Timestamps. 0:00 - Mommy Fwiend - Penelope Scott 3:36 - Nice Guy (Audiotree live version) - GRLwood, Audiotree 7:29 - 64 Little White Things - Cake Bake Betty 9:35 - Shut up (and Sleep with Me) - Sin With Sebastian - (Sped up) 12:22 - Put Me in a Movie - Lana Del Rey 15:34 - Take off Your Clothes - GRLwood
I'm 13. I'm a girl and I got SA'd by another girl multiple times. It started in March and the last time was last week. I spoke out at first but I soon stopped speaking out because the school didn't care and I'm just sick of it. Of course it's be different if it was a boy.
AHH! I wasn’t SA’d but I was sexually harassed by a girl my age last year. I’m also 13. I love this comment. I didn’t recognise it as anything bad at the start, but she did also SA another girl and got expelled. Or so we think. She probably moved schools. My school wouldn’t really care.
I relate to this so much. I was 12 when it happened, now I'm 13. She was in my friend group at school and my entire friend group including me were queer (all girls friend group btw) she asked me out even though she had a girlfriend which was also in the same friend group I asked about it and she said they broke up so I said ill think about it then she started caressing my butt and made me feel uncomfortable. I told the friend group about it and apparently, they didn't break up and she did the same things to the girls in our friend group, we dropped her from the friend group and tried to tell the school and she didn't get in trouble and nobody believed or cared not even my own mother
Hey, just hope you're okay! I'm sorry that happened, and I hope you know it's not your fault. I know a lot of the time people say that, and you might be tired of hearing it, but I know what it';s like to feel like it's your fault, and a guaretee you, it's not.
cocsa victim of my childhood best friend's older brother. id wake up to him and sometime his friend touching me, i hate that i cant tell what was a dream and what wasnt. Its all so blurred together.. just the memory of waking up at 7-8 years old to go pee and seeing blood in the toilet bowl. .. theres not a single part of me that they havent ruined.
I’m reading all of your comments, and I wish the best for all of you. Remember that everything that has happened to you was never and never will be your fault. There are resources that you could reach out to for help if needed, please stay safe. I hope you’re doing okay, and if you aren’t then I hope you can find the strength to push through anything you might be dealing with. Feel free to vent all you want, any hateful or mean comments directed towards anyone else in this comment section will be deleted immediately, please show your love and support to others ❤ (EDIT): I also feel like I should clarify that this playlist is NOT meant to be used as a substitute for reaching out for help. If you are experiencing SA or have experienced SA, then PLEASE reach out and talk to someone about it. Playlists can definitely help cope a little, but it’s not a permanent fix to your problems. I’m not trying to normalize SA with this playlist, please please PLEASE reach out.
I was sa’d by my own brother when I was 9 I never understood what he did sometimes I can’t stand being looked at by him. I’m now 15 but I’m still afraid him because the amount of times he said he wanted me dead.
I know this story is very sad, but I kinda feel comforted? I’ve been s/a’d by my own father at 5, and he showed me very inappropriate stuff and made me do “stuff.” Of course I never realized what he did since he only did it once, but i told my mom and found out I was s/a’d, we took my case to court but they didn’t do anything, it’s been 5 years so technically he can go near me now. And I’m scared, what if I see him again? He’s been on the run and haven’t been paying his child support (he does every once in a while bc society finds him). But yeah… at least I’m not the only one s/a’s by family members.. :D (?)
I was never my stepfathers daughter. I was his... thing. he never once raped me. but he would... he'd touch me , and he would grope my chest... and slap my ass, he'd touch my thighs and put his hands in my pants and my underwear..., I was touched, I wasn't raped. I wasn't assaulted. im stuck with him. when he gets mad he kicks shit, calls me a fucking cunt. when I mess up hes never the reason why. i cant forget things or else he wont talk to me. there are times where I have to walk up to him, shirtless, and.. offer myself to him , just to get him to stop screaming and hitting things... this playlist kind of puts that fear, that trauma; the pain and the self-hate into music that I can sob and scream my heart out. I'd keep typing but he's home now, i have work to do. thank you for the playlist; i genuinely appreciate it. 💗
THIS IS SO FUCKED UP MAN WTH MY JAW JUST DROPPED DON'T LET THIS KEEP HAPPENING, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT BRO I DON'T EVEN KNOW U BUT I'M CONCERNED AF ARE U OKAY RN?????
I'm so sorry this is happening, all I can say is, speak up. I went through something disturbingly similar. My now ex-step father, I was his 'thing' too. Speak up, please. I didn't until three years after he had alreayd left, please save yourself that pain. Save your heart, your soul.
CSA victim of two dudes, one a cousin and the other a rando on the bus. My life fell apart at 5 and continues to break. My mind is held by a plush elephant and a bell. Edut 5.26.2024 thx for the love. appreciate it breadslice homeslice.
I’m sorry that’s happening to you. I just want to remind you, you are amazing and you’re wonderful, and I’m sorry my words may not be enough but I hope things get better for you.
For the longest time, I didnt realize I did get SA'd. I was only nine and a sixteen year old took advantage. I didn't think much of it as I consented. I later learned that even if I did, he knew what he was doing and took advantage of me being small, antisocial, isolated, and naive.
Im 14 now, but when i was 13, i had dated a girl starting in december 2022 and ending in july 2023. through those months, she had r@ped, sa'd and manipilated me into doing things and cuting ties off with friends just over jealousy. When i finally had the courage to leave her. She stalked me for months until she got bored and started doing it to another person. I hope who ever she is after now is ok and away from her.
I was 4 and my father would do stuff that I’m not comfortable talking about, but after a while of him doing it i found the courage to tell my mom and I absolutely love her so much because she did everything she could to get full custody and she did happily, but i also have a sister that was 2 at the time and she was also a victim but we never told her🙃
im a cocsa victim who was also gr00med by my primary school principal I tried to tel my mother about the cocsa thing but It was downplayed and ignored will never tell my parents about my principal, I like to vent about it by listening to playlists, ty for making this
I’m sorry that happened to you, the feeling of nobody hearing you even after you yelled out is painful. That’s vile that someone can do that to you and I hope you’re doing much better now, you deserve happiness.
Everyone in these comments please know that yes a vent playlist may help you but you do deserve to be heard and have justice so please try to keep reaching out/reach out and tell someone you trust or a professional about whatever has happened to you!❤
I was SAd at the age of 9-10.. We were celebrating Easter and except from my family, my father called a friend of his.. We were celebrating from morning till night.. At night, almost everyone left, and I was out with a friend who lived near.. That man was drunk (just like my father).. My father suddenly zoned out and didn't pay attention to us... So, he asked me to come closer and I did.. He sat me on his lap and started caressing my thighs... He told me that I was his baby girl and that he loved me because I was the cutest thing he had ever seen... Then, he left a wet kiss on my neck until my mom came and grabbed me.. (he also gave me 5€ "because I was obedient"... (my sister had gone to sleep, mom and grandma were washing the dishes, grandpa was out)
when I was 5-4ish, I was at a public park restroom, there was a strange woman. she crawled under the space, I thought she was a friend, but she started touching me at sertant places. I was uncomfortable, but I thought she was playing around. but the thing is, I don't remember her face at all, so whenever I tell anyone about this, they think I'm lying. I don't know if it was $A but she was touching me. so idk.. I understand if you guys don't believe me.
I still remember that everything happened when i was 3, we went to my dad's cousin house to visit them and stay for up to 3 days and i tell you that those 3 days were hell for me, dad's cousin son was somehow into me and nobody knew because i wasn't able to tell her (My dad's cousin) nor someone in my family. Thing is, he would usually chase me around their house and i had to hide behind my mother but she saw as if we were playing a game, 2 days of feeling his hands all over me and then the last day was the worst, i was playing with his little sister's Ipad and went to his room to play because i didn't knew what he was going to do since everyone in my family was downstairs while my siblings were upstairs but they were playing with the other two siblings. I remember that i was about to play angry birds when he enters the room to "look" for something when he got into bed with me and pinned me down while letting some of his body weight down upon me, then he pressed his hips against me but i felt a bulge against my behind and i was weirded out because i was so innocent that i thought he had his knee between my legs when i looked both my sides he was basically straddling me, those three days in that house he would often ask me if i would give him kisses which i did but out of pure maldice because i was only 3 y/o at that moment but he most of the times would ask me to give him kisses on his mouth which i would oblige without knowing what would happen. One of those days we were playing with his and my siblings marbles but then they all went down to eat something his mother made, i didn't see anything bad at first but then he started to explain me how to play marbles and sat me in his lap before he starts to place his hands all over my body and then he leaned down to whisper in my ear things i did not understand before he started kissing my neck I was also a cocsa victim, we went back home after the visit and we brought (Let's call the older brother Samuel and the middle brother Mark) Mark into our house for a few days because he wanted to stay to spend time with us, the thing was that he told me "How about we sleep in our underwear on?" which i agreed but he only slept with his underwear because i would only sleep with a shirt and my underwear on because i thought it wasn't out of malice. He wanted me, nobody else, to sleep beside me and so i did and by the time i fell asleep i didn't felt anything happening but when i woke up in the morning i saw Mark looking down at me with a sickening playful smile then he told me he was the last one to fall asleep which now that i look back is so fucked up because i just realized what Mark has done to me that night
I’m so so sorry that such a sickening thing happened to you, you never deserved such a thing and I hope you’re doing better now. You’re a amazing person, and I just wanted to remind you that you are wonderful
As someone who was touched by my own dad (not 🍇ed or assaulted) at the ripe age of 12, this makes me feel safe. Idk why, buts its nice to feel safe among others who experienced similar. Unfortuntatly, i still live with him until i move out. My condolences to everyone who expierienced similar things. I hope you're ok now. :')
some kid in my science class would touch my legs a lot and one time he stuck his hand up my skirt THREE TIMES and nobody did anything about it.........anyways great music
I was SA'D at 9-10 and since he left the house i felt a little relief, but i still dnt feel safe at this house and even today, i felt like theres more coming, he sometimes come and visit in thr house and i immediately shut down, he woulf onky look at me so weirdly and touch me almodt close to my parts, i feel an intense disgust when i was 9 and found out he raped me, when it first happend and i have to shower hits so damn bad, and then i thought it was normal, i didnt even knew it was rape. All i knew that i was so uncomfortable when he did it to me every chance he get.
TW VENT❗️❗️ I HAVE NEVER TOLD ANYONE THE ACTUAL DEATAILS. Not even my best friend, who I tell everything. I wasn't r@ped, I was touched. When I was probably around 6 or something my brother was 10 (I dont remember the exact ages) he would touch my privates and make me do the same and sometimes make me massage him. It was really gross and the reason why I am so fucked up and hypersexual now as a teen. I love my brother he is 17 now and probably doesn't remember. We have an overall good relationship but I can't forget what he used to do to me. I dont want to tell anyone. I dont want to tell my best friend who actually did it, she thinks it was a cousin whos in jail. But in reality it was my brother, who ISN'T in jail. And I don't want him to be.
Wow that's so disturbing. I'm really really sorry you had to go through that. What scares me the most is that my experience is almost the same. The fact that it was my brother, I was only 8, but nowadays it feels weird because I do love him but sometimes the memories still linger...I hope things get better❤️
@@Mimi20038 it never fails to disturb me how common this kind of experience is when going through these comments. Im so sorry that that happened to you, too. No one deserves this kind of thing, and the memories do linger. They will ruin a perfectly good mood, but it will get better someday.
I’m not trying to justify what he did, just starting off. But I’m really curious why he’d do that at ten? Did he even know what sex was? Do you think maybe he had someone do that to him and thought it was normal? Maybe it was a misunderstanding? I don’t know exactly what happened or what your situation is but maybe you should ask him about it sometime?
@_-drowsy-_ he knew what it was as he grew up around the internet, and I dont think he had someone do that to him since our mom was very protective of us not letting us be alone even with our step dad
I was sa’d by my cousins for 2-3 years. im 16 now but i can’t even remember how old I was.. i must’ve been seven. they were my age as well, ive learned to live with what happened. i forgive them, though i will never forget what they did. their actions altered who i am.
(vent) I don't speak English, so maybe this is misspelled thanks to the translator. I was never raped, but I have constantly lived the experience of these in minor networks to make content, I had this experience from when I was 9 until I was 15. I'm tired, I want to forget him, I want to recover, I want to feel that someone loves me for more than sex. Sometimes I feel like I can't take it anymore, that I don't want any more, sometimes I want to go back to that to feel loved, I want to be loved, I don't want my body, I want to vomit, I can't take it anymore. All the photos I send will never, ever go away.
(TW: COCSA) .. At the ripe age of 7, my innocence was taken away from me, slid right out of my hands, and now it effects me dearly. .. I was at my old house (this was before we moved), and I was playing with a guy-friend that was older than me by 6 years.. I think, I just remember it vividly, so dont judge me. We were playing on his trampoline, jumping around, running, playing truth or dare, and then it was my turn to choose. Being the stupid kid I was, I picked dare. He then proceeded to get closer and slip his hand on my right leg, rubbing it and getting closer to my thigh. He proceeded to ask me (being straight foward here) to fuck him. I said no, obviously, and got umcomfortable, but he kept on insisting, knowing that I had a wee-little crush on him, he full blown decided to ask me that. Then, my sister came over and yelled at me about that its time to come home for dinner, and I immediatly booked it out of there. ... Years later, when I was 11, my cousin did little touches like him, touching my leg, lifting me up, flipping me upside down, touched my thigh, and my feet; and in result, I get *mortified* everytime he comes over and I just stay cooped up in my room, nervous it'll happen again. .. I never told anyone this because I like tortuing myself by suffering alone. I didnt want anyone to see me less as a girl. .. I never got to even tell my sister "thank you" for pratically saving my body from getting messed up by a 13 year old *next door.* I always get memories or flashbacks to when I remember the word or term: "COCSA" or even the subject S/A, I know those are two different things, but they made me have daddy issues and hypersexuality, and self-hatred, little scars on my wrists, and mental illnessses in the end, right? So whats the point, I was touched twice in my life.. Which is a big deal for someone who was a minor, and is still a minor now.
And people wonder why I hate physical touch without my permission. (I wasn’t raped I was groped and sexual assaulted as in forced kisses and stuff, I was a young child and I didn’t know how to say no)
I wasn't SA'D but i was groomed online.. i was about 9 and he was 17. He was always trying to be near me and even when i tried to leave him, he followed me almost everywhere!
