How to Start to Find Purpose in Your Life

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  • Опубліковано 6 чер 2024
  • HG 1-on-1 Coaching has a proven record of helping clients improve their sense of life purpose. Build the life you want to live today: bit.ly/3SgxvMY
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    ▼ Timestamps ▼
    ────────────
    00:00 - Preview
    00:12 - Reddit Post
    04:39 - Fluctuations of the mind
    10:23 - Can you be content without fulfilling desires?
    14:28 - What axis are you chasing? (detachment)
    21:06 - Questions
    ────────────
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 826

  • @albertosara416
    @albertosara416 Рік тому +654

    "i don't need perfect, i am happy with good enough"
    words to live by, truly

    • @jsun1993
      @jsun1993 Рік тому +1

      Pareto Rule

    • @felixdumbravescu2725
      @felixdumbravescu2725 Рік тому +10

      Now if only to find the "good enough".....

    • @michaelritter3996
      @michaelritter3996 11 місяців тому +7

      but what‘s the perfect amount of good enough?

    • @Duran.james1512
      @Duran.james1512 6 місяців тому

      Not to be mistaken as not putting effort into getting the good enough, or still need to put in the effort to have good enough don’t settle for less that that

    • @InceyWincey
      @InceyWincey 5 місяців тому

      I prefer to attempt perfection but realise it is impossible to achieve. You create a work of art, and you spend time making it as good as you possibly can, and eventually you say to yourself, “ok I can’t make it any better.”
      The key is to “finish” the work before you improve it. Then at any point when you abandon it you have a complete work of art. If you try to make it perfect straight away, you will never finish it, because you have set yourself an impossible task. You have to create an imperfect but complete work and then improve it until you are not capable of improving it any more, either because you have a deadline to meet or because it is as good as you can make it or whatever.
      Too many people think that aiming for perfection is inherently bad. But if you haven’t at least tried then have you really done your best? If you set out to make something that is not as good as it can possibly be, will you end up with something that is as good as you can possibly make?
      The French poet and man of letters Paul Valéry explains this concept beautifully in an essay he wrote, from where the saying “A work of art is never finished, merely abandoned,” arose. He mentions the search for perfection, and its necessity in the creation of anything worthy of the name art.
      He is right. Compare the works of modern artists, poets, musicians &c to those of previous centuries, and it is difficult to argue that those who came before were clearly striving to create something far greater than the majority of modern creators. Consider the work put out by content creators, who will tell you that the quest for perfection is a barrier to the creative process. It is insulting to the memory of those great artists who came before us to consider such work as art, and thankfully nobody even claims that it is. Instead we call it content, and we consume it as opposed to appreciate it.
      If you wish to create art that has lasting value, you must strive for perfection, although you may never reach it, you will get closer than if you ever could if you never even try.

  • @ZTRCTGuy
    @ZTRCTGuy Рік тому +863

    Actually, I worked as a dishwasher for almost 10 years, a side job but nonetheless a job that a lot of people wouldn't enjoy doing. Thing is, even in these kind of jobs you might be able to find things that give you a little dopamine hit, talking and joking about with the cooks, the satisfaction you get when everything is clean and neatly organised on shelves.
    Getting dopamine all the time is gonna make you numb for it, having bad times make the good times so much better.

    • @chillsgaming1900
      @chillsgaming1900 Рік тому +31

      Wow 10 years as a dishwasher. I did it for 1 summer and that was enough for me.

    • @kayligo
      @kayligo Рік тому +48

      I love this because all jobs matter. Eating off clean silverware Does matter. And I’m so happy you found joy in it. I’ve done the same with some jobs. Who you work with matters so much more than what you are doing 🙌🏻

    • @0Ciju0
      @0Ciju0 Рік тому +26

      Exactly. You need bad days to be able to appreciate the good. If every day was good, it wouldn't be a good day; it would just be a normal day.

    • @daano465
      @daano465 Рік тому +5

      But I think doing those kinds things as a side job is different than working it fulltime

    • @WhiteScorpio2
      @WhiteScorpio2 Рік тому +2

      I guess that depends on what you want from a job. Dish washing seems pretty OK to me, as far as jobs go.

  • @senbofps
    @senbofps Рік тому +149

    "The man who loves walking will walk further than the man who loves the destination. When you love the journey, the goals just happen, you hit milestones as a side effect."

  • @anamariabolo
    @anamariabolo Рік тому +2177

    Please reconsider the editing. Dr K's pauses were very strategic and important for you to think about what he was saying. This is complex content, there is no use to it being delivered in a fast-paced streamline of information because you actually have to reflect on it for it to make sense. It's not jokes or random rants or easy to digest, so it being slower-paced actually helped understanding what was being said. These cuts make no sense and take away the value of what Dr K is trying to say. Before, it actually felt like someone was talking to you.

    • @eshepard8565
      @eshepard8565 Рік тому +169

      I didn't see the uncut version, but I endorse pauses! There's a lot to think about.

    • @rafaelmontero5766
      @rafaelmontero5766 Рік тому +57

      Yeah I agree, it was posted multiple times on Reddit but no one seems to care...

    • @anamariabolo
      @anamariabolo Рік тому +31

      @@rafaelmontero5766 the gods have forsaken that subreddit

    • @StarmenRock
      @StarmenRock Рік тому +34

      Same, now i prefer to watch streams even though it eats more of my time. Good thing is that its much better to process overall than those youtube bites

    • @nickhard7615
      @nickhard7615 Рік тому +42

      Yeah, it feels more like I'm watching a series of shorts than an actual lecture

  • @Dxntoo
    @Dxntoo Рік тому +251

    This video basically sums up Seneca's words: “We suffer more in our imagination more often than in reality.”

  • @ButthurtNinja
    @ButthurtNinja Рік тому +505

    I hope Dr. K knows how much videos like these help people like me. I feel like every time he uploads, there's always something I can pull something away from it and make my day better. I was feeling anxious at my new job so on my lunch break I watched one of the videos as a little mid day therapy session and it helped my mood for the rest of the work day.
    Keep up the good stuff, you're helping so many.

    • @ReddAngry
      @ReddAngry Рік тому +11

      I 100 percent agree. I recently heard someone talk about learning from self help books. He made me realize that I don’t have to learn everything single fact from a resource. Even if you only take a singe piece of good info from something, that can be enough to change your life in a significant way.

    • @dogbabyproductions
      @dogbabyproductions Рік тому +3

      He is truly inspiring. I hope to one day learn as much as he has so that I can help others in the same way, even on a smaller scale. I think that we as a community are really extremely grateful for his work and the genuine perspective that he shares in such easy to understand but insightful ways.

  • @misslayer3340
    @misslayer3340 Рік тому +43

    "A wandering mind is an unhappy mind..." I follow neuroscience closely and there's actually been multiple studies that show this is true. When you're focused on the task at hand, even if it's not something you particularly enjoy, you're much more content than if your mind is elsewhere. Even if you're thinking about positive things or good times, doesn't matter. We're happier when we're in the present moment regardless of what we're doing in that moment. This is why meditation is good for us:)

    • @FilinMXr
      @FilinMXr 11 місяців тому +2

      After watching the video, I started thinking about that finding the thing that I like doing as a job could be as simple as finding an activity that can get me into the flow state enough to not have all these thoughts and fluctuations. This is definitely something that I want to explore

    • @rayomcqueen2240
      @rayomcqueen2240 8 місяців тому +1

      ​@@FilinMXryeah I was thinking the same indeed, but one problem I notice is that society don't really care, at least don't value it
      Let's say art, painting for example
      Lot of people enjoy it and get into the flow state doing it
      But how many of them really can live and work doing that
      Idk

  • @fjordfjesta
    @fjordfjesta Рік тому +100

    "Stop eating your favorite food for a decade"
    I tested positive for an allergy to chocolate (along with many other foods) when I was 2 or 3 years old, and that lasted until I was 12 or 13. Not necessarily my favorite food, but something I enjoyed immensely and that as a kid was pretty central to "kid" life. I became really good at telling myself "no" because I also knew that I'd get sick if I ate it. Literally "that's not for you, move along" was my inner mantra for that (and many other things I was unable to do because of chronic illness/asthma/allergies).
    Strangely enough, now I am in therapy actively working on advocating for myself more, and more actively pursuing the things that I do want in life, or that will bring a greater sense of fulfillment. While I can be good in persevering in difficult situations/circumstances and making the best of things, I lack a certain amount of agency to check in with myself and say "Hey, this is a crap situation, I should speak up for myself or seek out something else" because it's easy to disconnect (or just dissociate) and "get through" things that are difficult and uncomfortable day after day, even if that leads to stagnation.

