Healing is an ongoing process. It’s like going to the gym. Don’t rush to the goal of being “fully healed”. Instead, enjoy the journey of healing. Let it become a way of life.
What she said! Lord I am still trying to wrap my head around that…. The persona I fell in love with was never real it was a mask this person wore. Thank You Lord for allowing me to heal and learn! 🙌🙌🙌
I left a marriage with nothing financially. But it was worth saving myself at 50 years old. The emotional pain of staying with him was worse than being homeless, unemployed and alone. It was years of learning to work through the grief. It has been fifteen years and I now have peace, contentment and happy. Being a survivor is not easy but attainable. Do not give up. You are worth it.
I think I know what you mean. It makes me laugh, really. It doesn't even faze these folks that, between *poverty* and *them* , that homelessness won out. I don't typically like the word 'loser' but if existential threat is more attractive than *you* what other word is there? You have to really, really, really suck for someone to choose starvation over you. 😂 ~ Besides, you can replace and upgrade stuff. The vulnerability bit is temporary. And it's far easier to recover without them. Lol
I'm really resisting the idea of leaving my fully paid house to get away from these abusive Narcissistic squatters. They won't leave, so I guess that means I have to? Talk about being a loser; that will make me homeless and them rich! Right now they're squandering my parents' inheritance, which I have to use to pay for the utilities they're using. If I leave my house, they will get to squander my children's inheritance as well. That is so unjust!
It’s so frustrating how others view me as being not forgiving or not empathic because I don’t want to be around the repeatedly abusive unapologetic abusers in the family. It’s so messed up:(
It definitely was like that when I was a kid/ young adult. Now I'm almost 50 and all my friends, health professionals, support system ( except 1 person) either met her or believed me. Please hang on to your truth. I believe you. We believe you. And narcissists can't hide forever. We are onto them.
Yes! They are great at making you feel like you're the problem. But really.. they are the problem for enabling abuse, not you! ❤ You know the truth. They can't take that from you 😊
You are not alone, I’m currently living the same injustice. I’m tired of telling people i don’t have a forgiving problem, forgiveness can only happen when there is true repentance!!
My trick dealing with a narc is always keep my facts straight. I don't lie to them, I don't lie to myself. I don't have hidden agenda, I don't play tricks on them, so when there is a confrontation, they cannot alter my reality. I know what are the facts and what are not, and their little guilt trips and gas-lighting tricks don't work.
Yes.....I call it to walk with LOVE......the truth. They will try to mess with it and confuse you. But you're not confused because you kept it straight the whole time.
I was married to a covert narcissist for 37 years and went through every emotion that you talked about worrying about who I was going to hurt and that’s the reason why I stayed for 37 years but when my kids finally grew up and moved out of the house, I decided enough is enough. I’m not going through this anymore and I left that was six years ago, some people did get mad at me. I believe my kids got mad at me because I feel that our relationship is different now. Sadly I believe my two daughters are narcissistic also and I went through the exact same thing with them as I did my ex-husband for years after I left I allowed them to treat me like their father did until recently. I put up some boundaries with them and no longer allow them to treat me the way they do That has changed our relationship. My one daughter has cut contact from me and my other daughter hardly ever talks to me anymore. It breaks my heart but I’ve got to keep thinking I know I’m doing the right thing for myself and keep those boundaries up to protect myself and know that I’m doing nothing wrong. I think my daughters got mad at me because I won’t allow them to treat me the way they did anymore and so that’s the reason why they’re not really talking to me anymore.
34 yrs for me... my adult kids have react and treated me just like their father did. I tried to end my life, he had pushed and abused me to that extent. To this day 15 mths later. They have not contacted me to ask my side or offer support. I contacted them and got yelled at, told I was mad and get help. This is the same words their father used on me. I have turned away, sadly I didn't have 1 Narc, I had his off spring too.
@@TheresaKerton2024 I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. You don’t deserve it. You’re doing nothing wrong. Always remember that it’s not you it’s them.Dr Ramani has a book out. I think it’s called. It’s not you. You should check into that. It’s a good book. I’m proud of you for stepping away and taking care of yourself, you’re doing great💕
My closure and justice are gained through the knowledge that they get to live with their miserable selves in on-going self inflicted negativity. Forever I get to live happy joyous and free and filled with gratitude for my life away from all that stress and drama and issues.
I'd just like to add that another difficult thing about leaving a toxic relationship like this is that there are always things about the person and the relationship that you loved that really hurt to leave behind. There are all the things that make a normal relationship painful to end, like the connection, the identity of being paired up/married, the things that you won't be able to get anywhere else. You have to leave because it will never get better and it will continue to destroy you, but it's not just the logistical factors or how others view you that makes leaving so painful. It's the love and the connection, that was never mutual but from your side were real and true.
Great point. I have to keep telling myself she wasn’t even real. But I still miss the connection I thought we shared the inside jokes and experiences. It’s a wild feeling
Lol. I was commenting but my narcissist hoover somehow through my Bluetooth on my phone so keywords initiate either a block in my signal or page back and erase.smh I just don't even blink anymore because it was making me look unstable when I speak about the gang stalking and monitoring and manipulation if my technology. Lol...smh, and it's barely been 4 weeks, but I initiated the no contact... and relieved the last text from him that said, "Okay, remember you said it, not me" I'm questioning all reality at this point and after 21/2 years off n on cycling through idealization devalue and discarding.... I think he is just getting started. But it's chess not checkers and he can't have my Queen 💯
Not to mention the fact, that sometimes these people can have a really good run, years of not flying off the handle, and then it gets bad again. Not that there weren’t things I was overlooking, times I didn’t feel like I was being listened to being argued with if I had a different opinion, but the really bad stuff wasn’t happening so there was a little room to have some thing of a relationship. But if anyone asked me how I liked the relationship, I would’ve been hard-pressed to say I loved the way I felt. But there’s a special set of circumstances when you’re giving up family, especially when it’s the last family member you have left. So you try and try to make it work, but it doesn’t really work, it only seems to work on their end. I just think there are different circumstances and it’s different when it’s family because people tend to try to “put up” with their families it’s what they’re expected to do, it’s what I was expected to do. You don’t often ask yourself hey how much do I like my relationship with my family member? And yet, it’s a relationship, like any other relationship, And as such, it can enhance your life or it can destroy you. And I guess one of the hardest parts is that you’re the only one who can decide if some thing is enhancing your life or destroying it. Micro aggression is aggression, and in my case Michael aggression would portend greater dangers ahead. Who mourns the loss of a relationship with someone was potentially dangerous? I do. Because there were so many moments when it wasn’t like that as well. Anyway, I’ve probably said the very same thing that was brilliantly said at the beginning of this comment thread. There is a difference when it comes to family. I’m not saying that it’s harder, I’m just saying that it’s different. With family, you imagine yourself having a relationship with them until the end. How do you come to terms with the fact that you probably can’t do that I won’t do that? It’s so painful
I'm still struggling with grief and loss in my daily life. I had to give up my old life to escape my narc mother, and lost everything in order to do that. I have no 'old' friends, or family in my life today, which is tough. Yes, I'm free from continued abuse, but that is only part of the healing process. Ultimately, I made huge sacrifices to take back my life. I have no regrets but the isolation is fierce. As for justice, and closure, I am letting go of that need, as to want it (from others) is too painful. My therapist and I provide it instead. Good luck, everyone, and thanks again, Dr Ramani
Well said. I have 1 family member and couple good friends from my old life but yeah. Had to move to different country and start from zero. It shows how amazing you are to be able to do that. Well done, and I'm sorry you had to go through that.
