Married for 3 Months and I Feel Trapped
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- Опубліковано 26 вер 2024
- Married for 3 Months and I Feel Trapped
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Never trust that your partner will "change" something magically once you're married. What you see is what you get.
If you’re super religious, then you marry into a huge mystery. My ex mother in law got married 4 times and still ended up single because whenever she wanted some action with a guy she was dating, it was time to go to the court house and make it official. Didn’t really make sense to me but I guess in her mind divorce was less of a sin than pre-marital sex.
Partners always change after marriage. Women in particular put on a show and then the ring changes things because the chase is now over.
@@cur244 agreed. I feel that women change the most post marriage (with regards to things most men care about, like intimacy)
@@mylesgray3470 she was not a Christian in her heart.
@@ctorminmostly because men don’t understand that all the things they did to court a woman are necessary to turn a woman on in the bedroom.
Women put on many hats in a relationship and are often overwhelmed and resentful because of it. If you’re not part of the ‘team’ and taking some of that emotional burden off her shoulders or worse adding to the burden she won’t be as receptive to fulfilling your sexual needs.
Being married to the wrong person is soul crushing and the loneliest you’ll ever feel
Yeah my soster we all thought married a wonderful guy. It turned out he cheated on her for 19 of her 20-21 years of their marriage and is a Narcisst to boot. It effectrd their kids too and they saw how their dad really was and cared about, which wasn't really them either.
85-90% men commit adultery *as long as they think they can get away with it*
And 22 is too young to even know what you want for life.
Hell yeah
@@debbielockhart7762 You can know what you want, it’s just most people at that age haven’t done the conscious thinking
To those who aren't married yet, I think knowing what your non-negotiables are is paramount. I HAD to have someone who loved cuddling/touching. My husband is the same way. It's a major way we feel loved.
That is fucking GREAT advice, Jackie, thank you. Im single at 40 again & back dating. This is awesome advice
Not only that, but I feel like it has to be meaningful. My ex straight up said he didn't feel emotionally tied to all of our affectionate times when we broke up.
100%! Why would you expect your partner to change their personality after marriage? Why would you not make sure things work while dating? I can't understand it
touch is very comforting for most humans. If you aren't comforted by touch, however, you aren't alone. You aren't strange, you are just different. Find someone who wants the same things.
If you ever read the five love languages..you'll understand you both don't need to have the same "love language"..you just need to be able give the other person the one that meets their needs.
I love that He’s 22 and trying so hard to be a good husband…sweet!
I like how he is 22 and has a road of hurt, disappointment and anger ahead of him. She will get the house and alimony - sweet, not sweet.
@@lizh4933So you're assuming she's got nothing and he does? She's 22 and he's 23. He said they got married for "the living conditions". They both made the same decision/mistake.
@@fpm3121 yeah but men get ass r@p=d by the court system.
@@lizh4933yep, bingo!
@@fpm3121judge will always side with women
Sadly this is one of those marriages where they were looking at ring,venues and dresses but ignored the marriage.
Then again what’s the point of marriage if you are just gonna be lousy Christians?
It was a wedding but not a marriage.
Marriage to a woman in just a transfer of assets and a retirement plan.
@@Zeus-dw1cxYou are one who should NEVER marry!
@Zeus-dw1cx nah some of us make more than our husbands and we no care
Feeling trapped after only three months is not good. At least he has the courage and honesty to call into the show.
“Dr.” John is a quack. I bet this dude wouldn’t follow his own advice. My man needs to get out of this marriage asap.
@@Truthisstrangerthanfiction8 Then why are you even watching?
@@mark.daniel Just maybe some people needed to be called out on their phuckery. It appears you believe giving men useless information is profitable. Maybe a plan is being pushed on unsuspecting men that want to raise a family in a climate where the judicial system needs men to naïvely jump into marriage with these modern-day women only to have them leave because they’d rather be with Chad and Tyrone than consequently divorce their husband. If you didn’t know, divorce is a business. Judges, attorneys, and government capitalizes on pain of the people.
Some may say the system uses people like John to pander to women and demonize men, and put us in a can't-win situation. Maybe simping is for you; perhaps you are a beta male, but maybe you love your woman leading your household, I don't know. But I do see that Dr John has sinister motives and you’re unable to see it or you’re on his staff and support it.
@@mark.daniel white privilege. 😂
I agree. My husband and I have been married 7 years and I’ve never felt this way! John is way nicer than me. I’d tell this guy that he has no chemistry with his wife! I waited until 28 to get married though…
You are both wrong… everyone knows it’s wet toothbrush, then toothpaste, then wet again.
Either way it doesnt matter as long as the brush is wet before it goes in your mouth. Lol
Facts 🤣🤣💯
Your all wrong. You wet the toothbrush then put the toothpaste on then put in your mouth. If you wet the toothpaste you wash all the fluoride off the paste.😁
@@traviskelly926that only happens if you use too much water
Ellen Lopez speaks the truth!
I used to get angry and scream/yell at my soul partner. One day, after a fight he said, “This reminds me of my dad that was verbally abusive. If you keep doing this I will not be your friend. It hurts me and brings back bad thoughts”. He looked like he was in tears. I felt so horrible and it stopped. I stopped doing it. He cured me of this. Too painful to see how much I hurt him. I’m older and never had anyone approach me like this about my behavior.
This is beautiful. It's definitely possible to change, but it has to come from inside. You can't change someone else. But if you have mutual respect and love, one person asking the other to change truly bad behavior can actually work, because we will actually make the effort to change for the person we love. That's one reason mutual love and respect are so important. There are many reasons.
Your soul partner sounds very wise to use "I" statements in the middle of an argument instead of attacking you directly as a person.
It's so nice he didn't reply with more anger to your anger. My ex escalated got angrier than me whenever I got angry. Even though when my anger was because of his constant neglect and procrastination
Same thing happened to me! Thank goodness!
🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
After being married for a year and a half which recently ended in divorce, I think a lot of people forget that there has to be an establishment of absolute respect for the other person. If that doesn’t exist, the marriage is doomed for failure
^^^ Exactly. Utmost important characteristic of a relationship.
