Olivia Colman reads a novelist's (rather funny) complaint letter to a funeral parlour
Вставка
- Опубліковано 3 жов 2024
- In 2009, shortly after the death of her father, celebrated novelist Lydia Davis wrote a letter of complaint to a funeral parlour.
Olivia Colman joined us at Letters Live at the Royal Albert Hall in London in November 2023 to read it.
Copyright: Lydia Davis to a Funeral parlour, from: The Collected Stories of Lydia Davis, © Lydia Davis, 2009
Olivia Coleman could read the phone book and I would happily sit and listen for hours!
I'm not trying to detract from the letter, which was fantastic.
She does just exude "nice person" waves. Even just the way she said hello and waved to the audience.
They still have phone books where you are from? I don't think they've been available in my country for about 20 years.
@@Dave_SissonWe here done under in the “convict colony” still have them but then we are at the bottom of the pile 😂😂🇦🇺🇦🇺
@@Dave_Sisson Good for you and where you are from.
That is just what I was about to say! But I was going to add that she, with her brilliance and nuance could make even the phone book funny.
Cremains sounds like a word to describe my cooking.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Then you’ll know “charred” is a posh word for “burnt”…😂😂🇦🇺🇦🇺
@@CatsandJP 🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Don’t need to cook when you can entertain. That was hilarious and needs to be tried on my wife by me. 👊🏽👏🏽
I lost my dad recently and rather unexpectedly, and he was cremated. I've never heard the term "cremains" before, I hope I never will again. Except in this particular context where someone is taking the piss out of it. This video gave me some much-needed levity in light of the recent loss. Thank you to Letters Live and Olivia Colman for making this sudden dark period in my life a little brighter.
I'm sorry for your loss. Good thoughts to out to you. 🌻
@@WouldntULikeToKnow. Thanks. I appreciate it.
The term bothered me too when I lost my dad. This does help to hear. (And I'm sorry for your loss.)
@@FullMoonHowl Thanks. I think what makes it easier for me is moving house to live with my brother and his family, especially when I get to spend more time with my young nephew. :)
I'm very sorry for your loss. And if it helps you feel better, it's not a word that's supposed to be used in front of the public, especially the families of the deceased. It's supposed to be an internal industry thing and someone screwed up by saying it in front of the letter-writer's family.
My lovely mother was a funeral director for 49 years. She hated terms like cremains and would never have let it be used in her company. She arranged her own funeral. No service, just to be taken and cremated and her ashes returned to me. The simplest receptacle available as well. I will scatter her and my dad on the headland where they walked when courting.
🙏💙 during the holiday season. Your plans sound lovely. My father is in a lake. Visiting and swimming memories wash over me, like the water hitting the shore
❤
Always happy for a new letter read by Olivia Colman!
I dread to think how she would have felt to know that the machine used to grind down the cremains into a form suitable for scattering is called a "cremulator".
There are a whole slew of things we really don't wish to know about the whole process of preparing the dead.
@chocolatefrenzieya agree. But its also kinda of a problem that society as a whole is so squeamish. It means real and profound discussions about how we as a species and a society approach both end-of-life care and post death choices and other things like organ donation etc.. just dont happen, or only by a small minority etc.
The overall social squeemish-ness on the post death processes is just another symptom of that.
@@chocolatefrenzieyaThis is the problem nowadays people don’t want to know or discuss dying…it is something you won’t come out of alive anyway.
@@CatsandJP Well, it's unpleasant on many levels. It takes a high level of maturity and probably experience to come to peace with it. Once you reach THAT point, the processes are hard to stomach when it comes to a loved one.
@@Thats_Mr_Random_Person_to_you I'm definitely pro-organ donation. Use every bit of me you can! Never understood people against it. I think it's just difficult to imagine, in detail, the actual ugliness of cremation or embalming being done on granny.
Ah, Olivia. A breath of fresh air, as always. Love her.
Olivia seems like a fantastic person, she radiates goodness!
Yes, the waves of decency wash over me.
Watch her Letters Live …Reply to the Zaporozian Cossacks she reads with Ade Edmondson…she’s brilliant
Cremains is a fairly normal word used in the industry, but shouldn't be said to the loved ones of the deceased.