    • @victoriamarfina9819
      @victoriamarfina9819 Рік тому +1

      It's pretty random, but may I ask what limitations asthma implies? I never thought about it and now am very interested 🌸

    • @fjordfjesta
      @fjordfjesta Рік тому +4

      @@victoriamarfina9819 Sure, no worries. Please forgive the text dump.
      The limitations I had were primarily related to allergens and their effects on asthma--food or environmental allergens would trigger an asthmatic reaction for me (airway constriction, shortness of breath, wheezing, etc.) that required a rescue inhaler for minor events, or nebulization for more severe events. Occasionally, it would also trigger severe nausea--for example, when I ate a piece of chocolate while visiting the Hershey factory as a kid, and immediately threw up afterward. Moreover, it limited the types of environments I could be in (no smoking, no/minimal carpet, no pets, low mold, no perfumes/strong scents) along with the aforementioned foods I couldn't eat, and created some difficult times of the year when my asthma would become particularly bad--namely around the changing of the seasons. I would normally spend a little time at the ER at least twice a year as a kid, usually in October or November, and again in April. Eventually we got a nebulizer for at-home use and things got better, but it still limited my ability to go to friends' houses, have pets, go on certain field trips, and to do a number of other activities. Finally, I was on large doses of inhaled and oral corticosteriods for most of my early life, which contributed to significant weight gain as a small child outside of normal childhood activity and appetite levels, and helped to create an unhealthy relationship to food and exercise (hello exercise-induced asthma attacks!) that I've only begun to address and work through in the past few years.
      Upon re-reading my original comment, I also realize I should have added some nuance. This was *my* personal experience. I think that giving up some things/desires in order to build a sense of perseverance and tolerance of unpleasant situations is a great practice that can build discipline and lead to greater happiness/appreciation for things, but like all things some moderation may be needed to ensure the denial of desire fulfillment doesn't become maladaptive in its own sense, turn inward into self-loathing, etc. For me it was easy to link the ideas of "Well I should hold off on fulfilling these desires as a kid because I'll feel bad or get sick if I do" to as an adult "Well, I should be happy with these things I do have and not ask for more, even if the situation is kind of shitty, because I'm at least doing better than I was before--I should be less selfish, more grateful, etc." Lots of "shoulding" on myself, essentially. Like I said, I have a good therapist and I am grateful for the practice of psychotherapy in general, but I'd also eventually like to see more therapy related to kids with chronic illnesses, or adults who were once children with chronic illness.

    • @victoriamarfina9819
      @victoriamarfina9819 Рік тому +4

      @@fjordfjesta thank you very much for answering and giving us a chance to learn something today ☺️❤️ Wish you all the best.

    • @bobobsen
      @bobobsen Рік тому

      There is no way you remember back to that age, that's impossible

    • @onnol917
      @onnol917 Рік тому +2

      @@bobobsen no its not. if these memories are completely accurate on the other hand

  • @porcupethcrumpets
    @porcupethcrumpets Рік тому +104

    peace is achieved when your mind doesn't fluctuate
    when you're bored, you start thinking about different things. That is lack of peace of mind
    satisfying your desire each time will give you temporary peace before you desire something else
    14:02
    pleasurable actions/jobs won't give you peace.
    begin to practice ignoring your desires. fight against your mind and then it'll stop.
    17:30-18:31
    19:08-20:14

    • @data4385
      @data4385 Рік тому +25

      Last time I was forced to ignore my desires I ended up with maladaptive daydreaming and hating this world

    • @savitasharma7399
      @savitasharma7399 Рік тому +5

      @@data4385 lol same here, daydreaming is fun for me for the first five minutes, I have the perfect life that's adventurous, perfect spouse that loves me, perfect job that I can easily work in for more than 8hrs but suddenly I realise that it was all dreams and reality is dogshit 🥲

  • @thelaw557
    @thelaw557 Рік тому +78

    This has been one of my biggest issues my entire life (I’m 27), because of BPD and ADHD. Most days, I just want to lay in bed all day and be messy but it’s a miserable existence. Working sucks, not working is equally as stressful and sucks.

    • @aflyingpenguin7321
      @aflyingpenguin7321 Рік тому +14

      Thanks for sharing, I feel you on this 100% particularly that last part. Going into my mid 20s soon and after starting a corporate job after a long time of searching, the only conclusion I keep returning to is that there’s gotta be more to life than this

  • @xuchilbara21392
    @xuchilbara21392 Рік тому +153

    i think one of the biggest problems in our generation is the catastrophy of the comming future and it's complexity. technically our body should only be afraid of starving or being attacked by a predator. things i would classify as "real natural fears". but we are also burdened with the classical problems of modern civilisation, that i would describe as "abstract fear" like taking care of financial problems, paying of a mortgage etc. Our brain has big problems to deal with such fears because they are very complex and require hard planing and discipline to be solved. i can't just strike my bills aggressively with a blade and make my problems go away, i need to make a gameplan about EVERYTHING in my life so there is no real time to relax. even if i got a well paying job, i can still lose it ANYTIME (like at the pandemic). I already have to think how im going to pay off certain things in the next 20 years etc. Our modern life and all the bureaucracy is just to much for our monkey brain

    • @killerdeath3935
      @killerdeath3935 Рік тому +8

      Exactly on point!

    • @toonyrhythm3173
      @toonyrhythm3173 Рік тому +13

      Question, aren't "abstact fears" just extensions of "natural fears"? Like financial problems would lead you to not having food to eat

    • @krox477
      @krox477 11 місяців тому

      Yeah World is matrix changing constantly

  • @jenniferwilson6303
    @jenniferwilson6303 Рік тому +182

    I feel overwhelmed with being not good enough so I've strayed from watching uploads recently, but still wanted to say thanks for always being there to support the people's mental !

    • @chiderakalaji7206
      @chiderakalaji7206 Рік тому +2

      even the ones talking about what you're struggling with right now?

    • @tobi4586
      @tobi4586 Рік тому +3

      Chin up my friend you got this!

    • @ZebrazRus
      @ZebrazRus Рік тому +1

      be strong and face your fears you can overcome anything ❤

    • @realfishtacoboy
      @realfishtacoboy Рік тому +3

      You got this! Also, very kind and thoughtful comment ❤️

  • @paintl3gz
    @paintl3gz Рік тому +50

    I resonate so much with this person. I have gone through far too much post secondary education to find what it is I want to do with my life. I don't think this person is looking for work that is "fun" but "enjoyable." I've had jobs that range from part time entry level to full time professional and all of them have made me absolutely miserable, leaving work every day muttering "I fucking hate my job I hate my life I'm quitting." It's been a lifelong struggle trying to find fulfillment and happiness in my work.

    • @aflyingpenguin7321
      @aflyingpenguin7321 Рік тому +5

      Do you mind telling me what it is that you hate about your jobs? I feel like im in a similar boat, the past two jobs I’ve had I didn’t like because of two reasons: workload and lack of purpose. While I do believe in working for what you have, I still think that work life balance is necessary aka work to live not live to work.
      When it comes to lack of purpose, I mean corporate purpose aka profit not aligning with my personal goals of wanting to “meaningfully” help others.
      Sorry for the surprise essay, just found myself wanting to provide context lol. I’ve been pondering this a lot lately and have been curious what others have thought about this issue as well. Most importantly, I’m glad you haven’t given up and are still moving forward at your own pace!

