses the line, you now know he values the ex more than you, more than his word, or your agreement... So move on. He lied, he disrespected you and he's checking your tolerance for b.s. If you ignore a breach, it will likely get worse.
@@dr.beckyspelman thank you so much for ur concerns. He breakup with me last month,now he is back with his ex. I feel so heartbroken n depress because i really do love him. But is okay i will try n move on without him
Exciting video, A year ago i took the no contact route, well i wouldn't say it didnt go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am fand at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isnt always rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is to have me, we compliment each other
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not. I feel your pain sister, after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thout it was, but it worked wonders for me.
I think when the kids reach the age of adulthood (and there is no shuffling of kids from school, etc) the connection should come to an end between the ex's. Mutual respect rules in a relationship.
Regardless if you do not feel that you or your spouse or girlfriend feel the need to be friends with an ex, while most people think it’s not 👌 ok which is fine but people need to trust their significant other and leave to them because there are people out there that still are friends with their exes and you won’t know about it so it’s better to know and think highly of yourself than be jealous about something so insignificant that means nothing.. and feed into positivity and know that you are better than that ex.. it’s that feeling of losing your partner to someone else that makes you feel that they don’t need to be friends with no ex..
Here's a problem - most the time they will lie wholeheartedly about any of these answers? Are they really going to say "yes, I still love this person and think about them sexually". They will never admit that.
My boyfriend was friends with his x . I was fine with this as long as they were respectful to our relationship. That was until I found out he still called her baby and said love you to her. We talked about it . Told him I was uncomfortable with this. He said he would stop . Then one day he wouldn’t return my text . And I found out they were out at a movie . He posted a picture of them on social media. He ignored me for a whole day . Then he broke up with me. He still wants to be friends! But flirts . So now I can imagine he was doing the same with her the whole time.
Sounds like my X ! He still tries to contact me. He keeps telling me he wants things to work. But wants to remain friends with her . I feel this will be a repeat cycle.
A K the calling I love you thing makes me go bonkers! I saw my girlfriends text that to a guy who helped her get through her divorce n stats in a different country now. Idk what to do.
Ameya . If it really bothers you talk to her. My man couldn’t cut ties with his X. Most likely because there’s feelings. I no longer can trust him ! To this day he still tries! I’m not going to let him monkey branch between us. He’s also cheated on her! I want someone who’s 100% into me.
Thank you for your comment, sorry to hear about the experience you had with your ex, of course in some cases friendship with ex's are not healthy at all and no contact is the most positive step forward. We are wishing you all the best in your future romances.
@@dr.beckyspelman I agree it was a completely one sided breakup and there was alot of disrespectful comments coming from her end towards me and my friends and family. But to be honest alot of my relationships end that way.
@@kwf1 That's terrible i'm sorry to hear that, verbal abuse or constant criticism in a relationship is never acceptable, I am sorry you had to go through that.
Any male or female who wants to have a serious relationship and potentially start a family has to learn that having their ex in the picture is not acceptable. Are you going to invite your ex over to babysit your kids because you and your SO have to work?To take you to the grocery store because your SO is at work? Nope. Not happening.
Exactly , We live in the society where people have excuse for every bad behavior . Majority of low life people pretend like they are modern n shame u if u r uncomfortable with something they will call u " insecure , jealous " blah blah blah but in reality we r not modern we r just born in technological modern world but they forget that we all r emotional being
Why should anyone put themselves in this situation of asking what the nature of relationship their partner has with their ex. NO! NO! NO! Stop wasting time. It makes no sense. I can't develop a committed relationship with a partner still in touch with their ex. Sorry!
Broke up with my ex after she revealed a guy she'd been talking to and had gone out 1 on 1 drinking with, and then didn't come home until the next day was her ex. I found this out a few days before she planned on staying at his house party. She was angry at me for being upset, I left her the next day.
I would never ever say to my girlfriend, do this or don’t do this. All I say is, if you want to have contact with your ex than it’s up to you but be assured that I will leave if you want to remain in contact with him. It’s not about jealousy, it’s about respect and I know that all guys who want to have a friendship with a women, want to hook up, simple as that and the danger of having contact to an ex is that at least one of those two at some point would want more than just friendship.
It is disingenuous to claim you are 'just friends' with an ex lover or partner just because you are no longer having sex. If there was true love involved, you have shared yourself with that person on a level that you haven't with others, including actual friends. That knowledge and emotional intimacy does not go away between you two simply because you aren't having sex anymore. How anyone can claim he/she is not being disloyal by continuing to invest in and nurture a relationship with an ex lover/partner while in a committed relationship with someone else is beyond me...that being said, I don't like the phrasing "should you allow" your partner - to me, it's not my place to "allow" my partner to do anything. Controlling your partner is never a healthy dynamic. But you can choose not to get involved with people who are still hanging onto their exes and, aside from a situation where someone still has a friendly relationship with an ex that is maintained for the well-being of shared children, my advice would be not to get involved in these types of situations in the first place unless you are interested in polyamory. Choose instead to find someone who respects and honors you enough not to put you in this position.
Thanks just discovered this girl I’ve been dating for months we didn’t make have a convo and make it exclusive which makes me want to not be upset keep it “playa “ as we say . I wasn’t getting otp or talking to anybody so it hurt . I even had a ex try to reenter my life and I rejected said we could be friends and stopped reaching out and responding and I communicated that it would be a deal breaker if the girl I was pursuing was stuck on her ex . So she recently spoke to her ex on the phone and another guy she is fb friends with I think I should step back my mind is sure it has seen it before but my heart hasn’t caught up and my emotions for her are still prevalent. Honestly not sure how I should split and we’ve been genuinely bonding or so I thought .
NEVER agree to a relationship where the other person wants to remain “friends” or in contact with the other, They’re an Ex for a reason if they still want a relationship then that old one isn’t over yet.
Does one honestly think that if you ask your partner if they still having "feelings" towards their ex as the determination for whether it's a good idea to stay connected that they'll actually be transparent? I'm sorry, but I am almost about to laugh out loud. What about the fact that most people would lie and say, "no, I don't feel anything towards my ex..." in order to keep the connection? Happens a lot. So, I think it unless there are kids involved in the mix, staying in touch or just catching up once in awhile is only a recipe for keeping people on the back burner once the current relationship has a struggle or two. There is no purpose or reason to stay connected. Nope.
Right??????? Omfg words of wisdom . Now it makes sense why i am ok with it. Cuz it's not like my ex was still in love with his ex . But he sought me out cuz his ex wasn't that into him physically. But yet he still wanted her and me to be together I was like fucking no And now this is the situation I'm in
That's what I tell my current partner of course he's not gonna be transparent and i know cuz i feel it My heart just gets a certain wince and i feel sick
My gf keeps in touch with several exes. Prior, I explained my position on this. If you don't have a baby or business together I don't see the reason. She claims they never talk. Her and I got in an argument about something and the first thing she said was "No one has ever told me that before. I'm going to ask my exes about this to see if its true". I always told her if you keep a link with them eventually you'll contact them. She proved my theory right. She said the lesson she learned was to not be so honest in the future about her exes. I asked her how did she address me to her exes? She addressed me not as her significant other. Go with your gut people, know your value. She had 18 boyfriends (not sure if this is a common number) perhaps there is a reason for this.
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What about step children? I have a step daughter with my ex and she thinks I am her biological dad do I be friends and carry on as I am with being her dad?
I never understood ex friendship. One side is always manipulative to the other I think. And if someone loved someone in the past , this can be unhealthy for her or for him.
If they have kids together, that’s a different scenario. But someone who always hangs out with, texts, or calls their ex- is something you shouldn’t ignore. Most likely they still have feelings for each other. And if they don’t care that their current partner gets upset about it- that’s another sign you shouldn’t ignore. Don’t be the person they’re just biding their time with until they get back together with their ex. You’ll only be mad at yourself for ignoring the signs and staying with them, when they dump you for them in the end.
@@venuselectrificata thank you, I told my partner that. I feel like you should contact them unless it has something to do with the child idc what history y’all together. That’s why it’s history, y’all need to be talking about anything else
I think it becomes an issue when the “friendship “ is kept hidden. If they’re just friends then it needs to be brought out in the open to allow your partner know and understand they’re just friends and nothing more.
When I confronted them I was accused of being jealous and insecure. Why should I allow another woman take what I have jus because they have regrets. I don’t care if she was/is still friends with his family. I’m not jealous just mad as hell.
@@vikkismith1495 YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT . THERE IS NO EXCUSE IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX . ESPECIALLY WHEN HAVING THEM AROUND WHILE YOURE DATING SOMEONE ELSE.
Andrew Cruz I’m married and he’s been doing this behind my back. When a person gets caught they’re angry at you because you found them out. You won’t get an apology. They’ll turn it around and you’re at fault.
Mine still answers his texts and when I bring it up she COMPLETELY gets mad at me and accuses me of not trusting her. I trust her but it’s just too weird the way she gets mad. Like the other day her ex called her (previously I asked her and we agreed for her not to talk to her exes again) and texted her. The next day I asked what did “Evance” want and she got completely mad at me like i accused her of something. She even said we should break up until I learn to trust her again. Of course I begged her not to do that and she said okay. She stays at my place btw. It’s crazy coz I think she’s honest about it but her reactions just throw me off and I get doubts
I am going through this right now. My partner stays in contact with her ex! After watching this video I am now going to say that I want this communication to end
I don't like when I hear advice given of not to worry because "they're an ex for a reason." I'm sorry, but most breakups aren't mutual. One person is usually hurt. So yeah, the reason your significant other has an ex could be because they were dumped. So if they had their way, they would still be together. Staying friends with their ex can give false hope to the hurt person and keep them from moving on with their new relationship in a healthy way. The only way it may be ok is if it was truly a mutual breakup, years have passed, both have moved on and are in new, established relationships and they're respectful to their current partner.
