This is my situation. My ex was never successful with women. Then he met me and I gave him stacks of confidence sexually. Boosted his ego, got him off statins. He was impotent, had no libido or life force when we met. Now he's 'hot to trot' and is dating HUNDREDS of women. Heartbreaking. He has callously 'kicked me to the kerb'. I am now surplus to requirements. He honed all his sexual techniques on me. He was practising. And, yes, he wasn't loved as a child ( cold mother'violent father), and got his heart broken before he met me. I'm his collateral damage. So grateful to you an Lewis for this amazing video. Thank you, guys. PS He also went to an all-boys public school and was too shy with girls. So he's making up for lost time now!
I love that there are these men out there that want deep committed meaningful relationships. Men that speak their truths in a way that supports both sexes. So tired of all the man bashing out there, we all deserve to be loved and supported.
Make sure you heal before starting another relationship. Rebound relationship is damaging you unconsciously. Be careful ladies. Don't pressure urself. Take ur time.. better die single and happy with inner peace.
I wish there was a movement much as feminism that is interested in discovering the role of men in this modern era, not as polar opposite to feminism, but as an integral system that acknowledges both as important in their own roles. De-constructing men is as important as De-constructing women. Great job you 2 for doing it in this video.
There are some good Men's Rights Activists out there. There are also 'equity feminist' and 'egalitarian' thinkers. But they are mostly in the shadows and disparaged by mainstream feminism. You can start with Christina Hoff Sommers' book The War on Boys. There are also more radical MRAs, but they can be more shocking and distasteful, so I am not sure you will like them, though they do have good analyses sometimes.
Lalaris Portela I actually thought that’s what feminism was. I believe all genders deserve equal respect and acknowledgement. I thought that was apart of it.
Lalaris Portela there are a good number of masculinity modeling programs and groups, where guys are taught about manhood and it being okay to feel feelings and that sort of thing, but so much of the world's population sees men as the dominating gender and if they're not all about fighting and sexual conquests, and drinking the feelings away, while having a woman depend on them for strength and financial support, they're weak, and get called all sorts of derogatory terms (including being referred to as a woman). Traditional feminism was about not only empowering women to feel equal to the stereotypical male role in society, but it also was a movement to focus on allowing men to be comfortable being more sensitive and not having the pressure of having to be the only one to provide, fight, and actually just have them share the roles equally with women. Modern feminism unfortunately often turns into man bashing and making women superior or cruel to men, in an attempt to even the playing field, but all that does is backfire and certainly doesn't close the gap between men and women, emotionally, financially, or mentally.
Lewis is quite possibly one of the bravest men out there for writing this book. I actually wonder if men will even be brave enough to read it, or whether the idea of exposing these masks will feel too vulnerable. Thank you, Matt & team, for featuring it. Shout out to any man who follows these words of wisdom; they’re on on a fast path to becoming a whole lot sexier!
It sounds like a good book. I like how he shows the etiology; that these "maladaptive" emotional patterns are just responses to typical male socialization.
We men read important stuffed sports, cars, music, gym workout not cheesy stuff to fill emotional. That's one thing I learn not to be emotional, sometimes emotional thing can't let you do things.
@@juny9198 That's part of the problem. Men say the things they are into are important. Cars, sports, etc. While devaluing feminine things such as drama. Who gave men the right to define what's important or not? Have voice for both. Drama and emotions are important too. Because men are not the only people who define, pick and choose what is considered as important in life.
@@trictok4418 drama is what bring discussion and disagreement in a relationship, emotions makes u weeks, that's were some people take advantage of started to manipulate situations until something bad happens like cheating , ECT ECT ECT ECT....
I think it's very important to understand that men and women both have to learn to be vulnerable and open, and that it is difficult and uncomfortable sometimes. As people-we don't want to feel pain. Whether it is in the form of rejection or by having a relationship end or something else...we know that when it comes to relationships and love-the chances of us being rejected or hurt somehow, are high. So I think everyone tends to put on a face or a mask... Whether it is a mask of confidence or something else...whether they tell themselves that it's part of showing the best of themself to win someone over or whether it's to build a wall to keep from getting too close and hurt... It's difficult. It's difficult to connect and be vulnerable with people... Personally, I am drawn to realness. It's not always pretty or comfortable, but real is where there is heart, vulnerability, and where trust can be built. I wish people were not afraid of investing time, or themself...those are the real things, the things that matter in the end. They're priceless. But when we have our masks on or walls up-we never can have those real things. To get what we really want...we have to risk that pain, and vulnerability. We have to feel things. And if we are not ready to do that, then we have to accept that we won't have what we want- until we are ready to do that. We also have to accept that we can never make anyone else be ready to be vulnerable and real. I think your video makes a good point about that. We learn over and over throughout life that we cannot change or control anyone else. If we are attracted to someone and they are not ready for what we are, we have to understand and accept that they are not the person that can give what we want and need. So we have to be able to let that person go, to work on themself...and not have some idea that we could only be happy with that one person. (Sometimes that is hard for men and women both to remember, when they really like someone) I'm really glad that you try to remind us of that in your videos. Thank you for that. 😊
Allow men with low self-esteem to work through their own issues first, however long that may be. Do not wait around for anyone to show their potential. Decide whether you are willing to invest time and energy into what they have shown thus far. Be honest with yourself, does he meet your standards in terms of values?
Agreed. You are not responsible for his decisions and you don't need to help him in any way. People need to learn on their own. After he gets his sh*t together he might just be the perfect man for you. Until then don't waste your time...
+Elena Marcu That sounds a little harsh. No one is perfect and everyone has sh*t that they need to get together. Looking for someone who doesn't need your help or who has no issues sounds like a recipe for spending your life alone.
Matthew, I was just having this conversation with my brother who, by the way, was hurt & totally devastated when a woman he opened his heart up to abruptly left him - NO warning- to marry a man her mom picked out! Consequently, sadly, he's become jaded and cynical. However, he argued you could start out as friends/co-workers/classmates and then fall for their mind & as love grows, sex will too. I believe there chemistry first & then as you get to know one another, you can determine if he/she is emotionally mature & ready for a deeper connection.
In the #MeToo era -- a friend / coworker / classmate could, can, and with high probability will launch a sexual harassment campaign against the guy. Either formally with charges - or across social media or of course both. Best moves forward - never interact with the XX. Not Once, and certainly never in areas of 'love'.
I agree that chemistry is important but for women it's also important that they don't just sleep with the guys they are attracted to because then you start pair bonding and you might not be able to see if that man is good or not and for men good men specifically they need to just work on themselves and not lose focus but they are taught to value themselves on wether they can get girls and that's wrong aswell it's seems so damn ass backwards sometime ya know?
Interesting discussion. I'd add that some of my former male buddies were this way. But they also had serious mental health issues like narcissistic personality disorder, and 2 or 3 were actual psychopaths. These guys ruined the lives of everyone they spent time with, both male and female. It's important for any woman to be able to see the difference between the mask Hussey describes, and the guys she must run from.
Paul Hurst it’s very sad that the mental illnesses do this. i was married to a covert narcissist for 4 yrs. Sometimes its not easy to tell these things and in my case when he flipped out in the end. I did not know who this person was. I remember thinking over and over in my head how he could just change to Dr. Jekyl and Hyde in front of my eyes. He was a father of two from a previous marriage. The children loved their dad so much hugged and loved on him. I was fooled as well for a very long time until the end of it when he came at me with force. I packed my shit and left that night. It is hard when you see someone you loved so much turn into that. You don’t want to see it or believe it. I was in shock for a long while after that to come out of it. It scared the hell out of me. Even knowing red flags doesn’t help with a covert narcissist when most of them usually don’t remove the mask. When u find yourself in that moment if you haven’t started to run already towards that door its too late....
So interesting! I remember when I was 12, I attended an open day with all the boys and girls I would be starting my first year of high school with. I made friends that day with a girl who was also new, as most of the kids all knew each other from the year before (The school was age 6-17, all years). I was always awkward looking, slightly mousy and not memorable and the girl I made friends with was a bit more developed than I, and GORGEOUS. When they introduced us everyone immediately wanted to be friends with her. Over the day she ditched me and was accepted with the "cool girls" who already attended that school. I sat back by myself and tried to have a good time. Every-time I was around the boys they would be doing exactly what Hussey said- making bets and putting dibs on the pretty girl. It made me feel like I had to be of her standard in order to be liked by men, which is sad because at 12, all I was interested in was evolving my Charmander into a Charizard on game-boy!
I am sorry to hear that, Constance. I had a weird experience growing up since mentally, I was like you, but the guys desired me like crazy. It's sexual harassment, to tell you the truth, and I think I've always known that without knowing about the concept/the terminology. If you are a girl with boobs, but insight, it's not an ego boost because you know very well that it's disrespectful. It felt like bullying, really. I suppose that if I had been clueless, I might have enjoyed it more at the time, but would have gotten a rude awakening later. LOL! That's immature behavior to be expected. Now that I am in my 40s, I still meet men who engage in such a behavior. However, when they are still like that while being this old, it's disturbing. There is something seriously wrong with old men if they are still at the stage of talking about how they are going to score this old chick or this one. Of course, most of the time, they are lying and oogling someone out of their league. A true player (and I know a few of tthose) doesn't need to lay it on so thick. They can be seen with these women shopping, at the bar, etc. They don't need to boast while standing (alone) amongst a bunch of old men at the bar: they can show off the goods.
Constance Goldwing well, hahahahah, I am just care with my favorite korean drama, music and hobbies. Boy considered I was weird because I love every boyish thing like game and soccer (tomboy struggles) I was silent girl until now (and I will turn 20 this december) never date before, just listening and observing, total introvert because the truth is I really hates social things which usually makes me drained my energy too much and never contact everyone on the next day except my mom, only have one until ten person who I considered as 'true friends'. just take your time and be yourself. 😊
Desak Putu Raka Paramita I was similar to you. I've always been very active since very young, so I was not "in touch" with what other girls of my age were doing and thinking of really... I had many girl friends but since I didn't always "connected" with them, I would get bored, so I turned around and started playing football with the boys (at age like 10 or so). I had like a opposing/rebellious attitude toward "the game", thinking "this is BS, not loosing my time to play these stupid girly games", I opted getting close to boys through sports, by building friendships, so they would see me strong, like them, and not week, like the other girls. But they didn't view me as "a girl" much, some did but It took puberty you know... I must add that I grew up with an older brother and at home, being "a girl" with girl needs was not valued and not respected, I had to be strong to fight off my brother who was physically violent and abusive with me since my mom never said anything to defend or protect me. So being a girl, a "real girl" was not a good thing in my family, which you know has some good for some reasons but did a lot of arm to my feelings, personality, self value and understanding what being a woman is all about. I'm 37 yo now and I still sometimes struggle with my understanding of relationships, more now that I'm single again (divorced), I have to deal with the dating game... men consider me as a woman, like when I say something or explain my understanding, so they don't get what I'm really telling them, I have no "I said this but meant that" games, that confuses them I think.
