Is he complaining or does what he say trigger you? That is something to also consider for us all… I have realized that a lot of the time people ask me questions or I simply laugh about crazy circumstances but people who find the topics upsetting to themselves……. Assume I must be dwelling and as affected as them. I’m not complaining usually I find humor in horrible situations… For those people I generally talk to them less because who knows what I could say may affect them negatively and stress them out… A lot of older people are like that actually and they have the, “it is what it is mindset” when they say something of this nature.
I’ve been complaining a lot about work to my wife and this video just hit home....I’m a complainer. I need to present options to fix the present in order to make the future better. Thank you!
I am listening because I have an HR lady that walks around and feels like she has to fill the silence with her ailments - example - she goes to the copier and instead of getting the copies and leaving, she fills the silence with things like, "my knees are killing me and I forgot my tens unit" and when no one looks up to interact he finds something else to say like "that tens unit really helps I can't believe I forgot it" again, no one gives her the attention she craves so then she does something, like drops all the copies, or runs into a wall - just so she can have attention. Now the attention is on her she uses this time to talk at us about absolutely NOTHING!!! I've asked my boss for help but she just tells me to ignore her - but this is EVERYDAY!!!! It's so draining! Thank you for the video - but I think I am going to switch jobs because of this person. 😳😳
Thank you for this video, it's actually helpful as a venter/complainer to hear harsh truth to realise how miserable it is to live this way, other videos or article often tries to motivate you with compliments which sounds good on the paper but doesn't help that much. I wish everyone stuck or at least aware of this but have a hard time making a final change to get there, we can do this people, love yourself even when you feel like there is nothing to love yourself for, you just need to build all of it.
"The conversationalist", ugh, that's my brother, to a TEE. A lot of the time I just avoid him completely because he almost never has anything good to talk about. I could help lift him up, if he'd just let me. Instead he seems contented to wallow in his misery 🤷
I met a chronic complainer over summer vacation and just spending one month with them is driving me crazy😭.They are so close minded and insensitive to others’ point of view and cultures. I generally just ignore them. Even so, they are the reason I found this awesome video❤❤
Perhaps, but there is some complaining you’re doing in this sentence. You could shift a few words around and re-approach how you view it and talk about him.
I am so married to the conversationalist, which then puts me in the ventor category, lol his conversationalist complaining drove us apart and caused us to separate, but I would vent about him wearing me down. I found anxious knowing he was soon coming home, because I saw that he would seek out negativity. I felt he hated us all and he wanted me to tap out, so he could say I left him. He wasn’t always that way or maybe I had more distractions and hadn’t paid that much attention until it was just him and I? However, it’s how has always communicated with his parents who enable his immature emotional mentality and baby his behavior, it’s disgusting and thought he old grow out of it, but we both turned 47 and it still was happening. Sometimes people need to know the flip side of things then maybe he would realize he took it all for granted.
Classic Jungian dilemma. Your partner's stuck in negative patterns, likely picked up from family. It's tough when this stuff drags on and messes with your peace. Jung would say tackling these deep-seated behaviors is key.
@@jeffreybuoncristiano Thank you so much for your response. I don’t know why, but I never really count on any responses. I just assume you have so many people and videos to reply to, I just think I’m to say what I needed. But thank you. I really appreciate that. My husband in his constant state of complains, he also is an avoider, so he really only hears and sees what he decides he wants too, even if he has to make it up.. I just don’t see how someone can constantly find away to nit pick, seek negative in so many great things we have had and experienced, as well as these amazing 3 boys we have been given and in my opinion we don’t deserve these boys. My oldest is 30 years old and my youngest is 15, I’ve not ever had any problems with them, except for the not doing homework here and there, but they have an awesome bond, there each others biggest cheerleaders, extremely supportive to their family, never aloud their fathers negativity take hold of them and that’s hard when it’s your same sex role model. It’s hard for me to not take on, but because of them I just can’t endure his suffering:. I have a lot of tolerance and my entire life my family and friends have always told me, “ Lisa you tolerate so much shit”, I don’t know how u do it? I guess, sometimes I just look at some people, like get over your self, but as a daddy’s girl, my dad use to say, do not take on other people’s shit, misery really does love company, but that their own shit, so don’t give them that power over u. I remind myself his words all the time. I find myself putting AirPods in to tune my husband out at times, but my tolerance is thin and I just about have 1 foot out the door right now. I’m 46 years old and want to enjoy life, as well as b surrounded by those who want the same. There my ventor coming out, lol whatcha gonna do? For get about it! Lol
I feel ya. This is how we “ bonded “ through our breakups. It’s a form of manipulation. After 5 years of finding his secret life; hidden addictions; and betrayals I got myself into therapy. After putting 110 % in and he put in very little I got radical acceptance that his extreme diagnosis ( DA and he leans FA ) and after many betrayals ; he isn’t likely going to change. yeah I was anxious but not in a pursuing kind of way. I not when I got ignored or the contempt for daring to disagree. It’s only natural I would be anxious after; considering who I thought he was; a totally different person. I’ve never met a more critical; judgemental; negative person in my entire life. No friends; and avoids family. Which I understand to some degree. He portrayed himself as this Strong; disciplined ; righteous; man of extreme values. It was a fake persona. A mask worn by someone who is weak; severely wounded and troubled with addictions and a total negative mindset. Our therapist says I’m paying the bill for his past relationships and childhood. I just stopped focusing on him and focus on myself and kids and friends. I no longer fear having a different view or opinion on things ( he would consider that disrespectful)and feel free to be the mom; person I want to be. I try not to engage ; nor do I take the bait; ( he’s always ready ) and I don’t absorb. I just say things like I can share; if we try to find the bad in others we will surely find it and walk away; or say where have you or I done something similar; or remind him that I can extend some empathy and grace to someone struggling. Interesting how he has zero empathy for others but he wanted all of mine; especially when he wasn’t behaving the way he portrayed himself to. Funny how I extended him a whole lot of patience and understanding and time and grace; yet he can’t give it to others. Sometimes I think the best thing for someone who isn’t learning from others is to leave them be. Then maybe; just maybe; they will realize what they had and learn something called gratitude. The extremes may never learn as introspection is strongly and severely resisted and it’s always the others. I wonder who will be the target when kids have moved out? Yep; me. No thanks.
Great video and topic. The editing was nice also. I needed this video today. I've become a chronic complainer and I know it's affecting my wife and kids. I'm changing today. Life is too short.
Thank your for this video, it helped me realize the reason i complain so much is that i can't yet grasp the fact that i have complete control over my life. I vent a lot and end up feeling worse about myself. It is good that I now recognise that. I can work on it now. Thank you once more
Okay Jeff you made me take a long hard look in the mirror 🥺 and I didn’t like what I saw - but your video as always was very useful! Keep up the amazing content! 👍
Great topic of discussion. Complaining rarely brings about catharsis. Probably because most complaining is completely divorced from finding solutions. It's a hamster wheel for the complainer and not much else. Really enjoyed the video.
