20 Signs You’re Having SEX With A Narcissist -
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- Опубліковано 15 жов 2024
- #narcissist #narcissisticsupply #narc con
Signs you may be with a narcissist can present in the manner in which a person conducts themselves in a physically intimate relationship. There are 20 common features or signs that you may be having sex with a person who is a covert narcissist in this educational resource. While this list is indicative of narcissism it is not exclusive to narcissists and must be considered only in light of other indicators as outlined in the DSM. These 20 signs of how a narcissist operates in an intimate relationship are gleaned from personal experience, client coaching and a comprehensive understanding of NPD.
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No cuddles, no hugs, no arms around the waist or the shoulder. Kissing, the tongue always came out, never just an affectionate kiss. Felt icky. Felt empty.
Because it was…
So true...
Yes i had the same experince!
I agree the tongue kissing was very slimey... It was gross. The blank eye contact gave me the creeps
Or at every encounter, it was about my boobs or private parts. Never a meaningful “how was your day” hug. An object, I always felt like an object. I have always been a lovey, touchy person, but now I don’t want to be touched at all. At this moment, I have been ghosted for two nights. So happy being by myself.❤
100% you nailed it. Sex was robotic, insatiable, inappropriate timing perfunctory etc. I started to withdraw cos it felt icky no intimacy no LOVE. No cuddling after, he just fell asleep Thank you Paula. Looking back it was sooo yucky. Good luck to the new supply ...
I feel the same.
Same, I quit having sex with them, and then he decided he wanted sex again after several year’s 😂. By now I’m definitely not interested. How could i be, and how can he expect me to be a light switch for him? I’m just there for the children.
Your dog is so well behaved . As soon as he hears the word narcissist he goes to sleep 🛌 🦮
😁😁
😂
Smart Dog.
❤️ Remy
He’s illustrating the ultimate form of the “grey rock method”🤣
No kissing no emotions, just controlled by him. The situation was his.
No intimacy whatsoever. Just sex. No kissing.
Same thing happened to me no kissing on touching it was sick
That can be an issue with the person. How they were raised and if they are shy, or withdrawn, been burned. I've been with Narcs and i know how horrible they are.
But ~ sometimes you have to be patient. If it never changes, theres an issue. Some ppl dont kiss. ...
15 years that's a problem
Yes yes yes, that's the thing, it's kind of shocking as all the other obvious things are given(not going into details) but it makes you curious as in your book you cannot explain, like this is ok but simple kiss is not🫣🫣🫣🫣🫣
I'm a very warm and intimate person. I had to encourage her to kiss me. I remember the last time we had sex and after she had her satisfaction she immediately pushed me away. That did it for me. I walked away there after. I was on to her before this point and this only confirmed it. Empty souls/ba*ta ds.
Ok, I've got to go throw up now...how I was such a fool.🤮
Not a fool not to have the inroad on evil..🌹
We all got duped. They get smarter with age. They know how to fool us unsuspecting good people. I attracted my Covert Neglectful Narc at 18 years old. I just got rid of him at 60. What a waste. We must go on.
Please dont blame yourself. Theyre so inhumaine normal humans have hard time believing it.
You were hopeful, not a fool. Love and light to you ❤️
It’s very heartbreaking and it DOES make one feel like a fool. But a fool no longer!
Yes it’s crazy how they act, one minute your their whole world and then they are ghosting you for no apparent reason, I remember my narc doing that to me and we got back together and as we were getting ready for bed there was something really off I can’t explain it but it was like I was being used , very cold feeling, I should have left right then and there but I didn’t ,as you said , it was a feeling like your dirty and being used , it was a very long time ago but I will never forget that coldness
Wow. My last relationship ticks every one of these things listed. Strange how they can get you to do things by making it seem like they love you and then flipping the reality at some point - then you realize you’ve been used in the worst ways. I’ve not had the courage to talk about this part with anyone, so I’m glad to have found this video. It’s upsetting to hear it and face it, but there is no denying what I went through was narcissistic abuse. The anger I feel is so ugly.
I feel the same as you. I think in reality if we knew all that they did behind our backs we would pass out. Don’t be hard on yourself. Mine is a master manipulator. Give yourself Grace. 2 years NC and I am stronger than before. Take care.
I was married at a young age and was groomed to his liking. I never knew who I really was. It has taken me along time to recover and understand why I felt the way I did. Paula's videos have helped me so much, she is a God send❤. Don't waste time being angry, they are not worth that attention.
Anger is a poison you feed yourself, as one girlfriend said to me "he's just an asshole" that helped alot. LOL
Get that anger out by showing yourself love. Otherwise it eats you up. I'm convinced that once we come out of these hideous situations, the Narcissist projects all the crap they won't deal with on to you and that's why we feel so crap. It takes time to get rid of that toxicity they put into us. All the best with your healing.
@@charmee4045 anger is appropriate. Acknowledge it, accept it
I know NOW I was with a Narcissist/Psychopath. Two years No Contact. 10 year relationship. I hope this list helps someone with red flags. 1. Early on grooming requests “down there”. Possibly pornography related? 2. STDs and I had surgery for HPV. 3. Blamed my ex husband for HPV( my first STD at 50!!) Blame-shifting and Gaslighting. 4. Withholding 5. Blaming ED on my need for sex 6. No oral sex later on…Control issue. 7. Wanting praise from his performance during sex 8. Really liked it from behind. I think now I have instinct that he swings both ways 9. Huge cheater. I know now. I am lucky that I didn’t contract Hepatitis or AIDS. When I look back I have to cry and feel absolutely disgusted by these red flags. These creatures are so depraved and vile. STDs are a huge red flag. Paula thank you for shining the light on a sensitive and necessary topic. Not easy to hear.