Im a 13 year old girl. SAed and Rped at a very young age by a girl i considered to be my friend. She'd manipulate me emotionally, telling me how i was her only friend and she was having a hard time with her parents divorce. I felt a need to be there for her, even if she would do these weird things to me that i didnt understand at the age. A cps worker eventually came to my school and i worked up enough courage to break my silence and speak up about it. The cps worker told me she'd talk with someone about it but my school dismissed the whole situation. I remember the day so clearly, when my mom called me into her room and i just knew. She was sobbing, asking me what my friend did. I was so ashamed and embarrassed. I left the school that same year. The girl had left earlier and i havent seen her since. I remember it happening multiple times whether it was in school, a few feet from my teachers, in her pool, in her bathroom, in her bedroom, in my house, where i thought i was safe. No one noticed. I was too ashamed to tell my mom and everytime she called me over, i was so scared that she'd find out. The outcomes are something i know im always going to have to deal with. At a young age i couldnt look at my own naked body becuase of disgust and shame. It wasnt my body anymore anyways. I had a lot of nightmares depiciting SA and Rpe. I devolped an addiction to 🌽 and lustful stuff. I started struggling with hypersexuality and still am. I was confused on whether i was gay or not because the girl who had done those things to me was the same gender as me. She took so much of my mental health and i fucking hate her for it. I was ready to end my life at the age of 10. Physical touch become a fear, I started and became addicted to sh because of it, i have tried to end my life too many times. Therapy, medications, physciatrist appointments, close calls with hospitals, and 7 diagnosed mental disorders because of her. I am so ashamed and disgusted. Im a people pleaser at heart now. Its so hard to say no. Whenever i zone out i always think about that year and those endless days. My life is a living hell because of her. But at the same time i feel guilty for having such hatred for her. She was a child, she didnt know any better. She probably is out there living a normal life right now, and for some reason, i absolutely hate her guts for that. I hate my old school for ignoring my situation and i hate the fact i wasnt able to stand up for myself before it got bad. Im not in the best mental state right now, but im trying my best to get better. Im doing therapy sessions and probably will get admitted soon. I might also start a part hospitalization programn. Im 3 months clean and trying to leave my life in the hands of God. I want him to lead me wherever he thinks is best. I may be fighting for my life at such a young age, but i know there is more to see and more to experience. I dont want to go yet. If i can keep fighting, so can you. I love you and things will be good. ❤ Thank you for hearing my story. Knowing someone has seen me and my experiences helps.
I would give u a big hug if I could just know I support you ml don't be sad or blame urself over that ur beautiful either way and I want you to know, even if im a stranger💕IM WITH U GIRLL dw abt her and focus on other things like God
ty for posting this i love this sm it really helps me calm down when i have a panic attack abt when i was graped by my father ty sm much and just remember you are loved
SA and incest victim of the sad old man I'm ashamed to call my grandfather. Him and my grandmother (amazing dw,, just unaware) had been away taking care of my sick great-aunt and uncle, both of which passed from cancer. My abuser came back home to get some things, and the guy I have to call my father decided we'd go up to visit him. First night was fine, nothing happened. Second night though, my father left to go to a local bar to catch up with some childhood friends. My abuser was in the room as he left, so I couldn't ask him to stay. I gave him this look of fear though, and he just left me there. Left me to never be the same little girl I always was. He kept me there for over 3 hours, just sitting next to me with his hands down my pants. I think he tried to put me on his lap at some point, but he couldn't move me. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore, so I stood up and stopped at the bottom of the staircase. I didn't say anything, but I can still remember his words. 'I just wanted to make you feel...excited.' This all happened in the basement of a 2-story house, so I ran upstairs to the top floor and locked the door of the guest bedroom I was in, and cried myself to sleep. Worst of all might've been the morning. He made me breakfast, and I had to choke it down out of fear of being called disrespectful by my father. When we left to drive back home, he made me kiss my abuser on the cheek, because 'family is family', and I shouldn't be so 'rude'. I never forgave my father for leaving me to get abused that night. This was middle school, and my homeroom teacher had enough of the bratty kids in our class, and I was the unfortunate one to have to take her yelling. I spoke up to a social worker at the hospital after threatening to hurt myself, and the case was opened. My teacher heard about it through the school social workers and apologized profusely to me, and ended up being my favorite teacher that year. I wasn't 13 yet when this happened, so I could likely get him thrown in jail if I weren't so afraid of going to court. I don't want to see my father again though, and I know for sure that he'd be there if I escalated this case. I'm scared. I'm scared of him, of my family, of being seen as the one kid who tore everyone apart. So I don't talk about it to anyone, and damn does it feel good to type it all out.
Both of my adopted brothers attempted to SA/R!pe me, one of them don't remember but I remember VERY clearly. The other one happened 3 times when I was trying to sleep, luckily I woke up in time and ran to either my grandma's room or to go tell my mother (if she's awake). And he also likes to watch me sleep, he touches me, just talking about it makes me wanna barf... I hate them, they tried to hurt me, why'd they do that, just why... They're the reason I hate physical touch, i have a hard time trusting boys, i hate being in a room alone with someone that isn't either my mother, father, bff and her parents, or grandma, i only trust those people, nobody else but them. I don't wanna go through that experience again, i hate it. I'm 13 now, both of my adopted brothers are older than me, but one of them are just a little shorter than me, but he can be VERY aggressive when he doesn’t get his way. I am afraid that he'll do it to me again... every time it's night time, i wait for him to sleep and then i leave whatever room I'm in (mostly my grandma's room) and i go to my bed and stay up for a while then sleep.
When I was five my dad would take me to the bathroom and take off my clothes and do so e pretty f*cked up stuff to me. His friend when we were In the backseat would ask me if I wanted a hotdog I would say no thank you and he would grab my hair and unzip his pants and you know the rest. My uncle would ask me to play house with him when I was eight and said I'll be the mom and he'll be the dad we would pretend it was night time and I pretend to be asleep. He grabbed my hips and pulled down his pants. Also when I was five when my step mom was at work my dad would get peanut butter and put a blind fold on me and say open your mouth for a chocolate bar. The police haven't even arrested any of the people I listen they know who they I are they just don't care and gave up.
i am SO sorry for you, thats horrible. i feel so bad you had to go thru that stuff, its crazy how some people think thats okay. i hope you get help and those sick bastards get punished for their gross actions. 💝
SA'd in 6th grade by a boy in the same grade. It was a squeeze to my chest twice. Often gets downplayed by others but my school dropped the case and didn't do anything because he claimed it was an accident. It was all messed up.
Some of the comments make me realise how often I was sa'd. I think I normalised it cause of how often it happened with different people and how young I was. The only time it was actually considered serious by others was when I asked for advice from my parents; I live with both parents and struggle immensely with depression and social anxiety. Parents went on holiday for a week and I had the house to myself. I talked to what I thought was a friend online (who I met from group therapy earlier that year) and once he learned of my situation he asked if he could visit. I recall giving him my address and thinking 'It's fine. We're both adults in our 30s. I am safe.' I was wearing some baggy clothes and hadnt showered in a few days. I thought 'I can't be bothered takign a shower. It's fine its not like he expects anything'. When he did show up he insisted on having coffee and some dinner. He refused anything with veg in and made a mess of the kitchen. He kept telling me about fights he got into or how he wanted to beat up people (for various reasons) while sat nearly on me. it had been hours. I told him I was meant to join an online chat with old uni friends. He ignored me and wouldnt leave. I told him its late. He wouldnt leave. I told him I was tired and needed a shower. He would not leave. I recall him having his arm wrapped around me while showing some video on his phone and I was petrified. I remember him pulling my legs onto him in some sort of snuggle and I was angry with myself for seeming to like it. I liked the feeling but I was so fucking cared of him and what he might do. I know at one point I thought 'There's no way out of this. How do I minimise the pain?' I know I was ontop of him on the sofa one point trying to disassociate while he was doing w/e. Next thing I remember we were in the spare room and he stuck that thing in me. I remember him saying how he doesnt wear ocndoms cause otherwise he cant feel the pleasure or its not as good or something. I was pretty much lifeless or on autopilot while he went down on me, when he had me go down on him (he tasted weird and I thought I was gonna throw up) and when he penetrated me I remember thinking 'I don't want to see his face. I want to forget what he looks like. I'm keeping my eyes closed.' Afterwards he said I was 'amazing', hopped in the shower, then left. I wanted to get rid of the smell and look of the place so fast so I threw everything in the wash and climbed in the shower. I did not leave the shower till the early hours of the morning. I told myself it wasnt rape because I never said no. Then I panicked cause I couldnt get the morning after pill for over a week. That was when I panicked, broke down and spoke to my parents who had returned that weekend. I only gave 3 people full details of what happened as I was not sure if it was consensual and I was being stupid or not. Friends told me he took advantage of my kindness and that it is not my fault. I think it was my fault. I let him in the house. I never said no. My therapist knows of what happened and knows the man. The mental health clinic said the best they can do is *try* to keep his appointment times and mine seperate. I am so fuckign scared of him and of the idea of him showing up here again. Or finding me in that clinic.
I was 15 years old, he was my boyfriend I remember that he invited me to his house to watch Netflix, I was excited because I told him that we could watch the movie Trolls, but he couldn't turn on Netflix... he told me "Hey, don't worry, we're not going to f#ck or anything, let's go at your own time, but I hope it's soon." I told him "no" so many times but it was my turn... I just laughed and told him not to be a sprinter... why did I laugh?... maybe I was scared... The memories are sometimes fuzzy... but I vividly remember how he put me on top of him and forced me to rub myself... he didn't want to let me leave unless I kissed him... and when we finally left he put me on the bed and did like if he were attacking me..
I was only 12.(I'm 14 now.) Every night I kept thinking about how my mom's uncle touched and... did something to me, and every time he visits, I kept avoiding him, not saying hi, anything. I can't forget about it, I couldn't. I kept overthinking about it to the point it led me to the deepest depressing dark void. I just want to forget about my trauma, I really do. Now as a teenage boy, I still think about my past trauma everytime I go sleep, I just can't stop remembering it.
I will never see him as a father figure. He's never a father to me, treating me nothing like a normal step-father would do. I used to sleep like a log, but now I couldn't even get a proper ounce of sleep. I despised him, I'm trying so hard to justify his actions but no words could ever justify what he did for me for 6 years. I kept quiet, because I was afraid of my mother's health failing if she ever found out. He never fully penetrated me but he would touch me, everywhere, especially in my sleep. It was so bad that I developed a bad sleeping schedule, I woke up to the light touches of his fingers and his mouth on mine. He would sometimes force his mouth on mine even when conscious. It was so bad that my mind was forcing me to forget most of the things he did, especially that one time when his face was between my legs when I was in middle school. I couldn't really differentiate between my hallucinations, daydreaming, and the reality so I'm not really sure if most of them really happened. I'm starting to doubt myself as well when he started doing it to my cousins... younger than me. I just wanted to hurt him every time I heard or even remember their story and how much they were traumatized that they refused to come over to our house when he's home. I could never feel safe in my own home, growing to hate it as I hate myself. I hate how I became so touch-starved while also being touch-repulsed. I hate how I started to sexualize and objectify myself in terms of justifying or finding an explanation to his actions. He said sorry. He was fucking sorry but did it undo all my trauma? He was living in a picket fence life but being around him just drains me a lot. I hate living here, to the point that I'd purposely fool around or sneak out to feel free. I was a fucking child, I am still a fucking child so why the hell did he do it?? I hate him as much as I hate myself.
I'm not a victim of SA But for the people who were 🍇 I hope that you are better and that it will never be your fault and that you are all strong 🩷 (Sorry for any typos as I'm using the translator)
i was almost SA by my cousin, he took me to my grandma's room and locked the door, he told me to strip but i left, i was probably 10 or younger when it happened, thinking back, i was lucky that he didn't try to force me inside, he's now dead and i'm at peace, knowing that he can't hurt me anymore, family is supposed to keep each other safe, not hurt each other
(TW:sa) I remember when I was 1.5 or 2 my mom left me in her car because she had to do something (she left me with a stranger) I can’t remember if he touched me, I cried, kicked and screamed for help. Does it count if I can’t recall/remember if he touched me
Im 9 got SA'D from my sisters boyfriend for like three or two years so when i was 6 or 7 it took me till Christmas to tell my parents. MY XMAS GIFT WAS GETTING HIM IN JAIL >:3
I was 9-10 years old when it all started he did it to me multiple times,he was my dad's bestfriend.I was to scared to tell him about the guy that did it to me...after that he stopped,I was glad back then when he stopped..I'm now 14 it still haunts me a little till this day.
When I was six or five, my cousin(who was twelve at the time) used to make me “learn” how to do things for how I was older, saying that’d we’d make a UA-cam channel to show tutorials to others(I watched a lot of UA-cam as a kid). So she’d do things. And it got to a point where 7 year old me was finally sick of it, and I stopped going to visit my aunts house with my dad. I can’t look at her anymore. I cant bare to listen to her talk about what she’s trying to pursue as a career, I can’t bare to be alone with her with a closed door. I don’t want to be alone with her again. I hate her. Now I struggle with how I think and how I interact. I absolutely despise her.
I don’t even need ke if it counts as SA. I was young. Stupid. Never said anything because I liked the guy. He was my mom’s friends son. I was 8-9 when most of it happened. He was14-15 maybe 16. I had a crush on him so I never said anything. The first time smth nothing happened(I think the first at least) he trailed his hand down my back trying to grab my butt I think. I was sitting down in a chair. I got up and left by the time he reached the bottom of my back. When we went to their house, he’d always try and touch me in some way. Normally tickling. I hated it but I always wanted to be around him. I was uncomfortable with what he was doing, but I let him do it because I wanted to be around him. I never let him go too far. I’d always move away if he tried anything more..risky? We’d always team up playing hide and seek. Bed always try and touch me. I’d always move away. But then I’d go right back to being next to him. I wanted to be around him all the time. He slowly stopped hanging out with me and more with my older brother. He stopped talking with me, interacting with me, doing anything with me. I felt left. Abandoned. Used. Maybe I should’ve let him go further. Maybe then he wouldn’t have left. He got a girlfriend. I started hanging out with his younger brother, but never got scared that he’d do anything like his older brother did. I knew he was diffrent. Nicer. I don’t know if it counts as SA. I don’t know. All I know, is because of how attached to him I was, ever since he left I’ve been wanting him back. Come back to my life, touch me again. What’s wrong with me. Why am I like this. Why do I want his hands on me. I want him back. He hurt me, so why do I want him back? Now I’m stuck being hyper sexual. Oversexualising myself. Imagining myself with people older than me. I’m just a teenager. I’m young. I shouldn’t be thinking these things. But I do. I’m stuck oversexualizing myself. Wanting others to touch me, but feeling disgusted when I actually imagine it happening. Wanting an older man in my life, but…I don’t even know. Anyways. Thanks for thsi playlist. Helped me a lot. Stay safe out there guys. Also, can I have some hugs?❤
I was sa-ed at 13-14 one time by a friend who was 16, and the other by someone who i dated- who was 2 years younger than me- i honestly dont like talking about the person i dated because in my eyes because of the age gap somehow its not possible- yet i can say it very much is because it happened to me. I told him no a million times over- he still tried to do whatever he wanted to me.
