When he took retirement at 62 with essentially no savings, he didn't so much "retire". He quit working. Retiring is what you do when you've worked and worked are ready to live on all you've worked for.
She signed up for it lmao. She didn't care about him being B R O K E because he was sweet to her, I bet he still is. Broke men give long hugs lmao@@jeanniesabol5410
@@rondafun1 There was a time when men were expected to take care of their wives and families...not in today's world though where the genders, and men's and women's roles have been turned upside down, rather than what we who are christians believe they were said to be, (according to the bible). Yes, I know there are plenty of non-christians in the world...that's for sure...just look at society today and that's very obvious. I say that when men can physically have babies just like women can, then we might finally have equal responsibilities and roles. I believe each side has their own special things in life that they can "generally" do better than the other side can though. That's not always a given, but in many cases it still is.
Bingo!! 🎯🎯🎯💯💯 She knew who he was from the beginning but she's so desperate to get married and have a husband that she's willing to pay everything for him just so he'll marry her. The fault is 100% on her for allowing it.
He's probably lazy and a moocher. But he's so nice that that was enough for her. Now that she feels filled up emotionally, nice is no longer enough. She's looking to jump ship, perhaps to a more accomplished but less personable man, with whom she will be equally unsatisfied but for a different reason.
This sounds like a classic example of a woman not telling a man what she expects of him, but expecting him to "just know" anyway. You have to tell people what you want, and you have to be clear about it. Especially with men. They do not get your hints - they just don't.
Us men are simple, straightforward, literal minded creatures. We need CLEAR info, in BIG, BOLD, BLOCK PRINT!!! We are NOT mind readers! Please don't be angry because we aren't!!!
Naw. This guy knew exactly what he was doing and he moved right in with the scheme. I've SEEN this happen with three different women friends of mine. Bottom line, it IS ultimately HER fault because she was not using her head. HE was fifty eight and in her words, broke, when they got married but "he treated me so well and respectful and he was a Godly man". WHY would you even ENTERTAIN marrying someone on the totally polar opposite side of the financial spectrum that you? Recipe for disaster and I'm NOT talking about personal wealth, but personal conduct and pitching in, even if it's not a lot. I've SEEN this too many times. If anyone is fifty eight, broke, and looking to take SS early and has NO retirement ............. RUN for the hills - DON'T marry the guy!!!!!!!!!!!! You're signing up for a sixty year old toddler who will very soon have health issues and then you'll go from being his mother to his nurse. Now she's "afraid to confront" him and dude's happily sitting around paying for nothing because SHE trained him to do that. A GROWN man - IN HIS FIFTIES at the time - dating a woman and she's paying for everything?????? This guy saw her coming a mile and a half away and unfortunately, other than divorce, she's stuck with this LOSER. He searched and searched for a lonely, well off woman who had a horrible marriage and divorce who was emotionally down and very much damaged and hurt - to "charm" ..... and it worked. I literally know three women who went through this and they all ended up divorcing the guys WELL within a year because they were all middle aged bums who just used women and wanted to sit home and do NOTHING to enhance any type of their lives. I even tried to warn the one friend of mine because I could see this "player" she was engrossed with was a fraud, but nope. He was a "reverend" and preacher and a man of God and had his own podcast each Sunday night. He was a bum who just wanted to lay up in HER house and spend her money. Nope. This lady needs to kick this clown to the curb. Not because he's broke, but because he's not a man as NO MAN would allow his wife to take care of everything, regardless of each other's incomes.
Yes! And as a divorced woman in her 60's, good luck finding a guy who will treat her well and be nice to her. She jumped into a marriage so she would not be alone. Now she is unhappy once again. Some people are never satisfied.
@@KENTUCKYUSA1 it’s a shame you think that women who are divorced or older, are no longer eligible for a man that treats them well and provides for them. He’s taking advantage of her.
@@alinatamashevich3354 I largely agree with your comment. The only bone of contention I have is when you said "the rest are just content". I think that what you ACTUALLY meant to say was "the rest are just DIScontent".
As someone wisely said: “Women usually (key word) marry men hoping they’ll change (or that they can change men), and men marry women hoping they won’t (hoping the women won’t change), so they both end up dissatisfied and disappointed. ☹️ It’s not a money thing, it’s a love and respect thing.
Questions that John and Dave should've asked: 1. What is the source of Madison's previous income? Was it her previous spouse and did that change when she re-married? 2. Madison said her husband _was_ so kind and _was_ so nice. Has that changed? 3. Madison admits that she set the precedence for the way their finances work. Why did she change her mind? She never explained it. Does she have friends or family whispering in her ear that they think her husband is taking advantage of her? Did she develop a stronger desire for power/control after she received her inheritance? 4. Madison's husband has income from social security and the VA. How much does he make? What is he doing with that income? Is he spending it on himself? Is he spending it on his children/grandchildren? Is he saving it for his heirs? Is he donating it to a church or charity? Is he saving it as a backup plan in case they divorce or in case she dies and her will/trust doesn't leave him with anything? 5. Madison has been married to her husband for 6 years. He is 64. She has been paying for everything. He chose to take his social security early and cut back on working, and then stop working completely. Why didn't he just keep working? Since she is paying for everything, why not delay social security? What does he need money (or thinks he needs money) for right now?
Exactly......I agree with you 100%. Where is HIS money going. He is bringing in 2 income sources, where does his money get deposited? Interesting that he is such a Christian man but he sure is comfortable letting her pay for everything. I don't care how nice he is to her......she is getting used by him. Nice to have a retirement you didn't work for take care of you. (We aren't talking about husband/wife and years of marriage and she stayed home to raise the kids while he worked. Totally traditional). I think he found a nice set up woman to take care of his butt and he likes it. Why not be nice when the other person pays !
She made him sign a pre-nuptial agreement so he does not have access to her money, but yet she wants him to give her $1,000.00 per month to put in her account. what is wrong with her? He should be able to keep his money separate since she wants to keep her money separate. She started this. Why did she marry him?
@@janofokc I found me a nice little lady to take care of me and provide for me and pay for me and I don't have to do anything ! Yup, that's a good little retirement for me. Sign prenup for her and do what I want with mine. No problem, be nice, be polite. Nothing like Christian hypocrisy.......she should not have to ask. He should offer ! Oh, gosh honey, a steak dinner sure would be nice......you pay. Sorry but man up !
She does the financial heavy lifting in exchange for the companionship of a spouse. Men accept this arrangement with no complaint. She is unhappy because it goes against her instinctive need for hypergamy - for her mate to be higher than her on the financial status hierarchy. They're 60+ years old, retired, and apparently in no financial difficulties, so it shouldn't matter he contributes less, but the hypergamy is hardwired into her brain.
She’s angry because she hit the wall long before her hypergamy could secure the man she thought she deserved. Nothing this man can do short of winning the lottery to ever gain her respect.
Men tend to have their self-worth wrapped up in how much money they make and in how women respond to them and would be a lot happier if they worked on developing true self-esteem.
No. You keep spouting that because you listen to too much incel stuff. Why would you listen to advise about relationships from men unsuccessful in relationships? You live in Bittertown.
The part of her brain that is hardwired for hypergamy, the desire for a mate higher up in status hierarchies, is causing feelings of disgust every time she has to pull out her credit card and pay for dinner.
The expectations should have been discussed before they got married. Does he contribute in other ways eg. Household chores etc? They need to sit down and discuss the full details of how to move forward financially or the resentment will build up.
"I wanna rewrite the rules, I guess" -Caller Sounds like this guy married Darth Vader. She is ready to alter the deal lol. He should pray she doesn't alter it any further after this. If I were to marry someone who makes significantly less money than I do and we both make it to retirement I'm not going to go out of my way to disparage them having low income. You can't unbake that apple pie.
And rightfully so!! Because he clearly IS using her! She needs to decide if she can continue to live like this, allowing him to freeload and live off her, or if she needs to have a come-to-Jesus -moment and let him know that he needs to buck up and contribute something on expenses or it's over..
I can’t imagine inheriting a huge sum of money then telling my significant other that they need to chip in more. It’s not like she did anything to get the sum of money. Just got lucky on the family she was born in. She married him knowing he has a budget and it won’t go up. She needs to respect that and support him. He’s a good man that treats her well (from her words) and she knew he didn’t have a ton of money.
I see inheritance as being a good steward and passing on to future generations. It shouldn't have anything to do with monthly budgeting/spending. The issue is that she wasn't clear in her expectations.