As a gay man who unfortunately fell for a married narc man, I confirm. Most, if not all male narcissists are bi.
The need for supply is bigger than their sexual oriëntation. I hope this answers your doubts. Wishing you much strength and good luck. 🌹
I know how disgusted you feel after going through these degrading acts which are not normal. At least on this site we can share and understand what each other goes through as it can be a very isolating feeling. One you are so ashamed of you don’t want to ever bring it up. Just remember you are a beautiful person now. The past is behind and keep going forward in your positive way to know in your spirit that you have a life ahead of you know. Try not to look back as it brings back all the demotion that those demons want to control you with. Not easy but has been 19 years and counting now for me. I choose to not stay in the dark valley but climb to the top of the mountain now. Cleaner fresh air 🙌🥳
Wow.
Yes, my ex's favourite position was from behind, just like the porn he'd been secretly watching. I quickly refused this position due to the lack of intimacy. If he couldn't look me in the eyes, then it was a NO from me.
Within a week of dating, he insisted on having sex. It was perfunctory. Later he wanted nude pictures. As he became more malignant, he became more aggressive in bed, threatening to leave if I refused him sex. Sex was reduced to dropping his pants on the go, even mounting me like a dog while I was asleep. Finally he was caught cheating, and I exited the bedroom altogether. That saved my life. A decade later he's moved on with new supply, a divorce client who thinks she's landed a stud. Ha ha
It's like being in a play. Nothing seems real with people like this. Very artificial. Nothing seems genuine and whole.
Yes. And no matter how you try to make sense of it or rationalize it, it still feels off. It is off. It is a performance. A performance designed to keep you in the subservient and fawning position - permanently. Yes it is icky - and extremely weird. But you keep thinking the switch will flip and they will get real with you. But - they never do.
The acting is incredible. Like being in a play is correct.
plastic love
They are obsessed with the back door
The Narcissist Tudor at Ultra has a video called Is The Narcissist Really Gay,and he told that the Narcissist is hyper sexual and that their sexuality is fluid. Many women in the comments has been wondering about if their partner could be Gay. JazzyT.
Yes and this was a red flag for me, he asked me for deep throat and sex in the butt,,,he was totally obsessed with doing it this way, i never gave it to him though. I don’t want him at all. He was insisting on having it that way. Sickening to me,,,i watched video of women taking it down their throat, they looked like rag dolls and humiliated too. It hurt me watching .
Mine was. I often wondered if he was gay or bi.
It's confirmed. My ex was Definitely a Narcissist. You are sooooooo Accurate....
Like being stuck in the movie "Psycho x 10".So grateful and thankful,I am no longer part of his life.🙏💜🙏❤️
He told me he marked me. Bruised and bitten. Pushed my boundaries. Destroyed my spiritual life. I am done. He is crazy.
Mostly resonates. Vile and sadistic. Fortunately I held onto my spiritual path though very challenging 💜💜
I had one tell me he was going to put his mark on me, a demon.
Yes, they say this even in 'nice', romantic ways.. still thinly veiled, it's marking percieved ownership.
Doing memorable things in places you own or just you frequent often, hoping you'll think of them too. Nah uh! 🚮
Sounds like a proper nutter,
Find someone who wants to love you, not bite you
Your not animal!!!
Yes, the marking. The biting and bruises. It’s insane. Run for your life, and when you escape the lions den, do not go back for your hat.
My awareness came when I commented I felt like a ‘masturbation machine’. He got offended. The discard got REAL and it was swift and crushing! Validation again! 😅
God . I felt like that, too.
That’s the best one yet
When they get offended like that, you know you hit a nerve. 👏🏻👏🏻
mine told me i had some sexual trauma when i had the same concern.
@@JH-td4mnwhen he gets offended i feel inadequate like im a woman that cant satisfy her man
Absolutely true! You couldn't have described this issue better! I'm just amazed at how much alike they are! Text -book cases! Thank you
Yes they are,the Malignant Narcissist is mean and sadistic, they can be violent, too. JazzyT, Scapegoat of two Narc's.
The narcissist im divorcing withheld sex from me several times during the sham of a marriage, i discarded him went no contact and he has been reaching out for months with calls and texts , last week Friday he sends a picture of me and him was i suppose to reply back i didnt at all. I have no intentions to return to the faker i married he wont get a chance to ruin me that is the only reason he wants to come back ,i have heard people say their friends went back and didn't make it out alive i wont be one of them.
Good for you! They come back to continue their destruction. Hold firm!
Be careful❤
All I can say is run and don't look back, best of luck in your new life.
If you're "no contact," then how has he " been reaching out for months with calls and texts "?
Block him. Change your numbers. Whatever it takes to prevent him from contacting you.
The only communication he needs to have with you is related to your divorce and he can have that through your lawyer.
Obviously, if you're doing your divorce Pro Se, you might not be able to do that.
Thank you ❤
Stand your ground
No intimacy in the morning. Not even a hug.
Of course. The alcohol of yesterday's evening had worn off.
She always had to drink before having sex. Also the next supply complained to have never had her sober.
Narcissists has many addictions. JazzyT.
Mine always ends a passionate encounter by masturbating instead of intimately.
And I’ve often got u t I s when he’s been away . He always claiming how his ex loves extreme sex . This all makes sense .
Mine often won’t wash for me he’s does this on purpose.
all she cared about was what she was going to eat, and her next vacation
OMG Remmy! that sweet, sweet boy! at the #20 mark, he rolls over, stretches, smiles for the camera as if to say, "silly whoomans. . . why do you need sex with all these troubles, when you can have a DOG drama free!" hillarious! The more intense you get in your discussion, the more animated he gets. . .so funny! A lesson to be learned there! I've experienced probably 18 out of the 20 signs and I'm finding more and more, all you need is a dog. They are the best! Great vid and spot on. Thank you for what you do!
