Fun fact: the director got the idea for this masterpiece when he was texting his friend about his favorite dinosaur and his phone autocorrected velociraptor to velocipastor.
I wouldnt be surprised, modern autocorrect is crazy, I'm constantly having it attempt to fix words that are completely correct. If I were writing this on my phone it would have attempted to change correct to correctional just because.
Fun Fact: It was meant to be bad. Based on Syfy channel movies. Fun Fact: The "pirate" is a musician and animator that did some very huge commercials in the 80s as well as making idents for Syfy, TLC, USA Networks, etc.
I was wondering if they put the actual research into it or just put generic looking symbols because I couldn’t get a clear view of it. Glad to know the guy who hates his brother so much defines himself as the brother.
@@raptalos9412 That's the bookend of the trilogy, it's like Velocipastor's Mothra, where Philosiraptor is mecha-godzilla. They do the whole "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" bit and then, once Agnostiraptor is defeated, the Velocipastor gives the Philosiraptor a 7 day head start, and the Philosiraptor asks "Why?".
A lot of lesser writers/actors have tried to strike the perfect balance of "funny Bad on purpose". Velocipastor is near genius level comedy when you see the nuance and effort they put into emulating and satirizing terrible B movies. shooting or acting bad on purpose almost always misses the mark. So many layers of awareness and talent required... All just to appear terrible.... its profound. Theres maybe only a few other teams that have come even close. Manborg/psycho Goreman, or Garth Meringi are the only ones i can think of.
@Timothy A Schuler He says ‘Touch not thy sinning hands, Jezebel’ We can not expect accurate early modern English from a movie with caucasian ninjas and dinosaur priests.
He is also an animator with quite the CV. He actually made a lot of commercials from the 80s for the likes of Pepsi, Budweiser, RC Cola, Kellog's etc. And he did the idents for channels like SyFy, USA and TLC in the 90s. I don't think this UA-camr does much for his videos. Just watches the movie , makes a rough script and records. No research or thought involved. If I were to rate him it would be a C. His videos are the media equivalent of Ariana Grande. Popular and attractive but as shallow as a puddle and fucktarded.
I've seen that key on a character inspired by him and I was wondering if they were paying homage to him in this movie... NOT THAT IT WAS ACTUALLY HIM That makes this so much better
"A pastor who turns into a dinosaur and a hooker team up to fight Mandarin speaking Christian ninjas." 9:06 The ninja flag says: "Morning training everyday 7 o'clock" "Please stay away from drugs" "Pants are choosable" "Rest on Fridays" 16:39 Sam the white ninja, brother of Doug, had a headband with the word "brother" on it. So I guessed he was Doug's brother before Elvis said so. 19:52 This flag says: "Today's diving class canceled"
Thanks for the translation. I wasn't sure if that writing meant anything. With the low budget they probably had they could have just picked random Chinese words that probably made no sense. Lol
I love this movie, not gonna lie. I also love the people who think this movie is meant to be taken seriously. Edit: Holy fuck guys thank you so much for all the likes--
I dont get this commentary he makes. This movie is clearly parody and doesnt really have to make sense sometimes and he still makes many boring jokes about something not making sense.
"Touch not thy sinning hands, jezebe!" I am gonna save this line for later for when I am in a situation wearing an orange dress with my very evident bulge poking through.
"The movie was like crack cocaine. I threw up the first time I tried it, but now im adicted. The CGI was horrible and the story made no sense. I rate it a 10/10." - Me
Hard to believe this is all based off the true story of Feeky Beek, the Baptist Preacher from Prague who owned multiple scolios-infected Kangaroos that served in the War of 1812. Pretty accurate story telling tbh, most modern cinemas stray too far from the source material 👍🏻
@@FFBADRGBHL it's not true, i think they are joking. In the interview Voltaire did with the director he states that this movie was made because of an autocorrect typo
After watching this review, I can conclude that this is a cinematic masterpiece, that has no plot holes whatsoever and should've been nominated for best picture. Plus I appreciate that this film is virtually just one big JoJo reference.
22:07 I love how the actor for the Master Ninja can't even say his lines with a straight face. You can literally hear him trying to control his laughter.
WAIT HOLD UP THAT WAS VOLTAIRE?? Like the first thing I thought of when I saw him was "Huh, looks exactly like Voltaire... Nah, couldn't be." But you're telling me it is???
@@TheLadyLiddell Oh, that is beautiful. I have loved his music since I was a kid ("Beast of Pirate's Bay" was my jam, and who doesn't love "BRAINS!!"?), and I honestly had no idea he did acting. That's fabulous.
Idk if it’s just me but this movie just feels like someone came up with the title and thought it was hilarious and then just tried to make a movie around it.