Absolutely. The advice "marry your best friend" I think is super helpful.
@@ShimmerBodyCream not an absolute. Part of the equation.
Yep. The moment you tell the other you "hate them," you have violated that principle and the relationship becomes doomed from there on out:(
Unpopular opinion: This kind of belief is why your marriage only lasted a year and a half. A lifetime of absolute 24/7 respect isn't realistic between two human beings. Having enough love and commitment to get through those imperfect times is what makes a marriage last.
My husband would never ever ask - How can I be a better husband? Never! It’s refreshing to think that someone can be that self reflective at such a young age.
LOL! You got that right!
Wow that makes me sad for you
lolol yeeaaahhh lets hear about the other side of that equation.
Are you still with that man or do you think that it's quirky that he does not want to ask how to be a better husband to you
I don’t know your age or how long you’ve been married, but keep in mind this young man is lucky that there are so many resources available now to help be a better partner, if it wasn’t for him talking to Dr. Delony he probably wouldn’t have ever asked these types of questions, but getting the help and the advice he needed will definitely help him become a better spouse if he puts in the work, in your situation if this is something that you desire and consider a need, try bringing it up to your husband in a loving way and maybe even offer to see a therapist together just to better your marriage and see where you can both grow to be better partners, it helps a lot of marriages, I just think some people both genders included are completely unaware of these types of love “languages”. Even Delony himself always talks about how back in the day he had things he had to work on himself, we get to see this version of him now, but keep in mind he wasn’t always like that and he put in the work to be a better husband and father he talks about quiet a bit on his videos. It takes effort from both sides but working together you can definitely get something that might surprise you when you get to the other side, I know I wish I had these tools available a long time ago, best of luck!
I started dating my husband when I was 20. After the first few month's we set boundaries with each other, and we've kept them. One thing I told him is that I can't read his mind, so if he doesn't tell me what I'm doing wrong, then I can't fix it. We also made a rule of letting each other cool down and absolutely no yelling in the house or at each other. We've been together for 20 years and have had 2 legit fights. We argue maybe a couple times a year. Setting those boundaries was probably the best thing we've ever done.
What you're doing wrong ?????
Your marriage isn’t real everyone fights so you either lied about the number of fights you have had or you guys aren’t in love. Been together and married to my hubby for 32 years since I was 16 and I’m 48. And reality we have had arguments we tell each other what we are doing to upset the other but we have had arguments and more than 2. We bicker more than fight and we are real and love each other and still have a great relationship. But only two fights after 20 years something is wrong. Even the dr is saying he had a argument with his wife about tooth brushing
Sounds like they got married so they could have sex. He started to say "we waited..." and then stopped himself to say "living situation." That's why they got married so young.
Exactly
Yep…it’s such a common practice that we all know what he really meant to say
Exactly. And people will tell women "he won't buy the cow if he can get the milk for free". If that's true for the guy your dating, why would you be with him anyway? If you already know the reason he's marrying you is sex, and that's the carrot you gotta dangle in front if him or he won't propose, how is that gonna be a sustainable marriage?
That was my first thought. Otherwise why rush getting married at that age, makes no sense.
If they actually waited, they need to work together to get where they want to be. She’s not going to be a sudden freak after abstaining.
As a woman who really values affection and physical touch, i can tell you it's an extremely painful experience to be with someone who doesn't at all value or want that aspect of a relationship. That's straight up incompatibility. This young man deserves a woman who can appreciate and reciprocate his loving gestures.
Bruh is a ham. He deserves what he gets lol.
I’m right there now. I thought I loved my husband enough to overlook it and accept it about him. As the years have gone on, it’s become more and more painful.
@@invisiblespirit5476 I'm sorry 💔 have you brought it up with him and let him know how much it's affecting you? See if it's something he'd be willing to work on. Give him examples of what to do that would help you get that need met and yet to approach the topic gently so that you don't put him in defense mode. Focus on your and your feelings and practical solutions, not on his deficits. "hey babe, I feel like there is a lack of affection/romance in our relationship. I've been slowly realising that this is actually really important to me and I'm wondering if it's something we could discuss and work on?"
I support that totally
@@stillwatersfarm8499 I'm so glad that you're able to get that need fulfilled and you that you have a good hubby who is willing to adjust his behaviours to help make you happy ❤️ I should have added a caveat to my original comment... there was a much deeper level of emotional unavailability occuring in my relationship, and the lack of physical affection and romance was just a symptom. Had he been able and willing to connect with me at a heart level (he literally just didn't and couldn't love me), then I think we absolutely could have worked through the affection thing.
This kid is wise beyond his years to ask how he can make this better and not just look at her and say "I married the wrong person". He sounds like he really wants to make this work. 26 yrs later and my husband and I are still struggling with this.
Sometimes tho, I do think that people marry the wrong people tho
You would struggle more if you left him because older women are not mostly sought after. Most women don’t want the man to know that he is the prize and men waste their time trying to please a woman which is impossible, facts! 💯
Once you promise, it's not the wrong person.
@@georgewagner7787 simply untrue, you learn as you grow
@@georgewagner7787 🤔
My husband and have been happily married 19 years. We established this one boundary early in our relationship. When we are upset or arguing we are not allowed to break the other person's spirit. The disagreement will pass and we don't want to regret something we said in anger.
Yes, same here. We attack the problem, not the person. Respect at all times. We’ve never called each other names or say the “D” word. We’re barely 5 years in tho... i hope to reach our 19th year like yall too ❤ and beyond of course 🥰
Unfortunately it only works if both people do that. When choosing a partner, they don't always present their true selves.
@@lindsaya.barrios4730 that's the gamble you take, unfortunately. Be clear about your boundaries and model that behavior from the beginning. Every relationship you chose to get into comes with the risk that someone will get hurt. It's worth the gamble because if you can get it right it brings you immense happiness.
Somebody says “I hate you”, I respond: “I believe you”. I take the hint and I offer the space of respectful distance from that person.but that’s just me.
I love that comment👍🏻
@brightpage I agree with you 100%. For me though, If someone, especially my partner, tells me "I hate you", especially if it's said more than once....I'm probably out of there. Don't want to be a statistic on the news (lol). ...o.k. that was not funny but true for me.