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Dogs are always humans best of friends. They love unconditionally and we can count on them! 😀
He would be corrrct!
I saw that! ❤❤❤
And Dog spelled backwards...😊
At 18:40....that smile on REMY'S FACE....is over the top HILARIOUS! I love your dog so much...as great as your videos are...sorry but he is the STAR...for me....but I do think you are wonderful but he is tough competition.
WHY DO DOGS ALWAYS TAKE CENTER STAGE...they know the power of less is more....I cant concentrate on these videos because REMY has me waiting for his subtle antics that have me laughing out loud. I know what it is like to live with a dog who is a star...whereever I go ...when I walk into shops, or on walks people yell VALENTINO!
He is a blind hairy black mutt who demands ADORATION...from everyone...It kind of blows my mind.
Their is more people than you think that has no conscience. They are just cold.
There
Emoty shells...
And yes, they are never present in bed, and mine used to withhold sex.
He once told me he'd never had to ask a woman for sex.
But why do they withhold sex?
To control. It's like taking away something that you like because you need to be punished. Sort of like taking a child's toy because they were naughty.
One night I woke up and touching his skin made me feel horny instantly ( never happened with other men before, my sex drive has always been low. Not with him 😢). I tried to initiate and he faked to be asleep ( he never sleep properly).
The next mornig I've tried to discuss about It and he stated " night Is made for sleeping" 😵😵
Earing that from a man who jerk off 4 times a day and always searching to have sex, Is at least hilarious...😢
A Narcissist want's to removes what's valuable to their target. They are predators. JazzyT.
He even would say, that wasn't much of a performance............oh man. I was acting in a play, but didn't have the script. He always just rolled over after and no pillow talk, no future planning, thats it.
Believe me or not.Allah or God supports the victim at the end.The struggle is between am honest person who lays down self for the cheater ,narcissist.Whatever the narcissist can poison the victim,Allah or God send him or her the antidote .Thank you for your marvelous interpretation about using sex to trap the victim.
This insight is truly exceptional and deserves recognition as a valuable tool for safeguarding against narcissistic manipulation. It's important to share it widely to help others recognize and protect themselves from such harmful dynamics.
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I needed to hear this. I felt alone, disgusted with myself and like a piece of meat.
Her dog had me rolling! 😂 What he was hearing left him so perturbed, that he rolled onto his back. 😂
You know what hurts the most, no matter how much you get and no matter how much he tries to get it’s never gonna work and I hate him for destroying what we started with
Yes, it wasn't perfect, but we could have made it work with hard work and love, both of which they're incapable of
Remy's laid back . He doesn't care who's having sex. ❤
My ex narcissist was bisexual, found out after the marriage. He checks almost all these boxes mentioned! Sick!
Last guy i dated, i found out when he left. I was furious. I'm sorry. I cant imagine finding out after a marriage.
Many of them are, I think they have a deep resentment to all woman, in other words their mothers did a number on them.
@@charmee4045The ex had only one Queen and he called her ma’am although she passed I never for to meet her. But, after 10 years he still morn her death. And sex it was like he needed to be f****** in the ass🤮me and shit do not got along. Freaking A
Couldn't agree more, I suffered physical, mental,emotional and full on narc abuse, was groomed to sexual behaviours, he claimed to be bi but not acting on it, constantly cheated, had unprotected sex with anything and anywhere. Even the day I walked, he had a queue of guys, who obviously recognised me, though I didn't know them, just knew they were waiting to go to see him. He did parks, cars and on top of that he was doing onlyfans, and all porn site with videos. He was doing deepfakes, changing body parts. I then found out he did this of me too, videos go as far back to 2 years into our 10 year relationship and I'm hurt to the core, not even that he's Bi/gay and had a boyfriend for years, but the violation of me, his kids mum, the violence and the fact he tried to kill me by poisoning. The list goes on and to say everything, I'd literally have to write a book or make a film, but the narcissistic mind is a dangerous and highly skilled ruthless one. Be careful if you're not out yet.
@@charmee4045 I agree. The narc I dated was a 50 year old man with a male roommate half his age when I first met him. They were both alcoholic narcissists, one covert, one overt, and both hated women it seemed. It was really sick. I got the feeling they had a more than friends situation, even though they denied it.
As I am still new to listening to you Paula I couldn’t wait to listen to this. OMG you ticked at least 17 boxes especially the mastication part. I felt so unloved and not human enough. He is a demonic monster who only thought of himself in this area. Never once did he ever ask if I had any pleasure as he didn’t even care! So so glad he is in the past and not part of my life. Thank you again Paula for all your plain talking it is not an easy topic. Am sorry you went through this as well. Remy is a lovely pooch and love is unconditionally something a narc could learn but as they are demon possessed they are blinded with a black heart. Paula in the short time I have listened to your podcasts another layer gets taken off me mentally spiritually and psychologically as I know that it was not me but him. Feeling so much lighter after each enlightenment. Bless you richly Paula enjoy your swimming with Remy you are a diamond 💎 🙏
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Hi Paula, After the love bombing mine had a headache for 14 years! Wasn't missing much, no intimacy, no kissing, just weird and no love, that's it, no love...And that's what it was like, She couldn't be botherered..She was good with it, she had a good worker...🙏☮️.Hi Remy, Woof woof! 🐕
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Again Paula, well done in dealing with such a “touchy” subject…pun intended. You’ve bravely gone where few have travelled, yet you faithfully continue to bring truth and awareness to this sad state of affairs.
Awakening to the Sickening Truth, “Realizing I’m Doing Life With a Narcissist.” I think that should be a book title…SOMEONE TAKE THAT AND RUN WITH IT!!!