@@SkiSkateSmile thank you for your understanding. It's tough some days, but yeah, I'm proud of myself for finding the courage to escape. Sounds like you know what I'm talking about... stay strong 🤗
I certainly have my moments. I have to stop the sadness by remembering all the abusive and bullying events. And the passive aggression and the phony covert flying monkey who truly betrayed me. I lost a lot but what I thought it was, never was. And I knew it then but kept fooling myself. It’s a sad story but I’m glad they’re all away but sometimes I think I miss them and that’s the up and down of it all. But there’s no going back because they believe they are so superior and they could never say “I’m sorry.”
@@BL-sd2qw I hear you, I had to go on government assistance and sold a lot of stuff. My gentle offering is this : start by cultivating personal time, an hour a day or so. Complete on your time. No interruptions from anyone. this is the beginning. Where are you Nourish yourself, creating a safe bubble. Eventually, that bubble will grow when you set more boundaries. This is healing time, and this is where you start to get ideas of how to move forward safely ❤
Narcissistic Abuse Can Have Long Term Effects On A Person’s Mental Health Self Esteem Sense Of Self Victims May Also Have Difficulty Regulating Their Emotions Other Effects Are Cognitive Problems Such As Memory Loss. I Have Experienced This All From Narcissistic Abuse.I Am Finally Disconnecting From This Person!!
The grief is unreal, I have to step away every now and then to have a quick cry... I keep realizing another tragic thing every time I'm alone with my thoughts...
The lack of closure and justice is so upsetting. Stepping away and prioritizing my well being, finding safe supports who lift me up. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
The real pain was that you thought it was real and when that fantasy was destroyed, you stayed in it for vows, kids, etc. You never meant anything to them and were simple supply. To be mistreated in every way is painful
I’m fully submerged into the grieving process. Thinking of what I should do to make sure I never get thrown into this pit and go through anything like this ever again is at the forefront of my mind constantly.
Yes like an FBI agent slowly slowly checking every human out It's exhausting and sad how much offensive defense we have to do in order to Not walk into More abuse Omg humans you make me bawl my eyes out with your cruelty and egos and trauma and projections
These videos helped me see someone as a person with vulnerable narcissistic traits. Radically accepting that i was never going to do anything right and they wouldn't remember or appreciate what I was able to give them happened a month ago. It was so hard because I thought she loved me and I was being "too hard on her" when she was actively invalidating my feelings to my face and telling me what I "really" feel I broke down and cried but left without giving in to the guilt of preforming for her. She has been contacting me waaaay less and it feels like she's punishing me with peace. It was a hard wake up call but I needed it. Thank you for all you do. It's helping people like me see the world. 🎉❤🎉
My brother was slowly killed by his narcissist partner. She sucked the life out of him and emotionally abused him until he dropped dead. He didn't commit suicide. He collapsed from exhaustion, lack of sleep, and weight loss. We have tried to convince him to get away from the relationship. He was only worried about he shouldn't look "sick or weak" in front of her. He didn't want her to see that side of him. He was not allowed to be tired or sick. She made him feel that he was not enough, no matter what he did. It was always you need to do more. He went from extrovert and happy to the complete opposite. He still thought highly of her and didn't let go. Never would have imagined that she'd end his life. He was 30. Nothing can bring him back now, and of course she gets away with it. There are no laws to protect against this. She has no remorse. She doesn't understand the pain she caused to him and his family. If you are reading this comment, walk away while you're still alive. I couldn't save my brother but maybe my story can warn and save someone here.
My heart goes out for you and your family... Thank you to be brave to tell his sad story. I know this is true cause unfortunally, I know what that kind of people can do to decent ones. 😔 Your bro is in beautiful peace now and fulfilled with real, pure Love Take care 🩷
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry that your family went through all this. I am trying to gain the strength & courage to leave a marriage of 23 years… I am depressed & cry almost every day & wish I never met my narcissist husband, I wish I would have listened to my intuition when I had doubts before getting married
@@plants_dogs4life I'm sorry for what you're going through. When I read your comment I think about if I could go back in time and tell my brother "run, hide, go somewhere safe. Drop everything. Don't worry about your stuff she can have everything but don't let her take your life." After he's gone, all his friends tells us she is not sad. She's more concerned about the money she can get. She's also been calling some of his old friends whom she never talked before to tell them he died. They're shocked by the way she talking. You see, even after torturing him till his death, she still tries to find way to dishonor his memory. Today, I tell you take your IDs and passport and run as far as you can and don't look back. When you are somewhere safe, call the domestic violence hotline if you have one in your country. They can help you.
So sad to hear your story and thank you for sharing. I am in a narcissist relationship and I have experienced much of what you described. I have walked away today and lined up some therapy to start in the morning as I really do need help and support. It's hard walking away from a narcissist and staying away when all's we crave is their love and love them dearly, I'm so sorry for your loss and pain 😢
I attended a memorial service for a long time friend yesterday. I was so stressed out wondering if my ex narc would show up that I couldn’t be present. My thoughts after being no contact and divorced for 7 years are “when will this end?” I just want him to be completely out of my life in every way so I can continue to heal. This video will help me to let it go and be with what is, count my blessings, and be in appreciation for the peace that I do have most of the time.
To know that Dr. Ramani’s content is inspiring healing and restoration in so many lives, including my own, makes me feel connected to you all. I love you all and pray for your recovery.
لا تقع ضحية المثالية المفرطة وتعتقد بأن قول الحقيقة سوف يقرّبك من الناس، الناس تحبّ وتكافئ من يستطيع تخديرها بالأوهام، منذ القدم والبشر لا تعاقب إلاّ من يقول الحقيقة، إذا أردت البقاء مع الناس شاركها أوهامها، الحقيقة يقولها من يرغبون في الرحيل!
This is how I felt at a family dinner where I feel super uncomfortable and unsafe due to their behaviour. I don’t want to be around it, it’s caused me so much pain. Focusing on what’s best for me. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Thank you, Dr. Ramani for your amazing work. Please never stop explaining and supporting The Survivors. Your authenticity is screaming. You yourself must have been through a lot. You really-really truly understand all of it. You know how the pain eats you up from the inside. My story is very special as probably many survivors would agree. I questioned myself so much but I know deeply know that I am a good person. I understood quite soon after the final breakup that there cannot be closure. The narcissist continues with his lies, distortions and keeps on creating the familiar confusion. So I got that part but what really frightened me were my thoughts in the most angry phases. I did fantasize about the PERSON becoming fatally ill and slowly die in agony. That is scary because I never wish ever anyone harm but in those moments I did wish HIM the worst. That brings me to the topic of forgiveness. I don't even try to forgive him for causing me so much pain. Instead I turn it around and say to myself that I must forgive myself for not knowing, for being the naive caring and loving woman, for letting him into my life, letting him invade my heart, my soul and my brain and take up so much space, living almost no room for myself to exist, to breath. Thank you, Dr. Ramani. You are my only help at the moment and it means the world.❤
I was both cursed & blessed with ex malignant narcissist being violent as I got justice in the form of a safety order & he being compelled to leave the family home It was a welcome respite until the love bombing and hovering started all over again It was a slow process to finally disentangle myself, The grieving happened gradually through the years, and the final one I had achieved radical acceptance Therapy has been a tough healing journey but is so worth it, and this UA-cam channel with DrRamini has both educated me and saved my sanity I am so very grateful for this community.
