I personally think that marrying someone with the same last name AND has no blood relation is still BETTER than 1st cousins (phauj/dablaug cov menyuam) marrying each other (EWWWW more incest!). As long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters. I feel sad that they disowned you guys.
I'm not judging you. Love is love. I am so sorry for your loss. May God watch over you and your family. I can't stop crying. Just when his life just started and it has to ends. Life is not fair.
A good lesson to learn for us Hmong people, please open our eyes and accept what our children want before it's too late. I'm so sorry for your loss. My ❤️ ache for you.
Exactly! Marrying your first cousin is okay?! Thats too close for comfort for any humans but not sure why this is ever okay. I would rather someone marry someone with the same surname with no blood relation!
Txawm yog tsis mloog niam thiab txiv hais tsis mloog tej kwv tij E neb lub neej thiaj mus tsis kawg ntag los mas tus me ntxhais...tej laus twb muaj foom ib cov lus phem2 hais tias kom txhob yuav yus lub xeem vim yog qhov nov ntag laus.
Koj xav tias raug foom es nkawd lub neej thiaj li mus tsis kawg no los? Yog li thov qhia kuv seb kuv lub neej twb tsis raug foom cas kuv tus txij nkawm ho tso kuv tseg, mob ib tug kabmob zoo li tus niamtsev no thiab……kuv ntseeg tias qhov ko hais ko yog neeg txoj kev xav xwb
I've been brought up to respect my culture, the Hmoob culture. I disagree with marrying the same last name. I also disagree with marrying cousins. I think it's how you see your world and what your principal is as a person. The decisions you make play a large role in life.
I agree. I am a Yang and I consider all Yang males my brothers. As a teenager, I met some handsome Yang guys but I always acknowledged them as my brothers.
I’ve seen a few people married their own last name and it’s not the end of the world. But it is a tradition that we have carried on for so long that I still teach it to my children from early age so they grew up knowing it wrong to marry your own last name
You knew from the beginning not to marry the same last name but forbidden love is just so tempting isn't it? Remember that what you and your husband did will carry on to your kids, grandkids. They will be known as the kids or grand kids of a couple who married the same last name. We must respect our culture wheather you like it or not.
I totally agree. They knew it was wrong but still proceeded with their relationship. It’s like saying you know it’s wrong to steal but you did it anyway.
@@npliajtswmyas5888 poj ua cia yaws ua tseg. We should think that those with our last name are all our cousin plus our first cousin too. But hey if you don't like it, go ahead n marry your surname n tell all your kids n grand kids to do the same so you can keep it all in the family, make your clan bigger.
Tus niam tsev cas koj tsi paub txaj muag li es koj tseem coj tuaj tham rau ntiaj teb mloog thiab na kuv yog koj ces kuv twb tsi muaj ntsej muag coj tuaj tham lawm os
Oyo...we say we have to respect our culture and traditions but in my opinion our elders only do what they want. For example: vaj neej tsa...Vang marry Vang. Why??? Because many many moons ago this Vang clan lived in a remote area with no other clans so the elders allowed their own clan to marry each other. In this century we can't taboo something so little like this. As long as it's not the same mom dad. I know mekas last name the same but they are not related and are married. This story is very sad, it's too bad he was so successful and was not able to prove his parents wrong.
Whatever you do will never please us Hmong people. We are the most racist and biased people of all. Look at Sunisa Lee. They claimed her at Olympics but heard she was dating black, they’re all bashing her. We all bleed the same color.
Txhob tuaj qhia kom lwm tu neeg coj li neb....yuav tsum qhia kom lawv txhob sib yuav txhob sib tham li neb tsis zoo rau hmoob...yog hais li koj ces txw kom tej tub ntxhais ua li neb ntag....neb twb ua rau neb 2 tsev neeg tsis paub muab ntsej muag ntsaws qhov twg li
Yes, I agreed with you. Xyov ua cas yus es txawm nyiam tus tub twg npaum cas los yeej noog lub xeem ua ntej tshaj plaws. Yog yus xeem kiag xwb ces yus twb turn off kiag lawm. Kuv kawm tau tias tus neeg xav nqaim yeej ua qhov raws nws xav tau dua li ua qhov ntiaj teb yuav taus.
All parents teach their children from a very young age that anyone with your last name is your family. I've never once though about even liking someone with my last name, ever. Nor have I ever questioned the infamous, "why can I marry my first cousin but not someone who shares the same last name?" Goodness. Xusiab ua luaj! Plus, nej twb paub txaj muag rau tebchaws nej thiaj kiav mus nyob dev sawdaws ne. If it felt so right and you didn't give a crap about what people thought, kuj ua neej rau ntej teb saib los pob.
@@bluewhisper5008 hmong peoples always does that, sisters and sisters and brothers kids can get married as long as they're not the same last name, but anyone that had the same last name can not get married, like it or not that is the tradition, I saw one brother's kid and one sister's kid got married, they still live together over here and their kids had chromoson problems they're not normal they can not talk, the blood related are so closed, no medication in the world for them, the doctors can not do anything to help them, so my opinions it's ok to get marry to the same last name as long as they're not so close blood related, it's time to change and if any hmong want to cut me out forever that's ok with me
@@fuemoua8345I totally agree! We need to change and stop thinking that just because we have same last name we are related or just because we have different last names it's ok even if we're related. We are not! I work in the hospital and 2 years ago there was a sick hmong child hospitalized. They did all kinds of testing, including blood testing. The Dr's asked mom and dad if they were related. Came to find out they were first cousins. It's sad there's not much they can do to help the child.
I would not give his parents sh*t after they treated you and him that way. They will not be in my room, taking his clothes and money. Hmong lub siab phem os!
