Children Will Financially Ruin You. Tom Simmons - Full Special
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- Опубліковано 25 сер 2024
- Children will financially ruin you, or at least in the case of Tom Simmons in this full Dry Bar Comedy special, you should probably name your child Owen, because that is what you'll be doing for the rest of your life. Whether you're someone with 10 kids, or someone who has put off having kids, this full Dry Bar Comedy special from Tom Simmons is sure to keep you laughing from start to finish.
If you enjoyed this full Dry Bar Comedy special from Tom Simmons, be sure to check out the links below for even more Dry Bar Comedians you might enjoy!
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"Yeah, there's a reason why kids are so cute - it's so you don't throw 'em in a dumpster at 3 in the morning." SPOT ON my guy 😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂 yess
I have no kids but the way my family is set up, I basically raised my siblings and God it makes me not want to have kids at all. And I love kids. Love cuddling them and hanging out with them but the relief I feel when their parents come home and I can go back to only taking care of me, is immeasurable.
I'm with you! People said I'm very good with kids and that I would surely be an awesome mom if I could have one (I'm barren)! LoL.
They don't know that the reason for those are: 1) because I'm a child at heart myself (that's why I can connect/relate with them so much). And 2) I don't have to take care and live with them 24/7! I am FREE!!! 🤣
Took the words right out of my mouth 😸
I love being an aunt! I was possibly born to be an aunt! I highly recommend aunt-hood or uncle-hood to anyone with a sibling, or even a cousin. If you don’t have any relatives that can provide this experience, just borrow or rent. Owning is way to complicated, all sorts of unexpected costs, random repairs, and generally too hard to maintain.
@@ShannonMcW
Yes! I'm that silly yet cool aunt, too. I have no siblings, but my closest cousin who lives next door has 3 kids, and they're all sticking to me like glue almost everyday. And when I'm not in the mood to play, all I need to do is told them to go home. LoL. Auntiehood it is for me...😄❤
@Olly Nolly you just described how parenting feels, and the only relief is their bedtime. I have 5 kids and didn't realize how much it'd be until i had my last kid😭🤣
"....my baby is making hash?! No wonder these things are so valuable!" 🤣🤣
Did NOT get enough laughs for that!
They weren't ready 🤣
"Owen says 'why can't I be a big brother'?" "Well, you should've slept through the night a few more times." LOL
The "employee discount" joke is spot on! Hilarious set, Tom!!! Love it!!!
For real!
This guy and his wife are hilarious. I would absolutely BINGE Haunted House Flippers- the end of the special killed me.
Way funnier than the audience seems to believe.
The audience is smart
“We named our son ‘Owen’, ‘cause that’s what we’re gonna be doin’ for the rest of our lives” 🤣🤣🤣
lmao
At least he is not a single parent.
@@pareshlalta792 q
@@larrywade2753 what ?
Ha,"I'm saving .53 cents on pop tarts! This guy is hilarious 😂
Details of baby entering the world. Entertaining.
Pretty darn accurate!
Authentic 😁🤣
I don't think my kids were expensive, but their schools hit us up for money all the time!
You'd think brainwashing would be cheaper
I love good clean comedy. Thanks for thinking of those of us that do Dry Bar. This guy is great.. very funny.
A lot of us also
L O V E good clean comedy.
Thanks for the grammatical giggle, lol!!
@@majoroldladyakamom6948 lol, maybe that's the way I meant to spell it.. kidding, I corrected it. Thanks.
@Baba Ganush I don't know, I think it's a matter of taste. I know a lot of comedians that don't use foil language and are doing pretty well for themselves. Dry bar is also showing everyone that clean comedy can bed just as funny if not moreso than raunchy jokes.
O my word, lol, nearly choked on my water at "put it nxt here to daddy's", LOL
Home-colleged 🤣🤪
Yes the will financially ruin you, but don't forget that they can and probably will emotionally ruin you too LOL
So true I know from experience‼️👍👍
They will also be choosing your Nursing Home some day, as well.