Ryan Lawless Sharing good news seems like the only solution. I guess it's become cooler for people to complain than to sound like "today was magical" lol. But one has gotta find their most gracious voice.
I love people that when I start venting they bring me back and in a loving way tells enough! Life goes on, get it together! Then I stop and assess and pull myself up & deal with it. Hanging out with Is like restarting my system.
I grew up in a household of chronic complainers and I struggle to be around them anymore. That said, I became a chronic venter by proxy and have realized the issue boils down to not being able to manage my own emotions about 'X' topic and using people as sounding boards to hash my feelings out. Journaling, exercise and meditation are part of my solution. Also attachment theory & positive journaling/thinking have been huge. Thanks for the vid!!
Instant subscriber. I keep my problems to myself bc I don’t want to make my family stressed out, or hear the problems in my life repeated back to me like an echo I have to respond to. Yet, I have allowed my productivity and goals to come to a halt bc my own family uses me as a sounding board for everything wrong in their lives. Finally, it was affecting me physically to such a degree that I had to end the conversation. My cheeks became so tight it hurt to speak. This person finally realized they were making my life worse by complaining and stopped calling me. I’ve finally finished the academic tests I had to put off bc the moment I stopped procrastinating to study&got ready, guess who called up to complain?
Thanks for this very thought provoking video Jeff! Your final thoughts are spot on true. I lost two friendships because of their incessant complaining and their “ talking at you” vs talking with you. I like deep conversations and griping doesn’t fit there for me. I’ve survived two major health events in my life and to gripe now would be tantamount to throwing dirt on a God who has been gracious to me! Thanks again Jeff!
What a very good analysis of so many people we know or meet. The individual in a truly difficult situation doesn't usually go on about it. I still haven't figured out how to deal with these perpetual complainers/venters/trauma dumpers who I seem to attract! One individual I challenged is convinced that he's merely speaking "reality". Also, when a trauma-dumper is challenged or contradicted even in the mildest way, it can enrage them. One thing I do is not to listen with respectful attention because this trait is probably what attracts them in the first place. There is a lot of self-pity in perpetual complainers and yes - they don't seem to have interests in life outside themselves.
Affirmations are so important because words are powerful. It says it all throughout The Bible and science proves it. Right now I'm living with a chronic complainer whose voice feels like shards of glass. She's exhausting me spiritually. My mom is going through a health crisis and I'm just so offended as to why this person didn't leave her attitude at home and can't just pretend to be peaceful. Now I know the last thing I need to do is complain to my mom about her! Thanks for the video.
I know a school teacher like this, always finding fault can never just ignore the wee issue, no no no you just better not miss that minor issue, it like the gaslighter so annoying. Such people can cause you to be over stressed, and then you catch the complaining virus and become a complainer yourself.
Self observing is the greatest. I step off the field, and sit in the stands. After I started this journey on self improvement, I started to see how toxic I was and those I associate with. I had to detach from those who were still living in this toxic lifestyle. When I deal with complaining I listen and if I can I throw in the positive so they can open up their mind to other opinions.
Thanks for this video man. I like to think of myself as a pretty empathetic person but i've been super negative lately and just thinking back to my latest interactions and a lot of it just bs and complaining. To be fair, that's what I find myself surrounded by so naturally i've adapted that way of interacting to try and connect. It's not cool...much love from FL
My dad has always been that guy. Honestly, I have been helped cause I was able to learn from mistakes pretty early. I do kinda feel bad I have never been able to respect my dad as a man. I really can't help but hate people who do complain probably to an unfair level.
Hey, thank you so much for this video because it was an eye opener for me. In the last 2-3 months I complained so much at work because nothing there went as planned and it affected my personal life, too. I think I try to make a new start and think about new strategies and as you said solutions for the problems. Your channel for me is always a source of precious content to think about. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. Have a good time sir. Greetings from Germany. Daniel.
Great video. I seem to attract complainers and no matter what way I try to approach them about them complaining. They just don't see it and are never wrong when it comes to their behaviour! I will definitely be trying out ur tips!
I have a friend I have known for years and ever since my parents died. She has taken over my parents rolls (I never asked her to). She does nothing but complain in front of me. It feels like she makes me stupid/ small. She always complains about my stuff in my home and wants me to get rid of my stuff. Even my 20 year old car (that I inherited from my dad). She hates my car. I'm like, "My car is paid off. Runs great." After dad's death, she complained to her neighbors on Christmas day in front of me (like I wasn't in the room). She complained about parents estate, their stuff, etc.. She told them about my fears and I was scolded on Christmas day as a child. I was so ticked off. Do these type of people like to embarrasses friends? I have set my boundries with her and that did not go well.
I wa staught to be a venter from two sneaky, female narcissists, mom and grandma. I thought it was how people related. I fixed myself, myself. They still complain to relate. This took 4 years to undo.
This is such a wonderful video! I wish these things were taught in school, and I’m a teacher lol! Thank you so much for being additive and uplifting ✨🙏
My mother is a complainer. Everytime she starts I shout "Don't make me a dumpster for all of your problems!" She rarely complains to me now 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭
Nice video!! Im trying to do this things with some persons close to me and me, but what u said is great and to think back how we have helped others!! Great beard also haha
As always, this is a very useful video. The advice of challenging them, really works. I think some people complain, just to have anything to talk about. And if you ask them what facts they made their statements off, they often can't explain. Looking forward for more of that and of course more from TCC. BTW, I somehow really like that thumbnail. very unusual for you (in a good way).
I've been told I'm a fairly positive person, but I have two people like this in my life and as much as I love them, they can be exhausting and spending time with them can bring me down. Fortunately I also have people in my life who I consider mentors, people who are leading fulfilling lives, snd spending time with them is energizing.
A friend of mine has already been complaining for a year. There is no chance to improve or fix anything, not only does she want to take the advice but else she would like to put any effort to make the situation better. She likes complaining, she is tasting it, this is what I see...
I know a few people like this. I’m guilty of it myself on occasion. I try not to. I think there’s a deeper reason for me, and others, for doing this. I’m looking inside to find the reason so i can avoid doing it so i can deal with that first
Bravo 👏 I recommend loving, find someone to go deep bonding with, if it lasts it lasts, if not, it's time well spent. We're too unsexual/unphysical. When you're in touch with someone, you can give better feedback "guide" them to mutual pleasing harmony. That's one reason for the handshake, some cultures bid/negotiate while holding the handshake throughout. If someone doesn't want your touches, it's dead.
I pretty much always enjoy your style and the topics you talk about, but this is just great advice for everyone. Definitely sticks out from your other videos, at least for me.
Uuugh.. the venter is INCREDIBLY hard to approach. I genuinely care and want the best for them. But even when you try providing solutions, as uncomfortable they might be, they aren’t looking for solutions. Most just want your sympathy and have no intention to change their environment that causes the trouble. If I see no attempt or genuine effort from them, then I won’t surround myself with the pointless complaining that just brings me down.
