After I worked in a fertility clinic I never ask people why they haven't had children yet. Sometimes it may be that they just don't want any and that's cool too.
And you know children comes with a lot of responsibility that you must have to be prepared to face. I mean I have seen cats destroy a lovely relationship on tv. Because the man get to clean shit a lot because the woman is nagging him, you're not being supportive.. because of a cat 😂😂😂😂
@@ohukwh606hgghk you're actually very weird for this comment. It's the fact that you feel entitled enough to tell a stranger that you think it's time to have kids. Who are you to tell a person you don't know to have kids? You're a Nigerian so I'm not surprised at your lack of boundaries. You don't even know if they're ready for kids or not. Talmabout "if your parents thought this way they wouldn't have had you" . And that would have been very fine . It's not as if the kids that were not born are missing anything special. When you have to go as far as emotionally blackmailing people to have kids, you should know that there's something wrong.
Just live your lives. Having kids or not, your choice to make. I have learnt that if we make a right choice, we enjoy the success the most. If we make a wrong choice, we suffer the consequences the most. It's yours to decide. Pls yourselves, not others. In as much as you don't see yourselves in nearest future wishing you had kids earlier, just ride on. Blessings❤❤🎉🎉
It's good to discuss kids before marriage. My husband and I dated for 3 yrs before marriage we used to discuss how many kids we will have and we agreed for me to stay home and raise the kids until the last one will go to school full time. That's what happened ecxately! As soon as we married we wanted kids right away😂 bcs we were both prepared mentally. God bless me with a fantastic husband this year 29 yrs together. Our baby is 22 yrs old. Marriage is beautiful if you find the right one. Thank you for this topic to educate young ones out there.
Spot on Ling and Lamb 👏🏾👏🏾. You have made some extremely valid points here. One that resonates with me is the insensitivity of some people in their asking. Its like you owe it to them to procreate. My husband and I have been married for almost 9 yrs and God has not yet blessed us with children...yet people still ask "when are you going to have a child"... I give the same answer as Ling 😂😂..we are each other's baby...so funny Ling and Lamb 😂. Blessings to you both, you will have a baby when you are ready🙏🏾❤️
Like the scriptures say, "It's not good that the man should be a alone. I will make a mate suitable for him". Gen 2:18 This scripture from Genesis shows that the basic need of marriage is companionship. Children are the fruits.
We are Nigerian 🇳🇬 Ukrainian 🇺🇦couple, Our story is different, you never know how your life might turn, we decided we were ready to have a child financially and mentally, but when war in Ukraine started we lost everything, just after leaving the country we discovered we are going to be parents, now our child is our joy and happiness and somehow he is helping to go through this rough time and pushing us to continue moving and living the new life that we didn’t even choose but was forced to. God bless you beautiful couple ❤️
I have always loved this two but this convo literally made me love them more. People don’t talk about the pressure of needing to “have kids” when you are married. I would rather get to know and spend time with my husband to be honest. Then, if God let’s it happen, it happens and we are ready between us. The pressure is just not necessary. I STAND BEHIND THIS TOPIC CUZ THIS IS EXACTLY HOW ME AND MY FIANCÉ FEEL! Love you guys Ling &Lamb❤❤❤❤
As much as i feel like it's none of anyone's business to meddle in your personal lives, this is a very much needed and necessary conversation to have. "Never make love to a girl you can not accept a child from" 👏🏾👏🏾 if only more fathers could teach that to their sons.
You’re right! People will always put pressure on you but will never help you financially. People don’t care about your struggles but like to criticize.
That part!!! I’ve been with my fiancé for 3 years, and everyone is asking …. When is the wedding? When are the babies coming? We’re like Jeez. Can we decide when, what, where, and how ??? Give him a chance to ask me FIRST!!!Plus, I don’t hear any of our family or friends sending us financial assistant. 🙆🏽♀️😜😏 Like marriage and babies are stressful enough, and they both require a monetary foundation. When WE are ready we’ll definitely let everyone know
Thank you am here with 1 children these womb watchers keep asking for number to.. am like mind the business that pays u.. not a single 1 has ever offered any kind of help...it's not like I need it but the thought counts... nothing not even to check on the baby.
@@shielamajoriemusongeMD Other than for medical reasons, women who don't want kids are selfish, Lets just call a spade a spade (Ohh I dont want to lose my shape, eww I dont want to wake up 02am changing diapers or breastfeeding, Ohh I dont want to deal with stress, Ohh I'm a career driven women ... etc).
You guys have brought up so many valid points. There are so many grandparents raising their grandchildren because their children could not handle what they were not ready for!
YES! And Aunties & Uncle's too! I've had my nephew since he was an infant & he's 12 now! Neither one of his parents are able to be involved in his life, so I had to step all the way up! Its been extremely difficult to say the least but I love him with everything I have! Im trying so hard to give him the very best!❤🙏
@@ericabelcher8760 hmmm, so true. They call it family bonding and helping out but seriously, bottom line is pushing your responsibilities on others. Can't imagine foisting my kids on others.....
@Gracefully Saved True! It's been exhausting, honestly! But I'd rather have him than foster care! I'm not saying there aren't SOME good ppl in the system, but the statistics of the opposite are too high. But I definitely hear you, though! Smh
My husband and I have been married 7 years and no kids. I used to cry about it all the time because I felt I was supposed to being pressured by societal norms. Once I realized and accepted that it’s not up to me but the lord and that not having kids are okay too. I am no longer upset about it Plus I love my freedom❤
I understand you. I always wanted to be a mum.Then I have been working hard to build my career and now I have a partner who is supportive.However, I am happy without babies and life is much easier. I am not sure if my partner is ready for a child. He is sooo selfish that I wonder if we would give up a bit from himself to care for another human being. I don’t want to be a full care parent like my mum was. She had a husband who was too busy drinking to look after their own child. My partner doesn’t drink but I am not sure if he will be ready.Babies are for life.😢
So say that you will concieve, believe it and DO NOT WORRY ABOUT THIS SUBJECT and it will happen. Matter of fact, you will be astonished at how instant it will be.
You guys hit the nail on the head. You have to get your foundation together first. My husband and I waited 8+ years before we had our daughter. It was the GREATEST decision we could have ever made for our family. Once you have a child, EVERYTHING changes.
@@tifanywilliams3654 Other than for medical reasons, women who don't want kids are selfish, Lets just call a spade a spade (Ohh I dont want to lose my shape, eww I dont want to wake up 02am changing diapers or breastfeeding, Ohh I dont want to deal with stress, Ohh I'm a career driven women ... etc).
@@_trust9994 am a 10000% ok with being selfish and more women should be OK with that too...there's no way in hell imma wake up at 2 am to change a shitty diaper or worry about my figure because of a baby and if that makes me or any woman that decides to not have kids a bad person then so be it😊
If you grew up in Africa, where kids basically determine your standard of living in your old age, you would have very radically different view. But I understand where you are coming from, and the peculiarities of your environment. You would probably end up in a nursing home when you are old, with or without kids. So what's the point?
The subject of having kids is a conversation ALL couples should discuss as intelligently and honestly as these two have! I greatly appreciate this video and the knowledge they share. Thank you, Ling & Lam, and best wishes for your continued success.
Ling and Lamb, thanks for this very important conversation. When i got married in 2016, me and my wife was determined to spend quality times together so that we can get to know each other and form the strongest bond of friendship, build our own business buy a property and then have at least 1 child. We had 2 beautiful sofa like yours. We finally had our only child in 2020 during Covid lockdown. We are so happy that we waited and build a strong relationship first and now we both have time for ourselves and our baby boy. Many people do not know about our goals, they criticize and pressure us but we just kept silent and live our lives on our own terms. My son travelled aboard an airplane when he was just 8months old but me his father boarded my first flight @ 23yrs of age. Guys do not repeat the mistakes of your parents. Love you guys. Keep these kind of conversations coming.♥♥♥♥♥
I so enjoy your channel and content. Enjoy your life and each other first, the greater your understanding and commitment to each other the greater your impact on any child you will have, whether yours or someone else's. Continued blessings to you ❤
Ling and Lamb you are both good people and when the time is right you will be good parents. Do not allow anyone to pressure you into making that decision. Children are a blessing but also a huge responsibility and not for everyone. You really did not even have to explain your reasoning for not having children yet but doing so shows your appreciation for your followers and subscribers.
Having children is an extremely serious decision. It changes your life forever and puts you in the position of providing for another’s safety and happiness. Take your time and do what makes you happy. Love you guys ❤
@@Jooniebug I dont think it is. People just overthink things like wanting a perfect time, most times there isn’t that perfect time and when you think it’s perfect time you are old.
