You're going about it all wrong. When "Grand Central Station" happens, you don't try to be as quiet as possible. You need to make as much noise as possible, howling like a banshee, thrashing around and banging on the stall, and as much "explosive decompression" and ballistic water impacts as possible. Ideally it should sound like a whale raping a wildebeest inside a crashing airliner. That should clear the place out and then you can enjoy your public bathroom experience in peace.
I don't quite get what's so bad about cussing I mean yeah its not something I would do in front of my mother or my grandmother but they are just words like anything else
It's a way for usually religious people to feel superior while chastising others for "bad words" like they're a little child with virgin ears, while they go home and beat their wives or neglect their kids etc. Control freak hypocrites.
Its not a bad thing, the reason I try to not do it much is because I know there are some younger teens that watch my videos and their parents might not let them watch if they heard a ton of cursing, beyond that I dont think its good to curse a lot, cursing when mad or being funny is one thing but if you curse often for no reason just makes you sounds stupid...
We had a bathroom door at work that wouldn't lock, nothing more embarrassing than someone walking in and then you get to see them everyday. Funny stories Jeff, I plug the phone into the truck and listen and crack up. Thanks for making me laugh.
I hate taking a dump in public toilets, but I went to a Chinese buffet a few years ago, and I had no choice. Not anything to do with the restaurant itself, just because I had eaten so much food I guess. Anyway, I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't been desperate, so it was quite an unpleasant one. I was sitting there with my stomach cramping and my forehead sweating, and gradually became aware that the restaurant's sound system was playing an instrumental version of "Smooth Operator" by Sade.
I went to a restaurant once and I went into the bathroom to wash my hands. Well someone stunk the bathroom up so much of bad shit that I could not eat there. I left. The shit smell made me think the food was made out of shit. I rarely crap in public. But if one has to, there are three things you must do. 1) Always use the handicapped stall. It is the only toilet that is high enough for you to get off of when done. The other public toilets are like 6 inches off the ground. 2) Always line the seat with toilet paper. Jeff would not have had the toilet paper issue if he followed this. 3) If someone comes into the bathroom, hole up in your stall. Wait them out and only after they are gone do you proceed to wipe wash and exit.
This "series" should be called Pipe-Time or Cigar-Time. Or maybe just "Jeff smokes some shit and curses a lot while telling a story" Anyways, love these kind of vids keep em coming.
LMAO!!! I'm 10 minutes in and I'm dying laughing! "Idk how you can fuck up corn." I like this potty mouth Jeff! Hahaha Man idk if it's a chain restaurant or not. But we used to have an "Old Country Buffet" in Florence KY. And it was EXACTLY like you're explaining that one! HAHAHAHA
Congrats on the wedding!!!! And I just wanted to say this was the funniest video I watched a day and I just wanted to say thanks for Bringing my day :)
We used to have an Old Country near me and my dad would get the worst diarrhea every time we went. It got closed for health code violations of some type. I never had a problem taking a dump in public but I could see why you do after that Home Depot incident.
jeff, this is the best story time video from you... so COOL!!!! it's amazing when you talk about details like shrapnels, shit, explosion etc. man i want to hear another story time from you about something cool like this! rock on! xD
Dude! Always wear a shirt with a pocket! Flannos are best because they have two and the material is nice and soft. Better to be down a pocket than need to do the shuffle of shame to another stall.
I ate at a pizza buffet one time, and had to take a shit. The bathroom was for one person, and I locked the door and made sure it was shut. Some dude tried to open the door to use the bathroom, and I yelled "Occupied!" He broke the door frame by pushing on it hard, and saw my naked ass taking a shit. He closed the door and said "Sorry!" Leaving the door broken. I completely understand why you don't want to take a shit in public.