And finally, Remmy! We’re so sorry you had to hear this. Glad you left the room when you did. Good use of healthy boundaries!
Cheering you on Paula, Remmy, and us ALL in the awareness, truth, and healing journey…
Sherinne
BC Canada
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Thank you for this video. I cringe at the thought of ever being intimate with another after twenty-five plus years of abuse from the sadist. Early on it started with intentional withholding in the marriage. Then, the name-calling and wanting me to perform like a seal. I withdrew and should’ve left then, but I didn’t. I figured it was the normal adjustments couples make in marriage. It wasn’t.
Looking back, I notice the withholding happened after missionary style. Eventually we mostly did from the back because I wanted to connect with him but knew it felt so disconnected so why look at his face and see the disconnection. He literally loved standing up and bending over whatever. Of course, I realize he gave me many hints he was gay/bi that I didn’t figure out until I filled.
Ugh. The biggest sign was sprinkled throughout the long-term marriage but I couldn’t have put it together without all the pieces given over the years. He complained about the texture of his pube area and asked me to help groom it. I had no problem with the way it looked, but he insisted. He insisted on kissing when he did not taste or smell like himself. (Extremely humiliating to recall). Thankfully, I never contracted anything though I did have one abnormal pap at the 20 year mark. He withheld for so long and I withdrew so much, if he had anything, he completed his course of meds before we came together again.
I include these details in hopes of helping others. His secret activities damaged my flora so I had many cases of something BV-like during the first few months of marriage. My doctor thought it was my body adjusting to the activity (we waited somewhat for marriage - I did, he probably didn’t), but I think it was all his unprotected stuff. He accused me of cheating or leaving because I didn’t enjoy it often. Trained to be a doormat by FOO, the accusations didn’t clue me in that he was projecting, but that I must commit more 🤦♀️.
In the end, it was clear that he was constantly seeking out the gay men at work for “friendship.” Some clearly enjoyed being sought by a man in a supposed heterosexual marriage. If only we knew how common this vile behavior was (vile because of the deception of one (the wife) who would not have chosen to be involved in such if asked or told upfront).
I have so much more I could add, but this is already too long.
Thank you, Paula, as always for such compassionate delivery with this really painful revelation.
This really resonates with both my Narcissists. But especially the last ten year relationship with my boyfriend. I was married for 18. I am 100% sure he is bisexual. He also favored it from behind. If we knew the whole truth we wouldn’t come out of our homes. The cheating shows up in the OBGYN office. I had surgery for HPV that would not go away. He gaslit me and I believed his lies. Retired firemen are truthful right? He is a Psychopath and my therapist confirmed that to me. They want to take you down. Stronger now. Not easy to look at it all with radical acceptance. God bless.
No,it isn't to long, it's valuable info.The Narcissist Tudor at Ultra has a video called Is The Narcissist Really Gay? He told that the Narcissist is hyper sexual and that their sexuality is fluid. Many women in the comments wrote that they have been wondering about if their partner could be Gay.Someone told that the Malignant Narcissist is a closeted Gay.Quora has alot about the Narc's twisted sexuality, toilet sex etc.Dr Sam Vaknin who's diagnosed Malignant Narcissist, told that serial killers and child molesters are Narcissists,he also has a video What About Narcissists And Animals Rights? They are obsessed with control and feeds off on drama and others pain... JazzyT.
Asking for sex when you get home from work when your kids are waiting to catch up and dinner has to be made.
Asking for sex when you are in severe pain or just had a surgery and cannot understand why you aren’t up to it!
@@starflower703 , Asking for sex when you're literally in and out of coma with food poisoning!!! It took me a month to recover, but he sure got what he wanted....
Yep, understand fully,
Its all about their needs being met no matter the circumstances- truly disghusting demonic individuals 💩
Asking for sex in hotel room when your year old toddler is still awake. Or in the toilet of the hospital room when you've gone in to help him clean up. Holidays were the worst, he'd want the kids to go to bed quickly so he could have sex and go to sleep
He pulled over in a church parking lot and you know. Also asked me "why I wasn't breathing" and asked about flaws on my skin.
Gosh I never knew the word narcissist until I found out my ex was having an affair. I left and within 6 weeks of leaving my house -
-the woman he was having the affair with moved into my house with her 3 kids after leaving her own husband. He withheld s€x for over 6 years always making excuses!! Ahhhh I am so stupid. 😂😂😂 I can laugh now
I never knew the word until I googled his attitude and omg that word appeared big time. And he loved porn and going to lap bars I know I seen cum on his clothes. And I knew his sick in the head
Ahhh Paula I felt your embarrassment at times. I could tell this was a rough one for you to do but you hit all points spot on!! 💯 🎯 ‼️ #truth
The psychological abuse is their mastery, in the bed and out of it.
Yes, 3 somes was mentioned early on, partner swapping was another... sex was robotic, no intimacy, it was not a pleasant experience
He mocked the sounds I made when I was in earshot can you believe!
This is the underdeveloped human being at play, the child that never grew up.
The withholding - for years when I communicated/upheld healthier boundaries and implored counseling (i.e., refused and of course yet another red flag) - was a definite red flag to plant among the field of red flags that my so-called wife was high on the covert narcissist spectrum. All that said, at the 18:10 mark, Remy boosted my spirist back out of these memories.
Love your dog! We lost our Bella last May…she was a beautiful Golden Retriever.
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you tell it strait like a really caring freind, much apreciated thank you.
You are so welcome
Paula 😂 you crack me up. You also made me realize that my ex, of 12 years, was indeed a narcissist. I thought I had only experienced it with a previous friend I had. Wow. Mind-blowing. 🙏🏽❤️
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Lord Bless you, sweet Lady🙏🏽❤️@@NarcCon
I'm really looking forward to your "knowing" video
At one point, after thirty years married, my narc sold his accounting business, made little provision for our welfare, and started a Tafe course in photography!
