Anti abortionist think if only those babies could be supported outside if only someone who does want the baby could take over. But in child support date if you argue if you care so much about the kids why don't you pay for them. They say so everyone else is supposed to pay for your responsibilities the tax payers are supposed to bare your burden you created by yourself . Completely your choice. Even though the fact your working to make child support mean you are the tax payers. . Reason is pro lifers only wants save the babies and Child support isn't about helping children it's about punishing men
The thing I LOVE about religious schools teaching abstinence as the "only 100% effective method of contraception" is that, if you believe the Bible, it actually isnt 100%...
That one time was a lucky chance? I practice abstinence but sometimes I’m like… is there something in there even though there’s no way? I have mixed thoughts about the bible so idk if that counts 😭
@@Ajlikestraveling immaculate conception has been recorded in nature something like 4 times over all of history, it's technically scientifically possible in all mammals I think but it's never been recorded in human history other than in the Bible. Which is highly contested to being a true record of history, including amongst religious scholars. There are thousands of possibilities tbh Edit to correct myself; it's actually never been recorded, I thought it had, but apparently all we have a theoretical scientific mechanism with no examples. But in this mechanism the birthed child would be a female and so Jesus would have to have been intersex to grow a beard as he is depicted, and technically be trans by not living as a female. Blasphemous, I know. The jury's still out on Mary's infidelity
I hate that society jumped straight to female promiscuity before it encouraged us to unpack negative feelings about sex or tackle the orgasm gap. All my attempts at a hoe phase left me unsatisfied to some extent because of how hard it is to advocate for your pleasure with a stranger. It's frustrating when your arousal requires patience and attention from a situation that's literally meant to be "quick and easy". Hookups aren't for me unless the person is willing to get to know my body even if we do t wanna get to know each other.
Why attempt a hoe phase to begin with? What do you gain from it? Wouldn’t it be better to find someone that you actually love and want to be with long term?
Love this comment. Thankfully I eventually unpacked everything and am pretty content with where I am now. That being said, what works for me are hookup “options” where I’ll find someone I really like hooking up with and stick with them for however long and have a couple options
Peer pressure honestly. It's just so normalized and I have friends that genuinely enjoy hookups so I assumed I would to. Love and relationships hasn't come easy for me so hookups seem like a good idea in the midst of loneliness. Kind of an endless cycle for me.
If something were to happen to my marriage and I became single, you couldn't pay me to start dating again. Let alone have sex with anyone. Absolutely not. No way. I'd get another cat and start a coven. Y'all are invited if that happens.
Extremes on either end don't interest me. I'm not going to set unreasonable expectations for myself around sex, it's not going to be something I attach shame to and I'm also not going to offer that kind of intimacy to everyone I meet, just don't want to. Aiming to be pleasantly in the middle and balanced lol. People have to do what works for them and focus less on how that aligns with everyone else.
So well said! Media tend to push the narrative around sex to either end of the extreme, but in reality most people belongs to neither extremes and are somewhere along the middle. There's really no reason to conform to a "mainstream standard" on what is a matter of complete personal choice.
casual sex simply benefits men more. women want to navigate their sexuality in a way that is both physically and emotionally enjoyable. hookups and situationships are not worth it for most women.
It s not worth and never would if you re premise of navigating is put the blame on him and do starfish while execting that he s just magically know it all how you want it when you want and where. It s the same circular bs all over again with you women. Don t like facing inexperimented or none lasti g men? Well guess what you created this.
I would LOVE it if Jordan spoke about the 4B movement in South Korea more. It is the perfect example of women being celibate as a form of protest. It is also a response to the nth room, where Korean men and boys are filming themselves SAing their female colleagues, friends, classmates, and family members. It is really messed up and it needs to be spoken about more.
The 4B movement is to attack the country's birthright because they keep squeezing every penny/minute out of the lives of the working class The 4B movement is based on NOT spending time with any right wing lunatics, something the western hoe phase won't ever consider - because it implies cutting their body count in half LOL
personally, i believe that the term “sex positivity” has been extremely skewed to only represent promiscuity and not so much the celibacy/abstinence side of sex. i think with the recent pandemic of violence against women, the treatment of women, the rise of red pill right wing podcasters, women are kind of choosing their peace of mind rather than engaging with people who have a potential to harm them in ways such as physical, mental, emotional, etc. personally, i think sex positivity should also include destigmatising the concept of “virgins” and “virginity” and how that it’s a very patriarchal concept. along with that, it should also be taught not having sex is just as acceptable as having lots of sex. i think the balance should be restored instead of women being shamed for having “too much” sex or not having sex at all.
Actually, the same number of man as women want to marry a virgin. Some people (both women and men) don't want to be compare in bed with many ex partner.
I really don't think it's about 'dating', because older women are also opting out of marriage and children. I think it's about patriarchy, and the fact that these days the most financially secure and wise choice for a woman is to get an education, a career and stay single. This is a recent phenomenon, for almost all of the history of capitalism, women needed marriage for financial security, so they had to put up with men. But now, if you are a woman with an advanced degree, relationships with men are financially a bad idea for you (due primarily to the amount of extra domestic and childcare labor you'll do, which makes it very difficult for successful women to maintain their careers). So I think in order for the trend of women avoiding dating, marrying and having children to change, men need to be less invested in maintaining patriarchy.
Respect! As a young mom with a really loving husband, you are so right.Everyone expects basically everything from women, house chores and caring for the children and working. The amount of people who were surprised to learn that my husband is changing dippers is RIDICULOUS.... and i still do most of the stuff. If you don't have help why bother? Men NEED to wake up. And only a few have.. .
There's many factors including what you just said, like another thing is the state of economy right now, as women in the past used to rely on their husband's salary which is pretty much harder rn cos of the state of economy and of course it's not going to make sense that for us as women to do the "duty of a wife", taking care of kids while also have to work a 9-5 job, since it's pretty much not in favor for women to rely on men anymore in this present-day of course the needs for marriage is also going to decrease, not to mention a lot of recent news about women got abused etc its pretty much safer for us to focus on ourselves more now
@@Βασιλική-ΝικολέτταΣακελλάρη I can't even believe how anyone can live in such a bleak and unequal relationship that the Dad doesn't even do the most basic child-care tasks. Also feel bad for the children. Will a Dad who couldn't even do the bare minimum actually be a good parent later? - I doubt it. I'm glad my dad woke up in the middle of the night to change my diaper when I was a baby, took me on walks in my stroller, then later with a bike and still spends time with me and shows that he cares. Just like my mom does. Children don't specifically need a mom and dad. But they do need caregivers they can attach to, they can rely on and that deeply care about them. If one parents shows they don't care as much it can have strong negative effects on the child/children.
I think one crucial point missing from this video is that gen z are now largely in their late teens and early twenties. Growing up we watched our gen x mothers fall out of love with our fathers because of how little effort they put in, we listened to our millennial and zillennial older sisters talk about all of the boys who were treating them poorly (primarily via dating apps). And now that it's our turn for the hoe phase we simply aren't bothering because we've witnessed how miserable relationships can make you through our mothers and sisters.
Elder gen Z here. Yeah that hoe phase lasted a year at most. Many men are so corn sick they start having ed isuues in their 20s. At 26 I think I'm done with it🫠
How does this comment have so many likes!? It's a horrible take. You do realise that a hoe phase and a committed relationship are two completely different things right. You aren't going to partake in a "hoe phase" because your mother fell out of love with your father? WTF!? Wait is the hoe phase the same thing as dating? am I missing something? I thought a hoe phase meant partaking in hookups and casual dates of a sexual nature... and was completely different from dating for a serious relationship. Cause it kinda sounds like ya'll are complaining that a hoe phase hasn't given the relationship treatment you desired, which I mean... shouldn't be shocking.
@@BourgeoisBoysno silly she said they wont have that phase because of the women before them being treated badly for the phase and that dangling a potential relationship in front of them won’t work because they’ve read that book and don’t like the ending. Work in your reading comprehension a bit please.
I'm one of the women that became so comfortable being by myself that I think I'm good being like this forever, at the end of the day my friends, family and pets is pretty much enough for me lol
Same. On the one hand I would really love a respectful and kind partner but on the other it feels out of reach. Even the "good" relationships I see still have major issues with women being caretakers or disregarded - especially when they marry and have kids. The dynamic has changed for the worse on a few of my female friends after kids/marriage which is really sad.
I personally think that the dating and hookup culture oversexualize women. Yes, you can have sex with whoever you want. But hookup culture can make you feel like you have to have sex with people. Sexual liberation shouldn’t lead to women falling into a patriarchal roles that cater to men. I also think that a lot of girls/women tend to hook up with people and the oftentimes regret it because they just had sex to have sex. which is fine if you feel okay about the experience, but knowing so many women that have hookups and then realized afterwards that they wish they didn’t. We need to educate people on the emotion that can come from sex and how it can harm you if you’re not protecting yourself against people you really don’t know or feel comfortable with. (edit: i ain’t replying to anyone else, many people need to read more feminist theory and sex psychology. I BELIEVE WOMEN SHOULD BE ABLE TO HAVE SEX WITH WHOEVER THEY WANT, buuut THEY ARE ALSO ALLOWED TO WANT TO BE SEEN AS something other than sexual as well. dating apps make it really hard for people to see past sex. In hookup culture it’s expected for most people to be okay with rushing connections and just go into having sex. that’s why they are dangerous. and that’s my piece.)
I agree! and also I would add that biology is different for women and men. Having sex with someone makes you connected to that person. And for women, it tends to be a stronger connection than for men. Some women are left broken-hearted once they do the hookup / situationship / fwb thinking they can ''handle it emotionally'' or ''disconnect feelings from sex'' if something goes wrong. But in reality - when faced with a different outcome - they spiral into heartbreak and hopelessness, even when they know that the man they were dating wasn't a good match.
@@blondie9422No there actually is no proof nor biblical basis to support that they are please stop widespreading this notion. And I say this as a conservative christian.
there's nothing biological abt it. women dont feel shitty after a hookup, they feel shitty either bc they've been cobditioned to feel shame abt it, or, and especially, bc guys treat them like absolute garbage (or both)--which is not women's fault, nor is it "just the way casual sex is"
@@natevans8024 not sure if your trying to reply to me or the comments bc i am kinda confused about a lot of what your saying (never said it was biological). Hookup culture was created under the patriarchy and sexualizes women. i personally believe you can have sex with whoever you want as long as your safe, happy, and healthy. but sex is also something that is vulnerable, that’s why having talks about sex and consent conversations is so important. hookup culture takes away a lot of the conversation. i am not talking about “feeling shame” for having sex but “feeling unfulfilled” there is a total difference. having sex to just have sex (which is fine if you want, but there are a lot of people don’t want that and still participate) Maybe women are feeling shame, but that is not what i am talking about. the way hookup culture is takes away the human connection. that’s the conversation i am having.
The other day I said I would only have sex with someone I am in a relationship with and people were acting like I said I'm waiting for marriage to please our lord. The dating scene is so strange, especially in big cities. I really genuinely do not believe it's weird to wait until you are in a relationship to have sex.
My mother "threatened" to make a dating profile for me because she really was too worried about me being alone all of the time. I told her good luck, the only matches you're going to get are men wanting a green card. And they're very obvious about it.
Dating apps are exhausting for everyone & people crave irl connections! Hence the rise in ‘running clubs’ and social meet ups. also I feel like the older you get the less ‘free time’ you have so people have started to prioritise seeing friends & doing hobbies over casual dating, it’s just too emotionally taxing imo
True but I don't really see the why people are so hung up on friends and sticking with them. In my experience friends don't last long and friends are conditional. The problem with love today is that it seems to have switched. Friends have become unconditional and relationships have become conditional. Which I don't get from my experience. From my experience friends have always been conditional. The kinds of friendships people are describing to me today are just out of this world to me. I can name incidents where me and my friends have fought fist to fist and we have not been the same ever since and when it came time for us to not be friends anymore we became like strangers and don't call each other to this day. I'm a millennial. Y'all's friendships are a different breed entirely.
@@wordcel The early 2000s - "compassionate conservatism". Bush would have been considered relatively moderate by our standards today. Edit: Nope! 2010-2012. Completely forgot about the Tea Party Republican movement.
