I was incredibly close to my grandmother, I adored her. When she was struck with cancer it was as though the Nan she had been died as soon as she became ill. She became a stranger. I didn’t want her to ‘linger’, I didn’t want her to suffer. So I feel as though I wished her gone. I didn’t, she already was. I didn’t want her to have cancer in the first instance. I miss her so much even almost 30 years later. Every day I miss her and love her. But I feel so wicked for the thoughts I had. I’ve never told anyone this 😢❤
The Ho'oponopono prayer...Haiwaiian mantra for healing and reconcilliation....I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you... it encourages you to take responsibility for actions and situatiions in life... love and gratitude will bring resolution...I use it when I feel my self getting frustrated with people or situations and my thoughts turn into negativity... We do beat ourselves up uneccessarily and for that alone we need to forgive ourselves..... ❤
I’m sitting here crying for a life full of abuse, being let down, and loss and grief. I am so very tired. I continue to move forward. I have returned it all to source because I have done all the shadow work I can do. On namo Narayani
Littel over a year ago, I myself had peaked in on my mom and she was sleeping. She always had a hard time sleeping, so I did not want to wake her. It was after lunch, and I wanted her to eat and went to wake her. It was 3 hours that I had not peaked into her room, she had passed during the night. I 'am still not able to do this without tears and guilt. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I'm sitting here crying my eyes out. So, much is upside down and I feel like I'm drowning in sadness. I've done shadow work. It is the same as when you grieve the loss of a loved one. U have to experience the pain in order to heal it.. 😢
Hi - thank you for your insightful message . Your right it’s me I can’t seem to forgive . I lived with a secret in my body for 60+ years. Knowing the truth has helped shift my life but it’s the choices I made as a result of that secret that directly impacted my children I feel such pain over .
You shared a profound peice of yourself and I would like honor the messege by pulling the bandaide off my own wound. I knew my mom was going to die, and i chose to go to work anyway. My brother was P.O.A and I knew I wouldnt be useful. I ended up traveling back thinking she would pass before I got back. Everyone that wanted to be with her was with her that day. She hung on for an hour after everyone else left. I held her hand and sang to her in the hospital room by myself. Thank You, I have been working hard on this, I think your mom denied letting you be by herside at that time as a gift to you.
At times when I'm in so much pain about my divorce 10 years ago and my mom's death 4 years ago, as well as my fur baby cat recently, I use that prayer over and over till I feel calm again. I left my mom in the middle of the night and she passed away as I got home. That same gur baby comforted me through that difficult yime, lying up against my chest or shoulder, sitting on my lap, all the time. I blamed myself so much for so long, especially for my divorce, and it still creeps in now and then. I can feel healing now, even though I know there's still a lot needed. Been through datk nights of the soul a few times. (Apparently you can use the prayer for manifestation as well, like, "Dear money, I'm sorry, ...." etcetera.) Thank you for this profound reading 🙏🏻💗
I love your messages. Even when I think they might not apply to me, I listen, and every time, I find a message in your wisdom that I needed to hear. Thank you for sharing your personal story; I immediately thought, "Your mom did not want to add any more to your plate, she knew when it was her time to go and was thankful for everything you had done and continue to do for her (i.e. sharing your gifts with the world)". God Bless you and your whole family!
Remarkably it is forgiving myself, imposter syndrome, trying to make and keep ppl happy- after my awakening I dealt with a lot of 💔 because I was no longer able to maintain that mindset/lifestyle. I almost regretted waking up, and wanted to give up to please everyone else, my ego… I am ❤️🩹 but yes, there are small slivers of glass in parts of me.. As always Deborah 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
The people pleasing has been very difficult for me to release as well. Once I started dealing with that I found that now I have to rediscover the real me. The one underneath the people pleasing. Still working on this even now. 💚✌️
Thank you for sharing a profound part of your life story with us. Your open honest conversations with us, is one of the reasons I am drawn to you and your channel. Never loose your authenticity. ❤
“I forgive everything and everybody, everything and everybody forgives me. I love everything and everybody, everybody and everything loves me!” This is what I used. I believe there are no wrong decisions, only lessons. We either learn them or repeat them. Forgive yourself. There’s so much beauty we miss when we don’t! Blessings!!!
This happened with my favorite cat. I doted over her for weeks while she was dying, and finally I decided not to check on her when I heard her making sounds and that’s when she died. I was eaten up with guilt about it, but then she came to me in a dream and told me that by not running to her and giving her my energy I finally allowed her to die. She was staying and suffering for me. She needed me to let go so she could go. Not comparable to losing a mother, but I wanted to share what she told me that helped me let go. I rescued her from being euthanized in Hawaii when I lived there. I forgot about that prayer. Thank you. I’m going to put it on her grave.
Oh my dear! 😢 I was a CNA for 22 years. So many times I saw people with family around them for WEEKS and only when everyone got comfotenough to go get food or coffee etc all at once would they finally pass. Especially with children they wait to be alone. Some wait until family arrives. I think we choose if we can.❤❤❤
Thank you for your work and especially sharing about your mother. I believe people who are well loved (like your mother) have the benefit of choosing their time. Palliative care nurses will say people tend to go one of two ways: those who hang on against the odds for someone to arrive, and the others (closely tended by a family member) will choose a window when the main person is NOT there. They are with that angel energy and not alone. It is our mortal fear of regret at play here. You did everything right .... sometimes our ego selves want to see it play out in a particular way and you feel it as a mistake. You are perfect, Lena
You just spoke of many of my steps in many of my healing journeys. This happened with my father. This ate me up. For a long time. Until one day my mother looked at me and just very frankly said "why would he leave and cross over with you there? He just wouldn't. You needed to be gone, to not be responsible and for him to not be responsible for your reaction to him leaving." This was correct. He was my father he wouldn't leave if he could help it so he hung on and in this I waited for him to pass. An impass lol He wouldn't have left with me there and I understand this. Some time has passed and now since forgiving myself for the blueprint I created in this life I understand that we are not meant to hold everything. I learned that Everything in life is visiting. And there is such freedom and love that can be found in this. I suggest the prayer. I suggest that we all understand that we are not meant to hurt. If we do it's a symptom. Forgive yourself because there are NO Mistakes no matter what you will be able to look back after some time has passed and see where there is a place for what has happened. Thank you for your raw honesty! Blessed be Always Light/Shadow Warrior 🙏💛💛💛
I was really excited when I started doing shadow work about 7 years ago. I did shafow work with tapping (aka EFT). It was amazing right from the start. The things that come up from inside of you really indicate the depths of our soul and true inner beings. Tapping helps to bring them forth faster and in a more profound way that I found actually RESOLVED whatever issue it was. It just made things crystal clear. When you express out loud how you TRULY feel about something that you are doing shadow work on you will become so very self aware of who you truly are that you know you will never go back.
