ok tbh I just wanted an excuse to chat about weddings so let's get into it!! part two will be about wedding reality shows, so if you have any suggestions, plz share. thank u!! :-)
Four weddings on TLC is the only TLC show I can bear to watch. It is so fun to judge other peoples weddings haha and how competitive some of the brides are!
Mentioned this in another comment but highly recommend going consignment or second-hand for your dress! And don't feel pressured to wear white! I also have a sick love for the mess that is Say Yes To The Dress. My mom wanted to go to Kleinfeld's when we were in NYC back in 2010 and they were honestly the nicest people, even if we just wanted to say we walked in to take a look.
Married at first sight maybe? As a Swede I was surprised when I watched the American version, it focused a lot more on the bachelor/bachelorette party, the wedding itself and choosing the dress and all of that
One of the more cursed straight culture things is how we expect the bride alone to do the bulk of the planning, or even all of it. There's a reason event planning is a whole industry of full-time professionals. Even if you somehow have zero angst over the aesthetics and particulars of your OWN WEDDING, even a modest event can be a *staggering* amount of work - advanced executive logistical shuffling, *deeply* complex social management, detailed research and smooth business dealings, to say nothing of the damned budgeting. I truly loathe how we give women this message that the wedding will represent their crowning achievement as a person and therefore must be exquisite, then absolve men of any responsibility to collaborate equally on the labor, then mock and scold any woman who seems stressed out or "overinvested" in the process as a Bridezilla. You *told her* this is all she is as a person and that she has to do it without help, and now you get to laugh at her for not handling her demeaning pigeonholing with some kind of sublime Christian grace.
seriously! my bro in law was like this and infuriatingly proud -_- i could see the stress in his wife. i always said that if we want a traditional wedding like that there will be no wedding if im doing all the planning. fuck that.
My husband and I got married young. We had no money, our parents had no money, and I refused to take out a loan for a wedding. So we had an extremely small wedding of only about 25 people and we had a meal in the church basement afterward that my mom and I cooked. To this day, many relatives make me feel guilty about that choice and it makes me so angry!
That sounds like a lovely wedding! I’ll take home cooked food over elaborate and expensive catering anytime. The best weddings I’ve been to have been small and personal. And I’ve been to a LOT of weddings considering I was the only one who could be flower girl in my entire extended family, im not even joking. I attended my 3rd cousin’s wedding not knowing who he was and boy was that a miserably long one
Same here. No money so everything we had people volunteered. I had my sisters dress, my brother in law cooked, my other brother in law took the pictures and we had the reception at my house. Publix cake cost the most I think at $160
I feel like "outfit repeating" is more of a class issue. Being a kid growing up in a poor household, you wear what you have until it gets holes/stretches/marks, then it becomes pajamas 😂. So I never have a problem outfit repeating I think the people that call someone out for repeating an outfit have never had to think about the price/quantity of their clothes
I always found it so odd why some people found it almost scandalous if you repeat clothes. You bought them to wear. What's the point of buying clothes to wear them once lol.
@@YOYO-dv8gvExactly! I have one wedding coming up (black-tie dress code) and another formal event for diplomatic relations. My old formal outfit is shot, so I do have to purchase a new dress, but I’m planning on getting one and using it for both and other events to come LOL
I had no idea repeating outfits was a thing people didn't do? I'm not even poor but I always try to use every single piece of clothing I have throughout the year. I bought it, therefore, it's going to be used. Sounds like a bad consequence of normalizing fast fashion.
If I find a piece I like, I'm wearing it until it's not wearable anymore because a.) I'm poor and b.) I'm not a basic upper middle class asshole who only ever wears sweatshirts and jeans. I have to really hunt for things that I like, and when I find them, I'm not giving them up because y'all shallow and wasteful.
Hot weddding reuse tip: For my wedding, I went to a non profit thrift store in a "rich grandma" part of town and got a ton of glass vases and bowls for our flowers and guest snacks. They were like 1-3 dollars a piece. Nothing matched, but that was the vibe of the wedding anyway. In total, I spent like 50 dollars. Then after the wedding, I donated it all back to the thrift store. My money went to helping ex-convicts re-enter society. I thought that move was really slick.
This is what I'm doing! Mismatched bud vases on the tables, all from the non profit thrift stores. Many cost less than a dollar. I'll donate most of them back to the thrift stores when I'm done. Haven't decided yet how I'll display the dessert (if it'll be displayed at all) but I'll get what I need at the thrift stores!
My mother did a similar thing for the candy bowls at my Bat Mitzvah! Except we didn’t really have to go all that far because we basically live in one of the less opulent parts of a very, very wealthy county. Was super cute and we probably saved over $200 because of it
Yes!! I’ve also heard stories of people copping beautiful wedding dresses for $30 at thrift stores. There’s an entire second hand market people should take advantage of, the dresses are worn once after all
i'm starting to plan my wedding, and my fiance definitely leans towards the "elope" side of things, but i am with you Tiffany! Recently we had a death in the family, and all of my siblings were back home in the same place for the funeral, and it was one of those moments as adult siblings where you look at each other, and you go "the next time we all see each other will be at the next funeral. or the next wedding." And it just made me really grateful for these cultural touchstones that we have agreed matter- a wedding. A funeral. Graduations. Baptisms. Rare moments where you get to press pause on all the life stuff that will keep happening no matter what, and where you get to prioritize people you love. Being together. Idk. It just made me really grateful and excited for my wedding and the wedding events that will precede it. I want a celebration! A really nice event with good food and my nearest and dearest. Will it cost money? Yes, but this is one of those "spend money on experiences" kind of things, I think. But there's definitely a wide range of costs and hopefully we can keep it low lmao. Thanks for sharing, this was super timely for me!
I agree with all of this! When I got married, we split the difference between "tiny courthouse wedding" and "lavish big wedding" and our total budget ended up around $5,000 USD for about 30 people total. It was really nice to have most of my extended family there, when that whole group of people hadn't been together since I was a kid. Nice things like that are expensive, and sometimes it's worth the expense.
Very well said. In multiple instances where I have expressed the smallest amount of distress over our wedding planning, ppl have replied “well you could have just eloped!” and I let them know that had we wanted to do so, we would have. We love celebrating our close one’s life events and we want to share ours, too. There are many ways to pull off a great wedding that falls somewhere between elopement and huge, luxurious bash.
My wife and I both have big families and we did the whole big 80+ person wedding. It costs money, but it was worth it to celebrate with all the loved ones I barely see anymore. Hope your wedding went well if it's already happened!
My husband and I got married during COVID because both of us are pretty introverted and didn't want to party. Anyway, we spent about $1,000. It was a great way to not have to invite bunch of people that we don't care about
Nothing hurts more than a missed opportunity. Watching people around you flaunt their successes at something you too could have benefitted from can leave a sour taste in ur mouth… crypto staking and NFTS are changing lives world over.
It’s so wild to me that in America the bridesmaids are expected to pay for their own dresses/accessories! The bride has asked them to be in the wedding party and should pay for the associated expenses - that’s how it is here in Ireland anyway
I paid for my bridesmaids dress and hair/makeup, but my husband and I also paid for our own wedding. I'm sure that the financial situation of the couple really dictates what is asked of the wedding party.
When we got married, I gave my bridesmaids this request: please get a hunter green dress, and please have a general consensus with the degree of formality, i.e. not one in a mini dress and one in a Victorian lace gown LOL. They had very different body types and I didn't want anyone to feel uncomfortable in a dress they didn't choose. It worked well, and they were all happy.
I disagree 🤗 but I think it’s rude to dictate what they’re wearing *and* expect them to pay for it. I’ve told my three bridesmaids the general theme and look and they’ll get their own dresses. They’ve would’ve gotten dresses anyway. I think with a lot of the US examples the cost also adds up with all of the other events and presents everyone is expected to pay for 😱
My mom’s second wedding was a nice meal and watching them sign the documents w/my step gma officiating. I basically just want what she did, except maybe a fancier dress, haha. I can’t imagine spending 15k+ on a wedding but hell, if it makes you happy who am I to judge!
I feel like we should be allowed to judge them if they don't have the money for it. Many people I know will get married with their parents money. I know it's a traditional thing in my country, and just as the person on the video said "it's a privilege to refuse tradition", I find it ridiculous that all of my cousins wanted a wedding so badly they didn't think about what a waste it would be. To give more context, they were all jobless, in their early twenties, when they got married. I'd understand if they at least WORKED for their wedding, but they got everything paid by their parents money, which I think is extremely ridiculous. I WILL judge those people who spend a ton of money they cannot even afford, which is not even their OWN, just for something they'll never get to wear ever again
@@sin3358 i didnt say you cant judge, i just don’t want to waste my time doing it lol. Of course there are much better ways to spend this money in my opinion, but that’s true for a lot of things. Your aunts/uncles didn’t seem to have a problem forking over the money, so it’s on them too. I agree that it’s childish but you can’t tell people how to spend their money. the amount of cultural pressure that results in these expensive weddings is only as influential as the individual let’s it be but unfortunately it has an undeniable effect on the majority.
We had a big wedding for like £2000! There was a huge amount of luck involved with that though because we have a massive extended family who wanted to help. So like my husband's auntie made my dress out of vintage fabric, his mum did our flowers, his cousin made us a cake, my dad is in a band so he did the music etc. We saved on the venues by going to the registry office (which was a really nice room in the town hall) and our village hall for the reception. Instead of hotels or whatever we had camping on the playing fields for £5 a pitch to cover the cost. And we asked for food instead of gifts and had a giant picnic. People always tell us they had the best time so it worked out well!
It's worth mentioning that as an industry, it's so well poised to inflate prices unjustly, much like the healthcare industry, because what are you gonna do? Not get married? When everything is already going badly? And I think it's just a dreadful illustration of the increasing anxiety over our lives under late-stage capitalism. People seize the little or big joys they can have, and lately even those are under threat. Great video!
Actually you can get married for the cost of a dinner party and a marriage certificate fee. And yes actually, you can choose not to get married. For you to compare the essentialism of a wedding to that of a hospital is pretty ridiculous.
You can, simply, not get married tho. The new generation is less interested in marriage, and I believe at some point, only the really religious will get married, but atheism and agnosticism has been on the rise.
I'm not comparing how essential they are, but how essential it is that they charge you so much for what should be a more reasonable cost. A hospital I went to charged me $42 for a bandage (just the gauze) when I demanded an itemized list on my invoice. And yes, you can choose not to get married, obviously. I meant that if you really want to have that day, as millions and millions have been able to in a better economy, you will have to shell out significantly more OR just live with the constant reminder that your life is worse than your parents' or grandparents lives. Both these industries take advantage in similar ways, even if they're not equally important. Learn to read between lines, I can't type out a dissertation in a yt comment so people don't think I'm equating healthcare to a nice party.
My husband and I got married last year because I lost my job and needed health insurance.. (we were planning on getting married eventually!) We spent $30 on pizza and cake, and $100 on a house plant. Our family joined us on zoom. It was great lol. We thought we’d eventually have a “real” wedding, but at this point we can’t be bothered haha. We don’t want to spend the money or deal with the stress of planning 🤷🏻♀️
Honestly, same. My husband and I got married back in January of 2009 for convenience. We had just had a child together, he started a crazy good job, and we figured “hey, let’s give it a shot.” All we did was go to the courthouse, sign papers, and our moms cooked us our favorite meals with a cake for us to all eat dinner. That was it. I wore a simple dress, he was casual, and our son (newborn at the time) was dressed up … tbh, he was more dressed up than any of us. We always said in the early days of our marriage “ah maybe one day we’ll renew our vows later down the line and do it right with a ceremony for our families.” Here we are 13 years later and can’t be arsed about it lol. We just bought 3.6 acres of land and built a house in the last few years and find that to be something worth putting more of our focus into. We love each other and that’s all that matters. Maybe in the next 13 years we’ll revisit the idea lol. Happy marriage!
I agree with Sunem - if the people in your life really want to celebrate with you, but you don't want a big event, you could do something lowkey like a potluck or BBQ.
We just went to the most expensive restaurant for our reception. The venue was free, the wait staff were included, the cleanup was handled, and the food was significantly better than catered food because it was prepared fresh. They were also willing to give a choice of five entrees with every person getting two plated sides and two family style sides.
Recycling and local was a theme of my wedding. My dress was made from a local dressmaker out of old prom dresses/gowns from a second-hand shop ($250). Our food was local too, with pies from a small bakery made of local, in season fruits and nuts. We got married in a town square - reserving that section of lawn for an hour was about $15 - then went across the street to a friend’s restaurant for the reception. I loved my wedding. My mom paid for things she cared about that I didn’t, like favors. My aunt gifted me beautiful hand-made invitations. All-in-all it was beautiful and my husband and I loved it.
Hey tiff!!! Here in Australia we have a show called Australia’s cheapest wedding. Maybe there’s a US version. It has this weird tonal mix of low key looking down on the couple for not spending, but also kind of like, giving tips to the audience for saving money and portraying the couple as smart and savvy You should check it out !!
I think it's on Netflix intrnationally. It sucks that they poke fun at the wedding party, bc some of them looked very comitted (in good times and bad), and therefore more romantic than cookie-cutter weddings
I've always really struggled with what I want to do for my wedding. The expectation in Arab culture is to do a large opulent wedding. It marks the start of a new chapter in the couple's life where they will live and have sex and a family with someone else for the first time. The guest list is enormous because ppl basically invite everyone they have ever known *and their families*. You have to invite everyone who ever invited you to their wedding. Parents invite all of *their* friends and aquitances. Every distant blood relative is on the list. Prolific community members have to be on the list even if you're not personally close. The list ends up being a mile long. And you have to put on a wedding that all the *attendees* will enjoy. Your own enjoyment is almost irrelevant. Actual friends of the bride and groom end up making a tiny fraction of the guest list. Not inviting someone is a snub that can actually ruin relationships. I wish small weddings could be normalized. I see it happening more and more, but only by ppl who basically could never afford such a big grand wedding in the first place. As for the lead up events, I actually hate these. I'm already paying so much into the attendance of the wedding. Why do I also have to pay into your bridal shower or whatever the fuck? To be honest, the only reason I would want a large wedding is because I want to get back what I've paid into other people. I want everyone buying me expensive gifts and showering me with love and attention. If not for that, I would just elope.