You're not far off. I worked at a horror film festival two years ago where I got a chance to meet the guys who made it. The Director told me he was trying to text the word "velociraptor" on an old flip phone, it somehow auto corrected to velicipastor and immediately his first thought was "this would be an amazing movie".
*Honestly Elvis I think if there’s any content I really adore from you it’s these reviews. They have the same type of natural comedic delivery as your other videos while also being pretty good analysis on the film you’re talking about. Thanks for brightening my day today during this quarantine and honestly let the velocipastor bless your day today as well.*
JoJo part 7 has a British genius jockey that turns into dinosaur to steal the corpse of Jesus Christ to absorb it and gain more power to defeat the 23rd President of the United States (this takes place in the 1800 btw) during a cross country Horse Race. Oh he’s not even the main character
@@valerfox2155 Part two was two overtly large men fighting aztec stripper gods of fitness with bubbles and sunlight. Part six are Florida women, a transgender, a marine biologist, a twelve year old, and a person with amnesia fight a gay priest in accelerated time.
@@Someonecalledeli Your "culture" is literally the same as 300+ others american, all of whom believe in their own little version of the same religion you practise. Don't try to make yourself seem like something new or better.
@@ps2_abbacchio Again, i did say i hadn't, and i knew dio had a few children. And that Diego 's second name is brando... OOOOH, YEAH, DIEGO IS FROM STEEL BALL RUN! Sorry
@@DRB30240 Lol, no. People are just saying that because they look alike; I just noticed the resemblance, myself. I need to watch this movie! It's free on Amazon Prime, if anyone is interested in where to find it.
Top 5 things about the movie(in no particular order): The Vietnam flashback The quote: “there is surprisingly low demand for hooker-doctor-lawyers.” The awkward high fives How into the dinosaur that hooker is The Velocipastor Dino reveal Special mentions for all the ninjas and all the moments where Doug forgets he is a priest Wait?! I forgot about the exorcism. The exorcism is also spectacular
My first reaction to his parents’ death was like “is this a nightmare or a parody movie” and my friend goes “Who knows the description made it sound like a shit show” and we continued until the pimp showed up and we were like ight imma head out
The guy who plays the Exorcist is Aurelio Voltaire, He's a goth singer/songwriter as well as a bunch of other things. He's got a youtube channel where he does gothic home decor as well as other stuff related to the goth subculture and his music. I met him at a show earlier this year and I got my copy of Velocipastor signed by him. Really nice guy and he puts on a great show.
Frankie Mermaid is a better character than Uncle Iroh from Avatar: The Last Airbender. Just compare the characters. 1 is swimming in bitches and the other isnt, simple.
Frankie Mermaid is almost as cool as the shitty stepdad I have. Except he isn’t even close, cuz my stepdad isn’t shitty. Actually a really cool guy. Fuck my comment.
At least they didn't name him Frankie Mermaidman. Could anyone with some knowledge on the matter explain how pimp names work? I only know that p*rn names consist of your first pet's name (= your new first name) and the name of the street you grew up on (= your new surname). Which would make me Cookie Wells. And for stripper names you need to ask Ryan George. Apparently his is Harry Ramrod. I absolutely pi**ed myself when he said this in his "50 Shades of Grey" review on ScreenRant. I would marry a guy named Harry Ramrod, just so I could tell people that's my husband's name and snap a photo of their reaction.
Me and my friends watched this movie after discovering it via a tumblr post. After finding it on both Amazon prime and a few other streaming sites, we watched it and the minute we saw VFX: car on fire, we knew we were in for a ride We couldn’t even figure out the storyline
Fun fact: at 10:51 the "vampire looking guy" its a cuban-american goth singer and composer called Aurelio Voiltaire, he also composed some songs for the show "grim adventures of billy and mandy" like "land of the dead" and "brains", im so glad, surprised and laughing my a$$ to see him on this movie
The Velocipastor theme: DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DAAAAAAAA DA DA DA DAAAAA, (da da da) DAAAAAAAA, DA DA DAAAA UUUUUUUUU (DA DA DA) UUUUUUUU DA DA DA DAAAAAAAA Based off: Swiss Army Man and Jurassic Park.
Given the Gandhi quote was a DIRECT reference to Miami Connection this should have been used on the soundtrack: ua-cam.com/video/1WZ6Vl5uBGw/v-deo.html
8:45 Honestly I would love to see a romance movie where a girl and a guy are in love but express it purely through the "bro body language", like highfiving and brofisting instead of kissing
I imagine Cinema Sins has a riveting video review, chock full of snarky big brain complaints about preachers not really being able to turn into velociraptors and what not.
> He looks like an extra for Pirates of the Caribbean I'm sure Aurelio Voltaire would get a giggle out of that comment 😂. He's a somewhat famous singer with a goth look, and kind of a guest star in that movie. The "satanic key thing on his neck" isn't a film accessory, it's a pendant he designed and has been wearing for years. The key's teeth spell out his name.