On that note I remember one time I went into a walmart bathroom to take a piss. As soon as I walked in this little old came out of one of the stalls. I could tell he was a walmart employee because of his vest, anyways he came walking out with his pants around his ankles and his little dick hanging out. He was walking out of the stall and going into the next one, more then likely it was because their was no toilet paper and he didn't realize it until it was too late. As soon as I saw that I immediately did a quick 180 and went into another bathroom.
here's a fun fact for you: there are people that literally shit in the soap dispenser in public restrooms, so when you wash your hands, they end up covered in shit anyway, even if they weren't before.
cutlerylover , Just lighted one of my pipes because you did, with some nice W-O-Larsen tobacco. Nice story! There's only one glitsh. Food doesn't go down that fast
Dont know if it's true or not but a doctor once told me that when you eat something or even just take a small bite and it rockets through you with avengence, it's because the shit bags in the kitchen aren't washing their hands after they've shit. They just shit and go right back to cooking...
I laughed so hard at this video and when you talked about the sexual shits it reminded me when i was at a Walmart at 2 am, i had previously that day a good serving of taco bell and a whole large bag of Doritos. Im storming off to the bathroom where i land on the toilet at the right moment, and apparently some guy was in the stall next to me as im making enough noise im sure you could here it outside the bathroom . He tells me "bad mexican" i reply with "you can say that" we than actually have a conversation about prison break and poor guy apparently busted his toe and was cleaning it off when i sat down and sprayed the toilet.
Is anyone out there who is horrified of touching a public bathroom doorknob but is completely fine with gutting a deer bare handedly with no problems at all?
Fuck is such a versatile word. It can be a verb, adverb, adjective, command, interjection, noun, etc. We should be encouraging kids to use the word fuck.
Just a video idea but have you seen the stuff about facebook shutting down gun groups? I know in my area they've deleted a few groups that were pretty big.
Try indian food! i love it, and often its very hot, try lamb vindaloo :) one time i ordered it there was 4 hole habaneros in my portion and with and indian beer to go with it (Cobra beer) a very refresing beer.
I have to take them at work. When I take a dump I let it all go and could give a fuck less. The urinal? If someone is next to me I can't piss. Its just too uncomfortable for me.
Dude, this story had me rolling on the floor laughing my ass off! Not just because it was a funny story but because I am totally the same as you in the fact that I will drive 30 miles to use my own crapper before I use a public one! I had basically the same experience as you told here, only difference was, it was in Frankfurt Airport and I was super late for my flight because I had the trots! So, I totally sympathize with you man, thanks for sharing your story! Greetings from Germany
one time when i was in high school (probably one of the very few times I've taken a shit at school ever) like you found no toilet paper in my stall, ended up calling the school from my phone to deliver some
Going to the bathroom feels nice sometimes. :) Except when you get the squirts and your ass looks like the Japanese flag. And they do put stuff in the food to make you full. You pay full price to"eat what you can". It feels like your full but your not. So they make profit
I know that this sounds odd, but I'd probably watch a 20 minute video of you smoking that pipe. For some reason it's relaxing to me even though I am not personally a smoker.
Hold the presses! You said you wiped the seat down before sitting on it. Is that when you finished the roll? Or................... did you have something on you to wipe the seat with and used it all then so couldn't wipe with it afterwards? Halp I'm so confuzzled!
LOLOL..... Great story! If my Dad were still alive he would agree with you 1000% about them putting something in the food. CONGRATS ON GETTING MARRIED!!!! Take care.
You're going about it all wrong. When "Grand Central Station" happens, you don't try to be as quiet as possible. You need to make as much noise as possible, howling like a banshee, thrashing around and banging on the stall, and as much "explosive decompression" and ballistic water impacts as possible. Ideally it should sound like a whale raping a wildebeest inside a crashing airliner. That should clear the place out and then you can enjoy your public bathroom experience in peace.
+JLConawayII
HRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!ROOOOOOOOMP!!!AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!PPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!MOOOOMP!!
You sir have just made me shit my boxers
I read that in Hunter S. Thompson’s voice
This is halarius
I don't quite get what's so bad about cussing I mean yeah its not something I would do in front of my mother or my grandmother but they are just words like anything else
It's a way for usually religious people to feel superior while chastising others for "bad words" like they're a little child with virgin ears, while they go home and beat their wives or neglect their kids etc. Control freak hypocrites.
