About 20 years ago I worked in a locked mental health unit. There was an elderly man who was 99 who was there for suicidal ideation. He told me, " My wife is dead. My children are all dead and my grandchildren are all dead. I do not know anyone." It did not feel like mental illness.
Yeah, this is real. The feeling of reaching out and having no connections is real. That and the feeling that life isn't worth living. It is getting harder to see an emotionally and financially stable world right now. I relate.
It's really tough I have friends and we meet up once a week for board games but that's all I've got. I consider many people friends but it never feels like anyone truly wants to connect with me and hang out. I even try to set up things we could do but never get much of a response. I don't blame them much most have busy lives and I certainly understand saying no a bunch cuz I have done the same in the past. A GF would be nice but that's not really looking like it's gonna happen any time soon. I'm lucky to have my family but even they don't really want to connect but just to hang out here and there.
Never feel more alone than when you finally try to reach out and it fails. You go around thinking there is a thread to hold onto, you reach out only to realize there never was a thread in the first place, so... what now?..
Same I maybe get once a week to hangout with friends and they have their own things going on. Not their fault or anything. But even trying to make new friends as an adult is extremely difficult and facing the exact same problems maybe see these people once a week and people don't want to engage with anyone that is going through a rough life
A few weeks ago I was really down and out just so fed up with the usual.Job not going well, hate the area I live in, car having issues.I walked in a dollar general was probably one of the only people in there.I got in line asked the lady how she was doing she said I’m doing good how about yourself? I said honestly could be so much better. She said to me you look like you need a hug I said it would be nice I just paid for my stuff about to walk off she came around the register and gave me a hug and I mean squeezed the hell out of me and I gave her one as well she said the world needs more love and to be kinder to one another. Man when I got to my car I got in I just sat there for about a few minutes and teared up a bit she truly helped me that day and It’s something I’ll never forget.
@@Bpm_2300 That is beautiful. We do need to see each other (with the ♥) and respond to each other from our ♥ s. Thank you for that story... very helpful to me.
I told my friend “Be safe” when he was walking back from where we met up on campus. He’s tall, 6’2” or so, but he stopped and he stared at me for a few moments, and then he came over and hugged me. I was confused, and he explained, “That’s the first time someone’s actually said that to me.” and my heart broke a little, i think. Edited because multiple people have stopped to ask why I mentioned that he was tall. I mentioned he was tall because generally tall people are seen as more physically capable, regardless of whether or not it is actually true. This almost certainly lends itself to the fact that most people didn’t see fit to tell him to be safe because the idea is “he’s tall so he can take care of himself”, same with those who are more muscular, despite the fact that neither of these are going to significantly matter in a fight if the other person is carrying a weapon. So, ffs, stop getting upset that I mentioned he was tall - I mentioned it for a reason.
Honestly, things like this are why I always try and say something nice or encouraging to every single one of my coworkers. I just got my first "I'm proud of you" from my father. I'm 33 and have gone through absolute hell without any notice from him or my mom. I know I would've killed for a crumb of recognition earlier in my life and it would've kept me from a few bad places to get it. So I make sure I tell coworkers when they do something impressive or cool, I take the time to stop and listen. If no one was there for me, I can be there for someone else Humans are a packbonding species. We need to packbond or we die, either by our hand or another. I have just decided that I will be the golden retriever of the pack. No thoughts, head empty, heart full of love.
@@blackice7408 hey man, the blessings are always for all of us. Knowing that sometimes you need to be the person holding the light for another doesnt dim the illumination on your own path, but it does mean you have someone to walk with for a little bit.
I don't know if it's because of where I live, but I'm a 6'4 "over 300lb big man, and I've had multiple people tell me to be safe or get home safe throughout my life. I don't know if it's because I'm lucky or what, but it's really sad for him that you were the first person to say that to him.😢 Hopefully, you won't be the last!
Ive felt this struggle. The first time i cried my soul out was when my daughter at 8 years old made me a bag lunch for work with a note that said "I love you daddy have a good day at work" sat in my car at work and balled like a baby because i felt no one cared especially my wife at the time and just took everything I did for granted. When she was older she told me she started making me lunch because she got tired of seeing me barely eat while mommy ordering food for herself and going out with frends to eat before i would get home. Didn't even know this was going on as i was working 2 jobs at the time. Happily divorced now. Daughter is 23 now and i still have that note. Its locked in a safe with my most valuable possessions. That note has gotten me through some rough days through the years.
When I was at one of my lowest points one time, I called the suicide hotline to try and get some help, and after talking to the lady on the other end for like a minute, I got distracted by a car passing weirdly in front of my house, took maybe 5 seconds to look at it and that’s being generous. When I went to raise my phone back up to my ear I saw that the phone call had ended. It shook me so hard it completely took me out of my suicidal state and I started laughing like an idiot over the fact that I was suicidal, reached out to the suicide hotline for help, didn’t get help and got hung up on. Ironically enough, by not helping me not commit suicide, the suicide hotline helped me not commit suicide.
Weird how some people aren’t truly committed to suicide, they just need a distraction from it. (Like they never really wanted to do it anyway) While others, no one’s stopping them at all.
@@mister-Kayne True. I'm crippled & have schizophrenia. I so want to be out of here already. I hope I'll have the courage & resolve to bear the pain & rest.
That’s how I’ve felt lately in Stockton CA, rural asf alone everyday even tho I’m with grandparents, but no job, no future never wanted this path for me, my friend thankfully took me out with her for comedy night but that’s never happened before it’s a rarity, she has a bf, she’s my best friend, she loves me, it’s still not enough when the days over and I end up back home, alone… I wonder if this world will ever change so my life also, can change…
@@GabrielXDrums damn brother I feel for you. I moved there last June 6 months in I was ready to end it. A real shithole and an awful place for finding human connection. That type of environment makes everyone callous
@@NickHaney10 yeah, and I’m out of work and searching rn is a nightmare with little to no money all I have is the food in the house but there’s barely anything coming in, yet I’m told by family “it’s all good” when clearly it’s not. At least for me.
I wish society would realise how emotionally efficient a man can be. 1 ‘I Love You’ … 1 hug out of the blue, 1 tiny comment to show appreciation, can keep our fire burning for so long. But many men don’t receive these tiny nuggets of motivation their entire lives. We don’t ask for very much at all… I’m a bloke but I still take responsibility of keeping the fire burning in other men. Always drop a compliment or raise something a friend or brother did well - out of the blue. As a kid me and my siblings were tucking into an amazing dinner and we all, almost simultaneously cried out ‘thank you mum!’ And she had the biggest smile on her face. I followed up with ‘thank you dad, you worked hard all day so mum had the tools and ingredients to cook in the first place.’ First time I saw a grown man cry. Try it, you’ll be amazed.
Two people told me the other day that they appreciate my friendship/kindness. Can't remember ever hearing that before and can't remember feeling that type of good
What you say is true. After becoming the assistant manager at my job the manager and I became pretty good friends. To put it plainly, his life sucks and he is under appreciated by pretty evryone around him. My friends and I all go way back and we've supported eachother through everything, because of that and the place I grew up in it was hard to make more friends than just our little group because everybody just assumed our kindness was a sign of weakness at best, or homosexuality at worst (their priorities, not mine). Anyway, I got my boss a birthday present recently and his mood has significantly improved. At this point I think I may be one of the only things keeping him alive. It's hard to watch him struggle so much, but it's also good to see him get a bit better.
The most affection I've received in the past few months was when I bumped my watch on a plate of metal at work, and 1 of the managers nearby heard it and came rushing over to me asking if i was alright in a soft caring voice it sounded genuine and I just froze because even though It didn't hurt I brushed it off but her voice had so much concern in it, I cried a lot that night and couldn't think of anything else besides thanking her for checking on me
you gotta be vulnerable to have those moments with people. it's really freaking hard but it has helped me to open up more, most people want to at least lend an ear
Maybe you could share with her, but not over share how that experience affected you. You never know who is in your circle be it professional or otherwise who are willing to connect. Lots of love bud
As insane as this sounds, seeing that I'm not the only that feels this way or has experiences like this oddly comforting. I love you bros. Stay strong.
as a male in my 20s going through a rough time , i had an older girlfriend , she one day asked how was i going , it made me feel human. I am now 55 ( married 2kids) every time i can i ask people how are they going to return the favor in life to everyone Great sex She knew no future but experience and fun to reflect on when you get old Another was 45 bbw great sex for a young guy
My friend died earlier this year from suicide. Part of what fed into those feelings of despair were him feeling suffocated by his grief (his wife and youngest kid were killed in a car accident in 2022 and his other two young kids almost died in that same crash but they're still alive). When you feel stuck and have zero way out now or you think that there isn't going to be a way out later then you see suicide as a valid option. I miss my friend. This year has been hard.
@@juancena1259 You're not the first person to say such a thing. One of the first things I asked (the first thing I did ask was "What?" when I was told the news, as unbelievable as it sounded to me at the time) was "Where are the kids?" because I thought he did something drastic like hurt them in the process of his committing suicide. But as far as I know now they've been adopted by members of the family.
I feel for you. A friend of mine also committed suicide. I think I would've been around 15 or 16 at the time. It was hard, and I won't lie and say I didn't become a piece of shit after. I had attempted a few months or so later, but I survived. After the fact, I started using, overeating, basically any addiction I could get my hands on. I intentionally screwed with people, even police officers, just to feel anything. The adrenaline of a scuffle. I hope you get the help you need and don't go down a dark path. God bless
I felt this. I am not going to lie, its hard to wake up everyday feeling like there is nothig to live for when you dont have a family or friends around. I saw a woman jump off a bridge once and it traumatized me. That moment also changed my life and no matter how alone, rejected, or depress I feel, i tell myself that there is a new day to try again tomorrow.
Well, if you feel the hurt so deeply you contemplate suicide, if you genuinely believe this won't ever change, and those things have been that way for a few weeks, that's already enough for the diagnosis of a minor or even major depressive episode. Therapy and medication can help in that case.
@@Andreas-gh6is At that point you’re making the world less real to people with medication and whatnot. There needs to be a plan that actually solves the real life issue. It’s like boozing when you’re heartbroken. It’s temporary and it won’t necessarily take away the care for the situation rather the emotion attributed to it
@@srivastavashivam949 Enough where it's still a "go to" at a point in the conversation when I've reminded them what's important to them. You don't save people, you remind them about what's important
@@srivastavashivam949Death is seen as a surefire way to "escape" "life", when in fact a lot of them just want a way out of their situation, i.e. suffering. It doesn't have to be death, but it's the only one that they can see and do, which is being thought of as "better than not doing anything to solve it".
@@RusticKey It's important. If you find yourself in a situation where you're talking to someone, don't fake the funk. Just talk, let them vent, be that night time DJ. Calmness is contagious. Also know free will is a thing. People are free to make their choices. But if they haven't done it yet, then there's something holding them back. That to THAT something. Also know that the humans soul is beautiful. But the disease, the pipe, the addiction, the memories. Those are the ugly things, and you gotta figure out which one(s) you are talking to.
We had an international student in our student house in college and he, for whatever reason, couldn’t make deep connections with anyone. He was friendly, easy to talk to and had good hygiene. He even bought a dvd for us to watch together but I was too busy with life to sit down and watch a movie. One day we were awake at the same time and he offered to make me breakfast. I realised he needed to make me breakfast more then I needed to eat breakfast. Again, we couldn’t connect on a deeper level but we both tried to talk about more than just the weather. His brother showed up a couple of weeks later and took him home for good because he had said some concerning things over the phone and his family wanted to keep him safe. After he left I found out that he had friend to connect with everyone of the 25 of us in the student building before he left. It made ever one of us reflect on how we treat others. He has a wife and kids now over in his homeland. He looks happy.
I find people are often subconsciously hypocritical. It makes me want to work on myself, but also be selective about who I keep in my circle. It’s a disappointing realization to make though. I think most people forget the golden rule after the age of 10.
At this age it is really difficult to make friends in another country. As you said, it was not his fault and he tried to make contact to you two times. This guy was good friend material but nobody of 25 people was interested. I bet this happens a lot to American college students, feeling sad and lonely away from home. Kitchen usually is a hotspot for contacts and making friends. This guy would have had a great time with a mix of some people from all over the world. My experience in California was groups of Europeans, groups of Asians, groups of Mexicans, groups of Persians. Those groups did talk to each other and they did go out and have excursions and trips together. Californians stayed together and were only interested in themselves. Of course Californian guys were interested in flings with the girls from abroad but could not even keep up a conversation. So good his brother came and took him back to Europe.
My friend is a sociologist and tracked this in men over 50 who have retired. The level of suicidality is very high, as the men saw their jobs and careers as their role in society and once that ended, they felt like they had no role to play.
No offense but that's because it's the only role society values from men and it's not even like it's an easy task to succeed at. Constant sacrifices, constantly ignoring your own desires and being exploited for what? We all get thrown away eventually.
@@birdrat2656 I think you'll find it's the men who absolutely love their jobs that this happens to. People who hate what they do can't wait to get away.
@@derekrushe And they hate their jobs in like 99.9% of cases. Like who loves their job really? If they were paid money regardless, if they go to work or wont go - how many of such men will actually show up to work despite receiving salary whether the work or not? I think like almost everyone would choose not to. So they actually don`t like their jobs and would use their time elsewhere, if money was not an issue.
I just cannot fathom what the hell was going through their mind when they hung up on you! Good grief! 😳 Honestly I hope they got fired, especially if that’s a common occurrence for them
They obviously should not have done that, but now that it's happened what can we do. I invite you to forgive that individual in your heart. That's the only way to forgive yourself in turn. It's easy to look at people's roles or job titles and expect certain behavior from them, but at the end of the day they are just people. Police officers are poorly trained, and require very little screening for morality or common sense before they are hired. Once they are in, they are protected by their peers. It's no excuse, but at least we can start to empathize with how an individual like that can come into existence. It takes a certain kind of personality to desire positions of power, and here's a hint.....they often don't possess the most intellect. Intelligent people tend to doubt themselves and prefer equality over hierarchy. From someone who once hung himself, hang in there......poor choice of words😂. I realized that sewerslide was my coping mechanism for stress and anxiety. It was a scapegoat to not feel my emotions. Anytime things got to be "too much" for me, I could say "oh I'll just end it" sigh of relief. Ending it is not easy....hell I wonder how possible it even is sometimes. It certainly takes something I realized I don't have. And once I learned that, I had to be honest with myself about how I hadn't been living my life, but just scraping by waiting for it all to come crashing down on me. I had to recognize that I had given up on myself and that I was ashamed for it all. I had to forgive myself, much like that officer who hung up on you. It's not only your fault, but taking responsibility for your part in it is the first step, acknowledging you did the best you could at the time is the second, and choosing to take another step is the third. Life is way more enjoyable and COHESIVE when "ending it" is no longer an option on your mind. Do yourself a favor and stop wasting time and energy on the thought. You've got plenty to offer the world, and you will continue to grow and become better if you let yourself. If you need a change of scenery and a new life, look for work trade opportunities somewhere far from what you know. Do new things. Especially if 😵 is the alternative....why not throw caution to the wind and change it up. Goodluck. Though all you really need is a commitment to growth, and a little hope.
What would you say stopped you from going through with it and what would you say is a good reason to keep on living, for others who are reading this and might be in a similar situation as you were?
Society has told men that their problems don't matter, and they're actually at fault for society's problems. It's why everything is starting to collapse, and why suicides in men are so high.
I’ve seen some people somehow misinterpret entirely Dr. K’s point and dunked on him for “glorifying/justifying suicide”, when it isn’t the case. What he said is ABSOLUTELY correct. I’ve gone through depressive episodes, mild ones thankfully, but never have I been diagnosed with a mental illness, my brain was never truly malfunctioning. The causes were external, rather than internal. We need to make this clear for everyone.
That's an amazing observation. I think doctors often try to dig too deep in the mind and sometimes miss the obvious answer that changing your external environment is sometimes enough to pull someone out of that doomer mindset and begin to improve their lives
@@rw5622 thank you. I wouldn’t call it amazing, just common sense. Of course, there are some men whose problems derive from internal sources (I.E: mental illnesses), but a lot of suicidal and depressed men feel what they feel because their life sucks in their eyes. Whether it’s because they don’t have a girlfriend, got fired from their job, don’t have purpose in life etcetera, they feel like life genuinely isn’t worth it. Of course, the same thing applies to some women too, but I believe it’s way more common in men. Thankfully, the therapists who have worked on me throughout the years knew the reasons for my emotional struggles were mostly external, so they didn’t give me any unnecessary medication. Unfortunately, some therapists and “professionals” don’t care about making exceptions. They just prescribe garbage to anyone hoping it’ll fix the problem.
Dr K is pointing out the elephant in the room so that work can be done to solve the problem. People that think he's trying to advocate for suicide need to see a psychiatrist.
His argument is the absolute most empathetic you can get. To actually feel what another person feels. Make them feel like they've finally been seen outside all the bullshit people spew. If anything this would help them. This is true empathy.
@@MillillioNthey are only saying that because they think one dimensionally. They want to have a emotionally charged responce of cuddling suicidal men thinking they are helping when realistically they are only doing to because it benefits them and they feel better knowing others agree with them. They don't care about actually solving the issue.
It's not depression or BPD. It's all the situations of injustice I had to go through, gritting my teeth to silence my pain and anger to let it pass. If you don't die by suicide, you'll die early anyway from high BP, heart attack, or something else like that.
@@CorbinB-Rax You're Isaiah 5:20, Ecc 10:2. He didn't start this. Man who sinned by turning from God to self did. You sound full of self due to the blame you heap on the innocent.
@@hoobeydoobey1267 In short, since you're too low functioning to get this without a hand-hold: I, nor you, nor anyone, CANNOT (rightly) set up a stream of dominoes... with full intended foreknowledge of where they will end, and what chain of events/chaos they will cause, and then ABSOLVE MYSELF of all guilt, by merely saying that YOU, not I, placed that one single guilty domino, in that one place that mattered. No. Full bs. Full stop. Unacceptable on all levels. Indefensible logic. If you can, then you must formulaically PROVE that I am wrong. Use math. P = P
My daughters are keeping me here..Have no mental issues at all..This world despresses tf out of me.Being a man is rough..I almost cane close to ending it all and out of nowhere my daughters called me to tell me they Love me out of the blue..I was so hurt i was going to leave them alone..I made a vow to never think that again..
I have no children myself, but my older brother does. He told me that if it wasn't for the kids, he'd end it many times. Perhaps try to find meaning and beauty in sticking around for your kids Thank You for sharing
yep. i have suicidal thoughts all the time. but i know i will never leave my daughter (and soon to be 2nd daughter) without a dad. i will go through literal hell if i have to to make sure i'm there for them when they need me
You’re a good dad for that… mine did not stick around for my sisters and I. His depression pulled him farther and farther from us to the point that we had little connection with him, and I think we’ve all been left wondering why we weren’t enough to show interest in or stick around for. Hang in there for your girls ❤
I remember hearing my grandmother advise my sisters to always offer kind words to the boys in their lives, emphasizing how seldom they receive appreciation. The more I learn about how society treats men, the more I realize she is correct
I cannot even tell you how many stories I read online of men who hardly, if ever, get compliments for anything. But when they do, they remember it like it happened 20 minutes ago. A girl complimenting a guy on the shirt he us wearing. A grandmother telling her grandson that his hair looks nice. A coworker saying he appreciates the work he does. A girl saying that he has beautiful eyes. You name it. Something small and insignificant, but it brings people to tears because that never happens to them.
One of my very good friends does theater work as a hobby. He was a director of a play and I brought him flowers on opening night. He said he'd never been given flowers before and it seemed to really light him up. I extend the same comfort and support to the men in my life as the women in my life. I cannot extend compliments to random male strangers, though, because it is not physically safe for me to do so. I wish it was. I wish it was normalized to have men complimenting other men.