@norahampt... I stared at him directly and each time he made an offer of assistance to me I flatly kept responding with the word "No" He never bothered me with text or email He was being careful in case I would ever show abusive txts/emails to the courts as he had already had a history of violence which the courts had on his file Don't ever fall for the love bombing as its just rinse lather repeat when you take them back I also block them Wishing you every good wish for happy new beginnings ❤
Ask them to do something for you. Something small. Something you would do for them with no hesitation. If they are narcissistic or otherwise toxic, it will ALWAYS go at least 1 of 4 ways (though sometimes these reactions may compound): They will act as though they didn’t hear you. Depending on how long you’ve been in the relationship, you may ask again. If it’s been long enough, you’re likely to drop the request right then and there. They will promise to do it, but never follow through. If you ask again or remind them, they will usually have some kind of excuse. In these cases, they will still never actually fulfill their promise. Their excuse is not a reason for lagging, it is the reason they should be absolved from all expectation whatsoever. Often this excuse will be meaningless or an outright lie.If you don’t buy their excuse, and tell them so, you will experience the wonderful segue into reaction. An argument will ensue The argument will be your fault. It could be a small back and forth contending against your request, or it might quickly devolve into them screaming at you. You never know which it will be. They might even say outright that you should never ask or expect anything from them. Usually they will express that you are asking too much, hurting them in some way (financially, emotionally, insulting them, etc), or attack your character. The argument will only end when you relinquish your request + apologize, or start ignoring them completely. If you can ignore them long enough, they may apologize to you. However, the conflict will never feel truly resolved. At this juncture they may actually end up giving you what you asked for. Often this does require you admitting that you don’t really need it, or that you would be fine with what they suggested instead. This leads us to reaction They give you what you asked for, BUT There is ALWAYS a catch. It might be small. They show up late with no apology. They buy you what you wanted, but it’s the wrong color, model, brand, etc. They take you where you wanted to go, but pressure you the whole time you’re getting ready because you’re going to be sooo late. Then they want to leave early anyway. It might be worse. They do it out of anger, and make a big display out of it to scare/hurt you. They hold it over your head until you do something for them first. Or, later on, they use it against you. “I did x for you, so you should do y for me.” No matter what, you never actually feel fulfilled, happy, or loved when they do something for you. Somehow, even from the getgo, there was this deep-seated feeling of guilt and fear, this sense that the “special” things they were doing for you weren’t so special at all. Eventually, you become afraid to ask for anything. You’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve nothing. Ironically, or not, the less demands you make, the worse you will be treated. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done digitalinvestigate@gmail.com
Omfg this is Exactly what my covert narc does.... down to the letter Any gift actually feels like a curse and a burden The breadcrumbs still leave you malnourished
My ex wife loved if it rained on my walk to work! Having said, "I'm not driving you, I'm not leaving 15 mins earlier when I don't need to be just sitting at my work." And had already said no to being a Canadian reference, as I sought work. I immigrated for her btw!
I think I did more damage staying for the children 😢 They all have hate in their hearts and I can't fix how the X made them feel . They are all adult children now but definitely feel alot of guilt for staying to long. I pray everyone gets away safely . God loves us all ❤
some times we need to fast, not only from food but from many things. i think it's good to become aware and slowly ease back into life, little by little, while protecting ourselves along the way but also in finding people to trust and connect with again 🙏
when the pain of remaining the same exceeds the pain of change, its an individual choice and both are painful. Focus on yourself care is all we can do to get through. Ty Dr. Ramini.
What sticks in my mind more and more these days is how much I can't or ever should go back to him. While I get 'Euphoric Recall' every day, and ruminating thoughts of all the times I went back I remember so much the abuse I received and how I felt and that stops the rumination. It's a balancing act each day with my feelings, but I do see a light at the end if the Tunnel and I get on with the 'work' without thinking. 🍒
You are spot on yet again! Radical acceptance is essentially a death of that relationship. A relationship that you fought to save, and gave your all to, and changed yourself for. Relationship death, the abrupt change and permanence, the scary new existence, and the fear of just how sick might this narcissistic stranger be, such as, could he be a Scott Peterson or Chris Watts?, are frightening to someone who’s been beat down and confused. The thing that continued to keep me hoping was that every time we were with friends or family, I’d see my man! The one I fell for! He was right there in front of me smiling, laughing, conversing, and connecting with everyone else in the room…and then we’d get in the car to silence or ugly tones or cruel comments. Then I would internalize the problem as being me, and I’d agonize because I just couldn’t understand where I went wrong. It had to be me. Narcissism is sick and it’s viscous! I’m so thankful for this content that you put out to educate people like me. Thank you Dr. Ramani
Unfortunately I didn't know anything about this 30 years ago. I'm finally free and Single after 30 years of a physically and mentally abusive marriage. Being it was 30 years, I will definitely wait a year of not 3 to heal. It's been a long journey of grief, pain literally but getting better. The promises he made to Me when I married him he obviously backed out of. I never had the child of My lifetime dream. I should have left then, but there were reasons I didn't out of love for his daughter which I regret as We have no relationship now. I could go on but, My main point is I have listened to this video 4 X now and taken notes. This was extremely informative and helpful as to where I'm at in My healing process. Thank you Dr. Ramani for all you do to help Us all learn how to heal and become the best version of Our New Self ✨️ ❤️ 😊 I wish all the Suvivors out there the best and if you can leave before you've lost 30 years, RUN!!! They're not worth the pain it will cause you for years to come. ❤ 🙏 ✨️ You can Do this!!! Men and Women! You are all worth everything you deserve 💛
Ima keep commenting: Dam Dr Ramani she hits home every time like that women knows exactly what's going on and slaps me with a reality check! I love ❤️ her!
@DoctorRamani I'm reading your book "it's not you", and follow your videos. Your work has lifted a heavy weight from my heart, there's more joy in my life. Thanks for helping us navigate this confusing and difficult experience ❤
Over3 yrs post narc, no contact. Had to move far away. New apt, new city, all alone. Then I was feeling with the pain and grief. I did have a therapist. All this almost took me out!!!
I thank "god" that I understand narcissism (even a little bit) in this day and age!!!! Thank you so much!!!! I feel protected (bc at least I understand reality...)👍❤❤❤
Thank you for all of your videos, education, advice & support. You helped me survive & thrive this past year & a 1/2. I left & divorced my narc while I also spent this time working on healing. Thank you!
This bag of pain video is unbelievably helpful. I immediately feel less self judgment around some new decisions I had already made recently. Now I understand I’m just choosing the less painful path. Before this video, I felt a little judgmental of myself and questioning it. Thanks so much . 💜
That’s why I left. I tried to cope with this but I couldn’t overlook all of this. Once I lost my trust I can’t be back, I mean at least a narc who thinks he’s always right! Sometimes I cry out of guilt but videos like this remind me to stay strong !
Dr Ramani I can't tell you how grateful I am for your channel. Two years ago you helped me realize in what kind of situation I was and it's now 7 months later (from over 14 years of a relationship) and I find myself still hurting, as you say, bruises heal but memory lingers. Your videos alone have helped me getting out of a toxic relationship and even now help me heal in ways you can't imagine. Thank you.
1. Pain is inevitable. You just choosing right one for you. 2. There will likely be no closure or justice. Radically accept. 3. Grief is essential. No growth without grieving what was done or never happened in the first place. 4. Dating gonna be hard and messy. Get yourself time to heal. 4.
Dr Ramani’s content is always brilliant but sometimes there is a video that might as well described my life to a tee. And this is one of them. This is what happened to me and the advice I needed right now. Thank you for making this wonderful advice available for free.
Thank you so much Dr! Your videos have helped me put a stop to this 38 year journey! If it wasn't for you I would still fill like I was going crazy and thinking I was being punished my whole life for something I have never done.
