Christie G You will recover. We both will. Unlike them our bodies are capable of restoring us to equilibrium. We just have to continue to let ourselves Express our feelings as they come up... and not blame ourselves. It's tempting to feel disappointed with oneself but how could you know it would end like this? It's probably not going to happen overnight but I believe we can return to our normal state.... and possibly even better than normal through self Discovery etc
Christie G Yes, I can imagine. It is the same for me. Believe me. I am in the thick of it. But we must look up and forwards. Don't let these blood sucking leeches keep you down permanently. It will get easier. I think half of it for me is trying to understand it. It all happens out the blue for no reason. I did nothing to warrant what I received. She just turned on me with the deepest darkest hate. And delivered it in subtle mind-bending ways. I feel like I'm an actor in the middle of a horror film or something. Beyond F'd up. These people are so not normal. Mine was sadistic, for sure. Well, her loss. From what I understand she will never miss me emotionally, but I hope one day she realises at least cognitively that she ruined a good thing.
Within a few minutes after our marriage vows, he changed. What quickly appeared was a dark cloud, a malcontent creature. "Is everything alright?" Silence. "Did something happen? What's wrong?" (WHO is THIS person?) Here comes mottled confusion & stepping in quick sand. He presented differently to others, so to who, when, and where he presented authenticity was questionable. Perhaps there was nothing authentic about him except a chess board agenda of malice and one-upmanship. (Your Word Manipulations of a Narcissist videos (#1-10) are excellent. Thank you).
The subtly of emotional and psychological manipulation these ppl do is overwhelmingly subtle and destructive. Your point about clarifying things with pointed questions to gain true understanding and how it throws them off and pulls essentially the mask off is true ... I did that repeatedly in calm fashion and it was always something she said or did that had hurt me that I asked about ... it either made her rage at my questioning or I was accused of attacking her character ... I only wanted to know why she said something that hurt my feelings ... fortunately it seems she couldn’t bear the pressure I was putting on her facade ... she was seeing I was seeing her true self ... and why I felt so awful around her ... and her attempts to try make me believe my feeling awful feelings was because there was something wrong with my thoughts and beliefs and if I thought like her I would not feel those things ... so glad to be free ... never again will I take words “I love you” at face value unless backed by actions
Thank you for including that particular example of gaslighting. The vast majority of examples on this subject are the 'I didn't say that / that didn't happen' model of how manipulators try to change your perception of reality. However, it's just as crazy-making, if not more so, when the manipulator insists 'I told you / that's what really happened', because it you've absolutely no way of disputing a non-memory. In the first example, you can always insist that what you recall happening actually did happen, s/he did actually say or do that. In the second there's no way to prove s/he didn't do something because you've no recall of it not happening, just a gap in your memory.
Fedra Haldane yes, especially with timelines. First I said x and then Y. I used to debat that forever. Now I know and knowing is half the battle🤣. ( Can laugh about it now, after many months of no contact)
@@joec1212 yeah. I did get back again , yeah silly me. But it was also healing. She began with the same act and I could easily counter. Now she's out forever and yes it was so comical.
There is a reason this can work so well in my case I am very open to ideas and have high agreeability and curiosity. It means I might easily trust what people are telling me. Charismatic people can be like this. I was watching some videos recently only to discover later this person is basically a cult leader and into all kinds of conspiracy theory. I believed them at first, and I mean I was buying into the whole package. This person is an expert with a huge following. Now magnify that when its a personal relationship, so scary. I watch my emotions: feelings of confusion , anger , that I feel misunderstood, having to make myself smaller are my warning signs.
I like your marathon analogy , it is most definitely a tactic , well thought out with malice , forethought and an intention to win! Dirty tricks and playing dumb if called on anything. Im trying to keep fit, I was watching some boxing analysis videos earlier. So many of the descriptions of the techniques of intimidation, sizing up opponents , trying with soft jabs first ,toying with your opponent , then when you have them figured out come in with the heavy blows..it reminded me of how the narc I worked with operated. Its agression. Its a will to dominate , its anger , no doubt about it. That person actually stared me down like we were about to go into a life or death battle. and I was just a parttime no body there, it was bizarre and very predictable behaviour. Of course, once they know you see beyond the veil or have pulled the curtains back, they go nuclear . even if your not bothered with competing with them, they know they have been rumbled, you will be cornered and threatened. very predictable , but dangerous.