I feel like past generations actually generally understood mutual respect very well as between men and women. Men and women treated one another with respect, but if men didn't treat women with respect, they risked getting stabbed with a hatpin. I don't think I'd want to go back to "the good old days" because I like the opportunities I have as a woman in the modern era, but I also - at least in my country - have minimal legal right to defend myself (so to use my previous example, if a man groped me and I stabbed him with my hatpin in response, he might be charged with a minor offense, but I would be charged with assault with a weapon). This lack of nuance about the differences between men and women and different protections that women are more likely to need from the law and society I think has led to women trusting men less because at least where I live, we can't necessarily depend on the law protecting us should that guy end up being a threat. It's made us prickly and less likely to behave kindly towards men, but we're in a vicious cycle now where men are more likely to interpret kindness as an invitation to more because it's so rare. Sorry if I went off on a tangent there. Basically my TL;DR is a lot of these problems could be solved by recognizing inherent differences between what men need and what women need in interpersonal relationships. It feels like where we are right now, even saying there are differences between the two gets decried as sexist.
@Ad_Inferno Your points are fair. I think what we are seeing in our society (at least) is the failure to heed the warning that a philosopher once gave- If you are going to fight monsters, take heed lest you become a monster yourself. In other words, be careful that you don't become the very thing you are trying to fight. I know there is a lot of evil by men towards women. But the women (specifically, thr feminists) decided that the best way to combat this was to become the very thing they decried and condemned. Thar decision has had terrible consequences for all of us.
This is true. It's the state of affairs I find myself in. Not just a sense of there is no way out, but questioning whether continuing is even worth it any more.
I'm 36. Couple of days ago I was arguing with a guy inside a WhatsApp group where many of my friends are in. I pushed back on a heated topic. Anyways, I got dedicated private feedback from like 5 or 6 people, really appreciating in detail to what I said and that i fought back. And this was really making me feel strange. After a while I realized, that this was probably the most positive feedback I received in my entire life.
I've known this fact about myself for a long time. This is the very first time I've heard someone else actually say it. I'm not suicidal, I'm just in a place where I don't belong and I'd rather leave now than stick around for another few decades of misery.
Don't give up man, there's certainly something out there to cheer you up, make it your life's mission to find it, that way you have something to wake up for everyday and when you find it that would become your reason to live. I hope you understand what I am saying and I won't mind if you want to talk to me about anything.
@fpfilms6609 My friend, my life has led me to one, singular desire. I want to be a dad. Mine was an abusive asshole, so my ultimate goal in life is to prove to myself and everyone else that I can be a better father and partner than he ever was. The problem is that it takes two people to make that happen and women just don't want me. No hits on dating apps. No hits online. Nothing IRL. I'm not a bad looker. I exercise. I have a stable income. But I'm completely alone.
@@burnininhellPlease become a good father for your children but not for your abusive father. You shouldn't have children to prove yourself, but to educate them to become good people for society. Anyway, you're already a good person and much better than your father.
Please read George Ritchie's book "Return From Tomorrow." It's an absolute page turner and you will see that it is no solution, not because of what you think but because you'll be stepping into serious consequences that you can't escape. He saw what happened to people who committed suicide,. You'll also see what living is for if you read that book by George Ritchie, a WWII vet.
hes 100% right Cant afford hobbies Cant afford a house Cant afford a family Cant afford higher education Cant afford a car Stuck at a deadend job Minimal friends if any Its like society still expects men to be completely self-reliant, stoic and have all the answers even though the resources to give men that ability have moved so far out of reach they might as well be non-existent.
Join a sports club. Book club. Or the gym. You can make friends over time and grow. Many hobbies do not cost money. Join a race biking group and ask them if they have a spare bike for you because you are in a rough spot right now. Other men will understand you and help you if you ask. Expect 7 rejections out of 10 attempts. Show up repeatedly at the same place at the same time to give people an opportunity to get used to you. You may not become rich. But you CAN develop a happy and connected life. Love to you, my friend ❤
Go join the military. Your housing will be taken care of. Get a stable job. You can get a zero down mortgage. You can get a sense of community from your fellow soldiers.
You can afford the device you typed this comment with and had the time to post it, obtain a bible copy and get the answers you are looking for. That ability is within your reach and control. I promise you that you have an abundance. Be a man and most importantly love your GOD and savor.
As a dad i’ve considered it MANY times!!! the pain of losing our kids to divorce is incomprehensible to most people!! we suffer in silence and knowing that we are put on the back burner hurts more than anyone will ever know!!!
People think children and pets are a burden. But really, they save us, in every way a person can be saved. And .. you gotta look out for yourself - Love yourself, second to the Lord. Reward yourself with your favorites. Bless yourself with the tools God gave you. You are not an afterthought. 💔💛
Man, looking through the comments really shows me how much pain actually is in this world. To all the people that are fighting, I hope it gets better for you!
@@mauriciofreitas3384because the world has killed the dream. Everyone is guilty of this. “You will never make it”, “your not that guy”, “why dont you just work a normal job”, “what your doing will never work out” etc. people around you, and the world itself kills dreams. But what people don’t understand is your dreams ARE your life. If you have no dreams, you are effectively dead. Theres many things we need to bring back, but if i was to name the most important, its the dream. Chase your dreams, do it smartly, and live your life. Through doing this, you will grow so much as a person. And if enough people do it, the “other things that we need to bring back” will naturally come back.
@@mauriciofreitas3384 lol yt deleted my comment. Its so sad how right you are. Look at how youtube already is. All i talked about is the “death of the dream” and they delete what i say. In short i said, chase your dreams, your dreams are your life.
@@jinenjuce dude, I know I'm a rando in the internet, but I hope You The best... We are stronger than we think, everything will be better, send u a hug.
I have a friend that committed suicide from this exact scenario. Back in 2017, we were both in engineering school and 5 major things happened in his life that came in way too fast. 1st thing happened was that his girlfriend got pregnant and his daughter was born, 2nd was that his family’s childhood home burned down on thanksgiving the year prior and he lost his truck in the fire. 3rd was that he was failing engineering school and was just notified of academic probation for the following semester. The 4th thing was that his uncle that he was closest to died from a motorcycle accident 3 months prior to the thanksgiving fire. The final straw was when he found out his girlfriend was cheating on him even after his daughter was born. He literally had nowhere else to go. The worst part of it all was that he showed absolutely no signs of depression. There was none of his many friends that he could vent to nor could he relate his struggles to. He felt alone and out of options. Tbh it sounded like a desperate measure.
Engineering school is unbelievably rough. I’m going through it right now and I couldn’t imagine going through all those other things as well. Im really sorry that happened to you and hope you’ve been able to find peace.
Yeah fr I’m doing a little engineering school and my car got crashed into and it’s just felt like there’s no way out. Usually i take severe measures to deal with suicidal thoughts because I know how dangerous they are. Obviously I haven’t considered them but I’ve seen how my perspective has changed on them as I wish more and more for this time to end. Im a very closed off person if If not for my friends and faith i’d probably be dead.
Yes for many/most men, life is more negative than positive. A lot due to the systems we have created. Suicide and not having children become the rational choice.
Damn man. As a software engineering student I can relate. Even better, I’m a father of 3 at a really early age, had academic probation and lost my truck back in my first year. It was pretty dangerous too because I’m an avid 2A enthusiast. But I was really fortunate and I guess I had to forcefully adapt in the mindset of bettering myself and my family’s life. My (now) wife has always been faithful as long as we communicate, my kids were my biggest leverage of pushing forward in life so they can have a better life than mines, and my university was able to work with me in dealing with my probation temporarily. It’s never easy to deal with thoughts of emptiness and overwhelming emotions. One thing out of your friend’s story is that I hope the daughter would be well despite her loss. Stay strong brother.
Meaning in life can be found. I wish he had considered various perspectives on life , death , grief , human behaviour, purpose of life etc.. After years of reading and soul searching , greatest lesson I’ve gathered is to just “be“ existence without attachment is the greatest joy other things are just bonuses if good , if not then why bother ?
Sometimes life just becomes unbearable due to loss, finances, and circumstance. My heart and soul goes out to anyone also suffering. It’s not that most of us want to die, it’s just the pain, suffering and stress becomes almost unmanageable and suicide seems like the only solution. It’s like our mind is scrolling through all the solutions and suicide is just the one that is closest to our reach
@@ilikepancakes2368 I live in Florida and work with Hispanics. Please don’t make generalizations. Plenty of the people in my work are miserable and depressed but still push onwards because that’s the only option. A lot cope through alcohol or drugs. No one in the human race is exempt from mental health issues. I’m an Irish catholic and most Hispanics I meet are also catholic so if you’re religious you know suicide is considered a grave sin.
We're not allowed to truly live our lives We just work to pay bills and ceaselessly struggle to keep our heads above water, and the rest of the world expects us to be happy with that
Everyone you turn to, you get rejected. That's 100% true. That's exactly what's happening to me. I'm told to, "take down my wall" and, "open up", only to be shit on the second I do. There's only so much I can hold inside. Sorry, I'm just venting.
Exactly what's happening to me and what's happened to me throughout life. For me it's bad especially because the fact that it began so early in life led to me being easily irritable. Now combine that with having way too much on your plate between college and a retail job (Yep, irritable person stuck in a retail job). Screw this life man. Fucking taunting as hell seeing all other students in their close knit communities while I'm out there feeling touch starved and lonely in a group. Also, screw everyone who says heartbreak is equivalent to loneliness. No it isn’t. A broken heart from bad relationships doesn't stop friends from helping you. Loneliness does.
Hopelessness. Feeling like you are out of options. Knowing that tomorrow will be the same as today, or worse. Knowing that your best days are behind you. These are the thoughts of a man on the edge.
Yeah, I'm a 26 year old man, and I'm starting to feel somewhat like that, something similar to that. It's not so much hopelessness, it's more apathy, fatigue and a lot of physical pain that makes my life quite arduous. There's hope in my life, it's more that I'm just fed up of life itself and I feel like I've lived for too long. I don't want to become middle aged, and I don't want to get old. I just don't see the point in carrying on, and I'm not even sure I actually want a future, and I don't want to plan for my future, I just don't care for it.
I have had mental illness and depression problems for 40 years. He is right, reaching out and being rejected and forgotten by people you gave everything to is devastating. Probably the biggest cause.
People think children and pets are a burden. But really, they save us, in every way a person can be saved. And .. you gotta look out for yourself - Love yourself, second to the Lord. 💔💛
This is actually what Muslims are advised to do: Al-Miqdam ibn Ma’dikarib reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “When one of you loves his brother, let him know.” Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2392, Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Suyuti Mu’adh ibn Jabal reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Allah Almighty said: Those who love each other for the sake of My glory will be upon pulpits of light, admired by the prophets and the martyrs.” Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2390, Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Tirmidhi Abu Huraira reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “There are seven whom Allah will shade on a day when there is no shade but His. They are a just ruler, a youth who grew up in the worship of Allah, one whose heart is attached to the mosques, two who love each other, meet each other, and depart from each other for the sake of Allah, a man who is tempted by a beautiful woman of high status but he rejects her, saying , ‘I fear Allah,’ and one who spends in charity and hides it such that his right hand does not know what his left hand has given, and one who remembered Allah in private and he wept.” Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 660, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1031, Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
As a 27 year old man I feel like the only reason why I'm still alive is because my mom is alive and she is 67 if she passes I literally have no one to confide in or even to speak to so I don't know how I'm going to operate after the inevitable happens because I already know I'm going to be so lost
there are a lot of good people on the internet you can talk to, and some eventually become real life friends. try getting out and joining a gym or a church. some activity where you show up around the same, and run into the same people and make friends.
Believe it or not, but life is precious. There are good people out there in the world. Don't give up on yourself. You can use the internet to meet people and do group meet ups but plz don't let the internet rule you. It is always good to have real interaction with people in person. You have nothing to lose telling someone good morning, how you doing? You look nice etc. Take it easy. Trust me, you will see the good in some people over time. Maybe your time isn't now but your time will come (good things will happen). You have to put effort and look for it though. It's not gonna fall from the sky. Best of luck. U got this
I only say “I love you” and “Thank you” to men who have never done me wrong and are respectful towards me and others. I wish I could just say “Thank you dad” “I love you dad” or hug him out of nowhere, but he has done me wrong so many times and has never apologized for all the physical, mental, and emotional abuse he’s put me through. So that’d be weird and awkward to just do that out of nowhere. Wish I had a dad who was there for me emotionally and not just financially.
This is actually what Muslims are advised to do: Al-Miqdam ibn Ma’dikarib reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “When one of you loves his brother, let him know.” Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2392, Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Suyuti Mu’adh ibn Jabal reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Allah Almighty said: Those who love each other for the sake of My glory will be upon pulpits of light, admired by the prophets and the martyrs.” Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2390, Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Tirmidhi Abu Huraira reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “There are seven whom Allah will shade on a day when there is no shade but His. They are a just ruler, a youth who grew up in the worship of Allah, one whose heart is attached to the mosques, two who love each other, meet each other, and depart from each other for the sake of Allah, a man who is tempted by a beautiful woman of high status but he rejects her, saying , ‘I fear Allah,’ and one who spends in charity and hides it such that his right hand does not know what his left hand has given, and one who remembered Allah in private and he wept.” Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 660, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1031, Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
Same here. I sometimes ask myself: "Well, my mother has changed a lot. Maybe I should try to be a normal son?". But nothing gets rid of the horrible memories of our abusive parents. If there's no resolution to that hell then I believe neither of us have any reason to be authentic around our parents.
I am sure he didn't have bad intentions for you. If you cannot accept the misgivings of your own dad, then you won't be able to forgive anyone in your life
What Dr. K said is 100% true. I found myself in this situation in September 2022, arguably my lowest point in my life. I didn’t have anything to my name, lost a couple of my friends due to someone disassociating me from them, with said someone getting me addicted to drugs before completely exiting my life after the damage they’ve done. When you genuinely feel like there’s no hope left and you have no one to reach out to, you think this is the only valid option to take to “fix” everything. All the mistakes suddenly seem fixable within that moment. It wasn’t until I ‘woke up’ and realized that this wasn’t the way life was meant to be experienced I’m so glad I’m here today and have been going into my second year drug-free.
I'm happy for you man, I'm glad you're still here. As for myself, I don't feel the same about myself, I wish I was gone tbh. I don't want to do this anymore, I'm tired, fed up, in a lot of pain, and I'm reaching a point of apathy and misery, life isn't happy, interesting or enjoyable for me anymore, it's just painful, arduous, tedious, gloomy and miserable. I guess I'll have to live on because I don't really feel like I have much choice, but I don't really want to. If you guys still want me around, I'll do it for y'all as well, but I'm losing the will at this point tbh. I'm just glad I've at least got a job and I'm earning money and contributing to society, so at least I'm making myself useful. I am a 26 year old man doing what I can, but I'm just surviving, not living a happy, content life. I hope you guys wish me the best, I could do with some moral support atm.
I would say the strongest tie is loneliness. Divorce, break ups, social outcasts, is pretty much the only reason men ever think about it. I don’t think it’s a selfish lonliness either, it’s knowing you have no one to show love to and care for as well as not feeling it yourself
I think it's interesting that two of the three examples of loneliness you name have to do with romantic loneliness. I think friends are a big part of this equation as well. How many friends do you have that you think you could genuinely open up to without fear of mockery? How many friends do you love, and who love you? We can't feel entitled to romantic love, no one can, but friendships are something we can create much more consistently.
I felt the same. I am usually a very active person, I have good self esteem. But one day, I started waking up, thinking that the reward that life was giving me didn't correlate the effort I was putting in, and it started to be painful. After some months, I started thinking that leaving this world was a good idea. Thankfully, this has changed a lot these past months 😊
@@electricisnthereatthemomen6535 First of all, and I can't stress this enough, look for professional advice. Even if the world is the same for everyone, each of us faces reality in a different way - in every level - We absolutely need someone that can understand our reality in order to guide us towards a change in our mindset, thus changing the way we perceive reality I can't say that what I did will work for you, but in my case, I had to change priorities and lower the expectations. I've been often comparing myself to other people more wealthy and better situations , being miserable because I though I deserved more than I had. Like most of people around me had more things (not necessarily material) than me, while doing less effort. First thing was to stop comparing me against other people, that means quitting all social media and stop following people that made me be angry about this. Second was changing the priority of my actions. I started working not to see immediate results (principally economic), but personal and future results, although it leads towards a delayed gratification, and this is sometimes difficult to bear, if we dont see immediate results. Exercice for better shape, study for building knowledge. I started mixing activities to get a balance in lifestyle, having a routine with delayed grat activities, then sometimes activities to just feel good. I neglected interpersonal relationships a little bit, so I started building that too. That was really important. Although I barely started seeing results, I can say my mindset changed drastically and now I wake up with more enthusiasm than many months before, feeling like tomorrow will be more promising than yesterday. As I said before, surely your situation is different than mine and you need something different, but I'm sure that with someone's help, you can detect what you could change in your life and work towards those changes. Anyways, always expect that what you will be in some months, depends about what you will do today, and that counts for both mental and physical. I wish you best of luck and I hope you find your path ;)
@@electricisnthereatthemomen6535find a goal and pursue it for at least a year. Not because it is the ideal goal. But bc you NEED a goal to direct your energy towards. The journey towards that goal is all you need to grow, feel your energy and strenght, attract new people. Listen to "can't hurt me". Unbelievable audiobook. Happiness is a reward for overcoming your fears and addiction to comfort. Become a health freak. Free your energy. Eat healthy, sleep well, boost your testosterone (cold showers etc). No sugar. Learn to cook, celebrate that you can feed yourself - now that is you improving your life! Get into action and feel your strength! Love you! ❤
This feeling of hopelessness is very difficult to move beyond. I am 62 and have depression. The depression is not driving my feelings of hopelessness that are off/on. It is indeed the situation I find myself that spurs on these feelings. There is a no way out kind of feeling that overtakes me sometimes.
"They try to connect with others and get rejected". Those words were really piercing, because that is the truth 😔 Edit: Thanks for all the upvote (I didn't expect such a response). Just wanted to add that I am not in such a situation at all, but I was there and can still remember the pain of being in such a situation. And I am also feeling sorry for those who are in such a situation at the moment. This world can be such a dark place, please threat other people with kindness and understanding 🙏
Connections used to be much easier pre internet mostly because you were bored. Yes now that I'm getting older i can sit and watch millions of UA-cam channels not 5 network 😊 do i keep up with family and friends ...... they are boring !!!!
@@JessicaDaineseSame, or at least where I live....I dream of getting healthy enough to be able to move to a forest and live there, preferably with lots of animals. This society is just making us all sick. Perhaps a village with community spirit would be great too. I think people are more isolated than ever, especially in big cities. Without family, it can get very very lonely...Sad really. All humans need connection. Society must make it easier for people to connect irl, even if they don't have money to go out. Must be some places ( other than church or a bar, they are fine for some, and bars shouldn't be the only places in society where one can talk to someone else ) where everyone and anyone can go to, including handicapped people etc. So many are stuck in their tiny flats cos they have no ways to get out ...with or without mobility issues etc.
@@Esti-xg7tg that is exactly my mother's dream!! She is 72. She would love something like a cottage in the woods, with lots of animals, especially cats!! 🥰 We live in a very small town on the hills in Northern Italy anyway, inside a national park (Parco Colli) protected by UNESCO. So not exactly New York or London. For me it's fine. Quiet, but we still have a pharmacy, post office, supermarket, beauty salons, pizzerie etc. But my mother wants to be even more isolated, she is fed up with humanity. I have lived in different countries, in big cities and small towns, and a few years ago I came back to where I was born. Big cities can be fun when you are 20, but less fun after 50. I think I would like to live in a comune with people like me (and cats!), as long as I also have my own place to be alone (with my cat!).
