That's an argument people are making?? How would that even work? Small people can wear sizes larger if they want, but not the other way around, and even then I wouldn't call small clothing excluding in the prejudicial sense.
Yeah, and a lot of plus size clothing is just scaled up versions of clothes designed/modeled for thinner women. I didn’t grow in height when I gained weight lol. Even only being XXL, plus-sized brands/stores are the only way I can find flattering clothes that fit me comfortably. Like sure, target has 3XL clothes, but every item is too long, too baggy around my waist, too tight on my bust/arms/thighs, etc. because they aren’t actually designed for plus sized women… And when we bring these problems up, we get told “just lose weight”. Like, 1) easier said than done and 2) wtf am I supposed to wear in the meantime??? I’m actively trying to lose weight but that doesn’t change the fact that I need professional clothing to wear *now*
Wow I always just assumed this book was about accepting that we need community and that we aren't bad for being flawed and to not hate yourself for not reaching an impossible standard of perfection, cuz I didn't know anything about the author. Big yikes
What frustrates me about a lot of these conservative commentators is that many of them recognize the issues (hyper-materialism & hyper-individualism in this case), but their proposed solutions are always incredibly backward and nonsensical, if not outright harmful. It’s always to just regress and “return to tradition” instead of thinking critically and actually doing anything productive to address the problem.
@@rileydaugherty5845it’s not depressing. If you’re Christian, then you see if as - you are flawed, and you are not worthy - words from the Bible - and that it’s OK because we have a savior who loves and cares for us. And instead of deluding ourselves and saying we are perfect - which can just lead to making excuses for bad behavior - it’s relying on Jesus - who gave us a very clear picture of how to act towards others - to guide us. Depends on if you believe in God or not if the message will resonate.
oh gosh, i really though with a title like "You're not enough (and that's ok)", that the focus would be on how societal expectations are ridiculous and (mostly) unobtainable, and so you're not enough for society, but that is ok, because you're still a worthwhile person. really disappointed that wasn't the direction the book went in!
The thing is, that would be the normal way to use this title in a Christian book. You’re not enough for other people but you’re enough for God (which is ultimately just a religious way to say that you’re a worthwhile person).
@@emmanarotzky6565that’s not what the Bible says. The Bible says that we are sinners who do not deserve Gods grace. This book is giving the true Christian message - you, on your own, are not enough. You are human with a deceitful heart. God tells us this. It’s why we need Jesus. And the book says it’s ok because God says it’s ok. We are not made to be perfect. And certainly not made to be enough for society, as the Bible also clearly says the world will hate Christians.
we live in a fallen nature and everyones fallen. it is objective truth that we all are inherently sinful and cannot pass the standard of a Just and Holy God. It is objective truth that the world we live in is gradually wasting away. BUT GOD sent his own son Jesus not only as a sacrifice or a propitiation for our sins, but that we may be justified before God. Allie's stand "you're not enough and that's okay" is a testament of hard truths we all need to accept. And the fact that it is okay, lies to the end truth that at the end of the day, we all need God. Who looks for a cure unless they realize the severity of their illness?
I really don't understand what they do with that stuff - But then this corner of christianity does tend to favour the Old Testament - look at pleas to put 10 commandments in US schools; when Jesus highlighted the 2 rule summary 'Love God; and love others as yourself'
@@helenr4300 there's an entire sector of the southern Baptist Church that has dropped Jesus for being "too woke" and replaced it with fictional cowboy John Wayne. Like I kid you not they're straight up worshipping false idols to preserve their bigotry
Good god, the word “we” is doing a LOT of heavy lifting in this book. This girl is just talking to herself and her own issues like they are universal truths and experiences, and honestly I would feel SO sorry for her if she wasn’t doing so much harm, because it just reeks of desperation. She’s so desperate to convince herself of all this.
The sad thing is even if she does get better and go on to renounce these beliefs, the book and the words will never go away. Just like that toxic “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” book
THIS! It's like she is trying to therapize herself and convince us all along with her, and it's a trainwreck... It sucks for her, but god, the DAMAGE she is doing!!!
Growing up, my dad was a southern Baptist preacher. We went to church 3 times a week. Church was my entire life and identity. I always thought it was strange when other kids at school said so strongly and proudly what they wanted to do when they grew up. All I ever wanted was to be a singer in a band. But I didn't know anyone who actually did that so I thought it was unachievable. I never told anyone that's what I wanted to do when I grew up. I had no sense of self. Fast forward 10 years and I started a band (with the help of my ex and friends). Now I sing almost every weekend. And even though it's not a full time job (right now), it taught me that there's nothing I can't do. My inner child is in awe of my 31 year old self rocking crowds of hundreds of people. I wish ABS had broken out of her limiting beliefs. It's wrong for her to project it onto others.
I do think that "you can't love others until you love yourself" is a flawed phrase- not necessarily in that it's wrong per se, but in that it tries to convey a nuanced sentiment in too simple terms. I prefer the statements "you can't help others until you've helped yourself", and "if you don't respect yourself, you're vulnerable to being taken advantage of."
The "you can't love others until you love yourself" or worse "you can't be loved until you love yourself" was so harmful for me as a teen. I didn't know yet that I was aroace cause I had no idea that existed, I also suffered from depression and hated myself due to some ongoing trauma. So while my peers had their first crushes and started dating, I simply wasn't interested in anyone and nobody showed any interest in me. So I concluded that I wasn't worthy of love cause I was too broken because of my self-hate and what happened to me. Which was obviously absolutely wonderful for my mental health back then
THIS!!! My therapist always gets on me bc i’ve internalized this sentiment to the point where it’s hard for me to even accept love/care/acceptance from others
It’s flawed because it doesn’t express what it actually means. If you are depressed or otherwise suffering, you cannot have healthy relationships with others until you begin to better yourself.
This. I despised myself for a long time, and it wasn't until after I entered a loving relationship that I truly began to heal and make an effort to be a person worthy of my partner at the time. Loving someone else led to me loving myself. There are scenarios where the statement is true of course, like there are plenty of scenarios where not having respect for yourself can harm a relatonship and make it unhealthy or codependent. But in other cases it's a saving grace. But the idea that you cannot accept love from others or that you cannot love others while you're still in a state where you don't like yourself is damaging to so many people.
@@DustyHoney bzzt. No, incorrect. Depressed, anxious, etc. people are worthy of love and community without having to meet any bar of treatment or care which is often inaccessible. That's like saying someone with cancer should be socially ostracized until they're in remission. This is ableism.
The sort of people you stayed away from when in school and then you have the misfortune to meet them years later and under the veneer they haven't changed their personalities.
This! It’s all the girls who I couldn’t stand to spend time with in my teens (which was somehow, at that age, everyone who wasn’t queer. All the bis and lesbians were wonderful all along).
Ooof that bit about therapy 🙄 I refused to get therapy for almost a decade. I told myself it was cause I didn’t want my abuser to “win” by admitting how much he had impacted my life and mental health, but underneath that there was an undertone of “I don’t deserve help”. So finally reaching out and finding a therapist and starting to work on my trauma WAS IN ITSELF an act of self love. And yes, you actually DO HAVE everything inside yourself to get better. That doesn’t mean that you know how to use it though. That’s why we have therapists. They understand why the brain does what it does and show you how to slowly change your thinking and how to deal with traumatic memories. They show you the way, but YOU are the one who does the work.
I actually appluaded when you mentioned youre taking singing lessons! As a music teacher I absolutely live when adults start learning music! Theres a pretty big belief that after a certain point you just cant learn music anymore, (which ai believe is completely false) so i love love love when when people put themselves out there and try music!! Hope you have a lot of fun with it!! 0:10
I literally spat my drink out reading this! 😂 I'm only 2 mins into the video but I'm guessing this review is going to be wild (in the worst way possible) Edit. ...Just heard 'Christian conservative' I'm up to speed lol.
living with the mindset allie was encouraging made me resent my skill in art. ever since i was a kid, i wanted to be a veterinarian, but my skills in art were stronger. i felt pigeonholed, it felt like being an artist is all anyone ever saw me as and all i was good for. I do art now as a profession (well, alongside the jobs i work to stay fed and clothed), but i have found a way to combine it with my love of animals, nature, and science. i do scientific illustration, ive also become a master naturalist. if i completely shut down and just swallowed that anything i was passionate about "wasnt meant to be because my efforts werent enough", then i would be much much worse off. similar in some ways to how i knew i needed to pursue steps for my transition, what other people thought and potential relationships lost be damned. do what you love, live your life as you see fit, and fuck this idea that you arent enough.
I really appreciate your comment. I feel the same way, I was always quite good at making art but what I really wanted to do was become a doctor. I’m working on getting into medical school rn, but my family members still tell me it’s not for me and I should go to art school instead(SO frustrating tbh)
I was about to quit for the day because I couldn't find anything to watch that would be long and interesting ... THEN RACHEL OATES APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A 2 HOUR VIDEO! THANK YOOOOU!
I imagine Allie BS heard the phrase “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” from Rupaul’s Drag Race, and thought, “If the sinful gays believe in self-love, it must be evil!”
as funny as that would be, i think it shows a trait i cannot think to call anything other that self resentment its actually insane how prevalent it is through the entire book what i think it is, is that she doesnt understand what that phrase means. its not saying you need to love yourself first otherwise you'll run out of love to give, or you'll spend it all or whatever. it just means it takes working on yourself and being kind towards yourself is what creates room for improvement, in any aspect of life, including relationships. if you cant be honest and kind with yourself, you cannot do it in a relationship either. she took all of those phrases "you're perfect as you are", "you're enough" etc so literally its impressive how surface level her thinking is
@@ilexdiapason you're probably right with that, very insightful. Thanks for sharing that because I obviously wasn't getting it. But that still says a lot about her and how unhappy she is with herself
Aside from misogyny, her perverted mind is sexualising trans people and conflating being a trans woman with the sexual kink of forced feminisation, which are two very different things. The majority of those into forced feminisation are cis men who see themselves as men.