And even then, why? If you are in a good relationship why on earth wouldn't you invest your time and energy into the person you are happy with now? It makes no sense at all...
@@suzy1750 Yes. If the ex is still on the scene, or even just wanted on the scene, that should be a HUGE Red Flag, and completely unacceptable. If she still wants her ex, she go and be with her ex, or at least pursue him. I will do her the favor of removing myself from her life, so she can concentrate on getting him back and not worrying about me. My reply to her: You're welcome. Never allow yourself to be someone's option.
She claims that she has his cat because he can't have the cat where he lives. So on Sunday he goes to her house and spends about 6 hours..supposedly to spend with his cat. Yeah..it didn't feel right so I walked.
She’s still talking to a guy she had a sexual relationship with and tells me I’m insecure and it’s not a big deal he’s just a “friend” because I brought it to her attention... why are women like this man.
The word insecure is being used towards people that have boundaries and do not allow themselves to be disrespected or taken advantage of. If She's trying to build a future with you why is she holding onto ties with men she used to deal with. I never understood how people are always saying leave the past in the past yet still communicating with exes.
If a boyfriend or husband has to hide and talk to his ex, he doesn't give a Shot about your feelings or respects you at all.I say ditch his ass!.definitely don't need the emotional stress!
simple answer is,,,,NO.. they are an ex for a reason..if either sex still is friends then they are still in love,,, somehow,,, and are keeping them as back up.. there you go peeps before you settle with someone make sure there is no one at all else in the picture.if they are then save yourself the stress and probable heartbreak of them dropping you for the other person.
I think the same thing! I think my boyfriend and his ex are friends because they are back ups... His ex wife is a narc... I don’t trust her one bit... They never talk around me.. It’s very sneaky.... I told him to send me screenshots of their texts because they texted so much.. I feel so controlling doing that... But I shouldn’t have to be in this predicament... Now it seems like they are talking on the phone now while he is at work... So now I don’t know what they are saying... And their conversations are around 20 minutes long.... He dosnt even talk to me that long on the phone...
Even if the ex is in a relationship too yeah cuz they are having problems too makes sense why my partner is comforting them. Not to mention she was indirectly saying she wants to go out to eat .
I know this is an older post, but I have some insight from recent events in my life that proves that any and all communication should cease and desist with the ex. Ive been married to the same woman for 25 years and I've recently found out that for the last 3 months she's been having an affair with her "1st love". She was 16 years old at that time of their (1st) relationship. NO EXES, PERIOD! They're exes for a reason
There’s always a level of intimacy with someone you had a sexual relationship with or a romantic relationship with , that never fully develops into a platonic connection. For example my friend is best friends with his ex , she’s got a bf , but always speaks of him and to him with a level of ownership. I think it’s not a respectful situation to have a constant communication with an ex on that level unless there are children or pets involved. I think in some rare cases you can have a friendship like that. But you can tell my friend would take his ex back if she became available and wanted him back. It’s just one of those things. You can never really fully be just friends with an ex lover in my opinion if there were deep feelings. If it was someone you dated briefly , and didn’t develop that level of intimacy , then in that case it could very well be possible. But not the ones with a deeper connection. Sorry.
My ex husband was in contact with his ex wife during our entire marriage, more than 10 years. We had numerous discussions about this but he didn't stopped this friendship relationship with her. They had no kids together but we have 2 kids together. I left him and she works for him now and yesterday wrote to me that if they wouldn't have worked together in the time they were married,they would still be married today. Never in this life I will accept someone who still wants friendship with his ex wife.
My advice is only if it doesn't bother EITHER of the 2 partners AT ALL. Then it's OK, but if it bothers you it's best to just find someone who is honest and thinks like you rather than try to ask someone to stop being friends with their ex. Don't leave the door open lest trouble will enter.
This is terrible advice… and a terrible therapist… her advice is to allow yourself to be a doormat and be a fool… The question you should be asking is… “ what is the point of them staying in contact with her ex?“ unless there is a child or some financial obligation to continue contacts such as a business or property etc.… There is absolutely zero reason for access to be in contact the science the occasional happy birthday or merry Christmas on Facebook or some thing… You should be asking yourself what is each person getting out of this? What is the compelling reason why are they are still in contact with each other? I’m sure you will answer correctly there is none… The only reason they are in contact is to keep the door open and test the waters… And that should not be happening… This therapist is trying to make it sound like it’s OK… But it’s not… Intimacy is not simply sex… It’s also sharing personal information about your life with another person… And when you’re doing that with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend… You are crossing into a level of intimacy that should be reserved for your current partner… This entire thing is no no
People have emotional relationships with other people. Get over it. There should be no issue to move on in a relationship and to discover that there is only friendship left. Why should anyone cut a friend out of their life just because they are in a new relationship. Maybe people like you should work on their insecurities and trust issues.
Men… while dating express you not liking them meeting up or talking a lot. But don’t attempt to control. Just express that. If you guys start talking about marriage…. Then set that boundary. If you want to be my wife- this is a standard I have. You can choose the “friendship” or choose marriage with me. Period.
I think the ex needs to have had another substantial relationship after dating your boyfriend for this to be okay. I think it's very odd and inappropriate if there hasn't been a relationship in between showing that your boyfriend's ex doesn't still have feelings for your boyfriend anymore and has slept with someone after him. How weird if your boyfriend was the last person they have had sex with.
The advice should go to these people who still contact their exes. Cut it out, have some self respect, some respect to your partner and cut it out. Have some respect to your exes partner and cut it out. And what I find full of hypocrisy, is that most of these people who are still in touch with an ex, the moment they find out it’s being done to them, they really don’t like it! Being open minded, is understanding that being in touch with your ex is disrespectful and hurtful to the person who loves you now.
Hi Aya, Sorry to hear you are going through this. We are here to help if you would like to book a free 15 minute phone call with one of our therapists?
Barry White This. For serious exclusive relationships it’s a hard pass for me. If you’re just dating and having fun it’s not my business what a guy is doing anyway. I would only be serious with men who were ambivalent or neutral about their ex. No drama.
If a lot of people come to therapy with this issue doesn’t that suggest this could be a fairly common boundary breach for a lot of people. With respect, while some people may be cool with this arrangement, many aren’t. One thing missing from your advice IMO is for the new partner to constantly check in with themselves and ask ‘am I okay with this?’. If the answer is no and there’s no willingness from the partner to cut ties with the ex (or agree on some new boundaries where kids are involved) for your own sanity and sense of self worth DO NOT get involved. Listen to your instinct. If something is telling you this isn’t okay and your partner is not willing to support you in having the boundaries you need to relax and grow into this new relationship, then that’s an incompatible relationship. Do not settle for less.
'Allow' is a strong word. I prefer to say 'Do you have the right to express your feelings about your partners ex in her life?' and 'Do you have the right to walk away and find someone else if you are unhappy'
My ex left me three months ago out of nowhere. She asked me to be her friend, but I couldn't do it. I reached out a month later because I had something of hers, and she made the effort to mention that she still speaks to her ex every day. She mentioned that because she's still confused as to why I said I cannot be her friend. They're back together now. I had no idea they still spoke while we were together, nevertheless every day. That's a major red flag and I'll never date anyone who still speaks to her ex.
Hi Mansi, thank you for your comment. Its completely understandable that facing this can be very hard, please do not hesitate to get in touch with us if you would like a free 15 minute call back with one of our therapists to discuss this further. You can email us at info@privatetherapyclinic.com
In my situation as a newly married woman I found my husband still keep chatting with his ex and though it’s not okay for me but he defended that they are really good friends for what? He reasoned out that his life was being saved by her. Of course he should thank her . We discussed and talk about this to stop talking to her but One day ,I found out he’s been texting her and comforting her about her problem ,(she loves to share problems with my husband ) Too bad I found out as well he’s been deleting their text And boom I could never ever trust him again And since the. Our relationship is in hell I don’t have idea what to do about this Coz I’m never feeling okay about Ex
HI Leim, thank you for sharing, sorry to hear you are going through this. We can offer you a free 15 minute phone call with one of our therapists to discuss this.
NK M what I did is I just made him feel abandoned for 3 straight days without talking to him even we’re together in 1 roof. He felt ignored. He realized it causes damaged to a marriage already and he cried and nailed on me . I forgive him. He did blocked her number and all in social media. It’s been a few months now that thing never happened again .I am happy now .
Oh they’re allowed to do what they want but so am I. They can be friends with their exes but I don’t have to stay. I have my expectations for a relationship and if you can’t meet me where I am then we’re not compatible. It’s very simple.
I'm in this situation and I can tell you that the feeling isn't right, my gut feeling is telling me to walk away. I'm not comfortable and therfore need to move on. An x is and x someone got hurt, no one should be with their x and maintain another relationship, especially under the same roof. It makes for a very uncomfortable feeling. What would the woman do if I had an x living with me, feeling mutual 🤔
Same situation with me. She has taken six month and is still “moving out”...stays for a few weeks to “pack”, them goes out of state to live back home with her mom for a month or so. Driving me crazy. He hides his relationship with me to save her feelings. So...I have just walked away 10 days ago with no contact. I said “let me know when she is gone for good, maybe we can re-connect”.
I think it's also important to think about the ex partner's intentions, attractions, and interests. If the ex partner is still attracted and is only friendly while waiting for the other person to be single again, I don't see how a healthy friendship can blossom. I have a hard time believing new partners would appreciate or accept that kind of intention from an ex.