Annie : if you meet men who expect you to play games/be manipulative/lie, it's their loss.I am at the beginning of my 40s, so we are around the same age group. I see myself as too old for playing games, and since I value honesty, loyalty, etc., I don't want a man who plays games either. Let's leave the childish games to the children, and find a man who shares the same values. :-) They do exist. If people (men or woman) haven't evolve passed that stage, there is something wrong with them in my view. After all, do we expect people's behavior to change in the future, if they lie/manipulate/etc. throughout the dating phase? It's not a great way to start something serious.
Annie : I am also sorry to hear about your childhood. It sounds like neglect from your parents to me. Emotional and physical abuse are not OK, and it does messes one up.The great thing about living in 2017 is that women get to decide what being a woman means to them. I have never been a stereotypical girl/woman either. I was one of the prettiest girls in the class, but I am a nerd at my core. I graduated as a valedictorian. For a long time, I didn't even realize I was pretty, and that it was the reason for all the obnoxious boy behavior (I would call it sexual harassment and bullying; not a pleasant behavior at all; I disagree with Lewis Howes on his perception of these things; those boys certainly never scored me, regardless of how many fantasies they must have had). We are all expressing a kind of wisdom, I think. Even at a young age, we didn't just fall for the first asshole who called us pretty while bragging to his friend about how he might score in the future. It's disrespectful. Matthey Hussey is our type of man, I think. He seems to attract a lot of similar women to his channel! He is so pretty, isn't he? LOL
This is so important, if men who lead can take off the mask, better understand themselves, and love themselves, only then can they genuinely love a woman. Healthy love starts with self. I'm still looking for an emotionally mature man. Just one.. That's all I need..🙂
Maya's Channel Emotional immaturity is about insecurities and insecurities are consequence of expectations. Women's (society's) expectations from men is the reason of men's emotional awkwardness and vice versa.
He’s right, women create the environment men can’t be open in. Women shame me, directly or indirectly, when men are vulnerable. Women burn down the house and then complain about having no shelter from the rain.
And did you notice that even though their legs were crossed, their legs were "open" to the other, implying understanding and the freedom to speak openly to one another. No masks there... Very interesting!
Also interesting to note how Lewis' legs were crossed with his knee toward Matthew at the beginning but after Matthew shared his experience, Lewis instinctively switched the crossing of his legs. Humans are such fascinating social creatures.
I know a number of women that have that same "I deserve this now cause I didn't get this attention in highschool". It's hard to go from someone who feels insecure about weight or intelligence or just feeling too plain to having attention and feeling desired without some bumps and bruises. The best we can do is to use some empathy and patience. Only we can fix ourselves. There is an old saying "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink."
Can we just take a moment and acknowledge how Matthew being so classy,having his shit together, the way he is both mature and at times a bit of cheek peeps through, and how stylish he is, lord the man has got it goin on. His classy energy etc just makes him so much sexier, but I mean his beautiful smile doesn’t hurt either 😘
Everyone’s been hurt at some point or another. Why is it that some people still wear their heart on their sleeves while others are just manipulative and game players
That was my ex husband of 15 years. We married young, we both didn’t know better. We both came from broken homes, he had been neglected and felt abandoned and for me I basically married someone like my father. Unfortunately, he still struggles with this. He cheated countless times, always needing approval and affirmation. Nothing I did was enough for him. I’m happy now and living my best life thanks to videos such as yours. Thank you 😊
The golden ratio of humanity, especially when combined with a certain culture, makes me feel like I'm just meeting the same people over and over again.
jellymedina This is what ended a relationship that would have been worse if I’d stayed with a detached man/child. It’s very unbecoming as a lady to see he and his son go wild when a wet T-shirt contest was happening near where we were. They quickly disappeared and his son said it was the best day of his life and said he will dream of tits! 😳 He is 10, I said he will be desensitized to what real respect and love is. He acted like a child would when I called his behavior out, apple didn’t fall far from the tree...
@@southerncross5360 I don't know, tits are pretty great...... 🤷♀️ I think men embracing their sexuality and teaching sex positivity to their sons is a great thing. As long as they also teach, that once they do choose a woman to commit to, that they know how to treat that woman like the queen she is 👑👸
Honey, I'm older than your typical audience. Eventually, most women encounter these wounded souls. I have always said that the most dangerous man to a woman's wellbeing, is the man who never had any success with women when he was younger. And absolutely, women have to set the standard for how they expect to be treated.
Hi Matt, I can't describe to you in enough words how much this video means to me. I have just come out of a 3 year relationship with the guy I thought was "the one". We met in our gap year and we connected instantly. I never felt so much love and commitment from anyone ever and the relationship blew me away as to how mature and respectful this guy was. People always commented on how perfectly matched we were and I started to fabricate my life with him in my future. We had a rocky summer of trust issues where we decided to give the relationship another go. However, last week I find out he cheated on me. My perfect world literally feels like it has collapsed. Having followed you for many years I couldn't understand how things could be like this. However, after looking back in the relationship and now watching this video I understand a lot more about the sexual mask I believe my ex is now in the process of experiencing. I have been searching for all the mistakes and even placed the blame on myself this last week. After watching this video it gave me great comfort in one of the little niggling feelings I had about my ex. I really hope I can recover from this because he shattered my heart in more ways than possible. I am optimistic in the idea of finding someone more suited to me in the future but I am very disappointed he didn't turn out to be the one. Thank you as always for your amazing advice, support and introducing me to this wonderful community With love! - Soniya
I might catch a lot of flak for saying this, but honestly I've always felt this (hyper-vigilant self-preservation, fear of being hurt) is the main motivating factor behind the MGTOW movement. On a logical level, some of it makes sense (e.g. protecting your assets, not losing your identity, weeding out gold-diggers). But on an emotional level, I see a bunch of very hurt little boys on the inside. Its proponents are jaded & cynical divorcees -- men who made the mistake of getting married too early, gave their heart to a woman, and had it broken. Now they blame all women for their mistakes and heartache, vowing never to be hurt again...just "pump & dump." It doesn't sound enlightened to me so much as hurt, emotional, angry, bitter, resentful self-preservation & projection taken to an extreme. They need to heal & wisen up. But it's classic human nature to make up for a mistake by going so far in the opposite direction that you create a new set of problems for yourself. Learning to strike a balance comes with maturity, no doubt. And yes, some women do this too. On a socio-cultural level, MGTOW in some ways seems like the male rebuttal to (and analog of) feminism. More professional victims. When can we (men AND women) start taking responsibility for ourselves and our love lives in a mature, balanced fashion?
'' Well,you can't really have relantionships with women nowdays;no matter how good you do,no matter how well you fuck/provide -/for her,things won't go well. There'll be always someone in social media who is doing some aspect of the 'relanshionship' better than your spouse.Therefore,women will always compare the situation they're in with the supposed 'perfect thing out there' (shallow things mostly).Hypergamy in women will always kick in,they'll always want more and more. Let me clarify,even before MGTOW I didn't get hurt by women,I just had casual sex and little 'flings'(cuz I was afraid of responsabilities).It was when I started to demonstrate interess in long-term relantionships that i got to know MGTOW by some friends. I thought to myself at the time "That's too exagerated" "Well,I just got my frist real gf,let's try to setle down,it will work out somehow...maybe I'll marry her,have children,be happy(Since even now i still want kids).'' ''Probably not all women are like that'' i told my friends.In return,they'd nag me everyday "shit-test your girlfriend,you'll see she's the same as most women". And someday i finally did,i started to ask her questions,do things to see if all of that was true and guess what,my gf failed miserably. I started to see patterns in everything she did or said,finding myself more and more disgusted with her and women in general.I started to remember when I had one-night stands in the past,that the women would message me an try to get my attention even though i didn't respond or paid any attention to them.I was shocked to find out that the more i treated them badly,the more they seemed to like. I sincerally thought that they just liked to be treated like that while having sex,but no. Most women don't know what they want,most women want you to take responsiblity for her,like a parent for his kid,and most women don't like when you treat them too well.I broke up with my gf and I'm in my life of pumping and dumping again. My dream of marrying and being father of two (one boy and one girl) is totally destroyed and I am also starting to consider having 'surrogate mothers' birth my children and raising them alone. I'm sad,yeah...but life goes on. ''
João Pedro that hurts like hell. I had the same thought. I did wonder what the cost is for a surrogate mother. And I fear the cost is I lose the pair bonding. Pair bonding sounds nice. And I might consider it with this prenup: if in divorce, whoever takes the kid also pays for the kid, and pays alimony. I need to lose my child and my money? I disagree, and see that stipulation as a deterrent. And it likely will be something a judge will fail to honor.
I think it depends on your interpretation of MGTOW. I would agree that the majority of MGTOW guys come from the bitter, mysoginistic place that you described in your post but a lot of guys don't. A lot of MGTOW guys recognize that most women just aren't worth the trouble (at least for long term relationships). I would even argue that most men aren't worth getting into relationships with (myself included). I don't hate women but I value my time, autonomy, and emotional health too much to allow someone to compromise them because a couple of sappy romance movies told me that I need a woman in my life to be happy. Maybe my mindset will change in the future, but for now I'm keeping women at an arm's length until I meet one that I really vibe with on an emotional and physical level and vice versa. Call me bitter and resentful if you want, but I'm sure if it was a woman talking about men this way, she would be labeled as "empowered" and "independent"
Damn, I wish I would have seen this 3 years ago...before I fall in love with this guy, who teached me, always listen to your gut! Never really wished my first ever love is gonna be "so much pain, losing myself" love..but the other day saw this quote "Many things broke my heart, but fixed my vision." And finally, now, with clear mind and heart ( almost), I finally got it! We at least all learn from everything, I just had to learn the fact that it wasn't me, who did anything wrong, and that I wasn't enough. It was just the wrong person. But still trying to except that fact, but it is working, slowly but getting there. :) Protect your hearts my beautiful fellow ladies out there 💕
This simple intro gave me the answer to a dilemma with a long standing dilemma. It explained why despite the guy I want keeping coming back. He is mearly chasing a conquest. we are good friends but I put up barriers and he chases all the more. It is the conquest of winning over what he can't have. Relieved that its not me that's not right for him. Any woman right now is not going to get all of him .Thanks to you guys I will heal and move on to someone that has that side to offer.
Reguardless of what men go through woman go through the same thing and sometimes worse. I think men these days need to grow up and get help if they have to because going through life cutting everyone out is miserable. I know because I was there and managed to pull myself out of it. You either want to be alone forever or you want to be loved and in order to be loved you need to learn to open up and be vulnerable!!
"It is NOT your job to remove a mans sexual mask, to change him....it is not your responsibility to take his sexual mask from him!.....Just say No to him!" E X C E L L E N T advice Matthew!!
This is revolutionary advice. I am nearing my 30’s and I am finding myself more attractive to men between the ages of about 38-50. You might call this Daddy issues. I had an amazing father and was very wholesomely loved by him. My Daddy issue is that he set the bar and the standard for what a confident man, partner, and father looks like. My mother slowly eroded this away from him unfortunately. That went off topic. I am finding myself more and more attracted to these older men because it would appear that they are either more emotionally mature. If they have a lot of options I actually really admire them IF they are choosing without a baseline of fear. Their is abundance in volume, meaning they have lots of options and their ego is only fed because of this. That is actually a scarcity mindset. It’s fear based and I find this unattractive. I do not pay attention to those who do this. Then there is an abundance mindset set from a place of self value, confidence, and standards. This is the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen but I have never once found it in a man younger than 35. It’s not a knock on men my age. It’s one person’s testimony of how prevalent the sexual mask is.
