You have the strongest level of confidence there is ... the confidence to be seen as a 'vulnerable' human being. In my book, that's a true sign of strength, honour and authenticity.
Some days I just fake it til I make it in the confidence department. And then other days, I just feel like I don’t want to put myself down anymore. Like I know I’m worth it and that I deserve to take care of myself mentally, emotionally, and physically. I’m trying to work on the people pleasing and have gotten a little better. Depending upon what it is, I try to ask myself: is this really what you want, do you even like this person, or does this align with who you are? I’ve become a firm believer in, “whatever is meant for you is for you.” I’ve applied this same principle to the dating in the past. I try not to hold myself back around my partner and tell myself that if he’s truly for me he’ll appreciate who I am as a person. And he does! And he’s still here.
Bless you sound like you are moving in the right direction! Unfortunately I have often tried to ask myself those same questions, but through I guess my 'learning' in life experience i always find myself at the wrong side of the answer, no matter what, that is one hell of a tough nut to crack, and thus far, I dont think there is even a scratch 😅
Adam, I've been connected with your content since close to when you started. This time of year tends to represent a lull in confidence. I think it's necessary to head off the lull at the pass. See it as a fact of nature and just persevere.
I'm 47 and still haven't been able to be myself in all scenarios. Even my kid notices that I act different when I'm around certain people. I think one should act like they do when most comfortable, with whoever makes you feel most comfortable with yourself. That person who you know will not run away whatever you do or say. Regardless, I haven't been able to do that. But I think that's the way. Take the risk and accept that someone might not like something you do or say, but at least you're genuine
It is said that some life lessons will keep repeating until we learn them. Maybe that was a sign that there was still something to work on. Very often, when you heal and your attitude changes, you wouldn't choose the same type of person again because you would know they are not good for you. It's in a way similar to finding a good job that suits you ;) Maybe instead of trying to figure out who you are or should be (what is taking your confidence from you), try to be a little bit more selfish :). Think what do you want in life, in a relationship, and what is that you definitely do not want. When you find someone who shares these views with you, you like to sped the time together etc, it should be much easier to feel at ease with that person and there is a big chance everything else will come more naturally. Feeling at ease, safe and comfortable in someone's presence is also a good sign - you can be whoever you are, without thinking about it :)
I have watched you from video 1 Adam and I think you are a brilliant guy, so much going for you and anyone would be lucky to have you dude! You speak so well and talk so much sense. Hoping for you to get into your new place sooner rather than later man and move forward with your life! You deserve it! All the best :) 2025 is your year!
"how you grow confidence" "how you grow self esteem" baby you grow it by going out into the world and doing shit that makes you uncomfortable! Whether that be exercising, going hiking/camping, going out to party or a club and talking to people, or meeting new people online, or joining an organization of some kind, or traveling to a new place and just figuring it out. Because by doing these things, you're proving to yourself that yes, you have the strength to make it in the world, and you have the courage and the balls to expand your life on purpose and become a better person for it. And in doing so, you find out who you are. Cause let me tell you, you'll never find out who you are if all you do is go to work and sit at home and ruminate on your own problems. nobody ever became themselves by worrying and stressing in their head all the damn time. you seem like a smart and capable man, and i'm sorry that all your relationships havent worked out that good, but baby if you gain that confidence and do things that make you scared and come back successful and better for it? then you're gonna slowly build that confidence and be less worried about if someone treats you right or not, because you'll be able to stand up for yourself and say "you're loss" and walk away because you know your own worth. and you are a worthy individual, i can see that from your videos. But man stop thinking so much!!!! Go out and do hard and new things and you'll get that confidence and find yourself. Good luck
Have you though of taking a year out and hiking around the world? you can be whoever you want to be every day! each day or two move on and start with a fresh version of you! you could then figure out who you are comfortable with being....
“What they need you to be”….. no!!!! Mate! Just be yourself or that will end up being a prison to yourself ! Be “outcome agnostic”. If it works out and you aren’t being relaxed and you it won’t work out! We don’t know you through these videos but you are enough!!!! There is enough about you to attract a decent person. Don’t bend to them. They will sense it and won’t respect you
I appreciate this man, honestly thanks, theres a big chunk of pushing though old habits that I HAVE to work out and become comfortable with, but you are right that I need to just be me.
@ I bent myself out of shape trying to be what people wanted me to be, thank god it didn’t work out. Only years later did I realise I was digging my own grave! Thank god I was shit at it!!! Keep on keeping on! So much progress! Being in charge of people sucks !! Don’t expect too much satisfaction or gratitude from it! Means to an ends.
Do you watch Theo Von's solo podcasts, where he talks about his self doubts and insecurities, shares his triumphs and dissappoitments? I enjoy your videos in the same way I enjoy his.
Think you're putting too much pressure on coming across as confident. Set the bar lower and try to be neutral instead. Guys think they need to be Russell Brand when talking to women but you're still fine if you just don't freak out. I don't know what you did or said to turn her off, but you can keep a note of it and make sure you don't repeat it next time. I used to try too hard to make girls laugh and kept escalating the humour to toilet level and I had to consciously make sure I don't use locker room guy humour with women. I had to tell myself that it's ok saying mediocre jokes to get mild laughs, everything doesn't need to be high level. Just keep things calm and let her do some of the lifting.
You have the strongest level of confidence there is ... the confidence to be seen as a 'vulnerable' human being. In my book, that's a true sign of strength, honour and authenticity.