Velocipastor is a work of genius! My daughter and I have trash movie nights and we both fell in love with this masterpiece. "What was she doing here?" "I don't know, maybe trying to start a family..."
Fun fact: the director got the idea for this masterpiece when he was texting his friend about his favorite dinosaur and his phone autocorrected velociraptor to velocipastor.
I wouldnt be surprised, modern autocorrect is crazy, I'm constantly having it attempt to fix words that are completely correct. If I were writing this on my phone it would have attempted to change correct to correctional just because.
Interesting
Fun Fact: It was meant to be bad. Based on Syfy channel movies.
Fun Fact: The "pirate" is a musician and animator that did some very huge commercials in the 80s as well as making idents for Syfy, TLC, USA Networks, etc.
Wait is that acctually true ????
there are no accidents
This wasn’t a terrible movie, just brilliant satire, that was obvious as soon as we saw the “ VFX : CAR ON FIRE”.
Car? Don't you mean "VFX: CAR ON FIRE"? Gotta love this movie.
Deleted you’re right gotta edit my comment
At some points it's clear it's trying to be a satire.
But not even trying to be good doesn't make you a good satire.
@@jeltje50 isn't it being bad trying to be good the point of the movie?
@@JacketCK wait what?
"So your parents died, Doug. It's what parents do. They die on you."
Father Stewart 2018
So your parents died, Doug. It's what parents do. They die on you."
Father Stewart 2018
So your parents died, Doug. It's what parents do. They die on you."
Father Stewart 2018
@@xsorensx2011 why did you just repeat the comment twice
aRe yOU dUmB iTS 2o20
@@thiccychiccy1157 👌
I'm disappointed the movie didn't shoehorn pirates into the plot somehow
Me too
The mosasau-rates?
They will probably be doing that in the sequel. 🦖🦖🦖
Gotta save something for a sequel you know
Definitely the best movie too
I find it almost hilarious that Sam, the brother, has 兄弟 on his bandanna, which literally means 'brother'.
I was wondering if they put the actual research into it or just put generic looking symbols because I couldn’t get a clear view of it.
Glad to know the guy who hates his brother so much defines himself as the brother.
What masterful foreshadowing!
You got yourself a thousand likes now.
🤭🤭🤭
lol, I was just about to comment the same thing
Doug: is a priest, not a pastor
Doug: turns into a t-rex, not a velociraptor
movie title: V E L O C I P A S T O R
Can you imagine it's called like,
P-Riest?
@@m1sterch3f7 badass sounding name
T-Priest
Tyranno-preist
“Velociraptor” are actually Utah raptors anyways, velociraptors were the size of a chicken
I like how these clearly joke movies are not made for money, they’re made for fun. Like you can tell they had a blast filming this.
This comment is so wholesome
That's what makes watching bad movies fun
The bad acting is also what makes a lot of money and it’s fuckn funny
They’re*
@paloma piromana well I guess you could say comedic horror movies am I right
Elvis: “So these are Christian Ninjas.”
Me: you mean Crinjas?
XD
I get it cause there cringe
@@ToXicKush420 true
@@bennypatrick6535 not really funny if you ask me i can tell a child came up with it
Crinjas.
Followers of the Way of the Cringe.
Don't you hate it when "VFX: Car on fire" starts vibing infront of you
@Ahmad and skeleton Same and I hate it ASF
@Ahmad and skeleton IKR it makes me big sad
@Ahmad and skeleton *SCREAMS*
That's rascicrt
We actually know each other you're a skeleton and I'm a human
@Ahmad and skeleton maybe the darkness within us is the darkness that's our friend
😔🤙
R/Im14andthisisdeep
@Ahmad and skeleton Ooooof
But do you finally know who the darkness is?
As a Catholic, I can say truthfully that this is an 100% accurate portrayal of the Catholic church and what we do.
You were never supposed to know.
Welp, The secrets out
@@qualivia God damn drug selling christian pastor ninja groups! I always knew that they exist!
Wait, Catholics turn into dinosaurs when their parents die? What about orthodox? Do they turn into marine mammals?
yes
Why did you tell them???!?!?
Sequel should be:
" *Velocipastor Vs Philosiraptor: Why is God?* "
and they have a rap battle? No..? okay.
@@Vaygon Velocipastor tries to appeal to the kids on da streetz!
Worst enemy greek philosophers
And now there is: AGNOSTIRAPOR: does God really exist?
@@raptalos9412 That's the bookend of the trilogy, it's like Velocipastor's Mothra, where Philosiraptor is mecha-godzilla. They do the whole "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" bit and then, once Agnostiraptor is defeated, the Velocipastor gives the Philosiraptor a 7 day head start, and the Philosiraptor asks "Why?".
