Deep Confidence: Overcome Your Fear Of Rejection
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- Опубліковано 19 січ 2014
- Increase your confidence.
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No matter who you are, rejection is inevitable.
Rejection is even more likely as you start to pursue goals and dreams that really matter to you. When you take an active stance towards your life, when you get out of the bleachers and onto the field, rejection can become a regular occurrence.
But we don't like rejection. It feels painful, uncomfortable, and embarrassing. We tend to conclude that it means something bad about us, that we did something terribly wrong.
We often think: If only I were smarter, quicker, or somehow better, then I could have prevented this rejection.
This mindset assumes that you should never be rejected, and if you are it means that you are somehow inadequate. In order to create the success and confidence you truly deserve, you must learn how to handle rejection.
Here are 3 better ways to manage this uncomfortable, yet inevitable, part of life:
1. Stop Personalizing!
Personalizing is when you conclude that the rejection was totally your fault and reflects your inadequacy. Somewhere in all of our minds we have learned this formula:
REJECTION = INADEQUATE
If someone rejects me, it means I'm bad, not good enough, and a not worthy.
In order to handle rejection more effectively you must change this formula, you must change what rejection means.
What else could rejection mean?
It could mean that you were not that person's preference, you aren't a good fit for that group, the other person is upset or hurting and in a bad mood. The key is to stop immediately swallowing the "rejection mean's I'm a loser" thought and to start actively seeking alternative meanings that don't involve personalizing.
2. Stay with the Disappointment
When you are really interested in someone and they don't want to go out with you, or when you really want a job and you don't get it, it is painful.
When you really want something and you are rejected, you will most likely experience a strong feeling of disappointment.
The key to handling rejection well is realizing that this feeling is natural and healthy. Of course you're disappointed -- that person, job, or goal really matters to you! Give yourself the space to really feel the disappointment.
Feel the sinking or heaviness in your chest or stomach. Feel the internal resistance to being rejected. Feel the sadness or tears behind your eyes.
The more you can simply feel the emotion without going into a story about why you weren't good enough, the more quickly it will pass through you. This disappointment can serve to remind you how meaningful it is to you to meet a partner or find your ideal job. It can also serve to strengthen and fuel you to pursue your dreams with a new passion and vigor.
3. Don't Give Up Prematurely!
For most people, the first response to even a hint of rejection is to give up. This happens because we can so quickly go to that place of I knew I wasn't good enough, why am I even trying this?
Stop personalizing!
Rejection does not mean you are inadequate. All it means is right now the person is saying no.
Rather than hastily throwing in the towel, see this is a temporary setback. Tap into your motivation, desire, drive, and passion for pursuing whatever it is you are pursuing.
Why do I want this? Why does it matter to me? Am I willing to do whatever it takes to get there??
From this place, try again. Ask questions. Tell the person what you want. See if you can convince them.
If it is a final no, then try again with another person, another job. So often we can get fixated on one particular person or situation, and forget that there are many ways to reach our goals.
Develop a persistence and an unreasonable unwillingness to give up.
Get Dr. Aziz's confidence building program here:
ConfidenceUnleashedNow.com
Get Dr. Aziz's book here:
SocialAnxietySolution - Навчання та стиль
Ya, i dont feel alive
Every once in a while I feel like I am dying inside, or dissapearing. I don't want to talk to people, share my opinions and just agree with anything. Because I don't want to argue them or confront them. I know that I shouldn't be avoiding confrontation but I just couldn't help myself. That's what makes me frustrating, and nervous. Point is that I understand now that it is not the way to do it. So great video from your channel. I really appreciate it.
And screw other people. Thanks.
So glad you got value from the video, and thanks for being here!
Your AWESOME man! I'm in high-school, and watching your videos have changed my social life DRASTICALLY! From becoming that lonely kid who just goes to school, and comes home; I'm now the most popular kid in my grade! I've tried the exercises you mention in this video, and they help a lot. Because of you, I'm popular and I'm dating the hottest girls in school, and my confidence is on a level I would have never imagined of not too long ago. Thank You!
Wow, that is incredible Brad! It sounds like you were bold and took ACTION, which allowed people to see the real you. You're the man!
if its true, im inspired
Damn, that is awesome. Im happy for you. However, im curious about something. Have you been rejected immensely at the start after applying these techniques? If you have, what have you done to overcome that rejection? It would be a great help to know.
if only this stuff was around back in the early 2000's when i was in school . im 29 and still have these issues. never had a girlfriend either.
why you lying
Worked with Aziz a few years ago during a workshop doing just this. Instantly shifted my understanding of confidence training. Highly recommend Dr. Aziz and his work!
Thank you so much Matt!
You're doing a great job Aziz, thanks
WHAT A GREAT IDEA WITH THESE SOCIAL experiments ,I REALLY LIKE THAT ,THANKS!!!!
dude your vids help so much thank you
more than 100%
Yes Dr.Aziz
Yes!
LIKE TO KEEP GETTING THIS
Hi dr. Aziz, do you have any other exercises to strengthen social confident like the friendly greeting you mentioned in the video? I have done it for 3 days and noticed a shift in my social skill, and I would love to have more exercises to be more confident because I love the way it feels😎😎😎 I can't thank you enough Dr. Aziz
Three days means you're just getting started! Do it daily and increase the number of people you speak to. Then increase the difficulty by only approaching those people that you find most difficult to speak to.
Moral of the story if you wanna overcome fear of rejection. Get rejected more
That can certainly be part of the process to move you forward.
He is Gd Doctor
Good advice, just try a better variation. Go to 20 different stores and ask 20 different salespeople about 20 different items. Try to find the cutest girls in the store. But always the people who work there so that it is no awkward.
Oh, and can still be awkward, trust me.
You spoke about 30 days training, but your site offer to download a book?! Wtf
Not sure what you mean, or asking Tom?
@@GetMoreConfidence 7:50 you said about 30 days training, emails every days.
Ah, that's a training product I use to have for sale on my site. It has now been replaced by Confidence University, which you can see here: www.TheConfidenceUniversity.com
Other ideas for embarrassing things: tampons, pads, enemas, laxatives, lubricant. This idea sounds mortifying. XD
:)
Its interesting how im a woman but yet im scared of talking to most other women. They are intimidating. Guys are easy to talk to. Girls are so judgemental. At least thats my expirience.
LOL a lot of guys experience that same feeling
He is Gd Doctor