The show itself has a moment where somebody draws a metaphorical picture of Pretzel Jack's clown-ness making him a creature who purely lives in the moment, who has no concept of past or future. That line always stuck out to me but if you interpret Jack as a symbol of 'true anger' (here the fear of being wronged) then... Being completely locked in the moment makes perfect sense. Being furious isn't a logical state and kinda severs your connection to the future or past until you cool down.
Holy shit it is genuinely impressive how engaging and impactful this video is when the source material is a 11 year old creepypasta about a clown that I have never read and a TV show I have never heard of. One of the best video essayist around dude great job
Your piece about depression hits so deeply close to home. Even now, I’m still struggling to get used to life post severe depression after years of being medicated and having gone to therapy and wards and actually doing things to combat it. It feels like it would be so much easier to go back to that deep dark hole instead of facing the sunlight but it is important to Not Do That, and I’m glad you can continue trying to stay in it
Navigating that middle ground while trying not to fall into the spiral again is a seriously underreported aspect of clinical depression. But just in the couple of months since I've made this video I feel much more in control of my life, or at least my reactions to life. It takes practice, like you're building a muscle. Hope your experience is similar. Thanks for the comment
For me personally, having finally found the right med for me after almost 20 years of searching, what I'm learning is I have some catching up to do in terms of figuring myself out, building self-esteem, learning to relate better to others, etc. Things depression always blocked me from doing, but that the meds are making much easier to do. I still feel incomplete, but I can actually make progress toward my personal fulfillment and it doesn't feel like I'm trying to scale a cliff bare-handed.
"What if... You can't?" Also hits those with autism and ADHD (like myself) like a freaking truck. This feeling of alienation when not only are you seemingly incapable of doing what comes so easily to neurotypical people but also hypercapable of accomplishing what they find nigh impossible is crystallised in that scene so well it made my head spin. Thank you for bringing it to my attention and I wish you all recovery in your depression. You are valid.
:) Ouch... Spot on! I'm in the process of only even beginning to discover all the ways that I have been entirely blind towards the tools I have been using against myself for the past 50 years, and the concept of neurodiversity doesn't exyctly come easy to me.
@@themorbidzoo I only came across your channel recently, and I just can't stop watching. It's almost like somebody is finally using a language that I can not only understand intellectually, but that actually uses the whole spectrum of communicative levels and is therefore actually able to reach and touch me where it matters :)
Yeah, I have ADHD, generalized anxiety, OCD, and C-PTSD, so I'm at war with myself daily... on top of that, my BPD and bipolarism make me almost entirely and extremely intolerant of conflict with people in front of me.
When you said "anger, and all the forms of violence that result from it, is a secondary emotion" I knew exactly what you meant and as you continued to speak I knew the gist of what you were gonna say. I knew because my therapist told me not too long ago that anger isn't an emotion on it's own. It is a side effect of feeling certain emotions. I don't know that I agree with you that anger is always a result of fear, I think it can be a result of pain for example, but you're right when you say that there is "no such thing as unalloyed rage". After my therapist told me that I thought about it a bit and I totally think she's right. The only times I have ever felt angry are because I was hurt, scared, or some other mix of similar emotions that I can't exactly recall right now. But those two are the main ones that tend to make me angry. I just figured I'd sorta verify that info for you since I heard it from a licensed psychologist. Not that you needed it, you already figured it out on your own, but I guess it is just so nice to hear that another intelligent person agrees with something I've encountered in my personal life. Sorta helps validate it, I guess.
Thanks. :) It’s definitely helped my own emotional development to interrogate what reality I’m fighting against when I feel anger, it’s an immensely powerful thing to realize. It’s arguably splitting hairs and a matter of semantics, but I would argue that feeling anger in response to pain is a fear of sadness. It’s a desperate clinging to agency in light of a traumatic realization that the world will not be fair to you, and that that is very sad. The longer you avoid the sadness (including through depression, which is different from sadness) the longer it takes to heal.
@@themorbidzoo how do you account for physical pain causing anger, then? I dunno about you but if I bang my head on something I get angry quicker than anything else can make me. And I don’t really think I’ve ever felt sadness (or fear of it) as a result of physical pain.
@@parkerday470 A theory that fits here would be that you're afraid you looked dumb to someone else while hitting your head. Or you're so disappointed in yourself for the situation you just put yourself in, and the inability to defer the blame to another is infuriating. A fear of losing mobility/capability in the future based on your immediately uncertain degree of injury, perhaps. I don't find myself getting "angry" at pain myself, unless it is going to immediately interfere with something I have to do - a fear of losing time/status.
Therapists are usually psychiatrists, and the guy that doles out the medicine is the psychologist. A little pedantic, I know, but I'm a know-it-all, so I can't help myself.
I'm actually kind of envious. I've always wanted to have some kind of unique physical capability. Instead, I'm just a short, chubby girl with decent cardio and that's pretty much it.
@Mad Poet Society As someone with Hypermobility Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, being flexible or "double-jointed" isn't all it's cracked up to be. It wears down your joints faster, for starters... There are times I love my hypermobility, but... when one of your knee caps tries to randomly yeet itself out your body just because you pivoted (twisted) instead of turning, and you're only like 17 years old, suddenly hypermobility is the dumbest thing ever. I find basically everyone with HM overextends at the elbow. We can't salute for shit because our arm doesn't go straight.
If I had you as a therapist when I was 13 I think I may have figured out a lot about myself long before I turned 50. It sucks when you finally cut thru all of the crap and get yourself and the world figured out only to find your time is almost over
It’s never too late to try and enjoy life. A 23 year old can die a day after their birthday and not get the chance to sift through their stuff, any day after is an opportunity to feel a little bit better
This reminds me of my favorite class in college. It was film literature taught by Professor Whitlake, man that guy was a legend. He had this way of engaging us and making us think in new ways without telling us WHAT to think. Your channel feels like that to me. Thank you for this amazing education you’re gifting us!
When the part about personal struggles with depression started, I 100% expected it to go into an ad read. Instead, we got a really thoughtful and personal take on mental health and mental illness. Wow.
I just stopped going to my therapist a while ago (on mutual agreement, because I know myself much better now) and in this video you touch so much of what most worries me and how I feel about keeping on. Fear of the new, the unknown, the uneasy feelings. I guess I loved Channel Zero's 4th season so much because of this, even though I'm not the smartest at shaping thoughts after watching something, so thank you for this essay :)
I come back to your videos all the time I appreciate how well you can articulate yourself and get to the point. You say in three sentences what some people need five minutes to. You also speak clearly and deliberately which is fantastic for people like me (hearing impaired) I would be proud to be so engaging and to have such intricate and nuanced contributions to these conversations. Thank you 😊
The thing about being depressed for very long is that once you get out of it, you don't know who you are. What is my personality? What do I like and dislike? Does the fact that I've been depressed since my teen years mean that I don't even have a personality, since I had no chance do develop one when people are normally suppost to? Maybe only feeling meh forever is not that bad.
I'm going to guess that it's the upload frequency/consistency that's keeping the algorithm from putting you in everyone's suggestions, but it's a shame more people aren't seeing your videos. I've been watching since The Witch video, and I'm always impressed by each new one. Even on topics I initially don't think I'd be interested in, I find myself engaged, entertained, and learning every time. You might not even want it (I know I wouldn't), but this is certainly the kind of content that warrants millions of viewers.
Super thanks. :) Even as small as things are now, I get satisfaction from knowing more people hear my thoughts here than they would if I published almost anywhere else. Comments like these make it worth it!
Your formidable intellect is strikingly apparent in the footage of you delivering your monologue. So happy to have found your channel. Also, regarding the "work" of emerging from depression... I think this is a bitter irony that only people who've spent time in the bleakest labyrinths of the psyche can appreciate. Every opportunity is also a risk. Every victory raises the stakes. There is no "happily ever after". For better or worse, life just keeps fucking happening. I'm glad you're continuing to be part of it.
10:00 This is a really important thing to write into a story, I think. Too much cinema (and fiction in general) really glorifies epiphanies - character development always seems to be centered around one crucial moment where a character realizes something or is told something, and then they're suddenly different (read: better). A lot of self-help gurus feed into this narrative, too, with products that claim to be able to single-handedly turn your life around. As a kid, this perspective was extremely harmful to me - I would have an epiphany that I thought would completely turn my life around, and then when I continued to fail, I would internalize it as meaning something was fundamentally wrong with ME, rather than my faith in flashes of insight. Now I believe real development is more like just having a goal in mind, and then working doggedly toward that goal, no matter how many times you inevitably fail. If anything it's a hundred different mini-epiphanies, small realizations about why you react to things one way and how you could react in a healthier way. Even more importantly it's forgiving yourself when, even after those realizations, you continue to accidentally follow those deep grooves in your soul that led to maladaptive behaviors in the first place. This was a good video. Thanks.
I’ve never really found contortionism freaky or scary, it’s always just _fascinated_ me, to the point of rewinding and replaying any contortion scene over and over again just to look at it. Not sure what that says about me but there you go. Also, I have to thank you for your raw, uncompromising honesty about things I know only too well are not easy to talk about. I can’t tell you how much I admire you for your openness. I hope you’re well
I might be in the minority but the "spider walk" really doesn't phase me. It's just an easy target for a well-placed kick. I cringe everytime this trope is used in horror. So bad
As someone who has been suffering from anxiety and depression for years, and only just recently was able to start seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist, and get on proper medication to help me, what you said about being "not depressed" hit so close to home. I started to feel guilty for being happy. Thankfully I have a great therapist and she was able to help me through it, but you put it so succinctly in a way I have never heard anyone say before. Thank you.