A lot of lesser writers/actors have tried to strike the perfect balance of "funny Bad on purpose". Velocipastor is near genius level comedy when you see the nuance and effort they put into emulating and satirizing terrible B movies. shooting or acting bad on purpose almost always misses the mark. So many layers of awareness and talent required... All just to appear terrible.... its profound. Theres maybe only a few other teams that have come even close. Manborg/psycho Goreman, or Garth Meringi are the only ones i can think of.
And the editing is also pretty good so it's clear that they had the budget lol.
It reminds me so much of Kun Pow: Enter the Fist. XD These movies are pure gold.
"and then he turned himself into a dinosaur, funniest shit i've ever seen"
He’s Dino Doug
Scary monsters in a nutshell
@@Onceortwice45 Better than Dead Doug. See you later new Doug!
@Sans alright, comedian. Show us your enlightened humor.
@Sans sans meme isn't funny
“Do not touch me with thee sinning hands Jezabel!”
**wheeze**
i’m gonna be nice and not ruin your 420 likes
This line got a coffee snort from me
I lost my shit lmao
@Timothy A Schuler He says ‘Touch not thy sinning hands, Jezebel’
We can not expect accurate early modern English from a movie with caucasian ninjas and dinosaur priests.
That's where I lost it! 🤣🤣🤣
"Vampire Guy" is Aurelio Voltaire, a comedic horror musician. Him being in this movie is perfectly on-brand, honestly.
voltaire is my fathers best friend
He is also an animator with quite the CV.
He actually made a lot of commercials from the 80s for the likes of Pepsi, Budweiser, RC Cola, Kellog's etc.
And he did the idents for channels like SyFy, USA and TLC in the 90s.
I don't think this UA-camr does much for his videos. Just watches the movie , makes a rough script and records. No research or thought involved.
If I were to rate him it would be a C. His videos are the media equivalent of Ariana Grande. Popular and attractive but as shallow as a puddle and fucktarded.
I've seen that key on a character inspired by him and I was wondering if they were paying homage to him in this movie... NOT THAT IT WAS ACTUALLY HIM
That makes this so much better
He's an OG spook! Love his work!
I love Voltaire, his birthday song is great
"A pastor who turns into a dinosaur and a hooker team up to fight Mandarin speaking Christian ninjas."
9:06 The ninja flag says: "Morning training everyday 7 o'clock" "Please stay away from drugs" "Pants are choosable" "Rest on Fridays"
16:39 Sam the white ninja, brother of Doug, had a headband with the word "brother" on it. So I guessed he was Doug's brother before Elvis said so.
19:52 This flag says: "Today's diving class canceled"
"pants are choosable"
These ninjas are pretty chill
Thanks for the translation. I wasn't sure if that writing meant anything. With the low budget they probably had they could have just picked random Chinese words that probably made no sense. Lol
That makes this movie even better. 😆
‘Pants are choosable’
I died please
I love you so much! 😘
I love this movie, not gonna lie. I also love the people who think this movie is meant to be taken seriously.
Edit: Holy fuck guys thank you so much for all the likes--
So it is like a parody? Like Robin Hood Men in tights, spaceballs and so on? I love those type of movies!! 😹 where can I watch this?!
Robin Hood men in tights was ICONIC
I dont get this commentary he makes. This movie is clearly parody and doesnt really have to make sense sometimes and he still makes many boring jokes about something not making sense.
Like my mom, anything on the sifi channel lol
@@TheEvilDedolok just cause its a parody doesn't mean its immune from criticism
This movie is hilarious, but there is A REALLY bad movie called “Killer Sofa” (2019) it’s so bad that’s it’s hilarious.
Yeah I hate it when I'm trying to watch a movie but then my sofa just sucks me into its endless void behind the pillows
No. You're lying. Shut up.
@@TheseUseless It's glorious. And reading the script felt like an acid trip
The whole killer (insert appliance here) craze is amazing
@@reneebeckford8619 Does a stand count as an appliance?
They must've had a blast filming this.
You are such an Epic Gamer
Hi im your 666th likers
*Christian screaming*
@@Yeovelyn touch not thy sinning hands, jezebel!
@@Yeovelyn whats a liker
I laughed my head off when that woman blew up "she's too far gone", and the guy's expression - hahaha!
Why is this whole movie shot like an episode of the office
wheeze
The guy who plays Doug looks like a mix of Benedict Cumberbatch and John Mulaney
Shit you right
He kinda looks like Freddy from iCarly
I actually thouthg u mean that character from salad fingers
And Kevin Bacon
I was half watching at the start of the video and for a minute I was like, "is Benedict Cumberbatch really in THIS movie"?! Haha
Fun fact, I have the exact same “horn” they used for this movie. It’s literally a cheap fake dinosaur fang from target
Subscribe or I will Succ your dog lmao
@@kalashnikov7170 um
lmao
Your name is very intimidating-
Bruh Moment it’s true
“He’s transforming into some kinda of lizard-”
Zuckerburg’s at is again boys
For real though, if lizard people were to ever actually be real Zuck is 100% one!