Thank you for this video, it was hard to hear it but i realised that i complain about almost everything.. even though it doesn‘t benefit me. It is time to make some changes 😏
That was my mom because she had a horrible marriage and had mental illness. I don't remember her ever being happy. She's gone now and I miss her but not all the negativity. 😢
I am in med school and everyone who I talk to just complains about their life and that’s literally the only way anyone around me converses this has made me soo negative and I don’t want to be this negative
One you should add to the list is the complainer who always thinks everyone who says anything to them is the complainer. The complainer about supposed complaints. I see that a lot today and I only noticed after these same types of people usually tried reallyyyyyy hard to get me to give them info about my life… Then they complained about how I was VENTING to them. No… I don’t actually want to talk to you at all… You’re asking for info you shouldn’t even be expecting to know and NOW you’re complaining? Weird…
I'm becoming a venter and it's starting to ruin my life.ive got to stop . It's like automatic for somreason ..from here on now I'm not going complain about anything ...
My neighbour complains alllllll the time. I’ve officially cut her off. I saw her on the street and she ran over to COMPLAIN….omg. The tipping scale was when I tried to redirect her, and I said “hey you must be excited about your upcoming vacation.” She lost it, and literally complained in a rant, then said GOOD NIGHT.” She is an emotional vampire and from the moment on I have cut her off. I don’t miss her one bit…
First of all, I like this video & will be taking your different perspective on board to self-improve! Secondly though, coming from a therapy background, some parts of this video sounded a little close to emotional denial & repression. Most humans aren't logical Vulcans and will experience a wide gamut of emotions daily. Some folks (especially women) are "verbal processors" of said emotions - fitting into the venting category... chronic ventinf. There IS a logic and productivity from this, which also thankfully means there is an endpoint.😂 Once it is spoken out loud, it can be organized, even laughed at, and laid to rest. Venting here is a tool, not a mindset. From anecdotal experience, this is VERY healthy for women... and if their partners understand this and can guide the mechanism, it can turn into bantering sport more than trauma dumping.😂
interesting insight. I appreciate that and will add it to the understanding of woman and "venting/complaining". Thank you for taking the time to inform.
Hi I'm commenting on here because my husband just sent this to me… we've been having issues in our marriage. A lot of which do stem from him… he is using this to avoid any accountability and keeps pointing it at me as the issue to ALL problems… So my question to you is at what point does it no longer become somebody complaining through conversation and it's somebody using that as an excuse to not be a better person? I've been a therapy for years fixing my approaches and my own shortcomings… but there's been nothing coming out of him and yet it is still me? If you need further context, feel free to ask. I'm am open book.
That's an excellent question. I can only ASSUME my reply with limited knowledge, so maybe a back-and-forth may be needed. That being said, I think we have to start with the idea that you both are wired differently, and each has different goals, and forms of communicating. You may be leaning towards communication and hoping to improve, where he hears it as an attack. His goal in life is most likely to have no problems and to have a smooth sailing and complaint-free life, as with 90% of men. Where you may see the world as something controllable and think that active conversation helps your paths. Both are right and wrong. However, I've read this is often the case between men and women. = Men want a problem-free life, and Women want progressive life. Men are problem-fixers. and if the problem doesn't seem to be a problem to us, then it could come off as complaints and annoying. That does NOT mean it's NOT a problem, it means it's not a problem to the PERSON! Now that being said, my suggestion would to be try to communicate WHY it's important to you, state the problem, describe how the problem affects things, then STATE THE EXACT SOLUTION. When the problem is specific and measurable, then it's a request they can agree to or not, not a complaint. Complaints are empty requests with no determined specific and exact solution down to a T. Such as "clean out the garage." Instead of "I need you to do this with that old mower, and this with the paint cans, and dust this off, and make room for...." etc. Again, if you can't determine the specifics as the requester of the chor, for the reason you would state WHY you need it done, then you're simply complaining at THE STATE OF THINGS for no good reason. THERE NEEDS TO BE A REASON! in addition if a complaint expects the other party to take matters into their own hands. This is bound to get even messier because now there is a NEW responsibility to a person who didn't and probably continues to not see the relevance. This causes contempt and resentment. LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO SPEAK ON THIS FURTHER!
@jeffreybuoncristiano Wow! This is honestly the most helpful response I've gotten- thank you, I'm still reading right now but wanted to type quick was I'm half-way through that you really hit the nail on the head. Expect another response in a minute 😊
@jeffreybuoncristiano OK, just finished. Yes, I agree that is something I'm working on and read about the different ways men vs women handle/ see things that are either stressful or a problem to them. Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus- highly recommend and is super helpful to understand the male perspective and even for understanding my own needs better. Anyways the communication factor of being short sweet to the point getting better, not perfect, but better than 2 years ago :) Our issue lies in communication mainly, in specifics like parenting and setting appropriate boundaries. Our family is blended, and I honestly found myself through the years taking on the parental responsibility of guiding my stepdaughter and giving the attention/ guidance she needs. I can not do it all, though. There are simply some spots that require a dad/ tough love. I made it clear I'm not comfortable with constantly doing that while there is none coming from him- he is fun dad. Ive tried communicating my parental frustrations I find myself in when she isn't listening or tries to debate/ justify not doing a chore or responsibility of her own right away. I found myself many times asking, "Would you let her know I need time in my office and to not disturb me." This happens when I had enough time only socializing with my child and need my space. He responds with "I'll try, no promises." Lo and behold, I get a knock on the door, and it's her. I love her, just need space. There's been issues with boundaries with the Ex as well but its more in an inappropriate fashion of sometimes petty jealousy, encouraging cheating, and sticking her nose into our business WAY more than what I'm comfortable. All of which has been addressed in similar fashion, and I get met with "you're the problem, stop complaining." Nothing gets solved and it's always my fault... at some point I wonder why I even went to therapy (he asked me to, i cried a bit and found one right away in 2020), changed the way I communicate to him (which is no negative emotions ever- even if it is valid... super unrealistic and to me unhealthy). It's just been getting to a point where I've done all I could. Tbh, I've been feeling hopeless and started withdrawing. Somedays, if I need time to bond with him (I've been direct on it, "can we hang out together/ go on a date?" Anything we do/ say gets shared to (mainly) my stepdaughter of 11 and sometimes even the Ex... and I have said that this upsets me that there isn't just something for only us as a couple. It's always shared in one way or another. I just do not think my husband is aware of his lack of participation as a parent, let alone boundaries between the parents/ marriage and the child. I don't even think he's aware that the reason this communication problem continues, is because he's not reflected on his contribution to the cycle. I know where I stand, I need to work on space and knowing when to walk away. It used to be name calling, defensiveness, raising my voice and talking too fast... there's more I could mention on things he has done to contribute, but I'm so scared of his emotional/ physical reaction... honestly... it doesn't seem normal to me- and as I listened to this and the other videos on complaining... I thought he could benefit, as well as from accountability. It's one-sided in our marriage; he never does anything wrong that warrants someone to cry/ get upset with him or his actions... I hate talking like this, he is my husband and I love him and everything he's done for me... it's honestly the only thing I'm missing from him is the accountability Sorry... I know it's a mouthful 😓 I think it's just my anxiety getting to me. Ngl I'm terrified of the reaction of what I've written from you- but that's not because of you or who you are. Thank you for responding back to me, and giving me more helpful tips so I can keep being a better wife
@@FattyCakezBunbunz What i'm hearing is a few things. correct me if i'm wrong. You've tried a lot of different ways to communicate to him. So much resistance that he seems incapable of doing so PER REQUEST. (maybe he can at other times) He has VERY different values and beliefs of what a parent should and shouldn't do for a child. and the roles each play. There is the life he lived before you, and that affects you today. I would ask you to think on a few things with that being said. If he refuses to talk with you, and you can't speak with him on topics, could you simply turn the attention towards your self, and remove him from the situation and make all the decisions yourself? Could you simply follow HIS lead. if he lets the child run amock with no regard for control, then do that. show him what happens. "I'm following your lead." Sometimes we don't see our own actions affect a situations. Find out what his beliefs are on parenting and quality of life. Don't tell him yours. Just learn his. Keep your power. "Just curious." you'd say. This is what you would do to follow his lead. Less work for you. See what happens. If you keep doing what you've been doing, you're going to keep getting the same results. You need to do something different. ANyhing different. I simply bouncing ideas off you. No one can say for certain for you, but you. But, i would challenge his beliefs and state of reality. The root here is each of you believe the other is wrong somehow. no matter how you confront each other, thinking their view is "wrong" is a loss before it starts. you have to think "Different" not "wrong". Then it's up to you two to come to a plan. again, your views are different, not wrong. Treat them as such.