Its not a bad thing, the reason I try to not do it much is because I know there are some younger teens that watch my videos and their parents might not let them watch if they heard a ton of cursing, beyond that I dont think its good to curse a lot, cursing when mad or being funny is one thing but if you curse often for no reason just makes you sounds stupid...
airthrow go fuck yourself, sincerly a Christian
Ya
randomfingerboard I like your name, reminds me I need to order some more
"tying there shoes while having explosive diarrhea."
#LMAOROF
8 years later I am listening to this for like the 10th time. This one as i go to bed lol
We had a bathroom door at work that wouldn't lock, nothing more embarrassing than someone walking in and then you get to see them everyday. Funny stories Jeff, I plug the phone into the truck and listen and crack up. Thanks for making me laugh.
Quote of the day "I'm sure I'm making shit up" LMAO!!
Great video. Totally agree about the 10-inch gap between the door and hinge.
I hate taking a dump in public toilets, but I went to a Chinese buffet a few years ago, and I had no choice. Not anything to do with the restaurant itself, just because I had eaten so much food I guess.
Anyway, I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't been desperate, so it was quite an unpleasant one.
I was sitting there with my stomach cramping and my forehead sweating, and gradually became aware that the restaurant's sound system was playing an instrumental version of "Smooth Operator" by Sade.
I went to a restaurant once and I went into the bathroom to wash my hands. Well someone stunk the bathroom up so much of bad shit that I could not eat there. I left. The shit smell made me think the food was made out of shit.
I rarely crap in public. But if one has to, there are three things you must do. 1) Always use the handicapped stall. It is the only toilet that is high enough for you to get off of when done. The other public toilets are like 6 inches off the ground. 2) Always line the seat with toilet paper. Jeff would not have had the toilet paper issue if he followed this. 3) If someone comes into the bathroom, hole up in your stall. Wait them out and only after they are gone do you proceed to wipe wash and exit.
Jeff this has to be the funniest story you have every told on youtube storytime lol
This "series" should be called Pipe-Time or Cigar-Time. Or maybe just "Jeff smokes some shit and curses a lot while telling a story"
Anyways, love these kind of vids keep em coming.
I second the second choice here
Hey man, love your videos. Got a few Old Country Buffet's here in New York. Almost everytime me and my family have went there, it's been bad.
tying shoes with explosive diarrhea is just a priceless image that i will carry with me for the rest of my life
LMAO!!! I'm 10 minutes in and I'm dying laughing! "Idk how you can fuck up corn." I like this potty mouth Jeff! Hahaha Man idk if it's a chain restaurant or not. But we used to have an "Old Country Buffet" in Florence KY. And it was EXACTLY like you're explaining that one! HAHAHAHA
Ah that 2 inch gap in the stall door, always gets me
Congrats Jeff on the marriage. I am seriously happy for you and wish you all the best for the future.
Congrats on the wedding!!!! And I just wanted to say this was the funniest video I watched a day and I just wanted to say thanks for Bringing my day :)
I know that area very well. We are getting our first Chipoltle!!!!!!!! I plan on being the first customer they have. I will camp outside if i have to
Chipoltle ROCKS!
great story jeff, but only one question .... how did you wipe down the seat of the second toilet(16:30) if there was no toilet paper in the stall ??
I wiped the seat down with one of the seat covers above the toilet, although there were some left its like plastic you cant wipe your ass with them
Pro tip: if you have to take a shit in like a mall or a department store, look for a family room. Usually they are single people use only.
We used to have an Old Country near me and my dad would get the worst diarrhea every time we went. It got closed for health code violations of some type. I never had a problem taking a dump in public but I could see why you do after that Home Depot incident.
Jeff the skittle part killed me!!! Great video
CONGRATS on the marraige, Jeff! You've come a loooong way since 2007 :)
They do put stuff in the food to make you feel full, it's called MSG...and I'm highly allergic to it.
jeff, this is the best story time video from you... so COOL!!!! it's amazing when you talk about details like shrapnels, shit, explosion etc. man i want to hear another story time from you about something cool like this! rock on! xD
1) You shouldn't have gone it that bathroom lol
2) Call the health department!
I've heard that the older you get the stronger you smell and taste get and that's why old people like bland food.