Thank you for this. I can stop crying over the men who had masks and kicked me out because I wanted an authentic connection. It's their issue, to dump by text, to ignore for months... not what I deserve at all! Bless you for changing the system from within x
Woooow, thank you a lot!!! I used to get into relationships with these kind of man and I finally decided to stop it. One of these guys is just the way you described, and I have decided to reject him. It has been the most difficult because he has been stubborn and impolite with me. So, I really appreciate your video cause it's a kinda motivation for saying Thanks, no more.
Hey Matthew I partly agree with you however the reason men start to attract women in their 30's (I.E start hitting their peak sexual value) is because that's what women look for. Women look for power, money and status in a man which most men dint start to get that until their 30s, whereas men instinctually look for youth, beauty and fertility which is why women's peak sexual value are ages between 18 - 26 (can be older depending on her lifestyle) This shows as most of the audiences I've seen from your videos are women past that age. They get so used to attracting the top 10% of men at those ages they set their standards that high. Then when those guys stop coming as they get older, they then struggle because their standards are so high where as their "value" (in terms of what generally guys are attracted to) has gone down and IS going down the older they get. You're definitely right that women need to change what they're attracted to So That it doesn't permit and encourage "Jock" behaviour.
You nailed: Women want men that are worth dating, because those men are stable financially, older (+30's) and at an age were they are suppose to be "mature" not "insecure" etc... and those men are not interested in women of their same age, because a +20 yrs. old is more attractive since she is young & needs him more emotionally and who knows maybe financially???? ~ And the women who are +30's yrs. old need to look for the men in her +55 yrs???? Oh God... What a mess!!
A woman in her thirties has witnessed so much bullshit treatment by men in her life that she wouldn't put up with it anymore so men need to chase younger women to get away with it without having to mature or work on themselves.
@@user-md1ol7nj7h I wouldn't necessarily say that as I am genuinely mistaken as early 20 and my age is only questioned when they hear me speak. I would even go so far as to say that I am at my peak physical attractiveness with almost 30. This can of course differ a lot depending on what kind of person one talks about but I can speak only about my own experiences and observations. A naive and inexperienced mind can be easier swayed towards putting up with BS and if men are upset about how good women turn out after many relationships gone bad wouldn't it rather reflect badly on the men? Same goes the other way around. It's hard to stay kind and optimistic when hurt repeatedly. Both sides should be taught to treat the other with respect and kindness.
Absolutely agree. We all have our excuses for acting badly. The end result though is that we are behaving badly and it is our job to fix it. Not of others.
Matthew...those jeans are really hugging you. I dont know how i feel about that. Wear what ever you like...just know that i couldn't stop looking that way.
i am a very happily married woman. i stumbled upon this channel a few weeks ago and watched a few vids out of curiosity. for years now i've had my women friends asking me the "secret" to the success of my 14 year marriage even through very difficult times. i gotta say Matthew and Co. hit the nail on the head. all those things i couldn't articulate to other women, these guys have spelled out beautifully in their vids.
5:30 is the definition of a ton of men in Silicon Valley including me. Nerds who got bullied in high school, never were popular with women, become tech millionaires in their 30s and now are getting a lot of attention. They were already jaded with women and it’s easy to become bitter at this point, calling them gold diggers, etc. I wish you would develop more on that tangent.
this is so real. At a young age we take our competitiveness and place it on the pursuit of women. then we encounter a traumatic experience with women and turn that competition into a now Vendetta that you guys are speaking on. Great topic and guest
Yeah, because emotional baggage is the same as physical baggage and you can just leave it somewhere and never look at it again. It's not like it's part of your identity, or part of who you are. You're right. :kappa:
Easy to speak harder to live. Your past makes you who you are. Otherwise we would never learn. Bad and good decisions are a learning process. If you leave them you will never learn. Not saying to live in your past but you better not forget most of it!!!
The last time I considered giving a chance to a guy, it turned out that this was his problem and noticed it too late, I was emotionally involved and obviously I got rejected. It SUCKED, I felt awful for months until I asked myself why on earth I'm feeling so miserable over this? and then I knew, as mad as I was at him for leading me on and then pushing me away, I was also mad at me 'cause the signs were there and I chose to ignore them. I dedicated way too much time to the wrong guy because "he felt so strongly about me (so he said) and that doesn't happen often", I thought that maybe with me he would be different and I learned the hard way that I'm not going to change anybody. I haven't been in the dating scene again but I've been learning a lot with Matthew's videos, I realized that I needed to work on me first, I need to see myself as a high value woman but for real, not like when I said to myself "It's his loss" and put on a brave face in the mirror and to my friends. I let go of those feelings a long time ago but really just decided not to date or anything but since last year (When I found Matt's channel) I'm getting a new perspective about me and men. So thank you, Matthew!
Nothing worse than an older man who has finally become a chic magnets( via their success & money). They become monsters. Trying to make up for lost time.
@@jamesmorell1758 Why shouldn't they? Ouch. When I've invested years being with someone, it's because I'm hoping we're headed towards a commited relationship especially if I have been with that person through their worst challenges. Why would someone be so shallow to "go after what they want" when they already had it. This same person tries to convinvce me (now...) that they love me and want to be with me and it's just words. If only he'd given me half the attention he gave to other women... I guess the question is why did I settle. There were enough things right about it that made it seem like our relationship was progressing when we were basically more like friends. To go through the repeated rejection (thinking someone likes me more than they really do) has screwed me up in the head because I assume anyone who shows an interest in me is going to leave me once they are bored and find someone better. The truth is, if I wasn't good enough, they'll get tired of the next one too. He lost the only thing worthwhile in his life besides cash. I hope he can find someone else (he probably will) it's me (a single mom) who doesn't have any more time to waste and the window where I'm fertile and apparently accepted by men is coming to a close in just a few short years. If I could go back and talk to my younger self, I know exactly when I should've cut off the relationship. I paid more attention to what he was saying than what he was doing or how he treated me because I wanted to believe the lie. If only I would've spent more time with my child than wasting it on someone I once thought was a lover who isn't even as much of a friend as I had thought.
Thank you guys for getting together and starting this great discussion. I think boys and men benefit from positive support among themselves as much as we girls do - It helps us become the quality, confident people we ultimately all can be. Happiness and love to you all :)
It is impossible for me to love someone else as much as I love Matthew. And no. I am not saying this because he is ridiculously handsome. I am saying this out of genuine love and respect that I have towards this man because how as a person he is. I love you so much, Matthew. May you get everything you want in life.
I must admit you were not my first choice when I wanted to learn about relationships, about growing, about me and men but I must say you are a fantastic source of insight into myself. I am on a quest for femininity and you have helped me so much. I was a woman who lived in her masculine energy way to much to be happy and satisfied with myself. I emasculated most of my men, well the ones that let themselves and the others I either lost or was not attracted to them. This issue includes a 25 years marriage which was my biggest and most painful learning about masculine and feminine anergy. Thank ou for the work you are doing, if you ever need an assistant in the US, a test subject, anything at all I am here to help. I am beginning a workshop for women to connect with their feminine energy using acting techniques. So thank you again Matt and both you and Lewis are OUTSTANDING (as Tony Robbins would say) men who are helping us women become better partners as well as better everything. THANKS!!!!
True! I think that understanding male psychology really helps in love and sex life. I watched some courses in this sex school www.thesexfulness.com/a/34024/uk2vz333 and now I understand men in daily life and in bed much better
For some reason this reminds me of the most interesting man in the world ads. There's a reason they went with interesting and not hottest. A grown man is always attractive no matter what he looks like because he makes the people around him feel comfortable, no need to insult or one-up. Understanding that a man has to find his own way was hard at first, but when the stress leaves your life you see the benefit of the advice.
Thats why we women have to fix ourselves first ! Insecure women tend to prefer that type of men:bad boys, narcissists, unable to commit, womanizers, etc. Women give sex to take love back from these guys..and guess what?! It never happens. Forgive yourself for past mistakes. Heal yourself, learn who you are, be happy by yourself and then you'll choose & attract the right person.
Sir fap alot it's not about enjoying it or not..it's about intentions..many girls have sex for fun but most girls do expect sth after sex : love-commitment etc I've noticed that in young girls too..trying to 'win the guy' or 'keep the guy' have sex too early because they feel pressure to do so. They think:after sex he's gonna love me, he's gonna be my boyfriend, I'll be accepted and they do it..and sometimes people fall in love but most times they wanna have fun..so these girls keep getting hurt.
Sir fap alot exactly! That's why I talked about girls! Women make mistakes as adults too but in the end of the day if a person is giving you false messages (you're special-I never felt like this before-etc) and even thought you know they're lies you choose to sleep with this person..it's your fault clearly..but he's responsible too cause he wasn't honest.
I am glad I ran across this video...I think this happens in marriages also where the man has not chosen to be healed from such nonsense. Thank you Matt for reminding us that it is not our job to heal them.
I just love the way you talk Matt...it reminds me of someone who's from England too.. Honestly i really miss him but I can't do anything now. We were very close and we had good times together. He doesn't want serious relationship so I let him go although it hurts me so much, but as they say if you really love someone do everything that makes them happy even if their happiness means you are not part of it. 😔
5:23 It's like they're psychic, lol. When my ex hit 30, after 7 yrs together with a home, pets & careers, he got a new job where he was in proximity to a lot of transient women. He was getting a lot of attention, & although I tried to support him through his quarter life crisis, I wouldn't be a doormat for his new interest in open relationships. He made some questionable decisions & after the second time, I could see we would both be happier separated. We both have a 2nd job in close proximity, so we've had to keep on good terms, but it bothers me that he still asks me to see him when I've made it clear I cannot be with someone who plays these love games. I wouldn't want to be with a man or woman who was doing what he's doing, that may not be the prevailing opinion, but it's my point of view.
A little late, but if you haven’t read his book you should. Really really really should. He presents a perspective on males that people just brush over.
i feel like same thing goes for girls whom were not a knock-out in high school. i was one of them, i had really bad acne in my teenage years and i didn't had many attention from guys, but when puberty happened to me and i started to college, i was ready to punish all guys(bad, good, doens't matter) for that. we are pretty toxic too, both to our partners and also ourselves.
I have never once in 42 years met an emotionally mature single man who wants a relationship, EVER. Not even my father is secure. In fact, he told me that no man is secure. Why should women care? When we care, we just get hurt.
My father Is literally the only secure man I know. They are hard to find because the insecure ones pop up when you arent looking. They'll come to you when you aren't prepared
Oddly enough I’ve met quite a few, but I think it’s me that’s the problem, I’m the one that doesn’t want the relationship- I think oddly enough it makes them want a relationship, it’s weird
Hey Matthew I have a few questions a was hoping you could answer: 1. How do you become a more likable person? If your in a situation where you were put in a curtain group of people you have to get a long with and you think it would be better if you get closer even if I wouldn’t be in this situation I probably wouldn’t be friends with them. 2. If I’m at high school, what are some ideas for places I could meet new people? 3. Is it ever possible to with someone after you kissed at a party? I would very appreciate it if answered one of my questions I need your advice !