Totally... Lidia is not wrong... But still humorous
I have had 3 fairly close family members who were cremated and I am pleased that this this the first time I have ever heard this word, and I hope it's the last time I ever do.
Same! 90% of the funerals I have been to have been cremations and this is my first time hearing it. It seems so... tacky and dehumanising considering the context
Yes... someone trying to be catchy and clever in a situation that most definitely does not call for it.
I've unfortunately heard it several times. It's a lazy, jargonistic term.
The word goes back to 1600s and comes from the Latin word “cremare “…..meaning…to burn…consume by fire…🇦🇺🇦🇺
@@ariochivNot the case..it is actually a word going back to the 1600s it’s comes from the Latin “cremare” to burn or consume with fire…as I’ve commented
Wonderful reading! I have my own rant about "cremains", and it's lovely to hear it put so much more elegantly than I do.
As a Care Aide some decades ago, I was there when a lady passed away. When the family was there, the new doctor walked in and started calling her "The Corpse" and totally ignoring how it upset her family. Not 1 word of sympathy, not 1 hint of kindness, just very coldly "How have you decided to dispose of the corpse" and "The corpse must be removed immediately" and "Stop being so emotional, it's JUST a corpse!". . I finally yelled at him "Stop being sucha jackass to the family! She's not "the corpse" She's Name! Her name is Name, call her name!" then the charge nurse came in and dragged him out. I dunno what she said to the HR department, but I did NOT get written up and he did get fired.
Whilst I'd never dream of behaving like this around someone else - this is entirely how I feel about what I'll leave behind.
I'm not a religious person (and perhaps this is the crux of the issue), but my philosophy on the part of a human being that constitutes "a person" is a reaction, like a flame - it dances for as long as it is able given the conditions; but once extinguished the ashes or unburned materials at its base are no longer a part of that flame, merely the materials that were not consumed by a reaction that illuminated and warmed those around it.
"The corpse" is not the person, it is used ritualistically as a symbol for that person - but this is just superstition handed down through the millennia, from times when superstitions were feared too greatly to be tested. The value we place in a corpse is then exploited by those who would profit from producing traditional methods of handling these remains - exquisite wooden boxes, fine porcelain urns, all because of a belief that somehow the corpse is somehow still the same as the dearly departed.
We look not to the empty fire pit for warmth, why we should do the same with a corpse I will never understand.
Throw what I leave behind into the nearest medical waste bin and hold your vigil, if you please, enjoying one another's company.
@@bazzatron9482 You are entitled to your beliefs. But when a family is going through one of the worst days of each of their lives, it is helpful to show a little compassion for belief systems which differ from our own.
For once a proper outcome…good for you!
@@bazzatron9482I had left the choice to my family. I’d prefer a Viking funeral, but it’s not legal where I live (I’m serious). One of my children wants to be able to talk to me after I die. I don’t believe I’ll be there to talk with, but his grief is my first concern. I’ll be wherever one is after death. Personally hope I’ll be exploring the universe, watching novas, and jumping rope with stars, etc., but who knows?
That doctor was demanding that he be fired. How horrific to refer to a loved one's body that way and to tell people not to mourn. As a note to another commentator, I'm agnostic. I don't believe in any kind of afterlife or deity. However, politeness and empathy still dictates that the terminology used should comfort the family/friends of the deceased. Death, even when anticipated, can be upsetting enough.
Both of my parents were cremated and their cremains are in beautiful turned walnut urns awaiting family members arrival so we can spread them. My mother, especially, would have loved that word and thought it funny! Well read, Olivia!
What a night this has been! Worth every penny for the trip from Vienna to London 😊😊
Cremains are what's left after you eat a bag of craisins.
I found the mumping along speech last week and I couldn't stop listening to it, and now this!
I will be using this word every time I talk about my death plans, because I am an English professor and love how language is used and changed.
Glad…I have a degree too including linguistics and dabble in psychology…I love a good euphemism, slang or saying and there origins, and phobias, …like…Thanatophobia…fear of dying…🇦🇺🇦🇺
@ritajean15 Do you happen to know whether the American funeral industry led the way with this portmanteau term - cremains? Digital connectivity seems to increasingly hybridise and commodify our words and language.