Some days I just fake it til I make it in the confidence department. And then other days, I just feel like I don’t want to put myself down anymore. Like I know I’m worth it and that I deserve to take care of myself mentally, emotionally, and physically. I’m trying to work on the people pleasing and have gotten a little better. Depending upon what it is, I try to ask myself: is this really what you want, do you even like this person, or does this align with who you are?
I’ve become a firm believer in, “whatever is meant for you is for you.” I’ve applied this same principle to the dating in the past. I try not to hold myself back around my partner and tell myself that if he’s truly for me he’ll appreciate who I am as a person. And he does! And he’s still here.
Bless you sound like you are moving in the right direction!
Unfortunately I have often tried to ask myself those same questions, but through I guess my 'learning' in life experience i always find myself at the wrong side of the answer, no matter what, that is one hell of a tough nut to crack, and thus far, I dont think there is even a scratch 😅
Adam, I've been connected with your content since close to when you started. This time of year tends to represent a lull in confidence. I think it's necessary to head off the lull at the pass. See it as a fact of nature and just persevere.
I'm 47 and still haven't been able to be myself in all scenarios. Even my kid notices that I act different when I'm around certain people. I think one should act like they do when most comfortable, with whoever makes you feel most comfortable with yourself. That person who you know will not run away whatever you do or say. Regardless, I haven't been able to do that. But I think that's the way. Take the risk and accept that someone might not like something you do or say, but at least you're genuine
So many men can identify with this. Being a nice guy and people pleasing.
It is said that some life lessons will keep repeating until we learn them. Maybe that was a sign that there was still something to work on. Very often, when you heal and your attitude changes, you wouldn't choose the same type of person again because you would know they are not good for you. It's in a way similar to finding a good job that suits you ;) Maybe instead of trying to figure out who you are or should be (what is taking your confidence from you), try to be a little bit more selfish :). Think what do you want in life, in a relationship, and what is that you definitely do not want. When you find someone who shares these views with you, you like to sped the time together etc, it should be much easier to feel at ease with that person and there is a big chance everything else will come more naturally. Feeling at ease, safe and comfortable in someone's presence is also a good sign - you can be whoever you are, without thinking about it :)
I have watched you from video 1 Adam and I think you are a brilliant guy, so much going for you and anyone would be lucky to have you dude! You speak so well and talk so much sense. Hoping for you to get into your new place sooner rather than later man and move forward with your life! You deserve it! All the best :) 2025 is your year!
thanks for the ongoing support, really appreciate it
"how you grow confidence" "how you grow self esteem" baby you grow it by going out into the world and doing shit that makes you uncomfortable! Whether that be exercising, going hiking/camping, going out to party or a club and talking to people, or meeting new people online, or joining an organization of some kind, or traveling to a new place and just figuring it out. Because by doing these things, you're proving to yourself that yes, you have the strength to make it in the world, and you have the courage and the balls to expand your life on purpose and become a better person for it. And in doing so, you find out who you are. Cause let me tell you, you'll never find out who you are if all you do is go to work and sit at home and ruminate on your own problems. nobody ever became themselves by worrying and stressing in their head all the damn time. you seem like a smart and capable man, and i'm sorry that all your relationships havent worked out that good, but baby if you gain that confidence and do things that make you scared and come back successful and better for it? then you're gonna slowly build that confidence and be less worried about if someone treats you right or not, because you'll be able to stand up for yourself and say "you're loss" and walk away because you know your own worth. and you are a worthy individual, i can see that from your videos. But man stop thinking so much!!!! Go out and do hard and new things and you'll get that confidence and find yourself. Good luck
Thanks for this, and I mean that
Just wanted to comment here to proudly share that I've been sober for 1,867 days.
Good for you, man! 🥳👍
I'll catch you up in around 1830 days... ✌🏻💀
Massive Congrats ! keep doing you! 🙌
Have you though of taking a year out and hiking around the world? you can be whoever you want to be every day! each day or two move on and start with a fresh version of you! you could then figure out who you are comfortable with being....
“What they need you to be”….. no!!!! Mate! Just be yourself or that will end up being a prison to yourself ! Be “outcome agnostic”. If it works out and you aren’t being relaxed and you it won’t work out! We don’t know you through these videos but you are enough!!!! There is enough about you to attract a decent person. Don’t bend to them. They will sense it and won’t respect you
I appreciate this man, honestly thanks, theres a big chunk of pushing though old habits that I HAVE to work out and become comfortable with, but you are right that I need to just be me.
@ I bent myself out of shape trying to be what people wanted me to be, thank god it didn’t work out. Only years later did I realise I was digging my own grave! Thank god I was shit at it!!! Keep on keeping on! So much progress! Being in charge of people sucks !! Don’t expect too much satisfaction or gratitude from it! Means to an ends.
Do you watch Theo Von's solo podcasts, where he talks about his self doubts and insecurities, shares his triumphs and dissappoitments? I enjoy your videos in the same way I enjoy his.
he has them on youtube ?
Think you're putting too much pressure on coming across as confident. Set the bar lower and try to be neutral instead. Guys think they need to be Russell Brand when talking to women but you're still fine if you just don't freak out. I don't know what you did or said to turn her off, but you can keep a note of it and make sure you don't repeat it next time.
I used to try too hard to make girls laugh and kept escalating the humour to toilet level and I had to consciously make sure I don't use locker room guy humour with women.
I had to tell myself that it's ok saying mediocre jokes to get mild laughs, everything doesn't need to be high level. Just keep things calm and let her do some of the lifting.