The first one actually makes my blood boil. Also, why is NOBODY acknowledging the part where OP said that her daughter is working on the bossiness?? Mom clearly knows that it's an issue, as does the child, and they're working on it. My theory is that almost everybody saying OP is the asshole has no idea what it's like to be the child who is always excluded, especially when it's because you're a rule-follower. Besides, the problem wasn't that she wasn't invited, the problem is that she was pointedly not invited in a way that was humiliating and a violation of school policy. It was cruel to pass out all those invitations under OP's kid's nose, and that is the reason for the policy. I agree with you 100% Shaaba and you give me hope that empathetic people still exist in this world. God, I am angry with this one.
Thank you! I had the same reaction, but all the forum comments and some in this video’s comment section started to have me second guessing, but you are 100% right. It may be true that the kid has issues, but is working on them. And the point is that the open invites to everyone else is not okay. It’s not a school rule saying you have to invite everyone. It’s saying just don’t broadcast it, bc these kids are young and haven’t built strong sense of self yet to not understand it’s okay to not be included in everything. Think if a coworker were going around the office handing out wedding invites to everyone but you. It would still suck, even though you’re an adult who can understand that the person has no obligation to invite you too.
I 1000% agree. It gives me real everyone hating Hermione in the beginning of Harry Potter vibes, but ever worse because this child is SIX years old. Obviously we don’t have the whole story and OP may have been glossing over things but I really didn’t get that impression. I was a super bossy child and a real stickler for rules all the time. Of course we need to teach children to let others talk and play and be included, i.e. be kind, but is it really bad to say that running by the pool is dangerous? I also wonder whether this would have happened if a boy was acting that way. Regardless, if they had an issue they could either have just invited the closest friends as someone else suggested (not just leave out her) or tried to address the “issue” of her being bossy or disruptive with the child and her parents separately, not wait to not invite her to a party. Also - the dad?!? What sort of reaction is that?
Absolutely! When Shaaba got to the comments, it blew me away how many people were lambasting the mother for defending her daughter. I thought I must've missed some key detail and had to pause the video and scroll down to see what people were saying here.
Thank you! It was so weird to me that no one in the comments she read even brought up that the school has a policy against this specific thing. If you want to invite all but one kid in the class, either work out with that kid's parent a way in which you change your mind and invite that kid after all, or pay the price of postage to send a letter to EVERY. SINGLE. KID. EXCEPT. THAT ONE. You know, be an ADULT about it, either talk it out or pay up, don't just be an AH to a 6yo child because it's easier. While I probably wouldn't have bothered calling the other mom, the policy break should have been reported to the school. The policy is in place for a reason, and a 6yo is suffering from it not being followed.
it's entirely possible that the daughter in the first story is on the spectrum and doesn't understand why other kids don't follow the clearly defined rules. One of the notable traits of being on the spectrum is having a strong sense of justice, and It makes for quite a lonely childhood when you're the kid reminding everyone of the rules. It's not uncommon for signs of being on the spectrum to be ignored in young girls either, particularly if they're very vocal & hyperverbal. As someone who was a very "Viva la revolution" child for those same reasons, I could see how a similar but opposite experience could happen.
I 100% agree. This was me. AuDHD is… fun. 😅 If a rule isn’t important it should be clearly explained as such to the kid. No kid should be punished for following rules. That’s so horribly confusing! I hate social nuance sometimes.
Yes that was my first thought too! I’m autistic and didn’t get diagnosed until my teens, and I relate so much to the little girl from that story - I never could get to grips with which rules were set in stone, and which were meant to be broken. And so-called bossiness can sometimes just be anxiety in situations that feel very out of control, particularly when that anxiety is expressed in a direct manner.
About the birthday party invite story: I don't care who the asshole is, but it's clearly not the kid. She needs to face the humiliation because of something that's not her fault. At that age, this can leave deep scars. I feel so sorry for her because I know what that's like.
AGREE. I spent a few days helping in a kindergarten class and there was an adorable little girl who was a bossy little princes and got on my nerves. Much to my shock, turned out the adult in the scenario was ME! So I had to act like a grownup. I don’t care if OP’s daughter “got it from her mom.” You do NOT shite on a kid to get a point across. What would an adult do? Invite the kid. Set boundaries. Communicate the problem to the parent - possibly the kid instead. If handled with compassion and understanding, kids can be far more receptive than adults. I find the “well you’re the problem so no wonder she’s one too” misses the whole damn point.
@@glitterspray 1: Not likely this is the first time the kid's behavior has been brought up to OP. She's either being willfully ignorant or thinks the other kid's SHOULD do what her precious little angel says. 2: "Bossy" probably more like "bully." 3: you're taking the kid's behavior from OP's perspective as completely accurate. That's ridiculous. 4: Inviting the child you KNOW is going to be a problem and the the birthday kid doesn't want there is NOT "being the adult."
@@jakeand9020 general rule of thumb don't make assumptions that you have absolutely no clue about you only have what was told by OP and it was very clear that the kid was looking out for people's safety and general rule following I don't know how the hell you got bully out of it
@@glitterspray but it's not just adults in this situation, its other kids too. Yes this is going to hurt for the child but is it really any better to get invited to a party where the other kids dont even seem to want her there?
As someone who's grown up in Finland with public saunas I don't see anything wrong with the last person being naked in his bedroom. I've seen so many different naked bodies in my life and I think it's been a really good thing for my body image, since I've grown up seeing people in different bodies. When I briefly lived in the US I was shocked at people's reactions to being naked. I've never thought twice about changing clothes in a changing room and being naked in saunas is the norm. I just don't understand how someone can be upset about seeing a naked body if it's just in another house and this person isn't pressing themselves against the window, just walking around minding their own business. It's just a body, we all have one and in my mind it's healthy to see different bodies and not just see bodies in magazines that give you a completely warped picture of what naked bodies look like.
As a child I did a lot of swimming. Always got dressed and undressed in the public dressing room. As an adult that would make me unconfirmable and I think that is where the problem is for a lot of parent. They are projecting. Kids do not give a shit about nude people. They just might find it a bit weird someone is not wearing cloth in certain scenario's. However in that case you just explain to you kid that some people do not like sleeping with cloths on and that it is rude to look into someone else his room.
Exactly. when people don't see normal bodies and more often get access to idealised bodies in this commercial context. This totally destroys image how actual real body looks like. I dont mind that cartoon characters for example are drawn that way but let it be properly known it's just a fantasy.
We don't have that many public saunas in Norway, but every swimming hall has two rooms full of showers. You have to shower naked as a rule. They are split up by gender, but still!
For the first story, this is why I really dislike the rule of giving everyone in the class invites when they're young. I understand the idea is to make all the kids feel included, but this is one of the ways where it ends up making someone feel incredibly excluded instead. I was bullied a lot when I was younger-shy, anxious, chubby, nerdy, etc.-so it always felt insincere and dishonest when I'd be handed valentines every year because of the "include everyone" thing. My classmates were not my friends or kind to me (at best, just indifferent) most days of the year, so being handed a "I think you're neat" card made me feel even worse because I knew it was a lie. In terms of the situation, I'm in line with Shaaba's conclusion. I don't think the mother was out of line to ask why her child didn't have an invite when that is apparently a rule to be followed, nor do I blame her for defending her daughter. I think the husband is foolish-not being invited isn't going to teach the daughter that being bossy has consequences; rather, it's just going to make her feel bad about herself and very lonely.
I totally agree. I was also bullied as a child, and kids would purposefully not invite me to things in front of everyone. The policy of "you must include everyone" just makes it difficult for people like me to understand genuine friendship. Even now I am terrified of fake friends, and have a hard time trusting that people actually like me or are just doing it to be polite. There are better ways of going about teaching inclusion and respect.
@@melissacoviello2886 this, it allows you to exclude whoever you want. You can't however purposely exclude a 1st grader to their face. Don't get me wrong I understand what the others are saying I just think this method is a convient way to reduce the ammoint of embarrassment a kid has to go through
@@maironelfstone896 - I understand that struggle of not being sure who you can trust as a genuine friend. Small-town nonsense can be difficult on the psyche. 😢
@@melissacoviello2886- Fair, but the invites WERE handed out at school, based on what OP wrote. Cindy was sent to school with the invites and while she did hand them out before school started, it was still done at school.
When I still lived with my family, I had an elderly male neighbor who complained to my dad that he could see me in lingerie through the blinds of my bedroom window. I was 18 and he was retired. He should not have been looking through my blinds.
THROUGH THE BLINDS??? MY MAN, I KNOW YOU ARE RETIRED, BUT SURELY YOU HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN PEEP *AND* COMPLAIN ABOUT IT. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESH!
@@jakeand9020 What would that matter? Was she going to tell a kid not to run near the pool? The horror! I didn't realize people only wanted their kids to be friends with people who are perfect cookie cutter punchouts. Let the kid play.
@@solsystem1342 General rule of thumb. Never take a child's behavior from the parent's perspective at face value. The child being "bossy" is probably much less "follow THE rules" and more "follow MY rules," with a little "rules for thee but not for me" thrown in.
@@jakeand9020 Okay, but why should I take it from a stranger's perspective either? You don't even know them. YOU'RE also assuming the other parent was stating "facts" by badmouthing a f*cking 6 year old, what reason do I have to take your word on it??
@@jakeand9020 here's another general rule of thumb don't assume that a parent is lying about their kids Behavior the the kid could very well be just someone who's watching out for other people's well-being
The first story broke my heart! There's obviously not enough info to dx someone, but from the information provided that kid could very well be autistic! It wouldn't be a stretch of the imagination! It all sounds so familiar...
About the birthday party invite story, I was as taken aback as you were, Shaaba! I would definitely defend my daughter and wouldn't let anyone just call my 6-years-old names. She's at a learning stage and she wasn't even doing anything bad, she was literally trying to follow the rules as she learned them?? (It crossed my mind that the kid might also not be neurotypical, like, she could have autism or something like that, which would make the "I have to follow the rules" mindset even harder for her to break through. Of course, we can't just assume that, cause there's no information about that at all. It's just something that crossed my mind.) For the people that said "Oh, the mom was the reason why the daughter wasn't invited", well, the ADULTS should then act like proper grown ups and tell that straight to the mother, instead of blaming it on a 6yo little girl who can't choose who her parents are. Adult problems are for adults to deal with. Making a child feel singled out and guilty for it all is just cruel and borderline abuse.
I don't get the last one. Why is being nude in your home a problem? I mean, he's comfortable with being naked, he's not forcing anyone to look, does seeing naked bodies traumatize kids or am I missing something? The more we normalize bodies the better imo!
Same, I feel like this is a cultural thing. Growing up in the US, nudity was very stigmatized, but when I moved to Germany I discovered everyone was just like “eh, everybody has a body, what’s the big deal?” Bodies are just bodies, there is nothing inherently sexual or inappropriate about them!
@@SerenaWisdom Almost definitely, you’re way ahead of us Americans (and apparently the Brits too)! I suspect we have too many hardcore-religious hang-ups lol
With the first one, I don’t think there was anything wrong with calling! It could’ve been a genuine mistake that her daughter was missed. Poor girl 😭 Can’t believe the number of mean comments about the mum too!
Right? That shocked me. I definitely don’t think op was an asshole. She was just looking out for her daughter, and If I was the mom, I’d probably think it was a mistake too since Cindy was invited to her daughters party. Of course she’s gonna wonder why that’s not being returned!
@@ChloePotaters My only question is, why does Cindy's mom not want someone who's only looking out for her daughter and friends by being a rule follower? So many people try and get their children to be rule followers, especially at that age, OP's succeeded, what's wrong with that? Op hasn't stopped her daughter from having fun, she's stopped her from breaking rules which can cause her to get in trouble or, worse scenario, get hurt. Oh and second question, just thought of (if it's a public pool)- did everyone in the comments forget that that's a rule for pools? They literally have a rule board that has the words "Don't run" along with other rules, would you call the people who made those rules A*holes?
I have so many feels about this first story because my kid is the weird one who doesn't get invites to everything. But because the school has a similar rule, we only know he's not invited if we hear from someone else about the party. You are not allowed to deliver invitations at school unless everyone is invited - you CAN request an email list from the teacher and they send it out. My kid is not bothered, bc he's very happy existing in his own head. But the school refuses to be a vehicle for exclusion. There are definitely tons of legit reasons not to invite ALL THE KIDS, and I am not one to push back (I'm frankly perfectly happy not to go to most birthday parties and awkwardly exist around parents). I worried so much about his birthday party and if anyone would come - but several people did (and several said they would and didn't, which at a pay-per-child-in-advance place is another kind of rude). Anyway - I would absolutely be furious and hurt if my kid was the ONLY kid not invited. As a parent, I would either exclude more kids (we did that with my daughter to avoid inviting her class nemesis - only 15 kids were invited), or tell my child that it would be rude to exclude just one person and we'd talk about why they didn't like that individual and how we co-exist with people we don't like. I wouldn't call up the parent. I'd bitch in a moms group, seethe, and maybe cry a bit. But I also wouldn't tell a parent to their face their kid sucks. I mean, I accidentally told the best friend of a parent that their friend's kid sucked, but that taught me real quick to watch how I express my frustration with children and to think about how to address personality flaws/failings in kids. Kids certainly can be assholes, but calling them bossy buzzkills or weird attention seekers or budding psychopaths just isn't modeling patience or kindness and does no one any favors. Even if I feel that way inside, even if my kid dislikes them, how would I feel if the kid heard that? Recognizing the flaw in the child and how it could lead to relationship issues and working on it is good. Singling out a child for an annoying personality trait (or for her parents) is the opposite of helpful though. I appreciate the kids who spend time with my kid on the terms he can accept and don't get bothered when he shuts down. I still remember the kid from kindergarten who pointed at my son and yelled "That's O! He NEVER listens to ANYTHING the teacher says and he's a BAD kid" and how much it hurt. Model the behavior we want to see in the kids - you know? Don't let your kids bully if you can avoid it. The kid is crushed by being singled out and at 6 the kid isn't old enough to work through how to walk the line between cautious behavior, rule following and how to maintain relationships. This doesn't tell them not to tattle tale, husband. It just hurts their feelings and confuses them.