    • @blubug768
      @blubug768 11 місяців тому +3

      @@aflyingpenguin7321 Not OP and late but, workload and lack of purpose sums up my mentality pretty good. Workload meaning I'm putting in 120hr work weeks while watching people around me putting in 30hr work weeks and not really being that far "behind" me..... is it really worth the effort?!? And lack of purpose being is the work I'm doing really making a difference??
      Sounds similar to your situation, I can really only hold a job for about 3 yrs until I would rather blow my brains out than go back to same old same old day in and day out.
      I think a "career" just isnt for me and changing up what I do every few years is important

    • @daviddobarganes9115
      @daviddobarganes9115 10 місяців тому +3

      Maybe Im projecting but have you tried finding meaning and purpose outside your work?
      I feel like capitalism is tricking us to view work as our entire life.

    • @rayomcqueen2240
      @rayomcqueen2240 8 місяців тому +1

      @@daviddobarganes9115 very interesting, but, in the case most people have to do the 9-5
      And they are so tired that they can't do anything else for the rest of the day
      Like it's the only thing they do, at least finding purpose in that
      It's fucked and shouldn't be like that

  • @quiet_shy
    @quiet_shy Рік тому +34

    It's surprising how many people don't realise that their feelings come from themselves. The most useful thing someone once said to me which completely turned my thinking around was "you do this to yourself". I still have this phrase in my mind when I have a strong reaction to anything in life.

    • @LanceWillMakeIt
      @LanceWillMakeIt 11 місяців тому +1

      Nothing good nor bad but thinking makes it so

  • @MultiTripleRainbow
    @MultiTripleRainbow Рік тому +62

    As someone with ADHD, I tried to detach myself from work for the last week or so. To not chase fluctuations of the mind. But I just ended up doing zero work several days in a row. Just staring at the screen for hours on end.
    It did give me a lot of insight into what I do not enjoy about my work and what I was feeling. It also made me feel a lot less bad about the idea of switching jobs. But I don't think detachment works very well for someone with ADHD, at least not in the long term. When I detach myself from fluctuations of the mind I have nothing that drives me towards work. I can sit there for days on end and do absolutely nothing. More creative solutions tend to work a lot better. Trying to work with myself instead of trying to control my mind directly.

    • @kuroinokitsune
      @kuroinokitsune Рік тому +18

      That's exactly what was I thinking throughout the vid. "Why do even work then? Why live then? What the point?"

    • @ismaelalmeida8137
      @ismaelalmeida8137 Рік тому +11

      ADHDer here. My experience with detaching myself from work actually worked pretty well. I know we are not all the same nor have the symptoms of it, but see if those can help.
      First of all, i started medication. I never wanted anything to do with it while in school, but working is jsut different. I can't get away with one burst the day before an exam. Its slow and steady. So meds help me be a little more consistent. It's not a magic pill though, so I still need some sort of stimulation/dopamine otherwise i won't move.
      So the second thing i did was simply to find the stimulaiton OUTSIDE of the task i'm doing. Even if i have to think hard about one thing, I'll have music on the background. If it's one of those mindless task, i ALWAYS have an audiobook or podcast or even songs i can sing along to. Those give me dopamine. The work doesnt. But work pay my bills so there,s that. (if your work doesnt allow headphones, have your diagnostic in hand and ask your boss for accomodation. They cannot deny it. Otherwise you can sue them....)
      Since i've been doing it for the last year, I've become not only better at what I do, but i also enjoy it more. Sure it's not 100%, but when i can be fine and at peace with my work situation 70-80% of the time, I see that as a win.

    • @zerere_
      @zerere_ 11 місяців тому +5

      Something that helped me is having several activities most of the days. I start (or try to start)) with something active and physically tiring, not to the state of exhaustion but just a lil yk, I still struggle with focusing and being "productive" basically doing the work that I have to

    • @percussionfellow6168
      @percussionfellow6168 8 місяців тому +1

      ​@kuroinokitsune That's exactly what I'm worried about. If I'm supposed to detach myself to get over the fact of life sucks, or I don't enjoy it, I think I just don't wanna be alive at all.

  • @Pepius_Julius_Magnus_Maximu...
    @Pepius_Julius_Magnus_Maximu... Рік тому +405

    Interesting, I'm autistic and I find engaging in my special interests everyday after work is essential. Going to bed satisfied with my special interests practically guarantees a state of flow and meaning throughout the whole day. I mean, I've been thinking about death lately and I've realized I'm not even afraid of dying anymore, I feel like I've found meaning and lived what there is to live by engaging with my special interests. For context I'm 25, highly functional, and I've been like this for about a whole year.

    • @timmybus21
      @timmybus21 Рік тому +47

      thanks for the insight "Thomas the rape engine" 😂😂 but i completely agree with you. for the past few weeks ive been doing the same and i feel very fulfilled in life

    • @daelaenor
      @daelaenor Рік тому +13

      If I didn't have a family, I'd probably just log off this world.

    • @shortking3429
      @shortking3429 Рік тому

      Hi autistic I’m dad

    • @joehole1975
      @joehole1975 Рік тому

      @@timmybus21 r/rimjob_steve

    • @Dannepihls
      @Dannepihls Рік тому +2

      That's great man! Happy to hear that

  • @lemmings6516
    @lemmings6516 10 місяців тому +36

    I would say I am pretty healthy, I have a sense of purpose in my life and I usually wake up happy and motivated. But I also see how my world is changing over time. I grew up in the countryside with little to no external stimuli, I walked the dogs, cuddled the cows and was always very connected to nature. When I had ideas I was able to find the space to follow through with them. I was able to build an agility Parcour for the dogs and a treehouse and swings from which you could jump into the river and so on… now as an adult living in the city I feel so limited by redundant laws that make human creativity and connection impossible, so many ideas die because of bureaucracy. I also see that so many of my friends are struggling so hard with their bodies and seeking sexual encounters that don’t make them happy. I feel like we are all collectively lost and it’s so weird being the one asking people to come and join a canoe/hiking/whatever trip but people cancel on me because they want to binge watch UA-cam videos and feel miserable.

  • @hollowedboi5937
    @hollowedboi5937 Рік тому +27

    Your mind is your room. Detachment is decluttering the room little by little over time. Once there’s enough space to move and cleaned out a bit allows more clean air flow, you can then become more aware of your surroundings and allow to add to your room things of actual value to you internally and take out things that are just thought clutter or extra space not needed at that time.
    The type and amount of clutter can be overwhelming, but when you accept that it exists and you’re gonna do it eventually, you just do it while your thoughts and clutter surround you. It exists but you still can do it.

  • @Vanessa-gh5bb
    @Vanessa-gh5bb Рік тому +412

    Hello to the Dr. K team,
    At first, thanks for the video.
    I would like to make a suggestion about the video editing. I noticed that there are many cuts of sections where I think there were speaking pauses originally. Cutting these off makes the whole flow somehow really hectically and stressful for me to listen to. I really enjoy the normal pauses because it gives me some time to let the information sink in or check if I got the point that Dr. K is trying to make (which might on top require a little extra time as a not native English speaker).
    I would really enjoy the uncut or less cut version here on UA-cam or at least the style of some months ago.
    Thanks for your content and work!

    • @rene95014
      @rene95014 Рік тому +6

      Just what I was thinking.

    • @grooverkitty
      @grooverkitty Рік тому +5

      Super agreed

    • @ratsalad178
      @ratsalad178 Рік тому +4

      came here to say exactly this!

    • @savitasharma7399
      @savitasharma7399 Рік тому

      Please people! Fucking like this comment Dr. K needs to see this!

    • @DubmanicGetFlazed
      @DubmanicGetFlazed Рік тому +7

      100% agree. I cannot watch this channel anymore. the last 4 or so vids I have watched I just feel stressed and Like I did not absorb any of the information AT ALL. Does anyone know what VOD this is on his twitch channel???

  • @gwynnemush89
    @gwynnemush89 Рік тому +57

    I’ve been suffering from burnout lately and it’s also aggravated by anxiety. I work as a medic and I’m always conscious about what people will think of me. My greatest fear is to become a failure to others. After seeing this video, I realised I need to reexamine my own thoughts and understand how I respond to them. It’ll take a lot of practice because there’s always the tendency to fall back to what my mind is used to/the default mode

  • @Reinturtle
    @Reinturtle Рік тому +94

    Whoever is making these thumbnails definitely deserves a raise. They somehow find a way to visualize every possible title!