I had a friend that was twice older than me when I was 8. He was probably in high school at that time. We got closer on a school trip and he eventually became my friend. I saw him as a brother, I was starving for a male attention as I don't have a father or a biological brother. That's why I was so happy when he paid attention to me. He always visits my class at school lunch time, explains homework I don't understand and buys me ice creams. He always buys me a milk ice cream and when I ask for strawberry, he would say "strawberry isn't interesting". And he would watch me as I lick my ice cream. As the day passes, he starts touching me, patting my head, holding my waist, kissing my hand, etc.. I didn't know that it was not normal at that time. One day, he invited me to his dorm and he asked me to open my mouth and close my eyes. I did as he asked but I was feeling strange so I opened my eyes and saw him holding his thing. He was mad at me and slapped me so hard that my whole head became dizzy. I didn't know what happened next. I moved school after that year. My mum asked me why but I never answered. I couldn't. I'm embarrassed and hurt. He was my brother, well, I thought he was. I'm recovering from that past now. I didn't talk about that to anyone. Not my family, relatives or friends. I'm afraid that they will be disgusted at me and think that I'm not pure. I hate him. I hate that school. I hate ice cream. God is too cruel on me. Please let me be pure again.
i love listening to this playlist over an over for hours while im locked in my bedroom because my abuser is visiting and i know she will assault me if i go out
@@amnesiaa0 I hope you’re okay! If you can, please tell someone or reach out for help, there are hotlines available if you can’t tell anyone you know! Stay safe ☹️
Mine, every night from age 5-10 I tried to tell family but they yelled at me calling me a lair and they didn’t care. Like one time he asked for a kiss and I ran to my grandma and told her and she yelled at me
Last summer my mother touched me inappropriately and so haven't both of my siblings that I live with. I am honestly disgusted by myself, I hate looking in the mirror because it reminds me of what i have done even if it wasn't bad. I can't see past what they did to me and how it'll probably forever effect me. And I no longer can look at my mother the same after she has multiple times threatened abusing me and my siblings, how she's been threatening to throw out a cat that we were given and how she just threw him out tonight, how many guys she has brought over, fuck, argued with, and left. Im so fucking tired of everything and my ex left me before school ended because we were getting distant and I have no idea what I can even do anymore. Life shouldn't be this hard, im 12.
It was almost a year ago. I was 16. He was my friend, same age, same school and class. We weren't close at all, but I knew he liked me. Sometimes even I was flirty and kind of playful, but it was just the way we talked and I did't pay it much attention. One rather cold autumn day I went for a drink with him, I now understand it was stupid and reckless - he brought two bottles of wine and I ended up getting absolutely hammered, and he just kept bragging about how sober he was. I was drunk to the point when I couldn't feel my limbs, and he almost carried me as we walked. He brought me to an abandoned building (like an unfinished one, it wasn't far away from my home). I remember that room vividly - it was dark and cold, there was a very tough bed and a small pillow, dusty and covered in spider webs shelves, even a wardrobe. He started kissing and touching me, but I didn't resist. He then asked me for permission. And I nodded. He asked me several times. And I said yes. I still don't know why, but it was like I didn't care at all. I could've said no, maybe I would have the guts to do so if I was sober. I'll never know. I was choking throughout the whole proccess, I vaguely remember what he said and what I answered, but it makes me feel sick anyways. I hardly felt anything because I was so intoxicated, I didn't even feel the cigarette I smoked after, didn't feel my fingers holding it. It was just nothing. I brushed it off, I acted like it was normal, I laughed at it and made jokes, reassured him, but the next morning I realised how I actually hate him. He always was too close, when we said goodbye he held me tight though I tried to pull away, he kissed me suddenly and intensely and I absolutely hated it. Hated everything about him, and after the encounter had happened - about myself too. I ended up getting very sick and also paranoid (bc I didn't remember if he used protection or not), I had been trying to wash the glasswool off my whole body for days, and for a whole year, I had been wondering why I let this happen. To this day I still don't know if I can consider it an SA, as I did gave a consent. It's just...the thing. I know it is my fault at some point, and I'm trying to be more sensible and careful now. Thank you for the playlist, I teared up reading some of the comments❤🩹
vent: not sure if it was SA bc i don't remember half of event but however i feel like it is, idk call me stupid so i was 5 years old and had a "friend" around the same age, as long as i remember he was already porn addict and stuff. he was pretty much my only "friend" and we often visited each other, but that day he invited me for a sleepover. when we already settled on a couch he started to tug the sheets up aka that wanky shaft shifting thing but it was just a joke until he actually started doing it, throwing off the blanket, i went uncomfortable and he asked if i would try doing it to him "for practice" and then i don't remember if i was pressured into that or just agreed for it but it still happened. i remember that he touched me and stuff and we changed positions (forgot to add it was homosexual act) but yet i was uncomfortable anyway. i think it ended with just going to sleep. we continued to talk after that for another 4-5 (not sure) years cuz i realized it was bad, but i can say that it might've made my health worse, i was always that weird kid or always sad kid and stuff. recently cracked my eggshells as transfem and after starting passing i felt quite better, felt like all the struggles paid off. everyone please stay safesdawada dsffadsda
I don’t know if it’s SA but people tell me it is.. I hold myself guilty, I couldn’t say no, I didn’t know how to say no, I was never taught the word no, I was barely in 8th grade, I was dating a boy, he started to touch me and asked if he could but I couldn’t say no and said yes even tho I didn’t want to, it became a normal thing for him to doa be I could never say no, and then when I finally got the courage to say no, he kept doing it, no matter how many times I said no, and he only listened when I had broke down crying, but then after I felt better… he did it all over again… it’s been a little over two years and it still haunts me and makes me break down every single time and I’m so tired of people just wanting my body and always touching me.. I’m trying my best to say no and leave.. I’m trying my best.
@@Iris._.360 I hope you’re doing well! I just want to say that your experience is very valid and I’m so sorry that happened to you. If you didn’t want it, then it’s not consent, whether you said yes or not. It’s not your fault at all, people should respect your boundaries and always make sure that you’re 100% okay with them doing stuff, even if you say yes at first. Stay safe
I was S/A’d when I was to young to remember. I don’t think it went all the way, all I know was that it was one of my supposed family members and my sister was there and told my mom. Never saw him again. I don’t remember this, and I don’t know if it ever even happened or if it was some sick lie. I have mixed feelings about it, on one hand I don’t really feel anything about it, on the other I apparently have signs of being s/a’d before. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about it anymore.
VENT / my story i am a girl i was m0lested by my brother and my uncle my brother did it when i was 5 and 12 my uncle did it when i was 5 pretty much i was SA 4 times the worst part was my mom knew and all she did was tell my brother to not do that again and she didn’t know about that my uncle did it too i hated my family soo much for not helping i didn’t even know what was going on and i was 5 i dont hate them anymore but it was something i couldn’t get out of my head. and when i was 13 i was @ssaulted by my ex gf i feel like that has more effected me then getting m0lested well not really when i was 10 i had to deal with s3xism , r@cism , judgemental family members , and alcoholic parents. all that destroyed me because i couldn’t do anything about it i was 10 and my mom and stepdad were too drunk to help so had to deal with it i never felt more hopeless of course i had coping mechanisms and developed defensive mechanisms but my coping mechanisms were me sucking my skin until a rash was formed and 1 that i still have taking a liking to the pain and acting. acting as if i am happy or pretending that they aren’t not hurting me. i eventually get better BY MYSELF and stopped hating myself and everyone around me but i’m now 14 and i am getting better even tho i struggle with depression sometimes 😅 yeah but if you guys have questions i could answer them
So- idk if this really counts as SA, but when I was 8 or so, my brother put his hand up my shirt, even after I pushed him away a few times. But that’s all he did- so idk if it really counts as anything but yeah :( Also- maybe when I was 10 I think, I had this online animal sim game. I befriended this guy who was really nice at first. Eventually he asked me to have sex with him. Me being naive and trusting him, said okay- (which I still heavily blame myself for) After a while of him putting our characters in god-awful positions and saying the most vulgar shit, I was really uncomfortable and told him I had to go. The next day, he found me again and asked for sex again. I told him no. He told me he had taken screenshots of us “doing it” and blackmailed me by threatening to post those pictures. I was scared out of my mind, I especially didn’t want my parents to find out- so I had to say yes. This kept going on for a while until I finally just deleted the game. This has horrified me for YEARS- I can’t believe I let this man steal my innocence. It’s my fault. But, I also feel super invalid because it was “just online”.. like he didn’t ACTUALLY touch me… So I’ve never told anyone. Because no one would care. :(
a girl I used to be friends with when I was 6-8ish (she was 9-13ish (I can't remember very well)) used to touch me. It was always such a blur. Having fun playing make believe one minute, being asked to make out with her the next. She made me undress in front of her too which made me uncomfortable because a] I was a very shy kid and b] her family didn't knock. She would make me kiss her, and she would touch me a lot. Sometimes directly touching my privates, or getting close enough that it was incredibly uncomfortable. She would talk about showing me adult content too, but she never did. I think she just didn't want her mom to find out. I haven't seen her since covid. My mom lost contact with her mom, and I didn't really come to terms with what she did until very recently. Maybe only a year or two ago. Everything is so blurry for me still. And that shit really sticks with you. My support to anyone who was SA'd.
i wasnt sa'ed, but i was touched. there was a boy, we were playing tag, he tagged me on my chest, i hit his back and he hit me in my chest again and my arm, he kicked the space between my thighs. i regret hitting him everyone saw it they were laughing at me at the park my trusted cousin didnt care i was a scared child im so sorry to all the people who experienced assault 💔❤🩹 hope all of you heal, the world is a cruel place.
I’m a boy and I was SA’d by my father from around 4-12. when I finally told my mom about it she told me I was misunderstanding the situation because my Dad would never touch another boy, because he was ‘straight’. And last year I was 🍇’d by my ex-girlfriend, when I tried to mention it to anyone they said I was supposed to enjoy it because I’m a guy. I hope anyone who has gone through any SA no matter how extreme or small it may seem knows that it wasn’t your fault, what happened to you is not ok no matter the circumstances. And I hope that the rest of your time on earth is filled with nothing but happiness and joy❤
I hate when people assume just because you are a guy that you don't have boundaries/ automatically enjoy it. gRAPE DOES NOT HAVE A GENDER. IT CAN HAPPEN TO BOYS AND GIRLS. I am so sorry that happened to you. I hope your girlfriend leaves you alone. And whoever said that fucked up shit seriously needs to get educated on this.
when i was 8-9, my brother (1.5 years younger than me) [technically] SA'd me. he attempted to kiss me, too, about 6 times, and it failed (and no not in any platonic way). went on for 3-4 months before he stopped from fear (someone told him he'd be put in prison for it). I am aroace now, and this experience has caused me to fear being in a relationship with anyone at all.
At the age of 13, I was sexually assaulted by my then boyfriend. I was manipulated into having sex with him, and was touched before that. Now, I might’ve given him permission for sex, but not touching me whenever he pleased. Mind you, age 13 isn’t the age of consent in my state. I had said multiple times how I didn’t want that. But on Valentine’s Day he started feeling me up, got me all these flowers and made me feel special. I should’ve known. I should’ve done something. As it rings in my head, constantly reminding me of what I have done. What he did. And how I let it happen, the scissors drag across my body. Forever to be seen. Forever a reminder. Of who I’ve become.
I am 13 and my first time getting SA’d I was four and didn’t know what was happening so I didn’t tell anyone and my second time was in 7th grade this boy was obsessed with me and touched me and I still didn’t tell anyone now I have to set next to him in class every day
(Idk if I can talk here for this- but uhm..) I am a 15 yr old boy that was r@p3d when I was younger..at the age of 5 and I don't know what to do, I never told anyone. I've been suffering my whole life with this. I just need someone to talk to y'know?.
When I was little for the time I lived somewhere. We had a babysitter and I and my brother was SAed and physically abused for the duration we lived there, every day
Someone I used to call one of my best friends assaulted me infront of everyone and no one even noticed. (It was subtly but still it made me so uncomfortable) I told her to stop multiple times and she laughed it off, she used to make jokes about fucking me, it was really weird, I don’t feel like a real victim because of how little she touched me, but my friends say that she did assault me and I am valid, k don’t wanna take away attention from other more victims, I got away from that snake and I’m happier now tho To any s/a victims/survivors, it’ll be okay, I believe in you 🩷
tw vent i was maybe 12 when i got into a real relationship for the first time. she had been my crush for a year and i finally worked up the courage to ask her out and she said yes. maybe 2 months later, we started high-school. and from that point forward she was physically abusive towards me. one time when i was having a sleepover with her, she began to touch my chest and other private areas, which made me very uncomfortable as a trans male. this lasted for 11 months until she got bored of me and we broke up i didn't date for almost a full year until i met this guy online, he was so sweet to me and we ended up dating for 13 months. i told him about my past traumas and he understood me. he was there for me when i tried to end it all, and whenever i relapsed. but then things began to get weird. he was into consensual non-con, which made me very uncomfortable due to what happened to me. but i went along with it because i was unhealthily obsessed with any positive recognition from him. he left me soon after because he had fallen for the guy we viewed as our kid, the guy who would actually call us things like 'father' and 'dad'. I've never told anyone the full story of my past relationships, not even my current partner who will undoubtedly leave me soon. (NAH FAM HE ACTUALLY LEFT ME-)
im still not surw if it counts as any form of sa or not but when i was around 13 i caught my father watching me from the crack of a door after i left the shower because the bathroom had a sort of barn door, and often when i was younger if i asked him not to grab or touch my legs/torso/etc or if i didnt wanna hug or kiss he'd yell at me and claim he'll stop caring about me/disown me. i dont really think he has bad intentions but its creepy to me how he'll sometimes act all sad about my brother and i not wanting to be close and affectionate w him at all times (example: he was upset my brother didnt wanna sleep in the same bed as him despite my brother being 13 at the time). i don't remember many other significant incidents but i think about those a lot
I'm 15 and I got SA'd when I was 10 and 5... by my father and sometimes my brother... My father left so i was free from his harrasments and my brother forgot he even did such thing to me... I'm greatful It all ended
I was sa’ed by my dad. It happened when i was in 5th grade, and i honestly forgot about it for a while. I forgot about it because i honestly thought it didn’t happen and that he would never do that. But, i remembered it recently and i realized that that happened, and i was sa’d. I don’t remember much of it, i js remember small details and i fell asleep when it was happening, so i only know small details of what he did. I dont really know if it’s valid, because i don’t remember dates, i dont really remember much of it, and i fell asleep when it was happening, and i still doubt it happened to this day. Plus, it wasn’t penetrating or rape, js he touched me (idk actually cuz idk what he did much). I told my mom, and she (thankfully) believed me. She said she has to get a job and save up money in order to get us out of our home and to another one. Thank you for this playlist, and i’m still coming to terms with it. Thank you!