It was not unusual for me to be made most unwelcome by the dozen or more women in his company or to have them visit our home randomly. I felt like the odd one out while he just smiled.
They're so immature - within a year we had to sell our home and finances were dire.
He made that stupid decision while I was still studying and not earning.
The many people always in their company and who all seem to have a close intimate relationship with them, know who they really are and who seem to think of you as the ball and chain, the burden, the person holding them back...
Yes, correct on All 20 signs...thank you so much! So happy for Confirmation and Truth
I can't believe I allowed this but it will never happen again, lesson learned.
Fortunately I managed to avoid this with the woman I knew but she had no qualms about using it to control other men or to flirt heavily with me.
It was all about using people to make others jealous to prop up her insecurity by having guys compete over her. Sex was one of her key hooks.
Fortunately, having seen this used in the past I cottoned on quite quickly and prevented myself from being deceived too much.
The woman I knew was painfully aware of her own behaviour in this field, and how damaging it was to all concerned, unfortunately, she hasn't changed.
Nice work again btw...
I felt like a bug being studied under a microscope when she was on top. The cold blank stare into my eyes yet showing no emotion. It was as though she was looking right through me. Such a turn off.
I found this list amazing, about 18 out of the 19 points mentioned I did experience in my 30 years marriage. Just one last extra twist was added: he came up with the idea that I might be attracted to women, while only a little later I found same sex porn he kept in his drawers after I became aware of his new relationship. I felt that the list of sick stuff was already terribly long, exactly like Paula‘s, and yet another sick twist added!
The Narcissist Tudor at Ultra has a video called Is The Narcissist Really Gay,he told that Narcissists are hyper sexual and that their sexuality is fluid.Many women in the comments has been wondering about if their partner could be Gay. JazzyT.
Checked off all boxes but two . This made me sick . The last few years of this relationship I faked pleasure because I knew what he was . He would pat himself on the back and giggle like the devil with his black soulless eyes ..it used to scare the hell out of me . I knew he was thinking oh im the best he was not . In fact the thought of sex with him now makes me barf .I also caught him.videimg me . He was otr truck driver I use to hand him a condom he would act disguisted and would always throw it on the floor .. the humiliating experience of multiple std checks were awful . Thank God the gift was not left . Thank you Paula this is not an easy subject .
Cons all around everything they do! No no no way
Dogs like, damn humans have it bad out here- let me enjoy this nap😂😂😂
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The sex outdoors is not necessarily narcissistic, if you know you are in no danger of being seen, you are not doing it for the thrill of possibly being seen, if you are doing it to feel at one with nature and as a celebration of love I think that's OK. I have adhd and its well documented that adhers often enjoy what others might term risky sexual behaviour, we get bored easily.
Having been in a long marriage with a narc, I agree with most things you say...especially the porn, the withholding, and the sabotaging of events important to you, the waking you up for sex when it will make you tired.
I just had a short relationship with a guy from work, who i twigged was a narc, he would ask to hand cuff me. I said no way. I told him I would be freaked out by it. Yet he brought it up twice more. I was annoyed that he hadn't honoured my no the first time. I never gave in. He would pull quite hard on my hair during sex and put his hands around my throat. I just had the strong gut feeling he wanted to dominate me, feel powerful, in a very controlling way. He would say he only wanted to give me pleasure while I was handcuffed. But I just knew .i would be totally turned off and very uncomfortable, and that I again I strongly suspected had I allowed him to do this he would have quickly changed to trying to humiliate me. I always trust my gut feelings now.
Also when I told him I despised pornography..he actually looked like a crest fallen little child.
He was not the worst narc I've had the mis fortune to come across, he was actually a little harder to spot as he had many insecurities around his body/ weight and would use a lot of negative self talk. I also know he was beated quite severly by his father at the request of his mother. He definitely had a very twisted relationship towards women, he sometimes called me mother and I always said n dont call me that, I am not your mother. But I think as he experienced both a twisted form of love and punishment he was playing this out in a truly disturbing way in his sexual preferences. It was like he craved female love but despised it at the same time. He also used to like spanking me and giving me love bites. The spanking never hurt and I quite liked it haha, but I did feel it would likely escalate if I let it...which I wouldn't. The love bites I felt were a childish way of marking me.he also brought up rape one day and he flipped right out saying he didn't believe there was such a thing as rape within marriage, and that so many good men have had their lives ruined by false rape accusations. Honestly it just made me think he'd been accused of rape. I also found out he has 2 convictions for domestic violence, which of course he says he was actually the victim of a miscarriage of justice, yeah right, one of the incidences the newspaper report of the court proceeding states that he text his partner from the pub to say she had better be in their bed when he got home, (his partners 11 year old daughter was sick so his partner had gone into her daughter bed to comfort her)(I also suspect to avoid him) but when he came home from the pub she was still in bed with her daughter so he grabbed his partner and dragged her out of the child's bed into their room and then threw her out again into the corridor. I think the giveaways are...domination, humiliation, control, and utter selfishness...update...I've just come across a theory called dual mothership...it 100% describes the narc above...I'd encourage everyone to research the dual mothership, shared fantasy model by Sam Vaknin
Narc Survivor has a video called The Narcissist Likes Degrading Sex.The BDSM community is aware of that many Narcissists are there,and keeps their eyes open.I was texting with a woman on YT for awhile,who was with a Narcissist that forced hard sex on her and used to strangulate's her in bed,she was afraid bcs he had a hard time to not let the life disappears from her eyes.She couldn't escape bcs the man and his parents where lawyers and would go to court, and take the custody of their 3 months old baby if she left,he wanted her to get pregnant again.After awhile I didn't hear from her and reached out to find out if she was still alive,it took a long time before she answered,when she did she told that she didn't answer bcs she was embarrassed bcs she has become pregnant again as the Narcissist wanted...What a future that woman has, afraid to die when the guy strangulate's her,one day this young mom passes bcs of the mans strangulation that didn't stop in time.There are many women who lives with secret identity,in a secret place to save their lives from men like that.The Malignant Narcissist can be violent, too. JazzyT.