Likely because hyper sexuality is the counter-push and that ends up being satisfying for no one but horny men. If people would be reasonable with what we push society toward, we’d avoid this
Or making one that you can leave reviews on. Like "tried to have sex with me because he bought me dinner. Said something bad about my appearance. Seemed a little off. 🤣
Ditto. There are bad men out there, but calling 50% of earth’s population just trash is not productive. I’ve been working on my attachment style and healing with support groups. And Limerence is what those dreamy expectations are. Men have it too. I can’t expect someone to be all I want to make them out to be. Exactly 0% of people have exactly 0 flaws. You learn who this person is through secure attachment and find out if these specific flaws are something you’re willing to compromise with. If not, that’s fine. This technology based world is forcing us apart. Being divided like this only benefits corporations. Seeking group platonic relationships are definitely somewhere to begin. People you see regularly and begin to trust to at the very least bring levity to our day to day. Support groups, sports rec, weekly events like poetry nights, volunteering, community gardens. There’s association for cleaning up hiking trails and lakes. Life can get 10% better all the time
Don’t forget about the divine feminine spirituality, popularization of celibacy & abstinence, femininity coaches, and the ‘level-up’ hypergamy content. It’s interesting how these conservative actions are dressed up in vaguely feminist/women first language. There has definitely been a more conservative cultural shift in the 2020’s
That's why I like libertarianism. I feel like it's a good middle ground. Not too extreme on both ends. It's probably how I'm going to vote this election too. I think the candidate will be a great choice and if he doesn't win, I hope he runs for Senate
In some respects I can't help but tie it to the sort of Y2K revival in fashion. Lots of people have insisted that attitudes and fashions don't /necessarily/ tend to go together, but I wonder if those background cultural/attitude shifts have helped Y2K aesthetics somewhat
I've been single for all of the 20 years of my life and I dont use any dating app. I am bisexual and would love to be in a relationship but honestly books, series and movies kind of feed my need for love. I do miss the physical touch part but my friends fill that void so yea don't need a man, but I don't avoid them. The most important thing I got from this video is that I should take myself on a date lmao.
Go a watch a movie, take a walk in the nearest park, eat a slice of cake in a nice caffe, there are plenty of «taking yourself on a date» possibilites.
May or may not be worth exploring if aro-spec might fit you. I'm also bi, and when I was 20 (now going on 30), I also wanted to date, even had one or two intense crushes, and enjoyed a lot of romance-heavy media (although certainly not exclusively). Despite wanting to date and enjoying fictional romance, I was never really motivated to actually pursue dating. Pre-covid I had just started cracking into that sphere but, honestly, that's what prompted the realization that "aromantic" (or gray aro/aro-spec, I guess) really fits how I feel surprisingly well. Not saying that'll be you as well, but tbh even alloromantic people I know have benefited from exploring that idea a bit more. But also yes 10/10 recommend taking yourself out to do all the fun things!
Lots of blessing in that! I was very curious while I’m glad I satisfied my curiosity but please be safe out there everyone lots of dangerous men and STDs!❤
I believe increasing stress is leading to lower rates of intimacy for everyone. People 35 and under and getting it on way less frequently than boomers did at the same age. Politics might be downstream of culture, but culture is downstream of material conditions
What I find disturbing is that hookup culture and casual dating are hyped up for us women to believe that we can live our sexuality free of shame and free of criticism, when it's just a way for us to become more and more available to the thousands of creeps and awful men out there and to be shamed again if something happens to us. We have become products that no one cares about. That's why I'll always stay away from dating apps and casual dating, you know nothing and are blamed for choosing an option you were given. Also, celibacy is a gift to ourselves, more time and energy to live our lives to the fullest and to nurture platonic relationships.
The police aren't the only issue when it comes to violence against women and girls. I've had cases go to court and just because a victims recollection of events changed between statements taken immediately after the event and a few days later (because of how trauma affects the brain and memory) the court won't take it. They assume the victim is lying. Cops aren't the only problem. The courts are too. We need to raise the issue higher than police Yes some cops are fucking foul, but the courts don't fucking help either. They reduce victims and retraumatise them.
I might be in a leftist bubble, but to me the shift to celibacy for straight women has been more about an inherent discovery that we don’t need men at all, and that liberation through sex is mostly an idea which benefits men anyway - having lots of sex, unfortunately, isn’t very beneficial when most partners you could have statistically suck :(
Exactly!! 1. Men typically orgasm almost every time (women don’t) 2. Men are much bigger and stronger on average and can really hurt us (so hooking up with men we don’t know well is dodgy) 3. A lot of them refuse to wear condoms 4. If we get pregnant then the burden and stress falls almost completely on us 5. The social stigma of being “sexually loose” is still way worse for a woman and we get treated worse if we are even perceived that way. 6. Most of us are built to get more emotionally attached than men do. 7. A lot of men are warped by porn and will put things they see in porn into practice. This can make for a very unpleasant experience.
yeah you're definitely in a leftist bubble. because women wouldn't survive for very long without men. anyone with common sense knows this, but leftists tend to not have common sense.
It only benefit the pool of psychopathic and the degenerate men not the rest of men. I have not much respect for either gender when the body count goes over the dubbele digits. Having so little control over the fleshly desires is absolutely satanic/Islamic behavior.
@Coastpsych_fi99 your comment made me laugh 🤣 it was definitely a degree on what not to do next, hope I learned my lesson 🙏🏻 thank you and best of luck for you too, all of us 💕
Yes! I buy myself flowers all the time. I make myself warm and loving meals and I give myself shoulder massages and I tell myself how proud I am of me, how beautiful and kind I am, and how much I love myself. It might seem strange, but it's self love in the truest sense.
Why should I *want* to have a hoe phase? I’m sick of being told to be more sexual, to have more sex, and being shamed for being a “prude” just because I don’t want to do that. I absolutely *resent* the current culture that treats sex like something everyone should be craving and doing all the time, and that looks down on people who don’t want that.
I think your idea of clothing being subtly influenced by conservatism may be missing one thing and that is that nearly everyone I know (myself included) is enjoying clothing that covers more of the body and is loose/flowy because after decades of athleisure and skinny jeans it's nice to put on some clothing that is not binding or squeezing, where a boob won't pop out if you lie down on the sofa, and in the case of dresses where you can be fully dressed in one shot (i.e. no matching pieces up to make an outfit) Additionally, as a person who sews I can't help but notice that the styles being sold have been using the most basic techniques and lots of boxy shapes, even things like peasant skirts being reworked to have the minimum amount of fabric necessary to make the skirt shape at all. That has to have much more to do with cutting costs than pushing a conservative aesthetic.
when people are reduced to commodities, with nothing of value left to offer the world as neolibcap strips everything away, we cling to an age old thing that ever had any value: notions of bodily purity. Especially in the age of everyone having a freaking OF or something. Its a reaction to a reaction to a reaction to a reaction. It never really ends.
Yep. Redpill/tradwife stuff is a reaction to hookup culture, which was a reaction to purity culture, which was a reaction to the sexual revolution, which was a reaction to age-old cultural standards regarding sex.
Dating just doesn’t seem worth my time with the state of the political gender divide, the demographic of my dating pool, and the amount of absolute emotional manchild shit that seems to come along with some small sexual pleasure. I just have so many other things that interest me more than sifting through the sludge to find a compatible gem. I’m finding myself developing crushes through friends and mutual friends and that’s way more fun and natural to me.
I'm sure for everyone that says someone or some space is trash or whatever they are exactly that themselves. Nothing wrong with choosing your route it's just that your comment doesn't show that you value an opposite sex human being anyways so you are doing them a favor. The whole point of dating shows that you have hope in the opposite sex and you want to find someone that you value. The destination is the point, it's not about the journey when it comes to big picture dating. But you have to be willing to see that in another person and your response doesn't give me that. It gives me that you think you are higher and better than whatever and I doubt that based on your response here. You probably just don't give people the chance to keep it real with you about yourself.
as someone who was raped in devon in 2018... that statistic was ROUGH. I went to the police and literaly nothing was done lol. ppl will say 'speak up' "go to the police" and yet they will literally never enforce consequences
Hi idk what I’m even saying but does anyone also notice how like the HUGE pop music landscape rn is essentially Sabrina Carpenter’s new album and of course Brat, or Chapelle Roan’s stuff which all have sexually themed, explorative songs ya know ya know, I’m very curious to see when/if/how the pop/music industry is going to catch up with this mentality?? Obviously these aren’t the ENTIRETY of what these artists have produced, but it’s still significant I feel. Idk if this made sense but I felt I needed to put this somewhere
Damn, me and my girls were literally just talking about this today. Men have so consistently and deeply failed to meet our expectations (while expecting us to shoulder a disproportionate amount of emotional labor, and sometimes even physical labor), that we're just too emotionally exhausted to even date. We're focusing on supporting each other and building together instead. If an actual fully developed man comes along at some point, great. If not, fine, we'll build our communities and lives on our own. At this point, that's sounding easier and less stressful honestly.
How do we bridge this gap? I'm a straight man who spends time on right wing youtube and I see very similar comments from guys with flipped reasoning. You say men are not worth the time because they cannot meet your expectations. The men on the other side of youtube say the women are not worth being real men for, because women are too masculine, aggressive, and all ask for too much from things we can't control like height and facial attractiveness. My question to you is do you see anyway to bridge this gap? How can we love each other again?
@@siutboy6965 funny enough, in the days since I’ve left this comment I’ve ended up talking to several different men who seem well-adjusted and mature that are reporting having a tough time finding women that are good communicators and actual safe spaces for their vulnerability 🙃 I mean- I think the solution starts with individuals like us that are sincerely curious and open to bridging the gap. I suspect that as individuals we can begin to form strands that eventually resonate with others and become larger paths of reconciliation. We all ultimately want the same thing- the be understood and do be loved. We just gotta do our part, communicate, and move towards one another in good faith.
@@siutboy6965 (also- to be more specific, the easiest way to bridge the gap as a man is to take accountability for yourself and for becoming a man with integrity. We are in DESPERATE need of men we can actually rely on. This isn’t a blame game to the bottom, this is a self-actuating game to the top. Meet us there.)
@@siutboy6965 well, to be clear, we're not saying men aren't "worth the time", we're saying that we're too tired to keep reaching out to people who don't seem to be interested in meeting us halfway, and are changing course out of exhaustion and pain. That being said- since originally posting this several days ago, I've actually ended up talking to a couple well-adjusted/mature men who are also tired of dating, they say that they're having a hard time finding women that communicate well and that hold space for their vulnerability. So, it does seem to be a mess on both sides. But to answer your question: I think that bridging the gap is ultimately up to individuals like us, that approach one another in good faith and with sincere curiosity and compassion, and willingness to grow together. I think the bridge is built one relationship at a time, by having these conversations and setting good examples. So, thank you for being here and doing that. I also want to say that if you're really wanting to bridge that gap as a man- prioritize accountability and integrity. We DESPERATELY need and want men we can count on, that we actually feel safe with. We all ultimately want the same thing, to be understood and to be loved. But love isn't a blame-game race to the bottom, it's a self-actualization race to the top. Meet us there 🤍
@@siutboy6965 ((omg I keep trying to reply to this and my responses keep disappearing 💀 idk if YT is glitching or what, but I'm trying one last time with this one.)) First- to be clear, we're not saying men aren't "worth the time". We're saying that we're frustrated and exhausted and hurt, we're strained from reaching out and trying to build with men who seem to be disinterested in meeting us halfway. And we're giving up, it isn't working. Or at the least taking a break. We're tired, babe! That being said, since posting this a couple days ago I've actually ended up talking to a couple well-adjusted/mature men and they're also tired of dating. They're saying that they're having a hard time finding women that communicate effectively and have space for their vulnerability. So, it seems like it's a mess on both sides tbh. But to answer your question, I think that we can start to bridge this gap as an individuals- by actively showing up to have these conversations in good faith, with curiosity and compassion and a sincere desire to grow together. So, thank you for doing that :) I also want to say, if you're actively looking to bridge this gap as a man, I'd say prioritize accountability and integrity. We DESPERATELY need and want men that we can rely on and feel safe with. Ultimately we all want the same thing, to be understood and to be loved. But love isn't a blame game race to the bottom, it's a self-actualization race to the top. Meet us there 🤍 if we can't grow together right now, maybe we can grow towards each other in the meantime yaknow.
wow, so impressed by the depth of research and consideration of larger patterns and systemic influences in this video, and such on the nose, incisive commentary that also manages to be respectfully playful around heavy topics. i learn so much about the psyche and sociology of the UK through your videos, which i appreciate as unfortunately the UK still has a lot of power and influence over the world. thanks for this video!