GENIUS response!!!
Yeah just the 1st time I'd say, "I believe you and I respect your feelings by giving you my leave. No drama necessary. I wish you well. Wish you didn't feel that way but see how I've effected you so negatively. I'm gonna go take some space to let my new understanding of this relationship sink in. If you feel differently later, maybe we can talk about it then. Thanks for being so honest. That's helpful for me."
@Jrrdorkkrghhh yeah it usually is like that. Especially with kids. I bet she knew ;o) 😏
I'm glad it was 3 months and not 3 years that he decided to dig into these issues
Thats because this wont last 3 years if its already issues this early haha
I just don't see any benefit in marriage. Woman get paid to break it. What kind of contract is that
Should of done it before marriage
@@buk6708ever heard of a prenup
@@buk6708not all women get paid to break it.
Hey Dr. John, I made a mean comment or two on some videos a while back and I wanted to say that I’m sorry. You’re such an empathetic person and you really do make a positive difference in the world. I’m sorry I was mean.
Kudos to you. We need more people like you. Respect. 😉
You’re so sweet. Awesome job waking up and changing your mind
Yes well done Haley. That's humble
Nobody cares what you say. The opinion of somebody who’s nothing means just that nothing.
@@trumpisgod2535 Then you shouldn't care about what you just posted, so why post at all grumpy?
Oh he's so young and innocent. He really thought marriage would change things.. Dude, just wait until kids come into the picture.
Right! Haha rookie!
Why are we like this? Is super condescending and far from helpful. They make us experienced people feel better, but is it helpful to that person?
She’s not saying anything mean
Yes, that's when the real s*** starts flying.
Do not breed with this female 😂😂
I wish more men were aware of what twits alot of females are, they are selfish, and only care about their own gain and will get there the easiest way they can.
Comment made my a woman 😶
I freaked out oh my first two to three months of marriage and felt the same way. I even told my husband I thought we made a mistake getting married. We’ve been married nearly 20 years
I'm so scared of potentially marrying my boyfriend. Do you have any tips for this anxiety?
Are you happy?
@@rebeccabarrand5132 can you write down what you’re anxious about? Sometimes putting things down on paper helps-the words stop swirling around in your head-then your mind get clearer. I’m sure dome of your anxiety is normal-marriage is a big step, a commitment you’re making for life It’s very wise to ask & answer every question you have-be Frank, be brutally honest with yourself and your partnerIf it isn’t good/if there are doubts going in to marriage, they don’t disappear after the reception is over.
If she hasn't gotten comfortable with physical touch you gotta be patient and also vocal about your own needs. I was not physical touch person but my husband is. So he told me he really needs to give me a hug every time he comes home from work. He wants me to greet him and give him a kiss. He told me he needs to hold my hand and he likes to snuggle and he needs sex a certain amount of time a week. Well I just started addressing those needs and he started addressing mine. (I need quality time) and we both realized we actually really need both of those things and they are really really good for both of us. I really benefit from long hugs and quality time.
Great insight. We live in a culture with an attitude that our partners need to adjust to me and I’m gonna act how I wanna act and it’s toxic and damaging. Recognizing your partner has needs that aren’t that important to you but you try anyway and growing together and learning each other sounds much better!
I am absolutely amazed by the people who don't like their spouse, whom they supposedly love, giving them a hug when coming home after work. Is there anything more precious than such a hug? I believe most women crave those hugs, while some take them for granted and despise.
Love hearing about your love. BLESS YOU FOR SHARING HOW IT SHOULD BE DONE.❤🙏👍
Happy you got picked you are so cool!
@@goranvuletic8873You’re right. That doesn’t even logically make sense to me. How do you love someone, but then don’t want to hug them or let them hug you? Ridiculous.
Beware of people who have anger management issues. Resorting to "I hate you" is a huge red flag. When someone is angry with you, listen carefully as they vent-- they usually tell you exactly how they feel truly about you.
Yeah I can't handle emotional immaturity
Sounds like a toddler
I believe that more often than not, people say things they DON'T mean during an argument.
Or maybe they’re just projecting ..
emotions come and go, what someone feels when they are extremly angry or happy or sad is not exactly accurate, unless the person is truly manipulative how they feel about you is most accurate at their baseline/neutral.
I do this:
- water on brush
- toothpaste on brush
- water on brush
- brush teeth
Please pray for my wife. She's a trooper for putting up with me.
Omg I thought I was the only one that did that! Lmao.
I do that too. That's the best way lol
@@chitlinjuice It's the ONLY way :)
You don’t need us to pray for her. Just Treat her right
100%. His wife is crazy!
Marriage motto: if it matters to you, it matters to me.
Try to see each others point of view. Try to hear more than to be heard. Serve each other and know their love language. Never give up on growing together in life.
❤ it’s so worth the work!!!
1 healthy comment on this thread! You get it!
His mistake was he thought things would change BECAUSE of marriage. He married someone he wouldn't have based on promises. I hope they get counciling and work things out.
Work things out?
She gonna work him out of everything when she leaves.
"He was abusive"
I don't think there's mending this. She doesn't like his touch. Dr. Delony's wrong on this one.
I applaud him for being so young and looking for direction🙌🏽
My husband and I had a very volatile first year of marriage. I moved away from my family by his, he travelled a lot. I went through a severe depression. We came to the conclusion that things had to change. Moved back down to my family to help me with the baby, and he stopped traveling. Been together 8 years and we are having the most wonderful marriage. A lot of the turmoil is just something HAS to change
Someone says they hate me?? I am so fucklin' gone. END OF STORY !!!!
Breaking up is the solution to every problem, I guess.
@@canelareina3795it is if they hate you lol. 😂. I bet you fall upstairs a lot .
@@canelareina3795 it worked for me.
Right, because people never say things just to be hurtful or things they don’t actually mean.
@@canelareina3795It worked for me.
Why do people think marriage is going to be easy? I'm not even married and know that it is a lot of hard work!