@@SusanDelgado1177 agree. I’ve even let him carry out what he believes will fix the situation but it’s really a set up for him to be right. So he wanted this then he buys it to create a situation where he’s right. No winning.
I'd just like to respectfully bring to your attention that you're literally complaining in this presentation. It was in the part about the conversationalist.
I covered that. And no they don’t really need to vent. I know many many people who don’t. Also, venting is routed in desperation when they feel a lack of control. A Boss doesn’t vent, they just take care of the problem.
Nobody needs to vent . Not unless they are paying someone to listen . - “Neuroscience research, run at Stanford University, demonstrated that being exposed to complaints peels out neurons in your hippocampus, which is the part of our brain devoted to problem solving. Basically it’s an Alzheimer-like effect. Therefore, listening to negative people drains energy out of you and makes you inept on the short-medium term. when you complain, your body releases the stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol shifts you into fight-or-flight mode, directing oxygen, blood and energy away from everything but the systems that are essential to immediate survival. One effect of cortisol, for example, is to raise your blood pressure and blood sugar so that you’ll be prepared to either escape or defend yourself. Throughout your brain there is a collection of synapses separated by empty space called the synaptic cleft. Whenever you have a thought, one synapse shoots a chemical across the cleft to another synapse, thus building a bridge over which an electric signal can cross, carrying along its charge the relevant information you're thinking about. Every time this electrical charge is triggered, the synapses grow closer together in order to decrease the distance the electrical charge has to cross.... The brain is rewiring its own circuitry, physically changing itself, to make it easier and more likely that the proper synapses will share the chemical link and thus spark together--in essence, making it easier for the thought to trigger. Every time this electrical charge is triggered, the synapses grow closer together in order to decrease the distance the electrical charge has to cross.... The brain is rewiring its own circuitry, physically changing itself, to make it easier and more likely that the proper synapses will share the chemical link and thus spark together--in essence, making it easier for the thought to trigger. When we see someone experiencing an emotion (be it anger, sadness, happiness, etc), our brain 'tries out' that same emotion to imagine what the other person is going through. And it does this by attempting to fire the same synapses in your own brain so that you can attempt to relate to the emotion you're observing. This is basically empathy. It is how we get the mob mentality.... It is our shared bliss at music festivals," Parton writes. "But it is also your night at the bar with your friends who love love love to constantly bitch. When your brain is firing off these synapses of anger, you're weakening your immune system; you're raising your blood pressure, increasing your risk of heart disease, obesity and diabetes, and a plethora of other negative ailments”
I think the reverse of complaining is GRATITUDE 😊
agreed
My 71 year old friend complains non stop, it literally makes me depressed to be around him, great video man.
Is he complaining or does what he say trigger you? That is something to also consider for us all… I have realized that a lot of the time people ask me questions or I simply laugh about crazy circumstances but people who find the topics upsetting to themselves……. Assume I must be dwelling and as affected as them. I’m not complaining usually I find humor in horrible situations… For those people I generally talk to them less because who knows what I could say may affect them negatively and stress them out… A lot of older people are like that actually and they have the, “it is what it is mindset” when they say something of this nature.
I’ve been complaining a lot about work to my wife and this video just hit home....I’m a complainer. I need to present options to fix the present in order to make the future better. Thank you!
I wish you the best!
I am listening because I have an HR lady that walks around and feels like she has to fill the silence with her ailments - example - she goes to the copier and instead of getting the copies and leaving, she fills the silence with things like, "my knees are killing me and I forgot my tens unit" and when no one looks up to interact he finds something else to say like "that tens unit really helps I can't believe I forgot it" again, no one gives her the attention she craves so then she does something, like drops all the copies, or runs into a wall - just so she can have attention. Now the attention is on her she uses this time to talk at us about absolutely NOTHING!!! I've asked my boss for help but she just tells me to ignore her - but this is EVERYDAY!!!! It's so draining! Thank you for the video - but I think I am going to switch jobs because of this person. 😳😳
The question you can ask yourself is, "what can i do about this, RIGHT NOW?" and act. if you're at least taking action, you're making it better.
Thank you for this video, it's actually helpful as a venter/complainer to hear harsh truth to realise how miserable it is to live this way, other videos or article often tries to motivate you with compliments which sounds good on the paper but doesn't help that much. I wish everyone stuck or at least aware of this but have a hard time making a final change to get there, we can do this people, love yourself even when you feel like there is nothing to love yourself for, you just need to build all of it.
Came here for beard tips. Sticking around for life tips. Appreciate the video.
🙇♂️🤣🙇♂️
"The conversationalist", ugh, that's my brother, to a TEE. A lot of the time I just avoid him completely because he almost never has anything good to talk about. I could help lift him up, if he'd just let me. Instead he seems contented to wallow in his misery 🤷
My sister is a chronic "Venter" but it seems to just fuel her chronic anger and resentments.