Ok so for some reason, this video got recommended to me (I am a straight man), I figured I'd give some thoughts from my POV. I'm a firm believer in "you attract what you are". I went through my f-boy phase, but I stopped for about a year (with a couple minor relapses) & luckily I found a girl who shares my way of thinking & we're in a good relationship! My f-boy phase was unfulfilling & it was fun at first, but then I started to realise that I was juggling multiple partners which was stressful for me & I realised that I was making these girls feel worthless & that other girls were making me feel worthless.. so I just went celibate for almost a year & it completely changed the way that I think about women & dating in general.
Nice video, I would have also appreciated a mention of how the growing acceptance of aromanticism and asexuality are challenging the idea that every young person is supposed to sleep around and date.
I am aroace myself. Spent all of my teens years in denial and trying to force myself to be allo, obviously to no avail. There's always going to be an implicit social tax on single people - like, in a work environment, always having to pick up the slack of colleagues who have young kids, not being able to take advantage of the tax or cost of living benefits of having a partner, etc. I get it. I don't see why we should have to pay extra punitive costs on top of all that, it's ridiculous.
Just so everyone knows, Amber Rose didn't found the SlutWalk. It was started in Toronto (like you mentioned) by Sonya Barnett and Heather Jarvis. Amber Rose founded the LA chapter and established it as a festival which is also an interesting fact in itself
As someone who was a teenager in the late 2000s and 10s I feel I missed out as I’m now approaching 30 and everything is so atomised. No one ever seems to get into relationships and dating apps just make you miserable.
If people had secure, healthy, non dysfunctional families and had their basic needs met (housing, food, healthcare), none of this discourse would even exist. We are driven to look for meaning and experiences of intense infatuation because we live in a horrible world where the rich exploit us. So of course we cling onto sex and dating because what else do we have left to feel anything meaningful or positive. We cant afford to travel, pursue our hobbies, we have to work all day for companies we dont even care about (because why would we), i honestly dont understand how this society is even holding up. Everyone is tired and unhappy. I think we have maybe 30-40 years before another world war. This is all so fucking unsustainable and backwards.
Yep, I think about this pretty much every day. I just try to break those cycles/expectations in my own life, even in really small ways or fleeting moments
I think that even if food, health and housing were met we would still have patriarchy and would still have these issue without major societal change on how violence towards women is addressed.
Dating apps exist to facilitate casual sex. The problem comes from people trying to rebrand as dating apps. You're not going to find meaningful relationships on essentially a McDonalds menu of people lying to appeal to a very limited definition of what's desirable.
Tbh i really want to date but im scared of men. I tried to see if I am bisexual and explore other genders but they didn't click to me like how I find men but at the same time I'm slowly losing hope in finding the one because to do so would mean I need to be vulnerable to men who will and can hurt me and I'm stuck in a limbo where I can't find any answer
It sounds like you might benefit from taking the idea of dating off the table so you're not stressing about it? You might also want to consider broadening your friend group? Not to "not all men you", but well, not all men are bad. It sounds like what scares you is going straight from strangers to the kind of vulnerability and intimacy needed from a relationship pretty much immediately on meeting someone. Which is understandably scary, particularly as a woman dating men. But if you just talk to people looking for a platonic friendship, it's a much more gradual change, with a lot more opportunity to turn back and decide you don't like someone or their vibes, while the stakes are still much lower. Just being friends with people with no pressure to necessarily be anything more than acquaintances that are okay with each other.
Are you friends with any men? I mean it`s a good idea to be careful and aware of red flags, but being afriad of men in general is not realistic either. I mean before dating apps (which was not too long ago) people got to know their potential partners through friend groups, shared hobbies, studying or working together, etc. Don`t you have any of these natural interactions with men, so that you could start with being friends with some and get to be more comfortable and understanding about men before you try dating anybody? Getting to know men that way also has the element of social control where your friends already checked and decided that this guy is ok when they decided to be friends with him. It doesn`t make it 100 percent secure, you still have to use your own judgement, but it`s a good start at weeding out bad people. Same when you see men regularily at work or in social situations, you experience how they handle different situations and act with other people, so you can see if they behave in a pleasant and kind way with other people.
@@Albinojackrussel i have previous experience with men that really made me scared of them. I do have friends but i can count them by one hand because I really have a high barrier when it comes to trusting
@@anthill1510 in my circle of friends they don't have ment that they could recommend because they are also in relationship and I feel shame in asking help...
@@lightyears-xo8qb yeah, I can understand that. There's certainly no obligation to be friends with men (or anyone) at all. It was just a suggestion as an alternative approach if you do want to get more comfortable with men.
i really want to share my opinion because i really hope i find people with the similar mindset because... i HATE the hoe phase thing because of how it's pushed as NORMAL to EVERY WOMAN. i am 20 years old, i have never had a hoe phase, not even a boyfriend NOR A FIRST KISS. and it's all by CHOICE because to me, it's NOT normal to sleep around??? i want to actually FALL IN LOVE and the sleeping together part will come naturally from our love. but anyway, i just find it so ANNOYING when every young woman around me has this hoe phase mindset, i am so ready for the world to get BACK INTO NORMAL RELATIONSHIPS AND TAKING OUR TIMEEEEE 📢📢📢📢📢📢
My question is why do single men instead of going: 'ho maybe it's me, I'm the problem' they go directly to: women are the problem and they need to 'lower their standards to me'?? Like no, it's princess treatment for me, and you better look good cause like: I don't wanna look like I'm taking out the trash every time we go out together. If I can look good everyday, all day, they can too. I'm not asking for much I'm just expecting them to meet my own standards of living in someone else.
They lack self awareness and have too much insecurity and shame to seek help. So then they double down and pretend like the 10% of imaginary chads get 90% of women/sex. And they only think that because of badly skewed data from dating sites 10+ years ago. They really want to do anything else but take accountability and grow as people.
Honestly male “pick up artists/gurus” like Andrew Tate perpetuates the narrative that men shouldn’t share equal labor with or be loyal to their spouse, thus, women avoid men who like Tate because they have toxic ideas about relationships and the roles played in them.
It just has bad consequences for anyone that's looking for a more romantic and traditional dating style experience. Personally I don't like the dating apps bcs of how prevelant hook up culture is on them, but at least I am not actively looking for a relationship. On the other hand a friend of mine also hates apps for the same reason bcs they are looking for a more authentic commitment relationship wise. Living in the generation where dating outside of apps and asking people out irl is kinda the weird way is srs not helping anyone. Still imo hook up culture was less beneficial for women, as women still get judged for how many people they date/sleep with whereas men are not. Notice how women don't get angry about celibacy and only men do.
Hookup culture is a myth. Women are going for the same 5% of men on dating apps and so those 5% are the only ones enjoying the benefits of hookup culture. The other 95% of men on dating apps simply don't even register to women. because they're not 6ft, 6 figures, 6 inches.
@duqial they are not Jude They are just less likely to be liked by man, because man have instincts against promiscuous women It's not about etichs or morality
My 20s was my hoe phase, now that I'm older and smarter/more aware of things I find that most men don't deserve to sleep with me. I'm in a long term relationship now but if i was ever single again i would do things very differently now. Honestly dating apps and being alone with a dude i don't know well kinda terrifies me.
I put myself into some very dangerous situations when I was really young and sometimes want to go back and shake myself. We all learn and grow I guess 🤷🏼♀️
@@wolvesteeethnow that youre old, your boyfriend gets to pay for the leftovers while the others got the best part and it was for free. That man need to take the red pill.
@@PVT.Ramirez-x2y i agree. Most women who had a past like @wolvesteeeth dont give that enthusiam in the bedroom. The feriouces bjs, riding like a wild horse, stuff like that u only get when shes in her hoe phase. I pray that i will never find a women with a past like 5+ fuckers
I quite enjoyed my "hoe phase" when I was in uni, but I also didn't realise until a few yrs later how that casual spontaneous approach to sex and hookups with random men left me in a lot of vulnerable situations where I was taken advantage of, and definitely caused me some trauma which I'm still working on overcoming to this day. So yes, unfortunately I agree with all the points said in this video, as fun as it would be to be sexually liberated and free, we do exist in a society where men will take advantage of women, and women have a lot more to lose in those situations. So now I've had to learn the hard way to be a lot more picky with my sexual partners, whether they be casual or not
I think in terms of makeup and fashion, the same is true for men's fashion. We can look at the fact that autumn tones are very much in right now, which are boring colours but when combined, they create a warming and cozy feeling & give off a sense of class, in a world where the cost of living is making people feel cold and dark. Minimalism has been silently a trend for the past 5 years, and is now becoming more appreciated as we're maturing from the over-stimulating scene, e-boy/girl & trap phases in fashion.
I think my main gripe with "the hoe phase" is that it entirely revolves around objectifying and using people ,whom you then try to forget about and distance yourself from ? Like is part of getting rid of the patriarchy not preventing anyone let alone women from being objectified ???? I have yet to encounter someone that can explain or even acknowledge this contradiction
i don’t usually comment but i picked up on your hint to long time viewers towards the end😌 lean into those friendships and know you’re work on here has value to so many! enjoy this next chapter in your life ❤️viewer of 4 years
Tbf hookups were never for me because it required too much work and trust that i simply dont have. I dont trust a stranger enough to invite them to my house or to go Home with them. Casual hooking up only ever worked for me with people i know, but even then people kept expecting me to somehow fall in love with them. And at the end of the day, it was always a tightrope between being too frigid and being branded as a sl*t. Im not surprised people dont want to deal with that mess
As a fellow anthropologist, maybe dig a little deeper into our discipline's other theoretical frameworks? This sounds like a really old-school line of scholarship that most cultural anthropologists I know would say we've moved past
well what's the point of war?? especially considering that it's a MALE problem, mothers don't send their babies to kill off other women's babies bc we're the ones that have to bleed to create life so we're the only ones that actually value it 😒
Biggest lie, is sexual liberation. Ever look at the consequences of participating in sexual liberation? Beyond just sexuality like if you’re hetero or not. Especially not responsibly there’s so many side effects that will land you sitting with a therapist, in a doctors office, or sitting depraved and sad. I think one of the biggest lies my generation of women was told is sexual reparation. Coming from a former. The people who participate in the environment unfortunately aren’t the best people. I know that can be said for anything but given how many things can happen to you and just one encounter through this liberation it’s just not worth it! Also when you get rid of the standard we never put in another one that was healthy for us we kind of were just like kick down the door let us be when we really just need to restructure the previous standard with lines of respect in a different way. We completely got rid of respect and are expecting other people to respect us always circle and we never think things aren’t related to each other
Honestly for me it is essentially a question of emotionel hurt. I'd love to meet someone, fall in love and have it last... jut it seems impossible. I'm 43, not conventinelly beautiful and it makes app's useless. The one's I get in touch with is pretty mych all after sex alone - or at leadt indicates I need to put out because I'm not attractive enough to bother with, if I'm not a good lay. I have no issue with casual sex and have done it in the past. It's just not what I'm looking for. Post divorce and as the mother of a small child, the idea of roaming around with various men in the hopes it might be real is not for me :/
I think you’re beautiful & conventionally beautiful. You’ve got lovely eyes. But I agree, they just don’t want to commit so there’s no point engaging with them.
@@islandpersuasion4690lol "they just don't want to commit" never mind the fact this reads just like a redpill headline '43 post wall divorced single mother'. What do women honestly expect? Seriously. What part about social dynamics has ever lead you to believe you deserve a prince charming at mid life AFTER already starting a family and leaving the first man? Truly ask yourself what aspects of a relationship you're looking for, and which aspects you throw away in the process.