She puts in the majority and that is fine but he could put in 80% of his social security into the joint account. How does a grown man think it is okay to not contribute to the household. WHY SHOULD HE GET TO BLOW HIS ENTIRE SS PAYMENT AND NOT CONTRIBUTE TO PROPERTY TAXES, GROCERIES, UTILITIES. AND ENTERTAINMENT
@@eileenwatt8283 they’re married. Thats literally how marriage works. We become one and all of mine becomes all of yours. If that was the mindset they should’ve never gotten married
I’ll be 70 in May. While caring with my late wife we went broke plus. It took 7 years for me to get to BS7 but without a house. I live comfortably and responsibly while still working and taking Social Security and a small pension. I date pretty regularly, mostly widows who have homes. Most have a house. We do talk about finances. I know that if I should ever marry again, a prenup will be needed for both of us with some type of survivor benefit due to children on both sides. I take care of her and she takes care of me as partners until death do us part. It’s the after death part and the handling new grief again thing that will be tough, and tougher handling it at an older age and being alone again.
Well, you already knew who he was when you married him… He had no money and you always paid… In a relationship you need to bring something to the table… It’s a joint effort!
She already set the pattern of how their relationship was going to be from the beginning, she pays for everything. But now she wants to change the rules. Too late, lady. If the gender were reversed, this call wouldn't even happen.
@@terriesmith2616I agree except for if her financial situation changed which she said it hasn’t. I have heard a call where a man wanted his wife to go back to work after she finished home schooling all their kids but she didn’t want to.
Some women will complain they make 75% for the same job a man does, but also don’t respect a guy that doesn’t make at least 50% more than them. It’s a bit of a paradox
In most instances the woman is taking on the role of child rearing and they both agree to a stay at home arrangement for a limited time so they both benefit from child care savings. Caring full time for children is considered an equitable contribution to the household.
@@RepentImmediatelyyour clearly not married if u had to go do your research I’ve been married multiple times I try to put money a side and women come along and spend without think about the repercussions just rember that most men build and women act like kids at the toy store
Reverse the roles... Man finds a woman who adores him, they're happy together, and in their golden years he's been blessed with more than enough to take care of them both. Each person in that relationship would be happy with no complaints. But when it's a woman who's doing the providing she feels like she's "being taken advantage of"??? She's won at life! A wonderful, kind husband and money to see them through to death but she can't help but be unhappy. Where's your own "generous spirit", ma'am?
We have a joint account, but he doesn't put any money in. I don't agree with Jon this time. He needs to put some money into the joint account. Like make some kind of effort. He is a freeloader.
How much does he get on SS ? So if he gets 2000$ he blows it on what? No bills, where does he money go? As his wife she has a right to know, its going somewhere. I would want to know
If he is a good man like she says he is, he did sign the prenup, she can divorce him. He will walk away with his dignity, and find someone who will love him and not think of him as a commodity. If he signed the prenup, he was not interested in her money. This lady will end up alone with no-one to visit her, an empty house, stacks of money, for nothing.I hope her now husband hears this, and leaves, being alone and broke is better than not loved with stuff. Not once did she say she loved him, that is the difference. I'd tell the guy to run.
This interestingly happens to both sides, when the liability is one sided, the receiver falls in love head over toes for receiving and remaining in such position. Its truly perhaps the most challenging component to the paradigm of relationship. It might requires separation for some time in order for the receiver to do some reflection. The alternative is a walk-away
I walked in her shoes. Lost my first husband to illness and husband number 2 came along and spent every penny I had and more, ending in divorce. She has a perfect right to expect contribution into daily living expenses. If times get tough, they can fall back on her reserve cash.
i agree with Dr. John on 90% of things, but I really wish he would encourage prenups. That way, people can structure out their finances and protect themselves, especially against someone who racks up losses.
He "spent every penny you have" what does that mean?!?!?! Lol did u allow it? If so thats your issue not his and if not he robbed you and u should have pressed charges. Take responsibility for enabling for petes sake.
When you are married, and his name is on the checkbook, savings ... everything, ... he was a gold digger and loved to spend money as fast as he got his hands on it. When you are married, BOTH have rights to marital assets. @@NatalieS-kh3ck
Do it On A Dime suggests putting dollar tree plastic bins inside the cloth cube bins. I love your ideas and am decluttering as I watch. Thank you for showing us things in real life.
I wouldnt say she is a villian. She can't help that she doesn't want a guy who is a total loser. She tried to force something that is not natural and it didn't work for her. Maybe she should say something to him but not doing so doesn't really make her a villian. Maybe a coward.
@@RobertoLopez-ew6lycoward exactly. She wanted her cake and eat it too. Didn’t want to end up lonely with no one but money in the picture wants to protect herself prenup.
Imagine if a the genders were reversed. Rich guy marries poor woman, they are both retired. A few years in he demands her entire SSI check. This lady is the Con, not the husband. He is who he always was, she's the one trying to change the deal.
It's not the woman's job to provide money nor security. It's the man's. You need to up yourself to work harder to support many people besides yourself so she can move in
I think all couples should write down the pros and cons of the relationship and hash it all out. My husband and I did this in a marriage counseling exercise and my page was filled out and when it came time to talk about his pros and cons, the page was completely empty! That spoke volumes to me and I ended up divorcing him. I didn't even want to go home after that session. And I'll add that my husband set up the counseling for himself and I got brought in at a later date for this session. If you are going to hand your wife an empty page, don't expect her to stick around. It still makes me see red years later. lol!
Yea and you could see in their eyes how much it hurt them. It was too cut and dry that the woman was wrong but even these two simps couldn't bring themselves to blame the man
I think she has to give him specific bills as part of solving this.Say, "no one lives for free". I would like you to start paying the electric bill and water bill beginning 2/1. It doesn't have to be equal but it shouldn't be one sided either. She was too generous at the beginning. She needs to pull back. She shouldn't feel guilty. No one likes a freeloader.
@@rickenbacker472 'Run??' He'd have to look for another sugar momma! 😂 and he isn't going to get far living on his SS check! His lifestyle is about to tank! He brought nothing to the table.. which is a pretty good indicator that he's always been a freeloader! 😂 I'd take the deal and pay the utilities!
This is why I doubt I will ever get married. How can you just switch the rules (move the goalpost) halfway through a marriage?! She admitted that he is the same guy she married but now that's not enough all of a sudden? Women marry expecting that he will change, men marry expecting that she will stay the same!
So let me get this straight, they're a married couple - she's rich, he's poor - but she refuses to share her wealth with him and then complains that she has to pay for everything because he has no money. I feel sorry for her husband.
@@RepentImmediately I can guarantee you he's not spending his income on just himself. It's outrageous to me that she's sitting on her pile of cash and throwing him scraps. They're married, her inheritance should be THEIRS, not just HERS. She has caused this situation by keeping all the money for herself. She should tear up the prenup if she really loves him, but I get the feeling she loves the money more.
@@rickenbacker472I guess you don’t know the law in most states when it comes to inheritance. Typically it’s considered separate and not subject to division in a divorce. My grandfather inherited land from his parents which he sold. He gave his wife my grandmother none of it nor was he obligated to. Also at the time these people were married, the wife hadn’t received the inheritance. She said she had the prenup drawn up in anticipation of an inheritance.
She chose to married a beta, she’s better staying with the guy and working something out. Because if she divorces him (like most women do) her SMV will be diminished and men notice that
We have a visceral need for a man to take care of us, however modest the means might be. A woman with $100 billion can use it for extras and upgrades, and will be happy if the man provides the basic necessities. This is the basic idea.
“I don’t care about money I just want a man that treats me good…” Right up until you get tired of paying for everything and then it’s “well he treats me good but that’s not enough…..” Classic double standard woman that never grew up. Poor guy won’t ever amount to what she wants because it will always change.
I would agree with that but in modern day society feminism has completely removed the expectation for the women to be in the feminine “nurturing” role in the family, and so I would think that the man should be exempt from needing to be in the provider role
That woman made no sense. She said on the call she knew he didn't have any money, but he treated her well and she loved it and married him, and now she has all this money to support them both for the rest of their lives, and after several years of marriage have gone by, suddenly she's lost respect for him because he doesn't pitch in a lowly $1000 or whatever a month. What? Makes no sense to me. She's the issue, not him.
My wife won't even listen to reason with money. She never does the right thing. So now we are separated. She even tells me will never be on the same page. When she is chapters behind.
" He was so kind and so nice!" Only means that he was feeding a couple of her needs at the moment: The need to be adored and the need for attention. She never respected him beyond that in the first place. She just paid a price to get her feelings stroked and now that she's bored of that, she's moving the goal posts. If she doesn't get her head screwed on straight with God, she will divorce him and leave him starving to death with his money stuck in her checking account!!!
lmao lady... welcome to being the breadwinner. This is how men live continuously and it is expected of the man to do this. HAHAHA. This cracks me up. Does the guy help around the house by doing things like cleaning, and cooking and taking care of other stuff?