Thank you Dr Ramani. Grieving going no contact with narcissistic mother and leaving a decades long toxic friendship. This gives me peace of mind of what I’m experiencing and feeling.
أمي إمرأة صالحة، حُق لها أن تكون الجنة تحت أقدامها، لم تعش يومًا واحدًا تفكر في نفسها، أفنت روحها في إسعاد كل من حولها، لم أرى إنسانًا راضي كأمي، لم أعاشر قلبًا متسامحًا كقلبها ولا أظن أن أحدًا غيرها يملك كل هذا القدر من الرضا والتسليم بقضاء الله، الله يحب أمي ويحبني لأنه جعلها أمي. ❤ فرحة عطية.
Thank you🌺 You describe perfectly the relationships with narcissistic people, and all that comes with it. Im 48, i wish i could hear your exact comforting words when i was much younger...you are great.love you🩷Ravit
So many of my decisions as a young person involved completely neglecting my own needs and feelings. Even now that I know it’s my responsibility to take care of myself, it’s still not my first inclination. But now that I’m older, I take more time to really weigh my needs over the expectations of others.
Amazing video. Incredibly helpful. I find justice in the fact a narcissist ( mother dearest in my case) can never be truly happy and free. I can. She lives in shame and fear. I can heal. I find justice in living my life to the fullest in freedom, self love, self compassion and fearless . It might not be justice in legal/ consequences sense but it does work for me :). It's been hard work, but it is the best in "your face mother" justice ( without ever telling her anything of course). Went to visit my beloved aging father ( difficult visit) and it was very satisfying to see her pathetic helplessness as she made an absolute ass of herself while I hanged on to my freedom, dignity and joy. In your face, mother! That's for all the absolute helplessness and torture you put me through . Thank you Dr Ramani and everyone in this community for the empowerment. The very best wishes to all my fellow survivors.
This man verbally and emotionally abused me and I was getting so sick physically, yet I always blame myself till today it's been 9 months and I feel like my wounds are just opening and I'm tired of the grief, financially he left me in a mess and yet I blame myself for the things I was bullied into.. He is completely happy where he is and I sit and ask myself what is it about me that fell for someone like this, it's hard man, so hard 💔💔
This resonates deeply... which path of pain do I want to go down !!! Living so many forms of pain from my recent exit from a toxic relationship 🙃 😢💔... one of the most painful and emotionally conflicting paths to endure 💝💯
We have to manifest the closure and the Justice within our selves. This happened For me through understanding and being open to letting go of anything outside of myself.
This is one of the most fulfilling videos i’ve seen, I have watched many many videos of Dr. R and others but this pretty much sums up the process and experience of narcissistic relationships. Thank you for always giving me hope and knowledge❤
Thanks for acknowledging that the pain will be there either way during or after a narc relationship. And that empathic people have a hard time stopping caring for the narc, even after it is over.
You're really just speaking to my life in this video. I finally cut off my mom and in doing so, lost my dad and one of my sisters. The other sister has tried to keep peace between us which really just leaves me feeling gaslit and sad often. After two months, I finally feel happy more often than immensely guilty. What helped was having my mother in law and friends to depend on and spend time with. Good luck to anyone who reads this. It's pain either way. Just know you did/are doing your best.
TY for validating grief today. I know at times grief was overwhelming but now I actually see a path in the right direction. The narc tore me down thankfully not to his level. His addictions & sexuality issues are no longer my burden. Such a sad man. Grateful everyday to be free & working my way back to me💪🏻👍🏻
Thank you. For acknowledging how hard and lonely this trudge has been. I’ll Keep going. It’s still better than living in the abuse. That’s the word I was waiting to hear you said it. I’m now confirmed. Unfortunately. Thank you again for being such huge part of transition.
Didn’t think possible, but my closure (not complete) has come from the painful radical acceptance and wisdom of what I was even dealing with, I’ve learned from your videos….. Words cannot express how thankful I am for you and all the information you share ❤︎ Strong struggle I am now dealing with, is how to “find myself”…. Who am I now after 20 years of the unknown narcissistic abuse?
Wow you really explained what I’m going through well! Thank you for posting this -it gave me such comfort as well as hope for a truly loving , fun and safe intimate relationship 🙏💕💫
After coming out of a narc relationship 22 years ago, it's amazing what you refuse to put up with or even tolerate in a new relationship. Haven't found that women yet. Maybe one day. Happy to be alone and happy.
Healing is an ongoing process. It’s like going to the gym. Don’t rush to the goal of being “fully healed”. Instead, enjoy the journey of healing. Let it become a way of life.
Very true, find things for you , what brings you back to you.
Absolutely 💯 agree!! Thank you and blessings to you 🙏
Sooo true
Wow what a way of putting it♥️♥️🙏
Yes yes yes. Healing is a journey that is well worth taking
Missing a person who never was is a weird kind of pain
Yeah....❤ its a very weird pain
What she said! Lord I am still trying to wrap my head around that…. The persona I fell in love with was never real it was a mask this person wore. Thank You Lord for allowing me to heal and learn! 🙌🙌🙌
@@RavnThor❤🙏
❤🙏
So true
I left a marriage with nothing financially. But it was worth saving myself at 50 years old. The emotional pain of staying with him was worse than being homeless, unemployed and alone. It was years of learning to work through the grief. It has been fifteen years and I now have peace, contentment and happy. Being a survivor is not easy but attainable. Do not give up. You are worth it.
I think I know what you mean. It makes me laugh, really. It doesn't even faze these folks that, between *poverty* and *them* , that homelessness won out. I don't typically like the word 'loser' but if existential threat is more attractive than *you* what other word is there? You have to really, really, really suck for someone to choose starvation over you. 😂
~ Besides, you can replace and upgrade stuff. The vulnerability bit is temporary. And it's far easier to recover without them. Lol
Me too I left the house as my 18 year old son was living there also ...I had to get out ..with only suitcases
Thank you. I’m just left. I’m 41, homeless, unemployed, and terrified.
@@ebrenniedo you have kids ? Im
I'm really resisting the idea of leaving my fully paid house to get away from these abusive Narcissistic squatters. They won't leave, so I guess that means I have to? Talk about being a loser; that will make me homeless and them rich! Right now they're squandering my parents' inheritance, which I have to use to pay for the utilities they're using. If I leave my house, they will get to squander my children's inheritance as well. That is so unjust!
It’s so frustrating how others view me as being not forgiving or not empathic because I don’t want to be around the repeatedly abusive unapologetic abusers in the family. It’s so messed up:(
You are not alone, there are people who believe and understand you.
It definitely was like that when I was a kid/ young adult. Now I'm almost 50 and all my friends, health professionals, support system ( except 1 person) either met her or believed me. Please hang on to your truth. I believe you. We believe you. And narcissists can't hide forever. We are onto them.
I completely know what you mean. Me too.
Yes! They are great at making you feel like you're the problem.
But really.. they are the problem for enabling abuse, not you! ❤ You know the truth. They can't take that from you 😊
You are not alone, I’m currently living the same injustice. I’m tired of telling people i don’t have a forgiving problem, forgiveness can only happen when there is true repentance!!
My trick dealing with a narc is always keep my facts straight. I don't lie to them, I don't lie to myself. I don't have hidden agenda, I don't play tricks on them, so when there is a confrontation, they cannot alter my reality. I know what are the facts and what are not, and their little guilt trips and gas-lighting tricks don't work.
So true 👍
It’s so exhausting
Then I have a PROFESSIONAL in my life.
I'm his 60z and still lying, cheating, etc.
He doesn't care who he hurts and continues to make himself happy.
Yes.....I call it to walk with LOVE......the truth. They will try to mess with it and confuse you. But you're not confused because you kept it straight the whole time.
