In regards to the past, a counsellor once did a helpful exercise with me where we focus on a past event and ask: “can we change it?”, “can we accept it?”, “can we leave it be?” Past events can’t be changed, so we tend to keep asking the other two questions, though when we can’t answer yes to them, then we do bounce to the “can we change it?” one again… It’s an interesting exercise. One to try when emotions come to us demanding our attention so they can convey their message and become resolved emotions (hopefully though some keep coming). In regards to ADHD and being a victim, I’ve come to accept that it’s a genetic and biological piece of me, I can’t change it, so I accept it … and in so doing the help that comes with medication. Separating me from my condition means I can accept myself a little more and live with myself a little more easily… Thank you for sharing your story as it helped me dig out the above and apply it to my life once more…
One way of thinking of habits is trying to create rituals not habits. Because you can resort to the ritual at any time you need it and it isn't attached to time and it is focused more on the steps than the frequency. Feel free to say this is my ADHD. It isn't a victim statement, it's a limit. It is a reality. People need to be taught your limits. I say it when it is happening. Like I often have notes on my hands and people say 'Why don't you put it on your phone?' and I say 'Oh this is an ADHD thing, I will forget it if I don't put it in sight and if I put it in my phone it is hidden' Maybe you can say 'This is an ADHD thing when I am late so I need a grace period' to people in Sweden. Then they decide whether they are going to be respectful of the reality and your needs or not. It then speaks more about them if they disrespect your mind and how it works.
What a lovely conversation and life story 😊🌹
In regards to the past, a counsellor once did a helpful exercise with me where we focus on a past event and ask:
“can we change it?”,
“can we accept it?”,
“can we leave it be?”
Past events can’t be changed, so we tend to keep asking the other two questions, though when we can’t answer yes to them, then we do bounce to the “can we change it?” one again…
It’s an interesting exercise. One to try when emotions come to us demanding our attention so they can convey their message and become resolved emotions (hopefully though some keep coming).
In regards to ADHD and being a victim, I’ve come to accept that it’s a genetic and biological piece of me, I can’t change it, so I accept it … and in so doing the help that comes with medication. Separating me from my condition means I can accept myself a little more and live with myself a little more easily…
Thank you for sharing your story as it helped me dig out the above and apply it to my life once more…
One way of thinking of habits is trying to create rituals not habits. Because you can resort to the ritual at any time you need it and it isn't attached to time and it is focused more on the steps than the frequency.
Feel free to say this is my ADHD. It isn't a victim statement, it's a limit. It is a reality. People need to be taught your limits. I say it when it is happening. Like I often have notes on my hands and people say 'Why don't you put it on your phone?' and I say 'Oh this is an ADHD thing, I will forget it if I don't put it in sight and if I put it in my phone it is hidden'
Maybe you can say 'This is an ADHD thing when I am late so I need a grace period' to people in Sweden. Then they decide whether they are going to be respectful of the reality and your needs or not. It then speaks more about them if they disrespect your mind and how it works.
These are both really good tips, thank you! - Sally.