@TRACEY MACHIO I agree with you. There's no perfect time but I think people need to think and ensure parenthood is what they want. Then again she should be careful as a woman as we don't have that much time cos Al pacino will be a dad at 83 and Robert de Niro is a dad at 79
My husband and I decided that we wanted to be married two years and finish our house before we started to have kids. When we started to try I had three miscarriages it was something that we kept private. People keep asking every time they see us when we having kids it would eat at me and it send me into depression. One Mother’s Day they had me help giving out the gifts at church and I just breakdown. God finally bless us with a daughter and the journey was traumatic. I had to stitch my baby in so as not to have a fourth miscarriage. I flatlined after the surgery almost didn’t wake up and in the delivery room the nurse was paging the doctor and no one turned up so both of us delivered her and I got 42 stitches. My baby was in the nicu for one week with an infection in the navel. Now persons asking when I am giving her a sibling I am sick of it. I still have anxiety from my experience. People need to normalize staying out of people reproductive business.
I agree. You never know what people are going through and asking them about why they haven’t had children or more children may definitely trigger ptsd, anxiety or depression. We have to be cautious of that.
@@TriciaPerry-ef7bi yes.. this new age of sparing feeling and lying to persons who behave badly and letting them sit is is damaging to other. I have a lot of bad behaving christians in my life. Ams sick of you all
My wife and I had same excuses when we were your age. Now we are in our 70s and it's our biggest regret. We always thought there'll be a better time but that time never came. She's now dying of cancer and her only wish is that of a child she never had. Goodluck to you both. Thanks for sharing your story.
Loved every bit of this conversation. I'm 33 got married a year and half ago no children and neither one of us plan on having any for awhile. Its so important to have a strong marriage before bringing children in it because you will be tested. My mom had 3 kids thats including me and she has been a single mother her whole life neither one of my siblings or myself share the same father. Im the oldest so for me having children is a very stressful conversation because of what I've seen my mom and friends go through with men. Im happy just enjoying my marriage for a long while .
Yes. And as they said, you have to get to know your partner first, before bringing another life in this world that you have to spend so much time with, and less time with getting to know your partner
The beautiful thing for me is that y'all are on the same page. That alone is a blessing. I love the realness and the wisdom of your reasons, too. There's so much to raising a child! Mad respect for y'all!
I love how you talk with each other and I support what you’re saying but people are the way they are (putting pressure on others,….),but I love how you handle that and your advices to others ❤
People will always try to rush you into marriage, then when you’re married it’s when are you having a baby, you have a baby then it’s when you giving the child a brother or sister. You can’t win. Have kids when you’re ready and if you choose not to have kids, that’s fine. Own YOUR truth and people just need to mind their own business. Thanks for sharing with us.❤
Preach Renee, that's the truth and nothing but the truth. Ling and Lamb broke it down very nicely. I really love ❤ and admire this beautiful couple. 💑 May God continue to bless them. 🙌
Thank you guys SO MUCH for this conversation!!! As a teacher who has seen almost very form of dysfunction in families (which definitely affects the child's performance in school and in life) I truly wish ALL couples had this understanding and level of maturity before bringing little lives into this world God bless you both!! 🙏💯
I am so impressed with how wise and self assure this was. As a single person without kids I truly truly appreciate you sharing this and speaking so eloquently. While I would like kids I am also ok without them for many reasons and it’s difficult for some people to understand that. Thank you for sharing
You will think you don't need a child until you start looking for one. this is just nonsense excuse they are financially stable at this point, there is nothing more better than having children in your youth. Many years later they will come back here and say the worst decision we ever made was not having children.
This video is much needed for our younger generation. I pray that it goes viral.🙏🏾 There is no doubt that God put you two together. Excellent message!!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Huge respect for Lamb's perspective and choices. As a man coming from a relatable background I completely understand your choices and I pray that God will make it possible for you guys to set up and maintain a solid foundation to your liking, and in Gods time you will have all your hearts desires including all the children you want
Your reasons for waiting to start a family are so valid, and relevant. I did not have my son until I was 30 years old. I had been in my career for 10 years at that point. I was financially secure, and so was my husband. Even with all the financial security, health insurance, etc. We still struggled! We didn’t want our son with a babysitter or in daycare, therefore we had to change to opposite shifts to have someone home with him always. We literally handed him off to each other at work. Me a registered nurse working nights. My husband a physician’s assistant working during the day. It was not easy. My parents had 5 of us. We’re from 🇬🇾. My mom would literally have one of us and drop us off in Guyana with my grandparents, while they built a life for us in the US. When I was 10, they brought us from Guyana to permanently live in the US. We lived a good life as children. But, they worked hard to provide it. I can’t even imagine having so many kids in these times. Grandparents work. They have lives. Most don’t want to be babysitting grandchildren. Most can’t afford that luxury. Times are different now. Take your time. This is a lifetime commitment. My son is our only child. We didn’t want to do it again. People told us we were selfish for only having one child. But, we don’t care. Our son has the best of everything. We are content with having just one child. Do what makes sense to you. Disregard what people have to say.
Omg!! My family is from Guyana as well. My grandparents had 10 total & literally did the same as you mentioned! In the sense of trying to get a better life in the US. My grandparents brought half over here & then had to send for the other 5, once they could afford it. They were staying with different relatives or ppl they knew from church groups. Man the stories I heard growing up from my mother, Uncle's & aunts, its just sooo difficult knowing all the pain & trauma they experienced! I definitely understand what you're talking about! I rarely see Guyanese ppl on here! Thank you for sharing love! Praying for the very best for you & your family!❤🙏🇬🇾
Amazing, I’m also from 🇬🇾 Im in my early 30s, divorced… people always asked why I don’t have kids but financially it is a struggle & things weren’t going well in my marriage with a cheating partner. God willing I hope I can have at least one some day.
I had so much pressure on me in my 30’s to have kids. It would make me feel so bad. People never know what you are going thru in your life. Now that I’m older and I do have kids in my later life. I asked and prayed to patience and the tools to be a parent. Open my mind to understandings. It has been challenging and rewarding. Thank you for sharing your story. Ling and Lamb you guys are amazing. Huggie Huggies
This conversation was sooooo needed, not about you both but in general. I wanted to comment right away but held back so I can get the whole video. I think you guys are so thoughtful of each other and your past experiences to consider what bringing a child into this world would mean. Not enough couples have these hard conversations. My mom had 6 kids and I love my siblings dearly but I watched my mom struggle immensely. And I wondered why any one would do that to themselves. Much love to you both for sharing ❤ and babies will come when the time is right. We will definitely be ready. 🤗
With or without kids I will keep coming back to your channel! Honestly, I love kids, but I don’t want any. My bf and I have an 11 year age difference and his daughter is 19 so that has changed my mindset. I am 29 and I’m just like nope nope nope. Kids are absolutely beautiful but woo is it a sacrifice and commitment. You two are enjoying each other in your marriage and that’s important. If kids come, or not for you both you’re both extremely amazing people and I love how you both can sit down and openly talk about topics. Blessings to you both ❤
I love this so much!! Girl I've had so many people ask me this question and I had to tell one person under of of my comments how insensitive it is to ask people that because like you said, what you HAVE been trying and can't or what if you were and lost it? People don't think about the possibilities. I still want to have one but on God's time. I've been through a lot (which you know!) And my biggest thing at this point in life is what both of you said, building together, enjoying being loved SAFELY and making sure that we are prepared properly. Thank you for sharing this part of your marriage. NOW PEOPLE CAN MIND THEIR BUSINESS! 🤣💕 Love y'all!
I’m so proud of how you’ve handled this topic. I agree with you 100 % I had my first child at a young age then 2 years later my second then 3 years later my third . It was hard raising them , my husband and I done without for them. I’m so proud of your choice to wait. You both need to enjoy your life and be ready to give that child your attention because with a career you don’t have that time and it effects the child. Much love to you both. God will let you know when it’s time. You’re in my prayers. ❤ 🙏
Nothing is guaranteed. Happiness is far beyond what humans have defined it. To me, it's in Christ. Not kids, husband, jobs, parents, siblings,money. Nothing of the things I didn't bring to this world. I'm learning to live life with joy from within. Thank you for sharing ❤.
Lamb , for an African man i respect your vulnerability and also how much of a visionary you have been in building yourself up and to see how honest you are about waiting to have children. You did not allow yourself to be moved by outside pressure or ego. You are a darling and you and you wife are a blessing and such a joy to watch.
Very true ….and what most African men don’t know is vulnerability commands more respect than just frowning face and bossing around…..just see how much the wife loves and respects him after been vulnerable
Omo he is truly rare and humble. I thank God for sending him Ling too cos it could have ended up differently if she were a wrong and toxic woman. He is blessed
Whether or not you have children, or when or how many, is NOT of anybody's business. I consider that extremely rude to ask. Once a couple has one child, a week after childbirth people will pressure to 'start' a second child, because they say an only child will be lonely, then when you have three children, many will say stop etc etc. You can never please everybody, even they expect you to. You have a very balanced and wise view on this matter. Love you guys
Ogbeni!; if I no like you before, rest assured your primary answer took me over. You be correct human being! God bless your wife too! You guys need to spread that lesson, to the white, black or whatever colors are out there.