When i was around 8 me and my younger sister got assaulted by another girl at my favorite restaurant... I still go there from time to times but it's so hard, I'm always so tensed up, stressed and all. And even worse my sister was too young so she doesn't remember and I know she'll remember one day but it will be even harder for her and im so worried...
(For context, this happened when I was 10-13. I met them when Covid was around in 6th grade summer school. My dad was depressed so I had to take care of him and my at the time 5 year old sister. My step mom wanted to break up with my dad so she stayed upstairs and avoided us for a year till we moved out) My ex best friend, who I met when I had nobody and I was very depressed, they made me feel like I was safe. They had a crush on me but I didn’t feel the same because I like men. They became trans but I still just didn’t like them like that. They touched me in so many places, I thought it was a joke. I was too scared to say anything that I was uncomfortable because I didn’t know how. I thought they were a safe person, but they got me into shoplifting and SH. They went to school and told everyone that I was lying and that they never touched me even though the whole school would see them do it, thankfully the people I did know told everyone otherwise and they understood the situation. My boyfriend, who was their enemy, helped me get away from them and realize everything they have done to me. He helped me get away from them, fix my mental and physical health, and my smoking/vaping addiction. I hate everything they have done to me but I just want everyone to know that there is someone, somewhere who is going to be there for you. You don’t have to suffer alone, you just have to find that person, or they will find you. Don’t give up ❤
That day in 5th grade when he touched me I’ll never forget the way he thought it was ok and how he never got in trouble. My own class mate I didn’t really know him but I didn’t deserve that. That day when I was only 8 my cousin who was 15 touched not only me but my dog too I ran as fast as I could he even pushed me on the ground but his mom didn’t care my own cousin family. Well I don’t call him family I don’t think I ever could any more he barely talks to me, he acts like nothing happened it’s been years I’m sure he forgot tho. No matter how many times I wash my body I can still feel their creeping touch. I didn’t ask for that. That time in 3rd grade when my besties bf touched me. It didn’t matter tho bc he was dropped as a baby she said. Ok. It didn’t matter. My teacher didn’t care he said it was an accident it isn’t matter.its ok..? I didn’t ask for that.but it’s ok now. I try not to think abt it. It’s a bad memory. I don’t like bad memories. So I try not to remember them. I was only 5 when it started and it stopped at 11.
csa and cocsa victim. A pair of teenagers, and my gym coach. They didn't actually go as far as they wanted to, but I was m0lested multiple times. I was 11.
warning vent guys ☹️ when i was like 5 or 6 my cousin who i believe was 13-14 told me that his “area” hurt and that i need to put my mouth on it so it would not hurt anymore. of course i said yes because i loved my cousin, but he decided to put syrup and marshmallows on it so that it would “taste better” what? he did it multiple times, even said “cmon babe it still hurts.. 😔” i’m not your girlfriend. i’ll never be your girlfriend. i’ve tried to keep this hidden but every now and then it comes backs and stabs me. it hurts to even think about. and i still have a relationship with that cousin. i lied to myself that it didn’t happen, that it was just a dream. i forgot about it for so many years but now it comes back just to torture me. i honestly want to tell someone but i don’t want to ruin his relationship with people, but at the same time he did something horrible.. i can’t even think about it without feeling pain, it’s just eating me alive and i wish that i could forget about it forever.
Im a 12 year old girl,who has been SA by my mother and another kid when i was 8. Im uncomfortable with being hugged or any physical contact whatsoever. I cant wear revealing clothes without the fear of being sexualized or touched again. My mother has touched me a few times,same as that kid. I cant even take showers properly anymore with out sexualising myself. It genuinely hurts me alot,i can't live my life scared like this. I wish i was normal. People dont believe the fact that my mother touched me Because shes a woman and its usually men who do that. I feel so trapped and scared no one believes me or listens to me.
My older sister was SA’ed as a kid by her friend. She ended up being hyper6ual and would show me p0rn at an early age… I ended up being hyper6ual too and would go in Chatrooms and do stuff when I was nine/ten. It’s weird. I know it was technically gr00ming cause that kinda stuff was normalized to me as an eighth year old… But no adult ever “did” anything to me. Anything that ever happened was online, and I had sought it out on my own. Of course I’m beyond happy an adult never took advantage of my messed up behavior at that time, but I also don’t feel like I can forgive myself, cause I did this to myself. I hope all of you can heal. Sending love
I remember this one time I was I think 4 or 3 It was an event I was minding my own business until My cousin(who is a girl) came to me (she was younger than me) She grabbed my hand and ran to the curtains and closed them She kissed me and grabbed me I tried to get her away but She was holding my arm tight she stop when my mom called her to the kitchen I was was crying and when she got older she talk bad about me to my sister Every time I was angry but she changed and every time she came to my house I go to my room
Tw small vent Finally able to say that I wasn’t just assaulted last year, I was rapped. He was a boy I was dating at the time but several times I didn’t say yes or I was coerced into his advances. One time I was high, another time his family was just in the other room and I didn’t know. The worst for me is when it happened with my dog on my bed, or with his little sister just in the other room. I will never forgive him for what he did. I feel like I can’t have a healthy relationship with men anymore. All of them make me nervous now, even though I desperately crave that attention and affection. I feel like I’m trapped between being sex repulsed and wanting to have as much sex as possible. I’m in therapy right now, but I’m afraid that it won’t help, and as I’m able to admit more about last years situation I trust men less and less. That’s not even counting the multiple different times I’ve had cousins be sexually inappropriate with me growing up (another thing I was only recently able to admit) and me being assaulted by other girls when I was young. I just want a healthy relationship with sex.
welp when i was like 7 all the way to how old i am now my mom father would SA me alot he touched me in my chest a lot he would do this alot when my mom puts me in a car with him alone all i try doing was trying to get to a birthday party he never got to fully do more with me at least i think but thats why i hide in my room a lot and i got r*pe like two times 43 and my own friend but im doing better and healing now this was years ago but make sure to stay safe even online
This is the first time im sharing my story but TW: Possible COCSA, weird touching and talk from adults and possible grooming? Idk Idk how to describe what had happened to me but when i was little i had this childhood friend, she was younger then me and we'd hang out, she would bring up adult topics and even made my toys or imply them doing that (She would put them on the bed, one laying down the other not), one day i mightve been like 12-13ish? We were in a pool at my house and everything was fine but then she started talking about my underwear and talking about boys seeing it and such This is my next one, happened between 13-14ish One day i was chilling with my mom, pouring a glass of what i think was koolaid if im correct and she walked behind me and slapped my ass, i was so shocked and told her to never do that again and she didjt but for awhile i would move my hips away from someone, like trying to make sure they wouldnt do that When i was 14 i was talking about getting my ears pierced to my dad, it was all okay till he brought up 'down there piercings' and such (he also recently told a inappropriate joke on the phone to his friends infront of me and also talked about breeding one of our dogs during a tutoring session i was having) When i was 14 i was 'dating' a 17 yo we'll call A, A was just a pos outside of this (being violent and childish like childish in a way of throwing tantrums), i was the one to confess btw, during this everything was fine until A sent me a tiktok, it had a list of numbers like 1-10 and you'd send a number to the one who sent you it and give them a number and they'd give you whatever that numberwd equaled to and one of the number's equaled to n3des, i was weirded out but didnt say anything and sent the numbers that equaled stuff like kisses and cuddles, A also admitted to wanting me to cuddle her when i said i was cuddling a pillow For anyone else: you didnt deserve that, you are so strong and i hope you have a great day and such
Happened to me and they were my age + it happened at school + they sat next to me + they never admitted to what they did + they thought we were friends + he never got any trouble besides some talks but that didn't do anything + my friends got in trouble instead for saying what he did + he forgave me (I didn't do anything besides ignore him but he didn't get the hint) + I am never gonna forget that + all my friends don't even realise how much that affected me + this was in 5th grade + i had no one when this happened + he would pretend to kiss me and would make dirty jokes + he often looked at my butt + when i told him to stop he didn't + he touched my arms even when i said no + always was weird + he is the reason why i now usually always wear a sweater around my waist + i hate it when people touch me now but i say nothing + my teacher touches the studentsbut not in a weird way just like to be that one teacher but it makes me rlly uncomfortable + overall i hate getting touched and i hate him 😍💅
I'm 12. I had a boyfriend online that was 14, the first time we met he kept telling me what she wanted to do to me (sxually, ofc.) This continued to happen until I said I didn't want to multiple times even after she begged me, then he moved onto wanting photos. He threatened to not contact me until she got those photos, and he was the closest thing I had to a male figure in my life, so I did it after saying no a million times. This happened multiple times and when we broke up he bodyshamed me to my friends, then proceeded to sa my friends. I got back together with him later because I missed having a male figure in my life and it ended up being a polyamorous couple. He ended up saing everyone in the relationship and some people outside of the relationship until we finally ended it. There's a group of victims that are planning to tell his parents (they live in the same neighborhood). I'm the only one in the friend group that's out of state. I still miss him. Not him as a person, but the idea of having a male figure in my life. Since I was 4 I've lived in a house with all women.
My SA experience When I was 9 I had a girl I had a crush on, we were both close friends. They never r@ped me but they would touch me, especially my chest and behind. I was so young and thought it was normal because they did it to all my other friends not knowing it was creepy. This went on for a few years, from when I was 9-11. Then I went to middle school. The girl left me and my friend group so I didn’t have to deal with them, but I met someone new. A nonbinary person that I’ll call N. N is a victim of SA also and is hypersegual. They introduced me into their group and we became friends, it was ok until I started developing a crush on them. So one day while we were skipping class together in the bathroom I confessed to them (so romantic I know😔) and after they said they liked me back we started dating. But after a few weeks they started getting more touchy with me, thinks like putting their hands in between my thighs, touching my thighs, and making inappropriate jokes about my body. I told them I was uncomfortable but they just laughed it off, after a few months I broke up with them. But obviously they wanted to stay friends, so I said yes because I’m a f%cking dumb@ss. And I thought it ended there, I thought I was finally free from them. But they never stopped and I gave up and let them do whatever they wanted to do to me. I’m scared they will eventually r@pe me. I’m going into 7th grade now so I’m very young. I’m not even 13 yet. I don’t think I’m making it to 13 tbh, I’m done at this point.
And I feel like my experience doesn’t matter because the first person might have been too young to know what they were doing was wrong, and N probably just did it to cope with their experience. I’ve cried about it for months (like right now.) I hope people heal from their trauma and experiences :(
I always told him "no not right now", "im not ready", "no", "maybe later" and yet he beat me down so mucb that eventually, i just said fine to make him shut up. I feel terrible because i felt terrible while it happened. I wanted to kill myself and i still do. I was 14 and he was supposed to be my boyfriend.
im turning 15 in some days. i had a boyfriend on 7th grade, i was 12 and he was 14.he frequently put his hands on me and touched me when i didnt want. until one day he puled me to the bathroom and did it. ps: im a trans boy.he did it more times, and when i finally managed to break up, he spread rumors to everyone that i was a w*ore, and my parents didnt believed me, no one acrually, only my bsf.
I was Sa'd multiple times, multiple by my dad, and then i went to the hospital once and i got groped by the doctor. I feel terrible, also my dad died this year but im surrounded by creeps. Im scared and i hate physical touch.
![Why couldn’t I have a normal childhood?.. [a traumacore/vent playlist]](/img/n.gif)
Timestamps.
0:00 - Mommy Fwiend - Penelope Scott
3:36 - Nice Guy (Audiotree live version) - GRLwood, Audiotree
7:29 - 64 Little White Things - Cake Bake Betty
9:35 - Shut up (and Sleep with Me) - Sin With Sebastian - (Sped up)
12:22 - Put Me in a Movie - Lana Del Rey
15:34 - Take off Your Clothes - GRLwood
I'm 13. I'm a girl and I got SA'd by another girl multiple times. It started in March and the last time was last week. I spoke out at first but I soon stopped speaking out because the school didn't care and I'm just sick of it. Of course it's be different if it was a boy.
AHH! I wasn’t SA’d but I was sexually harassed by a girl my age last year. I’m also 13. I love this comment. I didn’t recognise it as anything bad at the start, but she did also SA another girl and got expelled. Or so we think. She probably moved schools. My school wouldn’t really care.
I'm so sorry about that. I hope you're alright and that you never have to go through that again because its horrible. Sending love.
I relate to this so much. I was 12 when it happened, now I'm 13. She was in my friend group at school and my entire friend group including me were queer (all girls friend group btw) she asked me out even though she had a girlfriend which was also in the same friend group I asked about it and she said they broke up so I said ill think about it then she started caressing my butt and made me feel uncomfortable. I told the friend group about it and apparently, they didn't break up and she did the same things to the girls in our friend group, we dropped her from the friend group and tried to tell the school and she didn't get in trouble and nobody believed or cared not even my own mother
Hey, just hope you're okay! I'm sorry that happened, and I hope you know it's not your fault. I know a lot of the time people say that, and you might be tired of hearing it, but I know what it';s like to feel like it's your fault, and a guaretee you, it's not.
@@thereisnogodbutallahswt I'm so sorry you relate to this. I hope you're alright and that she gets what she deserves.
cocsa victim of my childhood best friend's older brother. id wake up to him and sometime his friend touching me, i hate that i cant tell what was a dream and what wasnt. Its all so blurred together.. just the memory of waking up at 7-8 years old to go pee and seeing blood in the toilet bowl.
.. theres not a single part of me that they havent ruined.
You never deserved that, I hope you’re doing much better now. What they did to you was vile, and I wish your happier now amazing person
tbh it was the same thing for me my best friends older brother but i was 6 and he was ganna turn 18 in like 4-5 days
I’m so sorry
I’m reading all of your comments, and I wish the best for all of you. Remember that everything that has happened to you was never and never will be your fault. There are resources that you could reach out to for help if needed, please stay safe. I hope you’re doing okay, and if you aren’t then I hope you can find the strength to push through anything you might be dealing with. Feel free to vent all you want, any hateful or mean comments directed towards anyone else in this comment section will be deleted immediately, please show your love and support to others ❤
(EDIT): I also feel like I should clarify that this playlist is NOT meant to be used as a substitute for reaching out for help. If you are experiencing SA or have experienced SA, then PLEASE reach out and talk to someone about it. Playlists can definitely help cope a little, but it’s not a permanent fix to your problems. I’m not trying to normalize SA with this playlist, please please PLEASE reach out.