Oh Yes : my so called "friend" (puke) tried that when my partner of 33 years was in the hospital with cancer. Nice time to go about that huh ? always strike at the "best" time, offcourse. :-( But it was after that, that I realised what I was dealing with, and I will never have contact again. EVER.
I stumbled across your part 10 video of this about an hour ago and now I'm starting from the beginning. I can completely relate to a lot of what you are saying and to be honest, it's putting my mind at ease about a few things. What you're saying is exactly how I feel talking to a lot of people that I know! The part where you said about them saying something that makes sense totally resonates with me, they'll say something that seems completely reasonable, so you desist and it's only upon reflection you realise it doesn't fit. Likewise with the point about focusing more on being right, than the actual facts themselves. One person I know will very frequently stay close to what is actually true and then will slot in the lies at certain areas, so you think it's all the truth. Oh my god,that double meaning is completely something they did. They'd say something that was ambiguous and once you confronted them about it (because usually the more malicious meaning was intended) they'd act all innocent and claim it has the harmless meaning. Stringing you along and flipping it on you was also something they were the master of.
The narc who abused me would paint the perfect picture of our future, then he would make me work for it, tell me the things I needed to do to deserve that future and what things I would do or how I was (naturally) that I needed to change otherwise, the more I was like this or like that, the more I would move away from that future. I had to deserve it. Btw, gien dobre from Canada :) Oh, also, he would tell me all these tings about me, good things, and then turn that around and say "BUT you're this or not that" and what not. Or, he would tell me why I wasn't deserving of his affection that day, so then next time, I do that thing that he implied I needed to do, and then he would change it, either by saying I was only doing it because of last time, or switch it back to the other thing. I could never win.
Go No Contact and there won't be any: Confusion! Drama! Hurtful comments! And all the CRAP they try to dish out!! Sounds Pretty Dam Good, doesn't it?!! 💖💖💖 Love yourself and BE Happy!!
My sister was involved with a man who she said led her to believe a marriage proposal would be coming soon. They were shopping together when she decided to buy some sheets for her single bed. He said, "It makes sense to buy full sized sheets now." She took that as a sign. When a marriage proposal never came, she asked him why he said she should be buying full sized sheets now. He said, "Well, I just meant that you'd eventually be marrying SOMEBODY."
I've totally experienced this from a covert narc. I had been at the hospital visiting my dad all evening, so I was already pretty exhausted. The narc came by so I went outside to talk to her in the car for a bit. I knew in my mind that I could easily win any argument. When I got in the car she had a very strange look in her eyes. My first thought was that maybe she was beginning to be concerned with me and my anger. The cadence of her voice was also different. Where she got me was she started with things that were true and then she led my train of thought to a different way of seeing something. I was so taken off guard, I actually thought she made sense and I even apologized, but my gut knew something wasn't quite right. It took me about 2 months of thinking things over to figure out what she did. First she distracted me emotionally in the way she was looking and talking to me. She then appealed to my desire to be logical and fair by leading with some facts. Two things she did there. First she tried to turn an emotional argument into a logical argument, and second she presented facts, but only enough facts to make what she said make sense, until you have time to think about how our arrangement began in the first place, then you see it was just smoke and mirrors. She even said, "I can't argue with how something makes you feel...." That was a very confusing thing to hear. She made me believe that being logical was all there was to being fair, and getting angry about it was something she couldn't argue with me about or judge me for. She had me convinced that my emotional reaction was wrong and yet she was still compassionate because she understood that I can't help how something makes me feel. Of course that was the second layer of BS, because the fact that her behavior was hurtful was reason enough to be concerned. What she was able to do with language, is start at a point as though she was at fair center, only she actually shifted fair center to confuse me into thinking I was wrong. I fell for this at first because I'm not used to people planning and plotting arguments months or years in advance and definitely not used to arguing with people who are only concerned with winning, getting their way, and looking superior. It was so incredibly odd. I've never seen anything quite like it. I felt like she had me in a trance. It was manipulation on steroids.