This was just someone in her life discovering that force-femme exists and then her or them making a BUNCH of assumptions after that. Like this isn't a joke, I am pretty sure from the way she's brought it up that this is literally what happened? It does not seem to have occurred to anybody involved that actually most normal people don't take fantasies that literally.
Just one of the limiting (and harmful) perspectives Allie lives her life from: she views childhood (up to around 18) as the time to apparently figure out what you're supposed to do for the rest of your life. She speaks as if you can't learn and develop new skills past the age of 20... how strange, and like Rachel said, how sad.
we live in a fallen nature and everyones fallen. it is objective truth that we all are inherently sinful and cannot pass the standard of a Just and Holy God. It is objective truth that the world we live in is gradually wasting away. BUT GOD sent his own son Jesus not only as a sacrifice or a propitiation for our sins, but that we may be justified before God. Allie's stand "you're not enough and that's okay" is a testament of hard truths we all need to accept. And the fact that it is okay, lies to the end truth that at the end of the day, we all need God. Who looks for a cure unless they realize the severity of their illness?
It is so easy for the message of this book to be taken out of context from a secular perspective. For instance, Allie didn't really mean to say you should just be realistic and give up on your dreams because maybe you are not ever going to be qualified. Some skills can most certainly be worked on. She is most definitely not saying you can't work on what you dream. Again, lets take this to context. That was just a little example to make everyone easily understand what it means to be "not enough" The short messages do not overpower the larger broader message about the reality of human imperfection. We all fall short. Thats the context.
OH MY GOD I SAW THIS BOOK IN A HOBBY LOBBY THE OTHER DAY. I was with my grandma, looked at the title and back blurb, and immediately got pissed off. Basically saying "you're not worth it without god."
we live in a fallen nature and everyones fallen. it is objective truth that we all are inherently sinful and cannot pass the standard of a Just and Holy God. It is objective truth that the world we live in is gradually wasting away. BUT GOD sent his own son Jesus not only as a sacrifice or a propitiation for our sins, but that we may be justified before God. Allie's stand "you're not enough and that's okay" is a testament of hard truths we all need to accept. And the fact that it is okay, lies to the end truth that at the end of the day, we all need God. Who looks for a cure unless they realize the severity of their illness?
It is so easy for the message of this book to be taken out of context from a secular perspective. For instance, Allie didn't really mean to say you should just be realistic and give up on your dreams because maybe you are not ever going to be qualified. Some skills can most certainly be worked on. She is most definitely not saying you can't work on what you dream. Again, lets take this to context. That was just a little example to make everyone easily understand what it means to be "not enough" The short messages do not overpower the larger broader message about the reality of human imperfection. We all fall short. Thats the context.
To be fair, Americans always use the better sounding terms. There's a reason why I prefer to say "diaper" over "nappy." Also, plaster means something completely different to my Australian mind.
@@MeemahSNyall call them plasters???? When she said that bit I was like “what? What else could they call them?” I never would have guessed the word is plasters lol
In high school I wrote a poem that started with something like 'You wear religion like jewelry/ Faith like brass knuckles' and it was about people using their beliefs as adornment to show off and weaponry against others. But now I would add that really, a lot of these devout types are using it as a crutch to compensate for their missing emotional and coping skills. They have no inner direction, no true morals of their own because they have no sense of ownership of themselves or their actions-it's all God's plan and choices put upon them, so they're helpless. It's disturbing and sad. Those two influencers Paul and Morgan or Bethany and her nondescript husband are perfect examples of people who have echoes inside them from all the hollow space (Paul, though, seems shrewd and calculating and predatory)
And to clothe that all into some wrong and harmful understanding of Christianity... I'm not a Christian but is everything she preaches not the exact opposite of what it's all about?
@@kaiserrumms whats a real christian?: the most popular church? I just see people spoutin what they want and saying it's what god wants. Most churches seem like cults just that they are bigger than cults. Utah seems like it's a whole theocracy of mormons. Anyway who is a real christian ?
I would love a review of Allie Beth Stuckey's second book!!! You're reviews are so informative and I love listening to you. Sending you love from Canada
I think Allie is a bitter person. I think people should live their dreams the way they want to and should not be forced to give them up just because society says so and we should also be happy for other people living their dreams, even if we don't live up to ours. It's just a sad way to live life and for Allie to ridicule people for living their own life just because she gave up on her own dreams, she needs help, so she can stop spreading this harmful message in her books
On Fundie Fridays, they recently interviewed April Ajoy and she talked about how, in evangelical circles, there’s a weird sense of envy toward those outside of the group. It’s a lingering mentality of “if I can’t be happy, no one can!”, which adds fuel to the fire of hatred and bigotry. They’d rather make other people suffer and conform than self-reflect and realize how toxic and oppressive their lives truly are.
Maybe that explains why I make people so mad by just being myself. They can't dye their hair fun colors or knit in public or be loud and use up space as a female, so in their heads nobody should... instead of realizing that they can have this freedom too, if they judt unshackle their hearts and pull the stick out of their ass.
I’ve been going on a Rachel binge… which has been fun since I’ve been a fan for like five years now :) Lots of love from a 19 year old all the way across the world💌
She’s self-reporting talking about never being enough and being unable to find happiness in herself, and projecting her inadequacy on everyone else. Like, nah that’s just you. Skill issue, tbh.
OMG I do the same thing! There are a few RO videos that help me sleep, which is kinda wierd because the topics ordinarily spur irritation. But Rachel talks about it and I relax. 🤷♀️
@@RachelOatesDear lord (no pun intended lol) Allie Beth is annoying as all hell. The amount of arrogance, ignorance, and privilege she has is insane lmao
@@RachelOates Dear lord (no pun intended), the amount of arrogance, ignorance, cruelty, hypocrisy, & privilege Allie Beth has is insane. The AUDACITY of her to lecture people on narcissism lmao
@@chriscortez2036 how saddening! that does make me wonder how people like her can be so... assured in their ignorance, if you will. i know that it's probably mostly their ego and environment, but, still... sigh. i believe having adequate understanding of your skill and self is absolutely imperative (as in, does she read studies about narcissism? maybe a degree or a long experience in a mental health community, for example?).
So Allie says at the beginning that when she was 7, she wanted to be a singer and dancer like Britney Spears but "it turns out you have to be good at singing and dancing to be a singer and dancer". So what is she saying there? She just gave up? Did she even try? I know she was only 7 but did she ask her parents for singing or dancing lessons? Were they the ones that shut her down? Is Allie carrying some deep seated resentment/regret that she was never able to become a singer/dancer or something? I'm half joking there. But regardless, what is she saying here? Because it sounds like she's basically saying "if you try something and you're not immediately good at it, then just give up because you're not meant for it and you'll never be good enough so don't even try, you could spending that time on something else". What??? Like what kind of advice is that? Is she basically trying to argue that God gives you certain talents so don't even bother trying to learn anything else because you'll never be good at it because God didn't give you the ability? That focusing on something other than the talent he gave you would be going against him so how? And that your purpose is to hone in on "those" talents instead of something you actually want to do? But what kind of terrible attitude is it to say "if you're not perfect at something immediately, don't even bother trying"?? Btw she was 7, she literally had her whole life ahead of her for learning to sing and dance if she wanted to.
she still does is whats funny. whats stopping her from learning to sing and dance now (assuming she is healthy)? but you're so right, had she persisted since the age of 7 she would have literal decades of experience but oh well
Oh no, what awful messaging. This exact type of thinking is what made my mental health spiral as a teen and make me think it was my own fault. Yiiiikes. Excited to listen to this while I clean
Very fun as an undiagnosed autistic kid/teen and unknowing queer person already prone to both self critique and social isolation. I’d be interested to hear Rachel’s thoughts on the way this rhetoric can affect already marginalised people and make them believe discrimination is the result of personal failings.
Ms.Stuckey also single handedly alienated all her Catholic viewers by calling them "not true Christians" 😬 She's very similar to the hardcore fundies in most of her beliefs, and she's darn smug about it all too. She ABSOLUTELY uses religion as a tool to fear monger and keep herself in her position. She's one of the LEAST loving and compassionate "Christians" I've had the displeasure of watching. Now, I don't know her heart, but her actions/words speak for themselves. And, there are many good priests and pastors who absolutely believe that in addition to a relationship with God, one should also work on themselves as a whole. So I'd take what she says with a grain of salt - consider the source as they say.
Allie is very typical of early Puritan Calvinists. The individual competitiveness and materialism is pretty standard in Calvin's teachings. They're the same people who carried out the Salem Witch Trials. Allie is a throwback. Unfortunately.