It's a contract, 80% of time broke by Woman and they can make 100ks-millions, all with a judge getting a cut.
most people on earth has been brainwashed by Disney kind of love. It's all fantasy until they hit reality.
@@buk6708 lol right because most men are making millions
@buk6708 I'm glad 80% of women decide to leave their spouse. Of which a high percentage are cheaters or fiscal, emotional abusers . I wish the percentage was higher.
Actually I am with my husband for nearly 9 years and most of the time it is easy and was before we were married. I don't want to have a marriage/relationship which is hard work all the time. There will be bad times and hard times, yes. But most of the time it shouldn't be hard work but joyful. I found a man who just clicks with me, we have the same love language, we are similar. We never had to work hard to undertsand each other.
So happy me and my bf have the same love language. Physical touch is so important. A hand massage, holding hands, long hugs, cuddling, it doesn’t have to be sexual all the time. It’s such a great feeling being in sync, it goes with emotional connection. It’s feels like they are home.
Same with my hubby! My first marriage we did not, as well as we didn't have the same morals and values (he misrepresented himself while dating). Also, we fell in love with who we both were in that moment, not in love with "who they could be". ♥️
And it's all about needs being met.
Same here with my GF she will be 22 next year i will be 33 in two month we wanna hold hands all the time
Could not even imagination a life without it
BOYFRIEND, not husband. Like the caller eluded to, they’re not the same thing.
@@nouton7432 so she’s 21 & you’re 32. Lol
Ha! "We got married because of living situation." There it is, right there.
She has already turned into sister mom. 🤣
Exactly! This one is on him because she wasn't meeting his needs before he married her. Just get an annulment.
@@JustinCase780 what's a sister mom?
He should tell her it's not ok to say nasty things
@@natashadame4397 not a romantic life partner but more of a sister/mother dynamic for a wife
Lmao at you telling the story of how your wife "brushes her teeth wrong". My fiancé just told me yesterday that I apparently enter the shower incorrectly. All in good jest and was a hilarious fake argument, but that so reminded me of him.
I have jokingly told my husband he's a barbarian for wetting the toothbrush before putting on the toothpaste since I do it the other way
@@tayh.6235 I also wet the toothbrush before putting the paste on. 🤣
Out of curiosity … how does one enter a shower incorrectly? Are you doing a handstand and then walking in on your hands or something?
@@jh26pt2 she prob walks backwards
@@carlycastillo883 same. Lol.
Dr delony was right in mentioning the tooth brushing story because every married person has had these types of moments. Marriage is learning to live and love a very imperfect person but also realizing and accepting our own flaws and imperfections.
But what if they keep happening after 16 yrs?!
That is where I am stuck about what to do with my hubby who cant seem to let crap go and bond as a couple.
Just get your own bathroom.
@@Jaxmusicgal23 pray for him. Don’t try to change him. Love him as he is.
This guy seems sincere. I hope their marriage is thriving.
My hubby didn’t give up on my temper tantrums, but we decided we were never going to say divorce, I’m a widow now but it was 19.5 years. ❤
God bless you im glad you guys were able to make it last. Most marriages are ending in divorce nowadays , so sad.
Married for 10 years and a senior leader in the military. The best thing I have discovered is the ability to have my wife come in and start fighting, and I just say "no. Not right now". The next day we talk about it and everything is cool. Just understand the moment you're in may not be the moment for that discussion
"You can't live your life and drag her into yours... Y'all have to decide that the lives yall were living are over. Who are we gonna be together?"
I needed to hear that. 🙏🏾 ❤️
If that's how marriage has to be, then a lot of people realize they can't be married
@@revolutionunderground It is tough when you marry someone and they still live single and for themselves and you have a baby together. Some people should just not lie to themselves that they want to be married or at least figure out what marriage is first (sacrifice, commitment, integrity, etc).
AMEN. WISE. TRUE.❤
I am 100% against that idea and have sayed it to people. Most think that a comple Yes have have to "end their lives as person" to crente a "new life as a couple"
But i just cant believe this
For me its just false expectation,a made up lie and a free road to toxic relationship
“She does not like being touch by you” Let’s be real here…. It’s the start of the end.
Not necessarily, I don't like physical touch in public but at home, I'm all for it. I've been with my husband for 22 years now and we have a great marriage with lots of intimacy.
Let's not always conclude based on a little glimpse of an issue
I love my husband but I don’t like physical touch, that’s not my love language, but I do it because he like it., I don’t care what I’m doing he has to have his hands all over me. My love language is acts of services, like, when he cleans the fridge out, cause he knows I’m tired, or plug my phone up cause he notice it’s dead.
Trust me, she is carrying the load of cleaning the house, doing the laundry, and cooking. He is resting and horny. If he took on the chores and let her pamper herself ever evening, she would be in the mood like she was before marriage. Before she married him, her mom was doing all that work!!
Yes it's over....resentment will grow and it's only a matter of time.
Not necessarily. I am not really into physical touch but I like massage. So if I have a partner, I would probably ask him to massage my back first before going further in bed and massage my shoulder if he just wants a hug. But just a hug
Callers wife, please please seek counseling from a psychologist to help with the triggers and u resolved childhood experiences. Don’t wait, like I did…it gets harder with time. Thankfully I have an amazing partner, but I had a lot of healing to do and although it’s not easy to seek help, it was worth it for me.
Self knowledge is necessary before marriage.
Yes that's why I feel marrying too young before finding yourself causes many problems in relationships.
People should be more honest during dating/courtship. Is the behavior and personality facade before marriage a subconscious thing for many people, or does the permanence of marriage just make people realize the differences in each other more?
Probably a bit of both, but I'd argue for the former having more significant impact.
The issue's twofold: lack of self-awareness & lack of communication. People either don't understand themselves fully and/or don't communicate who they are as accurately as needed to sustain healthy, peaceful relationships.
They likely really believed things would be that way after being married... I know I've had many time where I 100% thought something would be one way, but after it happened, it wasn't what I expected.
Most recently, I signed up for a review class to help me pass a test to get a work certification. It was as advertised, but it didn't work for me the way I thought it would, so I'm reevaluating. This happens in jobs, relationships (friends, family members, co-workers, and especially romantically), and even joining gyms and clubs.