Your fellow arab man is feeling you here! Even if i want to elope that ends nothing. Now every fucking person will start making endless comments and assumptions about me, my wife and the relationship. Also you are being cheap, what's wrong with you and so on
My wife and I, managed to avoid the gigantic wedding everyone wanted. Yet, the "wedding tax" is huge. We had a small ceremony with ~20 people invited to the celebration and we could not be happier!
I had my wedding during covid, and the one thing I thank covid for is allowing me to have the small, intimate wedding I wanted without hurting anyone's feelings. We all quarantined for the two weeks leading up, and including my husband and I, there were 12 people at my wedding. It was everything I wanted. We rented a small space and I got a dress and had our ceremony, took pictures, went back to my parents house for a small meal, and I was home and in my comfy clothes by 6pm. It was amazing. Genuinely one of the best days I've ever had, and I don't think the whole thing cost more than $3,000. Which is not a negligible amount, but compared to some of the weddings I've been to, it's practically nothing
My engagement ring we picked out together and got it on sale for $325. I loved it just as much as the $1300 ring. As we grow older we’ll upgrade it as a we see fit. I do struggle in wanting to plan a beautiful wedding because I feel that with so many events in my life I’ve had to settle for something I didn’t want because it was cheap but I do see that I can’t use this to recreate my prom or homecomings or graduations. I don’t have to spend thousands to be a princess that day. I just want to build a great life with my partner and can’t compensate for my insecurities of growing up poor
We got very lucky with everything! We had a relatively big wedding (110 guests) and the final price tag was maybe $15k with amazing food, music, and drinks. My only regrets are not getting a videographer, and going for a more “affordable” photographer that ended up hightailing it out of the island and we never got our wedding pictures.
Wedding related reality tv that you should definitely check out: say yes to the dress (especially the extravagant wedding dresses and how the consultants sometimes push the bride over their budget), marriage or mortgage on Netflix, the big day on Netflix (shows big fat Indian weddings for mostly Indian-American couples!!)
My husband and I decided to get married during the pandemic, but since we lived in different countries we had to wait for the borders to open. Separated for two years, nothing was more important than just being together. I spent 30 bucks on a dress, he spent 100 bucks on new black jeans. The most expensive part (if we don't count the flight ticket) was the translator - 150 bucks. We went to the town hall and married, the people who attended were the two witnesses and two friends. After that we went on a walk to a café and had lunch there. Everything took about 2 hours. All his relatives were fussy that we didn't have a debt-making wedding, so they didn't attend and made a party for themselves to which we weren't invited. Talk about priorities. I love the day we had and I regret nothing. ❤️
Holy shit 30k?! My mom's wedding for like 80 guests cost them 5k (including the rent of the villa, catering and staff, plus our trip to Estonia to export booze) and it was such a lovely evening
My husband and I had a beautiful wedding for 5k out of pocket. I was meticulous about cutting cost wherever possible but still having everything we wanted. It was beautiful, elegant and didn't break the bank. Our main priority was not to begin our marriage in debt. Here's a tip! Don't be afraid to ask for discounts or negotiate wedding cost or package changes. OH! Also pick wedding colors that are out of season. I chose plum purple for a summer wedding which made bridesmaids dresses and all decore half price since most stores cycle season colors out and put them on clearance.
Unpopular opinion. I hate weddings. It’s like worshiping the couple. Unless it’s my daughters if I don’t get invited to another one it’ll be too soon. Don’t get me wrong, I’m the perfect guest, my mama raised me right. Which is probably why I don’t like attending one. Just to add I read the book, True Love by Robert Fulghum, I’ve given it to friends whilst planning their weddings. Best wishes and congratulations to your upcoming nuptials.
I've missed several weddings of people I really care about simply because I couldn't afford a plane ticket to go, plus a hotel, rental car and gift . Not to mention losing money by missing work to go. I still feel bad for not going, because these friends only get married once. But at the same time the expectation for guests to fly in from other states just to attend a wedding is a little unreasonable.
Tiffany, I love that you mention these things with the lense of privilege, tradition and heteronormativity. It's accommodating af. Like you and Nate, my boyfriend and I are also planning a wedding but it's hard af to know which traditions to keep/break as a gay couple. Also, hell yeah to the "honeymoon > wedding" perspective haha
I got married 2.5 years ago, literally right before the pandemic started, while my husband wanted a small wedding, I wanted a big lavish wedding. It had been my dream since I was a little girl. However, we compromised and decided on a medium sized lavish wedding. We spent about $23,000 on our wedding, with $15,000 coming from my in-laws as a wedding gift. Looking back now I wished I had cap it at $18,000 because we ended up getting pregnant soon after the wedding. We could have put some of extra money towards our daughter cause whew, I had no idea of the unexpected costs of having a baby. I have no regrets though because I had the wedding that I wanted but looking back there was some things that I could have saved money on.
Our wedding was filled with our friends' and family members' love. We were both 19 when we married, and didn't have much to spend. The wedding was held in our family friends' backyard and farm house, we DIY:d a lot of decorations together with my now mother-in-law and got the flowers from one of the cousin's graduation party as re-used. My dress was used and altered for me. The whole wedding was about 3 000 €, with the single most costly expense being the food. I still can't forget all the love and effort so many people volunteered to do for us and with us.
This reminds me of that girl on TikTok who paid $1200 for a poorly edited wedding video. The comments were victim blaming her, saying that if she wasn’t being so “cheap” this wouldn’t have happen. I thought that was an insane take because I spent the same amount for our wedding and the company gave us an amazing highlight reel, full ceremony, toasts, dances, and all the raw footage. Instead of calling out the company for poor service, commenters attacked this poor bride and tried to make her feel guilty for not spending more money.
my boyfriends sister just got married and I was a bridesmaid. I had NO idea how absolutely expensive it was because I've never been in a wedding. Not only was I the youngest but I make significantly less than everyone else. The bachelorette party ended up being in arizona and I had to pay 400 for the flight and 400 for the air bnb (which was split between everyone). I'm still recovering from all the expenses, it was 100 for the dress and 100 to get it tailored, another 100 for makeup, like the list goes on and on. I know for a fact when I get married my wedding is not gonna be over the top or super expensive. I would prefer to get a house/condo instead. It just baffles me how much people are willing to spend on one day.
I'm from Turkey and it is very obvious to most people that weddings are more about entertaining the families and friends of the two partners rather than themselves. It is vety common that the music preferences are more for the distant relatives and such, and it is common for more modern coıples to have their fun with their friends in an after party. Weddings are commonly more for the families and the friends of those families, it's just sad.
I got married last year. I spent 200$ on the whole wedding. I got married by my step mom who got ordained on the internet, we went to a restaurant for brunch , I wore a dress I already had and we have Disney annual passes and we went and had an awesome day for our 'reception' we even did some traditions we liked in an untraditional way like buying a cool cookie as our wedding cake and feeding it to each other ❤
No one in my family has had a wedding and now that I’ve been with my partner for almost 10 years everyone just expects us to get married and have a wedding. I’ve literally have had friends tell me “when are you getting married?? I wanna attend a wedding and have some fun!“ I’m sorry what?? 😒 I have to get married so you can have some fun? Quite strange. I’m also getting pressure from my family saying “i think it would be a good thing for your younger sister to see you get married” again what?!?! People just need to live their own life.
Hubby and I got married in Oct 2020 and wanted to only invite our guardians to it. My brothers were upset that both of them were not invited. I got my dress for $80 from Lulu's, he wore a navy blue suit, and we had pumpkins and fall flowers as our decor. for outside "ceremony" of just the two of us. To me, it was beautiful and simple. They're still kinda pissed (which shocks me bc they didn't even support our relationship) but at least now we have house instead of wedding debt on top of student loan debt. i wouldn't change a thing.
Didn’t do the bridal shower, bachelorette/bachelor party. Got married off season in October, (my favorite month!) did carved pumpkins and grocery store flowers and cake, (and honestly they where great!), we didn’t have a DJ instead we has every guest pick a song and programmed a list before hand; also bought a second hand dress, and one of my bridesmaids did makeup and hair. We only had about 25 people there (close family and friends only, I have a huge family but am only close with a few) and did it in a little town about 4 hours away from our home. It felt like this gave us the cover of a destination wedding (so less hurt feelings about the small size) while not making people have to buy plane tickets or a week of accommodations. Still cost almost $10,000 ten years ago. Even when you try to cut costs money just evaporates when you are dealing with weddings. Like truly just disappears! That said it was honestly one of the happiest days of my life. It was such a wonderful celebration and I felt so close to everyone there. It wasn’t flashy but it was genuine.
Maybe for some people/some areas it is, but my wedding was only a few thousand bucks and everyone I know has had very modest weddings. Every wedding I’ve been to has been either local church and church hall (free) or backyard (free) maybe I’m just in a really small town but it’s all very sweet and community oriented. Homemade decorations and cake, flowers from sams club. Ends up being beautiful and not breaking the bank.
When/if I ever get married, I just want it to be simple and have as little stress as possible. I hate the over-commercialization of weddings these days and don't even get me started on how much I hate wedding speeches!! I'd like a quiet, family/close friends only ceremony (outdoor or backyard or similar) and maybe a lowkey meal or gathering with the wider group. I definitely don't need or want a huge, fancy event or dress that costs as much as a downpayment on a house. (All the power to you, if you're someone who wants big event though! It's you and your spouse's day, so you should do what you like.)
One of my neighbors was venting to me about how stressed she is planning and paying for her wedding--she literally got a second job to help cover the costs!! And she was already working 50+ hours a week! 😫
We got married in the town hall. My white dress is from Aritzia and cost 250$, my husband’s suit is about the same price. We want a simple wedding anyway because I have severe social anxiety. Facing a crowd at my wedding would give me anxiety attacks. I don't even have an engagement ring, but my husband and I chose to buy a nice set of Tiffany wedding bands instead. We never regret our choices!!!
My husband and I wanted to just sign the papers and start our life together, but my mom and his grandma really wanted a wedding, so we threw one together in 2 weeks for only about $800, dress, cakes, decor, and food included. Mom and Grandma were happy with the wedding and we were happy to be married. That was almost 6 years ago now, and the only regret I have is not making it smaller. Lol
No bridal party over here, no drama and all the fun! We wrote letters to everyone we love and would have been in the traditional bridal party. It was more meaningful than having them spend lots of money and time on just one day. We did try to go out with them together and spend quality time, it was lovely! ❤️
This is exactly why I’m confused that I have to give a shower gift and a wedding gift since they are just parties for the same marriage. Not married but I just don’t view getting a gift as paying for my plate. You don’t do that at other parties.
I paid under £1,000 for my wedding and that included dress, suit, bridesmaids outfits, food and the honeymoon. We got married at a council approved venue on a weekday which was lovely. We also just did a buffet back at home from a local bakery we liked who dropped the food off the morning of the wedding. And I made my cake (if someone says it's bad luck to make your own cake that just shows you how society has told you you need to get someone else to do everything for you because otherwise it's bad luck AKA spend more money).My son was my husband's best man and my two sisters where bridesmaids. There was less than 50 people there as we only invited close family and not extended. We got married in February so our honeymoon for 9 days was a lot cheaper. My dress was under £100. My mum offered to pay for the photographer and she made my flowers and my stepmum decorated her car and drove me. I have never seen the point of weddings being this big thing that should be £10,000s I'd rather save that money for a mortgage and if you already have a home that money could be saved for your future. Blowing so much money on a 24hrs is absolutely insane and an incredible waste of money but shows how over the last 100 years in Western society we have become obsessed with outdoing eachother. It's meant to be about your love for someone, not flashing how much money you have to spend (or not have considering so many go into debt while getting married).
When my parents got married they didn’t have a ton of money, and the money they did have they wanted to put into the honeymoon rather than the actual wedding day, they got married in a courthouse and had the reception in my aunts back yard! My favorite picture of their wedding is them jumping on her trampoline in their wedding outfits!!
Indian weddings are huge and very expensive-parents start saving for their children's weddings very early on. There is a recent trend of couples opting for low-cost minimalistic weddings, but that's confined to (ironically) well-to-do, working professionals in urban areas.
hey, just some feedback on my end- after watching your "why is youtube feeling so lackluster and stale now" video essay because well, yt had begun feeling stale for me, I feel totally reinvested in your content. Finally, youtube is bringing back recommendations of your videos that I had (sadly) missed in the recent months. you've definitely helped me regain a love for longer-form content. much love
as an ace person, i want a wedding bc i want a fancy dress and any excuse for cake, but the allonormative (and amatonorative, for all my aro peeps) aspects that seem to drive so many people are,,,,,,, concerning to me lol
Yeah, I kind of wish I'd done a more simple wedding, but I also don't know how I would've swung that either. We didn't have a giant backyard to use, catering had to come from our venue (as seems to be common) and I didn't want to cheap out on our wedding meal. (I have a thing about needing guests to be well-fed, lol). Then came the bridesmaid & groomsmen outfit and I felt like I couldn't saddle those closest to us with ridiculous costs for dresses they might not have a chance to wear all that often. We paid for those too. We ended up spending on the higher side of that median even for our downsized little COVID wedding. And that is with a lot of the decorative flowers being nice-looking fakes, because flower prices are absolutely insane.
My partner and I are thinking about doing a crafty party. I want to do pottery painting and then nobody has to bring us a present, because the present is their participation and then we can keep all the plates and cups and such and every time we use them think of our loved ones, and then we could have a small ceremony and dinner as well. I'd like to have a custom dress made (still cheaper than wedding dresses and you work with a local artisan, and I want to spend my money supporting local artisans so they can continue existing)
cost is one of the largest reasons I don't want to get married. I know myself and know I would want a medium sized, very nice wedding which I know would run me close to $50k. I can use that money to improve my home instead. I'm happy my partner also doesn't care about getting married or having a wedding. We don't want kids either so kind of helps to not be pressured into it. I know I wouldn't be happy with a modest wedding. It's just not me.