😂😂😂
This guy is hilarious please put more content of him on here 😂😂
I have 12 children, they were easy the husband was harder 😂😂🤣🤣😂
Holy Moly!!!!😱😱😱 God Bless you and your family!!!
😂😂😂
Sounds like your husband must've been 'hard' all the time??! LOL 😆😂🤣
That stimulus though
@@maxlove4906 that is not nice keep clean please.
"Isn't really sure where Lebanon is..." LOL :)
Jokes about kids, the best. So funny. Thank you 😊
The maintenance man of our building is a better than a husband. He fixings things but leaves after that!
This was so hilariously funny and relatable at the same time. I loved it. 😂
This is soo good. Yes parenting is beautiful and extremely stressful and scary at the same time!
Dude, thus guy us right. At walnart they said only self check out is opened and i had a full cart.
This man is right. I should get a discount it took me about 15 minutes to do it so i should get 15 minutes of my time given back to me! I value my time at $30/hr. So i should get $8. In shear saving at least. I am being extremely reasonable
You can absolutely see light through closed eyelids my guy lol I know he was mentioning as part of a bit, but still
You can but I've found a beanie cap pulled down over the eyes blocks enough so I can go to sleep and keeps my head from getting cold while I sleep. I guess if you're hot natured you have to adjust clothing levels elsewhere, though, so the cap doesn't overheat you while you're sleeping.
Lol... light at night can be bright, even with eyes closed. I stick blue tac or tape over visible little power lights as I am also sensitive to light when sleeping 😎😊🤣
That last bit about the invite to the TV show! OMGGGGGG. Thank you thank you thank you for showing the reality of reality TV that dumbs down everything & throws out talent that could have served the country the world but it’s not “dumb” enough. I felt the entire conversation and it’s actually their loss and funny that you pointed out before & yet they the “experts” couldn’t understand hah. I just say NO to everything too now. This one was fun to watch. You don’t need TV to validate your worth 💪🙂
He is going to be home colleged.
😂😂😂😂😂😂
This guy was funny, audience was dry.
LOL!!! I can definitely relate the Self Checkout!
Great all th way thru! Thx 4 sharing, i needed this :)
Love the backdrop!
He got me on the first sentence 🤣🤣
Very funny and intelligently entertaining. It isn't everyone's cup of tea. But he is super smart.
I'm sure many people would love to listen to more intelligent jokes as well
That ending was PERFECT. I laughed, SO Hard.
I wish I could 'like' this many times over. I really like this guy.
Thank you for the laughs!!! Excellent
He’s very dry and low-key and I wasn’t certain I’d make it through his whole set, but he’s low-key and funny and I’m glad I didn’t bail.
Hurrah for the non-violence. Me too, even though I had horrible role models as a child -- but it didn't result in me repeating the cycle, it resulted in me never wanting to do that to anyone I supposedly love. He's a good guy; I love the way he talks about his kid, how he respects how the kid sees the world (even if it's funny in the moment).
That final bit about "America's Got Talent" looking for dumber comedy was so biting and to the point.
Love this guy!!!So funny!!!
I'm the same way when I sleep 😂 I need it dark! It's much better.
Yep...& quiet! No tv, etc on. My ex used to think i was picking on him by telling him i could still hear his show. But i have super sensitive hearing & he was going deaf. There's a joke in that somewhere, haha.
Hilarious!
I loved this guy! Can’t believe he’s not around more often in other widely known places keep it up man, you were great from beginning to end!
This guy is THE BEST!
This man is GOLD
this guy is great!
Big applause! Tom is exceptionally funny.
The whole set was hilarious, but the ending,...laughed way too long on that. That was the best. Righteous!
This guy Tom is so Funny 🔥
Fun parenting tip.