@@nleem3361 That's a good point, I know some couples in person that learned a lot about hidden pasts (and I don't just mean past relationships, this includes substance issues and things as well) and huge differences in finances and religion. Then you go online and hear horror stories of outright bait and switches from people who lie about wanting or not wanting kids. I guess I'm lumping a lot of things together, since that goes beyond just behavior to actual actions and keeping secrets.
Honestly, I think people just don't actually vet their spouses. They spend so much time focusing on whether or not you enjoy the same hobbies, they have no idea who the person is or what the person actually needs in order to be happy in a relationship. Relationship. Hell, most people don't understand what they need to be happy in a relationship. His mistake was marrying a woman who wasn't meeting his needs during the relationship and expecting it to change once he was married.
@@ineedhoez I think you're point about not properly vetting your potential spouse is spot on. I wasn't allowed (before you harp on this too much, I was young and undiagnosed and still living with my very strict parents, so I felt trapped all around) to go into my boyfriend/fiance's house because temptation or whatever, so it wasn't until a month before the wedding I saw all his talk about how he kept his home clean etc was absolute nonsense when I was helping him move out. My heart dropped because I'd already figured he was putting up a facade in other aspects but I didn't know what to do. We've been married five years now 🤷🏻♀️ My son isn't even fully in school yet and I'm already trying to give him better tools to discern in relationships, all relationships, and stand up for himself and all those other things I was never given. Plus I'm teaching him how to clean!
No Delony, you wet the toothbrush first and then put the toothpaste on, you savage.😂
Right, otherwise you’re just going to get toothpaste in the sink BEFORE you brush!
Thats right wasting toothpaste🤣
Wetting the toothbrush before the toothpaste, and then wetting it again after toothpaste, is called superstitious behavior, google it!😉 I did this too, found out 10 years ago about superstitious behavior, and have not done it since!😁
My wife and I are newly weds in our early 50s. Second marriage for both. Lol, bathrooms tell their own tales. Towels all over. Makeup strewn about. I have been relegated to one small shower shelf because her shampoos, conditioners, razors, blah blah continue to grow. And I don't mind any of it. I love her and knew this was her way. Her little slight snoring is cute to me... while she puts up with my cpap and talking and moving in my sleep. We are in an emotional valley right now because of things that I did and were totally fault a long time ago. I've committed to loving her and living up to our relationship, but she has doubts. I know something else is also eating at her and she won't tell me, so the old issues are coming up. I pray for her each night and pray for this time to pass. I will walk through fire to keep her. She holds my world together and when we are out of sync it sets everything off kilter.
🙏🏾May God bless your marriage.
Have you told her to tell you what’s bothering her. Also offer to go to couples counseling.
Your gonna lose everything
@@buk6708 poor guy got the fancy glasses on
Do you hold her word together????
I have been married 29 years next month--adore my husband and we have a great marriage. It wasn't always without bumps though. This is SUCH wonderful advice here, start to finish. The truth is: all the stuff Dr. Delony advises can become good habits that just become how you live together IF you practice them early on. I hope it worked out for Brandon
I really am against getting married early, but I will say this guy does sound very mature for his age
Dog is cute 😊
He is mature enough to marry a woman who does not want to be touched......
@buk6708
Maturity and intelligence are two different things.
If he truly was, he wouldn't be married
That's a deal breaker for me. I'm really affectionate and love giving what I also love. If a man didn't want me to touch him- gotta go. Holding hands, hugs etc is my way of showing him I feel safe and protected with him. I noticed alot of people aren't affectionate and it's truly sad 😩
I was 21 when I got married. Intimacy was hard for me. For several reasons. Our marriage became sexless because of me. Once we addressed those issues, our marriage was better than ever. I can't keep my hands of my husband. You should absolutely crave intimacy in marriage. Not to say it's always present and you're in the mood, but intimacy takes many forms, not just sex. 10 years later, we are happily married and practicing desire daily. They need counseling, ASAP.
That's awesome. I'm happy for you. :)
that sexual/romantic attraction definitely needs to be there from the beginning though...in order for counseling/therapy to work.
unfortunately some of us who married young didn't have it from the start (and should have seen that as a red flag)...but married more for emotional security/stability.
@@EadsB7002no it doesn’t some things take time .. specially for women ..
@@kouhanailana3884 It has to be there and if it disappears because one withholds without getting counseling, it isn't inconceivable that the other person might seek it elsewhere. It's an important part of a relationship and if OP's husband didn't seek it elsewhere, she was very, very lucky.
@@kouhanailana3884 No. just no. If it’s not there before you get married, you’re making a mistake. It’s a very dishonest and unfair way to enter into a marriage and I pity the other person.
I think we’re ALL taught to get married and have kids even though it ISN’T for everyone. It might not even be for most. That’s why everyone thinks it’s soooooo hard and it takes sooooo much work. I know that isn’t a welcome perspective because it implies that most married people shouldn’t be married. The extension of that implication is that most people with children shouldn’t be people with children.
I stand by my statement.
I agree. If you do get married have Separate rooms. A little space goes a long way.
No. People’s priorities are just all mixed up. Everything is about me, me, me nowadays; which is completely asinine. But I can see why people think the way you do if that’s the approach.
I think the reality is, people just don’t truly understand what marriage actually is anymore; why we do it; and why it’s important. 🤷♂️
So what should the majority of people do? Be monks? Have a string of girlfriends into their 80s...but use protection?
We are biologically made to reproduce, of course we’re meant to get married and have kids. No one HAS to do it, but we are made to do it
@@canelareina3795I go overseas and nyc, get tipped off and then come to a nice Woman for the house.
Definitely agree with the firm boundaries. Not okay to speak to each so disrespectfully. Period.
People should heal their trauma before they get married or it spills out into the marriage.
@@thebeegood1731 True..thank you for the reminder. I just take for granted and assume that all people are aware of their trauma.