  • @tiagoduarte2105
    @tiagoduarte2105 Рік тому +96

    Just what I need

    • @deleted_handle
      @deleted_handle Рік тому

      This is a reply.

    • @yusei_desu
      @yusei_desu Рік тому

      i noticed theres alot of cuts to dead space. as someone who’s been watching your stream and youtube for years this is greatly appreciated. i hate when i can’t finish a topic on my lunch break lol

    • @konigjager4245
      @konigjager4245 Рік тому

      Just what I need.

  • @JamieR
    @JamieR Рік тому +11

    I experienced detachtment in my study abroad in Vancouver. 1h meditation session daily every morning before classes. After about a month everything became interesting. Life just got additional layers added to them. Playing video games wasn't exciting because everything else had so much detail and enrichment. Sitting in class became incredibly fun and engaging. While prior, my entire bachelor was me squirming in my seat, because it was impossible to sit still due to screen addiction. Reducing tech, screen time, superstimuli I think is key to improve life. Else our brain begin to apply "filters" to handle the enourmous amount of stimuli, and mundame things became torture. Physically painful. So moral of the story -- meditate. Loved this video and I believe it will help many.

  • @Kain59242
    @Kain59242 Рік тому +24

    I enjoy hedonism. I've never gotten into the harder drugs and I don't drink to excess. I really only work enough to live and afford my vices and I gotta tell you, I'm having a blast. Alot of people talk about needing some higher purpose and I just don't. I am a tiny insignificant speck of dust in a vast and uncaring universe and I am perfectly fine spending my time chilling with friends and family. Peace!

    • @rowlganartamas2835
      @rowlganartamas2835 Рік тому +2

      Yeah that's one area I have a different experience than the mindfulness & stoicism direction of current psychology. I think it's a great direction in general and almost always very helpful, but like every piece of advice that's great "in general", there are outliers it doesn't work for. Some people get a leg up on this one way or another and can engage with hedonism in this way. In my case it was religious deprivation practice growing up, so now as a non-religious adult I don't *need* the hedonism, it can just be the icing on the cake of life and not control me, and so also can be more present in my life than it'd be for others without becoming a problem for me. For others (possibly you?) the detachment side of mindfulness can lead to similar effects.
      But to get to that place, most people still have work to do. They'd have to treat pleasures very carefully for a long time first so they can work on mindfulness and detachment, until they get to that point where they decide how they want hedonic activities to fit into their life or not. (Including certain "adult"-related products and activities--it definitely conflicts with my experiences how negative a lot of online advice givers are toward those kinds of things. But maybe that's for the best for many people in online audiences who can be very insecure about those things and would just be teasing themselves)

  • @VitaTuggummin
    @VitaTuggummin Рік тому +26

    aaah. i feel this one. the dopamine keeps coming back and it's.. i try, you know. but i get so caught up in my anxieties and then being with myself hurt too much. and now i've finally gotten my emotions back after years of blocking them, i learn to start detaching? so confusing to be alive. we're learning though. thank you dr. k for posting so often and freely. your videos are slowly changing my life.

    • @MlebKdrz
      @MlebKdrz Рік тому +1

      I think I've been in a similar place as you. Slow is okay. Unblocking emotions is hard work

  • @TheMrWolf
    @TheMrWolf Рік тому +35

    My internal conflict was having managers or employers that put me down or treat me terribly, like insulting me or telling me I'm replaceable. I think i could work any job in the world as long as i was treated with human decency. Currently I'm self employed and making alright money. It's near minimum wage but in doing it on my own. I eventually want to start my own actual business, i know that i would treat my employees right

    • @saturationstation1446
      @saturationstation1446 Рік тому +15

      nothing like being told you are supposed to be worked to death so they can move onto the next victim to starve before they qualify for insurance or a raise eh? lol. thanks for being decent enough to want to have employees treated well. feels like such a rarity these days

  • @alistairblaire6001
    @alistairblaire6001 Рік тому +7

    This is a fascinating approach to answering that question. It seems like those fluctuating thoughts can sometimes serve a purpose like getting you out of a bad situation, but other times it might be robbing you of possibly achieving peace. You just have to find a happy balance. But for a person who is continuously restless and unhappy, understanding this is a good place to start. Because maybe you really should keep looking.

  • @justmefrom1995
    @justmefrom1995 Рік тому +18

    This was really helpful, I'm in a situation that I hate my job and don't have the ways of changing it right now, so I'm trying my best to find peace and contentment in the situation

  • @ThePro499
    @ThePro499 Рік тому +6

    This video came at the perfect time. Lately, I have been at the gym and I can’t focus on my workout cause my mind is racing with thoughts on work and school related stuff that needs to get done. I will start practicing detachment from these things. To attain a peace of mind and not worry so much. Thank you Dr K.

  • @lololol924
    @lololol924 Рік тому +4

    I use to struggle with playing video games whilst working from home.
    I took this advice and got comfortable with being "bored" and detached by not giving into dopamanistic urges to actually get work done. I found out that the reason why i was bored wasn't ACTUALLY because i hate my job....I just didnt have that much to do.
    Turns out i only have 2-3 hours of actual work and no ones seems to notice/care. So now i play video games while i work from home guilt free. I just make sure i prioritize work early in the day now.

    • @eduardohenrique8602
      @eduardohenrique8602 12 днів тому

      Amazing work man. Work from home and time for life and games? You've got a great work.

  • @jordanfast7354
    @jordanfast7354 Рік тому +9

    Wow this has been me for the past 5 years this summer was the first time I never had this feeling. All I did was found an opportunity to travel and work with a bunch of people in a convoy the job itself sucked the people I worked with made me work hard because if I didn’t they would suffer we were a team. When people started to notice, It made trying my best worth it to me. And because I was trying my best and accomplishing things at work my whole mindset changed. I had purpose for a time. Even though that purpose was just supervising a fricking traveling BBQ truck (not my dream at all😂) Now I’m home again I start my 3rd semester for fashion design and marketing. But this terrible feeling of lethargy and purposeless is back. I don’t even know what I want to do with my life still. This video was great love you man.

  • @mrblok1992
    @mrblok1992 Рік тому +24

    Takeaways:
    → Union/Peace is attained by cessation of fluctuations of the mind.
    → The starting step is to be detached from things.
    → Recognize the part played by external and internal factors.
    → Practice awareness.

    • @Sentinel_White
      @Sentinel_White 8 днів тому

      You forgot no nuggies for a decade😂

  • @ethangilbert7305
    @ethangilbert7305 Рік тому +8

    I started crying about the sad things in my life and and I found that it brought be a lot of happiness. I stopped thinking about my sadness. Stopped judging my sadness and just sat and experienced my sadness. It was really enjoyable to just be sad without any thoughts. I had to first find the core belief that cause all of those thoughts and I grieved the core belief which was that I’m unlovable. I grieved the fact that I’m unlovable and all of those thoughts just went away

  • @tywild1999
    @tywild1999 Рік тому +67

    Wow, the Doc delivered 5m after I asked myself this question. Always comes in clutch. Thanks Dr. K 🙏

    • @data4385
      @data4385 Рік тому +3

      He's besoming faster and more precise. In the future he'll upload videos right before you need them

  • @MiciousDawn
    @MiciousDawn Рік тому +13

    Can I just say as a college counselor your content is gold. You have such a great way of explaining things in a digestible way.

  • @criminallettucewraps5207
    @criminallettucewraps5207 Рік тому +5

    What's interesting with the whole "oh no I'm gonna fail and they'll think I'm an idiot". Is that that will cause so much anxiety that it may prevent you from actually studying at all and then it will come true. This is what happens with me a lot. I get caught up in the anxiety of what will happen that I forget to take steps to simply prevent what I can control and then It's a self fulfilling prophecy.