It made me want to throw my phone at a wall when the “God’s love is the only thing that is eternal” part because…. Allie… YOU’RE A CALVINIST! You literally believe that only some people are destined for heaven and the rest are pre destined for hell regardless of how they live their life. That doesn’t sound very eternally loving to me!
only 15 mins in but absolutely hate what she said about "being realistic" about your childhood dreams. my entire life all i cared about was writing, editing, and communication in general, and i pursued those areas of study despite so many adults telling me to "be realistic" because i'd never get a job. i'm in the educational publishing industry as an editor now, completely independent and successful at 24. if i had "sucked it up" and put myself through a STEM-focused education for the sole purpose of job security, i'd have been miserable then and i'd be miserable now. the more people who get to work a job they actually enjoy, the better the world is for it, and shooting those efforts in the foot right out the gate for curmudgeonly pessimistic reasons is genuinely the lamest argument i've heard in a while
I had this moment of "sucking up" during highschool where I chose a mechatronics course instead of environmental science because I thought it'd be more "useful". Needless to say I was miserable for the two years I stayed there, hated every single programming class, had terrible grades and was overall feeling extremely depressed. Eventually I left due to outside circumstances so I didn't even get the damn degree lmao. In any case, it was a good lesson to learn early on. Thank you for sharing your story. It's nice to see someone following their dreams and interests into a successful life!
came to the comments to say the exact same thing. all i’ve ever wanted to do since i was a toddler was be a veterinarian and i’m now in my first year of vet school and keep photos of my baby self dressed as a vet around to remind me of where i came from ❤ what a miserable existence to think that since you couldn’t follow your childhood dreams nobody could
I agree with everything you said! Except the caveat, however, is that you actually WERE realistic in your pursuits. Of course I don’t know you so I cannot know exactly how you accomplished being hired in your career by the educational publishing industry (i.e. application, nepotism, referral, internship, promotion etc)…but you did remain realistic about having a return on your collegiate investment. Good for you!
that introduction is exactly the thought process I had graduating from highschool, "im talentless, not special, nothing good will ever happen, success is hard so might as well give up now". I'm still trying to be more positive about how my life will look like, but our capitalistic system and general societal pressures for financial success make it difficult.
Giving up stuff for your pets... I am an aromatherapist who can no longer have or use any essential oils at home because I have a cat (essential oils are toxic to cats). They are now stored at work. I had to rent a premises to work out of rather than working out of my spare room. So not only can I no longer work from home, it is costing me more. But... Avocado is my baby, and I love him so much I do not want any harm to come to him!
i know right?! like damn. I got a bit ashamed when I realized I was kinda agreeing w the author on some of her depressing talk. It was a wake-up call xD
Sorry, telling someone who struggles with self-loathing that that is just further self-obsession is so toxic. That will just further the cycle of "I hate myself so much why can I not keeping thinking about me, oh goodness I'm so selfinvolved to spend so much time thinking about me and hating me. I'm aweful, I want to eacape me but now I'm horrible for self-obsession...." People like Allie make me want to firmly grab by the shoulders and say slowly, very close to their face "do you see that what you say causes more problems?!"
19:28 I was told to feel shame over my brother making more money than me and to drop my writing hobby to get a job in computer engineering. I am a published author who is now running a fan website professionally and loving what I do. And I have an office job during the day. I’m not ashamed of that. Or my “little hobbies” of being a pianist and volunteering in my community. I’m extremely proud of my brother’s accomplishments, but that doesn’t invalidate me making a life that fulfills me.
i think you/the audience would really enjoy the memoir I picked up recently about a pro choice Puerto Rican woman who had 15 abortions in 15 years and the complicated feelings that result from her experience. it's called impossible motherhood by Irene Vilar and I think you'd appreciate the nuance she explores in the sections I've read thus far regarding the guilt she does feel and the knowledge that she did the right thing for herself
*PLEASE deep dive her channel* I 💜 your commentary on fundies! Your commentary on that genre is very interesting & thought provoking, it’s an area I feel you thrive in.🥰
This woman hates herself so much that she had to write a whole book about how "trying to be happy" and being self-confident is something bad. You could almost pity her, she's clearly not okay.
Fundie Fridays is working on a video about ABS but it sounds like they’re having trouble getting it to pass checks. Hopefully not much longer for them either!
As an update, the video came out yesterday and it’s ~4 hours but definitely worth the deep effing dive. A wonderful long form complement to our lovely long form Rachel 🥰🥰🥰
Dreams are the fundamental building blocks of the future. People should always dream, and when possible, follow those dreams to create a better future. One of my favorite quotes is: "Dreams save us. Dreams lift us up and transform us into something better. And on my soul, I swear that until my dream of a world where dignity, honor and justice are the reality we all share, never stop fighting." - Superman
I need to remind something to everyone: REALISM IS NOT PESSIMISM. I hear them being talked about in the same way. No! Realism is also about seeing the good things. Realism is about being grounded, not that you don't have the right to look up and be ambitious.
So bit of a flex (but not really), but I’m an aspiring opera singer. I’ve studied for 7 years now, and ive been told by MANY people I should give up (a lot more people have told me to keep going but that’s not the point). If I would have given up when someone said to, I would have never learnt all the skills, not even related to the skill of the job itself (like self management, confidence, self worth, working with others, etc.), and I would not enjoy myself and be truly happy. I used to think singing would make me happy, and it does, but it’s not my sole purpose in life. I know I was never meant to hold a 9-5, and people like this lady are the same people that say as an adult ‘I’ll never be able to sing’. Rachel I’m so happy you’ve taken the time not only to do something you love, but to allow yourself that happiness regardless of whether you’re actually ‘good’ or not. And if anyone reads this comment, you CAN sing. It’s just a skill like anything else, and don’t ever let people tell you that if you don’t have the ‘talent’ you shouldn’t even bother. Oh, and I would LOVE more videos!!! They’re great for when I’m doing crafts
She totally misunderstands self-love. Self-love is not the delusion that you're perfect (i.e. best in every way). It is more about being aware of one's strengths and weaknesses, and being at piece what one has. This means they can be confident on their strengths and work on their weaknesses, if they feel necessary, while not feeling anxiety or shame of having those, because actually no one is perfect. Mixing up being good enough with being perfect is such a weird strawman she does.
If she had actually done what SECULAR UA-camrs I watch do and that's critique actual toxic self-love culture... Perpetuated on TikTok through overconsumption and aesthetics, levelling up to be "as perfect as that influencer who spends $500 per week (and gets the rest as spons deals)" .... She actually could've been onto something. Think Clean Girl Aesthetic. When I think toxic self love, I think the mentality of perfectionism and overconsumption through the Clean Girl Aesthetic. It's supposed to be effortless and yet it's just a money-pit of unaffordable, far-too-much-effort performative actions for a hivemind of influencer worship. But no, instead she thinks the idea I could even love myself enough to praise myself, feel confident in myself, working on my strengths and following my dreams, is evil evil evil (unless I die to self enough and minimise myself so Christ gets all the praise and I get nothing)
Holy moly! We don’t deserve all these multi-hour essay videos! In all seriousness, don’t overwork yourself, take care of yourself, and know that im not the only one who loves hearing your thoughts on stuff and so appreciates these extra long deep dives. Keep it up ❤
Lol, I can just imagine Allie and all the other people like her hearing Rachel quote Marx, and to them it's probably like quoting Lucifer Himself, and their heads would be EXPLODING WITH HYSTERIA
I'm a Christian, and something I noticed in my own experience is that when I had terrible self-esteem, I was miserable regardless of whether I believed God loved me. I did believe that (still do), but it didn't do much to change how I saw myself otherwise. It was only after I learned "self love" that I actually began loving myself. Personally, I believe that's a good way to honour God, since I'm now loving someone (in this case, myself) that God loves. Other Christians will say that "all you need to be content is God's love!" but that's not actually true. You need a healthy balance, and you can't care for the people God loves, as the Bible says to, if you don't love those people. That includes yourself.
Just a thought on formulation: I would recommend avoiding statements like "Nobody says XYZ" since, as we know, it is almost never true. I think you mean "Nobody credible says XYZ." or "Most people don't say XYZ". I think dismissing the idea entirely is a mistake, as it will contradict many people's experience when instead they would likely benefit from finding out that, for example, the version of the self-love movement they encountered was quite marginal or ill-conceived, and that there are many more thoughtful and helpful perspectives out there to learn about.
I love how they trash men for being "feminine" while their idea of a man can't even take care of himself or a home without a woman doing all the work. A strong independant woman is a double threat to them bc they think wimen are lesser and infantalized men are entitled to their labor. They don't want anyone to be independant, happy, and secure,and all of it is justified by their imaginary friend.
Self love has worked a lot better for me than the conservative Christian path of "dying to self", seeing myself as depraved and sinful and insufficient without God, and obeying God. The latter path made me so miserable I literally became suicidal. It's no way to live. My number one regret in life is converting to evangelical Christianity. My number two regret is not deconverting sooner. It destroyed my life. It offers false promises, then pulls a bait and switch and steals your life from you.
Ooft your comment sadly mirrors mine. The die to self culture is just horrific. And it's all because we're supposed to see every aspect of human self, from hobbies to psyche, as being 'sinful flesh'. Only that which is God is good, and that which is literally anything else is as 'filthy as rags'. To touch on your second paragraph, I hear constantly Fundie preachers getting angry at the amount of people 'saved at the front' (quoting say, 100k at a conference) and lamenting why those 100k don't stay with the faith. Their only reflection, the ONLY reflection, is the idea the 'apostate church' (Prosperity, Contemporary... Of which I do criticise because it's gross) has given superficial promises and leaves people disillusioned because they don't get the True Faith. And whilst I agree that Hillsong is a disgusting farce of millions in stage lighting and SA accusations, they refuse to accept so many people walk from the faith the Fundies are also presenting. Do I want to be in a faith where all I'm getting told is money = good, no. But do I want to be in a faith where I have to hate myself because I should see myself as walking filth, and the only way I can ever feel love is obey God.... Also no.
What I’ve noticed about people - whether theist, non-theist, atheist, or antitheist - is their confusion about the difference between self-love and unhealthy narcissism. I’m a Christian, and no matter what ANYONE says The Word is not against self-love…it’s against unhealthy narcissism. And no matter what ANY Christian says, most people are unknowingly trying to figure out how to have self-love…but the world teaches, supports, and encourages unhealthy narcissism.
The most important thing about this book is that allie refers to the readers as potentially being "wives and mothers"-- it's not self- help, it's propaganda for the patriarchy
Can confirm that you can have babies and still love your pets just as much. I have done this. The idea that you'd bring home your baby, and then look at your pets and think "I love you less than I did a week ago because now I have this baby" is frankly kind of disturbing.