Thank you for sharing such a deeply felt experience. I understand and appreciate how difficult it is to share such vulnerabilities. In fact I see being so vulnerable show a great deal of strength. My beloved, the one I intended to marry, she had several brain hemorrhages and surgery that left her in a coma for two months. When she woke up the doctors told her she had fourth stage esophageal cancer. She battled for a little more than a year. She crossed over in August of 2022. I cried every day since I learned of her diagnosis and for two solid years after she crossed over. I still think about her every day. I cry less often. This morning and yesterday morning, the moment I woke up I cried so hard. All I kept thinking and saying out loud to her was "I'm sorry." and "I miss you." I can't express the details of guilt I feel. But I also feel like my soul is forever committed to her. I'll be 50 next month, and I've contemplated... if I live another 30 years, would I remain just as committed to her as I have been up to this point? Or would I ever be open to the idea of pursuing another relationship? The one thing that gives me the desire to stay in this lifetime is finding my life's purpose, so I'm in the process of creating a permaculture food oasis here in the desert of Southern California in Slab City. My goal is to reverse and prevent malnutrition in this impoverished community. Growing food and feeding people is a love language for me. This passion was created from my childhood where poverty and hunger was common.
OMG!!!!! YES! YES!! YES!! O'ponopono!!!! It's also balanced in ur life but YES!!! I developed a project based on O'ponopono!!!! Ur talking about me, chickadee! Glad u loved ur mom! '
The Ho'oponopono mantra has helped me a lot during my darkest moments. I played . it over and over on UA-cam, I am now in the habit of saying it as a prayer and I say Thank you Thank you Thank you to show appreciation🙏🏽
Deborah. Thank you for sharing this. Your channel has helped me more than you know. My dad passed away almost exactly two years ago now, the angels and guides sent my whole family to bed while he passed away in my hands. I felt outcasted by my family for sharing this moment with my dad and have had to do deep work to fight my way back and love and accept myself the way no one else could. What happened between me and my dad was because of who I am as a person 💚 not a reprocussion for what I did wrong.
I find shadow work fun. It helps me see these parts of myself that i never even knew were there. Its like a little inner adventure. Every time I do it i discover a new piece to the puzzle that helps me understand myself more and more. And its always like "oooohh where did that come from". Of course when it reminds me of all the stupid decisions i made it makes me cringe. Or the sad memories really hurt my heart. But it really is an adventure so i quite enjoy being able to do it
Beautiful Prayer!!! Perfect timing. Good message. Heal, move forward. 11:11 NEW BEGINNING!!! Do I really dare hope for Better? Can I verdad or truly release my Negative Energy? Life is ok. The wobble in my energy is like 2 Binary Stars when you see a small one behind it. The big star in the front and side or back hides the star behind. I am letting go of the shadow to find my Authentic or True self and build a New Life. Fear I am not good enough. I want to Believe I can or Am Good Enough.
Woow I had chills when you mentioned this mantra as I had never heard it in my life and before you mentioned it something took me to this mantra . The experience you have had with your mother is exactly what Im having with my mother. I have now moved to India and she lives in nz where my parents raised me. I'm trying to heal myself in such a way where I feel alright being distant from my mother as my mother is still alive in her 80's doing ok but I've always love and cherish her. My father passed away in 2013 but have felt that guilt of not being there when he died. In fact I said to dad I will see you tomorrow I even remember what day it was but that that night I said to him, he died the next day I said I would come and see him. 😢 I will never forget it!
I was told by the hospice nurse that our loved ones often pass when we go out of the room or bathroom break. They need you to leave them be at times. It’s normal she said
Thank you Deborah ✨️ I have been doing shadow work for a few years now. Talking out loud at home, apologising to those I've hurt and seen my growth as im stronger in my personality now
Thank you so very much for sharing your personal experience with your mother passing. I experienced something very similar and listening to you opened up a door and made me realize that a guilty feeling was still deeply buried in myself after 25 years. You made the pain accessible and brought me healing ❤️🩹 Thank you!!
Thank you for sharing your story🤍 I feel called to share the story of my grandmothers passing right here for you. She was terminally ill and we all knew, including herself. I visited her, with my baby, she was about 2 years old at the time. And my grandma looked at me, said, thank you for being here - don't ever visit me again. Go playing on the playground with your child and leave me behind. I'm good. Years later I learned, she told everyone to leave her alone. I was the only one to follow her wish. All the others gathered around all the time and when the time came... She waited deliberately till everyone was gone to have a coffee and exactly at this moment of relief, of being left alone, she died peacefully. You see, where I'm going with this story. Feel hugged tightly. Thank you so much.
["Thank you, Deborah: kia ora to the wobbles, yes I like the idea of smooth 😎 Yes, I agree with the forgiving of myself, & healing that deep wobble; so beautiful, thanks to our wairua teams ❤."]
Thank you so much for sharing your shadow work journey. It is so important to forgive yourself. There are some things that you cannot change, and could not have changed even when you wanted to. We all have similar experiences like this, and it's important to forgive ourselves and to know that we are deserving of forgiveness.
HO'PONOPONO meditation is so easy yet powerful. I'm sorry (Whoever you want to forgive) Please forgive me I thank you I love you I used to say it 108 times for all your Chakra points. I said before bed before naps,really anytime I thought about it. It means to right ANY wrong. Ty Deborah for all the knowledge 🙏 🙌 you share. ❤❤❤❤ It works.
My aunt died of cancer when I was about 14 or so. She'd beaten it at least once before, and I loved her so much. She was a better mother to me than my own. It was the night before Thanksgiving. My mom pulled me out of school early, and the dread I felt still hasn't fully left me. They wanted me to say goodbye to her and I couldn't. It broke my heart to see her that way, asleep, barely breathing. She died at home, in her bed, surrounded by family. Except for me. I was in the living room silently crying the whole time. I couldn't ever bring myself to actually speak to her in the hours before she passed. I so wish I had told her how much I loved her. But I know she's still with me. She is my angel, as she always treated me as hers.
You know when you told me that story I heard a story of love and compassion and devotion. All beautiful things. Very much like you. I have had a really terrible life but I would not change a thing. I carried the karmic debt of my ancestors and would do it all over again because nothing can dim my light or my love. Bless your soul for being so kind and caring to your mom in her hour of need. What a bright and beautiful soul you are.