I've never understood why people have so many bridesmaids and then a whole pile of requirements. I've got two sisters, we can go shopping together, I'll cover the cost of dresses, accessories, hair, and makeup. Easy. Done. If I have any "bridal party" type events I'll invite other friends and family and if they're available, great, if they're not, oh well. Why does it have to be so complicated?
I'm planning a wedding (around 10K budget), making my own non-traditional garment, and we're doing an all included sort of venue just to skip the headache of rentals or waste of disposables. My mom also said that it's customary for the couple to pay for their wedding party attire (so I'd buy the bridesmaid dresses), but we all sew and crochet, so I might see if they'd rather just sew skirts in a floral pattern, and use their own shirts that match the fabric. I find polyester fabric itchy, not to mention the environmental issues, so making something with natural (or at least mostly, I'm using Tencel rayon which is better than plastic, but not as good as something like hemp or linen, but I want that drape), is a great idea, and with 4 sewing machines, we could work together. If that's not something everyone can do, one of my friends is in school so I know her time is limited, I'd let each one pick their own style. Everyone is different body types, so I'd pick the colour, and as long as they're not vastly different styles, I'd be fine. I'm also going to be using as much DIY and upcycled stuff for decor as I can. I have some seaglass and pretty rocks I've collected over the years (and marrying a geologist means there has to be cool rocks), my mom gets this vegan yogourt that comes in glass jars she's been saving and I plan to use those on the tables, probably with candles in them and ribbons tied around them, I have the table numbers from a relative's wedding (her dad cut up a birch tree that fell to make circles for them, and they're beautiful!), and I have all sorts of unusual things in my craft room that may come in handy. One of my mom's friends does a lot of beautiful decor so I'm going to ask her to do the table centrepieces, and another friend of theirs makes fantastic vegan cakes, so I'm hoping I'll have an in there. Even our rings are upcycled, make of recycled sterling silver cast into Claddagh rings, which double as engagement and wedding rings in the Irish tradition, or which we have shared heritage. So we're doing an odd mis-match of things that fits us and who we are, but also is practical and not too fancy. I've been to one black tie wedding, and it was a bit overwhelming. We like colour, fun prints, non-traditional garments, and things that have meaning to us, even if they're not the norm.
We were originally going to get married in 2020 with a budget of $16k, but had to push our reception back to this summer because of covid. We eloped, and then had 2 extra years to save up - silver lining.
I am having my wedding in 1,5 month and here (Poland) we do not have 3/4 things you have talked about. Rehearsal dinner? Nobody has time for that also what is it even for? Garter toss? Why? I'm not even gonna wear a garter. Our parents pay for most things (clothes and additional attractions are up to us). But where my dad is from the weddings are 3 days. I said that 1 day is all I can do and there was no more discussion about it - 1 day it is. The most important moment takes place in a church and the rest is just an addition. It's YOUR day, do what you want
Wedding icks: white wedding dress (stems from the idea of being "pure"/a virgin), dad/parents walking the woman down the isle (commodifies the woman), guys not wearing a ring at the same time as the woman wears an engagement ring (woman is property), taking your husband's name... the list of outdated traditions goes on! The meanings really haven't changed, we just are so socially conditioned to think they are normal that we now say "it's romantic! It doesn't mean that anymore, it's just nice!" Also hate tons of events leading up to wedding, expecting friends to fork out loads of money for elaborate events and the new norm of 3 day weddings!
Idk, I did every single one of those things and while I agree with you on the origins I don't think it's fair to say that it's "icky." I love my parents, and having them walk me down the aisle was a great way for them to support me and be included in the ceremony. Wearing a traditional white wedding dress was something I wanted to do ever since I was a little girl and this is really the only chance to do it. I like wearing my engagement ring and my husband could have chosen to wear one if he wanted. And I had logistical reasons for changing my last name. I don't think we need to judge people who do these things bc there's all sorts of reasons that are not based on buying into patriarchal values
@@Abby-no7qk unfortunately it is patriarchal. I am absolutely not judging anyone for making these choices, just pointing out that as a society we are often socially conditioned to make certain choices and it's important to question this, that's all. No hate intended ❤️
@Abby while I understand you would feel judged by comments like this - it's really unhelpful to stop people speaking up about these feminist issues out of fear people might feel judged. The fact you followed those traditions is great and means nothing about your individual values (there is huge societal pressure and not doing them is often more effort than it's worth) - but it's important for us as a society to understand why we do them, and "it's just nice" and "oh but I personally had a good reason" just glosses over it and continues the subliminal messaging that men are the dominant gender and women are possessions. All I'm saying is we need to allow a conversation about it to shift norms without making it personal and shutting people down for being "judgy".
Nah, very often the white dress nowadays is just because white dresses are a bitch to keep clean, but white is a beautiful and universally flattering colour, so you only have 1 chance to wear an expensive white gown 😭 there's a reason this one has been adopted by other cultures under influence of media when those countries have/had entirely different patriarchal norms. Most of the time I doubt the groom even gives a shit about the colour of the gown, this one is all for the bride/her mom/MIL
@@Abby-no7qk No one is critiquing you for doing any of those things but in order to criticise the tradition you have to look into why it originated. Sure, you *wanted* to wear a white dress since you were a little girl but if the traditional western gown was blue you probably would’ve wanted a blue gown. Choices aren’t wholly independent when we’re fed certain things by society.
A lot of wedding standards are based on what the rich used to do and now everyone is expected to do the same. My wedding cost £10k for 130 guests in London. Getting it that 'cheap' for a fairly traditional wedding was so much work for me and friends. My ex-husband just expected us to be able to do all these things without spending any money and so was mostly unpaid labor and favours from family and friends. I don't know if I even believe in marriage any more since getting divorced but I would never do that type of wedding again.
As someone whose parents didn’t have a fancy wedding at all (they just invited their friend to a restaurant and finished it at my grandmas garden), I never wanted to have a big wedding. My parents don’t even wear their wedding ring ( my mom is a doctor and my dad would just loose it) and I think that through that I just always thought of a wedding as something you do just for fun, and that it’s absolutely not necessary to have a really long and loving relationship.
Gave my entire family a big disappointment, by: (1) not doing a religious wedding, (2) not inviting most of the family (we only invited our closest family, aka our parents and siblings), (3) doing the wedding at a simple restaurant by the beach, (4) not doing any speeches, (5) having a super simple cake), (6) my wedding dress, was not even a wedding dress, but a party dress in white, etc... The first time I explained this to my parents I think they almost had a heart attack. Furthermore, I am pretty sure that until this day this a topic discussed in utter contempt by my family, but I couldn't give less of a shit frankly. We basically did the ceremony as we both wanted: simple, casual and cost effective. Since at the time I was unemployed and my husband was finishing his phD without any certain expectations of finding a job. I am from Portugal, where typical weddings (at least at the time) have an average of 100-300 guests, are preformed at a catholic church, with opulent dresses, etc etc. So I basically went and shitted on all of that lol.
I love the community buy-in hypothesis - never heard about it, but it makes so much sense - not only for weddings - and not even only for people living in the US. I know people living in a sinful common law marriage without a wedding for more than a decade - others are already divorced now in the same time.
Just got married in January. Tip for anyone about to: borrow things from people who have already gotten married. Chances are they are now stuck with a huge amount of wedding decor that they bought and are unable to use again. 60-70 percent of the decorations at our reception were borrowed from friends who had been married and had things like chair covers, vases, old candles etc. and were more than happy to let us take them off their hands.
The fact that people sell weddings as a once-in-a-lifetime events that you must spend a lot of money on when many people have more than one wedding bc of divorce, etc... Interestingly people (at least around me) think that second or third weddings shouldn't be expensive? Like my dad went to a friend's second wedding a few weeks ago and was just aghast that they spent so much money on a hotel, catering, dress, etc. Like a first wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime experience that you have to spend a ton of money on, but any future weddings should be in a back alley with three people and no honeymoon.
Guests don't have rights if you didn't have to book a hotel/flight/travel a long distance and are getting free food and entertainment, especially if going with family/parents who bought the wedding gift and/or your wedding attire. ESPECIALLY is there is any free bar/midnight snack/lawn games/special musicians etc. etc. Each guest has a cost and the list was carefully selected in the vast majority of weddings. Be grateful someone cares about you and wants to include you in one of their life-defining moments. You don't HAVE to go to your partner's brother's coworker's wedding. Have the foresight to know if you'll be miserable and politely decline the invite because chances are, there's someone else they could ask but they were saving a spot for you. It's so rude to complain about a wedding you are invited to. Unless you're a child, no one is forcing you to attend the entire thing or at all, if you don't want to. Take notes for what you like/didn't like and keep them to yourself.
You should do a video on healthcare or maybe just costs of being sick for a short amount of time. Disability insurance, sick time, unpaid time off from work costs. I know it’s a rabbit hole but I feel like so many videos talk about being sick like it’s a chronic illness instead of staying home for a cold or food poisoning or migraine, things like that
We did kind of elope, just because we got married in late 2020 and our families live in different countries from each other and from us. Wedding was at city hall and then a nice restaurant for us and 15 friends. I bought a dress from Etsy for 80 euro, husband's suit was around 200 euro. Rings were a present from my in-laws. Even with all that I think we ended up paying around 3000 euro - which was steep for me at the time as a student. It seems completely overwhelming to have to pay ten times more than that..
We tried our hardest to have an inexpensive wedding. One of my best friends was like "but... you know that you can take a loan for that?". Jesus Christ. How is that even a thing. And it's apparently actually pretty common to do that in Poland. We ended up having a dinner with three courses dispersed through the evening and the last guests left at midnight (it's unthinkable here lol). Honestly, it ended up being way more preparation and stress than we anticipated... I wish we could've eloped
I live in a HCOL area in the US and I don't know anyone who actually spent their own money on their weddings, regardless of size. A wedding isn't a party for the bride/groom, it's a party for everyone else. Always has been.
In my state by friends who are getting married, they said they couldn't find a venue under $50,000. Im curious what other people who are in the weeds with this stuff think about that. Because all the venues are like all inclusive resorts. Comes with the flowers, photographer, engagement photos, DJ, food, etc.
My husband and I spent around 5k on our wedding which is nothing compared to what other people spend but that was a huge financial burden for us and we were receiving no external support from our families. I absolutely regret it!!! But that is what I wanted at the time because of all those stupid tv shows I grew up watching and Pinterest ugh! We had no honeymoon because we wanted to have a wedding where our friends and family could come and celebrate with us. The planning and execution was stressful on top of being expensive and putting unnecessary strain on relationships with others as we had to be very choosy about who could come and how many +1s we could give out due to budget or trying to appease people or constantly reaching out for RSVPs so we could prepare. Ultimately, I felt like the wedding ended up being less about our love and our union and more about everyone else having a good time. If I could turn back time I wouldn't do a single bit of it. Especially considering that outside of our beautiful wonderful amazing ceremony the rest of the wedding is filled with disappointment, hurt, and feelings of being taken advantage of and not valued or considered by our guests.
Just booked out venue (YEET). Base costs don't really change for 50 or 200 guests depending on the venue. If you want a wedding, be prepared for that. It's the food and alcohol that thwack you up the butt. And flowers. We're in a flower shortage. Really take time to think about what you want, how much time you want to spend on set up and break down, and who you really want with you on your wedding day. Think about how many people are coming in from out of town, where they'll have to stay, and how much notice they'll need. Lastly, make sure you go with options that will let you and your new spouse enjoy your day and the months leading up to your day! Don't pick something that will make you cry. I've watched too many brides cry from stress in the last year and a half. Edit: On the note of bridal parties, just talk to your bridal party. My best friend and I have both shelled out so much money before we've even gotten to EACH OTHER's weddings (which we are actually excited for). We've both been very up front about what the other will have to cover, and we're breaking even. Give or take a few pizzas.
I had a micro wedding almost two years ago now and I still have family members that are upset with me. I have no regrets though, we had a lovely time, got to bring our dogs and had a day that was specially tailored to us as a couple. If someone is considering having a small wedding, go for it. The point that we realized that a large wedding wasn't for us was when we were looking at who to invite and had so many that we felt we had to invite because of our family and their social circles not ours. We decided just to have our parents, siblings (and partners) and grandparents. The only things that we really splurged on was my bouquet which is silk flowers that I now have as home décor and of course the ring. Overall the wedding cost us around $3,000 and I could not have spent that money better.
I got married at the courthouse and planned it in one day. When my husband and I attend weddings we always comment on how we’re so glad to be guests and not the center of attention 😂
Just don't put that particular handwritten font signs or eucalyptus (including your bouquet) anywhere and you'll be fine...LOL The whole Pinterest wedding decor is just hideous to me!
Idk if you watch Paige Wassel but she made a video about her least favourite pinterestey wedding trends and she also mentioned that stupid eucalyptus trend and the awful cursive!! So weird how that font has become the default wedding font
My husband and I skipped paying for a wedding and paid off my student debt instead. 5 years later, we’re still happily married, have a 6 month old baby and just built a half a million dollar house. Wouldn’t have done it any other way. Paying off my loans put us in such a good place financially that we were able to save for our beautiful dream home and only at 27. Weddings are for suckers.
I will have a wedding this year too! Since the decision was very spontaneous (we will have a baby and decided that it would be nice to get married as well), we are cutting the costs. First - we invited only parents, grandparents, siblings with spouses and a few friends - 21 people plus us two. Second, we chose a venue with "a package", where everything was already included - place, food, cake and alcohol. We choose to have more of a dinner-like event rather than a whole night party. I bought a used wedding dress, and we used gold that we already had to make our wedding bands. I managed to find a young professional as a photographer, who's services were not that expensive because of a small portfolio. There are still things that we want to buy - like flowers and a suit for my future husband, but overall it is not that expensive.