Congratulations on understanding it ...it is so incredibly subtle what they do ... it sounds like a covert malignant narcissist or possibly sociopath .. I had figured out my ex gf was a covert something while with her because of the repeated but very subtle infliction of emotional pain into me and then the cloak went up when I questioned anything .. but given the overall very significant damage she’d done to my life in just one year I think it was her plan from the beginning ... she was an ex gf for 30 years ago ... they love hurting ppl they pretend to care about and go to great lengths to do the damage .. so bizarre .. normal ppl just move on
on and on and on and escalating.....yesterday (9/18/2019), in our garden she said, 'good thing it's winter, these peppers are really growing'. day before, she had marks on her arm from the shirt she wore (from shoulder to elbow). I pointed them out and she said, 'are they from a pillow? are they from the TV remote?' working my ass off to go NC....
Theres some slow parts in both books, but I highly suggest in sheeps clothing, and also character disturbance by George k Simon in audio or paperback. Take notes and you will see any manipulator much quicker and for who they are.
He would ask for advice. I would give it. Then he would say that he would follow someone elses or he would say he would see or he would argue the points made but literally days after do it but not refer to me. Example: He tells me that running his car in the city is expensive and gives a number of reasons to get rid of it. I would say isn't it a bit drastic to get rid of it. ...just use it for special occasions or emergencies. Plus nice for the odd get out of town. No no he said ....and he'd aegue against my points. Two days later......making no reference to our previous conversation, he says he's keeping the car for all the reasons I mentioned. I say wow only a couple days ago you were adamantly against it what changed your mind?.......his cousin suggested he keep it. This type of scenario happened often. I was confused.
If your with an introvert co-dependent with narcissist traits they will use sighs and body language and not much verbal communication. Very passive \ aggressive behavior
This is really great information thank you so much for your good articulation of this confusing subject. Would you agree that many who use this word salad re not actually able to know they are doing this? Like a form of defensive behavior that is hiding behind PTSD?
My abusive parents always loved to tell me that "What make you think you are experienced enough to hold on your view? To not listen to us?" What they are actually saying is, since I'm not "experienced" enough, I'm always wrong and can only be their submissive pet. Fuck'em. But I've to say, even though I have already left them, the effect of their brainwash still exist, I does sometimes still think like that. How to undo the toxic programming they have done to me more effectively?
I've been asking him sooo many questions trying to understand but I always get a long dramatic response along the lines of, "this just proves my point! You never listen to me, you don't care enough to remember the things that I tell you I have issues with but when it comes to your issues you expect me to drop everything and be there for you. I'm sick of explaining what's wrong, you should know what's wrong, I'm not speaking Spanish! You're too logical and it's infuriating because you expect me to write out my emotions like a math problem, why can't you just understand how you hurt me and apologize?" So I'm still left with no answer🙃 what would I do at this point?? Obviously what I want to do is just ask the same question again lol but you can see how that won't go over well. Any advice?
I'd step back and look at the tactics he's using, which seem to include deflation (it's not me, it's you), devaluation (you should know what's wrong, I'm not speaking Spanish) and manipulation (you hurt me by asking unconfortable questions, you should apologize - putting the responsibility/blame on you) in that response. A person who says things like that is clearly immature emotionally (can't handle a question because it triggers rage) and very likely an emotional abuser/manipulator, based on what was stated. What to do with that? I don't know, it's your decision to make. But I'd start with asking myself what is it that I'm tryng to achieve here and is it even possible? Hope it helps.
Absolutely on d spot!!! Ty for sharing ur insight; My ex narc uses multiple subliminal messages that can b interpreted in different versions that convey several meanings- like u say, so they have an “out” or excuse to say “that doesnt mean that”; etc... mind fuckery- SICK!!!