This is so true, my own experience confirming it. I've been dating a guy who didn't want to commit until he saw me slowly walking by and finding another man. He told me that was the only way he understood he didn't want to lose me, that precise moment when I set my standards higher. Thank you for your intelligence Matthew, you're a precious human being
Matt, I'm so glad you interviewed Lewis and shared your story about how boys grow up with this perceived acceptance of being a man by how many girls they can get, and how they attach their ego and worthiness to this toxic idea. I can't speak on behalf of all women, but I didn't really understand how it felt growing up being a male. However, your story helped me understand a bit more. I think we all hear about how some guys make these bets about who's going to get with who, and as females, well at least me, its a bit offensive. Seeing it though in the way that these type of men do it for validation and are not ready for commitment makes so much sense, and I don't find it offensive anymore- I just don't waste my time now. EDIT: I'm going to get the book! & Please do more videos with him!
Half through the vid and I can barely hear anything from Lewis. Yeah, Matthew, we know what you know and want to tell us, however, since you have a guest on your show, how about allowing them to say what they have to say?
Hey two of my favorite men in one video! You both inspire me in so many different ways. I know this type of guy too much. And in fact one of them has reached the point of "wow all these woman that were after me, they are all the same...but she was different". But you know, I think it is too late. I understand why that was important to him but that's not good enough for me. I guess because if a man needs that attention by a lot of woman in order to validate what he never got, one woman would never be enough because confidence in who you are and what you have to offer will always run out when it depends on more attention by more people.
I watched and supported my exhusband through difficult times career wise and when he started to succeed and get the attention he left me to "explore" what he had been missing out on. F*** him! The problem for me ist that I was way more attractive before, and I have to start crating new opportunities to meet people bit I don't have time and it's not as easy as it was back in uni...
Anita O same here I supported my ex husband thru a career change and he thought he could do better. I'm not ugly I've always been slim after having kids, etcc... But he wanted a high status woman who was a Dr or lawyer. He did date some women like this but never worked out and now he wants me back.
Happened to me too....after 15 years together :( I sacrificed on my end big time for his dream, and there he goes. At least I know not to repeat the same mistake again. If I meet a new guy, I will not give any dreams of mine up for him, and expect that it goes both ways.....that he needs to support my dreams as well.
nobitanobi we stayed 14 years together. I put a hold to my goals for 10 years while he was working his way up. Then I decided to start working on my dreams, his support lasted 1 year, then he ended it!
Anita O a lesson to learn from all of this. It's a rough time, but it's getting better for sure(I hope it is for you as well). It's liberating to finally go after my dreams and wants even if it's without him. It's new opportunities in life! At the end of the day, I have learned my lesson, and at least know that I can commit to a person that can do the same. And if it doesn't come, then I know that I can be perfectly happy making my own dreams come true.
Thank you Matthew Husey Lewis Howes This conversation was great. Say yes to emotionally mature men who are excited to having a meaningful relationship ...
think it could have gone further, and often people who start getting attention having never had it before because they show more confidence, status and success think the woman is only interested because of their status, rather than understanding it's because they've become the best version of themselves and their vibe is transmitting that. They think it's the material possessions that have driven it, rather than their own personal development and fulfilment to reach the level they weren't at when they felt they were missing out.
This is exactly what happened to my dad who was born in 1965. We are Chinese from China, he grew up in the conservative era. When he get to his 30s, though he has family and kid, he realized what he have missed out and he is attractive to women of his age. So he had affair for so many times with different women, until my parents divorced 5 years ago, they were each other’s first love. So when it comes to my marriage, I decided to look for someone have experiences in BGR and appreciate me for who I am
PS this reminds me of the book the one lady wrote called "how to marry the man of your choice" She talks about how to bank on the fact that men go through this as a child. That book is sort of dangerous and a bit crazy in my own opinion. ps this is Aimee the one who posts all over everything, I'm just posting from my other channel. haha
Wow. Mr. Hussey, you are so articulate! You communicate what you think so very well. And your vocabulary is expansive. There is nothing better than that combination. It's wonderful!
I think the answer is supposed to be, "Some males are socialized to value women as sexual conquests to impress other males. If they couldn't successfully do it while young, once they are more accomplished and attracting women to them, they will then try to be playboys. Sex for them isn't about a healthy part of a relationship. It is an end in itself, and the more women the better." They feel entitled to at some point get to sow their wild oats, just as they become prime marriage prospects. So there's this mismatch happening, with no one getting what they want. No one except those rare folks where the guys is either not in such an environment growing up, or is, but gets it out of his system early. Once older and more successful, he can get a wife and actually values doing so, no longer valuing easy sex. That's me piecing together what they said anyway.
Yes, you’re absolutely right. It’s not my job to work on a man’s psychological problems. I constantly work on myself, on becoming more mature. So men should do the same on their own. It’s childish to play games with a woman you like and be afraid of intimacy.
Wendy Samboy I would rather say that he is so charismatic and has sex-appeal, that's what mostly attracted us! Beauty is hard to explain. I am hetero girl and I can tell that outside beauty is not the only thing. I know pretty people, but when they talk, all magic disappear.
Thank you for this. I truly hope more men got messages like this. For a better world, we need kinder men, who have cured those wounds. Women have been doing our part for ages, this has to come from men. Good luck, hopefully we can see men organising themselves in order to end that mask and know themselves better
If you meet a violent guy remember: you can not change him!! Stop it! The only thing who COULD happen is that he will learn to hide is true personality and getting himself toghether a bit. But you will never change him!
Matt.. you're being unrealistic. the guy who wears a sexual mask won't care who I'm with and why I'm with them, he's already going to be busy dumping another woman. anyone who could ever have an impact would have to be a guy, a father figure or a more successful friend of his.
I wonder if Matthew would ever consider pivoting a bit towards having deep conversations with men more often. Topics like this video and even consent. It's refreshing to see the male perspective, growing up as a boy, and getting into what drives toxic masculinity. It helps us understand it's not our fault and to stop trying to fix the other person. Maybe it'll even spark conversations, some healing, and understanding for some couples. Just thoughts.
I agree. Men need better role models like this to deal with rejection and trauma and their emotions or they may turn into dangerous behavior towards women.
Emily Shepard I feel like if you actually have that hard of a time thinking of a mature single man, you either have to lower your standards, or you haven't even tried. I'm not really the one to tell you this though since I lack experience, so if someone with some could confirm, that'd be great.
I have met one, he wasn't right for me but we became good friends. Someday he's going to make a woman very happy. Wish i could find someone like that to suit me...
there are plenty of good looking mature men that want you, you just have higher expectation than your reality can support. and THESE guys ^ are making bank money off of you.
Thank you so much Mathew! It's a relief to hear your words on this conversation . I was just thinking why do men never want to go through the hard process of introspection ? Why is it always women to try to adapt, adjust, change in order to understand men while trying hard not to hurt their feelings and egos?
Mathew, thank you so much for encouraging us to have decent standards and self respect rather than fall for the far too common "I can change him" sort of nonsense!!
4:05-4:45 This can't just be guys, because this is so me right now. This has been me ever since my first heart break. And I'm like, how do I fix that? How do I learn to love like I've never been hurt before? I'm only just now learning to let go of so many other fears and anxieties and hurt that i've carried around with me always. . . But that first heartbreak. . . I know I'm self-centered too and need to work on that, but I'm starting to wonder if that's why I was always so distant so often with my second love.
This can be a tricky subject to even address, & men and women are designed differently, & have their own opinions. But the answer is NOT to disagree or to ignore the subject, but to get true understanding out in the open. I think the bottom line is the Lord knows how we are made, & the way we are fulfilled in this area. God designed the BEST fulfillment for this, and GOD loves us & knows what He is doing.
This is my situation. My ex was never successful with women. Then he met me and I gave him stacks of confidence sexually. Boosted his ego, got him off statins. He was impotent, had no libido or life force when we met. Now he's 'hot to trot' and is dating HUNDREDS of women. Heartbreaking. He has callously 'kicked me to the kerb'. I am now surplus to requirements. He honed all his sexual techniques on me. He was practising. And, yes, he wasn't loved as a child ( cold mother'violent father), and got his heart broken before he met me. I'm his collateral damage. So grateful to you an Lewis for this amazing video. Thank you, guys. PS He also went to an all-boys public school and was too shy with girls. So he's making up for lost time now!
I love that there are these men out there that want deep committed meaningful relationships.
Men that speak their truths in a way that supports both sexes.
So tired of all the man bashing out there, we all deserve to be loved and supported.
Make sure you heal before starting another relationship. Rebound relationship is damaging you unconsciously. Be careful ladies. Don't pressure urself. Take ur time.. better die single and happy with inner peace.
I wish there was a movement much as feminism that is interested in discovering the role of men in this modern era, not as polar opposite to feminism, but as an integral system that acknowledges both as important in their own roles. De-constructing men is as important as De-constructing women. Great job you 2 for doing it in this video.
Lalaris Portela I love this idea! Yes! Were all missing out when men are not in their natural healthy grounded real masculine identity.
There are some good Men's Rights Activists out there. There are also 'equity feminist' and 'egalitarian' thinkers.
But they are mostly in the shadows and disparaged by mainstream feminism.
You can start with Christina Hoff Sommers' book The War on Boys.
There are also more radical MRAs, but they can be more shocking and distasteful, so I am not sure you will like them, though they do have good analyses sometimes.
Lalaris Portela I actually thought that’s what feminism was. I believe all genders deserve equal respect and acknowledgement. I thought that was apart of it.
Nia Marshall initially, but you know how groups and ideologies can go awry..
Lalaris Portela there are a good number of masculinity modeling programs and groups, where guys are taught about manhood and it being okay to feel feelings and that sort of thing, but so much of the world's population sees men as the dominating gender and if they're not all about fighting and sexual conquests, and drinking the feelings away, while having a woman depend on them for strength and financial support, they're weak, and get called all sorts of derogatory terms (including being referred to as a woman). Traditional feminism was about not only empowering women to feel equal to the stereotypical male role in society, but it also was a movement to focus on allowing men to be comfortable being more sensitive and not having the pressure of having to be the only one to provide, fight, and actually just have them share the roles equally with women. Modern feminism unfortunately often turns into man bashing and making women superior or cruel to men, in an attempt to even the playing field, but all that does is backfire and certainly doesn't close the gap between men and women, emotionally, financially, or mentally.
Lewis is quite possibly one of the bravest men out there for writing this book. I actually wonder if men will even be brave enough to read it, or whether the idea of exposing these masks will feel too vulnerable. Thank you, Matt & team, for featuring it. Shout out to any man who follows these words of wisdom; they’re on on a fast path to becoming a whole lot sexier!
It sounds like a good book. I like how he shows the etiology; that these "maladaptive" emotional patterns are just responses to typical male socialization.