I really hate ABS's whole "Your feelings aren't valid" rant, because that's literally such an abuser tactic. To make people doubt their perceptions and feelings on things, make them susceptible to being taken advantage of or ignore discomfort in order to do something someone else tells them to because they say they "know better". And pair this with her victim-blaming mentality (they're responsible for their own misfortune, they didn't love God enough etc.), and I have a hard time not believing that she has to be an abusive manipulator herself.
I sing all the time too, it’s why I watch videos like yours instead of music at work cause I can’t help myself 😂😂 I’ve been so tempted to find singing lessons, or vocal lessons for doing heavy metal music so it was so cool to hear you talking about it! I hope it went well ❤❤
I would LOVE it if you reviewed the toxic empathy one, although it’s okay if you don’t-ABS uses a lot of graphic and triggering language around abortions (D&X’s especially). I read it like two days ago without knowing she had some weird takes already, and it really got on my nerves. I want to be angry at it with someone else LOL
And of course you know why she uses that graphic language, right? The pro forced birth crowd absolutely LOVES to play up the most graphic and gorie details of abortions-often exaggerated far beyond reality if not outright made up-to *manipulate people's emotions* AKA the very thing she accuses "left wing media" of doing by "weaponizing" "toxic empathy" 😑
I'd love to see your thoughts on MRKH and the impact it has on women. It's not a well-known syndrome, but loads of women have their lives uprooted after being diagnosed. Some people don't see us as "proper" women, and others tell us how "lucky" we are while not understanding how it impacts our mental health. Nhs: "Female with usual external genitals, but without a womb. This is called Rokitansky syndrome. It's also known as Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser (MRKH syndrome)."
Prefacing this by saying Rachel did not say otherwise, but I would like to add something re: body positivity and being healthy: at least within the Disabled and Crip communities, we also want to remind people that health is separate from morality. This ultimately HAS to include people that engage in "unhealthy behaviour" and/or "did this (being unhealthy, becoming disabled, becoming sick etc.) to themselves", because otherwise, other folks will always try to judge whether or not someone deserves help and sympathy. The idea that being unhealthy is a moral failing, often tied to the idea that you can only be "allowed" to exist as a certain body type if you are some arbitrary standard of what healthy is to make up for it, ultimately harms us all. I really appreciate that Rachel has a nuanced take on body positivity and who should have a platform, just wanted to add my two cents.
It's crazy how both book titles COULD have a good point. Especially toxic empathy is a thing that can become a big issue to people who are getting abused. Constantly valuing the pain of the abuser more than their own pain. As in "X experienced X-Y so it's understandable they feel like that", completely ignoring that YES that explains that behavior, but it doesn't change that your feeling of hurt is still reasonable and valid.
3:10 her tweet on like the origins of current trans people is sooo braindead... because I was quite literally a genderqueer transgender child, despite the "best' (at least well intended, to prevent bullying) intentions of my family and teachers and everyone else, I would only want to dress in the opposite gender's clothing, only use the opposite gender's toys, colors, and only make friends of the opposite gender. I was a toddler. I didn't even know what p"rn was let alone a "humiliation f"tish". I really bugs me so many people I speak to assume that just because new gener labels are commonly known now, must mean that everyone that now identifies as that lable just become trans or queer overnight. No we didn't Allie Beth. I quite literally did not choose this and had no clue what gender was while I was developing. I was who I was, was shamed for it, learned to hide it, and only came out of the closet again in recent years due to more acceptance. The moment I came out of the closet was not the moment I became genderqueer, it was the moment I acknowledged it.
I'm floored by Christians talking about the limitless love of God and Jesus and then talking about how once they had kids, their love and care for their pets diminishing. I've never had a child but I can't imagine my love for my cat ever taking a backseat. My heart grows with each new friend I make. The love I feel is overflowing and evergreen. Isn't that the Christ-like love they always talk about? Parents can weigh in with their experiences here! As someone who doesn't have kids, I obviously have a lack of experience in that area and I wanna know if my assessment is off.
I love my daughter and my cats...it is a little creepy that this are the same people who have a lot of kids...Do they love them less when they have a new baby😮
Thanks for this video Rachel! I’m a conservative Catholic who grew up fundamentalist and I really appreciate your channel/work, even though I don’t agree with everything all the time. I think you’re a beautiful soul with fantastic artistic inclinations and gifts, and I really appreciate your voice. While we have different perspectives, worldviews, and opinions, I deeply value your voice. Thanks for sharing the gift of yourself and for giving me lots of things to think about.
Regarding the pet comments, even my pet turtle requires me to spend time with him, both for mental stimulation and for physical health inspections. Has she cared for an animal before?
I'm so lucky, I just finished an Alizee video and I was wondering what I was gonna do for the next couple hours when this video showed up. Thank goodness, otherwise I would've in a rabbit hole, watching how cheese graters are made (although that does sound interesting, maybe I'll watch that after this...)
11:03 interesting that she didn't think of the concept of practicing and taking lessons and skipped right to giving up because she didn't have talent right off the bat. Says a lot really
Part of finding joy in life is enjoying passions that you can’t capitalize on, imo. Just because capitalism insists that the only things worth doing make you money doesn’t mean it’s true!
I just saw this book for the first time on a clearance shelf at Hobby Lobby and took a picture of it because I couldn't believe the title on the cover.
The Fundie Fridays takedown of ABS is phenomenal and really fascinating in style, partially because Jen does a vlog on her process of viewing ABS content.
1:34:14 This is so real, Rachel! It's so wild to me too because I will admit, I grew up super privileged and have had a lot of stuff handed to me, but I still interpreted that statement the same way you do! I knew that if I wanted to get what I wanted, I'd need to work for it and so I did. She really doesn't live in the real world.... This has been an incredible video so far - thank you! And hope you are taking care of yourself ❤️❤️
Plus sized stores exist because lots of other stores (most) don’t sell nice plus size clothes or above a 2XL. They’re not made to exclude thin people
That's an argument people are making?? How would that even work? Small people can wear sizes larger if they want, but not the other way around, and even then I wouldn't call small clothing excluding in the prejudicial sense.
It's so odd that anyone would be upset by them. God forbid people want to find clothes that fit them.
@@DeviBusterreeks of conservatives being upset at the results of the free market again
Yeah, and a lot of plus size clothing is just scaled up versions of clothes designed/modeled for thinner women. I didn’t grow in height when I gained weight lol. Even only being XXL, plus-sized brands/stores are the only way I can find flattering clothes that fit me comfortably. Like sure, target has 3XL clothes, but every item is too long, too baggy around my waist, too tight on my bust/arms/thighs, etc. because they aren’t actually designed for plus sized women…
And when we bring these problems up, we get told “just lose weight”. Like, 1) easier said than done and 2) wtf am I supposed to wear in the meantime??? I’m actively trying to lose weight but that doesn’t change the fact that I need professional clothing to wear *now*
Do you know of a cheap plus size store in London? I'm not fat, I'm just big boned and am having trouble getting trousers that fit
I was thirsty last night, so I drank some water and I felt better. But then today when I woke up I was thirsty again. Water doesn’t work!
😂
Wow I always just assumed this book was about accepting that we need community and that we aren't bad for being flawed and to not hate yourself for not reaching an impossible standard of perfection, cuz I didn't know anything about the author. Big yikes
Same! I thought the title seemed negative for the message, but I didn’t expect it to be so depressing
What frustrates me about a lot of these conservative commentators is that many of them recognize the issues (hyper-materialism & hyper-individualism in this case), but their proposed solutions are always incredibly backward and nonsensical, if not outright harmful. It’s always to just regress and “return to tradition” instead of thinking critically and actually doing anything productive to address the problem.
Same.... Was a big shock when Rachel started describing the book.
@@rileydaugherty5845it’s not depressing. If you’re Christian, then you see if as - you are flawed, and you are not worthy - words from the Bible - and that it’s OK because we have a savior who loves and cares for us. And instead of deluding ourselves and saying we are perfect - which can just lead to making excuses for bad behavior - it’s relying on Jesus - who gave us a very clear picture of how to act towards others - to guide us.
Depends on if you believe in God or not if the message will resonate.
@Cheesyenchilady I feel like I have enough of a belief of God. This message does not resonate with me.
2 hour long movie: 🥱
2 hour long Rachel Oates video essay: 🥳
people should stop calling any long form content an essay, that word lost any meaning at this point
@@dawn_gentlyDisagree. There are essays that are book-length. So it stands to reason that a video essay could be feature film in length.
@Lonesurvivor256 its length doesnt make it an essay. its a commentary video
I know, right?? When I see a new Rachel deep-dive video that’s 1, 2, 3 hours long…I go, “There’s my night!”😊🎉
@@dawn_gentlythis, quite literally is a video essay. by definition
oh gosh, i really though with a title like "You're not enough (and that's ok)", that the focus would be on how societal expectations are ridiculous and (mostly) unobtainable, and so you're not enough for society, but that is ok, because you're still a worthwhile person. really disappointed that wasn't the direction the book went in!
The title was probably intentionally chosen to make you think that so you'd get the book.
The thing is, that would be the normal way to use this title in a Christian book. You’re not enough for other people but you’re enough for God (which is ultimately just a religious way to say that you’re a worthwhile person).
Tbf, I was thinking darker. " You're not enough (and that's ok... cuz you're not me)"
@@emmanarotzky6565that’s not what the Bible says. The Bible says that we are sinners who do not deserve Gods grace. This book is giving the true Christian message - you, on your own, are not enough. You are human with a deceitful heart. God tells us this. It’s why we need Jesus. And the book says it’s ok because God says it’s ok. We are not made to be perfect. And certainly not made to be enough for society, as the Bible also clearly says the world will hate Christians.
we live in a fallen nature and everyones fallen. it is objective truth that we all are inherently sinful and cannot pass the standard of a Just and Holy God. It is objective truth that the world we live in is gradually wasting away. BUT GOD sent his own son Jesus not only as a sacrifice or a propitiation for our sins, but that we may be justified before God. Allie's stand "you're not enough and that's okay" is a testament of hard truths we all need to accept. And the fact that it is okay, lies to the end truth that at the end of the day, we all need God. Who looks for a cure unless they realize the severity of their illness?