"Why would you leave me......... it's so unfair...I've already bought you a ring and all" crocodile tears. After being back together, same shit as always. It's his birthday, I tell him I won't come but wish him a good time. "No babe, please come, be there with me... you know you love me.... okay , I didn't want to tell you but I wanted to propose to you on that day!!!!" And as I fall for it his face turns into a wicked grin. " you don't really believe that I would do such a stupid thing, do you? That would be so inappropriate..." oh-look how-dumb-you-are-and-how-smart -I -am. Well. I left him. This time no going back. I bet he still tells people we are going to marry.;) I haven't spoken to him for almost year and I don't miss his word salads, though I certainly have to deal with the pain of what I wished it could have been. But that is none of his business anymore, fortunately I got that.
It can make you feel like you're going crazy. Thank you. Can't wait for the next video!
So true. Without a doubt that's what they want and it amuses them.
Richard Smith..All the manipulation and how they make you even doubt yourself. So hard to recover from. Not sure I ever will.
Christie G You will recover. We both will. Unlike them our bodies are capable of restoring us to equilibrium. We just have to continue to let ourselves Express our feelings as they come up... and not blame ourselves. It's tempting to feel disappointed with oneself but how could you know it would end like this? It's probably not going to happen overnight but I believe we can return to our normal state.... and possibly even better than normal through self Discovery etc
Richard Smith I hope so. It's miserable right now.
Christie G Yes, I can imagine. It is the same for me. Believe me. I am in the thick of it. But we must look up and forwards. Don't let these blood sucking leeches keep you down permanently. It will get easier. I think half of it for me is trying to understand it. It all happens out the blue for no reason. I did nothing to warrant what I received. She just turned on me with the deepest darkest hate. And delivered it in subtle mind-bending ways. I feel like I'm an actor in the middle of a horror film or something. Beyond F'd up. These people are so not normal. Mine was sadistic, for sure. Well, her loss. From what I understand she will never miss me emotionally, but I hope one day she realises at least cognitively that she ruined a good thing.
Within a few minutes after our marriage vows, he changed. What quickly appeared was a dark cloud, a malcontent creature. "Is everything alright?" Silence. "Did something happen? What's wrong?" (WHO is THIS person?) Here comes mottled confusion & stepping in quick sand. He presented differently to others, so to who, when, and where he presented authenticity was questionable. Perhaps there was nothing authentic about him except a chess board agenda of malice and one-upmanship. (Your Word Manipulations of a Narcissist videos (#1-10) are excellent. Thank you).
Dee ii
The subtly of emotional and psychological manipulation these ppl do is overwhelmingly subtle and destructive. Your point about clarifying things with pointed questions to gain true understanding and how it throws them off and pulls essentially the mask off is true ... I did that repeatedly in calm fashion and it was always something she said or did that had hurt me that I asked about ... it either made her rage at my questioning or I was accused of attacking her character ... I only wanted to know why she said something that hurt my feelings ... fortunately it seems she couldn’t bear the pressure I was putting on her facade ... she was seeing I was seeing her true self ... and why I felt so awful around her ... and her attempts to try make me believe my feeling awful feelings was because there was something wrong with my thoughts and beliefs and if I thought like her I would not feel those things ... so glad to be free ... never again will I take words “I love you” at face value unless backed by actions
I learned to detach from peoples criticism. Observe don't absorb
Love your channel!!!! I watch you on a daily.... you are helping me in my situation!!
Thank you for including that particular example of gaslighting. The vast majority of examples on this subject are the 'I didn't say that / that didn't happen' model of how manipulators try to change your perception of reality. However, it's just as crazy-making, if not more so, when the manipulator insists 'I told you / that's what really happened', because it you've absolutely no way of disputing a non-memory. In the first example, you can always insist that what you recall happening actually did happen, s/he did actually say or do that. In the second there's no way to prove s/he didn't do something because you've no recall of it not happening, just a gap in your memory.
Fedra Haldane yes, especially with timelines. First I said x and then Y. I used to debat that forever. Now I know and knowing is half the battle🤣. ( Can laugh about it now, after many months of no contact)
@@vegeta8169 is It wrong that their manipulations at this point are almost more comical than serious? Haha
@@joec1212 yeah. I did get back again , yeah silly me. But it was also healing. She began with the same act and I could easily counter. Now she's out forever and yes it was so comical.