Thank you Deborah ❤. I worked with Taro on myself last night & learned something massive that has been what is my current family struggle as well. All this energy & the evilness or attacks is getting to me a lot. !! 2:10 I had a great talk with hubby & that helped a lot. Rushing to run to go to the beach & take a break its been a hard last few months. I dont even know how to have fun anymore. Deborah!!! What you are saying about the guilt, is exactly what I was telling my hubby. My family member hurt us deeply & I feel a lot of guilt because of what my husband went through because I wasnt recognizing the mental abuse was as bad as it truly was because its been like that most of my life.
Thank you. That message was very insightful. Yes I feel guilty that I wasn't with my mom when she passed. I have been saying that prayer in the past. Now I realize I need to again. Thank you 😁
You have just said the same situation i had with my mum. I looked after her for about 10 years and i missed her passing. This only happened in July so its still raw. Thank you now i understand what i must do. xxx
Thank you so very much. I can’t express enough how your channel has helped me to grow you in this community are an incredible source of love light and information that is priceless. Thank you.
Thank you Deborah for sharing you experience about your Mum's passing. When you're the principal caregiver of the family, a number of things can slip through your hands because of exhaustion (in my case caring for my late mother; and my late grandmother's second husband at the same time in different apartments), stress, etc. Peace and Blessings! Namasté! 🕉️🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🕉️❤️❤️❤️💐🕉️
Thank you. If you want to get rid of certain people in your life tell them you have never made a mistake: beyond duality's illusion, experience is not right or wrong. It allows us to own the wisdom of why; expand our light. How can wisdom be a mistake: it is not. God bless. 🦋
I've heard it pronounced as HO-oh-po-no-po-no. I also understand that there is an extensive ceremony/ritual for full healing in Hawai'i. And yes, it's extraordinarily powerful! I've also been using Ho'oponopono mantras for inner child healing work. Soooo many tears...and so much relief! And I recognize that I have more work to do, as well. Thank you so much for trusting us enough to share your own worst pain! It helped me to see my own story in a different light, a different perspective, showing me yet more healing that needs done. Thank you Thank you Thank you! Your reading is directly on point for me, and much appreciated! Sending love, peace, joy and healing to you, yours and all here
Wow, wow, wow. So many synchronicities. We are entering the 11/11 portal & I have been utilizing the Ho’oponopono prayer for about 6 months now🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽. I have a relationship that I have cut the spiritual ties with but the paper & physical portion hasn’t been finalized & I want to move on. I am hard on myself & was feeling guilty at times for standing my ground. I am ready to have full freedom🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽. ThanQ you Deborah💜💜💜. Blessings to all who find this video & this comment. Stay strong we are on our way to the top 💙
Thank you so very much for sharing such a personal experience. It has resonated deeply within me. I had an almost identical experience with the passing of my mum 15 months ago. I too was her carer and on the day she passed I was running late and missed her passing by about half an hour. I feel terrible guilt that she passed alone but I know that she was protecting me, she wouldn’t have wanted me to experience nor could she have transitioned so peacefully. You have helped on my healing journey more than you realise, thank you thank you thank you. Love and light
My over arching life challenge has been to confront emotional distress/imbalance/abuse and be in my sovereignty making wise decisions rather than being a victim at the mercy of others’ and my own rage and sorrow. I have given my power away, been absent and made terribly destructive choices in this learning journey. I have lost and broken that which is holy and sacred. I have betrayed and neglected the ones who are dearest and closest to me. Ho’oponopono. 🙏
I'm in that place right now and I asked the universe to send me guidance on how to work through it. I cry every time I think about the situation. I'm familiar with the hooponopono but never used it. Thank you ❤
It's so funny that you brought up the h'oponopono meditation. I started using this after going through the hardest time of my life and it really does help with healing. And doing shadow work. I want to move forward by breaking these dark cycles. Thank you so much, Deborah 🙏❤️
Whenever I come here there is always a message for me as it's just for me and you know about me and it's my reading... it's amazing. Thank you as always and sending loads of love ❤🧿❤️
This was confirmation for me because I had JUST told myself that I need to do another round of Shadow work because there’s something I am still struggling with that I need to peacefully release. Thank you for sharing your story and the mantra 🙏🏽.
Oh my. I've been shadow working all my life then, so much so that I've had severe depression and gotten disabilities for it. Don't know if I'm special or that I have any abilities, but I think this is very interesting. I've always wanted to be a healer or a shaman ( I was born north and have always been near nature since I'm part Sami (Sami people of the north))
Thank you, Deborah, for opening yourself up and for sharing your heartfelt story. I've used the H'oponopono prayer a lot in the past and it has helped me tremendously with my healing whilst going through the dark night of the soul. Shadow work is absolutely necessary for our growth and healing, and there is no avoiding it - the only way out is through! Sending you so much love and my deepest gratitude to you for all that you do ❤❤❤
Hello dear I'm Laurie and yes I have had almost that same experience with my mother when she passed. But I had my own own and she had her late husband at that time. But I was out clubbing that night and none of my family called me until the morning and she passed just around 1am. When it happened I was sick in my heart of the loss. For 6 months straight I would go over to her home looking for her like looking through the whole house then I would just sit in the living room for hours in silence until one day her husband said to me Because I was going to cause myself illness. Now I know that my mama is always watching me and yes I have disappointed her after the passing but yet I'm forgiven by her. I do talk to her and I believe that's when I feel her presence in my room. Thank you for sharing I know how hard it can be Much love God bless
It’s just started. The acceptance of my powers of manifestation, being acknowledged as my determined choice to choose it. 😊❤ Thank you for this. It’s true. I’ve been a few days realizing this fact. I’ve been becoming way too bitter over such an irrelevant concern. I can and will create easy mode from now on. I’ve been my own worst enemy, trying to please others. Not pursuing that method anymore. 😊
Last year I lost my footing when my brother killed himself , the shock, the sorrow and our very abusive childhood came up, again. Yes it is vobbling, comes and goes. I did not know, I could not help him in time. I have done inner healingwork for many years for CPTSD but this, the grief is so big 💔. Thank you for sharing, your own healing ❤. I will do that mantra.
Oh my gosh. 😢 so, so many things I carry guilt over - mostly about being stupid and not seeing “the writing on the wall”. I also made choices that hurt others, and many others have made choices that have almost destroyed me. I need to forgive myself first before I can completely forgive them. I’ve internalized horrible things people have said to me.
