I just found your channel and I'm seriously considering going to Al-Anon meetings. Hearing your story is confirming for me that I should. My dad is an alcoholic and an addict and though I thought I had moved on from the pain, the codependency effects me negatively everyday. I'd like to be able to say I'm a work in progress someday soon! Thank you for sharing your story!
I lose my mom a few months ago. She passed away after a week-long booze. I’m also 26 years old and understand each your word. It resonates also because 2-3 years ago I found myself struggling from problems at work and after numerous tries to safe my mom and finally understood that I need to go to psychologist. It took 2 years to leave the situation but my aunt (mother sister) was co-dependent and look after mother during the episodes of heavy drinking. So my mother had never been responsible for her life and, to be sincere, she had no chance to be responsible. The process of grief and losing my mom for me, my sister and aunt now looks for me as giving a birth to a child. I mean that during the life with alcoholic you understand that this person can pass away in each moment of your life. It’s not a surprise. And whenever I was with mom was for me the process of parting - so heartbreaking. In her last years she unexpectedly lose weight, she had been changing both physically and mentally. Anyone in the family saw these changes. But you can not prepare yourself for it. And I decided not to play in my mother’s game that everything is ok and was not involved in her boozes any more. Now I have another life without these troubles but also without my mom. I appreciate that you found courage to speak about your experience and give your mom a chance to be responsible for her life. You are so strong! As we are - children of alcoholics
Thank You Thank You for your courage in sharing this story and experiences. It is SO familiar and relatable... suddenly I feel like someone else can understand.
My young life was a disaster and ruined by my alcoholic father. The funny thing is he lives in his denial and thinks that he did a real bang up job of being a good father. At his very best, I give him a D - as a father. He was really an abusive monster. Strangely as I have gotten older, I have come to strongly resent my Mother as she was the only person that was in a position to have done anything about the abuse suffered at his hands and she chose to stay in the relationship, even after she caught him cheating on her. She was truly a coward. When I asked her why she didn't leave him she said that she didn't want to not own a home. She retired at 65 and had a massive stroke from the alcoholic lifestyle she came to embrace. My father is her primary care giver and as in everything he does in his life, he does the bare minimum. She rarely leaveS the house. The house that was some important to her has now become her prison with my Dad in total control of her situation.
Thanks for sharing your story. Like you, it took me years to realize that my father was extremely co-dependent on my mother and that he had enabled her for decades. I've heard from many other adult children of alcoholics that they have resentment toward the enabling parent. My dad passed away from a heart attack at 63. If not for the stress and chaos that we lived in for decades, I'm sure he'd be alive today. He was as ill as my mother. A while back, I let go of my resentment to both of them, as I realized they were ill. While I wish they would have both gotten help, I realize they didn't know how to save themselves (and my sister and me). Best wishes to you as you focus on taking good care of yourself!
wow, im in the same boat. im an adult that is also a work in progress. i feel badly, because i know what you're going through. i wish that you hadn't of had to go threw such a hard and trying life. it's not fair. you are helping a lot of people with your story and insight. i hope in your heart you know, that you are a blessing to this world.
Thanks for having the courage to share your story. It is painful to grow up with an alcoholic parent, seems like so many emotions and so many negative experiences - abandonment, neglect, violence, codependency and on and on. You are a strong lady to take on the care of your sister, what a loving thing to do.
Tha knyou for this video. I’m sitting here trying to calm myself down after picking my mother up from rehab and not even an hour after getting home she’s drunk already. This has been going on as far back as I can remember. So many things your saying here resonate with me so much. It’s had such an impact on my life in a negative way including damaging myself as well with an addiction for years until coming out the other side and realizing how I ended up the way I am. That fear you speak of when she drank is such a big thing in my life. I fear her harming herself is she’s alone and I know there’s nothing I can do so just watching your video is externally calming to hear and not feel alone.
Great story Jody and very well executed! I know stories like this aren't always easy to share but thank God there are people like you willing to do so. This is very helpful to many people dealing with similar situations and knowing they aren't alone. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks, Keith! I appreciate the encouragement. It IS hard to talk about but I feel I must do my part since so many other people have inspired me with their stories.
Thank you for being so open about your story Jody, I'm just reading up about the effects of alcoholism on adult life of children of alcoholics, like me. I'm surprised it's only now that I started educating myself about it - after years of reading various psychology books. Perhaps I was in denial of some sort. I agree with you - the most important responsibility I have in my life is loving myself, understanding and acknowledging my own needs, caring about myself and being on my own side. Only after that would I have a full capacity to express love to other people, whom in fact I love so much. Thank you and I hope things get better and more inspiring with every new day for you.