People who criticized him for this statement are idiots. We need to stop assuming everyone who turns to suicide “had” to have a mental illness. There are people who are paraplegic who would rather have euthanasia than keep living. Yet, the US system claims they have to be mentally ill if that is the case. We’ll never arrive at the truth if we refuse to admit we are living a lie.
I definitely agree with you. The issue is that we were trained to believe that everything is a "mental illness" or disorder and that's what makes us think this way. It's just an assumption,
You are spreading propaganda and using a paraplegic as an example? Canada is literally trying to convince their citizens to use assisted suicide using these same tactics. What you fail to assess is that many feel let down by the system denying money to help them live a more productive and better life. Drug addicts no rehab assisted suicide. Children who want to die (under special circumstances of course) were also considered. This is a sickening argument you are spreading.
Ok but what do you think mental illness is? For anyone that becomes physically incapable of doing the things they love, like in the case of becoming paraplegic, they have experienced a profound loss. Same with anyone grieving over the loss of a loved one. Same with anyone depressed over losing a job or their home. Same with anyone depressed and isolated missing a community to be apart of. Same with anyone depressed because of any trauma or hardship. Do you think mental illness, or depression in particular has no cause? Like it just comes out of nothing, instead of being the direct result of missing something or someone very important to our emotional well-being?
Blinked into existence and essentially forced to play a game of life that I don’t want to play. There is no prize.. not money, fame, not my family, not my kids, not success.. there is no prize worth playing this game. I live an objectively good life yet devoid of joy. What is happy? What is joy? I’ll never know. Why play?
I agree that not finding enough value in the world to desire prolonging the experience isn't automatically a mental illness. I'm glad someone had the courage to say it. People have to get up weekly, perform tasks of some sort, pay bills, run errans, do life maintenance things like wash clothes, cook, clean etc. and you have to really have a reason to want to continue doing those things. If we don't see the true problem, how could we address it properly. We have to create a new world of purpose and meaning.
the family unit is dead, the government took the role of a provider for women and children. Men are just left to do whatever while they milk taxes from us, the state will take care of the rest. And there is no changing the state, democracy is fake, and even if it wasnt fake, there is more than half of our female population + apathetic and feminist-minded men that want the opposite of what we want, so democracy doesn't work for us. The only rational solution is to just boycott women and the state, but the problem is that we, men, dont really care about each other, and are too self-obsessed to even notice there are millions of men like us with just the same problems. If we could organize, maybe we could do something, but at the same time, we would (and similar organizations already were) get claimed as extremists and terrorists the same day, social pressure wouldn't allow it.
In Brazil we have a song called "Warrior boy" (Guerreiro Menino) which tells precisely about these invisible male battles that no one but us as men care about. The lyrics say things like "A man also cries, Also want lap, Kind words, Need affection, Need tenderness, need a hug of your own kindness" Meaning that sometimes we even stop taking care of ourselves even if that is the most important thing At another point the song says something very similar to what the short says it is "A man humiliates himself, Your dream is castrated, Your dream is your life, And life is work, And without your work, A man has no honor And without your honor If he dies, he kills himself" Something like "if a man doesn't see himself in some role that serves the community, family or something like that, he completely loses his value, and the best solution for him is to simply cease to exist. It's an extremely sad song if you're a man going through some difficult times, and sometimes in my worst moments listening to it, it even seems like a warning, so I don't give up.
This is spot on. A lot of guys aren't clinically depressed. The fact that things have gotten so bad in terms of society and relationships makes you look at things objectively and just be like "why would I do this for another 50-60 years?". It's only going to get worse.
The thing is, I thought the same when I was suicidal. And then it actually did get better. I'm still afraid I'll end up alone and jobless again, but I've grown to accept that life is unpredictable and thus I can't end it all based on a future that might not exist.
Not gonna lie, I'm not likely to commit suicide, ever, I don't think.... but the notion of it passes through my mind abstractly more nowadays than it used to. Life sucks, a lot, not being negative but it just takes a lot of work to be alive, and the question is "for what? To do, what? Work more??" So I get it, when you're not getting the highest of rewards, like riches or fulfilling relationships, it can look viable to some to just take the exit ramp To me tho, I just know it's my only trip through existence for the rest of eternity, it's too precious to give it up earlier than I inevitably have to one day. Hopefully a long time from now
And some of us have literally zero chance in life and it's not even remotely connected to any choices we made. Even as a suicidal person I'm sometimes surprised at the reasons people kill themselves for
Yes, this is so true. People love to use the "mental illness" label, but many people who unalive themselves, are people in the middle of a life crisis, a crisis of belonging. They've been divorced, lost access to their kids, etc.
That’s what bi polar essentially is. Typically with no polar you go through depressive and manic episodes, but some people might experience depressive episodes significantly more than the other.
Living up north in scandinavia I can also attest to seasonal depression that the long and dark winter might cause. Especially if you don't supplement your vitamin D, as you can't get enough sunlight! My mental health and energy improved so much after a strong starting dose of vitamin D
@@StKuchen Effectively, if your Christian family, who follows the Bible verbatim, disowns you, because xyz interpretation that 45,000 denominations can't agree on, and, essentially, they, being host to this "jesus", are only doing what he said. Dividing themselves from you. Jesus is pure evil.
I work with a guy in his early 40s. He’s got two full time jobs. Gets up in the early morning goes to his first one, arrives at the place I work around 2 and works until midnight, he has a half hour drive home afterwards as well. Man does 80 hours a week. Just a microcosm of the situation our working class people face. There’s a reason people feel out of options. Wishin the best for everyone out there 🙏
This is why it's SO important for men to build emotional connections and a community outside of their significant other. I did this and think it's what saved me from suicide.
That's the opposite for me those connections are why I don't do it I see that as a crutch. I basically gotta live a life I hate just not to upset others with the news. Don't want to be here and it's like im.not even living for myself but instead not to traumatize others
@@HunsterMonter thats how depression works, man. i wouldnt off myself moreso for my familys sake. fear and friends too, but my mind tells me they all hate me, theyd be better without me, and that ill never have a connection with someone like i did with my ex best friend. and that connection was all i needed (besides my mom) back then and even now. cause without them, its been even more lonely your comment could make people feel worse btw. you should be careful when talking to people :/
I can tell you. I can deal with depression. I’ve dealt with it my whole life. It’s disappointment that gets me. The feeling that I need to do everything, and it still won’t be enough, and nobody cares. So I do it for myself. The only way for men to stay happy is through stability. That’s why I decided to see more friends, that get my thing and try to hope they don’t judge it. Works well so far. There are some that are kind of ruthless but most of the time, they don’t.
As a woman, I struggled with the same problem, and learned to overcome it, with the same solution. Thanks for sharing with me that I’m not alone in this struggle.
My landlord just killed himself, he was 80 and just in a lot of pain. No surgery or pill was gonna save him and he couldn’t do the things that made him happy anymore so he made what to him was a rational decision. RIP Bill
first of all, i definitely feel that. my two cents, after thinking about it: maybe try to organize some activity to gather people that are interested in it, they will somewhat depend on you as the organizer, at least in the beginning. and this can be a basis for genuine focus on you (as in, they are interested in you, not just because you organize one of their hobbies or something like that) i am only somewhat speaking from experience, but either way this will lead to you getting connections to people with the same interest in that same activity, which is definitely a good start to get closer connections.
I feel you. I struggle with maintaining good friendships cuz Im often too tired and socially inept to reach out to others. My only suggestion is to cut yourself some slack. Not everyone is gonna like you and that's ok, but the people who DO like you, you gotta cherish and let them know they're important to you.
@@_Blank___Space_I’m dealing with the exact same thing. I constantly feel bad about myself cause I’m such a terrible friend. Though At the same time nobody gives any effort on the other end to reach out. I have this conception that people think I’m selfish and inconsiderate but deep down I’m just dying inside.
@@ICIshan you might not be most people’s cup of tea but you are to some. People like us need to make extra effort to maintain those genuine friendships. That’s the reality
Loneliness is a hard pill to swallow. There's no amount of self acceptance that can take you where human connection can and for a lot of people connecting with others isn't an option.
Loneliness is an emotion you can get familiar with. I understand people have different temperaments, but just sitting down with that emotion and letting it live in your body without you judging it will help a lot.
Definitely true and very relatable. I was 15 when I got diagnosed with depression, unsure of why I even felt depressed. About 1/2 a year later symptoms worsen, and I’m put into a residential mental hospital. Stayed there for 3 months, reflecting on how I don’t have a reason to be depressed and comparing myself to the others who have tragic stories. I end up getting raped by another female patient and she tries to extort me. Eventually I’m discharged and moved to php (day therapy at a mental hospital basically) for the next 4 months. Never getting better during any of this time. I was traumatized from the mental hospital experience wanting nothing to do with it ever again. Regardless I was still kept in php for another 3 months after about a month break. Eventually getting discharged and some time passes. During this time I missed about two years of high school, being an already bad student (not delinquent but just not very smart) I wasn’t going to be able to graduate. I still went to school anyways, but none of my old friends wanted to be around me anymore. I heard from my school counselor that they were concerned about me and said I was “acting different” that I wasn’t the same person. Which was true, I was completely numb a shell of the person I used to be. So I had no friends anymore. Then a girl asked me out. Never having dated before and being really defeated and vulnerable I agreed and we ended up dating. I ended up being cheated on, she left me for her abusive ex. This sent me spiraling back out of “control” and made the very numb me very emotional. This lead to a suicide attempt. Which landed me back in the mental hospital this time In inpatient (the highest level of supervision). Where I was able to make some “friends” and bond over our struggles. After getting discharged and going through the php program yet again, I developed trust issues, as once again my friends abandoned me after I helped them so many times. Leading me to this last year. No friends, I missed all of high school, I can’t drive, I ended up developing ptsd and a slight fear of women (especially when a woman touches me) I’m only taking college courses so my parents don’t kick me out of the house, I’m basically broke, I’m failing all of my college courses, I don’t find anything in life enjoyable, I can’t sleep at night, I hate how I look, I can only work so often without mentally breaking, and to top it all off I’m Christian- so I can’t bring myself to actually kill my self because I know hell is a worse fate. Though it doesn’t stop me from fantasizing about it. it all makes me feel as if I was never meant to survive my suicide attempt. That there was a mistake in letting me live. So everything I do feels pointless and only adds to my suffering.
Buddy hope u r OK. Sorry to hear that u went through so much at such a young age. It's not easy man bt always remember nothing in this universe that comes in existence is a mistake. Hope u get over ur depressive thoughts. Hope u get better🙏 U did ur best as u could, don't be so hard on urself.
@@Apathetic2624 I'm not encouraging you to do anything except stop living afraid of a god's judgement. The supernatural isn't real, the material world is all we have. Whether that makes you value this life more or less is your choice.
@@Noname72105 I’m not afraid of any gods judgement if that’s your interpretation of Christianity you’re sorely mistaken. Though I thought I made it somewhat clear if you actually read the comment, religion is probably the only thing keeping me from killing myself.
I was rejected by a selfish woman who moved on quickly with a random guy she met in a bar into our home of 15 years, tried to commit suicide numerous times but i just couldn’t die. Fast forward 11 years and i have an amazing relationship with my two sons so i’m glad i didn’t leave them without a dad.
You need therapy to stop feeling so angry at her. That only affects you. Glad you have a good relationship with your boys but please don't screw up their future relationships with your anger. Let it go. Learn to love your own company. I lost my husband to cancer 8 years ago and this is the first time in my life I have had to live alone. It's lonely sometimes, I know. Good luck on your journey.
@@Ard-mhacha-abu I think we men are just more affected by romantic deception than woman.. I still fight with my chest to get over a couple woman from the past.. even though i can rationally understand it just wasnt meant to be.. in the end i think emotions are not always well correlated to circumstances and that gives me comfort
@@notyourordinarygran Sorry for your loss. I’m not angry at her anymore. We are very respectful to each other and i have long since moved on and i am very comfortable in my own skin. Blessings to you.
This guy is spot on. Feeling trapped is the worst thing a man can feel. When you feel that no matter what you do to better yourself you’ll never actually be able to do that, that is the moment of greatest danger to the instinct of self preservation.
The delusional idea that gets peddled around that achievement can be made if you try hard enough Garbage At the end of the day, it relies mostly on luck and circumstances, which very few have
"They try to connect with others, and they get rejected." Tell me about it. I was rejected all throughout high school and college, I lost all the friends I knew as they've got out of town or state to go to college or raise a family somewhere else, and nobody I meet now really wants anything to do with me. I'm a very kind and understanding friend, I'm fun and jokeful too, and I love nice people, it's just that nobody really loves me back for it.
Im a 35 year old single man, lives alone, no girlfriend, and most friends are in loving relationships. I feel lonely and isolated alot. My nephews birthday was just the other day and I bought him a marvel set of character toys as a present, my stepfather video called me to show me him opening my present i got him, i then asked my nephew who his favourite superhero is and his reply was "umm you". After i hung up i had to fight tears at work. Stuck with me all day.
My mum has told me a few times now that the only reason she is still here is because of my little brother and I. Her life was rough after immigrating to New Zealand from South Africa (while pregnant with me) and her sister didn't want her living with them anymore. She held on because of her children. If there is anyone you know who might be struggling, or even not, reach out to them and remind them they're appreciated and loved. "A man's never alone if he can offer help, always thinking of everyone else before himself." ~ The Growlers
What if you don't believe or "feel" their words when they tell you they love you or other "appreciative" words? I just brush it off when someone says something nice which is mostly never, and I don't think much about it, I unf can't take it to heart l, I feel it is just empty words that don't mean anything, because their behaviour & ill treatment towards me tells otherwise
I'm only here because I won't hurt my mom . She asked why I don't have a GF, she wants grandchildren. I wanted children, I gave up even trying to get a date.. Other than that my life looks put together. I have a nice house a good job good friends etc. I'm just lonely and see no future.
As a woman, sorry to hear so much suffering to be a man. Of course, everyone suffers, but you guys do carry special burdens and those are not acknowledged enough. I do understand the feeling to have nothing to live for. I'm glad I stuck it out because now I have a beautiful baby boy and a wonderful father of that boy. I dont want either to suffer and feel like there's no way out. Finding someone is hard these days, especially for men. You guys truely need more support, and that includes from other men. There are ways out. Things will get better if you try. ❤
In 2018 my wife unexpectedly my wife of 25 years died unexpectly at the age of 49. I am normally a well balanced person with no emotinonal issues. With my wife passing I entered such a state of grief that I could not function. If I had not had both my adult sons living with me and providing me with emotional support I think that I could have gone done that path of no return.
Spouse passing is the leading cause of death in.... a lot of ppl, esp if your more established. It's completely normal, but please do what you need to do to process it and continue. The world needs you, i swear Edit: sonewhere else, i thought I saw most couples over 70 die within less than a year of each other
How well do you know yourself. Your fears. Your desires Your moments of shame. Your weaknesses. Your strengths Your talents Your skills Your passions? Know yourself and connections will find you. Not knowing yourself is where you will find nothing but emptiness. Trying to get someone else to fill your cup, will leave you lost and confused. It starts with the seeker (you). When you are ready to accept what is, what you need, will find its way to you OR you will see it clearer than you've ever seen anything before.
@@Fiox789how often do you go out to events pertaining to your hobbies? I’ve found that women often have more 3rd spaces where they interact with the same people consistently in a place that isn’t work, which helps break down the initial fear barrier. Men seem to go to less third spaces and don’t often go out to places that interest them.
It's sad because if I didn't have the friends I have, I'd probably not be here because of this. A lot of men aren't that fortunate, God rest their souls.
To be honest, the only thing keeping me alive is a series of side quests I keep putting in front of myself. A mental to do list that I have to keep that prevents me from checking out before it's done. The problem I fear is sooner or later, I will run out of things to put on it or even the things on it might not be enough. But honestly, I shouldn't need to shovel side quests in front of myself just to motivate myself to stay alive. Most days I feel like Gromit loading track in front of a speeding train to keep me from offing myself and that I fear one day I just might be too slow. I think I agree with the idea that no one truly wants to die but life gets to the point where people get so hopeless and so painful that death is seen as the only escape. People don't want to die, they just want out of their current situation but the world has done it's best to make sure that escape is as impossible as can be.
This is so refreshing to hear. I work in the mental health and addiction field and the pathologizing of everybody’s struggles and making it a personal deficit or disease distracts from the actual causes which are pressures on families and communities, and a culture that puts us all in competition while requiring that we all be of service to the Almighty dollar not each other. it is so good to hear you. Please continue with this theme
@@knowsutrue I think a big reason is the lack of fullfillness. Most young men graduate and realize that their life is basically over. Fun time with the homies is over, get a job from 9 to 5 for 6 days the week, do that for 50 years and then It's time for the box. You spent the rest of your life working, or in breaks from working. Breaking your back for tablescraps from the super rich.
Thank you for actually saying this word. Most channels bleep it or do some other BS. This is a huge issue and shouldn't be censored or cancelled. I appreciate you.
People often don't care until it's too late. I don't know how many times I reached out, and did my best as a "cry for help" but nobody really responds much and slowly stops talking to you if you're depressed for "too long". We're often told it's ok for us to open up, but we see the truth in your body language and your eyes. You want to call us weak and tell us to just "suck it up", but that would be mean. Yet they'll all say "I wish he said something" at your wake, knowing full well you did and they just stood there and watched you kill yourself. They just don't want to feel guilty. But there ARE people who care, I know it sounds ridiculous. I'd never been close to any of my extended family for various reasons until one reached out a few days ago randomly. They admitted something personal to me and it started a dialogue that both of us bonded over pretty hardcore. It didn't take away the pain, or make it "all better", but I don't feel so isolated now. We all need to support each other. I think the time for "who suffered the most" is over. It's time we all admit life can be cruel and terrible for everyone no matter who or where you are in life, and that we should all try healing together. (Edit: I'd like to clarify my "depressed for too long" statement. You can't stay in your depression forever, it burns you in ways you don't realize until you've isolated yourself farther. I should have probably been more specific and said something along the lines of insulting you after about a week about "not being over it". A lot of you have people in your lives that are suffering and you're doing the best you can to help. The appreciation for your efforts to help those people is even less. It's one thing to ask for a shoulder to lean on. It's another to trauma dump and drag the other boat down so to speak.)
The truth is nobody is responsible for your well-being as an adult it's up to you. I have a very mentally ill person in my family and there is literally nothing anyone can do about her illness, we've tried everything, but she doesn't want treatment and just gets worse. People can offer support, but they have their own struggles, even if they don't tell you. Don't dump too much on another person, that's not what relationships are about
@@karolinawww6834 in none of my statements did I imply the other is responsible for my happiness, well being, or safety. Because yes you are correct. Nobody can help you if you don't want it. The driving force MUST come from within. I'm pointing out the hypocrisy of the people who claim up and down that they'll be there for you, but don't actually mean it and just say it to look good. Everyone has limits. We're people with problems only they can understand or define, and more often than not you just can't shoulder the pain of another. Mental illness is rampant in my family as well as being extremely distant and massive double standards. Words can only go so far. With who I am, actions speak way louder. Putting an arm around me and just sitting with me is more than enough. You are correct, a partner is not a therapist, an emotional relief valve, or something that must be there at all moments for every problem in your life. I just don't want to feel like I live in an empty void.
@@maxj3882 recovering alcoholic. Been sober almost a year. Bars aren't for me. But I am looking around on the city page for community events. I've got a friend who's a city manager a town over and I'm probably going to get in touch with him since he's got the rundown on all the local events.
@@RoqleyI can tell you know what you are talking about. I see way too many people talking about this but from the way they talk one can tell that the worst they have experienced is Grandma's death at 84 years old (This was just a comparison). I sincerely wish you the best and hope it works out for you.
it took solitude for me to realize how toxic society is. the serenity and peace of solitude renews me. much happier now than when people were in my life.