Thank you for sharing. I feel that you have shown me the last part of my shadow work that needs to be done. My 1 and 1/2 year old cousin drowned in my aunts fish pond. I had a feeling all day that I needed to go over to her house. It was intense. I didn’t know why. And I didn’t go. I have intense regret and heartbreak over this. But I buried it so deep that I hadn’t thought about it for years. Twenty eight years to be exact. I will be doing the meditation. Thank you Debra. ❤❤❤
I am so sorry that happened. I have been a nurse several decades and sometimes people want to pass by themselves. I have seen many families sit at bedside for days and weeks and circumstances will makes the room empty like going to bathroom or get a drink and the person will pass. I am new sub but i can tell you are a wonderful person. Please forgive yourself.❤❤❤
Thank you and your precious heart for sharing you sure did help me and I am humongous Lee grateful and I appreciate everything you do. Thank you very much for I was in a rut of sadness.
Debra thank you so much, I have the wobble, I have the opportunity to create a beautiful new life, freedom is scary, I will relax and enjoy and forgive myself. Ho'oponopono, I keep hearing about it, thank you for reminding me. 💜💜💜
I am going through this currently in regards to my mother and her passing, I’ve been recognising some things and have begun my healing in regards to it. Thank you so much for sharing your story it helped me speak mine 🤍
Babe, I want you to know that you have helped me understand who I am so much. Darling I have looked at things where I should have been there or done something different, but can't turn back time. I feel so bad, but I had to learn to forgive myself. So much love to you ❤❤❤
The last time I saw my mother conscious and aware, I noticed a reddish spot on her upper calf when her skirt shifted. I was shocked and asked what it was as I tried to examine it and she shooed me away saying it's nothing. A few days later she was unconscious with sepsis. It was a wound that had been festering. That along with morbid obesity, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart issues, pacemaker, diabetes, and more, complicated the treatment. 2 months later she passed after flat lining during dialysis. I was in the room when she passed. Sometimes I think I could have saved her by being more persistent, but she has come to me many times to tell me it was inevitable due to her overall health. Even with this knowing, it's hard not to feel like I could have done more. I thought I'd share in gratitude of you sharing as well. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this! I didn't know anything about Ho'oponono, but you introduced it to me. And I need this. In fact, I stopped your video to check it out, and within minutes, I was in tears. That means I need this! Thank you and I send you much love!! ❤
I'm .. once again kind of at a loss for words. Thank you for sharing a vulnerable part of your story with us, me. I cried along with you. There are at least a couple of choices I made or things I said in my life that I have held myself harshly accountable for. Overly accountable? Is that a thing. At any rate, THANK you, for reminding me, or letting me know that it's TIME, for H'oponopono now, and time to just forgive, everyone so I can move forward. So much love to you Deb, thank you so so much
I've never really talked about this before, but since you opened up so much, and your videos have been so helpful for me recently, I'll open up a bit as well. When I was a kid I didn't fit in well into society. I had a lot of health issues so I was constantly going to the doctor, and I really didn't like being in school. I loved learning, but I never wanted to apply myself in school. My dad saw a lot of potential in me (he is a PhD and has been in academia my whole life), so he was very disappointed in me for not applying myself more in school. When I was 12 I moved in with my mom and she really didn't want to take care of me, and I wasn't doing a good job of taking care of myself, so she was also very disappointed in me. This led to me feeling an intense guilt for having been born as a kid. When I was younger I wanted to die very badly (without committing suicide, as I felt like that would just make the people I love feel even worse), so I could "stop hurting the people around me." This led to me manifesting lymphatic cancer at a young age, which I thankfully recovered from. Since becoming an adult I have always pushed myself towards "my purpose," or "what I'm supposed to be doing." I think this is preventing me from being able to be okay with myself as I am, or allowing myself to be happy, which seems like its getting in the way of my growth at this point. I'm realizing that this stems from a two-fold "I want to work hard to make up for when I was so laid back as a child so my parents will love me," as well as "I need to work hard so that the universe doesn't punish me for being lazy again." This leads to me pushing myself so hard in whatever direction seems like the right one at the time that I don't end up being all that productive and I don't allow myself time to rest. So I forgive myself for being laid back as a child. I forgive myself for not taking better care of myself. I forgive myself for the spiritual self-harm I engaged in. Thank you.
Realeasing the sadness and grief through the last moments of my dog Oliver’s life ( almost 17 years) this past April. The outcome at the vets office was not a smooth transition. During my walk on the beach this morning, I asked again for his forgiveness and I forgave myself. We had a loving discussion several times during the last month before that day arrived. I felt that I had let him down but in the end Oliver was in my arms when he collapsed. I’m really missing my baby boy..l💞. Thanks Deborah🙏
And reflection I realize that the reason why I hated myself so much was because I let Divine down but forgiveness I found is only something Divine can lead you to. I could not have started forgiving myself without Divine. And thanks to your guidance.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your very personal journey. Im happy that you healed & moved on I just need to work on my own self worth - due to a narcissistic mum & relationships xx
Omg u looked straight at the camera & said “Moonstruck Take a Break!” and it is true…I have been burning the candle at both ends trying to gtfo out of this horrid never ending spiritual awakening b/c if I don’t I’m gonna go out in a body bag.
I do know the decision I regret making five years ago, and thought I'd accepted it during this past year. So just in case there is still some regret left, I'll do some EFT (emotional freedom technique) to discharge any grief that may be lingering. It works every time.
I was incredibly close to my grandmother, I adored her. When she was struck with cancer it was as though the Nan she had been died as soon as she became ill. She became a stranger. I didn’t want her to ‘linger’, I didn’t want her to suffer. So I feel as though I wished her gone. I didn’t, she already was. I didn’t want her to have cancer in the first instance. I miss her so much even almost 30 years later. Every day I miss her and love her. But I feel so wicked for the thoughts I had. I’ve never told anyone this 😢❤
The Ho'oponopono prayer...Haiwaiian mantra for healing and reconcilliation....I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you... it encourages you to take responsibility for actions and situatiions in life... love and gratitude will bring resolution...I use it when I feel my self getting frustrated with people or situations and my thoughts turn into negativity... We do beat ourselves up uneccessarily and for that alone we need to forgive ourselves..... ❤
Been doing this prayer for yrs 🙏 🙌 ❤❤❤❤
TY for reiterating this !!
I love it and use it often daily
Thank you all so much! This really helps, guys ☺️. Love and light all around 💖💖💖
It's shifting to do it to yourself in the mirror.