11:16 I've been feeling like this for a few weeks now, thank you for putting words onto it. And also thank you for being one of those rare people to talk about Channel Zero and taking it seriously. In France, nobody f*cking knows about it and it kinda makes me sad.
I'm so pissed they didn't keep it going. But my order of seasons is 1, 4, 2, 3 since it's an anthology. Season 4 was a Stephen King ending, with build up, build up, BUILD UP, this happened; the end.
Damn, Mariana your conclusions are so powerful and effecting. Mental health, getting trapped in patterns, discombobulated by not being deep in it, and I always find the trapdoor of the unwell mind desperate to drop you when you almost get a handle on feeling almost OK, is a lot. I'm truly glad you're keeping on keeping on and being so honest. Truly wishing you the very best on the mind journey. It definitely is very long and extremely effortful. I've been doing therapy on and off for the majority of my adult life after C-PTSD, fibro, and CFS came out to play post-swine flu, and it wasn't until two weeks ago I could actual cognisize the concept of a nurturing parent in any way. I'll be 37 in the new year. (Just to clarify, nothing extreme happened, neglect and denigration are just very powerful, especially when combined with undiagnosed AuDHD and repressed identity stuff). The reason I watched the last couple of your videos was actually because I was having a C-PTSD episode and came downstairs for some distraction. It really helped. Thank you. Keep on keeping on and I wish you more bright, but not blinding days. Sending love, support and solidarity
Holy shit. That segment about what it's like coming out of depression was exactly what I needed to hear. New to your channel and I'm already in love over here.
speaking as someone who suffers from depression and who didn't make the connection with Pretzel Jack when watching it i think i will rewatch now,well all of them,there is something almost dreamlike/nightmarish about all 4 Channel Zero's
I’m just finding your channel on a whim and watching a lot, I think I’ll like it here. I hope everything is going as smoothly as life can grant in the background, cheers.
The opening reminds me of the section on disgust in the book Citadels of Pride by Martha Nussbaum, highly recommend checking that section out if ya haven't read it. The rest of the book is a pretty rough topic tho so be warned
I was recently diagnosed with minor depression. After 3 months on meds, my entire world is flipped upside down. I can't imagine how much harder it must be for people who are moderately or even severely depressed to climb out of that hole and turn to face the sun. I was simply standing at the edge, contemplating a jump. Facing the sun burns, but is also beautiful. No doubt that someone who clawed their way out of the depths of the hole where the sun doesn't shine would be scalded by the sun's golden rays.
I've had Major Depressive Disorder for my entire life, along with at least three other mental disorders, all of which compound on each other. Were it not for my medication, my life would consist entirely of scrolling the internet and sleeping, without a drop of energy available to do anything else. Even on the medication, I feel perpetually TIRED, mentally and physically. It's not that you feel nothing. It's that you feel like there IS nothing. It drains the life out of you.
Same, labelling it as 'childish' and equating it to a temper tantrum seemed, as you say, reduce it to a very basic concept that ignores so much nuance.
I can't gather my thoughts well enough to write out a thank you that you deserve for all your work on this channel and this video in particular. Your passion alone is amazing. I thank you with all my heart. I look forward to every video in the future and please keep up the great work!
The stuff about the show is great... but the comments you made near the end about living with depression are profound, and have given me a new outlook and perspective on some of my own issues that I'm going to have to do a lot more thinking about. Thank you.
Only just discovered your channel after watching this episode of channel zero last night and wanting to know more. Im genuinely blown away by how articulate and insightful your words are and they referenced my own situation in life too to an alarming degree😢 i hope wherever you are and whatever you're doing right now that life is treating you well.
You ve become my favourite channel I found this year. Found you yesterday, and by happenstance it occurred on a huge migraine episode I'm suffering. Having your vids are so placating for my insomnia riddled brain. Thank you for the close and personal style,the witty humour and the almost professional analysis at the same time.
The point about being able to be surprised or fascinated by something that rationally you know is just a thing that can happen sometimes is sort of interesting to me. As a fan of supernatural horror who doesn't particularly believe in the paranormal, it's hard to express why I enjoy a movie like Paranormal Activity - where almost nothing that happens is really inexplicable and the few things that do wouldn't be beyond any stage magician to pull off. But then I think of how it feels when something that happens independently of your actions happens to line up with your own actions - like if something happens to make a very loud noise at the same time that you press a light switch, say. Irrational instincts briefly take over, and suddenly you're a magical thinker; and then, hopefully, that moment passes, and you can enjoy it for what it was. Basically what I'm saying is that, if someone was genuinely frightened of contortionists because they think there's something genuinely impossible or immoral about their movements, I can imagine horror would be a very different experience for them than it is for me; the same way that the way I enjoy a magic trick as something utterly non-supernatural trick but performed well enough to fool the senses... would be completely different for someone who genuinely believes that it's real-life sorcery.
“Suddenly you’re a magical thinker,” oh man I love that. That’s exactly it, it feels like magic. You just clarified a big part of my relationship with horror, thank you
A perfect example of thinking you’re watching one thing, and then BLAM! right between the eyes. This is the video that started me binging your content, and recommending you to people that aren’t really interested in horror or film, but will possibly have their lives saved by your brilliant insights into depression, and narrative, and emotional strength/fragility. They may thank you themselves at some point, but I certainly do now. Thank you for having the courage and clarity to talk about your depression with honesty and a sense of hope and humour (which is the literal emotional armour against depression). You are being a bright light in a dark place, and my hope is, that by shining that light, you will not only give it to others, but help illuminate your own way through the darkness. All the best to you.
It's a year on. I'm glad I found your videos. 10:52 Thank you putting those minutes in about your experience with depression--and with depression lifting (or maybe it's taking a different form.) I like the phrase "a harsh-morning-sun kind of beauty." I understand the overwhelm-feeling. Having said that, I don't claim to know how you feel. I absolutely don't. That's a mistake we all make. We think we can know how other people are experiencing the world, the insides of their heads. (And sometimes we act on it.) But we can't. We never will.
This is an amazing, I don't know, essay? Whatever it is categorized as, it is amazing. I am glad that you are no longer in a depressive state and I wish you all the best in navigating the world in the new spectrum of colors. Being a human being is difficult. I am glad that you create these videos. I only found your channel a day ago and am already in awe of your work.
8:40 Anger is a primary emotion and not a secondary emotion. We don't feel anger when we experience fear; we feel anger when one of our boundaries has been trespassed. We can experience fear and anger together or blended together, but anger and fear are two separate emotions.
I'd be lying if I said this is not the first of your videos to make me get emotional in just the last few hours. Thank you for being you and for sharing your insights with us. You're a treasure and I hope you're still feeling well. Again, thank you❤
i know this is an older video but i’m just SO HAPPY you’re covering channel zero!! it’s one of my favorite shows to come out of the 2010s and i really loved this season 💗💗
i just saw jack as a thumb nail and clicked, and boing, suprise, suprise, its you again. love your usage of words. for 30 years, i lived with underlying fear, and dread and anxiety, every day. lots of it was based off a fear of being alone, which forced me to stay in bad relationships, thinking we're adults, and responsible, so we can make this work. (and away from that, was only work or school, and traffic which when jammed together or horrific on my anxiety) .. then afterwards, was drinking together and sex. day after day after day you said, there are so many things to get angry about. and it all comes down to a fear of loss and your absolutely right but we amplify that contrast by never actually experiencing the actual loss imho , what it is precisely is fear.. of the unknown. and since being inside an unknown, appears to have unknown boundries, we allow our fear to take that shape, boundlessly growing into INFINITE possibilities of more loss of control. more pain, more depression. everything in our mind CAN ONLY get worse inside there i think, finally one day, during a short and rare break up, i had a roomate , who brought in furniture from a friend with bed bugs. and it became clear to me, the only , ONLY way to ensure irradicating them was to irradicate all material items inside.. to leave, and start over new elsewhere. now of course, that at first seems it would only add to me fear of loss... BUT, there one teeny tiny strand of hope in it. Seeing the option of leaving everything WAS optional. My own choice. My ONLY amount of control i could take. so there i was outside, looking into my open front door at everything inside, my whole life pretty much. its all crap. all of it. everything. its all just a representation of my own fear. GROWING but standing outside, allowed me to see the borders of the situation. you've heard horders dont retain trash, in their mind, theyre retaining memories our memories define who we WERE, but dont define who we ARE and WILL be stuff doesnt define us other people dont define us their approval doesnt define us our fear doesnt truly define us... our fear CAN be infinite, which we can never be what does define us is knowledge we learn and knowledge that we apply in the form of action. i learned, we were never actually adults, we didnt know what real responsibility was we didnt know what real loss was we didnt know what real pain was we spent 30 years pretending we did, pretending we were in control the only thing we controlled was TERRIBLE decisions. decisions that destroyed us from inside standing there, i finally felt what i feared the whole time come over me, like a thunder storm approaching and as i let it consume me with my eyes calmly taking it all in, and become a part of me for a momemnt i knew where the boarders were precisely. i could see, that as quickly as it approached me was as quickly as it would move on but through the whole process of taking from me it gave in return knowledge and self.... souly... self acceptence, i dont NEED anything but that, i dont even need other peoples acceptence sure that stuffs nice, and i do want it...... but i dont need it it sounds cheesy but all i needed to learn was how to love myself once you do that, everything else doesnt really matter in the center of the storm, i could see that watching it destroy WHAT WAS, itself is a waste because its too late now but if i look forward.. i can see the sun shine coming. i can see the oppertunity time, is carrying towards me, AND I CAN SEE ITS COMING QUICKLY, if i dont face it head on, i wont notice it's here when it arrives, i'll miss catching that oppertunity.. forever pain, brings us knowledge, like nothing else can and time brings us oppertunity, which allows us to make outselves BETTER, and if not, at least maybe the lives of people we love BETTER. since that moment I've lost all that to bugs, lost a house to a fire, lost a car to a fire, lost a great job twice, i've lost my spouce I've even lost my twin babys, and ive even lost my life to a horrible car wreck, and i lost the doctor that brought me back from that river styx. (he died fishing) I've lost everything, but babe, trust me when i say, none of it matters (besides the twins, but i cant change that at all, and it hurts but, need to focus ahaead of me for oppertunirty) i think, you already have a good understanding of all this, I just wanted to take this oppertunity to maybe, just maybe improve your life and maybe remind you that you're georgeous, intellgent and very well spoken and you dont even need to make videos and before you waste any time on other peoples acceptence of you invest that time and effort, in learning to trust yourself. because if you ever find yourself dead in a hospital.. those people , arent going to be there with you itll just be you and some strangers. and these are the ones THAT WONT EVER GIVE UP ON YOU. so dont overlook yourself for that. she loves you, and all you gotta do it love her back for that. and keep your eyes open for any and all oppertunity to make life better and be proud of the ones that are succesfull ive been single, by choice for six years now (very very rare romps with others here and there) never imagined i could say that and it feels just fine. you would assume with life so full of loss, its kinda depressing but its now a life devoid of fear giving plenty of space to grow and nurture the love, i had overlooked for so long. and so, well, here, you can have this one for your own. just feed it starburts and bathe it outside in the sunlight occasionally its name is Oppertunity
Great video! Ive never been all that interested in clowns, so the fact that you held my attention for the entire video proves just how great you are at making videos. Feel better!