💯
So true! No closure and no justice. That's the answer. There is none. Thank you, Dr. Ramani. Appreciate your work more than words can ever say!
I was married to a covert narcissist for 37 years and went through every emotion that you talked about worrying about who I was going to hurt and that’s the reason why I stayed for 37 years but when my kids finally grew up and moved out of the house, I decided enough is enough. I’m not going through this anymore and I left that was six years ago, some people did get mad at me. I believe my kids got mad at me because I feel that our relationship is different now. Sadly I believe my two daughters are narcissistic also and I went through the exact same thing with them as I did my ex-husband for years after I left I allowed them to treat me like their father did until recently. I put up some boundaries with them and no longer allow them to treat me the way they do That has changed our relationship. My one daughter has cut contact from me and my other daughter hardly ever talks to me anymore. It breaks my heart but I’ve got to keep thinking I know I’m doing the right thing for myself and keep those boundaries up to protect myself and know that I’m doing nothing wrong. I think my daughters got mad at me because I won’t allow them to treat me the way they did anymore and so that’s the reason why they’re not really talking to me anymore.
You should be proud of yourself! Keep those boundaries!
34 yrs for me... my adult kids have react and treated me just like their father did. I tried to end my life, he had pushed and abused me to that extent. To this day 15 mths later. They have not contacted me to ask my side or offer support. I contacted them and got yelled at, told I was mad and get help. This is the same words their father used on me. I have turned away, sadly I didn't have 1 Narc, I had his off spring too.
@@TheresaKerton2024 I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. You don’t deserve it. You’re doing nothing wrong. Always remember that it’s not you it’s them.Dr Ramani has a book out. I think it’s called. It’s not you. You should check into that. It’s a good book. I’m proud of you for stepping away and taking care of yourself, you’re doing great💕
@@dawnbp845 Thank you.
Well done
My closure and justice are gained through the knowledge that they get to live with their miserable selves in on-going self inflicted negativity. Forever
I get to live happy joyous and free and filled with gratitude for my life away from all that stress and drama and issues.
Yes!!!
I'd just like to add that another difficult thing about leaving a toxic relationship like this is that there are always things about the person and the relationship that you loved that really hurt to leave behind. There are all the things that make a normal relationship painful to end, like the connection, the identity of being paired up/married, the things that you won't be able to get anywhere else. You have to leave because it will never get better and it will continue to destroy you, but it's not just the logistical factors or how others view you that makes leaving so painful. It's the love and the connection, that was never mutual but from your side were real and true.
Very well said. Thank you 🌻
💯 ❤
Great point. I have to keep telling myself she wasn’t even real. But I still miss the connection I thought we shared the inside jokes and experiences. It’s a wild feeling
Lol. I was commenting but my narcissist hoover somehow through my Bluetooth on my phone so keywords initiate either a block in my signal or page back and erase.smh I just don't even blink anymore because it was making me look unstable when I speak about the gang stalking and monitoring and manipulation if my technology. Lol...smh, and it's barely been 4 weeks, but I initiated the no contact... and relieved the last text from him that said, "Okay, remember you said it, not me" I'm questioning all reality at this point and after 21/2 years off n on cycling through idealization devalue and discarding.... I think he is just getting started. But it's chess not checkers and he can't have my Queen 💯
Not to mention the fact, that sometimes these people can have a really good run, years of not flying off the handle, and then it gets bad again. Not that there weren’t things I was overlooking, times I didn’t feel like I was being listened to being argued with if I had a different opinion, but the really bad stuff wasn’t happening so there was a little room to have some thing of a relationship. But if anyone asked me how I liked the relationship, I would’ve been hard-pressed to say I loved the way I felt. But there’s a special set of circumstances when you’re giving up family, especially when it’s the last family member you have left. So you try and try to make it work, but it doesn’t really work, it only seems to work on their end. I just think there are different circumstances and it’s different when it’s family because people tend to try to “put up” with their families it’s what they’re expected to do, it’s what I was expected to do. You don’t often ask yourself hey how much do I like my relationship with my family member? And yet, it’s a relationship, like any other relationship, And as such, it can enhance your life or it can destroy you. And I guess one of the hardest parts is that you’re the only one who can decide if some thing is enhancing your life or destroying it. Micro aggression is aggression, and in my case Michael aggression would portend greater dangers ahead. Who mourns the loss of a relationship with someone was potentially dangerous? I do. Because there were so many moments when it wasn’t like that as well. Anyway, I’ve probably said the very same thing that was brilliantly said at the beginning of this comment thread. There is a difference when it comes to family. I’m not saying that it’s harder, I’m just saying that it’s different. With family, you imagine yourself having a relationship with them until the end. How do you come to terms with the fact that you probably can’t do that I won’t do that? It’s so painful
I'm still struggling with grief and loss in my daily life. I had to give up my old life to escape my narc mother, and lost everything in order to do that. I have no 'old' friends, or family in my life today, which is tough. Yes, I'm free from continued abuse, but that is only part of the healing process. Ultimately, I made huge sacrifices to take back my life. I have no regrets but the isolation is fierce. As for justice, and closure, I am letting go of that need, as to want it (from others) is too painful. My therapist and I provide it instead. Good luck, everyone, and thanks again, Dr Ramani
Well said. I have 1 family member and couple good friends from my old life but yeah. Had to move to different country and start from zero. It shows how amazing you are to be able to do that. Well done, and I'm sorry you had to go through that.
@@SkiSkateSmile thank you for your understanding. It's tough some days, but yeah, I'm proud of myself for finding the courage to escape. Sounds like you know what I'm talking about... stay strong 🤗
@@MirAndHer thank you, you too :)
I certainly have my moments. I have to stop the sadness by remembering all the abusive and bullying events. And the passive aggression and the phony covert flying monkey who truly betrayed me. I lost a lot but what I thought it was, never was. And I knew it then but kept fooling myself. It’s a sad story but I’m glad they’re all away but sometimes I think I miss them and that’s the up and down of it all. But there’s no going back because they believe they are so superior and they could never say “I’m sorry.”
Thanks Dr. Ramani! I feel better after listening to you.
if you can walk away, This will stop the struggling and will begin the healing.
I walked out today. Today my healing starts.😢
@@elizabethcoyoc2489 Bravo, it’s a journey of finally putting yourself first in a healthy way.
Hello you, the world has missed you, welcome back ❤️
@@IAMTHATIAM-ny5ci Amen
I wish I could, but I'm financially trapped. I wish we had better support systems for this
@@BL-sd2qw I hear you, I had to go on government assistance and sold a lot of stuff.
My gentle offering is this : start by cultivating personal time, an hour a day or so. Complete on your time. No interruptions from anyone. this is the beginning. Where are you Nourish yourself, creating a safe bubble. Eventually, that bubble will grow when you set more boundaries. This is healing time, and this is where you start to get ideas of how to move forward safely ❤
Narcissistic Abuse Can Have Long Term Effects On A Person’s Mental Health Self Esteem Sense Of Self Victims May Also Have Difficulty
Regulating Their Emotions Other Effects Are Cognitive Problems Such As Memory Loss.
I Have Experienced This All From Narcissistic Abuse.I Am Finally Disconnecting From This Person!!
Please tell me how to do that too! I don't know what to do anymore.
@@nina2592Coming Outta A Narcissistic Relationship Is Very Hard I Started Reading Looking At Videos Praying To God And Crying Helps With Healing
Yes. It is very real.
OMG..I can't even get thru a simple process anymore...I freaking hate him so much.
I've recently began noticing issues with my memory...