I applaud you and your husband. Thank you for sharing your love story. Don’t let your kids live a life with evil people like your in laws they have nothing to do with your life
You knew from the beginning that you guys are the same last name but you still in love that why neb thiaj raug cov laus muab Foom foom tuag kiag tim Koj ntav
Don't matter the last name. If you love someone then you love someone. I'm so sorry for your loss. Even to the very end, the parents did not care for their son... they only cared about his money and their reputation. It was never about what their son wanted. Shame on them! You're too nice to give them $10k EACH!! They wouldn't see a dime if it was me. I'm not greedy. They just don't deserve it and I'm sure your husband wouldn't had approve of giving them money. Those money were for you and your kids! The worst parents anyone can ask for.
I think last names shouldn't marry as well as 1st cousins. There are reasons why last names can't marry (traditions for marriage, funerals, ancestors, spiritual, genetic defects etc) and it should apply to 1st cousins too (genetic defects, etc).
Every culture is different like mab dau don't like hair fall into their food, or hmong can't drink a women milk...my husband is Jordanian n his sister n first cousin from same brother can marry...took me a few days to register this in my head...cus hmong can't marry same last name but they can marry their first cousin. But my husband family knows better now not to married within the family cus of birth defects...they seen it happens to other family in their town.
@@nkaujhmoobvwj Isn't it ironic that hmong can't marry same last name, no genetic history with each other whatsoever but they can marry their first cousins just bc different last names? I'd prefer to marry same last name before marrying my first cousin. 🤮 That's like f'n my own brother. Nasty!
@@bchang227 but sleeping with someone with the same last name is literally like sleeping with your brother too don’t you think? And how do you know that you aren’t blood related? Do people go back and discuss lineage with their parents? This is why OG’s always want to know who you are and who your parents are and which clan you’re from.
Why did you let them bully you, come into your home and let them touch your stuff? You don’t have to let anyone do anything to you but like your husband said, you just let them into your home and destroy things
21st century and we still carry such a primitive and nonsensical practice. Marry same last name is ik as long as you know for sure it’s not the same bloodline. It’s nonsense because you can marry your nus npaws and muam npaws, who share half of the bloodline but not a total stranger that has nothing in common beside a last name.
Txhob tu siab tas2 rau cov laus thiab vim txoj cai no tsis yog cov laus nyuam qhuav tsim los, txoj cai no yeej muaj puag thaum ub los lawm. Niaj hnub no twb pauv hloov zuj zus lawm.
Tus sister, I totally understand where you’re coming from, and understand that there’s a lot of crazy things happening in the United States, but at the same time, I totally understand and respect that Our last names are the most Important part of our(Hmong) people’s lives. Kuv yog Hmong rau tiam no kuv xav mas yog hais tias yus tsis nav thwm txog yus yam culture ces yus yeej tsis zoo dab tsi thiab yus yeej yog ib tug neeg liam xwb(sorry to say this but it’s true). Yog li no as my children are growing up, I have always said(taught) them that we,(Hmong people)never ever marry a person that has the same last names. And, they are growing up understanding and respecting our culture well and I’m very thankful for that. To tus niam ntawm zaj neej neeg no, Thov kom koj thiab koj cov menyuam nej tsuas ntsib kev noj qab nyob zoo and wishing you and your children all the happiness in life.
Culture isn't written in stone. More than half the comments in here are shameful. LGBTQ was not accepted for the longest time, still a barrier to this day as we've seen yet we are all more open to this now and days. Our last name is the most important part right? So this makes it right to disown our very child who has never done us wrong because of who they love? Make threats upon them and ultimately tell them that death is better for them? We need to change this way of thinking. We can't move forward of we continue to disown our children for choosing who they love.
@@Hnubtshiab1Our culture wasn’t written on stone but we have carried this tradition/culture for hundreds of years. Koj ruam koj thiaj hais ko xwb os. Yus yuav yus lub own last names mas xu siab tshaj thiab txaj muag dhau lawm os. I’m sorry/disagree that the husband’s dad told him to” tuag zoo dua” vim tias tag nrho peb cov ua niam ua txiv nyob hauv ntuj lub qab plab no yeej tsis muaj/No body xav kom lawv cov menyuam tuag, Never!
@Kou Moua I don't think this was carried for hundreds of years...if I remember correctly, it was something General Vang Pao put in place during his time. Again, don't quote me on it and check our history.
@@MaiProject2024 Our Last names has carried from China to Laos and now to America. I am the older generation(born in the 50)and I know our Last Names has carried way from China and of course it has hundreds years! I appreciate that you are replying to my comment, but Do Not think I need to check the history!
Sister txhob muab yus txoj kev hlub pev rau lwm tus maj neb xuab2 ne nco ntsoov hais tias neb tseem yog hmoob naj you have to understand hmoob lub xeem yog xeem tshoob xeem kus na
Im not going to cast any judgements on the relationship of this couple as it is not my place to do so. What i will judge and say is that everything this mans parents and side of the family did after he passed away was unfair and not right at all. They were the ones whom disowned him and wanted nothing to with him or his wife therefore in my eyes they dont get to make many decisions or have anything of his. Let this be a great lesson for us all...never ever ever wish bad upon anyone for one day when shit goes exactly the way you asked you'll be sitting here just like this mans dad regretting everything you said.... Overall so many things out of this story that we all (us Hmong) can learn from and apply to our lives. Its a very sad and unfortunate thing to have happen in order to make one realize what love truly is.
Tus sister aw sib hlub npaum li cas los yog ib lub xeem ces Thov txhob sib yuav vim ib xeem ces yog muag nus xwb. Cov tub ntxhais es ib lub xeem los sib yuav ces lub neej yeej tsis Vam meej li os. Koj txhob tu siab rau koj tus nus niam thiab txiv os, koj thiab koj nus neb tsis yog neeg es thiaj los sib yuav. Hmoob ces tshuav plu dhau lawm os, koj sim saib yog koj tus tub thiab koj tus ntxhais sib yuav es koj puas txiav mas.
It it were me, I wouldn’t have given any money to those old folks. They didn’t go by tradition either cause you’re not obligated to bury them unless a traditional wedding was done. The audacity!!
I have to disagree and I'm the unpopular opinion. Just bc you share the same last name doesn't mean you share anything genetic wise. Many Chinese have the same last name as hmong, too. So you mean to tell me if I am a yang I can't marry a Chinese person with the last name of yang? Js.
