It’s not about where we are loved it’s the areas where we are neglected that is the problem. Yes my husband does loving things like flowers but he isn’t there when I need him emotionally and flowers don’t cut it.
I agree Katie, I think that is one of the most difficult challenges when you love someone with depression. When you are suffering and they aren't there for you it leaves you feeling incredibly alone inside your relationship. Most of us don't have tools to turn to when we are experiencing intense or difficult emotions and that leaves us very vulnerable. We are reliant on our loved ones to hold us up and support us through emotional times and if they don't we are left in a very painful place without a clear path to safety. Many people respond by changing partners or seeking that human comfort from someone outside their marriage. But even then, you are still reliant on something you have no control over (another human's words and actions) for your own emotional wellbeing. That's always going to be an anxious and precarious position. In my own inner work and with my clients, I have found that the real secret to emotional stability and safety is to learn how to experience, process and move through any emotion, no matter how painful or scary it is. We all have the ability, we just haven't been taught how. 🧡🧡🧡
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach you really have thought this through. But keep in mind that having a relationship means being invulnerable. Isolating yourself is safer but we weren't built that way. It's not realistic to tell someone that they shouldn't take risks and depend on others. Instead they should not depend on people proven to not be available. Taking risks is part of life.
@@tammyewert1712 Thank you for this comment. I agree. Relationships are most powerful when we can be vulnerable. There is a delicate balance to creating and staying centered in our own emotional resilience and leaning on and into another person. I find that many people who don't yet have those skills find themselves anxiously relying on others for their emotional well-being, and are often constantly afraid in relationships because they are trying to figure out if the other person is a reliable partner or not. That constant level of anxiety and questioning actually keeps them isolated within the relationship and prevents them from taking the risk and enjoying the deeper connection and true intimacy their partner might offer. The truth is we can never answer for certain if another person is always going to be available for us. If we insist on knowing for sure, we'll miss the chance to connect. I am still learning to walk this line, and am discovering more and more the ways that taking personal responsibility for your emotional health actually allows you to practice greater empathy and connect more authentically with your partner. It is really common for people to hear me talk about this and think I'm telling you to isolate yourself, or that love isn't "real". It's actually quite the opposite, but I certainly see why this video may give that impression. Thank you for pointing that out. Your comments will help me adjust the way I talk about these things to try to be more clear. I hope I can help people continue to take risks by giving them the skills to cope when things don't go the way they want, so they can get up and feel confident enough to take the risk again.
Ive studied this a lot. When a coach is teaching women about dealing with a husband with depression, she says "Tell him to get therapy. You are not responsible for healing a broken man" and then men are told to make women feel loved and that flowers aren't enough. YOU make yourself feel loved and you can ask for what you'd like or want & need. It's not up to anyone else. You have to stop looking for the negatives and start looking for the positives. A person can compliment you, but they can't control how you feel internally. If flowers and care and actions and time together aren't enough and love isn't enough, nothing is enough for you. Often if a man cooks dinner, she'll find something wrong with it. A man is not there to heal your depression. YOU heal you! The list of things he should do never ends. Stop being controlling! YOU control your body and he controls his body. Don't make a list of chores for him to complete. You aren't committed to someone because they PAY you in love. YOU commit because YOU WANT TO LOVE HIM.. and he commits because he wants to LOVE YOU. If I commit to holding a stop sign and then I just up and decide I don't feel like holding the sign anymore; my commitments are meaningless. If you choose to commit to someone, you commit to them. You aren't always in threatening mode as if you're about to take away that commitment..
You’re very articulate! 🙃 I enjoyed reading your post- And I agree with you that we are all responsible for our own selves, in every way! I think that’s what she’s here teaching us in this video-- That “feeling loved” by your partner is solely up to YOU. It’s up to the way you choose to see things and situations and what you think about the partner and their actions. So, to tell your partner: “I’m not feeling loved by you”, is wrong to do. They’ll only feel attacked / criticized / not good enough. This will never get our partner to love us in the way we believe we ought to be loved. Even is a partner behaves in a way that causes you to FEEL unloved, that is not the clear and convincing evidence you were looking for to prove yourself right or to justify your thoughts/feelings (which later turn to beliefs). With that said, I’m sorry you had to experience a therapist with a biased view on love. It’s unfortunate and not in any way helpful. You are correct and I have myself seen this so many times and I’ve even had therapists that tell me all the things they think I wanna hear and talking bad about my man to my face, telling me a lot of the same things you expressed here that you have also experienced. It’s awful! I hope you find peace in your life and in your heart soon… so that you may be open to all of the new possibilities in life and inspire you to grow. “A relationship is a place you go to GIVE. Never is it a place where you go to TAKE.” - Tony Robbins 🤍
@@ArtAbsurdist That's a really ice message. I am a bit harsh in my words since most of backlash I recieve is usually insulting.. It was very kind of you to say this. I did find a nice lady and loved her and it was horrible again. She spent so much time silently judging me it made the peace I had before her diaper.. It was a brutal experience and I can't express enough that spirit is real. Men feel it and just don't know what it is. I am intuitive and can say, loving someone who constantly thinks poorly of you is poison to your spirit.. and that's what silent treatment is or expecting him to just know. This KS mems fault to. Men take it. Even if he leaves her behind there's 1000 lovers waiting outside her door begging to be the next dude she treats poorly. I don't think therapy is genuine. Sadly, the answer for men is stop hoping women will love you and go worl harder and work out and earn more .only until you die early from energy depletion, or until it would matter if a woman loved you or not.. And that's when women would actually live a man; when it doesn't matter to him if she loves him or not
There is a difference knowing your loved and feeling love from another person. I don’t doubt my husband loves me he just doesn’t speak my love language and refuses to try leaving feeling lonely and sad.