I met a chronic complainer over summer vacation and just spending one month with them is driving me crazy😭.They are so close minded and insensitive to others’ point of view and cultures. I generally just ignore them. Even so, they are the reason I found this awesome video❤❤
I don't like to vent. It makes me scared that the other person finds out too much about me and my weakness
Best one I’ve seen. This really adds value to people’s lives. Thanks so much!!!
🙇♂️
My roommate is a complainer. Everytime he opens his mouth he is complaining about something and it's so annoying. I hate being around people like him.
Perhaps, but there is some complaining you’re doing in this sentence. You could shift a few words around and re-approach how you view it and talk about him.
I am so married to the conversationalist, which then puts me in the ventor category, lol his conversationalist complaining drove us apart and caused us to separate, but I would vent about him wearing me down. I found anxious knowing he was soon coming home, because I saw that he would seek out negativity. I felt he hated us all and he wanted me to tap out, so he could say I left him. He wasn’t always that way or maybe I had more distractions and hadn’t paid that much attention until it was just him and I? However, it’s how has always communicated with his parents who enable his immature emotional mentality and baby his behavior, it’s disgusting and thought he old grow out of it, but we both turned 47 and it still was happening. Sometimes people need to know the flip side of things then maybe he would realize he took it all for granted.
Classic Jungian dilemma. Your partner's stuck in negative patterns, likely picked up from family. It's tough when this stuff drags on and messes with your peace. Jung would say tackling these deep-seated behaviors is key.
@@jeffreybuoncristiano
Thank you so much for your response. I don’t know why, but I never really count on any responses. I just assume you have so many people and videos to reply to, I just think I’m to say what I needed. But thank you. I really appreciate that. My husband in his constant state of complains, he also is an avoider, so he really only hears and sees what he decides he wants too, even if he has to make it up.. I just don’t see how someone can constantly find away to nit pick, seek negative in so many great things we have had and experienced, as well as these amazing 3 boys we have been given and in my opinion we don’t deserve these boys. My oldest is 30 years old and my youngest is 15, I’ve not ever had any problems with them, except for the not doing homework here and there, but they have an awesome bond, there each others biggest cheerleaders, extremely supportive to their family, never aloud their fathers negativity take hold of them and that’s hard when it’s your same sex role model. It’s hard for me to not take on, but because of them I just can’t endure his suffering:. I have a lot of tolerance and my entire life my family and friends have always told me, “ Lisa you tolerate so much shit”, I don’t know how u do it? I guess, sometimes I just look at some people, like get over your self, but as a daddy’s girl, my dad use to say, do not take on other people’s shit, misery really does love company, but that their own shit, so don’t give them that power over u. I remind myself his words all the time. I find myself putting AirPods in to tune my husband out at times, but my tolerance is thin and I just about have 1 foot out the door right now. I’m 46 years old and want to enjoy life, as well as b surrounded by those who want the same. There my ventor coming out, lol whatcha gonna do?
For get about it! Lol
I feel ya. This is how we “ bonded “ through our breakups. It’s a form of manipulation. After 5 years of finding his secret life; hidden addictions; and betrayals I got myself into therapy. After putting 110 % in and he put in very little I got radical acceptance that his extreme diagnosis ( DA and he leans FA ) and after many betrayals ; he isn’t likely going to change. yeah I was anxious but not in a pursuing kind of way. I not when I got ignored or the contempt for daring to disagree. It’s only natural I would be anxious after; considering who I thought he was; a totally different person. I’ve never met a more critical; judgemental; negative person in my entire life. No friends; and avoids family. Which I understand to some degree. He portrayed himself as this Strong; disciplined ; righteous; man of extreme values. It was a fake persona. A mask worn by someone who is weak; severely wounded and troubled with addictions and a total negative mindset. Our therapist says I’m paying the bill for his past relationships and childhood. I just stopped focusing on him and focus on myself and kids and friends. I no longer fear having a different view or opinion on things ( he would consider that disrespectful)and feel free to be the mom; person I want to be. I try not to engage ; nor do I take the bait; ( he’s always ready ) and I don’t absorb. I just say things like I can share; if we try to find the bad in others we will surely find it and walk away; or say where have you or I done something similar; or remind him that I can extend some empathy and grace to someone struggling. Interesting how he has zero empathy for others but he wanted all of mine; especially when he wasn’t behaving the way he portrayed himself to. Funny how I extended him a whole lot of patience and understanding and time and grace; yet he can’t give it to others. Sometimes I think the best thing for someone who isn’t learning from others is to leave them be. Then maybe; just maybe; they will realize what they had and learn something called gratitude. The extremes may never learn as introspection is strongly and severely resisted and it’s always the others. I wonder who will be the target when kids have moved out? Yep; me. No thanks.
Great video and topic. The editing was nice also. I needed this video today. I've become a chronic complainer and I know it's affecting my wife and kids. I'm changing today. Life is too short.
Thank your for this video, it helped me realize the reason i complain so much is that i can't yet grasp the fact that i have complete control over my life. I vent a lot and end up feeling worse about myself. It is good that I now recognise that. I can work on it now. Thank you once more
Okay Jeff you made me take a long hard look in the mirror 🥺 and I didn’t like what I saw - but your video as always was very useful! Keep up the amazing content! 👍
We’ve all done it and still do it time to time, don’t be to hard on yourself, just do your best to be better!
I am told that I complain. I am working on it. My daughter advised me to write in a journal.
Great topic of discussion. Complaining rarely brings about catharsis. Probably because most complaining is completely divorced from finding solutions. It's a hamster wheel for the complainer and not much else. Really enjoyed the video.
"A problem shared is a problem halved"...no, it's actually a problem doubled! Lol
100% agree with you. Totally doubles it.
Ryan Lawless
Sharing good news seems like the only solution. I guess it's become cooler for people to complain than to sound like "today was magical" lol. But one has gotta find their most gracious voice.
I like that!
The venter is basically just using people as an emotional punching bag. The truth is that most people don't really care about other people's business.
I love people that when I start venting they bring me back and in a loving way tells enough! Life goes on, get it together! Then I stop and assess and pull myself up & deal with it. Hanging out with Is like restarting my system.
Yeah people who complain commonly come up with excuses for why. 👀
This man has guided me to be a better person, and I just cant thank him enough. Thank you
saying thank you and being grateful is more than most people. so you've already stepped it up! congrats man! thank YOU!
I grew up in a household of chronic complainers and I struggle to be around them anymore. That said, I became a chronic venter by proxy and have realized the issue boils down to not being able to manage my own emotions about 'X' topic and using people as sounding boards to hash my feelings out. Journaling, exercise and meditation are part of my solution. Also attachment theory & positive journaling/thinking have been huge. Thanks for the vid!!
Instant subscriber. I keep my problems to myself bc I don’t want to make my family stressed out, or hear the problems in my life repeated back to me like an echo I have to respond to. Yet, I have allowed my productivity and goals to come to a halt bc my own family uses me as a sounding board for everything wrong in their lives. Finally, it was affecting me physically to such a degree that I had to end the conversation. My cheeks became so tight it hurt to speak. This person finally realized they were making my life worse by complaining and stopped calling me. I’ve finally finished the academic tests I had to put off bc the moment I stopped procrastinating to study&got ready, guess who called up to complain?