He is definitely not a normal person.
Diego is at it again.
"Touch not thy sinning hands, jezebe!" I am gonna save this line for later for when I am in a situation wearing an orange dress with my very evident bulge poking through.
(Jurassic Park)
Velocipastor: opens door
Velocipastor: Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
You mean Amalacarist...get it...amalacaris?
"The movie was like crack cocaine. I threw up the first time I tried it, but now im adicted. The CGI was horrible and the story made no sense. I rate it a 10/10."
- Me
Perhaps it was from the ninjas' batch
🤣🤣🤣💯
GalaxyDoesStuff.... Including crack. That's my kind of galaxy!
@@darthdonkulous1810 The ‘Milky’ Way
I read this in Elvis’ voice
"Carol, hello..." -SLAP- 😂😂
now that's hilarious.
Hard to believe this is all based off the true story of Feeky Beek, the Baptist Preacher from Prague who owned multiple scolios-infected Kangaroos that served in the War of 1812.
Pretty accurate story telling tbh, most modern cinemas stray too far from the source material 👍🏻
WHAT???
@@filthykid7069 Yeah look it up
Maybe I’m retarded for believing this in any capacity, but can you link the Wikipedia or something?
@@FFBADRGBHL it's not true, i think they are joking. In the interview Voltaire did with the director he states that this movie was made because of an autocorrect typo
ThatOneEggplant yeah I believe that. Thanks for explaining
I remember waking up to smell of smoke and the sound of sirens then i see the horror outside
(VFX : CAR ON FIRE)
After watching this review, I can conclude that this is a cinematic masterpiece, that has no plot holes whatsoever and should've been nominated for best picture.
Plus I appreciate that this film is virtually just one big JoJo reference.
@Bruh what if i say he is?
@Bruh then saying he isn't funny is your opinion bruh.
🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿
What the fuck you're everywhere man
Thanks Diego, for being the Velocipastor.
So... Is Velocipastor son of Diego and Hot Pants?
22:07 I love how the actor for the Master Ninja can't even say his lines with a straight face. You can literally hear him trying to control his laughter.
"He looks like an extra from Pirates of the Caribbean"
I mean, "Goth Pirate DILF" IS the look Voltaire is looking for.
This hit me hard
WAIT HOLD UP THAT WAS VOLTAIRE?? Like the first thing I thought of when I saw him was "Huh, looks exactly like Voltaire... Nah, couldn't be." But you're telling me it is???
@@BlackRosesBloom-Emily_Rose yup, that is actually Aurelio Voltaire playing a priest in a movie called "Velocipastor". It's beautiful.
@@TheLadyLiddell Oh, that is beautiful. I have loved his music since I was a kid ("Beast of Pirate's Bay" was my jam, and who doesn't love "BRAINS!!"?), and I honestly had no idea he did acting. That's fabulous.
Thank you! Thought I was the only one who noticed.
Idk if it’s just me but this movie just feels like someone came up with the title and thought it was hilarious and then just tried to make a movie around it.
You're not far off. I worked at a horror film festival two years ago where I got a chance to meet the guys who made it. The Director told me he was trying to text the word "velociraptor" on an old flip phone, it somehow auto corrected to velicipastor and immediately his first thought was "this would be an amazing movie".
Ryan that is incredible
@@Ryan-nm8pw and thus, a masterpiece was born.
*Honestly Elvis I think if there’s any content I really adore from you it’s these reviews. They have the same type of natural comedic delivery as your other videos while also being pretty good analysis on the film you’re talking about. Thanks for brightening my day today during this quarantine and honestly let the velocipastor bless your day today as well.*
_Why all in bold? Italics is the way to go._
*I agree*
@@funnyfella8198 your opinion doesn't count
Agreed
*_-You are all fools, I have already ascended to godhood, I am the most powerful being on this website-_*
I was so surprised to see Aurelio Voltaire as the exorcist in this movie and now I want to watch it even more.
"Why don't you just kill me now?"
"Ok"
Best dialog of all time...
I died at the dialogue "I don't know much about god." "And I don't know much about dinosaurs."
most movies take the "he turned into a werewolf" or "vampire" route but these guys went the fuck it route made the dude a dinosaur
JoJo part 7
But i like they took this way
Franky Mermaid is the absolute best name for a PIMP I've ever heard. Masterpiece.
