Take care of yourself man. It's a joy to do things with you when we do, even if it doesn't happen often, but above all I want to see you doing alright. You deserve a lot more and I'll forever hold it against the universe that it still owes you that much. I'm around if you need to chat or anything dude.
As someone who was diagnosed with Asperger's back in the '90s, I know how hard it is to get properly diagnosed when doctors are so eager with just calling it something simpler like just ADD or ADHD. It took my mom literally gathering all the articles and examples of what I was doing at the time to get the doctors to actually do their job.
"In the nicest possible way, you have astoundingly low humanity" why do I feel like this describes me perfectly as well? Also I do hope you feel better soon. There is no positive reason why to try to stay creative if there is no motivation or inspiration. It's best to wait a little, concentrate on ones self and well-being, and then try again. I, personally, would love to hear some covers made by you, but it's also ok if we have to wait for that Also yeah. When 2022 ends, I will not raise fireworks. I'll raise both of my middle fingers into the sky and yell "FUCK YOU 2022!" which also rhymes. Will be fun. Let's hope 2023 is the year for you, us, and me (also rhymes)
I don't think having "low humanity" is the best descriptor. To me, the essence of humanity is the capacity for self reflection and change, which Edit:Ed definitely has. Social skills, verbal cues, and even empathy are addons. Everything that normies intuitively take for granted, are things an autistic psychopath could learn rationally given enough time and effort. Obviously, just because things can be learned doesn't make them easy to learn. It's also important to do a cost-benefit analysis on social efforts. Remembering faces and names? Useful (but for me, very difficult). Remembering birthdays? Not worth the effort.
Oh it’s not the best descriptor at all - but it’s what was joked (harmlessly I stress) while getting told the results and funnier than “alien” or “robot” which I’ve been called plenty before. So fuck it, my badge now lol.
@@EditEdward One might say you are Human Light. Same package, less content that exists in the usual version. I have not necessarily been checked for autism, but I do know I have unusual interactions with the world. My emotions are not leaving lasting impacts on my performance, my sociability is low, my social cues skills are much less strong, and remembering names takes me months. So on some slight point of similarity I can relate. A bit.
Hey Ed, we all know that UA-cam is NOT a easy gig, both mentally and emotionally. I'm glad you're doing the best thing for yourself. Please don't sacrifice yourself for things that don't make you happy; especially if those things are making life more difficult. The strangers on the internet can adjust, believe me. God Bless, you beautiful human being you.
I'll be honest. Not sure what to say here. The only thing going through my head right now really is *damn* . There's really not more I can say tbh, I don't know your life circumstances, all I can do is look and see the cards you are showing us from the hand you have been dealt. I'm in no position to give advice or even a pep talk or anything like that. All I can say is I'm sorry for whatever that is worth and that even if next year is shitty, I'll still pop by to share some laughs with you whenever you feel like streaming and that I can't wait to hear what kind of album you have in store for us in the future. Best of Luck Ed, keep being you, you glitchy madman.
I have no idea how it's like to have reality crashing down like that.. You do whatever feels right to you. We will be here. I will never forget your xcom series, it was mindblowing to me, the amount of effort, humour and.. uh.. distress haha. Well... Be safe.
Honestly, I'm just happy to know that you're still alive and kicking. Take as much time as you need. Also on the medication front: I was exceedingly hesitant to start medication as well for much the same reasons. Much of my decision-making came down to the issue that some mental disorders (anxiety and depression to be specific) are indeed neuro-degenerative. If I didn't start taking them when I did, I'd likely not be here right now. However, I would also advise that you massively advocate for yourself on this front when it comes to WHAT they decided to test. I'd like to believe that I don't have to remind you to look into the options very thoroughly before making any decisions, as you seem to be a fairly intelligent person. Regardless of your choices, I think I speak for most of us when I say that we will be here for you.