Thanks for watching! 😊 Just saw you put up a hot Malignant take lol, best believe I'm going to have some stuff to say in your comments, that movie is such a thorn in my side
@@themorbidzoo You got it! I cant wait to hear what you think about Malignant! Posting hot takes is always exciting because the comment section will be really unpredictable lmao
I don’t think I’ve really ever heard such a good description of the clam periods in between bouts of depression, thank you for putting it in such a nice way.
Aw man the bit about depression was so true when I was first treating my anxiety. My anxiety was horrible, awful, but I kinda knew how to navigate with it wearing me down. It’s really a “the devil you know better than the devil you don’t” kind of situation. I was afraid I wouldn’t have much left of myself under my anxiety or I was afraid I wouldn’t like what was left of me. Luckily those anxieties about going to therapy for anxiety were unfounded. I became more authentically myself. But it did hurt at first to ask why I am so afraid of this and so afraid of that. And where did I learn that? Those questions hurt to answer. I was in what felt like grief during the early part of therapy. But, like working a previously injured muscle until it’s strong again, it eventually healed back correctly and I could deal with it. I still get anxious but I have a lot more tools now, and overall the levels of anxiety are easier to manage. It hurts like stretching an atrophied muscle, it hurts like grief unfelt and pushed down, but eventually you grow around that and you can bear your weight on your legs again, you can grow, strengthen, reduce the pain. I’ve been in a fair level of therapy and PT and they’re alike in some ways. You gotta put in the work outside of meeting the therapist, it’s gonna hurt at first, it’s gonna feel wrong the first time you stretch that muscle or confront that feeling, but in the end it can give you relief. Little by little, hard day by hard day, every time you practice your exercises, slowly, you get stronger.
I finally watched this video mostly because the thumbnail scared me and I wanted it to stop appearing as a recommended video. I did not expect to be confronted with my own avoidance of negative feelings and a reminder that to live means to feel all of those things. great video. love the channel and looking forward to what you do next!
Love your insights, and your honesty. Happy to wait for your content when or if you want to upload. For whatever reason. Enjoy the good moments while they last. A lesson for all of us.
I have been a contortionist at a haunted house for a few years now and i’m always so interested in why it freaks people out so so much. To me it’s literally just how my body moves lmao
Not a contortionist but double-jointed on my right hand (I can dislocate my middle finger and have very skinny hands so you can see the bone and muscle pop) and I never understood why it horrified people so much, probably because I'm just used to seeing it and have control over when and how I do it. I guess that's why certain aspects of body horror scare people so much. A lack of control over their body. And it works the other way around, you're a contortionist - the ultimate level of bodily control, being able to warp it in ways regular folks can't, making them doubt their own bodies and maybe triggering the uncanny valley effect.
Holy cannoli. I don’t know what I expected when I clicked on this. I’ve been watching videos on Batman villains, and the recommended feed has been getting darker and more disturbing, so I initially thought this was just one of those. The initial question hooked me (great way to start a video!), mention of Troy James who I knew some about got me listening, and clowns? Well, color me intrigued. But the talk about fear and repression and rage… It helped a lot. I needed this. Thank you.
As soon as I saw your face and heard you talk I went, “hold on…” as there was something really familiar. Shortly thereafter, when you said “why bother… I’ve tried that, if I don’t I might die,” I realized why you seemed so familiar, you’re just like this guy that’s stuck in my mirror. This was a fantastic essay, thank you for all your hard work.
always glad to hear anyone else talk aboug Channel Zero, didn't get the love it deserved. I too adored No End House the best, but all the seasons had something to offer worth watching, like you point out here in one of th elesser seasons, great stuff!
As someone who's been struggling with depression since high school, this was profoundly meaningful in a way that cut right to the bone and explained my sensitivities to the world in such a way that it made my brain feel like it was shattered and then reassembled into something more than the sum of its parts. I'm going to be coming back to this video again every time I need a reminder of what it feels like to be at once vulnerable and impenetrable.
She was mad because I locked her in the bedroom for filming 😁 thanks for the kind words, it makes me happy that my stuff resonates with you. I think the world would be a much better place if we all had to confront wherever it is that our particular, individual meannesses come from. Gotta hug that clown 🤡❤️
You are amazing I love your analysis of these stuff and your way of looking deeper than what meets the eye of seeing things most people lack. The articulate ways in which you encompass all this with your own views is spectacular. You are amazing. I have seen all your videos and I am pretty sure I would love you of I met you * that's weirdly true. I wish you greatest of health and successes💜💜💜💜
I love that not only do you dive deep into a subject and talk about it's effects and motives, but also about how to get over it, and get better. I also love that this is what the show did more subtly, but halfway through the video psych major brain popped into action and said "yeah, that's a nice explanation, makes sense, now are you going to tell the people who feel it how to work it out?" cuz a lot of times videos that analyze these topics don't really close the knot. So I really liked that you did. A lot of emotional experience that had led to psychological knowledge. Beautiful.
I LOVE this and was not expecting such a deep dive on such a seemingly silly character and story! I'm sticking around for sure, can't wait to see more!
Depression: blackout curtains, all lights stay off 24/7, 🌞 sun needs to die and 🌝 moon needs to stay out forever, zero energy level and refuse to roll out of bed (crap gotta pee which means gotta get out of bed), stomach growls with hunger (inner thought towards stomach "shut up I'll feed you tomorrow"). I've suffered through depression my whole life, not medicated because the side effects made me suicidal, and it's not an easy illness to live with. My motivation is my pets; they need me to take care of them, they need me to be happy, and they're great at making me laugh and staying happy and really helping me stay away from depression. Tippy 🐶 senses my on coming depression before it starts and he tickles me making me 😂 and feeling a whole lot better. Klondike 😺 is a big bear hug 🫂 and he doesn't let go.
I recently had a deep realization about my identity and who i am, which was extremely liberating and amazingly helpful, but then came exactly what you talked about. Fear, fear of change, fear that i wouldn't change, fear that i couldn't change, fear that i didn't deserve anything i had or that i would lose it immediately, fear that i didn't actually realize anything and i was just as lost as i was before. I sometimes think about not existing, about running from my problems, because everything is just too much, but life is worth it *because* everything is too much. I watched this video after having a really emotionally strong and taxxing talk with my mom, which was a really uncanny coincidence, kind of magical really. Thank you.
This video made me realize that part of the reason I like clowns is because they are a known transgressor of social norms. As someone who really can't read a room and has to memorize the invisible ways people are meant to act that are apparently so obvious to everyone else, clowns are a quantifiable and known label for a person who is allowed to break the rules. I don't find them disturbing because their awkwardness and jokes about the way people are "meant to act" are just saying out loud the ridiculousness of social norms that I already struggle with. This video partially made me analyze why I find second-hand embarrassment so hard to watch: it's one of my biggest fears of being found out, in some way. Also like how you point out that building up an emotion can be a huge conscious process. So tired of people talking about "powering through." It's unrealistic. It's like expecting someone who hasn't gotten off the couch in a year to run a marathon with no prep. Willpower is a muscle. I'm rambling. I found your channel today and binged a bunch of videos. Only commented because it supposedly helps the algorithm I guess.