I put myself in timeout might even have the luxury here and far of being grounded when the kids are away.😉
If you're not laughing you don't have kids. Go to the shopping mall or whatever it's called where you are. See the parents with kids, learn your lessons just by seeing what those little Owens are like. 😂😂😂 Can always hand them back no receipt or excuse needed. That's the way it goes with me, don't mind loading them full of sugar and giving them noisy toys or spending a day in the toy store as it ain't my problem it's the parents 😂😂 who have to deal with it all, good luck to all the parents out in this crazy world 💯
Let me tell you about my spawn.... this is so damned ORIGINAL!
Thus guy is awesome! Thanks DryBar!
That was clever Tom. I think the (sit-down) audience did have a little trouble keeping up at times. but I loved it.
This guy is hilarious!
I laughed hilariously out loud when he started talking about his turn the mop aisle 3
I love the self check-out jokes, I don't use self check-out
This was hilarious xD A lot of fresh material I'd never heard before.
Thanks so much I needed the laughs! This was hilarious!
This guy made me laugh a lot! So funny !!!
Mom's don't laugh....we get mad! "I TOLD you not to do that!" Gotta love 'em!
Love it love it 100% I laughed until I cried you totally funny man thank you for that
!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is the secret of financial success - no kids
Spot on! I've got three kids and providing for their needs and a couple of wants has got us in the broke house every payday!
absolutely love this guy so funny thankyou for your humour
There’s a book series about a house flipper that keeps running into ghosts. It’s a fun, cozy mystery read. :)
What's it called?
Sounds like a great book, what's the name????
Man, I will have to see if I can find the author! It’s been a few years ago since reading that series
I should check out his other sets on yt to hear what they're talking about. This was a good set.
I feel like I've seen a portion of his special but not the full set! I like him though 😂😂
I agree, I've seen part of this too.
Newborn view of the world was so true.....I like this guy.
Now this guy is funny, seriously
By the way… I did not get them back in the same pristine condition 😂 Hysterical!!! Love his timing!!! 😂
I was imagining the audiences face on the dumpster joke and was rolling laughing 🤣 😃 😀 it was like he hit them with a 2×4.
But I had kids and was like yea your right.
That last joke was brilliant.
Me and Tom have similar situations about parenting...it was all full of humor now if I think about it.
Very Funny, and true Tom !!!
You're the best dude. So much fun now boy.!
The reason kids are cute stops you throwing them in the bin😂 😂😂😂😂
The title tells me this is going to be accurate and hilarious.
I don’t see Supermarkets dropping the price of goods in the store, after making us pay $0.15c - $2.00 for an advertising opportunity plastic bag.
I'm stealing the haunted house flipper idea.
9:03 🤣😂🤣
25:49 Yes! Absolutely!😂
A had a good laugh with this one :D
The light bit hit WAY too close to home...
Hilarious!! Too bad the inhouse group didn't keep up with his humor he was great!!🤣🤣
The Ric Flair drip is strong in this one.
😂😂😂 thank you!
Funny 😂
This guy needs to watch "Haunted Property Brothers" by studio c.
thanks for your comedy you made me laugh your amazing
fun fact: the color you see when you close your eyes, they call it "Eigengrau"
Lol I agree with your wife about light getting through eyelids ... love your special 🤣
This guy is a sweet bear! Very relatable ! An aproachable man!
Well done
Kids are too expensive!!
“Dear North Carolina, We understand you have started disciplining your kids like Northern cities. That is, you aren’t. You should follow the example of South Carolina (ouch). Due to this and a MYRIAD of non-Southern things that you have let overtake your state, we are going to have to let you go.“
Signed,
The South
Good god man not enough ads on this video
No kids no pets
Best finishing joke ever! Even if the show was awful (it most definitely was NOT), that last line alone justifies the 30 minute video.
Oh please spare the rod spoil the child. I have a wonderful 34 year old that I used the occasional corporal punishment on when he was a toddler. He's not scarred in the least. We have a ton of disrespectful children vin our schools because parents are afraid of their children.
compassion laughing a kids lol.
He is awesome! Reminds me of Bill Engvall and Ray Romano.