The video category is education 😂
Don't apologize for cursing speak what's on your mind
The ONLY place I take a shit is at home, not at work, not at a relatives or friends house, only in the comfort of my palace.
Go there EVERY black Friday. Fortunately I've never had to go to the restroom there
Dude! Always wear a shirt with a pocket! Flannos are best because they have two and the material is nice and soft. Better to be down a pocket than need to do the shuffle of shame to another stall.
I ate at a pizza buffet one time, and had to take a shit. The bathroom was for one person, and I locked the door and made sure it was shut. Some dude tried to open the door to use the bathroom, and I yelled "Occupied!" He broke the door frame by pushing on it hard, and saw my naked ass taking a shit. He closed the door and said "Sorry!" Leaving the door broken. I completely understand why you don't want to take a shit in public.
Funny video. I couldn't stop laughing. You would make a good comic.
Hahahaha sexual sh*t, Brown trout, toilet paper shrapnel. You are on a role Jeff!
On that note I remember one time I went into a walmart bathroom to take a piss. As soon as I walked in this little old came out of one of the stalls. I could tell he was a walmart employee because of his vest, anyways he came walking out with his pants around his ankles and his little dick hanging out. He was walking out of the stall and going into the next one, more then likely it was because their was no toilet paper and he didn't realize it until it was too late. As soon as I saw that I immediately did a quick 180 and went into another bathroom.
here's a fun fact for you: there are people that literally shit in the soap dispenser in public restrooms, so when you wash your hands, they end up covered in shit anyway, even if they weren't before.
cutlerylover , Just lighted one of my pipes because you did, with some nice W-O-Larsen tobacco. Nice story!
There's only one glitsh. Food doesn't go down that fast
You should have went to Basilicos Pizzeria that was right next to the OCB
Love the storytime videos especially this one....lost it
Dont know if it's true or not but a doctor once told me that when you eat something or even just take a small bite and it rockets through you with avengence, it's because the shit bags in the kitchen aren't washing their hands after they've shit. They just shit and go right back to cooking...
Lots of colleges put mild laxatives in the food in case of food poisoning
I laughed so hard at this video and when you talked about the sexual shits it reminded me when i was at a Walmart at 2 am, i had previously that day a good serving of taco bell and a whole large bag of Doritos. Im storming off to the bathroom where i land on the toilet at the right moment, and apparently some guy was in the stall next to me as im making enough noise im sure you could here it outside the bathroom . He tells me "bad mexican" i reply with "you can say that" we than actually have a conversation about prison break and poor guy apparently busted his toe and was cleaning it off when i sat down and sprayed the toilet.
Congrats on the wedding Jeff!
Gus is the best. Always love to see him in a video!
Is anyone out there who is horrified of touching a public bathroom doorknob but is completely fine with gutting a deer bare handedly with no problems at all?
Fuck is such a versatile word. It can be a verb, adverb, adjective, command, interjection, noun, etc. We should be encouraging kids to use the word fuck.
If they put stuff in food to make you more full, you wouldn't eat as much, which would bring in less money. Bad business choice.
I miss Gus. He was so adorable
Man you don't have to say sorry for cursing/cussing these days even 5 year olds curse/cuss
lololololool we love story time keep em comin
It's kinda refreshing to hear you let lose and swear.
Pick your spots buddy. If it's a place a woman would feel comfortable they usually have a decent can.
Just a video idea but have you seen the stuff about facebook shutting down gun groups? I know in my area they've deleted a few groups that were pretty big.
Havent laughed this hard in a while!
you sound like Dan Aykroyd LOL. Thanks for the story
I had more pride than that! Lol
Congratulations Jeff! I've Been with you for three years now and I'm so happy that you're finally getting married to her!!
Omg Jeff I'm shitting my self laughing 15:00 hahahaha cutlerylover
hahaha these stories are so great
life hack: flush before you drop one to cover the noise!
Diuretic makes you piss. Laxatives make you shit. Not to spund like an ass, just cant resist correcting the vid :)
my bad, your right
He meant diarhetic. He was right. Sorry to burst your bubble
Try indian food! i love it, and often its very hot, try lamb vindaloo :)
one time i ordered it there was 4 hole habaneros in my portion and with and indian beer to go with it (Cobra beer) a very refresing beer.