WAIT UR PFP IS 15YR DAZAI?! 😱
@@xxzakz YOUR DISPLAY NAME IS WILD 😭
I was sa’d by my own brother when I was 9 I never understood what he did sometimes I can’t stand being looked at by him. I’m now 15 but I’m still afraid him because the amount of times he said he wanted me dead.
That’s vile, and you never deserved that. I hope your doing better, you’re an amazing person and I wish you the best.
I know this story is very sad, but I kinda feel comforted? I’ve been s/a’d by my own father at 5, and he showed me very inappropriate stuff and made me do “stuff.” Of course I never realized what he did since he only did it once, but i told my mom and found out I was s/a’d, we took my case to court but they didn’t do anything, it’s been 5 years so technically he can go near me now. And I’m scared, what if I see him again? He’s been on the run and haven’t been paying his child support (he does every once in a while bc society finds him). But yeah… at least I’m not the only one s/a’s by family members.. :D (?)
I was never my stepfathers daughter.
I was his... thing.
he never once raped me.
but he would... he'd touch me , and he would grope my chest... and slap my ass, he'd touch my thighs and put his hands in my pants and my underwear...,
I was touched, I wasn't raped. I wasn't assaulted.
im stuck with him.
when he gets mad he kicks shit, calls me a fucking cunt.
when I mess up hes never the reason why.
i cant forget things or else he wont talk to me.
there are times where I have to walk up to him, shirtless, and.. offer myself to him , just to get him to stop screaming and hitting things...
this playlist kind of puts that fear, that trauma; the pain and the self-hate into music that I can sob and scream my heart out. I'd keep typing but he's home now, i have work to do.
thank you for the playlist; i genuinely appreciate it. 💗
dont let him abuse or sa you call the police if you can do we here for u ml💗💖
THIS IS SO FUCKED UP MAN WTH
MY JAW JUST DROPPED
DON'T LET THIS KEEP HAPPENING, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT
BRO I DON'T EVEN KNOW U BUT I'M CONCERNED AF
ARE U OKAY RN?????
im so sorry that this is happening to you, that's MESSED UP. i hope things get better for you and i hope youre okay
(DEFINITELY NOT) Fun fact: this *is* sexual assault. SA can range from 🍇 to unwanted touching. Hope you're okay, and get the support you deserve!
I'm so sorry this is happening, all I can say is, speak up. I went through something disturbingly similar. My now ex-step father, I was his 'thing' too. Speak up, please. I didn't until three years after he had alreayd left, please save yourself that pain. Save your heart, your soul.
Wishing everyone in this comment section the best healing from whatever happened to them❤
It's shitty feeling to search playlist like this and yet it's somewhat comforting
I got SA'd by my moms friend when I was 4. Trust me, it sticks with you forever.
I’m sorry that happened to you, I wish you the best. That sounds sickening and I hope you’re doing better now.
AT 4!? WTF IS WRONG WITH HUMANITY!
i really hope it doesnr, I wanna let go of this feeling everytime i think about it
CSA victim of two dudes, one a cousin and the other a rando on the bus.
My life fell apart at 5 and continues to break. My mind is held by a plush elephant and a bell.
Edut 5.26.2024 thx for the love. appreciate it breadslice homeslice.
I’m sorry that’s happening to you. I just want to remind you, you are amazing and you’re wonderful, and I’m sorry my words may not be enough but I hope things get better for you.
For the longest time, I didnt realize I did get SA'd. I was only nine and a sixteen year old took advantage. I didn't think much of it as I consented. I later learned that even if I did, he knew what he was doing and took advantage of me being small, antisocial, isolated, and naive.
That’s horrifying and I’m so sorry that happened to you, I hope you’re doing better now. You’re an amazing person, and you don’t deserve that.
Im 14 now, but when i was 13, i had dated a girl starting in december 2022 and ending in july 2023. through those months, she had r@ped, sa'd and manipilated me into doing things and cuting ties off with friends just over jealousy. When i finally had the courage to leave her. She stalked me for months until she got bored and started doing it to another person. I hope who ever she is after now is ok and away from her.
That’s horrifying, I hope you’re doing better now. You didn’t deserve that, and I wish your happier now.
@deviiae thank you ❤
I was 4 and my father would do stuff that I’m not comfortable talking about, but after a while of him doing it i found the courage to tell my mom and I absolutely love her so much because she did everything she could to get full custody and she did happily, but i also have a sister that was 2 at the time and she was also a victim but we never told her🙃
I’m so happy they listened to you! I hope you have a amazing day
im a cocsa victim who was also gr00med by my primary school principal I tried to tel my mother about the cocsa thing but It was downplayed and ignored will never tell my parents about my principal, I like to vent about it by listening to playlists, ty for making this
I’m sorry that happened to you, the feeling of nobody hearing you even after you yelled out is painful. That’s vile that someone can do that to you and I hope you’re doing much better now, you deserve happiness.
SA'd when I was 11 by my neighbour. Two years of gr00ming, plenty of m0lest@tion. He fled the country.
That’s absolutely sickening, im so so sorry that happened to you, and I hope you’re doing better now
Everyone in these comments please know that yes a vent playlist may help you but you do deserve to be heard and have justice so please try to keep reaching out/reach out and tell someone you trust or a professional about whatever has happened to you!❤
I very much agree, I don’t mean this to be used as a substitute for professional help and I’m glad you’re pointing this out :)
I was SAd at the age of 9-10.. We were celebrating Easter and except from my family, my father called a friend of his.. We were celebrating from morning till night.. At night, almost everyone left, and I was out with a friend who lived near.. That man was drunk (just like my father).. My father suddenly zoned out and didn't pay attention to us... So, he asked me to come closer and I did.. He sat me on his lap and started caressing my thighs... He told me that I was his baby girl and that he loved me because I was the cutest thing he had ever seen... Then, he left a wet kiss on my neck until my mom came and grabbed me.. (he also gave me 5€ "because I was obedient"...
(my sister had gone to sleep, mom and grandma were washing the dishes, grandpa was out)
That’s sickening. You never deserved that. I hope you’re doing better now.
I was SA'd when I was 7 by a guy who was around 3 years older than me, the worst thing is he was one of my close friends
That’s sickening. I hope you’re doing better now, you never deserved that. I wish you the best you amazing person!
when I was 5-4ish, I was at a public park restroom, there was a strange woman. she crawled under the space, I thought she was a friend, but she started touching me at sertant places. I was uncomfortable, but I thought she was playing around. but the thing is, I don't remember her face at all, so whenever I tell anyone about this, they think I'm lying. I don't know if it was $A but she was touching me. so idk.. I understand if you guys don't believe me.
Thats so bad :( I totally understand you 😿😿
I still remember that everything happened when i was 3, we went to my dad's cousin house to visit them and stay for up to 3 days and i tell you that those 3 days were hell for me, dad's cousin son was somehow into me and nobody knew because i wasn't able to tell her (My dad's cousin) nor someone in my family. Thing is, he would usually chase me around their house and i had to hide behind my mother but she saw as if we were playing a game, 2 days of feeling his hands all over me and then the last day was the worst, i was playing with his little sister's Ipad and went to his room to play because i didn't knew what he was going to do since everyone in my family was downstairs while my siblings were upstairs but they were playing with the other two siblings. I remember that i was about to play angry birds when he enters the room to "look" for something when he got into bed with me and pinned me down while letting some of his body weight down upon me, then he pressed his hips against me but i felt a bulge against my behind and i was weirded out because i was so innocent that i thought he had his knee between my legs when i looked both my sides he was basically straddling me, those three days in that house he would often ask me if i would give him kisses which i did but out of pure maldice because i was only 3 y/o at that moment but he most of the times would ask me to give him kisses on his mouth which i would oblige without knowing what would happen. One of those days we were playing with his and my siblings marbles but then they all went down to eat something his mother made, i didn't see anything bad at first but then he started to explain me how to play marbles and sat me in his lap before he starts to place his hands all over my body and then he leaned down to whisper in my ear things i did not understand before he started kissing my neck
I was also a cocsa victim, we went back home after the visit and we brought (Let's call the older brother Samuel and the middle brother Mark) Mark into our house for a few days because he wanted to stay to spend time with us, the thing was that he told me "How about we sleep in our underwear on?" which i agreed but he only slept with his underwear because i would only sleep with a shirt and my underwear on because i thought it wasn't out of malice. He wanted me, nobody else, to sleep beside me and so i did and by the time i fell asleep i didn't felt anything happening but when i woke up in the morning i saw Mark looking down at me with a sickening playful smile then he told me he was the last one to fall asleep which now that i look back is so fucked up because i just realized what Mark has done to me that night
I’m so so sorry that such a sickening thing happened to you, you never deserved such a thing and I hope you’re doing better now. You’re a amazing person, and I just wanted to remind you that you are wonderful
First song is too relatable to a past relationship-
As someone who was touched by my own dad (not 🍇ed or assaulted) at the ripe age of 12, this makes me feel safe. Idk why, buts its nice to feel safe among others who experienced similar. Unfortuntatly, i still live with him until i move out. My condolences to everyone who expierienced similar things. I hope you're ok now. :')
I believe in you, it’ll get better soon. I’m sorry such a sickening thing happened to you and I wish you’re a bit happier now
the second song really does describe the boys at my school...
thats so true so many guys at my school are creeps
some kid in my science class would touch my legs a lot and one time he stuck his hand up my skirt THREE TIMES and nobody did anything about it.........anyways great music
I was SA'D at 9-10 and since he left the house i felt a little relief, but i still dnt feel safe at this house and even today, i felt like theres more coming, he sometimes come and visit in thr house and i immediately shut down, he woulf onky look at me so weirdly and touch me almodt close to my parts, i feel an intense disgust when i was 9 and found out he raped me, when it first happend and i have to shower hits so damn bad, and then i thought it was normal, i didnt even knew it was rape. All i knew that i was so uncomfortable when he did it to me every chance he get.
I’m sorry that such a sickening thing happened to you, and I wish you the best. You never deserved that.
TW VENT❗️❗️
I HAVE NEVER TOLD ANYONE THE ACTUAL DEATAILS. Not even my best friend, who I tell everything. I wasn't r@ped, I was touched. When I was probably around 6 or something my brother was 10 (I dont remember the exact ages) he would touch my privates and make me do the same and sometimes make me massage him. It was really gross and the reason why I am so fucked up and hypersexual now as a teen. I love my brother he is 17 now and probably doesn't remember. We have an overall good relationship but I can't forget what he used to do to me. I dont want to tell anyone. I dont want to tell my best friend who actually did it, she thinks it was a cousin whos in jail. But in reality it was my brother, who ISN'T in jail. And I don't want him to be.
Wow that's so disturbing. I'm really really sorry you had to go through that. What scares me the most is that my experience is almost the same. The fact that it was my brother, I was only 8, but nowadays it feels weird because I do love him but sometimes the memories still linger...I hope things get better❤️
@@Mimi20038 it never fails to disturb me how common this kind of experience is when going through these comments. Im so sorry that that happened to you, too. No one deserves this kind of thing, and the memories do linger. They will ruin a perfectly good mood, but it will get better someday.
I’m not trying to justify what he did, just starting off. But I’m really curious why he’d do that at ten? Did he even know what sex was? Do you think maybe he had someone do that to him and thought it was normal? Maybe it was a misunderstanding? I don’t know exactly what happened or what your situation is but maybe you should ask him about it sometime?
@_-drowsy-_ he knew what it was as he grew up around the internet, and I dont think he had someone do that to him since our mom was very protective of us not letting us be alone even with our step dad
@_-drowsy-_ and the school he went to also had pretty strict rules about being alone and the teacher were always watching
I was sa’d by my cousins for 2-3 years. im 16 now but i can’t even remember how old I was.. i must’ve been seven. they were my age as well, ive learned to live with what happened. i forgive them, though i will never forget what they did. their actions altered who i am.
the first song is..painful.
(vent)
I don't speak English, so maybe this is misspelled thanks to the translator.
I was never raped, but I have constantly lived the experience of these in minor networks to make content, I had this experience from when I was 9 until I was 15.
I'm tired, I want to forget him, I want to recover, I want to feel that someone loves me for more than sex.
Sometimes I feel like I can't take it anymore, that I don't want any more, sometimes I want to go back to that to feel loved, I want to be loved, I don't want my body, I want to vomit, I can't take it anymore.
All the photos I send will never, ever go away.
(TW: COCSA)
..
At the ripe age of 7, my innocence was taken away from me, slid right out of my hands, and now it effects me dearly.
..
I was at my old house (this was before we moved), and I was playing with a guy-friend that was older than me by 6 years.. I think, I just remember it vividly, so dont judge me.
We were playing on his trampoline, jumping around, running, playing truth or dare, and then it was my turn to choose. Being the stupid kid I was, I picked dare. He then proceeded to get closer and slip his hand on my right leg, rubbing it and getting closer to my thigh. He proceeded to ask me (being straight foward here) to fuck him. I said no, obviously, and got umcomfortable, but he kept on insisting, knowing that I had a wee-little crush on him, he full blown decided to ask me that. Then, my sister came over and yelled at me about that its time to come home for dinner, and I immediatly booked it out of there.
...
Years later, when I was 11, my cousin did little touches like him, touching my leg, lifting me up, flipping me upside down, touched my thigh, and my feet; and in result, I get *mortified* everytime he comes over and I just stay cooped up in my room, nervous it'll happen again.
..
I never told anyone this because I like tortuing myself by suffering alone. I didnt want anyone to see me less as a girl.
..
I never got to even tell my sister "thank you" for pratically saving my body from getting messed up by a 13 year old *next door.* I always get memories or flashbacks to when I remember the word or term: "COCSA" or even the subject S/A, I know those are two different things, but they made me have daddy issues and hypersexuality, and self-hatred, little scars on my wrists, and mental illnessses in the end, right? So whats the point, I was touched twice in my life.. Which is a big deal for someone who was a minor, and is still a minor now.
Hope you feel better, It gets easier but there will always be hard moments. Power through it, I believe in you ❤
And people wonder why I hate physical touch without my permission. (I wasn’t raped I was groped and sexual assaulted as in forced kisses and stuff, I was a young child and I didn’t know how to say no)
I wasn't SA'D but i was groomed online.. i was about 9 and he was 17. He was always trying to be near me and even when i tried to leave him, he followed me almost everywhere!