Take as much time as you need. It sounds like you've got your priorities in order, which is good. Whenever you feel up to returning, we'll still be here. 🙂 Also, if ever you want some help with that album, I'm a pretty good singer and could help out with some backup vocals or something. Regardless, thanks for the update. 2022 has been another shit year and I'm sorry that it's hit you so hard. Next year will be better. 😌
An album, you say? Well, I would love to see it. You already have a few bangers on the channel, with a lot of views to boot. If I may ask, what style would you be aiming at with an album? Any specific topics in the songs? Also, no problem with a break from UA-cam. Hell, your streams have been mighty entertaining as well. Elvis can confirm that. Stay strong, dude. Chin up and cheeki breeki, we're here if you need us.
The moment I heard 'Hi, folks.' I respond with 'Hey, Ed.' Don't know what that says about me, maybe that I need to fully wake up before I start watching things. Anyways. This is one of those situations where its hard to really say you understand, because you can't really say how you understand, just that you do. I've been in situations like this, and its tough. Real tough. But I think you're making the right choice here, stepping away. Honestly that's the best choice to make when you need to deal with something. Just dropping everything else and dealing with it before that little rat in the basement comes back as a dragon. I'm not able to catch too many of your streams, thanks to time zone differences and my work schedule, so the VOD channel will be nice. I'll still try to pop in and lurk every once in a while. As for everything else all this random dude on the internet can do is give you an internet hug, a pat on the back, and say keep with it. It's hard, it hurts alot sometimes, but I think it's worth it. Good luck buddy!
Great to hear from you! I and probably most other viewers can fully respect your choices, as you have plenty of reason for them. I really you get well soon, as we all should get a little joy :) But we all are going to be here, when you decide to return❤
Working on it! Just the pathway to getting there relies on other people staying consistent in some patches, which is where shit keeps falling down. No direct faults, just the more human lives involved magnifies the chance of chaos.
hey man life is hectic right now for everyone if you need time take it we're not going to judge everyone needs time and help sometimes keep strong life is going to get better
Hey ED, you are a wonderfull person and always enjoyed your content both on youtube and twitch, you kinda suplanded Seth as the "drop anything youre doing and watch" for me at least, this entire year would have way more sad (definetly way more boring) and take the time you need all you need to for your health and creativity , hopefully next year would the one when we finally start going up in the positive thinks. and an album mayde by you?...I WOULD LISTEN THE FUCK OUT OF IT!
Oh dang, it’s been such a long time since I’ve seen your content, I was so sad when I couldn’t find your content I had no idea you changed your name, I remember watching your undertale and OFF play throughs, they helped me get through hard times and are still the voices I associate with the characters for the most part (batter being the main one I don’t but I also think it’s charming) I’m sorry to hear things have got so hard and I hope things have been getting better, I’m not sure what has happened since this but I know a few times I had hoped you would do deltarune with voice acting or something even if I couldn’t find your channel, but whatever happens I just hope you’re okay. Everyone deserves to be happy and things are picking up, even if you don’t see this I hope you know you inspired a lot of people, I know this is an older video but I joined late I suppose
I still see and am very grateful for the kind words. They mean a lot. Times are still not great, but they are improved some from old. It’s just a bugger rationing the time and brainpower in amongst all else. Thank you always for the well wishing. As for Delta - to break your heart with the truth - sadly I will not be. I swore off Delta because the Undertale/Homestuck/Toby fandom was so aggressive during UT that I refuse to entangle again. Fool me once kinda deal. I respect it’s letting a vocal minority have the last word, but they can keep it on this one. People with more fanon-friendly classic animedub vibes can take it on - and I don’t have to deal with people sending me hatred and “celebrations” of family tragedy because I “ruined” the product. I say that’s a winwin :)
@@EditEdward that's completely fair, the UT fandom was a complete mess at the time you made it, it has gotten better but I still respect your choice, do what makes you happy and enjoy everything you make, there would be no point in making something you don't enjoy, i still think if you enjoy undertale, check out deltarune, it has the same charm and some of the old characters with some new cool ones with the same combat style as undertale and even with just 2 chapter, even if you wanted to wait i'm sure it'd be worth it. as long as you have fun that's all that matters, there's also another game that captures the charm and similar combat of the game called "Other: her loving embrace." it's just a demo right now but it's promising, so even if you check it out on your own time i hope you enjoy them! and hey i'm sure things will get better at some point, keep your head up and stay strong
I've known I've had austism all my life, And I've been watching your videos from way back when you where first playing undertale (just for the past 3 days I've been beng watching You play OFF on my phone) Any way, Having Austism isn't a bad thing I think your wonderful. (maybe if your work is so stressful you should think about trying to get dissabitly cheeks, there is no shame in it, I live off them just fine) If you can't tell who I am I'm not sure if you rember a Logan Maxamillion, I use to commnet on every single one of your videos, I am sorry I haven't been watching in a while, its the loooonngg nature of the videos your still grate I just can't watch the long ones.