Very sorry for your loss sister but in Hmong culture marrying same last name has been forbidden from the beginning of time. Also there are some clans that should not marry into certain last names. What is forbidden have been cursed for thousands centuries. I’ve seen many couples who was brave broke the culture tradition and their lives either poor with children, live a rich life but shorten each other’s life span, and some can get away with living happily with no children grow old together. Why I’m saying this is because my father was one of this example: He and his younger brother both married into the same family with the older sister and younger sister. This story didn’t last long because the oldest brother pay the consequences his wife died leaving him 7 children and they all died one by one. So I learned from my father and teach my children how important; strong Hmong spiritual and traditional culture is. I totally understand where the new generations is coming from and I respect their love but do keep in mind “The love that you feel, you have to give up something” ask yourself am I have the courage to sacrifice part of this happiness? Whatever decision you make I wish you all happiness and live a long life with your love one. Love you all my brothers and sisters.
Our new generation kids are going to marry whoever they want not cared about same last names unless we as parents tell them before they start falling in love.
I agree. However I am one who don't follow Hmong culture and practice, I choose to live my life in my own way not what is dictated. Being a kind, honest, loving and accepting person- these are attributes I wish to pass onto my kids. Marry someone with the same last name is not a priorty for me.
Kuv yeej tsi qhuas cov laug txoj kev uas thaum peb tej menyuam tsi hmoog hais tes cia li cem lwj cem liam, thiab foom lwj foom liam. Txawm yog lawv tsi hmoog yug hais los qhov kev txiav txim siab yog lawv txiav es xob mus hais ub hais no rau tej menyuam.
So sorry for your loss. My kids can be with whoever they want. Even if they have the same last name or is meka, as long as they are happy, love each other, and are not blood related then I'm ok with it. What I'm not ok with is marrying your cousin, dab laug tus tub or phauj tus ntxhais, just because they have a different last name. I will always support same last name dating/marriage as long as they are not related
My kids know that they should try to avoid dating a person who share their last name but I will not disown him or her if they happen to fall in love with one as long as they're not related. If hmong people going to disown their kids because they fell in love with someone with the same last name, they need to disown fist cousins marriage too. First cousin is way more closer, same blood. There is only heaven and he'll, no other place after death. Heaven belongs to those that followed Jesus because He's the only way to get there. After death there is no marriage. To the sister of this story, I'm so sorry for what you went through but you should never disclosed your money with his parents. They have no right to ask for money and you're not obligated to give them a penny. You should not allow them to come take his things.
As parents, I will not stop my kids from marrying the same last name if they didn’t do intentionally and found out later on. A lot of the time is because the mom bring the kids from one last name to another last name only.
Sister that is what they called kissing cousins. That is sickening. You both knew better yet you still pursued it. But it's not the end of the world. Life goes on.
It’s okay for Old Hmong men and women to go across seas and marry boys and girls their grandchildren’s age. But we consider it a taboo to have two individuals who shares the same last name and share no relation to be together. Hmong people have a long way to go.
Me ntxhais aw pab hlub kj thb kj tus txiv nej cv me niam tub mog noob neej moob ce yeej g thim xav li os u muab u cv menyuam cem pem dhau txoj cai puj saub yawm saub muab 6 noob neej coj noob siv ce u yg niam yg txiv u cv lus yv mus ua vij ua swv ua mob nraj 6 tej menyuam ce kawg tuag xb tiag ib yam lub ntuj tso 3 ua neeg 6 lub ntiaj teb no lub ntuj yeej muab kuab muab tshuaj 6 3 lub qhov ncauj 3 hai kom tuag ce kawg tuag nb 3 hai kom zoo ce kawg zoo nb mog
What's the difference between marrying someone with the same last name (a stranger) vs someone who you're forced to marry your Aunty/uncle's son/daughter? First cousins marrying first cousins. 🥴... the predicament is real.
I find this is kind of like gay marriage. Like I'm not against it, but I won't lead my kids toward it. I know it's not right, but I won't go against someone's love life. If my kids happen to bring home someone the same last name as theirs, I will not kick them out. I will just accept it.
Tim koj xwb twb paub tias nws yog koj lub xeem es tseem tham thiab txoj kev hlub neeg coob ua luaj nyob puv ntiaj teb cas koj tsis tham na tim neb txoj kev thiaj tsis kav ntev
Hmong people, marrying same last name is bad, marrying different race is a disgrace!! Wth...overall, you and your husband took the hard route and love each other unconditionally.
True love has no judgement. It’s only the humans who judge and is biased. I used to believe this tradition of not dating/marrying your own last name. As I grew older, understanding what REAL LOVE IS, I started to stray away from that tradition …. Same last names doesnt mean they share blood. Hmong people need to change this “culture”. Marrying your own cousin should be more forbidden. It’s taboo. It’s incest and should be abolished.
Txhob tu siab mog! Tsuas yog tej laus xav Tsis Txhij txhua thiaj li muab neb cais. Lub xeem xwb neb Tsis yog koom roj ntshav, Neb sib hlub tau kawg. Qhov no twb phem Tsis npaum li nws tub yuav Muam ntxhais, nyuab qhuav yog txheej ib ib twb cia nkawd sib yuav twb Tsis txaj muag. Tsuas yog lub xeem xwb xyov twb quas tsawg tus niam lawm yuav tsum yuav tau. Tiam tshiab no peb Tsis ua li tej niag og lawm.
Tus vi. Ncaus kuv support koj mog tus neeg zoo li txiv yawg ko ces tsi hlub os! Txhob txhawj nawb twb muaj lwm tus zoo li ko j lawv twb tsi muaj teeb meem
Sister your in laws do not deserve any of that money nor are they entitled to anything and diffinately not your children. They disowned him and you. You told them about the money now his parents want a part of his money. Cut them off. Do not allow them to be apart of your children life.
Sorry for your loss, none of that money belongs to them... Hmong people don't understand that it's you and him that work hard for that money, not them.