I guess in her bible Jesus drops the toxic empathy and makes a living telling the sick and poor to pick themselves up by their own bootstraps.
This made me cackle lol - so spot on!!
He tells the sick and injured to get better health insurance
I really don't understand what they do with that stuff - But then this corner of christianity does tend to favour the Old Testament - look at pleas to put 10 commandments in US schools; when Jesus highlighted the 2 rule summary 'Love God; and love others as yourself'
@@maxkrystal7403He also says everyone deserves healthcare and not just the privileged but ig you guys skipped that part at Bible study.
@@helenr4300 there's an entire sector of the southern Baptist Church that has dropped Jesus for being "too woke" and replaced it with fictional cowboy John Wayne. Like I kid you not they're straight up worshipping false idols to preserve their bigotry
Good god, the word “we” is doing a LOT of heavy lifting in this book. This girl is just talking to herself and her own issues like they are universal truths and experiences, and honestly I would feel SO sorry for her if she wasn’t doing so much harm, because it just reeks of desperation. She’s so desperate to convince herself of all this.
The sad thing is even if she does get better and go on to renounce these beliefs, the book and the words will never go away. Just like that toxic “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” book
THIS! It's like she is trying to therapize herself and convince us all along with her, and it's a trainwreck... It sucks for her, but god, the DAMAGE she is doing!!!
Yeah like the girl sounds seriously miserable and unwell, I wish she would just get some more damn therapy and leave the cult
Her anecdotes playing on “empathy” aren’t actually asking you to empathize with the victim. They’re asking you to judge them
She is a Pharisee. Always pointing out she is not like those other men/women, said list
Growing up, my dad was a southern Baptist preacher. We went to church 3 times a week. Church was my entire life and identity.
I always thought it was strange when other kids at school said so strongly and proudly what they wanted to do when they grew up. All I ever wanted was to be a singer in a band. But I didn't know anyone who actually did that so I thought it was unachievable. I never told anyone that's what I wanted to do when I grew up. I had no sense of self.
Fast forward 10 years and I started a band (with the help of my ex and friends). Now I sing almost every weekend. And even though it's not a full time job (right now), it taught me that there's nothing I can't do. My inner child is in awe of my 31 year old self rocking crowds of hundreds of people.
I wish ABS had broken out of her limiting beliefs. It's wrong for her to project it onto others.
Thanks for this
I do think that "you can't love others until you love yourself" is a flawed phrase- not necessarily in that it's wrong per se, but in that it tries to convey a nuanced sentiment in too simple terms. I prefer the statements "you can't help others until you've helped yourself", and "if you don't respect yourself, you're vulnerable to being taken advantage of."
The "you can't love others until you love yourself" or worse "you can't be loved until you love yourself" was so harmful for me as a teen. I didn't know yet that I was aroace cause I had no idea that existed, I also suffered from depression and hated myself due to some ongoing trauma. So while my peers had their first crushes and started dating, I simply wasn't interested in anyone and nobody showed any interest in me. So I concluded that I wasn't worthy of love cause I was too broken because of my self-hate and what happened to me. Which was obviously absolutely wonderful for my mental health back then
THIS!!! My therapist always gets on me bc i’ve internalized this sentiment to the point where it’s hard for me to even accept love/care/acceptance from others
It’s flawed because it doesn’t express what it actually means. If you are depressed or otherwise suffering, you cannot have healthy relationships with others until you begin to better yourself.
This. I despised myself for a long time, and it wasn't until after I entered a loving relationship that I truly began to heal and make an effort to be a person worthy of my partner at the time. Loving someone else led to me loving myself.
There are scenarios where the statement is true of course, like there are plenty of scenarios where not having respect for yourself can harm a relatonship and make it unhealthy or codependent. But in other cases it's a saving grace. But the idea that you cannot accept love from others or that you cannot love others while you're still in a state where you don't like yourself is damaging to so many people.
@@DustyHoney bzzt. No, incorrect. Depressed, anxious, etc. people are worthy of love and community without having to meet any bar of treatment or care which is often inaccessible. That's like saying someone with cancer should be socially ostracized until they're in remission. This is ableism.
ABS is the mean girl who peaked in high school and stopped maturing around then, too.
The sort of people you stayed away from when in school and then you have the misfortune to meet them years later and under the veneer they haven't changed their personalities.
This! It’s all the girls who I couldn’t stand to spend time with in my teens (which was somehow, at that age, everyone who wasn’t queer. All the bis and lesbians were wonderful all along).
Ooof that bit about therapy 🙄 I refused to get therapy for almost a decade. I told myself it was cause I didn’t want my abuser to “win” by admitting how much he had impacted my life and mental health, but underneath that there was an undertone of “I don’t deserve help”.
So finally reaching out and finding a therapist and starting to work on my trauma WAS IN ITSELF an act of self love.
And yes, you actually DO HAVE everything inside yourself to get better. That doesn’t mean that you know how to use it though. That’s why we have therapists. They understand why the brain does what it does and show you how to slowly change your thinking and how to deal with traumatic memories. They show you the way, but YOU are the one who does the work.
I actually appluaded when you mentioned youre taking singing lessons! As a music teacher I absolutely live when adults start learning music! Theres a pretty big belief that after a certain point you just cant learn music anymore, (which ai believe is completely false) so i love love love when when people put themselves out there and try music!! Hope you have a lot of fun with it!! 0:10
Ok but what if I tell her my fetus is gay, can I abort it then?
I literally spat my drink out reading this! 😂 I'm only 2 mins into the video but I'm guessing this review is going to be wild (in the worst way possible)
Edit. ...Just heard 'Christian conservative' I'm up to speed lol.
But of course according to these goofballs, no one is born gay, rather they're "recruited" as children into the "homosexual lifestyle" 🤡🤡🤡
She’ll only allow abortion if it’s rainbow AND gay plus trans
i think she'd say "simply don't let it live the homosexual lifestyle and surely it will be normal and straight"
If she’s anything like girl defined she’d say “have the baby and then buy it my $500,000 course on How To Become Straight” 😂
"We're all stunningly self confident as children" speak for yourself, Allie
living with the mindset allie was encouraging made me resent my skill in art. ever since i was a kid, i wanted to be a veterinarian, but my skills in art were stronger. i felt pigeonholed, it felt like being an artist is all anyone ever saw me as and all i was good for. I do art now as a profession (well, alongside the jobs i work to stay fed and clothed), but i have found a way to combine it with my love of animals, nature, and science. i do scientific illustration, ive also become a master naturalist. if i completely shut down and just swallowed that anything i was passionate about "wasnt meant to be because my efforts werent enough", then i would be much much worse off. similar in some ways to how i knew i needed to pursue steps for my transition, what other people thought and potential relationships lost be damned. do what you love, live your life as you see fit, and fuck this idea that you arent enough.
Scientific illustrations are the coolest things ever!!
@@ladylazulisystem6766 i agree!!
You've got immense resilience. I really admire that.
@@bluegreenplanet89 thank you friend 💚💚💚
I really appreciate your comment. I feel the same way, I was always quite good at making art but what I really wanted to do was become a doctor. I’m working on getting into medical school rn, but my family members still tell me it’s not for me and I should go to art school instead(SO frustrating tbh)
I was about to quit for the day because I couldn't find anything to watch that would be long and interesting ... THEN RACHEL OATES APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A 2 HOUR VIDEO! THANK YOOOOU!
I imagine Allie BS heard the phrase “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” from Rupaul’s Drag Race, and thought, “If the sinful gays believe in self-love, it must be evil!”
as funny as that would be, i think it shows a trait i cannot think to call anything other that self resentment its actually insane how prevalent it is through the entire book
what i think it is, is that she doesnt understand what that phrase means. its not saying you need to love yourself first otherwise you'll run out of love to give, or you'll spend it all or whatever. it just means it takes working on yourself and being kind towards yourself is what creates room for improvement, in any aspect of life, including relationships. if you cant be honest and kind with yourself, you cannot do it in a relationship either.
she took all of those phrases "you're perfect as you are", "you're enough" etc so literally its impressive how surface level her thinking is
Why does she think being trans is humiliating? I feel that says a lot more about her then the people just trying to feel comfortable in their bodies
she thinks being a woman is humiliating, which is why she refers to it as "men dressing as women" and completely ignores trans men 🙄
@@ilexdiapason you're probably right with that, very insightful. Thanks for sharing that because I obviously wasn't getting it. But that still says a lot about her and how unhappy she is with herself
Aside from misogyny, her perverted mind is sexualising trans people and conflating being a trans woman with the sexual kink of forced feminisation, which are two very different things. The majority of those into forced feminisation are cis men who see themselves as men.
She's pulling something out of her ass. I can't imagine she knows any trans person. I can't imagine a trans person subjecting themselves to her.
This was just someone in her life discovering that force-femme exists and then her or them making a BUNCH of assumptions after that. Like this isn't a joke, I am pretty sure from the way she's brought it up that this is literally what happened? It does not seem to have occurred to anybody involved that actually most normal people don't take fantasies that literally.
Just one of the limiting (and harmful) perspectives Allie lives her life from: she views childhood (up to around 18) as the time to apparently figure out what you're supposed to do for the rest of your life. She speaks as if you can't learn and develop new skills past the age of 20... how strange, and like Rachel said, how sad.