The grief is unreal, I have to step away every now and then to have a quick cry... I keep realizing another tragic thing every time I'm alone with my thoughts...
I understand completely 😢 it's just horrific, I can't believe the grief I'm in. We'll get through this ❤
Doctor Ramani is definitely a blessing in this world of lies and illusions. Thanks God for this woman's existence.
The lack of closure and justice is so upsetting. Stepping away and prioritizing my well being, finding safe supports who lift me up. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
The real pain was that you thought it was real and when that fantasy was destroyed, you stayed in it for vows, kids, etc. You never meant anything to them and were simple supply. To be mistreated in every way is painful
I’m fully submerged into the grieving process. Thinking of what I should do to make sure I never get thrown into this pit and go through anything like this ever again is at the forefront of my mind constantly.
Yes like an FBI agent slowly slowly checking every human out
It's exhausting and sad how much offensive defense we have to do in order to Not walk into More abuse
Omg humans you make me bawl my eyes out with your cruelty and egos and trauma and projections
These videos helped me see someone as a person with vulnerable narcissistic traits. Radically accepting that i was never going to do anything right and they wouldn't remember or appreciate what I was able to give them happened a month ago. It was so hard because I thought she loved me and I was being "too hard on her" when she was actively invalidating my feelings to my face and telling me what I "really" feel I broke down and cried but left without giving in to the guilt of preforming for her. She has been contacting me waaaay less and it feels like she's punishing me with peace. It was a hard wake up call but I needed it. Thank you for all you do. It's helping people like me see the world.
🎉❤🎉
I hope that everyone is doing well and healing from whatever you are going through.❤
My brother was slowly killed by his narcissist partner. She sucked the life out of him and emotionally abused him until he dropped dead. He didn't commit suicide. He collapsed from exhaustion, lack of sleep, and weight loss. We have tried to convince him to get away from the relationship. He was only worried about he shouldn't look "sick or weak" in front of her. He didn't want her to see that side of him. He was not allowed to be tired or sick. She made him feel that he was not enough, no matter what he did. It was always you need to do more. He went from extrovert and happy to the complete opposite.
He still thought highly of her and didn't let go. Never would have imagined that she'd end his life. He was 30. Nothing can bring him back now, and of course she gets away with it. There are no laws to protect against this. She has no remorse. She doesn't understand the pain she caused to him and his family.
If you are reading this comment, walk away while you're still alive. I couldn't save my brother but maybe my story can warn and save someone here.
My heart goes out for you and your family... Thank you to be brave to tell his sad story. I know this is true cause unfortunally, I know what that kind of people can do to decent ones. 😔
Your bro is in beautiful peace now and fulfilled with real, pure Love
Take care 🩷
@@Claiire-vn5rh Thank you for your comforting words!! ♥
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry that your family went through all this.
I am trying to gain the strength & courage to leave a marriage of 23 years… I am depressed & cry almost every day & wish I never met my narcissist husband, I wish I would have listened to my intuition when I had doubts before getting married
@@plants_dogs4life I'm sorry for what you're going through. When I read your comment I think about if I could go back in time and tell my brother "run, hide, go somewhere safe. Drop everything. Don't worry about your stuff she can have everything but don't let her take your life." After he's gone, all his friends tells us she is not sad. She's more concerned about the money she can get. She's also been calling some of his old friends whom she never talked before to tell them he died. They're shocked by the way she talking. You see, even after torturing him till his death, she still tries to find way to dishonor his memory.
Today, I tell you take your IDs and passport and run as far as you can and don't look back. When you are somewhere safe, call the domestic violence hotline if you have one in your country. They can help you.
So sad to hear your story and thank you for sharing. I am in a narcissist relationship and I have experienced much of what you described. I have walked away today and lined up some therapy to start in the morning as I really do need help and support. It's hard walking away from a narcissist and staying away when all's we crave is their love and love them dearly, I'm so sorry for your loss and pain 😢
I attended a memorial service for a long time friend yesterday. I was so stressed out wondering if my ex narc would show up that I couldn’t be present. My thoughts after being no contact and divorced for 7 years are “when will this end?” I just want him to be completely out of my life in every way so I can continue to heal. This video will help me to let it go and be with what is, count my blessings, and be in appreciation for the peace that I do have most of the time.
JUSTICE means that something was made right.
CLOSURE is just getting the information or acknowledgement you need to move forward.
It’s so tough when it’s your kid. But I won’t be held hostage another minute.25 years is enough. Thanks Dr Ramani.🐾😎♥️🙏
I'm so sorry. I thought having narc mother was bad but when it's your child must be so much harder. Hang in there. Sending you my best wished. ❤
To know that Dr. Ramani’s content is inspiring healing and restoration in so many lives, including my own, makes me feel connected to you all. I love you all and pray for your recovery.
0:21 There will always be pain
9:21 You may not get closure or justice
17:20 Grief is inevitable
27:03 Dating won't be easy
Thank you
لا تقع ضحية المثالية المفرطة وتعتقد بأن قول الحقيقة سوف يقرّبك من الناس، الناس تحبّ وتكافئ من يستطيع تخديرها بالأوهام، منذ القدم والبشر لا تعاقب إلاّ من يقول الحقيقة، إذا أردت البقاء مع الناس شاركها أوهامها، الحقيقة يقولها من يرغبون في الرحيل!
Yeah that really hits home. A lot of wisdom there.
الأكثر رعباً من العمى، هو أن تكون الوحيد الذي يرى. - جوزيه ساراماغو
Uau! Good one. 😊
There are others who see, it's rare but they're out there.
This is how I felt at a family dinner where I feel super uncomfortable and unsafe due to their behaviour. I don’t want to be around it, it’s caused me so much pain. Focusing on what’s best for me. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Living with a narcissist was rarely, "Home Sweet Home" it's more like the "Hurt Locker"
Hi
Did shallon Lester make up that term hurt locker?
This is (toxic) prison.
Or sleeping with the enemy.
Wow, that punched me in the gut.
Really needed to hear this tonight. Makes sooo much sense.
JUSTICE is not always a guarantee of CLOSURE and vice versa.
Justice helps most folks move on.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani for your amazing work. Please never stop explaining and supporting The Survivors.
Your authenticity is screaming. You yourself must have been through a lot.
You really-really truly understand all of it.
You know how the pain eats you up from the inside.
My story is very special as probably many survivors would agree.
I questioned myself so much but I know deeply know that I am a good person.
I understood quite soon after the final breakup that there cannot be closure. The narcissist continues with his lies, distortions and keeps on creating the familiar confusion.
So I got that part but what really frightened me were my thoughts in the most angry phases. I did fantasize about the PERSON becoming fatally ill and slowly die in agony.
That is scary because I never wish ever anyone harm but in those moments I did wish HIM the worst.
That brings me to the topic of forgiveness. I don't even try to forgive him for causing me so much pain. Instead I turn it around and say to myself that I must forgive myself for not knowing, for being the naive caring and loving woman, for letting him into my life, letting him invade my heart, my soul and my brain and take up so much space, living almost no room for myself to exist, to breath.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani. You are my only help at the moment and it means the world.❤
Thank you so much for all the help you do for humanity. Peace and blessings to everyone 🙏
I was both cursed & blessed with ex malignant narcissist
being violent as I got justice in the form of a safety order & he being compelled to leave the family home
It was a welcome respite until the love bombing and hovering started all over again
It was a slow process to finally disentangle myself,
The grieving happened gradually through the years, and the final one I had achieved radical acceptance
Therapy has been a tough healing journey but is so worth it, and this UA-cam channel with DrRamini has both educated me and saved my sanity
I am so very grateful for this community.