@@comealongcomealong4480 probably not, it’s probably because someone heard it wrong and then it spread. Much like labtop instead of laptop.
Dear Olivia. God bless you
Anything that comes out of Olivia’s mouth sounds wonderful,love her !
The letter-writer is brilliant and Olivia Coleman is a genius.
Maybe because I’ve worked in medicine and organ donation, the word has no negative connotations to me. It’s just a way to differentiate between an intact corpse or ashes. One you can legally scatter or keep in your living room; one you cannot.
Since this is in part a grammatical letter, I'd just like to point out that the way you've structured those sentences implies that the intact corpse is the one you _can_ scatter or keep in the living room. :)
It took me a few minutes to realize what the word meant. Reading other comments, I understand the word is meant to be behind the scenes in the industry, which makes much more sense. Thank you for your thoughtful comments. And thank goodness for Olivia - what a gem!
She should be in the next generation of Dames, alone with Brenda Blethyn, Imelda Staunton and Nicola Walker.
Sarah Lancashire and Suranne Jones too
Well said. Well read.❤
She’s just a lovely lady thank you 👏🏾👏🏾
*Checks Dictionary:* Cremains: the ashes that remain after a dead body has been cremated (= burned). It seems to be a perfectly cromulent word
Hmmmmmm, while appreciating the neat brevity of the word on a technical basis, i find i agree that 'the cremains' while referring to a recently dead loved one sounds harsh and insensitive.
It is perfectly cromulent, but in me it enbiggens a sense of insensitivity
Maybe its a portmanteau, cremated+remains = cremains
Edit: indeed it is a portmanteau, I didnt get to the end before commenting
While certainly cromulent, I feel 'Cremains' is likely to pericombobulate a few people. I'd certainly be anaspeptic upon hearing it referring to my loved ones.
i hope the funeral director's reply was frasmotic!@@Tilion462
If people don’t like the term” cremains”….then you won’t like the term “Underground Furniture”…this is what the funeral director said to my father and myself when he flung a pair of French doors open with coffins on display some even on types of shelves in a room when we went to pick out my mother’s coffin…he said “Welcome to the Underground Furniture”..my father looked at me..I looked at him..we were taken aback…then started laughing…on the way home we both agreed we could see the funny side and it did gives us a laugh to ease the grief..it’s all in the perception on how you see things..🇦🇺🇦🇺
That just cracked me up! Best belly laugh I've had in awhile! 😀
The word "cremains" (and also "corpsicle" for cryogenically frozen bodies) has been used in science fiction literature since the 1960s and possibly earlier. To me it's almost not even a surprise to hear it.
I’m going to keep asking. Letters Live, please come back to NYC. We miss you.
They ARE coming back May 6, 2024 but ALL Tix are sold out. Anyone want to sneak in with me? 🤔
Thank you Lydia... 👌🏼
Brilliant performance, she could make the phone book entertaining
So good!
She is the best
I first saw the word when the undertaker sent the letter saying the cremains were ready for burial. My beloved sister was now cremains. Very difficult to take in.
I have always used cremains, didn’t realise it was strange ❤
Same here. It's not a word I've ever given a second thought to, and I imagine I've used it or heard it used in reference to all 3 of my close relatives who gave passed and were cremated.
I enjoyed the beautifully written letter, Olivia's flawless delivery, and that it's on YT for all the funeral directors on God's green earth to see. Words. Matter.
I am so glad she said portmanteau I was going to 😂
I've never liked this word, either. I'm glad someone could complain so eloquently. :D
I like the word. It says exactly what it is - cremated remains of a person or pet. I'd have no objection to an undertaker using it when speaking with me. There is no point in pretending death hasn't happened by dressing it up in pretty language. Death is a normal part of life.
It isn't cremated remains that remain. What remains of remains is bone. Skeleton is what remains of remains. These remains are crushed by a machine into small pieces.
Did you know that a funeral parlour will never just hand you the cremains of a love one - you have to urn them first.
Marvellous.
I had an eighth grade English teacher who I hadn’t thought f in 50 years. I sure do recall her now! “My word!” she would say at any perceived embellishment of the English language!😊
Yes, I watch shows simply because Olivia Coleman is in them.