Tus niam tsev ntawm zaj sab sij huam no kv xav ma yog nw nyob rau nws niam pog txiv yawg tus leb ce nws yeej ua li thb vim lub ntiaj teb no tsis tau pom dua li
Married the same last name is a BIG no no in ours Hmoob culture. It is the most embarrassing/dis-own to the same clan. This is what sacred us the most as our’s kids generation will not understand anymore. We must teach them when they are young at early ages about this. For this couple, i do feel their pain, but we must fellow our’s culture. Without our’s culture, we are nothing. Many western culture will not understand us and we don’t expect them too as we don’t expect to understand their either.
They are each other's world, as are the rest of you are to your partners, and they are to you. I dont encourage taboo like the author says, but I support people being happy. People really got to stop caring about face though. It's just people's opinion of you. I don't live to please and impress people.
🙊🙈🙉🙊 the girl knew better. She should have put a stop to it. You young kids miss the meaning behind marrying into your own clan. By all means, you do you.
Ntuj aw...cas tseem coj tuaj hais kom koj lub xeem poob npe thiab lau, zoo li ko mas nyob los tsis qhia neej hos tuag los tsis qhia dab li os, vim txaj muag dhau lawm na
What's wrong with marrying someone with the same last name? Biologically, nothing is wrong, unless you are marrying someone with blood related, especially first cousins. But society has culture, so if you violate a taboo, you will face the consequences for the rest of your life. Hmong people are group oriented, so everything you do impacts your group. Your life is more important than marrying someone with your last name and go hiding in a place where no Hmong know who you are. It's not worthed. I guess the wife still can't come out, that's why she chose a Mekas.
It's really unfortunate that you missed the whole point of why we cannot marry or love someone who shares the same last name if you care to know what the reason is I'll be more than happy to share it with you before my grandpa passed away at the age of 110 which he was still a young boy in China when we migrated to Laos. You have to understand that they love their son as much as you love your children. May you all finally find peace now.
Even the ones who don't share same last name still experience outcasts just be a they married the girl their mom hates which might not be too pretty, too short, or a hmoob green or a white guy. They still get outcasted. So???
Kuv kuj muaj mj ib txoj kev hlub zoo li ntawv thb os tab kuj g paub tia yv hlub lo yuav tso zoo dua li os niam lau vim hlub lo ntev xyoo lm yeej tso li tau li lm thb os thov teb rau kuv thb nb
I personally think that marrying someone with the same last name AND has no blood relation is still BETTER than 1st cousins (phauj/dablaug cov menyuam) marrying each other (EWWWW more incest!). As long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters. I feel sad that they disowned you guys.
I agree too. Same last name is way better than first cousins.
First cousins are far more worst. Glad these old 1975 farts are slowly disappearing !
Agree 1000%. People who think same last name is "nasty" but 1st cousins isn't needs to get mentally checked
I totally agreed with you 100%. This backwards thinking need to be abolished in the Hmong community.
Agree! I was just telling my husband this 2 weeks ago.
Tseem yog tsis pub yuav los ntshai tsam ua neej tsis no nthes li neb li no tiag
I'm not judging you. Love is love. I am so sorry for your loss. May God watch over you and your family. I can't stop crying. Just when his life just started and it has to ends. Life is not fair.
A good lesson to learn for us Hmong people, please open our eyes and accept what our children want before it's too late. I'm so sorry for your loss. My ❤️ ache for you.
Pp
You can marry your mom's brother's kid and its ok. But some one who is distantly related to you with the same last name is not ok? Makes no sense.
Exactly!
Marrying your first cousin is okay?! Thats too close for comfort for any humans but not sure why this is ever okay. I would rather someone marry someone with the same surname with no blood relation!
@@Hnubtshiab1 right! I swear hmong people 🙄
👏👏👏 Exactly.
Frfr!!!!!! I don’t get either!
It makes perfectly sense...
Txawm yog tsis mloog niam thiab txiv hais tsis mloog tej kwv tij E neb lub neej thiaj mus tsis kawg ntag los mas tus me ntxhais...tej laus twb muaj foom ib cov lus phem2 hais tias kom txhob yuav yus lub xeem vim yog qhov nov ntag laus.
Koj xav tias raug foom es nkawd lub neej thiaj li mus tsis kawg no los? Yog li thov qhia kuv seb kuv lub neej twb tsis raug foom cas kuv tus txij nkawm ho tso kuv tseg, mob ib tug kabmob zoo li tus niamtsev no thiab……kuv ntseeg tias qhov ko hais ko yog neeg txoj kev xav xwb
Hmoob aw thov txog foom from neeg thiab lo. Ib tug mob los ib tug tuag kiag ces hmoob mas ncauj los tsis loj mas tabsis mus hais thiab "oh nwb npam nas es thiaj tuag nas". Kab mob tsus xaiv neeg nawb. Ua neeg nyob txawj yug yeej txawj tuag. Txog kev tuag peb yeej kiag tsis dhau es los lus foom thov txog hais rau yus tej menyuam thiab!!
I'm not with marrying the same last names. I was never told, but I've always heard. I'm so sorry for your lost. ❤️ 🙏
I've been brought up to respect my culture, the Hmoob culture. I disagree with marrying the same last name. I also disagree with marrying cousins. I think it's how you see your world and what your principal is as a person. The decisions you make play a large role in life.
I agree. I am a Yang and I consider all Yang males my brothers. As a teenager, I met some handsome Yang guys but I always acknowledged them as my brothers.
I totally agree. Everyone who says dating their own last name is okay and so forth.... yikes!
I’ve seen a few people married their own last name and it’s not the end of the world. But it is a tradition that we have carried on for so long that I still teach it to my children from early age so they grew up knowing it wrong to marry your own last name
It's fine same last name 21st century we need to change or r people are not going nowhere
You knew from the beginning not to marry the same last name but forbidden love is just so tempting isn't it? Remember that what you and your husband did will carry on to your kids, grandkids. They will be known as the kids or grand kids of a couple who married the same last name. We must respect our culture wheather you like it or not.