  • @FitThruCancer
    @FitThruCancer Рік тому +51

    I LOVE your videos!
    The below feedback is coming from a place of LOVE and COMPASSION.
    • The jump cuts are giving ME (only speaking for myself) too much anxiety to keep watching.
    • Allowing the space between thoughts/sentences allow ME (again, speaking for myself) to FEEL the content.
    I pray you have a wonderful day Doc!
    AND, I hope the same for EVERYONE here in the audience. 👊🏼😎

  • @isaiahmelvin8727
    @isaiahmelvin8727 4 місяці тому +2

    I’m living with this detachment aspect and it’s changed my life. I didn’t know what it was called but I stopped giving in to my impulses and desires and everything has become more enjoyable.

  • @colbyelmore9951
    @colbyelmore9951 Рік тому +14

    I think this is a good mitigation strategy, thoughts are important, and it's true that in comparison work will never outweigh high dopamine activities. But I think for me it's a societal problem. I'm comfortable saying that our society is broken, and within that our job system is broken, and within that we are all more broken than ever before, and I think that combines to make work just a severely harmful thing. I have found my passion and I do it every day and the act of going outside to deal with broken, sometimes malicious people in a broken system is for me, traumatic, even though I do my passion every day. Great video.

    • @colbyelmore9951
      @colbyelmore9951 Рік тому +5

      @@goober589 I've worked everything from plumbing to construction to Walmart to sales to research jobs and its just so flawed. The society breeds sick people, the sickest go to jail and come out worse abd rejoin the working population, sick people become managers who hurt people. Sick people breed more sick people who go on to inhabit the workforce. The society just is so toxic at this point, we have so much trauma due to the way modern life disconnects us in such major ways and distorts us that I believe we've never been so toxic in our human history. When you go to work you're just assaulted by bad people, both coworker and associated people, it's lead and shaped by majority bad people, within a badly formed nation within a badly formed world. It's twisted on twisted. I think what Dr k is saying is spot on, just that I think the OP hits on a larger issue than mitigation.

  • @utahnl
    @utahnl Рік тому +39

    I though this video was about finding purpose in life, i don't think i heard the word purpose even once in this video.
    Working my last job i set aside my desires and detached from them, i worked hard and did my job well, i didn't particularly like my job but i recognized i wasn't there to like it but to support myself. My adhd and autism made it absolute torture, the constant random distractions and all the social bullshit, at best i could work 5 hours a day, 20 hours a week and it left me completely exhausted every single day. I would get home and all i could do was stare braindead at a screen or wall, even on my 3 free days, then at the end of the week i get some small amount of energy back only for the rat race to repeat again. There was no working to support myself, those 20 hours a week earned me the same amount as welfare, no increase in spendable income and left me exhausted to the point of no longer having an actual life to live. They promised me career growth options, said my "disabilities" were not a problem for them, that they would help me but any support just evaporated over time and in the end they just abused my work ethic and cast me aside before they would have to give me a full contract.
    I've been actively looking for a purpose in life for over 20 years now without finding anything but false hope, all i want is to be useful, valued and to be content, but all i'm left with is apathy and resentment. My current conclusion is that if there is any purpose in life it's to realize that there is no purpose in life.

    • @saturationstation1446
      @saturationstation1446 Рік тому +6

      we've had pretty similar workplace experiences. if only employers actually rewarded competence and productivity instead of punishing it for whatever galaxy brained capitalist reason

    • @anirudhviswanathan3986
      @anirudhviswanathan3986 Рік тому +2

      Capitalism mindset sucks a lot. Not only that, in places like startups, sometimes they may not even consider you important enough, or maybe they're just bad at meaningful career guidance, I did what OP said, I tried in one company I worked for to do certification and other ways to move my career forward, even talked to HR about moving me to another role, only to have it all evaporate totally. And in another, when I asked about switching roles, at most, I got a "maybe", with zero clear direction or meaningful guidance/mentorship. In the startups I've worked at, I've found that people are simply too damn stressed over everything else to be any sort of career guide/mentor.

    • @Serena-or7sl
      @Serena-or7sl Рік тому +2

      For similar reasons I'm considering moving from a "cushy" office job to ...odd jobs, for lack of a better term. There is no way for me to be able to work 40 hours a week chained to a desk, unfortunately (though I will try again just to be 100% sure)

    • @tuckvison
      @tuckvison Рік тому +11

      Dr. K's reasoning is also horrific. "Just suck it up. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and choose to work."

    • @evildeadedd
      @evildeadedd Рік тому +6

      @@tuckvison that no dr. K. That's therapy in general. The essence of all talk therapy is "suck it up, other people have your problems, and they are fine."

  • @saturationstation1446
    @saturationstation1446 Рік тому +8

    i just want a safe place to live and a job that pays me enough to stay alive. dont care what it is. dont care if i spend the rest of my life with no friends and die lonely af. im sick of life being entirely controlled by people who make it known they have no intentions other than trying to harm me for entertainment and satisfying sadistic desires.

