To speak with me and many other like-minded people, join us on patreon.com/notdefining. For 1:1 coaching with me you can book an appointment at www.notdefining.com. To support my work and get priority replies to comments and more, click the JOIN button.
I really like the idea of observing your feelings when you go on Grindr, to understand what it is that drives you to go on there again and again apart from the obvious, what underlies that behaviour
Hey thanks for saying this out loud. Yes it is an addiction totally. That’s why we have to treat it like any other addiction. Heal the root trauma. Sending so much love to you 🩷🩷🩷
i've been so much time into therapy trying to deal with this addiction behavior, it's the first time i see someone outside of the therapy room talking in such a supportive way about this situation that is pushed into most gay men. thank you for the video
Wow thank you so much for explaining that last bit about intending/committing to feeling those feelings. I need to understand how something works to actually try it out - a reason to believe it could work. I have intense cravings for connection and intimacy that have never been met in a healthy manner. I have a fair bit of jealousy for people attracted to the opposite gender, and it's hard to avoid falling into hopelessness.
Grindr has put me in such a terrible place that I'm very seriously afraid that it's causing me to experience a rollercoaster of emotions, always ending in severe shame, depression, low to no confidence and extremely self conscious that it's really just way beyond the threshold for what I can handle emotionally and that this thin rope is going to snap and I honestly don't know what is going to happen at that point but I know it's very serious ..... ;(
Delete your account, Grindr is a super toxic environment. 1% of the time you find good things there, the rest it's just a waste of time and not good at all for us.
I think it’s fascinating that the Grindr layout of easy access is not like straight people’s apps. Heterosexual apps require mutual connection and swiping. Also :Love/lust , Connection, Intimacy
Meet up is a good website to find groups where you’re doing an activity so you can meet people more casually. Also Feeld is a good app for more alternative meets. Tindr I find good but slightly less hook-up-y. Also you could go to a sauna for physical connections, without alcohol or even a tantra event. There are even tantra festivals. A lot of younger people aren’t drinking now and there’s more recognition of sobriety. So maybe also working on your confidence in setting boundaries and not drinking while still having fun at a bar. Where are the spaces you really love without having to get drunk? What music do you like? What environment really makes you feel nice? Focus on finding that and you won’t need alcohol. Hope this is somewhat helpful. You’re doing so great. Sending love.
Did you know that it's been my life-long dream to be best and such very good friends with as many pansexual guys as possible? Do you think you'll be able to help me find more pansexual males that I can be best friends with?
Grindr= el perfecto compañero para arruinar tu vida. Ni hablar de la terrible conexión que tiene con otras adicciones que tristemente nacen ahí, en esa app, conociendo gente que está aún peor de vacía.
I need an advice or suggestion people.. Please help!!! I've been going out from months with a guy and then one day when we talked about moving ahead with our relationship he told me he's bisexual and Im a straight women but I understood and we talked maturely.. In the end we even started laughing but now the problem is he told me he can get an erection with boys but he's not able to perform with girls but he wants to be with me in a monogamous relationship.. I don't understand the concept of bi fully hence can't decide what to do Help anyone??? What if he'd never get attracted to me in a sexual way or what if his interest in boys will increase with time.. I just don't know what to do. Ive an amazing bond with him.. We have never hugged or kissed yet. Should I ask him if he feel like doing those things with me or not?
Maybe he's more on the asexual spectrum? This is something you should be talking to him directly. I don't think the problem here is in being bi, which is not a problem at all. The problem is more like maybe he isn't into cuddling or sex in general. For some people this is also not a problem, but if it is for you then you have to talk to him and tell him how you feel...
He has already told you that he cannot get an erection with girls. And never will. You seem like really good friends and you should continue that friendship but that is as far as the relationship goes. Your sexual needs will never be met by him. You should find someone else who will. 😊
To speak with me and many other like-minded people, join us on patreon.com/notdefining.
For 1:1 coaching with me you can book an appointment at www.notdefining.com.
To support my work and get priority replies to comments and more, click the JOIN button.
Never thought how much of an impact this video would create on me. thank you from the bottom of my heart
Hey thank you for saying. I’m so glad it was helpful. These things can be really tough. You deserve to feel confident and good in yourself.
I really like the idea of observing your feelings when you go on Grindr, to understand what it is that drives you to go on there again and again apart from the obvious, what underlies that behaviour
I gotta see this. As someone who used Grindr as a tool to not be in a constant trauma space. It was my addiction.
