I think it's important at this point to understand the two different types of perfectionism. Adaptive perfectionism leads to more productivity and motivated individuals, who learn from their mistakes instead of beating themselves up. Yes you're right about that, it is a positive trait. Maladaptive perfectionism is about being extremely self critical, setting unrealistic standards and this might lead to bad coping mechanisms such as skin picking, self harm, anxiety, panic attacks etc. And it is not a positive trait. It is not something that should be glorified. It hurts. It's unhealthy. It is sometimes a form of OCD. I frequently see people confuse the two types with each other. So as someone suffering from maladaptive perfectionism, this is just a small attempt to spread awareness about it in whatever way possible.
I thought this was great information and that it would be very beneficial for those with OCPD. I've included it in my list of resources for people with OCPD. Thanks for such an informative talk.
Your channel is great and has been extremely helpful in making me feel like I am not the only one with this. And yes, this was a great suggestion. I'd wager virtually everything that Antony talks about in this video applies to us.
Listening to the points around 14 minutes makes a deep point....MANY of these things are pushed upon all children and students in all grades as a means to 'pass' the memory tests... The failing school systems are doing more damage than good on the mental function of the human brain.
Interesting talk. I've been a huge procrastinator/perfectionist over the years, culminating in anxiety problems during the recession when I graduated from college and was trying to find a job. Job searching was one of those huge impossible tasks I couldn't break down and every wasted day/rejection letter only made me feel worse and waste more days. I felt worthless. Since then I've come a long way thanks to friends and family. Thanks for sharing!
I agree with the vid. As a perfectionist, I've procrastinated over certain goals in the past for fear of not reaching idealistic expectations. I've also been judgemental towards others, by imposing idealistic standard on them, in my head. Now I rather strive for good effort rather than perfectionism. Sometimes perfectionism also takes the fun out of some things. But like he says, in the vid, perfectionism has some strengths sometimes.
There is a degree of perfectionism that I feel is a necessity; especially if a difficult childhood was involved. If the person does not parent themselves, and that is a requirement in order to survive, the child can be in jeopardy. I became my own parent; I admonished myself; I chewed myself out if I did anything wrong, and it became a lifetime pattern. But, some of the people around me who had everything; who did not have to be their own parent at 14, and on, do not hold the ambition that I do. I feel is all a balance. There is a reason to strive for perfection, but in my case I find it "unacceptable" to make ignorant mistakes that could have been avoided. All bases need to be covered at all times. I have discovered that most people do not function like this, but for me, it is a requirement. That is where I find myself in dysfunctional relationships. I need order; I cannot survive in chaos.
+Denise Horn The way you refer to people with the verb "function". Humans are half-robots at best. "Live" is the word. You sound like you are either a grammarist or a programmer. I was a bit similar to what you describe. That's self-control.
The thing is, there are two types of perfectionism. Adaptive perfectionism leads to more productivity and motivated individuals, who learn from their mistakes instead of beating themselves up. Yes you're right about that, it is a positive trait. Maladaptive perfectionism is about being extremely self critical, setting unrealistic standards and this might lead to bad coping mechanisms such as skin picking, self harm, anxiety, panic attacks etc. And it is not a positive trait. It is not something that should be glorified. It hurts. It's unhealthy. It is sometimes a form of OCD. Maybe read up more on it, or get help and see if yours is maladaptive perfectionism. If like me, you too suffer from it, knowing that you have it is the first cure towards working on it. Good luck!
I blame my list making. Its easy to make a grandiose list and say I'll do it all by tomorrow night. That's because the brain in ideal state can do it no problem.. the body, not so much, and unfortunately my brain is connected to it. I always plan disregarding my human level and also the specifics, working only from the logic of x hours = x productivity. In essence I'm the hardest SOB boss I've ever had - but I can't quit this boss, he follows me around!
There are two components of perfectionism: perfectionistic striving and perfectionistic concern. Striving is going for high standards and concern is beating yourself up for shortcomings. The strivings can bring excellence and the concerns can damage one's ability to perform. Different perfectionists have different mixes of these traits.
I think my step-mom had OCPD, and I'm almost certain a manager at work would be diagnosable with OCPD. One of the challenges is that an OCPD person can say to themselves "Oh, I'm just a perfectionist, that's all." It's less about actual perfectionism, and more about projecting their insecurities and judgement onto other people, and using rules and "perfection" to try to force people to adhere to their compulsion to control others.
Perfectionism affects how I see my body, I have so many impossible goals for what I want my body to look like. Its also in my grades, I work entirely too hard in school to keep my all A's streak that I have had my whole life.