I’m sorry this happened to you, and I hope your ok now
Im a 13 year old girl.
SAed and Rped at a very young age by a girl i considered to be my friend.
She'd manipulate me emotionally, telling me how i was her only friend and she was having a hard time with her parents divorce. I felt a need to be there for her, even if she would do these weird things to me that i didnt understand at the age. A cps worker eventually came to my school and i worked up enough courage to break my silence and speak up about it. The cps worker told me she'd talk with someone about it but my school dismissed the whole situation. I remember the day so clearly, when my mom called me into her room and i just knew. She was sobbing, asking me what my friend did. I was so ashamed and embarrassed. I left the school that same year. The girl had left earlier and i havent seen her since.
I remember it happening multiple times whether it was in school, a few feet from my teachers, in her pool, in her bathroom, in her bedroom, in my house, where i thought i was safe. No one noticed. I was too ashamed to tell my mom and everytime she called me over, i was so scared that she'd find out.
The outcomes are something i know im always going to have to deal with. At a young age i couldnt look at my own naked body becuase of disgust and shame. It wasnt my body anymore anyways. I had a lot of nightmares depiciting SA and Rpe. I devolped an addiction to 🌽 and lustful stuff. I started struggling with hypersexuality and still am. I was confused on whether i was gay or not because the girl who had done those things to me was the same gender as me. She took so much of my mental health and i fucking hate her for it. I was ready to end my life at the age of 10.
Physical touch become a fear, I started and became addicted to sh because of it, i have tried to end my life too many times. Therapy, medications, physciatrist appointments, close calls with hospitals, and 7 diagnosed mental disorders because of her. I am so ashamed and disgusted. Im a people pleaser at heart now. Its so hard to say no. Whenever i zone out i always think about that year and those endless days. My life is a living hell because of her.
But at the same time i feel guilty for having such hatred for her. She was a child, she didnt know any better. She probably is out there living a normal life right now, and for some reason, i absolutely hate her guts for that. I hate my old school for ignoring my situation and i hate the fact i wasnt able to stand up for myself before it got bad.
Im not in the best mental state right now, but im trying my best to get better. Im doing therapy sessions and probably will get admitted soon. I might also start a part hospitalization programn. Im 3 months clean and trying to leave my life in the hands of God. I want him to lead me wherever he thinks is best. I may be fighting for my life at such a young age, but i know there is more to see and more to experience. I dont want to go yet. If i can keep fighting, so can you. I love you and things will be good. ❤
Thank you for hearing my story. Knowing someone has seen me and my experiences helps.
I would give u a big hug if I could just know I support you ml don't be sad or blame urself over that ur beautiful either way and I want you to know, even if im a stranger💕IM WITH U GIRLL dw abt her and focus on other things like God
ty for posting this i love this sm it really helps me calm down when i have a panic attack abt when i was graped by my father ty sm much and just remember you are loved
That’s sickening and vile that your own father would do that to you, I’m sorry, you didn’t deserve that. I hope you’re doing better now.
I wasnt sa'd like i have no business relating to people who did.
SA and incest victim of the sad old man I'm ashamed to call my grandfather. Him and my grandmother (amazing dw,, just unaware) had been away taking care of my sick great-aunt and uncle, both of which passed from cancer.
My abuser came back home to get some things, and the guy I have to call my father decided we'd go up to visit him. First night was fine, nothing happened.
Second night though, my father left to go to a local bar to catch up with some childhood friends. My abuser was in the room as he left, so I couldn't ask him to stay. I gave him this look of fear though, and he just left me there. Left me to never be the same little girl I always was.
He kept me there for over 3 hours, just sitting next to me with his hands down my pants. I think he tried to put me on his lap at some point, but he couldn't move me. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore, so I stood up and stopped at the bottom of the staircase. I didn't say anything, but I can still remember his words. 'I just wanted to make you feel...excited.'
This all happened in the basement of a 2-story house, so I ran upstairs to the top floor and locked the door of the guest bedroom I was in, and cried myself to sleep.
Worst of all might've been the morning. He made me breakfast, and I had to choke it down out of fear of being called disrespectful by my father. When we left to drive back home, he made me kiss my abuser on the cheek, because 'family is family', and I shouldn't be so 'rude'.
I never forgave my father for leaving me to get abused that night. This was middle school, and my homeroom teacher had enough of the bratty kids in our class, and I was the unfortunate one to have to take her yelling. I spoke up to a social worker at the hospital after threatening to hurt myself, and the case was opened. My teacher heard about it through the school social workers and apologized profusely to me, and ended up being my favorite teacher that year.
I wasn't 13 yet when this happened, so I could likely get him thrown in jail if I weren't so afraid of going to court. I don't want to see my father again though, and I know for sure that he'd be there if I escalated this case. I'm scared. I'm scared of him, of my family, of being seen as the one kid who tore everyone apart. So I don't talk about it to anyone, and damn does it feel good to type it all out.
Both of my adopted brothers attempted to SA/R!pe me, one of them don't remember but I remember VERY clearly. The other one happened 3 times when I was trying to sleep, luckily I woke up in time and ran to either my grandma's room or to go tell my mother (if she's awake). And he also likes to watch me sleep, he touches me, just talking about it makes me wanna barf... I hate them, they tried to hurt me, why'd they do that, just why...
They're the reason I hate physical touch, i have a hard time trusting boys, i hate being in a room alone with someone that isn't either my mother, father, bff and her parents, or grandma, i only trust those people, nobody else but them. I don't wanna go through that experience again, i hate it.
I'm 13 now, both of my adopted brothers are older than me, but one of them are just a little shorter than me, but he can be VERY aggressive when he doesn’t get his way.
I am afraid that he'll do it to me again... every time it's night time, i wait for him to sleep and then i leave whatever room I'm in (mostly my grandma's room) and i go to my bed and stay up for a while then sleep.
I’m sorry you have to do that every night, that’s sickening. I hope you’re doing better now, you amazing person.
When I was five my dad would take me to the bathroom and take off my clothes and do so e pretty f*cked up stuff to me. His friend when we were In the backseat would ask me if I wanted a hotdog I would say no thank you and he would grab my hair and unzip his pants and you know the rest. My uncle would ask me to play house with him when I was eight and said I'll be the mom and he'll be the dad we would pretend it was night time and I pretend to be asleep. He grabbed my hips and pulled down his pants. Also when I was five when my step mom was at work my dad would get peanut butter and put a blind fold on me and say open your mouth for a chocolate bar. The police haven't even arrested any of the people I listen they know who they I are they just don't care and gave up.
i am SO sorry for you, thats horrible. i feel so bad you had to go thru that stuff, its crazy how some people think thats okay. i hope you get help and those sick bastards get punished for their gross actions. 💝
i hope you heal soon im so sorry
ay man need to vent?
wait this is the most relatable playlist ever
I was sa’d by a student who still says I deserved it because I didn’t accept his flowers at the dance. over flowers. *over flowers.*
Oh my goodness.. I’m so sorry, you didn’t deserve that at all, he had absolutely no right. Please hang in there, I hope you’re able to heal
SA'd in 6th grade by a boy in the same grade. It was a squeeze to my chest twice. Often gets downplayed by others but my school dropped the case and didn't do anything because he claimed it was an accident. It was all messed up.
@@RagingwithHallow His name was Isaiah Woods
the same thing happened to me in 6th grade too
@@Lillymillerratqueen I hope those people find justice
@@MaxRiley-fj1jk so do I
@@Lillymillerratqueen It always seems to happen in middle school
Some of the comments make me realise how often I was sa'd. I think I normalised it cause of how often it happened with different people and how young I was.
The only time it was actually considered serious by others was when I asked for advice from my parents;
I live with both parents and struggle immensely with depression and social anxiety. Parents went on holiday for a week and I had the house to myself. I talked to what I thought was a friend online (who I met from group therapy earlier that year) and once he learned of my situation he asked if he could visit. I recall giving him my address and thinking 'It's fine. We're both adults in our 30s. I am safe.' I was wearing some baggy clothes and hadnt showered in a few days. I thought 'I can't be bothered takign a shower. It's fine its not like he expects anything'.
When he did show up he insisted on having coffee and some dinner. He refused anything with veg in and made a mess of the kitchen. He kept telling me about fights he got into or how he wanted to beat up people (for various reasons) while sat nearly on me.
it had been hours. I told him I was meant to join an online chat with old uni friends. He ignored me and wouldnt leave. I told him its late. He wouldnt leave. I told him I was tired and needed a shower. He would not leave.
I recall him having his arm wrapped around me while showing some video on his phone and I was petrified. I remember him pulling my legs onto him in some sort of snuggle and I was angry with myself for seeming to like it. I liked the feeling but I was so fucking cared of him and what he might do. I know at one point I thought 'There's no way out of this. How do I minimise the pain?' I know I was ontop of him on the sofa one point trying to disassociate while he was doing w/e.
Next thing I remember we were in the spare room and he stuck that thing in me. I remember him saying how he doesnt wear ocndoms cause otherwise he cant feel the pleasure or its not as good or something. I was pretty much lifeless or on autopilot while he went down on me, when he had me go down on him (he tasted weird and I thought I was gonna throw up) and when he penetrated me I remember thinking 'I don't want to see his face. I want to forget what he looks like. I'm keeping my eyes closed.'
Afterwards he said I was 'amazing', hopped in the shower, then left.
I wanted to get rid of the smell and look of the place so fast so I threw everything in the wash and climbed in the shower. I did not leave the shower till the early hours of the morning. I told myself it wasnt rape because I never said no.
Then I panicked cause I couldnt get the morning after pill for over a week. That was when I panicked, broke down and spoke to my parents who had returned that weekend.
I only gave 3 people full details of what happened as I was not sure if it was consensual and I was being stupid or not. Friends told me he took advantage of my kindness and that it is not my fault. I think it was my fault. I let him in the house. I never said no.
My therapist knows of what happened and knows the man. The mental health clinic said the best they can do is *try* to keep his appointment times and mine seperate.
I am so fuckign scared of him and of the idea of him showing up here again. Or finding me in that clinic.
I was a sa victim in discord 😭😭😭😭
I’m so sorry…
I was 15 years old, he was my boyfriend I remember that he invited me to his house to watch Netflix, I was excited because I told him that we could watch the movie Trolls, but he couldn't turn on Netflix... he told me
"Hey, don't worry, we're not going to f#ck or anything, let's go at your own time, but I hope it's soon."
I told him "no" so many times but it was my turn... I just laughed and told him not to be a sprinter... why did I laugh?... maybe I was scared...
The memories are sometimes fuzzy... but I vividly remember how he put me on top of him and forced me to rub myself...
he didn't want to let me leave unless I kissed him... and when we finally left he put me on the bed and did like if he were attacking me..
im sorry for everyone who has been through this it is wrong and pls ask for help if u need to escape
I was only 12.(I'm 14 now.) Every night I kept thinking about how my mom's uncle touched and... did something to me, and every time he visits, I kept avoiding him, not saying hi, anything. I can't forget about it, I couldn't. I kept overthinking about it to the point it led me to the deepest depressing dark void. I just want to forget about my trauma, I really do. Now as a teenage boy, I still think about my past trauma everytime I go sleep, I just can't stop remembering it.
I will never see him as a father figure.
He's never a father to me, treating me nothing like a normal step-father would do.
I used to sleep like a log, but now I couldn't even get a proper ounce of sleep.
I despised him, I'm trying so hard to justify his actions but no words could ever justify what he did for me for 6 years. I kept quiet, because I was afraid of my mother's health failing if she ever found out.
He never fully penetrated me but he would touch me, everywhere, especially in my sleep. It was so bad that I developed a bad sleeping schedule, I woke up to the light touches of his fingers and his mouth on mine.
He would sometimes force his mouth on mine even when conscious. It was so bad that my mind was forcing me to forget most of the things he did, especially that one time when his face was between my legs when I was in middle school. I couldn't really differentiate between my hallucinations, daydreaming, and the reality so I'm not really sure if most of them really happened. I'm starting to doubt myself as well when he started doing it to my cousins... younger than me. I just wanted to hurt him every time I heard or even remember their story and how much they were traumatized that they refused to come over to our house when he's home. I could never feel safe in my own home, growing to hate it as I hate myself.
I hate how I became so touch-starved while also being touch-repulsed. I hate how I started to sexualize and objectify myself in terms of justifying or finding an explanation to his actions. He said sorry. He was fucking sorry but did it undo all my trauma? He was living in a picket fence life but being around him just drains me a lot. I hate living here, to the point that I'd purposely fool around or sneak out to feel free. I was a fucking child, I am still a fucking child so why the hell did he do it?? I hate him as much as I hate myself.
I'm not a victim of SA But for the people who were 🍇 I hope that you are better and that it will never be your fault and that you are all strong 🩷 (Sorry for any typos as I'm using the translator)
i was almost SA by my cousin, he took me to my grandma's room and locked the door, he told me to strip but i left, i was probably 10 or younger when it happened, thinking back, i was lucky that he didn't try to force me inside, he's now dead and i'm at peace, knowing that he can't hurt me anymore, family is supposed to keep each other safe, not hurt each other
(TW:sa)
I remember when I was 1.5 or 2 my mom left me in her car because she had to do something (she left me with a stranger) I can’t remember if he touched me, I cried, kicked and screamed for help. Does it count if I can’t recall/remember if he touched me
@@IvyRaven-z4l you’re experience is still valid even if you can’t fully remember it! I hope you’re doing okay, stay safe
@@kyyran thank you so much💓💗
Im 9 got SA'D from my sisters boyfriend for like three or two years so when i was 6 or 7 it took me till Christmas to tell my parents. MY XMAS GIFT WAS GETTING HIM IN JAIL >:3
@@istoleurpaintbucket I’m so sorry that happened to you, I’m glad you had someone you could tell. Stay safe
@@kyyran its alr! And stay safe to you to
I was 9-10 years old when it all started he did it to me multiple times,he was my dad's bestfriend.I was to scared to tell him about the guy that did it to me...after that he stopped,I was glad back then when he stopped..I'm now 14 it still haunts me a little till this day.
That’s vile, and I’m sorry that happened to you. I hope your doing better now, you’re an amazing person.
When I was six or five, my cousin(who was twelve at the time) used to make me “learn” how to do things for how I was older, saying that’d we’d make a UA-cam channel to show tutorials to others(I watched a lot of UA-cam as a kid). So she’d do things.
And it got to a point where 7 year old me was finally sick of it, and I stopped going to visit my aunts house with my dad.