I’m sitting here crying for a life full of abuse, being let down, and loss and grief. I am so very tired. I continue to move forward. I have returned it all to source because I have done all the shadow work I can do. On namo Narayani
Littel over a year ago, I myself had peaked in on my mom and she was sleeping. She always had a hard time sleeping, so I did not want to wake her. It was after lunch, and I wanted her to eat and went to wake her. It was 3 hours that I had not peaked into her room, she had passed during the night. I 'am still not able to do this without tears and guilt. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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@@trishpurden7131 thank you
I'm sitting here crying my eyes out. So, much is upside down and I feel like I'm drowning in sadness. I've done shadow work. It is the same as when you grieve the loss of a loved one. U have to experience the pain in order to heal it.. 😢
It will get better 🤗 it’s okay it’s going to be okay
I'm right there with you sis...I wish I could hug you but I send my love through the phone ❤
@MelissaMartindale-l4w
Thank you siSTAR ❤️🔥
Hi - thank you for your insightful message . Your right it’s me I can’t seem to forgive . I lived with a secret in my body for 60+ years. Knowing the truth has helped shift my life but it’s the choices I made as a result of that secret that directly impacted my children I feel such pain over .
Thank you, Queen ❤❤❤
You shared a profound peice of yourself and I would like honor the messege by pulling the bandaide off my own wound. I knew my mom was going to die, and i chose to go to work anyway. My brother was P.O.A and I knew I wouldnt be useful. I ended up traveling back thinking she would pass before I got back. Everyone that wanted to be with her was with her that day. She hung on for an hour after everyone else left. I held her hand and sang to her in the hospital room by myself.
Thank You, I have been working hard on this, I think your mom denied letting you be by herside at that time as a gift to you.
At times when I'm in so much pain about my divorce 10 years ago and my mom's death 4 years ago, as well as my fur baby cat recently, I use that prayer over and over till I feel calm again. I left my mom in the middle of the night and she passed away as I got home. That same gur baby comforted me through that difficult yime, lying up against my chest or shoulder, sitting on my lap, all the time. I blamed myself so much for so long, especially for my divorce, and it still creeps in now and then. I can feel healing now, even though I know there's still a lot needed. Been through datk nights of the soul a few times.
(Apparently you can use the prayer for manifestation as well, like, "Dear money, I'm sorry, ...." etcetera.)
Thank you for this profound reading 🙏🏻💗
I love your messages. Even when I think they might not apply to me, I listen, and every time, I find a message in your wisdom that I needed to hear.
Thank you for sharing your personal story; I immediately thought, "Your mom did not want to add any more to your plate, she knew when it was her time to go and was thankful for everything you had done and continue to do for her (i.e. sharing your gifts with the world)".
God Bless you and your whole family!
I still blame myself even though my son died of SIDS, 18 years and 4 days ago. I was told there was absolutely nothing I could have done to save him
Please don't blame yourself. You did nothing wrong. There is a name for this condition for a reason. Sending you lots of love and positive vibes
😢❤
💔🪽🙏💖🫂
Remarkably it is forgiving myself, imposter syndrome, trying to make and keep ppl happy- after my awakening I dealt with a lot of 💔 because I was no longer able to maintain that mindset/lifestyle. I almost regretted waking up, and wanted to give up to please everyone else, my ego…
I am ❤️🩹 but yes, there are small slivers of glass in parts of me..
As always Deborah 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
The people pleasing has been very difficult for me to release as well. Once I started dealing with that I found that now I have to rediscover the real me. The one underneath the people pleasing. Still working on this even now. 💚✌️
Thank you for sharing a profound part of your life story with us. Your open honest conversations with us, is one of the reasons I am drawn to you and your channel. Never loose your authenticity. ❤
I'm working on my wobble.
Thank you for sharing. It brought me to a door i was trying so hard to not find. Its time to open it and hug this child.
Ty ty ty Deborah, spirit, ancestors, guides and the Divine for guidance and protection 🖤💛♏️♏️♏️♐️✊🪬🕊️🗝️🐦🔥👑🗡️🎺
❤️ no she needed privacy to cross over ❤️ everything was as it should be
“I forgive everything and everybody, everything and everybody forgives me. I love everything and everybody, everybody and everything loves me!” This is what I used. I believe there are no wrong decisions, only lessons. We either learn them or repeat them. Forgive yourself. There’s so much beauty we miss when we don’t! Blessings!!!
This happened with my favorite cat. I doted over her for weeks while she was dying, and finally I decided not to check on her when I heard her making sounds and that’s when she died. I was eaten up with guilt about it, but then she came to me in a dream and told me that by not running to her and giving her my energy I finally allowed her to die. She was staying and suffering for me. She needed me to let go so she could go.
Not comparable to losing a mother, but I wanted to share what she told me that helped me let go.
I rescued her from being euthanized in Hawaii when I lived there. I forgot about that prayer. Thank you. I’m going to put it on her grave.
I’m sorry for your loss😢 for your pain
Oh my dear! 😢 I was a CNA for 22 years. So many times I saw people with family around them for WEEKS and only when everyone got comfotenough to go get food or coffee etc all at once would they finally pass. Especially with children they wait to be alone. Some wait until family arrives. I think we choose if we can.❤❤❤
Thank you for your work and especially sharing about your mother. I believe people who are well loved (like your mother) have the benefit of choosing their time. Palliative care nurses will say people tend to go one of two ways: those who hang on against the odds for someone to arrive, and the others (closely tended by a family member) will choose a window when the main person is NOT there. They are with that angel energy and not alone. It is our mortal fear of regret at play here. You did everything right .... sometimes our ego selves want to see it play out in a particular way and you feel it as a mistake. You are perfect, Lena
You just spoke of many of my steps in many of my healing journeys. This happened with my father.
This ate me up. For a long time. Until one day my mother looked at me and just very frankly said "why would he leave and cross over with you there? He just wouldn't. You needed to be gone, to not be responsible and for him to not be responsible for your reaction to him leaving."
This was correct. He was my father he wouldn't leave if he could help it so he hung on and in this I waited for him to pass. An impass lol He wouldn't have left with me there and I understand this.
Some time has passed and now since forgiving myself for the blueprint I created in this life I understand that we are not meant to hold everything. I learned that Everything in life is visiting. And there is such freedom and love that can be found in this.
I suggest the prayer. I suggest that we all understand that we are not meant to hurt. If we do it's a symptom. Forgive yourself because there are NO Mistakes no matter what you will be able to look back after some time has passed and see where there is a place for what has happened.
Thank you for your raw honesty! Blessed be Always Light/Shadow Warrior 🙏💛💛💛
I was really excited when I started doing shadow work about 7 years ago. I did shafow work with tapping (aka EFT). It was amazing right from the start. The things that come up from inside of you really indicate the depths of our soul and true inner beings. Tapping helps to bring them forth faster and in a more profound way that I found actually RESOLVED whatever issue it was. It just made things crystal clear. When you express out loud how you TRULY feel about something that you are doing shadow work on you will become so very self aware of who you truly are that you know you will never go back.
Thank you for sharing such a deeply felt experience. I understand and appreciate how difficult it is to share such vulnerabilities. In fact I see being so vulnerable show a great deal of strength.