In most instances the woman is taking on the role of child rearing and they both agree to a stay at home arrangement for a limited time so they both benefit from child care savings. Caring full time for children is considered an equitable contribution to the household.
Most men aren't sole breadwinners. I don't know any men who are sole breadwinners and in most marriages both people are contributing to the household financially.
Seriously?! I know of literally no marriage where BOTH the husband AND wife don't work.. none! The days of mom sitting at home being a 'housewife' have been gone since June Cleaver!
You can tell him to pay for the monthly internet bills or something, with his personal money. Something small if hes not as wealthy as you. Or tell him to take you out for dinner on his dime, once a month or something.
This is confusing. Is she saying she pays for all groceries,vacations,utilities,property taxes,everything in the entire marriage but he uses his social security etc for his “fun money”? If so, he needs to step in and help her.
Not confusing. She gave no specifics on how he spent his social security benefits. She mainly spoke about going out to eat. 😂😂😂😂😂 People are literally avoiding the main part to spin a narrative. It's HILARIOUS.
@@Mr.Boring_Man What "main part"? You seem to have somehow divined what the "main part" is, when the caller doesn't even seem to know. Ramsey and the other guy are probably not analyzing the problem correctly, but they're grasping at a straw because she's given them almost nothing to work with.
Yep.. that's what l got out of it.. the guy's a freeloader who keeps HIS money while living off HERS.. he brought nothing to the table, so sounds like he has a lifetime of experience freeloading..
@@hiddenhand6973 losing someone’s respect is like death to a relationship or acquaintance. Think about it. If you lose respect for someone at work or in your family do you see that person the same after that?
I LOVE this call. It’s the perfect early onset example for the modern career woman thinking her first marriage had “trauma” or “ptsd” and she rides the carousel for a few years post divorce and then gets lonely and depressed and desperate for male companionship. But she’s older and saggy and all she has to offer is a little bit of money and resents yet another good decent man who is just happily living his life. Spooky isn’t it ladies…. kinda like looking into your future…
How convenient for him! He had nothing, but all he had to do was be “nice” to a lonely woman and now he gets to fully benefit from everything she has accumulated in 60 years! She better keep things separate or she might come home to an empty house and bank account one day
@@Babydoll-gf6cm Then she didn't do her due diligence when it comes to picking her life partner. People are way too quick getting married. You would think one of the first things you do when vetting a spouse is seeing personally if they are responsible with money. She said they've been married for a couple of years and have a joint account but didn't say he runs through that money. Chances are he wouldn't if the combined all their income.
@@josh-ed7je I agree she shouldn’t have married this man. Most likely she was manipulated and love bombed because he knew she has deep pockets. In terms of the joint account that he hasn’t contributed to… he may not have wiped her out thus far but he is still benefiting by living for FREE ! As a man he should be embarrassed to be kept by a woman. She is already in a bad situation, why make things worse by giving him even more access to her money?
@@Babydoll-gf6cm Because as long as she continues to look at it as HER money not THEIRS then she's never going to respect him and will go down the path of being twice divorced. He could put his entire social security into that joint account but as long as she think in terms of mines and his she will never feel like he's contributing enough.
@@josh-ed7je this is just a bad match and as such, the dynamics are playing out this way. She is forced into a masculine role and the resentment will continue to build. She should have married her financial equal or just stayed single and enjoy his company in a dating situation
I had a friend who made $30K/mo, his wife made $4K/mo. He wanted to have her contribute to a savings account that was Increasing by leaps and bounds. She was so sad living like a pauper.
If she's so unhappy living like a pauper, why doesn't she leave? She must love it if she continues to tolerate it. She'll get what she's willing to tolerate.
@@SRTBOAT I'd be the exact same way and I'm not going to question how much money you spent and where as at that point I don't care as long as my spouse didn't start spending so much as they are going into debt or asking me for money then I'd step in and start asking questions.
I make $25K/month and my wife makes 3.5K/month. We direct deposit all of our money into the same account. It doesn't matter where it came from. It's what life partners should do. However, we both started off together with nothing. I would be hesitant to combine _everything_ if I started off with millions and married someone with nothing, but I would combine all post-marital earnings (wages, social security, pension, and even investment gains) together.
He’s using this woman. I’d be extremely nice & kind to someone paying for my way through life! He had no retirement money or plan & then he met her & voila he suddenly had retirement money & plan.
He's not using her. She's allowing herself to be used. That's the difference. She set this pattern of paying everything for him since the beginning of their relationship and she knew he was poor, so what did she expect. She knew that going in. She's allowing it.
I was pleasantly surprised by Dr John's take on the caller. And I highly doubt the caller ever experienced any "trauma" in her previous marriage beyond not getting everything her way all the time.
I'd like to know what he does with his social security. If he dies first, it won't affect to her financially, if she dies first and he gets nothing, then he may be setting his SS check aside for his future. Granted it probably won't add up to much but just a thought rattling around in my head. In any case, she did set the tone of what this marriage was about from the beginning when she had him sign a prenup.
Interesting, but that is not how social security survivor benefits work. The rules for SS survivor benefits supercede any prenuptial. And that's a good observation that he may be saving his SS check for his own future, since evidently he can't get to any of her money. In fact, this would be very wise of him!
Good for the husband for doing the prenup. It shows that, despite not coming from wealth, he doesn't care about her money. Him not being able to not pay the bills before didn't bother her before, but now that he's retired, she wants him to pitch in some of that SS money, which probably isn't much anyway? It is mentioned in the comments before, but maybe it's the friends who are feeding her this information that he's the one that needs to change, even though it sounds like he hasn't.
I wouldn’t say he doesn’t care about her money but may not care about it beyond him being able to live comfortably. As in fed, warm, and housed. He had to have been paying bills before they moved in together. When he moved in is when she should have asked him to help with utilities or food or whatever or forever held her peace.
He doesn’t have any retirement, but he has Social Security. He’s so kind and nice and a Christian but no spirit of generosity. I’m sorry ma’am, but it sounds like you’re speaking out both sides of your mouth. I 100% agree with the doctors evaluation
@@Babydoll-gf6cm Yep!! This guy is a freeloader who played this woman.. he brought NOTHING to the relationship but knew how to love bomb a lonely divorced woman to get a free ride in life..
There is no limit to how much you can work when you're on social security. If you are making bank working while you're on social security, you'll have to pay income taxes on your social security that normally a broke old person wouldn't have to pay, but you still get the social security.
According to the Social Security site, "if you’re under full retirement age (in 2024), the annual earnings limit is $22,320. Starting with the month you reach full retirement age, there is no limit on how much you can earn and still receive your benefits."
She puts in the majority and that is fine but he could put in 80% of his social security into the joint account. How does a grown man think it is okay to not contribute to the household.
Right!! What I'm understanding from her is, she wants him to contribute towards a bill or two. Honey let's discuss our responsibilities so it doesn't leave all the financial burden on her.
1) she knew his financial situation when she met him 2) she wanted a prenup to shield him from “her money” 3) it’s doubtful he has any say in their lifestyle 4) she never broke down a budget as far as what bills need to be paid and how much she is paying 5) I would love to hear his side of where his and her money goes and what she spends on
Seriously though... how can this woman respect her husband when he seems to be a dependent? I am saying this as a SAHM... I don’t bring money to our family, but I clean the house,I’m do the laundry, I cook, I do the dishes, I do the budget, and I do all of this as my contribution. This woman’s husband sounds like he does... NOTHING.
Right..? And to shame her and say she has no respect for the guy?? WhO would?? He's a freeloader who brought nothing to the table and knew exactly what he was doing when he love bombed a lonely divorced woman for a 'free ride' in his retirement..
Caller is incorrect about taking SS early and then not being able to work much. The way is works is, if you take SS early (before full retirement age), then your SS check will be reduced if you earn more than a certain amount, called the earned income limit. However, it does not mean you should limit your work. It depends on the math. And oh by the way, the reduced amount from your SS check is a withholding that will be returned to you once you hit full retirement age.
What's the point of getting married if you still going to create two separate finances? That's exactly why she's in the predicament she's in. Also we know he wasn't prepared for retirement but it seems like she wasn't too.
I'll explain, we are both retired, I pay for everything. We both have pensions. We both end up with ~$1500/mo pocket money. Combining finances is for Building Wealth. once you're done and just living, Why?
@@josh-ed7je The pensions are Fully survivorable to a SPOUSE. A spouse gets Free Lifetime Family Healthcare. Community Property Title only applies to Married couple. Double step-up in basis.
@@shirtlesslager You and your GF go to the town square on Saturday morning and stand on the marriage block. You both introduce yourselves as Married. Done, you're married Gubment?
I feel for men; I really do. We do tend to send microsignals and expect them to work out exactly what we want while we verbalize the exact opposite. Generally speaking, men don't do well with veiled hints. They need unequivocal statements. She says he's a good man. If he is, he'll understand when she communicates her expectations clearly.