Fun fact: the “Vampire guy” is Aurelio Voltaire, he’s the guy who sang that badass brains song from billy and Mandy
He’s sang far more then just brains,
Thought he looked like him, thanks for the confirmation
vampire guy looks like a younger, goth Nick Cage
made u look
I think it's Aurelio Voltaire so.. close enough. He's so committed to his lifestyle, I love him
His names aurelio voltaire hes a goth musician hes pretty Well known in that community hes got a UA-cam channel apparently.
His name is Voltaire, he did some good songs, some even used for The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Voltaire is also a real creepy dude around women.
@@itsyaboiChubbs yes! I love the brain song he did for Billy and mandy.
I can imagine a version where this movie was made into an anime, and i genuinely think it could work
JoJo part 7 has a British genius jockey that turns into dinosaur to steal the corpse of Jesus Christ to absorb it and gain more power to defeat the 23rd President of the United States (this takes place in the 1800 btw) during a cross country Horse Race. Oh he’s not even the main character
@@only_the_loneliestd290 This...
This is why I can't handle anime
@@only_the_loneliestd290 TF dude.
And that's why I don't like anime
@@only_the_loneliestd290 its ok, mate, i understood the referemce
@@valerfox2155 Part two was two overtly large men fighting aztec stripper gods of fitness with bubbles and sunlight. Part six are Florida women, a transgender, a marine biologist, a twelve year old, and a person with amnesia fight a gay priest in accelerated time.
21:52 Elvis: But, there’s ONE thing that the master forgot. The Dino-HANDS.... 🤗 ....are immune to the arrow’s powers!”
Everybody gangsta till the VFX: car on fire starts Rollin in ur hood
this is my stand ability "SCARY MONSTERS!!"
thank you for the jojo comment
Omg I didn't even thing about Diego until now 🤣🤣🤣
Someone had to say it, it’s the first think I thought of lmao
The actors look like they're having fun
Dude, this has to be the best fucking time ever for all these guys. Having a good time & being in a meme that becomes popular? That's epic.
Y’know, as a Catholic, I’ve always thought that Christian media was pretty sad and overly preachy nonsense.
But this? Oh, this is beautiful.
Same
@@Someonecalledeli Yes, preachy
@@Someonecalledeli but what?
@@Someonecalledeli huh?
@@Someonecalledeli Your "culture" is literally the same as 300+ others american, all of whom believe in their own little version of the same religion you practise. Don't try to make yourself seem like something new or better.
"....a magic horn that turns you into a dinosaur."
_Diego_ _Brando_ _would_ _like_ _to_ _know_ _your_ _location_
It's the missing corpse part
Why did my neighbor turn to a dinosaur?
Oh shit there's more
Did he not realize it’s a tooth
@@ps2_abbacchio Jesus was a _Dinosaur_
The Holy Corpse!
That "horn" is clearly a tooth.
Hey Dio this is made for ur counter part Diego
@@TheseUseless plz read the manga cuz Diego isn't it child
@@ps2_abbacchio Again, i did say i hadn't, and i knew dio had a few children. And that Diego 's second name is brando... OOOOH, YEAH, DIEGO IS FROM STEEL BALL RUN! Sorry
@@TheseUseless ok.
You lie
I cant believe that Benedict Cumberbatch actually acted in this movie
Did he actually? Am I being bamboozled?
@@DRB30240 Lol, no. People are just saying that because they look alike; I just noticed the resemblance, myself.
I need to watch this movie! It's free on Amazon Prime, if anyone is interested in where to find it.
Bumberpatch cumcumberdict is a great actor
It’s actually Benderdick Cucumberbachelor, I can see why you mixed them up though.
🤣🤣🤣
Sam is one of the most sympathetic villains I have ever seen.
Almost as good as Homelander. With less milk.
The Drone, a movie so stupid Elvis fell in love with it
Velocipastor: *Hold my Bible*
“I use to be a velocipastor like you, before I took an arrow to the knee.”
it follows me wherever i go
Top 5 things about the movie(in no particular order):
The Vietnam flashback
The quote: “there is surprisingly low demand for hooker-doctor-lawyers.”
The awkward high fives
How into the dinosaur that hooker is
The Velocipastor Dino reveal
Special mentions for all the ninjas and all the moments where Doug forgets he is a priest
Wait?! I forgot about the exorcism. The exorcism is also spectacular
That quote after murdering everyone is an homage to Miami Connection where they drop that quote after violently murdering everyone. Classic
The only reason that god still loves the human race is because this movie exists.
True.
sorry i cant like bro its at 420
God isn't real, but if he was furries show he shouldn't love us. At all.
if you still believe in a magical sky fairy after watching this movie you clearly didn't get the message.
@@jakoby256 Who said I was Christian? I was making a joke.
The dude just manifested [S C A R Y M O N S T E R S], why do we need a whole movie about it?
another jojo comment thanks
I'm living for all of these Diego Brando comments
"Remember this random white ninja?"