Most women will say its okay, sadly because most women don't think emotional cheating is cheating. A doctor once told me if a woman gives someone her emotions, then the rest will follow. And I definitely know this to be true.
You’re welcome. Keeping an ex always presents an opportunity to veer off. Focus on the relationship. Ex irregardless of good or bad break is like keeping garbage around indefinitely. These relationships with exs (with kids) much different scenario. Without is trouble waiting to happen
To hell with this! If you want to still be friends with your ex, then go back to your ex! I'm not dealing with anyone who feels the need to do that. Nothing wrong with speaking to them once every 5 or 6 years but they don't need to talk everyday or even often unless children are involved. I want someone who is free to love me and me only, not dealing with someone who at one point in time had their heart. How can anyone even be comfortable with something like that? No, this is not insecurity. This is all about respect. I could care less about my ex and I don't care if I ever hear from her again so the person I end up with will never have this to worry about. I would like the same.
I’m freshly dealing with this. Their ex is not really a “nice/decent person”, and my BF is friends with them. I didn’t want to be perceived as selfish because of me not being okay with it AT ALL. But I need to talk to them about it because I can’t ignore it
No. And they must be the one who would come with that themselves, because that shows sensitivity and responsibility towards your partners emotions and this makes bond stronger. In this case, the new partner might himself or herself allow the other to be friends because now the trust bonds has been created with the responsible step shown on behalf of the partner with the ex.
It's not that complicated, the answer is No, They will never get past their bond with their ex, unless, they give up the ex, simple really, you will not commit when you have a backup plan at the ready. No one has an ex, that they are mutual friends with, that they would not sleep with given the right circumstances, If they will not give up the ex, give up on them, there are committed, faithful partners out there, don't miss yours while wasting time with a player.
There are people who are just friends aswell. It's fair not to want to be with someone who are friends with an ex, but just be open about that from the start. If you knew, and then suddenly you tell them they can no longer talk, you are the problem
@@david82633 No, requiring someone to give up an ex, does not make them the problem, Your statement is typical of an unfaithful partner, and opportunistic cheater. When you choose someone as your spouse, you become one with that person, you forsake all others, It is A Godly Love, If you can't understand that, and respect your spouse properly, by removing all temptations of the past, not too mention opportunity for public ridicule and reproach just shows that you are not worthy of the Love of a Good Spouse, which actually makes you the problem. To be fair, people need to learn that they need to avoid poor choices, such as choosing someone, who makes excuses for why they can't be the faithful partner they are called to be, such as, Oh, but I knew them before you, of course they did, that is why they are the EX, or, but I work with them, so we must remain friendly, No, there are other jobs, if they Love you, they will move on, then again, if they Love You, They would notl take opportunity to destroy you, to put You thru a pain so unimaginable, That most can't even put it into words, and then they wish to make excuses, to make them relive the pain daily, No, people like that, who make such excuses, are simply Monsters, and should be treated as such, They are the reason reconciliation never works. You should always leave an unfaithful partner, No number of years will make it go away, You will pretend it is ok, you will show a good face in public, and in front of the Monster, but inside, you will comtinue to die, you will not be living, merely surviving, why survive, when you can thrive, a cheater is never worth it, Leave Them Immediately, They will only Cheat again, and if they don't, How will you know ? You won't, You don't need that in your life, Take a stand for yourself and move on. So No, You can't remain friends with an Ex, and show proper respect for Your Spouse, the risk is too high, and most already know this. They are the Ex, now apply that term properly, and put them out of your life.
@@perrysanders8433 cheating is obviously wrong, and I am not unfaithful just because one of my friends also happens to be my ex. It's fine not to date someone who are still friends with their ex, but don't suddenly come forward with such an ultimatum far into the relationship if you knew from that start
@@david82633 I don't know you, and therefore I would not accuse you of cheating, nor did I, I have read your comment though, and I stand by my rebuttal, It is never ok to remain friends with your Ex, They are an Ex for a reason, to remain friends with an Ex is not only tempting fate, but is very disrespectful to the Spouse, the one you are supposed to forsake all others for, It doesn't matter if they knew you were friends with an Ex before they married you are not, Relationships develop over time, Change is not only expected, but required, All people must adapt to each other to have a successful relationship, Clinging to a past Lover does not make them an Ex, it makes them a Current thing, and it makes the person unable to give that up, Weak, Continually Tempted, and Weak. You are Correct about One Thing, It is OK too not date someone who Clings to their, So Called Ex, In fact, I highly reccomend it, I also recommend not dating Drunks, Crackheads, Prostitutes, Serial Killers, etc, and for the same reasons, Low Moral Fiber, Don't make excuses, and don't give opportunity to cheat, Do the right thing and commit to your spouse, completely, if you can't, Do them a favor and stay single, because You are not Worthy of Marriage and Commitment.
Now that he’s my ex, had a new girlfriend, but is talking to me at all hours of the night, reminiscing about our relationship, I can only imagine what he was doing when we were together. Good luck, new girl
Allow is a bad choice of words - but in general I agree with this. My partner is constantly in touch with his ex and uses the standard phrase of 'we're just friends'. I actually believe him that it's non-sexual, but she contacts him sometimes 3 to 5 times a week and comes to him with every single thing that is a mini crisis in her life and he seems to feel the need to constantly run to her and save her from whatever she has going on in her little brain. I don't know if this is a hero complex with him or if he's just so emotionally connected to her he can't seem to put boundaries in place that are healthy for us, however, he does hide their texting conversations from me and tells me that it's private and we've been together two and a half years and it doesn't seem to be getting any better; it's just getting worse. The contact seems to be even more frequent and he always needs to save her from the next meltdown and run to her emotional rescue and constantly send her photos including selfies and they're texting conversation is none of my business. She has never wanted, nor allowed me to meet her and he has blocked this as well. He constantly turns it around and gaslights me and mocks me and tells me I'm just jealous and it's my problem. I don't believe people can 'allow' their partners one thing or another because we're not in control of each other and I don't buy into that, however, he has shown me over and over again that I don't come first and when I do complain about it and give push back, he tells me that's not true I don't put her first -- but then he turns around and calls me a liar and tells me I'm the one with the hangups. That's putting her first yet again. It doesn't seem like there will be any changes made and I am walking away to save my heart once again. I actually now hate this woman's guts. It seems as if she has no social graces and she's completely socially inept and doesn't understand anything about boundaries and continues to act like she has no agenda and yet she does. I think they're both liars. When you choose to deceive and then you throw it in your partner's face and say that's not true, you are so gaslighting them and treating them like they don't have an intellectual thought and you're disrespecting in a manner that is so incredibly painful.
she was insisting it's an normal friendship yet she did that behind my back after promising me not too seeking to see her don't date ppl who are still friends with their exs no matter what
I am so excited that my relationship has been restored by 👉 (Doctor GIDEON) 👈 after many years of separation from my partner. contact him also to restore yours!!
Me and my GF are in a really toxic relationship because of this. They are chatting almost everyday, she just says that he's only a friend and has no feeling towards him. But I know they like each other a lot still.. they even told me. I wanted to meet him when she goes to her friend (ex's sister) but she never allows me to go with her. That's why I wanted to take actions and it did well for a while. It all started all over again and she even called me by his name and didn't even notice it before I told her. I just want to do anything to solve the problem but it's just exhausting. I feel like she doesn't care at all. She doesn't want to talk about it... I'm always the bad one in this type of conversation.
Sorry to hear this, we can offer you a free 15 minute phone call with one of our therapists to discuss our relationship/ couples therapy options? Please email info@privatetherapyclinic.com to book your free call
Sorry to hear you are experiencing this within your relationship. We are here to help if you need it. We can offer you a free 15 minute phone call with one of our therapists.
I recently went through a difficult breakup. My five year relationship ended few month ago, and it's been incredibly hard. I still have so much love for my ex girlfriend, and I can't seem to get her out of my mind. Despite my best efforts to win her back, nothing has worked, and the thought of being with anyone else feels impossible right now. I know it might sound odd to share this here, but I miss her deeply and can't stop thinking about her.
My gf (now ex) got a BFF group, and one of them is her ex. I let them be friends, cause she has confirmed to me thousands of time that there’s nothing between them for a long time now. And me myself can’t do anything cause that’s her BFF from the very young age, so I respected their relationship. They go out together like few times a month, and ofcourse they can only go in group, not just 2 of them (she promised me this) And, I just found out she cheated on me with that ex last week, and we broke up. I just wanna share the story, being friend with an ex maybe not that big deal, but if your intuition tells you something, and you can’t keep the thoughts that there might be something suspicious happened. Then do something, you might be in my situation. Hope yall the best
It depends on the couple.. in my eyes it is over when it’s over. I don’t need to be friends with someone I’ve been intimate with and know what they look like naked. With my ex, we agreed on this and we even got into it over an ex of mine contacting me (unexpectedly) online. I didn’t chat back but it still upset him and it was a big argument. A few month later, I discover he’s been texting with an ex since we were together, and even chatting with another ex on text and lied about it.
Its a head fu@k....leave them alone let them have their ex's...it's total disrespect from both party's...you (myself) for allowing it to carry on...no relationship can have a healthy foundation with ex's in the background
I think it is very strange to keep a ex in your life. The entire point of having an ex means that you are or currently in the process of moving on and forgetting them.