There is a reason this can work so well in my case I am very open to ideas and have high agreeability and curiosity. It means I might easily trust what people are telling me. Charismatic people can be like this. I was watching some videos recently only to discover later this person is basically a cult leader and into all kinds of conspiracy theory. I believed them at first, and I mean I was buying into the whole package. This person is an expert with a huge following.
Now magnify that when its a personal relationship, so scary.
I watch my emotions: feelings of confusion , anger , that I feel misunderstood, having to make myself smaller are my warning signs.
I always seek clarity, asking what I think are pertinent questions. His response is often, " this seems like it's working it's way to an accusation".
Sticks and stones will only break your bones...
But names they can enslave you.
Word manipulation- it is nauseating.
Agreed. It is truly vicious too. An attempt to destabilise someone. Sick bastards.
I like your marathon analogy , it is most definitely a tactic , well thought out with malice , forethought and an intention to win! Dirty tricks and playing dumb if called on anything.
Im trying to keep fit, I was watching some boxing analysis videos earlier.
So many of the descriptions of the techniques of intimidation, sizing up opponents , trying with soft jabs first ,toying with your opponent , then when you have them figured out come in with the heavy blows..it reminded me of how the narc I worked with operated. Its agression. Its a will to dominate , its anger , no doubt about it.
That person actually stared me down like we were about to go into a life or death battle. and I was just a parttime no body there, it was bizarre and very predictable behaviour. Of course, once they know you see beyond the veil or have pulled the curtains back, they go nuclear . even if your not bothered with competing with them, they know they have been rumbled, you will be cornered and threatened. very predictable , but dangerous.
They also manipulate to destroy your relationships with loved ones also 😕
kelli hansen yes they do there arse wholes
Oh Yes : my so called "friend" (puke) tried that when my partner of 33 years was in the hospital with cancer.
Nice time to go about that huh ? always strike at the "best" time, offcourse. :-(
But it was after that, that I realised what I was dealing with, and I will never have contact again.
EVER.
panthera50 good for you life is to short to deal with these and there is no hope in sight dealing with them ... xxxx
Tell me about it. ;-)
I could write a book about it. :-(
panthera50 I would usually say you should but it’s best to leave them on the floor lol
You are so great! My saver! Keep up. This you do really really matters. :) ❤️
I stumbled across your part 10 video of this about an hour ago and now I'm starting from the beginning. I can completely relate to a lot of what you are saying and to be honest, it's putting my mind at ease about a few things. What you're saying is exactly how I feel talking to a lot of people that I know! The part where you said about them saying something that makes sense totally resonates with me, they'll say something that seems completely reasonable, so you desist and it's only upon reflection you realise it doesn't fit. Likewise with the point about focusing more on being right, than the actual facts themselves. One person I know will very frequently stay close to what is actually true and then will slot in the lies at certain areas, so you think it's all the truth. Oh my god,that double meaning is completely something they did. They'd say something that was ambiguous and once you confronted them about it (because usually the more malicious meaning was intended) they'd act all innocent and claim it has the harmless meaning. Stringing you along and flipping it on you was also something they were the master of.
The narc who abused me would paint the perfect picture of our future, then he would make me work for it, tell me the things I needed to do to deserve that future and what things I would do or how I was (naturally) that I needed to change otherwise, the more I was like this or like that, the more I would move away from that future. I had to deserve it. Btw, gien dobre from Canada :)
Oh, also, he would tell me all these tings about me, good things, and then turn that around and say "BUT you're this or not that" and what not. Or, he would tell me why I wasn't deserving of his affection that day, so then next time, I do that thing that he implied I needed to do, and then he would change it, either by saying I was only doing it because of last time, or switch it back to the other thing. I could never win.
Thank you so much for sharing! Dzień dobry : )
Go No Contact and there won't be any:
Confusion!
Drama!
Hurtful comments!
And all the CRAP they try to dish out!!
Sounds Pretty Dam Good, doesn't it?!! 💖💖💖
Love yourself and BE Happy!!
My sister was involved with a man who she said led her to believe a marriage proposal would be coming soon. They were shopping together when she decided to buy some sheets for her single bed. He said, "It makes sense to buy full sized sheets now." She took that as a sign. When a marriage proposal never came, she asked him why he said she should be buying full sized sheets now. He said, "Well, I just meant that you'd eventually be marrying SOMEBODY."