  • @SarahCooper-xs9ty
    @SarahCooper-xs9ty Рік тому +16

    Hey,
    First of all, thanks for the video. It had some interesting points, and I liked the breakdown of the difference between pain and suffering and that. Good stuff.
    Secondly, I've watched a lot of Dr K content, and this is the first video that I've seriously disagreed with.
    I get the importance of detachment and not giving in to emotional impulses, but not allowing yourself to act on any negative emotions is really dangerous. For context, I worked a job for about 18 months. Decent job, good pay, time-in-lieu for overtime, friendly atmosphere, and all that. Most people would say it was a good job. But it took me from arguably the healthiest mentally that I've ever been to contemplating suicide on a daily basis. And I didn't think there was anything wrong at all, until I realised how often I was thinking of killing myself. Because every negative thought or reaction I had to the job, I just shrugged off, accepted that that was how things were, and focused on the positive. So I didn't realise how damaging a lot of what was happening was.
    I've talked to people since, about some of the things that happened; things like having to work a 60-hour block one weekend, with only a couple of hour long naps while code was compiling as breaks, or having an entire project left to me, a graduate worker, with no oversight, no experience, and no one to ask for help, and a client breathing down my neck to get it done. And people say that's terrible, or that they shouldn't have put me in that situation, or that I should have spoken out, and yeah, looking back, I should have, but how was I supposed to know to do that? If you dismiss every bad thought or feeling as just your brain being "hedonistic" and wanting to play video games all day rather than work, then how are you supposed to know when things are actually bad?
    You're not wrong that you can make any situation tolerable, just by changing your mental state. But you overlook the point that there are times when you shouldn't. Negative feelings - anger, sadness, etc - have a purpose; they let you know when you're being wronged. Sometimes they're a little overly enthusiastic in this role, but they're critical to being able to function, as a person, in relationships, in society, etc. And encouraging detachment as a blanket response to everything will, I think, have some pretty severe negative side effects down the road. I'm not convinced that human beings can actually truly function like that. Total subjectivity - which you claim can ensure you aren't in a bad situation - requires total understanding of yourself, the people around you, how employment works, etc, in order to judge what is reasonable for your job to ask of you, and what is crossing the line. And you have to be applying that understanding to every. single. aspect. of your life. Which... I mean, it may be possible. But I don't know anyone who has the bandwidth to truly do that. Emotions are shortcuts; you don't often sit, and reflect, and come to the conclusion that, I don't know, the way your boss is speaking to you is objectively wrong, because of X, Y, Z instances of language that is objectively immoral to use (ignoring, of course, that almost all language is subjective, and open to interpretation, and whether or not what someone says to you is wrong is almost always felt, rather than thought). Instead, you walk away from a conversation feeling angry, or frustrated, or upset. And that might ruin your day, but it might also let you know that your job isn't good, and you need to change something.
    You claim you should be able to judge when you need to leave a job when you become sufficiently detached to be totally objective. But the reality is that there are very few times a job will be, blanket statement, zero context required, objectively bad. Being punched is "objectively" bad in a lot of workplaces... but totally normal for a boxer. Having someone scream at you for an hour is "objectively" abusive... unless you're in childcare. Those are extreme examples, but you can drill down with almost any "objectively" bad workplace attribute, and find instances where it's totally fine. Objectivity is subjective to the variety of the human experience.
    I was lucky enough that I had an external check, that I've used for a long time, that finally made me realise that things weren't okay, and that I needed to get out. It's been 2 and a half years since I quit that job, and I've been unemployed the entire time. Every time I get close to getting another job, I end up having a hyperventilating panic attack and having to basically start recovery all over again. Because I refused to acknowledge the very real damage my job was doing to me at the time, rationalised every bad aspect of the job into being "objectively" fine, all in the name of making my attitude responsible for my well-being in the workplace. I don't think I'm alone in this; I've realised, since leaving, that the job having a reputation for employees yo-yo-ing (leaving, then coming back several months later, then leaving, etc) was a sign that many of the other people in the company were similarly having breakdowns, then coming back because they talked themselves into thinking the job wasn't that bad/looked good on paper, then having a breakdown, and so on.
    The person who made the original post may have the problem your describing (essentially, dopamine addiction). Maybe they do need to cleanse a bit. But that's not what their post described. If they were dopamine addicted, they'd spend their free time doing low-effort, high-dopamine-reward activities (like the eternal scroll). But that's not what they said. They said they spend their weekends staring at the ceiling, lacking the motivation to do anything. That may be a metaphor/euphimism, but they didn't say they were on their phone, like a dopamine addicted person would be. So, taking their post at face value, saying that their issue with their jobs stems from wanting to be on their phone/gaming appears (again, assuming honestly) to be missing the point. I'm not a doctor, but from the multitude of diagnoses that various medical professionals have thrown around for the past years for me, it looks more like depression. The lack of energy even outside the workplace means it's probably not burnout, and that they've tried various jobs make it less likely (but not impossible) to be abuse in the workplace. Can't rule out factors in their personal life, but saying a depressed (it looks like to me, anyway) person just needs to be... less hopeful? Of having a satisfying work-life? Yikes.
    It doesn't surprise me at all to learn that corporations are pushing this ideology onto their workers. It's much easier to abuse your employees if you can convince them that any distress they experience as a result of their mistreatment is just their poor attitude.
    I really think that this is such a dangerous mentality to be encouraging in people. I'm the most detached person I know. I don't want anything at all, really. And that lack of wanting? Makes me suicidal. If you don't want anything, you're not hoping for anything, if you're not hoping for anything, you're not moving toward anything, if you're not moving toward anything, you're stationary. And in life, from what I've seen? If you stop swimming, you'll start to drown.
    Sorry I probably overshared there, but looking at the view count of this video makes me feel a little sick. The video was mostly quite good. And it's entirely possible I'm just not understanding what you said enough. But I think this needs to be said; negative emotions exist for a reason. Sometimes they're your brain being dramatic and overreacting. And sometimes they're the cracks in the ships hull just before it sinks. Emotions are largely relative to one another; you have to experience that bad ones if you want the good ones, the same way that light, without shadows, would blind you to everything, or render the world so de-saturated as to make it impossible to perceive the true shape of things. They're spectrum's, as you yourself drew; you can't just turn off one end of them.
    If you meant to convey, with this video, that people should detach themselves from their emotional responses (maybe you didn't, but if I thought that's what you said, others will too), and only take action when it objectively make sense to do so... objectively speaking, there's never any reason to do anything. If you're totally objective toward life, the inevitable end of it means there's no real reason to struggle, to work, to put any effort in at all. We'll all end up in the ground anyway, right? No difference between now, and 80 years in the future. Why expend effort to do anything at all?
    That's what a completely objective, detached attitude toward life looks like. I promise you, you don't want it.

    • @sophya5796
      @sophya5796 11 місяців тому +4

      Really wasn't the usual, insightful content this channel is known for. Instead, we dove straight into the "Guru BS" self help hell 🙄
      To me, the writer sounds just like a very depressed and lonely person. Propably some trauma behind him/her.
      "Clearly the problem here is my attitude" is the exact mindset that makes people tolerate abusive relationships and workplaces.
      Let's not normalize suffering, thank you very much!

    • @AnaAlmeida001
      @AnaAlmeida001 9 місяців тому

      Even though I agree with a lot of what you said, I feel that the detachment you talk about can be very dangerous. It can mean not being connected with your own feelings or swallow them up until you get sick and don’t know why. Maybe that strategy worked for you in many instances, but it seems to me you really enjoy what you do here on UA-cam, not just endure it. I don’t know. Something’s wrong in your point of view, and I think you could try to analise it, including how much of your own personal experience and unhealthy psychological strategies you are projecting in here.
      Nevertheless, I thank you. I really enjoy your videos and insights.

    • @suddensilence4230
      @suddensilence4230 Місяць тому

      Exactly what i was thinking. Word to word. Personally, i even seriously start to think that some people are cursed to never find a purpose (profession or business, whatever brings you a material benefit to cover basic needs and more than that) that they will enjoy, or at least feel neutral about it.
      Any advices that i heard so far weren't useful (Or i start to think on it and see it as a pointless strategic, like in this video, and you have mentioned it all)
      At the same time, there is a persons who genuinely feel happy with their work, so it doesn't mean like every job sucks. It depends on your personality. Also might be on luckiness.
      How are you btw? If you dont mind me asking.

  • @stenkamx5406
    @stenkamx5406 Рік тому +2

    I needed something to listen to this morning and didn't realize I actually really needed to hear it. I'm not on the OPs level, but I felt it to a good extent. Made me take another look at things I do on my personal life. Conveniently, I've been working on improving my self-discipline and just going to the gym again. This kind of helped me feel like I was on the right track. Thank you.

  • @huntercook5816
    @huntercook5816 Рік тому +3

    Thank you so much Dr. K. That pain/pleasure x peace/suffering axis was such an eye opener for how to approach things.

  • @ReddAngry
    @ReddAngry Рік тому +15

    Thank you Dr K. I am one more person you’ve helped. I’ll do my best to pass it forward and direct my friends and family to this community. Seriously, thank you.

  • @AkashdeepRawat
    @AkashdeepRawat Рік тому +2

    This is unbelievable, After you released video for how to achieve your aim ( not the exact title).
    I was thinking how to find your aim.
    And here is the video.
    Thank you so much Dr. K

  • @SiiaKiname
    @SiiaKiname Рік тому +2

    Thank you so much for this one Dr. K. This has been rotting my brain for a while now and i try my best to accept and deal with my reactions to how i look at things, this was so perfectly timed for me to see this, alot to sit and think about now, so thank you!

  • @nickmurray37
    @nickmurray37 11 місяців тому +2

    I was getting a bit stressed / overwhelmed / unhappy at work. So I stopped, wrote a list that happened to have 8 or so #1 priorities, (I forgot a couple as well) and emailed the list to my manager and said since they are all #1 - none are. Please manage me! Manager was happy I checked in with him, he reprioritized them, so I ended up having a much calmer, happier and more productive week after because my mind was not all over the place. Peace is achieved when your mind doesn't fluctuate over 8+ #1 priorities. I would also agree about not being emotionally attached to work. I ended up in that position with a product I was trying to get into production. I had to leave once it made production (5 years late! (for various reasons that were beyond my control)). I have now returned after 5 years and I am trying to be more detached. Its something I am still learning.

  • @Mad_S
    @Mad_S Рік тому +6

    I dont need a job to make me happy. I just need a job where I dont get punished for acting weird or making a mistake that adhd and ptsd leave me prone to making.

  • @billnye6291
    @billnye6291 Рік тому +1

    So much that you've talked about has helped me but nothing has hit home quite like this. Thank you.