Hey thanks for saying this out loud. Yes it is an addiction totally. That’s why we have to treat it like any other addiction. Heal the root trauma. Sending so much love to you 🩷🩷🩷
i've been so much time into therapy trying to deal with this addiction behavior, it's the first time i see someone outside of the therapy room talking in such a supportive way about this situation that is pushed into most gay men. thank you for the video
it served to fill an emptiness, grindr gone 7 years, the emptiness remains.
Thank you for sharing these words. You never deserved to feel empty. You deserve to feel so full.
Aww man get close to God, Jesus, find and know yourself and have good great family friends around you
Wow thank you so much for explaining that last bit about intending/committing to feeling those feelings. I need to understand how something works to actually try it out - a reason to believe it could work. I have intense cravings for connection and intimacy that have never been met in a healthy manner. I have a fair bit of jealousy for people attracted to the opposite gender, and it's hard to avoid falling into hopelessness.
True
This was another great video! ❤️👏🏼
So glad you liked it. Thanks so much. If you can ever share any of my content I’m always so grateful. Big love n
I read the thumbnail too fast and read Gender instead of Grindr
Ha! I love this. That would make a great video actually. I’d love to quit gender! I kind of did…..as a nonbinary person lol.
I have left grindr 7 years ago but the loneliness remains.
Grindr has put me in such a terrible place that I'm very seriously afraid that it's causing me to experience a rollercoaster of emotions, always ending in severe shame, depression, low to no confidence and extremely self conscious that it's really just way beyond the threshold for what I can handle emotionally and that this thin rope is going to snap and I honestly don't know what is going to happen at that point but I know it's very serious ..... ;(
delete your entire profile. You must.
Delete your account, Grindr is a super toxic environment. 1% of the time you find good things there, the rest it's just a waste of time and not good at all for us.
I’m going to try this method, thank you
Hey you’re so welcome. Best of luck. I know it can be hard.
I think it’s fascinating that the Grindr layout of easy access is not like straight people’s apps. Heterosexual apps require mutual connection and swiping.
Also :Love/lust , Connection, Intimacy
Intentionality is a great exercise. You have to be proactive to be a natural.
I’m gonna try this thank you.
Hey you’re so welcome. I hope it helps.
5:42 🎵 I FEEL THE RUSH addicted to your touch…screen 🎵
I don't what to use it but it's so easy to meet for sex. I don't drink (newly sober) so the bar isn't for me. Any suggestions?
Meet up is a good website to find groups where you’re doing an activity so you can meet people more casually. Also Feeld is a good app for more alternative meets. Tindr I find good but slightly less hook-up-y. Also you could go to a sauna for physical connections, without alcohol or even a tantra event. There are even tantra festivals. A lot of younger people aren’t drinking now and there’s more recognition of sobriety. So maybe also working on your confidence in setting boundaries and not drinking while still having fun at a bar. Where are the spaces you really love without having to get drunk? What music do you like? What environment really makes you feel nice? Focus on finding that and you won’t need alcohol. Hope this is somewhat helpful. You’re doing so great. Sending love.
Thank you
You're welcome
Did you know that it's been my life-long dream to be best and such very good friends with as many pansexual guys as possible? Do you think you'll be able to help me find more pansexual males that I can be best friends with?
Boredom, loneliness, distraction from stress
Well said
Grindr= el perfecto compañero para arruinar tu vida.
Ni hablar de la terrible conexión que tiene con otras adicciones que tristemente nacen ahí, en esa app, conociendo gente que está aún peor de vacía.
You cannot escape Grindr. I’m not on it anymore but it does provide great jokes to amuse people with.
I need an advice or suggestion people.. Please help!!!
I've been going out from months with a guy and then one day when we talked about moving ahead with our relationship he told me he's bisexual and Im a straight women but I understood and we talked maturely.. In the end we even started laughing but now the problem is he told me he can get an erection with boys but he's not able to perform with girls but he wants to be with me in a monogamous relationship.. I don't understand the concept of bi fully hence can't decide what to do
Help anyone???
What if he'd never get attracted to me in a sexual way or what if his interest in boys will increase with time.. I just don't know what to do.
Ive an amazing bond with him.. We have never hugged or kissed yet. Should I ask him if he feel like doing those things with me or not?
Maybe he's more on the asexual spectrum? This is something you should be talking to him directly. I don't think the problem here is in being bi, which is not a problem at all. The problem is more like maybe he isn't into cuddling or sex in general. For some people this is also not a problem, but if it is for you then you have to talk to him and tell him how you feel...
doesn't sound that will ever be satisfying.
He has already told you that he cannot get an erection with girls. And never will. You seem like really good friends and you should continue that friendship but that is as far as the relationship goes. Your sexual needs will never be met by him. You should find someone else who will. 😊
100%
Sea of Lust