I saw there was no place to comment om your latest video so I am commenting here where you open up about yourself too. Your videos are a source of comfort for me. I really hope you're doing well. Looking forward for more.
Thanks for talking about depression in a nuanced way like that. I am in a very similar situation now, and it's destabilizing to feel the full impact of life every day.
Just discovered this channel and I'm loving it. Have you considered reviewing/discussing any of the Masters of Horror episodes? I used to really enjoy them and it's definitely a topic I've never seen discussed on youtube. Mileage may vary on some of them though. The fact that they have a different famous horror writer for each episode means some will stand out and some will stink. Great work thus far! Really enjoying the videos.
Seeing contortionists in horror movies is the same vibes for me as seeing impressive parkour, stunts, or even well choreographed dance and fight sequences. I am intrigued and amazed! Also why I loved Malignant! 😂 they went from impressive contortionist to impressive contortionist doing parkour to impressive contortionist becoming a ninja and sniping people with an accurate chair toss. Lmao 10/10 indulgent film making
that bit about depression.. "the world is too much, and the only way you remember how to deal with it is by running away. Choosing not to do that is really, really hard." damn.. that really hit my heart. Thank you.
I want more pretzel jack... He was violent sure but he was also funny and childlike and also could be soft with hugs. I want one now for the childlike fun.
Every time I see that bendy backwards walking on horror movies, it puts me off. Because I've seen the trope so many times it actually doesn't scare me or disturb me anymore.
There's great analysis here, very thoughtful and as a huge lover of monsters I love this kind of intelligent academic look at these horrors. But that you put that kind of vulnerability and sincerity in a relevant context to said analysis makes it to some extent moving. We all have a possibility to put out bad shit into the world, and I know I have. But I hope you know that this content you're putting out is really really good shit
@@noahwen-li Big thanks, this is the kind of comment that gets me through the week. It's the highest compliment to have someone respond to something you made :)
Channel Zero seasons ranked. 4. Candle Cove (season 1) 2016 3. Butcher's Block (season 3) 2018 2. The Dream Door (season 4) 2018 1. No End House (season 2) 2017
A lot of what you say here reminds of newer forms of psychotherapy, so-called 'experiential' models like AEDP and IFS. I've had other kinds of therapy, but these, without even a therapist to help me until recently, I've found by far the most helpful and relieving. Tori Olds has a lot of good videos on these here on UA-cam, but for AEDP, I found Hilary Jacobs Hendel's book, 'It's Not Always Depression' even more helpful. That's to say, while it wasn't the end of anxiety for me, it was absolutely the end of me going 'round and 'round endlessly tormenting myself with it. By the way, I'm absolutely not trying to catch you out, but it's interesting that you essentially deride anger here, given how angry a lot of your content is. One of the main reasons I don't mean that as a gotcha is, I'm not sure anger is always as problematic as you seem to be saying - or just a mask for fear. One of my better therapists, when I used to tell her I thought I was primarily suffering from fear, would habitually retort, 'I think you're very angry indeed.' It was a puzzle I never fully cracked, but a key immediate effect was to discover in anger/aggression, a greater strength than I felt I had if I was just scared. I've certainly had moments in therapy where I break through to a full understanding of some injustice against myself with which I've essentially colluded and feel an anger that has the force of truth and liberation. You say anger is a child's simplistic strategy for dealing with complex difficulty, and while that's absolutely true in many cases (and I've found IFS a wonderful address to that aspect of it), various forms of therapy have long understood that children are often overly scared of their anger/negative feelings, as if they might result in far more serious harm to those around them than the child is really capable of. This is seen as the beginning of aggression EDIT, no, I mean 'anxiety'*: feelings that are about external factors and therefore might be directed towards engagement, get turned inwards and become the hermetic, self-involved mental activity of anxiety, obsessional thinking and self-punishment - feelings that are often strongly bound up with fear. What I found so helpful in Hendel's book was the idea that, once you realise you're stuck in this kind of self-torture, you can ask yourself if you're willing to look beyond it, to the deeper feelings it might be blocking. 'Experientially' you start with physical feelings rather than rushing to name the feeling, and you deploy 'titration,' opening yourself up to only as much of the feeling as you can cope with, always reassuring yourself you can pull back if it gets too much. *A slip I actually made twice here, rather revealingly, I"d say.
You hit the nail on the head..to think of the characters as representing ppl like this in society and a piecemof oipurselves, especially those of us who are feeling they can relate to a character bc they have gone through or feel this way or have experienced the same..Its the deeper meaning that made it good! And she has to learn how to control pretzel jack like when she gets upset he gets murderous So the other guy who taught her about all of this (and the plot twist on that is crazy about who he is) He said you have to control him if you are calm he is calm and it's a deeper message of when our inner monsters that we create we control that outcome of what we create in that deeper meaning and message.. It's like manifestation what you put out is does not just affect you and on a larger scale could be dangerous.. It says how powerful our thoughts are and how we don't realize or believe or think that they are.. And it's almost like a literal sense of what if our thoughts were able to come to life and they were monsters.. You explain things perfect..What you sid
I love anger. My experience has been one where anger is not allowed. If i expess anger i am punished for it. So obviously it bottles up and then.... Well... Anger has a place in the world. How is the beat way to express it? No clue. We are gonna fight about it till the end of time probably. So be it. Maybe this is off topic but thats whats coming up for me watching this
For someone currently seeing that depression spectrum again, the phrase "confront the clown within" really resonates after watching this video. Love it.
I was honestly on the Fence about watching Channel Zero, Especially past Candle Cove since the other seasons are Stories I’m unfamiliar with, but your video has convinced me to check it out. I was a Huge Creepypasta fan in Highschool and have recently been on a bit of a Creepypasta nostalgia kick as of late, and Honestly this looks Great! Leaps and bounds better than that Slenderman movie that looked promising in the teaser trailer but apparently had to make a lot of last minute cuts, changes and reshoots due to the plot Unfortunately and Coincidentally mirrored an actual tragedy that happened before the movie was released. But hey, this gives me hope that a good Creepypasta adaptation is possible. I mean Yeah it’s unlikely we’ll be seeing Adaptations of stuff like Ben Drowned, Sonic.exe or Abandoned By Disney without EXTREME reworking for Copyright reasons, but Here’s hoping someone with some serious talent gets ahold of Laughing Jack, Mr Widemouth or Jeff the Killer.
@@themorbidzoo high Praise. Yet i can believe it. I watched a couple seasons (Asylum and Freak Show) of AHS last October because my girlfriend (I know I say it a lot but honestly it’s partly because Honestly I can’t believe she’s real either) really wanted me to see it because she likes it so much. Honestly I found it good but also all over the place to the point where I couldn’t tell what was the main plot and what were subplots. But this year we agreed to Watch Chanel Zero so I’m really looking forward to to her reaction. XD
Everyone can feel the nothingness, the void, just beneath the surface of everyday routines and securities.” - John Zerzan Loved your video, especially your candid discussion on depression which you expressed with an authenticity Ive never previously encountered on the subject that I felt mirrored my own experience...thank you. Ive subscribed and will now proceed to watch your entire catalog, haha.
The show itself has a moment where somebody draws a metaphorical picture of Pretzel Jack's clown-ness making him a creature who purely lives in the moment, who has no concept of past or future. That line always stuck out to me but if you interpret Jack as a symbol of 'true anger' (here the fear of being wronged) then... Being completely locked in the moment makes perfect sense. Being furious isn't a logical state and kinda severs your connection to the future or past until you cool down.
Holy shit it is genuinely impressive how engaging and impactful this video is when the source material is a 11 year old creepypasta about a clown that I have never read and a TV show I have never heard of. One of the best video essayist around dude great job
yes!! this content is so impressive.
Big thanks :)
For the record the 11 year old creepypasta was not about a clown. That was SyFy's doing.
One of the best videos around... totally agree!!
Strange part is... the old story didn't have a clown in it lmao
@@fannestfan3941what was it actually about?
Your piece about depression hits so deeply close to home. Even now, I’m still struggling to get used to life post severe depression after years of being medicated and having gone to therapy and wards and actually doing things to combat it. It feels like it would be so much easier to go back to that deep dark hole instead of facing the sunlight but it is important to Not Do That, and I’m glad you can continue trying to stay in it
Navigating that middle ground while trying not to fall into the spiral again is a seriously underreported aspect of clinical depression. But just in the couple of months since I've made this video I feel much more in control of my life, or at least my reactions to life. It takes practice, like you're building a muscle. Hope your experience is similar. Thanks for the comment
For me personally, having finally found the right med for me after almost 20 years of searching, what I'm learning is I have some catching up to do in terms of figuring myself out, building self-esteem, learning to relate better to others, etc. Things depression always blocked me from doing, but that the meds are making much easier to do. I still feel incomplete, but I can actually make progress toward my personal fulfillment and it doesn't feel like I'm trying to scale a cliff bare-handed.
100% agree. They were incredibly accurate with their description of things.
"What if... You can't?" Also hits those with autism and ADHD (like myself) like a freaking truck. This feeling of alienation when not only are you seemingly incapable of doing what comes so easily to neurotypical people but also hypercapable of accomplishing what they find nigh impossible is crystallised in that scene so well it made my head spin. Thank you for bringing it to my attention and I wish you all recovery in your depression. You are valid.