The biggest benefit to me was figuring out what I enjoy and desire in a partner and “getting it out my system”. The worst part was feeling pressure to pursue casual relationships and avoid serious ones.
I think this discussion is rendered incomplete without a discussion around how wildly transmisogynist some of the movements mentioned here are - specifically political celibacy/lesbianism and the 4B movement. There's something going on here which starts with women rightfully seeking ways to stay safe which turns into a framing of the issue as one of the control and power that an in group - in this case cis women - can wield. I'm sympathetic to how people start off down these paths but at the end of the day no amount of self control or using sex as a weapon (and I don't think that choosing not to have sex for whatever reason is inherently weaponising that choice but it's clear that the 4B movement are hoping for their celibacy to be perceived as such) will actually get to the root of the issues of sexual violence and misogyny in general. The comments read out here from radfem political celebacy advocates stink of victim blaming, like it's the fault of other women for seeking pleasure or engaging with men that there is still so much violent misogyny in the world. I think there's a whole other dimension to this with dating fatigue in queer communities that calls into question how much of the problem is men and how much is more broadly applicable (to be clear - yes I think the general state of men is a problem) but I think step one of being more conscious about repeating the words and intentions of radical feminists - they really are almost exclusively trans excluding.
im so glad you brought up Lysistrata omg! i have such a complicated relationship with the “modern” musical retelling Lysistrata Jones and i feel like no one ever brings up the OG or the retelling (very unsurprisingly lol) when discussing this topic!
I feel happy that my daughter will grow up in an era where being in a relationship is not so idealized, but I just hope that boys don't continue down the same retaliatory andrew tate era they are going down.
I live with my best friend and have been for almost five years now, the love and support I get from living with him and vice versa has been fantastic and absolutely pales in comparison to any "relationship" I've ever had, it's just great to come home to ma homeslice everyday and just chill out, and that's enough for me :)
being single is good and im so grateful for my female friendships, theyre the deepest and richest friendships i could ever have. however 21 years single is pretty rough and atp i rly do want a bf but men are just so disappointing. yes, if i lowered my standards i could easily get a boyfriend on a dating app but i want an actual good relationship but apparently thats too much to ask for nowadays when so many men are rubbish.
The way i see it is, i already have enough friends. Im open to meeting new people here and there, but chances are i already have plans with friends for the weekend
jordan i’ve been watching you for about 3 years now and i have to say this is one of your finest videos to date. every point so well articulated, researched, put together. any time someone tells me they can’t be a feminist, this is the video i’ll show them in rebuttal. i love you and your content so much 🫶 congratulations on this video!
whenever i remember cabracadabra it ALWAYS sends me. Bojack really knew what it was doing with that one. Also it's interesting what a hetero issue this is!! I'd love to know if there's a similar movement/ideology of celibacy and not-dating amongst queer women, because I haven't seen that, BUT I'm married so I'm not in the scene.... still! would love to see how the movement crosses over, or if it's truly primarily brought on just by men being men
Hey, I'm not sure if you are comfortable discussing international social issues, but could you please talk about the recent femicides in Turkey? Specifically two young girls were brutally killed by another deranged teenager who was stalking one of the girls. He publicly beheaded and killed one of the girls in a murder suicide, after murdering the other girl in his room. The worst of it all is the online chatrooms where incels are coming together to praise this guy and say all sorts of sick shit about women and kids in general. I have receipts and I'd be happy to translate if needed. I just hope someone will talk about it and show these women that they are not alone. For the first time in 27 years, I felt glad that I didn't grow up in my home country. I hope that you can pick this story up and shoot a video to bring light to it. There is a huge, ginormous femicide problem in Turkey and it needs to be addressed, they need to be held accountable. I really hope you'll consider talking about this. Love you and thanks for reading ❤
5:32 is the same as gayness, the idea of "phase" is something that will be "gone" by the past of time. I mean, is how people is Latin America and conservatives see homosexuality. I'm a lesbian teenager and i have high libido, so i'm fucked of society will see me.
Im almost 30, and most people I went to high school with are married with kids, or in a long term relationship. I know a few that struggling on the apps, but most people around me have found relative success with them.
as a young man I do believe in hook up culture but not in the way it turned out, the biggest mistake is that society opened up about sex so quick without any education about it, we decided to break traditional sex culture, morals and restrictions, but we did not create a new liberal sex culture and morality that teaches men and women how to please each other with emotions, love and care and without abuse, unfortunately this lead to previous already existing patriarchal ideas and cultures to take over the hook up mindset of people especially men, it's patriarchy that ruined the hook up culture for everyone, especially women because it told men to take advantage of it by fucking around with the worse performance (not caring about making women orgasm, just smash for 5 minutes and leave) and ghosting and not giving any emotions to women afterwards, because they're deemed as hoes and sluts and at the same time it tells men to get a virgin when they want to get married, how do you go make all women not virgin but hooking up then complain about not having virgin women, patriarchy never tells men to close their legs, and also how do you tell me that you should aim for a low body count but then tell me to fuck as many women as I can because that makes me a chad and gives me respect, they're basically telling women to have the least amount of sex and telling men to have the highest amount of sex, which eventually makes men go out there to get as much sex as they can and makes women go out there and reject as much men as they can, which leads to frustration between the genders which leads to the gender war.
@@passiveaggresivesquirrel2052 That'd be such a huge coincidence that i'd rather call it a lie. Perhaps if they all found each other through the web, it could be possible but are they really a friend group then? I personally would not deem people you hang out with reguarly on the web your friend group.
LOVE that you talked about the 4b movement! I wrote both my BA and MA thesis on (radical) (online) feminist movements in SK. I really recommend anybody looking into the movement more deeply and online feminism and misogyny in SK in general. It’s my Roman Empire lol. It’s a deeply depressing topic but I feel that we can learn a lot from these women for sure!
It's not really touched on in this video but it is remarkable how much sexuality alters this conversation. I feel like the experience of queer women (and nonbinary people, to include myself) feels so much different in regards to sex. My views on sex when I was single felt so much different to the points/conversation in this video because I was rarely focused on men on dating apps. I'm bisexual and my dating life looked a lot more like looking for women on dating apps and finding male partners through friends or other intrapersonal relationships. It makes me feel curious about the dating and dating app landscape in queer, female spaces. I respect anyone's choice for celibacy but I never have felt the need to choose celibacy because men aren't really my primary focus. I dated men and women but I knew that if I was feeling particularly frustrated with men, there was something else I could look to. My focus was split. I wonder if dating app fatigue is less in queer spaces.
That is the conversation to be had! All women are impacted by comphet, not just queer women and lesbians. I am a lesbian and I want all the straight girlies to learn about comphet.
Comphet is an exclusively queer term to identify the pressure to be heterosexual by a society that undervalues, dismisses and is even hostile to queer relationships. Preventing queer people from even realising that they aren't what society pre-ordains them. This can be linked to women being pressured to center men in their lives and to value being married over everything. But it is not the end of the definition. Society isn't pressuring straight people to be straight because that's what they are.
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Stats that teach Abstinence over 😘 add have less STDs and assaults
Don't forget child support or pedophile
Men still have to provide for Wife's offering nothing
Anti abortionist think if only those babies could be supported outside if only someone who does want the baby could take over. But in child support date if you argue if you care so much about the kids why don't you pay for them.
They say so everyone else is supposed to pay for your responsibilities the tax payers are supposed to bare your burden you created by yourself .
Completely your choice.
Even though the fact your working to make child support mean you are the tax payers. .
Reason is pro lifers only wants save the babies and Child support isn't about helping children it's about punishing men
Men are optioning out marriage
The thing I LOVE about religious schools teaching abstinence as the "only 100% effective method of contraception" is that, if you believe the Bible, it actually isnt 100%...
LOL like DARN it Mary..Immaculate conception again?!
LMFAO!
😂😂😂
That one time was a lucky chance? I practice abstinence but sometimes I’m like… is there something in there even though there’s no way? I have mixed thoughts about the bible so idk if that counts 😭
@@Ajlikestraveling immaculate conception has been recorded in nature something like 4 times over all of history, it's technically scientifically possible in all mammals I think but it's never been recorded in human history other than in the Bible. Which is highly contested to being a true record of history, including amongst religious scholars. There are thousands of possibilities tbh
Edit to correct myself; it's actually never been recorded, I thought it had, but apparently all we have a theoretical scientific mechanism with no examples. But in this mechanism the birthed child would be a female and so Jesus would have to have been intersex to grow a beard as he is depicted, and technically be trans by not living as a female. Blasphemous, I know. The jury's still out on Mary's infidelity
My favorite quote “ right wing men think we’re private property, left wing men think we’re public property”
Andrea Dworkin
Amazing and iconic feminist quote… it feels so relevant now despite how old it is
Great quote, sadly real.
Hell yeah Dworkin’s quote
We are all properties. Whether you like it or not. That's just life.
I hate that society jumped straight to female promiscuity before it encouraged us to unpack negative feelings about sex or tackle the orgasm gap. All my attempts at a hoe phase left me unsatisfied to some extent because of how hard it is to advocate for your pleasure with a stranger. It's frustrating when your arousal requires patience and attention from a situation that's literally meant to be "quick and easy". Hookups aren't for me unless the person is willing to get to know my body even if we do t wanna get to know each other.
It is “quick and easy” for me If I love the person to be honest
Why attempt a hoe phase to begin with? What do you gain from it? Wouldn’t it be better to find someone that you actually love and want to be with long term?
Love this comment. Thankfully I eventually unpacked everything and am pretty content with where I am now. That being said, what works for me are hookup “options” where I’ll find someone I really like hooking up with and stick with them for however long and have a couple options
Hook ups will almost never result in really good sex
Peer pressure honestly. It's just so normalized and I have friends that genuinely enjoy hookups so I assumed I would to. Love and relationships hasn't come easy for me so hookups seem like a good idea in the midst of loneliness. Kind of an endless cycle for me.
I became celibate cause I'm not about to risk my health anymore, people are getting waaaaay to comfortable with getting STDs/STIs for my liking
second this ! people are not understanding they are putting my health at risk when they dont get tested
@xoxo_lan this is one of those times when the stigma should remain to discourage these behaviours lol
this is why you're supposed to only have sex with one person
Same, it's not worth it. Had an HPV scare and only had 1 partner last year.
If something were to happen to my marriage and I became single, you couldn't pay me to start dating again. Let alone have sex with anyone. Absolutely not. No way. I'd get another cat and start a coven. Y'all are invited if that happens.
Extremes on either end don't interest me. I'm not going to set unreasonable expectations for myself around sex, it's not going to be something I attach shame to and I'm also not going to offer that kind of intimacy to everyone I meet, just don't want to. Aiming to be pleasantly in the middle and balanced lol. People have to do what works for them and focus less on how that aligns with everyone else.
So well said! Media tend to push the narrative around sex to either end of the extreme, but in reality most people belongs to neither extremes and are somewhere along the middle. There's really no reason to conform to a "mainstream standard" on what is a matter of complete personal choice.
@@charliez8504 Thank you and I completely agree with you!
Exactly. Why can't people mind their own business?? Some people don't do it casually; some do. Their lives.
@@bobsayshello7112 because the private is political
finally reasonable people with an ACTUALLY understandable belief
casual sex simply benefits men more. women want to navigate their sexuality in a way that is both physically and emotionally enjoyable. hookups and situationships are not worth it for most women.
you sound so uneducated. delete this while you still have time
Well said
It s not worth and never would if you re premise of navigating is put the blame on him and do starfish while execting that he s just magically know it all how you want it when you want and where.
It s the same circular bs all over again with you women.
Don t like facing inexperimented or none lasti g men? Well guess what you created this.
Not in the long run anyway. For easy short-term pleasure, hookups make more sense.
Only certain men. A lot of other men get left in loneliness. Depends on how you look at it.
I would LOVE it if Jordan spoke about the 4B movement in South Korea more. It is the perfect example of women being celibate as a form of protest. It is also a response to the nth room, where Korean men and boys are filming themselves SAing their female colleagues, friends, classmates, and family members. It is really messed up and it needs to be spoken about more.