Dr. Delony is 100% correct. It was ROUGH when my husband and I got married. My husband had the same sentiment. He felt like he'd been tricked (he told me). We had different views of what marriage and loving each other would look like. I'm still learning. I'm Acts of Service and my husband is Quality Time. As someone whose dad had to work over 60 hours a week so the bills were paid and food put on the table, my parents didn't have much "quality time".
No, my brother she did not change ... you saw what you wanted to see
I know some couples get married young and go on to have lasting marriages, but marriage is not for the faint of heart especially if there is a lack of maturity. It’s unfortunate he ignored the signs while they were dating and thought they would change once married.
When it comes to a woman not wanting to be affectionate
This this can often be tied to lack of affection in childhood or trauma,the idea that you must protect your body due to boundaries being crossed when you didn’t have much power and feeling repulsed because being touched reminds you of that person or experience
Who cares, it's always trauma or some bs, she out here getting railed lol
My wife tripped a switch when we got married. Totally different person than what I knew. Luckily over 20 years it’s smoothed out but nothing is going to be as you think and marriage is NOT NOT NOT easy no matter how compatible you are.
Glad that you both made it work. Did she have a reason to why she changed and how did you manage to get along with one another?
@@funny_thoughtprovoking5341 A lot of fighting. It really wasn’t until we worked
on ourselves we made any progress.
Tell us more bro!
I think sometimes you know right away a particular marriage was a mistake. I knew within the first year after marrying my first husband. My husband's personality changed totally, and he became selfish, domineering, demanding. Then when I got pregnant, was in my first year of teaching (getting up at 4:30 a.m. and leaving the house to drive 45 minutes to my school by 6:15. I was teaching all day, cooking, cleaning, washing dishes by hand, doing the laundry and errands/shopping etc. I was exhausted and asked he him for more help around the house. I was told, "I didn't get married to do dishes," and he refused to help me at all. He felt that was women's work.....was stunned! I knew then our marriage was doomed.
Re: doing the dishes...You should have replied "Neither did I".
And yet no complaints that you worked full time.
Lime so many others he wanted a mommy and a maid. Then they want sex too. How twisted us that?
I knew mine was a mistake within the first week of it.
So I'm a 37 female. I would argue it would be very hard for young people to be married in today's climate. We're all bombarded with sexual imagery and social media makes cheating extremely easy. You need a LOT of maturity in order to deal with it because no matter what it's going to create stress. Call me crazy, but I think people should spend their twenties dating so they know what they like and don't like because I certainly had no idea what I wanted in my twenties and I made horrible mistakes but I learned from them.
I definitely agree especially with the last part. Experience in dating really is invaluable. My exes have helped me to know exactly what i don't want in a partner.
But how does it make it hard to get married tho?
I'm 37 and I will not marry now. Why? I wanted to grow with someone. Have them as my high school sweet heart, college sweet heart. Meeting them when I got my first job or burying my father. My life has started. You weren't there in those early days when I needed unconditional love because this generation doesn't know what that love is. I just want to travel and have a companion. It's over.
If social media can make you cheat, then the problem is you, you are very weak minded ,people need to raise their children to also be prepared for marriage instead of just raising them to be their own person,
I think that is a logical ideology to make, however I believe the reality of dating unfortunately affects women specifically in such a way that they end up being unsatisfied or uncooperative by default when they do finally settle down, which in turn kills relationships later. I think part of this is because, as early as middle school, girls show an overwhelming natural preference for boys with secondarily psychotic traits..any experience or maturity they acquire by dating is mostly likely soiled by the context of the most sexually and romantically successful men are often the most toxic, apathetic, or abusive men. I don't think dating benefits women in their 20s if they are picking the suitors, and most modern women would scoff at the option of allowing the men in their family to vet their suitors, because they know deep down the more likely they are sexually/romantically attracted to that man, the bigger red flags their fathers, brothers, etc will pick up upon.
Don't threaten divorce in the heat of anger - it tears away at the very foundation of marriage (commitment, trust, reliability, and partnership). You can't build on something that you have no faith will hold together because it is constantly being threatened.
One of the successful marriages I’ve known is when the wife advised me to never grow cold on physical touch, no matter how old or how many years of marriage. She held her husbands hand till his last breath.
If she says - she hates you… don’t say - it makes me mad because that’s what she wants to do. Say - it hurts my feelings. That phrase has a lot more impact. And, agree, she may have grown up with people saying that - but - that’s no excuse. You don’t even need to respond to her anger, but instead, just walk away. If I feel my husband is being overly aggressive then I walk away without comment. This allows me to maintain control and also send the message that I refuse to stand around and be talked to in a disrespectful manner.
I close the bathroom door when I brush my teeth. My husband doesn’t get to decide what my morning routine looks like. It works great for me. When I’m finished brushing my teeth and putting on deodorant and face moisturizer, then I come out.
No kids please.
Married for 12 years. Best thing ever. No kids. Always had 8 hours of sleep.
I’ve noticed the entire country has been cheering you on Brandon! Let’s go!
Woohoo
😅
I'm watching this for the first time and watched a few back to back. What an empathetic and supportive way to be with people who some of us might be judging. Thank you Dr!
People don't charge, circumstances change.
I was 22 when we got married, now 51. I filed a year ago after 28 years. Its so hard when one side works the hardest and the other side thinks they never do anything wrong. Its so hard to live that way. Why i waited so long to divorce ill never know but I tried to love him. He changed so much as we got older. People do change. Its all fun at first and for many years but sometimes it doesn't last a lifetime.
Damn that’s brutal. I feel sorry for you both.
Yea, gotta stealeverything from him and marry up.
I don't want to do that. I've learned the hard way and plan to not get married again. Not worth it. @@buk6708
Better out at 51 than at 71. I'm watching a lot of grey divorces and it is brutal to see. Boomers are the most divorced generation in history.
51 is young enough and wise enough to roll the dice again.
I'm 40 and been married for 8 years. It's hard to imagine settling down at his age, but he does seem quite mature for his years. Hopefully they'll find a balance and build a beautiful relationship together ❤
Nothing wrong with getting married at 19, 20, 21, etc. provided you are doing it for the right reasons and you’re prepared to be committed to that person and work at it. Over the years it seems like we’ve moved the “marriageable age” goal post over to 29,30,31 etc. and then wonder why we have trouble accommodating another persons habits with our own, communicating, getting pregnant, etc. There are consequences to marrying later in life just as much as there are consequences to marrying earlier.