  • @eshepard8565
    @eshepard8565 Рік тому +4

    Every job I've had has had things I enjoyed and things I hated. I wouldn't say any was excruciatingly painful, but they have all had times where I thought "I don't know how long I can keep doing this." But all for different reasons (physically exhausting, too much work for too little money, terrible commute, terrible office environment, windowless cubicle, smelled like a deli every night, etc).
    Funny though that the most "meaningless" jobs were not always the worst. When I was a file clerk, I longed for a job that felt like I was doing something interesting, something that mattered. When I became an ESL teacher, I enjoyed so much about it but felt like I could never live up to my goals as a teacher and the stress and constant extra work burned me out.
    The job I have now I've had for 7 years and I am still happy in it, though it's one I know a lot of people would hate.
    Turns out that the ability to work from home is huge for me, mental health wise. Not being tied to an office, and not being stuck in 9-5 (my work hours vary and are flexible) resolved the feeling that my life was being sucked away from me by the job. It's still work, but I feel less awful about it because I have more freedom. And when I gave up teaching, I had time to take up new things (for me it was social dancing, choir and samba band) that filled my life with new experiences, new people, joy, excitement, etc.
    So my takeaway is that what I need from a job is that it provide an income without getting in the way of my REAL life, outside of work! Just took me a long time to figure that out.
    My problem now though is that my job requires concentration and focus (I mark essays online) and that is where the THOUGHTS are a problem. I love Dr K's focus on mindfulness and meditation and I want to learn how to practice. But so far I'm too scattered and disorganized. Hahaha 😫😭

  • @ExiledGypsy
    @ExiledGypsy Рік тому +1

    I tend to end up listening to your videos playng on my TV while I start the day on my usually doing something on my Laptop.
    I just turned 64. I have been struggling with "psychological" problems since I suppose the age of three when my sleep disorder started. I 1st felt depressed at the age 17. At 29 I had my 1st "break down"/"burn out". I was probably one of the 1st patients in Europe who was put of Prozac,
    I have had psychotherpy, psychoanalysis, group therpies of all kinds along with CBT. I was referred for CBT just before my 2nd breakdown after my company and my divorce at 41. My heart was damaged as part of it and then I was put on an atypical antipsychotic that almost ended with my death by starvation and I 100% ceratin it caused permenant damage. I finally figured out that it was Olanzapine that had turned me into a zombie that I could comfortable starve without even knowing it. I am 100% certain that my brain was permenatly and substantially damaged after almost 5 years on that medication. Then I was finally diagnosed with ADHD at 49. Along the way a hell of lot more happened including heroine addiction, abandonned by my family and a lot worse.
    After all these years listening to you and others, I am still interested in all the STUFF more as a theatre and akind morbid entartainment rather than anything else.
    Because the whole thing is self-contradictory because non of it has anything to do with rationalisations, language or hindsight. All you are doing is retelling the same story with different words and the funny part is that the so called proffessionals know that the fundemental issue is that rationalisation is epilogue of emotional experience.
    We feel 1st and then rationalise and the cause of feeling except in a pavlovian context has more to do with what you ate for breakfast that the logic people use to rationalise it.
    Use of language in the form of, coaching, therapies are by comprrison to complexity of root causes so much suffering is so sadly pathetic that you might as well have been banging your head against the wall and expecting a different results everythime.

  • @dunar1005
    @dunar1005 Рік тому +7

    I am not sure if i agree.. our body was made for the fluctuations. We need this constant up and down of neurotransmitters. We just don’t need it as strong as we can get it today.
    But not using your brain to be at peace sounds like shutting of a computer to prevent bugs.

  • @tyfly8768
    @tyfly8768 Рік тому +22

    This is unbelievably relevant to my current quarter life crisis. Thank you Dr k, you are a literal god

  • @wattpad3094
    @wattpad3094 10 місяців тому +1

    Thank you. So happy to have discovered your channel. Your content speaks straight to my problem at heart and offers a method to fix it. I have been experimenting with Buddhism and the concept of mindfulness. This just inspired to continue diving deep into the philosophy and practices

  • @logancheatum8397
    @logancheatum8397 Рік тому +3

    This is a good way to think about the detachment Dr. K is talking about. basically, just do your best. Nothing more nothing less. some times that won't be enough. but as long as you do your best there's nothing you can be unhappy about. this works with all things. if you are the best boyfriend / girlfriend you could be and the relationship doesn't work out the only thing you can do Is try and be better. anything else is a waist of energy.

  • @Tushar_Shinde1995
    @Tushar_Shinde1995 Рік тому +56

    Doc please don't cut the silences. it gives me (and i believe many other viewers) time to process what you have said..

    • @ARBIE366
      @ARBIE366 2 місяці тому

      Agreed 💯

  • @caseycoffman9692
    @caseycoffman9692 Рік тому +8

    These jump cut edits are really jarring. If you, the editor, sees this comment - please consider easing off.
    Part of what I've enjoyed listening to and observing about with Dr K is the moments he takes to pause and think.

  • @MlebKdrz
    @MlebKdrz Рік тому +3

    Such incredibly high value content, love it, thank you :)

  • @JustSomeDinosaurPerson
    @JustSomeDinosaurPerson Рік тому +1

    Honestly, a lot of that post hits home, and for me a lot of the resentment towards work comes from our current society and my lack of desire to contribute to something that routinely exploits me and everyone else.

  • @TheLukeguy7
    @TheLukeguy7 28 днів тому

    This is one of the best videos on the whole of UA-cam. So interesting and well presented, thank you and well done.

  • @marcelokj954
    @marcelokj954 Рік тому +8

    At my current job this is really like what dr K exposed in this video. Everytime I focus on my tasks and let these thoughs flow away, I end up feeling content with my day. Now, there are things that let me worried about the future but I guess I gotta let it go too because engaging in the analysis of what's the right thing I should do only leave me stuck in a endless spiral of thoughts.

  • @skellymax6783
    @skellymax6783 Рік тому +1

    I feel like in this one video, the thesis of the entire channel was given. The entire script was a constant barrage of mind-blown moments. I've experienced them before, scattered across many other videos. But in this one single 25 min vid so much was covered succinctly and profoundly. If I recommend this channel to anyone, I will undoubtedly start with this video.

  • @mossvibes
    @mossvibes Рік тому +3

    This was really elucidating, I feel a lot more like I have options now and a path forward! Thanks, Dr. K!

  • @danielroy8232
    @danielroy8232 Рік тому +4

    "hate your job? just choose not to hate it bro. just ignore your misery."

  • @Klarified01
    @Klarified01 Рік тому

    Once again a beautiful video. Gave me an insight on myself, as weird as it sounds. Thank you!
    But the editing thing someone else said, I agree with. I believe the pauses were indeed helpful.

  • @prima08
    @prima08 Рік тому +1

    For me using releasing letting go meditations help me remove attachments by trigering my emotional resistance, letting it be in my body, experiencing it, understanding what it trying to give me, giving it to myself and letting it go at the end.

  • @variety8952
    @variety8952 Рік тому +5

    So give up your dreams/desires and just dissacosiate while working to get throug life till you can retire... Because we all want constant dopamine because of our phones and the internet, but that is not possible, so the perfect job doesn't exist. So just find peace with how things are they way they are.... Life's a b*tch

  • @fairyfromabove4336
    @fairyfromabove4336 7 місяців тому

    Brooo, i've watched just a 10 mins, but it already helped me A REAALY LOT. A gigantic thank to you

  • @Nyxeline
    @Nyxeline Рік тому +1

    My mind was BLOWN. This is exactly what I've been dealing with but, instead of jobs, for me it was caring about what people wanted and constantly worrying about everything.

  • @kristidaemon4709
    @kristidaemon4709 Рік тому +4

    Great video. Actually helped me with some things I've been thinking about for some time now. However, the question is how to grow in this case? What will be the motivation, if good enough is good enough? Why would you ever try to change anything? An example: I had a job that I loved for 5 years. For some, it could be very boring, but it had endless possibilities to make it fun, so yeah, while many people before me quit, I loved it. It wasn't paying a lot, but it was more than a minimum wage, let's put it that way. 10 years ago I was making okay money (now it would be nothing, of course). And even though paychecks were okay, I loved my colleagues etc., I felt like I could do more with my life. My job was pretty simple and I had the desire to show the world I can do more. Why do others have it better and not me? While I'm super responsible, punctual, with an average GPA in college of 3.8, and loved by colleagues (we are still friends with some of them, even though 7 or more years had passed) others work on some projects, creating something new, doing something that a random person from a street couldn't and I... doing something that anyone else can. If I wouldn't follow my desire to show the world that I am better (which probably is unhealthy and clearly created by fluctuations in my mind), I would never want any other job. So doesn't detachment stop you from growing, since you don't follow your desires and are just at peace wherever you are?