I'm autistic and it wasn't diagnosed when I was a kid, I was just weird. I wasn't invited to parties and people didn't make birthday cards for me. Most people weren't mean on purpose but it was a small school and I was one of the around 3 weird kids who just wasn't invited or who didn't get birthday cards when everyone else would get balloons and a card and a lot of the time a chocolate or something. I was overly cautious and didn't watch the same things everyone else did or listen to the same music and I took things too literally and my mom had a girlfriend and I corrected people too much. I think OP was just being protective of her kid. That other mom knew the rule and she sent her kid with the invites anyway. It's not great to yell but it's worse to call a child names when you're an adult and should know better. OP now needs to have a chat with her child about how sometimes people are mean and that when she grows up there are so many people out there and she will find real friends who like her for her and find her funny or interesting or lovely. One of the only things that got me through high school was that every time I'd see this one family friend she'd give me a hug and tell me that in a few years I won't even remember a lot of high school and she was right. It's amazing to be out of school. Also that kid is right and running by pools is dangerous so really idk what the problem is /half joking
@@oli_katemy thoughts exactly: this kid sounds like they are neurodivergent and people don't respect them I realized I'm an adhder a couple of years ago on my 30s. I too was/am overly cautious and was excluded (and later bullied) most of my school life. OP is awesome for standing up for their kid!
@@oli_kate Yeah, my kids are ADHD and we believe my son is ASD as well (his special services from school officially come with the tag 'Displays symptoms and behaviors consistent with symptoms and behaviors expressed by individuals diagnosed with ASD' because it's a big ole mass of EF dysfunction and who cares, really, outside of needing to ensure he gets accommodations and services at school). And the pandemic placed him further behind socially, too. I'm very grateful for the teachers who work so hard to keep him as an active member of the classroom societies in ways that are comfortable to him. But there is no way to avoid that he is different and a bit odd, when he doesn't sit at a desk and instead installs himself in the reading nook, and won't sit on the carpet during class time or participate in field day activities. I'm grateful they have been taught and are generally open to just kind of taking him as he is and letting him join in and wander out. It's not all the kids, certainly, but it's enough that he has friends, even if he bemuses them sometimes.
I did wonder when they said about the child "telling" on other kids to teachers if there was something else going on here, like maybe actually she has a really strong sense of justice and right/wrong and is realy bothered when other children behave in the "wrong" way. We've not really got enough to go on to make assumptions but ultimately, we never know what could be behind a child's behaviour and as an adult, it is never okay to call a 6 YEAR OLD CHILD names because they are acting in a way you don't like, or to single them out to such an extent that they are actively excluded. That is asshole behaviour through and through.
For the third story, can the neighbours not buy blinds and, like, keep them closed? Why is it up to OP to make a bunch of changes such that he cannot be nude in his own house?
If you're going to be nude in your home, you need to ensure you have the privacy to do so. The responsibility falls to the nudist to maintain decency, not those who happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. A lot of suburban neighborhoods at least where I live do this ridiculous thing called pointing neighboring windows directly across each other without much distance, so this isn't even a case of peeping tom more than likely. You look out your window, and you see through your neighbors window. No getting around that. You shouldn't have to be denied your window just because of someone else's actions, especially in cases like this of indecency potentially affecting children. What happens if someone just happens to be opening the window to let in some air at the same time you're getting out of bed? There is zero sense of respect towards consent. The one being nude needs to use sheer curtains or privacy screens, or something. They're allowed to live their life, not push their preferences onto non-consenters.
Even nudists have things to block their yards and inside their homes so people don't accidentally get an eyefull of ass, are you kidding? He has NO excuse being naked with the wide open view of his neighbors. Teach kids not to snoop? Wtf? You mean teach them if they look somewhere at the wrong time, they could see a naked man? Sounds like a really gross "lesson". You don't have to be a snoop to glance at your neighbors. In your own home or not if you're in view of your neighbors, children, or the public you are in the wrong, and this is coming from someone who would totally go nude if I lived alone. What could you possibly excuse needing to expose yourself to the outside like that?
@@mysty_nyx you said it...shouldn't have to be denied your window. I have neighbors with a window 30 feet from ours and I make a point of not looking because they have a right to use their home however they like, just as I do. I sleep nude as well and in MANY years there has never been an issue due to mutual respect of privacy. I have taught my children to do the same. Looking into someone's private space without permission and being upset by what you find is an absolutely ridiculous self made problem. It's an opportunity to teach your kid about respecting privacy, we don't make an issue out of sharing locker rooms with people because it's the appropriate place for nudity..as is someone's home. It's not like they have sex in front of the window, they're going about their day. If I were to see my neighbor reading the bible out loud- something I find offensive and inappropriate, I would have no right to say a word no matter how much I dislike that I can hear them. Long story short- If at any time you find yourself looking through someone else's window and you don't like what you see...remember that you're the weird guy looking through someone's window.
Same- I was similar to the kid when I was that age. I was always a rule follower and I had a hard time not trying to enforce rules. My parents are very kind people and I do not think they deserve to be called assholes for raising me the way they did. I was excluded from parties growing up, and I don't blame my parents. The other kids were assholes.
Exactly! Getting angry at another parent for openly insulting your kid is completely valid, and asking them what's up in the first place is also valid, finding out if there was a mistake or whatever. And a kid being a rule follower isn't exactly abnormal, it's perfectly healthy for every friend group to have someone who's concerned about safety!
Agreed. I don’t see why it was wrong that OP called to see why the school policy was broken, and I don’t blame her for defending her child from being insulted. Cindy’s mother could have said that the other children feel uncomfortable with how OP’s daughter bosses them around, so until she is better about that, they would prefer not to have her at the party. Is that still mean for the daughter, yes, but it at least addresses the behaviour and doesn’t call a young child a bad person.
If the family doesn’t want to see the nude neighbor, why don’t they put up curtains? I personally wouldn’t like the idea that someone could see me nude, but it’s my choice wether I change my behavior in my house.
Or just add some of that plastic stuff you can stick on your window that light can shine through, but you can not see through. That way the curtain can be open, but your child or you would not have to see the nude neighbor. Solving things that bother you by making changes yourself just makes your live so much better and easier.
The first story is heartbreaking. I live in a small town and I can see this happening. I do not think mom is an a hole. The party thrower is because she was willing to let one child suffer by giving out the invites at school. I get that tattletales get a bad rap, my youngest is like that and recently got called a Karen at school. He was upset by it, but believes in doing the right thing even when it isn’t popular. He will be an amazing adult and likely won’t peak in high school. It’ll be hard for him, but he will be proud of himself. I have 4 boys, the oldest wasn’t a troublemaker or a goody two shoes, the 2nd was a trouble maker and the 3rd is similar to the oldest. All raised in the same house and they’re very different.
I'm all for people being naked in their own homes and it's more saddening that they cut down all the forest there imo. They took down the barrier and the US in general stigmatizes bodies way too much. They can put up sheer curtains in their house if it displeases them that much. The curtains go both ways here but they're the ones with the problem so they should solve it, op already changed their routine to lessen the issue.
Flowers. Put some awesome flowers In there. Better air for the bedroom, will obscure the view, great decor, and you can really have some awesome plants that need a cup of water once a week and a change of pot every two years, less work than taking of and washing the curtains.
I usually don't feel the need to make comments on AITA posts but after watching your video on it and quite frankly I am flustered at the responses. Because *I* was just like this child and still am to an extent to this day. I have autism and was always a so-called "party-pooper" or "buzzkill" because I am always "snitching" on others without meaning to hurt the other person. I followed rules black and white, no grey whatsoever. Anyone who didn't follow the rules gave me extreme anxiety and overwhelmed me. If I was coming off rude it truly was on accident. I relate SO MUCH to this child, and the responses are disgusting IMO. Definitely, definitely NOT THE AHOLE. And guess what, I didn't even pick up the behavior from my mom. She does not have autism and understands nuances very well. I don't. I have a strict black-and-white rule in my head and anything outside of that eventually resulted in meltdowns. I assume I have OCD too so that would only add to the issues. There is absolutely NOTHING saying ANYTHING about any disabilities et cetra so we don't know in that context but it sounds just like me when I was a child and quite frankly and am very hurt because this could've been me. If I were a mom I would've absolutely called out this other mom. My parents get so upset when I am excluded, and I get excluded a lot because I'm not as outgoing as my friends in understanding others. So I would call her out. Absolutely 100%. Not one thing exudes AH behaviour from this poster. I am super disappointed in this online society we call Reddit. 😢(I watched the video on my other acc that's why I didn't watch it the whole way through here.)
I was actually thinking something similar it sounds like the kid has a ridged sense of morality and a hard time differentiating between rules that need to be followed and vs ones that don’t necessarily. I get that that can be annoying for other kids but like that’s gonna be a foundational memory for that kid. I still remember how no one wanted to play with me when I was freaking 4 and that was without adults encouraging it.
Honestly, if my kids told me they saw the naked guy next door through the window I would tell them it's rude to look through other people's windows, close their blinds. If it was ongoing I would have a more serious talk with my kids about how rude it was and to keep their eyes to themselves and maybe approach the neighbour with an embarrassed "hey, I'm so sorry, I'm not sure if you realise that we can see you naked through the windows really easily because they face directly towards each other. I've told my kids to mind their business and I'm going to buy some sheer curtains to offer you more privacy over the weekend but I thought you should know in case you have windows close on the other sides and no-one has said anything, I'm so sorry!". I don't understand why it is OPs problem to fix?!
I agree with the principle, though I do think there are exceptions. I think it’s totally fine for a child to know what naked bodies look like, they needn’t be so sexualised when bodies are beautiful and functional in so many other ways. I don’t agree with nudity I don’t consent to when I’m thinking about all the 🍆 pics and nudes I’ve opened. I also don’t think that somebody who carries trauma surrounding nudity, be it from assault, parental punishment, body issues etc, deserve to be triggered. Black and white rules are always tricky!
@@shaaba- But OP was in his own home. He wasn’t flaunting or sending anything. 🍆 pics are not comparable to this situation. If anything, it’s more comparable to a peeping Tom situation. Maybe what needs to happen is they put up a fence or trees to stop the line of sight. I blame the company that constructed these houses lining up the windows like that.
@@shaaba Exactly. While I obviously don't think his behavior makes him an exhibitionist (since he's just continuing with a previously private and harmless routine), his reluctance to seek privacy when he knows he is being overlooked (and the assumption here is that he's not being peeped at, because that would be a whole different story) is a bit dodgy. He knows he is exposing his nudity to strangers who explicitly asked not to be exposed to it, which may not be exactly assholy, given the circumstances, but it *is* at the very least showing a weird stubbornness. Like I said in another comment, just sort your privacy out and send the bill to the developers who created this awkward window situation.
@@shaaba I'm wondering, would you see someone breastfeeding in a public place as "nudity that isn't consented to" and be against that? Because that's the comparison my brain immediately went to, and I think it's an interesting one to consider.
Where I am it's considered very rude and not ok to not invite everyone in the class all through elementary school. You always invite everyone. When kids get a bit older, like pre-teenish, they would only celebrate with their friends which is fine. The rule about mailing them doesn't make much sense because as you said, the kid who wasn't invited would know. You have to be a particular kind of cruel person to not invite one 6 years old kid in the class to a party and then bad mouth her. She's still learning, chill the hell out. That kid must have been so hurt and so sad.
i grew up in a small town and we had similar issues. most likely, the "rule" about mailing invites out if you don't want to invite someone is an unofficial one, since the school can't enforce anything outside of school property or hours. so the school probably doesn't endorse not inviting others, but that's the workaround parents figured out.
The thing about the third one is the arrogance of the neighbour to have the audacity to tell someone how they should dress or not in their own home!! Stop looking through his window, tell your kids to stop looking in his window and buy some blinds! I can't imagine looking through my neighbour's window and seeing them naked then thinking I have the right to tell them they should put clothes on so I don't have to see them naked WHILE I'M LOOKING THROUGH THEIR WINDOWS!! That's insane 😂
Re the third story: can we stop sexualizing nude bodies?!?! He has all the right to be naked in his own house! Even if it's a child, there's nothing wrong in seeing a naked body ffs!
Especially stop sexualizing nude bodies in the name of a child. They do not care about the nude body. They might only find it weird someone might not be wearing PJ's.
@@ronrolfsen3977 So true! They might not have even noticed if their parents hadn't made a fuss about it. I suspect they DEFINITELY wouldn't be watching curiously regularly for a look if dad (and presumably mom) hadn't flipped out. Kids (especially young ones) get their priorities and opinions from the adults around them, until they have enough experience to form their own thoughts on those subjects. Especially when it comes to what people outside the family do, say, or look like.
Right? I wish this puritanical BS would just go away already. Oh no! You have a body! Ahhhhhhh 🙄! How dare you remind a child that they have a butt! Ugh.
Absolutely! This is the same logic that leads to people being shamed for breastfeeding in public, because omg what if someone is traumatised by the sight of naked boobs? It's not like OP is jacking off in front of the window; it's literally just flesh.
I've been saying this for years! Growing up my mom would often be conpletely naked in my presence, usually before or after a shower. Because I grew up with it, I didn't care. I'd see other naked bodies sometimes if they happened to be changing or something, and again, I didn't care. Kids only care if you tell them they should. They haven't developed any sexuality yet, so the only difference between genitals and fingers or a nose is that genitals are normally hiddden, but kids don't typically know why.