Being around someone who constantly complains creates a negative energy but venting out is great! We all need that person that you can confide in to x
Thanks for this very thought provoking video Jeff! Your final thoughts are spot on true. I lost two friendships because of their incessant complaining and their “ talking at you” vs talking with you. I like deep conversations and griping doesn’t fit there for me. I’ve survived two major health events in my life and to gripe now would be tantamount to throwing dirt on a God who has been gracious to me! Thanks again Jeff!
What a very good analysis of so many people we know or meet. The individual in a truly difficult situation doesn't usually go on about it. I still haven't figured out how to deal with these perpetual complainers/venters/trauma dumpers who I seem to attract! One individual I challenged is convinced that he's merely speaking "reality". Also, when a trauma-dumper is challenged or contradicted even in the mildest way, it can enrage them. One thing I do is not to listen with respectful attention because this trait is probably what attracts them in the first place. There is a lot of self-pity in perpetual complainers and yes - they don't seem to have interests in life outside themselves.
Affirmations are so important because words are powerful. It says it all throughout The Bible and science proves it. Right now I'm living with a chronic complainer whose voice feels like shards of glass. She's exhausting me spiritually. My mom is going through a health crisis and I'm just so offended as to why this person didn't leave her attitude at home and can't just pretend to be peaceful. Now I know the last thing I need to do is complain to my mom about her! Thanks for the video.
I’m a chronic complainer! This is one of the best, if not the best video on the topic I’ve seen! Are u sitting at a Red light! 😄
I know a school teacher like this, always finding fault can never just ignore the wee issue, no no no you just better not miss that minor issue, it like the gaslighter so annoying. Such people can cause you to be over stressed, and then you catch the complaining virus and become a complainer yourself.
Self observing is the greatest. I step off the field, and sit in the stands. After I started this journey on self improvement, I started to see how toxic I was and those I associate with. I had to detach from those who were still living in this toxic lifestyle. When I deal with complaining I listen and if I can I throw in the positive so they can open up their mind to other opinions.
good on you. i hope you continue down this path of betterment!
Venting for ten hours straight is why I quit my last job
This video was well timed for me. I’m becoming more aware of the effect of this behaviour on my life.
This was a great video! Thank you. I have a friend who tends to complain and I’m trying to decide how to handle the situation. 🙏🏼
Thanks for this video man. I like to think of myself as a pretty empathetic person but i've been super negative lately and just thinking back to my latest interactions and a lot of it just bs and complaining. To be fair, that's what I find myself surrounded by so naturally i've adapted that way of interacting to try and connect. It's not cool...much love from FL
My dad has always been that guy. Honestly, I have been helped cause I was able to learn from mistakes pretty early. I do kinda feel bad I have never been able to respect my dad as a man. I really can't help but hate people who do complain probably to an unfair level.
It is the same complaint for 10 plus years. Time to move on.
Great video thank you for positive suggestions
I enjoyed this, gives me alot to think about for improvements in my own life.
👍🏻🙇♂️
Hey, thank you so much for this video because it was an eye opener for me. In the last 2-3 months I complained so much at work because nothing there went as planned and it affected my personal life, too. I think I try to make a new start and think about new strategies and as you said solutions for the problems. Your channel for me is always a source of precious content to think about. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. Have a good time sir. Greetings from Germany. Daniel.
Feel like I’m a fly on the wall hearing people talk about me! Very helpful
Thank you! Very insightful! It is good to learn for ourselves and others
Great video. I seem to attract complainers and no matter what way I try to approach them about them complaining. They just don't see it and are never wrong when it comes to their behaviour! I will definitely be trying out ur tips!
Good luck!
I have a friend I have known for years and ever since my parents died. She has taken over my parents rolls (I never asked her to). She does nothing but complain in front of me. It feels like she makes me stupid/ small. She always complains about my stuff in my home and wants me to get rid of my stuff. Even my 20 year old car (that I inherited from my dad). She hates my car. I'm like, "My car is paid off. Runs great." After dad's death, she complained to her neighbors on Christmas day in front of me (like I wasn't in the room). She complained about parents estate, their stuff, etc.. She told them about my fears and I was scolded on Christmas day as a child. I was so ticked off. Do these type of people like to embarrasses friends? I have set my boundries with her and that did not go well.
My two co worker chronic complainers. Lead just laughed. Had enough and just quit
Great video as always. I can relate every time. Thank you Jeff.
Thank you
This one hit me in feels ... thank you 👏
Some people only like to socialize so they can have someone to bitch too. That’s not real friendship.
I wa staught to be a venter from two sneaky, female narcissists, mom and grandma. I thought it was how people related. I fixed myself, myself. They still complain to relate. This took 4 years to undo.
@@adhdself-love yeah it’s common and horrible way people relate… through hate
This is such a wonderful video! I wish these things were taught in school, and I’m a teacher lol! Thank you so much for being additive and uplifting ✨🙏
My mother is a complainer. Everytime she starts I shout "Don't make me a dumpster for all of your problems!" She rarely complains to me now 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭
Wish I was as brave as you. Lacking that, I just try to minimize contact with mine
Nice video!! Im trying to do this things with some persons close to me and me, but what u said is great and to think back how we have helped others!! Great beard also haha
As always, this is a very useful video. The advice of challenging them, really works. I think some people complain, just to have anything to talk about. And if you ask them what facts they made their statements off, they often can't explain. Looking forward for more of that and of course more from TCC. BTW, I somehow really like that thumbnail. very unusual for you (in a good way).
Thumbnail was made by my brother, link to his ig in the description! And yeah i agree! Asking for facts is helpful
"lotus style, whatever..." 😂😂😂
You don't have many comic moments, but when you do, you do!
Haha ya I like to keep humor natural and never on queue.
I've been told I'm a fairly positive person, but I have two people like this in my life and as much as I love them, they can be exhausting and spending time with them can bring me down. Fortunately I also have people in my life who I consider mentors, people who are leading fulfilling lives, snd spending time with them is energizing.
It can be draining for sure. But keep it up!
A friend of mine has already been complaining for a year. There is no chance to improve or fix anything, not only does she want to take the advice but else she would like to put any effort to make the situation better. She likes complaining, she is tasting it, this is what I see...
SO TRUE SIR JUST COMPLAINT ABOUT EVERYTHING NEED TO PRAY I DON'T CARE TO HEAR HER PROBLEMS
I know a few people like this. I’m guilty of it myself on occasion. I try not to. I think there’s a deeper reason for me, and others, for doing this. I’m looking inside to find the reason so i can avoid doing it so i can deal with that first
We’re all a little guilty of this
Thank you very much for such important information.
Awesome and deep video, really great ❤
Lika always, classy and very interesting. Love it!