I'm pretty mild on the spectrum, so my experience doesn't necessarily apply, but I've found that overall health makes a great difference. The biggest factors for me are as follows: 1) Avoid cane sugar/high fructose corny syrup/artificial sweeteners like the plague. (I have the MTHFR gene, probably two) 2) Avoid strong stimulants like Coke Zero, substitute healthier alternatives like orange juice and raw bakers chocolate. 3) Methylfolate (NOT folic acid) supplements (due to the MTHFR genes. Testing if a supplement will boost mood is far cheaper than getting a gene test.) 4) Sunlight (From UV tanning beds, especially during indoor jobs during the winter.) And 0), Church. Life circumstances vary, but having a peer group that gives a weekly reminder of basic principles is very helpful. We all make mistakes, everyone needs to forgive others (and themselves), everyone matters, happiness comes from helping others, etc. At least for me, the basic principles are shockingly easy to forget without a weekly (and even daily) reminder!
Hey Ed, please just keep doing what you like and love to do. You just made a lazy update-video, and it was somehow one of the highlights of this day for me!
I have been diagnosed very late in my life (from an overall percentage, I suppose) with ADHD and a comorbidity of Autism. I do not like the diagnosis stating that there's low humanity in people like me, perhaps people like us. Really careful to generalize and broadly paint all neurodivergents as the same type. I understand what that diagnosis means to imply but really, we just don't deal with social ambiguity well. We are open, direct, without subtext or hidden meanings. People get confused by that and consider us blunt and unfriendly because we don't want to mess around with these ever-shifting social rules that nobody seems to obey, need to learn or clearly state. I hope you find something to improve your life. The diagnosis alone helped me understand why it seemed like life was this series of disappointments and constant struggles against people and myself and nobody else apparently needing to put so much effort into just living their lives. It was a confusing mess readjusting to the new reality that had been my life all along and learning what unmasking means, how to do it and how to explain it to others but I have been met with a lot of support from people and I wish you the same.
You did say that you have "astoundingly low humanity", so know that I don't mean this in an insulting way or somesuch. Also, my understanding may just be wrong, and maybe nobody else gets the same vibes. Still, I wanna say this: To me, personally, a lot of what you say here sounds a bit like a "suicide note" of sorts, and I hope that that's just a big misunderstanding on my part. Idunno if it's just me, that's just kinda what I hear when you talk about "leaving things behind" and "having done things". I don't think I need to remind you about all the people who like you? Probably not, but consider this YOUR official reminder that they do. ;-) That said and out of the way: Go and do You. You're quite the adorkable fellow. Go and do what makes you happy. If that means leaving content creation and streaming entertainment behind, then that's what that means. If it means a bit of this, a bit of that, and a bit of everything, then go and do that. It's your time. Spend it in a way you like. Oh, right. If that big bad word up there is too much of an issue, feel free to delete the comment, or tell me and I'll edit it out.