Yup Y'all get it!!!!!!! GodBless you on the wisdom you have chosen to practice. I completely agree wholeheartedly. Enjoy each other first. Travel the world and see as much of life as you can. GodBless you again and again. Next time somebody asks where the kids...reply. "Oh I'm glad you asked because we are collecting donations for their college tuition now. How much can I put you down for?!" 🤣😂 I am soooooo proud of you both. Keep up the grand work.
Thank you for sharing . My husband and I I waited 2 yrs after marriage and that was not long enough . I loved those 2 yrs spending time together but once the 3 kids came over the next 6 years , it was so hard because he didn’t change diapers. He didn’t feed any babies, and I got left a lot at home . Before I could pack a bag and just run with him.. this would’ve been a good video for me to see when I was younger. They’re all grown up and doing fine.
OMG! These are the conversations that need to be had! Love you guys for this! These conversations would save a lot of heartbreak, divorce, and time wasted with a person who probably was so wrong / incompatible with you in the first place! We who have kids love our kids dearly but bringing a child into a messed up unstable situation is quite selfish! No one goes through life wanting to struggle everyday trying to make it or to make ends meet! I understand totally where you guys are coming from❤❤❤Thank you!
You need to put this in an ebook. Cuz u said exactly what I was going to say. In fact I have an aunty who tells people to get kids as soon as they get married. And when u do, she comes back and say- oh my dear, one child ain’t a child. You need to have 2-3 just in case something happens to that one child 😮. Which I think is crazy!! For her to say such things. She’s insensitive. No one should be rush to have kids.
I am so proud and happy you are sharing your perspective. Society will have you doing things you are not positioned, ready and should not do! Don't bow to the pressure of society. They will have you messed up. Many of us don't know who we are. We are in an identity crises because we live life through social media. PLEASE, get a mentor, counselor, someone who lives what they say. It should line up. Someone who can help you navigate, learn and grown through your journey! Learn yourself first, do for yourself first, respect yourself first. Love yourself first! Love y'all
You guys do what works for you. My husband and I waited 6 years before we had children. We really got to know each other well. So it's no ones business. Jesus is Real ❤️
You guys are super inspirational! I've truly enjoyed your journey together 😊❤️. Keep doing what you're doing. I look forward to watching more content from you guys. ❤️
I love when adults take up important conversations like this☺️🤝. I really do appreciate this because I've always thought that having kids is something that should be carefully planned for and not something you just do, just because. Thank you Ling and Lamb. This somewhat healed my young soul✨😌🤍.
This is awesome. I've NEVER heard a man speak so consciously about their future. Honestly, not everyone wants to have kids, and that's OK. Don't feel pressured to have kids, especially if you feel it's not for you. Kids are a LOT whether you have a village or not
Ling and Lamb thank you for this conversation. You made a lot of good key points. Don’t rush or be pressured until you are ready. Enjoy you life experiences and adventures.
Im very happy you guys are having this conversation for people to understand. Ive been in the same boat for years of people asking me when will my husband and I will have kids. Little do they know weve been trying for years. Im Nigerian American and my hubby is Nigerian. The pressure i get from Nigerians is out of this world. Folks say the MOST insensitive comments to all the time to where ive cried so much that i have ran out of tears, ive even lost friendships because of this topic. Even leaving this comment scares me because i have mutual friends that are fans of u, i will never forget in as much as my hubby and i have been trying i had a friend tell me literally a little bit after dhe got married that she was pregnant, then her telling me that i should hurry up that i should be the one pregnant because i got married before her. If i show people how much my husband and I have spent on fertility doctors their mouths would drop and never ask agsin. Since seeing a therapist ive learned how to deal with this situation. Ive accepted that God will do things in his time. All i can do now is continue to have faith. I say all this to say, dont listen to what anyone says...do ehat is best for you. So if that means you are not quite ready yet that is completely fine. Im married 8 years and still get this insensitive question as if the people asking will be the ones taking care of my future children. I love u guys channel, stay blessed
So sorry to hear about your experience. People can be very insensitive. They think having babies is as simple as having sex and it will happen instantly when that's not everyone's story. Infertility is more common than people realise. Standing in agreement with you for your miracle. I went through it and God came through. Its a painful and sensitive topic that many don't understand. I believe it will happen for you❤
I'm happy you are getting help. People esp Nigerians can be very insensitive. The annoying thing is no matter how much you explain, they don't get it. They think they are just showing concern by asking. Its a huge mental strain. Just try to be happy and live a full life in christ. 5 months married and the pressure is getting worse. I think low key they think something is wrong with me/us.
@@ifeoluwakuyoro3250 ignore them! Especially for your mental health. When u and hubby and God are ready or it's time then it will be. All the blessings to you
Just stumbled on your UA-cam page and all I can say is Waoh.... I was writing this yesterday in my journal planning my life and it was along these lines of not rushing, figuring it out first and all. Trust me it is so unconventional and as an African girl you have to run away from the pressures. I am glad my parents don't pressure me but people can be so weird; I'm glad I know how to cut them off.
All I will say is that these two put great thought into their decision regarding kids and if the vast majority of people did this we probably wouldn’t have so many wayward kids that are neglected or abused by their parents. This is the conversation that needs to be had by couples contemplating whether to have kids or not. Kids are a huge sacrifice and responsibility not to be taken lightly.. God Bless this couple. If it happens it’s happens if not then they are good with that. Leave them alone!
Whew!! Thanks for clearing that up. Because you guys are on such a world wide platform people feel entitled to such private information. I’m glad you guys are being reasonable/responsible in your decision to bring kids into your life. Believe it or not it’s okay to not want kids or not be ready. God Bless you both ;you’re normal. ❤
I've learned a lot today from you guys, and you've opened my mind not only in having children but also to look deeper into myself how I want to prepare my life for my future kids. I know you guys will be a great parents one day. Thank you!!
I loved this chat, as quoted from a movie, 'having a baby is like getting a face Tatoo, you got to be committed.' I always wanted to be a Mom, I dreamt about it before I thought about work, marriage or even nice things, lol, and my dreams came true and I am so happy. But you have to want to have kids, the one thing I regret is not being prepared emotionally and financially. If you think people are intrusive now about when you should have kids, it becomes 10 times worse after you have kids... Wow everyone has an opinion but bringing a life into your life is so valuable. People make is if, having a child is like buying a car and that once you get one it comes with a service plan. No, everything changes after a baby and it's good to wait and also decide if you want kids, your dreams and visions are your baby, and they are as much work and they stay with you forever. So all props to you, you guys are inspiring and I would share this with kids and friends ❤.
I love this video. I love that both of you are on the same page and speaking the same language. Do what's best for your relationship, and block out the white noise!
My thought process was always, we will never be “fully ready”. Also fertility at an older age is no walk in the park. It doesn’t get easier it gets harder. Also I had older parents and I wanted to be younger when my kids hit their 20’s…in my fifties, young enough to enjoy my child as they become men and women and young enough to run around with my grandchildren in a way I didn’t get to!with my kids cause my kids had to be cared by someone else will I worked my 9 to 5 job. My prayer is that when you decide the time is right you still can have them😊
The truth is " only God knows better". If you decide to have kids early, you never rest because each child has their own challenges which subsequently come to you. You care for them till they are old enough. When you think you are done, then they have their own children, which is still a burden to you as a grand parent. The struggle continues and at some point when they get old, they leave you alone because they don't need you anymore. Depression, dementia kicks in. Its better to live your life the way it make sense to you than rely on other people. Go out, see the world. I salute Ling and Lamb, when the time is right, they will have children. Let's leave people and their choices alone. They are the once who understand their struggles.
I do believe that your have addressed this subject in the not so distant past. This is even better than the first one. Y’all are doing y’all’s thing and doing it very well. We can only see “some” of where you’ve been and NO ONE can predict where you are going…. Thank you for sharing your journey together.
This was excellent advice from the both of you. He surprised me being a Nigerian. But he was 100% correct. I like how your marriage compliment one another. I like you music and lyrics. Thank you.
@Crazy Gwen Most Nigerian men want children,(especially a male child) not to long after marriage. At least in my generation. He's younger. No disrespect towards anyone. I admire their decisions. The Most High's time is always best. Thank you.
@@azionisrael As a Nigerian I'm ashamed to say it but you're 💯 right 😌. Most Nigerians want kids immediately after marriage that's why when we see couples who have been married for some time without kids, we (younger generation) don't ask why they don't have kids because most times it's usually because of health related issues.
Having Children is a very serious issue. Many people think that you just have them without any discussion or thought. This is so ridiculous. Children are a huge responsibility. I am living in Nigeria right now and I am so surprised how people just have children without much thought to it. No discussion. No planning. The idea is that when you marry immediately children must come as if having children is the only evidence you are married. When I counsel young girls and men to wait before having children and at least spend time to know each other, I am painted as the enemy trying to block progress. Then before you know it, children are in the picture and people start begging to make ends meet. Imagine the majority of people here are poor yet still children are brought into these homes to suffer and struggle. Yet, I still agree that everyone has to make their own decision. I applaud you Ling and Lamb...you both are thoughtful and wise. God bless you!