Could you do a video on some good books you have read? That is if you are a reader. Great video.
Bravo 👏
I recommend loving, find someone to go deep bonding with, if it lasts it lasts, if not, it's time well spent. We're too unsexual/unphysical.
When you're in touch with someone, you can give better feedback "guide" them to mutual pleasing harmony. That's one reason for the handshake, some cultures bid/negotiate while holding the handshake throughout.
If someone doesn't want your touches, it's dead.
I pretty much always enjoy your style and the topics you talk about, but this is just great advice for everyone. Definitely sticks out from your other videos, at least for me.
That’s interesting. I wonder what is different about this video! Thanks!
Venting constantly is not good for your HIPPOCAMPUS. Shrinks it
Pray the Rosary for meditation and other prayers.
Great video Jeff ! ! !
Life sucks. That's a given. No need to talk about it. Life has also many beautiful moments to offer. Talk about those.
great message! and awesome text / graphics
Thank you!
Uuugh.. the venter is INCREDIBLY hard to approach. I genuinely care and want the best for them. But even when you try providing solutions, as uncomfortable they might be, they aren’t looking for solutions. Most just want your sympathy and have no intention to change their environment that causes the trouble. If I see no attempt or genuine effort from them, then I won’t surround myself with the pointless complaining that just brings me down.
Thank you for this video, it was hard to hear it but i realised that i complain about almost everything.. even though it doesn‘t benefit me. It is time to make some changes 😏
good luck. first step is being aware, then just practice staying in observation of it!
That was my mom because she had a horrible marriage and had mental illness. I don't remember her ever being happy. She's gone now and I miss her but not all the negativity. 😢
I am in med school and everyone who I talk to just complains about their life and that’s literally the only way anyone around me converses this has made me soo negative and I don’t want to be this negative
Thx for the advice
One you should add to the list is the complainer who always thinks everyone who says anything to them is the complainer. The complainer about supposed complaints. I see that a lot today and I only noticed after these same types of people usually tried reallyyyyyy hard to get me to give them info about my life… Then they complained about how I was VENTING to them. No… I don’t actually want to talk to you at all… You’re asking for info you shouldn’t even be expecting to know and NOW you’re complaining? Weird…
true. i seen this.
I'm becoming a venter and it's starting to ruin my life.ive got to stop . It's like automatic for somreason ..from here on now I'm not going complain about anything ...
“The Conversationalist” is Reddit in a nutshell.
My neighbour complains alllllll the time.
I’ve officially cut her off. I saw her on the street and she ran over to COMPLAIN….omg.
The tipping scale was when I tried to redirect her, and I said “hey you must be excited about your upcoming vacation.” She lost it, and literally complained in a rant, then said GOOD NIGHT.”
She is an emotional vampire and from the moment on I have cut her off. I don’t miss her one bit…
First of all, I like this video & will be taking your different perspective on board to self-improve! Secondly though, coming from a therapy background, some parts of this video sounded a little close to emotional denial & repression. Most humans aren't logical Vulcans and will experience a wide gamut of emotions daily. Some folks (especially women) are "verbal processors" of said emotions - fitting into the venting category... chronic ventinf. There IS a logic and productivity from this, which also thankfully means there is an endpoint.😂 Once it is spoken out loud, it can be organized, even laughed at, and laid to rest. Venting here is a tool, not a mindset. From anecdotal experience, this is VERY healthy for women... and if their partners understand this and can guide the mechanism, it can turn into bantering sport more than trauma dumping.😂
interesting insight. I appreciate that and will add it to the understanding of woman and "venting/complaining".
Thank you for taking the time to inform.
Complainers believe that they are deep and thinkful and know better.
And if you aren't complaining, then you are a mindless drone.
The work place complainer..Individual. Goes to the clerk supervisor or direct Supvisor everytime .
Great content!
Thank you!
Hi I'm commenting on here because my husband just sent this to me… we've been having issues in our marriage. A lot of which do stem from him… he is using this to avoid any accountability and keeps pointing it at me as the issue to ALL problems… So my question to you is at what point does it no longer become somebody complaining through conversation and it's somebody using that as an excuse to not be a better person? I've been a therapy for years fixing my approaches and my own shortcomings… but there's been nothing coming out of him and yet it is still me? If you need further context, feel free to ask. I'm am open book.
That's an excellent question. I can only ASSUME my reply with limited knowledge, so maybe a back-and-forth may be needed. That being said, I think we have to start with the idea that you both are wired differently, and each has different goals, and forms of communicating.
You may be leaning towards communication and hoping to improve, where he hears it as an attack. His goal in life is most likely to have no problems and to have a smooth sailing and complaint-free life, as with 90% of men. Where you may see the world as something controllable and think that active conversation helps your paths. Both are right and wrong. However, I've read this is often the case between men and women. = Men want a problem-free life, and Women want progressive life. Men are problem-fixers. and if the problem doesn't seem to be a problem to us, then it could come off as complaints and annoying. That does NOT mean it's NOT a problem, it means it's not a problem to the PERSON!
Now that being said, my suggestion would to be try to communicate WHY it's important to you, state the problem, describe how the problem affects things, then STATE THE EXACT SOLUTION. When the problem is specific and measurable, then it's a request they can agree to or not, not a complaint. Complaints are empty requests with no determined specific and exact solution down to a T. Such as "clean out the garage." Instead of "I need you to do this with that old mower, and this with the paint cans, and dust this off, and make room for...." etc. Again, if you can't determine the specifics as the requester of the chor, for the reason you would state WHY you need it done, then you're simply complaining at THE STATE OF THINGS for no good reason. THERE NEEDS TO BE A REASON! in addition if a complaint expects the other party to take matters into their own hands. This is bound to get even messier because now there is a NEW responsibility to a person who didn't and probably continues to not see the relevance. This causes contempt and resentment.
LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO SPEAK ON THIS FURTHER!