My dress was free! It was on market place, raw silk from 1992 and all she wanted was for it to be loved. I sent her a picture and she was so happy. It was beautiful. My whole wedding was under 5k and I have no regrets.
We chose not to have a wedding party at all and every time I see it talked about from others I just think, I'm so glad we made that choice. I still had the people I loved around me as we got ready in the same space but we didn't have the 'official' things that 'have to be done'. Also, some friends 100% re-wore outfits (that they look fantastic in) and it's just better than me trying to pick a colour theme for them to fit into!
My cousin (we're close like sisters) married her husband at the townhall, with only their parents, her sister and grandparents present + 2 witnesses. She announced the marriage by sending us a picture of them at the townhall with my grandma on their arm... in our WhatsApp family group chat 😅 I was initially sad not to have been invited (though grandma's eyes full of emotions was so cute)...some mbs were pissed off! But like who cares, it's not Your wedding anyways. then i figured, huh whatever made THEM happy, thy don't have to spend 10.000 to 15.000 euros on one single day. They've both never liked being the centrer of attention anyways. Big weddings aren't for everyone 🤷♀️ ALSO they were saving up to build their own house. I'd rather not be invited to the wedding but see them build the house of their dreams - thanks to the extra cash they got from NOT having an extravagant wedding. It really all comes down to this simple question : do you want to get married OR do you ACTUALLY just want a wedding?
As someone who’s worked in the wedding industry, & planned my own wedding love this video! Love the points you made! But if I do have to say one thing is a lot of the food & flowers don’t go to that much waste, at least, from my experience. I take a lot of food home when I work weddings and florals and it’s like an extra little treat for the vendors who get to go home with flowers or food! I get to have pretty greenery surrounding my home for a week or two and get some extra late night treats! 😂
there are ways of looking at this... surely no one should go into debt to have a wedding they cannot afford. however, the wedding industry, like any other industry, keeps money moving, gives a lot of work/money to a lot of people - venue, catering, wedding planners, cake makers, flowers, photographers, clothing, jewelry, etc etc - and keep economy going. There is nothing wrong with spending money if you have it.
Had my wedding before the pandemic, did not even spend $3k! We had our wedding in a restaurant which included the most expensive portion of the wedding which is often the food! My family helped pay for decor, bought flowers at the supermarket for centerpieces, my sister in law made two beautiful cakes and took photos at a beautiful local park. Wine brought in bulk and what was left was given as “gifts” to all adults attending. Overall it was the best day of me and my husbands life and we are too cheap to spend thousands on something that is only ONE day… instead we saved and have been traveling the world… The restaurant was Lebanese and our families had never tried food from that country and the portions were outlandish which left many confused when the main dishes came out and appetizers had not all been finished… I only regret not ordering the lamb…. It was only a few dollars per person difference and delicious. Honestly it was the best. Small intimate and all about the two ppl getting married and the ppl that love us! Renting out and catering in a restaurant is way cheaper than the craziness of a whole wedding!
i'm a bridesmaid for the first time this year and after seeing everything i have to spend money on and the rules and everything.. if I have a wedding I'm not having bridesmaids
Honestly, my husband and I wanted to not have a wedding. We wanted to elope but we ultimately wanted his grandparents there. They didn't even care what we did, as long as we're happy. But if they were there and both sets of parents weren't, the parents would've thrown a fit. So we had a wedding and a budget of 10k, maybe 150 guests. I don't think we even spent that though. Maybe 5k? My inlaws handled food but a lot of our church ladies loved my inlaws and my husband so they didn't want money from my inlaws. I had simple wedding decor and simple flowers. I don't understand how people could spend so much on a wedding.
From someone who didn't spend anywhere near $30,000 on their wedding. We had a simple backyard wedding and we still feel like we spent too much. Just go to town hall and spend that money on a banging honeymoon, trust me, saving on money and stress at the same time? Who wouldn't! And if your family has an issue with this, maybe ya'll can have a little get together after ya'll get back from the honeymoon!
“Most expensive event you’ll ever have…” The funeral industry probably rivals them and if anything is way more sinister since it’s taking advantage of people during their grief. InvoCare is pretty awful in Aus. With weddings, everyone wants to put more money toward the honeymoon these days. At least in my circles.
Totally agree with you on the funeral industry! We had next to no money to plan my grandmother's funeral in late 2019, and I can't even explain how predatory the funeral home was, never even showing us options for caskets, etc. that were remotely affordable for us. This is here in the USA, but I'm sure it's very similar in a lot of other countries. Weddings are optional expenses (at the end of the day), but a proper burial is a real tribute to someone, so it's harder to justify not forking over whatever amount of money you can for a funeral.
I was just getting ready to comment on this. Not hard to spend 7 grand on a funeral with a casket burial for 1 person. At least a wedding is for 2 people
We initially disappointed both of our families by deciding to get married at the town hall. On a Tuesday afternoon. We reserved the upstairs floor of tea room for a couple of hours. I bought my dress from TJ Maxx . The initial uproar from select members of the family was childish and venomous. I received a “for nine months I carried you” letter from my mother, who then took to her bed to rest her poor nerves. In reality the day was lovely and a pleasant surprise for those who showed up. The whole affair lasted about 3 hours and, after sending our guests away with cupcake favours, got changed and jumped on a train to the seaside for the night. In truth, life hasn’t been all that easy in the eight years since we got married. But when I need to look for light in dark places, memories of my wedding day fills my heart.
It’s really wild how invested some people are in other people’s weddings! You’d hope they’d all just be happy for you, whatever you choose, but that’s not always the case. I’m glad you have fond memories of your wedding 💛
I think it's important to note that in cultures where opulent weddings are the norm, entire families foot the bill for the wedding. Whereas in the US it is quite common for the couple to pay for the wedding without much external support.
Yeah like in many Latin American countries, there are many sponsors to cover different things (sponsor of the cake, sponsor of the dj, sponsor of the dress/ accessories, sponsor of food/drinks, sponsor of the hall rental, etc.)
It kinda reminds me of mom groups in the US who are like "your baby needs to be breastfed even if you can't do it!" with nary a word about things like wet nurses or enlisting family and community members who also just had kids for help in this area (or others related to childcare).
I'm Chinese and large weddings are considered fundraising events, generally the guests donate the cost of the dinner at the very least. I recently got engaged and when I mentioned budget planning parents and parents-to-be said "what are you worried about, weddings pay for themselves."
@@plumli4947 honestly, this would be so much better. Especially better than a wedding registry. We had a few Asian friends and family that were very much "umm I don't understand this, we just do money." Money is great and wonderful. Though some traditions have a money hat, like pass a hat and put money in or pay money and dance with the couple.
I appreciate your little disclaimer in the beginning about different cultural traditions when it comes to weddings and how "fuck tradition" comes with privilege. I'm Indian, and it's a real psychological and financial mess to plan a wedding from my own family's experience. Every cousin whose had a big fat Indian wedding has told me that their wedding was a nightmare and exhausting, despite each event being a blast for me. There's also been a phenomenon of Indian weddings becoming MORE elaborate post-pandemic, with the Zoom wedding not being enough and the pressure to have a celebration that looks like it took two years to plan. People's expectations are just too high after two years of quarantine.
100 percent agreed! im pakistani and I feel that weddings in my culture are more of an event for “showing off” rather than about the couple, so there’s a lot of pressure in throwing elaborate, crazy weddings with hundreds of people that end up putting people in financial loss. you were also spot on regarding the “pandemic wedding”-there’s no concept of that either! People still held big weddings despite the pandemic, and that’s how many caught covid:/
Especially as a women. Idk about South Indians but in North India the girls family has to pay and plan the whole wedding. I'm 22 and my grandparents and parents have already started saving for my big day. I just wish that they gave me that money in cash so that I can buy a house and a car and don't have to spend my life getting out of debt 😩
There’s a bit in a to show I watched where there’s this Hindu couple planning their wedding and they ended up having to pay extra to make the ceremony not hours and hours long, can I ask is that accurate or dramatic make believe?
@@LauraConnolly well it depends on family, some Hindu wedding are in the morning and some at nights and those are usually the ones that last longer. In my parents case it lasted it 4 am in the morning 🙄. But i dunno you can pay to make it shorter 🤔. It depends on the guests, first we have dinner, some dance then people take pics with the bride and groom and then the actual ceremony. Only very close relatives remain to attend the actual wedding ceremony. But then again every wedding is different. This is usually what happens in my family.
My aunt's wedding was the most traditional one I've ever been to. It was in a little town in Spain, and both my aunt and my uncle were from that town. The reception was in our house, but decorated with A LOT of plants, all lended by the neighbours for that day. The ceremony was at the church (which is hundreds of years old) and the eating and drinking at the town's plaza. There were no material gifts, only money to pay a bit the expenses of the wedding. Also there is a tradition before the wedding where the groom and his friends go to the bride doorstep to sing to her, the night before the wedding. Almost the whole town was invited of course. My dad also told me that back then, it was the neighbours who came together to make the food for the wedding... I wouldn't want a wedding as big as that but I still think it is really lovely
The part where they go to sing for the bride is the sweetest tradition I have ever heard of. While here in India we are not supposed to be in the same vicinity until the wedding night lol
Yepp. I’m Indian and my parents will have a heart attack if I tell them I want to elope because extravagant and long weddings are the norm in our culture. I guess if they want to have a 48 hour status symbol at the cost of their retirement fund, that is their decision.
@@gummibearzrule I love the extravagant Indian weddings 😍. So, if there are any Indian doctors, lawyers, engineers out there, hi, I'm single. Let's get married! 😆
With regard to your "community buy in" theory, I had a history professor that did a lecture on why medieval rituals like coronations and weddings were so weird, public, and long/involved. This is how contracts were made among people who were largely illiterate in a time when there was no reliable record keeping. To be married, you needed dozens if not hundreds of people to remember seeing your families willingly and ritualistically consent to the agreement. So back then, this type of pomp performativity was EVERYTHING.
@@marcusanark2541 That's where the "weird" part comes in. People would describe to people who weren't there, like their children and grandchildren, what they witnessed. "I saw Sir Kyle kneel and spit on his own sword" or whatever would get passed on maybe hundreds of times by word of mouth. The rituals make memorable stories.
I worked at David’s Bridal for 9 months this past year as a stylist and the job is basically to put as many items on the bride as possible and convince her to purchase everything at once and my manager would encourage us to basically gaslight, emotionally manipulate and sometimes even beg her if all else fails
Wish I had known this before I went haha, they convinced me to buy a $90 crenoline slip because I would “NEED” it so that I didn’t trip, and when I went to my seamstress for alterations we lifted up the layers of my dress, the under layers looked EXACTLY the same as the slip they sold me! I definitely did NOT need the slip 🤣 as soon as she ironed out all the crumpled up crenoline it was perfect and my feet don’t tug on any of the layers at all
To add to the conversation, at least in a heteronormative wedding, there is a vast disparity in the division of labor in the planning that is of course gendered.
I've thought about this so much. The engagement ring seems to be your "paycheck" for taking on a part time / full time job of wedding planning. (Sigh...)
My husband is a project engineer and loves to plan things. He did 75% if not more of our wedding planning! I loved having to just choose between the top 3 choices he picked.
Over 21 years ago my husband and I got married. We wanted something very small and intimate, but didn’t know how to accomplish that without upsetting everyone on both sides of our family. We had it at a historical house, with a max allowable guest list of 25 people. My idea. Genius. We paid $250 for the house rental, $100 for my bouquet, $30 for the cake, and $50 for his tux rental. His parents paid for the food for the reception, held right down the road at the small historic restaurant that was linked to the house, and my mother paid for my wedding dress. We had it in the evening. It was so cozy and personal. It was perfect.
Sounds amazing! I’ve looked at venues in my area and even for a normal party it’s still in the 1000 range. I only need a place for eight people to be for like two hours.
@@simplesimply3753 you can get super creative with venues. Go outdoors at a park or beach, go camping, use a community center or church, a friends house, etc.
ok tbh I just wanted an excuse to chat about weddings so let's get into it!! part two will be about wedding reality shows, so if you have any suggestions, plz share. thank u!! :-)
first thing that pops up in my head is "Big Fat Gypsy Weddings". I always found that shows fascinating to see
Don’t tell the bride. It’s a UK show where the groom plans everything for the wedding.
Four weddings on TLC is the only TLC show I can bear to watch. It is so fun to judge other peoples weddings haha and how competitive some of the brides are!
Mentioned this in another comment but highly recommend going consignment or second-hand for your dress! And don't feel pressured to wear white!
I also have a sick love for the mess that is Say Yes To The Dress. My mom wanted to go to Kleinfeld's when we were in NYC back in 2010 and they were honestly the nicest people, even if we just wanted to say we walked in to take a look.
Married at first sight maybe? As a Swede I was surprised when I watched the American version, it focused a lot more on the bachelor/bachelorette party, the wedding itself and choosing the dress and all of that
One of the more cursed straight culture things is how we expect the bride alone to do the bulk of the planning, or even all of it. There's a reason event planning is a whole industry of full-time professionals.
Even if you somehow have zero angst over the aesthetics and particulars of your OWN WEDDING, even a modest event can be a *staggering* amount of work - advanced executive logistical shuffling, *deeply* complex social management, detailed research and smooth business dealings, to say nothing of the damned budgeting.
I truly loathe how we give women this message that the wedding will represent their crowning achievement as a person and therefore must be exquisite, then absolve men of any responsibility to collaborate equally on the labor, then mock and scold any woman who seems stressed out or "overinvested" in the process as a Bridezilla. You *told her* this is all she is as a person and that she has to do it without help, and now you get to laugh at her for not handling her demeaning pigeonholing with some kind of sublime Christian grace.
Big yep!! I’ll be talking more about this in part two but totally agree
this is one of the best comments I've seen on the internet today- content AND execution!! Made me cackle, but it is fucking sad and true too
Right? This makes me insane
seriously! my bro in law was like this and infuriatingly proud -_- i could see the stress in his wife. i always said that if we want a traditional wedding like that there will be no wedding if im doing all the planning. fuck that.