You owe know one an explanation. Enjoy each other as long as you like. Children will come when and if the two of you decide to have them. Continued Blesssings❤
I’m 38, not married and want kids right away. However, the point you made about having a solid foundation with your spouse spoke to me the most! I used to say I want to enjoy my marriage before kids, which I still do, but getting on the same page with your partner is top tier! Thank you for this honest conversation. Y’all are so funny!
I'm 38 too. Growing up I ve always wished to enjoy my husband first before considering kids. So I totally agree with you lovely couple. Well well i'm yet to find him and once I do. I'm definitely having kids right away as our eggs don't give us the luxury of waiting till we are ready. Wishing you nothing but love and happiness ❤
I’m just seeing this. Great conversation. Thanks for sharing. My husband and I didn’t have a child until 6 years later. Your advice is spot on. Why I wait was because I was selfish. I wanted to live and conquer the world with the hubby. It was only when I was ready, we started the conversation to have a kid. God allowed us to wait a little longer. There was pressure there too, but when we just let life flow, everything came when it was suppose to.
You guys are awesome this was a great conversation to listen to. Although I have kids already and had one at a very young age. I wish I had this conversation back then. Keep these conversations coming. Our younger generation needs to hear this. Thank you for always being real and honest.
I had kids 2 years after being married at age 21.. Here we are age 42 with a 21 year old girl and 18 year old boy with both my kids in college. Now at age 42 we are empty nesters living life with young adults kids who are my absolute joy. Talking with them everyday, helping them make decisions. Walking them through situations and seeing them flourish into adults is a DREAM COME TRUE. My husband and I wasnt rich. We was rich in love, care, nurturing and my kids fell perfectly into our lives. My only regret is not having more.
I appreciate what you have said. This rings so true on so many levels. You two are awesome. Stick to your values and don’t let anyone talk you or rush you into having babies before you are ready. What you two have ( from what I have seen on this channel) is beautiful.
Lamb I love your spirit and Ling you’re a great inspiration to him. Love you guys videos May god continue to bless and guide your footsteps 🙏🏽 “COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS “
As a parent of two I can totally understand this. I also grew up with a grandmother who was overburdened with too many kids (15 due to DV). Out of all of these, my mom was the only one who went to college. Everyone else worked in factories or as maids and had children really young. I knew I wanted to follow in my moms footsteps to continue to build up our family and then... I got pregnant at 18. I was devastated since I had a 4.3 GPA and was Ivy League bound. But with hard work and a ton of support we still accomplished our goals (attorney and therapist) but 1- it took much longer 2- we had to work 10x harder with less rest 3- our child didn’t experience financial stability until he was about 5. We had the basics but were always struggling It would have been easier if we were established first.
I appreciate this conversation happening in a public forum. People would assume so much about your journey but a video like this sheds light on how similar 'youtubers' are to you and me.
I really do love your openness and thought process. I wished I had heard all these before but I am thankful I did now. Thanks to all the beautiful comments❤
You two look gorgeous! Thank you for being so conscious about whether or not you bring another human being into the world. I knew at 15 that I didn't want to have children, having been the eldest of 5 to unhappily married parents, it was a big NO for me. At 60 I have zero regrets, especially in a world that is in constant change. Praise to the ones that do have children though, it's quite the responsibility, and there are some really awesome parents out there. The other piece to this is there are advanced souls that wish to be born, they are needed on this planet, and they need good parents to come through and be here.
#1 That is between the husband and wife. You do it when you're both ready. Sounds like you have a great plan. #2 Enjoy time with each other first. This is just the beginning, children will be another great chapter when you're ready. Thanks for sharing your truth. 😊
these are the kinds of lessons we should be taught in schools, or better still parents should talk to their kids about because seriously, you don't know what you get yourself into until you have a little human being completely dependent on you. Motherhood for me is a learning curve every day. No one prepared me for this and I love these kids, I keep praying every day for strength to do well as a mother. PS. The struggles I went through, almost losing my life just so I can have a baby is a story for another day. But God is good. Take your time Ling and Lamb, DO YOU. lOVE YOU BOTH.
Sorry about that. But can you just imagine a lady losing her life to bring a baby in this world, just because she was pressured to do it? I wonder if the one or ones that pressured to do it, might feel guilty.
All your reasons are valid 💯💯💯💯Children deserves the best, the attention, the love,excellent parenting and healthy environment with no violence and abuse…Love you more for this 🤗🤗😍😍👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Beautiful conversation. Y’all didn’t have to share a thing with no one. But if it’s helpful to another that’s figuring it out and clearly you both were on the same page as to your why for sharing … then bravo 👏🏾 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾. Love you guys and your transparency. May God continue to bless your marriage and endeavors. 😊🥰
Oh my God, the reasons you guys gave for waiting are solid gold. I wish I had thought of this before I’d had kids. What a difference it would have made.
Listening to you two is life goals. You always take my thinking to a deep reality level. May God continue to bless y"all as y'all continue to reach out to other people around the world.😊😊
You TWO are wise beyond your years; getting to know each other before adding another human life to your lives! Kids are precious but no where does it say: "everyone should have one"!!! Lamb, you are brilliant! Getting to know yourself, your wife, as well as the two of you together takes monumental time to acquire!!! Every young couple should babysit someone's newborn baby for a week and then decide: "do we want to have a kid?" I bet anything they will surely rethink the idea, or totally change their minds to NO! Nowadays, it's probably a million dollars just to raise ONE child; I raised my only daughter from 1970-1989, when she went out on her own, and it was a real struggle financially back then; and she was NOT spoiled! Stand your ground about kids, tell people to mind their own business! If I had to decide today, I would NOT have a kid, and no regrets. Enjoy life, each other, adopt a pet, and prosper in your careers! God bless you both and THANKS for your honesty and sharing your brilliant thoughts on the subject!! I love both of you!! 🙏👋🥰🤗👏💞
After I worked in a fertility clinic I never ask people why they haven't had children yet. Sometimes it may be that they just don't want any and that's cool too.
Exactly! It’s crazy and shocking how small minded people are. Some can’t or don’t want to have any! It’s not rocket science 😮
And you know children comes with a lot of responsibility that you must have to be prepared to face.
I mean I have seen cats destroy a lovely relationship on tv. Because the man get to clean shit a lot because the woman is nagging him, you're not being supportive.. because of a cat 😂😂😂😂
@@ohukwh606hgghk you're actually very weird for this comment. It's the fact that you feel entitled enough to tell a stranger that you think it's time to have kids. Who are you to tell a person you don't know to have kids? You're a Nigerian so I'm not surprised at your lack of boundaries. You don't even know if they're ready for kids or not. Talmabout "if your parents thought this way they wouldn't have had you" . And that would have been very fine . It's not as if the kids that were not born are missing anything special. When you have to go as far as emotionally blackmailing people to have kids, you should know that there's something wrong.
@@ohukwh606hgghk of course you are nigerian
Just live your lives. Having kids or not, your choice to make. I have learnt that if we make a right choice, we enjoy the success the most. If we make a wrong choice, we suffer the consequences the most. It's yours to decide. Pls yourselves, not others. In as much as you don't see yourselves in nearest future wishing you had kids earlier, just ride on. Blessings❤❤🎉🎉
It's good to discuss kids before marriage. My husband and I dated for 3 yrs before marriage we used to discuss how many kids we will have and we agreed for me to stay home and raise the kids until the last one will go to school full time. That's what happened ecxately! As soon as we married we wanted kids right away😂 bcs we were both prepared mentally. God bless me with a fantastic husband this year 29 yrs together. Our baby is 22 yrs old. Marriage is beautiful if you find the right one. Thank you for this topic to educate young ones out there.
Congratulations 😊😊😊.. I pray nothing comes between you two❤❤
May God bless your family
Thanks for sharing ❤🎉
I love that Lamb was essentially having a conversation with Ling, not us. He was looking straight at her the whole time.
He is so grounded!! He even thinks better then her, and although he speaks a different English he was clear and she didn’t understand.
Spot on Ling and Lamb 👏🏾👏🏾. You have made some extremely valid points here. One that resonates with me is the insensitivity of some people in their asking. Its like you owe it to them to procreate. My husband and I have been married for almost 9 yrs and God has not yet blessed us with children...yet people still ask "when are you going to have a child"... I give the same answer as Ling 😂😂..we are each other's baby...so funny Ling and Lamb 😂. Blessings to you both, you will have a baby when you are ready🙏🏾❤️
Like the scriptures say, "It's not good that the man should be a alone. I will make a mate suitable for him". Gen 2:18
This scripture from Genesis shows that the basic need of marriage is companionship. Children are the fruits.
We are Nigerian 🇳🇬 Ukrainian 🇺🇦couple, Our story is different, you never know how your life might turn, we decided we were ready to have a child financially and mentally, but when war in Ukraine started we lost everything, just after leaving the country we discovered we are going to be parents, now our child is our joy and happiness and somehow he is helping to go through this rough time and pushing us to continue moving and living the new life that we didn’t even choose but was forced to.
God bless you beautiful couple ❤️
Sending love ❤❤❤❤
This is soooo inspiring. God bless your family.