Truly disturbing
Same!!! Seeing the 4b movement is getting more popular now its a matter of time till she made a vid focusing more of this too (I hope)
The Nth room is absolutely vile and men were absolutely posting deepfake pornography of their mothers and sisters
she spoke about it in the video :)
The 4B movement is to attack the country's birthright because they keep squeezing every penny/minute out of the lives of the working class
The 4B movement is based on NOT spending time with any right wing lunatics, something the western hoe phase won't ever consider - because it implies cutting their body count in half LOL
personally, i believe that the term “sex positivity” has been extremely skewed to only represent promiscuity and not so much the celibacy/abstinence side of sex.
i think with the recent pandemic of violence against women, the treatment of women, the rise of red pill right wing podcasters, women are kind of choosing their peace of mind rather than engaging with people who have a potential to harm them in ways such as physical, mental, emotional, etc.
personally, i think sex positivity should also include destigmatising the concept of “virgins” and “virginity” and how that it’s a very patriarchal concept. along with that, it should also be taught not having sex is just as acceptable as having lots of sex. i think the balance should be restored instead of women being shamed for having “too much” sex or not having sex at all.
In my experience the only stigma around virginity is caused by other women. Most men have a preference around it. In what sense is that patriarchal?
@@Mobius_llin the right wing spaces the men there are in love with virgin women. They will disregard any woman with a "high" body count
@@Mobius_llThe idolization of virginity is. Whether stigma or pedestal, virginity being such a huge deal stems from patriarchy.
Never happen women love shaming incels
Actually, the same number of man as women want to marry a virgin. Some people (both women and men) don't want to be compare in bed with many ex partner.
I really don't think it's about 'dating', because older women are also opting out of marriage and children. I think it's about patriarchy, and the fact that these days the most financially secure and wise choice for a woman is to get an education, a career and stay single. This is a recent phenomenon, for almost all of the history of capitalism, women needed marriage for financial security, so they had to put up with men. But now, if you are a woman with an advanced degree, relationships with men are financially a bad idea for you (due primarily to the amount of extra domestic and childcare labor you'll do, which makes it very difficult for successful women to maintain their careers). So I think in order for the trend of women avoiding dating, marrying and having children to change, men need to be less invested in maintaining patriarchy.
Respect! As a young mom with a really loving husband, you are so right.Everyone expects basically everything from women, house chores and caring for the children and working. The amount of people who were surprised to learn that my husband is changing dippers is RIDICULOUS.... and i still do most of the stuff. If you don't have help why bother?
Men NEED to wake up. And only a few have.. .
There's many factors including what you just said, like another thing is the state of economy right now, as women in the past used to rely on their husband's salary which is pretty much harder rn cos of the state of economy and of course it's not going to make sense that for us as women to do the "duty of a wife", taking care of kids while also have to work a 9-5 job, since it's pretty much not in favor for women to rely on men anymore in this present-day of course the needs for marriage is also going to decrease, not to mention a lot of recent news about women got abused etc its pretty much safer for us to focus on ourselves more now
@@Βασιλική-ΝικολέτταΣακελλάρη I can't even believe how anyone can live in such a bleak and unequal relationship that the Dad doesn't even do the most basic child-care tasks. Also feel bad for the children. Will a Dad who couldn't even do the bare minimum actually be a good parent later? - I doubt it.
I'm glad my dad woke up in the middle of the night to change my diaper when I was a baby, took me on walks in my stroller, then later with a bike and still spends time with me and shows that he cares. Just like my mom does. Children don't specifically need a mom and dad. But they do need caregivers they can attach to, they can rely on and that deeply care about them. If one parents shows they don't care as much it can have strong negative effects on the child/children.
Could not have said it any better myself. Thank you.
My experience of dating men has been AWFUL lol not dating in general though mind you 😅
I think one crucial point missing from this video is that gen z are now largely in their late teens and early twenties. Growing up we watched our gen x mothers fall out of love with our fathers because of how little effort they put in, we listened to our millennial and zillennial older sisters talk about all of the boys who were treating them poorly (primarily via dating apps). And now that it's our turn for the hoe phase we simply aren't bothering because we've witnessed how miserable relationships can make you through our mothers and sisters.
Good! Learn from our mistakes!!
Oh my god, YES exactly.
Elder gen Z here. Yeah that hoe phase lasted a year at most. Many men are so corn sick they start having ed isuues in their 20s.
At 26 I think I'm done with it🫠
How does this comment have so many likes!? It's a horrible take. You do realise that a hoe phase and a committed relationship are two completely different things right. You aren't going to partake in a "hoe phase" because your mother fell out of love with your father? WTF!? Wait is the hoe phase the same thing as dating? am I missing something? I thought a hoe phase meant partaking in hookups and casual dates of a sexual nature... and was completely different from dating for a serious relationship. Cause it kinda sounds like ya'll are complaining that a hoe phase hasn't given the relationship treatment you desired, which I mean... shouldn't be shocking.
@@BourgeoisBoysno silly she said they wont have that phase because of the women before them being treated badly for the phase and that dangling a potential relationship in front of them won’t work because they’ve read that book and don’t like the ending.
Work in your reading comprehension a bit please.
I love this title
I'm sure you absent father does too
@@sebastianvalmontlol, you will be alone forever.
I'm one of the women that became so comfortable being by myself that I think I'm good being like this forever, at the end of the day my friends, family and pets is pretty much enough for me lol
Honestly same, it's more safe and peaceful imo
I've been thinking about being single for life because dating sucks. I'm glad to see other people think the same way 😊
Same. On the one hand I would really love a respectful and kind partner but on the other it feels out of reach. Even the "good" relationships I see still have major issues with women being caretakers or disregarded - especially when they marry and have kids. The dynamic has changed for the worse on a few of my female friends after kids/marriage which is really sad.
@@kat_286if you think dating sucks then it will stay that way. Change your mindset and things will change
I personally think that the dating and hookup culture oversexualize women. Yes, you can have sex with whoever you want. But hookup culture can make you feel like you have to have sex with people. Sexual liberation shouldn’t lead to women falling into a patriarchal roles that cater to men. I also think that a lot of girls/women tend to hook up with people and the oftentimes regret it because they just had sex to have sex. which is fine if you feel okay about the experience, but knowing so many women that have hookups and then realized afterwards that they wish they didn’t. We need to educate people on the emotion that can come from sex and how it can harm you if you’re not protecting yourself against people you really don’t know or feel comfortable with.
(edit: i ain’t replying to anyone else, many people need to read more feminist theory and sex psychology. I BELIEVE WOMEN SHOULD BE ABLE TO HAVE SEX WITH WHOEVER THEY WANT, buuut THEY ARE ALSO ALLOWED TO WANT TO BE SEEN AS something other than sexual as well. dating apps make it really hard for people to see past sex. In hookup culture it’s expected for most people to be okay with rushing connections and just go into having sex. that’s why they are dangerous. and that’s my piece.)
I agree! and also I would add that biology is different for women and men. Having sex with someone makes you connected to that person. And for women, it tends to be a stronger connection than for men. Some women are left broken-hearted once they do the hookup / situationship / fwb thinking they can ''handle it emotionally'' or ''disconnect feelings from sex'' if something goes wrong. But in reality - when faced with a different outcome - they spiral into heartbreak and hopelessness, even when they know that the man they were dating wasn't a good match.
Yes! Soul ties are real
@@blondie9422No there actually is no proof nor biblical basis to support that they are please stop widespreading this notion. And I say this as a conservative christian.
there's nothing biological abt it. women dont feel shitty after a hookup, they feel shitty either bc they've been cobditioned to feel shame abt it, or, and especially, bc guys treat them like absolute garbage (or both)--which is not women's fault, nor is it "just the way casual sex is"
@@natevans8024 not sure if your trying to reply to me or the comments bc i am kinda confused about a lot of what your saying (never said it was biological). Hookup culture was created under the patriarchy and sexualizes women. i personally believe you can have sex with whoever you want as long as your safe, happy, and healthy. but sex is also something that is vulnerable, that’s why having talks about sex and consent conversations is so important. hookup culture takes away a lot of the conversation. i am not talking about “feeling shame” for having sex but “feeling unfulfilled” there is a total difference. having sex to just have sex (which is fine if you want, but there are a lot of people don’t want that and still participate) Maybe women are feeling shame, but that is not what i am talking about. the way hookup culture is takes away the human connection. that’s the conversation i am having.
The other day I said I would only have sex with someone I am in a relationship with and people were acting like I said I'm waiting for marriage to please our lord. The dating scene is so strange, especially in big cities. I really genuinely do not believe it's weird to wait until you are in a relationship to have sex.
My mother "threatened" to make a dating profile for me because she really was too worried about me being alone all of the time. I told her good luck, the only matches you're going to get are men wanting a green card. And they're very obvious about it.
Yeah, in my opinion, dating apps are not a good place to look for a partner.
Dating apps are exhausting for everyone & people crave irl connections! Hence the rise in ‘running clubs’ and social meet ups. also I feel like the older you get the less ‘free time’ you have so people have started to prioritise seeing friends & doing hobbies over casual dating, it’s just too emotionally taxing imo
True but I don't really see the why people are so hung up on friends and sticking with them. In my experience friends don't last long and friends are conditional. The problem with love today is that it seems to have switched. Friends have become unconditional and relationships have become conditional. Which I don't get from my experience. From my experience friends have always been conditional. The kinds of friendships people are describing to me today are just out of this world to me. I can name incidents where me and my friends have fought fist to fist and we have not been the same ever since and when it came time for us to not be friends anymore we became like strangers and don't call each other to this day. I'm a millennial. Y'all's friendships are a different breed entirely.
@@Dr.Beetlejuice110nah I think that’s just a you thing
Purity/chastity movement happens every 10 years. Nothing new under the sun.
When was the last one? A lot of Gen Z guys are going crazy with a huge shift towards religious values and being repulsed by high body counts
@@wordcel I think you will find the last one lasted since The New Testament until The Second Vatican Council.
@@wordcel The early 2000s - "compassionate conservatism". Bush would have been considered relatively moderate by our standards today. Edit: Nope! 2010-2012. Completely forgot about the Tea Party Republican movement.
Likely because hyper sexuality is the counter-push and that ends up being satisfying for no one but horny men. If people would be reasonable with what we push society toward, we’d avoid this
Nah. Also the purity prudish is now seen as "feminist" and "anticapitalist" which is not
Because the only hoe-ing that I get to include in my portfolio, is garden work.
Badass
That's great 😂the hoe phase isn't worth it.
New dating app where men have to take a graded course on misogyny to talk to women and if theyre reported have to retake it
The thing with this is that it wouldn't be impossible for someone to ace this course, but still be incredibly misogynistic.
This would create some funny speedruns
Or making one that you can leave reviews on. Like "tried to have sex with me because he bought me dinner. Said something bad about my appearance. Seemed a little off. 🤣
New dating app where women have to put their weight, a photo with no makeup/filters, and their body count
It doesn't count when you're a Chad of course.
As an asexual person “inconvenient, time-consuming, energy draining and irrelevant” is, in fact, exactly how I see sex 😂
Same here
Same!
same
I’m late but same 😂
the sad thing is that videos like this hardly reach the audience they really need to: straight men
I’m a straight man and it reached me
Ditto. There are bad men out there, but calling 50% of earth’s population just trash is not productive. I’ve been working on my attachment style and healing with support groups. And Limerence is what those dreamy expectations are. Men have it too. I can’t expect someone to be all I want to make them out to be. Exactly 0% of people have exactly 0 flaws. You learn who this person is through secure attachment and find out if these specific flaws are something you’re willing to compromise with. If not, that’s fine. This technology based world is forcing us apart. Being divided like this only benefits corporations. Seeking group platonic relationships are definitely somewhere to begin. People you see regularly and begin to trust to at the very least bring levity to our day to day. Support groups, sports rec, weekly events like poetry nights, volunteering, community gardens. There’s association for cleaning up hiking trails and lakes. Life can get 10% better all the time
hi! straight man here, loved the video
Fellow straight man
It does reach straight men but that doesn't mean they will agree with her points
Don’t forget about the divine feminine spirituality, popularization of celibacy & abstinence, femininity coaches, and the ‘level-up’ hypergamy content. It’s interesting how these conservative actions are dressed up in vaguely feminist/women first language. There has definitely been a more conservative cultural shift in the 2020’s
Liberalism is soft conservativism
That's why I like libertarianism. I feel like it's a good middle ground. Not too extreme on both ends. It's probably how I'm going to vote this election too. I think the candidate will be a great choice and if he doesn't win, I hope he runs for Senate
In some respects I can't help but tie it to the sort of Y2K revival in fashion. Lots of people have insisted that attitudes and fashions don't /necessarily/ tend to go together, but I wonder if those background cultural/attitude shifts have helped Y2K aesthetics somewhat
@@stuffinsthegreatyeah the over baggy crap has come back full circle recently
Good.