A starving man will survive the search for food through honor and duty, while a well-fed man, but starved of honor and duty, will eat himself in the search of both.
@@okiamherenow6372 I'm not sure how you intended it to read but I interpreted it as if a man has purpose in life, then he will do just fine, but a man that cant find purpose will turn to his demons. which in this sense, and forgive me if you disagree, is that also if you cant find purpose in life then it is still your own doing. in my opinion, it is our own responsibility to make our lives fulfilling and add value to the world regardless of life circumstances. if we can't...what good are we to humanity and pushing it forward?
At 48 years old , these have been my darkest days between a devastating breakup and a struggle to find the positive in life. However , I have to stay strong. I owe it to myself. Especially to my future more successful self 🙏🏾💯
Last time I had a therapist, she wanted to medicate my depression. But I know my depression is due to circumstance, loneliness, reality. Not brain chemistry. So I refused to go on medication. She got frustrated and tired of me and found a way to release me as a client.
This is actually what Muslims are advised to do: Al-Miqdam ibn Ma’dikarib reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “When one of you loves his brother, let him know.” Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2392, Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Suyuti Mu’adh ibn Jabal reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Allah Almighty said: Those who love each other for the sake of My glory will be upon pulpits of light, admired by the prophets and the martyrs.” Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2390, Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Tirmidhi Abu Huraira reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “There are seven whom Allah will shade on a day when there is no shade but His. They are a just ruler, a youth who grew up in the worship of Allah, one whose heart is attached to the mosques, two who love each other, meet each other, and depart from each other for the sake of Allah, a man who is tempted by a beautiful woman of high status but he rejects her, saying , ‘I fear Allah,’ and one who spends in charity and hides it such that his right hand does not know what his left hand has given, and one who remembered Allah in private and he wept.” Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 660, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1031, Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
People fail to realize that life can just really be awful for prolonged periods of time and even for some people's entire lives. Failed marriage, illness, death of loved ones, job loss, money problems, extreme debt, abuse, housing, food... these things can all lead people to just give up. It's not mental illness. It's just losing the will to go on. Why fight it? People get tired. I am not condoning nor encouraging it. I'm just saying it's what happens. I do encourage people to get up one more time. To keep going. And everyone else, smile at someone. Say have a nice day. Wave. You never know when that little smile may save a person from doing something awful. I read a story years ago about a girl at a mall that had it all planned. And the girl she bought her lunch from smiled at her and told her to have a blessed day. The young lady sat there in the food court and cried. No one had said a kind thing to her in a year. That little kindness gave her the courage to get away from her abusive situation and it saved her life. Just remember your smile may be the only smile that person sees. It doesn't hurt. So smile.
A few years ago I read a story of a man who ended himself by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge in SF. When the authorities looked through his apartment for clues as to why he did so, they ran across his journal. The last entry read (paraphrase)- "I'm going to walk to the bridge and end it today. However, if I pass by ONE person who smiles at me or says, 'Hello,' I'll turn around and not do so." All it would have taken is one person to show kindness to this person, and he would not have done it. So I agree. It is hard enough as it is. We have no idea what someone may be going through. Who knows if just a kind word changes that person's life?
a lot of people dont seem to realize that having a good life can make it harder because of the internal struggles of potential, the curse of potential as its been called, actually makes us feel more like a failure when we have so much of what we need to succeed but then cant use our free will effectively enough to achieve results. which also leads to the fear of failure as well. and this is only half the story.
Can also be a really rough spot to be when you aren't nessicarily successful or thriving, but you are just making it by enough that everyone tells you that you shouldn't complain
Ahh, I can relate. Objectively life is good, I'm supposed to be achieving stuff, and I'm not achieving anything anymore. No hope, no future, just nothing and waiting for it all to end.
For me as a man, it’s the lack of connection with women. I can have all the guy friends who are supportive and loving parents, but when you get constantly rejected by women, it’s a different type of crushing defeat. It just hurts different when it feels like no woman will ever desire you. When you might be a virgin for the rest of your life with no dating experience. It’s scary.
I’ve called the suicide hotline 4 times they’ve never answered. Lucky my work had this program that you could call this hotline and talk to someone. I’ve probably called 6-7 times never following through on treatment but one time I talked for 2 hours with this woman just to feel like someone cared. Some men feel really alone and won’t ever let the public know that. Stay strong my friends it can get better. Try to find someone you can always call if you don’t have someone I can try to be there for you to just listen we maybe all can given a shoulder more often to our hurting brothers and maybe then this broken world can start to heal
Every time I get suicidal it's always external. I have mental issues sure, but once I have a suicidal thought I can sit down, make a list of everything thats wrong, fix all those problems, and stop having the suicidal issue anymore until I feel trapped or stuck in a situation again. It's not shocking that people who are rejected socially at every turn would do this.
Have you been in therapy? That sounds like a very useful tool like ones I’ve been learning in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. That shit really does help. I’m glad it’s helped you ❤
More often than not, when I suggest these kinds of practices to men, they get mad & lash out. Reflection & mental/ emotional organization practices really do help, but if someone isn't on board with addressing the problem or shifting the perspective away from helplessness & victimhood, they keep themselves stuck. It gets a little frustrating to talk to ppl who ask for help & then reject every suggestion that may actually help them.
idk to me there is so much more interesting stuff worth living than social stuff. world is a fascinating place. what brings me down is my mental health issues its like i wanna live but i feel so bad that i would rather dont.
@justacoginthefkery are you a therapist? If you are, there's nothing I can do to help as it requires a clinical mind and I'm no professional. If you're not a therapist, I recommend to consider the setting and the wording. If someone responds to advice by lashing out, they're triggered by something. They probably don't like the wording or the way you're describing it. You're seeing it as rejecting help. They're probably seeing it as something else entirely. It's easy to follow this advice if you're the one prescribing it and wanting it. Especially if it's your idea.
@@heli0mancer I understand what you mean as I've already reflected on the patterns, what I say, how, etc. The most common theme is the lash out tends to happen online & when they realize/ figure out that I'm a woman (It's not like I hide it, it's just not a detail that should matter in most situations), sometimes if there's any suggestion about reframing the mindset/ prespective for them to get out of victimhood mindset. Then come all the projections about women being "privileged", how women don't "know anything" & any number of angry & extreme generalizations. Occasionally, someone will be receptive & thankful. If they think I'm a man, they'll be fully 100% receptive without issue. Face to face? It's a non-issue. The only work around is to explain what I've been through myself so they can understand that I am speaking from experience, but they also have to be receptive to the idea that they can be wrong about their projected assumptions. I'm very well versed in trauma, how to work around triggers & this kind of thing wasn't an issue with men up until a few yrs ago. Unfortunately, the whole gender war nonsense has a lot of men looking for enemies where they don't exist.
This is exactly where I’m at in life at the moment, and I agree with what he’s saying completely. If anything, from my perspective I think my suicidal ideation or viewpoint of it being a solution, is if anything is a reflection of ideal mental health. Not to get into my specific situation, but I think it would reflect a serious problem for anyone to be in my position and look at all the obstacles, problems and expected future realities and not consider that it might be best if I just ended this now, not just for my benefit but the benefit of everyone else involved.
The human condition is hard, isn't it? Some feel disconnected due to mental illness despite being surrounded by friends and loved ones, thinking about ending it all. Others have no one and suffer from loneliness, wanting to end it all. I wish all of you in this comment section, man or woman, all the best luck at overcoming whatever you're facing. I hope you make it.
There was a really good unaliveing ad where two guys go to every soccer game. one guy is very sad and disinterested in everything. But his friend still includes him as he celebrates with the crowd. The last game the disinterested friend is there but the happy friend isn't. Life is hard but not impossible, I know living can feel painful and it can be hard to take a breath. I know it's difficult to find hope but it's there, don't give up. Your not alone.
Life doesn't have to be "impossible" to feel not worth living. Everyone has a different "wow this is harder than I can/will/could/want/etc." That being said, I believe in what you're saying and think you're correct. But if someone asks "well why do you think my life is worth living and is salvageable in a way that I'll ever feel fulfilled or even content?", they likely need an answer that goes beyond simply telling them that life good, suicide bad.
I've never been suicidal, but I have been passively suicidal, I used to intentionally not buckle my seatbelt and wish every night that I wouldn't wake up in the morning. I have a good support structure, a family that loves me so I knew that if I hurt myself it would hurt them too, so I just hoped it would end in a way that would be out of my control.
Men need a tribe. I come from a toxic family and everyone is on their own island. People always say men don’t seek help but that’s not true at all. People just don’t care. So many people are so self absorbed now. Then you get the people who say “I’m going to check back in with you when everything gets better”. I hate those people, they want to say they helped you without even trying. Let’s start a group men.
Theres also a lack of meaning and purpose in modern societies. It seems like most people are always distracted by empty stuffs. Like human bonds and connections are being replaced by a weird artificial thread. And we're forgetting that we have a soul to attend to.
Except it doesn't really work. I had those thoughts for years but luckily stumbled upon a realisation that made me stop thinking that way for forever. When you are young a minute seems to take a long time, far longer than when you are an adult, because this is you experiencing time from your different perspectives. You can only perceive from your perspective. So when you go through with the act you won't ever experience the end or relief because you can't perceive it from your perspective. People don't generally want to hurt themselves they want the pain or hurt to stop but it won't, the only option is to find a way to live and move forwards. Really.
Killing a man's sense of purpose is basically a death sentence, how soon & how his body ultimately end up unalived will be yet to be seen; some take an immediate quick way out while others may choose drugs, alcohol or live extremely reckless, one way or another they will seek to join their body with the passion, dreams, purpose that died in them long before their body did. As such a man, don't weep, once dreams, passion, sense of purpose die what's left is just a shell of living flesh, the inner man has died already, he just trying to reunite with him.
I had suicidal ideation when I was 12 because of bullying, and some other reasons, that conclude that I didnt have nowhere to feel safe nor accepted. I overcame It and thought overly optimistically I wouldnt consider it anymore. But when my first ex happened I had a switch and my optimism fell off the window and dusted into nothingness. I was diagnosed of Dysthimia a few months later. And a thing I didnt tell anyone, is during that time I did reconsider it. Because of what happened to my ex I had a closer look to my surroundings. Sometimes I think I'm simply being overly pesimistic, which at times is true but. It's a habit to minimize the size since nobody has taken me seriously in my life. Or so is how I perceive it. My opinion not mattering, thinking I'm dumb, that I'm the problem, a mistake maker, a martir. But deep down i know it's not like that. I dont think of suicide as a way to go. But that doesnt mean I discard I may recurr to it one day. It's not a 100% no. I dont have a purpose on life. I've been searching but my previous one died. So I'm kinda. Surviving. I dont have a clear objective, any reason to keep going other than not upsetting my parents, and to maybe live until I find said reason.
What I found helpful is nature and knowledge. Force yourself to take good long walks in nature. Take deep breaths. Listen to your surroundings. All the animals, the wind, every step you take. Look at the smallest plants and bugs crawling around. Notice the butterflies. Maybe even take a small book with you, which explains what animals and plants are living in that area. And just observe. Feel and recognize your emotions, even if they are negative. Even if it is just emptiness. All emotions have a reason. Misery means, that you wish for a better outcome or that you suffered loss. Pain of loss is a sign of a memory being kept alive. Don't pressure yourself too much. Things will align, when the time comes. May your purpose be creation, helping/inspiring others, research, faith,...You will sooner or later recieve a purpose. I promise. Just be kind to yourself and have patience. (And importantly eat healthy, low histamine diet, drink enough water, sleep enough - check if you have any food intolerances in general - these factors produce or hinder the production of happy hormones in our body that give us the will to live.)
@@--RBuo84 I do hear to all types of music that boost my mood. I tend to eat chocolate. And also do walks, stare at the Sky, appreciate It. Same with the river and sea. I take pills that do help me feel better aswell. But there's still a lot to battle. Nothing goes well even with the efforts I put. Something seems to reach me really. But Ill keep trying things
at the very least, live on, and pass on new life. You may not find a direct purpose, but you can create an individual who can. You can find purpose through their purpose, guide them and know that you succeeded in life. Everything comes when you least expect it, as long as you don't completely give up, despite how much the struggle may be.
Realizing how true this is as i am 36. Single for years Living alone for 11 yrs now. I have 1 set of friends i hang out with a handful of times a year. I never had dark thoughts but i do fear being old and being completely alone. Being the old dude that dies alone in my house that no one even knows is gone till the smell alerts someone.
"they try to connect with others and they get rejected" is the most most hard hitting sad but true facts i will ever hear because i am going through that right as i am sure others are too 😔🥺🙈
And people wonder why introverts don't ever want to leave the house. You can't get hurt if you don't put yourself out there with a target on your back.
No just rejected, but humiliated, & now thanks to social media grifters, & me2, men’s lives can be ruin in an instant with a false accusation by a woman.
About 20 years ago I worked in a locked mental health unit. There was an elderly man who was 99 who was there for suicidal ideation. He told me, " My wife is dead. My children are all dead and my grandchildren are all dead. I do not know anyone." It did not feel like mental illness.
That's an unbearable loss to even imagine, no wonder he felt he had nothing left in life. What's he gonna do at that age, turn over a new leaf?
Jesus Christ, imagine just one day in that man's life. Hope he found peace.
Alone without purpose, every man's true fear
Terrifically sad.
Fuck... I can't imagine what happened to get to that point for him. It's terrible enough having a parent outlive their child, but grandchildren, too?
The first person to ever tell me "i love you" without me saing it first was my daughter at the age of 7. I was in tears the whole night.
Aww that is really wholesome!
God bless you.
@@hith2re it is wholesome and horrifying at the same time, because it shows the truth that men's lives are a loveless hell
❤
I'm sorry you had to wait that long to hear that😢
Yeah, this is real. The feeling of reaching out and having no connections is real. That and the feeling that life isn't worth living. It is getting harder to see an emotionally and financially stable world right now. I relate.
What’s sad is that my family does this to me on a daily basis because I was born a man with autism.
It's really tough I have friends and we meet up once a week for board games but that's all I've got. I consider many people friends but it never feels like anyone truly wants to connect with me and hang out. I even try to set up things we could do but never get much of a response. I don't blame them much most have busy lives and I certainly understand saying no a bunch cuz I have done the same in the past. A GF would be nice but that's not really looking like it's gonna happen any time soon. I'm lucky to have my family but even they don't really want to connect but just to hang out here and there.
Never feel more alone than when you finally try to reach out and it fails. You go around thinking there is a thread to hold onto, you reach out only to realize there never was a thread in the first place, so... what now?..
Same I maybe get once a week to hangout with friends and they have their own things going on. Not their fault or anything. But even trying to make new friends as an adult is extremely difficult and facing the exact same problems maybe see these people once a week and people don't want to engage with anyone that is going through a rough life
@@alien1162 At least you have Sigourney Weaver! :P
A few weeks ago I was really down and out just so fed up with the usual.Job not going well, hate the area I live in, car having issues.I walked in a dollar general was probably one of the only people in there.I got in line asked the lady how she was doing she said I’m doing good how about yourself? I said honestly could be so much better. She said to me you look like you need a hug I said it would be nice I just paid for my stuff about to walk off she came around the register and gave me a hug and I mean squeezed the hell out of me and I gave her one as well she said the world needs more love and to be kinder to one another. Man when I got to my car I got in I just sat there for about a few minutes and teared up a bit she truly helped me that day and It’s something I’ll never forget.
goddamn
The world definitely needs more love. Hope you are well ❤
It is amazing how a total stranger can turn things around with just a hug.
@@Bpm_2300 That is beautiful. We do need to see each other (with the ♥) and respond to each other from our ♥ s. Thank you for that story... very helpful to me.
@@andrewwabik5125 same to you as well bro 💯
I told my friend “Be safe” when he was walking back from where we met up on campus. He’s tall, 6’2” or so, but he stopped and he stared at me for a few moments, and then he came over and hugged me. I was confused, and he explained, “That’s the first time someone’s actually said that to me.” and my heart broke a little, i think.
Edited because multiple people have stopped to ask why I mentioned that he was tall. I mentioned he was tall because generally tall people are seen as more physically capable, regardless of whether or not it is actually true. This almost certainly lends itself to the fact that most people didn’t see fit to tell him to be safe because the idea is “he’s tall so he can take care of himself”, same with those who are more muscular, despite the fact that neither of these are going to significantly matter in a fight if the other person is carrying a weapon. So, ffs, stop getting upset that I mentioned he was tall - I mentioned it for a reason.
Poor guy :(
Honestly, things like this are why I always try and say something nice or encouraging to every single one of my coworkers. I just got my first "I'm proud of you" from my father. I'm 33 and have gone through absolute hell without any notice from him or my mom. I know I would've killed for a crumb of recognition earlier in my life and it would've kept me from a few bad places to get it.
So I make sure I tell coworkers when they do something impressive or cool, I take the time to stop and listen. If no one was there for me, I can be there for someone else
Humans are a packbonding species. We need to packbond or we die, either by our hand or another. I have just decided that I will be the golden retriever of the pack. No thoughts, head empty, heart full of love.
@@tiltshiftvertebrabless u
@@blackice7408 hey man, the blessings are always for all of us. Knowing that sometimes you need to be the person holding the light for another doesnt dim the illumination on your own path, but it does mean you have someone to walk with for a little bit.
I don't know if it's because of where I live, but I'm a 6'4 "over 300lb big man, and I've had multiple people tell me to be safe or get home safe throughout my life. I don't know if it's because I'm lucky or what, but it's really sad for him that you were the first person to say that to him.😢 Hopefully, you won't be the last!
Ive felt this struggle. The first time i cried my soul out was when my daughter at 8 years old made me a bag lunch for work with a note that said "I love you daddy have a good day at work" sat in my car at work and balled like a baby because i felt no one cared especially my wife at the time and just took everything I did for granted. When she was older she told me she started making me lunch because she got tired of seeing me barely eat while mommy ordering food for herself and going out with frends to eat before i would get home. Didn't even know this was going on as i was working 2 jobs at the time. Happily divorced now. Daughter is 23 now and i still have that note. Its locked in a safe with my most valuable possessions. That note has gotten me through some rough days through the years.
Does she know you feel that way? If not, tell her
That's a beautiful story. I'm very touched. Wishing you and your daughter well.
That’s lovely. I wish you the best.
That was so beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
Bless her for seeing all that and knowing what to do and doing it…because she loved you sooooooooo much…
When I was at one of my lowest points one time, I called the suicide hotline to try and get some help, and after talking to the lady on the other end for like a minute, I got distracted by a car passing weirdly in front of my house, took maybe 5 seconds to look at it and that’s being generous. When I went to raise my phone back up to my ear I saw that the phone call had ended.
It shook me so hard it completely took me out of my suicidal state and I started laughing like an idiot over the fact that I was suicidal, reached out to the suicide hotline for help, didn’t get help and got hung up on.
Ironically enough, by not helping me not commit suicide, the suicide hotline helped me not commit suicide.
Sorry to hear about it but glad you r still here
Those hotlines are useless.
I have to admit that I giggled at this story. So glad you are here.
That was all part of the plan.
Weird how some people aren’t truly committed to suicide, they just need a distraction from it. (Like they never really wanted to do it anyway)
While others, no one’s stopping them at all.
Hits so close to home. Being a human being without belonging diminishes your will to live
and the sad thing is, they disappear completely unnoticed
Just get some hobbies bro.
@@PeterLauer-c6o disability does that to a person 🙏🏻
@@mister-Kayne True. I'm crippled & have schizophrenia. I so want to be out of here already. I hope I'll have the courage & resolve to bear the pain & rest.