I don't really get this exercise. I have no doubt that I love myself and am loved by friends and family. My goal is to feel loved specifically by my partner. I mean, that's kind of a big point of romantic relationships. I want to know that she loves, desires, and appreciates me.
This was exactly what I needed right now, it also helped me see things more clearly to be honest ! I was so upset a few minutes ago, crying uncontrollably... People have treated me very badly in the past which left me broken and insecure, and even though I know that my partner does love me and he treats me very well, I keep finding "evidence" that he doesn't... Evidence that isn't really there! I was subconsciously programmed, by those people, to believe that I am not worthy enough to receive love in any way, and that is the reason my brain keeps going back to "no he doesn't truly love me, no one does..." even though that's not true... Your video has just thought me that I can feel loved even if my subconscious is trying to work against it This is actually the perfect addition for the exercise my therapist told me to do and I feel like it is going to make it far more effective, so thank you so so much for calming me down, saving my evening and giving me hope in getting better soon! Thank you so much!!! ❤️
You are so welcome!! I'm thrilled that this video was so powerful for you. You can feel loved, and you can love YOU too, which means you are always loved 💛
Hi there, it happens I saw your comment. We have the same story of life. I feel the same way like not trusting people to love me. Don’t let your past push him away. It was my mistake, my toxic traits had gone too far, and made him unloved me. Goodluck! And wish your healthy relationship forever
Hey there, thanks for sharing your story. I'm in a very similar situation, and I was wondering if you could share the exercise that your therapist gave you (if you are comfortable doing that and are OK with it). I need all the help I can get right now. Would you mind sharing? ...I'm so sorry to hear that you were crying uncontrollably. For me, right now I'm icing my hand from punching on a wooden box for five minutes straight 😢
@@mosaicowlstudios Heyy 😊 I'm very sorry to hear that you're unwell at the moment, and I wish you all the best and hope that it'll get better soon Of course I can share what she tought me, I really hope this helps: Hope I'll be able to explain this. Since I'm a very visual person she wanted me to keep a list, with pictures, of all the things that made me feel good, that made me happy and that I loved doing in the past (which was supposed to get me in a better mood I suppose) right after that she wanted me to write down the things I like about myself, what I can be proud of... And of course in my mental state at that time the list remained empty because I just couldn't find ANYTHING I liked, since that is what I was told by these people and for some reason my subconscious totally believed them And then I stumbled upon this video and she was talking about challenging your brain not by saying "I am loved" (since your brain won't believe you) but by stating that "there is a possibility that I might be loved" and that somehow did it for me And as I was lying there next to my piece of paper replaying that phrase and those memories I wrote down it struck me like lightning, because it actually worked and I was able to find answers to those questions by simply rephrasing them So as I expected when I found this, it did go hand in hand with that technique 😊 This is just one of many things that got me out of that hole I was trapped in but what really changed my wellbeing most drastically is starting to ask: "How is this the best things that could have happened right now?" In any situation, no matter if it's good or presumably bad, just ask that one little question and as she said in the video, as far as I remember, it makes your brain look for an answer. And over time, and I'm speaking from experience, it has completely reprogrammed my mind ❤ And here is my little success story if anybody is interested: First things first, I can only recommend anybody with mental health issues of all kinds to seek help and to consult a professional, if I hadn't started therapy back then there is a possibility that I could not write this comment today, so don't be afraid, it can get better and if you start taking steps towards that as soon as you can, you will see that it gets better much quicker than you might thought it would And after I discovered through therapy that I was trying to be somebody I am not for the longest time I started to get to know myself, I started to reconnect to all those things I loved to do before all of this happened, watched some old shows I loved, tried out something new, heck I even got into puppetry and discovered that I love doing that waaayy more that I ever expected All those wishes I threw out the window because somebody told me I couldn't do that because I wasn't good enough for anything, well guess what I climbed out that window and picked them all back up, even put some of them together in a new way And now I'm standing here as a fully self employed Illustrator with huge dreams, goals and a purpose to follow I want to use my craft to teach the right values so maybe some day less people have to go through what I went through ❤ because nobody deserves to be treated that way! And on those darker days when all of those past doubts come up again, i just whisper a quiet "Thank you" because that just put me back on my path in stronger boots. So I really, really hope you'll be able to get better soon, because you know if I can do it I'm sure you can too! 🥰 I know this is quite a long message but it feels good to get it out there 😊 also if you have any more questions or something to share feel free to do so, I love to help If you need somebody to talk to just text me on Instagram, and I'll see what I can do 😊 hope this helps
@@anjiidraws Thanks for sharing ❤️ That all sounds like a great way to reprogram and truly get to know one's self again. You sound very wise and extremely self-aware. I've made a lot of progress--there's just something about my husband's style of affection (his love language is NOT physical touch/affection), namely his lack of touch that hits at some old rejection wounds. I think all-in-all, things will be OK, I think this is mainly a mis-match of communication styles. You're totally right and thank you so much for your words of wisdom. Reminding myself of who I am and re-learning self-love and self-respect is the best way to feel joyful and fulfilled in life. Always growing, always striving for progress in myself and learning more everyday. Rediscovering who I am and what I want from life ❤️❤️ Thank you again, so much. Your words and advice have given me such a boost of encouragement 🙌
Wow, thank you for sharing that. I'm really sorry you're going through such a rough time. Thank you for watching, and I'm so glad that this video could help.