14:39 I applied that same methodology (purposefully deviating from a supposed perfectionism) to myself around 11th grade in high-school and found it to exacerbate perfectionistic tendencies in my life. Fortunately, this was short lived. I resumed being super shrewd on making my parking job perfectly parallel to the lines and centered in the spot. It eventually wore off.. The fuel for it was my own inevitable neurotic reaction to a somewhat new situation. It's probs. better to be perfectionistic than to be the opposite.
I work at school. I've noticed the best top student performers are among perfectionists who are stretched far above their strain. Mostly by parents rather that their own personal will: foreign languages, sports, musical instruments, you name it...These students are five steps forward to the mediocre ones. And since the society only favors achievers or overachievers, there is nothing wrong with the never-stop-overachieve mentality. I believe perfectionism is not even a syndrom. If it is, one should mark it with a + sign. It may hurt as noted by some and may become destructive for both, self and others, but on the whole, it bears a positive side.
Liepājas A.Puškina 2.vidusskola How does perfectionism have a positive side on the whole if it is self destructive? I understand where you're coming from, I used to think the same way, but maladaptive perfectionism is not positive in any way. It is not productive. It gives you panic attacks and bad coping mechanisms. And when you say "I don't believe perfectionism is even a syndrome", the thing is it's not for us to decide whether something is an actual illness or not. You cannot choose to not believe in something although evidence contrary to it exists. Maladaptive perfectionism IS a form of OCD which is a mental illness. I'm saying all this because my ignorance about maladaptive perfectionism has led me to suffer from it for years, without even knowing that it's an issue I need to attempt to fix. The very thing that was destroying my mental health, was considered to be my strength by myself and people around me. So I'm just trying to make you understand how serious the condition is. And that it is not positive in any way. Because I wish someone had told me the same, years ago.
Liepājas A.Puškina 2.vidusskola I believe you're confusing two types of perfectionism. Adaptive perfectionism leads to more productivity and motivated individuals, who learn from their mistakes instead of beating themselves up. Yes you're right about that, it is a positive trait. Maladaptive perfectionism is about being extremely self critical, setting unrealistic standards and this might lead to bad coping mechanisms such as skin picking, self harm, anxiety, panic attacks etc. And it is not a positive trait. It is not something that should be glorified. It hurts. It's unhealthy. So please don't confuse both. They are very different things. Not all perfectionism is good.
I agree with your point, but I wouldn't go as far to say that the pursuit of perfectionism is a negative and aggressive behaviour. Studies have shown that the pursuit of perfect actually causes lower levels of depressive symptoms and somatic complaints, as long as people do not have negative reactions to imperfection in doing so. That is, aiming for perfection is not bad; being frustrated when one inevitably does not achieve it is.
R3N3GADE1010 Your last line is true. But I believe you're confusing two different types of perfectionism. Adaptive perfectionism leads to more productivity and motivated individuals, who learn from their mistakes instead of beating themselves up. Yes you're right about that, it is a positive trait. Maladaptive perfectionism is about being extremely self critical, setting unrealistic standards and this might lead to bad coping mechanisms such as skin picking, self harm, anxiety, panic attacks etc. And it is not a positive trait. It is not something that should be glorified. It hurts. It's unhealthy. It is sometimes a form of OCD. So they're very different from each other. Not all perfectionism is good.
My mom was a perfectionist and passed away in 2013. She was a perfectionist went to Harvard for her Masters in Education and has published several books adopted my brother and I from India single mom. I have several questions if you are a perfectionist or if you can better answer these questions: 1.Do you compete with yourself or with others? My mom didnt care about the other students not in a mean way but she was focused on herself. But perfect would mean being the best student in the class right so wouldn't she want to know how the other students where doing? 2. How do I become one since I am so lazy at times? 3. How does a perfectionist go about studying for a test? 4.Some perfectionist are so driven to be perfect they dont start and procrastinate while other perfectionist like my mom seem to still know how to cut themselves off. How does that work dont you become obsessed or addicted to making your work perfect? Maybe there is some OCD thrown in there?
The more extreme your perfectionism, the harder it is to do things. There is tremendous pressure on you constantly. You are overwhelmed by the harsh internal pressure and criticism. You just run away from yourself.
Being a perfectionist is never good. If you are driven towards doing the best you can that would be being an exceptionalist. Perfectionism is always driven by feelings of worthlessness and anxiety.