Inside one's home (at least here in the us) we have something called an "expectation of privacy". Legally the person in the wrong, is the person peering into your private residence, like there are laws against "peeping Tom's" The only justification I could possibly imagine for the neighbor is if the window directly across is a young childs room.. but even then he could have approached it better and frankly.. put some curtains up in the kids room if he's worried about it.. like there's two windows in the equation here 👀 Also tge fact that op tried to minimize it and still got "caught" so to speak points towards a level of observation/scrutiny that I would call a red flag.. Sounds like conservative Christians trying to police every body else's actions.. 🙄
**Neurodivergent alert blaring for the first one! ** I'm autistic and was exactly like the child described in the first post. Everyone drills into children to follow rules; the dissonance between this and what people actually want in certain situations would cause extreme dysregulation for me, both mentally and physically. I've had to intentionally learn about balancing the rules with what is just and with what is expected socially, something I didn’t have the learned experience or tools to navigate at only age 6. When folx talk about just ‘accepting and including’ everyone, they don’t dig into how they would navigate actually situations like this. Things like this are an example of why many believe there is no such things as a non-traumatized autist. Note: I’m not saying that child is definitely autistic, we don’t know that, the family likely doesn’t know that, just sharing similarity in my experiences as an un-diagnosed AFAB kid. Also don't know how I would have wanted the situation addressed if I were living it again, just that this is a factor to be considered.
@ROCKlazuLEE--Spamton-P🎵 if I have counted correctly, we are now ten autistic or AutDHD people in the comments clocking the little rule follower as One of Us. Being excluded was painful, and part of bullying in school. Did not build character. At. All.
Same, but only if the rules made since for me, I hate unreasonable rules, but could have something to do with my traumatic childhood and my BPD that sometimes works against it, because of how impulsive I am sometimes because of this and sometimes I overwhelm myself with this.
Me too, I absolutely related to that kid from when I was a child and am now in the process of getting diagnosed with ADHD and autism aged 22. I also remember that level of exclusion and it hurts to this day.
What is so wrong with seeing "the naked man"? I really don't understand seeing someone being naked while they walk over to get clothes. It's just a person existing, in what way is that harmful?
The mother of the birthday girl is the arse. Even if my daughter didn't want the girl to attend her party, I couldn't bear to leave a child out. It's surely not beyond the wit of a parent to deal with the child other than excluding her. The real bully here is the mother hosting the party.
I personally wouldn't allow my kid to invite literally every other kid in the class except for one. Not inviting everyone is one thing, but excluding one person feels mean. But if that was my kid, I'd probably just comfort her and go do something fun with her, and of course talk about it.
Look if someone tried to tell me how I’m allowed to dress or not in my own home where I pay the rent, we’re going to have problems. OP tried to be considerate and that’s more than they are obligated to do. Neighbors should get blinds or whatever it is they need to deal with THEIR problem 🤷🏾♀️
12:59 i genuinely dont get why it would be wrong for the guy to keep being nude *in his own home*. in most european countries it's just normal. if the neighbours dont like it maybe stop looking in his windows? if you cant be freely yourself in your home, then where can you be?
My grandma lives across from a person who I don’t think understand that my grandma can see right through her windows and she walks around naked a lot of the times. I don’t see it as a problem as I myself walk around naked a lot. And I’m in the mindset “if you don’t wanna see me naked don’t look”. And I think that stems from when my guy friends commented on my cleavage telling me to cover up. But it’s them looking at my chest in a sexual way. If OP was like doing sexual stuff in front of the windows I would be 100% concerned, but I personally don’t see anything wrong with a naked body
I’ve never understood teaching kids a bunch of rules, telling them DIRE consequences will happen if they don’t follow the rules and then getting mad at them when the child insists the rules be followed. I went from being called a tattle tale to a killjoy to a social justice warrior as I grew up and it’s only ever been because I told on bigger people bullying smaller people.
For the first one, the thing that makes me say that the OP is NTA and the other mom is one is that she had her child deliver invites to everyone at school *except* for OP’s kid, embarrassing and insulting a friggin 6 year old. OP may indeed be a pain and I don’t know how productive yelling at the other mom is, but the other mom is teaching her child a very bad lesson. Just mail the invites!!!! For the last one, the neighbors may well be weird, controlling neighbors now watching what he does, but dude, why do you need to sleep with open curtains? Just get a sheer window covering and restore peace to your own life.
13:50 NTA. a) the children and their parents are on the other side, they don't see you up close unless they make an effort to watch you b) they can hang curtains on their window c) you are already trying to limit it a bit. It's your house, you're not doing it outside. d) nudity is not universally wrong. If it's not up close, and not sexual (not all nudity is sexual. Esp not to kids.), there's no harm coming to the kids who see it *occasionally* and *from afar*.
In the third story, why the neighbours don’t buy blinds??? Like, OP stated he likes waking up with the sunlight, so I understand him not buying blinds or curtains, but why the neighbours refuse to do so if they’re so bothered with OP’s nudity in his own home???
The third one is ridiculous! Let the man sleep his best sleep and live his own life, why would it hurt a child to see a naked person going about their business? And why would the child be staring? X'D
With the money one, we had a really unequal and kind of uncomfortable distribution of my grandfather's estate when he died. It was really hard not to feel upset that my uncle didn't handle the estate properly, but my dad kept stressing that the money is "pennies from heaven." We didn't know what money was coming before, and what we received was a really nice benefit that we wouldn't have come by otherwise. For the last one, being naked in your own house isn't public indecency. it's private, therefore inherently *not* public indecency. the neighbors can get curtains that they draw at night if they have a problem with it. you can't control what someone else does, but you can control how you react to them.
Why don't the neighbors buy blinds or curtains if staring into other people's windows is such a bother? The neighbors can just as easily fix this without demanding OP change his sleeping style.
Here in Sweden the neighbour is in the wrong. It is non of their business if you are naked inside your home. You can accually even breaking the law for watching your neighbour.
Where I live, if a child throw a party and invite everyone except one child, that would most definitely be considered bullying and the teachers would intervene. You either invite everyone, all the boys, all the girls, or just a small group of friends. It's sounds that OP's little girl might have a problem with social skills, or just needs to learn how to act in society, but she is 6! She is still learning. And learning to be respectful to people who you don't like but you see everyday, is also a social skill, that the birthday girl maybe should learn! If my kid was invited to the party, I am not sure I would allow them to attend.
I feel Cindy's mom's the asshole! I get that, everyone in the comments and mentioned in the scenario is talking in the sense of fun but, you should not say another parent that their 'child is a buzzkill' or even use such terms for kids. Its malignant in soo many levels. Maybe telling that their kid would 'just be parenting the other kids' would have been a better way I guess and I feel that the kid is just a bit more mature and responsible for her age, Idts parents should be toxic to such kids. Its just going to unnecessarily harm the kid if her father went to her and said, 'you were bossy and so, your friends pushed you away sweetheart!'. Kids and parents have to understand everyone has their place in the world and just being different is not necessarily a descent into a shitty abyss. It's just a different expression of the human species and might be needed by other rat-racers in the future.
I'm quite confident that it is not illegal to be nude in your own home. Even in front of open windows. Other people can choose not to look into your home. There's an expectation of privacy when you're in your own home, so the illegal thing would probably actually be the people looking in.
The whole "is it public indecency if it's your private property/inside your residence" is actually location specific. Different countries or even smaller areas (e.g. counties, states, provinces, what have you) have different precedents set by courts of law on this. Some say it is, some say it isn't.
For #3, I was on OP's side the moment they said the neighbor didn't ask them but rather "gave me and order and fully expected it to be done like I was his kid or employee". That attitude smacks of an over-involved neighbor who harasses everyone to follow certain rules "for the good of the whole neighborhood". Also, why is everyone assuming that the neighbor has kids? OP never said the neighbor has kids. But if I had kids and didn't want them seeing one of my neighbors naked for a few seconds in the morning, I'd cover their windows. And if my kids were obsessing over the said occasionally naked neighbor, staring out the windows to "catch" them, it would be my job as a parent to handle my kids' behavior, not blame the poor neighbor for having a body and sleeping naked. That said, for OP's peace of mind and defense against potential charges, I'd recommend sheer curtains or the kind of the blinds that you can angle to let in light but not the eyes of your nosy neighbors. At that point, the neighbor would have to be making an effort to see you naked during the few minutes it takes you to put on shorts every morning.
For the last story. OP was there first so it's not his problem. The developer's of the new building/buildings tore down existing trees out of greed for space. It's not like the man is having an orgy in his window for everyone to see. He's not the asshole here. BTW in some American states including my home state and current state of Texas you can be fully nude looking out the window and not breaking any law's. I need more information about where the supposed incident happened i.e the State or Country. If it happened in a location with similar law's the man was well within his rights to do what he did.
if the neighbors dont want to see the nude guy, why dont THEY but blinds on their window and keep them closed in the morning so they they cant see out that window?
@@Random_Üser-z1y haha right? YOU MUST NEVER BE NAKED! actually this guy shuld even shower fully clothed imo. (yea i could tell but i know some people dont get sarcasm lol)
@@shaaba there's an anime convention at an indoor water park resort hotel in America that put in a poorly worded rule saying that all con attendees must avoid lewd behavior and nudity was not tolerated in the water park, convention center, and the hotel rooms. Due to the wording of the rule it was technically against the convention policy to shower naked in your hotel room. The most popular cosplay of the entire weekend was the never-nude from Arrested Development
On the last one, something about saying the neighbors should get blinds is that they don't exist inside their house whereases the nudity is happening inside. Them having blinds won't help if they are outside in their yard with kids and can still potentially see inside into the persons bedroom. I feel like blinds for everyone is the best solution, but he has gone through a lot of effort to mitigate!
15:57 I get what you’re saying shaaba, but I definitely think there is a difference between to a hateful sign and someone walking around naked (without doing anything sexual) in their own home
I mean, they literally built a house with a window right in front of his bedroom window, I would be super pissed if I moved somewhere that I could be naked in my own home and then other developments hindered that privacy. It’s not about wanting the neighbors to see you, it’s about the fact that your home is now less private due to other peoples poor planning. I would be annoyed at whatever developers thought that was a good idea. I’d also be pissed my view of the tree was gone. This is all exactly why I’m going to buy a house in the middle of the woods without a neighbor in sight. Also why the fuck don’t the family put up curtains so they don’t see into his home??? They can’t tell him what to do but they can solve the problem in their own home.
For the third one: Nakedness in your own home is totally fine. If you don't want to see your neighbours, get blinds. As long as OP isnt doing anything inappropriate, its really normal. Here in Germany we even gave public nude sections in parks. So i have seen many naked bodies as a child. I'm not traumatized. I have also seen my neighbours naked, and just look away. Racists signs are a completely different topic, as they have hateful intend. Bedroom gymnastics with a partner would be a different situation as well.
Listen, if the guy has small children and a window that can see though the neighbor's place, then THE PEOPLE WITH CHILDREN SHOULD GET CURTAINS if the neighbor sleeps naked!
About the guy sleeping naked with complaining neighbours: He's changed part of his routine for their benefit already. It's an opportunity for the neighbour to talk to their kids about public or private nudity, and not everyone wears clothes when they're alone. I may be biased because I'm also a person who walks around naked at home, but I just don't understand the fear of nudity. It's just a body, everybody has one. If he had been purposely pressed up against the window in an effort to be seen it would have been another thing, but he's just at home going about his day.
Why don't people get the rules for birthday parties? Either invite everyone or only invite your best friends (like of its 20 kids in the class and 3 of them are bff's and want to have a celebration just those 3 kids)
As a child free couple, I'm inclined to say - if you don't want to see a naked person in their own bedroom, maybe don't look. I get why it might make the parents over the road feel uncomfortable, but the discomfort is their problem. If the OP isn't actively trying to attract attention when nude, it's really not their concern. It isn't my job to help raise someone else's kids, i genuinely get why the parents may be uncomfortable, but maybe that's something they need to talk to their kids about, or switch bedrooms, whatever. I know the saying is "it takes a village", but that doesn't mean it is the village's duty to save you from awkward conversations.
Could not disagree with the forum more on the first one. Especially since the daughter clearly knows it’s an issue and they are working on it (in FIRST GRADE, no less), my mind immediately jumped to undiagnosed autism, especially since girls tend to be underdiagnosed in the first place. If she gets that worried about the rules, she also likely has an anxiety disorder. It’s upsetting to see a fully grown adult call a tiny six year old a “buzzkill”. I cannot imagine being that immature.
13:00 The law generally prohibits nudity in public places in the United States. Nudity is also generally illegal on a person's own property if the nude person is visible to the public, such as through an open window or sunbathing naked in the yard. Wack tho
With the third story. If the father is relying on kids telling him that they saw the "naked man" again he should remember that the kids could be using it as a nickname for him as to them the fact he was seen naked a few times would be the most memorable thing about him as i doubt they spend any time with him. Also they might consider being in underwear naked, I did as a kid though as a girl standards were higher when it comes to covering up.
4:16 i think the rule of the school is sensible to not make kids feel left out. It is also valid when a *child* (not their parent!) does not want to invite a specific kid. It's their birthday, they should not be forced to invite someone they don't like. However, if my child were to want to invite everyone but one or two kids, i'd veto that and tell them they can either invite a few, or half the class, or everyone.
It can't be public indecency if it's in a private residence (!!) and the other family is looking through the window to him (just saying, I think the case would be seen differently if it was a naked woman). Plant a tree or put up a fence or something if you don't want to see him, but otherwise just look away. He's been in the neighborhood longer than you are, and nobody else had a problem. It's not like he's creeping on the kids or anything. Nudity is not inherently sexual, and it's the neighbor's problem for looking into someone else's house.
Complaining about the amount of a GIFT is a sure way to get nothing in my books. This is why I was taught to say thank you upon receiving a gift, before opening it. The amount of entitlement family members feel about your money (kids towards parents, found money, won money, etc.) is astounding.
For the guy naked in his own home - the police will not do anything about this because the guy is in his own home not creeping around the bushes being skeevey in the direction of someones kid. Also, that guy will forever be "naked guy" to that family even when he is not. Because that is how they know of him. So even if he was covered from head to toe the neighbor's kids will say they saw "naked guy" that morning because that is how kids operate. Also, how creepy that the neighbors are keeping tabs on naked guy through his windows...
The thing about the party one is it would have been so easy to avoid having that little girl heartbroken. The parent of the other kid is a HUGE asshole for not just mailing the invites. Giving the invites before class makes it feel like bullying that little girl. There's a reason the rule was put in place
I really do not get the problem with the nudity story. The guy is not doing anything wrong just by being naked in his own house. Are there just no nudists at all in America? A body is not a sexual object, it is just a body and is nothing to be afraid of.