Sometimes he does things that are nice or loving but the times he spends being rude to me and disrespectful is so much more often. For him it’s more a case of high stress and poor management of said stress then depression and that results in me being treated like complete crap. It’s pretty sad when he talks to the dog more nicely then he talks to me. :’(
My husband avoids communication. Our 5 month son was murdered and he tells me shut up get over it 3 days after. He never held me. He even sat there watched doctors butcher me while I was screaming NO!! I was the youngest child told to hurry up and grow up. Husband will do anything or buy anything for me. This satisfies his need to provide. I never get spontaneous hugs or kisses. I have told him many times our anniversary was coming but the day came and went with not a peep. This is 41 years married from age 17. I took my vows seriously. What I can’t stand is he blames me for everything! I am verbally abused all the worst words you could imagine. I have to ask “ Do you love me” his reply is “sure”. That’s about it for communication. I pray to die it’s the only way out. He is a very angry man. His mother called him her most difficult child. This was long before meeting me. I fell for him he accepted me figured better than nothing. I wish I could get my 42 years back.
You've had a lot of traumas in your life - do you have the support of a therapist? If you don't I would strongly recommend one. You have choices. You have options. Death is not the only one. You don't have to stay in this relationship. If you choose to stay (it is a choice if you do) you may find Laura Doyle's books or work helpful (The Ridiculously Happy Wife). HOWEVER, please work with a therapist as well - from what you've described here there are deeply painful traumas that your nervous system needs support in healing from.
Well… if all is needed to feel love is to only think you are loved, you no longer need to be with him! I was once with someone who really really loved me. And believe me….. i did not have to only think i was loved. I felt it every day, every moment…. And it was not just my thought.
I'm so happy having my ex fiance back, after being separated for 4months. All thanks to Mr Ali who help me to get back my ex again, I will suggest y'all get help from him and it works within 3days..
You have a good point. I agree with you partially. I do believe it is incorrect to think I am an island completely, independant of need for belonging though. That would be unrealistic. It is safe to say that non nurturing circumstances need to be reduced or eliminated. Including that information would maje a more balanced and practical video.
Thank you. I forgot how important it is to literally trick our emotional center by changing our cognition. It's how I deal with a variety of other uncomfy feelings like anxiety and social ostracism. It's truly the best and most effective trick. Thank you.
When your husband does not huge are kiss you and he acts like he would rather be anywhere but with you .I have told him and told him and he acts like it’s me but it’s not
Hi Rita, I'm sorry that you're experiencing this. It sounds like the two of you are stuck in a cycle of interaction that isn't serving you. Yes, it is possible that his feelings have changed or he doesn't want to be in this marriage. However, my experience has taught me that it is far more likely that you two are simply miscommunicating and triggering one another. Often when one partner asks for affection they do it in a way that the other person interprets as accusatory or attacking. There are some simple techniques you can learn to communicate in a more effective way (effective meaning you'll be more likely to get what you want!). Part of that is learning to get yourself deeply grounded emotionally so you aren't getting defensive or reactive either. I'd love to learn more about what you're experiencing and see if I could help. I do a lot of this kind of work with my coaching clients. If you'd like to talk and see if I can help you too, you can book a free consult call with me here: calendly.com/rachaelsloan/strategy
OMG!!! What a video!! Who are you??! I am still perplexed that women like you still exist. This gives me so much hope. I love your channel! You are simply amazing! So much wisdom, so much insightful thinking and you are so young. I am mesmerized
This is one of the most insightful (and very well-hidden or disguised) videos on the web about how to begin FEELING more attractive about yourself when some BEING has triggered an emotional letdown of some sort! Beautifully described and well thought out! I love it
Think of 10 to 15 days he’s on the road. Think how many days coming back from work to an empty house, sleeping alone, eating whatever available because there’s anyone else to cook for. Then he comes to sleep and rest, to rush whatever errands are pending, answer the phone about ten times because the people he works for won’t stop calling because they just don’t care that man also has a family. Now you tell me he’s not part of the solution and I am dependent? Felling loved is overrated. He’s not there when I need him the most. 18 wheels are luckier than me for having him more time than I do.
Iam also depressed i lost my father after giving birth to my son. He never bought me flowers, take me out for diner mayb one time. My husband abuse me emotional with bad words. He makes me crazy. I will get better 10000 x times . I dont want someone treat me bad
My partner is sweet but. . . I get ZERO comfort from them. We’re currently having to long distance because I gotta be with family for bit. But even before long distance I never got comfort all they wanted to hear was they were right. I was feeling really sad today because I missed them and all I got was “well I told you not to go” and it’s like that all the time. Or it’s “well you could’ve stayed home” I’m always the one who has to say “oh I really miss you” or “I saw this at the store/town and thought of you” I have to give all the comfort in this relationship:( I just wish I could hear I miss you too every now and then
IT'S THE TRUTH HE IS DEPRESSED AND IM NOT GOING TO ALLOW THIS TO AFFECT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LORD! IF HE DON'T WANT TO CHANGE I PRAY GOD TAKES HIM AWAY FROM ME & BLESS ME WITH SOMEONE WHO VALUES ME
OK so I’m the one who is depressed severely he is not Annette I’m the one that gives all the love and affection and keeps everything running in this house and in this marriage he sits back and does almost nothing and if I ask him to do something I get attitude nothing but a constant fight and harassment all the time on top of never getting your needs met even when you’ve asked over and over.
I have no friends, i have only a girlfriend but she's doesn't make me special nor makes me feel loved. I just overthink a lot and it kills my happiness. Instead she have more interest in her boy best friend no matter how hard i try to make her know i loved her. I really feels like im not special to her. 🥺
I don't believe what she's saying re: your partner can't make you feel loved bc I know for sure that a man has made me feel desired & wanted which equals making me feel loved.
What I'm talking about is one degree more subtle and specific, and the distinction is really important. What does a man do to make you feel wanted? Does he reach out to touch you physically? Say sweet things to you? Cook for you? Think back throughout your life. Has a man ever done one of those things and you didn't feel loved? I bet you'll even find instances where a man touched you and you felt repulsed or threatened, or where a man said sweet things and you felt annoyed and misunderstood, where he cooked for you and you felt manipulated or controlled... it's not his ACTIONS that produce the feeling in you, it is the meaning your brain assigns to those actions. It's a subtle difference, but one that is crucial to grasp if you want more fulfilling relationships or to break codependent cycles.