They are friends with benefits. Let’s just keep it truthful and simple. The crazy thing is if that ex has no kids with that other person, why the hell are they talking in the first place? Because there’s some given point and it could be very soon, Devon and I fucking. Let’s keep it real
I have zero drive to keep in touch with my exes. I have no bad feelings against them. We just ran our course. I dont understand why people feel the need to "be friends" with an ex. What is the actual point? When i decide i am done, i am done. I have to keep communication with my ex husband because we have 2 children and i keep it as limited as i am able to.
she says she loves him but not romantically......i finally told her i was uncomfortable with her bestfriend being her ex. and here is why... if we argue or fight there is a good chance she is going to run to her ex. if she runs to her ex while vulnerable there is a better chance she would sleep with him. if alcohol is added that chance of them cheating goes up. it is never good for an ex's to be best friends. it will do nothing but create jealousy. lm normally not jealous but the thought that she used to be in relations with him is really uncomfortable when combined with the fact she could potentially cheat every time we argue.
Hi there, thank you for sharing this. Sorry to hear you are going through this within your relationship. Would you like a free call with one of our therapists to discuss this and discuss our relationship therapy options?
@@dr.beckyspelman no I'm fine. Just sharing my life experiences and reasons as to why its never a good idea for you partner to have their ex as a bestfriend. Nice of you to check tho. Have a pleasant day.
I am in a situation where my girl is living with her ex and she is invited everywhere, all the family gatherins, vacations and stuff. My girl keeps trying to put it in my mind that this is normal and that I am toxic for not understanding that. Reading these comments makes me glad I came here to realize that I am not toxic and that this situation is not normal. Thank you 🙈
I believe same values/principles and most of all transparent communication are the key to this topic. If one of those is is lacking dont be fooled or leave them as they are. Take it from a fool
I was talking to this Lady and she had made it clear that her ex was a friend and just that. She had told me that one time he tried telling her how much better she could do rather than be with me and it really hurt that it wasn’t the thing for her to block him, she said “regardless of who I’m with he still thinks I’m his”. I blocked her a couple days ago and it just hurts.
Hi there, thank you for sharing. Sorry to hear you are going through this within your relationship. We can offer you a free 15 minute phone call with one of our trained therapists?
Private Therapy Clinic no I’m good, it’s just I don’t like it, I know nothing funny is goin on, like she’s not cheating or trying to cheat, I just wanna know why her exes are still in her life like they are.
Worst can be when she hides from you that she is contacting/texting her ex and you find out ? especially when he had dumped her like a lead fart and moved on with another women.... and she was hurt and then still pining after her ex for a long time before you came along. I mean knowing her past "history" going in helps, and one can appreciate the honesty shown by her in telling you when starting out with her as long as it's her history ? and she says wants to move forward with you ? But then to find out 6 months in that she's still contacting/texting her ex behind your back is a big Red Flag ! Cya later.... no other choice when she lied when confronted about hiding it ? And then she cries because you caught her lying and dump her for it ? GO FIGURE !
such a hypocrite. When we met he said men dont want women as "friends" Here we are 3 years later and his ex is his quote bestie. He refused to tell her they cant stay in touch. Have a nice life.....im.done. P.S. He "negleacted" to tell me she was back on his life. Never mebtioned her. I found out about her over a year ago. Dropped hints... Gave him the opportunity to come clean... He FINALLY admitted it about 4 months ago. Sooooo done.
going STRAIGHT from being a couple to being an ex who's a friend is a red flag - it's possible in the fullness of time but a lengthy break from each other is healthy and necessary, surely?
Ex in present relationship is a red flag. Just Run!
I been with my boyfriend for 7 months and he still had his ex on social media well she follows him still and she has a kid and a partner and whenever he post me she and her sister always look at my story nd page and I told him it makes me uncomfortable and he said he knew them since 8th grade and to blocked them and he hasn’t and he friends with her sister too on social media. And they still have pictures of them together on Facebook he said that his ex and her family still keep up with him and they treated him like family he my first boyfriend .
If you respect your current partner, you don't keep ties with an ex...It's that simple.
Thank you for your comment, great to hear everyone's views on this topic
True!!
Exactly !!!!!!
Sounds like abuse to abuse the word: Respect to controle her. It is everyones Choice who they are friends with.
Yep!
Dont try to intellectualize it. If it’s bothering you, there’s a reason. If you’re uncomfortable with something, you do not need to tolerate it.
It's not like they mentioned their name once during sex . Now it makes sense
needed this
From experience. Never, ever let an ex anywhere near your partner. It's like having ghost in your relationship and it will haunt you.
I TOTALLY AGREE with you! That said I have double standards on it because I am great friends with my exs for whom I do still have feeling of deep love but nothing sexual! I love them as friends who i was in love with ONCE (past tense)! They are all with someone else and I am extremely happy for them and some asked us to get back together and I said "No way!" so I know there is ZERO attraction for my side! However, I am still not okay with my BF being friends with his exs.. WHY you may ask simply because women & men process feelings DIFFERENTLY (and to the WOKE people here: STFU you M.Ret***s! There is CLEAR biological difference between a man & a woman you bigots!)
Just watch when Harry met Sally.. and you'll get my point!
Let put it this way.. when i think of my ex I have emotions for them... for the "guy" they were back then! However there is a CLEAR disconnect & disassociation with the "guy" they are today!
I disagree! I will not date anyone who stays friends with an ex.
Alicia Montalvo well done. 👍
Hey Alicia I have a question a male friend of mine had kiss this girl that I had no idea about but in doing so he was already married to another woman moving forward so here it is me and her is talking now we talking about taking trips we be talking about marriage like if it ever happens it's one of those what if however she told me that they just kissed no sex involved I kind of don't believe her but I really do like her should I still persue her or let it go
@@Franksinatra96 I just ended yesterday a long time relationship for this reason. Dont do it. Seriously. Its too fu*** hard
@@RodrigoLimaBatista you know what I feel you actually we broke it off too so now I'm just focusing on self
Frank Smith did you at least hit it first
Exes arent welcome in relationships
... loyalty is king
Thank you for sharing
Don't date someone that has exes in the background period
Thank you for your comment
What if they're just close friends, if me and my boyfriend broke up we would still be close friends. Why assume the worst in people when you could actually be realistic about things.
Just avoided a situation like dis
@@etsap1236 you need to learn the psychology of it. It’s not assuming the worst. It’s typical for humans to cling the certain things/people that give them good emotions. Of course you feel like you’d want to be friends with your current boyfriend. I’m sure he would too. An ex is an experience and an ex is from the past. If a person still has their ex in their life their relying on them to have something.
@@Godiswithcosmic I can respect you for using psychology but in reality she broke up with him because she liked me. Now we all hang out with her together, its not like there always lone together or anything. But again respect you for the science.
Honestly, one of my deal breakers for a guy is them being friends with their ex. No matter what the situation is/ may be, I personally am not comfortable with it at all. Hence if I ever do come across a situation like that I will ask them to choose between me or their ex.
I'm just in the middle of going through this situation and it's making me feel uneasy considering he phones her daily and twice weve been out on a date he's rang her. I am under the impression he has some form of control of her. She minds his flat when he goes away. I find this very uncomfortable but she is being honest about where she is. I just feel the longer it goes on with me and her the more uncomfortable I'm going to feel.
ZiGGA Girl, get the fuck out of there before you catch deep(er) feelings! You’re the third wheel in this relationship, not the ex
Thank you for your comment, we hope you enjoyed the video. Thank you for sharing your views on this topic :)
Erza Scarlet I break up with my boyfriend I feel uncomfortable seeing her txting my bf and the worst part is he delete me in facebook but he has a profile picture with his ex now his best friend in Twitter.
Same here, especially if that ex disrespected me in the past.
Allow them to be friends with their ex! But allow yourself not to be with that person. That's the best advise, don't take anyone serious who is not willing to give up contact with their ex and especially if you have had to tell them about it. People are not stupid they know that it's not right when you have someone in your life!
Dwight Hayles thank you for your comment, we love hearing everyone’s views on this topic!
Best advise your smart
This is what my going through now,and i don't know what to do.
He still tag his ex on his post and chatting in wattup too.
Please i need an advice please
@@joanlove7827 Just bring it up kindly and respectfully ONCE. Say something like "I was thinking we should come to some sort of win/win agreement about how we will handle our past life (or social media) and protect this relationship. Do you think WE should be friends with our ex's and what are the boundaries? Then LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY. If you like his views and they can apply equally to you, then great! Shake hands and move on. If not, make YOUR suggestion of what you would feel comfortable with and PAY ATTENTION to whether he AGREES with you or not and whether or not he AGREES TO DO/KEEP that as the standard he will follow. If you guys can't verbally find a win/win agreement, respectfully walk away, you have different values and you can both be right but not with each other. The key thing is... Once you agree to something out loud verbally and shake on it... Quietly OBSERVE. If at any point he crosses the line, you now know he values the ex more than you, more than his word, or your agreement... So move on. He lied, he disrespected you and he's checking your tolerance for b.s. If you ignore a breach, it will likely get worse.
@@dr.beckyspelman thank you so much for ur concerns.
He breakup with me last month,now he is back with his ex.
I feel so heartbroken n depress because i really do love him.
But is okay i will try n move on without him
Hiding lovers in plain sight is a favourite tactic of a narcissist.
Martin thank you for your comment, we hope you enjoyed the video
Please do explain
@@niecyh2313
Surly my comment is self explanatory 🤷♂️
I agree
@Cole DeBeer
Time is a great healer and brings clarity to old toxic situations. Good luck in the future 👍
Exciting video, A year ago i took the no contact route, well i wouldn't say it didnt go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am fand at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isnt always rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is to have me, we compliment each other
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not. I feel your pain sister, after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thout it was, but it worked wonders for me.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him/ her?
Her name is Fatherabulu, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
She’s wrong about that ... if ur in a relationship u should not have any contact with ur damn ex !!!
Thank you for your comment
If u have children together u have no choice
That’s right !