I personally think the word is hilarious! Now I hope they use it when I die because I LOVE IT!
I have never heard of the word cremains before, but I like it. We cremated our beloved dogs ourselves after they died, and you are not just left with ashes, but also bone fragments etc, so cremains is a very accurate description. I would like it to be used more than the word ashes.
I wonder why ashes fell out of favor? It’s a short term and historically used.
It’s also inaccurate because because they’re not ashes. Everything but bone completely burns off and what’s left is the skeleton, which is processed into a powder.
Yeah, no one wants to send their recently passed loved ones to the funeral home that markets themselves as "quirky."
If you've ever thought about employing the slogan "We put the 'fun' in funerals!" you are in the wrong business. Please stop.
Brilliant. Just brilliant. Wish I'd said it.
But that’s were you are wrong..funerals today are regarded as celebrations of life and many people love a good funeral that is happy not sad and mournful…they even have living wakes so they can join in before they die…get over it..your not going to know because… no one has survived dying.
In this case, 'cremains' isn't meant to be quirky. It's an industry term that's actually not meant to be used in front of the public, especially the families of the deceased.
@@CatsandJPwhen quite young, I went to the funeral of an elderly Russian man, refugee in France from the revolution. The service in the orthodox church was amazing, so much incense, so many icons...Then all his surviving friends were sharing good memories of the deceased and drinking shots of vodka. It got joyous very fast!
I agree COMPLETELY. "Cremains" sounds like an unnecessary shortening perhaps only to be used when the undertaker writes quick notes about the family's wishes. It makes my skin crawl. And, as a church musician in an Episcopal church, I cringe when anyone uses it in that context. Ugh. The author of the letter was extremely careful to avoid scolding; in fact, what she wrote was more instructive and more generous. Good for her. Well read, Olivia Colman.
It’s Latin for “cremare” I gather you and a million others have no idea of the origins of words or where linguistics come from.
@@CatsandJP cremains is a portmanteau of cremate & remains, it has nothing to do etymology of 'to cremate'/cremare wtf
@@ps3udologueI have a degree in linguistics that covers everything from semantics, phonetics context and Latin…I would be happy to enlighten you on my comment about the use of the Latin term…it goes back to 1600 years borrowed from the Latin Cremare or (nominative Crematio)…and cremation goes back 17,000 years..the first discovery was here in Australia…the Mungo Lady…I have a Dual degree which includes marketing and the psychology in marketing from QUT in Brisbane so I’m happy if you care to take up my offer..but anyone who loves the sound of turning pages or any sound usually has misophonia and that is a kinesthetic outlet for release.
@@CatsandJP We all understand where the term "cremate" comes from. it is simply the informality of the portmanteau of "cremated" and "remains" to which many object. Just because it comes from Latin doesn't mean it's suddenly formal or appropriate. As a fellow linguist and as a Classical archaeologist who has dealt with the cremated remains of many different cultures, I ask you to please stop being such a pompous jerk.
@@CatsandJP Well then, it would have been nice if you'd taking the time to tell us what the likely noun for the results of a cremation would be (is?) Latin is remarkably economical about using roots.
Maybe my family just has a dark humour, but 2 of my 3 grandparents who've died in my life were cremated, as was my great uncle (and I think my great aunt a couple of weeks ago?). And to be honest, "cremains" sounds like exactly the kind of thing my family would say 😅 We cope with a lot of things through humour, death being one of them, and while I understand why some may be upset by it, that word just sounds so ridiculous to me that I find it hard to take it seriously, bringing much needed levity to an otherwise horrific situation.....
I personally love this word and would quite like my family and friends to refer to me as „cremains“ when I am cremated and become ashes.
From the 1993 film starring Sir Anthony Hopkins and Emma Thomas: "The cRemains of the Day".
This is rapidly becoming one of my favourite YT channels. And 'cremains' is a horrible word.
I’m with Lydia
Love, love, love Olivia Colman.
"Ashes to Ashes, Cremains to Cremains" just doesn't have the same poetic ring. 😝
Noone laughed at "where he might be" it made the "complicated relationship" even funnier
Buried my Dad two months ago. I don't think the funeral home used the term "cremains" with us. The priest did, however, on the phone when I was talking to him about the internment - or as I called it, the "planting."