Sending ❤and hugs 🫂
I am with you guys, good advice, now it's time go for the child and more now.
Y
I have always loved this two but this convo literally made me love them more. People don’t talk about the pressure of needing to “have kids” when you are married. I would rather get to know and spend time with my husband to be honest. Then, if God let’s it happen, it happens and we are ready between us. The pressure is just not necessary. I STAND BEHIND THIS TOPIC CUZ THIS IS EXACTLY HOW ME AND MY FIANCÉ FEEL! Love you guys Ling &Lamb❤❤❤❤
I love that you two are enjoying each other's company and relationship building before children.
As much as i feel like it's none of anyone's business to meddle in your personal lives, this is a very much needed and necessary conversation to have. "Never make love to a girl you can not accept a child from" 👏🏾👏🏾 if only more fathers could teach that to their sons.
I agree with you 💯 👍 👌..it's not taught hence the many single mothers in our communities
Sage you're correct. That's also a huge part of it
@ArcanesageAh. Nice response. I see how she try to push it to the man without being accountable. Damn.
Each child has a different parent! So true 👍🏾. Love you guys ❤
You’re right! People will always put pressure on you but will never help you financially. People don’t care about your struggles but like to criticize.
Solid advice L&L
That part!!! I’ve been with my fiancé for 3 years, and everyone is asking ….
When is the wedding? When are the babies coming? We’re like Jeez. Can we decide when, what, where, and how ??? Give him a chance to ask me FIRST!!!Plus, I don’t hear any of our family or friends sending us financial assistant. 🙆🏽♀️😜😏
Like marriage and babies are stressful enough, and they both require a monetary foundation. When WE are ready we’ll definitely let everyone know
Thank you am here with 1 children these womb watchers keep asking for number to.. am like mind the business that pays u.. not a single 1 has ever offered any kind of help...it's not like I need it but the thought counts... nothing not even to check on the baby.
@@shielamajoriemusongeMD Other than for medical reasons, women who don't want kids are selfish, Lets just call a spade a spade (Ohh I dont want to lose my shape, eww I dont want to wake up 02am changing diapers or breastfeeding, Ohh I dont want to deal with stress, Ohh I'm a career driven women ... etc).
Amen to that!
You guys have brought up so many valid points. There are so many grandparents raising their grandchildren because their children could not handle what they were not ready for!
God bless you for writing this. You're so right
Correct !
YES! And Aunties & Uncle's too! I've had my nephew since he was an infant & he's 12 now! Neither one of his parents are able to be involved in his life, so I had to step all the way up! Its been extremely difficult to say the least but I love him with everything I have! Im trying so hard to give him the very best!❤🙏
@@ericabelcher8760 hmmm, so true. They call it family bonding and helping out but seriously, bottom line is pushing your responsibilities on others. Can't imagine foisting my kids on others.....
@Gracefully Saved True! It's been exhausting, honestly! But I'd rather have him than foster care! I'm not saying there aren't SOME good ppl in the system, but the statistics of the opposite are too high. But I definitely hear you, though! Smh
My husband and I have been married 7 years and no kids. I used to cry about it all the time because I felt I was supposed to being pressured by societal norms. Once I realized and accepted that it’s not up to me but the lord and that not having kids are okay too. I am no longer upset about it Plus I love my freedom❤
I understand you. I always wanted to be a mum.Then I have been working hard to build my career and now I have a partner who is supportive.However, I am happy without babies and life is much easier. I am not sure if my partner is ready for a child. He is sooo selfish that I wonder if we would give up a bit from himself to care for another human being. I don’t want to be a full care parent like my mum was. She had a husband who was too busy drinking to look after their own child. My partner doesn’t drink but I am not sure if he will be ready.Babies are for life.😢
So say that you will concieve, believe it and DO NOT WORRY ABOUT THIS SUBJECT and it will happen. Matter of fact, you will be astonished at how instant it will be.
@@tuka24a yes it’s a huge commitment and babies change everything. I always hope for the best though 🫶🏾
@@benban8055 to be honest it would be a blessing yet terrifying to say the least lol
Damn when you said it wasn't up to you but the Lord's is amazing! Good on ya🙏🏼💯
You guys hit the nail on the head. You have to get your foundation together first. My husband and I waited 8+ years before we had our daughter. It was the GREATEST decision we could have ever made for our family. Once you have a child, EVERYTHING changes.
@@christopherl.2593 say it again for the people in the BACK!!!
@@tifanywilliams3654 Other than for medical reasons, women who don't want kids are selfish, Lets just call a spade a spade (Ohh I dont want to lose my shape, eww I dont want to wake up 02am changing diapers or breastfeeding, Ohh I dont want to deal with stress, Ohh I'm a career driven women ... etc).
@@_trust9994 nothing wrong with being selfish. I can't believe you are trying to shame women by calling them selfish🤣 Always me first!😬 u sound dusty🤪
@@_trust9994 am a 10000% ok with being selfish and more women should be OK with that too...there's no way in hell imma wake up at 2 am to change a shitty diaper or worry about my figure because of a baby and if that makes me or any woman that decides to not have kids a bad person then so be it😊
If you grew up in Africa, where kids basically determine your standard of living in your old age, you would have very radically different view.
But I understand where you are coming from, and the peculiarities of your environment.
You would probably end up in a nursing home when you are old, with or without kids.
So what's the point?
You both speak with great wisdom & maturity. ❤
Lamb is very philosophical and intelligent when not fooling around, it's a side of his I didn't know
Lamb is full of sheet. His wife is getting older and he is playing
@@Jayscomic shut up..
@@Jayscomic Do expand please...
This was the most honest discussion regarding when to bring a child into the world. ❤❤❤
Yes it was. But it’s not 100% your choice. It’s a blessing.
The subject of having kids is a conversation ALL couples should discuss as intelligently and honestly as these two have! I greatly appreciate this video and the knowledge they share. Thank you, Ling & Lam, and best wishes for your continued success.
True. But it is scary to have that conversation.
Ling and Lamb, thanks for this very important conversation. When i got married in 2016, me and my wife was determined to spend quality times together so that we can get to know each other and form the strongest bond of friendship, build our own business buy a property and then have at least 1 child. We had 2 beautiful sofa like yours. We finally had our only child in 2020 during Covid lockdown. We are so happy that we waited and build a strong relationship first and now we both have time for ourselves and our baby boy. Many people do not know about our goals, they criticize and pressure us but we just kept silent and live our lives on our own terms. My son travelled aboard an airplane when he was just 8months old but me his father boarded my first flight @ 23yrs of age. Guys do not repeat the mistakes of your parents. Love you guys. Keep these kind of conversations coming.♥♥♥♥♥
I so enjoy your channel and content. Enjoy your life and each other first, the greater your understanding and commitment to each other the greater your impact on any child you will have, whether yours or someone else's. Continued blessings to you ❤
Ling and Lamb you are both good people and when the time is right you will be good parents. Do not allow anyone to pressure you into making that decision. Children are a blessing but also a huge responsibility and not for everyone. You really did not even have to explain your reasoning for not having children yet but doing so shows your appreciation for your followers and subscribers.
Having children is an extremely serious decision. It changes your life forever and puts you in the position of providing for another’s safety and happiness. Take your time and do what makes you happy. Love you guys ❤
It's one of the most difficult decisions to make. Women don't have time like men.
@@Jooniebug I dont think it is. People just overthink things like wanting a perfect time, most times there isn’t that perfect time and when you think it’s perfect time you are old.
@TRACEY MACHIO I agree with you. There's no perfect time but I think people need to think and ensure parenthood is what they want. Then again she should be careful as a woman as we don't have that much time cos Al pacino will be a dad at 83 and Robert de Niro is a dad at 79
Totally agree with you
My husband and I decided that we wanted to be married two years and finish our house before we started to have kids. When we started to try I had three miscarriages it was something that we kept private. People keep asking every time they see us when we having kids it would eat at me and it send me into depression. One Mother’s Day they had me help giving out the gifts at church and I just breakdown. God finally bless us with a daughter and the journey was traumatic. I had to stitch my baby in so as not to have a fourth miscarriage. I flatlined after the surgery almost didn’t wake up and in the delivery room the nurse was paging the doctor and no one turned up so both of us delivered her and I got 42 stitches. My baby was in the nicu for one week with an infection in the navel. Now persons asking when I am giving her a sibling I am sick of it. I still have anxiety from my experience. People need to normalize staying out of people reproductive business.
You and your family are in my prayers 🙏🏾
I’m glad you made it through. God bless you and your family.
you are also allow to cuss them out as well and tell them back off
I agree. You never know what people are going through and asking them about why they haven’t had children or more children may definitely trigger ptsd, anxiety or depression. We have to be cautious of that.
@@TriciaPerry-ef7bi yes.. this new age of sparing feeling and lying to persons who behave badly and letting them sit is is damaging to other. I have a lot of bad behaving christians in my life. Ams sick of you all
My wife and I had same excuses when we were your age. Now we are in our 70s and it's our biggest regret. We always thought there'll be a better time but that time never came. She's now dying of cancer and her only wish is that of a child she never had. Goodluck to you both. Thanks for sharing your story.