I've been single for all of the 20 years of my life and I dont use any dating app. I am bisexual and would love to be in a relationship but honestly books, series and movies kind of feed my need for love. I do miss the physical touch part but my friends fill that void so yea don't need a man, but I don't avoid them.
The most important thing I got from this video is that I should take myself on a date lmao.
Go a watch a movie, take a walk in the nearest park, eat a slice of cake in a nice caffe, there are plenty of «taking yourself on a date» possibilites.
I have very similar almost the exactly same experience as a single since birth 20 year old. 😂
May or may not be worth exploring if aro-spec might fit you. I'm also bi, and when I was 20 (now going on 30), I also wanted to date, even had one or two intense crushes, and enjoyed a lot of romance-heavy media (although certainly not exclusively). Despite wanting to date and enjoying fictional romance, I was never really motivated to actually pursue dating. Pre-covid I had just started cracking into that sphere but, honestly, that's what prompted the realization that "aromantic" (or gray aro/aro-spec, I guess) really fits how I feel surprisingly well. Not saying that'll be you as well, but tbh even alloromantic people I know have benefited from exploring that idea a bit more.
But also yes 10/10 recommend taking yourself out to do all the fun things!
Lots of blessing in that! I was very curious while I’m glad I satisfied my curiosity but please be safe out there everyone lots of dangerous men and STDs!❤
@@stuffinsthegreatthe bisexual to aro-ace pipeline is real
I believe increasing stress is leading to lower rates of intimacy for everyone. People 35 and under and getting it on way less frequently than boomers did at the same age. Politics might be downstream of culture, but culture is downstream of material conditions
What I find disturbing is that hookup culture and casual dating are hyped up for us women to believe that we can live our sexuality free of shame and free of criticism, when it's just a way for us to become more and more available to the thousands of creeps and awful men out there and to be shamed again if something happens to us. We have become products that no one cares about.
That's why I'll always stay away from dating apps and casual dating, you know nothing and are blamed for choosing an option you were given.
Also, celibacy is a gift to ourselves, more time and energy to live our lives to the fullest and to nurture platonic relationships.
I can tell you didn't graduate high school because this whole sentence is brain rot
So the choices that you make is mens fault?
Love reading these comments. Now, all you young men and women are realizing, huh?
The police aren't the only issue when it comes to violence against women and girls. I've had cases go to court and just because a victims recollection of events changed between statements taken immediately after the event and a few days later (because of how trauma affects the brain and memory) the court won't take it. They assume the victim is lying.
Cops aren't the only problem.
The courts are too.
We need to raise the issue higher than police
Yes some cops are fucking foul, but the courts don't fucking help either.
They reduce victims and retraumatise them.
Look feminist own numbers and also populations and time scales men's violence against women is actually very very extremely rare
@@RussianBot-g6xterrible bait Russian bot
Yes… this… 😢
How are they supposed to put someone in jail for something they might be innocent of if the facts from the victim arnt consistent?
Weather you like it or not some women do lie and it's not helping real victims of sa
YAYYYYYYY JORDAN THERESA JUST POSTED!!
I might be in a leftist bubble, but to me the shift to celibacy for straight women has been more about an inherent discovery that we don’t need men at all, and that liberation through sex is mostly an idea which benefits men anyway - having lots of sex, unfortunately, isn’t very beneficial when most partners you could have statistically suck :(
Yep definitely an echo chamber and poor experiences with the opposite sex. Congratulations you’re a female incel.
Exactly!!
1. Men typically orgasm almost every time (women don’t)
2. Men are much bigger and stronger on average and can really hurt us (so hooking up with men we don’t know well is dodgy)
3. A lot of them refuse to wear condoms
4. If we get pregnant then the burden and stress falls almost completely on us
5. The social stigma of being “sexually loose” is still way worse for a woman and we get treated worse if we are even perceived that way.
6. Most of us are built to get more emotionally attached than men do.
7. A lot of men are warped by porn and will put things they see in porn into practice. This can make for a very unpleasant experience.
its almost like someone told you this ages ago but idfk
yeah you're definitely in a leftist bubble. because women wouldn't survive for very long without men. anyone with common sense knows this, but leftists tend to not have common sense.
It only benefit the pool of psychopathic and the degenerate men not the rest of men. I have not much respect for either gender when the body count goes over the dubbele digits. Having so little control over the fleshly desires is absolutely satanic/Islamic behavior.
Wonderful economy for being a Lesbian 😃
Just queer even!! We just doing are thing lol
joyful queer autumn is upon us in my home
@@35thrat spring for me
Literally 🎉 except sometimes the hook up culture bleeds into some lesbians as well
Love being ace haha
Miss ma'am, i just broke up my 4 year situationship. 4 years!! I will definitely be boy sober for a while now, I can, in fact, buy myself flowers ❤
Damn girl that’s a degree… wish you the best of luck ❤
@Coastpsych_fi99 your comment made me laugh 🤣 it was definitely a degree on what not to do next, hope I learned my lesson 🙏🏻 thank you and best of luck for you too, all of us 💕
Yes! I buy myself flowers all the time. I make myself warm and loving meals and I give myself shoulder massages and I tell myself how proud I am of me, how beautiful and kind I am, and how much I love myself. It might seem strange, but it's self love in the truest sense.
@@sparkymularkey6970 You are absolutely right about everything you said ❤
Good for you!! Stay strong ❤❤
Why should I *want* to have a hoe phase? I’m sick of being told to be more sexual, to have more sex, and being shamed for being a “prude” just because I don’t want to do that.
I absolutely *resent* the current culture that treats sex like something everyone should be craving and doing all the time, and that looks down on people who don’t want that.
I think your idea of clothing being subtly influenced by conservatism may be missing one thing and that is that nearly everyone I know (myself included) is enjoying clothing that covers more of the body and is loose/flowy because after decades of athleisure and skinny jeans it's nice to put on some clothing that is not binding or squeezing, where a boob won't pop out if you lie down on the sofa, and in the case of dresses where you can be fully dressed in one shot (i.e. no matching pieces up to make an outfit)
Additionally, as a person who sews I can't help but notice that the styles being sold have been using the most basic techniques and lots of boxy shapes, even things like peasant skirts being reworked to have the minimum amount of fabric necessary to make the skirt shape at all. That has to have much more to do with cutting costs than pushing a conservative aesthetic.
No. Wear less or you’re a conservative lol
when people are reduced to commodities, with nothing of value left to offer the world as neolibcap strips everything away, we cling to an age old thing that ever had any value: notions of bodily purity. Especially in the age of everyone having a freaking OF or something.
Its a reaction to a reaction to a reaction to a reaction. It never really ends.
Basically, when the pendulum swings to one extreme, it's bound to swing back to the other one after a while.
Yep. Redpill/tradwife stuff is a reaction to hookup culture, which was a reaction to purity culture, which was a reaction to the sexual revolution, which was a reaction to age-old cultural standards regarding sex.
@@AlyssaTaylor9 we are never escaping the matrix 😔
@@AlyssaTaylor9pretty much this
@@AlyssaTaylor9 No, redpill loves hookup culture, it`s a reaction of men feeling entitled to "get women" and not getting them
Dating just doesn’t seem worth my time with the state of the political gender divide, the demographic of my dating pool, and the amount of absolute emotional manchild shit that seems to come along with some small sexual pleasure. I just have so many other things that interest me more than sifting through the sludge to find a compatible gem. I’m finding myself developing crushes through friends and mutual friends and that’s way more fun and natural to me.
I'm sure for everyone that says someone or some space is trash or whatever they are exactly that themselves. Nothing wrong with choosing your route it's just that your comment doesn't show that you value an opposite sex human being anyways so you are doing them a favor. The whole point of dating shows that you have hope in the opposite sex and you want to find someone that you value. The destination is the point, it's not about the journey when it comes to big picture dating. But you have to be willing to see that in another person and your response doesn't give me that. It gives me that you think you are higher and better than whatever and I doubt that based on your response here. You probably just don't give people the chance to keep it real with you about yourself.
Thank you for echoing the women who are victims of violence and failed by justice.
as someone who was raped in devon in 2018... that statistic was ROUGH. I went to the police and literaly nothing was done lol. ppl will say 'speak up' "go to the police" and yet they will literally never enforce consequences
You brought that on yourself, you could've bought a toy and get satisfied as many times as you wanted but no, you went with feminism thought you.
Muslim area?
@@PVT.Ramirez-x2ynothing I could say to you wouldn't get blocked
Hi idk what I’m even saying but does anyone also notice how like the HUGE pop music landscape rn is essentially Sabrina Carpenter’s new album and of course Brat, or Chapelle Roan’s stuff which all have sexually themed, explorative songs ya know ya know, I’m very curious to see when/if/how the pop/music industry is going to catch up with this mentality?? Obviously these aren’t the ENTIRETY of what these artists have produced, but it’s still significant I feel. Idk if this made sense but I felt I needed to put this somewhere
Damn, me and my girls were literally just talking about this today. Men have so consistently and deeply failed to meet our expectations (while expecting us to shoulder a disproportionate amount of emotional labor, and sometimes even physical labor), that we're just too emotionally exhausted to even date. We're focusing on supporting each other and building together instead.
If an actual fully developed man comes along at some point, great. If not, fine, we'll build our communities and lives on our own. At this point, that's sounding easier and less stressful honestly.
How do we bridge this gap? I'm a straight man who spends time on right wing youtube and I see very similar comments from guys with flipped reasoning. You say men are not worth the time because they cannot meet your expectations. The men on the other side of youtube say the women are not worth being real men for, because women are too masculine, aggressive, and all ask for too much from things we can't control like height and facial attractiveness. My question to you is do you see anyway to bridge this gap? How can we love each other again?
@@siutboy6965 funny enough, in the days since I’ve left this comment I’ve ended up talking to several different men who seem well-adjusted and mature that are reporting having a tough time finding women that are good communicators and actual safe spaces for their vulnerability 🙃
I mean- I think the solution starts with individuals like us that are sincerely curious and open to bridging the gap. I suspect that as individuals we can begin to form strands that eventually resonate with others and become larger paths of reconciliation. We all ultimately want the same thing- the be understood and do be loved. We just gotta do our part, communicate, and move towards one another in good faith.
@@siutboy6965 (also- to be more specific, the easiest way to bridge the gap as a man is to take accountability for yourself and for becoming a man with integrity. We are in DESPERATE need of men we can actually rely on. This isn’t a blame game to the bottom, this is a self-actuating game to the top. Meet us there.)
@@siutboy6965 well, to be clear, we're not saying men aren't "worth the time", we're saying that we're too tired to keep reaching out to people who don't seem to be interested in meeting us halfway, and are changing course out of exhaustion and pain.
That being said- since originally posting this several days ago, I've actually ended up talking to a couple well-adjusted/mature men who are also tired of dating, they say that they're having a hard time finding women that communicate well and that hold space for their vulnerability. So, it does seem to be a mess on both sides.
But to answer your question: I think that bridging the gap is ultimately up to individuals like us, that approach one another in good faith and with sincere curiosity and compassion, and willingness to grow together. I think the bridge is built one relationship at a time, by having these conversations and setting good examples. So, thank you for being here and doing that.