Regardless of how one feels about the word, cremains are the reason one should never use a spoon from a funeral parlor's kitchen - no way to know whose ashes it's been in! (Spoons are a handy way to divide up ashes if multiple family members want portions of them.)
You know, this goes into the center of my Venn diagram of “things I wish I didn’t know” and “things I’m glad I know”
The thing is, awful as "cremains" is, there seems to be a small but EXTREMELY energetic faction of people militantly opposed to the use of the term "ashes" to refer to cremated remains.
What's awful about it?
@@SuprousOxideDid you not watch the video? Do you just troll the comment sections looking unambiguous statements to post stupid questions after?
Just because she dislikes the term doesn't mean it's offensive.
So what's awful about it?
Another modern yet totally unnecessary car smash of two existing words....
When my dad died and they said cremains, I was like... did they seriously make a cute word over this?
To be fair, it's not meant to be cute, it's meant to be an internal term that's not supposed to be used in front of the families of the deceased.
@@MythicFox Why not? It is an accurate description, more so than ashes, I love the word cremains.
They told me, Francis Hinsley, they told me you were hung
With red protruding eye-balls and black protruding tongue;
I wept as I remembered how often you and I
Had laughed about Los Angeles and now ’tis here you’ll lie;
Here pickled in formaldehyde and painted like a whore,
Shrimp-pink incorruptible, not lost nor gone before.
-Evelyn Waugh, The Loved One
Thank you. And it was Waugh's "The Loved One" that made the use of the expression "your loved one" sound ridiculous and hilarious in my family circle. You could just use the person's name. In hospital we would say "Mr Smith is comfortable", not "Your loved one is comfortable". It's mawkish and perhaps a tad presumptuous.
After my father's service we were left with the Cremains of the Dave. I think he would have liked that.
Cremation remains do not have any ASHES in them. It's pulverized bone fragments and dust.
True
The Cremains Of The Day is either a remake of the classic film, or what you get at a really disturbing Diner
❤
In the TV show, Buffy, the Vampire Slayer, one of the emotional scenes ever recorded was when Buffy comes home and finds her mother dead on the sofa. She tells a friend, "You're not supposed to move the body." and the look of horror on her face when she realizes that's what she called her mom.
Language always has been an Important & Playful Tool Throughout Civilization. Learning & Understanding sadly doesn't reach Schools Curriculums it seems.
Cremains: the destroyed argument made by a Remainer
When I first heard the word, I thought it the funniest thing! But I'm also the same person that told her son "Don't write anything mushy on my urn, unless its 'Frijoles!'" As that was the mushiest thing I could think of at the time. And I DO realize Frijoles Refritos, or Refried Beans, is more correct. It was just funny at the then and still is!
Honestly, as a future deceased person, I embrace the sillyness of the word "Cremains" and would expect my loved ones to not complain or think less of anyone were it used in regards to me. If I ought to be remembered fondly by anyone, it must be accompanied with a spirit of levity, and this particular point case applies aptly to that mandate.
I was horrified for the funeral director who actually had to use that word in reference to my recently deceased mother. She clearly hated it as much as I did. We secretly agreed to never use it again.
I agree with Lydia
Well I never 😲. I've not heard that word before and would be mortified if someone I knew was referred to as "cremanes". Or is it "cremains"?
The second one - cremated remains.
Olivia obviously knew the rule book for advancing your career in acting and comedy.Spouts all the right views on cue.
If only....Olivia Coleman could read Letters of Maria Theresa of Austria. And the Answers of her daughters by Erin Doherty
I always thought that “cremains” was an ugly and impersonal word. Why do funeral directors use it? It’s almost arrogant, is if they’re putting the emphasis on themselves and their job. As mentioned here, “ashes” is easy to say, and has a comforting sound.
They're not supposed to use it in front of the public, it's meant to be an internal industry term.
@@MythicFoxperhaps then it shouldn’t be used at all.
chipped beef dish 🤣🤣🤣
It’s fairly common in the US.
I learned training showjumpers: pick your battles.
Then there’s the children buried in rubble in Gaza. So there’s that.
Tone deaf.
I would never use that word to the family of the deceased but it seems like a reasonable industry jargon to me. Maybe the representative was new?