We men read important stuffed sports, cars, music, gym workout not cheesy stuff to fill emotional. That's one thing I learn not to be emotional, sometimes emotional thing can't let you do things.
@@juny9198 That's part of the problem. Men say the things they are into are important. Cars, sports, etc. While devaluing feminine things such as drama. Who gave men the right to define what's important or not? Have voice for both. Drama and emotions are important too. Because men are not the only people who define, pick and choose what is considered as important in life.
@@trictok4418 drama is what bring discussion and disagreement in a relationship, emotions makes u weeks, that's were some people take advantage of started to manipulate situations until something bad happens like cheating , ECT ECT ECT ECT....
I think it's very important to understand that men and women both have to learn to be vulnerable and open, and that it is difficult and uncomfortable sometimes. As people-we don't want to feel pain. Whether it is in the form of rejection or by having a relationship end or something else...we know that when it comes to relationships and love-the chances of us being rejected or hurt somehow, are high. So I think everyone tends to put on a face or a mask... Whether it is a mask of confidence or something else...whether they tell themselves that it's part of showing the best of themself to win someone over or whether it's to build a wall to keep from getting too close and hurt... It's difficult. It's difficult to connect and be vulnerable with people...
Personally, I am drawn to realness. It's not always pretty or comfortable, but real is where there is heart, vulnerability, and where trust can be built. I wish people were not afraid of investing time, or themself...those are the real things, the things that matter in the end. They're priceless. But when we have our masks on or walls up-we never can have those real things.
To get what we really want...we have to risk that pain, and vulnerability. We have to feel things. And if we are not ready to do that, then we have to accept that we won't have what we want- until we are ready to do that. We also have to accept that we can never make anyone else be ready to be vulnerable and real. I think your video makes a good point about that. We learn over and over throughout life that we cannot change or control anyone else. If we are attracted to someone and they are not ready for what we are, we have to understand and accept that they are not the person that can give what we want and need. So we have to be able to let that person go, to work on themself...and not have some idea that we could only be happy with that one person. (Sometimes that is hard for men and women both to remember, when they really like someone) I'm really glad that you try to remind us of that in your videos. Thank you for that. 😊
Monica Myers What a strong message
I really needed this thanks
Thank you for this monica
Omg i love this so much! I mentioned this in my video! Check it out 💕ua-cam.com/video/i-sptMd3SiY/v-deo.html
Allow men with low self-esteem to work through their own issues first, however long that may be. Do not wait around for anyone to show their potential. Decide whether you are willing to invest time and energy into what they have shown thus far. Be honest with yourself, does he meet your standards in terms of values?
Fifi Villegas or you can just be there for him...instead of abandoning him becuase he has a flaw
The same for women right? Genuinely asking..
Agreed. You are not responsible for his decisions and you don't need to help him in any way. People need to learn on their own. After he gets his sh*t together he might just be the perfect man for you. Until then don't waste your time...
+Elena Marcu That sounds a little harsh. No one is perfect and everyone has sh*t that they need to get together. Looking for someone who doesn't need your help or who has no issues sounds like a recipe for spending your life alone.
He seems to be husband material... But he is does not seem to be emotionally invested. :'c
Matthew, I was just having this conversation with my brother who, by the way, was hurt & totally devastated when a woman he opened his heart up to abruptly left him - NO warning- to marry a man her mom picked out! Consequently, sadly, he's become jaded and cynical. However, he argued you could start out as friends/co-workers/classmates and then fall for their mind & as love grows, sex will too. I believe there chemistry first & then as you get to know one another, you can determine if he/she is emotionally mature & ready for a deeper connection.
So chemistry isn't built, it's just there or isn't- you'd agree?
Why can't you both be right? Should it have to be one way OR the other?
In the #MeToo era -- a friend / coworker / classmate could, can, and with high probability will launch a sexual harassment campaign against the guy. Either formally with charges - or across social media or of course both.
Best moves forward - never interact with the XX. Not Once, and certainly never in areas of 'love'.
I agree that chemistry is important but for women it's also important that they don't just sleep with the guys they are attracted to because then you start pair bonding and you might not be able to see if that man is good or not and for men good men specifically they need to just work on themselves and not lose focus but they are taught to value themselves on wether they can get girls and that's wrong aswell it's seems so damn ass backwards sometime ya know?
Interesting discussion. I'd add that some of my former male buddies were this way. But they also had serious mental health issues like narcissistic personality disorder, and 2 or 3 were actual psychopaths. These guys ruined the lives of everyone they spent time with, both male and female. It's important for any woman to be able to see the difference between the mask Hussey describes, and the guys she must run from.
Paul Hurst it’s very sad that the mental illnesses do this. i was married to a covert narcissist for 4 yrs. Sometimes its not easy to tell these things and in my case when he flipped out in the end. I did not know who this person was. I remember thinking over and over in my head how he could just change to Dr. Jekyl and Hyde in front of my eyes. He was a father of two from a previous marriage. The children loved their dad so much hugged and loved on him. I was fooled as well for a very long time until the end of it when he came at me with force. I packed my shit and left that night. It is hard when you see someone you loved so much turn into that. You don’t want to see it or believe it. I was in shock for a long while after that to come out of it. It scared the hell out of me. Even knowing red flags doesn’t help with a covert narcissist when most of them usually don’t remove the mask. When u find yourself in that moment if you haven’t started to run already towards that door its too late....
So interesting! I remember when I was 12, I attended an open day with all the boys and girls I would be starting my first year of high school with. I made friends that day with a girl who was also new, as most of the kids all knew each other from the year before (The school was age 6-17, all years). I was always awkward looking, slightly mousy and not memorable and the girl I made friends with was a bit more developed than I, and GORGEOUS. When they introduced us everyone immediately wanted to be friends with her. Over the day she ditched me and was accepted with the "cool girls" who already attended that school. I sat back by myself and tried to have a good time. Every-time I was around the boys they would be doing exactly what Hussey said- making bets and putting dibs on the pretty girl. It made me feel like I had to be of her standard in order to be liked by men, which is sad because at 12, all I was interested in was evolving my Charmander into a Charizard on game-boy!
I am sorry to hear that, Constance. I had a weird experience growing up since mentally, I was like you, but the guys desired me like crazy. It's sexual harassment, to tell you the truth, and I think I've always known that without knowing about the concept/the terminology.
If you are a girl with boobs, but insight, it's not an ego boost because you know very well that it's disrespectful. It felt like bullying, really. I suppose that if I had been clueless, I might have enjoyed it more at the time, but would have gotten a rude awakening later. LOL!
That's immature behavior to be expected. Now that I am in my 40s, I still meet men who engage in such a behavior. However, when they are still like that while being this old, it's disturbing. There is something seriously wrong with old men if they are still at the stage of talking about how they are going to score this old chick or this one. Of course, most of the time, they are lying and oogling someone out of their league. A true player (and I know a few of tthose) doesn't need to lay it on so thick. They can be seen with these women shopping, at the bar, etc. They don't need to boast while standing (alone) amongst a bunch of old men at the bar: they can show off the goods.
Constance Goldwing well, hahahahah, I am just care with my favorite korean drama, music and hobbies. Boy considered I was weird because I love every boyish thing like game and soccer (tomboy struggles) I was silent girl until now (and I will turn 20 this december) never date before, just listening and observing, total introvert because the truth is I really hates social things which usually makes me drained my energy too much and never contact everyone on the next day except my mom, only have one until ten person who I considered as 'true friends'. just take your time and be yourself. 😊
Desak Putu Raka Paramita I was similar to you. I've always been very active since very young, so I was not "in touch" with what other girls of my age were doing and thinking of really... I had many girl friends but since I didn't always "connected" with them, I would get bored, so I turned around and started playing football with the boys (at age like 10 or so). I had like a opposing/rebellious attitude toward "the game", thinking "this is BS, not loosing my time to play these stupid girly games", I opted getting close to boys through sports, by building friendships, so they would see me strong, like them, and not week, like the other girls. But they didn't view me as "a girl" much, some did but It took puberty you know... I must add that I grew up with an older brother and at home, being "a girl" with girl needs was not valued and not respected, I had to be strong to fight off my brother who was physically violent and abusive with me since my mom never said anything to defend or protect me. So being a girl, a "real girl" was not a good thing in my family, which you know has some good for some reasons but did a lot of arm to my feelings, personality, self value and understanding what being a woman is all about. I'm 37 yo now and I still sometimes struggle with my understanding of relationships, more now that I'm single again (divorced), I have to deal with the dating game... men consider me as a woman, like when I say something or explain my understanding, so they don't get what I'm really telling them, I have no "I said this but meant that" games, that confuses them I think.
Annie : if you meet men who expect you to play games/be manipulative/lie, it's their loss.I am at the beginning of my 40s, so we are around the same age group. I see myself as too old for playing games, and since I value honesty, loyalty, etc., I don't want a man who plays games either.
Let's leave the childish games to the children, and find a man who shares the same values. :-) They do exist.
If people (men or woman) haven't evolve passed that stage, there is something wrong with them in my view. After all, do we expect people's behavior to change in the future, if they lie/manipulate/etc. throughout the dating phase? It's not a great way to start something serious.
Annie : I am also sorry to hear about your childhood. It sounds like neglect from your parents to me. Emotional and physical abuse are not OK, and it does messes one up.The great thing about living in 2017 is that women get to decide what being a woman means to them. I have never been a stereotypical girl/woman either. I was one of the prettiest girls in the class, but I am a nerd at my core. I graduated as a valedictorian. For a long time, I didn't even realize I was pretty, and that it was the reason for all the obnoxious boy behavior (I would call it sexual harassment and bullying; not a pleasant behavior at all; I disagree with Lewis Howes on his perception of these things; those boys certainly never scored me, regardless of how many fantasies they must have had).
We are all expressing a kind of wisdom, I think. Even at a young age, we didn't just fall for the first asshole who called us pretty while bragging to his friend about how he might score in the future. It's disrespectful.
Matthey Hussey is our type of man, I think. He seems to attract a lot of similar women to his channel!
He is so pretty, isn't he? LOL
This is so important, if men who lead can take off the mask, better understand themselves, and love themselves, only then can they genuinely love a woman. Healthy love starts with self. I'm still looking for an emotionally mature man. Just one.. That's all I need..🙂
Maya's Channel amen to that
Maya's Channel me2 haha good luck finding him!
Maya's Channel Emotional immaturity is about insecurities and insecurities are consequence of expectations.
Women's (society's) expectations from men is the reason of men's emotional awkwardness and vice versa.
He’s right, women create the environment men can’t be open in. Women shame me, directly or indirectly, when men are vulnerable.
Women burn down the house and then complain about having no shelter from the rain.
so its cause of women that men are not emotionally matured l o l
Nice crossed leg symmetry, I don’t know why I noticed that...
yeah, I noticed that too.
Yeah there was one moment when Matthew shifted position slightly and I was like "no! You'll ruin it!"
And did you notice that even though their legs were crossed, their legs were "open" to the other, implying understanding and the freedom to speak openly to one another. No masks there...
Very interesting!