4) I believe you're confusing two types of perfectionism. Adaptive perfectionism leads to more productivity and motivated individuals, who learn from their mistakes instead of beating themselves up. Yes you're right about that, it is a positive trait. Maladaptive perfectionism is about being extremely self critical, setting unrealistic standards and this might lead to bad coping mechanisms such as skin picking, self harm, anxiety, panic attacks etc. And it is not a positive trait. It is not something that should be glorified. It hurts. It's unhealthy. They are very different things. Not all perfectionism is good. 1) The above explanation should answer your question about your mother. She was probably an adaptive perfectionist. And healthy perfectionism isn't about being the best among a group of people. It's about being the best person you possibly can, and being better than who you were yesterday. Adaptive perfectionism is about comparing your current self with your past self, instead of with others.
Could you direct me to such a study? I've never heard that before and I have a keen interest in such things. Either way, I'm not talking about an individual's pursuit; I'm talking about the expectation that society as a whole puts on individuals. Expecting perfect of yourself can be healthy depending on your personality traits; expecting perfect of another person is, in fact, negative and aggressive. Research cues for non-physical, aggressive behaviour - you'll find that on the list.
How do you expect to be happy in yourself if you feel what you do always isn't enough? Anyways as nothing is very perfect why do you expect to be perfect?
I didn't get a break at all because I have all of the "features of perfectionism". The very thought of my perfectionist ways being maladaptive is upsetting.
That depends on what society 'ours' is. Not all societies demand perfection. Despite the fact that western culture does 'demand' it, this is actually both a cause and symptom of perfectionism. Ironically, this is far from a perfect approach to living. That is, perfect is not always 'more', nor is it always better. Improving is a good and healthy thing to do, but this will never lead to perfection, so the pursuit of it is actually a negative and aggressive behaviour.
this was the lead to my depression. what I want to know is, is it a genetic trait or a environmental one. the reason this means so much to me is my mum is one. I am one, and now I see my 7 year old showing signs of the same thing.
Damo Madhady as a psygologist I can say that it is usually a combination of both. This is good news, because it means that if you are troubled by it, you can do something about it, and in that way to help your daughter to deal with it even better.
I didn't get a break at all because I have all of the "features of perfectionism". The very thought of my perfectionist ways being maladaptive is upsetting.
I think it's important at this point to understand the two different types of perfectionism.
Adaptive perfectionism leads to more productivity and motivated individuals, who learn from their mistakes instead of beating themselves up. Yes you're right about that, it is a positive trait.
Maladaptive perfectionism is about being extremely self critical, setting unrealistic standards and this might lead to bad coping mechanisms such as skin picking, self harm, anxiety, panic attacks etc. And it is not a positive trait. It is not something that should be glorified. It hurts. It's unhealthy. It is sometimes a form of OCD.
I frequently see people confuse the two types with each other. So as someone suffering from maladaptive perfectionism, this is just a small attempt to spread awareness about it in whatever way possible.
I thought this was great information and that it would be very beneficial for those with OCPD. I've included it in my list of resources for people with OCPD. Thanks for such an informative talk.
Your channel is great and has been extremely helpful in making me feel like I am not the only one with this. And yes, this was a great suggestion. I'd wager virtually everything that Antony talks about in this video applies to us.
Listening to the points around 14 minutes makes a deep point....MANY of these things are pushed upon all children and students in all grades as a means to 'pass' the memory tests... The failing school systems are doing more damage than good on the mental function of the human brain.
Interesting talk. I've been a huge procrastinator/perfectionist over the years, culminating in anxiety problems during the recession when I graduated from college and was trying to find a job. Job searching was one of those huge impossible tasks I couldn't break down and every wasted day/rejection letter only made me feel worse and waste more days. I felt worthless. Since then I've come a long way thanks to friends and family. Thanks for sharing!
wow...I finally understand why I act this way! It's been causing so much stress in my life.
I agree with the vid. As a perfectionist, I've procrastinated over certain goals in the past for fear of not reaching idealistic expectations. I've also been judgemental towards others, by imposing idealistic standard on them, in my head. Now I rather strive for good effort rather than perfectionism. Sometimes perfectionism also takes the fun out of some things. But like he says, in the vid, perfectionism has some strengths sometimes.
explains perfectionism (ocd) so well. I share this ted x often to people - thanks!
There is a degree of perfectionism that I feel is a necessity; especially if a difficult childhood was involved. If the person does not parent themselves, and that is a requirement in order to survive, the child can be in jeopardy. I became my own parent; I admonished myself; I chewed myself out if I did anything wrong, and it became a lifetime pattern. But, some of the people around me who had everything; who did not have to be their own parent at 14, and on, do not hold the ambition that I do. I feel is all a balance. There is a reason to strive for perfection, but in my case I find it "unacceptable" to make ignorant mistakes that could have been avoided. All bases need to be covered at all times. I have discovered that most people do not function like this, but for me, it is a requirement. That is where I find myself in dysfunctional relationships. I need order; I cannot survive in chaos.