So are you, thanks for watching ❤️
Truly, I am the same way and echo these sentiments completely 😢
:) Ouch... Spot on! I'm in the process of only even beginning to discover all the ways that I have been entirely blind towards the tools I have been using against myself for the past 50 years, and the concept of neurodiversity doesn't exyctly come easy to me.
@@themorbidzoo I only came across your channel recently, and I just can't stop watching. It's almost like somebody is finally using a language that I can not only understand intellectually, but that actually uses the whole spectrum of communicative levels and is therefore actually able to reach and touch me where it matters :)
Yeah, I have ADHD, generalized anxiety, OCD, and C-PTSD, so I'm at war with myself daily... on top of that, my BPD and bipolarism make me almost entirely and extremely intolerant of conflict with people in front of me.
When you said "anger, and all the forms of violence that result from it, is a secondary emotion" I knew exactly what you meant and as you continued to speak I knew the gist of what you were gonna say. I knew because my therapist told me not too long ago that anger isn't an emotion on it's own. It is a side effect of feeling certain emotions. I don't know that I agree with you that anger is always a result of fear, I think it can be a result of pain for example, but you're right when you say that there is "no such thing as unalloyed rage". After my therapist told me that I thought about it a bit and I totally think she's right. The only times I have ever felt angry are because I was hurt, scared, or some other mix of similar emotions that I can't exactly recall right now. But those two are the main ones that tend to make me angry.
I just figured I'd sorta verify that info for you since I heard it from a licensed psychologist. Not that you needed it, you already figured it out on your own, but I guess it is just so nice to hear that another intelligent person agrees with something I've encountered in my personal life. Sorta helps validate it, I guess.
Thanks. :) It’s definitely helped my own emotional development to interrogate what reality I’m fighting against when I feel anger, it’s an immensely powerful thing to realize. It’s arguably splitting hairs and a matter of semantics, but I would argue that feeling anger in response to pain is a fear of sadness. It’s a desperate clinging to agency in light of a traumatic realization that the world will not be fair to you, and that that is very sad. The longer you avoid the sadness (including through depression, which is different from sadness) the longer it takes to heal.
@@themorbidzoo how do you account for physical pain causing anger, then? I dunno about you but if I bang my head on something I get angry quicker than anything else can make me. And I don’t really think I’ve ever felt sadness (or fear of it) as a result of physical pain.
@@parkerday470 hahaha I think physical pain is probably the only exception to my maxim
@@parkerday470 A theory that fits here would be that you're afraid you looked dumb to someone else while hitting your head. Or you're so disappointed in yourself for the situation you just put yourself in, and the inability to defer the blame to another is infuriating. A fear of losing mobility/capability in the future based on your immediately uncertain degree of injury, perhaps. I don't find myself getting "angry" at pain myself, unless it is going to immediately interfere with something I have to do - a fear of losing time/status.
Therapists are usually psychiatrists, and the guy that doles out the medicine is the psychologist. A little pedantic, I know, but I'm a know-it-all, so I can't help myself.
"I miss the comfort of being sad" - Kurt Cobain
Yes that is exactly how it is for someone who suffers from depression who no longer feels depressed
I've never found funky contortion-walking that weird, but most of my friends and family sure think it's strange when I do it!
😅
I'm actually kind of envious. I've always wanted to have some kind of unique physical capability. Instead, I'm just a short, chubby girl with decent cardio and that's pretty much it.
@@madpoetsociety2917 be kinder to urself, decent cardio significantly increases your chances of survival in the zombie apocalypse
@Mad Poet Society As someone with Hypermobility Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, being flexible or "double-jointed" isn't all it's cracked up to be. It wears down your joints faster, for starters...
There are times I love my hypermobility, but... when one of your knee caps tries to randomly yeet itself out your body just because you pivoted (twisted) instead of turning, and you're only like 17 years old, suddenly hypermobility is the dumbest thing ever.
I find basically everyone with HM overextends at the elbow. We can't salute for shit because our arm doesn't go straight.
@@Kiss_My_Aspergers Oh hey, I've got EDS, too!
If I had you as a therapist when I was 13 I think I may have figured out a lot about myself long before I turned 50. It sucks when you finally cut thru all of the crap and get yourself and the world figured out only to find your time is almost over
The trick is tellin you "it" is too late before death. Even then.
It’s never too late to try and enjoy life. A 23 year old can die a day after their birthday and not get the chance to sift through their stuff, any day after is an opportunity to feel a little bit better
50 is still young. You could easily live to be 77. I'm 27 now. That's my entire life.
This reminds me of my favorite class in college. It was film literature taught by Professor Whitlake, man that guy was a legend. He had this way of engaging us and making us think in new ways without telling us WHAT to think. Your channel feels like that to me. Thank you for this amazing education you’re gifting us!
When the part about personal struggles with depression started, I 100% expected it to go into an ad read. Instead, we got a really thoughtful and personal take on mental health and mental illness. Wow.
I just stopped going to my therapist a while ago (on mutual agreement, because I know myself much better now) and in this video you touch so much of what most worries me and how I feel about keeping on. Fear of the new, the unknown, the uneasy feelings.
I guess I loved Channel Zero's 4th season so much because of this, even though I'm not the smartest at shaping thoughts after watching something, so thank you for this essay :)
All best, it takes no small amount of courage to get yourself through that time. Take it slow and be kind to yourself. :) Thanks for the watch!
@@themorbidzoo Thank you! 🙂
I come back to your videos all the time
I appreciate how well you can articulate yourself and get to the point. You say in three sentences what some people need five minutes to.
You also speak clearly and deliberately which is fantastic for people like me (hearing impaired)
I would be proud to be so engaging and to have such intricate and nuanced contributions to these conversations. Thank you 😊
@@v.heywood aww, thank you so much, that makes me happy ☺️
The thing about being depressed for very long is that once you get out of it, you don't know who you are. What is my personality? What do I like and dislike? Does the fact that I've been depressed since my teen years mean that I don't even have a personality, since I had no chance do develop one when people are normally suppost to? Maybe only feeling meh forever is not that bad.
I'm going to guess that it's the upload frequency/consistency that's keeping the algorithm from putting you in everyone's suggestions, but it's a shame more people aren't seeing your videos. I've been watching since The Witch video, and I'm always impressed by each new one. Even on topics I initially don't think I'd be interested in, I find myself engaged, entertained, and learning every time. You might not even want it (I know I wouldn't), but this is certainly the kind of content that warrants millions of viewers.
Super thanks. :) Even as small as things are now, I get satisfaction from knowing more people hear my thoughts here than they would if I published almost anywhere else. Comments like these make it worth it!
Your formidable intellect is strikingly apparent in the footage of you delivering your monologue. So happy to have found your channel.
Also, regarding the "work" of emerging from depression... I think this is a bitter irony that only people who've spent time in the bleakest labyrinths of the psyche can appreciate. Every opportunity is also a risk. Every victory raises the stakes. There is no "happily ever after". For better or worse, life just keeps fucking happening.
I'm glad you're continuing to be part of it.
Ooh life is a real fun ride now that I’ve gotten more used to feeling things. I’m glad I’m here too :)
@@themorbidzoo Yep. Sometimes very scary, but also fun.
10:00
This is a really important thing to write into a story, I think. Too much cinema (and fiction in general) really glorifies epiphanies - character development always seems to be centered around one crucial moment where a character realizes something or is told something, and then they're suddenly different (read: better). A lot of self-help gurus feed into this narrative, too, with products that claim to be able to single-handedly turn your life around. As a kid, this perspective was extremely harmful to me - I would have an epiphany that I thought would completely turn my life around, and then when I continued to fail, I would internalize it as meaning something was fundamentally wrong with ME, rather than my faith in flashes of insight.
Now I believe real development is more like just having a goal in mind, and then working doggedly toward that goal, no matter how many times you inevitably fail. If anything it's a hundred different mini-epiphanies, small realizations about why you react to things one way and how you could react in a healthier way. Even more importantly it's forgiving yourself when, even after those realizations, you continue to accidentally follow those deep grooves in your soul that led to maladaptive behaviors in the first place.
This was a good video. Thanks.
I’ve never really found contortionism freaky or scary, it’s always just _fascinated_ me, to the point of rewinding and replaying any contortion scene over and over again just to look at it.
Not sure what that says about me but there you go.
Also, I have to thank you for your raw, uncompromising honesty about things I know only too well are not easy to talk about. I can’t tell you how much I admire you for your openness. I hope you’re well
Nice to hear a good explanation of the love or comfort of depression
I might be in the minority but the "spider walk" really doesn't phase me. It's just an easy target for a well-placed kick. I cringe everytime this trope is used in horror. So bad
That final hug made me feel so emotional... I love your videos
Thanks for watching :)
As someone who has been suffering from anxiety and depression for years, and only just recently was able to start seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist, and get on proper medication to help me, what you said about being "not depressed" hit so close to home. I started to feel guilty for being happy. Thankfully I have a great therapist and she was able to help me through it, but you put it so succinctly in a way I have never heard anyone say before. Thank you.
11:16
I've been feeling like this for a few weeks now, thank you for putting words onto it. And also thank you for being one of those rare people to talk about Channel Zero and taking it seriously. In France, nobody f*cking knows about it and it kinda makes me sad.
Don’t worry, nobody knows about it here either lol, it was horribly marketed after the first season. Hope you’re doing well, it all gets easier :)
@@themorbidzoo thanks!^^
It kinda does
I'm so pissed they didn't keep it going. But my order of seasons is 1, 4, 2, 3 since it's an anthology. Season 4 was a Stephen King ending, with build up, build up, BUILD UP, this happened; the end.