I totally agree. They knew it was wrong but still proceeded with their relationship. It’s like saying you know it’s wrong to steal but you did it anyway.
So what? It's just names...like anyone can change their names and last names .
@@npliajtswmyas5888 poj ua cia yaws ua tseg. We should think that those with our last name are all our cousin plus our first cousin too. But hey if you don't like it, go ahead n marry your surname n tell all your kids n grand kids to do the same so you can keep it all in the family, make your clan bigger.
I agree.
Tus niam tsev cas koj tsi paub txaj muag li es koj tseem coj tuaj tham rau ntiaj teb mloog thiab na kuv yog koj ces kuv twb tsi muaj ntsej muag coj tuaj tham lawm os
Poj hmoob rov ntuas yus tus kheej
Oyo...we say we have to respect our culture and traditions but in my opinion our elders only do what they want. For example: vaj neej tsa...Vang marry Vang. Why??? Because many many moons ago this Vang clan lived in a remote area with no other clans so the elders allowed their own clan to marry each other. In this century we can't taboo something so little like this. As long as it's not the same mom dad. I know mekas last name the same but they are not related and are married. This story is very sad, it's too bad he was so successful and was not able to prove his parents wrong.
peb hmoob muaj 18 xeem tab sis neb tsis mus tham lwm xeem..zoo ib yam li nus muag sib tham xwb..txhob ua dhau niam thiab txiv muaj kev npam
I believe i can fly!!!
Whatever you do will never please us Hmong people. We are the most racist and biased people of all. Look at Sunisa Lee. They claimed her at Olympics but heard she was dating black, they’re all bashing her. We all bleed the same color.
Yog kawg!
Txhob tuaj qhia kom lwm tu neeg coj li neb....yuav tsum qhia kom lawv txhob sib yuav txhob sib tham li neb tsis zoo rau hmoob...yog hais li koj ces txw kom tej tub ntxhais ua li neb ntag....neb twb ua rau neb 2 tsev neeg tsis paub muab ntsej muag ntsaws qhov twg li
Kuv xav li koj thiab tsis yog ib yam zoo uas yuav coj tuaj khav rau ntiaj teb paub xuab tiag2 tej tug ntxhaig no twb yeej paub tias yog yus lub xeem es tseem tabmeeg tham thiab
Yes, I agreed with you. Xyov ua cas yus es txawm nyiam tus tub twg npaum cas los yeej noog lub xeem ua ntej tshaj plaws. Yog yus xeem kiag xwb ces yus twb turn off kiag lawm. Kuv kawm tau tias tus neeg xav nqaim yeej ua qhov raws nws xav tau dua li ua qhov ntiaj teb yuav taus.
All parents teach their children from a very young age that anyone with your last name is your family. I've never once though about even liking someone with my last name, ever. Nor have I ever questioned the infamous, "why can I marry my first cousin but not someone who shares the same last name?" Goodness. Xusiab ua luaj!
Plus, nej twb paub txaj muag rau tebchaws nej thiaj kiav mus nyob dev sawdaws ne. If it felt so right and you didn't give a crap about what people thought, kuj ua neej rau ntej teb saib los pob.
I don't understand why you can marry your first cousin though? They're blood related tseem nasty tshaj same last name lawm thiab.
Lol, what's wrong with same last name? As long as it ain't your own bro, sis, or cousins ...
Both situations are considered off limits to me
@@bluewhisper5008 hmong peoples always does that, sisters and sisters and brothers kids can get married as long as they're not the same last name, but anyone that had the same last name can not get married, like it or not that is the tradition, I saw one brother's kid and one sister's kid got married, they still live together over here and their kids had chromoson problems they're not normal they can not talk, the blood related are so closed, no medication in the world for them, the doctors can not do anything to help them, so my opinions it's ok to get marry to the same last name as long as they're not so close blood related, it's time to change and if any hmong want to cut me out forever that's ok with me
@@fuemoua8345I totally agree! We need to change and stop thinking that just because we have same last name we are related or just because we have different last names it's ok even if we're related. We are not! I work in the hospital and 2 years ago there was a sick hmong child hospitalized. They did all kinds of testing, including blood testing. The Dr's asked mom and dad if they were related. Came to find out they were first cousins. It's sad there's not much they can do to help the child.
When you have that strong love, its not easy to let go. so sorry for your loss sister. May he rest peacefully.
I would not give his parents sh*t after they treated you and him that way. They will not be in my room, taking his clothes and money. Hmong lub siab phem os!
Peb tsis rau neb txhais khau peb tsis paub cia peb cem neb. Neb tsis yog hmoob neb qiv hmoob plab yug xwb zoo ib yam neb lo lus uas neb hais yug los yuam kev ua ib lub xeem. Qhov kuv hais tias neb tsis yog hmoob ces vim neb tsis hwm hmoob txojcai uas ua tsis tau dabtsi rau neb. Pab tu siab uas neb ua neej yuam kev
I applaud you and your husband. Thank you for sharing your love story. Don’t let your kids live a life with evil people like your in laws they have nothing to do with your life
To avoid headache/heartache and get full support from both sides of the families, DO NOT MARRY YOUR BROTHER!
That is not her brother.
That's not her brother. They just have same last name.
It's not her brother, Hmong people need to get out of that narrow mind. Marrying your first cousin, now that's disgusting, blood related.
Ha ha tseem yog neeg npab nauj
It's always about the money. Sad sad sad. Simple law of fact, if you didn't love someone in life, don't pretend to love them in death.
You knew from the beginning that you guys are the same last name but you still in love that why neb thiaj raug cov laus muab Foom foom tuag kiag tim Koj ntav
Don't matter the last name. If you love someone then you love someone.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Even to the very end, the parents did not care for their son... they only cared about his money and their reputation. It was never about what their son wanted. Shame on them!
You're too nice to give them $10k EACH!! They wouldn't see a dime if it was me. I'm not greedy. They just don't deserve it and I'm sure your husband wouldn't had approve of giving them money. Those money were for you and your kids! The worst parents anyone can ask for.