Actually the Bible states how we SHOULD love each other. So it's wrong when one spouse disregards the other's needs. And we are all different, most people treat other people the way they want or need to be treated. A marriage needs three persons, God, husband and wife.
See, you asked me to think of something he does for me that’s nice and loving, and I can’t think of a damn thing. He doesn’t do thoughtful or considerate things on his own, I have to beg him for those things and even then he still barely delivers.
Hi, I'm afraid at this time I don't have any coaching programs available for women. I'm very sorry! However, I can direct you to a couple of resources that might help. My favorites are Dr. Susan Johnson's course Hold Me Tight (give it a google and you'll find it pretty easily). It is a series of conversations you can have with your spouse to dramatically improve the quality of your relationship. The other one is Laura Doyle's work in her Ridiculously Happy Wife program. You should also be able to find her with a quick search. Her six intimacy skills are GOLD.
Do you have suggestions on how to find self a love when you've been conditioned from a very young aged that you're not loved. Being told at a very young age that you're a burden or wished you weren't born or stupid etc effects you're brain so you fundamentally believe that's its not possible.
You are WORTHY! You are LOVED! You are WANTED! YOU ARE MEANT TO BE HERE! THAT'S WHY JESUS CHRIST DIED FOR YOU 😘 HE LOVES YOU MORE THAN ANYONE IN THIS WHOLE WORLD CAN EVER LOVE! I LOVE YOU ❤️🙏🏽
Uh ok … I think I would agree with that if someone were alone but OF COURSE how others treat you create emotions … emotions are reactions to stimuli in the environment around us … people, colors, smells …. All scientifically proven to create emotions. Handling them is one thing … but feeling them is absolutely often a result of what and who we are around .. whether by choice or not. Consider it … we are all interconnected as taught … the world is our oyster crap encourages selfishness and a lack of empathy for beings we effect ❤
I’d love if my man brought me flowers and made me dinner or even planned a date night for my birthday. Instead he buys me gifts on my birthday which is nice but I’d like something that would take effort and relive me if the stress of having to do it
Hello this really works for me. I know of a great man| who helped me bring my ex back, he can aIso heIp you, he does a perfect work I'm assuring you, you gonna testify
The problem here is it sounds like you have a spouse that actually shows love the video like this lol because I cannot relate to anything you’re talking about. Sorry. I think of a time that he offered a gift 100 times absolutely not.. yeah we’re in the wrong lane
To whoever is reading this Jesus loves you and he’s coming soon. All you need to do to be saved is believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for your sins was buried and came back to life on the 3d day confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and you’ll be saved. Today is the day of salvation tomorrow is not promised and you don’t want to miss the rapture it will be so bad like nothing ever seen before on earth. God bless
Hello this really works for me. I know of a great man| who helped me bring my ex back, he can aIso heIp you, he does a perfect work I'm assuring you, you gonna testify
I need help.. desperately.. I’ve only ever dated women my entire life and for some dumb reason I allowed myself to marry a man and I thought I loved him.. but I’m not physically attracted to him.. I’m repulsed to have sex with him.. i immigrated from my country.. I have up everything I had and knew.. I live so so far from home.. my entire family has always been so proud of me.. I’m terrified to let them all down.. I desperately want to be with a women.. but I’ve never been able to find anyone.. at all., I’m seriously left with feeling like the only way out is if I fucking shoot myself.. I have no where else to go... I hate this.. I hate this.. 😭😭😭
Please book a call with me, and let's talk through this. I hear your pain and I know there are other ways out. You are under a lot of pressure right now, and it doesn't feel like you have options. I promise you, you do have options. I can help you handle these emotions and find the path through. You can schedule a call with this link: calendly.com/rachaelsloan/strategy
It’s not about where we are loved it’s the areas where we are neglected that is the problem. Yes my husband does loving things like flowers but he isn’t there when I need him emotionally and flowers don’t cut it.
I agree Katie, I think that is one of the most difficult challenges when you love someone with depression. When you are suffering and they aren't there for you it leaves you feeling incredibly alone inside your relationship. Most of us don't have tools to turn to when we are experiencing intense or difficult emotions and that leaves us very vulnerable. We are reliant on our loved ones to hold us up and support us through emotional times and if they don't we are left in a very painful place without a clear path to safety.
Many people respond by changing partners or seeking that human comfort from someone outside their marriage. But even then, you are still reliant on something you have no control over (another human's words and actions) for your own emotional wellbeing. That's always going to be an anxious and precarious position.
In my own inner work and with my clients, I have found that the real secret to emotional stability and safety is to learn how to experience, process and move through any emotion, no matter how painful or scary it is. We all have the ability, we just haven't been taught how. 🧡🧡🧡
dose2366@gmail.com
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach you really have thought this through. But keep in mind that having a relationship means being invulnerable. Isolating yourself is safer but we weren't built that way. It's not realistic to tell someone that they shouldn't take risks and depend on others. Instead they should not depend on people proven to not be available. Taking risks is part of life.
@@tammyewert1712 Thank you for this comment. I agree. Relationships are most powerful when we can be vulnerable. There is a delicate balance to creating and staying centered in our own emotional resilience and leaning on and into another person.
I find that many people who don't yet have those skills find themselves anxiously relying on others for their emotional well-being, and are often constantly afraid in relationships because they are trying to figure out if the other person is a reliable partner or not. That constant level of anxiety and questioning actually keeps them isolated within the relationship and prevents them from taking the risk and enjoying the deeper connection and true intimacy their partner might offer. The truth is we can never answer for certain if another person is always going to be available for us. If we insist on knowing for sure, we'll miss the chance to connect.