How did you extinguish the return of the love bombing? I'm going through that right now to the point I had to turn my mobile off.
@norahampt...
I stared at him directly and each time he made an offer of assistance to me I flatly kept responding with the word "No"
He never bothered me with text or email
He was being careful in case I would ever show abusive txts/emails to the courts as he had already had a history of violence which the courts had on his file
Don't ever fall for the love bombing as its just rinse lather repeat when you take them back
I also block them
Wishing you every good wish for happy new beginnings ❤
Dr. Ramani you speak as if you have gotten window of what is happening in someone's life. God bless you
Ask them to do something for you. Something small. Something you would do for them with no hesitation. If they are narcissistic or otherwise toxic, it will ALWAYS go at least 1 of 4 ways (though sometimes these reactions may compound): They will act as though they didn’t hear you. Depending on how long you’ve been in the relationship, you may ask again. If it’s been long enough, you’re likely to drop the request right then and there.
They will promise to do it, but never follow through.
If you ask again or remind them, they will usually have some kind of excuse. In these cases, they will still never actually fulfill their promise. Their excuse is not a reason for lagging, it is the reason they should be absolved from all expectation whatsoever. Often this excuse will be meaningless or an outright lie.If you don’t buy their excuse, and tell them so, you will experience the wonderful segue into reaction.
An argument will ensue
The argument will be your fault. It could be a small back and forth contending against your request, or it might quickly devolve into them screaming at you. You never know which it will be. They might even say outright that you should never ask or expect anything from them. Usually they will express that you are asking too much, hurting them in some way (financially, emotionally, insulting them, etc), or attack your character.
The argument will only end when you relinquish your request + apologize, or start ignoring them completely. If you can ignore them long enough, they may apologize to you. However, the conflict will never feel truly resolved.
At this juncture they may actually end up giving you what you asked for. Often this does require you admitting that you don’t really need it, or that you would be fine with what they suggested instead. This leads us to reaction
They give you what you asked for, BUT
There is ALWAYS a catch. It might be small. They show up late with no apology. They buy you what you wanted, but it’s the wrong color, model, brand, etc. They take you where you wanted to go, but pressure you the whole time you’re getting ready because you’re going to be sooo late. Then they want to leave early anyway. It might be worse. They do it out of anger, and make a big display out of it to scare/hurt you. They hold it over your head until you do something for them first. Or, later on, they use it against you. “I did x for you, so you should do y for me.” No matter what, you never actually feel fulfilled, happy, or loved when they do something for you. Somehow, even from the getgo, there was this deep-seated feeling of guilt and fear, this sense that the “special” things they were doing for you weren’t so special at all. Eventually, you become afraid to ask for anything. You’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve nothing. Ironically, or not, the less demands you make, the worse you will be treated. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done digitalinvestigate@gmail.com
Thank you. ❤
Omfg this is Exactly what my covert narc does.... down to the letter
Any gift actually feels like a curse and a burden
The breadcrumbs still leave you malnourished
My ex wife loved if it rained on my walk to work! Having said, "I'm not driving you, I'm not leaving 15 mins earlier when I don't need to be just sitting at my work."
And had already said no to being a Canadian reference, as I sought work.
I immigrated for her btw!
For me moving on and removing the toxic person from my life is my goal out of self preservation.
I think I did more damage staying for the children 😢 They all have hate in their hearts and I can't fix how the X made them feel . They are all adult children now but definitely feel alot of guilt for staying to long.
I pray everyone gets away safely .
God loves us all ❤
some times we need to fast, not only from food but from many things. i think it's good to become aware and slowly ease back into life, little by little, while protecting ourselves along the way but also in finding people to trust and connect with again 🙏
when the pain of remaining the same exceeds the pain of change, its an individual choice and both are painful. Focus on yourself care is all we can do to get through. Ty Dr. Ramini.
What sticks in my mind more and more these days is how much I can't or ever should go back to him. While I get 'Euphoric Recall' every day, and ruminating thoughts of all the times I went back I remember so much the abuse I received and how I felt and that stops the rumination. It's a balancing act each day with my feelings, but I do see a light at the end if the Tunnel and I get on with the 'work' without thinking. 🍒
You are spot on yet again! Radical acceptance is essentially a death of that relationship. A relationship that you fought to save, and gave your all to, and changed yourself for.
Relationship death, the abrupt change and permanence, the scary new existence, and the fear of just how sick might this narcissistic stranger be, such as, could he be a Scott Peterson or Chris Watts?, are frightening to someone who’s been beat down and confused.
The thing that continued to keep me hoping was that every time we were with friends or family, I’d see my man! The one I fell for! He was right there in front of me smiling, laughing, conversing, and connecting with everyone else in the room…and then we’d get in the car to silence or ugly tones or cruel comments. Then I would internalize the problem as being me, and I’d agonize because I just couldn’t understand where I went wrong. It had to be me.
Narcissism is sick and it’s viscous! I’m so thankful for this content that you put out to educate people like me. Thank you Dr. Ramani
Unfortunately I didn't know anything about this 30 years ago.
I'm finally free and Single after 30 years of a physically and mentally abusive marriage. Being it was 30 years, I will definitely wait a year of not 3 to heal. It's been a long journey of grief, pain literally but getting better.
The promises he made to Me when I married him he obviously backed out of. I never had the child of My lifetime dream. I should have left then, but there were reasons I didn't out of love for his daughter which I regret as We have no relationship now.
I could go on but, My main point is I have listened to this video 4 X now and taken notes. This was extremely informative and helpful as to where I'm at in My healing process.
Thank you Dr. Ramani for all you do to help Us all learn how to heal and become the best version of Our New Self ✨️ ❤️ 😊
I wish all the Suvivors out there the best and if you can leave before you've lost 30 years, RUN!!! They're not worth the pain it will cause you for years to come.
❤ 🙏 ✨️ You can Do this!!! Men and Women! You are all worth everything you deserve 💛
Ima keep commenting:
Dam Dr Ramani she hits home every time like that women knows exactly what's going on and slaps me with a reality check! I love ❤️ her!
@DoctorRamani I'm reading your book "it's not you", and follow your videos. Your work has lifted a heavy weight from my heart, there's more joy in my life. Thanks for helping us navigate this confusing and difficult experience ❤
Over3 yrs post narc, no contact. Had to move far away. New apt, new city, all alone. Then I was feeling with the pain and grief. I did have a therapist. All this almost took me out!!!
You are saving lives. Thank you! This hits the nail on the head in so many ways.
I thank "god" that I understand narcissism (even a little bit) in this day and age!!!! Thank you so much!!!! I feel protected (bc at least I understand reality...)👍❤❤❤
Thank you for all of your videos, education, advice & support. You helped me survive & thrive this past year & a 1/2. I left & divorced my narc while I also spent this time working on healing. Thank you!
This bag of pain video is unbelievably helpful. I immediately feel less self judgment around some new decisions I had already made recently. Now I understand I’m just choosing the less painful path. Before this video, I felt a little judgmental of myself and questioning it. Thanks so much . 💜
That’s why I left. I tried to cope with this but I couldn’t overlook all of this. Once I lost my trust I can’t be back, I mean at least a narc who thinks he’s always right! Sometimes I cry out of guilt but videos like this remind me to stay strong !
I think radical acceptance IS closure
Got to be I think
It’s all you can control so maybe that’s utilitarian
Dr Ramani I can't tell you how grateful I am for your channel. Two years ago you helped me realize in what kind of situation I was and it's now 7 months later (from over 14 years of a relationship) and I find myself still hurting, as you say, bruises heal but memory lingers. Your videos alone have helped me getting out of a toxic relationship and even now help me heal in ways you can't imagine. Thank you.