I think last names shouldn't marry as well as 1st cousins. There are reasons why last names can't marry (traditions for marriage, funerals, ancestors, spiritual, genetic defects etc) and it should apply to 1st cousins too (genetic defects, etc).
Every culture is different like mab dau don't like hair fall into their food, or hmong can't drink a women milk...my husband is Jordanian n his sister n first cousin from same brother can marry...took me a few days to register this in my head...cus hmong can't marry same last name but they can marry their first cousin. But my husband family knows better now not to married within the family cus of birth defects...they seen it happens to other family in their town.
@@nkaujhmoobvwj Isn't it ironic that hmong can't marry same last name, no genetic history with each other whatsoever but they can marry their first cousins just bc different last names? I'd prefer to marry same last name before marrying my first cousin. 🤮 That's like f'n my own brother. Nasty!
@@bchang227 but sleeping with someone with the same last name is literally like sleeping with your brother too don’t you think? And how do you know that you aren’t blood related? Do people go back and discuss lineage with their parents? This is why OG’s always want to know who you are and who your parents are and which clan you’re from.
Why did you let them bully you, come into your home and let them touch your stuff? You don’t have to let anyone do anything to you but like your husband said, you just let them into your home and destroy things
Hmoob pl always care $ thaum muaj in POB nyiaj CDs Sib txeeb
I might not agree with everything in our culture, but it’s all about respecting the tradition and culture.
Ehmongoria:totally agree.
21st century and we still carry such a primitive and nonsensical practice. Marry same last name is ik as long as you know for sure it’s not the same bloodline. It’s nonsense because you can marry your nus npaws and muam npaws, who share half of the bloodline but not a total stranger that has nothing in common beside a last name.
Omg as long not blood line love no problem. What can you do? Can't stop love, learn to accept.
Txhob tu siab tas2 rau cov laus thiab vim txoj cai no tsis yog cov laus nyuam qhuav tsim los, txoj cai no yeej muaj puag thaum ub los lawm. Niaj hnub no twb pauv hloov zuj zus lawm.
I just wanted to say that most people who commented on here are narrow minded, very opinionated and very judgmental!
👍👍👍
Tus sister, I totally understand where you’re coming from, and understand that there’s a lot of crazy things happening in the United States, but at the same time, I totally understand and respect that Our last names are the most Important part of our(Hmong) people’s lives. Kuv yog Hmong rau tiam no kuv xav mas yog hais tias yus tsis nav thwm txog yus yam culture ces yus yeej tsis zoo dab tsi thiab yus yeej yog ib tug neeg liam xwb(sorry to say this but it’s true). Yog li no as my children are growing up, I have always said(taught) them that we,(Hmong people)never ever marry a person that has the same last names. And, they are growing up understanding and respecting our culture well and I’m very thankful for that.
To tus niam ntawm zaj neej neeg no, Thov kom koj thiab koj cov menyuam nej tsuas ntsib kev noj qab nyob zoo and wishing you and your children all the happiness in life.
Culture isn't written in stone. More than half the comments in here are shameful. LGBTQ was not accepted for the longest time, still a barrier to this day as we've seen yet we are all more open to this now and days. Our last name is the most important part right? So this makes it right to disown our very child who has never done us wrong because of who they love? Make threats upon them and ultimately tell them that death is better for them? We need to change this way of thinking. We can't move forward of we continue to disown our children for choosing who they love.
@@Hnubtshiab1Our culture wasn’t written on stone but we have carried this tradition/culture for hundreds of years. Koj ruam koj thiaj hais ko xwb os. Yus yuav yus lub own last names mas xu siab tshaj thiab txaj muag dhau lawm os. I’m sorry/disagree that the husband’s dad told him to” tuag zoo dua” vim tias tag nrho peb cov ua niam ua txiv nyob hauv ntuj lub qab plab no yeej tsis muaj/No body xav kom lawv cov menyuam tuag, Never!
@Kou Moua I don't think this was carried for hundreds of years...if I remember correctly, it was something General Vang Pao put in place during his time. Again, don't quote me on it and check our history.
@@MaiProject2024 Our Last names has carried from China to Laos and now to America. I am the older generation(born in the 50)and I know our Last Names has carried way from China and of course it has hundreds years! I appreciate that you are replying to my comment, but Do Not think I need to check the history!
@@koumoua2980 Of course our last names are ancient history. I am referring to the same last name marriage history. So dramatic lmao.
Tsis txhob quav ntsej lawv cov niag neeg lim hiam ntawm lawm
May your music is to long on the beginning
Sister txhob muab yus txoj kev hlub pev rau lwm tus maj neb xuab2 ne nco ntsoov hais tias neb tseem yog hmoob naj you have to understand hmoob lub xeem yog xeem tshoob xeem kus na
Im not going to cast any judgements on the relationship of this couple as it is not my place to do so. What i will judge and say is that everything this mans parents and side of the family did after he passed away was unfair and not right at all. They were the ones whom disowned him and wanted nothing to with him or his wife therefore in my eyes they dont get to make many decisions or have anything of his.
Let this be a great lesson for us all...never ever ever wish bad upon anyone for one day when shit goes exactly the way you asked you'll be sitting here just like this mans dad regretting everything you said....
Overall so many things out of this story that we all (us Hmong) can learn from and apply to our lives. Its a very sad and unfortunate thing to have happen in order to make one realize what love truly is.
Best comment here!!!
Tus sister aw sib hlub npaum li cas los yog ib lub xeem ces Thov txhob sib yuav vim ib xeem ces yog muag nus xwb. Cov tub ntxhais es ib lub xeem los sib yuav ces lub neej yeej tsis Vam meej li os. Koj txhob tu siab rau koj tus nus niam thiab txiv os, koj thiab koj nus neb tsis yog neeg es thiaj los sib yuav. Hmoob ces tshuav plu dhau lawm os, koj sim saib yog koj tus tub thiab koj tus ntxhais sib yuav es koj puas txiav mas.
It it were me, I wouldn’t have given any money to those old folks. They didn’t go by tradition either cause you’re not obligated to bury them unless a traditional wedding was done. The audacity!!