"cursed straight culture things" just made me think of the "bride dragging the groom to the altar" tropes/jokes/wedding-cake-toppers.
My husband and I got married young. We had no money, our parents had no money, and I refused to take out a loan for a wedding. So we had an extremely small wedding of only about 25 people and we had a meal in the church basement afterward that my mom and I cooked. To this day, many relatives make me feel guilty about that choice and it makes me so angry!
That sounds like a lovely wedding! I’ll take home cooked food over elaborate and expensive catering anytime. The best weddings I’ve been to have been small and personal. And I’ve been to a LOT of weddings considering I was the only one who could be flower girl in my entire extended family, im not even joking. I attended my 3rd cousin’s wedding not knowing who he was and boy was that a miserably long one
Honestly, sounds like a lovely time and wedding, they should not make you feel guilty for choosing what made you and your husband happy
Really? It sounds cool
If they wanted you to do a big wedding they should have paid for it!
Da frick?! It's YOUR DAY!! Why do you have to spend it caturing to THEM!?!
Same here. No money so everything we had people volunteered. I had my sisters dress, my brother in law cooked, my other brother in law took the pictures and we had the reception at my house. Publix cake cost the most I think at $160
I feel like "outfit repeating" is more of a class issue. Being a kid growing up in a poor household, you wear what you have until it gets holes/stretches/marks, then it becomes pajamas 😂. So I never have a problem outfit repeating I think the people that call someone out for repeating an outfit have never had to think about the price/quantity of their clothes
I always found it so odd why some people found it almost scandalous if you repeat clothes. You bought them to wear. What's the point of buying clothes to wear them once lol.
@@YOYO-dv8gvExactly! I have one wedding coming up (black-tie dress code) and another formal event for diplomatic relations. My old formal outfit is shot, so I do have to purchase a new dress, but I’m planning on getting one and using it for both and other events to come LOL
@@YOYO-dv8gv exactly like do u wear workout clothes once? Oh you're wearing your clothes again, thats odd 🥴
I had no idea repeating outfits was a thing people didn't do? I'm not even poor but I always try to use every single piece of clothing I have throughout the year. I bought it, therefore, it's going to be used. Sounds like a bad consequence of normalizing fast fashion.
If I find a piece I like, I'm wearing it until it's not wearable anymore because a.) I'm poor and b.) I'm not a basic upper middle class asshole who only ever wears sweatshirts and jeans. I have to really hunt for things that I like, and when I find them, I'm not giving them up because y'all shallow and wasteful.
Hot weddding reuse tip: For my wedding, I went to a non profit thrift store in a "rich grandma" part of town and got a ton of glass vases and bowls for our flowers and guest snacks. They were like 1-3 dollars a piece. Nothing matched, but that was the vibe of the wedding anyway. In total, I spent like 50 dollars. Then after the wedding, I donated it all back to the thrift store. My money went to helping ex-convicts re-enter society. I thought that move was really slick.
This is what I'm doing! Mismatched bud vases on the tables, all from the non profit thrift stores. Many cost less than a dollar. I'll donate most of them back to the thrift stores when I'm done.
Haven't decided yet how I'll display the dessert (if it'll be displayed at all) but I'll get what I need at the thrift stores!
My mother did a similar thing for the candy bowls at my Bat Mitzvah! Except we didn’t really have to go all that far because we basically live in one of the less opulent parts of a very, very wealthy county. Was super cute and we probably saved over $200 because of it
Love this!
Yes!! I’ve also heard stories of people copping beautiful wedding dresses for $30 at thrift stores. There’s an entire second hand market people should take advantage of, the dresses are worn once after all
Ahhhh that’s brilliant!!
i'm starting to plan my wedding, and my fiance definitely leans towards the "elope" side of things, but i am with you Tiffany! Recently we had a death in the family, and all of my siblings were back home in the same place for the funeral, and it was one of those moments as adult siblings where you look at each other, and you go "the next time we all see each other will be at the next funeral. or the next wedding." And it just made me really grateful for these cultural touchstones that we have agreed matter- a wedding. A funeral. Graduations. Baptisms. Rare moments where you get to press pause on all the life stuff that will keep happening no matter what, and where you get to prioritize people you love. Being together. Idk. It just made me really grateful and excited for my wedding and the wedding events that will precede it. I want a celebration! A really nice event with good food and my nearest and dearest. Will it cost money? Yes, but this is one of those "spend money on experiences" kind of things, I think. But there's definitely a wide range of costs and hopefully we can keep it low lmao. Thanks for sharing, this was super timely for me!
I agree with all of this! When I got married, we split the difference between "tiny courthouse wedding" and "lavish big wedding" and our total budget ended up around $5,000 USD for about 30 people total. It was really nice to have most of my extended family there, when that whole group of people hadn't been together since I was a kid. Nice things like that are expensive, and sometimes it's worth the expense.
Very well said. In multiple instances where I have expressed the smallest amount of distress over our wedding planning, ppl have replied “well you could have just eloped!” and I let them know that had we wanted to do so, we would have. We love celebrating our close one’s life events and we want to share ours, too. There are many ways to pull off a great wedding that falls somewhere between elopement and huge, luxurious bash.
My wife and I both have big families and we did the whole big 80+ person wedding. It costs money, but it was worth it to celebrate with all the loved ones I barely see anymore. Hope your wedding went well if it's already happened!
thanks, it did in May! we had 84 people and it definitely cost money but it was a wonderful time @@dogdad1997
My husband and I got married during COVID because both of us are pretty introverted and didn't want to party. Anyway, we spent about $1,000. It was a great way to not have to invite bunch of people that we don't care about
Nothing hurts more than a missed opportunity. Watching people around you flaunt their successes at something you too could have benefitted from can leave a sour taste in ur mouth… crypto staking and NFTS are changing lives world over.
@@Keerahmendes You're right NFTS are changing people's lives. By making them worse!
@@alaina4070 I reported her.
I love how the crypto scammer decided you're financially desperate lol it was your choice to stay small!
@@maryeckel9682 haha I had no idea what she was talking about. Like lol do you want me to sell nfts of my wedding cuz no lol
It’s so wild to me that in America the bridesmaids are expected to pay for their own dresses/accessories! The bride has asked them to be in the wedding party and should pay for the associated expenses - that’s how it is here in Ireland anyway
I was just thinking that, there is no way atleast for me that I would ask bridesmaids to pay £150+ on a dress that I want them to wear
I paid for my bridesmaids dress and hair/makeup, but my husband and I also paid for our own wedding. I'm sure that the financial situation of the couple really dictates what is asked of the wedding party.
When we got married, I gave my bridesmaids this request: please get a hunter green dress, and please have a general consensus with the degree of formality, i.e. not one in a mini dress and one in a Victorian lace gown LOL. They had very different body types and I didn't want anyone to feel uncomfortable in a dress they didn't choose. It worked well, and they were all happy.
they aren’t obligated to be part of the wedding
I disagree 🤗 but I think it’s rude to dictate what they’re wearing *and* expect them to pay for it. I’ve told my three bridesmaids the general theme and look and they’ll get their own dresses. They’ve would’ve gotten dresses anyway. I think with a lot of the US examples the cost also adds up with all of the other events and presents everyone is expected to pay for 😱
My mom’s second wedding was a nice meal and watching them sign the documents w/my step gma officiating. I basically just want what she did, except maybe a fancier dress, haha. I can’t imagine spending 15k+ on a wedding but hell, if it makes you happy who am I to judge!
I feel like we should be allowed to judge them if they don't have the money for it. Many people I know will get married with their parents money. I know it's a traditional thing in my country, and just as the person on the video said "it's a privilege to refuse tradition", I find it ridiculous that all of my cousins wanted a wedding so badly they didn't think about what a waste it would be. To give more context, they were all jobless, in their early twenties, when they got married. I'd understand if they at least WORKED for their wedding, but they got everything paid by their parents money, which I think is extremely ridiculous. I WILL judge those people who spend a ton of money they cannot even afford, which is not even their OWN, just for something they'll never get to wear ever again
@@sin3358 i didnt say you cant judge, i just don’t want to waste my time doing it lol. Of course there are much better ways to spend this money in my opinion, but that’s true for a lot of things. Your aunts/uncles didn’t seem to have a problem forking over the money, so it’s on them too. I agree that it’s childish but you can’t tell people how to spend their money. the amount of cultural pressure that results in these expensive weddings is only as influential as the individual let’s it be but unfortunately it has an undeniable effect on the majority.
We had a big wedding for like £2000! There was a huge amount of luck involved with that though because we have a massive extended family who wanted to help. So like my husband's auntie made my dress out of vintage fabric, his mum did our flowers, his cousin made us a cake, my dad is in a band so he did the music etc. We saved on the venues by going to the registry office (which was a really nice room in the town hall) and our village hall for the reception. Instead of hotels or whatever we had camping on the playing fields for £5 a pitch to cover the cost. And we asked for food instead of gifts and had a giant picnic. People always tell us they had the best time so it worked out well!
It's worth mentioning that as an industry, it's so well poised to inflate prices unjustly, much like the healthcare industry, because what are you gonna do? Not get married? When everything is already going badly? And I think it's just a dreadful illustration of the increasing anxiety over our lives under late-stage capitalism. People seize the little or big joys they can have, and lately even those are under threat. Great video!
Actually you can get married for the cost of a dinner party and a marriage certificate fee. And yes actually, you can choose not to get married. For you to compare the essentialism of a wedding to that of a hospital is pretty ridiculous.
You can, simply, not get married tho. The new generation is less interested in marriage, and I believe at some point, only the really religious will get married, but atheism and agnosticism has been on the rise.
I'm not comparing how essential they are, but how essential it is that they charge you so much for what should be a more reasonable cost. A hospital I went to charged me $42 for a bandage (just the gauze) when I demanded an itemized list on my invoice. And yes, you can choose not to get married, obviously. I meant that if you really want to have that day, as millions and millions have been able to in a better economy, you will have to shell out significantly more OR just live with the constant reminder that your life is worse than your parents' or grandparents lives. Both these industries take advantage in similar ways, even if they're not equally important. Learn to read between lines, I can't type out a dissertation in a yt comment so people don't think I'm equating healthcare to a nice party.
My husband and I got married last year because I lost my job and needed health insurance.. (we were planning on getting married eventually!) We spent $30 on pizza and cake, and $100 on a house plant. Our family joined us on zoom. It was great lol.
We thought we’d eventually have a “real” wedding, but at this point we can’t be bothered haha. We don’t want to spend the money or deal with the stress of planning 🤷🏻♀️
Honestly, same.
My husband and I got married back in January of 2009 for convenience. We had just had a child together, he started a crazy good job, and we figured “hey, let’s give it a shot.”
All we did was go to the courthouse, sign papers, and our moms cooked us our favorite meals with a cake for us to all eat dinner. That was it. I wore a simple dress, he was casual, and our son (newborn at the time) was dressed up … tbh, he was more dressed up than any of us.
We always said in the early days of our marriage “ah maybe one day we’ll renew our vows later down the line and do it right with a ceremony for our families.”
Here we are 13 years later and can’t be arsed about it lol. We just bought 3.6 acres of land and built a house in the last few years and find that to be something worth putting more of our focus into. We love each other and that’s all that matters. Maybe in the next 13 years we’ll revisit the idea lol.
Happy marriage!
If anything, a potluck and a movie night sounds like a fun way to have family together, but there's no pressure to do anything
I agree with Sunem - if the people in your life really want to celebrate with you, but you don't want a big event, you could do something lowkey like a potluck or BBQ.
What plant tho? 👀
We just went to the most expensive restaurant for our reception. The venue was free, the wait staff were included, the cleanup was handled, and the food was significantly better than catered food because it was prepared fresh. They were also willing to give a choice of five entrees with every person getting two plated sides and two family style sides.
Recycling and local was a theme of my wedding. My dress was made from a local dressmaker out of old prom dresses/gowns from a second-hand shop ($250). Our food was local too, with pies from a small bakery made of local, in season fruits and nuts. We got married in a town square - reserving that section of lawn for an hour was about $15 - then went across the street to a friend’s restaurant for the reception. I loved my wedding. My mom paid for things she cared about that I didn’t, like favors. My aunt gifted me beautiful hand-made invitations. All-in-all it was beautiful and my husband and I loved it.
Hey tiff!!! Here in Australia we have a show called Australia’s cheapest wedding. Maybe there’s a US version. It has this weird tonal mix of low key looking down on the couple for not spending, but also kind of like, giving tips to the audience for saving money and portraying the couple as smart and savvy
You should check it out !!
Damn we have that in Germany, too! It's really bad though with making fun of the couples.
I think it's on Netflix intrnationally. It sucks that they poke fun at the wedding party, bc some of them looked very comitted (in good times and bad), and therefore more romantic than cookie-cutter weddings
I've always really struggled with what I want to do for my wedding. The expectation in Arab culture is to do a large opulent wedding. It marks the start of a new chapter in the couple's life where they will live and have sex and a family with someone else for the first time. The guest list is enormous because ppl basically invite everyone they have ever known *and their families*. You have to invite everyone who ever invited you to their wedding. Parents invite all of *their* friends and aquitances. Every distant blood relative is on the list. Prolific community members have to be on the list even if you're not personally close. The list ends up being a mile long. And you have to put on a wedding that all the *attendees* will enjoy. Your own enjoyment is almost irrelevant. Actual friends of the bride and groom end up making a tiny fraction of the guest list. Not inviting someone is a snub that can actually ruin relationships. I wish small weddings could be normalized. I see it happening more and more, but only by ppl who basically could never afford such a big grand wedding in the first place. As for the lead up events, I actually hate these. I'm already paying so much into the attendance of the wedding. Why do I also have to pay into your bridal shower or whatever the fuck? To be honest, the only reason I would want a large wedding is because I want to get back what I've paid into other people. I want everyone buying me expensive gifts and showering me with love and attention. If not for that, I would just elope.