Also interesting to note how Lewis' legs were crossed with his knee toward Matthew at the beginning but after Matthew shared his experience, Lewis instinctively switched the crossing of his legs. Humans are such fascinating social creatures.
Mantomansex
I know a number of women that have that same "I deserve this now cause I didn't get this attention in highschool". It's hard to go from someone who feels insecure about weight or intelligence or just feeling too plain to having attention and feeling desired without some bumps and bruises. The best we can do is to use some empathy and patience. Only we can fix ourselves. There is an old saying "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink."
Can we just take a moment and acknowledge how Matthew being so classy,having his shit together, the way he is both mature and at times a bit of cheek peeps through, and how stylish he is, lord the man has got it goin on. His classy energy etc just makes him so much sexier, but I mean his beautiful smile doesn’t hurt either 😘
Everyone’s been hurt at some point or another. Why is it that some people still wear their heart on their sleeves while others are just manipulative and game players
That was my ex husband of 15 years. We married young, we both didn’t know better. We both came from broken homes, he had been neglected and felt abandoned and for me I basically married someone like my father. Unfortunately, he still struggles with this. He cheated countless times, always needing approval and affirmation. Nothing I did was enough for him. I’m happy now and living my best life thanks to videos such as yours. Thank you 😊
The golden ratio of humanity, especially when combined with a certain culture, makes me feel like I'm just meeting the same people over and over again.
I think it's sad when a boys own father pressures him to conquer women.
jellymedina This is what ended a relationship that would have been worse if I’d stayed with a detached man/child. It’s very unbecoming as a lady to see he and his son go wild when a wet T-shirt contest was happening near where we were. They quickly disappeared and his son said it was the best day of his life and said he will dream of tits! 😳 He is 10, I said he will be desensitized to what real respect and love is. He acted like a child would when I called his behavior out, apple didn’t fall far from the tree...
@@southerncross5360 I don't know, tits are pretty great...... 🤷♀️
I think men embracing their sexuality and teaching sex positivity to their sons is a great thing. As long as they also teach, that once they do choose a woman to commit to, that they know how to treat that woman like the queen she is 👑👸
It's super gross if you think about it.. lol
(Like imagine if he pressured his daughter)
@@eps3154 Who said female sexual suppression is okay?
Cry me a river
Honey, I'm older than your typical audience. Eventually, most women encounter these wounded souls. I have always said that the most dangerous man to a woman's wellbeing, is the man who never had any success with women when he was younger.
And absolutely, women have to set the standard for how they expect to be treated.
Spoiler Alert... It's not just men that wear that mask.
I'm currently wearing it
He's a coach for WOMEN
Spoiler alert amber herald came off spoiler I'm this close to hanging her for lying paperwork perscuation
Evee B exactly
I wear some of the same masks the men he’s deceiving wear
Apsolutly so true. No woman has the right to change a man.
I belive only due to her Love that man can feel towards him he will tranform him self.
nobody can change anyone
Hi Matt,
I can't describe to you in enough words how much this video means to me. I have just come out of a 3 year relationship with the guy I thought was "the one". We met in our gap year and we connected instantly. I never felt so much love and commitment from anyone ever and the relationship blew me away as to how mature and respectful this guy was. People always commented on how perfectly matched we were and I started to fabricate my life with him in my future. We had a rocky summer of trust issues where we decided to give the relationship another go. However, last week I find out he cheated on me. My perfect world literally feels like it has collapsed.
Having followed you for many years I couldn't understand how things could be like this. However, after looking back in the relationship and now watching this video I understand a lot more about the sexual mask I believe my ex is now in the process of experiencing. I have been searching for all the mistakes and even placed the blame on myself this last week. After watching this video it gave me great comfort in one of the little niggling feelings I had about my ex. I really hope I can recover from this because he shattered my heart in more ways than possible. I am optimistic in the idea of finding someone more suited to me in the future but I am very disappointed he didn't turn out to be the one.
Thank you as always for your amazing advice, support and introducing me to this wonderful community
With love! - Soniya
I might catch a lot of flak for saying this, but honestly I've always felt this (hyper-vigilant self-preservation, fear of being hurt) is the main motivating factor behind the MGTOW movement. On a logical level, some of it makes sense (e.g. protecting your assets, not losing your identity, weeding out gold-diggers). But on an emotional level, I see a bunch of very hurt little boys on the inside. Its proponents are jaded & cynical divorcees -- men who made the mistake of getting married too early, gave their heart to a woman, and had it broken. Now they blame all women for their mistakes and heartache, vowing never to be hurt again...just "pump & dump." It doesn't sound enlightened to me so much as hurt, emotional, angry, bitter, resentful self-preservation & projection taken to an extreme. They need to heal & wisen up. But it's classic human nature to make up for a mistake by going so far in the opposite direction that you create a new set of problems for yourself. Learning to strike a balance comes with maturity, no doubt. And yes, some women do this too. On a socio-cultural level, MGTOW in some ways seems like the male rebuttal to (and analog of) feminism. More professional victims. When can we (men AND women) start taking responsibility for ourselves and our love lives in a mature, balanced fashion?
I agree 100%
''
Well,you can't really have relantionships with women nowdays;no matter how good you do,no matter how well you fuck/provide -/for her,things won't go well.
There'll be always someone in social media who is doing some aspect of the 'relanshionship' better than your spouse.Therefore,women will always compare the situation they're in with the supposed 'perfect thing out there' (shallow things mostly).Hypergamy in women will always kick in,they'll always want more and more.
Let me clarify,even before MGTOW I didn't get hurt by women,I just had casual sex and little 'flings'(cuz I was afraid of responsabilities).It was when I started to demonstrate interess in long-term relantionships that i got to know MGTOW by some friends. I thought to myself at the time "That's too exagerated" "Well,I just got my frist real gf,let's try to setle down,it will work out somehow...maybe I'll marry her,have children,be happy(Since even now i still want kids).'' ''Probably not all women are like that'' i told my friends.In return,they'd nag me everyday "shit-test your girlfriend,you'll see she's the same as most women".
And someday i finally did,i started to ask her questions,do things to see if all of that was true and guess what,my gf failed miserably.
I started to see patterns in everything she did or said,finding myself more and more disgusted with her and women in general.I started to remember when I had one-night stands in the past,that the women would message me an try to get my attention even though i didn't respond or paid any attention to them.I was shocked to find out that the more i treated them badly,the more they seemed to like.
I sincerally thought that they just liked to be treated like that while having sex,but no.
Most women don't know what they want,most women want you to take responsiblity for her,like a parent for his kid,and most women don't like when you treat them too well.I broke up with my gf and I'm in my life of pumping and dumping again.
My dream of marrying and being father of two (one boy and one girl) is totally destroyed and I am also starting to consider having 'surrogate mothers' birth my children and raising them alone.
I'm sad,yeah...but life goes on.
''
João Pedro that hurts like hell. I had the same thought. I did wonder what the cost is for a surrogate mother. And I fear the cost is I lose the pair bonding. Pair bonding sounds nice. And I might consider it with this prenup: if in divorce, whoever takes the kid also pays for the kid, and pays alimony.
I need to lose my child and my money? I disagree, and see that stipulation as a deterrent. And it likely will be something a judge will fail to honor.
João Pedro
Stop going after insecure women. Problem solved.
I think it depends on your interpretation of MGTOW. I would agree that the majority of MGTOW guys come from the bitter, mysoginistic place that you described in your post but a lot of guys don't. A lot of MGTOW guys recognize that most women just aren't worth the trouble (at least for long term relationships). I would even argue that most men aren't worth getting into relationships with (myself included). I don't hate women but I value my time, autonomy, and emotional health too much to allow someone to compromise them because a couple of sappy romance movies told me that I need a woman in my life to be happy. Maybe my mindset will change in the future, but for now I'm keeping women at an arm's length until I meet one that I really vibe with on an emotional and physical level and vice versa. Call me bitter and resentful if you want, but I'm sure if it was a woman talking about men this way, she would be labeled as "empowered" and "independent"
Damn, I wish I would have seen this 3 years ago...before I fall in love with this guy, who teached me, always listen to your gut! Never really wished my first ever love is gonna be "so much pain, losing myself" love..but the other day saw this quote "Many things broke my heart, but fixed my vision." And finally, now, with clear mind and heart ( almost), I finally got it! We at least all learn from everything, I just had to learn the fact that it wasn't me, who did anything wrong, and that I wasn't enough. It was just the wrong person. But still trying to except that fact, but it is working, slowly but getting there. :)
Protect your hearts my beautiful fellow ladies out there 💕
I can keep watching Mathew my entire life. His videos not only help relationships but helps me grow stronger every day.❤️
This simple intro gave me the answer to a dilemma with a long standing dilemma. It explained why despite the guy I want keeping coming back. He is mearly chasing a conquest. we are good friends but I put up barriers and he chases all the more. It is the conquest of winning over what he can't have. Relieved that its not me that's not right for him. Any woman right now is not going to get all of him .Thanks to you guys I will heal and move on to someone that has that side to offer.
i love how laid back the guest is. shows his confidence.
Reguardless of what men go through woman go through the same thing and sometimes worse. I think men these days need to grow up and get help if they have to because going through life cutting everyone out is miserable. I know because I was there and managed to pull myself out of it. You either want to be alone forever or you want to be loved and in order to be loved you need to learn to open up and be vulnerable!!
"It is NOT your job to remove a mans sexual mask, to change him....it is not your responsibility to take his sexual mask from him!.....Just say No to him!" E X C E L L E N T advice Matthew!!
This is revolutionary advice. I am nearing my 30’s and I am finding myself more attractive to men between the ages of about 38-50. You might call this Daddy issues. I had an amazing father and was very wholesomely loved by him. My Daddy issue is that he set the bar and the standard for what a confident man, partner, and father looks like. My mother slowly eroded this away from him unfortunately.
That went off topic. I am finding myself more and more attracted to these older men because it would appear that they are either more emotionally mature. If they have a lot of options I actually really admire them IF they are choosing without a baseline of fear.
Their is abundance in volume, meaning they have lots of options and their ego is only fed because of this. That is actually a scarcity mindset. It’s fear based and I find this unattractive. I do not pay attention to those who do this.
Then there is an abundance mindset set from a place of self value, confidence, and standards. This is the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen but I have never once found it in a man younger than 35. It’s not a knock on men my age. It’s one person’s testimony of how prevalent the sexual mask is.
I could really watch that handsomeness overload of Lewis and Matthew talk on repeat and silent all day ))))
Anna Sichkar 😂same👍
I just discovered this video .... heck I’m glad I found it during quarantine 😫
Thank you for this. I can stop crying over the men who had masks and kicked me out because I wanted an authentic connection. It's their issue, to dump by text, to ignore for months... not what I deserve at all! Bless you for changing the system from within x
Woooow, thank you a lot!!!
I used to get into relationships with these kind of man and I finally decided to stop it.
One of these guys is just the way you described, and I have decided to reject him. It has been the most difficult because he has been stubborn and impolite with me. So, I really appreciate your video cause it's a kinda motivation for saying Thanks, no more.