Married at 19 here, with all the fertility issues we’ve had if I had waited till the marriageable age there would have been no children. Personally think earlier is better. Our 21 yr anniversary is today. Goes by fast.
I totally agree with this. Marrying later in age also doesn't mean that the people have developed better communication/ etc. skills 🤷♀️
Me and my wife have been together since we were 15 but we didn’t actually get married until we were 27. We lived together for a long time before marrying, I personally would recommend doing things that way.
@@thorneto2742 Dude, I hope your marriage last.
those young marriages have a very very low survival rate nowadays unfortunately. Most people don't know who they are at 18-22 and have no business thinking about marriage. A lot has changed in the past decade or two. Sure, there is a small percentage who make it. But i would definitely not recommend it for the vast majority.
I don't understand how people get married and not communicate things. If you can't tell your partner: "I'd like my life to be x, y, z, what would you like, what could each give in?", you're not ready for marriage. Same as marrying someone you don't know. Granted people change (in general), but not knowing basic stuff... Idk..many times I don't understand people's motivations for marriage, like when they are basically kids who can't have grown up reactions yet. Go live together for a few years, give one another space to grow and then decide to marry, you don't need to marry someone exactly X amount of years after being together, that depends on the relationship
I’ll never understand people that get married that have different love languages… Especially when one likes physical touch and the other one doesn’t. Just marry someone with the same desires or non-desires as you, and it would make more sense.
If you feel trapped after three months get couples counseling
This young man is so mature and thoughtful for his age. I do not think he is too young, it is just challenging to combine habits and patterns into a new household. I would also think late 20's, or 30's, or 40's would be even more challenging - as habits are more firmly set.
His wife doesn't like him touching her, dude is a Lil girl.
Seems like a good guy but I think she's just not that into him. She doesn't like to be touched by him and is not hesitate to say hurtful things to him. This will not end well. Marriage today is not worth the risk
This is why you don't get married in your early 20s. Your still finding yourself. There is no rush. Wait until your ready.
Agree!
agree wholeheartedly. I know from experience , unfortunately. Sure, it may work for a very very small percentage of the population. But nowadays much less successful and i would not recommend marrying that young in the least.
Nearly every couple (family or friends) i know who married in their early 20's divorced within about 20 years. I know one couple who married at 21 who is still together, but the are miserable and the husband has tried to leave multiple times. Sadly, the only reason they are still married is due to a health condition the other spouse has, and he feels "obligated" financially. Just a bad situation.
People for generations got married earlier than that and they were just fine. This idea of "Finding yourself" is contemporary zoomer nonsense.
@@choicemeatrandy6572 not necessarily. Things are a lot different nowadays than they were say 30, 40, 50 years ago...lots of women have careers outside the home, folks aren't as wholesome as they once were ...and it takes time and maturity to properly vet another person in today's climate. Sure there are the token few it works out for...but it's become rare.
@@EadsB7002 Every generation of people love to think they're different than the other. It has nothing to do with age but maturity. If I went on a date with someone who said they didn't want to get married cause they "wanted to find themselves first" I'd bail out cause that's someone who when they hit 40 will have a mid life crisis and need to "go find themselves" some more.
I have been saying this for years. I notice a lot of women get married for 1. Money 2. The title 3. To be taken care of. Rarely have I seen true love. I have held off on relationships due to me not feeling 100% about the person. If I can't cuddle and kiss you without you feeling repulsed, I will not be in your life anymore.
First few years in marriage are in my humble opinion very challenging getting used to each other. Been married for 20 plus - if you work at it , it keeps getting easier and better
I never in my 30plus years had heard the words "The first few years of marriage are hard." Never. Until I got to know conservative religious people. They say that all the time.
Could it be because they get married really young very fast because they wanna finally be able to have sex? And are then occupied with trying to get this fast-chosen non-fitting partner to fit to themselves?
These two are probably ot conservatie religious because they dated for two years but they are incredibly young for marriage.
Good advice, if someone says they hate you and wish you had not gotten married, conversation is quietly over.
Oh wow, This sound soo familiar! The first year was rough!
Highly recommend the book Love and Respect!
P.s, I think it’s wonderful they got married “young”.
( We we’re younger )
If you both stay committed and really want to love each other I’ll tell you what 10 years later looks like!
Our marriage is the best!! I can’t imagine being happier! 😄
Wonderful book recommendation
A great book
I got married young as well. It's so great! We get to grow together, learn together instead of growing apart and trying to fit together later.
Such a lovely boy.he is such a great husband so sweet,so present and super commited.They need therapy as it seems he's got a baby on his hands and they need to get a hold on her issues
Bruh is in line for divorce court and losing all his stuff. And he can't even touch her lol.
This man has no confidence.
I loved being in a one sided marriage, it was great... (cries)
I feel like this man would make a great role model and speaker for men.
Men desperately need good role models.
Dr. Deloney was BORN for this!!!! It’s not even about his education;I’m sure he has had a ton of training, but the person he is was made for this!!!
Advice: communicate honestly your needs and likes/dislikes while dating. It’s ok to talk about them early on in the dating experience.. waiting years will tend to influence how we see things and how they really are vs how we dream of them being in marriage.. relationships are met to bond, bond wisely.
When married: cultivate a culture in your home of love and service, respect and patience. Identifying those important boundaries.
Everybody is physical touch, if a woman isn’t into physical touch she isn’t into you
Precisely. It's oxytocin bonding
Dude out here lost. She getting touched alrightlol.
Not true. For many women physical touch is uncomfortable if they were raised around violence and volatility.
@@LSSYLondon not for a woman that loves you.
@@TheCalvinnnnn that is just not true. Therapists can tell you that. If someone was abused, often times they can never enjoy intimicy later or just after working hard in therapy
I'm so tired of people acting as if getting married in your early 20s is such a horrible thing! A study literally came out earlier this year that showed there was little to no difference in terms of satisfaction and stability between marriages that start in the early 20s and later on in life. My husband was 22 when we got married and I was 25! We have literally one of the best marriages! I will say our first year of marriage was definitely our hardest because we had a lot of learning to do about each other, but it's been smooth sailing since then.