I feel like I had my "belonging" taken from me in an instant
Feeling lonely when you are in the presence of others is profoundly isolating.
It’s almost as if being alone is a better solution. It worked for me
That’s how I’ve felt lately in Stockton CA, rural asf alone everyday even tho I’m with grandparents, but no job, no future never wanted this path for me, my friend thankfully took me out with her for comedy night but that’s never happened before it’s a rarity, she has a bf, she’s my best friend, she loves me, it’s still not enough when the days over and I end up back home, alone… I wonder if this world will ever change so my life also, can change…
Yep
@@GabrielXDrums damn brother I feel for you. I moved there last June 6 months in I was ready to end it. A real shithole and an awful place for finding human connection. That type of environment makes everyone callous
@@NickHaney10 yeah, and I’m out of work and searching rn is a nightmare with little to no money all I have is the food in the house but there’s barely anything coming in, yet I’m told by family “it’s all good” when clearly it’s not. At least for me.
I wish society would realise how emotionally efficient a man can be. 1 ‘I Love You’ … 1 hug out of the blue, 1 tiny comment to show appreciation, can keep our fire burning for so long. But many men don’t receive these tiny nuggets of motivation their entire lives. We don’t ask for very much at all… I’m a bloke but I still take responsibility of keeping the fire burning in other men. Always drop a compliment or raise something a friend or brother did well - out of the blue.
As a kid me and my siblings were tucking into an amazing dinner and we all, almost simultaneously cried out ‘thank you mum!’ And she had the biggest smile on her face. I followed up with ‘thank you dad, you worked hard all day so mum had the tools and ingredients to cook in the first place.’
First time I saw a grown man cry.
Try it, you’ll be amazed.
@@ssmufc9941 wonderful advice!!!
@@ssmufc9941 great comment Bro🫡 be respectable to All people because you never know what they are going thru 💪🏻 stay hard
Two people told me the other day that they appreciate my friendship/kindness. Can't remember ever hearing that before and can't remember feeling that type of good
@@ssmufc9941 men’s fault for being terrible people
What you say is true. After becoming the assistant manager at my job the manager and I became pretty good friends. To put it plainly, his life sucks and he is under appreciated by pretty evryone around him.
My friends and I all go way back and we've supported eachother through everything, because of that and the place I grew up in it was hard to make more friends than just our little group because everybody just assumed our kindness was a sign of weakness at best, or homosexuality at worst (their priorities, not mine).
Anyway, I got my boss a birthday present recently and his mood has significantly improved. At this point I think I may be one of the only things keeping him alive. It's hard to watch him struggle so much, but it's also good to see him get a bit better.
The most affection I've received in the past few months was when I bumped my watch on a plate of metal at work, and 1 of the managers nearby heard it and came rushing over to me asking if i was alright in a soft caring voice it sounded genuine and I just froze because even though It didn't hurt I brushed it off but her voice had so much concern in it, I cried a lot that night and couldn't think of anything else besides thanking her for checking on me
Damn dude..... that hit
U deserve love
you gotta be vulnerable to have those moments with people. it's really freaking hard but it has helped me to open up more, most people want to at least lend an ear
Maybe you could share with her, but not over share how that experience affected you. You never know who is in your circle be it professional or otherwise who are willing to connect. Lots of love bud
I love you. Thank you for being you.
As insane as this sounds, seeing that I'm not the only that feels this way or has experiences like this oddly comforting. I love you bros. Stay strong.
How you been bro?
“They try to connect with others and they get rejected.” I felt that one deeply.
Some people are tired and worried. Try not to take it personally.
as a male in my 20s going through a rough time , i had an older girlfriend , she one day asked how was i going , it made me feel human.
I am now 55 ( married 2kids) every time i can i ask people how are they going to return the favor in life to everyone
Great sex
She knew no future but experience and fun to reflect on when you get old
Another was 45 bbw great sex for a young guy
Same
Stop being rejectable then, bro.
@@kolelamont8728 shut up kiddo
My friend died earlier this year from suicide. Part of what fed into those feelings of despair were him feeling suffocated by his grief (his wife and youngest kid were killed in a car accident in 2022 and his other two young kids almost died in that same crash but they're still alive). When you feel stuck and have zero way out now or you think that there isn't going to be a way out later then you see suicide as a valid option.
I miss my friend. This year has been hard.
Damn the dude left his kids like that when they needed their dad the most
@@juancena1259 You're not the first person to say such a thing. One of the first things I asked (the first thing I did ask was "What?" when I was told the news, as unbelievable as it sounded to me at the time) was "Where are the kids?" because I thought he did something drastic like hurt them in the process of his committing suicide. But as far as I know now they've been adopted by members of the family.
@@davidpagan8559 wow. I hope theyre with people who build them up... they've been through so much
@@juancena1259it's selfish, yes, but I understand.
I feel for you. A friend of mine also committed suicide. I think I would've been around 15 or 16 at the time. It was hard, and I won't lie and say I didn't become a piece of shit after. I had attempted a few months or so later, but I survived. After the fact, I started using, overeating, basically any addiction I could get my hands on. I intentionally screwed with people, even police officers, just to feel anything. The adrenaline of a scuffle. I hope you get the help you need and don't go down a dark path. God bless
being trapped alone in your own mind is the hardest thing having pretty much no one is exhausting
🎯🎯
@@klickingkayasmr7585 im here for anyone that needs a chat stay strong guys
Im so sorry 💔 i hope you find the light
we could be there for each other, that would be great
Trust me, being trapped with someone makes you long being trapped alone
I felt this. I am not going to lie, its hard to wake up everyday feeling like there is nothig to live for when you dont have a family or friends around. I saw a woman jump off a bridge once and it traumatized me. That moment also changed my life and no matter how alone, rejected, or depress I feel, i tell myself that there is a new day to try again tomorrow.
"They try to connect with others and they get rejected ” this statement hurts my heart soo much😢
Well, if you feel the hurt so deeply you contemplate suicide, if you genuinely believe this won't ever change, and those things have been that way for a few weeks, that's already enough for the diagnosis of a minor or even major depressive episode. Therapy and medication can help in that case.
And rejection leads to loneliness, and loneliness makes you consider suicide quickly.
@@Andreas-gh6is At that point you’re making the world less real to people with medication and whatnot. There needs to be a plan that actually solves the real life issue. It’s like boozing when you’re heartbroken. It’s temporary and it won’t necessarily take away the care for the situation rather the emotion attributed to it
@@bobbyhill4118 Well said, this was exactly my thought as well
So who’s rejecting these men, other men? I thought men’s friendships were solid. Why aren’t men there for each other?
You have no idea how much success I've had with "my friend you don't want to die, you just don't want to be in your situation"
How?
@@srivastavashivam949
Enough where it's still a "go to" at a point in the conversation when I've reminded them what's important to them. You don't save people, you remind them about what's important
@@srivastavashivam949Death is seen as a surefire way to "escape" "life", when in fact a lot of them just want a way out of their situation, i.e. suffering. It doesn't have to be death, but it's the only one that they can see and do, which is being thought of as "better than not doing anything to solve it".
this. Exactly this.
@@RusticKey
It's important. If you find yourself in a situation where you're talking to someone, don't fake the funk.
Just talk, let them vent, be that night time DJ. Calmness is contagious.
Also know free will is a thing. People are free to make their choices. But if they haven't done it yet, then there's something holding them back. That to THAT something.
Also know that the humans soul is beautiful. But the disease, the pipe, the addiction, the memories. Those are the ugly things, and you gotta figure out which one(s) you are talking to.
We had an international student in our student house in college and he, for whatever reason, couldn’t make deep connections with anyone. He was friendly, easy to talk to and had good hygiene. He even bought a dvd for us to watch together but I was too busy with life to sit down and watch a movie. One day we were awake at the same time and he offered to make me breakfast. I realised he needed to make me breakfast more then I needed to eat breakfast. Again, we couldn’t connect on a deeper level but we both tried to talk about more than just the weather. His brother showed up a couple of weeks later and took him home for good because he had said some concerning things over the phone and his family wanted to keep him safe. After he left I found out that he had friend to connect with everyone of the 25 of us in the student building before he left. It made ever one of us reflect on how we treat others. He has a wife and kids now over in his homeland. He looks happy.
I find people are often subconsciously hypocritical. It makes me want to work on myself, but also be selective about who I keep in my circle. It’s a disappointing realization to make though. I think most people forget the golden rule after the age of 10.
Yeah, you didn't want to connect with him. I bet he was from Asia.
@@silverpenn3809 he wasn’t Asian. He was European.
@@Jcremo even worse 🥶
At this age it is really difficult to make friends in another country. As you said, it was not his fault and he tried to make contact to you two times.
This guy was good friend material but nobody of 25 people was interested.
I bet this happens a lot to American college students, feeling sad and lonely away from home.
Kitchen usually is a hotspot for contacts and making friends.
This guy would have had a great time with a mix of some people from all over the world.
My experience in California was groups of Europeans, groups of Asians, groups of Mexicans, groups of Persians. Those groups did talk to each other and they did go out and have excursions and trips together.
Californians stayed together and were only interested in themselves.
Of course Californian guys were interested in flings with the girls from abroad but could not even keep up a conversation.
So good his brother came and took him back to Europe.
There it is boys! This is so fucking true you try and make an effort all the time and people just do not respond and it ruins you
My friend is a sociologist and tracked this in men over 50 who have retired. The level of suicidality is very high, as the men saw their jobs and careers as their role in society and once that ended, they felt like they had no role to play.
No offense but that's because it's the only role society values from men and it's not even like it's an easy task to succeed at. Constant sacrifices, constantly ignoring your own desires and being exploited for what? We all get thrown away eventually.
@@birdrat2656 I think you'll find it's the men who absolutely love their jobs that this happens to. People who hate what they do can't wait to get away.
I agree, in the US we're a commodity (young) but end up invisible/or burden (old). @@birdrat2656
@@derekrushe And they hate their jobs in like 99.9% of cases. Like who loves their job really?
If they were paid money regardless, if they go to work or wont go - how many of such men will actually show up to work despite receiving salary whether the work or not? I think like almost everyone would choose not to. So they actually don`t like their jobs and would use their time elsewhere, if money was not an issue.
@tupums I knpw plenty of people who absolutely love their jobs. Me, for one, I'm a sound engineer, love it
I felt that. I called 911 before my attempt and they hung up on me. When you reach out and it goes south when you need help you wont ask again.
As someone with similar struggles, I personally want to fight that operator on your behalf. For what it's worth, thanks for not going through with it.
I just cannot fathom what the hell was going through their mind when they hung up on you! Good grief! 😳
Honestly I hope they got fired, especially if that’s a common occurrence for them
They obviously should not have done that, but now that it's happened what can we do.
I invite you to forgive that individual in your heart. That's the only way to forgive yourself in turn.
It's easy to look at people's roles or job titles and expect certain behavior from them, but at the end of the day they are just people. Police officers are poorly trained, and require very little screening for morality or common sense before they are hired. Once they are in, they are protected by their peers. It's no excuse, but at least we can start to empathize with how an individual like that can come into existence. It takes a certain kind of personality to desire positions of power, and here's a hint.....they often don't possess the most intellect. Intelligent people tend to doubt themselves and prefer equality over hierarchy.
From someone who once hung himself, hang in there......poor choice of words😂.
I realized that sewerslide was my coping mechanism for stress and anxiety. It was a scapegoat to not feel my emotions. Anytime things got to be "too much" for me, I could say "oh I'll just end it" sigh of relief.
Ending it is not easy....hell I wonder how possible it even is sometimes. It certainly takes something I realized I don't have. And once I learned that, I had to be honest with myself about how I hadn't been living my life, but just scraping by waiting for it all to come crashing down on me. I had to recognize that I had given up on myself and that I was ashamed for it all. I had to forgive myself, much like that officer who hung up on you.
It's not only your fault, but taking responsibility for your part in it is the first step, acknowledging you did the best you could at the time is the second, and choosing to take another step is the third.
Life is way more enjoyable and COHESIVE when "ending it" is no longer an option on your mind. Do yourself a favor and stop wasting time and energy on the thought. You've got plenty to offer the world, and you will continue to grow and become better if you let yourself.
If you need a change of scenery and a new life, look for work trade opportunities somewhere far from what you know. Do new things. Especially if 😵 is the alternative....why not throw caution to the wind and change it up.
Goodluck. Though all you really need is a commitment to growth, and a little hope.
What would you say stopped you from going through with it and what would you say is a good reason to keep on living, for others who are reading this and might be in a similar situation as you were?
Society has told men that their problems don't matter, and they're actually at fault for society's problems. It's why everything is starting to collapse, and why suicides in men are so high.
I’ve seen some people somehow misinterpret entirely Dr. K’s point and dunked on him for “glorifying/justifying suicide”, when it isn’t the case. What he said is ABSOLUTELY correct.
I’ve gone through depressive episodes, mild ones thankfully, but never have I been diagnosed with a mental illness, my brain was never truly malfunctioning. The causes were external, rather than internal. We need to make this clear for everyone.
That's an amazing observation. I think doctors often try to dig too deep in the mind and sometimes miss the obvious answer that changing your external environment is sometimes enough to pull someone out of that doomer mindset and begin to improve their lives
@@rw5622 thank you. I wouldn’t call it amazing, just common sense. Of course, there are some men whose problems derive from internal sources (I.E: mental illnesses), but a lot of suicidal and depressed men feel what they feel because their life sucks in their eyes. Whether it’s because they don’t have a girlfriend, got fired from their job, don’t have purpose in life etcetera, they feel like life genuinely isn’t worth it. Of course, the same thing applies to some women too, but I believe it’s way more common in men.
Thankfully, the therapists who have worked on me throughout the years knew the reasons for my emotional struggles were mostly external, so they didn’t give me any unnecessary medication. Unfortunately, some therapists and “professionals” don’t care about making exceptions. They just prescribe garbage to anyone hoping it’ll fix the problem.
Dr K is pointing out the elephant in the room so that work can be done to solve the problem. People that think he's trying to advocate for suicide need to see a psychiatrist.
His argument is the absolute most empathetic you can get. To actually feel what another person feels. Make them feel like they've finally been seen outside all the bullshit people spew. If anything this would help them. This is true empathy.
@@MillillioNthey are only saying that because they think one dimensionally. They want to have a emotionally charged responce of cuddling suicidal men thinking they are helping when realistically they are only doing to because it benefits them and they feel better knowing others agree with them.
They don't care about actually solving the issue.
It's not depression or BPD. It's all the situations of injustice I had to go through, gritting my teeth to silence my pain and anger to let it pass. If you don't die by suicide, you'll die early anyway from high BP, heart attack, or something else like that.
Sometimes, I wish I could go back and actually speak up when I was being wronged...
100% accurate imo. I’m not depressed, just have nothing to live for. Sleep, work, eat, repeat. This isn’t a life, why endure it
Turn to Christ.
@@hoobeydoobey1267 Hell no he's the fool who started all this crap
@@CorbinB-Rax You're Isaiah 5:20, Ecc 10:2. He didn't start this. Man who sinned by turning from God to self did. You sound full of self due to the blame you heap on the innocent.
@@hoobeydoobey1267 In short, since you're too low functioning to get this without a hand-hold:
I, nor you, nor anyone, CANNOT (rightly) set up a stream of dominoes... with full intended foreknowledge of where they will end, and what chain of events/chaos they will cause, and then ABSOLVE MYSELF of all guilt, by merely saying that YOU, not I, placed that one single guilty domino, in that one place that mattered.
No. Full bs. Full stop. Unacceptable on all levels. Indefensible logic. If you can, then you must formulaically PROVE that I am wrong. Use math.
P = P
@@hoobeydoobey1267 but didn’t Christ himself commit suicide by sacrificing himself to the cross? 🧐
My daughters are keeping me here..Have no mental issues at all..This world despresses tf out of me.Being a man is rough..I almost cane close to ending it all and out of nowhere my daughters called me to tell me they Love me out of the blue..I was so hurt i was going to leave them alone..I made a vow to never think that again..
I have no children myself, but my older brother does. He told me that if it wasn't for the kids, he'd end it many times.
Perhaps try to find meaning and beauty in sticking around for your kids
Thank You for sharing
yep. i have suicidal thoughts all the time. but i know i will never leave my daughter (and soon to be 2nd daughter) without a dad. i will go through literal hell if i have to to make sure i'm there for them when they need me
Stay strong brother ❤️
That's about it. My kids...but they are all grown up, so now I'm alone. Still, I'll hang on in case I'm ever needed.
You’re a good dad for that… mine did not stick around for my sisters and I. His depression pulled him farther and farther from us to the point that we had little connection with him, and I think we’ve all been left wondering why we weren’t enough to show interest in or stick around for. Hang in there for your girls ❤
I remember hearing my grandmother advise my sisters to always offer kind words to the boys in their lives, emphasizing how seldom they receive appreciation. The more I learn about how society treats men, the more I realize she is correct
Your grandfather was a lucky man
I cannot even tell you how many stories I read online of men who hardly, if ever, get compliments for anything. But when they do, they remember it like it happened 20 minutes ago.
A girl complimenting a guy on the shirt he us wearing. A grandmother telling her grandson that his hair looks nice. A coworker saying he appreciates the work he does. A girl saying that he has beautiful eyes. You name it. Something small and insignificant, but it brings people to tears because that never happens to them.
One of my very good friends does theater work as a hobby. He was a director of a play and I brought him flowers on opening night.
He said he'd never been given flowers before and it seemed to really light him up.
I extend the same comfort and support to the men in my life as the women in my life.
I cannot extend compliments to random male strangers, though, because it is not physically safe for me to do so. I wish it was.
I wish it was normalized to have men complimenting other men.
I feel like past generations actually generally understood mutual respect very well as between men and women. Men and women treated one another with respect, but if men didn't treat women with respect, they risked getting stabbed with a hatpin. I don't think I'd want to go back to "the good old days" because I like the opportunities I have as a woman in the modern era, but I also - at least in my country - have minimal legal right to defend myself (so to use my previous example, if a man groped me and I stabbed him with my hatpin in response, he might be charged with a minor offense, but I would be charged with assault with a weapon). This lack of nuance about the differences between men and women and different protections that women are more likely to need from the law and society I think has led to women trusting men less because at least where I live, we can't necessarily depend on the law protecting us should that guy end up being a threat. It's made us prickly and less likely to behave kindly towards men, but we're in a vicious cycle now where men are more likely to interpret kindness as an invitation to more because it's so rare.
Sorry if I went off on a tangent there. Basically my TL;DR is a lot of these problems could be solved by recognizing inherent differences between what men need and what women need in interpersonal relationships. It feels like where we are right now, even saying there are differences between the two gets decried as sexist.
@Ad_Inferno Your points are fair.
I think what we are seeing in our society (at least) is the failure to heed the warning that a philosopher once gave- If you are going to fight monsters, take heed lest you become a monster yourself. In other words, be careful that you don't become the very thing you are trying to fight.
I know there is a lot of evil by men towards women. But the women (specifically, thr feminists) decided that the best way to combat this was to become the very thing they decried and condemned. Thar decision has had terrible consequences for all of us.
This is true. It's the state of affairs I find myself in. Not just a sense of there is no way out, but questioning whether continuing is even worth it any more.
I'm 36. Couple of days ago I was arguing with a guy inside a WhatsApp group where many of my friends are in. I pushed back on a heated topic. Anyways, I got dedicated private feedback from like 5 or 6 people, really appreciating in detail to what I said and that i fought back. And this was really making me feel strange. After a while I realized, that this was probably the most positive feedback I received in my entire life.
I know what you mean
I've known this fact about myself for a long time.
This is the very first time I've heard someone else actually say it.
I'm not suicidal, I'm just in a place where I don't belong and I'd rather leave now than stick around for another few decades of misery.