María Del Carmen Hernández Córdova hi
sunil maheta hello!!
The last part is so true. We are rewarding the wrong behavior by dating the wrong men.
Hey Matthew I partly agree with you however the reason men start to attract women in their 30's (I.E start hitting their peak sexual value) is because that's what women look for.
Women look for power, money and status in a man which most men dint start to get that until their 30s, whereas men instinctually look for youth, beauty and fertility which is why women's peak sexual value are ages between 18 - 26 (can be older depending on her lifestyle)
This shows as most of the audiences I've seen from your videos are women past that age.
They get so used to attracting the top 10% of men at those ages they set their standards that high. Then when those guys stop coming as they get older, they then struggle because their standards are so high where as their "value" (in terms of what generally guys are attracted to) has gone down and IS going down the older they get.
You're definitely right that women need to change what they're attracted to So That it doesn't permit and encourage "Jock" behaviour.
You nailed: Women want men that are worth dating, because those men are stable financially, older (+30's) and at an age were they are suppose to be "mature" not "insecure" etc... and those men are not interested in women of their same age, because a +20 yrs. old is more attractive since she is young & needs him more emotionally and who knows maybe financially???? ~ And the women who are +30's yrs. old need to look for the men in her +55 yrs???? Oh God... What a mess!!
A woman in her thirties has witnessed so much bullshit treatment by men in her life that she wouldn't put up with it anymore so men need to chase younger women to get away with it without having to mature or work on themselves.
@@elvchenschwarz6217 its more so that younger women are more physically attractive so men go for them
@@user-md1ol7nj7h I wouldn't necessarily say that as I am genuinely mistaken as early 20 and my age is only questioned when they hear me speak. I would even go so far as to say that I am at my peak physical attractiveness with almost 30. This can of course differ a lot depending on what kind of person one talks about but I can speak only about my own experiences and observations. A naive and inexperienced mind can be easier swayed towards putting up with BS and if men are upset about how good women turn out after many relationships gone bad wouldn't it rather reflect badly on the men? Same goes the other way around. It's hard to stay kind and optimistic when hurt repeatedly. Both sides should be taught to treat the other with respect and kindness.
@@elvchenschwarz6217 you know women usually reject men and only go for the top men,but when u hit 30 years old,u start complaining,fucking shut up
Absolutely agree. We all have our excuses for acting badly. The end result though is that we are behaving badly and it is our job to fix it. Not of others.
Matthew...those jeans are really hugging you. I dont know how i feel about that. Wear what ever you like...just know that i couldn't stop looking that way.
jackieeeap2 lol
jackieeeap2
L
jackieeeap2 Lool same. A good view
Cheap birth control 😂
DIVINE COMMERCE 😂
i am a very happily married woman. i stumbled upon this channel a few weeks ago and watched a few vids out of curiosity. for years now i've had my women friends asking me the "secret" to the success of my 14 year marriage even through very difficult times. i gotta say Matthew and Co. hit the nail on the head. all those things i couldn't articulate to other women, these guys have spelled out beautifully in their vids.
5:30 is the definition of a ton of men in Silicon Valley including me. Nerds who got bullied in high school, never were popular with women, become tech millionaires in their 30s and now are getting a lot of attention. They were already jaded with women and it’s easy to become bitter at this point, calling them gold diggers, etc. I wish you would develop more on that tangent.
Elon Musk is a prime example of that.
this is so real. At a young age we take our competitiveness and place it on the pursuit of women. then we encounter a traumatic experience with women and turn that competition into a now Vendetta that you guys are speaking on. Great topic and guest
Whatever
Happened
In the past
Is The Past
Never carry
Old Baggage
Into the next
RELATIONSHIP..
Love this
Yeah, because emotional baggage is the same as physical baggage and you can just leave it somewhere and never look at it again. It's not like it's part of your identity, or part of who you are. You're right. :kappa:
Easy to speak harder to live. Your past makes you who you are. Otherwise we would never learn. Bad and good decisions are a learning process. If you leave them you will never learn. Not saying to live in your past but you better not forget most of it!!!
The last time I considered giving a chance to a guy, it turned out that this was his problem and noticed it too late, I was emotionally involved and obviously I got rejected. It SUCKED, I felt awful for months until I asked myself why on earth I'm feeling so miserable over this? and then I knew, as mad as I was at him for leading me on and then pushing me away, I was also mad at me 'cause the signs were there and I chose to ignore them. I dedicated way too much time to the wrong guy because "he felt so strongly about me (so he said) and that doesn't happen often", I thought that maybe with me he would be different and I learned the hard way that I'm not going to change anybody. I haven't been in the dating scene again but I've been learning a lot with Matthew's videos, I realized that I needed to work on me first, I need to see myself as a high value woman but for real, not like when I said to myself "It's his loss" and put on a brave face in the mirror and to my friends. I let go of those feelings a long time ago but really just decided not to date or anything but since last year (When I found Matt's channel) I'm getting a new perspective about me and men. So thank you, Matthew!
Nothing worse than an older man who has finally become a chic magnets( via their success & money). They become monsters. Trying to make up for lost time.
I agree ! I dated one for 8 years.
Wonderful + horrible =
nightmare
Why shouldn't they. They finally have the chance to have their pick and explore their options like they always wanted to.
And who will fall for them?
Gold diggers.
@@jamesmorell1758 Why shouldn't they? Ouch. When I've invested years being with someone, it's because I'm hoping we're headed towards a commited relationship especially if I have been with that person through their worst challenges. Why would someone be so shallow to "go after what they want" when they already had it. This same person tries to convinvce me (now...) that they love me and want to be with me and it's just words. If only he'd given me half the attention he gave to other women... I guess the question is why did I settle. There were enough things right about it that made it seem like our relationship was progressing when we were basically more like friends. To go through the repeated rejection (thinking someone likes me more than they really do) has screwed me up in the head because I assume anyone who shows an interest in me is going to leave me once they are bored and find someone better. The truth is, if I wasn't good enough, they'll get tired of the next one too. He lost the only thing worthwhile in his life besides cash. I hope he can find someone else (he probably will) it's me (a single mom) who doesn't have any more time to waste and the window where I'm fertile and apparently accepted by men is coming to a close in just a few short years. If I could go back and talk to my younger self, I know exactly when I should've cut off the relationship. I paid more attention to what he was saying than what he was doing or how he treated me because I wanted to believe the lie. If only I would've spent more time with my child than wasting it on someone I once thought was a lover who isn't even as much of a friend as I had thought.
my dad😂
i'm 14 and i love your vids, i dont't watch them out of wanting a man, but learning the psychology behind everything is so cool!!!!
Thank you guys for getting together and starting this great discussion. I think boys and men benefit from positive support among themselves as much as we girls do - It helps us become the quality, confident people we ultimately all can be. Happiness and love to you all :)
It is impossible for me to love someone else as much as I love Matthew. And no. I am not saying this because he is ridiculously handsome. I am saying this out of genuine love and respect that I have towards this man because how as a person he is. I love you so much, Matthew. May you get everything you want in life.
this was super powerful!!
I must admit you were not my first choice when I wanted to learn about relationships, about growing, about me and men but I must say you are a fantastic source of insight into myself. I am on a quest for femininity and you have helped me so much. I was a woman who lived in her masculine energy way to much to be happy and satisfied with myself. I emasculated most of my men, well the ones that let themselves and the others I either lost or was not attracted to them. This issue includes a 25 years marriage which was my biggest and most painful learning about masculine and feminine anergy. Thank ou for the work you are doing, if you ever need an assistant in the US, a test subject, anything at all I am here to help. I am beginning a workshop for women to connect with their feminine energy using acting techniques. So thank you again Matt and both you and Lewis are OUTSTANDING (as Tony Robbins would say) men who are helping us women become better partners as well as better everything. THANKS!!!!
I appreciate your way of communicating about relationships in a psychological perspective. Great dimension to learn from🙌
True! I think that understanding male psychology really helps in love and sex life. I watched some courses in this sex school www.thesexfulness.com/a/34024/uk2vz333 and now I understand men in daily life and in bed much better
For some reason this reminds me of the most interesting man in the world ads. There's a reason they went with interesting and not hottest. A grown man is always attractive no matter what he looks like because he makes the people around him feel comfortable, no need to insult or one-up. Understanding that a man has to find his own way was hard at first, but when the stress leaves your life you see the benefit of the advice.
Thats why we women have to fix ourselves first ! Insecure women tend to prefer that type of men:bad boys, narcissists, unable to commit, womanizers, etc. Women give sex to take love back from these guys..and guess what?! It never happens. Forgive yourself for past mistakes. Heal yourself, learn who you are, be happy by yourself and then you'll choose & attract the right person.
MarthaPop women don't 'give' sex, they just have sex. It's like you're implying women get no enjoyment out of sex and only do it for love.
Sir fap alot it's not about enjoying it or not..it's about intentions..many girls have sex for fun but most girls do expect sth after sex : love-commitment etc I've noticed that in young girls too..trying to 'win the guy' or 'keep the guy' have sex too early because they feel pressure to do so. They think:after sex he's gonna love me, he's gonna be my boyfriend, I'll be accepted and they do it..and sometimes people fall in love but most times they wanna have fun..so these girls keep getting hurt.
MarthaPop women are not delicate little flowers, they are adults that should be responsible for their mistakes.
Sir fap alot exactly! That's why I talked about girls! Women make mistakes as adults too but in the end of the day if a person is giving you false messages (you're special-I never felt like this before-etc) and even thought you know they're lies you choose to sleep with this person..it's your fault clearly..but he's responsible too cause he wasn't honest.
I am glad I ran across this video...I think this happens in marriages also where the man has not chosen to be healed from such nonsense. Thank you Matt for reminding us that it is not our job to heal them.
This describes my ex. He was emotionally immature and had low self esteem and he needed to constantly be praised by his mommy. Btw he is 30 years old
They look too smooth for me.
sorry that was not meant for you lol.
I just love the way you talk Matt...it reminds me of someone who's from England too.. Honestly i really miss him but I can't do anything now. We were very close and we had good times together. He doesn't want serious relationship so I let him go although it hurts me so much, but as they say if you really love someone do everything that makes them happy even if their happiness means you are not part of it. 😔
Che Ibarra I love that you will definitely get a person that you are dear to him in your life don’t worry
5:23 It's like they're psychic, lol. When my ex hit 30, after 7 yrs together with a home, pets & careers, he got a new job where he was in proximity to a lot of transient women. He was getting a lot of attention, & although I tried to support him through his quarter life crisis, I wouldn't be a doormat for his new interest in open relationships.
He made some questionable decisions & after the second time, I could see we would both be happier separated.
We both have a 2nd job in close proximity, so we've had to keep on good terms, but it bothers me that he still asks me to see him when I've made it clear I cannot be with someone who plays these love games.
I wouldn't want to be with a man or woman who was doing what he's doing, that may not be the prevailing opinion, but it's my point of view.
A little late, but if you haven’t read his book you should. Really really really should. He presents a perspective on males that people just brush over.