I think when the kids reach the age of adulthood (and there is no shuffling of kids from school, etc) the connection should come to an end between the ex's. Mutual respect rules in a relationship.
Regardless if you do not feel that you or your spouse or girlfriend feel the need to be friends with an ex, while most people think it’s not 👌 ok which is fine but people need to trust their significant other and leave to them because there are people out there that still are friends with their exes and you won’t know about it so it’s better to know and think highly of yourself than be jealous about something so insignificant that means nothing.. and feed into positivity and know that you are better than that ex..
it’s that feeling of losing your partner to someone else that makes you feel that they don’t need to be friends with no ex..
They know talking to their Ex, will hurt their partner. But still they do it 🥺
Thank you for sharing
Help me pay 🙏🙏
Oh yes they do.. she told me i know it'll bother you but "it is what it is" after telling me she can't unfollow her ex on Instagram
Immediate break up is necessary in that situation.
Ugh had the same Situation but my bf told me he Deleted msgs cause he dint wnat to Hurt me and i was like the f.... And he did thet 5 times
Here's a problem - most the time they will lie wholeheartedly about any of these answers? Are they really going to say "yes, I still love this person and think about them sexually". They will never admit that.
Exactly
So true.
My boyfriend was friends with his x . I was fine with this as long as they were respectful to our relationship. That was until I found out he still called her baby and said love you to her. We talked about it . Told him I was uncomfortable with this. He said he would stop .
Then one day he wouldn’t return my text . And I found out they were out at a movie . He posted a picture of them on social media. He ignored me for a whole day . Then he broke up with me. He still wants to be friends! But flirts . So now I can imagine he was doing the same with her the whole time.
Thank you for your comment, really sorry to hear this.
It happened to me, after found out he was dating exgf then I said ok then bye bye and he said he will still keep me as friend, I said no.
Sounds like my X ! He still tries to contact me. He keeps telling me he wants things to work. But wants to remain friends with her . I feel this will be a repeat cycle.
A K the calling I love you thing makes me go bonkers! I saw my girlfriends text that to a guy who helped her get through her divorce n stats in a different country now. Idk what to do.
Ameya . If it really bothers you talk to her. My man couldn’t cut ties with his X. Most likely because there’s feelings. I no longer can trust him !
To this day he still tries! I’m not going to let him monkey branch between us. He’s also cheated on her! I want someone who’s 100% into me.
I rather eat a cyanide pill then be friends with my ex.
Thank you for your comment, sorry to hear about the experience you had with your ex, of course in some cases friendship with ex's are not healthy at all and no contact is the most positive step forward. We are wishing you all the best in your future romances.
@@dr.beckyspelman I agree it was a completely one sided breakup and there was alot of disrespectful comments coming from her end towards me and my friends and family. But to be honest alot of my relationships end that way.
@@kwf1 That's terrible i'm sorry to hear that, verbal abuse or constant criticism in a relationship is never acceptable, I am sorry you had to go through that.
@@kwf1 *Fucking Cyanide* ??
Yooo chill. Like that ex must have at least ebola so cyanide is a less painful death 😂😂
Any male or female who wants to have a serious relationship and potentially start a family has to learn that having their ex in the picture is not acceptable. Are you going to invite your ex over to babysit your kids because you and your SO have to work?To take you to the grocery store because your SO is at work? Nope. Not happening.
Thank you for sharing
I'm so happy to read the comments. I thought I was wrong.. But I'm not the one who's wrong.
Thank you for your comment, its great to hear everyone's opinions on this topic
Exactly , We live in the society where people have excuse for every bad behavior . Majority of low life people pretend like they are modern n shame u if u r uncomfortable with something they will call u " insecure , jealous " blah blah blah but in reality we r not modern we r just born in technological modern world but they forget that we all r emotional being
Why should anyone put themselves in this situation of asking what the nature of relationship their partner has with their ex.
NO! NO! NO!
Stop wasting time. It makes no sense.
I can't develop a committed relationship with a partner still in touch with their ex.
Sorry!
Thank you for your comment
I believe the same👍🏻
All the non PhD people said no. The PhD says it depends. I’ll take advice from the non PhDs in the room.
Thank you for your comment
@@dr.beckyspelman then get ready for some heartache.
Broke up with my ex after she revealed a guy she'd been talking to and had gone out 1 on 1 drinking with, and then didn't come home until the next day was her ex. I found this out a few days before she planned on staying at his house party. She was angry at me for being upset, I left her the next day.
Thank you for sharing, sorry to hear you are going through this
Phosphornaut , smart. 👍
Clears sign of infidelity/cheating! Good you left that skanky person that expected you to roll over and be an doormat.
Just the right thing to do imo
Good for you!
I would never ever say to my girlfriend, do this or don’t do this. All I say is, if you want to have contact with your ex than it’s up to you but be assured that I will leave if you want to remain in contact with him.
It’s not about jealousy, it’s about respect and I know that all guys who want to have a friendship with a women, want to hook up, simple as that and the danger of having contact to an ex is that at least one of those two at some point would want more than just friendship.
I completely agree.
It is disingenuous to claim you are 'just friends' with an ex lover or partner just because you are no longer having sex. If there was true love involved, you have shared yourself with that person on a level that you haven't with others, including actual friends. That knowledge and emotional intimacy does not go away between you two simply because you aren't having sex anymore. How anyone can claim he/she is not being disloyal by continuing to invest in and nurture a relationship with an ex lover/partner while in a committed relationship with someone else is beyond me...that being said, I don't like the phrasing "should you allow" your partner - to me, it's not my place to "allow" my partner to do anything. Controlling your partner is never a healthy dynamic. But you can choose not to get involved with people who are still hanging onto their exes and, aside from a situation where someone still has a friendly relationship with an ex that is maintained for the well-being of shared children, my advice would be not to get involved in these types of situations in the first place unless you are interested in polyamory. Choose instead to find someone who respects and honors you enough not to put you in this position.
🎯
Thanks just discovered this girl I’ve been dating for months we didn’t make have a convo and make it exclusive which makes me want to not be upset keep it “playa “ as we say . I wasn’t getting otp or talking to anybody so it hurt . I even had a ex try to reenter my life and I rejected said we could be friends and stopped reaching out and responding and I communicated that it would be a deal breaker if the girl I was pursuing was stuck on her ex . So she recently spoke to her ex on the phone and another guy she is fb friends with I think I should step back my mind is sure it has seen it before but my heart hasn’t caught up and my emotions for her are still prevalent. Honestly not sure how I should split and we’ve been genuinely bonding or so I thought .
NEVER agree to a relationship where the other person wants to remain “friends” or in contact with the other, They’re an Ex for a reason if they still want a relationship then that old one isn’t over yet.
Thank you for sharing
Does one honestly think that if you ask your partner if they still having "feelings" towards their ex as the determination for whether it's a good idea to stay connected that they'll actually be transparent? I'm sorry, but I am almost about to laugh out loud. What about the fact that most people would lie and say, "no, I don't feel anything towards my ex..." in order to keep the connection? Happens a lot. So, I think it unless there are kids involved in the mix, staying in touch or just catching up once in awhile is only a recipe for keeping people on the back burner once the current relationship has a struggle or two. There is no purpose or reason to stay connected. Nope.
Thank you for sharing this
Right??????? Omfg words of wisdom . Now it makes sense why i am ok with it. Cuz it's not like my ex was still in love with his ex . But he sought me out cuz his ex wasn't that into him physically. But yet he still wanted her and me to be together
I was like fucking no
And now this is the situation I'm in
That's what I tell my current partner of course he's not gonna be transparent and i know cuz i feel it
My heart just gets a certain wince and i feel sick
Couldn’t have said it better 🙏🏻
My gf keeps in touch with several exes. Prior, I explained my position on this. If you don't have a baby or business together I don't see the reason. She claims they never talk. Her and I got in an argument about something and the first thing she said was "No one has ever told me that before. I'm going to ask my exes about this to see if its true". I always told her if you keep a link with them eventually you'll contact them. She proved my theory right. She said the lesson she learned was to not be so honest in the future about her exes. I asked her how did she address me to her exes? She addressed me not as her significant other. Go with your gut people, know your value. She had 18 boyfriends (not sure if this is a common number) perhaps there is a reason for this.
Hi Marc, thank you for sharing, sorry to hear you went through this within your relationship
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Dude that's the phyce of someone with Cluster B disorder!
She has quite the stable of exes
What about step children? I have a step daughter with my ex and she thinks I am her biological dad do I be friends and carry on as I am with being her dad?
Broken woman.
No way. Even if they got kids, they need to be civil for the kid but not mates, they stay mates with an ex so they can go back one day and that's it.
I never understood ex friendship. One side is always manipulative to the other I think. And if someone loved someone in the past , this can be unhealthy for her or for him.
Thank you for your comment
Spot on
I never read comments on videos but this thread has been so helpful, so many great points.
If they have kids together, that’s a different scenario. But someone who always hangs out with, texts, or calls their ex- is something you shouldn’t ignore. Most likely they still have feelings for each other. And if they don’t care that their current partner gets upset about it- that’s another sign you shouldn’t ignore. Don’t be the person they’re just biding their time with until they get back together with their ex. You’ll only be mad at yourself for ignoring the signs and staying with them, when they dump you for them in the end.
Hi Haley, thank you for sharing your views on this topic
No it’s not. The ex should be treated like a business partner NOT a friend!
@@venuselectrificata thank you, I told my partner that. I feel like you should contact them unless it has something to do with the child idc what history y’all together. That’s why it’s history, y’all need to be talking about anything else
Yeah my ex was bestfriends with baby Momma! That did break us fairly quickly! and i am glad it did!