She never matured form the age of 18.
we live in a fallen nature and everyones fallen. it is objective truth that we all are inherently sinful and cannot pass the standard of a Just and Holy God. It is objective truth that the world we live in is gradually wasting away. BUT GOD sent his own son Jesus not only as a sacrifice or a propitiation for our sins, but that we may be justified before God. Allie's stand "you're not enough and that's okay" is a testament of hard truths we all need to accept. And the fact that it is okay, lies to the end truth that at the end of the day, we all need God. Who looks for a cure unless they realize the severity of their illness?
It is so easy for the message of this book to be taken out of context from a secular perspective. For instance, Allie didn't really mean to say you should just be realistic and give up on your dreams because maybe you are not ever going to be qualified. Some skills can most certainly be worked on. She is most definitely not saying you can't work on what you dream. Again, lets take this to context. That was just a little example to make everyone easily understand what it means to be "not enough" The short messages do not overpower the larger broader message about the reality of human imperfection. We all fall short. Thats the context.
Keep up the great work, Rachel.
OH MY GOD I SAW THIS BOOK IN A HOBBY LOBBY THE OTHER DAY. I was with my grandma, looked at the title and back blurb, and immediately got pissed off. Basically saying "you're not worth it without god."
Probably the most appropriate place to see this book being hawked
we live in a fallen nature and everyones fallen. it is objective truth that we all are inherently sinful and cannot pass the standard of a Just and Holy God. It is objective truth that the world we live in is gradually wasting away. BUT GOD sent his own son Jesus not only as a sacrifice or a propitiation for our sins, but that we may be justified before God. Allie's stand "you're not enough and that's okay" is a testament of hard truths we all need to accept. And the fact that it is okay, lies to the end truth that at the end of the day, we all need God. Who looks for a cure unless they realize the severity of their illness?
It is so easy for the message of this book to be taken out of context from a secular perspective. For instance, Allie didn't really mean to say you should just be realistic and give up on your dreams because maybe you are not ever going to be qualified. Some skills can most certainly be worked on. She is most definitely not saying you can't work on what you dream. Again, lets take this to context. That was just a little example to make everyone easily understand what it means to be "not enough" The short messages do not overpower the larger broader message about the reality of human imperfection. We all fall short. Thats the context.
Did she really call her podcast "Relatable"? I cannot think of a leas Relatable person than Allie..
She's not even relatable to other Christians lol 🤦♀️
@spinstercatlady that makes sense. Most Christians are not overpaid right-wing media hack propagandists
I mean, the negative voice in my head might relate to her podcast, but that’s about it 😂😂
"I said band-aid! Oh no im turning american :(" i wanna use this as a gif lmao
To be fair, Americans always use the better sounding terms. There's a reason why I prefer to say "diaper" over "nappy." Also, plaster means something completely different to my Australian mind.
@@QJ89 yeah, plasters and band-aids aren't the same thing in Aus
@@MeemahSNyall call them plasters???? When she said that bit I was like “what? What else could they call them?”
I never would have guessed the word is plasters lol
In high school I wrote a poem that started with something like 'You wear religion like jewelry/ Faith like brass knuckles' and it was about people using their beliefs as adornment to show off and weaponry against others. But now I would add that really, a lot of these devout types are using it as a crutch to compensate for their missing emotional and coping skills. They have no inner direction, no true morals of their own because they have no sense of ownership of themselves or their actions-it's all God's plan and choices put upon them, so they're helpless. It's disturbing and sad. Those two influencers Paul and Morgan or Bethany and her nondescript husband are perfect examples of people who have echoes inside them from all the hollow space (Paul, though, seems shrewd and calculating and predatory)
there's something very off about that Paul guy. Bethany's husband, on the other hand, seems to be breaking away from the echo chamber
i would love your thoughts on “Toxic Empathy” but i also don’t want to put you through having to read that dreck.
And to clothe that all into some wrong and harmful understanding of Christianity... I'm not a Christian but is everything she preaches not the exact opposite of what it's all about?
@@kaiserrumms whats a real christian?: the most popular church? I just see people spoutin what they want and saying it's what god wants. Most churches seem like cults just that they are bigger than cults. Utah seems like it's a whole theocracy of mormons. Anyway who is a real christian ?
@@kaiserrumms A lot of Christians seem to think this type of thinking is good, but what sucks is that they give good Christians a bad name.
I would love a review of Allie Beth Stuckey's second book!!! You're reviews are so informative and I love listening to you. Sending you love from Canada
Allie beth stucky is the female version of matt walsh 😩
I think Allie is a bitter person. I think people should live their dreams the way they want to and should not be forced to give them up just because society says so and we should also be happy for other people living their dreams, even if we don't live up to ours. It's just a sad way to live life and for Allie to ridicule people for living their own life just because she gave up on her own dreams, she needs help, so she can stop spreading this harmful message in her books
On Fundie Fridays, they recently interviewed April Ajoy and she talked about how, in evangelical circles, there’s a weird sense of envy toward those outside of the group. It’s a lingering mentality of “if I can’t be happy, no one can!”, which adds fuel to the fire of hatred and bigotry. They’d rather make other people suffer and conform than self-reflect and realize how toxic and oppressive their lives truly are.
@@chriscortez2036 Shout out to Fundie Fridays
Maybe that explains why I make people so mad by just being myself. They can't dye their hair fun colors or knit in public or be loud and use up space as a female, so in their heads nobody should... instead of realizing that they can have this freedom too, if they judt unshackle their hearts and pull the stick out of their ass.
You’re uppity and committing the sin of pride. As a woman your God-given vocation is to be a birthing vessel and a domestic servant. S/
I’ve been going on a Rachel binge… which has been fun since I’ve been a fan for like five years now :)
Lots of love from a 19 year old all the way across the world💌
Thank you!! :)
Fantastic to see you exercising your own self-care by breaking up the filming sessions more!
And then you're animated now?! Amazing, I love it
She’s self-reporting talking about never being enough and being unable to find happiness in herself, and projecting her inadequacy on everyone else. Like, nah that’s just you. Skill issue, tbh.
i bought this book a couple of months ago out of morbid curiosity but couldn’t get past allie being salty af that she wasnt the next britney spears
Perhaps that is the core of her bitterness. 💀😭
How would she describe someone with low self-confidence? "The perfect target."
"8 seconds ago" I don't think I've ever been this early to anything
NGL, your voice is soothing, I often put your videos on to fall asleep to. The puppy's adorable snoring adds to the ambiance
OMG I do the same thing! There are a few RO videos that help me sleep, which is kinda wierd because the topics ordinarily spur irritation. But Rachel talks about it and I relax. 🤷♀️
I was so hoping you would review this!
... and now I brace myself, because everything that comes from Allie Beth Stuckey is just... cruel.
Sadly this book is just that - cruel nonsense :(
@@RachelOatesDear lord (no pun intended lol) Allie Beth is annoying as all hell. The amount of arrogance, ignorance, and privilege she has is insane lmao
@@RachelOates Dear lord (no pun intended), the amount of arrogance, ignorance, cruelty, hypocrisy, & privilege Allie Beth has is insane. The AUDACITY of her to lecture people on narcissism lmao
@@chriscortez2036 how saddening! that does make me wonder how people like her can be so... assured in their ignorance, if you will. i know that it's probably mostly their ego and environment, but, still... sigh.
i believe having adequate understanding of your skill and self is absolutely imperative (as in, does she read studies about narcissism? maybe a degree or a long experience in a mental health community, for example?).
So Allie says at the beginning that when she was 7, she wanted to be a singer and dancer like Britney Spears but "it turns out you have to be good at singing and dancing to be a singer and dancer". So what is she saying there? She just gave up? Did she even try? I know she was only 7 but did she ask her parents for singing or dancing lessons? Were they the ones that shut her down? Is Allie carrying some deep seated resentment/regret that she was never able to become a singer/dancer or something? I'm half joking there. But regardless, what is she saying here? Because it sounds like she's basically saying "if you try something and you're not immediately good at it, then just give up because you're not meant for it and you'll never be good enough so don't even try, you could spending that time on something else". What??? Like what kind of advice is that? Is she basically trying to argue that God gives you certain talents so don't even bother trying to learn anything else because you'll never be good at it because God didn't give you the ability? That focusing on something other than the talent he gave you would be going against him so how? And that your purpose is to hone in on "those" talents instead of something you actually want to do? But what kind of terrible attitude is it to say "if you're not perfect at something immediately, don't even bother trying"?? Btw she was 7, she literally had her whole life ahead of her for learning to sing and dance if she wanted to.
she still does is whats funny. whats stopping her from learning to sing and dance now (assuming she is healthy)? but you're so right, had she persisted since the age of 7 she would have literal decades of experience but oh well
I'm trying to change my mindset and go after things that at least might make me happy. She sounds like the voice in my head when I'm depressed lol.
Oh no, what awful messaging. This exact type of thinking is what made my mental health spiral as a teen and make me think it was my own fault. Yiiiikes. Excited to listen to this while I clean
FR. 😭
Very fun as an undiagnosed autistic kid/teen and unknowing queer person already prone to both self critique and social isolation. I’d be interested to hear Rachel’s thoughts on the way this rhetoric can affect already marginalised people and make them believe discrimination is the result of personal failings.
Girl, you've been WORKING recently
Hats off to you 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Ms.Stuckey also single handedly alienated all her Catholic viewers by calling them "not true Christians" 😬 She's very similar to the hardcore fundies in most of her beliefs, and she's darn smug about it all too. She ABSOLUTELY uses religion as a tool to fear monger and keep herself in her position. She's one of the LEAST loving and compassionate "Christians" I've had the displeasure of watching. Now, I don't know her heart, but her actions/words speak for themselves. And, there are many good priests and pastors who absolutely believe that in addition to a relationship with God, one should also work on themselves as a whole. So I'd take what she says with a grain of salt - consider the source as they say.
Allie is very typical of early Puritan Calvinists. The individual competitiveness and materialism is pretty standard in Calvin's teachings. They're the same people who carried out the Salem Witch Trials. Allie is a throwback. Unfortunately.