Neb ob lub xeem yog ib yam ces ib tug yuav tuag tseg ib leeg
I have to disagree and I'm the unpopular opinion. Just bc you share the same last name doesn't mean you share anything genetic wise. Many Chinese have the same last name as hmong, too. So you mean to tell me if I am a yang I can't marry a Chinese person with the last name of yang? Js.
Very sorry for your loss sister but in Hmong culture marrying same last name has been forbidden from the beginning of time. Also there are some clans that should not marry into certain last names. What is forbidden have been cursed for thousands centuries. I’ve seen many couples who was brave broke the culture tradition and their lives either poor with children, live a rich life but shorten each other’s life span, and some can get away with living happily with no children grow old together. Why I’m saying this is because my father was one of this example: He and his younger brother both married into the same family with the older sister and younger sister. This story didn’t last long because the oldest brother pay the consequences his wife died leaving him 7 children and they all died one by one. So I learned from my father and teach my children how important; strong Hmong spiritual and traditional culture is. I totally understand where the new generations is coming from and I respect their love but do keep in mind “The love that you feel, you have to give up something” ask yourself am I have the courage to sacrifice part of this happiness? Whatever decision you make I wish you all happiness and live a long life with your love one. Love you all my brothers and sisters.
Agreed!
me viv ncaus aw, koj ua txhaum loj dhau lawm os. koj yug koj mob siab, koj niam pog lawv yug koj tus txiv lawv yeej mob siab ib yam os.
Kuv moog twb tsi txawv nev peb sab ngab laj ib seem sib yuav coob kaws li os
Our new generation kids are going to marry whoever they want not cared about same last names unless we as parents tell them before they start falling in love.
I agree. However I am one who don't follow Hmong culture and practice, I choose to live my life in my own way not what is dictated. Being a kind, honest, loving and accepting person- these are attributes I wish to pass onto my kids. Marry someone with the same last name is not a priorty for me.
I don’t support the same last name to marry but if make people happy, let them. See people happy better then death. Will I marry same last name? No.
Niam pog txiv yawg lawv xav yuav lo muab rau thiab vim lawv txhawb txhawb lawv tu tub kawm ntawv thiab ne
Kuv yeej tsi qhuas cov laug txoj kev uas thaum peb tej menyuam tsi hmoog hais tes cia li cem lwj cem liam, thiab foom lwj foom liam. Txawm yog lawv tsi hmoog yug hais los qhov kev txiav txim siab yog lawv txiav es xob mus hais ub hais no rau tej menyuam.
twb yog yus xeem es tseem yuav thb txaj muag dhau os kv xav mas yeej yog tim koj thb
So sorry for your loss. My kids can be with whoever they want. Even if they have the same last name or is meka, as long as they are happy, love each other, and are not blood related then I'm ok with it. What I'm not ok with is marrying your cousin, dab laug tus tub or phauj tus ntxhais, just because they have a different last name. I will always support same last name dating/marriage as long as they are not related
My kids know that they should try to avoid dating a person who share their last name but I will not disown him or her if they happen to fall in love with one as long as they're not related. If hmong people going to disown their kids because they fell in love with someone with the same last name, they need to disown fist cousins marriage too. First cousin is way more closer, same blood. There is only heaven and he'll, no other place after death. Heaven belongs to those that followed Jesus because He's the only way to get there. After death there is no marriage.
To the sister of this story, I'm so sorry for what you went through but you should never disclosed your money with his parents. They have no right to ask for money and you're not obligated to give them a penny. You should not allow them to come take his things.
Heev dhau tshaj qhov xav
As parents, I will not stop my kids from marrying the same last name if they didn’t do intentionally and found out later on. A lot of the time is because the mom bring the kids from one last name to another last name only.
Sister that is what they called kissing cousins. That is sickening. You both knew better yet you still pursued it. But it's not the end of the world. Life goes on.
Neb tsis yog yug yuam kev os, neb yog dev thawj yuam kev los ua neeg xwb. Tiag tiag neb tsim nyog thawj mus yog dev thiaj tsis yuam kev mog.
Peb hmoob see money starts to cry and care and claim for money WOW. Money hungry
It’s okay for Old Hmong men and women to go across seas and marry boys and girls their grandchildren’s age. But we consider it a taboo to have two individuals who shares the same last name and share no relation to be together. Hmong people have a long way to go.
Me ntxhais aw pab hlub kj thb kj tus txiv nej cv me niam tub mog noob neej moob ce yeej g thim xav li os u muab u cv menyuam cem pem dhau txoj cai puj saub yawm saub muab 6 noob neej coj noob siv ce u yg niam yg txiv u cv lus yv mus ua vij ua swv ua mob nraj 6 tej menyuam ce kawg tuag xb tiag ib yam lub ntuj tso 3 ua neeg 6 lub ntiaj teb no lub ntuj yeej muab kuab muab tshuaj 6 3 lub qhov ncauj 3 hai kom tuag ce kawg tuag nb 3 hai kom zoo ce kawg zoo nb mog
What's the difference between marrying someone with the same last name (a stranger) vs someone who you're forced to marry your Aunty/uncle's son/daughter? First cousins marrying first cousins. 🥴... the predicament is real.
I find this is kind of like gay marriage. Like I'm not against it, but I won't lead my kids toward it. I know it's not right, but I won't go against someone's love life. If my kids happen to bring home someone the same last name as theirs, I will not kick them out. I will just accept it.
Tim koj xwb twb paub tias nws yog koj lub xeem es tseem tham thiab txoj kev hlub neeg coob ua luaj nyob puv ntiaj teb cas koj tsis tham na tim neb txoj kev thiaj tsis kav ntev
twb yog tim koj los mas
Marring your same surname is frowned on. But say you can go change it and then marry.
Hmong people, marrying same last name is bad, marrying different race is a disgrace!! Wth...overall, you and your husband took the hard route and love each other unconditionally.