Love your videos... inspiration and a place to relate to feelings and deep emotions.. a break from reality and an amazing escape ❤️
Mat. You've done it again. YES to emotionally mature men. So, so much love from South Africa.XX
Simply put.. We love you💞 Matthew😘 thanks again and again!!
i feel like same thing goes for girls whom were not a knock-out in high school. i was one of them, i had really bad acne in my teenage years and i didn't had many attention from guys, but when puberty happened to me and i started to college, i was ready to punish all guys(bad, good, doens't matter) for that. we are pretty toxic too, both to our partners and also ourselves.
I have never once in 42 years met an emotionally mature single man who wants a relationship, EVER. Not even my father is secure. In fact, he told me that no man is secure. Why should women care? When we care, we just get hurt.
My father Is literally the only secure man I know. They are hard to find because the insecure ones pop up when you arent looking. They'll come to you when you aren't prepared
And how many women are really secure? I think it goes both ways. Maybe it is a human thing
Oddly enough I’ve met quite a few, but I think it’s me that’s the problem, I’m the one that doesn’t want the relationship- I think oddly enough it makes them want a relationship, it’s weird
Hey Matthew I have a few questions a was hoping you could answer:
1. How do you become a more likable person? If your in a situation where you were put in a curtain group of people you have to get a long with and you think it would be better if you get closer even if I wouldn’t be in this situation I probably wouldn’t be friends with them.
2. If I’m at high school, what are some ideas for places I could meet new people?
3. Is it ever possible to with someone after you kissed at a party?
I would very appreciate it if answered one of my questions I need your advice !
Lewis's book sounds like a good read. I loved this video Matthew & I am looking forward to your hour long talk with him.
This is so true, my own experience confirming it. I've been dating a guy who didn't want to commit until he saw me slowly walking by and finding another man. He told me that was the only way he understood he didn't want to lose me, that precise moment when I set my standards higher. Thank you for your intelligence Matthew, you're a precious human being
Exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you Matthew and Lewis. God bless you both 💙
Matt, I'm so glad you interviewed Lewis and shared your story about how boys grow up with this perceived acceptance of being a man by how many girls they can get, and how they attach their ego and worthiness to this toxic idea. I can't speak on behalf of all women, but I didn't really understand how it felt growing up being a male. However, your story helped me understand a bit more. I think we all hear about how some guys make these bets about who's going to get with who, and as females, well at least me, its a bit offensive. Seeing it though in the way that these type of men do it for validation and are not ready for commitment makes so much sense, and I don't find it offensive anymore- I just don't waste my time now.
EDIT:
I'm going to get the book! & Please do more videos with him!
Half through the vid and I can barely hear anything from Lewis. Yeah, Matthew, we know what you know and want to tell us, however, since you have a guest on your show, how about allowing them to say what they have to say?
Hey two of my favorite men in one video! You both inspire me in so many different ways. I know this type of guy too much. And in fact one of them has reached the point of "wow all these woman that were after me, they are all the same...but she was different". But you know, I think it is too late. I understand why that was important to him but that's not good enough for me. I guess because if a man needs that attention by a lot of woman in order to validate what he never got, one woman would never be enough because confidence in who you are and what you have to offer will always run out when it depends on more attention by more people.
best gift for my birthday today. thanks!
Thank you Matthew for your clarification at the end. Explaining that it is not our responsibility to change these men.
I watched and supported my exhusband through difficult times career wise and when he started to succeed and get the attention he left me to "explore" what he had been missing out on. F*** him! The problem for me ist that I was way more attractive before, and I have to start crating new opportunities to meet people bit I don't have time and it's not as easy as it was back in uni...
Anita O same here I supported my ex husband thru a career change and he thought he could do better. I'm not ugly I've always been slim after having kids, etcc... But he wanted a high status woman who was a Dr or lawyer. He did date some women like this but never worked out and now he wants me back.
Happened to me too....after 15 years together :( I sacrificed on my end big time for his dream, and there he goes. At least I know not to repeat the same mistake again. If I meet a new guy, I will not give any dreams of mine up for him, and expect that it goes both ways.....that he needs to support my dreams as well.
nobitanobi we stayed 14 years together. I put a hold to my goals for 10 years while he was working his way up. Then I decided to start working on my dreams, his support lasted 1 year, then he ended it!
Anita O a lesson to learn from all of this. It's a rough time, but it's getting better for sure(I hope it is for you as well). It's liberating to finally go after my dreams and wants even if it's without him. It's new opportunities in life! At the end of the day, I have learned my lesson, and at least know that I can commit to a person that can do the same. And if it doesn't come, then I know that I can be perfectly happy making my own dreams come true.
That's so messed up...
So great to see these two collaborate
Thanks for saying this! I hope every women really understand that, what you just said!
Thank you Matthew Husey Lewis Howes This conversation was great. Say yes to emotionally mature men who are excited to having a meaningful relationship ...
Such a Bromance! Love it! Thanks guys! xx
think it could have gone further, and often people who start getting attention having never had it before because they show more confidence, status and success think the woman is only interested because of their status, rather than understanding it's because they've become the best version of themselves and their vibe is transmitting that. They think it's the material possessions that have driven it, rather than their own personal development and fulfilment to reach the level they weren't at when they felt they were missing out.
I'm only ever going to date girls who listen to this guy or i'll just stay single forever
This is exactly what happened to my dad who was born in 1965. We are Chinese from China, he grew up in the conservative era. When he get to his 30s, though he has family and kid, he realized what he have missed out and he is attractive to women of his age. So he had affair for so many times with different women, until my parents divorced 5 years ago, they were each other’s first love. So when it comes to my marriage, I decided to look for someone have experiences in BGR and appreciate me for who I am
Between 4:20 - 5:00 well said.....hit the nail on its head with the hammer....I think it is also applicable for females as well.....
@5.30 not all women care about status , being a nice person matters more
PS this reminds me of the book the one lady wrote called "how to marry the man of your choice" She talks about how to bank on the fact that men go through this as a child. That book is sort of dangerous and a bit crazy in my own opinion. ps this is Aimee the one who posts all over everything, I'm just posting from my other channel. haha
Muj money problem h please contact me 8567855563
Wow. Mr. Hussey, you are so articulate! You communicate what you think so very well. And your vocabulary is expansive. There is nothing better than that combination. It's wonderful!
You never really addressed, "What we need to know about Men and Sex..." :-(
Jennifer Dettloff-Carter
They forgot 🤣 too much nostalgia 🤣
😂true. I made a video on how their brains picks women!ua-cam.com/video/i-sptMd3SiY/v-deo.html
I think the answer is supposed to be, "Some males are socialized to value women as sexual conquests to impress other males. If they couldn't successfully do it while young, once they are more accomplished and attracting women to them, they will then try to be playboys. Sex for them isn't about a healthy part of a relationship. It is an end in itself, and the more women the better." They feel entitled to at some point get to sow their wild oats, just as they become prime marriage prospects. So there's this mismatch happening, with no one getting what they want. No one except those rare folks where the guys is either not in such an environment growing up, or is, but gets it out of his system early. Once older and more successful, he can get a wife and actually values doing so, no longer valuing easy sex.
That's me piecing together what they said anyway.
@@consciouscrypto3090 I agree. Well said.
I guess you have to buy the book?!
Yes, you’re absolutely right. It’s not my job to work on a man’s psychological problems. I constantly work on myself, on becoming more mature. So men should do the same on their own. It’s childish to play games with a woman you like and be afraid of intimacy.
Matthew you’re so handsome 😍
Wendy Samboy I would rather say that he is so charismatic and has sex-appeal, that's what mostly attracted us! Beauty is hard to explain. I am hetero girl and I can tell that outside beauty is not the only thing. I know pretty people, but when they talk, all magic disappear.
Yes he is, both handsome 😊
+frotecka yeah :) youre so tight
+frotecka right* 😂 oh my god😂
@@frotecka Oh, quit that "looks don't matter!" bullshit speech. He's beautiful and there's that.
I think I enjoy learning about the relationship more than I enjoy being in one..
please do a full hour
Thank you for this. I truly hope more men got messages like this. For a better world, we need kinder men, who have cured those wounds. Women have been doing our part for ages, this has to come from men. Good luck, hopefully we can see men organising themselves in order to end that mask and know themselves better
Thank you so much for this! Amazing!
If you meet a violent guy remember: you can not change him!! Stop it! The only thing who COULD happen is that he will learn to hide is true personality and getting himself toghether a bit. But you will never change him!
Matt.. you're being unrealistic. the guy who wears a sexual mask won't care who I'm with and why I'm with them, he's already going to be busy dumping another woman. anyone who could ever have an impact would have to be a guy, a father figure or a more successful friend of his.
Sophiesticated plus he wud have alrdy blocked you so he wudnt see whats up in ur life
Totally agree
Woolfy the german shepherd, Dune and Chanel ggçcñxcv. V.k
girl063 spell much??
My boyfriend was definitely like this. But now I can see that he is trying to be better.
Great advice, empowering and thoughtful
I wonder if Matthew would ever consider pivoting a bit towards having deep conversations with men more often. Topics like this video and even consent. It's refreshing to see the male perspective, growing up as a boy, and getting into what drives toxic masculinity. It helps us understand it's not our fault and to stop trying to fix the other person. Maybe it'll even spark conversations, some healing, and understanding for some couples. Just thoughts.
I agree. Men need better role models like this to deal with rejection and trauma and their emotions or they may turn into dangerous behavior towards women.
Trying to think if I've ever met an emotionally mature single man....
Emily Shepard I've NEVER met one!
Emily Shepard I feel like if you actually have that hard of a time thinking of a mature single man, you either have to lower your standards, or you haven't even tried. I'm not really the one to tell you this though since I lack experience, so if someone with some could confirm, that'd be great.
I have met one, he wasn't right for me but we became good friends. Someday he's going to make a woman very happy. Wish i could find someone like that to suit me...
little miss sunshine I’ve never either smh
there are plenty of good looking mature men that want you, you just have higher expectation than your reality can support. and THESE guys ^ are making bank money off of you.
Thank you so much Mathew! It's a relief to hear your words on this conversation . I was just thinking why do men never want to go through the hard process of introspection ? Why is it always women to try to adapt, adjust, change in order to understand men while trying hard not to hurt their feelings and egos?
So weird. I left comments about this exact topic on Matthew's Video last week...I have a sudden ability to predict the future =P
Mathew, thank you so much for encouraging us to have decent standards and self respect rather than fall for the far too common "I can change him" sort of nonsense!!
4:05-4:45
This can't just be guys, because this is so me right now. This has been me ever since my first heart break.
And I'm like, how do I fix that? How do I learn to love like I've never been hurt before? I'm only just now learning to let go of so many other fears and anxieties and hurt that i've carried around with me always. . . But that first heartbreak. . . I know I'm self-centered too and need to work on that, but I'm starting to wonder if that's why I was always so distant so often with my second love.
This can be a tricky subject to even address, & men and women are designed differently, & have their own opinions. But the answer is NOT to disagree or to ignore the subject, but to get true understanding out in the open. I think the bottom line is the Lord knows how we are made, & the way we are fulfilled in this area. God designed the BEST fulfillment for this, and GOD loves us & knows what He is doing.