How funny, mine pushed for 3 somes. He also witheld sex and made me feel so rejected. It was weird because the sex was ao fabulous for me. He never used protection and gave he a STD and never even apologized in spite of my medical bills for the hospital. What an a$$ hole.
They makes the sex great in the lovebombing phase,to get control,when the target is trapped in marriage or has given birth to their child,their partner is trapped,the mask falls and they removes sex, predators want's to removes what's valuable to their target and feeds off on others pain. JazzyT.
Yes to everything you talked about. Been out for almost 2 years now! Thanks.
brr do not want to think about that anymore it was so not genuine so I skip this one as I do not want to be reminded😢
Great video as usual Paula!
I did wonder for a few of the signs of "I was having sex with a female narcassist" that she may of not been one .
In my situation apart from the first 3 months sex was non existent and when we did have it,it was the weirdest experience I had ever encountered
I've been around a little bit 🤣in my life and found the sex so strange ,it was like being with someone who didn't have or show any emotions at all, and would lay there with her eyes closed ,like being with a dead body,
She would make any excuse to avoid it,
In the end as she made me feel so inadequate, that she didn't enjoy it,I would be relieved if she didn't initiate the act, as I wouldn't try to initiate it myself afterawhile ,at the beginning I was a porn god 🤣
She was older than me and I thought perhaps that's what happens to older females🤣, they lose their sex drive.
She had breast inplants and had quite abit of work done to herself which didn't add up to how she was sexually!
She would mention things about her daughters boyfriends sizes, love lives etc etc🤣🤣🤣
I realise she was talking of previous or perhaps people she was cheating with.
I never saw her watch pornography and found that she seemed like she had victorian values,this perhaps was to hide her real self,
She never showed any emotion at all
I at the end of the relationship had a std , which luckily for me I was clean,
The big one for me was her telling me she had cancer, downgraded to collitus purely so I wouldn't want to have sex with her ,
I dont understand why she wanted to be with me ,if you want to withhold sex , not show any love or emotions towards someone,
You may as well be on your own!
I hear and read how narcassists are so fantastic in the bedroom department, in my case it at the beginning was average , after that it was non existent!
I loved the girl so sex wasn't the most important thing to me ,especially me in my mid fifties
I realise this was another red flag, that I missed at the time!👍
Paula ~ Thanks so much for this video. I really appreciate your straightforwardness in discussing this topic. A few additional red flags I would add...if s/he has the app Snapchat on their phone ~ especially age 30 and up. The person I dealt with was in his 50s using Snapchat. Snap can be either an alternative or addition to p$rn. I've even heard younger (female) influencers say that if a guy asks you for your Snapchat, that it's a red flag. However, I do feel like age 25 and under, Snap is more prevalent. You touched on this point but just to elaborate...if you feel completely drained after sex and it takes hours (or sometimes even a day or two) to recover, this (to me) is a 🚩. It's a sign that you are being completely drained energetically. Often times it's accompanied by a person "switching off" after sex. They got their needs met, now they're done and they're onto the next thing. When a person "switches off", It's a very cold feeling. Hope you're well and all the best to you!
A Narcissist told that he used to have sex with women to steal their energy,they are parasites. JazzyT.
I cannot tell you how spot on you are in all aspects. Was gradual and I lowered my standards and who I was at the core to appease him. Thought being picked by him was a compliment as he was very attractive and much younger. I was a perfect target at that time in my life. Pushed him away for two years, but looking back can now see his pursuit that never relented was because I was top notch supply in all ways. This is not me bragging at all. But from his point of view he could not miss out on the high level supply he had never had an opportunity to hook onto. Sex was normal at first then gradually changed and pushed my boundaries. To this day I blame myself for allowing it. Sick dance in all areas of a relationship.
There are alot about the weird sex Narcissists want's on Quora, toilet sex etc.,the BDSM community is aware of that many Narc's is there and keeps their eyes open.Dr Sam Vaknin said serial killers and child molesters are Narcissists,many animals suffers by their hand of a Narcissist and are forced to sex, Narcissists want's to control and feeds off on drama and others pain.Dr Phil told that the most dangerous people are Narcissists and Bipolar's. JazzyT.
18:43 Remy posing 😂❤
18:02 Remy's IMMEDIATE reaction to talking about sex🤣🤣🤣
I have several past intimate relationships that the person definitely ticks a lot of these boxes! Of course, there's all the other things about them, besides the sexual part, that add up as well. Not all of my "bad relationships" were with actual narcissists. Some people are just a$$holes, but not necessarily a narcissist! There's one I remember though, that I think was actualy psychopathic. His behavior went beyond even a malicious narc. I was very young and inexperienced, and unfortunately stayed with him for several years. When I did finally break up with him, I barely escaped with my life!
Psychopaths is under the label ASPD now(Anti Social).As Narcissists they feeds off on drama and others pain. JazzyT.
@user-jo9bt4gu5r you seem well informed and knowledgeable these narcissistic people. Did you experience trauma from one, also?
I gasped when you mentioned number 8 (12 minutes in). So true, so horribly true!