My beloved, the one I intended to marry, she had several brain hemorrhages and surgery that left her in a coma for two months. When she woke up the doctors told her she had fourth stage esophageal cancer. She battled for a little more than a year. She crossed over in August of 2022. I cried every day since I learned of her diagnosis and for two solid years after she crossed over. I still think about her every day. I cry less often. This morning and yesterday morning, the moment I woke up I cried so hard. All I kept thinking and saying out loud to her was "I'm sorry." and "I miss you." I can't express the details of guilt I feel. But I also feel like my soul is forever committed to her.
I'll be 50 next month, and I've contemplated... if I live another 30 years, would I remain just as committed to her as I have been up to this point? Or would I ever be open to the idea of pursuing another relationship?
The one thing that gives me the desire to stay in this lifetime is finding my life's purpose, so I'm in the process of creating a permaculture food oasis here in the desert of Southern California in Slab City. My goal is to reverse and prevent malnutrition in this impoverished community. Growing food and feeding people is a love language for me. This passion was created from my childhood where poverty and hunger was common.
Your story...wow I can relate. Similar situation for me.
OMG!!!!! YES! YES!! YES!! O'ponopono!!!! It's also balanced in ur life but YES!!! I developed a project based on O'ponopono!!!! Ur talking about me, chickadee! Glad u loved ur mom! '
Thank you for sharing your personal story Deborah, I do feel like I have a root to tear out and I will try the Ho'oponopono.💗
The Ho'oponopono mantra has helped me a lot during my darkest moments. I played . it over and over on UA-cam, I am now in the habit of saying it as a prayer and I say Thank you Thank you Thank you to show appreciation🙏🏽
Yes more deep dive for me in AA steps. Hoopono prayers in my nightly meditation to stop drinking 😇💕✨💫💖🪷🪶
Deborah. Thank you for sharing this. Your channel has helped me more than you know. My dad passed away almost exactly two years ago now, the angels and guides sent my whole family to bed while he passed away in my hands. I felt outcasted by my family for sharing this moment with my dad and have had to do deep work to fight my way back and love and accept myself the way no one else could. What happened between me and my dad was because of who I am as a person 💚 not a reprocussion for what I did wrong.
I find shadow work fun. It helps me see these parts of myself that i never even knew were there. Its like a little inner adventure. Every time I do it i discover a new piece to the puzzle that helps me understand myself more and more. And its always like "oooohh where did that come from". Of course when it reminds me of all the stupid decisions i made it makes me cringe. Or the sad memories really hurt my heart. But it really is an adventure so i quite enjoy being able to do it
Beautiful Prayer!!! Perfect timing. Good message. Heal, move forward. 11:11 NEW BEGINNING!!! Do I really dare hope for Better?
Can I verdad or truly release my Negative Energy?
Life is ok. The wobble in my energy is like 2 Binary Stars when you see a small one behind it. The big star in the front and side or back hides the star behind.
I am letting go of the shadow to find my Authentic or True self and build a New Life.
Fear I am not good enough. I want to Believe I can or Am Good Enough.
You're a good person, Debra. Thank's for sharing. I needed this, so much pain in heart. And yet I must go on. ❤
Thank you friend :) I think I have more than one thing to heal and not sure where to start.
Thank you for sharing this experience with us. Lots of love
You are such a beautiful soul! 💖
Woow I had chills when you mentioned this mantra as I had never heard it in my life and before you mentioned it something took me to this mantra . The experience you have had with your mother is exactly what Im having with my mother. I have now moved to India and she lives in nz where my parents raised me. I'm trying to heal myself in such a way where I feel alright being distant from my mother as my mother is still alive in her 80's doing ok but I've always love and cherish her. My father passed away in 2013 but have felt that guilt of not being there when he died. In fact I said to dad I will see you tomorrow I even remember what day it was but that that night I said to him, he died the next day I said I would come and see him. 😢 I will never forget it!
I was told by the hospice nurse that our loved ones often pass when we go out of the room or bathroom break. They need you to leave them be at times. It’s normal she said
Thank you Deborah ✨️
I have been doing shadow work for a few years now.
Talking out loud at home, apologising to those I've hurt and seen my growth as im stronger in my personality now
I am really glad you were able to heal and find peace. ❤️🩹
Thank you so very much for sharing your personal experience with your mother passing. I experienced something very similar and listening to you opened up a door and made me realize that a guilty feeling was still deeply buried in myself after 25 years. You made the pain accessible and brought me healing ❤️🩹 Thank you!!
💚💚💚 Thank you!!! I know about that prayer as well! 💜💓💛🩵🌻Love and 🕯️ light!!!
😅2 yes gone and I still cant release my grief 😥
Thank you for sharing your story🤍 I feel called to share the story of my grandmothers passing right here for you.
She was terminally ill and we all knew, including herself. I visited her, with my baby, she was about 2 years old at the time. And my grandma looked at me, said, thank you for being here - don't ever visit me again. Go playing on the playground with your child and leave me behind. I'm good.
Years later I learned, she told everyone to leave her alone.
I was the only one to follow her wish. All the others gathered around all the time and when the time came... She waited deliberately till everyone was gone to have a coffee and exactly at this moment of relief, of being left alone, she died peacefully. You see, where I'm going with this story. Feel hugged tightly. Thank you so much.
["Thank you, Deborah: kia ora to the wobbles, yes I like the idea of smooth 😎 Yes, I agree with the forgiving of myself, & healing that deep wobble; so beautiful, thanks to our wairua teams ❤."]
Thank you so much for sharing your shadow work journey. It is so important to forgive yourself. There are some things that you cannot change, and could not have changed even when you wanted to. We all have similar experiences like this, and it's important to forgive ourselves and to know that we are deserving of forgiveness.
HO'PONOPONO meditation is so easy yet powerful.
I'm sorry (Whoever you want to forgive)
Please forgive me
I thank you
I love you
I used to say it 108 times for all your Chakra points.
I said before bed before naps,really anytime I thought about it. It means to right ANY wrong.
Ty Deborah for all the knowledge 🙏 🙌 you share. ❤❤❤❤
It works.
My aunt died of cancer when I was about 14 or so. She'd beaten it at least once before, and I loved her so much. She was a better mother to me than my own. It was the night before Thanksgiving. My mom pulled me out of school early, and the dread I felt still hasn't fully left me. They wanted me to say goodbye to her and I couldn't. It broke my heart to see her that way, asleep, barely breathing. She died at home, in her bed, surrounded by family. Except for me. I was in the living room silently crying the whole time. I couldn't ever bring myself to actually speak to her in the hours before she passed. I so wish I had told her how much I loved her. But I know she's still with me. She is my angel, as she always treated me as hers.