I can’t look at her anymore.
I cant bare to listen to her talk about what she’s trying to pursue as a career, I can’t bare to be alone with her with a closed door. I don’t want to be alone with her again. I hate her. Now I struggle with how I think and how I interact.
I absolutely despise her.
Hey i hope your okay im sorry about the things you went through i hope your able to recover well and are happy in the future
I don’t even need ke if it counts as SA. I was young. Stupid. Never said anything because I liked the guy. He was my mom’s friends son. I was 8-9 when most of it happened. He was14-15 maybe 16. I had a crush on him so I never said anything. The first time smth nothing happened(I think the first at least) he trailed his hand down my back trying to grab my butt I think. I was sitting down in a chair. I got up and left by the time he reached the bottom of my back. When we went to their house, he’d always try and touch me in some way. Normally tickling. I hated it but I always wanted to be around him. I was uncomfortable with what he was doing, but I let him do it because I wanted to be around him. I never let him go too far. I’d always move away if he tried anything more..risky? We’d always team up playing hide and seek. Bed always try and touch me. I’d always move away. But then I’d go right back to being next to him. I wanted to be around him all the time. He slowly stopped hanging out with me and more with my older brother. He stopped talking with me, interacting with me, doing anything with me. I felt left. Abandoned. Used. Maybe I should’ve let him go further. Maybe then he wouldn’t have left. He got a girlfriend. I started hanging out with his younger brother, but never got scared that he’d do anything like his older brother did. I knew he was diffrent. Nicer.
I don’t know if it counts as SA. I don’t know. All I know, is because of how attached to him I was, ever since he left I’ve been wanting him back. Come back to my life, touch me again. What’s wrong with me. Why am I like this. Why do I want his hands on me. I want him back. He hurt me, so why do I want him back?
Now I’m stuck being hyper sexual. Oversexualising myself. Imagining myself with people older than me. I’m just a teenager. I’m young. I shouldn’t be thinking these things. But I do. I’m stuck oversexualizing myself. Wanting others to touch me, but feeling disgusted when I actually imagine it happening. Wanting an older man in my life, but…I don’t even know.
Anyways. Thanks for thsi playlist. Helped me a lot. Stay safe out there guys. Also, can I have some hugs?❤
I was sa-ed at 13-14 one time by a friend who was 16, and the other by someone who i dated- who was 2 years younger than me- i honestly dont like talking about the person i dated because in my eyes because of the age gap somehow its not possible- yet i can say it very much is because it happened to me. I told him no a million times over- he still tried to do whatever he wanted to me.
I had a friend that was twice older than me when I was 8. He was probably in high school at that time. We got closer on a school trip and he eventually became my friend. I saw him as a brother, I was starving for a male attention as I don't have a father or a biological brother. That's why I was so happy when he paid attention to me. He always visits my class at school lunch time, explains homework I don't understand and buys me ice creams. He always buys me a milk ice cream and when I ask for strawberry, he would say "strawberry isn't interesting". And he would watch me as I lick my ice cream. As the day passes, he starts touching me, patting my head, holding my waist, kissing my hand, etc.. I didn't know that it was not normal at that time. One day, he invited me to his dorm and he asked me to open my mouth and close my eyes. I did as he asked but I was feeling strange so I opened my eyes and saw him holding his thing. He was mad at me and slapped me so hard that my whole head became dizzy. I didn't know what happened next.
I moved school after that year. My mum asked me why but I never answered. I couldn't. I'm embarrassed and hurt. He was my brother, well, I thought he was. I'm recovering from that past now. I didn't talk about that to anyone. Not my family, relatives or friends. I'm afraid that they will be disgusted at me and think that I'm not pure. I hate him. I hate that school. I hate ice cream. God is too cruel on me. Please let me be pure again.
i love listening to this playlist over an over for hours while im locked in my bedroom because my abuser is visiting and i know she will assault me if i go out
@@amnesiaa0 I hope you’re okay! If you can, please tell someone or reach out for help, there are hotlines available if you can’t tell anyone you know! Stay safe ☹️
Mine, every night from age 5-10 I tried to tell family but they yelled at me calling me a lair and they didn’t care. Like one time he asked for a kiss and I ran to my grandma and told her and she yelled at me
Last summer my mother touched me inappropriately and so haven't both of my siblings that I live with. I am honestly disgusted by myself, I hate looking in the mirror because it reminds me of what i have done even if it wasn't bad. I can't see past what they did to me and how it'll probably forever effect me. And I no longer can look at my mother the same after she has multiple times threatened abusing me and my siblings, how she's been threatening to throw out a cat that we were given and how she just threw him out tonight, how many guys she has brought over, fuck, argued with, and left. Im so fucking tired of everything and my ex left me before school ended because we were getting distant and I have no idea what I can even do anymore. Life shouldn't be this hard, im 12.
It was almost a year ago. I was 16. He was my friend, same age, same school and class. We weren't close at all, but I knew he liked me. Sometimes even I was flirty and kind of playful, but it was just the way we talked and I did't pay it much attention. One rather cold autumn day I went for a drink with him, I now understand it was stupid and reckless - he brought two bottles of wine and I ended up getting absolutely hammered, and he just kept bragging about how sober he was. I was drunk to the point when I couldn't feel my limbs, and he almost carried me as we walked.
He brought me to an abandoned building (like an unfinished one, it wasn't far away from my home). I remember that room vividly - it was dark and cold, there was a very tough bed and a small pillow, dusty and covered in spider webs shelves, even a wardrobe. He started kissing and touching me, but I didn't resist. He then asked me for permission. And I nodded. He asked me several times. And I said yes.
I still don't know why, but it was like I didn't care at all. I could've said no, maybe I would have the guts to do so if I was sober. I'll never know. I was choking throughout the whole proccess, I vaguely remember what he said and what I answered, but it makes me feel sick anyways. I hardly felt anything because I was so intoxicated, I didn't even feel the cigarette I smoked after, didn't feel my fingers holding it. It was just nothing.
I brushed it off, I acted like it was normal, I laughed at it and made jokes, reassured him, but the next morning I realised how I actually hate him. He always was too close, when we said goodbye he held me tight though I tried to pull away, he kissed me suddenly and intensely and I absolutely hated it. Hated everything about him, and after the encounter had happened - about myself too. I ended up getting very sick and also paranoid (bc I didn't remember if he used protection or not), I had been trying to wash the glasswool off my whole body for days, and for a whole year, I had been wondering why I let this happen.
To this day I still don't know if I can consider it an SA, as I did gave a consent. It's just...the thing. I know it is my fault at some point, and I'm trying to be more sensible and careful now. Thank you for the playlist, I teared up reading some of the comments❤🩹
vent: not sure if it was SA bc i don't remember half of event but however i feel like it is, idk call me stupid
so i was 5 years old and had a "friend" around the same age, as long as i remember he was already porn addict and stuff. he was pretty much my only "friend" and we often visited each other, but that day he invited me for a sleepover. when we already settled on a couch he started to tug the sheets up aka that wanky shaft shifting thing but it was just a joke until he actually started doing it, throwing off the blanket, i went uncomfortable and he asked if i would try doing it to him "for practice" and then i don't remember if i was pressured into that or just agreed for it but it still happened. i remember that he touched me and stuff and we changed positions (forgot to add it was homosexual act) but yet i was uncomfortable anyway. i think it ended with just going to sleep. we continued to talk after that for another 4-5 (not sure) years cuz i realized it was bad, but i can say that it might've made my health worse, i was always that weird kid or always sad kid and stuff. recently cracked my eggshells as transfem and after starting passing i felt quite better, felt like all the struggles paid off.
everyone please stay safesdawada dsffadsda
He was my teacher when I was 8 years old, I didn't leave the classroom to eat because it was very lonely and he seemed so trustworthy.

I don’t know if it’s SA but people tell me it is.. I hold myself guilty, I couldn’t say no, I didn’t know how to say no, I was never taught the word no, I was barely in 8th grade, I was dating a boy, he started to touch me and asked if he could but I couldn’t say no and said yes even tho I didn’t want to, it became a normal thing for him to doa be I could never say no, and then when I finally got the courage to say no, he kept doing it, no matter how many times I said no, and he only listened when I had broke down crying, but then after I felt better… he did it all over again… it’s been a little over two years and it still haunts me and makes me break down every single time and I’m so tired of people just wanting my body and always touching me.. I’m trying my best to say no and leave.. I’m trying my best.
@@Iris._.360 I hope you’re doing well! I just want to say that your experience is very valid and I’m so sorry that happened to you. If you didn’t want it, then it’s not consent, whether you said yes or not. It’s not your fault at all, people should respect your boundaries and always make sure that you’re 100% okay with them doing stuff, even if you say yes at first. Stay safe
I was S/A’d when I was to young to remember. I don’t think it went all the way, all I know was that it was one of my supposed family members and my sister was there and told my mom. Never saw him again. I don’t remember this, and I don’t know if it ever even happened or if it was some sick lie. I have mixed feelings about it, on one hand I don’t really feel anything about it, on the other I apparently have signs of being s/a’d before. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about it anymore.
VENT / my story
i am a girl i was m0lested by my brother and my uncle my brother did it when i was 5 and 12 my uncle did it when i was 5 pretty much i was SA 4 times the worst part was my mom knew and all she did was tell my brother to not do that again and she didn’t know about that my uncle did it too i hated my family soo much for not helping i didn’t even know what was going on and i was 5 i dont hate them anymore but it was something i couldn’t get out of my head. and when i was 13 i was @ssaulted by my ex gf i feel like that has more effected me then getting m0lested well not really when i was 10 i had to deal with s3xism , r@cism , judgemental family members , and alcoholic parents. all that destroyed me because i couldn’t do anything about it i was 10 and my mom and stepdad were too drunk to help so had to deal with it i never felt more hopeless of course i had coping mechanisms and developed defensive mechanisms but my coping mechanisms were me sucking my skin until a rash was formed and 1 that i still have taking a liking to the pain and acting. acting as if i am happy or pretending that they aren’t not hurting me. i eventually get better BY MYSELF and stopped hating myself and everyone around me
but i’m now 14 and i am getting better even tho i struggle with depression sometimes 😅
yeah but if you guys have questions i could answer them
So- idk if this really counts as SA, but when I was 8 or so, my brother put his hand up my shirt, even after I pushed him away a few times. But that’s all he did- so idk if it really counts as anything but yeah :(
Also- maybe when I was 10 I think, I had this online animal sim game. I befriended this guy who was really nice at first. Eventually he asked me to have sex with him. Me being naive and trusting him, said okay- (which I still heavily blame myself for) After a while of him putting our characters in god-awful positions and saying the most vulgar shit, I was really uncomfortable and told him I had to go. The next day, he found me again and asked for sex again. I told him no. He told me he had taken screenshots of us “doing it” and blackmailed me by threatening to post those pictures. I was scared out of my mind, I especially didn’t want my parents to find out- so I had to say yes. This kept going on for a while until I finally just deleted the game. This has horrified me for YEARS- I can’t believe I let this man steal my innocence. It’s my fault. But, I also feel super invalid because it was “just online”.. like he didn’t ACTUALLY touch me… So I’ve never told anyone. Because no one would care. :(
a girl I used to be friends with when I was 6-8ish (she was 9-13ish (I can't remember very well)) used to touch me. It was always such a blur. Having fun playing make believe one minute, being asked to make out with her the next. She made me undress in front of her too which made me uncomfortable because a] I was a very shy kid and b] her family didn't knock. She would make me kiss her, and she would touch me a lot. Sometimes directly touching my privates, or getting close enough that it was incredibly uncomfortable. She would talk about showing me adult content too, but she never did. I think she just didn't want her mom to find out. I haven't seen her since covid. My mom lost contact with her mom, and I didn't really come to terms with what she did until very recently. Maybe only a year or two ago. Everything is so blurry for me still. And that shit really sticks with you. My support to anyone who was SA'd.
Lol
i wasnt sa'ed, but i was touched.
there was a boy, we were playing tag, he tagged me on my chest, i hit his back and he hit me in my chest again and my arm, he kicked the space between my thighs.
i regret hitting him
everyone saw it
they were laughing
at me
at the park
my trusted cousin didnt care
i was a scared child
im so sorry to all the people who experienced assault
💔❤🩹 hope all of you heal, the world is a cruel place.
I’m a boy and I was SA’d by my father from around 4-12. when I finally told my mom about it she told me I was misunderstanding the situation because my Dad would never touch another boy, because he was ‘straight’. And last year I was 🍇’d by my ex-girlfriend, when I tried to mention it to anyone they said I was supposed to enjoy it because I’m a guy. I hope anyone who has gone through any SA no matter how extreme or small it may seem knows that it wasn’t your fault, what happened to you is not ok no matter the circumstances. And I hope that the rest of your time on earth is filled with nothing but happiness and joy❤
I hate when people assume just because you are a guy that you don't have boundaries/ automatically enjoy it. gRAPE DOES NOT HAVE A GENDER. IT CAN HAPPEN TO BOYS AND GIRLS. I am so sorry that happened to you. I hope your girlfriend leaves you alone. And whoever said that fucked up shit seriously needs to get educated on this.
when i was 8-9, my brother (1.5 years younger than me) [technically] SA'd me. he attempted to kiss me, too, about 6 times, and it failed (and no not in any platonic way). went on for 3-4 months before he stopped from fear (someone told him he'd be put in prison for it). I am aroace now, and this experience has caused me to fear being in a relationship with anyone at all.
At the age of 13, I was sexually assaulted by my then boyfriend. I was manipulated into having sex with him, and was touched before that. Now, I might’ve given him permission for sex, but not touching me whenever he pleased. Mind you, age 13 isn’t the age of consent in my state. I had said multiple times how I didn’t want that. But on Valentine’s Day he started feeling me up, got me all these flowers and made me feel special. I should’ve known. I should’ve done something. As it rings in my head, constantly reminding me of what I have done. What he did. And how I let it happen, the scissors drag across my body. Forever to be seen. Forever a reminder. Of who I’ve become.
LOL
@@Ash-x9m what is wrong with you
I am 13 and my first time getting SA’d I was four and didn’t know what was happening so I didn’t tell anyone and my second time was in 7th grade this boy was obsessed with me and touched me and I still didn’t tell anyone now I have to set next to him in class every day
You are my toy
You are my little toy
My little toy
@@Ash-x9m what the hell is wrong with you
(Idk if I can talk here for this- but uhm..)