Your fellow arab man is feeling you here! Even if i want to elope that ends nothing. Now every fucking person will start making endless comments and assumptions about me, my wife and the relationship. Also you are being cheap, what's wrong with you and so on
My wife and I, managed to avoid the gigantic wedding everyone wanted. Yet, the "wedding tax" is huge. We had a small ceremony with ~20 people invited to the celebration and we could not be happier!
I had my wedding during covid, and the one thing I thank covid for is allowing me to have the small, intimate wedding I wanted without hurting anyone's feelings. We all quarantined for the two weeks leading up, and including my husband and I, there were 12 people at my wedding. It was everything I wanted. We rented a small space and I got a dress and had our ceremony, took pictures, went back to my parents house for a small meal, and I was home and in my comfy clothes by 6pm. It was amazing. Genuinely one of the best days I've ever had, and I don't think the whole thing cost more than $3,000. Which is not a negligible amount, but compared to some of the weddings I've been to, it's practically nothing
My engagement ring we picked out together and got it on sale for $325. I loved it just as much as the $1300 ring. As we grow older we’ll upgrade it as a we see fit. I do struggle in wanting to plan a beautiful wedding because I feel that with so many events in my life I’ve had to settle for something I didn’t want because it was cheap but I do see that I can’t use this to recreate my prom or homecomings or graduations. I don’t have to spend thousands to be a princess that day. I just want to build a great life with my partner and can’t compensate for my insecurities of growing up poor
We got very lucky with everything! We had a relatively big wedding (110 guests) and the final price tag was maybe $15k with amazing food, music, and drinks. My only regrets are not getting a videographer, and going for a more “affordable” photographer that ended up hightailing it out of the island and we never got our wedding pictures.
Wedding related reality tv that you should definitely check out: say yes to the dress (especially the extravagant wedding dresses and how the consultants sometimes push the bride over their budget), marriage or mortgage on Netflix, the big day on Netflix (shows big fat Indian weddings for mostly Indian-American couples!!)
Definitely Say Yes to the Dress, it has some really beautiful and touching moments!
Say Yes...when they ruin an heirloom dress I want to scream!
My husband and I decided to get married during the pandemic, but since we lived in different countries we had to wait for the borders to open. Separated for two years, nothing was more important than just being together. I spent 30 bucks on a dress, he spent 100 bucks on new black jeans. The most expensive part (if we don't count the flight ticket) was the translator - 150 bucks. We went to the town hall and married, the people who attended were the two witnesses and two friends. After that we went on a walk to a café and had lunch there. Everything took about 2 hours.
All his relatives were fussy that we didn't have a debt-making wedding, so they didn't attend and made a party for themselves to which we weren't invited. Talk about priorities.
I love the day we had and I regret nothing. ❤️
Holy shit 30k?! My mom's wedding for like 80 guests cost them 5k (including the rent of the villa, catering and staff, plus our trip to Estonia to export booze) and it was such a lovely evening
My husband and I had a beautiful wedding for 5k out of pocket. I was meticulous about cutting cost wherever possible but still having everything we wanted. It was beautiful, elegant and didn't break the bank. Our main priority was not to begin our marriage in debt.
Here's a tip! Don't be afraid to ask for discounts or negotiate wedding cost or package changes.
OH! Also pick wedding colors that are out of season. I chose plum purple for a summer wedding which made bridesmaids dresses and all decore half price since most stores cycle season colors out and put them on clearance.
Unpopular opinion. I hate weddings. It’s like worshiping the couple. Unless it’s my daughters if I don’t get invited to another one it’ll be too soon. Don’t get me wrong, I’m the perfect guest, my mama raised me right. Which is probably why I don’t like attending one. Just to add I read the book, True Love by Robert Fulghum, I’ve given it to friends whilst planning their weddings. Best wishes and congratulations to your upcoming nuptials.
I've missed several weddings of people I really care about simply because I couldn't afford a plane ticket to go, plus a hotel, rental car and gift . Not to mention losing money by missing work to go. I still feel bad for not going, because these friends only get married once. But at the same time the expectation for guests to fly in from other states just to attend a wedding is a little unreasonable.
Tiffany, I love that you mention these things with the lense of privilege, tradition and heteronormativity. It's accommodating af.
Like you and Nate, my boyfriend and I are also planning a wedding but it's hard af to know which traditions to keep/break as a gay couple.
Also, hell yeah to the "honeymoon > wedding" perspective haha
I got married 2.5 years ago, literally right before the pandemic started, while my husband wanted a small wedding, I wanted a big lavish wedding. It had been my dream since I was a little girl. However, we compromised and decided on a medium sized lavish wedding. We spent about $23,000 on our wedding, with $15,000 coming from my in-laws as a wedding gift. Looking back now I wished I had cap it at $18,000 because we ended up getting pregnant soon after the wedding. We could have put some of extra money towards our daughter cause whew, I had no idea of the unexpected costs of having a baby. I have no regrets though because I had the wedding that I wanted but looking back there was some things that I could have saved money on.
Our wedding was filled with our friends' and family members' love. We were both 19 when we married, and didn't have much to spend. The wedding was held in our family friends' backyard and farm house, we DIY:d a lot of decorations together with my now mother-in-law and got the flowers from one of the cousin's graduation party as re-used. My dress was used and altered for me. The whole wedding was about 3 000 €, with the single most costly expense being the food. I still can't forget all the love and effort so many people volunteered to do for us and with us.
This reminds me of that girl on TikTok who paid $1200 for a poorly edited wedding video. The comments were victim blaming her, saying that if she wasn’t being so “cheap” this wouldn’t have happen. I thought that was an insane take because I spent the same amount for our wedding and the company gave us an amazing highlight reel, full ceremony, toasts, dances, and all the raw footage. Instead of calling out the company for poor service, commenters attacked this poor bride and tried to make her feel guilty for not spending more money.
no kidding, for my "wedding" i ordered pizza. been married for 7 years so far and don't regret it at all.
my boyfriends sister just got married and I was a bridesmaid. I had NO idea how absolutely expensive it was because I've never been in a wedding. Not only was I the youngest but I make significantly less than everyone else. The bachelorette party ended up being in arizona and I had to pay 400 for the flight and 400 for the air bnb (which was split between everyone). I'm still recovering from all the expenses, it was 100 for the dress and 100 to get it tailored, another 100 for makeup, like the list goes on and on.
I know for a fact when I get married my wedding is not gonna be over the top or super expensive. I would prefer to get a house/condo instead. It just baffles me how much people are willing to spend on one day.
I'm from Turkey and it is very obvious to most people that weddings are more about entertaining the families and friends of the two partners rather than themselves. It is vety common that the music preferences are more for the distant relatives and such, and it is common for more modern coıples to have their fun with their friends in an after party. Weddings are commonly more for the families and the friends of those families, it's just sad.
I got married last year. I spent 200$ on the whole wedding. I got married by my step mom who got ordained on the internet, we went to a restaurant for brunch , I wore a dress I already had and we have Disney annual passes and we went and had an awesome day for our 'reception' we even did some traditions we liked in an untraditional way like buying a cool cookie as our wedding cake and feeding it to each other ❤
No one in my family has had a wedding and now that I’ve been with my partner for almost 10 years everyone just expects us to get married and have a wedding. I’ve literally have had friends tell me “when are you getting married?? I wanna attend a wedding and have some fun!“ I’m sorry what?? 😒 I have to get married so you can have some fun? Quite strange. I’m also getting pressure from my family saying “i think it would be a good thing for your younger sister to see you get married” again what?!?! People just need to live their own life.
Hubby and I got married in Oct 2020 and wanted to only invite our guardians to it. My brothers were upset that both of them were not invited. I got my dress for $80 from Lulu's, he wore a navy blue suit, and we had pumpkins and fall flowers as our decor. for outside "ceremony" of just the two of us. To me, it was beautiful and simple. They're still kinda pissed (which shocks me bc they didn't even support our relationship) but at least now we have house instead of wedding debt on top of student loan debt. i wouldn't change a thing.
Didn’t do the bridal shower, bachelorette/bachelor party. Got married off season in October, (my favorite month!) did carved pumpkins and grocery store flowers and cake, (and honestly they where great!), we didn’t have a DJ instead we has every guest pick a song and programmed a list before hand; also bought a second hand dress, and one of my bridesmaids did makeup and hair. We only had about 25 people there (close family and friends only, I have a huge family but am only close with a few) and did it in a little town about 4 hours away from our home. It felt like this gave us the cover of a destination wedding (so less hurt feelings about the small size) while not making people have to buy plane tickets or a week of accommodations.
Still cost almost $10,000 ten years ago. Even when you try to cut costs money just evaporates when you are dealing with weddings. Like truly just disappears!
That said it was honestly one of the happiest days of my life. It was such a wonderful celebration and I felt so close to everyone there. It wasn’t flashy but it was genuine.
Maybe for some people/some areas it is, but my wedding was only a few thousand bucks and everyone I know has had very modest weddings. Every wedding I’ve been to has been either local church and church hall (free) or backyard (free) maybe I’m just in a really small town but it’s all very sweet and community oriented. Homemade decorations and cake, flowers from sams club. Ends up being beautiful and not breaking the bank.
When/if I ever get married, I just want it to be simple and have as little stress as possible. I hate the over-commercialization of weddings these days and don't even get me started on how much I hate wedding speeches!! I'd like a quiet, family/close friends only ceremony (outdoor or backyard or similar) and maybe a lowkey meal or gathering with the wider group. I definitely don't need or want a huge, fancy event or dress that costs as much as a downpayment on a house. (All the power to you, if you're someone who wants big event though! It's you and your spouse's day, so you should do what you like.)
One of my neighbors was venting to me about how stressed she is planning and paying for her wedding--she literally got a second job to help cover the costs!! And she was already working 50+ hours a week! 😫
We got married in the town hall. My white dress is from Aritzia and cost 250$, my husband’s suit is about the same price. We want a simple wedding anyway because I have severe social anxiety. Facing a crowd at my wedding would give me anxiety attacks. I don't even have an engagement ring, but my husband and I chose to buy a nice set of Tiffany wedding bands instead. We never regret our choices!!!
My husband and I wanted to just sign the papers and start our life together, but my mom and his grandma really wanted a wedding, so we threw one together in 2 weeks for only about $800, dress, cakes, decor, and food included. Mom and Grandma were happy with the wedding and we were happy to be married. That was almost 6 years ago now, and the only regret I have is not making it smaller. Lol
No bridal party over here, no drama and all the fun! We wrote letters to everyone we love and would have been in the traditional bridal party. It was more meaningful than having them spend lots of money and time on just one day.
We did try to go out with them together and spend quality time, it was lovely! ❤️
This is exactly why I’m confused that I have to give a shower gift and a wedding gift since they are just parties for the same marriage. Not married but I just don’t view getting a gift as paying for my plate. You don’t do that at other parties.
I paid under £1,000 for my wedding and that included dress, suit, bridesmaids outfits, food and the honeymoon. We got married at a council approved venue on a weekday which was lovely. We also just did a buffet back at home from a local bakery we liked who dropped the food off the morning of the wedding. And I made my cake (if someone says it's bad luck to make your own cake that just shows you how society has told you you need to get someone else to do everything for you because otherwise it's bad luck AKA spend more money).My son was my husband's best man and my two sisters where bridesmaids. There was less than 50 people there as we only invited close family and not extended. We got married in February so our honeymoon for 9 days was a lot cheaper. My dress was under £100. My mum offered to pay for the photographer and she made my flowers and my stepmum decorated her car and drove me. I have never seen the point of weddings being this big thing that should be £10,000s I'd rather save that money for a mortgage and if you already have a home that money could be saved for your future. Blowing so much money on a 24hrs is absolutely insane and an incredible waste of money but shows how over the last 100 years in Western society we have become obsessed with outdoing eachother. It's meant to be about your love for someone, not flashing how much money you have to spend (or not have considering so many go into debt while getting married).
When my parents got married they didn’t have a ton of money, and the money they did have they wanted to put into the honeymoon rather than the actual wedding day, they got married in a courthouse and had the reception in my aunts back yard! My favorite picture of their wedding is them jumping on her trampoline in their wedding outfits!!
Indian weddings are huge and very expensive-parents start saving for their children's weddings very early on.
There is a recent trend of couples opting for low-cost minimalistic weddings, but that's confined to (ironically) well-to-do, working professionals in urban areas.
hey, just some feedback on my end- after watching your "why is youtube feeling so lackluster and stale now" video essay because well, yt had begun feeling stale for me, I feel totally reinvested in your content. Finally, youtube is bringing back recommendations of your videos that I had (sadly) missed in the recent months. you've definitely helped me regain a love for longer-form content. much love
as an ace person, i want a wedding bc i want a fancy dress and any excuse for cake, but the allonormative (and amatonorative, for all my aro peeps) aspects that seem to drive so many people are,,,,,,, concerning to me lol
Yeah, I kind of wish I'd done a more simple wedding, but I also don't know how I would've swung that either. We didn't have a giant backyard to use, catering had to come from our venue (as seems to be common) and I didn't want to cheap out on our wedding meal. (I have a thing about needing guests to be well-fed, lol). Then came the bridesmaid & groomsmen outfit and I felt like I couldn't saddle those closest to us with ridiculous costs for dresses they might not have a chance to wear all that often. We paid for those too. We ended up spending on the higher side of that median even for our downsized little COVID wedding. And that is with a lot of the decorative flowers being nice-looking fakes, because flower prices are absolutely insane.
My partner and I are thinking about doing a crafty party. I want to do pottery painting and then nobody has to bring us a present, because the present is their participation and then we can keep all the plates and cups and such and every time we use them think of our loved ones, and then we could have a small ceremony and dinner as well. I'd like to have a custom dress made (still cheaper than wedding dresses and you work with a local artisan, and I want to spend my money supporting local artisans so they can continue existing)
cost is one of the largest reasons I don't want to get married. I know myself and know I would want a medium sized, very nice wedding which I know would run me close to $50k. I can use that money to improve my home instead. I'm happy my partner also doesn't care about getting married or having a wedding. We don't want kids either so kind of helps to not be pressured into it. I know I wouldn't be happy with a modest wedding. It's just not me.