So very sorry to hear
😢
So sorry to hear this. Sending love
😢
😢I pray for God’s healing hands upon your wife.
Loved every bit of this conversation. I'm 33 got married a year and half ago no children and neither one of us plan on having any for awhile. Its so important to have a strong marriage before bringing children in it because you will be tested. My mom had 3 kids thats including me and she has been a single mother her whole life neither one of my siblings or myself share the same father. Im the oldest so for me having children is a very stressful conversation because of what I've seen my mom and friends go through with men. Im happy just enjoying my marriage for a long while .
Yes so true
Yes. And as they said, you have to get to know your partner first, before bringing another life in this world that you have to spend so much time with, and less time with getting to know your partner
I Hope you have some eggs frozen #biological clock
@@tonyjeffers2606 if it's in the plans God will work it out. I'm not stressing it because I'm like Ling I don't have a huge desire to have children.
There is no difference between licking and leaking jare. Don't stress Nigerians o
I love this. You both spoke truth, having kids it's not easy but a blessing, and I can identify with you both.
The beautiful thing for me is that y'all are on the same page. That alone is a blessing. I love the realness and the wisdom of your reasons, too. There's so much to raising a child! Mad respect for y'all!
They are lucky.
Love this. It's good talk, we have people who go and have children and expect others to provide for them
I love how you talk with each other and I support what you’re saying but people are the way they are (putting pressure on others,….),but I love how you handle that and your advices to others ❤
People will always try to rush you into marriage, then when you’re married it’s when are you having a baby, you have a baby then it’s when you giving the child a brother or sister. You can’t win. Have kids when you’re ready and if you choose not to have kids, that’s fine. Own YOUR truth and people just need to mind their own business. Thanks for sharing with us.❤
You nailed it😂That's exactly what they say it never ends
AMEN!
Preach Renee, that's the truth and nothing but the truth. Ling and Lamb broke it down very nicely. I really love ❤ and admire this beautiful couple. 💑 May God continue to bless them. 🙌
You can't win. Holy crap. Thank you.
I think four years is long enough having even one now won't do you guys no harm
I am glad you are not only UA-camr, but a teaching life coaching.
Thank you guys love you 🇭🇹
Thank you guys SO MUCH for this conversation!!! As a teacher who has seen almost very form of dysfunction in families (which definitely affects the child's performance in school and in life) I truly wish ALL couples had this understanding and level of maturity before bringing little lives into this world
God bless you both!! 🙏💯
I am so impressed with how wise and self assure this was. As a single person without kids I truly truly appreciate you sharing this and speaking so eloquently. While I would like kids I am also ok without them for many reasons and it’s difficult for some people to understand that. Thank you for sharing
You will think you don't need a child until you start looking for one. this is just nonsense excuse they are financially stable at this point, there is nothing more better than having children in your youth. Many years later they will come back here and say the worst decision we ever made was not having children.
This video is much needed for our younger generation. I pray that it goes viral.🙏🏾 There is no doubt that God put you two together. Excellent message!!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Huge respect for Lamb's perspective and choices. As a man coming from a relatable background I completely understand your choices and I pray that God will make it possible for you guys to set up and maintain a solid foundation to your liking, and in Gods time you will have all your hearts desires including all the children you want
Your reasons for waiting to start a family are so valid, and relevant. I did not have my son until I was 30 years old. I had been in my career for 10 years at that point. I was financially secure, and so was my husband. Even with all the financial security, health insurance, etc. We still struggled! We didn’t want our son with a babysitter or in daycare, therefore we had to change to opposite shifts to have someone home with him always. We literally handed him off to each other at work. Me a registered nurse working nights. My husband a physician’s assistant working during the day. It was not easy. My parents had 5 of us. We’re from 🇬🇾. My mom would literally have one of us and drop us off in Guyana with my grandparents, while they built a life for us in the US. When I was 10, they brought us from Guyana to permanently live in the US. We lived a good life as children. But, they worked hard to provide it. I can’t even imagine having so many kids in these times. Grandparents work. They have lives. Most don’t want to be babysitting grandchildren. Most can’t afford that luxury. Times are different now. Take your time. This is a lifetime commitment. My son is our only child. We didn’t want to do it again. People told us we were selfish for only having one child. But, we don’t care. Our son has the best of everything. We are content with having just one child. Do what makes sense to you. Disregard what people have to say.
Omg!! My family is from Guyana as well. My grandparents had 10 total & literally did the same as you mentioned! In the sense of trying to get a better life in the US. My grandparents brought half over here & then had to send for the other 5, once they could afford it. They were staying with different relatives or ppl they knew from church groups. Man the stories I heard growing up from my mother, Uncle's & aunts, its just sooo difficult knowing all the pain & trauma they experienced! I definitely understand what you're talking about! I rarely see Guyanese ppl on here! Thank you for sharing love! Praying for the very best for you & your family!❤🙏🇬🇾
Mine did the same 8 children 🇬🇾
I’m happy for you..I have 1 daughter n she’s amazing.. I work 2 jobs to put her thru college and she always spoils me
@Annette Williams Thats really sweet love!❤️
Amazing, I’m also from 🇬🇾
Im in my early 30s, divorced… people always asked why I don’t have kids but financially it is a struggle & things weren’t going well in my marriage with a cheating partner.
God willing I hope I can have at least one some day.
I had so much pressure on me in my 30’s to have kids. It would make me feel so bad. People never know what you are going thru in your life. Now that I’m older and I do have kids in my later life. I asked and prayed to patience and the tools to be a parent. Open my mind to understandings. It has been challenging and rewarding. Thank you for sharing your story. Ling and Lamb you guys are amazing. Huggie Huggies
This conversation was sooooo needed, not about you both but in general. I wanted to comment right away but held back so I can get the whole video. I think you guys are so thoughtful of each other and your past experiences to consider what bringing a child into this world would mean. Not enough couples have these hard conversations. My mom had 6 kids and I love my siblings dearly but I watched my mom struggle immensely. And I wondered why any one would do that to themselves. Much love to you both for sharing ❤ and babies will come when the time is right. We will definitely be ready. 🤗
With or without kids I will keep coming back to your channel! Honestly, I love kids, but I don’t want any. My bf and I have an 11 year age difference and his daughter is 19 so that has changed my mindset. I am 29 and I’m just like nope nope nope. Kids are absolutely beautiful but woo is it a sacrifice and commitment. You two are enjoying each other in your marriage and that’s important. If kids come, or not for you both you’re both extremely amazing people and I love how you both can sit down and openly talk about topics. Blessings to you both ❤
Lovely couple
@@misswallis4050 they could be mentors. I honestly believe this is how they are on and off camera. Their marriage is absolutely beautiful ❤
I love this so much!! Girl I've had so many people ask me this question and I had to tell one person under of of my comments how insensitive it is to ask people that because like you said, what you HAVE been trying and can't or what if you were and lost it? People don't think about the possibilities. I still want to have one but on God's time. I've been through a lot (which you know!) And my biggest thing at this point in life is what both of you said, building together, enjoying being loved SAFELY and making sure that we are prepared properly. Thank you for sharing this part of your marriage. NOW PEOPLE CAN MIND THEIR BUSINESS! 🤣💕 Love y'all!
😂 👏
I’m so proud of how you’ve handled this topic. I agree with you 100 % I had my first child at a young age then 2 years later my second then 3 years later my third . It was hard raising them , my husband and I done without for them. I’m so proud of your choice to wait. You both need to enjoy your life and be ready to give that child your attention because with a career you don’t have that time and it effects the child. Much love to you both. God will let you know when it’s time. You’re in my prayers. ❤ 🙏
Nothing is guaranteed. Happiness is far beyond what humans have defined it. To me, it's in Christ. Not kids, husband, jobs, parents, siblings,money. Nothing of the things I didn't bring to this world. I'm learning to live life with joy from within. Thank you for sharing ❤.
"Nothing of the things I didn't bring to this world", it's in Christ. Perfectly said. I love this
That's the Secret. Jesus is the key to happiness .
Love this in particular.🙌🙇
I have so much respect for this couple and their transparency
Happy children is one of the beautiful thing you can have,God us bless u guy.enjoy that journey of being parents
Lamb , for an African man i respect your vulnerability and also how much of a visionary you have been in building yourself up and to see how honest you are about waiting to have children. You did not allow yourself to be moved by outside pressure or ego. You are a darling and you and you wife are a blessing and such a joy to watch.
You penned down my thoughts...for an African man to be this vulnerable is a rarity. He's a good man
I agree
Very true ….and what most African men don’t know is vulnerability commands more respect than just frowning face and bossing around…..just see how much the wife loves and respects him after been vulnerable
Unequivocal truth❤
Omo he is truly rare and humble. I thank God for sending him Ling too cos it could have ended up differently if she were a wrong and toxic woman. He is blessed
Whether or not you have children, or when or how many, is NOT of anybody's business. I consider that extremely rude to ask. Once a couple has one child, a week after childbirth people will pressure to 'start' a second child, because they say an only child will be lonely, then when you have three children, many will say stop etc etc. You can never please everybody, even they expect you to. You have a very balanced and wise view on this matter. Love you guys
This is so true. I remembered having my 2nd and the nurse asked me when would you have your 3rd😐
Yes, it is very rude! They are so polite for answering, I would not have!