Sadly Americans (and evidently Brits?) are very anti-nudity. When I moved from the US to Germany, I was shocked that nudity was seen as something very normal and not shameful. I personally say bodies are just bodies! Especially being ace, there’s nothing inherently sexual about nudity.
That level of exclusion that kid in post 1 is facing is honestly heart breaking. Idk if the forum get this, but the exclusion doesn't just suck cuz you miss out on a party or that you won't know what everyone is talking about the next day (which is already awful) but it's also that you've been told you are widely disliked and not worth anyones time. That messes you up as a kid and could very well contribute to some long term self esteem issues into adulthood.
About the birthday party, I was the kid never invited to parties because I was a "nerd," I was fat, I was "the teacher's pet," ad I was "weird." (It was the 80s and I was a girl that liked video games.) I also now know I'm a bit neurodivergent and have ADHD... and yes I liked the structure of school and the endorphin rush of getting an A. Fast forward to my being the mother of two kids, who were, essentially a lot like me and their Dad, who is ND and ADHD as well. They also were not invited to parties. I did my best to not make a big deal out of it and always encouraged them to be their authentic selves and find friends that honestly valued them for who they are, even if "the masses" didn't. And you know what? They're fine. I'm fine. It hurt, yes, but they're teens now and they are much more empathetic, caring, insightful, kind people than many of their peers, I think in large part because they know how it feels to be on the outside. They have their "ride or die" friends who love them. (Yay Drama Club. Theater kids rock.) All of which is to say, the mom that didn't invite the kid is the asshole. And regarding the window story, it seems clear that if the family doesn't like what they are seeing through their window, it's on them to put up blinds or curtains. That man has a right to do what he wants within the confines of his home. THEY are invading HIS privacy. If he was the one who felt bashful about being seen naked, he could opt to put up curtains, but clearly, he doesn't care if someone sees him naked briefly. So the burden is on the family. It's just like with fences. If you don't like your neighbor's yard or want your dog to be able to run around without a leash, it's on you to put up a fence, not your neighbor.
I don't know if Shaaba has tried this before or not, but I think she'd be amazing at ASMR, she has such a lovely voice and the soft happy supportive tone of a lot of ASMR would really suit her.
What!? Are curtains just that cheap in the UK!?!?!? Cheap curtains at ikea here in australia are minimum $40 for the crappy ones Edit: thats just the last time i checked though, precovid, so i assume its more expensive now since $40 barely feeds one person for a week anymore
Yeah in US curtains are not a cheap expense for anything decent. Cheap curtains are around 20 a panel. It can cost $100 for a good sized window because you probably need the hardware too.
@theo At the moment thats an accurate conversion rate, i mentioned that 40 was the cheap price for crappy curtains several years ago, and that i dont know how expensive theyve gotten since then
@@hyunjinsanity currently. I mentioned in my comment that you replied to that my info is from years ago. I really thought adding the edit would help people not get confused like this 😅
With regards to the man being naked in his home, he is IN HIS HOME! He should be able to do what he wants! Why are the neighbours looking in in the first place? If you don't want to see, don't look. It is not public anything if he is inside his own home... If he really wants to be considerate though, just put a pair of shorts right by the bed before going to sleep. That way you can just put them on before walking anywhere, rather than walking to the wardrobe first, but again, this would be a choice and him being considerate. I would turn around and tell the neighbour to stop spying!
For the last one, if she’s in the USA, there have been cases that set precedent for this. Legally, OP is fine. There is expected privacy in your own home and the few times the privacy isn’t protected by law is if a crime is clearly happening (murder, assault, child endangerment, etc.). I sleep naked, and if I get warm I’ll be naked in my room 🤷♀️ I’ve done this when I lived in a place completely isolated from other houses, in an apartment, in a house in the middle of town, and now in a house in a subdivision, and I’ll continue doing it lol if others have a problem with it, they can simply not look in my window
Living in a city, the number of times I have seen people naked through a window are too many to count on both hands. I wasn’t never trying to spy, just looking out the window and happening to see people, because they do not have curtains or it’s nice weather and the windows are open, blinds pulled back. If I have seen my neighbours, I assume they have also seen me. But who cares, it’s just a body.
If I was in a situation like the post about the mother-in-law wanting more money, I would have been pissed that she was being ungrateful. I would want to tell her that now she doesn't get anything but could be unfair to the father-in-law.
I want to add my own two cents about the person sleeping nude. I personally think that teaching the kids NOT to look at someone else without their consent is a much more important lesson, especially because said person is in their own home. What the father is doing might teach the kids that 1) nude bodies are inherently sexual; 2) depending on the level of nudity of a person, you are entitled to stare at them; 3) other people can dictate your personal life in your own home. I understand compromise and caring about your neighbours but comparing a naked body to a derogatory sign is not OK. If anything, it's very harmful to vilify and stigmatize something so natural. I think we should also think about the person this naked body belongs to, they too have feelings. It's kind of disgusting for the family to keep looking at the neighbour and not teach the children that it's not alright to do. I would feel very creeped out. And this is coming from someone who does get triggered by naked male bodies (men in general really) due to past childhood trauma and more. I'm mentioning this because I've seen a few people siding with the neighbor because they also share this aspect. But you do have to stop and think that this is something WE have to work on and we should not let it cloud our judgment.
I wouldn't call, but I would 100% channel by daughter's energy and tattle to the school about that parent excluding my child in front of everyone and humiliating her. Calling out other people's bad behaviour is typically only seen as 'bossy' to those who think the behaviour is okay. So I guess I'd be a bossy buzzkill for calling out another parent for humiliating my child without any consideration of her feelings
okay so about the guy sleeping naked. In the country where I come from, nudity is very natural/normalised and let me explain. if you were to go to a public swimming pool for example, people will just shower naked before getting in the pool and put on their swimsuits afterwards. this does not mean that people walk around naked everywhere but at places like a beach, you could maybe see someone get changed and no one bats an eye. Because here, nudity isn’t so sexualised as it is in other countries so I just can’t see the problem with the guy walking around naked, in his own home?? like even with the cultural difference, isn’t it more logical for the neighbours to look away instead of demanding another person to change their behaviour in their own home just because you could maybe look into his room?
For the birthday party story: From someone that grew up in a small town, in a similar situation but without the rule of 'must invite everyone if handing out invitations at school', there were definitely some kids (read mainly me) that weren't always invited to parties because of being overly cautious/anxious and while it absolutely sucks calling up the other parents was just never something that happened. Not saying that any of it is right, and the parents are 100% the ah because as ADULTS you shouldn't be destroying a child self esteem.
The saying "you can want in one hand and shit in the other and see which fills up first" is something I heard a lot growing up. My parents would go on week long cruises and vacations, leave me and my brother with a baby sitter, and then tell us that statement when we asked to do summer camp for the week instead.
That first story makes me so mad. In grade 10 at school (16 years old) a girl in my class handed out birthday invites to everyone except me. That was really upsetting, and I was 16 with a decent sense of self! I can't imagine how much that could hurt a child who is struggling to fit in. That other parent is absolutely the AH in that situation. Who the heck attacks a child for following the rules? Ugh my thoughts are scattered but I am so mad at that parent and the people in the post who called the OP an AH. Thanks Shaaba and everyone in the comments for giving me some faith in humanity back.
Nudity is not inherently sexual. If nothing untowards is being done, no performances being made, then honestly? Just teach your kids not to look. It's not flashing. It's not a sexual act. It does not require consent and there's no reason it would be harmful for anyone who chooses to look, even kids. Everyone has a body. Everyone is naked under their clothes. Teaching kids that there's something wrong or offensive about their naked body is far more harmful than catching the occassional glance of a neighbour getting dressed.
On the last one the neighbors should absolute put up blinds or keep them closed. They're trying to enforce rules on someone else's life instead of solving something that only they see as a problem. I just feel like they're acting entitled I guess.
This is a hard one, the mom of the "buzzkill" daughter. My own mom made my bullying situation worse by going to the other girl's mom. A group of girls in Daisies (first level of Girl Scouts) didn't include me, but they weren't truly unkind before my mom got involved. After she said something to another mom telling her that her daughter wasn't being nice or inclusive, the girls actively targeted me.
3rd Issue, the pickle. Children are ashamed of nudity because they are taught to be embarrassed by it. Nudist colonies have pickles out and it isn't a problem. Why here? He's not skeeving on children, he's just naked in the privacy of his own home. Now, OP opened with the fact that he bought a house so he could wake up with the sun in the east. That's important enough for him that he bought a house specifically that allowed him to do that. He bought a house with privacy and then it was developed in a way that removed that privacy. But he made every effort to allow him this one moment of happiness to start the day. That shows how invested he is in that moment. It's his happy time. However, there is an alternate way to cover your nudity for even the briefest of moments. Put your shorts on your bedside table. You wake up nude to sunlight and you are happy. You sit up and slip your shorts on so when you stand up, you are covered. Everybody wins. Now, if the other family can see into his bedroom the entire time he's sleeping, they need some blinds and some courtesy. He had no control over how their house was built and they should be courteous to OP. They can see into his bedroom and they are violating his privacy, not the other way around. Now consider this. What if OP was a woman? Would the same rules apply? Would the neighbor still be able to tell a female to cover up? If it's good for the goose, it's good for the gander. Why is peeping on a man (which is what they are doing) on him, but peeping on a woman would be on them? The neighbors suck, no doubt. But I would encourage the man to make one last concession to cover up before standing up. But that's the line in the sand. I feel he should tell his neighbor that he bought a house specifically to sleep naked and wake up to the sun. He will not concede that last inch (no pun intended), nor should he. If the neighbor is that upset, he can move. As an afterthought, he should ask whether he sleepwalks naked because if he does, that's an entirely different kettle of ... errr ... pickles.
Is it because I’m French ? For the last story, I feel like OP made everything in his power to better the situation. In France, it’s not illegal to be naked in your own home, even if we can see you. I don’t remember the exact legislation, but it’s legal to be naked. Also… it’s a man, sleeping. Not a man doing weird stuff, private stuff. I mean, sleeping is kinda private, but everyone has a body so… yeah. If he’s living his life normally, just without the clothes part (in his bedroom, mind you) I feel like the neighbor should really calm down. Or… theory : the neighbor is jealous of OP’s body. So he doesn’t want to see it anymore but he can’t resist the envy to peak.
For the first, ESH except OOP's kid. OOP sucks a little, her husband sucks, the other parent sucks and yes, the other kid sucks though they are very young so have an excuse Edit: Though it's a light one for OOP actually. I really can understand her point and why she did it. I'd probably do the same For the last one, I'd tell them to call the cops. Then when the cops came I'd say the neighbour keeps looking through my window to see me naked
For the last one, it's his house, it's completely reasonable to be naked in your own home. If the neighbours don't like it, THEY should be the ones putting up things to obscure their view into his bedroom. It was considerate enough for him to have stopped walking around naked for prolonged periods of time, something he wasn't obligated to follow through with. NTAH.
First story: As a parent of a kid with ASD and ADHD who this exact thing has happened to, its heart breaking knowing every other kid got included and yours didnt. I would definitely had a conversation with the other parent to talk about it. And if the result was that they were still not included we would go out and do something really fun that we "already had planned" so that we were busy and couldn't attend anyway. Story 3: neighbour needs to build a fence/ plant a tree/ get some blinds. Your house your rules. Total dont have to wear clothes. Your home is your 1 safe place to be able to be safe in your own skin. Neighbours need to find a solution so the they cant see in.
That person wasnt obligated to give out the money THEY won, they could’ve kept it all but was insanely kind to give away 20k to each family member which is incredibly nice.
And let's remember, they are 6 years old! I'm 100% positive little Cindy didn't buy the invites. And as parents, they should be teaching Cindy that by inviting the whole class, minus one is setting their little sweetheart on the road to being a bully. In fact, Cindy's parents are the bullies, and therefore the assholes! They sent Cindy to school with those invites KNOWING that they were excluding OP's daughter. They own a swimming pool! You can't tell me they don't have enough money to buy stamps! If there was a problem with OP's child being a "buzzkill" they should have brought it up to her parents, in between birthday parties. As for OP's husband, divorce him. He sounds absolutely barbaric!
The first one actually makes my blood boil. Also, why is NOBODY acknowledging the part where OP said that her daughter is working on the bossiness?? Mom clearly knows that it's an issue, as does the child, and they're working on it. My theory is that almost everybody saying OP is the asshole has no idea what it's like to be the child who is always excluded, especially when it's because you're a rule-follower. Besides, the problem wasn't that she wasn't invited, the problem is that she was pointedly not invited in a way that was humiliating and a violation of school policy. It was cruel to pass out all those invitations under OP's kid's nose, and that is the reason for the policy. I agree with you 100% Shaaba and you give me hope that empathetic people still exist in this world.
God, I am angry with this one.
Thank you! I had the same reaction, but all the forum comments and some in this video’s comment section started to have me second guessing, but you are 100% right. It may be true that the kid has issues, but is working on them. And the point is that the open invites to everyone else is not okay. It’s not a school rule saying you have to invite everyone. It’s saying just don’t broadcast it, bc these kids are young and haven’t built strong sense of self yet to not understand it’s okay to not be included in everything. Think if a coworker were going around the office handing out wedding invites to everyone but you. It would still suck, even though you’re an adult who can understand that the person has no obligation to invite you too.
I 1000% agree. It gives me real everyone hating Hermione in the beginning of Harry Potter vibes, but ever worse because this child is SIX years old. Obviously we don’t have the whole story and OP may have been glossing over things but I really didn’t get that impression. I was a super bossy child and a real stickler for rules all the time. Of course we need to teach children to let others talk and play and be included, i.e. be kind, but is it really bad to say that running by the pool is dangerous? I also wonder whether this would have happened if a boy was acting that way. Regardless, if they had an issue they could either have just invited the closest friends as someone else suggested (not just leave out her) or tried to address the “issue” of her being bossy or disruptive with the child and her parents separately, not wait to not invite her to a party. Also - the dad?!? What sort of reaction is that?