Me: _please_ tell me he's the secret brother or something
"Well that's Sam, Doug's brother"
**slow clapping**
The flashing scene with the unknown girl is probably the Ninja's last thoughts.
He died, thinking about women (incredible)
"And the ninjas are crying in the background."
Lmfao best part.
The Chinese signs in the background are pretty funny.
"Farm practice every day at 7."
"Notice: Scuba diving practice canceled today."
The sign at 9:08 said "Morning practice every day at 7". The first character is 晨, not 农.
My first reaction to his parents’ death was like “is this a nightmare or a parody movie” and my friend goes “Who knows the description made it sound like a shit show” and we continued until the pimp showed up and we were like ight imma head out
I'm gonna write my graduation thesis about this modern masterpiece
A pastor that can turn into a velociraptor is the love child of Diego Brando and Hotpants
*oh fuck you right*
With a bit of Pucci mixed in
Kingu_CR dammit I was about to say that lol
@@Liam-ix3ui you mean the religious thing?
Thats the Hot Pants side
r/unexpectedjojo
The pastor has the power of Dr. Ferdinands 「SCARY MONSTERS」
16:05 we just gonna ignore that father Stuart's eyepatch is over his GLASSES not his EYE
The guy who plays the Exorcist is Aurelio Voltaire, He's a goth singer/songwriter as well as a bunch of other things. He's got a youtube channel where he does gothic home decor as well as other stuff related to the goth subculture and his music. I met him at a show earlier this year and I got my copy of Velocipastor signed by him. Really nice guy and he puts on a great show.
Doug: *Find person with arrow sticking out of their chest*
Also Doug: Are you hurt?
WHaDdyA tHinK DOUG?
Shes probably fine
The school nurse will give her some ice and she’ll be on her way
Ever heard of a halloween costume?!
Frankie Mermaid is a better character than Uncle Iroh from Avatar: The Last Airbender. Just compare the characters. 1 is swimming in bitches and the other isnt, simple.
Frankie Mermaid is almost as cool as the shitty stepdad I have. Except he isn’t even close, cuz my stepdad isn’t shitty. Actually a really cool guy. Fuck my comment.
If by bitches you mean respective fanbases, then Iroh blows frankie mermaid out of the water
01000000 01000001 01101100 01100101 01111000 01100001 01101110 01100100 01100101 01110010 00100000 01010011 01110100 01100101 01100101 01101100
01010011 01101111 00100000 01110011 01101111 01110010 01110010 01111001 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100110 01110010 01101001 01100101 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00101100 00100000 00100010 01001001 01100110 00100000 01100010 01111001 00100000 01100010 01101001 01110100 01100011 01101000 01100101 01110011 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101101 01100101 01100001 01101110 00100000 01110010 01100101 01110011 01110000 01100101 01100011 01110100 01101001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100110 01100001 01101110 01100010 01100001 01110011 01100101 01110011 00101100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01101110 00100000 01001001 01110010 01101111 01101000 00100000 01100010 01101100 01101111 01110111 01110011 00100000 01000110 01110010 01100001 01101110 01101011 01101001 01100101 00100000 01101101 01100101 01110010 01101101 01100001 01101001 01100100 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110100 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110100 01100101 01110010 00100010
01101000 01110100 01110100 01110000 01110011 00111010 00101111 00101111 01110111 01110111 01110111 00101110 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110100 01110101 01100010 01100101 00101110 01100011 01101111 01101101 00101111 01110111 01100001 01110100 01100011 01101000 00111111 01110110 00111101 01100100 01010001 01110111 00110100 01110111 00111001 01010111 01100111 01011000 01100011 01010001
At least they didn't name him Frankie Mermaidman.
Could anyone with some knowledge on the matter explain how pimp names work?
I only know that p*rn names consist of your first pet's name (= your new first name) and the name of the street you grew up on (= your new surname). Which would make me Cookie Wells.
And for stripper names you need to ask Ryan George. Apparently his is Harry Ramrod. I absolutely pi**ed myself when he said this in his "50 Shades of Grey" review on ScreenRant. I would marry a guy named Harry Ramrod, just so I could tell people that's my husband's name and snap a photo of their reaction.
Also, he's played by Mista GG lol
This is exactly what I would go for if I ever direct a movie. What an inspirational masterpiece.
Finding out Aurelio Voltaire was in this film was probably the best moment of this movie. Followed by "burning car vfx" and the whole Vietnam scene
This is the most powerful movie I ever seen. It really strikes hard to my kidneys. I can barely pee straight. Thank you for this masterpiece.
That watery blood looks like the liquid you get when you don’t mix the ketchup and it settles.