Who you DATE...is who you MARRY. He was a taker (financially) prior to marriage....saying "I do' won't change that unless HE feels the necessity to change it...not because she's had a change of heart on footing the bill for things. When choosing a partner.... don't let the lust/butterflies overwhelm your logic/common sense. A balance of all of those traits is important! Now she's resentful of a movie script she wrote, produced and starred in. Kindness is a wonderful trait to have and finding sincere love is beautiful, but you have to ask the right questions...even if they're uncomfortable. Be self-aware and know what feels comfortable for you to give in a relationship (long and short term)---that includes financially and otherwise.
There may be someone (or more than one person) telling her that her husband should be doing more. This could be could be being done to try to cause an upset. People do this and sit back and hope for chaos. Otherwise, just talk with him, he can pay for a burger or something on occasion if he has a lower income. The good thing is that they both have good company - as we know there are a lot of lonely people around.
Bad take this time, the husband seems to be using her as a meal ticket. Dave's advice should have been for her to clearly communicate to him how much he should contribute each month to the joint account and then see what he does.
I wonder if he isn't doing anything, not just money wise but handling things around the house. If that is the case they are right she needs to make it known. I do not believe anyone is psychic (male or female). This is something that definitely can cause resentment and he is probably not aware of how extreme it is for her.
Dave has suggested prenups when there is a huge disparity between incomes so I understand the prenup plus there are children. I wonder if the husband is using his pensions for a legacy for his children? I thought that once you are married, monies earned become ‘our’ money so, if she is putting her pension into the joint checking, isn’t it right that he should be doing the same? Is his money just for him or is it theirs? We need to know what funds are part of the prenup and where does the money in the joint account come from - dividends , interest, her pensions.
Good, she’d be better off! Why should she fully support a grown man who doesn’t contribute anything financially? She shouldn’t have to beg him to contribute to a living situation that he is benefiting from! I do blame her for allowing things to get this far out of hand though.
@@Babydoll-gf6cmWhy should a man have to support a fully grown woman? It's funny how when the roles are reversed it's fine. Heaven forbid a woman be the breadwinner for once right?
@@TheFlyingZulu In most instances the woman is taking on the role of child rearing and they both agree to a stay at home arrangement for a limited time so they both benefit from child care savings. Caring full time for children is considered an equitable contribution to the household.
He's a freeloader and obviously has some experience in the role because he's fine with living off a woman, while keeping his own SS and benefits check for himself.. a man with any dignity at all wouldn't do that.
The thing is I don’t understand how when they dated she paid for everything and she was ok with that!! Now that they are married Ofcourse he thinks he doesn’t have to contribute because she set the standard that way. I would talk to him and I would have him put 70% of his ss in the joint checking account and the rest he can keep for himself. I would hope the man understands this but I do blame her because she set the standard for this man all these years.
It did not start out with information as to how much does person A bring in, and how much does person B ? And how will we pay bills ? I think there is probably alot of passive afgressive comments. However, I, too would want to know where his portion of money going ? I think they need to clarify bills then put money together
That’s what happens when you rebound before you heal. You will swing too much on the side of what you were missing from your relationship and ignore other important qualities for a successful relationship including the one’s ex possessed. Until reality sets in and see you made a huge mistake marrying a broke polite guy just because your rich ex was a rude assh*l. I don’t think he is taking advantage I think you set out to find a guy like that but now have buyers remorse. In his mind he is valuable Prince Charming to you just the way he is because you said I don’t care about money I only care about respect and polite. So he keeps his money and takes yours too.
When he took retirement at 62 with essentially no savings, he didn't so much "retire". He quit working. Retiring is what you do when you've worked and worked are ready to live on all you've worked for.
Exactly. She was his retirement plan and he’s irresponsible and unemployed
He.lives off her. How is that nice?
She signed up for it lmao. She didn't care about him being B R O K E because he was sweet to her, I bet he still is. Broke men give long hugs lmao@@jeanniesabol5410
Wife - " i just wanted love and respect. I dont care about the money. I have plenty of money"
She got what she wanted and isn't happy...
99% of them are never happy!
But him expecting her to support him is disrespectful!
@@MrDedvalson why, it wouldn’t be for a woman.
@@rondafun1 There was a time when men were expected to take care of their wives and families...not in today's world though where the genders, and men's and women's roles have been turned upside down, rather than what we who are christians believe they were said to be, (according to the bible). Yes, I know there are plenty of non-christians in the world...that's for sure...just look at society today and that's very obvious. I say that when men can physically have babies just like women can, then we might finally have equal responsibilities and roles. I believe each side has their own special things in life that they can "generally" do better than the other side can though. That's not always a given, but in many cases it still is.
Its giving...she was lonely and desperate so she took what she could. She set it up that way! Her fault. 🤦🏾♀️
Bingo!! 🎯🎯🎯💯💯
She knew who he was from the beginning but she's so desperate to get married and have a husband that she's willing to pay everything for him just so he'll marry her.
The fault is 100% on her for allowing it.
He's probably lazy and a moocher. But he's so nice that that was enough for her. Now that she feels filled up emotionally, nice is no longer enough. She's looking to jump ship, perhaps to a more accomplished but less personable man, with whom she will be equally unsatisfied but for a different reason.
@@cisium1184
She's 60 and still hasn't learn, I doubt she'll start now. She'll continue to go for the guy that made her feel good and tingly.
@@terriesmith2616 At that age I think the tingle is just from bad circulation.
@@cisium1184
LMAO 🤣😂🤣🤣
This sounds like a classic example of a woman not telling a man what she expects of him, but expecting him to "just know" anyway. You have to tell people what you want, and you have to be clear about it. Especially with men. They do not get your hints - they just don't.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Also, she doesnt care about his money.....but give me your money lol
First she was complaining that she had to pay for everything then later she switch up that its not about the money its about respect. Im confused 😂😂😂
Us men are simple, straightforward, literal minded creatures. We need CLEAR info, in BIG, BOLD, BLOCK PRINT!!! We are NOT mind readers! Please don't be angry because we aren't!!!
Naw. This guy knew exactly what he was doing and he moved right in with the scheme. I've SEEN this happen with three different women friends of mine. Bottom line, it IS ultimately HER fault because she was not using her head. HE was fifty eight and in her words, broke, when they got married but "he treated me so well and respectful and he was a Godly man". WHY would you even ENTERTAIN marrying someone on the totally polar opposite side of the financial spectrum that you? Recipe for disaster and I'm NOT talking about personal wealth, but personal conduct and pitching in, even if it's not a lot. I've SEEN this too many times. If anyone is fifty eight, broke, and looking to take SS early and has NO retirement ............. RUN for the hills - DON'T marry the guy!!!!!!!!!!!! You're signing up for a sixty year old toddler who will very soon have health issues and then you'll go from being his mother to his nurse. Now she's "afraid to confront" him and dude's happily sitting around paying for nothing because SHE trained him to do that. A GROWN man - IN HIS FIFTIES at the time - dating a woman and she's paying for everything?????? This guy saw her coming a mile and a half away and unfortunately, other than divorce, she's stuck with this LOSER. He searched and searched for a lonely, well off woman who had a horrible marriage and divorce who was emotionally down and very much damaged and hurt - to "charm" ..... and it worked. I literally know three women who went through this and they all ended up divorcing the guys WELL within a year because they were all middle aged bums who just used women and wanted to sit home and do NOTHING to enhance any type of their lives. I even tried to warn the one friend of mine because I could see this "player" she was engrossed with was a fraud, but nope. He was a "reverend" and preacher and a man of God and had his own podcast each Sunday night. He was a bum who just wanted to lay up in HER house and spend her money. Nope. This lady needs to kick this clown to the curb. Not because he's broke, but because he's not a man as NO MAN would allow his wife to take care of everything, regardless of each other's incomes.
This is what you signed up for sweetheart.
Exactly
"I paid for everything" maybe that's why he's so nice?
Exactly my thought
Lol yup
Bro turned being nice into a career and retirement what a nice guy
Caller: I have a predicament. I married a wonderful man and he hasn't changed one iota. 😮
Yes! And as a divorced woman in her 60's, good luck finding a guy who will treat her well and be nice to her. She jumped into a marriage so she would not be alone. Now she is unhappy once again. Some people are never satisfied.
@@KENTUCKYUSA1 Only 99% of women are not happy, the rest are just content.
@@KENTUCKYUSA1 it’s a shame you think that women who are divorced or older, are no longer eligible for a man that treats them well and provides for them. He’s taking advantage of her.
@@drrush3421 Did you ever stop and think that maybe the problem isn't just him? Maybe it is her too?