I am still learning to walk this line, and am discovering more and more the ways that taking personal responsibility for your emotional health actually allows you to practice greater empathy and connect more authentically with your partner. It is really common for people to hear me talk about this and think I'm telling you to isolate yourself, or that love isn't "real". It's actually quite the opposite, but I certainly see why this video may give that impression.
Thank you for pointing that out. Your comments will help me adjust the way I talk about these things to try to be more clear. I hope I can help people continue to take risks by giving them the skills to cope when things don't go the way they want, so they can get up and feel confident enough to take the risk again.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach I would love a session with you ...how do I make this happen?
Ive studied this a lot. When a coach is teaching women about dealing with a husband with depression, she says "Tell him to get therapy. You are not responsible for healing a broken man" and then men are told to make women feel loved and that flowers aren't enough. YOU make yourself feel loved and you can ask for what you'd like or want & need. It's not up to anyone else. You have to stop looking for the negatives and start looking for the positives. A person can compliment you, but they can't control how you feel internally. If flowers and care and actions and time together aren't enough and love isn't enough, nothing is enough for you. Often if a man cooks dinner, she'll find something wrong with it. A man is not there to heal your depression. YOU heal you! The list of things he should do never ends. Stop being controlling! YOU control your body and he controls his body. Don't make a list of chores for him to complete. You aren't committed to someone because they PAY you in love. YOU commit because YOU WANT TO LOVE HIM.. and he commits because he wants to LOVE YOU. If I commit to holding a stop sign and then I just up and decide I don't feel like holding the sign anymore; my commitments are meaningless. If you choose to commit to someone, you commit to them. You aren't always in threatening mode as if you're about to take away that commitment..
You’re very articulate! 🙃 I enjoyed reading your post-
And I agree with you that we are all responsible for our own selves, in every way!
I think that’s what she’s here teaching us in this video--
That “feeling loved” by your partner is solely up to YOU. It’s up to the way you choose to see things and situations and what you think about the partner and their actions.
So, to tell your partner: “I’m not feeling loved by you”, is wrong to do. They’ll only feel attacked / criticized / not good enough. This will never get our partner to love us in the way we believe we ought to be loved. Even is a partner behaves in a way that causes you to FEEL unloved, that is not the clear and convincing evidence you were looking for to prove yourself right or to justify your thoughts/feelings (which later turn to beliefs).
With that said, I’m sorry you had to experience a therapist with a biased view on love. It’s unfortunate and not in any way helpful. You are correct and I have myself seen this so many times and I’ve even had therapists that tell me all the things they think I wanna hear and talking bad about my man to my face, telling me a lot of the same things you expressed here that you have also experienced. It’s awful!
I hope you find peace in your life and in your heart soon… so that you may be open to all of the new possibilities in life and inspire you to grow.
“A relationship is a place you go to GIVE. Never is it a place where you go to TAKE.”
- Tony Robbins 🤍
@@ArtAbsurdist That's a really ice message. I am a bit harsh in my words since most of backlash I recieve is usually insulting.. It was very kind of you to say this. I did find a nice lady and loved her and it was horrible again. She spent so much time silently judging me it made the peace I had before her diaper.. It was a brutal experience and I can't express enough that spirit is real. Men feel it and just don't know what it is. I am intuitive and can say, loving someone who constantly thinks poorly of you is poison to your spirit.. and that's what silent treatment is or expecting him to just know. This KS mems fault to. Men take it. Even if he leaves her behind there's 1000 lovers waiting outside her door begging to be the next dude she treats poorly. I don't think therapy is genuine. Sadly, the answer for men is stop hoping women will love you and go worl harder and work out and earn more .only until you die early from energy depletion, or until it would matter if a woman loved you or not.. And that's when women would actually live a man; when it doesn't matter to him if she loves him or not
There is a difference knowing your loved and feeling love from another person. I don’t doubt my husband loves me he just doesn’t speak my love language and refuses to try leaving feeling lonely and sad.
I don't really get this exercise. I have no doubt that I love myself and am loved by friends and family. My goal is to feel loved specifically by my partner. I mean, that's kind of a big point of romantic relationships. I want to know that she loves, desires, and appreciates me.
Exactly.
THIS! When someone says they want to feel loved they mean they want to feel desired & needed.
This was exactly what I needed right now, it also helped me see things more clearly to be honest !
I was so upset a few minutes ago, crying uncontrollably... People have treated me very badly in the past which left me broken and insecure, and even though I know that my partner does love me and he treats me very well, I keep finding "evidence" that he doesn't... Evidence that isn't really there!
I was subconsciously programmed, by those people, to believe that I am not worthy enough to receive love in any way, and that is the reason my brain keeps going back to "no he doesn't truly love me, no one does..." even though that's not true...
Your video has just thought me that I can feel loved even if my subconscious is trying to work against it
This is actually the perfect addition for the exercise my therapist told me to do and I feel like it is going to make it far more effective, so thank you so so much for calming me down, saving my evening and giving me hope in getting better soon! Thank you so much!!! ❤️
You are so welcome!! I'm thrilled that this video was so powerful for you. You can feel loved, and you can love YOU too, which means you are always loved 💛
Hi there, it happens I saw your comment. We have the same story of life. I feel the same way like not trusting people to love me.
Don’t let your past push him away. It was my mistake, my toxic traits had gone too far, and made him unloved me. Goodluck! And wish your healthy relationship forever
Hey there, thanks for sharing your story. I'm in a very similar situation, and I was wondering if you could share the exercise that your therapist gave you (if you are comfortable doing that and are OK with it). I need all the help I can get right now. Would you mind sharing?