I think the hardest part to recover from is the need to make this person be humane. Telling them they are making you uncomfortable isn't enough, or it's pleasing to them that you're uncomfortable, but you feel the need to explain to them how humans feel about specific matters and why. Then they have you feeling like somehow they got lost and you want to bring them back to humanity. It always spins around to them and your responsibility to appease. Looking on from far away I don't feel bad because he's got everyone jumping through hoops for him with me as his scape goat. When you experience adverse sex your body separates from your mind to survive, or it wants to flee, these are the beginning warning signs of trauma.
Never let anyone tell you how you should feel that's #1. When I told my abuser he felt off,he couldn't comprehend.I finally told him my body was rejecting him, and he ran with that telling his family and friends when we separated, laughing and humiliating. Inhumane.
My ex boyfriend had 14/19 signs. He also triangulated, love bombed big time, future faked and when he discarded me at the end. Nothing but word salad. I broke it off with him 4 times in the course of 2 and a half years. Mad at myself for going back. I do feel like I was trauma bonded. I felt like an addict. The break up was so hard on me. Your videos and others have helped me tremendously
They make a beautiful loving thing really disgusting..... with words actions and wants....
10 and 11 and 17 are definitely NARCISSIST traits
Put your paws over your ears, Remy! ❤
lol. That's cute
😂❤
My husband is verbally abusive and has threatened me with violence.
When i didn't want sex anymore he said i needed counselling because of my childhood.
Nothing happened in my childhood to put me off sex.
He puts you off sex, that's the way my ex was.
He has turned into a monster. I never knew him at all x
The Malignant Narcissist is mean and sadistic,they can be violent, too. Narcissists becomes worse with aging and some kills their partner... Try to get out as fast as you can,on your own feet's instead of a Narcissists want's to control, destroy and dim another humans light. JazzyT.
At the end of my relationship with her, I had already decided to leave. I think she put me to do sodomy, which I am totally against. She either done it on purpose for revenge, or a effort to keep me in the relationship? Either way I was leaving, I think she suspected I was leaving. I told her NO several times about something she wanted to do, 7:23 which was outside my boundaries. It took me two years to determine what she was. I had never knowingly been involved with a narcissist, or knew one existed. One day driving, she said there is a porn shop. I ignored her I wasn’t interested. They are a pirate of work. There should be a law protecting society from those crazy birds!
agree with you 💯 Those Monsters Have a Criminal Mind ! THEY ARE PUSHING PEOPLE TO COMMIT SUICIDAL , THEY ALWAYS TAKING ABOUT PEOPLE THEY KNOW PAST AWAY . SOUND LIKE STORY FROM A MOVIE. SHOULD BE A LAW MAKE THEY PAY FOR WHAT THEY DO .GOD BLESS 🙌 ❤
Narcissists are predators who feeds off on others pain. JazzyT.
Evrything you said is true
Thank you very Much🙏🙏
Thank you so much. This is the 1st of your videos i have watched and I was able to take away a lot from it.
I will be 2 years Narc free October 7th. I lost 10 years and everything I owned. I am 52. NEVER EVER AGAIN!!
I am a Survivor & just began Thriving not too long ago. You don't bounce back from these toxic relationships. It's more like digging and clawing but we will ALL get there eventually. Hugs, peace, & normalcy to all ❤
20 years in this nonsense, since a child was born, kissing disappeared from the act.....
It's common that Narcissists stops having sex with their partner,after they get married or the baby is born,the mask falls when the target is trapped,the Narcissists are predators,who are obsessed with control and feeds off on drama and others pain. JazzyT.
Everything was so perverted and sick. Nothing felt natural, loving or intimate.
Narcissists are not capable of love and lacks empathy, they are takers who only has others for their own use. JazzyT.
Yes I did experience #20 during the devaluation period. Thanks for your podcasts! You are doing a great job!
🙏🌹
He couldn't get it up. Made me feel unattractive.
Facts..they will sabotage your prospects outside the relationship
She was the most delightful lover, for many years. Although sometimes it did feel as though I was an object. But still, most fantastic..and then the mask slipped 😞 and I saw the ice cold demon.
I find sex very triggering and I don't feel safe/connected to the narcissist. Of course, they keep track of how long it has been and say I'm the one withholding.
Dirty but not intimate, now i got it
Mine was not only a Narcassist, he was romance for hire. This is called a Honeypot in the Gangstalking community. Which Im sure you know. Ty Paula. Always count on your videos ❤
Oh thanks I didn’t know that term 🌹🙏
My x would get mad at me and tell me to “stop moving” while making “love “! Or so I THOUGHT it was making love! I was sure deceived! Now I’m scared to even date after that trauma off and on for 12 years! I had no idea at the time what narcissism was! Thank God I know now!
Narcissists is obseesed with control and want's to removes what's valuable to their target,so I guess he didn't like that you moved alot awhile having sex,bcs it made him loose control.The Narcissist Tudor at Ultra told that Narcissists sexuality is fluid,that they are into same sex,too and they also watches Gay Porn. JazzyT.
Grandiose narcs sexual proficiency was so much it scared me… I refused …there was so much energy it was terrifying… it felt like a trap…
To trap someone is what they want's,they are predators who abuses others to regulates their false narrative and self.Narcissists puts others below themselves so they can be abow. JazzyT.
At 18:40....that smile on REMY'S FACE....is over the top HILARIOUS! I love your dog so much...as great as your videos are...sorry but he is the STAR...for me....but I do think you are wonderful but he is tough competition.