@@alinatamashevich3354 I largely agree with your comment. The only bone of contention I have is when you said "the rest are just content". I think that what you ACTUALLY meant to say was "the rest are just DIScontent".
As someone wisely said: “Women usually (key word) marry men hoping they’ll change (or that they can change men), and men marry women hoping they won’t (hoping the women won’t change), so they both end up dissatisfied and disappointed. ☹️ It’s not a money thing, it’s a love and respect thing.
Questions that John and Dave should've asked:
1. What is the source of Madison's previous income? Was it her previous spouse and did that change when she re-married?
2. Madison said her husband _was_ so kind and _was_ so nice. Has that changed?
3. Madison admits that she set the precedence for the way their finances work. Why did she change her mind? She never explained it. Does she have friends or family whispering in her ear that they think her husband is taking advantage of her? Did she develop a stronger desire for power/control after she received her inheritance?
4. Madison's husband has income from social security and the VA. How much does he make? What is he doing with that income? Is he spending it on himself? Is he spending it on his children/grandchildren? Is he saving it for his heirs? Is he donating it to a church or charity? Is he saving it as a backup plan in case they divorce or in case she dies and her will/trust doesn't leave him with anything?
5. Madison has been married to her husband for 6 years. He is 64. She has been paying for everything. He chose to take his social security early and cut back on working, and then stop working completely. Why didn't he just keep working? Since she is paying for everything, why not delay social security? What does he need money (or thinks he needs money) for right now?
Exactly......I agree with you 100%. Where is HIS money going. He is bringing in 2 income sources, where does his money get deposited? Interesting that he is such a Christian man but he sure is comfortable letting her pay for everything. I don't care how nice he is to her......she is getting used by him. Nice to have a retirement you didn't work for take care of you. (We aren't talking about husband/wife and years of marriage and she stayed home to raise the kids while he worked. Totally traditional). I think he found a nice set up woman to take care of his butt and he likes it. Why not be nice when the other person pays !
She made him sign a pre-nuptial agreement so he does not have access to her money, but yet she wants him to give her $1,000.00 per month to put in her account. what is wrong with her? He should be able to keep his money separate since she wants to keep her money separate. She started this. Why did she marry him?
Agreed. They should have asked more questions rather than jumping to a conclusion.
@@janofokc I found me a nice little lady to take care of me and provide for me and pay for me and I don't have to do anything ! Yup, that's a good little retirement for me. Sign prenup for her and do what I want with mine. No problem, be nice, be polite. Nothing like Christian hypocrisy.......she should not have to ask. He should offer ! Oh, gosh honey, a steak dinner sure would be nice......you pay. Sorry but man up !
It
She does the financial heavy lifting in exchange for the companionship of a spouse. Men accept this arrangement with no complaint. She is unhappy because it goes against her instinctive need for hypergamy - for her mate to be higher than her on the financial status hierarchy. They're 60+ years old, retired, and apparently in no financial difficulties, so it shouldn't matter he contributes less, but the hypergamy is hardwired into her brain.
She’s not attracted to him. She married him because it was something to do. Now realizes it wasn’t worth it.
She’s angry because she hit the wall long before her hypergamy could secure the man she thought she deserved. Nothing this man can do short of winning the lottery to ever gain her respect.
@@tonytoni1150bingo.
Men tend to have their self-worth wrapped up in how much money they make and in how women respond to them and would be a lot happier if they worked on developing true self-esteem.
No. You keep spouting that because you listen to too much incel stuff. Why would you listen to advise about relationships from men unsuccessful in relationships? You live in Bittertown.
Dave’s face as she’s talking 😂
I'm glad John called out-- this isn't a money issue.
I’m shocked that Dave didn’t say he needs to work or pitch in
Me too.
Me too.
I'm shocked Dr John didn't ask if she's safe right now. 😅
That's a given that he needs to work.
Because it's not a money issue she's scared to confront her husband
At the beginning she was OK with him not paying for anything.
If she does not need his money, then what is she complaining about?
I agree.
This is called the bait and switch.
The part of her brain that is hardwired for hypergamy, the desire for a mate higher up in status hierarchies, is causing feelings of disgust every time she has to pull out her credit card and pay for dinner.
@@alberttang6955 As it should be.
Right??
The expectations should have been discussed before they got married. Does he contribute in other ways eg. Household chores etc? They need to sit down and discuss the full details of how to move forward financially or the resentment will build up.
Sounds like she just jumped into that relationship and now she regrets it years later
This is one reason I told myself I will never involve myself with the woman that’s not on the same level that I am at take it or leave it.
No Sugar Babies?
So he should have stuck with a woman who had nothing.
So you won’t be a boy toy?
It’s okay for a woman to be the gold digger but it’s a problem when a man is I guess.
@@TheComp_Trollerno one likes gold diggers. Only lonely people do. She is lonely.
John makes a good point. guy found a sugar momma. no conversations about finance between them.
He signed her prenup.
Poor guy. He's the same person she married. Living his life. Thinks nothing is wrong. SECRETLY his wife hates him. For no reason at all.
She is roasting him on national news.
She said she is explicitly asking him to pay for stuff and he isn't. He's a bum
He needs to go, no run, she is not worth the lousy life she offers , he is better off poor and free of her.
"I wanna rewrite the rules, I guess"
-Caller
Sounds like this guy married Darth Vader. She is ready to alter the deal lol. He should pray she doesn't alter it any further after this. If I were to marry someone who makes significantly less money than I do and we both make it to retirement I'm not going to go out of my way to disparage them having low income. You can't unbake that apple pie.
Is he? It sounds like she keeps her mouth shut and doesn't bother him. He's probably cool with the situation. @@garys8415
She’s starting to feel like he’s using her for her money. She doesn’t know if she made a mistake by marrying him.
And rightfully so!! Because he clearly IS using her! She needs to decide if she can continue to live like this, allowing him to freeload and live off her, or if she needs to have a come-to-Jesus -moment and let him know that he needs to buck up and contribute something on expenses or it's over..
I can’t imagine inheriting a huge sum of money then telling my significant other that they need to chip in more.
It’s not like she did anything to get the sum of money. Just got lucky on the family she was born in. She married him knowing he has a budget and it won’t go up. She needs to respect that and support him.
He’s a good man that treats her well (from her words) and she knew he didn’t have a ton of money.
I see inheritance as being a good steward and passing on to future generations. It shouldn't have anything to do with monthly budgeting/spending. The issue is that she wasn't clear in her expectations.
She puts in the majority and that is fine but he could put in 80% of his social security into the joint account. How does a grown man think it is okay to not contribute to the household. WHY SHOULD HE GET TO BLOW HIS ENTIRE SS PAYMENT AND NOT CONTRIBUTE TO PROPERTY TAXES, GROCERIES, UTILITIES. AND ENTERTAINMENT
@wisdom she might have cared for them in their old age. He's not entitled to any of it. It's her family not his.
It sounds like he’s not chipping in at all- or very little.
@@eileenwatt8283 they’re married. Thats literally how marriage works. We become one and all of mine becomes all of yours. If that was the mindset they should’ve never gotten married
hey caller, "LOVE DON'T COST A THING" - Jennifer Lopez song
I’ll be 70 in May. While caring with my late wife we went broke plus. It took 7 years for me to get to BS7 but without a house. I live comfortably and responsibly while still working and taking Social Security and a small pension. I date pretty regularly, mostly widows who have homes. Most have a house. We do talk about finances. I know that if I should ever marry again, a prenup will be needed for both of us with some type of survivor benefit due to children on both sides. I take care of her and she takes care of me as partners until death do us part. It’s the after death part and the handling new grief again thing that will be tough, and tougher handling it at an older age and being alone again.
Well, you already knew who he was when you married him… He had no money and you always paid… In a relationship you need to bring something to the table… It’s a joint effort!
He made her feel good. That was her only expectation of him when they got married.
She already set the pattern of how their relationship was going to be from the beginning, she pays for everything. But now she wants to change the rules. Too late, lady.
If the gender were reversed, this call wouldn't even happen.
@@terriesmith2616I agree except for if her financial situation changed which she said it hasn’t. I have heard a call where a man wanted his wife to go back to work after she finished home schooling all their kids but she didn’t want to.
Get to the point
Ummm ummm
😂😂 FOR REAL!
That's why the husband is not taking her seriously.
She's still talking.
Already
She married a professional moocher. He retired early with only social security to finance it.
Remember men, her money is her money, your money is our money. Always, even when she's 60.
Some women will complain they make 75% for the same job a man does, but also don’t respect a guy that doesn’t make at least 50% more than them. It’s a bit of a paradox
@@drtij_dzienz Then a business owner would be smart to hire all women and save 25% on payroll.