+Denise Horn The way you refer to people with the verb "function". Humans are half-robots at best. "Live" is the word. You sound like you are either a grammarist or a programmer.
I was a bit similar to what you describe. That's self-control.
The thing is, there are two types of perfectionism.
Adaptive perfectionism leads to more productivity and motivated individuals, who learn from their mistakes instead of beating themselves up. Yes you're right about that, it is a positive trait.
Maladaptive perfectionism is about being extremely self critical, setting unrealistic standards and this might lead to bad coping mechanisms such as skin picking, self harm, anxiety, panic attacks etc. And it is not a positive trait. It is not something that should be glorified. It hurts. It's unhealthy. It is sometimes a form of OCD.
Maybe read up more on it, or get help and see if yours is maladaptive perfectionism. If like me, you too suffer from it, knowing that you have it is the first cure towards working on it. Good luck!
I blame my list making. Its easy to make a grandiose list and say I'll do it all by tomorrow night. That's because the brain in ideal state can do it no problem.. the body, not so much, and unfortunately my brain is connected to it. I always plan disregarding my human level and also the specifics, working only from the logic of x hours = x productivity. In essence I'm the hardest SOB boss I've ever had - but I can't quit this boss, he follows me around!
There are two components of perfectionism: perfectionistic striving and perfectionistic concern. Striving is going for high standards and concern is beating yourself up for shortcomings. The strivings can bring excellence and the concerns can damage one's ability to perform. Different perfectionists have different mixes of these traits.
I've learnt some of the most important things from things that didn't go well. Anyways I don't think, not being perfect, equals messing up everytime.
This video made me nervous and anxious. I am recovering perfectionist.
Amazing. Wow. That was really good
I think my step-mom had OCPD, and I'm almost certain a manager at work would be diagnosable with OCPD. One of the challenges is that an OCPD person can say to themselves "Oh, I'm just a perfectionist, that's all." It's less about actual perfectionism, and more about projecting their insecurities and judgement onto other people, and using rules and "perfection" to try to force people to adhere to their compulsion to control others.
Perfectionism affects how I see my body, I have so many impossible goals for what I want my body to look like. Its also in my grades, I work entirely too hard in school to keep my all A's streak that I have had my whole life.
14:39 I applied that same methodology (purposefully deviating from a supposed perfectionism) to myself around 11th grade in high-school and found it to exacerbate perfectionistic tendencies in my life. Fortunately, this was short lived. I resumed being super shrewd on making my parking job perfectly parallel to the lines and centered in the spot. It eventually wore off.. The fuel for it was my own inevitable neurotic reaction to a somewhat new situation. It's probs. better to be perfectionistic than to be the opposite.
I work at school. I've noticed the best top student performers are among perfectionists who are stretched far above their strain. Mostly by parents rather that their own personal will: foreign languages, sports, musical instruments, you name it...These students are five steps forward to the mediocre ones. And since the society only favors achievers or overachievers, there is nothing wrong with the never-stop-overachieve mentality. I believe perfectionism is not even a syndrom. If it is, one should mark it with a + sign. It may hurt as noted by some and may become destructive for both, self and others, but on the whole, it bears a positive side.
Liepājas A.Puškina 2.vidusskola How does perfectionism have a positive side on the whole if it is self destructive? I understand where you're coming from, I used to think the same way, but maladaptive perfectionism is not positive in any way. It is not productive. It gives you panic attacks and bad coping mechanisms.
And when you say "I don't believe perfectionism is even a syndrome", the thing is it's not for us to decide whether something is an actual illness or not. You cannot choose to not believe in something although evidence contrary to it exists. Maladaptive perfectionism IS a form of OCD which is a mental illness. I'm saying all this because my ignorance about maladaptive perfectionism has led me to suffer from it for years, without even knowing that it's an issue I need to attempt to fix. The very thing that was destroying my mental health, was considered to be my strength by myself and people around me. So I'm just trying to make you understand how serious the condition is. And that it is not positive in any way. Because I wish someone had told me the same, years ago.
Liepājas A.Puškina 2.vidusskola I believe you're confusing two types of perfectionism.
Adaptive perfectionism leads to more productivity and motivated individuals, who learn from their mistakes instead of beating themselves up. Yes you're right about that, it is a positive trait.
Maladaptive perfectionism is about being extremely self critical, setting unrealistic standards and this might lead to bad coping mechanisms such as skin picking, self harm, anxiety, panic attacks etc. And it is not a positive trait. It is not something that should be glorified. It hurts. It's unhealthy.