...I'm so sorry to hear that you were crying uncontrollably. For me, right now I'm icing my hand from punching on a wooden box for five minutes straight 😢
@@mosaicowlstudios Heyy 😊 I'm very sorry to hear that you're unwell at the moment, and I wish you all the best and hope that it'll get better soon
Of course I can share what she tought me, I really hope this helps:
Hope I'll be able to explain this. Since I'm a very visual person she wanted me to keep a list, with pictures, of all the things that made me feel good, that made me happy and that I loved doing in the past (which was supposed to get me in a better mood I suppose) right after that she wanted me to write down the things I like about myself, what I can be proud of... And of course in my mental state at that time the list remained empty because I just couldn't find ANYTHING I liked, since that is what I was told by these people and for some reason my subconscious totally believed them
And then I stumbled upon this video and she was talking about challenging your brain not by saying "I am loved" (since your brain won't believe you) but by stating that "there is a possibility that I might be loved" and that somehow did it for me
And as I was lying there next to my piece of paper replaying that phrase and those memories I wrote down it struck me like lightning, because it actually worked and I was able to find answers to those questions by simply rephrasing them
So as I expected when I found this, it did go hand in hand with that technique 😊
This is just one of many things that got me out of that hole I was trapped in but what really changed my wellbeing most drastically is starting to ask:
"How is this the best things that could have happened right now?"
In any situation, no matter if it's good or presumably bad, just ask that one little question and as she said in the video, as far as I remember, it makes your brain look for an answer. And over time, and I'm speaking from experience, it has completely reprogrammed my mind ❤
And here is my little success story if anybody is interested:
First things first, I can only recommend anybody with mental health issues of all kinds to seek help and to consult a professional, if I hadn't started therapy back then there is a possibility that I could not write this comment today, so don't be afraid, it can get better and if you start taking steps towards that as soon as you can, you will see that it gets better much quicker than you might thought it would
And after I discovered through therapy that I was trying to be somebody I am not for the longest time I started to get to know myself, I started to reconnect to all those things I loved to do before all of this happened, watched some old shows I loved, tried out something new, heck I even got into puppetry and discovered that I love doing that waaayy more that I ever expected
All those wishes I threw out the window because somebody told me I couldn't do that because I wasn't good enough for anything, well guess what I climbed out that window and picked them all back up, even put some of them together in a new way
And now I'm standing here as a fully self employed Illustrator with huge dreams, goals and a purpose to follow
I want to use my craft to teach the right values so maybe some day less people have to go through what I went through ❤ because nobody deserves to be treated that way!
And on those darker days when all of those past doubts come up again, i just whisper a quiet "Thank you" because that just put me back on my path in stronger boots.
So I really, really hope you'll be able to get better soon, because you know if I can do it I'm sure you can too! 🥰
I know this is quite a long message but it feels good to get it out there 😊 also if you have any more questions or something to share feel free to do so, I love to help
If you need somebody to talk to just text me on Instagram, and I'll see what I can do 😊 hope this helps
@@anjiidraws Thanks for sharing ❤️ That all sounds like a great way to reprogram and truly get to know one's self again. You sound very wise and extremely self-aware. I've made a lot of progress--there's just something about my husband's style of affection (his love language is NOT physical touch/affection), namely his lack of touch that hits at some old rejection wounds. I think all-in-all, things will be OK, I think this is mainly a mis-match of communication styles. You're totally right and thank you so much for your words of wisdom. Reminding myself of who I am and re-learning self-love and self-respect is the best way to feel joyful and fulfilled in life. Always growing, always striving for progress in myself and learning more everyday. Rediscovering who I am and what I want from life ❤️❤️ Thank you again, so much. Your words and advice have given me such a boost of encouragement 🙌
Thank you. You took me from sobbing like a baby to calm and hopeful.
Wow, thank you for sharing that. I'm really sorry you're going through such a rough time. Thank you for watching, and I'm so glad that this video could help.
Isn't love an action though? One shows their love by their actions....
This is what lots of men don't understand
Sometimes he does things that are nice or loving but the times he spends being rude to me and disrespectful is so much more often. For him it’s more a case of high stress and poor management of said stress then depression and that results in me being treated like complete crap. It’s pretty sad when he talks to the dog more nicely then he talks to me. :’(
You are so insightful to see that his rudeness is about him and not you. But that doesn't make it any less painful. How are you coping?
I can feel you. Hope you feel better. This is painful.
My husband avoids communication. Our 5 month son was murdered and he tells me shut up get over it 3 days after. He never held me. He even sat there watched doctors butcher me while I was screaming NO!! I was the youngest child told to hurry up and grow up. Husband will do anything or buy anything for me. This satisfies his need to provide. I never get spontaneous hugs or kisses. I have told him many times our anniversary was coming but the day came and went with not a peep. This is 41 years married from age 17. I took my vows seriously. What I can’t stand is he blames me for everything! I am verbally abused all the worst words you could imagine. I have to ask “ Do you love me” his reply is “sure”. That’s about it for communication. I pray to die it’s the only way out. He is a very angry man. His mother called him her most difficult child. This was long before meeting me. I fell for him he accepted me figured better than nothing. I wish I could get my 42 years back.
You've had a lot of traumas in your life - do you have the support of a therapist? If you don't I would strongly recommend one.
You have choices. You have options. Death is not the only one. You don't have to stay in this relationship.
If you choose to stay (it is a choice if you do) you may find Laura Doyle's books or work helpful (The Ridiculously Happy Wife). HOWEVER, please work with a therapist as well - from what you've described here there are deeply painful traumas that your nervous system needs support in healing from.
When he don’t fill your need someone else will
Well… if all is needed to feel love is to only think you are loved, you no longer need to be with him! I was once with someone who really really loved me. And believe me….. i did not have to only think i was loved. I felt it every day, every moment…. And it was not just my thought.