@@alinatamashevich3354 definitely, lots of PR, fashion, media, and social work firms are kept afloat by low-paid young women
And she will resent every single penny of her money that is spent on “our” things
Legally speaking, inheritances aren't usually considered community property
If a wife does not respect her husband, the marriage is dead.
Jesus Christ, I grew my beard out a few inches waiting for her 🙄
Welcome to equality woman! Men are expected to contribute 100% and not complain.
In most instances the woman is taking on the role of child rearing and they both agree to a stay at home arrangement for a limited time so they both benefit from child care savings. Caring full time for children is considered an equitable contribution to the household.
@@Babydoll-gf6cm please. The caller is a 60 year old bag.
@@Babydoll-gf6cmthey are retired. No kids to rear. Equal rights!!!!
In most marriages men are definitely not providing 100%. Where do you guys come up with these myths? Look at the research.
@@RepentImmediatelyyour clearly not married if u had to go do your research I’ve been married multiple times I try to put money a side and women come along and spend without think about the repercussions just rember that most men build and women act like kids at the toy store
Reverse the roles... Man finds a woman who adores him, they're happy together, and in their golden years he's been blessed with more than enough to take care of them both. Each person in that relationship would be happy with no complaints.
But when it's a woman who's doing the providing she feels like she's "being taken advantage of"??? She's won at life! A wonderful, kind husband and money to see them through to death but she can't help but be unhappy. Where's your own "generous spirit", ma'am?
We have a joint account, but he doesn't put any money in. I don't agree with Jon this time. He needs to put some money into the joint account. Like make some kind of effort. He is a freeloader.
How much does he get on SS ? So if he gets 2000$ he blows it on what? No bills, where does he money go? As his wife she has a right to know, its going somewhere. I would want to know
Exactly, say he makes $2,000 he needs to put $1500 of that in a joint account for daily expenses.
If he is a good man like she says he is, he did sign the prenup, she can divorce him. He will walk away with his dignity, and find someone who will love him and not think of him as a commodity. If he signed the prenup, he was not interested in her money. This lady will end up alone with no-one to visit her, an empty house, stacks of money, for nothing.I hope her now husband hears this, and leaves, being alone and broke is better than not loved with stuff. Not once did she say she loved him, that is the difference. I'd tell the guy to run.
This interestingly happens to both sides, when the liability is one sided, the receiver falls in love head over toes for receiving and remaining in such position. Its truly perhaps the most challenging component to the paradigm of relationship. It might requires separation for some time in order for the receiver to do some reflection. The alternative is a walk-away
I walked in her shoes. Lost my first husband to illness and husband number 2 came along and spent every penny I had and more, ending in divorce. She has a perfect right to expect contribution into daily living expenses. If times get tough, they can fall back on her reserve cash.
i agree with Dr. John on 90% of things, but I really wish he would encourage prenups. That way, people can structure out their finances and protect themselves, especially against someone who racks up losses.
This woman had a prenup. Didn't really make anything any better if you ask me. @@williamjohn8633
He "spent every penny you have" what does that mean?!?!?! Lol did u allow it? If so thats your issue not his and if not he robbed you and u should have pressed charges. Take responsibility for enabling for petes sake.
When you are married, and his name is on the checkbook, savings ... everything, ... he was a gold digger and loved to spend money as fast as he got his hands on it. When you are married, BOTH have rights to marital assets.
@@NatalieS-kh3ck
Wow what a way to honor your husband.
Do it On A Dime suggests putting dollar tree plastic bins inside the cloth cube bins. I love your ideas and am decluttering as I watch. Thank you for showing us things in real life.
Called in thinking she was the victim only to find out she’s the villain
She is the villain
I wouldnt say she is a villian. She can't help that she doesn't want a guy who is a total loser. She tried to force something that is not natural and it didn't work for her. Maybe she should say something to him but not doing so doesn't really make her a villian. Maybe a coward.
@@RobertoLopez-ew6lycoward exactly. She wanted her cake and eat it too. Didn’t want to end up lonely with no one but money in the picture wants to protect herself prenup.
Imagine if a the genders were reversed. Rich guy marries poor woman, they are both retired. A few years in he demands her entire SSI check.
This lady is the Con, not the husband. He is who he always was, she's the one trying to change the deal.
Bingo! 🎯🎯
Funny thing is, I think I watched a Ramsey clip like that yesterday. Everyone grilled him.
It's not the woman's job to provide money nor security. It's the man's. You need to up yourself to work harder to support many people besides yourself so she can move in
@@timothygibney159
Ok, simp.
@@terriesmith2616 ok, incel
I think all couples should write down the pros and cons of the relationship and hash it all out. My husband and I did this in a marriage counseling exercise and my page was filled out and when it came time to talk about his pros and cons, the page was completely empty! That spoke volumes to me and I ended up divorcing him. I didn't even want to go home after that session. And I'll add that my husband set up the counseling for himself and I got brought in at a later date for this session. If you are going to hand your wife an empty page, don't expect her to stick around. It still makes me see red years later. lol!
Are we on Earth, or an alternate reality? For once, they did not blame the man.
Exactly
Dave and the team have caught on to these women. 😂 👏
Yea and you could see in their eyes how much it hurt them. It was too cut and dry that the woman was wrong but even these two simps couldn't bring themselves to blame the man
@@yourgooglemeister6745 Nice picture. I still remember the whale who called herself a 10 on the whatever podcast. Almost died laughing.
John took control on this one, Dave definitely would have took her side more if John hadn't spoken up first
This is why you don't jump into another marriage right after you just got divorced.... that's crazy.
She was thinking with her Little Karen.
You certainly are a richard@@shirtlesslager
How funny, the shoe is on the other foot! Welcome to equality ladies! Men have felt this way for decades!
I think she has to give him specific bills as part of solving this.Say, "no one lives for free". I would like you to start paying the electric bill and water bill beginning 2/1. It doesn't have to be equal but it shouldn't be one sided either. She was too generous at the beginning. She needs to pull back. She shouldn't feel guilty. No one likes a freeloader.
What is he a kid? She was paying her bills fine before he showed up😊
Too generous????? She kept her inheritance all to herself and wrote a prenup so she wouldn't have to share it with him - her husband. He should run.
Running would solidify the prenup being a good idea 😂
@@rickenbacker472 No man should touch - or worse run off with - one dime of the hard-earned money her parents left her.
@@rickenbacker472
'Run??' He'd have to look for another sugar momma! 😂 and he isn't going to get far living on his SS check! His lifestyle is about to tank! He brought nothing to the table.. which is a pretty good indicator that he's always been a freeloader! 😂 I'd take the deal and pay the utilities!
This is why I doubt I will ever get married. How can you just switch the rules (move the goalpost) halfway through a marriage?! She admitted that he is the same guy she married but now that's not enough all of a sudden? Women marry expecting that he will change, men marry expecting that she will stay the same!
Every form of refuge has a price.
If she was a he, and he was a she this would’ve never even come up
Right? It would be expected.
You know it!
If the gender were reversed, Dave and Baloney would totally say that's how it's supposed to be.
Because that’s the traditional way it goes. Men provide, women support.
@@hiddenhand6973 👍
So let me get this straight, they're a married couple - she's rich, he's poor - but she refuses to share her wealth with him and then complains that she has to pay for everything because he has no money. I feel sorry for her husband.
She is sharing her wealth with him. She wants him to contribute. He has an income. What's the problem.
@@RepentImmediately I can guarantee you he's not spending his income on just himself. It's outrageous to me that she's sitting on her pile of cash and throwing him scraps. They're married, her inheritance should be THEIRS, not just HERS. She has caused this situation by keeping all the money for herself. She should tear up the prenup if she really loves him, but I get the feeling she loves the money more.
@@rickenbacker472I guess you don’t know the law in most states when it comes to inheritance. Typically it’s considered separate and not subject to division in a divorce. My grandfather inherited land from his parents which he sold. He gave his wife my grandmother none of it nor was he obligated to. Also at the time these people were married, the wife hadn’t received the inheritance. She said she had the prenup drawn up in anticipation of an inheritance.
@@devra5186 Well, if my wife refused to combine finances I'd feel entitled to walk away.
She chose to married a beta, she’s better staying with the guy and working something out. Because if she divorces him (like most women do) her SMV will be diminished and men notice that
I keep telling men even if a woman have 100 billion dollar u still have to do wat u need to as a man to hold that respect! Smh
That’s exactly right.
You get it
We have a visceral need for a man to take care of us, however modest the means might be. A woman with $100 billion can use it for extras and upgrades, and will be happy if the man provides the basic necessities. This is the basic idea.
Dumbest comment section ever
“I don’t care about money I just want a man that treats me good…”
Right up until you get tired of paying for everything and then it’s
“well he treats me good but that’s not enough…..”
Classic double standard woman that never grew up. Poor guy won’t ever amount to what she wants because it will always change.