Im early in the vid. Is she nifb bad?
She’s a Calvinist. Obviously she is among the “chosen” and we are not to question why God created some people destined for hell no matter what the do.
It made me want to throw my phone at a wall when the “God’s love is the only thing that is eternal” part because…. Allie… YOU’RE A CALVINIST! You literally believe that only some people are destined for heaven and the rest are pre destined for hell regardless of how they live their life. That doesn’t sound very eternally loving to me!
FUNDIE FRIDAYS MENTIONED AHHHHH I LOVE THAT CHANNEL SO MUCH
only 15 mins in but absolutely hate what she said about "being realistic" about your childhood dreams. my entire life all i cared about was writing, editing, and communication in general, and i pursued those areas of study despite so many adults telling me to "be realistic" because i'd never get a job. i'm in the educational publishing industry as an editor now, completely independent and successful at 24. if i had "sucked it up" and put myself through a STEM-focused education for the sole purpose of job security, i'd have been miserable then and i'd be miserable now. the more people who get to work a job they actually enjoy, the better the world is for it, and shooting those efforts in the foot right out the gate for curmudgeonly pessimistic reasons is genuinely the lamest argument i've heard in a while
I had this moment of "sucking up" during highschool where I chose a mechatronics course instead of environmental science because I thought it'd be more "useful". Needless to say I was miserable for the two years I stayed there, hated every single programming class, had terrible grades and was overall feeling extremely depressed. Eventually I left due to outside circumstances so I didn't even get the damn degree lmao. In any case, it was a good lesson to learn early on. Thank you for sharing your story. It's nice to see someone following their dreams and interests into a successful life!
came to the comments to say the exact same thing. all i’ve ever wanted to do since i was a toddler was be a veterinarian and i’m now in my first year of vet school and keep photos of my baby self dressed as a vet around to remind me of where i came from ❤ what a miserable existence to think that since you couldn’t follow your childhood dreams nobody could
I agree with everything you said! Except the caveat, however, is that you actually WERE realistic in your pursuits. Of course I don’t know you so I cannot know exactly how you accomplished being hired in your career by the educational publishing industry (i.e. application, nepotism, referral, internship, promotion etc)…but you did remain realistic about having a return on your collegiate investment. Good for you!
That's amazing, that's a dream job for me.
that introduction is exactly the thought process I had graduating from highschool, "im talentless, not special, nothing good will ever happen, success is hard so might as well give up now". I'm still trying to be more positive about how my life will look like, but our capitalistic system and general societal pressures for financial success make it difficult.
Giving up stuff for your pets... I am an aromatherapist who can no longer have or use any essential oils at home because I have a cat (essential oils are toxic to cats). They are now stored at work. I had to rent a premises to work out of rather than working out of my spare room. So not only can I no longer work from home, it is costing me more.
But... Avocado is my baby, and I love him so much I do not want any harm to come to him!
AVOCADO!!! So cuteeeee
This feels like the depression and self loathing in our hearts wrote a book.
i know right?! like damn. I got a bit ashamed when I realized I was kinda agreeing w the author on some of her depressing talk. It was a wake-up call xD
Sorry, telling someone who struggles with self-loathing that that is just further self-obsession is so toxic. That will just further the cycle of "I hate myself so much why can I not keeping thinking about me, oh goodness I'm so selfinvolved to spend so much time thinking about me and hating me. I'm aweful, I want to eacape me but now I'm horrible for self-obsession...." People like Allie make me want to firmly grab by the shoulders and say slowly, very close to their face "do you see that what you say causes more problems?!"
19:28 I was told to feel shame over my brother making more money than me and to drop my writing hobby to get a job in computer engineering. I am a published author who is now running a fan website professionally and loving what I do. And I have an office job during the day. I’m not ashamed of that. Or my “little hobbies” of being a pianist and volunteering in my community. I’m extremely proud of my brother’s accomplishments, but that doesn’t invalidate me making a life that fulfills me.
i think you/the audience would really enjoy the memoir I picked up recently about a pro choice Puerto Rican woman who had 15 abortions in 15 years and the complicated feelings that result from her experience. it's called impossible motherhood by Irene Vilar and I think you'd appreciate the nuance she explores in the sections I've read thus far regarding the guilt she does feel and the knowledge that she did the right thing for herself
*PLEASE deep dive her channel* I 💜 your commentary on fundies! Your commentary on that genre is very interesting & thought provoking, it’s an area I feel you thrive in.🥰
This woman hates herself so much that she had to write a whole book about how "trying to be happy" and being self-confident is something bad. You could almost pity her, she's clearly not okay.
This woman sounds like she would be the kind of person to tell someone they are trauma dumping on her for venting about their bad day.
this is the earliest i've ever been to a video
also Allie is such a gross person
I remember seeing this book in the store and finding the title quite weird. Looked up some reviews and they spoke for themselves 😅
Fundie Fridays is working on a video about ABS but it sounds like they’re having trouble getting it to pass checks. Hopefully not much longer for them either!
As an update, the video came out yesterday and it’s ~4 hours but definitely worth the deep effing dive. A wonderful long form complement to our lovely long form Rachel 🥰🥰🥰
Dreams are the fundamental building blocks of the future. People should always dream, and when possible, follow those dreams to create a better future.
One of my favorite quotes is:
"Dreams save us. Dreams lift us up and transform us into something better. And on my soul, I swear that until my dream of a world where dignity, honor and justice are the reality we all share, never stop fighting."
- Superman
I need to remind something to everyone:
REALISM IS NOT PESSIMISM. I hear them being talked about in the same way. No! Realism is also about seeing the good things. Realism is about being grounded, not that you don't have the right to look up and be ambitious.
So bit of a flex (but not really), but I’m an aspiring opera singer. I’ve studied for 7 years now, and ive been told by MANY people I should give up (a lot more people have told me to keep going but that’s not the point). If I would have given up when someone said to, I would have never learnt all the skills, not even related to the skill of the job itself (like self management, confidence, self worth, working with others, etc.), and I would not enjoy myself and be truly happy. I used to think singing would make me happy, and it does, but it’s not my sole purpose in life. I know I was never meant to hold a 9-5, and people like this lady are the same people that say as an adult ‘I’ll never be able to sing’. Rachel I’m so happy you’ve taken the time not only to do something you love, but to allow yourself that happiness regardless of whether you’re actually ‘good’ or not. And if anyone reads this comment, you CAN sing. It’s just a skill like anything else, and don’t ever let people tell you that if you don’t have the ‘talent’ you shouldn’t even bother.
Oh, and I would LOVE more videos!!! They’re great for when I’m doing crafts
"We should resist having empathy for the marginalized because that's not God's truth" has to be one of the most tell-on-yourself takes ever
It is so weird when people feel the need to compete with trans people. As if there is some scarcity.
They think that the "trans agenda" is going to make everybody Trans as part of some secret plot to annihilate all of humanity or some shite
She totally misunderstands self-love. Self-love is not the delusion that you're perfect (i.e. best in every way). It is more about being aware of one's strengths and weaknesses, and being at piece what one has. This means they can be confident on their strengths and work on their weaknesses, if they feel necessary, while not feeling anxiety or shame of having those, because actually no one is perfect. Mixing up being good enough with being perfect is such a weird strawman she does.
If she had actually done what SECULAR UA-camrs I watch do and that's critique actual toxic self-love culture... Perpetuated on TikTok through overconsumption and aesthetics, levelling up to be "as perfect as that influencer who spends $500 per week (and gets the rest as spons deals)" .... She actually could've been onto something. Think Clean Girl Aesthetic. When I think toxic self love, I think the mentality of perfectionism and overconsumption through the Clean Girl Aesthetic. It's supposed to be effortless and yet it's just a money-pit of unaffordable, far-too-much-effort performative actions for a hivemind of influencer worship.
But no, instead she thinks the idea I could even love myself enough to praise myself, feel confident in myself, working on my strengths and following my dreams, is evil evil evil (unless I die to self enough and minimise myself so Christ gets all the praise and I get nothing)
Holy moly! We don’t deserve all these multi-hour essay videos! In all seriousness, don’t overwork yourself, take care of yourself, and know that im not the only one who loves hearing your thoughts on stuff and so appreciates these extra long deep dives. Keep it up ❤
get MORE Marxist with us
Lol, I can just imagine Allie and all the other people like her hearing Rachel quote Marx, and to them it's probably like quoting Lucifer Himself, and their heads would be EXPLODING WITH HYSTERIA
I'm a Christian, and something I noticed in my own experience is that when I had terrible self-esteem, I was miserable regardless of whether I believed God loved me. I did believe that (still do), but it didn't do much to change how I saw myself otherwise. It was only after I learned "self love" that I actually began loving myself. Personally, I believe that's a good way to honour God, since I'm now loving someone (in this case, myself) that God loves. Other Christians will say that "all you need to be content is God's love!" but that's not actually true. You need a healthy balance, and you can't care for the people God loves, as the Bible says to, if you don't love those people. That includes yourself.
I'm a sucker for that one 1 am upload🤩🤩
Just a thought on formulation: I would recommend avoiding statements like "Nobody says XYZ" since, as we know, it is almost never true. I think you mean "Nobody credible says XYZ." or "Most people don't say XYZ".
I think dismissing the idea entirely is a mistake, as it will contradict many people's experience when instead they would likely benefit from finding out that, for example, the version of the self-love movement they encountered was quite marginal or ill-conceived, and that there are many more thoughtful and helpful perspectives out there to learn about.
I love how they trash men for being "feminine" while their idea of a man can't even take care of himself or a home without a woman doing all the work.
A strong independant woman is a double threat to them bc they think wimen are lesser and infantalized men are entitled to their labor.