True love has no judgement. It’s only the humans who judge and is biased. I used to believe this tradition of not dating/marrying your own last name. As I grew older, understanding what REAL LOVE IS, I started to stray away from that tradition …. Same last names doesnt mean they share blood. Hmong people need to change this “culture”. Marrying your own cousin should be more forbidden. It’s taboo. It’s incest and should be abolished.
I completely agree with that!
niam laus zoo mloog heev
Txhob tu siab mog! Tsuas yog tej laus xav Tsis Txhij txhua thiaj li muab neb cais. Lub xeem xwb neb Tsis yog koom roj ntshav, Neb sib hlub tau kawg. Qhov no twb phem Tsis npaum li nws tub yuav Muam ntxhais, nyuab qhuav yog txheej ib ib twb cia nkawd sib yuav twb Tsis txaj muag. Tsuas yog lub xeem xwb xyov twb quas tsawg tus niam lawm yuav tsum yuav tau. Tiam tshiab no peb Tsis ua li tej niag og lawm.
Paying with such high price for your love?. I hope u learn your lesson if not try do again.
Sound like a MN thing lmao
Tus vi. Ncaus kuv support koj mog tus neeg zoo li txiv yawg ko ces tsi hlub os! Txhob txhawj nawb twb muaj lwm tus zoo li ko j lawv twb tsi muaj teeb meem
Tuag vim tej lau foom lus g zoo xwb
I support you and your husband. Sorry for your loss.
Sister your in laws do not deserve any of that money nor are they entitled to anything and diffinately not your children. They disowned him and you. You told them about the money now his parents want a part of his money. Cut them off. Do not allow them to be apart of your children life.
Look like you try to recruit young hmong people to get marry same last name. You still don't know why hundand died in a young age
Not ok to marry same last name from outside of family but ok to marry first cousin with different last name ok.
Sorry for your loss, none of that money belongs to them... Hmong people don't understand that it's you and him that work hard for that money, not them.
Tus niam tsev ntawm zaj sab sij huam no kv xav ma yog nw nyob rau nws niam pog txiv yawg tus leb ce nws yeej ua li thb vim lub ntiaj teb no tsis tau pom dua li
Married the same last name is a BIG no no in ours Hmoob culture. It is the most embarrassing/dis-own to the same clan. This is what sacred us the most as our’s kids generation will not understand anymore. We must teach them when they are young at early ages about this. For this couple, i do feel their pain, but we must fellow our’s culture. Without our’s culture, we are nothing. Many western culture will not understand us and we don’t expect them too as we don’t expect to understand their either.
Lee yang : agree 100%
Cov laus haj yam tu siab tshaj neb naw vim neb tsis mloog lus lub niag neej thiaj txog li ko xwb tiag pab txaj muag dau li lawm os
They are each other's world, as are the rest of you are to your partners, and they are to you. I dont encourage taboo like the author says, but I support people being happy. People really got to stop caring about face though. It's just people's opinion of you. I don't live to please and impress people.
🙊🙈🙉🙊 the girl knew better. She should have put a stop to it. You young kids miss the meaning behind marrying into your own clan. By all means, you do you.
But you can marry your uncle on your mom's side kid???
@@boakuolor6662 so you gonna let your kids marry the same last name right
Wow, what a love story!
Sister block your ex in law.
Ntuj aw...cas tseem coj tuaj hais kom koj lub xeem poob npe thiab lau, zoo li ko mas nyob los tsis qhia neej hos tuag los tsis qhia dab li os, vim txaj muag dhau lawm na
Love sad story. It's not taboo. Diseases picked you. You don't pick them. 😭😢😁.
Yog yus twb paub tias kev sib hlub tseem ceeb heev thaum sib hlub tau lawm ces tso tsis tau tseg no cas tsis cia yus txoj kev hlub mus hlub tus tsis txhob yog yus lub xeem? Ua neej nrog kev txhaum neej thiaj tsis cob phum siav thiaj tsis ntev. Neeg txiav txim tsis tau cia ntuj mam txiav txim thiaj tau.
What's wrong with marrying someone with the same last name? Biologically, nothing is wrong, unless you are marrying someone with blood related, especially first cousins. But society has culture, so if you violate a taboo, you will face the consequences for the rest of your life. Hmong people are group oriented, so everything you do impacts your group. Your life is more important than marrying someone with your last name and go hiding in a place where no Hmong know who you are. It's not worthed. I guess the wife still can't come out, that's why she chose a Mekas.
Txawm koj yuav muaj Nyiaj nto ntuj los tsis muaj nqi!! Vim koj yuav nus.
It is so sad that the fil cursed his son to death. More sad that the fil did him wrong both alive and in death.
Txaj muag dhau lawm os hmoob aw....
Pab tu siab kawg sis! hlub koj tus txiv neb kawg vim neb yug los yuam kev ib lub xeem lawm😭😭
It's really unfortunate that you missed the whole point of why we cannot marry or love someone who shares the same last name if you care to know what the reason is I'll be more than happy to share it with you before my grandpa passed away at the age of 110 which he was still a young boy in China when we migrated to Laos. You have to understand that they love their son as much as you love your children. May you all finally find peace now.
Please share your story. Will be interesting to know.
Please share your story we are all around the world want to know!!!!!!!
Even the ones who don't share same last name still experience outcasts just be a they married the girl their mom hates which might not be too pretty, too short, or a hmoob green or a white guy. They still get outcasted. So???
Please share the story.
Kuv kuj muaj mj ib txoj kev hlub zoo li ntawv thb os tab kuj g paub tia yv hlub lo yuav tso zoo dua li os niam lau vim hlub lo ntev xyoo lm yeej tso li tau li lm thb os thov teb rau kuv thb nb
Haub cas zaj no es yua rhuav plhu ua luaj li os lawv nyob ntiaj teb no tseem muaj ib co neeg liam txog qhab no thiab
I don't care about same last name dating! As long as they don't come from the same family tree!
Claiming to much power you don’t have. Even after death smh
Wow! I can’t believe the parents had the audacity to ask the nyab for money! If I was the son, I’d come back to haunt the parents!!!