I wish so often that I didn't grow up being abused & tortured.

TW: cult torture survivor. It's one of those hard times of year for me, and I keep hearing in my head "I wish I'd had safety." Parts of me think about it over and over. I know it doesn't help to wish for that because I didn't have safety for most of my life; I had abuse and torture, and I didn't have love or compassion. But I do have safety now, and I do have love and compassion in my chosen family, in my friends, in my therapist who is like a mom to me. But I still wish that I hadn't grown up with the abuse and torture, that I had had safety, good self-esteem and self-confidence and a better ability to do okay in the world and just feel okay and not have suicidal ideation and so much trauma that impacts every day of my life. But I'm grateful for the safety now and the love and compassion of my chosen family even if I don't get to see them very often in person. I am grateful that I have worked on healing and that I'm still working on healing; it helps make a difference. I hope you also have safety now if you didn't before. And if you have always had safety you are very lucky, if you grew up with safety. #cultsurvivor #traumatok #traumahealing