I think it becomes an issue when the “friendship “ is kept hidden. If they’re just friends then it needs to be brought out in the open to allow your partner know and understand they’re just friends and nothing more.
When I confronted them I was accused of being jealous and insecure. Why should I allow another woman take what I have jus because they have regrets. I don’t care if she was/is still friends with his family. I’m not jealous just mad as hell.
@@vikkismith1495 YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT . THERE IS NO EXCUSE IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX . ESPECIALLY WHEN HAVING THEM AROUND WHILE YOURE DATING SOMEONE ELSE.
Andrew Cruz I’m married and he’s been doing this behind my back. When a person gets caught they’re angry at you because you found them out. You won’t get an apology. They’ll turn it around and you’re at fault.
Mine still answers his texts and when I bring it up she COMPLETELY gets mad at me and accuses me of not trusting her. I trust her but it’s just too weird the way she gets mad. Like the other day her ex called her (previously I asked her and we agreed for her not to talk to her exes again) and texted her. The next day I asked what did “Evance” want and she got completely mad at me like i accused her of something. She even said we should break up until I learn to trust her again. Of course I begged her not to do that and she said okay. She stays at my place btw. It’s crazy coz I think she’s honest about it but her reactions just throw me off and I get doubts
The Life Of Cydre Don’t trust these broads, they all belong to the community
I am going through this right now. My partner stays in contact with her ex! After watching this video I am now going to say that I want this communication to end
Get out of the relationship. Ive been thru this in two different relationships and they just cant let their ex’s go. Find someone who just wants you 👍
Yes
well depends on the nature of their relationship
Leave her.. the feelings of the ex are more important to her than yours. You are 3rd wheeling your own relationship.
I don't like when I hear advice given of not to worry because "they're an ex for a reason." I'm sorry, but most breakups aren't mutual. One person is usually hurt. So yeah, the reason your significant other has an ex could be because they were dumped. So if they had their way, they would still be together. Staying friends with their ex can give false hope to the hurt person and keep them from moving on with their new relationship in a healthy way. The only way it may be ok is if it was truly a mutual breakup, years have passed, both have moved on and are in new, established relationships and they're respectful to their current partner.
And even then, why? If you are in a good relationship why on earth wouldn't you invest your time and energy into the person you are happy with now? It makes no sense at all...
@@suzy1750 Yes. If the ex is still on the scene, or even just wanted on the scene, that should be a HUGE Red Flag, and completely unacceptable.
If she still wants her ex, she go and be with her ex, or at least pursue him. I will do her the favor of removing myself from her life, so she can concentrate on getting him back and not worrying about me. My reply to her: You're welcome.
Never allow yourself to be someone's option.
@@David-lx4yb like your style, too many adulterer, swinger type scum who love keeping exes as friends when in New relationships.
She claims that she has his cat because he can't have the cat where he lives. So on Sunday he goes to her house and spends about 6 hours..supposedly to spend with his cat. Yeah..it didn't feel right so I walked.
Thank you for your comment, its great to hear people's experiences
You did the best thing
Arnz- Creicher running would have been faster but good for you!
Arnz- Creicher , you were smart.
Right on.
She’s still talking to a guy she had a sexual relationship with and tells me I’m insecure and it’s not a big deal he’s just a “friend” because I brought it to her attention... why are women like this man.
The word insecure is being used towards people that have boundaries and do not allow themselves to be disrespected or taken advantage of. If She's trying to build a future with you why is she holding onto ties with men she used to deal with. I never understood how people are always saying leave the past in the past yet still communicating with exes.
Just do the same back and watch how things change haha
It's not just women sir . It's guys too . Don't worry
@@daniellee7969 right? I think so too. I have boundaries for the longest i thought i was crazy. I have boundaries cuz my ex .
@@lesliesantos8595 well that’s wrong one both ends people are always trying to get over on people just be honest.
Wrong advice Doc. Never date anyone who is friends with their ex. You are so welcome.
Thank you for your comment, great to hear everyones views on this.
Snowie Puppy , I agree with you.
Private Therapy Clinic , are you a robot ?
If a boyfriend or husband has to hide and talk to his ex, he doesn't give a Shot about your feelings or respects you at all.I say ditch his ass!.definitely don't need the emotional stress!
simple answer is,,,,NO.. they are an ex for a reason..if either sex still is friends then they are still in love,,, somehow,,, and are keeping them as back up.. there you go peeps before you settle with someone make sure there is no one at all else in the picture.if they are then save yourself the stress and probable heartbreak of them dropping you for the other person.
Thank you for your comment. We like hearing everyone's views on this topic
I think the same thing!
I think my boyfriend and his ex are friends because they are back ups...
His ex wife is a narc...
I don’t trust her one bit...
They never talk around me..
It’s very sneaky....
I told him to send me screenshots of their texts because they texted so much..
I feel so controlling doing that...
But I shouldn’t have to be in this predicament...
Now it seems like they are talking on the phone now while he is at work...
So now I don’t know what they are saying...
And their conversations are around 20 minutes long....
He dosnt even talk to me that long on the phone...
@@Eyeshaveit Time to exit quietly while you still have some dignity dear one. They are BOTH disrespecting you right now.
Even if the ex is in a relationship too yeah cuz they are having problems too makes sense why my partner is comforting them. Not to mention she was indirectly saying she wants to go out to eat .
@@Eyeshaveit seeing screenshots of him hat they both text is insane . To get to that point .
I know this is an older post, but I have some insight from recent events in my life that proves that any and all communication should cease and desist with the ex. Ive been married to the same woman for 25 years and I've recently found out that for the last 3 months she's been having an affair with her "1st love". She was 16 years old at that time of their (1st) relationship. NO EXES, PERIOD! They're exes for a reason
Exactly!
There’s always a level of intimacy with someone you had a sexual relationship with or a romantic relationship with , that never fully develops into a platonic connection. For example my friend is best friends with his ex , she’s got a bf , but always speaks of him and to him with a level of ownership. I think it’s not a respectful situation to have a constant communication with an ex on that level unless there are children or pets involved. I think in some rare cases you can have a friendship like that. But you can tell my friend would take his ex back if she became available and wanted him back. It’s just one of those things. You can never really fully be just friends with an ex lover in my opinion if there were deep feelings. If it was someone you dated briefly , and didn’t develop that level of intimacy , then in that case it could very well be possible. But not the ones with a deeper connection. Sorry.
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I don't agree. I have an ex of 12 years ago and we don't even know or understand how we end up together. We are really just friends.
My ex husband was in contact with his ex wife during our entire marriage, more than 10 years. We had numerous discussions about this but he didn't stopped this friendship relationship with her. They had no kids together but we have 2 kids together. I left him and she works for him now and yesterday wrote to me that if they wouldn't have worked together in the time they were married,they would still be married today. Never in this life I will accept someone who still wants friendship with his ex wife.
That’s never fine, no one will ever say “I want to remain in contact with an ex because I love them”
My advice is only if it doesn't bother EITHER of the 2 partners AT ALL. Then it's OK, but if it bothers you it's best to just find someone who is honest and thinks like you rather than try to ask someone to stop being friends with their ex. Don't leave the door open lest trouble will enter.
Thank you for your comment, we hope you enjoyed the video
True you're right
This is terrible advice… and a terrible therapist… her advice is to allow yourself to be a doormat and be a fool…
The question you should be asking is…
“ what is the point of them staying in contact with her ex?“ unless there is a child or some financial obligation to continue contacts such as a business or property etc.… There is absolutely zero reason for access to be in contact the science the occasional happy birthday or merry Christmas on Facebook or some thing… You should be asking yourself what is each person getting out of this? What is the compelling reason why are they are still in contact with each other? I’m sure you will answer correctly there is none… The only reason they are in contact is to keep the door open and test the waters… And that should not be happening… This therapist is trying to make it sound like it’s OK… But it’s not…
Intimacy is not simply sex… It’s also sharing personal information about your life with another person… And when you’re doing that with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend… You are crossing into a level of intimacy that should be reserved for your current partner… This entire thing is no no
Top response in my book.
People have emotional relationships with other people. Get over it. There should be no issue to move on in a relationship and to discover that there is only friendship left. Why should anyone cut a friend out of their life just because they are in a new relationship. Maybe people like you should work on their insecurities and trust issues.
Breaks my heart 😭
Men… while dating express you not liking them meeting up or talking a lot. But don’t attempt to control. Just express that.
If you guys start talking about marriage…. Then set that boundary. If you want to be my wife- this is a standard I have. You can choose the “friendship” or choose marriage with me. Period.
I think the ex needs to have had another substantial relationship after dating your boyfriend for this to be okay. I think it's very odd and inappropriate if there hasn't been a relationship in between showing that your boyfriend's ex doesn't still have feelings for your boyfriend anymore and has slept with someone after him. How weird if your boyfriend was the last person they have had sex with.
The advice should go to these people who still contact their exes. Cut it out, have some self respect, some respect to your partner and cut it out. Have some respect to your exes partner and cut it out. And what I find full of hypocrisy, is that most of these people who are still in touch with an ex, the moment they find out it’s being done to them, they really don’t like it!
Being open minded, is understanding that being in touch with your ex is disrespectful and hurtful to the person who loves you now.
crying , can’t do anything. Feeling frustrated. I just wanna go home and being with my family.maybe it will make me felling better for a while
Hi Aya,
Sorry to hear you are going through this. We are here to help if you would like to book a free 15 minute phone call with one of our therapists?
Why would anyone date a person who is friends with his/her ex unless it is a casual relationship?
Thank you for your comment, its great to hear everyone's opinions on this
Barry White This. For serious exclusive relationships it’s a hard pass for me. If you’re just dating and having fun it’s not my business what a guy is doing anyway. I would only be serious with men who were ambivalent or neutral about their ex. No drama.