Going point by point realquick Humanity - others’ words I’m just turning into my badge, plus sounds like the mechanic in VtM lol Suicide - I’ve tried 3 times in my life. I know by now I legitimately can’t, I’m stuck here no matter what lol Leaving things behind - this is an odd one. The above + Dad dying end of 2019 + the whole 2020 shitshow left behind a mental “itch” about mortality. One day I’m gonna be dead, certain. I don’t have many friends, and I’ve learned from experience that even those you do have can always turn on you without even a pause to factcheck what’s real first. There’s also the very real possibility that while I won’t see the end of it all, the world may go “all a bit mad max” before I retire. So the usual media-soaked dream of working your arse off, retire and then go embrace life is…bollocks really, especially as economy keeps moving the retirement age up anyways. Hence, bucketlisting and having done things. Dumb stupid things to say “I was here, I mattered once”. Even if they’re just to me. -Recording an album -I already ticked “make a short film” off my list a long time ago -Make a 3D model of something and just put it out there in the world to stay -Model for someone’s drawing (for THEIR art, whatever that be, not the same as commissioning folks and them needed Ed reference) -Write a stupid bloody fanfic That kinda just dumb shit that’s always at the back but never gets done. And I worry that, like Dad, when I one day get the badge of “hey you, you slaved for most your life, here’s the rest of it to actually LIVE and make up for it” it’s immediately ripped away by something dumb like “OOPS, death sentence LOL!”. Hell this year alone I had two cancer scares and Mum only got the all clear for her own major scare on Thursday. So yeah the bottom line is this does have the tone of a “note”. It all does. They’re all notes, just not suicide ones. They just leave a handprint in the concrete. “Whoever I was, I was here once”
@@EditEdward Okay, as bad as things are, that's still good to hear. They were cancer scares, not cancer. The dread was there, but you can breathe at least a bit of relief after it's all cleared up. Existential dread is a bitch, and we all have to make peace with it in one way or another. Nice to hear that you have a plan as well, silly as it may be. And I don't think we'll quite go "Mad Max". Things will change, but not yet to that extent. :D
Take care of yourself man. It's a joy to do things with you when we do, even if it doesn't happen often, but above all I want to see you doing alright. You deserve a lot more and I'll forever hold it against the universe that it still owes you that much. I'm around if you need to chat or anything dude.
As someone who was diagnosed with Asperger's back in the '90s, I know how hard it is to get properly diagnosed when doctors are so eager with just calling it something simpler like just ADD or ADHD. It took my mom literally gathering all the articles and examples of what I was doing at the time to get the doctors to actually do their job.
It was the same with me. They said they knew I had it but didn’t want to give the diagnosis since I wasn’t high enough on the spectrum
@@greedavaricious7760 that is so dumb
"In the nicest possible way, you have astoundingly low humanity" why do I feel like this describes me perfectly as well?
Also I do hope you feel better soon. There is no positive reason why to try to stay creative if there is no motivation or inspiration. It's best to wait a little, concentrate on ones self and well-being, and then try again.
I, personally, would love to hear some covers made by you, but it's also ok if we have to wait for that
Also yeah. When 2022 ends, I will not raise fireworks. I'll raise both of my middle fingers into the sky and yell "FUCK YOU 2022!" which also rhymes. Will be fun. Let's hope 2023 is the year for you, us, and me (also rhymes)
We'll all raise a glass telling this year to piss off!
I don't think having "low humanity" is the best descriptor. To me, the essence of humanity is the capacity for self reflection and change, which Edit:Ed definitely has. Social skills, verbal cues, and even empathy are addons. Everything that normies intuitively take for granted, are things an autistic psychopath could learn rationally given enough time and effort.
Obviously, just because things can be learned doesn't make them easy to learn. It's also important to do a cost-benefit analysis on social efforts. Remembering faces and names? Useful (but for me, very difficult). Remembering birthdays? Not worth the effort.
Oh it’s not the best descriptor at all - but it’s what was joked (harmlessly I stress) while getting told the results and funnier than “alien” or “robot” which I’ve been called plenty before. So fuck it, my badge now lol.
@@EditEdward One might say you are Human Light. Same package, less content that exists in the usual version.
I have not necessarily been checked for autism, but I do know I have unusual interactions with the world. My emotions are not leaving lasting impacts on my performance, my sociability is low, my social cues skills are much less strong, and remembering names takes me months. So on some slight point of similarity I can relate. A bit.
Hey Ed, we all know that UA-cam is NOT a easy gig, both mentally and emotionally. I'm glad you're doing the best thing for yourself. Please don't sacrifice yourself for things that don't make you happy; especially if those things are making life more difficult. The strangers on the internet can adjust, believe me.
God Bless, you beautiful human being you.
I'll be honest. Not sure what to say here. The only thing going through my head right now really is *damn* .