11:38 i took a bite of mashed potatoes and my stomach went BURRT and my asshole puckered LOL!
Fucking hate public bathrooms. They're the worst. Worst anxiety ever.
omfg i just laughed through this whole damn video!!!
wtf i wasent invited to the wedding, i thought i was your best man, i spent $2600 on a suit for nothing :(
the heading should be called a Shity day lol
Congrats on getting married.
thats why i always bring duct tape with me
Last time I pooped in public it was the third grade.
I would call that a shitty day...
I have to take them at work. When I take a dump I let it all go and could give a fuck less. The urinal? If someone is next to me I can't piss. Its just too uncomfortable for me.
one time i had the runs on an airplane, ugh, horrible experience
Never heard you cuss before, I enjoy it though.
I guess i'm not alone about that opinion :)
What did you wipe the toilet seat with if there was no toilet paper? @ 16:30
Boss makes a dollar I make a dime and that's why I poop on on company time
HAHAHA I like that dude!!!!!
James Green That's the spirit!
Dude, this story had me rolling on the floor laughing my ass off! Not just because it was a funny story but because I am totally the same as you in the fact that I will drive 30 miles to use my own crapper before I use a public one! I had basically the same experience as you told here, only difference was, it was in Frankfurt Airport and I was super late for my flight because I had the trots! So, I totally sympathize with you man, thanks for sharing your story!
Greetings from Germany
If it’s not a funny story then I’m turning it off now.
one time when i was in high school (probably one of the very few times I've taken a shit at school ever) like you found no toilet paper in my stall, ended up calling the school from my phone to deliver some
Going to the bathroom feels nice sometimes. :) Except when you get the squirts and your ass looks like the Japanese flag.
And they do put stuff in the food to make you full. You pay full price to"eat what you can". It feels like your full but your not. So they make profit
Gross
So is your profile picture mate
In sweden every public bathroom door is a real like door, no gaps or anything. Gotta love Swedish bathrooms
Heltkördihuvudet we should all try to be more like sweden.
@@SHADOW-ke6xz why
Lucky
I know that this sounds odd, but I'd probably watch a 20 minute video of you smoking that pipe. For some reason it's relaxing to me even though I am not personally a smoker.
Same here
How did he wipe the seat if he had no toilet paper 🤔
his hand
Going to the bathroom without ass paper is like going to war without a gun Jeff lol
Little update here everyone, the Old Country Buffet in Dickson City is now permanently closed. Must've really been bad!
If they're not cleaning their bathrooms, they're not cleaning their kitchen.
Lmao "the corn taste like shit..I don't know how you f up corn." I died right there funniest line I have heard In a while.
"It was a sexual shit" - CutleryLover 2014
Have you ever been to golden corral? It kick's old country buffet's ass.
I prefer u talking normal an not the pc version
im going to take my laptop to the toilet right now to crap and listen to your story about crapping.
That was hilarious.I remember the glory hole story too.
"how do you fuck up canned corn?!"lol
Hold the presses! You said you wiped the seat down before sitting on it. Is that when you finished the roll? Or................... did you have something on you to wipe the seat with and used it all then so couldn't wipe with it afterwards? Halp I'm so confuzzled!
I went to the Old Food Buffet once, and it gave me the screaming shits. My ass looked like the Japanese flag
You do look like the type who would take a dump at Old Food Buffet and Wal-Mart,... I'll give ya that.
I'm actually taking a shit while watching this. I really dig these videos brah this is pretty cool.
Another story about a public restroom? This is what 3 now? Lmao
I have bad luck with public bathrooms...
glory hole and this one ,whats the other one
***** there was a small story abt him as a kid snd some old guy reached his hand under the stall wall asking for toilet paper
b33lze6u6 is there a link to that storytime video?
LOLOL..... Great story! If my Dad were still alive he would agree with you 1000% about them putting something in the food. CONGRATS ON GETTING MARRIED!!!! Take care.
i lost my shit laughing with you said, "how can you fuck up corn"