I'm so happy having my ex fiance back, after being separated for 4months. All thanks to Mr Ali who help me to get back my ex again, I will suggest y'all get help from him and it works within 3days..
whatsappin him
*十2349048406077🪴🪴❄❄🔮適港, 港决很高興*
You have a good point. I agree with you partially. I do believe it is incorrect to think I am an island completely, independant of need for belonging though. That would be unrealistic. It is safe to say that non nurturing circumstances need to be reduced or eliminated. Including that information would maje a more balanced and practical video.
Thank you. I forgot how important it is to literally trick our emotional center by changing our cognition. It's how I deal with a variety of other uncomfy feelings like anxiety and social ostracism. It's truly the best and most effective trick. Thank you.
When your husband does not huge are kiss you and he acts like he would rather be anywhere but with you .I have told him and told him and he acts like it’s me but it’s not
Hi Rita, I'm sorry that you're experiencing this. It sounds like the two of you are stuck in a cycle of interaction that isn't serving you.
Yes, it is possible that his feelings have changed or he doesn't want to be in this marriage. However, my experience has taught me that it is far more likely that you two are simply miscommunicating and triggering one another.
Often when one partner asks for affection they do it in a way that the other person interprets as accusatory or attacking. There are some simple techniques you can learn to communicate in a more effective way (effective meaning you'll be more likely to get what you want!). Part of that is learning to get yourself deeply grounded emotionally so you aren't getting defensive or reactive either.
I'd love to learn more about what you're experiencing and see if I could help. I do a lot of this kind of work with my coaching clients. If you'd like to talk and see if I can help you too, you can book a free consult call with me here: calendly.com/rachaelsloan/strategy
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OMG!!! What a video!!
Who are you??!
I am still perplexed that women like you still exist. This gives me so much hope.
I love your channel! You are simply amazing! So much wisdom, so much insightful thinking and you are so young. I am mesmerized
Hahaha, thank you for the awesome vote of confidence! I'm thrilled that my channel is helpful and giving you hope. That is heartwarming to hear.
This is one of the most insightful (and very well-hidden or disguised) videos on the web about how to begin FEELING more attractive about yourself when some BEING has triggered an emotional letdown of some sort! Beautifully described and well thought out! I love it
I'm so glad it was helpful! Thanks for the kind comment!
What if they’re not depressed, or even better, only “depressed” when I need stuff…
My thing is I want my husband to show me he loves me enough to save our marriage. I don't know if he can't or won't. 😢
Think of 10 to 15 days he’s on the road. Think how many days coming back from work to an empty house, sleeping alone, eating whatever available because there’s anyone else to cook for. Then he comes to sleep and rest, to rush whatever errands are pending, answer the phone about ten times because the people he works for won’t stop calling because they just don’t care that man also has a family. Now you tell me he’s not part of the solution and I am dependent? Felling loved is overrated. He’s not there when I need him the most. 18 wheels are luckier than me for having him more time than I do.
Exactly, I hope it gets better for us❤
Your partner can make you feel unloved. Based on them saying such.
Iam also depressed i lost my father after giving birth to my son. He never bought me flowers, take me out for diner mayb one time. My husband abuse me emotional with bad words. He makes me crazy. I will get better 10000 x times . I dont want someone treat me bad
Thank you so much for reminding me of this important and critical information! Much love and many blessings always!
You are so welcome! Thank you for watching!
Same here😢
My partner is sweet but. . . I get ZERO comfort from them. We’re currently having to long distance because I gotta be with family for bit. But even before long distance I never got comfort all they wanted to hear was they were right. I was feeling really sad today because I missed them and all I got was “well I told you not to go” and it’s like that all the time. Or it’s “well you could’ve stayed home” I’m always the one who has to say “oh I really miss you” or “I saw this at the store/town and thought of you” I have to give all the comfort in this relationship:( I just wish I could hear I miss you too every now and then
IT'S THE TRUTH HE IS DEPRESSED AND IM NOT GOING TO ALLOW THIS TO AFFECT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LORD! IF HE DON'T WANT TO CHANGE I PRAY GOD TAKES HIM AWAY FROM ME & BLESS ME WITH SOMEONE WHO VALUES ME
OK so I’m the one who is depressed severely he is not Annette I’m the one that gives all the love and affection and keeps everything running in this house and in this marriage he sits back and does almost nothing and if I ask him to do something I get attitude nothing but a constant fight and harassment all the time on top of never getting your needs met even when you’ve asked over and over.
Why do you stay?
I’m going to be leaving soon because I can’t take this anymore. It’s abusive.
This helped me so much, thank you ❤
3:47 if I follow this logic then it is not possible for my partner to make me feel bad or scared either. Rubbish
This is an amazing way to open my eyes ! Thank you!
You're welcome! I'm so glad this video helped!
You are genius, thank you so much!
I have no friends, i have only a girlfriend but she's doesn't make me special nor makes me feel loved. I just overthink a lot and it kills my happiness. Instead she have more interest in her boy best friend no matter how hard i try to make her know i loved her. I really feels like im not special to her. 🥺
This is interesting advice. Thank you, I will give finding evidence that I might be loved a try.
You're welcome. If you're looking for deeper support, Laura Doyle's program The Ridiculously Happy Wife is a great resource!
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach thank you so much!🙏🏻 i will check it out
Thank you
I don't believe what she's saying re: your partner can't make you feel loved bc I know for sure that a man has made me feel desired & wanted which equals making me feel loved.
What I'm talking about is one degree more subtle and specific, and the distinction is really important. What does a man do to make you feel wanted? Does he reach out to touch you physically? Say sweet things to you? Cook for you?