My thoughts as well! Wish more people and horror fans knew about Channel Zero, it's such an underrated series!
Dude, I don’t have the time to watch all your videos, but your writing, delivery, and insights are utterly fantastic.
Thanks 😊
Damn, Mariana your conclusions are so powerful and effecting. Mental health, getting trapped in patterns, discombobulated by not being deep in it, and I always find the trapdoor of the unwell mind desperate to drop you when you almost get a handle on feeling almost OK, is a lot. I'm truly glad you're keeping on keeping on and being so honest. Truly wishing you the very best on the mind journey. It definitely is very long and extremely effortful. I've been doing therapy on and off for the majority of my adult life after C-PTSD, fibro, and CFS came out to play post-swine flu, and it wasn't until two weeks ago I could actual cognisize the concept of a nurturing parent in any way. I'll be 37 in the new year. (Just to clarify, nothing extreme happened, neglect and denigration are just very powerful, especially when combined with undiagnosed AuDHD and repressed identity stuff).
The reason I watched the last couple of your videos was actually because I was having a C-PTSD episode and came downstairs for some distraction. It really helped. Thank you.
Keep on keeping on and I wish you more bright, but not blinding days. Sending love, support and solidarity
Holy shit. That segment about what it's like coming out of depression was exactly what I needed to hear.
New to your channel and I'm already in love over here.
This was truly beautiful, thank you for the hard work and openness you put in this video.
Thanks :)
speaking as someone who suffers from depression and who didn't make the connection with Pretzel Jack when watching it i think i will rewatch now,well all of them,there is something almost dreamlike/nightmarish about all 4 Channel Zero's
I’m just finding your channel on a whim and watching a lot, I think I’ll like it here. I hope everything is going as smoothly as life can grant in the background, cheers.
The opening reminds me of the section on disgust in the book Citadels of Pride by Martha Nussbaum, highly recommend checking that section out if ya haven't read it. The rest of the book is a pretty rough topic tho so be warned
Absolutely. She's an intellectual hero of mine
I was recently diagnosed with minor depression. After 3 months on meds, my entire world is flipped upside down. I can't imagine how much harder it must be for people who are moderately or even severely depressed to climb out of that hole and turn to face the sun. I was simply standing at the edge, contemplating a jump. Facing the sun burns, but is also beautiful. No doubt that someone who clawed their way out of the depths of the hole where the sun doesn't shine would be scalded by the sun's golden rays.
I've had Major Depressive Disorder for my entire life, along with at least three other mental disorders, all of which compound on each other.
Were it not for my medication, my life would consist entirely of scrolling the internet and sleeping, without a drop of energy available to do anything else. Even on the medication, I feel perpetually TIRED, mentally and physically.
It's not that you feel nothing. It's that you feel like there IS nothing. It drains the life out of you.
This was very insightful and interesting. I found the take on anger a little reductive, but aside from that the whole essay is amazing
Same, labelling it as 'childish' and equating it to a temper tantrum seemed, as you say, reduce it to a very basic concept that ignores so much nuance.
Who knew a video essay about a clown could give me insight into my own depression and anxieties. Thank you!
I can't gather my thoughts well enough to write out a thank you that you deserve for all your work on this channel and this video in particular. Your passion alone is amazing. I thank you with all my heart. I look forward to every video in the future and please keep up the great work!
Thanks so much 💗
I dont know why but I keep coming back to this video
It's kind of comforting to know that I'm not the only one who feels alien to not being depressed
The stuff about the show is great... but the comments you made near the end about living with depression are profound, and have given me a new outlook and perspective on some of my own issues that I'm going to have to do a lot more thinking about. Thank you.
Only just discovered your channel after watching this episode of channel zero last night and wanting to know more. Im genuinely blown away by how articulate and insightful your words are and they referenced my own situation in life too to an alarming degree😢 i hope wherever you are and whatever you're doing right now that life is treating you well.
You ve become my favourite channel I found this year. Found you yesterday, and by happenstance it occurred on a huge migraine episode I'm suffering. Having your vids are so placating for my insomnia riddled brain. Thank you for the close and personal style,the witty humour and the almost professional analysis at the same time.
Just discovered your channel. You provide a gorgeously accessible exploration of the human-shadow-self. Chef's kiss indeed.
The point about being able to be surprised or fascinated by something that rationally you know is just a thing that can happen sometimes is sort of interesting to me. As a fan of supernatural horror who doesn't particularly believe in the paranormal, it's hard to express why I enjoy a movie like Paranormal Activity - where almost nothing that happens is really inexplicable and the few things that do wouldn't be beyond any stage magician to pull off. But then I think of how it feels when something that happens independently of your actions happens to line up with your own actions - like if something happens to make a very loud noise at the same time that you press a light switch, say. Irrational instincts briefly take over, and suddenly you're a magical thinker; and then, hopefully, that moment passes, and you can enjoy it for what it was.
Basically what I'm saying is that, if someone was genuinely frightened of contortionists because they think there's something genuinely impossible or immoral about their movements, I can imagine horror would be a very different experience for them than it is for me; the same way that the way I enjoy a magic trick as something utterly non-supernatural trick but performed well enough to fool the senses... would be completely different for someone who genuinely believes that it's real-life sorcery.
“Suddenly you’re a magical thinker,” oh man I love that. That’s exactly it, it feels like magic. You just clarified a big part of my relationship with horror, thank you
i didn’t realize a video abt a character that i had no clue existed could make me reflect on the way i interact with my anger and the world around it
A perfect example of thinking you’re watching one thing, and then BLAM! right between the eyes. This is the video that started me binging your content, and recommending you to people that aren’t really interested in horror or film, but will possibly have their lives saved by your brilliant insights into depression, and narrative, and emotional strength/fragility. They may thank you themselves at some point, but I certainly do now. Thank you for having the courage and clarity to talk about your depression with honesty and a sense of hope and humour (which is the literal emotional armour against depression). You are being a bright light in a dark place, and my hope is, that by shining that light, you will not only give it to others, but help illuminate your own way through the darkness. All the best to you.
I really appreciate it, thank you!
It's a year on. I'm glad I found your videos. 10:52 Thank you putting those minutes in about your experience with depression--and with depression lifting (or maybe it's taking a different form.) I like the phrase "a harsh-morning-sun kind of beauty." I understand the overwhelm-feeling. Having said that, I don't claim to know how you feel. I absolutely don't. That's a mistake we all make. We think we can know how other people are experiencing the world, the insides of their heads. (And sometimes we act on it.) But we can't. We never will.
This is an amazing, I don't know, essay? Whatever it is categorized as, it is amazing. I am glad that you are no longer in a depressive state and I wish you all the best in navigating the world in the new spectrum of colors. Being a human being is difficult. I am glad that you create these videos. I only found your channel a day ago and am already in awe of your work.
8:40 Anger is a primary emotion and not a secondary emotion. We don't feel anger when we experience fear; we feel anger when one of our boundaries has been trespassed. We can experience fear and anger together or blended together, but anger and fear are two separate emotions.
I'd be lying if I said this is not the first of your videos to make me get emotional in just the last few hours. Thank you for being you and for sharing your insights with us. You're a treasure and I hope you're still feeling well. Again, thank you❤
I think the best part was whenever she hugged him again the way she did when she was younger
i know this is an older video but i’m just SO HAPPY you’re covering channel zero!! it’s one of my favorite shows to come out of the 2010s and i really loved this season 💗💗
Recently discovered your channel. Love your insights and interpretations.
well put togfether video its rare a video on a random topic of something i haven't heard of encapsulates me so much
"This isn't 'Nam, Smokey. This is bowling. There are rules."
i just saw jack as a thumb nail and clicked, and boing, suprise, suprise, its you again.
love your usage of words.
for 30 years, i lived with underlying fear, and dread and anxiety, every day. lots of it was based off a fear of being alone, which forced me to stay in bad relationships, thinking we're adults, and responsible, so we can make this work. (and away from that, was only work or school, and traffic which when jammed together or horrific on my anxiety) .. then afterwards, was drinking together and sex. day after day after day
you said, there are so many things to get angry about.
and it all comes down to a fear of loss and your absolutely right
but
we amplify that contrast by never actually experiencing the actual loss
imho ,
what it is precisely is fear.. of the unknown. and since being inside an unknown, appears to have unknown boundries, we allow our fear to take that shape, boundlessly growing into INFINITE possibilities of more loss of control. more pain, more depression. everything in our mind CAN ONLY get worse inside there
i think, finally one day, during a short and rare break up, i had a roomate , who brought in furniture from a friend with bed bugs. and it became clear to me, the only , ONLY way to ensure irradicating them was to irradicate all material items inside.. to leave, and start over new elsewhere. now of course, that at first seems it would only add to me fear of loss... BUT, there one teeny tiny strand of hope in it. Seeing the option of leaving everything WAS optional. My own choice. My ONLY amount of control i could take.
so there i was outside, looking into my open front door at everything inside, my whole life pretty much.
its all crap. all of it. everything. its all just a representation of my own fear. GROWING
but standing outside, allowed me to see the borders of the situation.