@katieowlpower there's a guy named Jake going around the comment section calling the child a bully as if they know more about the child than we do
Absolutely! When Shaaba got to the comments, it blew me away how many people were lambasting the mother for defending her daughter. I thought I must've missed some key detail and had to pause the video and scroll down to see what people were saying here.
Thank you! It was so weird to me that no one in the comments she read even brought up that the school has a policy against this specific thing. If you want to invite all but one kid in the class, either work out with that kid's parent a way in which you change your mind and invite that kid after all, or pay the price of postage to send a letter to EVERY. SINGLE. KID. EXCEPT. THAT ONE. You know, be an ADULT about it, either talk it out or pay up, don't just be an AH to a 6yo child because it's easier. While I probably wouldn't have bothered calling the other mom, the policy break should have been reported to the school. The policy is in place for a reason, and a 6yo is suffering from it not being followed.
it's entirely possible that the daughter in the first story is on the spectrum and doesn't understand why other kids don't follow the clearly defined rules. One of the notable traits of being on the spectrum is having a strong sense of justice, and It makes for quite a lonely childhood when you're the kid reminding everyone of the rules. It's not uncommon for signs of being on the spectrum to be ignored in young girls either, particularly if they're very vocal & hyperverbal. As someone who was a very "Viva la revolution" child for those same reasons, I could see how a similar but opposite experience could happen.
This occurred to me, too.
Signed: AutDHD parent of one AutDD and one ADHD adult
I 100% agree. This was me. AuDHD is… fun. 😅 If a rule isn’t important it should be clearly explained as such to the kid. No kid should be punished for following rules. That’s so horribly confusing! I hate social nuance sometimes.
am also AuDHD and feel very sorry for that poor little girl
Yes that was my first thought too! I’m autistic and didn’t get diagnosed until my teens, and I relate so much to the little girl from that story - I never could get to grips with which rules were set in stone, and which were meant to be broken. And so-called bossiness can sometimes just be anxiety in situations that feel very out of control, particularly when that anxiety is expressed in a direct manner.
That was my first thought, thanks for bringing it up too!
About the birthday party invite story: I don't care who the asshole is, but it's clearly not the kid. She needs to face the humiliation because of something that's not her fault. At that age, this can leave deep scars. I feel so sorry for her because I know what that's like.
"Clearly not the kid" I disagree 100%.
AGREE.
I spent a few days helping in a kindergarten class and there was an adorable little girl who was a bossy little princes and got on my nerves.
Much to my shock, turned out the adult in the scenario was ME! So I had to act like a grownup.
I don’t care if OP’s daughter “got it from her mom.” You do NOT shite on a kid to get a point across.
What would an adult do?
Invite the kid.
Set boundaries.
Communicate the problem to the parent - possibly the kid instead. If handled with compassion and understanding, kids can be far more receptive than adults.
I find the “well you’re the problem so no wonder she’s one too” misses the whole damn point.
@@glitterspray
1: Not likely this is the first time the kid's behavior has been brought up to OP. She's either being willfully ignorant or thinks the other kid's SHOULD do what her precious little angel says.
2: "Bossy" probably more like "bully."
3: you're taking the kid's behavior from OP's perspective as completely accurate. That's ridiculous.
4: Inviting the child you KNOW is going to be a problem and the the birthday kid doesn't want there is NOT "being the adult."
@@jakeand9020 general rule of thumb don't make assumptions that you have absolutely no clue about you only have what was told by OP and it was very clear that the kid was looking out for people's safety and general rule following I don't know how the hell you got bully out of it
@@glitterspray but it's not just adults in this situation, its other kids too. Yes this is going to hurt for the child but is it really any better to get invited to a party where the other kids dont even seem to want her there?
As someone who's grown up in Finland with public saunas I don't see anything wrong with the last person being naked in his bedroom. I've seen so many different naked bodies in my life and I think it's been a really good thing for my body image, since I've grown up seeing people in different bodies. When I briefly lived in the US I was shocked at people's reactions to being naked. I've never thought twice about changing clothes in a changing room and being naked in saunas is the norm. I just don't understand how someone can be upset about seeing a naked body if it's just in another house and this person isn't pressing themselves against the window, just walking around minding their own business. It's just a body, we all have one and in my mind it's healthy to see different bodies and not just see bodies in magazines that give you a completely warped picture of what naked bodies look like.
exactly!! i think its a very culturally charged thing based on a skewed view on nudity in english speaking countries
As a child I did a lot of swimming. Always got dressed and undressed in the public dressing room. As an adult that would make me unconfirmable and I think that is where the problem is for a lot of parent. They are projecting. Kids do not give a shit about nude people. They just might find it a bit weird someone is not wearing cloth in certain scenario's. However in that case you just explain to you kid that some people do not like sleeping with cloths on and that it is rude to look into someone else his room.
Exactly. when people don't see normal bodies and more often get access to idealised bodies in this commercial context. This totally destroys image how actual real body looks like. I dont mind that cartoon characters for example are drawn that way but let it be properly known it's just a fantasy.
as a finn I agree so much
We don't have that many public saunas in Norway, but every swimming hall has two rooms full of showers. You have to shower naked as a rule. They are split up by gender, but still!
For the first story, this is why I really dislike the rule of giving everyone in the class invites when they're young. I understand the idea is to make all the kids feel included, but this is one of the ways where it ends up making someone feel incredibly excluded instead. I was bullied a lot when I was younger-shy, anxious, chubby, nerdy, etc.-so it always felt insincere and dishonest when I'd be handed valentines every year because of the "include everyone" thing. My classmates were not my friends or kind to me (at best, just indifferent) most days of the year, so being handed a "I think you're neat" card made me feel even worse because I knew it was a lie.
In terms of the situation, I'm in line with Shaaba's conclusion. I don't think the mother was out of line to ask why her child didn't have an invite when that is apparently a rule to be followed, nor do I blame her for defending her daughter. I think the husband is foolish-not being invited isn't going to teach the daughter that being bossy has consequences; rather, it's just going to make her feel bad about herself and very lonely.
I totally agree. I was also bullied as a child, and kids would purposefully not invite me to things in front of everyone. The policy of "you must include everyone" just makes it difficult for people like me to understand genuine friendship. Even now I am terrified of fake friends, and have a hard time trusting that people actually like me or are just doing it to be polite. There are better ways of going about teaching inclusion and respect.
But the rule isn’t you must invite everyone. The rule is IF you hand out invites at school the whole class needs to be invited.
@@melissacoviello2886 this, it allows you to exclude whoever you want. You can't however purposely exclude a 1st grader to their face.
Don't get me wrong I understand what the others are saying I just think this method is a convient way to reduce the ammoint of embarrassment a kid has to go through
@@maironelfstone896 - I understand that struggle of not being sure who you can trust as a genuine friend. Small-town nonsense can be difficult on the psyche. 😢
@@melissacoviello2886- Fair, but the invites WERE handed out at school, based on what OP wrote. Cindy was sent to school with the invites and while she did hand them out before school started, it was still done at school.
When I still lived with my family, I had an elderly male neighbor who complained to my dad that he could see me in lingerie through the blinds of my bedroom window. I was 18 and he was retired. He should not have been looking through my blinds.
THROUGH THE BLINDS??? MY MAN, I KNOW YOU ARE RETIRED, BUT SURELY YOU HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN PEEP *AND* COMPLAIN ABOUT IT. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESH!
What the HELL did he want you to do?!!! Not get undressed in your own house? Peeping tom
idk how OP is an AH? She just called the parent, and only got mad when the other mom started bad mouthing an actual 6 year old
Here's a random thought, what if the other parent was just stating facts?
@@jakeand9020
What would that matter? Was she going to tell a kid not to run near the pool? The horror!
I didn't realize people only wanted their kids to be friends with people who are perfect cookie cutter punchouts. Let the kid play.
@@solsystem1342 General rule of thumb. Never take a child's behavior from the parent's perspective at face value. The child being "bossy" is probably much less "follow THE rules" and more "follow MY rules," with a little "rules for thee but not for me" thrown in.
@@jakeand9020 Okay, but why should I take it from a stranger's perspective either? You don't even know them. YOU'RE also assuming the other parent was stating "facts" by badmouthing a f*cking 6 year old, what reason do I have to take your word on it??
@@jakeand9020 here's another general rule of thumb don't assume that a parent is lying about their kids Behavior the the kid could very well be just someone who's watching out for other people's well-being
The first story broke my heart! There's obviously not enough info to dx someone, but from the information provided that kid could very well be autistic! It wouldn't be a stretch of the imagination! It all sounds so familiar...
About the birthday party invite story, I was as taken aback as you were, Shaaba! I would definitely defend my daughter and wouldn't let anyone just call my 6-years-old names. She's at a learning stage and she wasn't even doing anything bad, she was literally trying to follow the rules as she learned them?? (It crossed my mind that the kid might also not be neurotypical, like, she could have autism or something like that, which would make the "I have to follow the rules" mindset even harder for her to break through. Of course, we can't just assume that, cause there's no information about that at all. It's just something that crossed my mind.) For the people that said "Oh, the mom was the reason why the daughter wasn't invited", well, the ADULTS should then act like proper grown ups and tell that straight to the mother, instead of blaming it on a 6yo little girl who can't choose who her parents are. Adult problems are for adults to deal with. Making a child feel singled out and guilty for it all is just cruel and borderline abuse.
I don't get the last one. Why is being nude in your home a problem? I mean, he's comfortable with being naked, he's not forcing anyone to look, does seeing naked bodies traumatize kids or am I missing something? The more we normalize bodies the better imo!
Same, I feel like this is a cultural thing. Growing up in the US, nudity was very stigmatized, but when I moved to Germany I discovered everyone was just like “eh, everybody has a body, what’s the big deal?” Bodies are just bodies, there is nothing inherently sexual or inappropriate about them!
This thing!
THIIIIS YESSSS
@@kjones5654 I started thinking if me being Scandinavian had something to do with it 😅
@@SerenaWisdom Almost definitely, you’re way ahead of us Americans (and apparently the Brits too)! I suspect we have too many hardcore-religious hang-ups lol
With the first one, I don’t think there was anything wrong with calling! It could’ve been a genuine mistake that her daughter was missed. Poor girl 😭 Can’t believe the number of mean comments about the mum too!
Right? That shocked me. I definitely don’t think op was an asshole. She was just looking out for her daughter, and If I was the mom, I’d probably think it was a mistake too since Cindy was invited to her daughters party. Of course she’s gonna wonder why that’s not being returned!
@@ChloePotaters My only question is, why does Cindy's mom not want someone who's only looking out for her daughter and friends by being a rule follower? So many people try and get their children to be rule followers, especially at that age, OP's succeeded, what's wrong with that? Op hasn't stopped her daughter from having fun, she's stopped her from breaking rules which can cause her to get in trouble or, worse scenario, get hurt.
Oh and second question, just thought of (if it's a public pool)- did everyone in the comments forget that that's a rule for pools? They literally have a rule board that has the words "Don't run" along with other rules, would you call the people who made those rules A*holes?
I have so many feels about this first story because my kid is the weird one who doesn't get invites to everything. But because the school has a similar rule, we only know he's not invited if we hear from someone else about the party. You are not allowed to deliver invitations at school unless everyone is invited - you CAN request an email list from the teacher and they send it out. My kid is not bothered, bc he's very happy existing in his own head. But the school refuses to be a vehicle for exclusion. There are definitely tons of legit reasons not to invite ALL THE KIDS, and I am not one to push back (I'm frankly perfectly happy not to go to most birthday parties and awkwardly exist around parents). I worried so much about his birthday party and if anyone would come - but several people did (and several said they would and didn't, which at a pay-per-child-in-advance place is another kind of rude).
Anyway - I would absolutely be furious and hurt if my kid was the ONLY kid not invited. As a parent, I would either exclude more kids (we did that with my daughter to avoid inviting her class nemesis - only 15 kids were invited), or tell my child that it would be rude to exclude just one person and we'd talk about why they didn't like that individual and how we co-exist with people we don't like. I wouldn't call up the parent. I'd bitch in a moms group, seethe, and maybe cry a bit.
But I also wouldn't tell a parent to their face their kid sucks. I mean, I accidentally told the best friend of a parent that their friend's kid sucked, but that taught me real quick to watch how I express my frustration with children and to think about how to address personality flaws/failings in kids. Kids certainly can be assholes, but calling them bossy buzzkills or weird attention seekers or budding psychopaths just isn't modeling patience or kindness and does no one any favors. Even if I feel that way inside, even if my kid dislikes them, how would I feel if the kid heard that?
Recognizing the flaw in the child and how it could lead to relationship issues and working on it is good. Singling out a child for an annoying personality trait (or for her parents) is the opposite of helpful though. I appreciate the kids who spend time with my kid on the terms he can accept and don't get bothered when he shuts down. I still remember the kid from kindergarten who pointed at my son and yelled "That's O! He NEVER listens to ANYTHING the teacher says and he's a BAD kid" and how much it hurt. Model the behavior we want to see in the kids - you know? Don't let your kids bully if you can avoid it. The kid is crushed by being singled out and at 6 the kid isn't old enough to work through how to walk the line between cautious behavior, rule following and how to maintain relationships. This doesn't tell them not to tattle tale, husband. It just hurts their feelings and confuses them.
I'm autistic and it wasn't diagnosed when I was a kid, I was just weird. I wasn't invited to parties and people didn't make birthday cards for me. Most people weren't mean on purpose but it was a small school and I was one of the around 3 weird kids who just wasn't invited or who didn't get birthday cards when everyone else would get balloons and a card and a lot of the time a chocolate or something.
I was overly cautious and didn't watch the same things everyone else did or listen to the same music and I took things too literally and my mom had a girlfriend and I corrected people too much.
I think OP was just being protective of her kid. That other mom knew the rule and she sent her kid with the invites anyway. It's not great to yell but it's worse to call a child names when you're an adult and should know better.