Barry White , why would anyone date a person who is friends with an ex, even if it was a casual relationship? Just asking for trouble.
If a lot of people come to therapy with this issue doesn’t that suggest this could be a fairly common boundary breach for a lot of people. With respect, while some people may be cool with this arrangement, many aren’t. One thing missing from your advice IMO is for the new partner to constantly check in with themselves and ask ‘am I okay with this?’. If the answer is no and there’s no willingness from the partner to cut ties with the ex (or agree on some new boundaries where kids are involved) for your own sanity and sense of self worth DO NOT get involved. Listen to your instinct. If something is telling you this isn’t okay and your partner is not willing to support you in having the boundaries you need to relax and grow into this new relationship, then that’s an incompatible relationship. Do not settle for less.
If he/she wants to keep that kind of relationship then say goodbye.
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'Allow' is a strong word. I prefer to say 'Do you have the right to express your feelings about your partners ex in her life?' and 'Do you have the right to walk away and find someone else if you are unhappy'
"Allow" is the correct term.
My ex left me three months ago out of nowhere. She asked me to be her friend, but I couldn't do it. I reached out a month later because I had something of hers, and she made the effort to mention that she still speaks to her ex every day. She mentioned that because she's still confused as to why I said I cannot be her friend.
They're back together now. I had no idea they still spoke while we were together, nevertheless every day. That's a major red flag and I'll never date anyone who still speaks to her ex.
Gosh sounds so messy, thanks for sharing.
To talk its easy doctor .. but facing it is very hard
Hi Mansi, thank you for your comment. Its completely understandable that facing this can be very hard, please do not hesitate to get in touch with us if you would like a free 15 minute call back with one of our therapists to discuss this further.
You can email us at info@privatetherapyclinic.com
i agree
No matter what they say
TWO BIG RED FLAGS IN WOMEN
1. Contact with an ex
2. Too many male friends
Last thing i ever want to do is meet an ex of my gf, wtf will that do?
In my situation as a newly married woman
I found my husband still keep chatting with his ex and though it’s not okay for me but he defended that they are really good friends for what? He reasoned out that his life was being saved by her. Of course he should thank her .
We discussed and talk about this to stop talking to her but
One day ,I found out he’s been texting her and comforting her about her problem ,(she loves to share problems with my husband )
Too bad I found out as well he’s been deleting their text
And boom I could never ever trust him again
And since the. Our relationship is in hell
I don’t have idea what to do about this
Coz I’m never feeling okay about Ex
HI Leim, thank you for sharing, sorry to hear you are going through this. We can offer you a free 15 minute phone call with one of our therapists to discuss this.
Hmmmm
NK M what I did is I just made him feel abandoned for 3 straight days without talking to him even we’re together in 1 roof. He felt ignored. He realized it causes damaged to a marriage already and he cried and nailed on me . I forgive him. He did blocked her number and all in social media. It’s been a few months now that thing never happened again .I am happy now .
NK M silence is the key
Same case here
If you have to go to therapy because of your partner talking to a ex means that's just not gonna work
i can recommend you to a man who helped me bring back my ex permanently he can also help you
He is the best when it comes to recovery relationship
Contact him on WhatsApp
Oh they’re allowed to do what they want but so am I. They can be friends with their exes but I don’t have to stay. I have my expectations for a relationship and if you can’t meet me where I am then we’re not compatible. It’s very simple.
I agree with you
I'm in this situation and I can tell you that the feeling isn't right, my gut feeling is telling me to walk away. I'm not comfortable and therfore need to move on. An x is and x someone got hurt, no one should be with their x and maintain another relationship, especially under the same roof. It makes for a very uncomfortable feeling. What would the woman do if I had an x living with me, feeling mutual 🤔
AA12ON C sorry to hear this abc there is a lot to be said for gut feelings.
and’
Same situation with me. She has taken six month and is still “moving out”...stays for a few weeks to “pack”, them goes out of state to live back home with her mom for a month or so. Driving me crazy. He hides his relationship with me to save her feelings. So...I have just walked away 10 days ago with no contact. I said “let me know when she is gone for good, maybe we can re-connect”.
I think it's also important to think about the ex partner's intentions, attractions, and interests. If the ex partner is still attracted and is only friendly while waiting for the other person to be single again, I don't see how a healthy friendship can blossom. I have a hard time believing new partners would appreciate or accept that kind of intention from an ex.
Most women will say its okay, sadly because most women don't think emotional cheating is cheating. A doctor once told me if a woman gives someone her emotions, then the rest will follow. And I definitely know this to be true.
So true.
Ex is an ex. That’s why they are the ex. Disagree keeping ex as friends
Thank you for sharing
You’re welcome. Keeping an ex always presents an opportunity to veer off. Focus on the relationship. Ex irregardless of good or bad break is like keeping garbage around indefinitely. These relationships with exs (with kids) much different scenario. Without is trouble waiting to happen
To hell with this! If you want to still be friends with your ex, then go back to your ex! I'm not dealing with anyone who feels the need to do that. Nothing wrong with speaking to them once every 5 or 6 years but they don't need to talk everyday or even often unless children are involved. I want someone who is free to love me and me only, not dealing with someone who at one point in time had their heart. How can anyone even be comfortable with something like that? No, this is not insecurity. This is all about respect. I could care less about my ex and I don't care if I ever hear from her again so the person I end up with will never have this to worry about. I would like the same.
I’m freshly dealing with this. Their ex is not really a “nice/decent person”, and my BF is friends with them. I didn’t want to be perceived as selfish because of me not being okay with it AT ALL. But I need to talk to them about it because I can’t ignore it
No. And they must be the one who would come with that themselves, because that shows sensitivity and responsibility towards your partners emotions and this makes bond stronger. In this case, the new partner might himself or herself allow the other to be friends because now the trust bonds has been created with the responsible step shown on behalf of the partner with the ex.
Great to hear your opinion! Thank you for sharing :)
Your statement is so accurate. To be friends with an ex yes you still care you can’t get over it But there is something deeper something not said.
It's not that complicated, the answer is No, They will never get past their bond with their ex, unless, they give up the ex, simple really, you will not commit when you have a backup plan at the ready. No one has an ex, that they are mutual friends with, that they would not sleep with given the right circumstances, If they will not give up the ex, give up on them, there are committed, faithful partners out there, don't miss yours while wasting time with a player.
Thank you for sharing
There are people who are just friends aswell. It's fair not to want to be with someone who are friends with an ex, but just be open about that from the start. If you knew, and then suddenly you tell them they can no longer talk, you are the problem
@@david82633 No, requiring someone to give up an ex, does not make them the problem, Your statement is typical of an unfaithful partner, and opportunistic cheater. When you choose someone as your spouse, you become one with that person, you forsake all others, It is A Godly Love, If you can't understand that, and respect your spouse properly, by removing all temptations of the past, not too mention opportunity for public ridicule and reproach just shows that you are not worthy of the Love of a Good Spouse, which actually makes you the problem. To be fair, people need to learn that they need to avoid poor choices, such as choosing someone, who makes excuses for why they can't be the faithful partner they are called to be, such as, Oh, but I knew them before you, of course they did, that is why they are the EX, or, but I work with them, so we must remain friendly, No, there are other jobs, if they Love you, they will move on, then again, if they Love You, They would notl take opportunity to destroy you, to put You thru a pain so unimaginable, That most can't even put it into words, and then they wish to make excuses, to make them relive the pain daily, No, people like that, who make such excuses, are simply Monsters, and should be treated as such, They are the reason reconciliation never works. You should always leave an unfaithful partner, No number of years will make it go away, You will pretend it is ok, you will show a good face in public, and in front of the Monster, but inside, you will comtinue to die, you will not be living, merely surviving, why survive, when you can thrive, a cheater is never worth it, Leave Them Immediately, They will only Cheat again, and if they don't, How will you know ? You won't, You don't need that in your life, Take a stand for yourself and move on. So No, You can't remain friends with an Ex, and show proper respect for Your Spouse, the risk is too high, and most already know this. They are the Ex, now apply that term properly, and put them out of your life.
@@perrysanders8433 cheating is obviously wrong, and I am not unfaithful just because one of my friends also happens to be my ex. It's fine not to date someone who are still friends with their ex, but don't suddenly come forward with such an ultimatum far into the relationship if you knew from that start
@@david82633 I don't know you, and therefore I would not accuse you of cheating, nor did I, I have read your comment though, and I stand by my rebuttal, It is never ok to remain friends with your Ex, They are an Ex for a reason, to remain friends with an Ex is not only tempting fate, but is very disrespectful to the Spouse, the one you are supposed to forsake all others for, It doesn't matter if they knew you were friends with an Ex before they married you are not, Relationships develop over time, Change is not only expected, but required, All people must adapt to each other to have a successful relationship, Clinging to a past Lover does not make them an Ex, it makes them a Current thing, and it makes the person unable to give that up, Weak, Continually Tempted, and Weak. You are Correct about One Thing, It is OK too not date someone who Clings to their, So Called Ex, In fact, I highly reccomend it, I also recommend not dating Drunks, Crackheads, Prostitutes, Serial Killers, etc, and for the same reasons, Low Moral Fiber, Don't make excuses, and don't give opportunity to cheat, Do the right thing and commit to your spouse, completely, if you can't, Do them a favor and stay single, because You are not Worthy of Marriage and Commitment.