I've never understood why people have so many bridesmaids and then a whole pile of requirements. I've got two sisters, we can go shopping together, I'll cover the cost of dresses, accessories, hair, and makeup. Easy. Done. If I have any "bridal party" type events I'll invite other friends and family and if they're available, great, if they're not, oh well. Why does it have to be so complicated?
I'm planning a wedding (around 10K budget), making my own non-traditional garment, and we're doing an all included sort of venue just to skip the headache of rentals or waste of disposables. My mom also said that it's customary for the couple to pay for their wedding party attire (so I'd buy the bridesmaid dresses), but we all sew and crochet, so I might see if they'd rather just sew skirts in a floral pattern, and use their own shirts that match the fabric. I find polyester fabric itchy, not to mention the environmental issues, so making something with natural (or at least mostly, I'm using Tencel rayon which is better than plastic, but not as good as something like hemp or linen, but I want that drape), is a great idea, and with 4 sewing machines, we could work together. If that's not something everyone can do, one of my friends is in school so I know her time is limited, I'd let each one pick their own style. Everyone is different body types, so I'd pick the colour, and as long as they're not vastly different styles, I'd be fine.
I'm also going to be using as much DIY and upcycled stuff for decor as I can. I have some seaglass and pretty rocks I've collected over the years (and marrying a geologist means there has to be cool rocks), my mom gets this vegan yogourt that comes in glass jars she's been saving and I plan to use those on the tables, probably with candles in them and ribbons tied around them, I have the table numbers from a relative's wedding (her dad cut up a birch tree that fell to make circles for them, and they're beautiful!), and I have all sorts of unusual things in my craft room that may come in handy. One of my mom's friends does a lot of beautiful decor so I'm going to ask her to do the table centrepieces, and another friend of theirs makes fantastic vegan cakes, so I'm hoping I'll have an in there. Even our rings are upcycled, make of recycled sterling silver cast into Claddagh rings, which double as engagement and wedding rings in the Irish tradition, or which we have shared heritage. So we're doing an odd mis-match of things that fits us and who we are, but also is practical and not too fancy. I've been to one black tie wedding, and it was a bit overwhelming. We like colour, fun prints, non-traditional garments, and things that have meaning to us, even if they're not the norm.
We were originally going to get married in 2020 with a budget of $16k, but had to push our reception back to this summer because of covid. We eloped, and then had 2 extra years to save up - silver lining.
I am having my wedding in 1,5 month and here (Poland) we do not have 3/4 things you have talked about. Rehearsal dinner? Nobody has time for that also what is it even for? Garter toss? Why? I'm not even gonna wear a garter. Our parents pay for most things (clothes and additional attractions are up to us). But where my dad is from the weddings are 3 days. I said that 1 day is all I can do and there was no more discussion about it - 1 day it is. The most important moment takes place in a church and the rest is just an addition. It's YOUR day, do what you want
Wedding icks: white wedding dress (stems from the idea of being "pure"/a virgin), dad/parents walking the woman down the isle (commodifies the woman), guys not wearing a ring at the same time as the woman wears an engagement ring (woman is property), taking your husband's name... the list of outdated traditions goes on! The meanings really haven't changed, we just are so socially conditioned to think they are normal that we now say "it's romantic! It doesn't mean that anymore, it's just nice!"
Also hate tons of events leading up to wedding, expecting friends to fork out loads of money for elaborate events and the new norm of 3 day weddings!
Idk, I did every single one of those things and while I agree with you on the origins I don't think it's fair to say that it's "icky." I love my parents, and having them walk me down the aisle was a great way for them to support me and be included in the ceremony. Wearing a traditional white wedding dress was something I wanted to do ever since I was a little girl and this is really the only chance to do it. I like wearing my engagement ring and my husband could have chosen to wear one if he wanted. And I had logistical reasons for changing my last name. I don't think we need to judge people who do these things bc there's all sorts of reasons that are not based on buying into patriarchal values
@@Abby-no7qk unfortunately it is patriarchal. I am absolutely not judging anyone for making these choices, just pointing out that as a society we are often socially conditioned to make certain choices and it's important to question this, that's all. No hate intended ❤️
@Abby while I understand you would feel judged by comments like this - it's really unhelpful to stop people speaking up about these feminist issues out of fear people might feel judged. The fact you followed those traditions is great and means nothing about your individual values (there is huge societal pressure and not doing them is often more effort than it's worth) - but it's important for us as a society to understand why we do them, and "it's just nice" and "oh but I personally had a good reason" just glosses over it and continues the subliminal messaging that men are the dominant gender and women are possessions. All I'm saying is we need to allow a conversation about it to shift norms without making it personal and shutting people down for being "judgy".
Nah, very often the white dress nowadays is just because white dresses are a bitch to keep clean, but white is a beautiful and universally flattering colour, so you only have 1 chance to wear an expensive white gown 😭 there's a reason this one has been adopted by other cultures under influence of media when those countries have/had entirely different patriarchal norms.
Most of the time I doubt the groom even gives a shit about the colour of the gown, this one is all for the bride/her mom/MIL
@@Abby-no7qk No one is critiquing you for doing any of those things but in order to criticise the tradition you have to look into why it originated. Sure, you *wanted* to wear a white dress since you were a little girl but if the traditional western gown was blue you probably would’ve wanted a blue gown. Choices aren’t wholly independent when we’re fed certain things by society.
A lot of wedding standards are based on what the rich used to do and now everyone is expected to do the same. My wedding cost £10k for 130 guests in London. Getting it that 'cheap' for a fairly traditional wedding was so much work for me and friends. My ex-husband just expected us to be able to do all these things without spending any money and so was mostly unpaid labor and favours from family and friends. I don't know if I even believe in marriage any more since getting divorced but I would never do that type of wedding again.
As someone whose parents didn’t have a fancy wedding at all (they just invited their friend to a restaurant and finished it at my grandmas garden), I never wanted to have a big wedding. My parents don’t even wear their wedding ring ( my mom is a doctor and my dad would just loose it) and I think that through that I just always thought of a wedding as something you do just for fun, and that it’s absolutely not necessary to have a really long and loving relationship.
Gave my entire family a big disappointment, by: (1) not doing a religious wedding, (2) not inviting most of the family (we only invited our closest family, aka our parents and siblings), (3) doing the wedding at a simple restaurant by the beach, (4) not doing any speeches, (5) having a super simple cake), (6) my wedding dress, was not even a wedding dress, but a party dress in white, etc...
The first time I explained this to my parents I think they almost had a heart attack. Furthermore, I am pretty sure that until this day this a topic discussed in utter contempt by my family, but I couldn't give less of a shit frankly.
We basically did the ceremony as we both wanted: simple, casual and cost effective. Since at the time I was unemployed and my husband was finishing his phD without any certain expectations of finding a job.
I am from Portugal, where typical weddings (at least at the time) have an average of 100-300 guests, are preformed at a catholic church, with opulent dresses, etc etc. So I basically went and shitted on all of that lol.
I love the community buy-in hypothesis - never heard about it, but it makes so much sense - not only for weddings - and not even only for people living in the US. I know people living in a sinful common law marriage without a wedding for more than a decade - others are already divorced now in the same time.
Just got married in January. Tip for anyone about to: borrow things from people who have already gotten married. Chances are they are now stuck with a huge amount of wedding decor that they bought and are unable to use again. 60-70 percent of the decorations at our reception were borrowed from friends who had been married and had things like chair covers, vases, old candles etc. and were more than happy to let us take them off their hands.
The fact that people sell weddings as a once-in-a-lifetime events that you must spend a lot of money on when many people have more than one wedding bc of divorce, etc...
Interestingly people (at least around me) think that second or third weddings shouldn't be expensive? Like my dad went to a friend's second wedding a few weeks ago and was just aghast that they spent so much money on a hotel, catering, dress, etc. Like a first wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime experience that you have to spend a ton of money on, but any future weddings should be in a back alley with three people and no honeymoon.
Guests don't have rights if you didn't have to book a hotel/flight/travel a long distance and are getting free food and entertainment, especially if going with family/parents who bought the wedding gift and/or your wedding attire. ESPECIALLY is there is any free bar/midnight snack/lawn games/special musicians etc. etc. Each guest has a cost and the list was carefully selected in the vast majority of weddings. Be grateful someone cares about you and wants to include you in one of their life-defining moments. You don't HAVE to go to your partner's brother's coworker's wedding. Have the foresight to know if you'll be miserable and politely decline the invite because chances are, there's someone else they could ask but they were saving a spot for you.
It's so rude to complain about a wedding you are invited to. Unless you're a child, no one is forcing you to attend the entire thing or at all, if you don't want to. Take notes for what you like/didn't like and keep them to yourself.
You should do a video on healthcare or maybe just costs of being sick for a short amount of time. Disability insurance, sick time, unpaid time off from work costs. I know it’s a rabbit hole but I feel like so many videos talk about being sick like it’s a chronic illness instead of staying home for a cold or food poisoning or migraine, things like that
We did kind of elope, just because we got married in late 2020 and our families live in different countries from each other and from us. Wedding was at city hall and then a nice restaurant for us and 15 friends. I bought a dress from Etsy for 80 euro, husband's suit was around 200 euro. Rings were a present from my in-laws. Even with all that I think we ended up paying around 3000 euro - which was steep for me at the time as a student. It seems completely overwhelming to have to pay ten times more than that..
We tried our hardest to have an inexpensive wedding. One of my best friends was like "but... you know that you can take a loan for that?". Jesus Christ. How is that even a thing. And it's apparently actually pretty common to do that in Poland. We ended up having a dinner with three courses dispersed through the evening and the last guests left at midnight (it's unthinkable here lol). Honestly, it ended up being way more preparation and stress than we anticipated... I wish we could've eloped
I live in a HCOL area in the US and I don't know anyone who actually spent their own money on their weddings, regardless of size. A wedding isn't a party for the bride/groom, it's a party for everyone else. Always has been.
In my state by friends who are getting married, they said they couldn't find a venue under $50,000. Im curious what other people who are in the weeds with this stuff think about that. Because all the venues are like all inclusive resorts. Comes with the flowers, photographer, engagement photos, DJ, food, etc.
My husband and I spent around 5k on our wedding which is nothing compared to what other people spend but that was a huge financial burden for us and we were receiving no external support from our families. I absolutely regret it!!! But that is what I wanted at the time because of all those stupid tv shows I grew up watching and Pinterest ugh! We had no honeymoon because we wanted to have a wedding where our friends and family could come and celebrate with us. The planning and execution was stressful on top of being expensive and putting unnecessary strain on relationships with others as we had to be very choosy about who could come and how many +1s we could give out due to budget or trying to appease people or constantly reaching out for RSVPs so we could prepare. Ultimately, I felt like the wedding ended up being less about our love and our union and more about everyone else having a good time. If I could turn back time I wouldn't do a single bit of it. Especially considering that outside of our beautiful wonderful amazing ceremony the rest of the wedding is filled with disappointment, hurt, and feelings of being taken advantage of and not valued or considered by our guests.
Just booked out venue (YEET). Base costs don't really change for 50 or 200 guests depending on the venue. If you want a wedding, be prepared for that. It's the food and alcohol that thwack you up the butt. And flowers. We're in a flower shortage. Really take time to think about what you want, how much time you want to spend on set up and break down, and who you really want with you on your wedding day. Think about how many people are coming in from out of town, where they'll have to stay, and how much notice they'll need. Lastly, make sure you go with options that will let you and your new spouse enjoy your day and the months leading up to your day! Don't pick something that will make you cry. I've watched too many brides cry from stress in the last year and a half.
Edit: On the note of bridal parties, just talk to your bridal party. My best friend and I have both shelled out so much money before we've even gotten to EACH OTHER's weddings (which we are actually excited for). We've both been very up front about what the other will have to cover, and we're breaking even. Give or take a few pizzas.
I had a micro wedding almost two years ago now and I still have family members that are upset with me. I have no regrets though, we had a lovely time, got to bring our dogs and had a day that was specially tailored to us as a couple. If someone is considering having a small wedding, go for it. The point that we realized that a large wedding wasn't for us was when we were looking at who to invite and had so many that we felt we had to invite because of our family and their social circles not ours. We decided just to have our parents, siblings (and partners) and grandparents. The only things that we really splurged on was my bouquet which is silk flowers that I now have as home décor and of course the ring. Overall the wedding cost us around $3,000 and I could not have spent that money better.
Wow thank you for the channel rec….. I’m excited to check out her channel!!
I got married at the courthouse and planned it in one day. When my husband and I attend weddings we always comment on how we’re so glad to be guests and not the center of attention 😂
Just don't put that particular handwritten font signs or eucalyptus (including your bouquet) anywhere and you'll be fine...LOL The whole Pinterest wedding decor is just hideous to me!
Idk if you watch Paige Wassel but she made a video about her least favourite pinterestey wedding trends and she also mentioned that stupid eucalyptus trend and the awful cursive!! So weird how that font has become the default wedding font
My husband and I skipped paying for a wedding and paid off my student debt instead. 5 years later, we’re still happily married, have a 6 month old baby and just built a half a million dollar house. Wouldn’t have done it any other way. Paying off my loans put us in such a good place financially that we were able to save for our beautiful dream home and only at 27. Weddings are for suckers.
I will have a wedding this year too! Since the decision was very spontaneous (we will have a baby and decided that it would be nice to get married as well), we are cutting the costs. First - we invited only parents, grandparents, siblings with spouses and a few friends - 21 people plus us two. Second, we chose a venue with "a package", where everything was already included - place, food, cake and alcohol. We choose to have more of a dinner-like event rather than a whole night party. I bought a used wedding dress, and we used gold that we already had to make our wedding bands. I managed to find a young professional as a photographer, who's services were not that expensive because of a small portfolio. There are still things that we want to buy - like flowers and a suit for my future husband, but overall it is not that expensive.
My dress was free! It was on market place, raw silk from 1992 and all she wanted was for it to be loved. I sent her a picture and she was so happy. It was beautiful. My whole wedding was under 5k and I have no regrets.