Thank you for helping me
I've totally experienced this from a covert narc. I had been at the hospital visiting my dad all evening, so I was already pretty exhausted. The narc came by so I went outside to talk to her in the car for a bit. I knew in my mind that I could easily win any argument. When I got in the car she had a very strange look in her eyes. My first thought was that maybe she was beginning to be concerned with me and my anger. The cadence of her voice was also different. Where she got me was she started with things that were true and then she led my train of thought to a different way of seeing something. I was so taken off guard, I actually thought she made sense and I even apologized, but my gut knew something wasn't quite right. It took me about 2 months of thinking things over to figure out what she did. First she distracted me emotionally in the way she was looking and talking to me. She then appealed to my desire to be logical and fair by leading with some facts. Two things she did there. First she tried to turn an emotional argument into a logical argument, and second she presented facts, but only enough facts to make what she said make sense, until you have time to think about how our arrangement began in the first place, then you see it was just smoke and mirrors. She even said, "I can't argue with how something makes you feel...." That was a very confusing thing to hear. She made me believe that being logical was all there was to being fair, and getting angry about it was something she couldn't argue with me about or judge me for. She had me convinced that my emotional reaction was wrong and yet she was still compassionate because she understood that I can't help how something makes me feel. Of course that was the second layer of BS, because the fact that her behavior was hurtful was reason enough to be concerned. What she was able to do with language, is start at a point as though she was at fair center, only she actually shifted fair center to confuse me into thinking I was wrong. I fell for this at first because I'm not used to people planning and plotting arguments months or years in advance and definitely not used to arguing with people who are only concerned with winning, getting their way, and looking superior. It was so incredibly odd. I've never seen anything quite like it. I felt like she had me in a trance. It was manipulation on steroids.
My exfriend did this to my husband when she tried to come back into our lives after over 5 years. It was set up the same way you are describing.
Congratulations on understanding it ...it is so incredibly subtle what they do ... it sounds like a covert malignant narcissist or possibly sociopath .. I had figured out my ex gf was a covert something while with her because of the repeated but very subtle infliction of emotional pain into me and then the cloak went up when I questioned anything .. but given the overall very significant damage she’d done to my life in just one year I think it was her plan from the beginning ... she was an ex gf for 30 years ago ... they love hurting ppl they pretend to care about and go to great lengths to do the damage .. so bizarre .. normal ppl just move on
Yep been there. Her favourite thing to say was " you never answer my questions" .
I know exactly what u experiencd! And I am like you in how i don't have a brain that works in the way of plotting...
That double thing you talk about went on alot on my second narc relationship...that was crazy making I stay away from people who talk like this...
❤❤❤❤❤!!!!! ( WORDS MANIFESTS ) !!!!1 million percent agree!!!! 🙂🙂
Thank you SoulGPS!!
on and on and on and escalating.....yesterday (9/18/2019), in our garden she said, 'good thing it's winter, these peppers are really growing'.
day before, she had marks on her arm from the shirt she wore (from shoulder to elbow). I pointed them out and she said, 'are they from a pillow? are they from the TV remote?'
working my ass off to go NC....
Yes, trance induction, you said it. The natural mind control from a narcissist.
Never forget to ask questions. Only the truth can save us from this crazy narcisistic world of manipulation and sadness.
Theres some slow parts in both books, but I highly suggest in sheeps clothing, and also character disturbance by George k Simon in audio or paperback. Take notes and you will see any manipulator much quicker and for who they are.
SPOT ON!!!!! xxx
I never have anyone to talk to about this narcissist
Ya it's lonely and sucks
Inuendo.....all the time. Confused the hell out of me. What did she mean by that??? Etc.
Thanks
Not all spousal abuse is physical. It can also be emotional controlling.
Thank You...
Being explicite doesn't work. They just lie. Or it triggers a rage.
Yep
hey great series......anyway you could do another series on "safe people" how to identify them and how to be one ourselves?