Think back throughout your life. Has a man ever done one of those things and you didn't feel loved? I bet you'll even find instances where a man touched you and you felt repulsed or threatened, or where a man said sweet things and you felt annoyed and misunderstood, where he cooked for you and you felt manipulated or controlled... it's not his ACTIONS that produce the feeling in you, it is the meaning your brain assigns to those actions. It's a subtle difference, but one that is crucial to grasp if you want more fulfilling relationships or to break codependent cycles.
Omg thank you, this exercise is brilliant!!!! Going to do this now!!!
Awesome! Let us know how it works for you!!
exactly what i needed
Actually the Bible states how we SHOULD love each other. So it's wrong when one spouse disregards the other's needs. And we are all different, most people treat other people the way they want or need to be treated. A marriage needs three persons, God, husband and wife.
See, you asked me to think of something he does for me that’s nice and loving, and I can’t think of a damn thing. He doesn’t do thoughtful or considerate things on his own, I have to beg him for those things and even then he still barely delivers.
thank ❤ you for this 😢
The title and the thumbnail say nothing about depression.
When she was saying "I know you are shaking your head disagreeing with me" That's exactly what I was doing :D
Same!
Love u so much … thank u so much!
this video is so underrated
I'm so glad you found it helpful. Thanks for watching!
Thankyou so much!
That was a great exercise. Thank you
You're so welcome! Thank you for watching.
Is there anyway I can talk to u please? I really need someone to help me.
Hi, I'm afraid at this time I don't have any coaching programs available for women. I'm very sorry! However, I can direct you to a couple of resources that might help.
My favorites are Dr. Susan Johnson's course Hold Me Tight (give it a google and you'll find it pretty easily). It is a series of conversations you can have with your spouse to dramatically improve the quality of your relationship.
The other one is Laura Doyle's work in her Ridiculously Happy Wife program. You should also be able to find her with a quick search. Her six intimacy skills are GOLD.
It is so helpful to listen it
Do you have suggestions on how to find self a love when you've been conditioned from a very young aged that you're not loved. Being told at a very young age that you're a burden or wished you weren't born or stupid etc effects you're brain so you fundamentally believe that's its not possible.
You are WORTHY! You are LOVED! You are WANTED! YOU ARE MEANT TO BE HERE! THAT'S WHY JESUS CHRIST DIED FOR YOU 😘 HE LOVES YOU MORE THAN ANYONE IN THIS WHOLE WORLD CAN EVER LOVE! I LOVE YOU ❤️🙏🏽
I don't feel loved anymore hate life
Get cloy to God
Hi DJ, how are you doing? I apologize for not seeing and responding to your comment sooner.
I DON'T KNOW YOU PHYSICALLY NO AND I MAY NEVER MEET YOU BUT I LOVE YOU😘
Can you give me examples of what those evidence can be?
Uh ok … I think I would agree with that if someone were alone but OF COURSE how others treat you create emotions … emotions are reactions to stimuli in the environment around us … people, colors, smells …. All scientifically proven to create emotions. Handling them is one thing … but feeling them is absolutely often a result of what and who we are around .. whether by choice or not. Consider it … we are all interconnected as taught … the world is our oyster crap encourages selfishness and a lack of empathy for beings we effect ❤
Hii mam! Can u please give me a solution for my relation ship
I’d love if my man brought me flowers and made me dinner or even planned a date night for my birthday. Instead he buys me gifts on my birthday which is nice but I’d like something that would take effort and relive me if the stress of having to do it
Hello this really works for me. I know of a great man| who helped me bring my ex back, he can aIso heIp you, he does a perfect work I'm assuring you, you gonna testify
Wh'atsap him for heIp
And I'm a woman saying that
Willing to jump off a cliff with my wife but I feel like a simp
I wish my husband would he probably let me jump first a simp u know how many woman loves that ur crazy hope all is well
All hearabout is how much blacker and better that that pei's better I feel too damn
Depression? Whatever!
I understand that and she doesn't I'm second fiddle
The problem here is it sounds like you have a spouse that actually shows love the video like this lol because I cannot relate to anything you’re talking about. Sorry. I think of a time that he offered a gift 100 times absolutely not.. yeah we’re in the wrong lane
Sucks cuz the tables obviously turned for u.. somewhere in the pass u gave two fs about his feelings
Jesus would love to have a relationship with you. Call on Him today! He will respond. Be blessed brothers and sisters❤️❤️
To whoever is reading this Jesus loves you and he’s coming soon. All you need to do to be saved is believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross for your sins was buried and came back to life on the 3d day confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and you’ll be saved. Today is the day of salvation tomorrow is not promised and you don’t want to miss the rapture it will be so bad like nothing ever seen before on earth. God bless
Hello this really works for me. I know of a great man| who helped me bring my ex back, he can aIso heIp you, he does a perfect work I'm assuring you, you gonna testify
Wh'atsap him for heIp
Amen! 🙏
True he’s coming soon. But he did not die and was never crucified
👌🏻
I need help.. desperately.. I’ve only ever dated women my entire life and for some dumb reason I allowed myself to marry a man and I thought I loved him.. but I’m not physically attracted to him.. I’m repulsed to have sex with him.. i immigrated from my country.. I have up everything I had and knew.. I live so so far from home.. my entire family has always been so proud of me.. I’m terrified to let them all down.. I desperately want to be with a women.. but I’ve never been able to find anyone.. at all., I’m seriously left with feeling like the only way out is if I fucking shoot myself.. I have no where else to go... I hate this.. I hate this.. 😭😭😭
Please book a call with me, and let's talk through this. I hear your pain and I know there are other ways out. You are under a lot of pressure right now, and it doesn't feel like you have options.
I promise you, you do have options. I can help you handle these emotions and find the path through.
You can schedule a call with this link: calendly.com/rachaelsloan/strategy
You “allowed yourself to marry a man”… why did you marry him?? You are a cruel person.