Thank you for sharing this. I can relate on several things that you mentioned about you're mom and her alcoholism, with my mom. It's been a hard journey with my mom and her alcoholism, and also there has been a history of her saying not nice things to my boyfriend of 4 years. I am 19 years old, and I recently moved into my own apartment with my boyfriend and I have felt a lot calmer and not like I am "walking on eggshells," where I felt like I was when living with my mom. It breaks my heart that my dad, brother and sister have to be around her when she is drunk and anyone else for that matter. When she drinks, to me it seems like, she says whatever stuff she has been bottling up inside of her during the day and or starts arguments with people/ starts drama, which doesn't make people feel comfortable around her usually. I haven't really noticed that she has alcoholism until recently, but I've known for a while that she drinks a lot and gets drunk. When I was young she used to ask me to care for her, by bringing her a bowl if she needed to puke or an ice pack/ or a wet cloth, while she would be in bed and she would say how she, "wasn't feeling well," when really it was her not feeling well from consuming too much alcohol. I realized this not until recently, and how long her drinking issues have been going on. I can only hope that one day she will listen to what either my dad or myself have told her many times to do which is to talk to a psychiatrist. I have to remind myself that its up to her to change herself, its sad and it makes me angry when she acts mean and manipulative to not just me but others in my family and close friends.
Hi :) your story is so relatable. My mum has a similar issue. I live with her, my dad and brother. My dad and younger brother tend to withdraw when sh gets drunk, whereas I would get very frustrated and argue with her. Last night she got wasted (like she usually does during holidays) and I was at work all day, when I came home I just avoided her. But then I was awoken a few hours later to her clumsily loud conversation she was having on the phone. I went downstairs to get some water. She said "I'll admit I'm drunk" I just said "u woke me up" then she started telling my dad that I was a rude child and was out of order. I lost it and shouted "fuck u!" And started crying. So now she's really mad at me and won't speak to me :( I'm so frustrated because I know she needs help, but at the same time I was wrong for disrespecting her. :( these constant conflicts really mess with my head
I'm so sorry that your mother's drinking affects you and your family. It's always particularly hurtful around the holidays. It STILL amazes me how similar the stories are for kids of alcoholics. It's totally normal to feel angry and confused by your mother's drinking. After years of arguing with my mother when she was drunk, I finally learned that zero good came from those conversations. As hard as it was, I forced myself to walk away and go in my room when she was drinking. I only spoke with her when she was sober. I really, really wish I had started going to Alateen or Al-Anon meetings when I was younger. Consider that if you haven't yet. Does your father know how much your mother's drinking worries/upsets/angers you? Take good care of yourself!
I am doing very well by God's grace and healing. That is the only reason. I can point up. There is a Scripture in The Bible that says "When my mother and father forsake me, then God will pick me up" also :He puts the lonely in families" He has done this for me. I still do have my moments and my guess is, I always will. I am 55 now and it never is easy, but healing is possible. It is hideous what happens to the kids of alcoholics. Even into adulthood.
My sister and I have had lonely childhoods, even though we had each other. We worked so hard to protect each other, and ourselves i suppose, from the reality. I'm praying for the generations of children of alcoholic parents... I wouldn't wish this lifestyle onto anyone.
I really appreciate you sharing this here. This is extreme courageous and helpful. I really can relate to a lot of this, but maybe some different issues at play in some of this (since both parents were alcoholics). Again, I thank you. This really has encouraged me greatly.
Thank you! We all seem to have the same story, don't we? There's comfort is knowing we are so far from being alone in our experiences and our pain. All the best to you on your journey, as well.
Oh, please reach out for help. If you do not feel safe, please call this trusted organization and a professional counselor will help you. ChildHelp USA Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453 “ChildHelp USA is dedicated to the prevention of child abuse. Serving the United States, its territories, and Canada, the Hotline is staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with professional crisis counselors who, through interpreters, can provide assistance in 170 languages. The Hotline offers crisis intervention, information, literature, and referrals to thousands of emergency, social service, and support resources. All calls are anonymous and confidential.” - From ChildHelp USA Others: Boys Town National Hotline: 1-800-448-3000 Boys Town has helped save children at risk for or who experienced physical and emotional abuse and healed families on the brink of collapse. Boys Town programs touch the lives of over two million people.
I am so thankful that I found your channel.
I'm so glad to know that.
So relatable. So sad. I'm sorry this was your experience but am so glad you've broken away from enabling and her toxicity.
Thank you.
I just found your channel and I'm seriously considering going to Al-Anon meetings. Hearing your story is confirming for me that I should. My dad is an alcoholic and an addict and though I thought I had moved on from the pain, the codependency effects me negatively everyday. I'd like to be able to say I'm a work in progress someday soon! Thank you for sharing your story!