OP now needs to have a chat with her child about how sometimes people are mean and that when she grows up there are so many people out there and she will find real friends who like her for her and find her funny or interesting or lovely.
One of the only things that got me through high school was that every time I'd see this one family friend she'd give me a hug and tell me that in a few years I won't even remember a lot of high school and she was right. It's amazing to be out of school.
Also that kid is right and running by pools is dangerous so really idk what the problem is /half joking
your kid (and you) sound hella cool 💛✨
@@oli_katemy thoughts exactly: this kid sounds like they are neurodivergent and people don't respect them I realized I'm an adhder a couple of years ago on my 30s. I too was/am overly cautious and was excluded (and later bullied) most of my school life. OP is awesome for standing up for their kid!
@@oli_kate Yeah, my kids are ADHD and we believe my son is ASD as well (his special services from school officially come with the tag 'Displays symptoms and behaviors consistent with symptoms and behaviors expressed by individuals diagnosed with ASD' because it's a big ole mass of EF dysfunction and who cares, really, outside of needing to ensure he gets accommodations and services at school). And the pandemic placed him further behind socially, too. I'm very grateful for the teachers who work so hard to keep him as an active member of the classroom societies in ways that are comfortable to him. But there is no way to avoid that he is different and a bit odd, when he doesn't sit at a desk and instead installs himself in the reading nook, and won't sit on the carpet during class time or participate in field day activities. I'm grateful they have been taught and are generally open to just kind of taking him as he is and letting him join in and wander out. It's not all the kids, certainly, but it's enough that he has friends, even if he bemuses them sometimes.
I did wonder when they said about the child "telling" on other kids to teachers if there was something else going on here, like maybe actually she has a really strong sense of justice and right/wrong and is realy bothered when other children behave in the "wrong" way. We've not really got enough to go on to make assumptions but ultimately, we never know what could be behind a child's behaviour and as an adult, it is never okay to call a 6 YEAR OLD CHILD names because they are acting in a way you don't like, or to single them out to such an extent that they are actively excluded. That is asshole behaviour through and through.
For the third story, can the neighbours not buy blinds and, like, keep them closed? Why is it up to OP to make a bunch of changes such that he cannot be nude in his own house?
Thank you! Honestly it's a bit weird that you're looking into my windows, sounds like a peeping tom to me lol where I'm from that's a crime??
@@mackenzieperkins8427 - Exactly. Even with kids in the equation, teach thy children not to snoop on the neighbours.
If you're going to be nude in your home, you need to ensure you have the privacy to do so. The responsibility falls to the nudist to maintain decency, not those who happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. A lot of suburban neighborhoods at least where I live do this ridiculous thing called pointing neighboring windows directly across each other without much distance, so this isn't even a case of peeping tom more than likely. You look out your window, and you see through your neighbors window. No getting around that. You shouldn't have to be denied your window just because of someone else's actions, especially in cases like this of indecency potentially affecting children. What happens if someone just happens to be opening the window to let in some air at the same time you're getting out of bed? There is zero sense of respect towards consent. The one being nude needs to use sheer curtains or privacy screens, or something. They're allowed to live their life, not push their preferences onto non-consenters.
Even nudists have things to block their yards and inside their homes so people don't accidentally get an eyefull of ass, are you kidding? He has NO excuse being naked with the wide open view of his neighbors.
Teach kids not to snoop? Wtf? You mean teach them if they look somewhere at the wrong time, they could see a naked man? Sounds like a really gross "lesson". You don't have to be a snoop to glance at your neighbors.
In your own home or not if you're in view of your neighbors, children, or the public you are in the wrong, and this is coming from someone who would totally go nude if I lived alone. What could you possibly excuse needing to expose yourself to the outside like that?
@@mysty_nyx you said it...shouldn't have to be denied your window. I have neighbors with a window 30 feet from ours and I make a point of not looking because they have a right to use their home however they like, just as I do. I sleep nude as well and in MANY years there has never been an issue due to mutual respect of privacy. I have taught my children to do the same. Looking into someone's private space without permission and being upset by what you find is an absolutely ridiculous self made problem. It's an opportunity to teach your kid about respecting privacy, we don't make an issue out of sharing locker rooms with people because it's the appropriate place for nudity..as is someone's home. It's not like they have sex in front of the window, they're going about their day. If I were to see my neighbor reading the bible out loud- something I find offensive and inappropriate, I would have no right to say a word no matter how much I dislike that I can hear them.
Long story short- If at any time you find yourself looking through someone else's window and you don't like what you see...remember that you're the weird guy looking through someone's window.
I think NTA for the first one, and I’m so surprised by all the people calling OP an AH
Same- I was similar to the kid when I was that age. I was always a rule follower and I had a hard time not trying to enforce rules. My parents are very kind people and I do not think they deserve to be called assholes for raising me the way they did. I was excluded from parties growing up, and I don't blame my parents. The other kids were assholes.
Exactly! Getting angry at another parent for openly insulting your kid is completely valid, and asking them what's up in the first place is also valid, finding out if there was a mistake or whatever. And a kid being a rule follower isn't exactly abnormal, it's perfectly healthy for every friend group to have someone who's concerned about safety!
Agreed.
Agreed. I don’t see why it was wrong that OP called to see why the school policy was broken, and I don’t blame her for defending her child from being insulted. Cindy’s mother could have said that the other children feel uncomfortable with how OP’s daughter bosses them around, so until she is better about that, they would prefer not to have her at the party. Is that still mean for the daughter, yes, but it at least addresses the behaviour and doesn’t call a young child a bad person.
If the family doesn’t want to see the nude neighbor, why don’t they put up curtains? I personally wouldn’t like the idea that someone could see me nude, but it’s my choice wether I change my behavior in my house.
Or just add some of that plastic stuff you can stick on your window that light can shine through, but you can not see through. That way the curtain can be open, but your child or you would not have to see the nude neighbor. Solving things that bother you by making changes yourself just makes your live so much better and easier.
The first story is heartbreaking. I live in a small town and I can see this happening. I do not think mom is an a hole. The party thrower is because she was willing to let one child suffer by giving out the invites at school. I get that tattletales get a bad rap, my youngest is like that and recently got called a Karen at school. He was upset by it, but believes in doing the right thing even when it isn’t popular. He will be an amazing adult and likely won’t peak in high school. It’ll be hard for him, but he will be proud of himself. I have 4 boys, the oldest wasn’t a troublemaker or a goody two shoes, the 2nd was a trouble maker and the 3rd is similar to the oldest. All raised in the same house and they’re very different.
I'm all for people being naked in their own homes and it's more saddening that they cut down all the forest there imo. They took down the barrier and the US in general stigmatizes bodies way too much. They can put up sheer curtains in their house if it displeases them that much. The curtains go both ways here but they're the ones with the problem so they should solve it, op already changed their routine to lessen the issue.
agree agree agree!
Flowers. Put some awesome flowers In there. Better air for the bedroom, will obscure the view, great decor, and you can really have some awesome plants that need a cup of water once a week and a change of pot every two years, less work than taking of and washing the curtains.
@@PaniPunia yes! I put bamboo in front of my window to block out my neighbors and it's really nice to see it instead of them
I usually don't feel the need to make comments on AITA posts but after watching your video on it and quite frankly I am flustered at the responses. Because *I* was just like this child and still am to an extent to this day. I have autism and was always a so-called "party-pooper" or "buzzkill" because I am always "snitching" on others without meaning to hurt the other person. I followed rules black and white, no grey whatsoever. Anyone who didn't follow the rules gave me extreme anxiety and overwhelmed me. If I was coming off rude it truly was on accident. I relate SO MUCH to this child, and the responses are disgusting IMO. Definitely, definitely NOT THE AHOLE. And guess what, I didn't even pick up the behavior from my mom. She does not have autism and understands nuances very well. I don't. I have a strict black-and-white rule in my head and anything outside of that eventually resulted in meltdowns. I assume I have OCD too so that would only add to the issues. There is absolutely NOTHING saying ANYTHING about any disabilities et cetra so we don't know in that context but it sounds just like me when I was a child and quite frankly and am very hurt because this could've been me. If I were a mom I would've absolutely called out this other mom. My parents get so upset when I am excluded, and I get excluded a lot because I'm not as outgoing as my friends in understanding others. So I would call her out. Absolutely 100%. Not one thing exudes AH behaviour from this poster. I am super disappointed in this online society we call Reddit. 😢(I watched the video on my other acc that's why I didn't watch it the whole way through here.)
I was actually thinking something similar it sounds like the kid has a ridged sense of morality and a hard time differentiating between rules that need to be followed and vs ones that don’t necessarily. I get that that can be annoying for other kids but like that’s gonna be a foundational memory for that kid. I still remember how no one wanted to play with me when I was freaking 4 and that was without adults encouraging it.
I was the same way and even got bullied for it, so I agree. Excluding her for that reason instead of looking for other alternatives was just crappy.
Honestly, if my kids told me they saw the naked guy next door through the window I would tell them it's rude to look through other people's windows, close their blinds. If it was ongoing I would have a more serious talk with my kids about how rude it was and to keep their eyes to themselves and maybe approach the neighbour with an embarrassed "hey, I'm so sorry, I'm not sure if you realise that we can see you naked through the windows really easily because they face directly towards each other. I've told my kids to mind their business and I'm going to buy some sheer curtains to offer you more privacy over the weekend but I thought you should know in case you have windows close on the other sides and no-one has said anything, I'm so sorry!". I don't understand why it is OPs problem to fix?!
Nudity is not dangerous to others. Full stop
for real.
I agree with the principle, though I do think there are exceptions.
I think it’s totally fine for a child to know what naked bodies look like, they needn’t be so sexualised when bodies are beautiful and functional in so many other ways.
I don’t agree with nudity I don’t consent to when I’m thinking about all the 🍆 pics and nudes I’ve opened.
I also don’t think that somebody who carries trauma surrounding nudity, be it from assault, parental punishment, body issues etc, deserve to be triggered.
Black and white rules are always tricky!
@@shaaba- But OP was in his own home. He wasn’t flaunting or sending anything. 🍆 pics are not comparable to this situation. If anything, it’s more comparable to a peeping Tom situation.
Maybe what needs to happen is they put up a fence or trees to stop the line of sight. I blame the company that constructed these houses lining up the windows like that.
@@shaaba Exactly. While I obviously don't think his behavior makes him an exhibitionist (since he's just continuing with a previously private and harmless routine), his reluctance to seek privacy when he knows he is being overlooked (and the assumption here is that he's not being peeped at, because that would be a whole different story) is a bit dodgy.
He knows he is exposing his nudity to strangers who explicitly asked not to be exposed to it, which may not be exactly assholy, given the circumstances, but it *is* at the very least showing a weird stubbornness. Like I said in another comment, just sort your privacy out and send the bill to the developers who created this awkward window situation.
@@shaaba I'm wondering, would you see someone breastfeeding in a public place as "nudity that isn't consented to" and be against that? Because that's the comparison my brain immediately went to, and I think it's an interesting one to consider.
Where I am it's considered very rude and not ok to not invite everyone in the class all through elementary school. You always invite everyone. When kids get a bit older, like pre-teenish, they would only celebrate with their friends which is fine. The rule about mailing them doesn't make much sense because as you said, the kid who wasn't invited would know. You have to be a particular kind of cruel person to not invite one 6 years old kid in the class to a party and then bad mouth her. She's still learning, chill the hell out. That kid must have been so hurt and so sad.
i grew up in a small town and we had similar issues. most likely, the "rule" about mailing invites out if you don't want to invite someone is an unofficial one, since the school can't enforce anything outside of school property or hours. so the school probably doesn't endorse not inviting others, but that's the workaround parents figured out.
The thing about the third one is the arrogance of the neighbour to have the audacity to tell someone how they should dress or not in their own home!! Stop looking through his window, tell your kids to stop looking in his window and buy some blinds! I can't imagine looking through my neighbour's window and seeing them naked then thinking I have the right to tell them they should put clothes on so I don't have to see them naked WHILE I'M LOOKING THROUGH THEIR WINDOWS!! That's insane 😂
Re the third story: can we stop sexualizing nude bodies?!?! He has all the right to be naked in his own house! Even if it's a child, there's nothing wrong in seeing a naked body ffs!
Especially stop sexualizing nude bodies in the name of a child. They do not care about the nude body. They might only find it weird someone might not be wearing PJ's.
@@ronrolfsen3977 So true! They might not have even noticed if their parents hadn't made a fuss about it. I suspect they DEFINITELY wouldn't be watching curiously regularly for a look if dad (and presumably mom) hadn't flipped out. Kids (especially young ones) get their priorities and opinions from the adults around them, until they have enough experience to form their own thoughts on those subjects. Especially when it comes to what people outside the family do, say, or look like.
Right? I wish this puritanical BS would just go away already. Oh no! You have a body! Ahhhhhhh 🙄! How dare you remind a child that they have a butt! Ugh.
Absolutely! This is the same logic that leads to people being shamed for breastfeeding in public, because omg what if someone is traumatised by the sight of naked boobs? It's not like OP is jacking off in front of the window; it's literally just flesh.
I've been saying this for years! Growing up my mom would often be conpletely naked in my presence, usually before or after a shower. Because I grew up with it, I didn't care. I'd see other naked bodies sometimes if they happened to be changing or something, and again, I didn't care.
Kids only care if you tell them they should. They haven't developed any sexuality yet, so the only difference between genitals and fingers or a nose is that genitals are normally hiddden, but kids don't typically know why.
Inside one's home (at least here in the us) we have something called an "expectation of privacy". Legally the person in the wrong, is the person peering into your private residence, like there are laws against "peeping Tom's"
The only justification I could possibly imagine for the neighbor is if the window directly across is a young childs room.. but even then he could have approached it better and frankly.. put some curtains up in the kids room if he's worried about it.. like there's two windows in the equation here 👀
Also tge fact that op tried to minimize it and still got "caught" so to speak points towards a level of observation/scrutiny that I would call a red flag..