Ogbeni!; if I no like you before, rest assured your primary answer took me over. You be correct human being! God bless your wife too! You guys need to spread that lesson, to the white, black or whatever colors are out there.
Yup Y'all get it!!!!!!! GodBless you on the wisdom you have chosen to practice. I completely agree wholeheartedly. Enjoy each other first. Travel the world and see as much of life as you can. GodBless you again and again. Next time somebody asks where the kids...reply. "Oh I'm glad you asked because we are collecting donations for their college tuition now. How much can I put you down for?!" 🤣😂 I am soooooo proud of you both. Keep up the grand work.
Lamb is so wise and the way he thinks is the right way for someone knew his past and doesn't want to repeat the same mistakes.
Thank you for sharing . My husband and I I waited 2 yrs after marriage and that was not long enough . I loved those 2 yrs spending time together but once the 3 kids came over the next 6 years , it was so hard because he didn’t change diapers. He didn’t feed any babies, and I got left a lot at home . Before I could pack a bag and just run with him.. this would’ve been a good video for me to see when I was younger. They’re all grown up and doing fine.
OMG! These are the conversations that need to be had! Love you guys for this! These conversations would save a lot of heartbreak, divorce, and time wasted with a person who probably was so wrong / incompatible with you in the first place! We who have kids love our kids dearly but bringing a child into a messed up unstable situation is quite selfish! No one goes through life wanting to struggle everyday trying to make it or to make ends meet! I understand totally where you guys are coming from❤❤❤Thank you!
You need to put this in an ebook. Cuz u said exactly what I was going to say. In fact I have an aunty who tells people to get kids as soon as they get married. And when u do, she comes back and say- oh my dear, one child ain’t a child. You need to have 2-3 just in case something happens to that one child 😮.
Which I think is crazy!! For her to say such things. She’s insensitive. No one should be rush to have kids.
❤❤
This is really awesome. Great conversation from both of you. May your union last forever.... Amen
I am so proud and happy you are sharing your perspective. Society will have you doing things you are not positioned, ready and should not do! Don't bow to the pressure of society. They will have you messed up. Many of us don't know who we are. We are in an identity crises because we live life through social media. PLEASE, get a mentor, counselor, someone who lives what they say. It should line up. Someone who can help you navigate, learn and grown through your journey! Learn yourself first, do for yourself first, respect yourself first. Love yourself first! Love y'all
You guys do what works for you. My husband and I waited 6 years before we had children. We really got to know each other well. So it's no ones business. Jesus is Real ❤️
You guys are super inspirational! I've truly enjoyed your journey together 😊❤️. Keep doing what you're doing. I look forward to watching more content from you guys. ❤️
Thank you so much for the love and support of our channel. We’re glad you enjoyed this video in particular ❤ xo
My sentiments exactly. Thank you Ling & Lamb for opening up about that topic. ❤
I love when adults take up important conversations like this☺️🤝. I really do appreciate this because I've always thought that having kids is something that should be carefully planned for and not something you just do, just because. Thank you Ling and Lamb. This somewhat healed my young soul✨😌🤍.
This is awesome. I've NEVER heard a man speak so consciously about their future. Honestly, not everyone wants to have kids, and that's OK. Don't feel pressured to have kids, especially if you feel it's not for you. Kids are a LOT whether you have a village or not
Ling and Lamb thank you for this conversation. You made a lot of good key points. Don’t rush or be pressured until you are ready. Enjoy you life experiences and adventures.
Im very happy you guys are having this conversation for people to understand. Ive been in the same boat for years of people asking me when will my husband and I will have kids. Little do they know weve been trying for years. Im Nigerian American and my hubby is Nigerian. The pressure i get from Nigerians is out of this world. Folks say the MOST insensitive comments to all the time to where ive cried so much that i have ran out of tears, ive even lost friendships because of this topic. Even leaving this comment scares me because i have mutual friends that are fans of u, i will never forget in as much as my hubby and i have been trying i had a friend tell me literally a little bit after dhe got married that she was pregnant, then her telling me that i should hurry up that i should be the one pregnant because i got married before her. If i show people how much my husband and I have spent on fertility doctors their mouths would drop and never ask agsin. Since seeing a therapist ive learned how to deal with this situation. Ive accepted that God will do things in his time. All i can do now is continue to have faith. I say all this to say, dont listen to what anyone says...do ehat is best for you. So if that means you are not quite ready yet that is completely fine. Im married 8 years and still get this insensitive question as if the people asking will be the ones taking care of my future children. I love u guys channel, stay blessed
So sorry to hear about your experience. People can be very insensitive. They think having babies is as simple as having sex and it will happen instantly when that's not everyone's story. Infertility is more common than people realise. Standing in agreement with you for your miracle. I went through it and God came through. Its a painful and sensitive topic that many don't understand. I believe it will happen for you❤
I'm happy you are getting help. People esp Nigerians can be very insensitive. The annoying thing is no matter how much you explain, they don't get it. They think they are just showing concern by asking. Its a huge mental strain. Just try to be happy and live a full life in christ. 5 months married and the pressure is getting worse. I think low key they think something is wrong with me/us.
@@Joyful802 thank you I appreciate the kind words
@@ifeoluwakuyoro3250 ignore them! Especially for your mental health. When u and hubby and God are ready or it's time then it will be. All the blessings to you
@@vatiba87 thank you so much ma
Just stumbled on your UA-cam page and all I can say is Waoh.... I was writing this yesterday in my journal planning my life and it was along these lines of not rushing, figuring it out first and all. Trust me it is so unconventional and as an African girl you have to run away from the pressures. I am glad my parents don't pressure me but people can be so weird; I'm glad I know how to cut them off.
All I will say is that these two put great thought into their decision regarding kids and if the vast majority of people did this we probably wouldn’t have so many wayward kids that are neglected or abused by their parents.
This is the conversation that needs to be had by couples contemplating whether to have kids or not. Kids are a huge sacrifice and responsibility not to be taken lightly.. God Bless this couple. If it happens it’s happens if not then they are good with that. Leave them alone!
Whew!! Thanks for clearing that up. Because you guys are on such a world wide platform people feel entitled to such private information. I’m glad you guys are being reasonable/responsible in your decision to bring kids into your life. Believe it or not it’s okay to not want kids or not be ready. God Bless you both ;you’re normal. ❤
I've learned a lot today from you guys, and you've opened my mind not only in having children but also to look deeper into myself how I want to prepare my life for my future kids. I know you guys will be a great parents one day. Thank you!!
I loved this chat, as quoted from a movie, 'having a baby is like getting a face Tatoo, you got to be committed.' I always wanted to be a Mom, I dreamt about it before I thought about work, marriage or even nice things, lol, and my dreams came true and I am so happy. But you have to want to have kids, the one thing I regret is not being prepared emotionally and financially. If you think people are intrusive now about when you should have kids, it becomes 10 times worse after you have kids... Wow everyone has an opinion but bringing a life into your life is so valuable. People make is if, having a child is like buying a car and that once you get one it comes with a service plan. No, everything changes after a baby and it's good to wait and also decide if you want kids, your dreams and visions are your baby, and they are as much work and they stay with you forever. So all props to you, you guys are inspiring and I would share this with kids and friends ❤.
Such a much-needed conversation! Profound and True! Continue to live your lives to the fullest with or without children!
I love this video. I love that both of you are on the same page and speaking the same language. Do what's best for your relationship, and block out the white noise!
For someone who is married for 16years now. Amazing conversation and advise any day. Thanks to you both.
All I can say is Amen! So happy you guys talked about this.❤
My thought process was always, we will never be “fully ready”. Also fertility at an older age is no walk in the park. It doesn’t get easier it gets harder. Also I had older parents and I wanted to be younger when my kids hit their 20’s…in my fifties, young enough to enjoy my child as they become men and women and young enough to run around with my grandchildren in a way I didn’t get to!with my kids cause my kids had to be cared by someone else will I worked my 9 to 5 job.
My prayer is that when you decide the time is right you still can have them😊
The truth is " only God knows better". If you decide to have kids early, you never rest because each child has their own challenges which subsequently come to you.
You care for them till they are old enough. When you think you are done, then they have their own children, which is still a burden to you as a grand parent.
The struggle continues and at some point when they get old, they leave you alone because they don't need you anymore.
Depression, dementia kicks in. Its better to live your life the way it make sense to you than rely on other people. Go out, see the world.
I salute Ling and Lamb, when the time is right, they will have children.
Let's leave people and their choices alone. They are the once who understand their struggles.
@@lethaboitolo8936 exactly!
Respectfully, your prayer will not get an amen 😊 we can see right through it.