You know when you told me that story I heard a story of love and compassion and devotion. All beautiful things. Very much like you.
I have had a really terrible life but I would not change a thing. I carried the karmic debt of my ancestors and would do it all over again because nothing can dim my light or my love.
Bless your soul for being so kind and caring to your mom in her hour of need. What a bright and beautiful soul you are.
Thank you Deborah ❤. I worked with Taro on myself last night & learned something massive that has been what is my current family struggle as well. All this energy & the evilness or attacks is getting to me a lot. !! 2:10 I had a great talk with hubby & that helped a lot. Rushing to run to go to the beach & take a break its been a hard last few months. I dont even know how to have fun anymore. Deborah!!! What you are saying about the guilt, is exactly what I was telling my hubby. My family member hurt us deeply & I feel a lot of guilt because of what my husband went through because I wasnt recognizing the mental abuse was as bad as it truly was because its been like that most of my life.
Thank you. That message was very insightful. Yes I feel guilty that I wasn't with my mom when she passed. I have been saying that prayer in the past. Now I realize I need to again. Thank you 😁
You have just said the same situation i had with my mum. I looked after her for about 10 years and i missed her passing. This only happened in July so its still raw. Thank you now i understand what i must do. xxx
Thank you so very much. I can’t express enough how your channel has helped me to grow you in this community are an incredible source of love light and information that is priceless. Thank you.
Thank you Deborah for sharing you experience about your Mum's passing. When you're the principal caregiver of the family, a number of things can slip through your hands because of exhaustion (in my case caring for my late mother; and my late grandmother's second husband at the same time in different apartments), stress, etc. Peace and Blessings! Namasté! 🕉️🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🕉️❤️❤️❤️💐🕉️
Thank you. If you want to get rid of certain people in your life tell them you have never made a mistake: beyond duality's illusion, experience is not right or wrong. It allows us to own the wisdom of why; expand our light. How can wisdom be a mistake: it is not. God bless. 🦋
I've heard it pronounced as HO-oh-po-no-po-no. I also understand that there is an extensive ceremony/ritual for full healing in Hawai'i. And yes, it's extraordinarily powerful! I've also been using Ho'oponopono mantras for inner child healing work. Soooo many tears...and so much relief! And I recognize that I have more work to do, as well. Thank you so much for trusting us enough to share your own worst pain! It helped me to see my own story in a different light, a different perspective, showing me yet more healing that needs done.
Thank you Thank you Thank you! Your reading is directly on point for me, and much appreciated! Sending love, peace, joy and healing to you, yours and all here
Wow, wow, wow. So many synchronicities.
We are entering the 11/11 portal & I have been utilizing the Ho’oponopono prayer for about 6 months now🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽. I have a relationship that I have cut the spiritual ties with but the paper & physical portion hasn’t been finalized & I want to move on.
I am hard on myself & was feeling guilty at times for standing my ground.
I am ready to have full freedom🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽.
ThanQ you Deborah💜💜💜. Blessings to all who find this video & this comment. Stay strong we are on our way to the top 💙
Thank you so very much for sharing such a personal experience. It has resonated deeply within me. I had an almost identical experience with the passing of my mum 15 months ago. I too was her carer and on the day she passed I was running late and missed her passing by about half an hour. I feel terrible guilt that she passed alone but I know that she was protecting me, she wouldn’t have wanted me to experience nor could she have transitioned so peacefully. You have helped on my healing journey more than you realise, thank you thank you thank you. Love and light
I pray the Ho'oponopono several times daily 🙏
Same
My over arching life challenge has been to confront emotional distress/imbalance/abuse and be in my sovereignty making wise decisions rather than being a victim at the mercy of others’ and my own rage and sorrow. I have given my power away, been absent and made terribly destructive choices in this learning journey. I have lost and broken that which is holy and sacred. I have betrayed and neglected the ones who are dearest and closest to me. Ho’oponopono. 🙏
I'm in that place right now and I asked the universe to send me guidance on how to work through it. I cry every time I think about the situation. I'm familiar with the hooponopono but never used it. Thank you ❤
It's so funny that you brought up the h'oponopono meditation. I started using this after going through the hardest time of my life and it really does help with healing. And doing shadow work. I want to move forward by breaking these dark cycles. Thank you so much, Deborah 🙏❤️
The synchronicities with this is absolute magic
Thank you
❤
ty for this, I am grateful for your message. W/O fully healing we cannot move forward.
Wow. I’ve been in a dark place. Can’t sleep , crying lots it’s crazy how I connected to this one.i was wondering what todo. Thank you
Whenever I come here there is always a message for me as it's just for me and you know about me and it's my reading... it's amazing. Thank you as always and sending loads of love ❤🧿❤️
This was confirmation for me because I had JUST told myself that I need to do another round of Shadow work because there’s something I am still struggling with that I need to peacefully release. Thank you for sharing your story and the mantra 🙏🏽.
Oh my. I've been shadow working all my life then, so much so that I've had severe depression and gotten disabilities for it. Don't know if I'm special or that I have any abilities, but I think this is very interesting. I've always wanted to be a healer or a shaman ( I was born north and have always been near nature since I'm part Sami (Sami people of the north))
Oh, my goodness ... Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!
Thank you, Deborah, for opening yourself up and for sharing your heartfelt story. I've used the H'oponopono prayer a lot in the past and it has helped me tremendously with my healing whilst going through the dark night of the soul. Shadow work is absolutely necessary for our growth and healing, and there is no avoiding it - the only way out is through! Sending you so much love and my deepest gratitude to you for all that you do ❤❤❤
Hello dear
I'm Laurie and yes I have had almost that same experience with my mother when she passed. But I had my own own and she had her late husband at that time. But I was out clubbing that night and none of my family called me until the morning and she passed just around 1am. When it happened I was sick in my heart of the loss. For 6 months straight I would go over to her home looking for her like looking through the whole house then I would just sit in the living room for hours in silence until one day her husband said to me Because I was going to cause myself illness. Now I know that my mama is always watching me and yes I have disappointed her after the passing but yet I'm forgiven by her. I do talk to her and I believe that's when I feel her presence in my room. Thank you for sharing I know how hard it can be
Much love God bless
It’s just started. The acceptance of my powers of manifestation, being acknowledged as my determined choice to choose it. 😊❤ Thank you for this. It’s true. I’ve been a few days realizing this fact. I’ve been becoming way too bitter over such an irrelevant concern. I can and will create easy mode from now on. I’ve been my own worst enemy, trying to please others. Not pursuing that method anymore. 😊
So helpful! Appreciated.