So please don't confuse both. They are very different things. Not all perfectionism is good.
I agree with your point, but I wouldn't go as far to say that the pursuit of perfectionism is a negative and aggressive behaviour. Studies have shown that the pursuit of perfect actually causes lower levels of depressive symptoms and somatic complaints, as long as people do not have negative reactions to imperfection in doing so. That is, aiming for perfection is not bad; being frustrated when one inevitably does not achieve it is.
R3N3GADE1010
Your last line is true. But I believe you're confusing two different types of perfectionism.
Adaptive perfectionism leads to more productivity and motivated individuals, who learn from their mistakes instead of beating themselves up. Yes you're right about that, it is a positive trait.
Maladaptive perfectionism is about being extremely self critical, setting unrealistic standards and this might lead to bad coping mechanisms such as skin picking, self harm, anxiety, panic attacks etc. And it is not a positive trait. It is not something that should be glorified. It hurts. It's unhealthy. It is sometimes a form of OCD.
So they're very different from each other. Not all perfectionism is good.
My mom was a perfectionist and passed away in 2013. She was a perfectionist went to Harvard for her Masters in Education and has published several books adopted my brother and I from India single mom. I have several questions if you are a perfectionist or if you can better answer these questions:
1.Do you compete with yourself or with others? My mom didnt care about the other students not in a mean way but she was focused on herself. But perfect would mean being the best student in the class right so wouldn't she want to know how the other students where doing?
2. How do I become one since I am so lazy at times?
3. How does a perfectionist go about studying for a test?
4.Some perfectionist are so driven to be perfect they dont start and procrastinate while other perfectionist like my mom seem to still know how to cut themselves off. How does that work dont you become obsessed or addicted to making your work perfect? Maybe there is some OCD thrown in there?
The more extreme your perfectionism, the harder it is to do things. There is tremendous pressure on you constantly. You are overwhelmed by the harsh internal pressure and criticism. You just run away from yourself.
Being a perfectionist is never good. If you are driven towards doing the best you can that would be being an exceptionalist. Perfectionism is always driven by feelings of worthlessness and anxiety.
4) I believe you're confusing two types of perfectionism.
Adaptive perfectionism leads to more productivity and motivated individuals, who learn from their mistakes instead of beating themselves up. Yes you're right about that, it is a positive trait.
Maladaptive perfectionism is about being extremely self critical, setting unrealistic standards and this might lead to bad coping mechanisms such as skin picking, self harm, anxiety, panic attacks etc. And it is not a positive trait. It is not something that should be glorified. It hurts. It's unhealthy.
They are very different things. Not all perfectionism is good.
1) The above explanation should answer your question about your mother. She was probably an adaptive perfectionist. And healthy perfectionism isn't about being the best among a group of people. It's about being the best person you possibly can, and being better than who you were yesterday. Adaptive perfectionism is about comparing your current self with your past self, instead of with others.
Could you direct me to such a study? I've never heard that before and I have a keen interest in such things.
Either way, I'm not talking about an individual's pursuit; I'm talking about the expectation that society as a whole puts on individuals. Expecting perfect of yourself can be healthy depending on your personality traits; expecting perfect of another person is, in fact, negative and aggressive. Research cues for non-physical, aggressive behaviour - you'll find that on the list.
How do you expect to be happy in yourself if you feel what you do always isn't enough?
Anyways as nothing is very perfect why do you expect to be perfect?
I didn't get a break at all because I have all of the "features of perfectionism". The very thought of my perfectionist ways being maladaptive is upsetting.
That depends on what society 'ours' is. Not all societies demand perfection.
Despite the fact that western culture does 'demand' it, this is actually both a cause and symptom of perfectionism. Ironically, this is far from a perfect approach to living. That is, perfect is not always 'more', nor is it always better.
Improving is a good and healthy thing to do, but this will never lead to perfection, so the pursuit of it is actually a negative and aggressive behaviour.
What if you want to work but unable to even start it.....and this has been going on for 4-5 years😫
this was the lead to my depression.
what I want to know is, is it a genetic trait or a environmental one.
the reason this means so much to me is my mum is one. I am one, and now I see my 7 year old showing signs of the same thing.
Damo Madhady as a psygologist I can say that it is usually a combination of both. This is good news, because it means that if you are troubled by it, you can do something about it, and in that way to help your daughter to deal with it even better.
I believed I was perfectionistic. But now I know for sure. I _am_ perfectionistic.
brilliant
you were talking about me
Jhin mains?
LMAO
I didn't get a break at all because I have all of the "features of perfectionism". The very thought of my perfectionist ways being maladaptive is upsetting.