There's really not more I can say tbh, I don't know your life circumstances, all I can do is look and see the cards you are showing us from the hand you have been dealt. I'm in no position to give advice or even a pep talk or anything like that. All I can say is I'm sorry for whatever that is worth and that even if next year is shitty, I'll still pop by to share some laughs with you whenever you feel like streaming and that I can't wait to hear what kind of album you have in store for us in the future. Best of Luck Ed, keep being you, you glitchy madman.
I have no idea how it's like to have reality crashing down like that.. You do whatever feels right to you. We will be here. I will never forget your xcom series, it was mindblowing to me, the amount of effort, humour and.. uh.. distress haha.
Well... Be safe.
Honestly, I'm just happy to know that you're still alive and kicking. Take as much time as you need.
Also on the medication front: I was exceedingly hesitant to start medication as well for much the same reasons. Much of my decision-making came down to the issue that some mental disorders (anxiety and depression to be specific) are indeed neuro-degenerative. If I didn't start taking them when I did, I'd likely not be here right now.
However, I would also advise that you massively advocate for yourself on this front when it comes to WHAT they decided to test. I'd like to believe that I don't have to remind you to look into the options very thoroughly before making any decisions, as you seem to be a fairly intelligent person.
Regardless of your choices, I think I speak for most of us when I say that we will be here for you.
Just remember Ed, lights at the ends of tunnels are frequently oncoming trains. Be prepared to dodge.
Take as much time as you need. It sounds like you've got your priorities in order, which is good.
Whenever you feel up to returning, we'll still be here. 🙂
Also, if ever you want some help with that album, I'm a pretty good singer and could help out with some backup vocals or something.
Regardless, thanks for the update. 2022 has been another shit year and I'm sorry that it's hit you so hard. Next year will be better. 😌
u will be missed Ed im sorry to hear that your recovery has not gone the way u may have hoped. take care and cya perhaps one day
Take as long as you need, we'll be waiting patiently for your return.
Take it easy over the holidays Ed, and be well :)
Hey, I'm not sure what to say but we're here if you want someone to speak to. If you need to just yell, shout or whatever... we're here for you Ed.
Good to hear from you, man. I wish you the best.
An album, you say? Well, I would love to see it. You already have a few bangers on the channel, with a lot of views to boot. If I may ask, what style would you be aiming at with an album? Any specific topics in the songs?
Also, no problem with a break from UA-cam. Hell, your streams have been mighty entertaining as well. Elvis can confirm that.
Stay strong, dude. Chin up and cheeki breeki, we're here if you need us.
The moment I heard 'Hi, folks.' I respond with 'Hey, Ed.' Don't know what that says about me, maybe that I need to fully wake up before I start watching things. Anyways.
This is one of those situations where its hard to really say you understand, because you can't really say how you understand, just that you do. I've been in situations like this, and its tough. Real tough. But I think you're making the right choice here, stepping away.
Honestly that's the best choice to make when you need to deal with something. Just dropping everything else and dealing with it before that little rat in the basement comes back as a dragon.
I'm not able to catch too many of your streams, thanks to time zone differences and my work schedule, so the VOD channel will be nice. I'll still try to pop in and lurk every once in a while.
As for everything else all this random dude on the internet can do is give you an internet hug, a pat on the back, and say keep with it. It's hard, it hurts alot sometimes, but I think it's worth it.
Good luck buddy!
Great to hear from you! I and probably most other viewers can fully respect your choices, as you have plenty of reason for them. I really you get well soon, as we all should get a little joy :) But we all are going to be here, when you decide to return❤
get better ED
Working on it! Just the pathway to getting there relies on other people staying consistent in some patches, which is where shit keeps falling down. No direct faults, just the more human lives involved magnifies the chance of chaos.
Get better soon Ed, just fuck whatever and please come back
hey man life is hectic right now for everyone if you need time take it we're not going to judge everyone needs time and help sometimes keep strong life is going to get better
Hey ED, you are a wonderfull person and always enjoyed your content both on youtube and twitch, you kinda suplanded Seth as the "drop anything youre doing and watch" for me at least, this entire year would have way more sad (definetly way more boring) and take the time you need all you need to for your health and creativity , hopefully next year would the one when we finally start going up in the positive thinks. and an album mayde by you?...I WOULD LISTEN THE FUCK OUT OF IT!