We chose not to have a wedding party at all and every time I see it talked about from others I just think, I'm so glad we made that choice. I still had the people I loved around me as we got ready in the same space but we didn't have the 'official' things that 'have to be done'. Also, some friends 100% re-wore outfits (that they look fantastic in) and it's just better than me trying to pick a colour theme for them to fit into!
The average wedding in my country has only 30 guests, and some american wedding parties are already like ⅓ of that 😳
My cousin (we're close like sisters) married her husband at the townhall, with only their parents, her sister and grandparents present + 2 witnesses.
She announced the marriage by sending us a picture of them at the townhall with my grandma on their arm... in our WhatsApp family group chat 😅
I was initially sad not to have been invited (though grandma's eyes full of emotions was so cute)...some mbs were pissed off! But like who cares, it's not Your wedding anyways. then i figured, huh whatever made THEM happy, thy don't have to spend 10.000 to 15.000 euros on one single day. They've both never liked being the centrer of attention anyways. Big weddings aren't for everyone 🤷♀️
ALSO they were saving up to build their own house. I'd rather not be invited to the wedding but see them build the house of their dreams - thanks to the extra cash they got from NOT having an extravagant wedding.
It really all comes down to this simple question : do you want to get married OR do you ACTUALLY just want a wedding?
My aunt's wedding (which was yesterday) was so expensive that she asked her bridemaids to pay for their own hair and makeup and money gifts
As someone who’s worked in the wedding industry, & planned my own wedding love this video! Love the points you made! But if I do have to say one thing is a lot of the food & flowers don’t go to that much waste, at least, from my experience. I take a lot of food home when I work weddings and florals and it’s like an extra little treat for the vendors who get to go home with flowers or food! I get to have pretty greenery surrounding my home for a week or two and get some extra late night treats! 😂
and my parents under 10 k wedding in a church where they stayed after to shake everyones hands after has always been my personal wedding inspo
there are ways of looking at this... surely no one should go into debt to have a wedding they cannot afford. however, the wedding industry, like any other industry, keeps money moving, gives a lot of work/money to a lot of people - venue, catering, wedding planners, cake makers, flowers, photographers, clothing, jewelry, etc etc - and keep economy going. There is nothing wrong with spending money if you have it.
Had my wedding before the pandemic, did not even spend $3k! We had our wedding in a restaurant which included the most expensive portion of the wedding which is often the food! My family helped pay for decor, bought flowers at the supermarket for centerpieces, my sister in law made two beautiful cakes and took photos at a beautiful local park. Wine brought in bulk and what was left was given as “gifts” to all adults attending. Overall it was the best day of me and my husbands life and we are too cheap to spend thousands on something that is only ONE day… instead we saved and have been traveling the world… The restaurant was Lebanese and our families had never tried food from that country and the portions were outlandish which left many confused when the main dishes came out and appetizers had not all been finished… I only regret not ordering the lamb…. It was only a few dollars per person difference and delicious. Honestly it was the best. Small intimate and all about the two ppl getting married and the ppl that love us! Renting out and catering in a restaurant is way cheaper than the craziness of a whole wedding!
i'm a bridesmaid for the first time this year and after seeing everything i have to spend money on and the rules and everything.. if I have a wedding I'm not having bridesmaids
Very thoughtful. It's sad that people internalize these pressures. I definitely didn't do most of these.
Honestly, my husband and I wanted to not have a wedding. We wanted to elope but we ultimately wanted his grandparents there. They didn't even care what we did, as long as we're happy. But if they were there and both sets of parents weren't, the parents would've thrown a fit. So we had a wedding and a budget of 10k, maybe 150 guests. I don't think we even spent that though. Maybe 5k? My inlaws handled food but a lot of our church ladies loved my inlaws and my husband so they didn't want money from my inlaws. I had simple wedding decor and simple flowers. I don't understand how people could spend so much on a wedding.
My unsolicited wedding reception advice is to have a balloon guy. Kids love it, adults love it. Best money I spent at my reception.
From someone who didn't spend anywhere near $30,000 on their wedding. We had a simple backyard wedding and we still feel like we spent too much. Just go to town hall and spend that money on a banging honeymoon, trust me, saving on money and stress at the same time? Who wouldn't! And if your family has an issue with this, maybe ya'll can have a little get together after ya'll get back from the honeymoon!
“Most expensive event you’ll ever have…”
The funeral industry probably rivals them and if anything is way more sinister since it’s taking advantage of people during their grief. InvoCare is pretty awful in Aus.
With weddings, everyone wants to put more money toward the honeymoon these days. At least in my circles.
And that's after they already had a cultural uproar in the 60s around how predatory funerals could be especially after jfks assassination
Dude trueeee she should do an internet analysis on this too
Totally agree with you on the funeral industry! We had next to no money to plan my grandmother's funeral in late 2019, and I can't even explain how predatory the funeral home was, never even showing us options for caskets, etc. that were remotely affordable for us. This is here in the USA, but I'm sure it's very similar in a lot of other countries. Weddings are optional expenses (at the end of the day), but a proper burial is a real tribute to someone, so it's harder to justify not forking over whatever amount of money you can for a funeral.
upping this so tiffany could see thiiiisss would love to have a topic about the funeral industry
I was just getting ready to comment on this. Not hard to spend 7 grand on a funeral with a casket burial for 1 person. At least a wedding is for 2 people
We initially disappointed both of our families by deciding to get married at the town hall. On a Tuesday afternoon.
We reserved the upstairs floor of tea room for a couple of hours. I bought my dress from TJ Maxx . The initial uproar from select members of the family was childish and venomous.
I received a “for nine months I carried you” letter from my mother, who then took to her bed to rest her poor nerves.
In reality the day was lovely and a pleasant surprise for those who showed up. The whole affair lasted about 3 hours and, after sending our guests away with cupcake favours, got changed and jumped on a train to the seaside for the night.
In truth, life hasn’t been all that easy in the eight years since we got married. But when I need to look for light in dark places, memories of my wedding day fills my heart.
It’s really wild how invested some people are in other people’s weddings! You’d hope they’d all just be happy for you, whatever you choose, but that’s not always the case. I’m glad you have fond memories of your wedding 💛
That sounds like a near perfect wedding 😍
Ooo, I love the Tuesday wedding thing!
Thank you ☺️💖
Happy to hear you chose the wedding that made you and your partner happy above all
I think it's important to note that in cultures where opulent weddings are the norm, entire families foot the bill for the wedding. Whereas in the US it is quite common for the couple to pay for the wedding without much external support.
Not too long ago, it was the bride's family that would foot the bill for the wedding. Now I think it is much more common for the couple to pay for it.
Yeah like in many Latin American countries, there are many sponsors to cover different things (sponsor of the cake, sponsor of the dj, sponsor of the dress/ accessories, sponsor of food/drinks, sponsor of the hall rental, etc.)
It kinda reminds me of mom groups in the US who are like "your baby needs to be breastfed even if you can't do it!" with nary a word about things like wet nurses or enlisting family and community members who also just had kids for help in this area (or others related to childcare).
I'm Chinese and large weddings are considered fundraising events, generally the guests donate the cost of the dinner at the very least. I recently got engaged and when I mentioned budget planning parents and parents-to-be said "what are you worried about, weddings pay for themselves."
@@plumli4947 honestly, this would be so much better. Especially better than a wedding registry. We had a few Asian friends and family that were very much "umm I don't understand this, we just do money." Money is great and wonderful.
Though some traditions have a money hat, like pass a hat and put money in or pay money and dance with the couple.
I appreciate your little disclaimer in the beginning about different cultural traditions when it comes to weddings and how "fuck tradition" comes with privilege. I'm Indian, and it's a real psychological and financial mess to plan a wedding from my own family's experience. Every cousin whose had a big fat Indian wedding has told me that their wedding was a nightmare and exhausting, despite each event being a blast for me. There's also been a phenomenon of Indian weddings becoming MORE elaborate post-pandemic, with the Zoom wedding not being enough and the pressure to have a celebration that looks like it took two years to plan. People's expectations are just too high after two years of quarantine.
oof that pressure to make the celebrations bigger since they had to wait?? god that must be exhausting
100 percent agreed! im pakistani and I feel that weddings in my culture are more of an event for “showing off” rather than about the couple, so there’s a lot of pressure in throwing elaborate, crazy weddings with hundreds of people that end up putting people in financial loss. you were also spot on regarding the “pandemic wedding”-there’s no concept of that either! People still held big weddings despite the pandemic, and that’s how many caught covid:/
Especially as a women. Idk about South Indians but in North India the girls family has to pay and plan the whole wedding. I'm 22 and my grandparents and parents have already started saving for my big day. I just wish that they gave me that money in cash so that I can buy a house and a car and don't have to spend my life getting out of debt 😩
There’s a bit in a to show I watched where there’s this Hindu couple planning their wedding and they ended up having to pay extra to make the ceremony not hours and hours long, can I ask is that accurate or dramatic make believe?
@@LauraConnolly well it depends on family, some Hindu wedding are in the morning and some at nights and those are usually the ones that last longer. In my parents case it lasted it 4 am in the morning 🙄. But i dunno you can pay to make it shorter 🤔. It depends on the guests, first we have dinner, some dance then people take pics with the bride and groom and then the actual ceremony. Only very close relatives remain to attend the actual wedding ceremony. But then again every wedding is different. This is usually what happens in my family.
My aunt's wedding was the most traditional one I've ever been to. It was in a little town in Spain, and both my aunt and my uncle were from that town. The reception was in our house, but decorated with A LOT of plants, all lended by the neighbours for that day. The ceremony was at the church (which is hundreds of years old) and the eating and drinking at the town's plaza. There were no material gifts, only money to pay a bit the expenses of the wedding. Also there is a tradition before the wedding where the groom and his friends go to the bride doorstep to sing to her, the night before the wedding. Almost the whole town was invited of course. My dad also told me that back then, it was the neighbours who came together to make the food for the wedding... I wouldn't want a wedding as big as that but I still think it is really lovely
omg that sounds beautiful 💛
that actually sounds so cute and lovely :,) i would love to have a wedding like that
that sounds almost like mamma mia *_*
The part where they go to sing for the bride is the sweetest tradition I have ever heard of. While here in India we are not supposed to be in the same vicinity until the wedding night lol
That sounds like my imaginary favourite scene in a movie
My wife and I wanted to elope, but her parents would’ve killed us. Oh well, at least they’re the ones who footed the $50K bill.
So glad you include your parents in your life. Do they tell you what positions to have sex in to?
Yepp. I’m Indian and my parents will have a heart attack if I tell them I want to elope because extravagant and long weddings are the norm in our culture. I guess if they want to have a 48 hour status symbol at the cost of their retirement fund, that is their decision.
Same!!
@@gummibearzrule I love the extravagant Indian weddings 😍. So, if there are any Indian doctors, lawyers, engineers out there, hi, I'm single. Let's get married! 😆
I was in the same boat, but I spent a little over $6k on my glorified picnic
With regard to your "community buy in" theory, I had a history professor that did a lecture on why medieval rituals like coronations and weddings were so weird, public, and long/involved. This is how contracts were made among people who were largely illiterate in a time when there was no reliable record keeping. To be married, you needed dozens if not hundreds of people to remember seeing your families willingly and ritualistically consent to the agreement. So back then, this type of pomp performativity was EVERYTHING.
Interesting, specially considering how war could easily kill many of the witnesses if there were only a few.
@@marcusanark2541 That's where the "weird" part comes in. People would describe to people who weren't there, like their children and grandchildren, what they witnessed. "I saw Sir Kyle kneel and spit on his own sword" or whatever would get passed on maybe hundreds of times by word of mouth. The rituals make memorable stories.
Holy shit. That makes SO MUCH SENSE.
I worked at David’s Bridal for 9 months this past year as a stylist and the job is basically to put as many items on the bride as possible and convince her to purchase everything at once and my manager would encourage us to basically gaslight, emotionally manipulate and sometimes even beg her if all else fails
Wish I had known this before I went haha, they convinced me to buy a $90 crenoline slip because I would “NEED” it so that I didn’t trip, and when I went to my seamstress for alterations we lifted up the layers of my dress, the under layers looked EXACTLY the same as the slip they sold me! I definitely did NOT need the slip 🤣 as soon as she ironed out all the crumpled up crenoline it was perfect and my feet don’t tug on any of the layers at all
Also previously worked at David’s Bridal for a few months, can second this; my experience was similar as a “stylist”.
To add to the conversation, at least in a heteronormative wedding, there is a vast disparity in the division of labor in the planning that is of course gendered.
Absolutely!! I’ll be discussing that more in part two but yes it’s shocking (but also not that surprising unfortunately)
I've thought about this so much. The engagement ring seems to be your "paycheck" for taking on a part time / full time job of wedding planning. (Sigh...)
My husband is a project engineer and loves to plan things. He did 75% if not more of our wedding planning! I loved having to just choose between the top 3 choices he picked.
"heteronormative" wedding? you mean heterosexual?
@@amadeosonier5995 nope, they’re different things.
Over 21 years ago my husband and I got married. We wanted something very small and intimate, but didn’t know how to accomplish that without upsetting everyone on both sides of our family. We had it at a historical house, with a max allowable guest list of 25 people. My idea. Genius. We paid $250 for the house rental, $100 for my bouquet, $30 for the cake, and $50 for his tux rental. His parents paid for the food for the reception, held right down the road at the small historic restaurant that was linked to the house, and my mother paid for my wedding dress. We had it in the evening. It was so cozy and personal. It was perfect.
Lovely!! Also yes picking a venue with a small guest limit - perfect strategy
Sounds amazing! I’ve looked at venues in my area and even for a normal party it’s still in the 1000 range. I only need a place for eight people to be for like two hours.
@@simplesimply3753 you can get super creative with venues. Go outdoors at a park or beach, go camping, use a community center or church, a friends house, etc.
Perfect and they can’t argue with you on how many people can be there because it’s already capped with the location.
this sounds absolutely amazing