They don't want anyone to be independant, happy, and secure,and all of it is justified by their imaginary friend.
10:12 hearing you recommend Fundie Fridays and realizing as a big fan of yours that you might have seen the video I was in on their channel 😅😁😁
Which one?!
@P4Stalot IHOPKC
Self love has worked a lot better for me than the conservative Christian path of "dying to self", seeing myself as depraved and sinful and insufficient without God, and obeying God. The latter path made me so miserable I literally became suicidal. It's no way to live.
My number one regret in life is converting to evangelical Christianity. My number two regret is not deconverting sooner. It destroyed my life. It offers false promises, then pulls a bait and switch and steals your life from you.
Ooft your comment sadly mirrors mine. The die to self culture is just horrific. And it's all because we're supposed to see every aspect of human self, from hobbies to psyche, as being 'sinful flesh'. Only that which is God is good, and that which is literally anything else is as 'filthy as rags'.
To touch on your second paragraph, I hear constantly Fundie preachers getting angry at the amount of people 'saved at the front' (quoting say, 100k at a conference) and lamenting why those 100k don't stay with the faith. Their only reflection, the ONLY reflection, is the idea the 'apostate church' (Prosperity, Contemporary... Of which I do criticise because it's gross) has given superficial promises and leaves people disillusioned because they don't get the True Faith.
And whilst I agree that Hillsong is a disgusting farce of millions in stage lighting and SA accusations, they refuse to accept so many people walk from the faith the Fundies are also presenting. Do I want to be in a faith where all I'm getting told is money = good, no. But do I want to be in a faith where I have to hate myself because I should see myself as walking filth, and the only way I can ever feel love is obey God.... Also no.
What I’ve noticed about people - whether theist, non-theist, atheist, or antitheist - is their confusion about the difference between self-love and unhealthy narcissism. I’m a Christian, and no matter what ANYONE says The Word is not against self-love…it’s against unhealthy narcissism. And no matter what ANY Christian says, most people are unknowingly trying to figure out how to have self-love…but the world teaches, supports, and encourages unhealthy narcissism.
The most important thing about this book is that allie refers to the readers as potentially being "wives and mothers"-- it's not self- help, it's propaganda for the patriarchy
Can confirm that you can have babies and still love your pets just as much. I have done this.
The idea that you'd bring home your baby, and then look at your pets and think "I love you less than I did a week ago because now I have this baby" is frankly kind of disturbing.
0:33 coool! Singing is such a joy!
I really hate ABS's whole "Your feelings aren't valid" rant, because that's literally such an abuser tactic. To make people doubt their perceptions and feelings on things, make them susceptible to being taken advantage of or ignore discomfort in order to do something someone else tells them to because they say they "know better". And pair this with her victim-blaming mentality (they're responsible for their own misfortune, they didn't love God enough etc.), and I have a hard time not believing that she has to be an abusive manipulator herself.
I sing all the time too, it’s why I watch videos like yours instead of music at work cause I can’t help myself 😂😂 I’ve been so tempted to find singing lessons, or vocal lessons for doing heavy metal music so it was so cool to hear you talking about it! I hope it went well ❤❤
People who sing when alone are happy! I've noticed that whenever I'm sad or upset that I don't sing. So sing your heart out ❤
I would LOVE it if you reviewed the toxic empathy one, although it’s okay if you don’t-ABS uses a lot of graphic and triggering language around abortions (D&X’s especially). I read it like two days ago without knowing she had some weird takes already, and it really got on my nerves. I want to be angry at it with someone else LOL
And of course you know why she uses that graphic language, right? The pro forced birth crowd absolutely LOVES to play up the most graphic and gorie details of abortions-often exaggerated far beyond reality if not outright made up-to *manipulate people's emotions*
AKA the very thing she accuses "left wing media" of doing by "weaponizing" "toxic empathy" 😑
just because ABS hates herself, doesn’t mean we all should ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I'd love to see your thoughts on MRKH and the impact it has on women. It's not a well-known syndrome, but loads of women have their lives uprooted after being diagnosed. Some people don't see us as "proper" women, and others tell us how "lucky" we are while not understanding how it impacts our mental health.
Nhs:
"Female with usual external genitals, but without a womb. This is called Rokitansky syndrome. It's also known as Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser (MRKH syndrome)."
Working for BlazeTV is a HUGE red flag!!! 🚩🚩🚩
Prefacing this by saying Rachel did not say otherwise, but I would like to add something re: body positivity and being healthy: at least within the Disabled and Crip communities, we also want to remind people that health is separate from morality. This ultimately HAS to include people that engage in "unhealthy behaviour" and/or "did this (being unhealthy, becoming disabled, becoming sick etc.) to themselves", because otherwise, other folks will always try to judge whether or not someone deserves help and sympathy. The idea that being unhealthy is a moral failing, often tied to the idea that you can only be "allowed" to exist as a certain body type if you are some arbitrary standard of what healthy is to make up for it, ultimately harms us all. I really appreciate that Rachel has a nuanced take on body positivity and who should have a platform, just wanted to add my two cents.
I'm an American and this is the first I've ever heard of spelling cancelled with one L
It's crazy how both book titles COULD have a good point.
Especially toxic empathy is a thing that can become a big issue to people who are getting abused.
Constantly valuing the pain of the abuser more than their own pain. As in "X experienced X-Y so it's understandable they feel like that", completely ignoring that YES that explains that behavior, but it doesn't change that your feeling of hurt is still reasonable and valid.
3:10 her tweet on like the origins of current trans people is sooo braindead... because I was quite literally a genderqueer transgender child, despite the "best' (at least well intended, to prevent bullying) intentions of my family and teachers and everyone else, I would only want to dress in the opposite gender's clothing, only use the opposite gender's toys, colors, and only make friends of the opposite gender. I was a toddler. I didn't even know what p"rn was let alone a "humiliation f"tish". I really bugs me so many people I speak to assume that just because new gener labels are commonly known now, must mean that everyone that now identifies as that lable just become trans or queer overnight. No we didn't Allie Beth. I quite literally did not choose this and had no clue what gender was while I was developing. I was who I was, was shamed for it, learned to hide it, and only came out of the closet again in recent years due to more acceptance. The moment I came out of the closet was not the moment I became genderqueer, it was the moment I acknowledged it.
I'm floored by Christians talking about the limitless love of God and Jesus and then talking about how once they had kids, their love and care for their pets diminishing. I've never had a child but I can't imagine my love for my cat ever taking a backseat. My heart grows with each new friend I make. The love I feel is overflowing and evergreen. Isn't that the Christ-like love they always talk about?
Parents can weigh in with their experiences here! As someone who doesn't have kids, I obviously have a lack of experience in that area and I wanna know if my assessment is off.
I'm not a parent but my parents had pets and they loved the SHIT out of them.
I love my daughter and my cats...it is a little creepy that this are the same people who have a lot of kids...Do they love them less when they have a new baby😮
Thanks for this video Rachel! I’m a conservative Catholic who grew up fundamentalist and I really appreciate your channel/work, even though I don’t agree with everything all the time. I think you’re a beautiful soul with fantastic artistic inclinations and gifts, and I really appreciate your voice. While we have different perspectives, worldviews, and opinions, I deeply value your voice. Thanks for sharing the gift of yourself and for giving me lots of things to think about.
Omg I really hope Allie gets a skilled therapist. This makes me sad.
"Apparently americans do spell it with one L"
WE DO???
Yaaay so glad you're covering this! ❤
Regarding the pet comments, even my pet turtle requires me to spend time with him, both for mental stimulation and for physical health inspections. Has she cared for an animal before?
I'm so lucky, I just finished an Alizee video and I was wondering what I was gonna do for the next couple hours when this video showed up. Thank goodness, otherwise I would've in a rabbit hole, watching how cheese graters are made (although that does sound interesting, maybe I'll watch that after this...)
Honestly, I'd happily watch the cheese grater video!! How It's Made (and similar stuff) has always been my comfort watch
@@RachelOates I loved watching who its made as a child and sometimes I revist it (or the hows its actually made vids they are funny is not juvenile)
i feel like as a christian or bible believing person. diminishing love in any way is just dumb. isn't that what the bible is all about?!
11:03 interesting that she didn't think of the concept of practicing and taking lessons and skipped right to giving up because she didn't have talent right off the bat. Says a lot really
Sadly we see the same pattern later when she talks about being handed a job she wasn't qualified for and messing up a lot :(
@@RachelOates So it’s a pattern. Yikes. I hope she grows, but it would be really challenging to backtrack on all these messy, unhealthy things.
Part of finding joy in life is enjoying passions that you can’t capitalize on, imo. Just because capitalism insists that the only things worth doing make you money doesn’t mean it’s true!
she sounds very miserable. if only she went through this using therapy and self-work instead of writing this book and spreading misery. sigh.
She sounds like one of those "brutally honest" people who's actually only interested in the brutal part
16:55 allie gave up on her whimsy and made it everyone’s problem
I just saw this book for the first time on a clearance shelf at Hobby Lobby and took a picture of it because I couldn't believe the title on the cover.
The Fundie Fridays takedown of ABS is phenomenal and really fascinating in style, partially because Jen does a vlog on her process of viewing ABS content.
1:34:14 This is so real, Rachel! It's so wild to me too because I will admit, I grew up super privileged and have had a lot of stuff handed to me, but I still interpreted that statement the same way you do! I knew that if I wanted to get what I wanted, I'd need to work for it and so I did. She really doesn't live in the real world....
This has been an incredible video so far - thank you! And hope you are taking care of yourself ❤️❤️
My mental health improved drastically when I let go of religion and embraced self love and what brought me joy.
47:09 oh gawd..."gender ideology"...I would love for nothing more than for that overcooked propaganda term to be banished to the sea
As if "traditional" gender roles aren't absolutely ideological.
@@mariaquiet6211exactly