I also want to say that if you're really wanting to bridge that gap as a man- prioritize accountability and integrity. We DESPERATELY need and want men we can count on, that we actually feel safe with. We all ultimately want the same thing, to be understood and to be loved. But love isn't a blame-game race to the bottom, it's a self-actualization race to the top. Meet us there 🤍
@@siutboy6965
((omg I keep trying to reply to this and my responses keep disappearing 💀 idk if YT is glitching or what, but I'm trying one last time with this one.))
First- to be clear, we're not saying men aren't "worth the time". We're saying that we're frustrated and exhausted and hurt, we're strained from reaching out and trying to build with men who seem to be disinterested in meeting us halfway. And we're giving up, it isn't working. Or at the least taking a break. We're tired, babe!
That being said, since posting this a couple days ago I've actually ended up talking to a couple well-adjusted/mature men and they're also tired of dating. They're saying that they're having a hard time finding women that communicate effectively and have space for their vulnerability. So, it seems like it's a mess on both sides tbh.
But to answer your question, I think that we can start to bridge this gap as an individuals- by actively showing up to have these conversations in good faith, with curiosity and compassion and a sincere desire to grow together. So, thank you for doing that :)
I also want to say, if you're actively looking to bridge this gap as a man, I'd say prioritize accountability and integrity. We DESPERATELY need and want men that we can rely on and feel safe with. Ultimately we all want the same thing, to be understood and to be loved. But love isn't a blame game race to the bottom, it's a self-actualization race to the top. Meet us there 🤍 if we can't grow together right now, maybe we can grow towards each other in the meantime yaknow.
wow, so impressed by the depth of research and consideration of larger patterns and systemic influences in this video, and such on the nose, incisive commentary that also manages to be respectfully playful around heavy topics. i learn so much about the psyche and sociology of the UK through your videos, which i appreciate as unfortunately the UK still has a lot of power and influence over the world. thanks for this video!
As an aro ace i love that abstinence and singleness is becoming a trend because it allows me to dodge irritating questions from family 😅
Ok so for some reason, this video got recommended to me (I am a straight man), I figured I'd give some thoughts from my POV.
I'm a firm believer in "you attract what you are". I went through my f-boy phase, but I stopped for about a year (with a couple minor relapses) & luckily I found a girl who shares my way of thinking & we're in a good relationship!
My f-boy phase was unfulfilling & it was fun at first, but then I started to realise that I was juggling multiple partners which was stressful for me & I realised that I was making these girls feel worthless & that other girls were making me feel worthless.. so I just went celibate for almost a year & it completely changed the way that I think about women & dating in general.
Nice video, I would have also appreciated a mention of how the growing acceptance of aromanticism and asexuality are challenging the idea that every young person is supposed to sleep around and date.
I am aroace myself. Spent all of my teens years in denial and trying to force myself to be allo, obviously to no avail. There's always going to be an implicit social tax on single people - like, in a work environment, always having to pick up the slack of colleagues who have young kids, not being able to take advantage of the tax or cost of living benefits of having a partner, etc. I get it. I don't see why we should have to pay extra punitive costs on top of all that, it's ridiculous.
So true!
100p! Aros and aces are gaining more visibility, like this year’s London pride had an ace person leading it!
Just so everyone knows, Amber Rose didn't found the SlutWalk. It was started in Toronto (like you mentioned) by Sonya Barnett and Heather Jarvis. Amber Rose founded the LA chapter and established it as a festival which is also an interesting fact in itself
The insights from the comments are such a good addition to this video.
As someone who was a teenager in the late 2000s and 10s I feel I missed out as I’m now approaching 30 and everything is so atomised. No one ever seems to get into relationships and dating apps just make you miserable.
Screw dating. I want sisterhood of happy single women. ❤
Exactly!!!
If people had secure, healthy, non dysfunctional families and had their basic needs met (housing, food, healthcare), none of this discourse would even exist. We are driven to look for meaning and experiences of intense infatuation because we live in a horrible world where the rich exploit us. So of course we cling onto sex and dating because what else do we have left to feel anything meaningful or positive. We cant afford to travel, pursue our hobbies, we have to work all day for companies we dont even care about (because why would we), i honestly dont understand how this society is even holding up. Everyone is tired and unhappy. I think we have maybe 30-40 years before another world war. This is all so fucking unsustainable and backwards.
It's been worse previously, at least not many of us are barefoot, hungry and cold anymore.
We’re already in WW3
Yep, I think about this pretty much every day. I just try to break those cycles/expectations in my own life, even in really small ways or fleeting moments
I think that even if food, health and housing were met we would still have patriarchy and would still have these issue without major societal change on how violence towards women is addressed.
No accountability
Dating apps exist to facilitate casual sex. The problem comes from people trying to rebrand as dating apps. You're not going to find meaningful relationships on essentially a McDonalds menu of people lying to appeal to a very limited definition of what's desirable.
@lululemon-t3t good for you.
@lululemon-t3t good for you 💪 buh wha the person is tryna say is, in a broader sense , people don't really go on those apps to find long term love
Anecdotally, this doesn't match up with my meager experience as a 28 yo guy. Most of my friends who are in committed relationships met on an app.
Most ppl nowadays meet their significant others through dating apps
The point you made about the clean girl aesthetic being trad wife coded 😵 GIRRLL YOU ARE SO BANG ON
She's back!
Tbh i really want to date but im scared of men. I tried to see if I am bisexual and explore other genders but they didn't click to me like how I find men but at the same time I'm slowly losing hope in finding the one because to do so would mean I need to be vulnerable to men who will and can hurt me and I'm stuck in a limbo where I can't find any answer
It sounds like you might benefit from taking the idea of dating off the table so you're not stressing about it?
You might also want to consider broadening your friend group? Not to "not all men you", but well, not all men are bad. It sounds like what scares you is going straight from strangers to the kind of vulnerability and intimacy needed from a relationship pretty much immediately on meeting someone. Which is understandably scary, particularly as a woman dating men.
But if you just talk to people looking for a platonic friendship, it's a much more gradual change, with a lot more opportunity to turn back and decide you don't like someone or their vibes, while the stakes are still much lower. Just being friends with people with no pressure to necessarily be anything more than acquaintances that are okay with each other.
Are you friends with any men? I mean it`s a good idea to be careful and aware of red flags, but being afriad of men in general is not realistic either. I mean before dating apps (which was not too long ago) people got to know their potential partners through friend groups, shared hobbies, studying or working together, etc. Don`t you have any of these natural interactions with men, so that you could start with being friends with some and get to be more comfortable and understanding about men before you try dating anybody?
Getting to know men that way also has the element of social control where your friends already checked and decided that this guy is ok when they decided to be friends with him. It doesn`t make it 100 percent secure, you still have to use your own judgement, but it`s a good start at weeding out bad people. Same when you see men regularily at work or in social situations, you experience how they handle different situations and act with other people, so you can see if they behave in a pleasant and kind way with other people.
@@Albinojackrussel i have previous experience with men that really made me scared of them. I do have friends but i can count them by one hand because I really have a high barrier when it comes to trusting
@@anthill1510 in my circle of friends they don't have ment that they could recommend because they are also in relationship and I feel shame in asking help...
@@lightyears-xo8qb yeah, I can understand that. There's certainly no obligation to be friends with men (or anyone) at all. It was just a suggestion as an alternative approach if you do want to get more comfortable with men.
i really want to share my opinion because i really hope i find people with the similar mindset because... i HATE the hoe phase thing because of how it's pushed as NORMAL to EVERY WOMAN. i am 20 years old, i have never had a hoe phase, not even a boyfriend NOR A FIRST KISS. and it's all by CHOICE because to me, it's NOT normal to sleep around??? i want to actually FALL IN LOVE and the sleeping together part will come naturally from our love. but anyway, i just find it so ANNOYING when every young woman around me has this hoe phase mindset, i am so ready for the world to get BACK INTO NORMAL RELATIONSHIPS AND TAKING OUR TIMEEEEE 📢📢📢📢📢📢
booooooooo boring
My question is why do single men instead of going: 'ho maybe it's me, I'm the problem' they go directly to: women are the problem and they need to 'lower their standards to me'??
Like no, it's princess treatment for me, and you better look good cause like: I don't wanna look like I'm taking out the trash every time we go out together. If I can look good everyday, all day, they can too. I'm not asking for much I'm just expecting them to meet my own standards of living in someone else.
They lack self awareness and have too much insecurity and shame to seek help. So then they double down and pretend like the 10% of imaginary chads get 90% of women/sex. And they only think that because of badly skewed data from dating sites 10+ years ago. They really want to do anything else but take accountability and grow as people.
💯💯💯!!!!
omg, yes!!! They dont put any effort into looking good or at least dressing up nicely anymore.
Entitlement, that’s why they just put the blame on women
exactly. im sick of being told my standards are "unrealistic" when i not only meet but exceed every single one myself easily
Honestly I think hook-up culture has been bad for both men and women. It's made dating and finding a long term partner harder
Honestly male “pick up artists/gurus” like Andrew Tate perpetuates the narrative that men shouldn’t share equal labor with or be loyal to their spouse, thus, women avoid men who like Tate because they have toxic ideas about relationships and the roles played in them.
It just has bad consequences for anyone that's looking for a more romantic and traditional dating style experience. Personally I don't like the dating apps bcs of how prevelant hook up culture is on them, but at least I am not actively looking for a relationship. On the other hand a friend of mine also hates apps for the same reason bcs they are looking for a more authentic commitment relationship wise. Living in the generation where dating outside of apps and asking people out irl is kinda the weird way is srs not helping anyone. Still imo hook up culture was less beneficial for women, as women still get judged for how many people they date/sleep with whereas men are not. Notice how women don't get angry about celibacy and only men do.
@@duqial exactly!! Especially that last sentence
Hookup culture is a myth. Women are going for the same 5% of men on dating apps and so those 5% are the only ones enjoying the benefits of hookup culture. The other 95% of men on dating apps simply don't even register to women. because they're not 6ft, 6 figures, 6 inches.
@duqial they are not Jude
They are just less likely to be liked by man, because man have instincts against promiscuous women
It's not about etichs or morality
My 20s was my hoe phase, now that I'm older and smarter/more aware of things I find that most men don't deserve to sleep with me. I'm in a long term relationship now but if i was ever single again i would do things very differently now. Honestly dating apps and being alone with a dude i don't know well kinda terrifies me.
I put myself into some very dangerous situations when I was really young and sometimes want to go back and shake myself. We all learn and grow I guess 🤷🏼♀️
@@blondie9422 girl SAME wtf was I thinking
@@wolvesteeethnow that youre old, your boyfriend gets to pay for the leftovers while the others got the best part and it was for free. That man need to take the red pill.
@@blondie9422feminism gave you the wrong view of "empowerment"
@@PVT.Ramirez-x2y i agree. Most women who had a past like @wolvesteeeth dont give that enthusiam in the bedroom. The feriouces bjs, riding like a wild horse, stuff like that u only get when shes in her hoe phase. I pray that i will never find a women with a past like 5+ fuckers
I quite enjoyed my "hoe phase" when I was in uni, but I also didn't realise until a few yrs later how that casual spontaneous approach to sex and hookups with random men left me in a lot of vulnerable situations where I was taken advantage of, and definitely caused me some trauma which I'm still working on overcoming to this day. So yes, unfortunately I agree with all the points said in this video, as fun as it would be to be sexually liberated and free, we do exist in a society where men will take advantage of women, and women have a lot more to lose in those situations. So now I've had to learn the hard way to be a lot more picky with my sexual partners, whether they be casual or not
I think in terms of makeup and fashion, the same is true for men's fashion. We can look at the fact that autumn tones are very much in right now, which are boring colours but when combined, they create a warming and cozy feeling & give off a sense of class, in a world where the cost of living is making people feel cold and dark.
Minimalism has been silently a trend for the past 5 years, and is now becoming more appreciated as we're maturing from the over-stimulating scene, e-boy/girl & trap phases in fashion.