Maybe, but after reading that letter, I doubt he’d do it again. The letter was nice to him until “cremanes,” it was direct and a bit sarcastic but not mean.
Either the representative was new or was just tired and had a brain slip of their own. Or both.
As someone who is recently widowed, Im not sure why this is considered comedy. It was probably written out of someone’s grief. Absolutely love Olivia Coleman, and her sweet voice; I’m just puzzled.
Why is it okay for a funeral director to use the term “loved one”? In some cases, the deceased is anything but loved. It’s dangerous to make assumptions.
in Australia we say "cremainees"
This letter was very worth reading but nevertheless a difficult one to properly display the humor as well as personality of the writer. Only Olivia Colman could pull it off so well!
Personally, I prefer the word "cremains" to "ashes" which just feels like something you discard as the remains of a fire or from a cigarette butt. However, I'd have thought that the safest term to use with grieving friends and family is "your [insert relationship]" or quite simply their name.
I agree wholeheartedly. “Cremains” is an abominable word. Say “ashes,” and if that’s not specific enough, say “burnt humans.”
This year, next month in fact, marks ten years since I lost my wife who was cremated, I have never had an issue with the word "cremains", the mortuary was the first place that I became aware of the word. It didn't bother me then and it doesn't bother me now, honestly, I remember thinking that it was interesting that the word was invented.
I first heard the highly objectionable "cremains" after the death of a beloved cat. A tech at the veterinarian used it on the phone and instantly disliked the word and the speaker at the same time. That's what happens, I'm afraid. I hold the user responsible for the weapon of destruction even if they did not invent them. The sheepish complicity is what bothers me. It's as though they are saying "well of course they will approve of my using this term! My using it is all the validation it requires!"
My problem is primarily is that term does not solve a problem. No one was offended by ashes. This is clearly and obviously the product of one of those retreats that people in certain profitable but unsteady businesses - in this case, the funeral business - attended in the 1970s. Some vulgar undertaker got traction with a seminar on "More effective ways of Upselling to the Bereaved" and no doubt the sub-topic of language make an appearance, as it alway does in these scenarios. Never deal with the real problems, just change the vocabulary involved! Say "person" instead of "woman" and misogyny will end. Call it PTSD instead of shellshock and we will have world peace!
I think "cremains" came into English around the time "craisins" did. At least that is an example of useful economy scaled to the occasion.
Cremains predates craisins by 30 to 40 years
I didn't think about it at all. But ashes might be better. Hmm.
People are really trying to make the whole process “fun.” I don’t care to play this whole game anyway, so I won’t be attending the laugh-filled funeral. Sooner or later, in some capacity, there does have to be grieving.
It's not meant to be "fun," it's not meant to be used in front of the public at all, but sometimes people screw up.
I mean would they prefer ash residue or desiccated, charred bone fragments? Dust? I think cremains is rather poetic and respectful when used as a noun.
I first heard this word over 40 years ago, but maybe I hang around weird people.
How would you like to collect your crushed bone fragments?
Very humorous for some outside of proper British expression of death.
A refusal to see ashes are the dust of life
Ashes to Ashes dust to dust .?
What was wrong with saying ashes that led to the fabrication of the term cremains?
Apparently some sort of 'ummmm... acktually it's not technically _ashes_' thing (because bereavement is just the *perfect* place for pedantry to pop up! /s)
There are alternatives to 'cremains', what about 'credaver' for instance?
I've thought the word, "cremains" is cringe AF from the first time I heard it. IDK why we have to euphemize everything, "ashes" is perfectly fine. After all, "ashes to ashes, dust to dust" is commonly known to be how we all go out. Why gloss over it?
LOL
I really have no issue with it. It's shortening up and blends nicely. You're telling me cremated remains is far superior to cremains?
I too hate the word "cremains", but I do understand why the use came into being. People in certain professions, often use made up words for unpleasant things, that the general public would dislike. I work in a hospital, and we use words in public, that disguise the true nature of the subject. Subjects, that the public would find upsetting or distasteful. I won't tell you the words we use in these situations, but I will tell you that a patients relatives are often called "Rellies". As in, "Can you talk to Mr Smiths rellies, about his treatment".