Don't give up man, there's certainly something out there to cheer you up, make it your life's mission to find it, that way you have something to wake up for everyday and when you find it that would become your reason to live. I hope you understand what I am saying and I won't mind if you want to talk to me about anything.
@fpfilms6609 My friend, my life has led me to one, singular desire. I want to be a dad. Mine was an abusive asshole, so my ultimate goal in life is to prove to myself and everyone else that I can be a better father and partner than he ever was.
The problem is that it takes two people to make that happen and women just don't want me. No hits on dating apps. No hits online. Nothing IRL.
I'm not a bad looker. I exercise. I have a stable income. But I'm completely alone.
Please don't give up or give in. That's exactly what the Devil in hell wants you to do. Never give up.
@@burnininhellPlease become a good father for your children but not for your abusive father. You shouldn't have children to prove yourself, but to educate them to become good people for society.
Anyway, you're already a good person and much better than your father.
Please read George Ritchie's book "Return From Tomorrow." It's an absolute page turner and you will see that it is no solution, not because of what you think but because you'll be stepping into serious consequences that you can't escape. He saw what happened to people who committed suicide,.
You'll also see what living is for if you read that book by George Ritchie, a WWII vet.
hes 100% right
Cant afford hobbies
Cant afford a house
Cant afford a family
Cant afford higher education
Cant afford a car
Stuck at a deadend job
Minimal friends if any
Its like society still expects men to be completely self-reliant, stoic and have all the answers even though the resources to give men that ability have moved so far out of reach they might as well be non-existent.
Join a sports club. Book club. Or the gym. You can make friends over time and grow. Many hobbies do not cost money. Join a race biking group and ask them if they have a spare bike for you because you are in a rough spot right now.
Other men will understand you and help you if you ask. Expect 7 rejections out of 10 attempts. Show up repeatedly at the same place at the same time to give people an opportunity to get used to you.
You may not become rich. But you CAN develop a happy and connected life.
Love to you, my friend ❤
And get accused of rape...
Go join the military. Your housing will be taken care of. Get a stable job. You can get a zero down mortgage. You can get a sense of community from your fellow soldiers.
You can afford the device you typed this comment with and had the time to post it, obtain a bible copy and get the answers you are looking for. That ability is within your reach and control. I promise you that you have an abundance. Be a man and most importantly love your GOD and savor.
Unlike women, who have a fountain of cash constantly spewing from their wallets 24/7, and who never get lonely.
As a dad i’ve considered it MANY times!!! the pain of losing our kids to divorce is incomprehensible to most people!! we suffer in silence and knowing that we are put on the back burner hurts more than anyone will ever know!!!
Im so sorry to hear this, I have a kid with my ex fiancé so I kinda get it. I’ll be praying for you 🙏🏼
@@soundfx1971 the family court system could use a Hiroshima makeover
People think children and pets are a burden. But really, they save us, in every way a person can be saved. And .. you gotta look out for yourself - Love yourself, second to the Lord. Reward yourself with your favorites. Bless yourself with the tools God gave you. You are not an afterthought. 💔💛
I hope you feel better soon man
@@soundfx1971 please don't give up, I know it seems impossible right now but your life is not over. Not even after enduring the dramas of a divorce.
Man, looking through the comments really shows me how much pain actually is in this world.
To all the people that are fighting, I hope it gets better for you!
This world is in the early stages of a corporate dystopia and there's not much even worth living for
@@mauriciofreitas3384because the world has killed the dream. Everyone is guilty of this. “You will never make it”, “your not that guy”, “why dont you just work a normal job”, “what your doing will never work out” etc. people around you, and the world itself kills dreams.
But what people don’t understand is your dreams ARE your life. If you have no dreams, you are effectively dead.
Theres many things we need to bring back, but if i was to name the most important, its the dream. Chase your dreams, do it smartly, and live your life. Through doing this, you will grow so much as a person. And if enough people do it, the “other things that we need to bring back” will naturally come back.
I'm tired of fighting.
@@mauriciofreitas3384 lol yt deleted my comment. Its so sad how right you are. Look at how youtube already is.
All i talked about is the “death of the dream” and they delete what i say. In short i said, chase your dreams, your dreams are your life.
@@jinenjuce dude, I know I'm a rando in the internet, but I hope You The best... We are stronger than we think, everything will be better, send u a hug.
I have a friend that committed suicide from this exact scenario.
Back in 2017, we were both in engineering school and 5 major things happened in his life that came in way too fast.
1st thing happened was that his girlfriend got pregnant and his daughter was born, 2nd was that his family’s childhood home burned down on thanksgiving the year prior and he lost his truck in the fire. 3rd was that he was failing engineering school and was just notified of academic probation for the following semester. The 4th thing was that his uncle that he was closest to died from a motorcycle accident 3 months prior to the thanksgiving fire. The final straw was when he found out his girlfriend was cheating on him even after his daughter was born.
He literally had nowhere else to go. The worst part of it all was that he showed absolutely no signs of depression. There was none of his many friends that he could vent to nor could he relate his struggles to. He felt alone and out of options. Tbh it sounded like a desperate measure.
Engineering school is unbelievably rough. I’m going through it right now and I couldn’t imagine going through all those other things as well. Im really sorry that happened to you and hope you’ve been able to find peace.
Yeah fr I’m doing a little engineering school and my car got crashed into and it’s just felt like there’s no way out. Usually i take severe measures to deal with suicidal thoughts because I know how dangerous they are. Obviously I haven’t considered them but I’ve seen how my perspective has changed on them as I wish more and more for this time to end. Im a very closed off person if If not for my friends and faith i’d probably be dead.
Yes for many/most men, life is more negative than positive. A lot due to the systems we have created. Suicide and not having children become the rational choice.
Damn man. As a software engineering student I can relate. Even better, I’m a father of 3 at a really early age, had academic probation and lost my truck back in my first year. It was pretty dangerous too because I’m an avid 2A enthusiast. But I was really fortunate and I guess I had to forcefully adapt in the mindset of bettering myself and my family’s life. My (now) wife has always been faithful as long as we communicate, my kids were my biggest leverage of pushing forward in life so they can have a better life than mines, and my university was able to work with me in dealing with my probation temporarily. It’s never easy to deal with thoughts of emptiness and overwhelming emotions. One thing out of your friend’s story is that I hope the daughter would be well despite her loss. Stay strong brother.
Meaning in life can be found. I wish he had considered various perspectives on life , death , grief , human behaviour, purpose of life etc.. After years of reading and soul searching , greatest lesson I’ve gathered is to just “be“ existence without attachment is the greatest joy other things are just bonuses if good , if not then why bother ?
Sometimes life just becomes unbearable due to loss, finances, and circumstance. My heart and soul goes out to anyone also suffering. It’s not that most of us want to die, it’s just the pain, suffering and stress becomes almost unmanageable and suicide seems like the only solution. It’s like our mind is scrolling through all the solutions and suicide is just the one that is closest to our reach
If you’re Hispanic, being sad about anything is not an option lol. Sometimes you just gotta learn how to take the punches.
@@ilikepancakes2368 I live in Florida and work with Hispanics. Please don’t make generalizations. Plenty of the people in my work are miserable and depressed but still push onwards because that’s the only option. A lot cope through alcohol or drugs. No one in the human race is exempt from mental health issues.
I’m an Irish catholic and most Hispanics I meet are also catholic so if you’re religious you know suicide is considered a grave sin.
We're not allowed to truly live our lives
We just work to pay bills and ceaselessly struggle to keep our heads above water, and the rest of the world expects us to be happy with that
The calculation is: MAKE.IT.STOP
@@CSideBeatsso you agree, they roll with the punches. Why start with "no"?
Everyone you turn to, you get rejected. That's 100% true. That's exactly what's happening to me. I'm told to, "take down my wall" and, "open up", only to be shit on the second I do. There's only so much I can hold inside. Sorry, I'm just venting.
Exactly what's happening to me and what's happened to me throughout life.
For me it's bad especially because the fact that it began so early in life led to me being easily irritable. Now combine that with having way too much on your plate between college and a retail job (Yep, irritable person stuck in a retail job).
Screw this life man. Fucking taunting as hell seeing all other students in their close knit communities while I'm out there feeling touch starved and lonely in a group. Also, screw everyone who says heartbreak is equivalent to loneliness. No it isn’t. A broken heart from bad relationships doesn't stop friends from helping you. Loneliness does.
Hopelessness. Feeling like you are out of options. Knowing that tomorrow will be the same as today, or worse. Knowing that your best days are behind you. These are the thoughts of a man on the edge.
Cash out and go to Thailand, lots of girls want to spend time with you cheap.
Yeah, I'm a 26 year old man, and I'm starting to feel somewhat like that, something similar to that. It's not so much hopelessness, it's more apathy, fatigue and a lot of physical pain that makes my life quite arduous. There's hope in my life, it's more that I'm just fed up of life itself and I feel like I've lived for too long. I don't want to become middle aged, and I don't want to get old. I just don't see the point in carrying on, and I'm not even sure I actually want a future, and I don't want to plan for my future, I just don't care for it.
A certain percentage are probably not suicides at all.
@PlateletRichGel as if that will add any fucking meaning or value to anyone's life
@@graydhd8688 Nobody killing themselves there LOL.
I have had mental illness and depression problems for 40 years. He is right, reaching out and being rejected and forgotten by people you gave everything to is devastating. Probably the biggest cause.
People think children and pets are a burden. But really, they save us, in every way a person can be saved. And .. you gotta look out for yourself - Love yourself, second to the Lord. 💔💛
Children can also be the ones doing the rejecting
This is actually what Muslims are advised to do:
Al-Miqdam ibn Ma’dikarib reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “When one of you loves his brother, let him know.” Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2392, Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Suyuti
Mu’adh ibn Jabal reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Allah Almighty said: Those who love each other for the sake of My glory will be upon pulpits of light, admired by the prophets and the martyrs.” Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2390, Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Tirmidhi
Abu Huraira reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “There are seven whom Allah will shade on a day when there is no shade but His. They are a just ruler, a youth who grew up in the worship of Allah, one whose heart is attached to the mosques, two who love each other, meet each other, and depart from each other for the sake of Allah, a man who is tempted by a beautiful woman of high status but he rejects her, saying , ‘I fear Allah,’ and one who spends in charity and hides it such that his right hand does not know what his left hand has given, and one who remembered Allah in private and he wept.” Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 660, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1031, Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
As a 27 year old man I feel like the only reason why I'm still alive is because my mom is alive and she is 67 if she passes I literally have no one to confide in or even to speak to so I don't know how I'm going to operate after the inevitable happens because I already know I'm going to be so lost
there are a lot of good people on the internet you can talk to, and some eventually become real life friends. try getting out and joining a gym or a church. some activity where you show up around the same, and run into the same people and make friends.
Keep it up brothers. You're not alone, find ressources and talk. Hopefully you find a better place.
It would be tough, but hang in there. Life will become easier and you’ll find your place/happiness in some form.
Believe it or not, but life is precious. There are good people out there in the world. Don't give up on yourself. You can use the internet to meet people and do group meet ups but plz don't let the internet rule you. It is always good to have real interaction with people in person. You have nothing to lose telling someone good morning, how you doing? You look nice etc. Take it easy. Trust me, you will see the good in some people over time. Maybe your time isn't now but your time will come (good things will happen). You have to put effort and look for it though. It's not gonna fall from the sky. Best of luck. U got this
but why is that? why are you unable to form connections with others? there are reasons and you probably know them, can you not work on that?
I only say “I love you” and “Thank you” to men who have never done me wrong and are respectful towards me and others. I wish I could just say “Thank you dad” “I love you dad” or hug him out of nowhere, but he has done me wrong so many times and has never apologized for all the physical, mental, and emotional abuse he’s put me through. So that’d be weird and awkward to just do that out of nowhere. Wish I had a dad who was there for me emotionally and not just financially.
This is actually what Muslims are advised to do:
Al-Miqdam ibn Ma’dikarib reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “When one of you loves his brother, let him know.” Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2392, Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Suyuti
Mu’adh ibn Jabal reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Allah Almighty said: Those who love each other for the sake of My glory will be upon pulpits of light, admired by the prophets and the martyrs.” Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2390, Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Tirmidhi
Abu Huraira reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “There are seven whom Allah will shade on a day when there is no shade but His. They are a just ruler, a youth who grew up in the worship of Allah, one whose heart is attached to the mosques, two who love each other, meet each other, and depart from each other for the sake of Allah, a man who is tempted by a beautiful woman of high status but he rejects her, saying , ‘I fear Allah,’ and one who spends in charity and hides it such that his right hand does not know what his left hand has given, and one who remembered Allah in private and he wept.” Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 660, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1031, Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
Same here. I sometimes ask myself: "Well, my mother has changed a lot. Maybe I should try to be a normal son?". But nothing gets rid of the horrible memories of our abusive parents. If there's no resolution to that hell then I believe neither of us have any reason to be authentic around our parents.
I am sure he didn't have bad intentions for you. If you cannot accept the misgivings of your own dad, then you won't be able to forgive anyone in your life
What Dr. K said is 100% true. I found myself in this situation in September 2022, arguably my lowest point in my life. I didn’t have anything to my name, lost a couple of my friends due to someone disassociating me from them, with said someone getting me addicted to drugs before completely exiting my life after the damage they’ve done. When you genuinely feel like there’s no hope left and you have no one to reach out to, you think this is the only valid option to take to “fix” everything. All the mistakes suddenly seem fixable within that moment. It wasn’t until I ‘woke up’ and realized that this wasn’t the way life was meant to be experienced
I’m so glad I’m here today and have been going into my second year drug-free.
That’s exactly the month and year of my lowest as well
Congrats on that friend
I'm happy for you man, I'm glad you're still here. As for myself, I don't feel the same about myself, I wish I was gone tbh. I don't want to do this anymore, I'm tired, fed up, in a lot of pain, and I'm reaching a point of apathy and misery, life isn't happy, interesting or enjoyable for me anymore, it's just painful, arduous, tedious, gloomy and miserable. I guess I'll have to live on because I don't really feel like I have much choice, but I don't really want to. If you guys still want me around, I'll do it for y'all as well, but I'm losing the will at this point tbh. I'm just glad I've at least got a job and I'm earning money and contributing to society, so at least I'm making myself useful. I am a 26 year old man doing what I can, but I'm just surviving, not living a happy, content life. I hope you guys wish me the best, I could do with some moral support atm.
@@MG-hi9sh a lot of people here and I'm sure people in your life wish you the best 🙏
Being on drugs and being able to stop so you can live a better life is a huge accomplishment. Congratulations!!!
I would say the strongest tie is loneliness. Divorce, break ups, social outcasts, is pretty much the only reason men ever think about it. I don’t think it’s a selfish lonliness either, it’s knowing you have no one to show love to and care for as well as not feeling it yourself
Damn felt that
Right on the dot, hardest struggle for men right here
Absolutely on the mark!
I think it's interesting that two of the three examples of loneliness you name have to do with romantic loneliness. I think friends are a big part of this equation as well. How many friends do you have that you think you could genuinely open up to without fear of mockery? How many friends do you love, and who love you? We can't feel entitled to romantic love, no one can, but friendships are something we can create much more consistently.
loneliness and hopelessness are a dangerous mix.
I felt the same. I am usually a very active person, I have good self esteem. But one day, I started waking up, thinking that the reward that life was giving me didn't correlate the effort I was putting in, and it started to be painful. After some months, I started thinking that leaving this world was a good idea.
Thankfully, this has changed a lot these past months 😊
I’m glad you’re still here
❤
Can you give me some advice? I’m currently in the same mindset that you once were
@@electricisnthereatthemomen6535 First of all, and I can't stress this enough, look for professional advice.
Even if the world is the same for everyone, each of us faces reality in a different way - in every level -
We absolutely need someone that can understand our reality in order to guide us towards a change in our mindset, thus changing the way we perceive reality
I can't say that what I did will work for you, but in my case, I had to change priorities and lower the expectations.
I've been often comparing myself to other people more wealthy and better situations , being miserable because I though I deserved more than I had. Like most of people around me had more things (not necessarily material) than me, while doing less effort.
First thing was to stop comparing me against other people, that means quitting all social media and stop following people that made me be angry about this. Second was changing the priority of my actions. I started working not to see immediate results (principally economic), but personal and future results, although it leads towards a delayed gratification, and this is sometimes difficult to bear, if we dont see immediate results. Exercice for better shape, study for building knowledge. I started mixing activities to get a balance in lifestyle, having a routine with delayed grat activities, then sometimes activities to just feel good. I neglected interpersonal relationships a little bit, so I started building that too. That was really important.
Although I barely started seeing results, I can say my mindset changed drastically and now I wake up with more enthusiasm than many months before, feeling like tomorrow will be more promising than yesterday.
As I said before, surely your situation is different than mine and you need something different, but I'm sure that with someone's help, you can detect what you could change in your life and work towards those changes. Anyways, always expect that what you will be in some months, depends about what you will do today, and that counts for both mental and physical.
I wish you best of luck and I hope you find your path ;)
@@electricisnthereatthemomen6535find a goal and pursue it for at least a year. Not because it is the ideal goal. But bc you NEED a goal to direct your energy towards. The journey towards that goal is all you need to grow, feel your energy and strenght, attract new people.
Listen to "can't hurt me". Unbelievable audiobook. Happiness is a reward for overcoming your fears and addiction to comfort.
Become a health freak. Free your energy. Eat healthy, sleep well, boost your testosterone (cold showers etc). No sugar. Learn to cook, celebrate that you can feed yourself - now that is you improving your life!
Get into action and feel your strength!
Love you! ❤
This feeling of hopelessness is very difficult to move beyond. I am 62 and have depression. The depression is not driving my feelings of hopelessness that are off/on. It is indeed the situation I find myself that spurs on these feelings. There is a no way out kind of feeling that overtakes me sometimes.
Hey just checking on you. Are you in a better state right now? Hope you found courage to keep on going. I am rooting for you, if it helps 😅
"They try to connect with others and get rejected". Those words were really piercing, because that is the truth 😔
Edit: Thanks for all the upvote (I didn't expect such a response). Just wanted to add that I am not in such a situation at all, but I was there and can still remember the pain of being in such a situation. And I am also feeling sorry for those who are in such a situation at the moment. This world can be such a dark place, please threat other people with kindness and understanding 🙏
Its difficult to genuinely connect with anyone in this world right now
Maybe you're not worth connecting with?
Connections used to be much easier pre internet mostly because you were bored. Yes now that I'm getting older i can sit and watch millions of UA-cam channels not 5 network 😊 do i keep up with family and friends ...... they are boring !!!!
@@suspiciouswatermelon7639 toxic personality detected (you)
@@suspiciouswatermelon7639be glad you don’t understand what we’re talking about, I don’t wish it on anyone.
He's absolutely right. It's simply loss of purpose and loss of hope, combined with loss of outlet. That combination is deadly for men.🥺
And not for women?
@@JessicaDaineseFor both. ❤
@@OnTheNette Thank you, I thought so. I feel the loss of hope in Europe among both women and men.
@@JessicaDaineseSame, or at least where I live....I dream of getting healthy enough to be able to move to a forest and live there, preferably with lots of animals. This society is just making us all sick. Perhaps a village with community spirit would be great too. I think people are more isolated than ever, especially in big cities. Without family, it can get very very lonely...Sad really. All humans need connection. Society must make it easier for people to connect irl, even if they don't have money to go out. Must be some places ( other than church or a bar, they are fine for some, and bars shouldn't be the only places in society where one can talk to someone else ) where everyone and anyone can go to, including handicapped people etc. So many are stuck in their tiny flats cos they have no ways to get out ...with or without mobility issues etc.