I am a 15 yr old boy that was r@p3d when I was younger..at the age of 5 and I don't know what to do, I never told anyone. I've been suffering my whole life with this. I just need someone to talk to y'know?.
ur valid
When I was little for the time I lived somewhere. We had a babysitter and I and my brother was SAed and physically abused for the duration we lived there, every day
Someone I used to call one of my best friends assaulted me infront of everyone and no one even noticed. (It was subtly but still it made me so uncomfortable) I told her to stop multiple times and she laughed it off, she used to make jokes about fucking me, it was really weird, I don’t feel like a real victim because of how little she touched me, but my friends say that she did assault me and I am valid, k don’t wanna take away attention from other more victims, I got away from that snake and I’m happier now tho
To any s/a victims/survivors, it’ll be okay, I believe in you 🩷
That’s funny 😂😂😂
@@Ash-x9m its not funny
tw vent
i was maybe 12 when i got into a real relationship for the first time. she had been my crush for a year and i finally worked up the courage to ask her out and she said yes.
maybe 2 months later, we started high-school. and from that point forward she was physically abusive towards me.
one time when i was having a sleepover with her, she began to touch my chest and other private areas, which made me very uncomfortable as a trans male.
this lasted for 11 months until she got bored of me and we broke up
i didn't date for almost a full year until i met this guy online, he was so sweet to me and we ended up dating for 13 months.
i told him about my past traumas and he understood me. he was there for me when i tried to end it all, and whenever i relapsed.
but then things began to get weird.
he was into consensual non-con, which made me very uncomfortable due to what happened to me. but i went along with it because i was unhealthily obsessed with any positive recognition from him.
he left me soon after because he had fallen for the guy we viewed as our kid, the guy who would actually call us things like 'father' and 'dad'.
I've never told anyone the full story of my past relationships, not even my current partner who will undoubtedly leave me soon.
(NAH FAM HE ACTUALLY LEFT ME-)
im still not surw if it counts as any form of sa or not but when i was around 13 i caught my father watching me from the crack of a door after i left the shower because the bathroom had a sort of barn door, and often when i was younger if i asked him not to grab or touch my legs/torso/etc or if i didnt wanna hug or kiss he'd yell at me and claim he'll stop caring about me/disown me. i dont really think he has bad intentions but its creepy to me how he'll sometimes act all sad about my brother and i not wanting to be close and affectionate w him at all times (example: he was upset my brother didnt wanna sleep in the same bed as him despite my brother being 13 at the time). i don't remember many other significant incidents but i think about those a lot
I'm 15 and I got SA'd when I was 10 and 5... by my father and sometimes my brother... My father left so i was free from his harrasments and my brother forgot he even did such thing to me... I'm greatful It all ended
I was sa’ed by my dad. It happened when i was in 5th grade, and i honestly forgot about it for a while. I forgot about it because i honestly thought it didn’t happen and that he would never do that. But, i remembered it recently and i realized that that happened, and i was sa’d. I don’t remember much of it, i js remember small details and i fell asleep when it was happening, so i only know small details of what he did. I dont really know if it’s valid, because i don’t remember dates, i dont really remember much of it, and i fell asleep when it was happening, and i still doubt it happened to this day. Plus, it wasn’t penetrating or rape, js he touched me (idk actually cuz idk what he did much). I told my mom, and she (thankfully) believed me. She said she has to get a job and save up money in order to get us out of our home and to another one. Thank you for this playlist, and i’m still coming to terms with it. Thank you!
When i was around 8 me and my younger sister got assaulted by another girl at my favorite restaurant...
I still go there from time to times but it's so hard, I'm always so tensed up, stressed and all. And even worse my sister was too young so she doesn't remember and I know she'll remember one day but it will be even harder for her and im so worried...
(For context, this happened when I was 10-13. I met them when Covid was around in 6th grade summer school. My dad was depressed so I had to take care of him and my at the time 5 year old sister. My step mom wanted to break up with my dad so she stayed upstairs and avoided us for a year till we moved out)
My ex best friend, who I met when I had nobody and I was very depressed, they made me feel like I was safe. They had a crush on me but I didn’t feel the same because I like men. They became trans but I still just didn’t like them like that. They touched me in so many places, I thought it was a joke. I was too scared to say anything that I was uncomfortable because I didn’t know how. I thought they were a safe person, but they got me into shoplifting and SH. They went to school and told everyone that I was lying and that they never touched me even though the whole school would see them do it, thankfully the people I did know told everyone otherwise and they understood the situation. My boyfriend, who was their enemy, helped me get away from them and realize everything they have done to me. He helped me get away from them, fix my mental and physical health, and my smoking/vaping addiction. I hate everything they have done to me but I just want everyone to know that there is someone, somewhere who is going to be there for you. You don’t have to suffer alone, you just have to find that person, or they will find you. Don’t give up ❤
That day in 5th grade when he touched me I’ll never forget the way he thought it was ok and how he never got in trouble. My own class mate I didn’t really know him but I didn’t deserve that. That day when I was only 8 my cousin who was 15 touched not only me but my dog too I ran as fast as I could he even pushed me on the ground but his mom didn’t care my own cousin family. Well I don’t call him family I don’t think I ever could any more he barely talks to me, he acts like nothing happened it’s been years I’m sure he forgot tho. No matter how many times I wash my body I can still feel their creeping touch. I didn’t ask for that. That time in 3rd grade when my besties bf touched me. It didn’t matter tho bc he was dropped as a baby she said. Ok. It didn’t matter. My teacher didn’t care he said it was an accident it isn’t matter.its ok..? I didn’t ask for that.but it’s ok now. I try not to think abt it. It’s a bad memory. I don’t like bad memories. So I try not to remember them. I was only 5 when it started and it stopped at 11.
csa and cocsa victim. A pair of teenagers, and my gym coach. They didn't actually go as far as they wanted to, but I was m0lested multiple times. I was 11.
warning vent guys ☹️
when i was like 5 or 6 my cousin who i believe was 13-14 told me that his “area” hurt and that i need to put my mouth on it so it would not hurt anymore. of course i said yes because i loved my cousin, but he decided to put syrup and marshmallows on it so that it would “taste better” what? he did it multiple times, even said “cmon babe it still hurts.. 😔” i’m not your girlfriend. i’ll never be your girlfriend. i’ve tried to keep this hidden but every now and then it comes backs and stabs me. it hurts to even think about. and i still have a relationship with that cousin. i lied to myself that it didn’t happen, that it was just a dream. i forgot about it for so many years but now it comes back just to torture me. i honestly want to tell someone but i don’t want to ruin his relationship with people, but at the same time he did something horrible.. i can’t even think about it without feeling pain, it’s just eating me alive and i wish that i could forget about it forever.
Im a 12 year old girl,who has been SA by my mother and another kid when i was 8. Im uncomfortable with being hugged or any physical contact whatsoever. I cant wear revealing clothes without the fear of being sexualized or touched again. My mother has touched me a few times,same as that kid. I cant even take showers properly anymore with out sexualising myself. It genuinely hurts me alot,i can't live my life scared like this. I wish i was normal. People dont believe the fact that my mother touched me Because shes a woman and its usually men who do that. I feel so trapped and scared no one believes me or listens to me.
My older sister was SA’ed as a kid by her friend. She ended up being hyper6ual and would show me p0rn at an early age… I ended up being hyper6ual too and would go in Chatrooms and do stuff when I was nine/ten.
It’s weird. I know it was technically gr00ming cause that kinda stuff was normalized to me as an eighth year old… But no adult ever “did” anything to me. Anything that ever happened was online, and I had sought it out on my own.
Of course I’m beyond happy an adult never took advantage of my messed up behavior at that time, but I also don’t feel like I can forgive myself, cause I did this to myself.
I hope all of you can heal. Sending love
I remember this one time I was I think 4 or 3
It was an event I was minding my own business until
My cousin(who is a girl) came to me (she was younger than me)
She grabbed my hand and ran to the curtains and closed them
She kissed me and grabbed me I tried to get her away but
She was holding my arm tight she stop when my mom called her to the kitchen
I was was crying and when she got older she talk bad about me to my sister
Every time I was angry but she changed and every time she came to my house
I go to my room
Tw small vent
Finally able to say that I wasn’t just assaulted last year, I was rapped. He was a boy I was dating at the time but several times I didn’t say yes or I was coerced into his advances. One time I was high, another time his family was just in the other room and I didn’t know. The worst for me is when it happened with my dog on my bed, or with his little sister just in the other room. I will never forgive him for what he did. I feel like I can’t have a healthy relationship with men anymore. All of them make me nervous now, even though I desperately crave that attention and affection. I feel like I’m trapped between being sex repulsed and wanting to have as much sex as possible. I’m in therapy right now, but I’m afraid that it won’t help, and as I’m able to admit more about last years situation I trust men less and less. That’s not even counting the multiple different times I’ve had cousins be sexually inappropriate with me growing up (another thing I was only recently able to admit) and me being assaulted by other girls when I was young. I just want a healthy relationship with sex.
welp when i was like 7 all the way to how old i am now my mom father would SA me alot he touched me in my chest a lot he would do this alot when my mom puts me in a car with him alone all i try doing was trying to get to a birthday party he never got to fully do more with me at least i think but thats why i hide in my room a lot and i got r*pe like two times 43 and my own friend but im doing better and healing now this was years ago but make sure to stay safe even online
This is the first time im sharing my story but TW: Possible COCSA, weird touching and talk from adults and possible grooming? Idk
Idk how to describe what had happened to me but when i was little i had this childhood friend, she was younger then me and we'd hang out, she would bring up adult topics and even made my toys or imply them doing that (She would put them on the bed, one laying down the other not), one day i mightve been like 12-13ish? We were in a pool at my house and everything was fine but then she started talking about my underwear and talking about boys seeing it and such
This is my next one, happened between 13-14ish
One day i was chilling with my mom, pouring a glass of what i think was koolaid if im correct and she walked behind me and slapped my ass, i was so shocked and told her to never do that again and she didjt but for awhile i would move my hips away from someone, like trying to make sure they wouldnt do that
When i was 14 i was talking about getting my ears pierced to my dad, it was all okay till he brought up 'down there piercings' and such (he also recently told a inappropriate joke on the phone to his friends infront of me and also talked about breeding one of our dogs during a tutoring session i was having)
When i was 14 i was 'dating' a 17 yo we'll call A, A was just a pos outside of this (being violent and childish like childish in a way of throwing tantrums), i was the one to confess btw, during this everything was fine until A sent me a tiktok, it had a list of numbers like 1-10 and you'd send a number to the one who sent you it and give them a number and they'd give you whatever that numberwd equaled to and one of the number's equaled to n3des, i was weirded out but didnt say anything and sent the numbers that equaled stuff like kisses and cuddles, A also admitted to wanting me to cuddle her when i said i was cuddling a pillow
For anyone else: you didnt deserve that, you are so strong and i hope you have a great day and such
It’s ok baby
Happened to me and they were my age + it happened at school + they sat next to me + they never admitted to what they did + they thought we were friends + he never got any trouble besides some talks but that didn't do anything + my friends got in trouble instead for saying what he did + he forgave me (I didn't do anything besides ignore him but he didn't get the hint) + I am never gonna forget that + all my friends don't even realise how much that affected me + this was in 5th grade + i had no one when this happened + he would pretend to kiss me and would make dirty jokes + he often looked at my butt + when i told him to stop he didn't + he touched my arms even when i said no + always was weird + he is the reason why i now usually always wear a sweater around my waist + i hate it when people touch me now but i say nothing + my teacher touches the studentsbut not in a weird way just like to be that one teacher but it makes me rlly uncomfortable + overall i hate getting touched and i hate him 😍💅
I'm 12. I had a boyfriend online that was 14, the first time we met he kept telling me what she wanted to do to me (sxually, ofc.) This continued to happen until I said I didn't want to multiple times even after she begged me, then he moved onto wanting photos. He threatened to not contact me until she got those photos, and he was the closest thing I had to a male figure in my life, so I did it after saying no a million times. This happened multiple times and when we broke up he bodyshamed me to my friends, then proceeded to sa my friends. I got back together with him later because I missed having a male figure in my life and it ended up being a polyamorous couple. He ended up saing everyone in the relationship and some people outside of the relationship until we finally ended it. There's a group of victims that are planning to tell his parents (they live in the same neighborhood). I'm the only one in the friend group that's out of state. I still miss him. Not him as a person, but the idea of having a male figure in my life. Since I was 4 I've lived in a house with all women.
My SA experience
When I was 9 I had a girl I had a crush on, we were both close friends. They never r@ped me but they would touch me, especially my chest and behind. I was so young and thought it was normal because they did it to all my other friends not knowing it was creepy. This went on for a few years, from when I was 9-11. Then I went to middle school. The girl left me and my friend group so I didn’t have to deal with them, but I met someone new.
A nonbinary person that I’ll call N. N is a victim of SA also and is hypersegual. They introduced me into their group and we became friends, it was ok until I started developing a crush on them. So one day while we were skipping class together in the bathroom I confessed to them (so romantic I know😔) and after they said they liked me back we started dating. But after a few weeks they started getting more touchy with me, thinks like putting their hands in between my thighs, touching my thighs, and making inappropriate jokes about my body. I told them I was uncomfortable but they just laughed it off, after a few months I broke up with them. But obviously they wanted to stay friends, so I said yes because I’m a f%cking dumb@ss. And I thought it ended there, I thought I was finally free from them. But they never stopped and I gave up and let them do whatever they wanted to do to me. I’m scared they will eventually r@pe me.
I’m going into 7th grade now so I’m very young. I’m not even 13 yet. I don’t think I’m making it to 13 tbh, I’m done at this point.
And I feel like my experience doesn’t matter because the first person might have been too young to know what they were doing was wrong, and N probably just did it to cope with their experience. I’ve cried about it for months (like right now.)
I hope people heal from their trauma and experiences :(
I always told him "no not right now", "im not ready", "no", "maybe later" and yet he beat me down so mucb that eventually, i just said fine to make him shut up. I feel terrible because i felt terrible while it happened. I wanted to kill myself and i still do. I was 14 and he was supposed to be my boyfriend.
i was fourteen and he was seventeen. i hate him. i hate remembering how my stomach hurt or how i didnt say anything. its not fair.
I was molested at 5 by a classmate who was also being abused by her family. We were first graders.
im turning 15 in some days. i had a boyfriend on 7th grade, i was 12 and he was 14.he frequently put his hands on me and touched me when i didnt want. until one day he puled me to the bathroom and did it. ps: im a trans boy.he did it more times, and when i finally managed to break up, he spread rumors to everyone that i was a w*ore, and my parents didnt believed me, no one acrually, only my bsf.
I was Sa'd multiple times, multiple by my dad, and then i went to the hospital once and i got groped by the doctor. I feel terrible, also my dad died this year but im surrounded by creeps. Im scared and i hate physical touch.