I do believe that your have addressed this subject in the not so distant past. This is even better than the first one. Y’all are doing y’all’s thing and doing it very well. We can only see “some” of where you’ve been and NO ONE can predict where you are going…. Thank you for sharing your journey together.
This was excellent advice from the both of you. He surprised me being a Nigerian. But he was 100% correct. I like how your marriage compliment one another. I like you music and lyrics. Thank you.
Why did he surprise you being a Nigerian?
@Crazy Gwen Most Nigerian men want children,(especially a male child) not to long after marriage. At least in my generation. He's younger. No disrespect towards anyone. I admire their decisions. The Most High's time is always best. Thank you.
@@azionisrael As a Nigerian I'm ashamed to say it but you're 💯 right 😌. Most Nigerians want kids immediately after marriage that's why when we see couples who have been married for some time without kids, we (younger generation) don't ask why they don't have kids because most times it's usually because of health related issues.
Having Children is a very serious issue. Many people think that you just have them without any discussion or thought. This is so ridiculous. Children are a huge responsibility. I am living in Nigeria right now and I am so surprised how people just have children without much thought to it. No discussion. No planning. The idea is that when you marry immediately children must come as if having children is the only evidence you are married. When I counsel young girls and men to wait before having children and at least spend time to know each other, I am painted as the enemy trying to block progress. Then before you know it, children are in the picture and people start begging to make ends meet. Imagine the majority of people here are poor yet still children are brought into these homes to suffer and struggle. Yet, I still agree that everyone has to make their own decision. I applaud you Ling and Lamb...you both are thoughtful and wise. God bless you!
You owe know one an explanation. Enjoy each other as long as you like. Children will come when and if the two of you decide to have them. Continued Blesssings❤
I’m 38, not married and want kids right away. However, the point you made about having a solid foundation with your spouse spoke to me the most! I used to say I want to enjoy my marriage before kids, which I still do, but getting on the same page with your partner is top tier! Thank you for this honest conversation. Y’all are so funny!
I'm 38 too. Growing up I ve always wished to enjoy my husband first before considering kids. So I totally agree with you lovely couple. Well well i'm yet to find him and once I do. I'm definitely having kids right away as our eggs don't give us the luxury of waiting till we are ready. Wishing you nothing but love and happiness ❤
Definitely no time to check time 😁
Its happening soon
Great content. So true but please don't wait until over 45 . Not fair to the child. When the kid is 20 you will be over 60. Not xool
@@janettejackson146 it will happen soon by God's Grace.
This is between the two of you, do not let anyone make this decision for you or pressure you into making this decision
I’m just seeing this. Great conversation. Thanks for sharing. My husband and I didn’t have a child until 6 years later. Your advice is spot on. Why I wait was because I was selfish. I wanted to live and conquer the world with the hubby. It was only when I was ready, we started the conversation to have a kid. God allowed us to wait a little longer. There was pressure there too, but when we just let life flow, everything came when it was suppose to.
Look at you both,it's all about love.Enjoy your marriage with or without children.❤
You guys are awesome this was a great conversation to listen to. Although I have kids already and had one at a very young age. I wish I had this conversation back then. Keep these conversations coming. Our younger generation needs to hear this. Thank you for always being real and honest.
I had kids 2 years after being married at age 21.. Here we are age 42 with a 21 year old girl and 18 year old boy with both my kids in college. Now at age 42 we are empty nesters living life with young adults kids who are my absolute joy.
Talking with them everyday, helping them make decisions. Walking them through situations and seeing them flourish into adults is a DREAM COME TRUE.
My husband and I wasnt rich. We was rich in love, care, nurturing and my kids fell perfectly into our lives.
My only regret is not having more.
Well done 🙄
If you can, you’re young enough to. It’s genetic in my family and all came out fine
42 is still young u CAN have more if u wish
Yeah I agree with your choice, I am 50, i had 2 i wish i had more.
Our hands are full with two…
Wonder how we’d care for more 😂❤
I appreciate what you have said. This rings so true on so many levels. You two are awesome. Stick to your values and don’t let anyone talk you or rush you into having babies before you are ready. What you two have ( from what I have seen on this channel) is beautiful.
Proud of you guys for directing your own course in life. It's important. You guys rock
You guys are the most sensible for today's time. Thank you for sharing & vulnerability ❤❤
Lamb I love your spirit and Ling you’re a great inspiration to him. Love you guys videos May god continue to bless and guide your footsteps 🙏🏽
“COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS “
Good advice Ling. Make sure you have help or can afford help. Being a mother is A LOT OF WORK.
Yes! Love love love this message! THINK before you spread your seed. It’s a tremendous responsibility!!!
Solid conversation full of wisdom.
Absolutely 👍
I hope young people are listening to you on this topic,
God bless your marriage and home forevermore 🙏
As a parent of two I can totally understand this. I also grew up with a grandmother who was overburdened with too many kids (15 due to DV). Out of all of these, my mom was the only one who went to college. Everyone else worked in factories or as maids and had children really young. I knew I wanted to follow in my moms footsteps to continue to build up our family and then... I got pregnant at 18. I was devastated since I had a 4.3 GPA and was Ivy League bound. But with hard work and a ton of support we still accomplished our goals (attorney and therapist) but 1- it took much longer 2- we had to work 10x harder with less rest 3- our child didn’t experience financial stability until he was about 5. We had the basics but were always struggling
It would have been easier if we were established first.
They are both speaking factually & truthfully...
Know who you are &
what do you want out of your life, relationship, and marriage.
🙌🏽👍🏽🤙🏽✌🏽😊
I appreciate this conversation happening in a public forum. People would assume so much about your journey but a video like this sheds light on how similar 'youtubers' are to you and me.
I really do love your openness and thought process. I wished I had heard all these before but I am thankful I did now. Thanks to all the beautiful comments❤
You two are a very intelligent couple. Loved the way how you explained it. So real.
You two look gorgeous! Thank you for being so conscious about whether or not you bring another human being into the world. I knew at 15 that I didn't want to have children, having been the eldest of 5 to unhappily married parents, it was a big NO for me. At 60 I have zero regrets, especially in a world that is in constant change. Praise to the ones that do have children though, it's quite the responsibility, and there are some really awesome parents out there. The other piece to this is there are advanced souls that wish to be born, they are needed on this planet, and they need good parents to come through and be here.
Great talk guys, a lot of people do not understand. This was real talk and I appreciate you guys opening up and sharing with us.
#1 That is between the husband and wife. You do it when you're both ready. Sounds like you have a great plan. #2 Enjoy time with each other first. This is just the beginning, children will be another great chapter when you're ready. Thanks for sharing your truth. 😊
these are the kinds of lessons we should be taught in schools, or better still parents should talk to their kids about because seriously, you don't know what you get yourself into until you have a little human being completely dependent on you.
Motherhood for me is a learning curve every day. No one prepared me for this and I love these kids, I keep praying every day for strength to do well as a mother. PS. The struggles I went through, almost losing my life just so I can have a baby is a story for another day. But God is good.
Take your time Ling and Lamb, DO YOU. lOVE YOU BOTH.
Sorry about that.
But can you just imagine a lady losing her life to bring a baby in this world, just because she was pressured to do it?
I wonder if the one or ones that pressured to do it, might feel guilty.
God bless you
All your reasons are valid 💯💯💯💯Children deserves the best, the attention, the love,excellent parenting and healthy environment with no violence and abuse…Love you more for this 🤗🤗😍😍👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Beautiful conversation. Y’all didn’t have to share a thing with no one. But if it’s helpful to another that’s figuring it out and clearly you both were on the same page as to your why for sharing … then bravo 👏🏾 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾. Love you guys and your transparency. May God continue to bless your marriage and endeavors. 😊🥰
With or without babies you guys are just simply the best
Better than all the rest!
Sorry I couldn't help myself 😂
Oh my God, the reasons you guys gave for waiting are solid gold. I wish I had thought of this before I’d had kids. What a difference it would have made.
It might not work for you.Just thank God for your life.
Exactly!
Listening to you two is life goals. You always take my thinking to a deep reality level. May God continue to bless y"all as y'all continue to reach out to other people around the world.😊😊
You TWO are wise beyond your years; getting to know each other before adding another human life to your lives! Kids are precious but no where does it say: "everyone should have one"!!! Lamb, you are brilliant! Getting to know yourself, your wife, as well as the two of you together takes monumental time to acquire!!! Every young couple should babysit someone's newborn baby for a week and then decide: "do we want to have a kid?" I bet anything they will surely rethink the idea, or totally change their minds to NO! Nowadays, it's probably a million dollars just to raise ONE child; I raised my only daughter from 1970-1989, when she went out on her own, and it was a real struggle financially back then; and she was NOT spoiled! Stand your ground about kids, tell people to mind their own business! If I had to decide today, I would NOT have a kid, and no regrets. Enjoy life, each other, adopt a pet, and prosper in your careers! God bless you both and THANKS for your honesty and sharing your brilliant thoughts on the subject!! I love both of you!! 🙏👋🥰🤗👏💞