I agree he’s the best 🤓🥰🐕
They have no respect for your needs and wants, it’s only about how they want it. It’s your body and they don’t respect your boundaries.
i am so confused 💔 the only person who made me feel the most amazing experience i couldnt even imagine exist prior to meeting him, in terms of sexuality(even in a spiritual sense), I've never felt more whole and connected to myself.. yet his personality outside of that department is horribly narcissistic.. he lied to me, yelled at me, tried to control me and couldnt handle me having a different opinion than him.. has 2 ex wives and 4 children who want nothing to do with him.. the only thing keeping me still hooked to missing him was our unexplainable sexual/energetic chemistry.. I felt he truly cared about me in that regard.. but I left because I couldnt take the abuse anymore.. Havent been able to find anything remotely close to what I felt with him and its been years, I wonder if our souls are somehow connected, but it doesnt add up with his other demonic behaviours💔
Same exact thing happened to me. I heard someone say that the highs and lows make you believe the highs are better than they actually are - It’s just that you’re so used to the pain, that *any* pleasure with the person translates as greater than it actually is. Something to consider.
Samething happened to me but through therapy I learned the sex was the evil portal the narcissist uses to keep us trapped. And in fact a man can have sex with a woman that he doesn't even like.
This is 100% on point!!! I’m just now seeing it getting out of it after 14 years!!! So much abuse. That’s not love!
So good you'll got out,ppl do that when they finds their self worth. JazzyT , Scapegoat of two Narc's.
Hi Paula, love your Remy❤ He is precious.
good info....bully is a coward... watch your reaction....it can make you stronger OR wronger... pray
I had a partner matching most every one of these qualities, but not only was she adamant she was none of these things, she was extremely clever and had spent the early part of our relationship trying to convince me she was autistic through a bit of study of her own. So, I took her as merely awkward, causing me to overlook red flags until I had seen her interact with other people enough to realize this was not the case and that I had been singled out in some bizarre, perverse way. She would become almost childlike and ask me if I could understand people's faces, "like, when they make faces at you," then claim that she could not, and so on. It worked for the six months of our getting to know each other before dating, yet I never saw her fail to charm most every room she entered as if people were clay to her. Within a year it had come crashing down as the next six months turned into a nightmare of her trying to ruin my life, and like from a completely different person.
Here's a sample: I was talking about cooking and how much I enjoy it, suggesting I would love to share that with her. I asked her if she could cook. She said no, not even an egg, and didn't care to learn. Disappointed, having no idea what to say, I said something like, "Don't make me bring out that old saying about the quickest way to a man's heart." She said, "Don't worry. I'll sit on your face and you can eat your way to MY heart." That was the very first time sex was brought up between us, second or third week of talking. She was beautiful, and quite talented at her work, so I took it as exciting even though my jaw dropped at the same time at the forwardness.
She wanted to tie me down and whip me with a real riding crop, not even a play whip, after finding out I survived childhood abuse due to her mistaken belief that meant I had some practice. She did not respond well to my explanation that it actually meant I was extremely averse to ideas like being restrained. She claimed to never masturbate and not even know anything about it, acting mystified to hear a joke on a show about the topic, but somehow knew every brand/model of sex toy in great detail at another time when I grew suspicious and pressed her on "if," I guess being unable to resist a display of superior knowledge while also forgetting her earlier gambit at innocence. She asked me for nude pictures of myself after, because we attended an art school, we spent some classes sketching nude models between two to three months talking, where she sent me multiple requests over the course of several weeks with me not giving in except for some suggestive, non-nude pictures, making her cold towards me for the next stretch. She showed up hours late to our first date and ruined the dinner part I had put together the plans for, took us somewhere else, had quick and passionless sex with me, then left, but shortly after when I dumped her claimed I did things to her in her sleep at my house and nearly ruined my future.
We were fellow students together, so I had not listened to my gut at many points in the hopes we both saw extra need not to create a drama, with me thinking I was just doing my part by being open minded and giving plenty of chances. Big mistake. Then again, in the coming years she would continue the same behavior into her career, be not so lucky and fall flat on her face. Last I checked, with this all happening about ten years ago, she still lives with her mom at the current age of forty-one. All that manipulating and bullying for nothing.
29:40
Thank you so much for sharing in depth some of the characteristics of a narcissist. I never realized I was married to one until after he decided to walk out on our 25 yr marriage. Just walked, no closure, no grieving what we had shared together for so long. No closure for our teenage kids. Sex and cheating seemed to be of most importance.
The first time I noticed that he kissed me with his eyes opened it freaked me out. I knew something was off but wasn’t sure what exactly. At the end of our marriage during the discard I found that he had a second secret phone and was paying for escorts.
I have educated myself on the topic Narcissism for 3.5 years,as a Scapegoat child of two Narc's, I'm still learning and saw in your comment about that open eyes awhile they're kissing,this can be a🚩and I will be aware of that in the future,thanks! I'm active at Quora and gets alots of questions about Narcissism as I answers all the time.I loves to expose those terrible beings as much as possible,Dr Phil told that the most dangerous people are Narcissists and Bipolar's. JazzyT.
Appreciate the work you do! Very helpful
Thank you to the both of you! ❤
Awesome video!! Thank you 😊
All of this is spot on! 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯Great video Paula.❤
OMG this is everything how our sex was like , like everything you said scary 😢
Has anyone else experienced the male narcissist having ED? I've read that most male narcissists experience it. My narc ex said he started needing viagra in his 20's. And also complained about no sex with his ex wife and they were like roomates. At the three year mark of our relationship he no longer had any drive and didn't want sex. Hand holding was the only intimacy. I had to beg for a hug or kiss. It was very odd.
Another amazing podcast. Thanks so much again Paula! Sooooo much of this was my experience!
Dirty narc husband told me on the first night that he wanted to get it in ' right upto the stomach' because apparently that was what his friend told him to do. So he pushed harder and harder without any initial action, not even a hug or kiss. Torture continued for two weeks and I went to the doctor in so much pain. She was horrified and angry at what she saw!
Same thing for more than twenty years until I felt nauseated and avoided more and more, finally stopped altogether. Thank God 🙏
you really know the narc spot on.