you've heard horders dont retain trash, in their mind, theyre retaining memories
our memories define who we WERE, but dont define who we ARE and WILL be
stuff doesnt define us
other people dont define us
their approval doesnt define us
our fear doesnt truly define us... our fear CAN be infinite, which we can never be
what does define us is knowledge we learn
and knowledge that we apply in the form of action.
i learned, we were never actually adults,
we didnt know what real responsibility was
we didnt know what real loss was
we didnt know what real pain was
we spent 30 years pretending we did,
pretending we were in control
the only thing we controlled was TERRIBLE decisions. decisions that destroyed us from inside
standing there, i finally felt what i feared the whole time come over me, like a thunder storm approaching
and as i let it consume me with my eyes calmly taking it all in, and become a part of me for a momemnt i knew where the boarders were precisely. i could see, that as quickly as it approached me was as quickly as it would move on
but through the whole process of taking from me
it gave in return
knowledge and self.... souly... self acceptence,
i dont NEED anything but that, i dont even need other peoples acceptence
sure that stuffs nice, and i do want it...... but i dont need it
it sounds cheesy but all i needed to learn was how to love myself
once you do that, everything else doesnt really matter
in the center of the storm, i could see that watching it destroy WHAT WAS, itself is a waste because its too late now
but if i look forward.. i can see the sun shine coming.
i can see the oppertunity time, is carrying towards me,
AND I CAN SEE ITS COMING QUICKLY, if i dont face it head on, i wont notice it's here when it arrives, i'll miss catching that oppertunity.. forever
pain, brings us knowledge, like nothing else can
and time brings us oppertunity, which allows us to make outselves BETTER, and if not, at least maybe the lives of people we love BETTER.
since that moment
I've lost all that to bugs, lost a house to a fire, lost a car to a fire, lost a great job twice, i've lost my spouce
I've even lost my twin babys, and ive even lost my life to a horrible car wreck, and i lost the doctor that brought me back from that river styx. (he died fishing)
I've lost everything, but babe, trust me when i say, none of it matters (besides the twins, but i cant change that at all, and it hurts but, need to focus ahaead of me for oppertunirty)
i think, you already have a good understanding of all this,
I just wanted to take this oppertunity to maybe, just maybe improve your life
and maybe remind you
that you're georgeous, intellgent and very well spoken
and you dont even need to make videos
and before you waste any time on other peoples acceptence of you
invest that time and effort, in learning to trust yourself.
because if you ever find yourself dead in a hospital..
those people , arent going to be there with you
itll just be you and some strangers.
and these are the ones THAT WONT EVER GIVE UP ON YOU.
so dont overlook yourself for that. she loves you, and all you gotta do it love her back for that.
and keep your eyes open for any and all oppertunity to make life better
and be proud of the ones that are succesfull
ive been single, by choice for six years now (very very rare romps with others here and there)
never imagined i could say that
and it feels just fine.
you would assume with life so full of loss, its kinda depressing
but its now a life devoid of fear
giving plenty of space to grow and nurture
the love, i had overlooked for so long.
and so,
well, here,
you can have
this one for your own.
just feed it starburts and bathe it outside in the sunlight occasionally
its name
is Oppertunity
Great video! Ive never been all that interested in clowns, so the fact that you held my attention for the entire video proves just how great you are at making videos.
Feel better!
Thanks for watching! 😊 Just saw you put up a hot Malignant take lol, best believe I'm going to have some stuff to say in your comments, that movie is such a thorn in my side
@@themorbidzoo You got it!
I cant wait to hear what you think about Malignant! Posting hot takes is always exciting because the comment section will be really unpredictable lmao
I don’t think I’ve really ever heard such a good description of the clam periods in between bouts of depression, thank you for putting it in such a nice way.
i felt this video deep in me. thank u. i hope u do well
You too ❤️
Aw man the bit about depression was so true when I was first treating my anxiety. My anxiety was horrible, awful, but I kinda knew how to navigate with it wearing me down. It’s really a “the devil you know better than the devil you don’t” kind of situation. I was afraid I wouldn’t have much left of myself under my anxiety or I was afraid I wouldn’t like what was left of me.
Luckily those anxieties about going to therapy for anxiety were unfounded. I became more authentically myself. But it did hurt at first to ask why I am so afraid of this and so afraid of that. And where did I learn that? Those questions hurt to answer. I was in what felt like grief during the early part of therapy. But, like working a previously injured muscle until it’s strong again, it eventually healed back correctly and I could deal with it. I still get anxious but I have a lot more tools now, and overall the levels of anxiety are easier to manage. It hurts like stretching an atrophied muscle, it hurts like grief unfelt and pushed down, but eventually you grow around that and you can bear your weight on your legs again, you can grow, strengthen, reduce the pain.
I’ve been in a fair level of therapy and PT and they’re alike in some ways. You gotta put in the work outside of meeting the therapist, it’s gonna hurt at first, it’s gonna feel wrong the first time you stretch that muscle or confront that feeling, but in the end it can give you relief. Little by little, hard day by hard day, every time you practice your exercises, slowly, you get stronger.
I finally watched this video mostly because the thumbnail scared me and I wanted it to stop appearing as a recommended video. I did not expect to be confronted with my own avoidance of negative feelings and a reminder that to live means to feel all of those things. great video. love the channel and looking forward to what you do next!
Love your insights, and your honesty. Happy to wait for your content when or if you want to upload. For whatever reason. Enjoy the good moments while they last. A lesson for all of us.
I have been a contortionist at a haunted house for a few years now and i’m always so interested in why it freaks people out so so much. To me it’s literally just how my body moves lmao
Not a contortionist but double-jointed on my right hand (I can dislocate my middle finger and have very skinny hands so you can see the bone and muscle pop) and I never understood why it horrified people so much, probably because I'm just used to seeing it and have control over when and how I do it.
I guess that's why certain aspects of body horror scare people so much. A lack of control over their body. And it works the other way around, you're a contortionist - the ultimate level of bodily control, being able to warp it in ways regular folks can't, making them doubt their own bodies and maybe triggering the uncanny valley effect.
Holy cannoli. I don’t know what I expected when I clicked on this. I’ve been watching videos on Batman villains, and the recommended feed has been getting darker and more disturbing, so I initially thought this was just one of those. The initial question hooked me (great way to start a video!), mention of Troy James who I knew some about got me listening, and clowns? Well, color me intrigued. But the talk about fear and repression and rage… It helped a lot. I needed this. Thank you.
As soon as I saw your face and heard you talk I went, “hold on…” as there was something really familiar. Shortly thereafter, when you said “why bother… I’ve tried that, if I don’t I might die,” I realized why you seemed so familiar, you’re just like this guy that’s stuck in my mirror. This was a fantastic essay, thank you for all your hard work.
always glad to hear anyone else talk aboug Channel Zero, didn't get the love it deserved. I too adored No End House the best, but all the seasons had something to offer worth watching, like you point out here in one of th elesser seasons, great stuff!
As someone who's been struggling with depression since high school, this was profoundly meaningful in a way that cut right to the bone and explained my sensitivities to the world in such a way that it made my brain feel like it was shattered and then reassembled into something more than the sum of its parts. I'm going to be coming back to this video again every time I need a reminder of what it feels like to be at once vulnerable and impenetrable.
Absolutely fantastic analysis and exploration!
Cat Meows at 7:19!
She was mad because I locked her in the bedroom for filming 😁 thanks for the kind words, it makes me happy that my stuff resonates with you. I think the world would be a much better place if we all had to confront wherever it is that our particular, individual meannesses come from. Gotta hug that clown 🤡❤️
the depression part hit a bit to close to home, nice video Morbid.
You are amazing
I love your analysis of these stuff and your way of looking deeper than what meets the eye of seeing things most people lack. The articulate ways in which you encompass all this with your own views is spectacular. You are amazing.
I have seen all your videos and I am pretty sure I would love you of I met you * that's weirdly true.
I wish you greatest of health and successes💜💜💜💜
Thank you!! 🥺🥺
I love that not only do you dive deep into a subject and talk about it's effects and motives, but also about how to get over it, and get better. I also love that this is what the show did more subtly, but halfway through the video psych major brain popped into action and said "yeah, that's a nice explanation, makes sense, now are you going to tell the people who feel it how to work it out?" cuz a lot of times videos that analyze these topics don't really close the knot. So I really liked that you did. A lot of emotional experience that had led to psychological knowledge. Beautiful.
I LOVE this and was not expecting such a deep dive on such a seemingly silly character and story! I'm sticking around for sure, can't wait to see more!
i really NEEDED this video. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
❤❤🩹
Depression: blackout curtains, all lights stay off 24/7, 🌞 sun needs to die and 🌝 moon needs to stay out forever, zero energy level and refuse to roll out of bed (crap gotta pee which means gotta get out of bed), stomach growls with hunger (inner thought towards stomach "shut up I'll feed you tomorrow").
I've suffered through depression my whole life, not medicated because the side effects made me suicidal, and it's not an easy illness to live with. My motivation is my pets; they need me to take care of them, they need me to be happy, and they're great at making me laugh and staying happy and really helping me stay away from depression. Tippy 🐶 senses my on coming depression before it starts and he tickles me making me 😂 and feeling a whole lot better. Klondike 😺 is a big bear hug 🫂 and he doesn't let go.