Yeah. Please tell. 😣
That's a good suggestion
He would ask for advice. I would give it. Then he would say that he would follow someone elses or he would say he would see or he would argue the points made but literally days after do it but not refer to me. Example: He tells me that running his car in the city is expensive and gives a number of reasons to get rid of it. I would say isn't it a bit drastic to get rid of it. ...just use it for special occasions or emergencies. Plus nice for the odd get out of town. No no he said ....and he'd aegue against my points. Two days later......making no reference to our previous conversation, he says he's keeping the car for all the reasons I mentioned. I say wow only a couple days ago you were adamantly against it what changed your mind?.......his cousin suggested he keep it. This type of scenario happened often. I was confused.
If your with an introvert co-dependent with narcissist traits they will use sighs and body language and not much verbal communication. Very passive \ aggressive behavior
Oh i fucking hated that. And he'd deny. Wtf
I started to make fun of the stupid ass disproving awful sighs he'd make. It just made me cringe. I'm not proud of doing that but i waa driven mad
Thank you 🙏🏼🌟
Gold
This is really great information thank you so much for your good articulation of this confusing subject. Would you agree that many who use this word salad re not actually able to know they are doing this? Like a form of defensive behavior that is hiding behind PTSD?
My soms father has alot of friends .. but he treats everyone els better then me , our kids .
He treats his mother and grandmother and I the worst
My abusive parents always loved to tell me that "What make you think you are experienced enough to hold on your view? To not listen to us?" What they are actually saying is, since I'm not "experienced" enough, I'm always wrong and can only be their submissive pet. Fuck'em. But I've to say, even though I have already left them, the effect of their brainwash still exist, I does sometimes still think like that. How to undo the toxic programming they have done to me more effectively?
Please, juist keep on 'brainwashing' yourself......just keep on....you can do it...just keep on undoing the false brainwashing and think: f**k 'em...😅
I've been asking him sooo many questions trying to understand but I always get a long dramatic response along the lines of,
"this just proves my point! You never listen to me, you don't care enough to remember the things that I tell you I have issues with but when it comes to your issues you expect me to drop everything and be there for you. I'm sick of explaining what's wrong, you should know what's wrong, I'm not speaking Spanish! You're too logical and it's infuriating because you expect me to write out my emotions like a math problem, why can't you just understand how you hurt me and apologize?"
So I'm still left with no answer🙃 what would I do at this point?? Obviously what I want to do is just ask the same question again lol but you can see how that won't go over well. Any advice?
I'd step back and look at the tactics he's using, which seem to include deflation (it's not me, it's you), devaluation (you should know what's wrong, I'm not speaking Spanish) and manipulation (you hurt me by asking unconfortable questions, you should apologize - putting the responsibility/blame on you) in that response. A person who says things like that is clearly immature emotionally (can't handle a question because it triggers rage) and very likely an emotional abuser/manipulator, based on what was stated. What to do with that? I don't know, it's your decision to make. But I'd start with asking myself what is it that I'm tryng to achieve here and is it even possible? Hope it helps.
@@SoulGPS Thank you so much, I really appreciate your perspective ❤️
How do I know if this is the situation I am in?
If you have to ask then that’s your answer.
You are watching this video.
Absolutely on d spot!!! Ty for sharing ur insight; My ex narc uses multiple subliminal messages that can b interpreted in different versions that convey several meanings- like u say, so they have an “out” or excuse to say “that doesnt mean that”; etc...
mind fuckery- SICK!!!
"Why would you leave me......... it's so unfair...I've already bought you a ring and all" crocodile tears.
After being back together, same shit as always. It's his birthday, I tell him I won't come but wish him a good time. "No babe, please come, be there with me... you know you love me.... okay , I didn't want to tell you but I wanted to propose to you on that day!!!!" And as I fall for it his face turns into a wicked grin. " you don't really believe that I would do such a stupid thing, do you? That would be so inappropriate..." oh-look how-dumb-you-are-and-how-smart -I -am.
Well. I left him. This time no going back. I bet he still tells people we are going to marry.;) I haven't spoken to him for almost year and I don't miss his word salads, though I certainly have to deal with the pain of what I wished it could have been. But that is none of his business anymore, fortunately I got that.
#yissal
Rewriting history is the worst.