She talks like she's tired of a product that she purchased.
Juicer doesn't fully juice the carrots shoved into me.
She bought her second husband and now buyers remorse
Its ok for her to not like it. It goes against masculine/feminine roles. There's a great quote I live by.."what you put up with, you end up with"
Same quote as Tony Robbins... "In life, we don't get what we deserve, we get what we are willing to tolerate" .
@@terriesmith2616 I love that
Agree 100%
I would agree with that but in modern day society feminism has completely removed the expectation for the women to be in the feminine “nurturing” role in the family, and so I would think that the man should be exempt from needing to be in the provider role
So she’s having the problem of every guy in the world paying for everything and it’s “grow up and pay”
A bit simplistic. But both need to contribute. What they contribute my be diffrent & it is not all about money
Where can l find one of these guys? 🤔
No woman l know has one.. every wife l know works outside the home
That woman made no sense. She said on the call she knew he didn't have any money, but he treated her well and she loved it and married him, and now she has all this money to support them both for the rest of their lives, and after several years of marriage have gone by, suddenly she's lost respect for him because he doesn't pitch in a lowly $1000 or whatever a month. What? Makes no sense to me. She's the issue, not him.
He snowed her.
Most people get tired of a freeloader at some point.. flattery only gets you so far
This lady loves to talk
My wife won't even listen to reason with money. She never does the right thing. So now we are separated. She even tells me will never be on the same page. When she is chapters behind.
" He was so kind and so nice!" Only means that he was feeding a couple of her needs at the moment: The need to be adored and the need for attention. She never respected him beyond that in the first place. She just paid a price to get her feelings stroked and now that she's bored of that, she's moving the goal posts. If she doesn't get her head screwed on straight with God, she will divorce him and leave him starving to death with his money stuck in her checking account!!!
lmao lady... welcome to being the breadwinner. This is how men live continuously and it is expected of the man to do this. HAHAHA. This cracks me up. Does the guy help around the house by doing things like cleaning, and cooking and taking care of other stuff?
In most instances the woman is taking on the role of child rearing and they both agree to a stay at home arrangement for a limited time so they both benefit from child care savings. Caring full time for children is considered an equitable contribution to the household.
Most men aren't sole breadwinners. I don't know any men who are sole breadwinners and in most marriages both people are contributing to the household financially.
Seriously?! I know of literally no marriage where BOTH the husband AND wife don't work.. none! The days of mom sitting at home being a 'housewife' have been gone since June Cleaver!
That man hit the Jackpot
You can tell him to pay for the monthly internet bills or something, with his personal money. Something small if hes not as wealthy as you. Or tell him to take you out for dinner on his dime, once a month or something.
This is confusing. Is she saying she pays for all groceries,vacations,utilities,property taxes,everything in the entire marriage but he uses his social security etc for his “fun money”? If so, he needs to step in and help her.
Not confusing. She gave no specifics on how he spent his social security benefits. She mainly spoke about going out to eat. 😂😂😂😂😂
People are literally avoiding the main part to spin a narrative. It's HILARIOUS.
@@Mr.Boring_Man What "main part"? You seem to have somehow divined what the "main part" is, when the caller doesn't even seem to know. Ramsey and the other guy are probably not analyzing the problem correctly, but they're grasping at a straw because she's given them almost nothing to work with.
Yep.. that's what l got out of it.. the guy's a freeloader who keeps HIS money while living off HERS.. he brought nothing to the table, so sounds like he has a lifetime of experience freeloading..
Problem is once he knows you don’t respect him it’s over. There is no coming back from being resented and feeling disrespected.
Really? That’s pathetic.
@@hiddenhand6973 losing someone’s respect is like death to a relationship or acquaintance. Think about it. If you lose respect for someone at work or in your family do you see that person the same after that?
Looks like he'll be in the market of looking for another sugar momma! 😂
Looks like he'll be looking for another sugar momma 😂
And good luck living on that SS check! ..his lifestyle is about to tank!
I LOVE this call. It’s the perfect early onset example for the modern career woman thinking her first marriage had “trauma” or “ptsd” and she rides the carousel for a few years post divorce and then gets lonely and depressed and desperate for male companionship. But she’s older and saggy and all she has to offer is a little bit of money and resents yet another good decent man who is just happily living his life. Spooky isn’t it ladies…. kinda like looking into your future…
Careful Asa, you’re about to choke on that Red Pill! 😂
You can’t make this shit up! Godfather signing off
Good decent men are fine to spend time with but marriage is pointless.
You keep em how you get em. People are who they were when u met them
Wow John and Dave way to grow a pair and stick up for the husband
If you're married it's OUR money ma'am.
How convenient for him! He had nothing, but all he had to do was be “nice” to a lonely woman and now he gets to fully benefit from everything she has accumulated in 60 years! She better keep things separate or she might come home to an empty house and bank account one day
@@Babydoll-gf6cm Then she didn't do her due diligence when it comes to picking her life partner. People are way too quick getting married. You would think one of the first things you do when vetting a spouse is seeing personally if they are responsible with money. She said they've been married for a couple of years and have a joint account but didn't say he runs through that money. Chances are he wouldn't if the combined all their income.
@@josh-ed7je I agree she shouldn’t have married this man. Most likely she was manipulated and love bombed because he knew she has deep pockets. In terms of the joint account that he hasn’t contributed to… he may not have wiped her out thus far but he is still benefiting by living for FREE ! As a man he should be embarrassed to be kept by a woman. She is already in a bad situation, why make things worse by giving him even more access to her money?
@@Babydoll-gf6cm Because as long as she continues to look at it as HER money not THEIRS then she's never going to respect him and will go down the path of being twice divorced. He could put his entire social security into that joint account but as long as she think in terms of mines and his she will never feel like he's contributing enough.
@@josh-ed7je this is just a bad match and as such, the dynamics are playing out this way. She is forced into a masculine role and the resentment will continue to build. She should have married her financial equal or just stayed single and enjoy his company in a dating situation
I had a friend who made $30K/mo, his wife made $4K/mo.
He wanted to have her contribute to a savings account that was Increasing by leaps and bounds.
She was so sad living like a pauper.
If I made $30k/month, I'd tell my spouse to do whatever she wants.
If she's so unhappy living like a pauper, why doesn't she leave?
She must love it if she continues to tolerate it.
She'll get what she's willing to tolerate.
@@terriesmith2616
He gave her $500K to hit the road,
she took it.
He got an 18 yr old Sugar Baby.
@@SRTBOAT I'd be the exact same way and I'm not going to question how much money you spent and where as at that point I don't care as long as my spouse didn't start spending so much as they are going into debt or asking me for money then I'd step in and start asking questions.
I make $25K/month and my wife makes 3.5K/month. We direct deposit all of our money into the same account. It doesn't matter where it came from. It's what life partners should do. However, we both started off together with nothing. I would be hesitant to combine _everything_ if I started off with millions and married someone with nothing, but I would combine all post-marital earnings (wages, social security, pension, and even investment gains) together.
That guy is spot on.
He’s using this woman. I’d be extremely nice & kind to someone paying for my way through life! He had no retirement money or plan & then he met her & voila he suddenly had retirement money & plan.
Is it using her if she enjoys spending time with him and being with him?
He's not using her.
She's allowing herself to be used. That's the difference.
She set this pattern of paying everything for him since the beginning of their relationship and she knew he was poor, so what did she expect. She knew that going in. She's allowing it.
They are married. So her retirement, is his retirement.
@@terriesmith2616 but she’s not enjoying spending time with him with no financial assistance thus her call.
@@bnorvs5929 but she’s not enjoying spending time with him with no financial assistance thus her call.
Im always shocked when people are like "I just got divorced and got re married" LOL where r u finding people so fast?
Right! I can't even find someone to like in 7 years😅
Freeloaders are everywhere 😂
I was pleasantly surprised by Dr John's take on the caller.
And I highly doubt the caller ever experienced any "trauma" in her previous marriage beyond not getting everything her way all the time.
I'd like to know what he does with his social security. If he dies first, it won't affect to her financially, if she dies first and he gets nothing, then he may be setting his SS check aside for his future. Granted it probably won't add up to much but just a thought rattling around in my head. In any case, she did set the tone of what this marriage was about from the beginning when she had him sign a prenup.
Interesting, but that is not how social security survivor benefits work. The rules for SS survivor benefits supercede any prenuptial. And that's a good observation that he may be saving his SS check for his own future, since evidently he can't get to any of her money. In fact, this would be very wise of him!
@@Fishoutawiseness would have been not retiring early.