I call it ketchup precum:) you’re welcome
@@meanpoutine7095 r/cursedcomments
mean poutine why do u exist
It looks like pepperoni grease.
Mfw i watched a ayylien review how diego got his stando
LMAO
I was looking for this comment lmao
Ah, a man of culture.
Beat me to it
@@honeyitsyourgrandmawhatsas8429 Beat meat to it
I feel bad for the poor souls who don't know that this gem is a parody
I actually want a sequel to this movie .
Dino Doug: Taking down crime, bite by bite.
Me and my friends watched this movie after discovering it via a tumblr post. After finding it on both Amazon prime and a few other streaming sites, we watched it and the minute we saw VFX: car on fire, we knew we were in for a ride
We couldn’t even figure out the storyline
Damn JoJo Part 7 do be looking different
It's the live action
i was looking for a deigo comment
ens gaming Same
Horse race with jeesus
What a beautiful duwang!
Fun fact: at 10:51 the "vampire looking guy" its a cuban-american goth singer and composer called Aurelio Voiltaire, he also composed some songs for the show "grim adventures of billy and mandy" like "land of the dead" and "brains", im so glad, surprised and laughing my a$$ to see him on this movie
A warframe ad popped up when the woman was about to speak so when the velocopaster was shouting her response was "Wake up Tenno"
The Velocipastor theme:
DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DAAAAAAAA
DA DA DA DAAAAA, (da da da) DAAAAAAAA, DA DA DAAAA
UUUUUUUUU (DA DA DA) UUUUUUUU
DA DA DA DAAAAAAAA
Based off: Swiss Army Man and Jurassic Park.
Diego brando theme leaked
Given the Gandhi quote was a DIRECT reference to Miami Connection this should have been used on the soundtrack:
ua-cam.com/video/1WZ6Vl5uBGw/v-deo.html
8:45 Honestly I would love to see a romance movie where a girl and a guy are in love but express it purely through the "bro body language", like highfiving and brofisting instead of kissing
So an asexual relationship? 😆
Yes.
@@DarkRubberDucky ?
@@Someonecalledeli ?
@@MissDelete2098. ....
"go where God won't follow"
Immediately goes to China
This movie is an instant classic, glad it's finally getting the attention it deserves!
Holy shit it's Jojo Part 7 Steel Ball Run: Diego Brando OVA
Pucci, with [SCARY MONSTERS]
@B R U V ! 🐵🤜🏿🤛🏻👦
Voltaire would be so honored that you said he looked like a Pirates of the Caribbean extra. That's literally his dream.
Literally?
He would be proud 😂
I imagine Cinema Sins has a riveting video review, chock full of snarky big brain complaints about preachers not really being able to turn into velociraptors and what not.
This whole movie sounds like a fetish
Dont kinkshame me
Kinkshaming is my kink
@@matheusreidopedaco kinkshaming people who have kinkshaming as their kink is my kink
you're fucking disgusting fucking weirdo
@@chromso kinkshaming people who kinkshame people who have kinkshaming as their kink is my kink. Fucking weird shite
@@matheusreidopedaco oh no, the most powerful kink
This video is written like all my 6th grade essays. Every sentence starts with AND THEN
Seems like he doesn't care anymore about quality
Not true. Some sentences start with why and butt
The scene where his wife dies legitimately broke my heart
Oh, Carol!!
im cryin
Starts singing: Thats what parents do
They die on you
They die on you
Diego Brando becomes a priest: The Movie
Dio+Pucci= Velocipastor
pucci meets diego, passes on his priest powers to him
I KNEW THERE WAS GONNA BE A JOJOKE
Woop woop the tooth is a piece of the alien meteorite and gave doug scary monsters
YES
It took me the whole video to realise this movie is called "Velocipastor"
How does one enrole into the Ninjas Of Christ, asking for a friend
> He looks like an extra for Pirates of the Caribbean
I'm sure Aurelio Voltaire would get a giggle out of that comment 😂. He's a somewhat famous singer with a goth look, and kind of a guest star in that movie.
The "satanic key thing on his neck" isn't a film accessory, it's a pendant he designed and has been wearing for years. The key's teeth spell out his name.
Woman:*literally explodes*
Guy: There's not much we can do for her. She's too far gone.
YOU DON'T SAY?! 🤣
I give respect to that woman, she went out with the smoothest bang ever.
Raptor+Jesus+Human. Where have i seen this before? Oh yeah
USHAAAAAAAA
my favorite part
Uh oh
The “pirates of the Caribbean extra” is Aurelio Voltaire! I love this man even more knowing that he was in this
Hold on I thought he just looked like volitare. That was him?
@@enterusername4650 everyone keeps saying so
Velocipastor is a work of genius! My daughter and I have trash movie nights and we both fell in love with this masterpiece.
"What was she doing here?"
"I don't know, maybe trying to start a family..."