Sounds like conservative Christians trying to police every body else's actions.. 🙄
**Neurodivergent alert blaring for the first one! **
I'm autistic and was exactly like the child described in the first post. Everyone drills into children to follow rules; the dissonance between this and what people actually want in certain situations would cause extreme dysregulation for me, both mentally and physically. I've had to intentionally learn about balancing the rules with what is just and with what is expected socially, something I didn’t have the learned experience or tools to navigate at only age 6.
When folx talk about just ‘accepting and including’ everyone, they don’t dig into how they would navigate actually situations like this. Things like this are an example of why many believe there is no such things as a non-traumatized autist.
Note: I’m not saying that child is definitely autistic, we don’t know that, the family likely doesn’t know that, just sharing similarity in my experiences as an un-diagnosed AFAB kid.
Also don't know how I would have wanted the situation addressed if I were living it again, just that this is a factor to be considered.
amen! i'm an AuDHD AFAB person who wasn't diagnosed until 16 and I relate to that little girl so much
@ROCKlazuLEE--Spamton-P🎵 if I have counted correctly, we are now ten autistic or AutDHD people in the comments clocking the little rule follower as One of Us.
Being excluded was painful, and part of bullying in school. Did not build character. At. All.
Same, but only if the rules made since for me, I hate unreasonable rules, but could have something to do with my traumatic childhood and my BPD that sometimes works against it, because of how impulsive I am sometimes because of this and sometimes I overwhelm myself with this.
Me too, I absolutely related to that kid from when I was a child and am now in the process of getting diagnosed with ADHD and autism aged 22. I also remember that level of exclusion and it hurts to this day.
@@meganmanning377 Much luck, I am 21 and got yesterday diagnosed with autism.
What is so wrong with seeing "the naked man"? I really don't understand seeing someone being naked while they walk over to get clothes. It's just a person existing, in what way is that harmful?
Exactly
The mother of the birthday girl is the arse.
Even if my daughter didn't want the girl to attend her party, I couldn't bear to leave a child out.
It's surely not beyond the wit of a parent to deal with the child other than excluding her.
The real bully here is the mother hosting the party.
Thank you! I am astounded that this isn't crystal clear to everyone commenting here.
I personally wouldn't allow my kid to invite literally every other kid in the class except for one. Not inviting everyone is one thing, but excluding one person feels mean.
But if that was my kid, I'd probably just comfort her and go do something fun with her, and of course talk about it.
Look if someone tried to tell me how I’m allowed to dress or not in my own home where I pay the rent, we’re going to have problems. OP tried to be considerate and that’s more than they are obligated to do. Neighbors should get blinds or whatever it is they need to deal with THEIR problem 🤷🏾♀️
12:59 i genuinely dont get why it would be wrong for the guy to keep being nude *in his own home*. in most european countries it's just normal. if the neighbours dont like it maybe stop looking in his windows? if you cant be freely yourself in your home, then where can you be?
My grandma lives across from a person who I don’t think understand that my grandma can see right through her windows and she walks around naked a lot of the times. I don’t see it as a problem as I myself walk around naked a lot. And I’m in the mindset “if you don’t wanna see me naked don’t look”. And I think that stems from when my guy friends commented on my cleavage telling me to cover up. But it’s them looking at my chest in a sexual way. If OP was like doing sexual stuff in front of the windows I would be 100% concerned, but I personally don’t see anything wrong with a naked body
I’ve never understood teaching kids a bunch of rules, telling them DIRE consequences will happen if they don’t follow the rules and then getting mad at them when the child insists the rules be followed.
I went from being called a tattle tale to a killjoy to a social justice warrior as I grew up and it’s only ever been because I told on bigger people bullying smaller people.
For the first one, the thing that makes me say that the OP is NTA and the other mom is one is that she had her child deliver invites to everyone at school *except* for OP’s kid, embarrassing and insulting a friggin 6 year old. OP may indeed be a pain and I don’t know how productive yelling at the other mom is, but the other mom is teaching her child a very bad lesson. Just mail the invites!!!! For the last one, the neighbors may well be weird, controlling neighbors now watching what he does, but dude, why do you need to sleep with open curtains? Just get a sheer window covering and restore peace to your own life.
14:44 I love how the subtitles here says "chickens" instead of "shear curtains" 😆 Really changes the narrative
13:50 NTA.
a) the children and their parents are on the other side, they don't see you up close unless they make an effort to watch you
b) they can hang curtains on their window
c) you are already trying to limit it a bit. It's your house, you're not doing it outside.
d) nudity is not universally wrong. If it's not up close, and not sexual (not all nudity is sexual. Esp not to kids.), there's no harm coming to the kids who see it *occasionally* and *from afar*.
In the third story, why the neighbours don’t buy blinds??? Like, OP stated he likes waking up with the sunlight, so I understand him not buying blinds or curtains, but why the neighbours refuse to do so if they’re so bothered with OP’s nudity in his own home???
The third one is ridiculous! Let the man sleep his best sleep and live his own life, why would it hurt a child to see a naked person going about their business? And why would the child be staring? X'D
With the money one, we had a really unequal and kind of uncomfortable distribution of my grandfather's estate when he died. It was really hard not to feel upset that my uncle didn't handle the estate properly, but my dad kept stressing that the money is "pennies from heaven." We didn't know what money was coming before, and what we received was a really nice benefit that we wouldn't have come by otherwise.
For the last one, being naked in your own house isn't public indecency. it's private, therefore inherently *not* public indecency. the neighbors can get curtains that they draw at night if they have a problem with it. you can't control what someone else does, but you can control how you react to them.
Why don't the neighbors buy blinds or curtains if staring into other people's windows is such a bother? The neighbors can just as easily fix this without demanding OP change his sleeping style.
Here in Sweden the neighbour is in the wrong.
It is non of their business if you are naked inside your home.
You can accually even breaking the law for watching your neighbour.
Where I live, if a child throw a party and invite everyone except one child, that would most definitely be considered bullying and the teachers would intervene.
You either invite everyone, all the boys, all the girls, or just a small group of friends.
It's sounds that OP's little girl might have a problem with social skills, or just needs to learn how to act in society, but she is 6! She is still learning. And learning to be respectful to people who you don't like but you see everyday, is also a social skill, that the birthday girl maybe should learn!
If my kid was invited to the party, I am not sure I would allow them to attend.
I feel Cindy's mom's the asshole! I get that, everyone in the comments and mentioned in the scenario is talking in the sense of fun but, you should not say another parent that their 'child is a buzzkill' or even use such terms for kids. Its malignant in soo many levels. Maybe telling that their kid would 'just be parenting the other kids' would have been a better way I guess and I feel that the kid is just a bit more mature and responsible for her age, Idts parents should be toxic to such kids. Its just going to unnecessarily harm the kid if her father went to her and said, 'you were bossy and so, your friends pushed you away sweetheart!'. Kids and parents have to understand everyone has their place in the world and just being different is not necessarily a descent into a shitty abyss. It's just a different expression of the human species and might be needed by other rat-racers in the future.
I'm quite confident that it is not illegal to be nude in your own home. Even in front of open windows. Other people can choose not to look into your home. There's an expectation of privacy when you're in your own home, so the illegal thing would probably actually be the people looking in.
The whole "is it public indecency if it's your private property/inside your residence" is actually location specific. Different countries or even smaller areas (e.g. counties, states, provinces, what have you) have different precedents set by courts of law on this. Some say it is, some say it isn't.
For #3, I was on OP's side the moment they said the neighbor didn't ask them but rather "gave me and order and fully expected it to be done like I was his kid or employee". That attitude smacks of an over-involved neighbor who harasses everyone to follow certain rules "for the good of the whole neighborhood".
Also, why is everyone assuming that the neighbor has kids? OP never said the neighbor has kids. But if I had kids and didn't want them seeing one of my neighbors naked for a few seconds in the morning, I'd cover their windows. And if my kids were obsessing over the said occasionally naked neighbor, staring out the windows to "catch" them, it would be my job as a parent to handle my kids' behavior, not blame the poor neighbor for having a body and sleeping naked.
That said, for OP's peace of mind and defense against potential charges, I'd recommend sheer curtains or the kind of the blinds that you can angle to let in light but not the eyes of your nosy neighbors. At that point, the neighbor would have to be making an effort to see you naked during the few minutes it takes you to put on shorts every morning.
For the last story. OP was there first so it's not his problem. The developer's of the new building/buildings tore down existing trees out of greed for space. It's not like the man is having an orgy in his window for everyone to see. He's not the asshole here. BTW in some American states including my home state and current state of Texas you can be fully nude looking out the window and not breaking any law's. I need more information about where the supposed incident happened i.e the State or Country. If it happened in a location with similar law's the man was well within his rights to do what he did.
if the neighbors dont want to see the nude guy, why dont THEY but blinds on their window and keep them closed in the morning so they they cant see out that window?
@@Random_Üser-z1y haha right? YOU MUST NEVER BE NAKED! actually this guy shuld even shower fully clothed imo. (yea i could tell but i know some people dont get sarcasm lol)
yeah I heard the rule is 2 pairs of pants in the bath now 🤷🏽♀️
@@shaaba there's an anime convention at an indoor water park resort hotel in America that put in a poorly worded rule saying that all con attendees must avoid lewd behavior and nudity was not tolerated in the water park, convention center, and the hotel rooms. Due to the wording of the rule it was technically against the convention policy to shower naked in your hotel room. The most popular cosplay of the entire weekend was the never-nude from Arrested Development
On the last one, something about saying the neighbors should get blinds is that they don't exist inside their house whereases the nudity is happening inside. Them having blinds won't help if they are outside in their yard with kids and can still potentially see inside into the persons bedroom. I feel like blinds for everyone is the best solution, but he has gone through a lot of effort to mitigate!
“It can be hard to ignore when someone is being horrible” the horrible action in question: being naked in the morning
15:57 I get what you’re saying shaaba, but I definitely think there is a difference between to a hateful sign and someone walking around naked (without doing anything sexual) in their own home
I mean, they literally built a house with a window right in front of his bedroom window, I would be super pissed if I moved somewhere that I could be naked in my own home and then other developments hindered that privacy. It’s not about wanting the neighbors to see you, it’s about the fact that your home is now less private due to other peoples poor planning. I would be annoyed at whatever developers thought that was a good idea. I’d also be pissed my view of the tree was gone. This is all exactly why I’m going to buy a house in the middle of the woods without a neighbor in sight. Also why the fuck don’t the family put up curtains so they don’t see into his home??? They can’t tell him what to do but they can solve the problem in their own home.
For the third one:
Nakedness in your own home is totally fine.
If you don't want to see your neighbours, get blinds. As long as OP isnt doing anything inappropriate, its really normal.
Here in Germany we even gave public nude sections in parks. So i have seen many naked bodies as a child. I'm not traumatized.
I have also seen my neighbours naked, and just look away.
Racists signs are a completely different topic, as they have hateful intend. Bedroom gymnastics with a partner would be a different situation as well.
Listen, if the guy has small children and a window that can see though the neighbor's place, then THE PEOPLE WITH CHILDREN SHOULD GET CURTAINS if the neighbor sleeps naked!
About the guy sleeping naked with complaining neighbours: He's changed part of his routine for their benefit already. It's an opportunity for the neighbour to talk to their kids about public or private nudity, and not everyone wears clothes when they're alone. I may be biased because I'm also a person who walks around naked at home, but I just don't understand the fear of nudity. It's just a body, everybody has one. If he had been purposely pressed up against the window in an effort to be seen it would have been another thing, but he's just at home going about his day.
It does really seem like that family is just watching and waiting for the guy to be naked in his own house.
Why don't people get the rules for birthday parties? Either invite everyone or only invite your best friends (like of its 20 kids in the class and 3 of them are bff's and want to have a celebration just those 3 kids)
As a child free couple, I'm inclined to say - if you don't want to see a naked person in their own bedroom, maybe don't look. I get why it might make the parents over the road feel uncomfortable, but the discomfort is their problem. If the OP isn't actively trying to attract attention when nude, it's really not their concern. It isn't my job to help raise someone else's kids, i genuinely get why the parents may be uncomfortable, but maybe that's something they need to talk to their kids about, or switch bedrooms, whatever. I know the saying is "it takes a village", but that doesn't mean it is the village's duty to save you from awkward conversations.
Could not disagree with the forum more on the first one. Especially since the daughter clearly knows it’s an issue and they are working on it (in FIRST GRADE, no less), my mind immediately jumped to undiagnosed autism, especially since girls tend to be underdiagnosed in the first place. If she gets that worried about the rules, she also likely has an anxiety disorder. It’s upsetting to see a fully grown adult call a tiny six year old a “buzzkill”. I cannot imagine being that immature.
13:00 The law generally prohibits nudity in public places in the United States. Nudity is also generally illegal on a person's own property if the nude person is visible to the public, such as through an open window or sunbathing naked in the yard. Wack tho
With the third story. If the father is relying on kids telling him that they saw the "naked man" again he should remember that the kids could be using it as a nickname for him as to them the fact he was seen naked a few times would be the most memorable thing about him as i doubt they spend any time with him. Also they might consider being in underwear naked, I did as a kid though as a girl standards were higher when it comes to covering up.
brilliant insight, didn’t think of this but so true!
@@shaaba Sempai noticed me!
4:16 i think the rule of the school is sensible to not make kids feel left out.
It is also valid when a *child* (not their parent!) does not want to invite a specific kid. It's their birthday, they should not be forced to invite someone they don't like.
However, if my child were to want to invite everyone but one or two kids, i'd veto that and tell them they can either invite a few, or half the class, or everyone.
Inside my house is my own privacy.
Net curtains might be a good solution for the final story, allow plenty of light while obscuring the view
Imagine giving someone $20k and they’re mad it’s not $40k
It can't be public indecency if it's in a private residence (!!) and the other family is looking through the window to him (just saying, I think the case would be seen differently if it was a naked woman). Plant a tree or put up a fence or something if you don't want to see him, but otherwise just look away. He's been in the neighborhood longer than you are, and nobody else had a problem. It's not like he's creeping on the kids or anything. Nudity is not inherently sexual, and it's the neighbor's problem for looking into someone else's house.