He probably thinks being with her is enough payment. I dated a guy like that. He was like you should be thankful I am with you. Bye ✌🏾
Good for the husband for doing the prenup. It shows that, despite not coming from wealth, he doesn't care about her money. Him not being able to not pay the bills before didn't bother her before, but now that he's retired, she wants him to pitch in some of that SS money, which probably isn't much anyway? It is mentioned in the comments before, but maybe it's the friends who are feeding her this information that he's the one that needs to change, even though it sounds like he hasn't.
I wouldn’t say he doesn’t care about her money but may not care about it beyond him being able to live comfortably. As in fed, warm, and housed. He had to have been paying bills before they moved in together. When he moved in is when she should have asked him to help with utilities or food or whatever or forever held her peace.
He doesn’t have any retirement, but he has Social Security. He’s so kind and nice and a Christian but no spirit of generosity. I’m sorry ma’am, but it sounds like you’re speaking out both sides of your mouth. I 100% agree with the doctors evaluation
The end was so funny omg guys 😂
John is so on point with this call. She doesn’t respect him.
You need to join your finances. All of them, not just part of them.
Why? So he can have full access to take even more advantage of this woman? He hasn’t put anything in the joint account they currently have!
She said he gets 2k per month in social security. What does he do with it?
That would be self-immolation.
Not sure what difference that would make. Its not like people aren't still keeping score who put in what
@@Babydoll-gf6cm
Yep!! This guy is a freeloader who played this woman.. he brought NOTHING to the relationship but knew how to love bomb a lonely divorced woman to get a free ride in life..
Ohhhh a prenup, well well well and he signed it. So shut up ladies and sign it!
There is no limit to how much you can work when you're on social security. If you are making bank working while you're on social security, you'll have to pay income taxes on your social security that normally a broke old person wouldn't have to pay, but you still get the social security.
According to the Social Security site, "if you’re under full retirement age (in 2024), the annual earnings limit is $22,320. Starting with the month you reach full retirement age, there is no limit on how much you can earn and still receive your benefits."
@@alleykeosheyan4779
Yes.. this is correct! I retired this year and was told exactly that by SSA.
She puts in the majority and that is fine but he could put in 80% of his social security into the joint account. How does a grown man think it is okay to not contribute to the household.
Right!! What I'm understanding from her is, she wants him to contribute towards a bill or two. Honey let's discuss our responsibilities so it doesn't leave all the financial burden on her.
1) she knew his financial situation when she met him
2) she wanted a prenup to shield him from “her money”
3) it’s doubtful he has any say in their lifestyle
4) she never broke down a budget as far as what bills need to be paid and how much she is paying
5) I would love to hear his side of where his and her money goes and what she spends on
@asa_______________commente4195 you right. I would love to hear his side as well. Definitely
When you get married - aren't you just supposed to combine everything!?? Its OUR money - not hers, his, etc.
@@arthrodea yes
Good morning
Good morning hope your day goes well and have a blessed day . ❤
Seriously though... how can this woman respect her husband when he seems to be a dependent? I am saying this as a SAHM... I don’t bring money to our family, but I clean the house,I’m do the laundry, I cook, I do the dishes, I do the budget, and I do all of this as my contribution. This woman’s husband sounds like he does... NOTHING.
Right..? And to shame her and say she has no respect for the guy?? WhO would?? He's a freeloader who brought nothing to the table and knew exactly what he was doing when he love bombed a lonely divorced woman for a 'free ride' in his retirement..
Caller is incorrect about taking SS early and then not being able to work much. The way is works is, if you take SS early (before full retirement age), then your SS check will be reduced if you earn more than a certain amount, called the earned income limit. However, it does not mean you should limit your work. It depends on the math. And oh by the way, the reduced amount from your SS check is a withholding that will be returned to you once you hit full retirement age.
"I pay all the time"
- That's what men normally do, so what's the problem?
He has you as a retirement plan
Bingo!! A freeloader!
What's the point of getting married if you still going to create two separate finances? That's exactly why she's in the predicament she's in. Also we know he wasn't prepared for retirement but it seems like she wasn't too.
I'll explain, we are both retired, I pay for everything.
We both have pensions.
We both end up with ~$1500/mo pocket money.
Combining finances is for Building Wealth.
once you're done and just living, Why?
@@aolvaar8792 Then why get married at all?
@@josh-ed7je That is the perpetual question, in every potential marriage situation. Why involve the government in your relationships?
@@josh-ed7je The pensions are Fully survivorable to a SPOUSE.
A spouse gets Free Lifetime Family Healthcare.
Community Property Title only applies to
Married couple. Double step-up in basis.
@@shirtlesslager You and your GF go to the town square on Saturday morning and stand on the marriage block.
You both introduce yourselves as Married.
Done, you're married
Gubment?
I feel for men; I really do. We do tend to send microsignals and expect them to work out exactly what we want while we verbalize the exact opposite. Generally speaking, men don't do well with veiled hints. They need unequivocal statements. She says he's a good man. If he is, he'll understand when she communicates her expectations clearly.
I guarantee that it will not make a difference if she tells him or not. He will not change.
Who you DATE...is who you MARRY.
He was a taker (financially) prior to marriage....saying "I do' won't change that unless HE feels the necessity to change it...not because she's had a change of heart on footing the bill for things.
When choosing a partner.... don't let the lust/butterflies overwhelm your logic/common sense. A balance of all of those traits is important!
Now she's resentful of a movie script she wrote, produced and starred in.
Kindness is a wonderful trait to have and finding sincere love is beautiful, but you have to ask the right questions...even if they're uncomfortable. Be self-aware and know what feels comfortable for you to give in a relationship (long and short term)---that includes financially and otherwise.
How about serve the needy together if you're loaded?? Feed the poor, help the sick. Etc.
There may be someone (or more than one person) telling her that her husband should be doing more. This could be could be being done to try to cause an upset. People do this and sit back and hope for chaos.
Otherwise, just talk with him, he can pay for a burger or something on occasion if he has a lower income. The good thing is that they both have good company - as we know there are a lot of lonely people around.
Bad take this time, the husband seems to be using her as a meal ticket. Dave's advice should have been for her to clearly communicate to him how much he should contribute each month to the joint account and then see what he does.
I wonder if he isn't doing anything, not just money wise but handling things around the house. If that is the case they are right she needs to make it known. I do not believe anyone is psychic (male or female). This is something that definitely can cause resentment and he is probably not aware of how extreme it is for her.
Dave has suggested prenups when there is a huge disparity between incomes so I understand the prenup plus there are children. I wonder if the husband is using his pensions for a legacy for his children?
I thought that once you are married, monies earned become ‘our’ money so, if she is putting her pension into the joint checking, isn’t it right that he should be doing the same? Is his money just for him or is it theirs?
We need to know what funds are part of the prenup and where does the money in the joint account come from - dividends , interest, her pensions.
I am so so very sorry. A woman like you I would run. I would run before I see I do.
Good, she’d be better off! Why should she fully support a grown man who doesn’t contribute anything financially? She shouldn’t have to beg him to contribute to a living situation that he is benefiting from! I do blame her for allowing things to get this far out of hand though.
@@Babydoll-gf6cmWhy should a man have to support a fully grown woman? It's funny how when the roles are reversed it's fine. Heaven forbid a woman be the breadwinner for once right?
@@TheFlyingZulu In most instances the woman is taking on the role of child rearing and they both agree to a stay at home arrangement for a limited time so they both benefit from child care savings. Caring full time for children is considered an equitable contribution to the household.
@@Babydoll-gf6cm 👍
YES ! What does he need to do ? If he doesn’t know there is a problem how can he solve it ?
He's a freeloader and obviously has some experience in the role because he's fine with living off a woman, while keeping his own SS and benefits check for himself.. a man with any dignity at all wouldn't do that.
The thing is I don’t understand how when they dated she paid for everything and she was ok with that!! Now that they are married Ofcourse he thinks he doesn’t have to contribute because she set the standard that way. I would talk to him and I would have him put 70% of his ss in the joint checking account and the rest he can keep for himself. I would hope the man understands this but I do blame her because she set the standard for this man all these years.
Dave Ramsey is the man to make every other man his birch through pandering to needy and manipulative women
It did not start out with information as to how much does person A bring in, and how much does person B ? And how will we pay bills ? I think there is probably alot of passive afgressive comments.
However, I, too would want to know where his portion of money going ?
I think they need to clarify bills then put money together
That’s what happens when you rebound before you heal. You will swing too much on the side of what you were missing from your relationship and ignore other important qualities for a successful relationship including the one’s ex possessed. Until reality sets in and see you made a huge mistake marrying a broke polite guy just because your rich ex was a rude assh*l.
I don’t think he is taking advantage I think you set out to find a guy like that but now have buyers remorse. In his mind he is valuable Prince Charming to you just the way he is because you said I don’t care about money I only care about respect and polite. So he keeps his money and takes yours too.