@@Esti-xg7tg that is exactly my mother's dream!! She is 72. She would love something like a cottage in the woods, with lots of animals, especially cats!! 🥰 We live in a very small town on the hills in Northern Italy anyway, inside a national park (Parco Colli) protected by UNESCO. So not exactly New York or London. For me it's fine. Quiet, but we still have a pharmacy, post office, supermarket, beauty salons, pizzerie etc. But my mother wants to be even more isolated, she is fed up with humanity. I have lived in different countries, in big cities and small towns, and a few years ago I came back to where I was born. Big cities can be fun when you are 20, but less fun after 50. I think I would like to live in a comune with people like me (and cats!), as long as I also have my own place to be alone (with my cat!).
People who criticized him for this statement are idiots. We need to stop assuming everyone who turns to suicide “had” to have a mental illness. There are people who are paraplegic who would rather have euthanasia than keep living. Yet, the US system claims they have to be mentally ill if that is the case. We’ll never arrive at the truth if we refuse to admit we are living a lie.
I definitely agree with you. The issue is that we were trained to believe that everything is a "mental illness" or disorder and that's what makes us think this way. It's just an assumption,
yep, we basically believe life needs to be preserved at all cost.
You are spreading propaganda and using a paraplegic as an example? Canada is literally trying to convince their citizens to use assisted suicide using these same tactics. What you fail to assess is that many feel let down by the system denying money to help them live a more productive and better life. Drug addicts no rehab assisted suicide. Children who want to die (under special circumstances of course) were also considered. This is a sickening argument you are spreading.
Ok but what do you think mental illness is? For anyone that becomes physically incapable of doing the things they love, like in the case of becoming paraplegic, they have experienced a profound loss. Same with anyone grieving over the loss of a loved one. Same with anyone depressed over losing a job or their home. Same with anyone depressed and isolated missing a community to be apart of. Same with anyone depressed because of any trauma or hardship. Do you think mental illness, or depression in particular has no cause? Like it just comes out of nothing, instead of being the direct result of missing something or someone very important to our emotional well-being?
@@aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay I mean a lot of people seem to. Because it allows them to escape blame for societal ills.
Blinked into existence and essentially forced to play a game of life that I don’t want to play. There is no prize.. not money, fame, not my family, not my kids, not success.. there is no prize worth playing this game. I live an objectively good life yet devoid of joy. What is happy? What is joy? I’ll never know. Why play?
I agree that not finding enough value in the world to desire prolonging the experience isn't automatically a mental illness. I'm glad someone had the courage to say it. People have to get up weekly, perform tasks of some sort, pay bills, run errans, do life maintenance things like wash clothes, cook, clean etc. and you have to really have a reason to want to continue doing those things. If we don't see the true problem, how could we address it properly. We have to create a new world of purpose and meaning.
the family unit is dead, the government took the role of a provider for women and children.
Men are just left to do whatever while they milk taxes from us, the state will take care of the rest.
And there is no changing the state, democracy is fake, and even if it wasnt fake, there is more than half of our female population + apathetic and feminist-minded men that want the opposite of what we want, so democracy doesn't work for us.
The only rational solution is to just boycott women and the state, but the problem is that we, men, dont really care about each other, and are too self-obsessed to even notice there are millions of men like us with just the same problems. If we could organize, maybe we could do something, but at the same time, we would (and similar organizations already were) get claimed as extremists and terrorists the same day, social pressure wouldn't allow it.
Its coming
Good luck, the only things preventing that world are men with a lot of money and the men with guns that they hired
In Brazil we have a song called "Warrior boy" (Guerreiro Menino) which tells precisely about these invisible male battles that no one but us as men care about. The lyrics say things like "A man also cries, Also want lap, Kind words, Need affection, Need tenderness, need a hug of your own kindness" Meaning that sometimes we even stop taking care of ourselves even if that is the most important thing At another point the song says something very similar to what the short says it is "A man humiliates himself, Your dream is castrated, Your dream is your life, And life is work, And without your work, A man has no honor And without your honor If he dies, he kills himself"
Something like "if a man doesn't see himself in some role that serves the community, family or something like that, he completely loses his value, and the best solution for him is to simply cease to exist. It's an extremely sad song if you're a man going through some difficult times, and sometimes in my worst moments listening to it, it even seems like a warning, so I don't give up.
This is spot on. A lot of guys aren't clinically depressed. The fact that things have gotten so bad in terms of society and relationships makes you look at things objectively and just be like "why would I do this for another 50-60 years?". It's only going to get worse.
The singularity is only a stone throws away though. Today, the tools for learning languages especially Chinese have improved by a great amount.
The thing is, I thought the same when I was suicidal. And then it actually did get better. I'm still afraid I'll end up alone and jobless again, but I've grown to accept that life is unpredictable and thus I can't end it all based on a future that might not exist.
Not gonna lie, I'm not likely to commit suicide, ever, I don't think.... but the notion of it passes through my mind abstractly more nowadays than it used to. Life sucks, a lot, not being negative but it just takes a lot of work to be alive, and the question is "for what? To do, what? Work more??"
So I get it, when you're not getting the highest of rewards, like riches or fulfilling relationships, it can look viable to some to just take the exit ramp
To me tho, I just know it's my only trip through existence for the rest of eternity, it's too precious to give it up earlier than I inevitably have to one day. Hopefully a long time from now
And some of us have literally zero chance in life and it's not even remotely connected to any choices we made. Even as a suicidal person I'm sometimes surprised at the reasons people kill themselves for
I would have dedicated myself to meditation and enlightenment rather than suicide
Yes, this is so true. People love to use the "mental illness" label, but many people who unalive themselves, are people in the middle of a life crisis, a crisis of belonging. They've been divorced, lost access to their kids, etc.
I would add that situational depression is real and can be just as devastating as clinical depression.
That’s what bi polar essentially is. Typically with no polar you go through depressive and manic episodes, but some people might experience depressive episodes significantly more than the other.
sure, but what's to change is not the situational depression but the causes for it, which are the ones mentioned in the video.
@StKuchen sometimes easier said than done, unfortunately
Living up north in scandinavia I can also attest to seasonal depression that the long and dark winter might cause. Especially if you don't supplement your vitamin D, as you can't get enough sunlight! My mental health and energy improved so much after a strong starting dose of vitamin D
@@StKuchen Effectively, if your Christian family, who follows the Bible verbatim, disowns you, because xyz interpretation that 45,000 denominations can't agree on, and, essentially, they, being host to this "jesus", are only doing what he said. Dividing themselves from you.
Jesus is pure evil.
I work with a guy in his early 40s. He’s got two full time jobs. Gets up in the early morning goes to his first one, arrives at the place I work around 2 and works until midnight, he has a half hour drive home afterwards as well. Man does 80 hours a week. Just a microcosm of the situation our working class people face. There’s a reason people feel out of options. Wishin the best for everyone out there 🙏
This is why it's SO important for men to build emotional connections and a community outside of their significant other. I did this and think it's what saved me from suicide.
That's the opposite for me those connections are why I don't do it I see that as a crutch. I basically gotta live a life I hate just not to upset others with the news. Don't want to be here and it's like im.not even living for myself but instead not to traumatize others
@@LilT2o00 This is an extremely unhealthy and unhelpful mindset
@HunsterMonter I can't afford to care about health. I'm poor and uninsured lol
@@HunsterMonteryour comment was unhelpful and lacked depth. It has a potential to harm their mindset further. Consider saving advice to professionals
@@HunsterMonter thats how depression works, man. i wouldnt off myself moreso for my familys sake. fear and friends too, but my mind tells me they all hate me, theyd be better without me, and that ill never have a connection with someone like i did with my ex best friend. and that connection was all i needed (besides my mom) back then and even now. cause without them, its been even more lonely
your comment could make people feel worse btw. you should be careful when talking to people :/
A man is not loved for just being, he's only loved for what he can provide.
That's what fathers must teach their sons, and train them to have the autonomy to see there's always a way forward.
I can tell you. I can deal with depression. I’ve dealt with it my whole life. It’s disappointment that gets me. The feeling that I need to do everything, and it still won’t be enough, and nobody cares. So I do it for myself. The only way for men to stay happy is through stability. That’s why I decided to see more friends, that get my thing and try to hope they don’t judge it. Works well so far. There are some that are kind of ruthless but most of the time, they don’t.
Jesus cares. Hang in there ❤
Same.
You learn to deal with depression.
But it's harder to cope with the feelings of uselessness, hopelessness and inadequacy
I feel this man, good luck to you
What’s your “thing“?
I’m a born-again Christian with a heart full of perverse darkness.
As a woman, I struggled with the same problem, and learned to overcome it, with the same solution. Thanks for sharing with me that I’m not alone in this struggle.
My landlord just killed himself, he was 80 and just in a lot of pain. No surgery or pill was gonna save him and he couldn’t do the things that made him happy anymore so he made what to him was a rational decision. RIP Bill
u should have paid rent on time. it’s a lot of stress having bad tenant
@@peterpark5630 Ching Ching Lawng your father regrets you
i guess someone never tipped their landlord
@@zanityplays you will fail as a coder and are a mid gamer
@@HistoryOfEnergy I got some beans for you. need some?
The scary thing about it is that I'm constantly trying to connect to people and groups and I feel I don't belong in any of them.
Hey man we are here for you. Never give up and I know u will make it through whatever life is throwing ur way
first of all, i definitely feel that.
my two cents, after thinking about it:
maybe try to organize some activity to gather people that are interested in it, they will somewhat depend on you as the organizer, at least in the beginning. and this can be a basis for genuine focus on you (as in, they are interested in you, not just because you organize one of their hobbies or something like that) i am only somewhat speaking from experience, but either way this will lead to you getting connections to people with the same interest in that same activity, which is definitely a good start to get closer connections.
I feel you. I struggle with maintaining good friendships cuz Im often too tired and socially inept to reach out to others. My only suggestion is to cut yourself some slack. Not everyone is gonna like you and that's ok, but the people who DO like you, you gotta cherish and let them know they're important to you.
@@_Blank___Space_I’m dealing with the exact same thing. I constantly feel bad about myself cause I’m such a terrible friend. Though At the same time nobody gives any effort on the other end to reach out. I have this conception that people think I’m selfish and inconsiderate but deep down I’m just dying inside.
@@ICIshan you might not be most people’s cup of tea but you are to some. People like us need to make extra effort to maintain those genuine friendships. That’s the reality
Loneliness is a hard pill to swallow. There's no amount of self acceptance that can take you where human connection can and for a lot of people connecting with others isn't an option.
Loneliness is an emotion you can get familiar with. I understand people have different temperaments, but just sitting down with that emotion and letting it live in your body without you judging it will help a lot.
Definitely true and very relatable.
I was 15 when I got diagnosed with depression, unsure of why I even felt depressed. About 1/2 a year later symptoms worsen, and I’m put into a residential mental hospital. Stayed there for 3 months, reflecting on how I don’t have a reason to be depressed and comparing myself to the others who have tragic stories. I end up getting raped by another female patient and she tries to extort me.
Eventually I’m discharged and moved to php (day therapy at a mental hospital basically) for the next 4 months. Never getting better during any of this time. I was traumatized from the mental hospital experience wanting nothing to do with it ever again. Regardless I was still kept in php for another 3 months after about a month break. Eventually getting discharged and some time passes.
During this time I missed about two years of high school, being an already bad student (not delinquent but just not very smart) I wasn’t going to be able to graduate.
I still went to school anyways, but none of my old friends wanted to be around me anymore. I heard from my school counselor that they were concerned about me and said I was “acting different” that I wasn’t the same person. Which was true, I was completely numb a shell of the person I used to be. So I had no friends anymore.
Then a girl asked me out. Never having dated before and being really defeated and vulnerable I agreed and we ended up dating. I ended up being cheated on, she left me for her abusive ex.
This sent me spiraling back out of “control” and made the very numb me very emotional. This lead to a suicide attempt. Which landed me back in the mental hospital this time In inpatient (the highest level of supervision). Where I was able to make some “friends” and bond over our struggles.
After getting discharged and going through the php program yet again, I developed trust issues, as once again my friends abandoned me after I helped them so many times.
Leading me to this last year. No friends, I missed all of high school, I can’t drive, I ended up developing ptsd and a slight fear of women (especially when a woman touches me) I’m only taking college courses so my parents don’t kick me out of the house, I’m basically broke, I’m failing all of my college courses, I don’t find anything in life enjoyable, I can’t sleep at night, I hate how I look, I can only work so often without mentally breaking, and to top it all off I’m Christian- so I can’t bring myself to actually kill my self because I know hell is a worse fate. Though it doesn’t stop me from fantasizing about it. it all makes me feel as if I was never meant to survive my suicide attempt. That there was a mistake in letting me live. So everything I do feels pointless and only adds to my suffering.
Buddy hope u r OK. Sorry to hear that u went through so much at such a young age. It's not easy man bt always remember nothing in this universe that comes in existence is a mistake. Hope u get over ur depressive thoughts. Hope u get better🙏 U did ur best as u could, don't be so hard on urself.
If it helps, gods and magic aren't real. There's no Hell to fear.
@@Noname72105 wow, thanks for shaming my religion, and intentionally or not indirectly encouraging me to kill myself.
@@Apathetic2624 I'm not encouraging you to do anything except stop living afraid of a god's judgement. The supernatural isn't real, the material world is all we have. Whether that makes you value this life more or less is your choice.
@@Noname72105 I’m not afraid of any gods judgement if that’s your interpretation of Christianity you’re sorely mistaken.
Though I thought I made it somewhat clear if you actually read the comment, religion is probably the only thing keeping me from killing myself.
I was rejected by a selfish woman who moved on quickly with a random guy she met in a bar into our home of 15 years, tried to commit suicide numerous times but i just couldn’t die.
Fast forward 11 years and i have an amazing relationship with my two sons so i’m glad i didn’t leave them without a dad.
Romantic relationships aren't necessarily the strongest or deepest relationships we can have.
You need therapy to stop feeling so angry at her. That only affects you. Glad you have a good relationship with your boys but please don't screw up their future relationships with your anger. Let it go. Learn to love your own company. I lost my husband to cancer 8 years ago and this is the first time in my life I have had to live alone. It's lonely sometimes, I know. Good luck on your journey.
Don’t take your life because of some low life. You’re worth a million times that person and find someone who deserves you. ❤
@@Ard-mhacha-abu I think we men are just more affected by romantic deception than woman.. I still fight with my chest to get over a couple woman from the past.. even though i can rationally understand it just wasnt meant to be.. in the end i think emotions are not always well correlated to circumstances and that gives me comfort
@@notyourordinarygran Sorry for your loss. I’m not angry at her anymore. We are very respectful to each other and i have long since moved on and i am very comfortable in my own skin.
Blessings to you.
This guy is spot on. Feeling trapped is the worst thing a man can feel. When you feel that no matter what you do to better yourself you’ll never actually be able to do that, that is the moment of greatest danger to the instinct of self preservation.
The delusional idea that gets peddled around that achievement can be made if you try hard enough
Garbage
At the end of the day, it relies mostly on luck and circumstances, which very few have
"They try to connect with others, and they get rejected."
Tell me about it. I was rejected all throughout high school and college, I lost all the friends I knew as they've got out of town or state to go to college or raise a family somewhere else, and nobody I meet now really wants anything to do with me. I'm a very kind and understanding friend, I'm fun and jokeful too, and I love nice people, it's just that nobody really loves me back for it.
Im a 35 year old single man, lives alone, no girlfriend, and most friends are in loving relationships. I feel lonely and isolated alot.
My nephews birthday was just the other day and I bought him a marvel set of character toys as a present, my stepfather video called me to show me him opening my present i got him, i then asked my nephew who his favourite superhero is and his reply was "umm you".
After i hung up i had to fight tears at work. Stuck with me all day.
You're an awesome uncle. Keep being genuine to people around you and good things will come to you, I promise :)
You matter. 💕 🐾
almost started crying reading this, beautiful
@@juleswinnfield9097 you are no longer alone. you have rookie who looks up to you. turn him pro
@@juleswinnfield9097
Kids gotta love em’
“Have a life that is no longer worth living”.
That’s exactly it.
Yes or having no purpose 😢
Yes. And this isn't unique to just men. Many of us feel this way.
My mum has told me a few times now that the only reason she is still here is because of my little brother and I. Her life was rough after immigrating to New Zealand from South Africa (while pregnant with me) and her sister didn't want her living with them anymore. She held on because of her children.
If there is anyone you know who might be struggling, or even not, reach out to them and remind them they're appreciated and loved.
"A man's never alone if he can offer help, always thinking of everyone else before himself." ~ The Growlers
I can relate I don’t think I would still be here if it wasn’t for my children.
What if you don't believe or "feel" their words when they tell you they love you or other "appreciative" words?
I just brush it off when someone says something nice which is mostly never, and I don't think much about it, I unf can't take it to heart l, I feel it is just empty words that don't mean anything, because their behaviour & ill treatment towards me tells otherwise
@@UniqueGeekFreak
I do exactly the same thing. I just don't believe anyone can love me.
I'm only here because I won't hurt my mom
.
She asked why I don't have a GF, she wants grandchildren.
I wanted children, I gave up even trying to get a date..
Other than that my life looks put together. I have a nice house a good job good friends etc.
I'm just lonely and see no future.
@@DeadCat-42 Then the thing you need is self improvement, communication skill and you're all set.
As a woman, sorry to hear so much suffering to be a man. Of course, everyone suffers, but you guys do carry special burdens and those are not acknowledged enough. I do understand the feeling to have nothing to live for. I'm glad I stuck it out because now I have a beautiful baby boy and a wonderful father of that boy. I dont want either to suffer and feel like there's no way out. Finding someone is hard these days, especially for men. You guys truely need more support, and that includes from other men. There are ways out. Things will get better if you try. ❤
I appreciate that.
Shitttt... that last part got me. "Try to connect with others and they get rejected." I feel like I knew that but needed to hear it out load
In 2018 my wife unexpectedly my wife of 25 years died unexpectly at the age of 49. I am normally a well balanced person with no emotinonal issues. With my wife passing I entered such a state of grief that I could not function. If I had not had both my adult sons living with me and providing me with emotional support I think that I could have gone done that path of no return.
I’m sorry to hear that 😢
Sorry for your loss. Great you have a good relationship with your kids, that shows you must be a good Dad
Canon Event, Miguel couldn't let the Spiderverse collapse
I love you. Thank you for being you.
Spouse passing is the leading cause of death in.... a lot of ppl, esp if your more established. It's completely normal, but please do what you need to do to process it and continue. The world needs you, i swear
Edit: sonewhere else, i thought I saw most couples over 70 die within less than a year of each other
Well I can 100 percent understand that constant feeling of being rejected when trying to connect with other humans.
How well do you know yourself.
Your fears.
Your desires
Your moments of shame.
Your weaknesses.
Your strengths
Your talents
Your skills
Your passions?
Know yourself and connections will find you.
Not knowing yourself is where you will find nothing but emptiness.
Trying to get someone else to fill your cup, will leave you lost and confused.
It starts with the seeker (you).
When you are ready to accept what is, what you need, will find its way to you OR you will see it clearer than you've ever seen anything before.
@@themis828I've done this over the last 10 years and still nothing. What am I doing wrong?
@@Fiox789how often do you go out to events pertaining to your hobbies? I’ve found that women often have more 3rd spaces where they interact with the same people consistently in a place that isn’t work, which helps break down the initial fear barrier. Men seem to go to less third spaces and don’t often go out to places that interest them.
It's sad because if I didn't have the friends I have, I'd probably not be here because of this. A lot of men aren't that fortunate, God rest their souls.
its giving incel
To be honest, the only thing keeping me alive is a series of side quests I keep putting in front of myself. A mental to do list that I have to keep that prevents me from checking out before it's done. The problem I fear is sooner or later, I will run out of things to put on it or even the things on it might not be enough.