Complaining about the amount of a GIFT is a sure way to get nothing in my books. This is why I was taught to say thank you upon receiving a gift, before opening it. The amount of entitlement family members feel about your money (kids towards parents, found money, won money, etc.) is astounding.
For the guy naked in his own home - the police will not do anything about this because the guy is in his own home not creeping around the bushes being skeevey in the direction of someones kid. Also, that guy will forever be "naked guy" to that family even when he is not. Because that is how they know of him. So even if he was covered from head to toe the neighbor's kids will say they saw "naked guy" that morning because that is how kids operate. Also, how creepy that the neighbors are keeping tabs on naked guy through his windows...
Re the last story: NTA. A person has the right to be naked in their own home. They've made reasonable adjustments. Neighbor needs to leave them alone.
The thing about the party one is it would have been so easy to avoid having that little girl heartbroken. The parent of the other kid is a HUGE asshole for not just mailing the invites. Giving the invites before class makes it feel like bullying that little girl. There's a reason the rule was put in place
I really do not get the problem with the nudity story. The guy is not doing anything wrong just by being naked in his own house. Are there just no nudists at all in America? A body is not a sexual object, it is just a body and is nothing to be afraid of.
Sadly Americans (and evidently Brits?) are very anti-nudity. When I moved from the US to Germany, I was shocked that nudity was seen as something very normal and not shameful. I personally say bodies are just bodies! Especially being ace, there’s nothing inherently sexual about nudity.
First one - NTA
Second one - NTA
Third one - NTA
That level of exclusion that kid in post 1 is facing is honestly heart breaking. Idk if the forum get this, but the exclusion doesn't just suck cuz you miss out on a party or that you won't know what everyone is talking about the next day (which is already awful) but it's also that you've been told you are widely disliked and not worth anyones time. That messes you up as a kid and could very well contribute to some long term self esteem issues into adulthood.
About the birthday party, I was the kid never invited to parties because I was a "nerd," I was fat, I was "the teacher's pet," ad I was "weird." (It was the 80s and I was a girl that liked video games.) I also now know I'm a bit neurodivergent and have ADHD... and yes I liked the structure of school and the endorphin rush of getting an A. Fast forward to my being the mother of two kids, who were, essentially a lot like me and their Dad, who is ND and ADHD as well. They also were not invited to parties. I did my best to not make a big deal out of it and always encouraged them to be their authentic selves and find friends that honestly valued them for who they are, even if "the masses" didn't. And you know what? They're fine. I'm fine. It hurt, yes, but they're teens now and they are much more empathetic, caring, insightful, kind people than many of their peers, I think in large part because they know how it feels to be on the outside. They have their "ride or die" friends who love them. (Yay Drama Club. Theater kids rock.) All of which is to say, the mom that didn't invite the kid is the asshole.
And regarding the window story, it seems clear that if the family doesn't like what they are seeing through their window, it's on them to put up blinds or curtains. That man has a right to do what he wants within the confines of his home. THEY are invading HIS privacy. If he was the one who felt bashful about being seen naked, he could opt to put up curtains, but clearly, he doesn't care if someone sees him naked briefly. So the burden is on the family. It's just like with fences. If you don't like your neighbor's yard or want your dog to be able to run around without a leash, it's on you to put up a fence, not your neighbor.
I don't know if Shaaba has tried this before or not, but I think she'd be amazing at ASMR, she has such a lovely voice and the soft happy supportive tone of a lot of ASMR would really suit her.
What!? Are curtains just that cheap in the UK!?!?!? Cheap curtains at ikea here in australia are minimum $40 for the crappy ones
Edit: thats just the last time i checked though, precovid, so i assume its more expensive now since $40 barely feeds one person for a week anymore
$40 in Australia is just over £20 in the UK so its pretty much the same :)
The currencies are different! So they're about the same amount of money
Yeah in US curtains are not a cheap expense for anything decent. Cheap curtains are around 20 a panel. It can cost $100 for a good sized window because you probably need the hardware too.
@theo At the moment thats an accurate conversion rate, i mentioned that 40 was the cheap price for crappy curtains several years ago, and that i dont know how expensive theyve gotten since then
@@hyunjinsanity currently. I mentioned in my comment that you replied to that my info is from years ago. I really thought adding the edit would help people not get confused like this 😅
With regards to the man being naked in his home, he is IN HIS HOME! He should be able to do what he wants! Why are the neighbours looking in in the first place? If you don't want to see, don't look. It is not public anything if he is inside his own home...
If he really wants to be considerate though, just put a pair of shorts right by the bed before going to sleep. That way you can just put them on before walking anywhere, rather than walking to the wardrobe first, but again, this would be a choice and him being considerate. I would turn around and tell the neighbour to stop spying!
For the last one, if she’s in the USA, there have been cases that set precedent for this. Legally, OP is fine. There is expected privacy in your own home and the few times the privacy isn’t protected by law is if a crime is clearly happening (murder, assault, child endangerment, etc.). I sleep naked, and if I get warm I’ll be naked in my room 🤷♀️ I’ve done this when I lived in a place completely isolated from other houses, in an apartment, in a house in the middle of town, and now in a house in a subdivision, and I’ll continue doing it lol if others have a problem with it, they can simply not look in my window
Living in a city, the number of times I have seen people naked through a window are too many to count on both hands. I wasn’t never trying to spy, just looking out the window and happening to see people, because they do not have curtains or it’s nice weather and the windows are open, blinds pulled back. If I have seen my neighbours, I assume they have also seen me. But who cares, it’s just a body.
If I was in a situation like the post about the mother-in-law wanting more money, I would have been pissed that she was being ungrateful. I would want to tell her that now she doesn't get anything but could be unfair to the father-in-law.
I want to add my own two cents about the person sleeping nude. I personally think that teaching the kids NOT to look at someone else without their consent is a much more important lesson, especially because said person is in their own home. What the father is doing might teach the kids that 1) nude bodies are inherently sexual; 2) depending on the level of nudity of a person, you are entitled to stare at them; 3) other people can dictate your personal life in your own home. I understand compromise and caring about your neighbours but comparing a naked body to a derogatory sign is not OK. If anything, it's very harmful to vilify and stigmatize something so natural. I think we should also think about the person this naked body belongs to, they too have feelings. It's kind of disgusting for the family to keep looking at the neighbour and not teach the children that it's not alright to do. I would feel very creeped out.
And this is coming from someone who does get triggered by naked male bodies (men in general really) due to past childhood trauma and more. I'm mentioning this because I've seen a few people siding with the neighbor because they also share this aspect. But you do have to stop and think that this is something WE have to work on and we should not let it cloud our judgment.
I wouldn't call, but I would 100% channel by daughter's energy and tattle to the school about that parent excluding my child in front of everyone and humiliating her. Calling out other people's bad behaviour is typically only seen as 'bossy' to those who think the behaviour is okay. So I guess I'd be a bossy buzzkill for calling out another parent for humiliating my child without any consideration of her feelings
okay so about the guy sleeping naked. In the country where I come from, nudity is very natural/normalised and let me explain. if you were to go to a public swimming pool for example, people will just shower naked before getting in the pool and put on their swimsuits afterwards. this does not mean that people walk around naked everywhere but at places like a beach, you could maybe see someone get changed and no one bats an eye. Because here, nudity isn’t so sexualised as it is in other countries so I just can’t see the problem with the guy walking around naked, in his own home?? like even with the cultural difference, isn’t it more logical for the neighbours to look away instead of demanding another person to change their behaviour in their own home just because you could maybe look into his room?
The neighbor is calling the nude guy a menace but he’s the one being a peeping Tom.
I really needed this video today. Not feeling my best and your content always cheers me up.
sending hugs and happy vibes your way! ✨
For the birthday party story: From someone that grew up in a small town, in a similar situation but without the rule of 'must invite everyone if handing out invitations at school', there were definitely some kids (read mainly me) that weren't always invited to parties because of being overly cautious/anxious and while it absolutely sucks calling up the other parents was just never something that happened. Not saying that any of it is right, and the parents are 100% the ah because as ADULTS you shouldn't be destroying a child self esteem.
hey peaches, hope you enjoyed today's video! remember you can check out stripyourmakeup.com/shaaba to strip your make up, not your skin 🥰
The saying "you can want in one hand and shit in the other and see which fills up first" is something I heard a lot growing up. My parents would go on week long cruises and vacations, leave me and my brother with a baby sitter, and then tell us that statement when we asked to do summer camp for the week instead.
That first story makes me so mad. In grade 10 at school (16 years old) a girl in my class handed out birthday invites to everyone except me. That was really upsetting, and I was 16 with a decent sense of self! I can't imagine how much that could hurt a child who is struggling to fit in. That other parent is absolutely the AH in that situation. Who the heck attacks a child for following the rules? Ugh my thoughts are scattered but I am so mad at that parent and the people in the post who called the OP an AH. Thanks Shaaba and everyone in the comments for giving me some faith in humanity back.
Nudity is not inherently sexual. If nothing untowards is being done, no performances being made, then honestly? Just teach your kids not to look. It's not flashing. It's not a sexual act. It does not require consent and there's no reason it would be harmful for anyone who chooses to look, even kids. Everyone has a body. Everyone is naked under their clothes. Teaching kids that there's something wrong or offensive about their naked body is far more harmful than catching the occassional glance of a neighbour getting dressed.
On the last one the neighbors should absolute put up blinds or keep them closed. They're trying to enforce rules on someone else's life instead of solving something that only they see as a problem. I just feel like they're acting entitled I guess.
This is a hard one, the mom of the "buzzkill" daughter. My own mom made my bullying situation worse by going to the other girl's mom. A group of girls in Daisies (first level of Girl Scouts) didn't include me, but they weren't truly unkind before my mom got involved. After she said something to another mom telling her that her daughter wasn't being nice or inclusive, the girls actively targeted me.
3rd Issue, the pickle. Children are ashamed of nudity because they are taught to be embarrassed by it. Nudist colonies have pickles out and it isn't a problem. Why here? He's not skeeving on children, he's just naked in the privacy of his own home.
Now, OP opened with the fact that he bought a house so he could wake up with the sun in the east. That's important enough for him that he bought a house specifically that allowed him to do that. He bought a house with privacy and then it was developed in a way that removed that privacy. But he made every effort to allow him this one moment of happiness to start the day. That shows how invested he is in that moment. It's his happy time.
However, there is an alternate way to cover your nudity for even the briefest of moments. Put your shorts on your bedside table. You wake up nude to sunlight and you are happy. You sit up and slip your shorts on so when you stand up, you are covered. Everybody wins.
Now, if the other family can see into his bedroom the entire time he's sleeping, they need some blinds and some courtesy. He had no control over how their house was built and they should be courteous to OP. They can see into his bedroom and they are violating his privacy, not the other way around.
Now consider this. What if OP was a woman? Would the same rules apply? Would the neighbor still be able to tell a female to cover up? If it's good for the goose, it's good for the gander. Why is peeping on a man (which is what they are doing) on him, but peeping on a woman would be on them?
The neighbors suck, no doubt. But I would encourage the man to make one last concession to cover up before standing up. But that's the line in the sand. I feel he should tell his neighbor that he bought a house specifically to sleep naked and wake up to the sun. He will not concede that last inch (no pun intended), nor should he. If the neighbor is that upset, he can move.
As an afterthought, he should ask whether he sleepwalks naked because if he does, that's an entirely different kettle of ... errr ... pickles.
Is it because I’m French ?
For the last story, I feel like OP made everything in his power to better the situation. In France, it’s not illegal to be naked in your own home, even if we can see you. I don’t remember the exact legislation, but it’s legal to be naked.
Also… it’s a man, sleeping. Not a man doing weird stuff, private stuff. I mean, sleeping is kinda private, but everyone has a body so… yeah. If he’s living his life normally, just without the clothes part (in his bedroom, mind you) I feel like the neighbor should really calm down.
Or… theory : the neighbor is jealous of OP’s body. So he doesn’t want to see it anymore but he can’t resist the envy to peak.
For the first, ESH except OOP's kid. OOP sucks a little, her husband sucks, the other parent sucks and yes, the other kid sucks though they are very young so have an excuse
Edit:
Though it's a light one for OOP actually. I really can understand her point and why she did it. I'd probably do the same
For the last one, I'd tell them to call the cops. Then when the cops came I'd say the neighbour keeps looking through my window to see me naked
For the last one, it's his house, it's completely reasonable to be naked in your own home. If the neighbours don't like it, THEY should be the ones putting up things to obscure their view into his bedroom. It was considerate enough for him to have stopped walking around naked for prolonged periods of time, something he wasn't obligated to follow through with. NTAH.
First story:
As a parent of a kid with ASD and ADHD who this exact thing has happened to, its heart breaking knowing every other kid got included and yours didnt. I would definitely had a conversation with the other parent to talk about it. And if the result was that they were still not included we would go out and do something really fun that we "already had planned" so that we were busy and couldn't attend anyway.
Story 3: neighbour needs to build a fence/ plant a tree/ get some blinds. Your house your rules. Total dont have to wear clothes. Your home is your 1 safe place to be able to be safe in your own skin. Neighbours need to find a solution so the they cant see in.
For the last story... why don't the neighbors just get curtains for their window? Problem solved
The burden of buying blinds/curtains is on the neighbour who has a problem with what other people do in their own home
That person wasnt obligated to give out the money THEY won, they could’ve kept it all but was insanely kind to give away 20k to each family member which is incredibly nice.
The naked sleeper - why don’t the neighbors get curtains!?! Oops - someone also said that
And let's remember, they are 6 years old! I'm 100% positive little Cindy didn't buy the invites. And as parents, they should be teaching Cindy that by inviting the whole class, minus one is setting their little sweetheart on the road to being a bully.
In fact, Cindy's parents are the bullies, and therefore the assholes! They sent Cindy to school with those invites KNOWING that they were excluding OP's daughter.
They own a swimming pool! You can't tell me they don't have enough money to buy stamps! If there was a problem with OP's child being a "buzzkill" they should have brought it up to her parents, in between birthday parties.
As for OP's husband, divorce him. He sounds absolutely barbaric!