You shouldn't have to have a government piece of paper to validate your relationship with a person. Ask yourself this one question; If you weren't married to him, would you look at him and treat him the same way, like if you guys were still boyfriend and girlfriend. Marriage is something that's been drilled into everyone's heads, and is unnecessary unless there are a few situations where people are just that different.
@@user-kr2hw7zb6v You're right, ultimately it should be religious and community based. Government is overreaching.
Regardless, the alternate opinion in terms of how it is in this society is: if a relationship is so stable, and committed, a government paper shouldn't scare anyone.
Times were different back then. Men need more time to grow their value then decide if they want to be joined at the hip with a woman.
@M W Why do you care if you are doing so well? That's a total waste of energy. My parents just celebrated their 66th btw and I doubt my Mom gives a rats arse about what people think about getting married young. 🤣
I agree I’ve been with my husband since I was 16 now 30 and I like him more now 😂
22 is too young to get married. The adult brain is not even fully developed till 25. I don’t think that marriage will last
First no one asked you 😂 also that fact isn’t even true it depends from person to person that is just on average. Honestly I don’t think your brain is fully developed buddy. Uncanny comments get uncanny replies
This is exactly why I think couples should live together for a period of time before getting married. Doesn’t need to be a long time. You can learn a lot about someone by living with them for 3-4 months. You’ll very quickly learn if your lifestyle is compatible with someone else’s. By living separately, getting married, then living together; you’re completely banking on the fact that you’ll be compatible
I wish you’d not interrupt the caller so much. “Ok, can i get in here?”…..Let him finish.
A good support system would really help, a pastor…family friend…parents…siblings to help guide these young folks
Dudes needs and annulment. Get out of that hot mess bcus she’s a hot mess. You can’t trust most women.
If she’s already tired of you touching her that’s it. Just leave now before you accumulate wealth and assets that will be taken and ESPECIALLY before having children. This isn’t “your view of marriage is different”. If she doesn’t want you touching her that’s it man
This.
If they have been virgins since before marriage then it might be difficult for her. He should be patient and gentle and just keep stating his needs. He can also do his part and make sex better for her by learning how to please her. It took forever for my husband to learn because he'd never been with any other woman.
@@hyrunnisa997 yeah that’s not it. He’s talking about things like holding hands and basic touch. If she doesn’t want that it’s over. Not sure why they even got married in the first place.
I'm usually all for working on things but they are too young, this is too early, and they are just not inappropriate match. You should not stay with someone that you were fundamentally incompatible with just because you made a legal commitment. Especially when you are this young and there are no children involved. Get out now, charge to the game come and move on with your life. The sunk cost fallacy. He said they were together for 3 years as if that meant 30. He's gonna be miserable for the rest of his life but she's never going to meet his needs.
Literally he never said she didn’t want him touching her, he said she is not as touchy as he wants to be. It’s completely different. You’re also assuming without any information that he’s the only one who can gain wealth that can be taken.
People who limit physical touch before marriage, especially for religious reasons may take more time to discover levels of intimacy that are right for them. You can't expect immediate compliance
This! I sensed that the decisions were based on their religion 😢. They should divorce now. Marry later if they were meant to be.
Compliance?
The immaturity of this whole situation amuses me. This couple need counseling to be decent human beings first. Good luck moving forward, I wish them the best!
What is the guys issue, please explain?
I disagree that the older you are the more ready you are for marriage. I got married at 19 and my husband was 21. We knew each other since we were 9 and 11. Even though we knew each other so well not married it was still a big adjustment that took years and is even still evolving. We have been married now 47 years, 4 kids and 6 grandkids and we still learn new things about each other because we each change depending on circumstances still. The older you are the less flexible you are and the more you want the other person to swim in your lane and not make a new lane you can both swim in.
This 💯💯💯
How do you disagree with something you never got to experience?
@@gloriamn9013 That’s such a lame argument. There’s enough examples and data within society to form a reasonable opinion about that. 🙄
@@gloriamn9013pahaahhaaj! Right?
@@aaronkelley3865well, if you actually look at recent Trends the data will tell you that marrying older actually leads to more successful relationships. People know themselves, they're grown, and they're more likely to find a partner that they are compatible with rather than just trying to repent their childhood traumas.
I always say therapy is good for everyone, there will the things individually each has to work on. Start with that see how it goes, maybe couples therapy too. A relationship requires maturity and compromise.
Lived together for 4 yrs before marriage. We fought and I cried for the first year. Still married, 50 yrs.
22 is super young for marriage (especially these days). I van't imagine teo people who don't even know themselves yet picking a lifelong partner.
Intimacy can’t be negotiated. Once it’s gone, it’s gone.
I am 25 year old female, and I want to get married someday, but when I hear these kind of issues, I don't feel like getting married anymore
Well, if you stay clear from potential partners who / propose marriage for a "living arrangement" / say "i hate you " / don't want any physical contact / come from an abusive family / don't use their own toothbrush.... you should be fine.
Same!! It sounds exhausting😅
marriage is a risk
if you do hold off on having kids and get a prenup if you make your own money
only enter relationships especially marriage sober
This situation is way too dysfunctional for me. I have no desire to share my life with anyone that is accustomed to saying line-crossing things. I don't care if they was mad at the time.
One of the best things I’ve been able to work into my marriage, is to step away and replay the argument and picture it from my wife’s perspective. That can turn things around real quick. Also, I try to think of expectations and if they were fair. If I expected something, I ask myself if that was fair and if she knew what my expectations were. If not, then it’s my fault. It’s incredibly helpful. Then, if I am in the wrong, I will apologize. If I am not, then I do not. But I also don’t want an apology from her if I think she isn’t really sorry. It’s taken YEARS to get here, but sticking with these rules has made us closer than ever. I hope these young people figure this out.
Dang John, LOVED the "if you continue to say....I will walk away from the conversation". Genius!
That's just being avoidant. Not smart.