I need to hear the rawness of reality you so beautifully and kindly present, your an angel 😇 dr Ramini
1. Pain is inevitable. You just choosing right one for you.
2. There will likely be no closure or justice. Radically accept.
3. Grief is essential. No growth without grieving what was done or never happened in the first place.
4. Dating gonna be hard and messy. Get yourself time to heal.
4.
Thank you for the summary. 🗒✍
Dr Ramani’s content is always brilliant but sometimes there is a video that might as well described my life to a tee. And this is one of them. This is what happened to me and the advice I needed right now. Thank you for making this wonderful advice available for free.
Justice is about consequence, about trying to set things right.
Thank you so much Dr! Your videos have helped me put a stop to this 38 year journey! If it wasn't for you I would still fill like I was going crazy and thinking I was being punished my whole life for something I have never done.
Thank you Dr Ramani. Grieving going no contact with narcissistic mother and leaving a decades long toxic friendship. This gives me peace of mind of what I’m experiencing and feeling.
Thank You So Much Dr. Ramani For This Important And Informative Video!!! I Appreciate Your Help And Guidance On This Topic So Very Much!!!🎉❣️
I truly appreciate this video. A lot of this resonates with me and was a great shift in perspective - thank you!
Thank you so much for this. I was always questioning about getting justice but this content makes you realise that it may never actually happen
Been healing for 5 months now. It’s starting to get easier but the feelings are still there. I loved this man who discarded and hurt me.
أمي إمرأة صالحة، حُق لها أن تكون الجنة تحت أقدامها، لم تعش يومًا واحدًا تفكر في نفسها، أفنت روحها في إسعاد كل من حولها، لم أرى إنسانًا راضي كأمي، لم أعاشر قلبًا متسامحًا كقلبها ولا أظن أن أحدًا غيرها يملك كل هذا القدر من الرضا والتسليم بقضاء الله، الله يحب أمي ويحبني لأنه جعلها أمي. ❤ فرحة عطية.
radical acceptance, thanks Dr. Ramani
Thank you🌺
You describe perfectly the relationships with
narcissistic people, and all that comes with it.
Im 48, i wish i could hear your exact comforting words when i was much younger...you are great.love you🩷Ravit
Your videos the past 3+ years have helped me through the hardest time in my life. Thank you so much.
So many of my decisions as a young person involved completely neglecting my own needs and feelings. Even now that I know it’s my responsibility to take care of myself, it’s still not my first inclination. But now that I’m older, I take more time to really weigh my needs over the expectations of others.
Do not pick your path in life with pain avoidance. Fear is self fulfilling, so try to not let your fears in when you pick your path.
💖💖💖
My friend asked me if I give up. I told her ," no, I am not giving up. I am not giving in!" I'm done. I am going to love me, who matters the most!
Dr Ramani you are a true healer! You are a gift to this world ❤️ blessings to you on every level 🙏
It's a process...your own unique process
I want to thank you for your advice as I’m having a struggling time, recognizing a lot of the topics you talk about on this channel.
Dr. Ingrid Clayton’s book is always beside my writing space and a huge inspiration to my finding my own voice to keep telling my story. ❤
Amazing video. Incredibly helpful. I find justice in the fact a narcissist ( mother dearest in my case) can never be truly happy and free. I can. She lives in shame and fear. I can heal. I find justice in living my life to the fullest in freedom, self love, self compassion and fearless . It might not be justice in legal/ consequences sense but it does work for me :). It's been hard work, but it is the best in "your face mother" justice ( without ever telling her anything of course). Went to visit my beloved aging father ( difficult visit) and it was very satisfying to see her pathetic helplessness as she made an absolute ass of herself while I hanged on to my freedom, dignity and joy. In your face, mother! That's for all the absolute helplessness and torture you put me through . Thank you Dr Ramani and everyone in this community for the empowerment. The very best wishes to all my fellow survivors.
🤗
Justice is not now.
There's a big day for this.
Only then real closure will take place.
This man verbally and emotionally abused me and I was getting so sick physically, yet I always blame myself till today it's been 9 months and I feel like my wounds are just opening and I'm tired of the grief, financially he left me in a mess and yet I blame myself for the things I was bullied into.. He is completely happy where he is and I sit and ask myself what is it about me that fell for someone like this, it's hard man, so hard 💔💔
💐🌻💐
This resonates deeply... which path of pain do I want to go down !!! Living so many forms of pain from my recent exit from a toxic relationship 🙃 😢💔... one of the most painful and emotionally conflicting paths to endure 💝💯
We have to manifest the closure and the Justice within our selves. This happened For me through understanding and being open to letting go of anything outside of myself.
1. Embrace the pain. Let the pain be. Accept the pain. The way out is through.
2. Stay on course even if estranging or going no contact.
This is one of the most fulfilling videos i’ve seen, I have watched many many videos of Dr. R and others but this pretty much sums up the process and experience of narcissistic relationships. Thank you for always giving me hope and knowledge❤
Thanks for acknowledging that the pain will be there either way during or after a narc relationship. And that empathic people have a hard time stopping caring for the narc, even after it is over.
What a great explanation.
You are so good helping, Dr. Ramani.
Thank you.
You're really just speaking to my life in this video. I finally cut off my mom and in doing so, lost my dad and one of my sisters. The other sister has tried to keep peace between us which really just leaves me feeling gaslit and sad often. After two months, I finally feel happy more often than immensely guilty. What helped was having my mother in law and friends to depend on and spend time with. Good luck to anyone who reads this. It's pain either way. Just know you did/are doing your best.
My narcissist family makes me feel hate and anger and rage. So, yeah, heavy on the schadenfreude… super heavy.
TY for validating grief today. I know at times grief was overwhelming but now I actually see a path in the right direction. The narc tore me down thankfully not to his level.
His addictions & sexuality issues are no longer my burden. Such a sad man.
Grateful everyday to be free & working my way back to me💪🏻👍🏻
You don't get closure and you don't get justice. That's when the pain of radical acceptance comes in.....
Thank you. For acknowledging how hard and lonely this trudge has been. I’ll
Keep going. It’s still better than living in the abuse. That’s the word I was waiting to hear you said it. I’m now confirmed. Unfortunately. Thank you again for being such huge part of transition.
Dr Ramani. Thank you! You help me see things right and not blame and believe what he says
This video is healping fit my puzzle pieces in. Thank you!
Didn’t think possible, but my closure (not complete) has come from the painful radical acceptance and wisdom of what I was even dealing with, I’ve learned from your videos….. Words cannot express how thankful I am for you and all the information you share ❤︎
Strong struggle I am now dealing with, is how to “find myself”…. Who am I now after 20 years of the unknown narcissistic abuse?
Wow you really explained what I’m going through well! Thank you for posting this -it gave me such comfort as well as hope for a truly loving , fun and safe intimate relationship 🙏💕💫
Spiritually, grief is freedom. And gratitude's being on the other side of the entrapment. Gratitude is freedom, also.
"GETTING there is half the fun." (The NeverEnding road to healing).
Thank you very much for this very resonating video! You addressed so many things I have been wondering, thank you xxxxx
Yes, Dr. Ramani, a lot of faith in God (and maybe some hope for us)❤
So true. Doesn’t seem like any painless ways forward.
leaving involves grief but so does staying
After coming out of a narc relationship 22 years ago, it's amazing what you refuse to put up with or even tolerate in a new relationship. Haven't found that women yet. Maybe one day. Happy to be alone and happy.
Thats exactly what im doing. Setting boundaries, taking control, doing what I WANT! & he will either join or leave.