I lose my mom a few months ago. She passed away after a week-long booze. I’m also 26 years old and understand each your word. It resonates also because 2-3 years ago I found myself struggling from problems at work and after numerous tries to safe my mom and finally understood that I need to go to psychologist. It took 2 years to leave the situation but my aunt (mother sister) was co-dependent and look after mother during the episodes of heavy drinking. So my mother had never been responsible for her life and, to be sincere, she had no chance to be responsible.
The process of grief and losing my mom for me, my sister and aunt now looks for me as giving a birth to a child. I mean that during the life with alcoholic you understand that this person can pass away in each moment of your life. It’s not a surprise. And whenever I was with mom was for me the process of parting - so heartbreaking. In her last years she unexpectedly lose weight, she had been changing both physically and mentally. Anyone in the family saw these changes.
But you can not prepare yourself for it. And I decided not to play in my mother’s game that everything is ok and was not involved in her boozes any more. Now I have another life without these troubles but also without my mom.
I appreciate that you found courage to speak about your experience and give your mom a chance to be responsible for her life. You are so strong! As we are - children of alcoholics
Thank You Thank You for your courage in sharing this story and experiences. It is SO familiar and relatable... suddenly I feel like someone else can understand.
Thank you, Gary. There are millions of us with a variation of the same story.
@@JodyLamb It's hard to survive with an alcoholic mother.. alcoholic father is common anywhere.. but an alcoholic mother i cannot Express this
My young life was a disaster and ruined by my alcoholic father. The funny thing is he lives in his denial and thinks that he did a real bang up job of being a good father. At his very best, I give him a D - as a father. He was really an abusive monster. Strangely as I have gotten older, I have come to strongly resent my Mother as she was the only person that was in a position to have done anything about the abuse suffered at his hands and she chose to stay in the relationship, even after she caught him cheating on her. She was truly a coward. When I asked her why she didn't leave him she said that she didn't want to not own a home. She retired at 65 and had a massive stroke from the alcoholic lifestyle she came to embrace. My father is her primary care giver and as in everything he does in his life, he does the bare minimum. She rarely leaveS the house. The house that was some important to her has now become her prison with my Dad in total control of her situation.
Thanks for sharing your story. Like you, it took me years to realize that my father was extremely co-dependent on my mother and that he had enabled her for decades. I've heard from many other adult children of alcoholics that they have resentment toward the enabling parent. My dad passed away from a heart attack at 63. If not for the stress and chaos that we lived in for decades, I'm sure he'd be alive today. He was as ill as my mother. A while back, I let go of my resentment to both of them, as I realized they were ill. While I wish they would have both gotten help, I realize they didn't know how to save themselves (and my sister and me). Best wishes to you as you focus on taking good care of yourself!
wow, im in the same boat. im an adult that is also a work in progress. i feel badly, because i know what you're going through. i wish that you hadn't of had to go threw such a hard and trying life. it's not fair. you are helping a lot of people with your story and insight. i hope in your heart you know, that you are a blessing to this world.
Thank you. Best wishes to you in your work-in-progress journey.
Thanks for having the courage to share your story. It is painful to grow up with an alcoholic parent, seems like so many emotions and so many negative experiences - abandonment, neglect, violence, codependency and on and on. You are a strong lady to take on the care of your sister, what a loving thing to do.
Thank you for sharing your story
I'm so glad! You are definitely not alone.
Tha knyou for this video. I’m sitting here trying to calm myself down after picking my mother up from rehab and not even an hour after getting home she’s drunk already. This has been going on as far back as I can remember. So many things your saying here resonate with me so much. It’s had such an impact on my life in a negative way including damaging myself as well with an addiction for years until coming out the other side and realizing how I ended up the way I am. That fear you speak of when she drank is such a big thing in my life. I fear her harming herself is she’s alone and I know there’s nothing I can do so just watching your video is externally calming to hear and not feel alone.
Great story Jody and very well executed! I know stories like this aren't always easy to share but thank God there are people like you willing to do so. This is very helpful to many people dealing with similar situations and knowing they aren't alone. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks, Keith! I appreciate the encouragement. It IS hard to talk about but I feel I must do my part since so many other people have inspired me with their stories.
Thank you for being so open about your story Jody, I'm just reading up about the effects of alcoholism on adult life of children of alcoholics, like me. I'm surprised it's only now that I started educating myself about it - after years of reading various psychology books. Perhaps I was in denial of some sort. I agree with you - the most important responsibility I have in my life is loving myself, understanding and acknowledging my own needs, caring about myself and being on my own side. Only after that would I have a full capacity to express love to other people, whom in fact I love so much. Thank you and I hope things get better and more inspiring with every new day for you.
Thanks so much. Glad that you're reading the ACOA books. It's really amazing what we can learn. Glad you're well today and ever learning!
Thank you for sharing this.