@jeffreybuoncristiano Wow! This is honestly the most helpful response I've gotten- thank you, I'm still reading right now but wanted to type quick was I'm half-way through that you really hit the nail on the head. Expect another response in a minute 😊
@jeffreybuoncristiano OK, just finished. Yes, I agree that is something I'm working on and read about the different ways men vs women handle/ see things that are either stressful or a problem to them. Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus- highly recommend and is super helpful to understand the male perspective and even for understanding my own needs better. Anyways the communication factor of being short sweet to the point getting better, not perfect, but better than 2 years ago :)
Our issue lies in communication mainly, in specifics like parenting and setting appropriate boundaries. Our family is blended, and I honestly found myself through the years taking on the parental responsibility of guiding my stepdaughter and giving the attention/ guidance she needs. I can not do it all, though. There are simply some spots that require a dad/ tough love. I made it clear I'm not comfortable with constantly doing that while there is none coming from him- he is fun dad. Ive tried communicating my parental frustrations I find myself in when she isn't listening or tries to debate/ justify not doing a chore or responsibility of her own right away. I found myself many times asking, "Would you let her know I need time in my office and to not disturb me." This happens when I had enough time only socializing with my child and need my space. He responds with "I'll try, no promises." Lo and behold, I get a knock on the door, and it's her. I love her, just need space. There's been issues with boundaries with the Ex as well but its more in an inappropriate fashion of sometimes petty jealousy, encouraging cheating, and sticking her nose into our business WAY more than what I'm comfortable. All of which has been addressed in similar fashion, and I get met with "you're the problem, stop complaining." Nothing gets solved and it's always my fault... at some point I wonder why I even went to therapy (he asked me to, i cried a bit and found one right away in 2020), changed the way I communicate to him (which is no negative emotions ever- even if it is valid... super unrealistic and to me unhealthy). It's just been getting to a point where I've done all I could. Tbh, I've been feeling hopeless and started withdrawing. Somedays, if I need time to bond with him (I've been direct on it, "can we hang out together/ go on a date?" Anything we do/ say gets shared to (mainly) my stepdaughter of 11 and sometimes even the Ex... and I have said that this upsets me that there isn't just something for only us as a couple. It's always shared in one way or another. I just do not think my husband is aware of his lack of participation as a parent, let alone boundaries between the parents/ marriage and the child. I don't even think he's aware that the reason this communication problem continues, is because he's not reflected on his contribution to the cycle. I know where I stand, I need to work on space and knowing when to walk away. It used to be name calling, defensiveness, raising my voice and talking too fast... there's more I could mention on things he has done to contribute, but I'm so scared of his emotional/ physical reaction... honestly... it doesn't seem normal to me- and as I listened to this and the other videos on complaining... I thought he could benefit, as well as from accountability. It's one-sided in our marriage; he never does anything wrong that warrants someone to cry/ get upset with him or his actions... I hate talking like this, he is my husband and I love him and everything he's done for me... it's honestly the only thing I'm missing from him is the accountability
Sorry... I know it's a mouthful 😓 I think it's just my anxiety getting to me. Ngl I'm terrified of the reaction of what I've written from you- but that's not because of you or who you are. Thank you for responding back to me, and giving me more helpful tips so I can keep being a better wife
@@FattyCakezBunbunz What i'm hearing is a few things. correct me if i'm wrong.
You've tried a lot of different ways to communicate to him. So much resistance that he seems incapable of doing so PER REQUEST. (maybe he can at other times)
He has VERY different values and beliefs of what a parent should and shouldn't do for a child. and the roles each play.
There is the life he lived before you, and that affects you today.
I would ask you to think on a few things with that being said.
If he refuses to talk with you, and you can't speak with him on topics, could you simply turn the attention towards your self, and remove him from the situation and make all the decisions yourself?
Could you simply follow HIS lead. if he lets the child run amock with no regard for control, then do that. show him what happens. "I'm following your lead." Sometimes we don't see our own actions affect a situations.
Find out what his beliefs are on parenting and quality of life. Don't tell him yours. Just learn his. Keep your power. "Just curious." you'd say. This is what you would do to follow his lead. Less work for you. See what happens.
If you keep doing what you've been doing, you're going to keep getting the same results. You need to do something different. ANyhing different. I simply bouncing ideas off you. No one can say for certain for you, but you. But, i would challenge his beliefs and state of reality. The root here is each of you believe the other is wrong somehow. no matter how you confront each other, thinking their view is "wrong" is a loss before it starts. you have to think "Different" not "wrong". Then it's up to you two to come to a plan. again, your views are different, not wrong. Treat them as such.
Great video!
Thank you!
These ppl don't want solutions to their problems, they just want an emotional toilet
@@SusanDelgado1177 agree. I’ve even let him carry out what he believes will fix the situation but it’s really a set up for him to be right.
So he wanted this then he buys it to create a situation where he’s right. No winning.
Is it possible that I complain a lot about my husband’s complaining….
Infinite happiness is a total delusional trait.. that ruins people’s lives the most
This is fire
I realised that I complain about complaining, a lot.
haha well ya gotta cut that out!!!!
2:03 ventor
?
15:58
It seems like sometimes complaining is supposed to be unpleasant to drive off anyone who doesnt care enough
I fully disagree.
stop complaining about complainers.
I need my guy to see this... Oh geez, i dont want to hurt his man feelings but, he needs to buck up. Uggh
This was my last job all points
Just be vague around these
people
Complainer manages to win the tribuneral 😮😅. Won the argument.
Who would have thought. 🤔
💯
and if a person talks shit about others he is sick and needs help
Great beard btw
I'd just like to respectfully bring to your attention that you're literally complaining in this presentation. It was in the part about the conversationalist.
ok thank you
But... some people need a way to vent... and people to talk to.
I covered that. And no they don’t really need to vent. I know many many people who don’t. Also, venting is routed in desperation when they feel a lack of control. A Boss doesn’t vent, they just take care of the problem.
@@jeffreybuoncristiano True...
Nobody needs to vent . Not unless they are paying someone to listen .
- “Neuroscience research, run at Stanford University, demonstrated that being exposed to complaints peels out neurons in your hippocampus, which is the part of our brain devoted to problem solving. Basically it’s an Alzheimer-like effect. Therefore, listening to negative people drains energy out of you and makes you inept on the short-medium term. when you complain, your body releases the stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol shifts you into fight-or-flight mode, directing oxygen, blood and energy away from everything but the systems that are essential to immediate survival. One effect of cortisol, for example, is to raise your blood pressure and blood sugar so that you’ll be prepared to either escape or defend yourself. Throughout your brain there is a collection of synapses separated by empty space called the synaptic cleft. Whenever you have a thought, one synapse shoots a chemical across the cleft to another synapse, thus building a bridge over which an electric signal can cross, carrying along its charge the relevant information you're thinking about. Every time this electrical charge is triggered, the synapses grow closer together in order to decrease the distance the electrical charge has to cross.... The brain is rewiring its own circuitry, physically changing itself, to make it easier and more likely that the proper synapses will share the chemical link and thus spark together--in essence, making it easier for the thought to trigger. Every time this electrical charge is triggered, the synapses grow closer together in order to decrease the distance the electrical charge has to cross.... The brain is rewiring its own circuitry, physically changing itself, to make it easier and more likely that the proper synapses will share the chemical link and thus spark together--in essence, making it easier for the thought to trigger. When we see someone experiencing an emotion (be it anger, sadness, happiness, etc), our brain 'tries out' that same emotion to imagine what the other person is going through. And it does this by attempting to fire the same synapses in your own brain so that you can attempt to relate to the emotion you're observing. This is basically empathy. It is how we get the mob mentality.... It is our shared bliss at music festivals," Parton writes. "But it is also your night at the bar with your friends who love love love to constantly bitch. When your brain is firing off these synapses of anger, you're weakening your immune system; you're raising your blood pressure, increasing your risk of heart disease, obesity and diabetes, and a plethora of other negative ailments”