Oh dang, it’s been such a long time since I’ve seen your content, I was so sad when I couldn’t find your content I had no idea you changed your name, I remember watching your undertale and OFF play throughs, they helped me get through hard times and are still the voices I associate with the characters for the most part (batter being the main one I don’t but I also think it’s charming) I’m sorry to hear things have got so hard and I hope things have been getting better, I’m not sure what has happened since this but I know a few times I had hoped you would do deltarune with voice acting or something even if I couldn’t find your channel, but whatever happens I just hope you’re okay. Everyone deserves to be happy and things are picking up, even if you don’t see this I hope you know you inspired a lot of people, I know this is an older video but I joined late I suppose
I still see and am very grateful for the kind words. They mean a lot.
Times are still not great, but they are improved some from old. It’s just a bugger rationing the time and brainpower in amongst all else. Thank you always for the well wishing.
As for Delta - to break your heart with the truth - sadly I will not be. I swore off Delta because the Undertale/Homestuck/Toby fandom was so aggressive during UT that I refuse to entangle again. Fool me once kinda deal.
I respect it’s letting a vocal minority have the last word, but they can keep it on this one. People with more fanon-friendly classic animedub vibes can take it on - and I don’t have to deal with people sending me hatred and “celebrations” of family tragedy because I “ruined” the product. I say that’s a winwin :)
@@EditEdward that's completely fair, the UT fandom was a complete mess at the time you made it, it has gotten better but I still respect your choice, do what makes you happy and enjoy everything you make, there would be no point in making something you don't enjoy, i still think if you enjoy undertale, check out deltarune, it has the same charm and some of the old characters with some new cool ones with the same combat style as undertale and even with just 2 chapter, even if you wanted to wait i'm sure it'd be worth it. as long as you have fun that's all that matters, there's also another game that captures the charm and similar combat of the game called "Other: her loving embrace." it's just a demo right now but it's promising, so even if you check it out on your own time i hope you enjoy them! and hey i'm sure things will get better at some point, keep your head up and stay strong
Hey, we all need breathers.
3:10 it’s only been what three-four months? That’s not too bad.
I've known I've had austism all my life, And I've been watching your videos from way back when you where first playing undertale (just for the past 3 days I've been beng watching You play OFF on my phone) Any way, Having Austism isn't a bad thing I think your wonderful. (maybe if your work is so stressful you should think about trying to get dissabitly cheeks, there is no shame in it, I live off them just fine) If you can't tell who I am I'm not sure if you rember a Logan Maxamillion, I use to commnet on every single one of your videos, I am sorry I haven't been watching in a while, its the loooonngg nature of the videos your still grate I just can't watch the long ones.
As an autistic individual myself. Meds do help. Granted I’m also a Molotov cocktail of emotions so it may be different between us.
I'm pretty mild on the spectrum, so my experience doesn't necessarily apply, but I've found that overall health makes a great difference.
The biggest factors for me are as follows:
1) Avoid cane sugar/high fructose corny syrup/artificial sweeteners like the plague. (I have the MTHFR gene, probably two)
2) Avoid strong stimulants like Coke Zero, substitute healthier alternatives like orange juice and raw bakers chocolate.
3) Methylfolate (NOT folic acid) supplements (due to the MTHFR genes. Testing if a supplement will boost mood is far cheaper than getting a gene test.)
4) Sunlight (From UV tanning beds, especially during indoor jobs during the winter.)
And 0), Church. Life circumstances vary, but having a peer group that gives a weekly reminder of basic principles is very helpful. We all make mistakes, everyone needs to forgive others (and themselves), everyone matters, happiness comes from helping others, etc. At least for me, the basic principles are shockingly easy to forget without a weekly (and even daily) reminder!
I only just found out I am ortistic too I completely understand what you're going through with it
Hey Ed, please just keep doing what you like and love to do. You just made a lazy update-video, and it was somehow one of the highlights of this day for me!