I can relate on several things that you mentioned about you're mom and her alcoholism, with my mom. It's been a hard journey with my mom and her alcoholism, and also there has been a history of her saying not nice things to my boyfriend of 4 years. I am 19 years old, and I recently moved into my own apartment with my boyfriend and I have felt a lot calmer and not like I am "walking on eggshells," where I felt like I was when living with my mom. It breaks my heart that my dad, brother and sister have to be around her when she is drunk and anyone else for that matter. When she drinks, to me it seems like, she says whatever stuff she has been bottling up inside of her during the day and or starts arguments with people/ starts drama, which doesn't make people feel comfortable around her usually. I haven't really noticed that she has alcoholism until recently, but I've known for a while that she drinks a lot and gets drunk. When I was young she used to ask me to care for her, by bringing her a bowl if she needed to puke or an ice pack/ or a wet cloth, while she would be in bed and she would say how she, "wasn't feeling well," when really it was her not feeling well from consuming too much alcohol. I realized this not until recently, and how long her drinking issues have been going on. I can only hope that one day she will listen to what either my dad or myself have told her many times to do which is to talk to a psychiatrist.
I have to remind myself that its up to her to change herself, its sad and it makes me angry when she acts mean and manipulative to not just me but others in my family and close friends.
Hi :) your story is so relatable. My mum has a similar issue. I live with her, my dad and brother. My dad and younger brother tend to withdraw when sh gets drunk, whereas I would get very frustrated and argue with her. Last night she got wasted (like she usually does during holidays) and I was at work all day, when I came home I just avoided her. But then I was awoken a few hours later to her clumsily loud conversation she was having on the phone. I went downstairs to get some water. She said "I'll admit I'm drunk" I just said "u woke me up" then she started telling my dad that I was a rude child and was out of order. I lost it and shouted "fuck u!" And started crying. So now she's really mad at me and won't speak to me :( I'm so frustrated because I know she needs help, but at the same time I was wrong for disrespecting her. :( these constant conflicts really mess with my head
I'm so sorry that your mother's drinking affects you and your family. It's always particularly hurtful around the holidays. It STILL amazes me how similar the stories are for kids of alcoholics. It's totally normal to feel angry and confused by your mother's drinking. After years of arguing with my mother when she was drunk, I finally learned that zero good came from those conversations. As hard as it was, I forced myself to walk away and go in my room when she was drinking. I only spoke with her when she was sober. I really, really wish I had started going to Alateen or Al-Anon meetings when I was younger. Consider that if you haven't yet. Does your father know how much your mother's drinking worries/upsets/angers you? Take good care of yourself!
You bring me hope. Thank you
Our story's have so much in common. I was the co-dependent that stayed way past the age of 30 also. Waiting for the healing or being enough.
I'm sorry that you also had this experience. I hope you are doing better today. It's definitely a lifelong effort to reprogram the brain, isn't it?
I am doing very well by God's grace and healing. That is the only reason. I can point up. There is a Scripture in The Bible that says "When my mother and father forsake me, then God will pick me up" also :He puts the lonely in families" He has done this for me. I still do have my moments and my guess is, I always will. I am 55 now and it never is easy, but healing is possible. It is hideous what happens to the kids of alcoholics. Even into adulthood.
So glad you have found a great path for yourself.
My sister and I have had lonely childhoods, even though we had each other. We worked so hard to protect each other, and ourselves i suppose, from the reality. I'm praying for the generations of children of alcoholic parents... I wouldn't wish this lifestyle onto anyone.
I wish you and your sister healing and the lives you want.
I really appreciate you sharing this here. This is extreme courageous and helpful. I really can relate to a lot of this, but maybe some different issues at play in some of this (since both parents were alcoholics). Again, I thank you. This really has encouraged me greatly.
Thank you for sharing your story. 💜💜💜
Thank you for your story, mine is very similar., ACOA has helped me so much,
God bless you on your journey.
Thank you! We all seem to have the same story, don't we? There's comfort is knowing we are so far from being alone in our experiences and our pain. All the best to you on your journey, as well.
Jody your so amazing stay strong you are a real life wonder woman and a true angel god bless you
You're amazing.
i need help I'm 11 and my dad keeps getting drunk when my moms alone at dark
My Dad Abuses me everyday so don't feel bad
Oh, please reach out for help. If you do not feel safe, please call this trusted organization and a professional counselor will help you. ChildHelp USA Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453
“ChildHelp USA is dedicated to the prevention of child abuse. Serving the United States, its territories, and Canada, the Hotline is staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with professional crisis counselors who, through interpreters, can provide assistance in 170 languages. The Hotline offers crisis intervention, information, literature, and referrals to thousands of emergency, social service, and support resources. All calls are anonymous and confidential.” - From ChildHelp USA
Others:
Boys Town National Hotline: 1-800-448-3000
Boys Town has helped save children at risk for or who experienced physical and emotional abuse and healed families on the brink of collapse. Boys Town programs touch the lives of over two million people.