  • @lilb07
    @lilb07 Рік тому +1

    I wonder how much of this is impacted by being sold the idea that we can do and be anything we want when we’re young. So we constantly want to pursue this thing/idea that we think is what we want because we believe that we feel we should be able to have it

  • @Xoxoghetxoxo
    @Xoxoghetxoxo Рік тому

    world love your heart, love your work. Just watched video u spoke with Reckful. he lost his tear cause u helped him to speak out, such a big relief for reckful. Later on it seems like it was lacking on truely genunity, maybe because of twitch chat or internet I dunno. Im nobody as competent as you but impression/feelings from you to make other people or reckful feel better in this case was never enough in that video.

  • @St3v3NWL
    @St3v3NWL Рік тому +13

    But how does this work with people that have ADHD? Because if I detach myself I'm not getting anything done at all.

  • @rachelhutchinson6234
    @rachelhutchinson6234 2 місяці тому

    Such a helpful video , I’ve never heard about the fluctuations of the mind explained like that, incredibly interesting and informative 🙏🏻

  • @TehBananaBread
    @TehBananaBread Рік тому +1

    Now this is a video i needed today, perfect timing. Thanks Doc!

  • @skye1657
    @skye1657 Рік тому +2

    This is probably the most valuable video I have watched in my entire life

  • @notequalto5179
    @notequalto5179 Рік тому +2

    I study achievement and goals and this stuff fascinates me. It's especially interesting for young adults trying to figure out what thing or things they want to do to work.

  • @TonyQuinn
    @TonyQuinn Рік тому +1

    Perfect timing. For the past two years I’ve basically killed my attention span by heavily using social media (mainly Tiktok.) It’s affected my ability to read, play video games, be creative, and even watch movies. It’s pathetic and I’m tired of the cycle, so yesterday I deleted the last of the social media apps on my phone. My mind isn’t gonna be happy but oh well haha.

  • @thefitnerd9796
    @thefitnerd9796 Рік тому

    Your videos offer such incredible insight. Thank you for making this man.

  • @tonydejesus3774
    @tonydejesus3774 Рік тому

    Its like the Algo hears my thoughts and knows my struggles.
    Desire and fulfillment is what i've been struggling with this week. Finding peace is the absence of pleasure, or even fighting off the suffering to be at peace is hard.
    Why do we want the desire can be just as challenging as a question, when there isn't a clear cut logical answer.

  • @hoserhouserules7291
    @hoserhouserules7291 9 місяців тому

    brilliant shows! very helpful. as an aside, the quote is "once more ONTO the breach." if you've ever seen a breached castle wall, you can tell you would be climbing up a very large pile of rubble. love Henry V.

  • @AviKashyup
    @AviKashyup 2 місяці тому +2

    Namaste. Great video. I have binged 3 of your videos. What you are explaining here is actually the teachings of the Bhagawad Geeta.

  • @manjason
    @manjason Рік тому

    Thanks for this video 😊. Keep up the good work

  • @mintee8638
    @mintee8638 7 місяців тому +1

    Ability-goals is something I have found helpful for setting.
    For goals, they imply a path, which implies an ability. To have an ability goal simplifies a goal a little more, and makes it more concrete and actionable.

  • @MatthewMS.
    @MatthewMS. 7 місяців тому

    I am really happy I found this channel recently. I do not game, but sometimes struggle with mental health.

  • @vilitias
    @vilitias 11 місяців тому

    wow, I’ve found it with such a perfect timing..just what I needed. Thank you

  • @123Iamawesome321
    @123Iamawesome321 Рік тому

    uhhh... okrrr... the mind sets, conclusions, and perspectives to coming to terms with life situations in this video has become many diamonds in the rough. Well done Dr. K.

  • @jairschirmer9867
    @jairschirmer9867 3 місяці тому

    I addapted a Tony Robbins teaching (podcast with Theo) exactly like this, while working. Mentally say: focus on what you have (I look to an object). Focus on what you can control (look to another). Focus on the present (I look to my hands). It keeps my mind to wandering.

  • @cezardmc
    @cezardmc 5 місяців тому

    Thank you for this video, it really hits with my most emotional thoughts about job and it brings to me.
    My mind should not be my controller of actions I should decide by myself cause practice makes improvement ❤

  • @VarHyid
    @VarHyid Рік тому +7

    I used to think like that and figured it out after a decade. I finally accepted to enjoy the life I had… and then 2 months ago my mom got hit by a car and is still in the hospital… just as we were about to have a happy life, just as I found peace with her 😢

    • @DesolationHill
      @DesolationHill 11 місяців тому

      I’m sorry about that. How are you guys doing?

    • @VarHyid
      @VarHyid 11 місяців тому +2

      @@DesolationHill There's no more "you guys" :( She passed away in November last year. After that I started documenting my "life" (more like existance) here on UA-cam on my VH8-3 channel. There's a full long "how my mother died" video covering the whole thing, if you're interested.

  • @Yuccshi
    @Yuccshi 10 місяців тому

    This is the most useful and applicable video I could have asked for, working night shift as a manager 12 hours a shift commonly. Thank you

  • @karentonks7581
    @karentonks7581 Рік тому

    Dr.K your work here is extremely valuable and I love how you connect western and Eastern philosophy..it's like joining the right and left brain hemisphere and the midway being the corpus callosum

  • @readreadwriteread9039
    @readreadwriteread9039 Рік тому

    Nice explanation of the way freedom from desire DOESN'T decrease achievement. Great video.

  • @andrealynnebralkowski169
    @andrealynnebralkowski169 Рік тому +6

    Normally, I agree with you a high degree. Not this. Enjoyment, at least for me and I suspect the poster dude, isn't necessarily "fun" it's stimulating. Challenge is enjoyable. Surprise is enjoyable. So finding what parts of jobs is enjoyable is key. Ironically, I'm actually a histotechnologist. I work in a histology lab. I like the change, I LOVE anatomy, I like not dealing with the public. Current job doesn't provide the structure I need, but science normally does.
    So original poster, my advice, ask what you like. What's important to you? Get 3-5 things. Me, I like school, anatomy, didn't want to spend lots on school, and I want it to matter. This led to medical field. Then, I googled and asked a professor what are my options. So you, figure out what you like, then Google and ask professionals for options. Hopefully that at least gives you direction. What he said could be really helpful, but its what I did.

  • @mandyford7357
    @mandyford7357 16 днів тому

    this hits my core, Dr. K! As someone who bounced from one grad school program to another, I find the same patterns playing out in my life- I thought it was a mid life crisis, then I thought it was because of my neurodivergency- and burn out is real! I dealt with this twice

  • @christybeisel2410
    @christybeisel2410 Рік тому

    This was a great video! Thank you for making it 😊

  • @probuiltatv5271
    @probuiltatv5271 Рік тому

    This channel is great. Subscribed.

  • @TheIllerX
    @TheIllerX Рік тому +1

    Good advice as always.
    There is one thing that feels quite contradictory to me here and this is the talk about having a mind at peace without fluctuations. How is that supposed to be combined with using your mind for work, which involves a lot of thinking and thought fluctuations?
    To be present at peace, clearing your mind surely can feel good, but as long as you are in that state you wont be able to do any work unless you break the state and start using your mind.

    • @commenteroftruth9790
      @commenteroftruth9790 10 місяців тому +1

      I don't think the words are always correct. Using your mind and having fluctuations is necessary. but those fluctuations being thoughts of needing satisfaction while working can/are what lead to the state of emptiness. rather than working on the goals that will grow you and lead you to a deeper healthier realer satisfaction.

  • @helo218
    @helo218 Рік тому +1

    Perrrrfect since going back to school I had lost my freshly « acquired » piece of mind and was wondering how to get it back so thank youuu 🥰