I have been diagnosed very late in my life (from an overall percentage, I suppose) with ADHD and a comorbidity of Autism. I do not like the diagnosis stating that there's low humanity in people like me, perhaps people like us. Really careful to generalize and broadly paint all neurodivergents as the same type. I understand what that diagnosis means to imply but really, we just don't deal with social ambiguity well. We are open, direct, without subtext or hidden meanings. People get confused by that and consider us blunt and unfriendly because we don't want to mess around with these ever-shifting social rules that nobody seems to obey, need to learn or clearly state. I hope you find something to improve your life. The diagnosis alone helped me understand why it seemed like life was this series of disappointments and constant struggles against people and myself and nobody else apparently needing to put so much effort into just living their lives.
It was a confusing mess readjusting to the new reality that had been my life all along and learning what unmasking means, how to do it and how to explain it to others but I have been met with a lot of support from people and I wish you the same.
Hey man how are you now?? Are you alright??
Wait I just came back after a long long time. Wasn't your name something else? 🤔
What is the game in the background?
Heavenly Bodies
Indeed. For some arcane reason YT thinks it’s FTL. I guess cos space
You did say that you have "astoundingly low humanity", so know that I don't mean this in an insulting way or somesuch. Also, my understanding may just be wrong, and maybe nobody else gets the same vibes. Still, I wanna say this:
To me, personally, a lot of what you say here sounds a bit like a "suicide note" of sorts, and I hope that that's just a big misunderstanding on my part. Idunno if it's just me, that's just kinda what I hear when you talk about "leaving things behind" and "having done things".
I don't think I need to remind you about all the people who like you? Probably not, but consider this YOUR official reminder that they do. ;-)
That said and out of the way: Go and do You.
You're quite the adorkable fellow.
Go and do what makes you happy.
If that means leaving content creation and streaming entertainment behind, then that's what that means. If it means a bit of this, a bit of that, and a bit of everything, then go and do that. It's your time. Spend it in a way you like.
Oh, right. If that big bad word up there is too much of an issue, feel free to delete the comment, or tell me and I'll edit it out.
Going point by point realquick
Humanity - others’ words I’m just turning into my badge, plus sounds like the mechanic in VtM lol
Suicide - I’ve tried 3 times in my life. I know by now I legitimately can’t, I’m stuck here no matter what lol
Leaving things behind - this is an odd one. The above + Dad dying end of 2019 + the whole 2020 shitshow left behind a mental “itch” about mortality.
One day I’m gonna be dead, certain. I don’t have many friends, and I’ve learned from experience that even those you do have can always turn on you without even a pause to factcheck what’s real first. There’s also the very real possibility that while I won’t see the end of it all, the world may go “all a bit mad max” before I retire. So the usual media-soaked dream of working your arse off, retire and then go embrace life is…bollocks really, especially as economy keeps moving the retirement age up anyways.
Hence, bucketlisting and having done things. Dumb stupid things to say “I was here, I mattered once”. Even if they’re just to me.
-Recording an album
-I already ticked “make a short film” off my list a long time ago
-Make a 3D model of something and just put it out there in the world to stay
-Model for someone’s drawing (for THEIR art, whatever that be, not the same as commissioning folks and them needed Ed reference)
-Write a stupid bloody fanfic
That kinda just dumb shit that’s always at the back but never gets done. And I worry that, like Dad, when I one day get the badge of “hey you, you slaved for most your life, here’s the rest of it to actually LIVE and make up for it” it’s immediately ripped away by something dumb like “OOPS, death sentence LOL!”.
Hell this year alone I had two cancer scares and Mum only got the all clear for her own major scare on Thursday. So yeah the bottom line is this does have the tone of a “note”. It all does. They’re all notes, just not suicide ones. They just leave a handprint in the concrete. “Whoever I was, I was here once”
@@EditEdward Okay, as bad as things are, that's still good to hear. They were cancer scares, not cancer. The dread was there, but you can breathe at least a bit of relief after it's all cleared up.
Existential dread is a bitch, and we all have to make peace with it in one way or another. Nice to hear that you have a plan as well, silly as it may be.
And I don't think we'll quite go "Mad Max". Things will change, but not yet to that extent. :D