But honestly, I shouldn't need to shovel side quests in front of myself just to motivate myself to stay alive. Most days I feel like Gromit loading track in front of a speeding train to keep me from offing myself and that I fear one day I just might be too slow.
I think I agree with the idea that no one truly wants to die but life gets to the point where people get so hopeless and so painful that death is seen as the only escape. People don't want to die, they just want out of their current situation but the world has done it's best to make sure that escape is as impossible as can be.
At least you have side quests.
This is so refreshing to hear. I work in the mental health and addiction field and the pathologizing of everybody’s struggles and making it a personal deficit or disease distracts from the actual causes which are pressures on families and communities, and a culture that puts us all in competition while requiring that we all be of service to the Almighty dollar not each other. it is so good to hear you. Please continue with this theme
Well said
@@knowsutrue I think a big reason is the lack of fullfillness. Most young men graduate and realize that their life is basically over. Fun time with the homies is over, get a job from 9 to 5 for 6 days the week, do that for 50 years and then It's time for the box. You spent the rest of your life working, or in breaks from working. Breaking your back for tablescraps from the super rich.
Thank you for actually saying this word. Most channels bleep it or do some other BS. This is a huge issue and shouldn't be censored or cancelled. I appreciate you.
People often don't care until it's too late. I don't know how many times I reached out, and did my best as a "cry for help" but nobody really responds much and slowly stops talking to you if you're depressed for "too long". We're often told it's ok for us to open up, but we see the truth in your body language and your eyes. You want to call us weak and tell us to just "suck it up", but that would be mean.
Yet they'll all say "I wish he said something" at your wake, knowing full well you did and they just stood there and watched you kill yourself. They just don't want to feel guilty.
But there ARE people who care, I know it sounds ridiculous. I'd never been close to any of my extended family for various reasons until one reached out a few days ago randomly. They admitted something personal to me and it started a dialogue that both of us bonded over pretty hardcore. It didn't take away the pain, or make it "all better", but I don't feel so isolated now. We all need to support each other. I think the time for "who suffered the most" is over. It's time we all admit life can be cruel and terrible for everyone no matter who or where you are in life, and that we should all try healing together.
(Edit: I'd like to clarify my "depressed for too long" statement. You can't stay in your depression forever, it burns you in ways you don't realize until you've isolated yourself farther. I should have probably been more specific and said something along the lines of insulting you after about a week about "not being over it". A lot of you have people in your lives that are suffering and you're doing the best you can to help. The appreciation for your efforts to help those people is even less.
It's one thing to ask for a shoulder to lean on. It's another to trauma dump and drag the other boat down so to speak.)
The truth is nobody is responsible for your well-being as an adult it's up to you. I have a very mentally ill person in my family and there is literally nothing anyone can do about her illness, we've tried everything, but she doesn't want treatment and just gets worse. People can offer support, but they have their own struggles, even if they don't tell you. Don't dump too much on another person, that's not what relationships are about
@@karolinawww6834 in none of my statements did I imply the other is responsible for my happiness, well being, or safety. Because yes you are correct. Nobody can help you if you don't want it. The driving force MUST come from within. I'm pointing out the hypocrisy of the people who claim up and down that they'll be there for you, but don't actually mean it and just say it to look good.
Everyone has limits. We're people with problems only they can understand or define, and more often than not you just can't shoulder the pain of another. Mental illness is rampant in my family as well as being extremely distant and massive double standards.
Words can only go so far. With who I am, actions speak way louder. Putting an arm around me and just sitting with me is more than enough.
You are correct, a partner is not a therapist, an emotional relief valve, or something that must be there at all moments for every problem in your life. I just don't want to feel like I live in an empty void.
Bars.
@@maxj3882 recovering alcoholic. Been sober almost a year. Bars aren't for me. But I am looking around on the city page for community events. I've got a friend who's a city manager a town over and I'm probably going to get in touch with him since he's got the rundown on all the local events.
@@RoqleyI can tell you know what you are talking about. I see way too many people talking about this but from the way they talk one can tell that the worst they have experienced is Grandma's death at 84 years old (This was just a comparison). I sincerely wish you the best and hope it works out for you.
Exactly thank you for understanding.
it took solitude for me to realize how toxic society is. the serenity and peace of solitude renews me. much happier now than when people were in my life.
A starving man will survive the search for food through honor and duty, while a well-fed man, but starved of honor and duty, will eat himself in the search of both.
Wise words
yo this is nice. where is this from? original? good writing
@@andydufresnejr unfortunately through experience man, seen a lot of broken man too closely
@@okiamherenow6372 I'm not sure how you intended it to read but I interpreted it as if a man has purpose in life, then he will do just fine, but a man that cant find purpose will turn to his demons.
which in this sense, and forgive me if you disagree, is that also if you cant find purpose in life then it is still your own doing.
in my opinion, it is our own responsibility to make our lives fulfilling and add value to the world regardless of life circumstances. if we can't...what good are we to humanity and pushing it forward?
At 48 years old , these have been my darkest days between a devastating breakup and a struggle to find the positive in life. However , I have to stay strong. I owe it to myself. Especially to my future more successful self 🙏🏾💯
“They try to connect with others and they get rejected”. As someone with no friends and single my whole life nothing resonates with me more than
Last time I had a therapist, she wanted to medicate my depression. But I know my depression is due to circumstance, loneliness, reality. Not brain chemistry. So I refused to go on medication. She got frustrated and tired of me and found a way to release me as a client.
She wanted to treat your secondary depression as primary depression because it was easier than working through your unmedicatable primary problem.
i mean, what did you want her to do! she can’t change your reality and circumstances for you, you have to do that yourself.
@@pabloescobarschanclas
Maybe Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy or another modality that worked on the problem?
She was pissed about not getting kickbacks from the drug company.
This is actually what Muslims are advised to do:
Al-Miqdam ibn Ma’dikarib reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “When one of you loves his brother, let him know.” Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2392, Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Suyuti
Mu’adh ibn Jabal reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Allah Almighty said: Those who love each other for the sake of My glory will be upon pulpits of light, admired by the prophets and the martyrs.” Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2390, Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Tirmidhi
Abu Huraira reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “There are seven whom Allah will shade on a day when there is no shade but His. They are a just ruler, a youth who grew up in the worship of Allah, one whose heart is attached to the mosques, two who love each other, meet each other, and depart from each other for the sake of Allah, a man who is tempted by a beautiful woman of high status but he rejects her, saying , ‘I fear Allah,’ and one who spends in charity and hides it such that his right hand does not know what his left hand has given, and one who remembered Allah in private and he wept.” Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 660, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1031, Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim
People fail to realize that life can just really be awful for prolonged periods of time and even for some people's entire lives. Failed marriage, illness, death of loved ones, job loss, money problems, extreme debt, abuse, housing, food... these things can all lead people to just give up. It's not mental illness. It's just losing the will to go on. Why fight it? People get tired. I am not condoning nor encouraging it. I'm just saying it's what happens. I do encourage people to get up one more time. To keep going.
And everyone else, smile at someone. Say have a nice day. Wave. You never know when that little smile may save a person from doing something awful. I read a story years ago about a girl at a mall that had it all planned. And the girl she bought her lunch from smiled at her and told her to have a blessed day. The young lady sat there in the food court and cried. No one had said a kind thing to her in a year. That little kindness gave her the courage to get away from her abusive situation and it saved her life. Just remember your smile may be the only smile that person sees. It doesn't hurt. So smile.
A few years ago I read a story of a man who ended himself by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge in SF. When the authorities looked through his apartment for clues as to why he did so, they ran across his journal. The last entry read (paraphrase)- "I'm going to walk to the bridge and end it today. However, if I pass by ONE person who smiles at me or says, 'Hello,' I'll turn around and not do so."
All it would have taken is one person to show kindness to this person, and he would not have done it.
So I agree. It is hard enough as it is. We have no idea what someone may be going through. Who knows if just a kind word changes that person's life?
@@DaDitka How very sad is it that not one person smiled? Not one. This made me cry.
@countrygirl7402 I don't blame you for a moment. The world is cruel and we do a lot to ourselves and others to make it that way.
@@DaDitka I guess I'm glad I'm Southern. People smile and wave at everyone. It's rude not to.
@JackM-ek2ut Thaf is plausible. Sadly, we will never know.
a lot of people dont seem to realize that having a good life can make it harder because of the internal struggles of potential, the curse of potential as its been called, actually makes us feel more like a failure when we have so much of what we need to succeed but then cant use our free will effectively enough to achieve results. which also leads to the fear of failure as well. and this is only half the story.
Can also be a really rough spot to be when you aren't nessicarily successful or thriving, but you are just making it by enough that everyone tells you that you shouldn't complain
Ahh, I can relate. Objectively life is good, I'm supposed to be achieving stuff, and I'm not achieving anything anymore. No hope, no future, just nothing and waiting for it all to end.
Or maybe we try to keep up with societal expectations of success instead of our own.
That's such a great comment ❤
f
For me as a man, it’s the lack of connection with women. I can have all the guy friends who are supportive and loving parents, but when you get constantly rejected by women, it’s a different type of crushing defeat. It just hurts different when it feels like no woman will ever desire you. When you might be a virgin for the rest of your life with no dating experience. It’s scary.
That’s honestly scary man. Glad arranged marriage is still a in my country.
Getting rejected several time while desperately in need is definitely frustrating
I’ve called the suicide hotline 4 times they’ve never answered. Lucky my work had this program that you could call this hotline and talk to someone. I’ve probably called 6-7 times never following through on treatment but one time I talked for 2 hours with this woman just to feel like someone cared. Some men feel really alone and won’t ever let the public know that. Stay strong my friends it can get better. Try to find someone you can always call if you don’t have someone I can try to be there for you to just listen we maybe all can given a shoulder more often to our hurting brothers and maybe then this broken world can start to heal
Every time I get suicidal it's always external. I have mental issues sure, but once I have a suicidal thought I can sit down, make a list of everything thats wrong, fix all those problems, and stop having the suicidal issue anymore until I feel trapped or stuck in a situation again. It's not shocking that people who are rejected socially at every turn would do this.
Have you been in therapy? That sounds like a very useful tool like ones I’ve been learning in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. That shit really does help.
I’m glad it’s helped you ❤
More often than not, when I suggest these kinds of practices to men, they get mad & lash out. Reflection & mental/ emotional organization practices really do help, but if someone isn't on board with addressing the problem or shifting the perspective away from helplessness & victimhood, they keep themselves stuck. It gets a little frustrating to talk to ppl who ask for help & then reject every suggestion that may actually help them.
idk to me there is so much more interesting stuff worth living than social stuff. world is a fascinating place. what brings me down is my mental health issues its like i wanna live but i feel so bad that i would rather dont.
@justacoginthefkery are you a therapist? If you are, there's nothing I can do to help as it requires a clinical mind and I'm no professional.
If you're not a therapist, I recommend to consider the setting and the wording. If someone responds to advice by lashing out, they're triggered by something. They probably don't like the wording or the way you're describing it. You're seeing it as rejecting help. They're probably seeing it as something else entirely.
It's easy to follow this advice if you're the one prescribing it and wanting it. Especially if it's your idea.
@@heli0mancer I understand what you mean as I've already reflected on the patterns, what I say, how, etc. The most common theme is the lash out tends to happen online & when they realize/ figure out that I'm a woman (It's not like I hide it, it's just not a detail that should matter in most situations), sometimes if there's any suggestion about reframing the mindset/ prespective for them to get out of victimhood mindset. Then come all the projections about women being "privileged", how women don't "know anything" & any number of angry & extreme generalizations. Occasionally, someone will be receptive & thankful. If they think I'm a man, they'll be fully 100% receptive without issue. Face to face? It's a non-issue. The only work around is to explain what I've been through myself so they can understand that I am speaking from experience, but they also have to be receptive to the idea that they can be wrong about their projected assumptions.
I'm very well versed in trauma, how to work around triggers & this kind of thing wasn't an issue with men up until a few yrs ago. Unfortunately, the whole gender war nonsense has a lot of men looking for enemies where they don't exist.
This is exactly where I’m at in life at the moment, and I agree with what he’s saying completely. If anything, from my perspective I think my suicidal ideation or viewpoint of it being a solution, is if anything is a reflection of ideal mental health. Not to get into my specific situation, but I think it would reflect a serious problem for anyone to be in my position and look at all the obstacles, problems and expected future realities and not consider that it might be best if I just ended this now, not just for my benefit but the benefit of everyone else involved.
The human condition is hard, isn't it? Some feel disconnected due to mental illness despite being surrounded by friends and loved ones, thinking about ending it all. Others have no one and suffer from loneliness, wanting to end it all.
I wish all of you in this comment section, man or woman, all the best luck at overcoming whatever you're facing. I hope you make it.
There was a really good unaliveing ad where two guys go to every soccer game. one guy is very sad and disinterested in everything. But his friend still includes him as he celebrates with the crowd. The last game the disinterested friend is there but the happy friend isn't.
Life is hard but not impossible, I know living can feel painful and it can be hard to take a breath. I know it's difficult to find hope but it's there, don't give up. Your not alone.
Life doesn't have to be "impossible" to feel not worth living. Everyone has a different "wow this is harder than I can/will/could/want/etc."
That being said, I believe in what you're saying and think you're correct. But if someone asks "well why do you think my life is worth living and is salvageable in a way that I'll ever feel fulfilled or even content?", they likely need an answer that goes beyond simply telling them that life good, suicide bad.
that ad gets me every time. really powerful message
You are not alone, but you are, and every day proves it. Hope is in magicland only
@@SimonWoodburyForget you stop when you can’t bet on faith in one’s own effort being able to affect the game. It’s like learned helplessness.
that Norwich City ad had me in tears
I've never been suicidal, but I have been passively suicidal, I used to intentionally not buckle my seatbelt and wish every night that I wouldn't wake up in the morning. I have a good support structure, a family that loves me so I knew that if I hurt myself it would hurt them too, so I just hoped it would end in a way that would be out of my control.
Went to fight a war for the same reason. Not like I'm brainwashed or poor/uneducated. Just a good way to go i thought, still here though.
@@vitokhait9696just further proof that God has a plan for the both of you
This is the absolute truth. I spent the last two years trying to reach out to people- everybody’s busy
Men need a tribe. I come from a toxic family and everyone is on their own island. People always say men don’t seek help but that’s not true at all. People just don’t care. So many people are so self absorbed now. Then you get the people who say “I’m going to check back in with you when everything gets better”. I hate those people, they want to say they helped you without even trying.
Let’s start a group men.
I'm down
Make that three of us
I am down brother . If no one else is there we will be
Even women need ppl but they dont kill themselves they just feel bad and lonely
Just bcs u need ppl doesn't mean u let shit slide or sell ur self out for the sake of being with somebody be careful some needs makes blind
Theres also a lack of meaning and purpose in modern societies. It seems like most people are always distracted by empty stuffs. Like human bonds and connections are being replaced by a weird artificial thread. And we're forgetting that we have a soul to attend to.
It’s that “aight ima head out” mentality
For real
Yup… almost as if they were waiting for that moment the whole time you were hanging out 😕
"Unneeded here."
Thats not true 😭 @@CorbinB-Rax
Except it doesn't really work. I had those thoughts for years but luckily stumbled upon a realisation that made me stop thinking that way for forever.
When you are young a minute seems to take a long time, far longer than when you are an adult, because this is you experiencing time from your different perspectives. You can only perceive from your perspective.
So when you go through with the act you won't ever experience the end or relief because you can't perceive it from your perspective.
People don't generally want to hurt themselves they want the pain or hurt to stop but it won't, the only option is to find a way to live and move forwards. Really.
Killing a man's sense of purpose is basically a death sentence, how soon & how his body ultimately end up unalived will be yet to be seen; some take an immediate quick way out while others may choose drugs, alcohol or live extremely reckless, one way or another they will seek to join their body with the passion, dreams, purpose that died in them long before their body did.
As such a man, don't weep, once dreams, passion, sense of purpose die what's left is just a shell of living flesh, the inner man has died already, he just trying to reunite with him.
I had suicidal ideation when I was 12 because of bullying, and some other reasons, that conclude that I didnt have nowhere to feel safe nor accepted.
I overcame It and thought overly optimistically I wouldnt consider it anymore.
But when my first ex happened I had a switch and my optimism fell off the window and dusted into nothingness. I was diagnosed of Dysthimia a few months later. And a thing I didnt tell anyone, is during that time I did reconsider it.
Because of what happened to my ex I had a closer look to my surroundings.
Sometimes I think I'm simply being overly pesimistic, which at times is true but. It's a habit to minimize the size since nobody has taken me seriously in my life.
Or so is how I perceive it.
My opinion not mattering, thinking I'm dumb, that I'm the problem, a mistake maker, a martir.
But deep down i know it's not like that.
I dont think of suicide as a way to go. But that doesnt mean I discard I may recurr to it one day. It's not a 100% no.
I dont have a purpose on life. I've been searching but my previous one died.
So I'm kinda. Surviving. I dont have a clear objective, any reason to keep going other than not upsetting my parents, and to maybe live until I find said reason.
Thanks for sharing mate, hang in there, I belive in you!
What I found helpful is nature and knowledge. Force yourself to take good long walks in nature. Take deep breaths. Listen to your surroundings. All the animals, the wind, every step you take. Look at the smallest plants and bugs crawling around. Notice the butterflies. Maybe even take a small book with you, which explains what animals and plants are living in that area. And just observe. Feel and recognize your emotions, even if they are negative. Even if it is just emptiness. All emotions have a reason. Misery means, that you wish for a better outcome or that you suffered loss. Pain of loss is a sign of a memory being kept alive. Don't pressure yourself too much. Things will align, when the time comes. May your purpose be creation, helping/inspiring others, research, faith,...You will sooner or later recieve a purpose. I promise. Just be kind to yourself and have patience. (And importantly eat healthy, low histamine diet, drink enough water, sleep enough - check if you have any food intolerances in general - these factors produce or hinder the production of happy hormones in our body that give us the will to live.)
There thousands men like us who feel this way. You're not alone. Read this comment section. You matter.
@@--RBuo84 I do hear to all types of music that boost my mood.
I tend to eat chocolate.
And also do walks, stare at the Sky, appreciate It. Same with the river and sea.
I take pills that do help me feel better aswell.
But there's still a lot to battle. Nothing goes well even with the efforts I put. Something seems to reach me really.
But Ill keep trying things
at the very least, live on, and pass on new life. You may not find a direct purpose, but you can create an individual who can. You can find purpose through their purpose, guide them and know that you succeeded in life. Everything comes when you least expect it, as long as you don't completely give up, despite how much the struggle may be.
Realizing how true this is as i am 36. Single for years
Living alone for 11 yrs now. I have 1 set of friends i hang out with a handful of times a year. I never had dark thoughts but i do fear being old and being completely alone. Being the old dude that dies alone in my house that no one even knows is gone till the smell alerts someone.
Don’t lose hope, life is constantly shifting and changing, and trust me you’re not alone feeling like this
Are you working out? Helps with depression a lot. Also, amass a bunch of money, or try to get a remote job, then go passport bros.
Thats me. Except I dont have a small group of friends.😅😅
@@NotMik33he’s not wrong
@@NotMik33 how to amass a bunch of money????
"they try to connect with others and they get rejected" is the most most hard hitting sad but true facts i will ever hear because i am going through that right as i am sure others are too 😔🥺🙈
I'm going through it too man, but the ironic thing is that we can find other people going through the same thing online and connect with them
And then if we have any gripes with being rejected, we get ridiculed. It feels almost like a targeted effort.
And people wonder why introverts don't ever want to leave the house. You can't get hurt if you don't put yourself out there with a target on your back.
No just rejected, but humiliated, & now thanks to social media grifters, & me2, men’s lives can be ruin in an instant with a false accusation by a woman.
I believe that immediatly. I can't handle rejection very well. There were also times in my life I wished for the end of all of my suffering.