I think my main gripe with "the hoe phase" is that it entirely revolves around objectifying and using people ,whom you then try to forget about and distance yourself from ? Like is part of getting rid of the patriarchy not preventing anyone let alone women from being objectified ???? I have yet to encounter someone that can explain or even acknowledge this contradiction
i don’t usually comment but i picked up on your hint to long time viewers towards the end😌 lean into those friendships and know you’re work on here has value to so many! enjoy this next chapter in your life
❤️viewer of 4 years
The 60% vs 5% right swipe difference is crazyyyyyy
It's almost like the guys looking for casual sex are the guys that don't care and are only looking for casual sex.
“Being single is fun and invest in your platonic relationships.” ❤❤❤
Tbf hookups were never for me because it required too much work and trust that i simply dont have. I dont trust a stranger enough to invite them to my house or to go Home with them. Casual hooking up only ever worked for me with people i know, but even then people kept expecting me to somehow fall in love with them. And at the end of the day, it was always a tightrope between being too frigid and being branded as a sl*t. Im not surprised people dont want to deal with that mess
I wish there was a dating/friendship app only for women and queer folk. That would actually be interesting.
Men will find a way to ruin it, they always do.
Idk where you live and if the app is available/actively used but there is one called HER
It's called Reddit
@@LittleMadameAnything Yup, HER is definitely still in use. :)
Bumble bff for friendships
What a title 🤣💀
In Anthropology we learn that wars usually starts when most of the male population is unmarried, I wish someone could dig a little deeper on the why.
wow if men only could do something to figure out why they are unmarried instead of starting wars and commiting genocides
Because men are taught to harm people to gain power because power via =healing under the patriarchy.
Men angry they have not being granted a wife for being mediocre.
As a fellow anthropologist, maybe dig a little deeper into our discipline's other theoretical frameworks? This sounds like a really old-school line of scholarship that most cultural anthropologists I know would say we've moved past
well what's the point of war?? especially considering that it's a MALE problem, mothers don't send their babies to kill off other women's babies bc we're the ones that have to bleed to create life so we're the only ones that actually value it 😒
Biggest lie, is sexual liberation. Ever look at the consequences of participating in sexual liberation? Beyond just sexuality like if you’re hetero or not. Especially not responsibly there’s so many side effects that will land you sitting with a therapist, in a doctors office, or sitting depraved and sad. I think one of the biggest lies my generation of women was told is sexual reparation. Coming from a former. The people who participate in the environment unfortunately aren’t the best people. I know that can be said for anything but given how many things can happen to you and just one encounter through this liberation it’s just not worth it!
Also when you get rid of the standard we never put in another one that was healthy for us we kind of were just like kick down the door let us be when we really just need to restructure the previous standard with lines of respect in a different way. We completely got rid of respect and are expecting other people to respect us always circle and we never think things aren’t related to each other
Honestly for me it is essentially a question of emotionel hurt.
I'd love to meet someone, fall in love and have it last... jut it seems impossible.
I'm 43, not conventinelly beautiful and it makes app's useless.
The one's I get in touch with is pretty mych all after sex alone - or at leadt indicates I need to put out because I'm not attractive enough to bother with, if I'm not a good lay.
I have no issue with casual sex and have done it in the past.
It's just not what I'm looking for. Post divorce and as the mother of a small child, the idea of roaming around with various men in the hopes it might be real is not for me :/
I think you’re beautiful & conventionally beautiful. You’ve got lovely eyes. But I agree, they just don’t want to commit so there’s no point engaging with them.
@@islandpersuasion4690lol "they just don't want to commit" never mind the fact this reads just like a redpill headline '43 post wall divorced single mother'. What do women honestly expect? Seriously. What part about social dynamics has ever lead you to believe you deserve a prince charming at mid life AFTER already starting a family and leaving the first man? Truly ask yourself what aspects of a relationship you're looking for, and which aspects you throw away in the process.
The biggest benefit to me was figuring out what I enjoy and desire in a partner and “getting it out my system”. The worst part was feeling pressure to pursue casual relationships and avoid serious ones.
I missed your videos! I haven’t gotten a notification from you in forever
So glad to be getting married in two weeks, I don't want to be back on dating apps...ever
I think this discussion is rendered incomplete without a discussion around how wildly transmisogynist some of the movements mentioned here are - specifically political celibacy/lesbianism and the 4B movement. There's something going on here which starts with women rightfully seeking ways to stay safe which turns into a framing of the issue as one of the control and power that an in group - in this case cis women - can wield. I'm sympathetic to how people start off down these paths but at the end of the day no amount of self control or using sex as a weapon (and I don't think that choosing not to have sex for whatever reason is inherently weaponising that choice but it's clear that the 4B movement are hoping for their celibacy to be perceived as such) will actually get to the root of the issues of sexual violence and misogyny in general. The comments read out here from radfem political celebacy advocates stink of victim blaming, like it's the fault of other women for seeking pleasure or engaging with men that there is still so much violent misogyny in the world. I think there's a whole other dimension to this with dating fatigue in queer communities that calls into question how much of the problem is men and how much is more broadly applicable (to be clear - yes I think the general state of men is a problem) but I think step one of being more conscious about repeating the words and intentions of radical feminists - they really are almost exclusively trans excluding.
not me getting a bumble ad as i was watching the last ~ 4 mins of this jordan classic 😭
im so glad you brought up Lysistrata omg! i have such a complicated relationship with the “modern” musical retelling Lysistrata Jones and i feel like no one ever brings up the OG or the retelling (very unsurprisingly lol) when discussing this topic!
I feel happy that my daughter will grow up in an era where being in a relationship is not so idealized, but I just hope that boys don't continue down the same retaliatory andrew tate era they are going down.
I live with my best friend and have been for almost five years now, the love and support I get from living with him and vice versa has been fantastic and absolutely pales in comparison to any "relationship" I've ever had, it's just great to come home to ma homeslice everyday and just chill out, and that's enough for me :)
yayyy jordan is back baby!!!!
Looks rates STDs and assaults Stars teacher abstinence only have less STDs and assaults
People who jump from woman to woman or man to man are just lonely at the end of the day. They are not free
Not everyone wants to or needs ro have sex
People are barely ready for compulsory heterosexuality discussion
God forbid they even learn about compulsory sexuality
being single is good and im so grateful for my female friendships, theyre the deepest and richest friendships i could ever have. however 21 years single is pretty rough and atp i rly do want a bf but men are just so disappointing. yes, if i lowered my standards i could easily get a boyfriend on a dating app but i want an actual good relationship but apparently thats too much to ask for nowadays when so many men are rubbish.
The way i see it is, i already have enough friends. Im open to meeting new people here and there, but chances are i already have plans with friends for the weekend
jordan i’ve been watching you for about 3 years now and i have to say this is one of your finest videos to date. every point so well articulated, researched, put together. any time someone tells me they can’t be a feminist, this is the video i’ll show them in rebuttal. i love you and your content so much 🫶 congratulations on this video!
just got dumped after a 6 years relationship so this video is right on time but also very depressing 😂
Damn, that sucks. I hope you can get over it quickly
I love that you underline while you read the wiki page - makes my adhd brain in the loop. Thanks
whenever i remember cabracadabra it ALWAYS sends me. Bojack really knew what it was doing with that one.
Also it's interesting what a hetero issue this is!! I'd love to know if there's a similar movement/ideology of celibacy and not-dating amongst queer women, because I haven't seen that, BUT I'm married so I'm not in the scene.... still! would love to see how the movement crosses over, or if it's truly primarily brought on just by men being men
Met my long term partner on Bumble and I really loved that women messaged first, sad that they’ve changed
Hey, I'm not sure if you are comfortable discussing international social issues, but could you please talk about the recent femicides in Turkey? Specifically two young girls were brutally killed by another deranged teenager who was stalking one of the girls. He publicly beheaded and killed one of the girls in a murder suicide, after murdering the other girl in his room. The worst of it all is the online chatrooms where incels are coming together to praise this guy and say all sorts of sick shit about women and kids in general. I have receipts and I'd be happy to translate if needed. I just hope someone will talk about it and show these women that they are not alone. For the first time in 27 years, I felt glad that I didn't grow up in my home country. I hope that you can pick this story up and shoot a video to bring light to it. There is a huge, ginormous femicide problem in Turkey and it needs to be addressed, they need to be held accountable. I really hope you'll consider talking about this. Love you and thanks for reading ❤
5:32 is the same as gayness, the idea of "phase" is something that will be "gone" by the past of time. I mean, is how people is Latin America and conservatives see homosexuality. I'm a lesbian teenager and i have high libido, so i'm fucked of society will see me.
The title I love
It's it's a toxic cycle when it goes her way
@@RussianBot-g6xlearn to spell, angry little boy
The grammar though 😭
i feel like your content got more 'high quality' over the years in terms of research, which is so well needed cuz theres a lot of bs on the internet
Social awareness and we get enough dopamine/happiness from our phones now
Im almost 30, and most people I went to high school with are married with kids, or in a long term relationship. I know a few that struggling on the apps, but most people around me have found relative success with them.
as a young man I do believe in hook up culture but not in the way it turned out, the biggest mistake is that society opened up about sex so quick without any education about it, we decided to break traditional sex culture, morals and restrictions, but we did not create a new liberal sex culture and morality that teaches men and women how to please each other with emotions, love and care and without abuse, unfortunately this lead to previous already existing patriarchal ideas and cultures to take over the hook up mindset of people especially men, it's patriarchy that ruined the hook up culture for everyone, especially women because it told men to take advantage of it by fucking around with the worse performance (not caring about making women orgasm, just smash for 5 minutes and leave) and ghosting and not giving any emotions to women afterwards, because they're deemed as hoes and sluts and at the same time it tells men to get a virgin when they want to get married, how do you go make all women not virgin but hooking up then complain about not having virgin women, patriarchy never tells men to close their legs, and also how do you tell me that you should aim for a low body count but then tell me to fuck as many women as I can because that makes me a chad and gives me respect, they're basically telling women to have the least amount of sex and telling men to have the highest amount of sex, which eventually makes men go out there to get as much sex as they can and makes women go out there and reject as much men as they can, which leads to frustration between the genders which leads to the gender war.
Because 80% of my friend group (including me) are asexual
I doubt that's the case, honestly.
@@trenok
@@tren damn you must know their friends better.
Ace gang ace gang
@@passiveaggresivesquirrel2052 That'd be such a huge coincidence that i'd rather call it a lie. Perhaps if they all found each other through the web, it could be possible but are they really a friend group then? I personally would not deem people you hang out with reguarly on the web your friend group.
LOVE that you talked about the 4b movement! I wrote both my BA and MA thesis on (radical) (online) feminist movements in SK. I really recommend anybody looking into the movement more deeply and online feminism and misogyny in SK in general. It’s my Roman Empire lol. It’s a deeply depressing topic but I feel that we can learn a lot from these women for sure!
What a useless thesis
4B sounds iconic
It's not really touched on in this video but it is remarkable how much sexuality alters this conversation. I feel like the experience of queer women (and nonbinary people, to include myself) feels so much different in regards to sex. My views on sex when I was single felt so much different to the points/conversation in this video because I was rarely focused on men on dating apps. I'm bisexual and my dating life looked a lot more like looking for women on dating apps and finding male partners through friends or other intrapersonal relationships. It makes me feel curious about the dating and dating app landscape in queer, female spaces. I respect anyone's choice for celibacy but I never have felt the need to choose celibacy because men aren't really my primary focus. I dated men and women but I knew that if I was feeling particularly frustrated with men, there was something else I could look to. My focus was split. I wonder if dating app fatigue is less in queer spaces.
Straight women are finally unlearning comphet👏👏👏👏
oh my god that's actually such a good way to phrase it 😭😭
That is the conversation to be had! All women are impacted by comphet, not just queer women and lesbians. I am a lesbian and I want all the straight girlies to learn about comphet.
Basically
Comphet is an exclusively queer term to identify the pressure to be heterosexual by a society that undervalues, dismisses and is even hostile to queer relationships. Preventing queer people from even realising that they aren't what society pre-ordains them.
This can be linked to women being pressured to center men in their lives and to value being married over everything. But it is not the end of the definition. Society isn't pressuring straight people to be straight because that's what they are.
Alternatively: straight women unlearning amatanormativity-
I’ve been married for 8.5 years, and I still was SAT when I saw the title. Always love a Jordan video