I recently had a deep realization about my identity and who i am, which was extremely liberating and amazingly helpful, but then came exactly what you talked about. Fear, fear of change, fear that i wouldn't change, fear that i couldn't change, fear that i didn't deserve anything i had or that i would lose it immediately, fear that i didn't actually realize anything and i was just as lost as i was before. I sometimes think about not existing, about running from my problems, because everything is just too much, but life is worth it *because* everything is too much. I watched this video after having a really emotionally strong and taxxing talk with my mom, which was a really uncanny coincidence, kind of magical really. Thank you.
"story's are lies we tell to find a truth deeper than fact" fuck, ive had simular thoughts but never the words to convey them. thanks
This video made me realize that part of the reason I like clowns is because they are a known transgressor of social norms. As someone who really can't read a room and has to memorize the invisible ways people are meant to act that are apparently so obvious to everyone else, clowns are a quantifiable and known label for a person who is allowed to break the rules. I don't find them disturbing because their awkwardness and jokes about the way people are "meant to act" are just saying out loud the ridiculousness of social norms that I already struggle with. This video partially made me analyze why I find second-hand embarrassment so hard to watch: it's one of my biggest fears of being found out, in some way.
Also like how you point out that building up an emotion can be a huge conscious process. So tired of people talking about "powering through." It's unrealistic. It's like expecting someone who hasn't gotten off the couch in a year to run a marathon with no prep. Willpower is a muscle.
I'm rambling. I found your channel today and binged a bunch of videos. Only commented because it supposedly helps the algorithm I guess.
I saw there was no place to comment om your latest video so I am commenting here where you open up about yourself too. Your videos are a source of comfort for me. I really hope you're doing well. Looking forward for more.
Thanks for talking about depression in a nuanced way like that. I am in a very similar situation now, and it's destabilizing to feel the full impact of life every day.
You really just made me tear up with the "the clown is all there is line" didn't you? What the f$$k.
Just discovered this channel and I'm loving it. Have you considered reviewing/discussing any of the Masters of Horror episodes? I used to really enjoy them and it's definitely a topic I've never seen discussed on youtube. Mileage may vary on some of them though. The fact that they have a different famous horror writer for each episode means some will stand out and some will stink.
Great work thus far! Really enjoying the videos.
Seeing contortionists in horror movies is the same vibes for me as seeing impressive parkour, stunts, or even well choreographed dance and fight sequences. I am intrigued and amazed! Also why I loved Malignant! 😂 they went from impressive contortionist to impressive contortionist doing parkour to impressive contortionist becoming a ninja and sniping people with an accurate chair toss. Lmao 10/10 indulgent film making
that bit about depression.. "the world is too much, and the only way you remember how to deal with it is by running away. Choosing not to do that is really, really hard."
damn.. that really hit my heart.
Thank you.
I want more pretzel jack... He was violent sure but he was also funny and childlike and also could be soft with hugs. I want one now for the childlike fun.
Every time I see that bendy backwards walking on horror movies, it puts me off. Because I've seen the trope so many times it actually doesn't scare me or disturb me anymore.
Holy shit. What an incredible video. This was touching on another level. Thank you.
I've been trying to find a channel zero video essay all year, so glad I finally came across this one
God I fucking love this channel.
There's great analysis here, very thoughtful and as a huge lover of monsters I love this kind of intelligent academic look at these horrors. But that you put that kind of vulnerability and sincerity in a relevant context to said analysis makes it to some extent moving. We all have a possibility to put out bad shit into the world, and I know I have. But I hope you know that this content you're putting out is really really good shit
best film channel
@@noahwen-li Big thanks, this is the kind of comment that gets me through the week. It's the highest compliment to have someone respond to something you made :)
Channel Zero seasons ranked.
4. Candle Cove (season 1) 2016
3. Butcher's Block (season 3) 2018
2. The Dream Door (season 4) 2018
1. No End House (season 2) 2017
A lot of what you say here reminds of newer forms of psychotherapy, so-called 'experiential' models like AEDP and IFS. I've had other kinds of therapy, but these, without even a therapist to help me until recently, I've found by far the most helpful and relieving. Tori Olds has a lot of good videos on these here on UA-cam, but for AEDP, I found Hilary Jacobs Hendel's book, 'It's Not Always Depression' even more helpful. That's to say, while it wasn't the end of anxiety for me, it was absolutely the end of me going 'round and 'round endlessly tormenting myself with it.
By the way, I'm absolutely not trying to catch you out, but it's interesting that you essentially deride anger here, given how angry a lot of your content is. One of the main reasons I don't mean that as a gotcha is, I'm not sure anger is always as problematic as you seem to be saying - or just a mask for fear. One of my better therapists, when I used to tell her I thought I was primarily suffering from fear, would habitually retort, 'I think you're very angry indeed.' It was a puzzle I never fully cracked, but a key immediate effect was to discover in anger/aggression, a greater strength than I felt I had if I was just scared. I've certainly had moments in therapy where I break through to a full understanding of some injustice against myself with which I've essentially colluded and feel an anger that has the force of truth and liberation.
You say anger is a child's simplistic strategy for dealing with complex difficulty, and while that's absolutely true in many cases (and I've found IFS a wonderful address to that aspect of it), various forms of therapy have long understood that children are often overly scared of their anger/negative feelings, as if they might result in far more serious harm to those around them than the child is really capable of. This is seen as the beginning of aggression EDIT, no, I mean 'anxiety'*: feelings that are about external factors and therefore might be directed towards engagement, get turned inwards and become the hermetic, self-involved mental activity of anxiety, obsessional thinking and self-punishment - feelings that are often strongly bound up with fear. What I found so helpful in Hendel's book was the idea that, once you realise you're stuck in this kind of self-torture, you can ask yourself if you're willing to look beyond it, to the deeper feelings it might be blocking. 'Experientially' you start with physical feelings rather than rushing to name the feeling, and you deploy 'titration,' opening yourself up to only as much of the feeling as you can cope with, always reassuring yourself you can pull back if it gets too much.
*A slip I actually made twice here, rather revealingly, I"d say.
these are some of the best video essays ive ever heard
I've been watching your videos out of order and man, you really do have clown tangents. The idea of the clown is very deep and interesting
You hit the nail on the head..to think of the characters as representing ppl like this in society and a piecemof oipurselves, especially those of us who are feeling they can relate to a character bc they have gone through or feel this way or have experienced the same..Its the deeper meaning that made it good! And she has to learn how to control pretzel jack like when she gets upset he gets murderous So the other guy who taught her about all of this (and the plot twist on that is crazy about who he is) He said you have to control him if you are calm he is calm and it's a deeper message of when our inner monsters that we create we control that outcome of what we create in that deeper meaning and message.. It's like manifestation what you put out is does not just affect you and on a larger scale could be dangerous.. It says how powerful our thoughts are and how we don't realize or believe or think that they are.. And it's almost like a literal sense of what if our thoughts were able to come to life and they were monsters..
You explain things perfect..What you sid
This video, and most others, are sooo good! its a wonder to me you dont have a bigger audience
Thanks so much! No worries, the algorithm gods are starting to bestow their blessings :)
I love anger. My experience has been one where anger is not allowed. If i expess anger i am punished for it. So obviously it bottles up and then.... Well... Anger has a place in the world. How is the beat way to express it? No clue. We are gonna fight about it till the end of time probably. So be it. Maybe this is off topic but thats whats coming up for me watching this
I am obsessed with the trickster archetype 🦔🇿🇦
Like yes, walking and moving like that is scary, but I'm more scared of you not blinking tbh
Appreciate the honesty ❤
For someone currently seeing that depression spectrum again, the phrase "confront the clown within" really resonates after watching this video. Love it.
I keep thinking that."I think I broke my brain." Is what I think to my self sometimes.
I was honestly on the Fence about watching Channel Zero, Especially past Candle Cove since the other seasons are Stories I’m unfamiliar with, but your video has convinced me to check it out. I was a Huge Creepypasta fan in Highschool and have recently been on a bit of a Creepypasta nostalgia kick as of late, and Honestly this looks Great! Leaps and bounds better than that Slenderman movie that looked promising in the teaser trailer but apparently had to make a lot of last minute cuts, changes and reshoots due to the plot Unfortunately and Coincidentally mirrored an actual tragedy that happened before the movie was released. But hey, this gives me hope that a good Creepypasta adaptation is possible. I mean Yeah it’s unlikely we’ll be seeing Adaptations of stuff like Ben Drowned, Sonic.exe or Abandoned By Disney without EXTREME reworking for Copyright reasons, but Here’s hoping someone with some serious talent gets ahold of Laughing Jack, Mr Widemouth or Jeff the Killer.
Watch it, it’s so good! A huge missed opportunity, channel zero could have gone on for years and years, a better American horror story
@@themorbidzoo high Praise. Yet i can believe it. I watched a couple seasons (Asylum and Freak Show) of AHS last October because my girlfriend (I know I say it a lot but honestly it’s partly because Honestly I can’t believe she’s real either) really wanted me to see it because she likes it so much. Honestly I found it good but also all over the place to the point where I couldn’t tell what was the main plot and what were subplots.
But this year we agreed to Watch Chanel Zero so I’m really looking forward to to her reaction. XD
Everyone can feel the nothingness, the void, just beneath the surface of everyday routines and securities.” - John Zerzan
Loved your video, especially your candid discussion on depression which you expressed with an authenticity Ive never previously encountered on the subject that I felt mirrored my own experience...thank you. Ive subscribed and will now proceed to watch your entire catalog, haha.
Your channel will blow up the same way Contra Point's channel did. Keep it up!