Now that he’s my ex, had a new girlfriend, but is talking to me at all hours of the night, reminiscing about our relationship, I can only imagine what he was doing when we were together. Good luck, new girl
Allow is a bad choice of words - but in general I agree with this. My partner is constantly in touch with his ex and uses the standard phrase of 'we're just friends'. I actually believe him that it's non-sexual, but she contacts him sometimes 3 to 5 times a week and comes to him with every single thing that is a mini crisis in her life and he seems to feel the need to constantly run to her and save her from whatever she has going on in her little brain. I don't know if this is a hero complex with him or if he's just so emotionally connected to her he can't seem to put boundaries in place that are healthy for us, however, he does hide their texting conversations from me and tells me that it's private and we've been together two and a half years and it doesn't seem to be getting any better; it's just getting worse. The contact seems to be even more frequent and he always needs to save her from the next meltdown and run to her emotional rescue and constantly send her photos including selfies and they're texting conversation is none of my business. She has never wanted, nor allowed me to meet her and he has blocked this as well. He constantly turns it around and gaslights me and mocks me and tells me I'm just jealous and it's my problem. I don't believe people can 'allow' their partners one thing or another because we're not in control of each other and I don't buy into that, however, he has shown me over and over again that I don't come first and when I do complain about it and give push back, he tells me that's not true I don't put her first -- but then he turns around and calls me a liar and tells me I'm the one with the hangups. That's putting her first yet again. It doesn't seem like there will be any changes made and I am walking away to save my heart once again. I actually now hate this woman's guts. It seems as if she has no social graces and she's completely socially inept and doesn't understand anything about boundaries and continues to act like she has no agenda and yet she does. I think they're both liars. When you choose to deceive and then you throw it in your partner's face and say that's not true, you are so gaslighting them and treating them like they don't have an intellectual thought and you're disrespecting in a manner that is so incredibly painful.
Well you cannot tell her what to do, but you do not have to put up with it.
One question: Do you apply this theory in your real relationship?
Chan Chan , she will if it ever happens to her.
she was insisting it's an normal friendship yet she did that behind my back after promising me not too seeking to see her don't date ppl who are still friends with their exs no matter what
I broke up with him i cant tolerate it anymore .
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The issue is why would they tell you they still have strong feelings? You don’t now and that’s the fear
If she's consistently talking to an ex and hooking up even if it's for business, it's a NO for me.
This is called letting someone play in your face.
Me and my GF are in a really toxic relationship because of this. They are chatting almost everyday, she just says that he's only a friend and has no feeling towards him. But I know they like each other a lot still.. they even told me. I wanted to meet him when she goes to her friend (ex's sister) but she never allows me to go with her. That's why I wanted to take actions and it did well for a while. It all started all over again and she even called me by his name and didn't even notice it before I told her. I just want to do anything to solve the problem but it's just exhausting. I feel like she doesn't care at all. She doesn't want to talk about it... I'm always the bad one in this type of conversation.
Sorry to hear this, we can offer you a free 15 minute phone call with one of our therapists to discuss our relationship/ couples therapy options? Please email info@privatetherapyclinic.com to book your free call
GTFO! now!
This kinda bothered me, when she said should we 'allow'. Seriously? I don't take away my husband's free will, we have agreed boundaries.
Thank you for your comment
Well I'm upset bc she hangs out with her ex everyday and ignores me sometimes and her ex bullies me 😭
Lund is a lifesaver Why would you even stay with her? That’s weird bro.
Sorry to hear you are experiencing this within your relationship. We are here to help if you need it. We can offer you a free 15 minute phone call with one of our therapists.
Damn bro I’m sorry that happened to you you will find someone better 💯
"they are just a friend" or "like a sibling" are the biggest red flag.
You shouldn't be friends with your ex unless co parenting and that's an associate type relationship. They could still get back together
I recently went through a difficult breakup. My five year relationship ended few month ago, and it's been incredibly hard. I still have so much love for my ex girlfriend, and I can't seem to get her out of my mind. Despite my best efforts to win her back, nothing has worked, and the thought of being with anyone else feels impossible right now. I know it might sound odd to share this here, but I miss her deeply and can't stop thinking about her.
0:40 Yes you DO need to ask that as a direct question when considering dating someone.
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My gf (now ex) got a BFF group, and one of them is her ex. I let them be friends, cause she has confirmed to me thousands of time that there’s nothing between them for a long time now. And me myself can’t do anything cause that’s her BFF from the very young age, so I respected their relationship. They go out together like few times a month, and ofcourse they can only go in group, not just 2 of them (she promised me this)
And, I just found out she cheated on me with that ex last week, and we broke up. I just wanna share the story, being friend with an ex maybe not that big deal, but if your intuition tells you something, and you can’t keep the thoughts that there might be something suspicious happened. Then do something, you might be in my situation. Hope yall the best
Thanks for sharing
It depends on the couple.. in my eyes it is over when it’s over. I don’t need to be friends with someone I’ve been intimate with and know what they look like naked. With my ex, we agreed on this and we even got into it over an ex of mine contacting me (unexpectedly) online. I didn’t chat back but it still upset him and it was a big argument. A few month later, I discover he’s been texting with an ex since we were together, and even chatting with another ex on text and lied about it.
Thank you for sharing your experience with this
I had no issue with it until my partner lied about it.
Years later another guy popped up. I immediately told her to cut him off
Its a head fu@k....leave them alone let them have their ex's...it's total disrespect from both party's...you (myself) for allowing it to carry on...no relationship can have a healthy foundation with ex's in the background
Great to hear your opinions on this topic, thank you for sharing
I think it is very strange to keep a ex in your life. The entire point of having an ex means that you are or currently in the process of moving on and forgetting them.
They are friends with benefits. Let’s just keep it truthful and simple. The crazy thing is if that ex has no kids with that other person, why the hell are they talking in the first place? Because there’s some given point and it could be very soon, Devon and I fucking. Let’s keep it real
Thank you for sharing
I have zero drive to keep in touch with my exes. I have no bad feelings against them. We just ran our course. I dont understand why people feel the need to "be friends" with an ex. What is the actual point? When i decide i am done, i am done. I have to keep communication with my ex husband because we have 2 children and i keep it as limited as i am able to.
she says she loves him but not romantically......i finally told her i was uncomfortable with her bestfriend being her ex. and here is why... if we argue or fight there is a good chance she is going to run to her ex. if she runs to her ex while vulnerable there is a better chance she would sleep with him. if alcohol is added that chance of them cheating goes up. it is never good for an ex's to be best friends. it will do nothing but create jealousy. lm normally not jealous but the thought that she used to be in relations with him is really uncomfortable when combined with the fact she could potentially cheat every time we argue.
Hi there, thank you for sharing this. Sorry to hear you are going through this within your relationship. Would you like a free call with one of our therapists to discuss this and discuss our relationship therapy options?
@@dr.beckyspelman no I'm fine. Just sharing my life experiences and reasons as to why its never a good idea for you partner to have their ex as a bestfriend. Nice of you to check tho. Have a pleasant day.
I am in a situation where my girl is living with her ex and she is invited everywhere, all the family gatherins, vacations and stuff. My girl keeps trying to put it in my mind that this is normal and that I am toxic for not understanding that.
Reading these comments makes me glad I came here to realize that I am not toxic and that this situation is not normal. Thank you 🙈
I believe same values/principles and most of all transparent communication are the key to this topic.
If one of those is is lacking dont be fooled or leave them as they are.
Take it from a fool
I was talking to this Lady and she had made it clear that her ex was a friend and just that. She had told me that one time he tried telling her how much better she could do rather than be with me and it really hurt that it wasn’t the thing for her to block him, she said “regardless of who I’m with he still thinks I’m his”. I blocked her a couple days ago and it just hurts.
You dodged a bullet. She's probably confinding to her ex right now.
I’m here cuz my girlfriend is friends with like half of her exes and it pisses me off.
Hi there, thank you for sharing. Sorry to hear you are going through this within your relationship. We can offer you a free 15 minute phone call with one of our trained therapists?
Private Therapy Clinic no I’m good, it’s just I don’t like it, I know nothing funny is goin on, like she’s not cheating or trying to cheat, I just wanna know why her exes are still in her life like they are.
Blue Lion validation mainly. People that keep exes around are not relationship material. Dump. Trust me it’s not worth it.
Crystal Oats well idk what happened, she dumped me a week ago nd now i’m jus heartbroken nd yea i think you shouldnt keep exes around
No if they are still meeting up by themselves as just "friends" that's a 100 percent no a little of contact here and there is ok....
Worst can be when she hides from you that she is contacting/texting her ex and you find out ? especially when he had dumped her like a lead fart and moved on with another women.... and she was hurt and then still pining after her ex for a long time before you came along.
I mean knowing her past "history" going in helps, and one can appreciate the honesty shown by her in telling you when starting out with her as long as it's her history ? and she says wants to move forward with you ?
But then to find out 6 months in that she's still contacting/texting her ex behind your back is a big Red Flag !
Cya later.... no other choice when she lied when confronted about hiding it ?
And then she cries because you caught her lying and dump her for it ? GO FIGURE !
Lead fart 😂
Been there, done that. Lies and deception ruin relationships.
such a hypocrite.
When we met he said men dont want women as "friends"
Here we are 3 years later and his ex is his quote bestie.
He refused to tell her they cant stay in touch.
Have a nice life.....im.done.
P.S.
He "negleacted" to tell me she was back on his life.
Never mebtioned her.
I found out about her over a year ago.
Dropped hints...
Gave him the opportunity to come clean...
He FINALLY admitted it about 4 months ago.
Sooooo done.
By all means, you can be friends with your ex, but you won’t be treated as someone I’m in a relationship with, you won’t be taken seriously.
going STRAIGHT from being a couple to being an ex who's a friend is a red flag - it's possible in the fullness of time but a lengthy break from each other is healthy and necessary, surely?