Last year I lost my footing when my brother killed himself , the shock, the sorrow and our very abusive childhood came up, again. Yes it is vobbling, comes and goes. I did not know, I could not help him in time. I have done inner healingwork for many years for
CPTSD but this, the grief is so big 💔. Thank you for sharing, your own healing ❤. I will do that mantra.
Oh my gosh. 😢 so, so many things I carry guilt over - mostly about being stupid and not seeing “the writing on the wall”. I also made choices that hurt others, and many others have made choices that have almost destroyed me. I need to forgive myself first before I can completely forgive them. I’ve internalized horrible things people have said to me.
Thank you for sharing. I feel that you have shown me the last part of my shadow work that needs to be done. My 1 and 1/2 year old cousin drowned in my aunts fish pond. I had a feeling all day that I needed to go over to her house. It was intense. I didn’t know why. And I didn’t go. I have intense regret and heartbreak over this. But I buried it so deep that I hadn’t thought about it for years. Twenty eight years to be exact. I will be doing the meditation. Thank you Debra. ❤❤❤
I did, end up hating myself but Divine wouldn't allow that we've been working really hard on getting myself out of the mindset of victim mentality
I am so sorry that happened. I have been a nurse several decades and sometimes people want to pass by themselves. I have seen many families sit at bedside for days and weeks and circumstances will makes the room empty like going to bathroom or get a drink and the person will pass. I am new sub but i can tell you are a wonderful person. Please forgive yourself.❤❤❤
Thank you and your precious heart for sharing you sure did help me and I am humongous Lee grateful and I appreciate everything you do. Thank you very much for I was in a rut of sadness.
Wow. Thank you ❤. Xo.
Debra thank you so much, I have the wobble, I have the opportunity to create a beautiful new life, freedom is scary, I will relax and enjoy and forgive myself. Ho'oponopono, I keep hearing about it, thank you for reminding me. 💜💜💜
I am going through this currently in regards to my mother and her passing, I’ve been recognising some things and have begun my healing in regards to it. Thank you so much for sharing your story it helped me speak mine 🤍
You are phenomenal. Almost every time I listen to your readings, it is always on point. Thank you so much Debra.
Babe, I want you to know that you have helped me understand who I am so much. Darling I have looked at things where I should have been there or done something different, but can't turn back time. I feel so bad, but I had to learn to forgive myself. So much love to you ❤❤❤
I did shadow work since March 2024. Thank you. I have been doing Ho ponopono since March as well.
The last time I saw my mother conscious and aware, I noticed a reddish spot on her upper calf when her skirt shifted. I was shocked and asked what it was as I tried to examine it and she shooed me away saying it's nothing. A few days later she was unconscious with sepsis. It was a wound that had been festering. That along with morbid obesity, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart issues, pacemaker, diabetes, and more, complicated the treatment. 2 months later she passed after flat lining during dialysis. I was in the room when she passed. Sometimes I think I could have saved her by being more persistent, but she has come to me many times to tell me it was inevitable due to her overall health. Even with this knowing, it's hard not to feel like I could have done more.
I thought I'd share in gratitude of you sharing as well. Thank you.
Ank you do much. Needed to hear that today🌺🤍
🙏🙏🙏 ... much love to all of you light workers .... ❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing this! I didn't know anything about Ho'oponono, but you introduced it to me. And I need this. In fact, I stopped your video to check it out, and within minutes, I was in tears. That means I need this! Thank you and I send you much love!! ❤
I'm .. once again kind of at a loss for words. Thank you for sharing a vulnerable part of your story with us, me. I cried along with you. There are at least a couple of choices I made or things I said in my life that I have held myself harshly accountable for. Overly accountable? Is that a thing. At any rate, THANK you, for reminding me, or letting me know that it's TIME, for H'oponopono now, and time to just forgive, everyone so I can move forward. So much love to you Deb, thank you so so much
Thank you as always, Deborah, sending light, love, and hugs xxx Helen
I've never really talked about this before, but since you opened up so much, and your videos have been so helpful for me recently, I'll open up a bit as well.
When I was a kid I didn't fit in well into society. I had a lot of health issues so I was constantly going to the doctor, and I really didn't like being in school. I loved learning, but I never wanted to apply myself in school. My dad saw a lot of potential in me (he is a PhD and has been in academia my whole life), so he was very disappointed in me for not applying myself more in school. When I was 12 I moved in with my mom and she really didn't want to take care of me, and I wasn't doing a good job of taking care of myself, so she was also very disappointed in me. This led to me feeling an intense guilt for having been born as a kid. When I was younger I wanted to die very badly (without committing suicide, as I felt like that would just make the people I love feel even worse), so I could "stop hurting the people around me." This led to me manifesting lymphatic cancer at a young age, which I thankfully recovered from.
Since becoming an adult I have always pushed myself towards "my purpose," or "what I'm supposed to be doing." I think this is preventing me from being able to be okay with myself as I am, or allowing myself to be happy, which seems like its getting in the way of my growth at this point. I'm realizing that this stems from a two-fold "I want to work hard to make up for when I was so laid back as a child so my parents will love me," as well as "I need to work hard so that the universe doesn't punish me for being lazy again." This leads to me pushing myself so hard in whatever direction seems like the right one at the time that I don't end up being all that productive and I don't allow myself time to rest.
So I forgive myself for being laid back as a child. I forgive myself for not taking better care of myself. I forgive myself for the spiritual self-harm I engaged in. Thank you.
Realeasing the sadness and grief through the last moments of my dog Oliver’s life ( almost 17 years) this past April. The outcome at the vets office was not a smooth transition. During my walk on the beach this morning, I asked again for his forgiveness and I forgave myself. We had a loving discussion several times during the last month before that day arrived. I felt that I had let him down but in the end Oliver was in my arms when he collapsed. I’m really missing my baby boy..l💞. Thanks Deborah🙏
And reflection I realize that the reason why I hated myself so much was because I let Divine down but forgiveness I found is only something Divine can lead you to. I could not have started forgiving myself without Divine. And thanks to your guidance.
You're Beautiful Deborah. Bless you. Thank you 🌈💖🌺xx
Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your very personal journey. Im happy that you healed & moved on
I just need to work on my own self worth - due to a narcissistic mum & relationships xx
Thank you fir sharing,it is very meaningful,and extremely helpful for me
Omg u looked straight at the camera & said “Moonstruck Take a Break!” and it is true…I have been burning the candle at both ends trying to gtfo out of this horrid never ending spiritual awakening b/c if I don’t I’m gonna go out in a body bag.
I do know the decision I regret making five years ago, and thought I'd accepted it during this past year. So just in case there is still some regret left, I'll do some EFT (emotional freedom technique) to discharge any grief that may be lingering. It works every time.